Is the Dumper hurting after a breakup?
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- Опубликовано: 11 май 2022
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No Contact, Rebound Relationships, Dating Advice, Love Advice, The Love Chat, Intrusive Thoughts, Mental Health, Casual Dating, Anhedonia, no contact rule, Limiting Beliefs, How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs, Fearful avoidant, Anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, no contact 
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What really hurts is knowing that you really liked a person and liked being around them and they so quickly and “easily” discard you. You could do everything right with someone and still never see them again.
That's the bummer about them. You think all is great and the next thing you know, you had the rug pulled out from under you like some sort of Houdini act. That's the proof they never gave a shit @ you. It's terrible. No contact. It's the only way out from these heartless folks. They never cared from the get. Tough to let go, yet totally possible and advised.
Borderlines usually do that. The can’t attach in a adult, healthy manner, which is why they can move on so quickly.
@@JChristo1984 not true. I am hurting as a dumber, wondering if it was a mistake. But I wasnt able to help my feelings that pushed me away from her in the beginning. I really tried.
@@o.s.911borderline actually aren’t like that maybe in your case but borderlines tend to lean more anxious, you’re describing an avoidant with narcissistic tendencies.
@@o.s.911and maybe you’re also describing a sociopath, but not a borderline.
I don't doubt that it was a difficult decision for them, they were probably hurting as well, but she seemed happy that it ended. It breaks my heart because I really loved her selflessly. Hope she realizes it soon. Also don't forget that dumpers are usually selfish and they think it's better to just end it and probably have or find something better. Instead of fighting they walk away.
If they don't love you, why do you want them? I have been on both sides. I don't think it's selfish to dump a person. There might be extenuating circumstances but in general relationships cannot be forced.
@@lepetitchat123 relationships cant be forced but too many people just walk away when they dont feel like it. Its not supposed to be easy
Please stop speaking for everyone.Im a dumper and im hurting and depressed as well even tho Im the one who ended everything.My partner is not a bad person,he has so many good qualities but we are so different from each other.We have different views on politics,religion and even love language.We started to have different views on love and how to act in a relationship and it became such a mess.He never apologised for anything and hurt me so many times,I mentally just couldn’t take it anymore.It hurts how he changed and how we could’ve work out.Relationship had it ups and good moments so it makes twice worse.But he just killed all my feelings I had for him.There is always a reason why person decides to end things and I don’t think that my decision is selfish at all.
@@deilo_bib8069 if you tried to communicate with them properly and they didnt respond, fair enough. If no attempt was made /indirect communication and tests were done by you and you decided unilaterally to end it, then you're selfish.
@@thurtymen459 exactly 💯
Always remember. The Dumper doesnt deserve you!
Not happy, but not in the same way as the dumpees. Dumpees get their heart broken. It's an excruciating kind of pain. Dumper get the mediocre pain of guilt.
My dumper blindsided me and left me so devastated I honestly did not know if I would survive. I have recovered but my ex seems to have suffered no ill effects at all. Maddening.
Update...ran into my ex in a bar last night and DAMN. Overheard some info about a terrible year, a nervous breakdown, total social withdrawal. IT WAS ALL A FACADE! I am fine now with a wonderful new partner whom my ex saw, and my ex is where I was, suffering. It is all true about the roles reversing! WOW!
That's great news. I'm looking fwd to my husband being miserable. @@lorip4087
Trust me i dumped my boyfriend almost 2 years ago ... tried later 2 get him back and since than i am heartbroken ... he doesn't want me no more and i cry in bed sometimes still. He is always in my mind so yeah a dumper can go through such deep level of pain 💔
@@Liz-dragon-street.how long were y’all together and be honest did you date around after you dumped him and did you realize the grass wasn’t greener?
Day 99, no contact…is it easy? Nah…BUT! You will be ok.
Thanks Rory for you encouragement and wise words.
Well done. I got to a point where I don't actually know (and dont really care) how many days it's been. Very liberating feeling because it's genuine now.
70 days on
Day 476 no contact
it hurts but sometimes its the best choice especially in a toxic or unhappy relationship..love yourself more and never let anyone disrespect or ungrateful to you
My ex and I were together for 3 years, but we started to grow apart and things didn’t feel the same. Nothing toxic, we just weren’t happy with ourselves individually. He broke up with me in May 2021, we got back together too fast in July and he broke up with me again in December. Now I’m taking this time to grow, learn about myself and love everything about me. I understand the breakup, I don’t hate him for it, and I know it was a good thing for the both of us. He reached out after 5 months and we hung out like old times. It was nice, we barely talked about the relationship, we just enjoyed each other’s time. If this happens later down the line, then so be it. But FOCUS ON YOURSELF!! Do the work to better yourself for yourself and future relationships. It hurts at the beginning but you will soon realize you needed it to grow into a stronger person❤️ love you all and happy healing!!
I really hope my ex is happy.
3 years after my 1st wife left me for another man, she was dragging me into her & her 2nd husbands bedroom to eff me because she missed what she had with me. Bottom line: Dumpers always downgrade.
bro ı saw you on another video just leave her . She is just not worth it . She is not deserve you . I hope you are lıvıng your lıfe without her and move on for better life right now .
Most dumper are the fault of the problem. Monkey branch to someone new and blame you. Don't take them back they will leave once the find another person to go to. Say bye move on
I SAID BYE LOORE. YOU ARE RIGHT
I like the bringing the dumpers into the show. Rory always coming with the hits. Thank you sir. I’ve come a long way…
I dumped her Xmas eve '23 because she was often grumpy and prefered a bottle of wine every night.
I'd had enough, instead of working through it, I just gave up.
I miss her so bad, but I can't compromise with alcoholism.
I’m hooked on your videos!
great video ✨
Only time you should answer back ,ONLY TIME is if they want to see you !! Thats it.
Keep your value and worth.
They left you , remember that. Be strong ! One luv !
Never be a cookie crumb !
Excellent Video 🏆💯 Thank you🤍
I think my ex is content with his decision. He was unhappy and I lost myself 😔 now seeing everything at once. He deserves to be happy as well as I do…I still want him back if we both have worked on ourselves ❤️ hoping for the best
Update?
Hi Rory I love your channel and book and I can't wait to have coaching with you on the 24th. Thing is, for MY sanity, I have to assume my dumper doesn't care. That he's meh. Why? Cause if I'm right then I'm braced for the fact I didn't matter. I'd rather assume he didn't care and be pleasantly surprised than assume he did, find out I meant nothing, and be devastated.
7 years together.. two months after breaking up started talking to someone else. Does it seem like she was hurting? nah.
She’s using that fake new guy as a distraction.. don’t feed into it. NC and work on you! Hit the gym go out and travel and keep yourself busy!
It’s a rebound
@@jeffreykadriu7565 Doubtful. She has a thing for russian guys ever since ive known her. (tried to learn to speak russian) She's a nurse and met a... get this... russian doctor.... chances are its prob not a rebound.
@@dillonshuffle Doubtful. She has a thing for russian guys ever since ive known her. (tried to learn to speak russian) She's a nurse and met a... get this... russian doctor.... chances are its prob not a rebound.
@@danieljustiniano8088 any updates?
I remember when my ex girlfriend and myself first hooked up. Matter of fact, before we became boyfriend/girlfriend. We had so much fun together. It was like we couldn't wait till we see each other. Then we became boyfriend/ girlfriend. Things were really good between us. We use to go to the movies, concerts, amusement parks. I even went to her prom. We had a blast. We always find ways to have fun by being creative. We had are arguments every now and then, but still we were in a good place. When she went off to college that was things began to changed. I use to visit her and when she came home, she make sure we get together. I'm still confused about why we broke up. One night a week before our anniversary (which it was on valentines day) she just broke up with me. She really broke my heart. Felt like I just died that night. I pleaded with her to stay but she wanted to leave. So I just let her go. After that she didn't call me or even try to get InTouch. She always avoided me. She acted like I broke up with her when it was the other way around. I was really broken. When we run into each other we have a pleasant talk but we don't bring up the break up. That was 33 years ago and till this day I still in Love with her. I know she got married but her husband left her for another woman. I am married but I still wish I was with my ex. I miss her so much. I had to wonder that night when she broke up with me how did she feel. She tried to play it off like she ok with it, yet I wonder.
I love your voice
My ex wife left me after 12 years marriage. It broke my heart very hard, i made a decision not to get involved anymore , love fking hurt, my feeling got destroy , i just can't anymore, it's get to me how people chase each other for love, and when things start going south they brake, what happen to the vow for better or worse, to sick and poor, it just wrong.
I wish dating records could be kept on these so-called ex's, the same way credit report, driving records, and criminal records, etc. Some of these romantic partners are "crouching nice person, hidden douchebag" types. I recommend partners of these lower order be socially ostracized with celibacy included, temporarily. More often than not, most of these types repeat the same destructive behaviours with new romantic partners.
Great idea!!
@@lorip4087 Thank you ever so much.
"The EX Report" - i love that idea! Hah.
True. They don’t even know yet. And time doesn’t matter bc 8 months have passed by really fast for me. And he’s open to coming to cedar point with my daughter and I next month. So it’s a start to rebuilding something even if it’s just a friendship. And he said he wants to be friends. But I need to except that we might only be that forever. But that was said like 5 months ago. So. I’ve begged and chased a little but nothing too crazy. I have left him alone for the most part. He’s been working and busy. Left all his garage stuff in my garage. Didn’t move his car but claims he’s busy. He’s still paying my gas and water so who knows.
I remember my ex bf texting me to ask if I wanted to meet him out for a drink within the week on a Friday night.
I turned it down saying no, I was heartbroken and couldn’t pretend that I wasn’t. Sheesh.
And now you're 40 and single with no kids? Lol
@@dockz-jr1lh no, we were well into our 50’s. If I were younger, I’d of fallen for the breadcrumbs.
Commenting for the algorithm.
What if he immediately in a relationship with the girl he dated a little before the official breakup?…. They seemed really happy, and moving fast, working on the life plan we built up…..
Maybe a rebound?
It works different with us, we start in a depressive state and gets lost then transition into a happy state and with new purpose. It takes time and effort to work on yourself and. Little do you that you wont want your ex back and wont even notice that you have already moved on with life.
With them they start happy because they are out of the relationship and think this new one will give them. Joy, then out of the blue they transition to a depressive state and gets lost.
I saw your vlogs, and I know you are resilient and your strength will get you through it! It is okay to cry, we all do. And it's important to let it out, you are not alone there is support to help you 😊
@@MaiiTariq I don’t know, He seems completely moved on, and he said he doesn’t love me for months ago……
But cheating and disrespect me for still going out for dating that girl while we are still living together hurts me very bad…..
After 5 months of seeing someone, I finally decided I was ready to be exclusive with her. 2 weeks later she breaks up with me. It was tough on me, after all we been through, its like we had to remain non-exclusive to keep the excitement and unpredictability in the air.
3 weeks of no contact and I find out from mutual friends she's been partying just about twice a week and acting very out of character (she's a mother of 3). Very self destructive.
I still want her back. But I've learned that she'll come around in her own time and I should just keep working on myself until then. I genuinely hope she finds happiness though, she's a good girl.
Yes she is
It’s been a year and a month. No contact since the breakup. He dumped me
Sorry for my English (im French):
I saw her with her rebound in a bar after 6 month after breakup. She turn her eyes far from me, she cannot even look at me, turning her head in the opposite side. She was really uncomfortable. I stayed up 2min front of here waiting for something (like hello!) with my glass of wine asking my self what to do, I feel anxious. When I see her immature reaction I turn back with my friends. We stay far as possible and I feel immediately more comfortable. I finished my drink, look at her for few moments. I smile and laughed with my friends about the unexpected situation. She was also looking at me and sometimes laughed with her rebound (obviously about me) but when we had eyes contact I feel her pain and shame and who she feels bad (I know her after 4years). I finished my drink and leave the place with my friends. All my friends tells me she act immature. I feel it also.
Know I feel kind of relif cause I know I was wrong about her. I put her in pedestal. She meets her rebound (6years younger than her) with me at party so I guess she keep contact and there is some monkeys branching. She wasn't dressed good and no make up...
i was dress very nice and my body is better look know after many exercises in the gym😅
In conclusion I feel better know.
Also for the note I wasn't go out for long time cause the breakup make me sad and finally when I decided to go out for the first time I found her in the first bar (also the first ber we meet, close to my home) 😂karma!
Sorry for my English, I'm French
Love you Rory
Keep the faith to all
Cute story haha but maybe u really destined to see her. Hope u feel better now than before.
@@mariansue4107 ty il feel more better cause I have less regret 😌
1 week no contact hard as fuck makes me F crazy seriouslyyy 😢😢😢 wish me luck guys!!
9 months of no contact. I've moved on.
She dumped me and doesn't reach out at all and is dating someone else too idk what to do man. I want to get her back.
This vid might help: ruclips.net/video/i2YYyjZxmWA/видео.html&lc=UgwYgKaAPL54Uf6bY8F4AaABAg
Hi. Please make more videos for the dumpers to get over the pain and help me move on.
I was the dumper in my relationship. And it's extremely painful. Surely I knew breaking up my own heart will be extremely painful and I struggle every day to get over the heartache and move on. Before breaking up I even begged in front of my ex fiancee to reason out and understand what I was going through and work on resolving the complications in our relationship.
I can't give up hope that I will be ok, I remind myself everyday how strong I have always been but my heart feels crushed all the time. Please help me.
Thank you for sharing your story.
How you doing now?
No he’s not. Ended a 10 year relationship because of my insecurities. It’ll be 3 years in June. I cannot move on. Purgatory.
You are the dumper ? Did you ever try to get them back or reach out ?
@@JesusJuice630 I did multiple times. She just kept telling me that I broke her heart and ruined her life. I stopped trying about 18mo ago.
Guys here’s a little light to give y’all some hope.
My ex and I got into an argument beginning of February. I deactivated for 4 days (fearful avoidant) I pushed her away essentially. After I realized what I did was immature I reached out and she was already dating another guy (he asked for her number). A week later she tried to get back with me. I ignored her messages . I replied a week later and she said to leave her alone she’s happy.
It’s been 3 months now of NC I am
Much happier but yes I still have my days where I miss her and get angry with myself and her about litttle bs thag could
If been fixed but the past is the past.
For everyone reading this, I know she isn’t happy as so it seems from my point of view.
I have gone to her gym a couple times and I have noticed she is hot & cold with her new rebound BF it’s so obvious. I mean I’ve been with her for 2.5 years I know how she is. Last Friday they came in she saw me and I could see she was affected. She ignored her rebound bf the whole time and he had a weird smirk on his face. This past weekend after 3 months of NC she checked my SC story (we’re not friends) viewed all my stories (they where stories of my businesses and being happy) then locked me after. She blocked me after 3 months of being separated in NC. So she does think about me.
I would like to know why she blocked me I’m not tripping but is it to protect herself from viewing my stories or could it be to make her feel that she blocked me because I haven’t reached out so it’s all fake? I don’t know I can’t find too much info on it.
We will see how it plays out but I’m not tripping.
Learning to have the abundance mindset I currently have the scarcity mindset. I wish I had the abundance mindset with her but I’m much better than who I was in the relationship .
Update?
Update???
What if the relationship was great and they clearly loved the dumpee but had pathological trust issues and ran away crying? (DA)
Nope. Been the dumpee and the dumper and I know neither end is fun. So when my ex dumped me, I didn't resent him, because I understand. I wished him well even.
She told me,we were breaking up in about a month. Because, she has to get a new babysitter and it's going to cost more. These are her kids,not mine. But i always there for her and the kids. I told her,we can work together and take care of it. She said,that's not enough. She wants more,meaning money. I give her money, I take care of everything at the farm for no charge. We have been together almost a year. She wants me to come around and still do some things and be friends. I said no,does not make sense
Hello,,,,, my woman has blocked me on all platforms after a small misunderstanding and now a friend of mine says she told him she loves me so much,, so what does it mean? Its been almost 2 months of no contact now!
Leave her alone. I don't know how bad that misunderstanding was and if you potentially said hurtful stuff. If you didn't say anything hurtful and she blocked you, than she is unable to resolve conflicts in a healthy manner and you should leave her alone. Let her come to you
It’s very painful to be the dumper. It’s not easy. If you genuinely loved that person breaking up with them is not easy. It is as painful to be breaking a heart and causing pain. No one plans to end a relationship unless we weren’t given much options by the dumpee. Usually they push us and smother us to an extent where we lose ourselves. No one can take constant accusations and insults based on immature, illogical assumptions and insecurities . Despite being the dumper I am constantly reminded of the good times we had . I was left with no choice. I am in pain . I am grieving the loss of the one I so dearly loved.
Stop it already, if u knew you would be in pain why did then leave without fighting? Why did u walk away instead of fighting.
@@jennykrim7178 you don't know people's situations, stop judging. i say this as a recent dumpee
Not an attack, genuine question… Do you reflect on what you could have changed or just see it as you shouldn’t have to change or think your person was really struggling with something? Asking because I realised after the breakup that it was necessary at the time as I had growing to do ..
Worst is suffering stupidly..hahaha
Bottomline everyone is selfish
Okay personally, I’ve dumped guys, don’t get it twisted, it hurt me to the core but I had no choice. I wasn’t being respected or treated fairly, so I had to do the right thing and love myself enough to let go of the toxicity. It DID hurt me, no way around that.
Did you did it having someone else in mind? Supposedly women dump men when they already have a new prospect in line
@@zombislasher I doubt she gives a response on that one. My ex monkey branched 2 mos before she even told me she was leaving me. Haven't heard from her since.
It’s easy if they have someone else to go to
If you're looking for more support we have opened our Discord Community. Here is the link: discord.gg/KUCeXX3uzS
Hit the fucking like button
A narcissist dumper sucks up all that energy from the dumpee. I know because my wife is a narcissist.
Oh yes she was happy until her ex dumped her again after 4 months 👌🏼
Did you take her back? How can you ever trust her to not go back to her ex again, since he dumped her both times?
@@SoundsSilver na never.. she reached out but her messages are so some where out in the internet void .
@@mumenraider You mean you blocked her, or what? What did she say?
@@SoundsSilver idk honestly.. I unfriended her didn't block her.. when she messaged.. I just deleted the msgs before opening them
As men...we will never understand women...we were so in love in 1980...highschool sweethearts...my left hand went on her right titt...and she broke up with me...then she gets in touch 25 years later...i have 2 kids...3 houses...beautiful wife...and all she has accomplished is doing the whole team...never a ring...
If you're looking for more support we have opened our Discord Community. Here is the link: discord.gg/KUCeXX3uzS
They’re not hurting. They’re perfectly happy and in fact their lives are better
Said no one ever. Yeah right 😂😂
No monkey branching is not human and no it’s not OK and no I don’t understand it and just not liking that is the understatement of the century! I don’t suggest you can donate here either or minimize it. It’s beyond fucked up and cruel, and it falls under the same category as infidelity, where in some countries, you are lawfully beheaded for it! Yeah, that’s how much it disturbs some people
Hi, Iv been in a relationship for almost 8 years, there was infidelity on my behalf approximately 6 years ago, Iv walked on egg shells ever since really to be honest, we lived together for 4.5 years moving in after the infidelity, my ex broke up with me 3 months ago and took her nearly 10 weeks to take all her stuff including furniture so there was a good bit of stuff, everything isn’t gone from the house 3 months later but not much left, my ex has an 11 year old child which I got on with and was very good to both of them and provided for them but I wasn’t valued or appreciated, I tried a little bit at the start but not exactly begging and things are fairly amicable but I’m in no contact unless she looks to get stuff from the house by text, she says she can’t get over the cheating and some lies which were kind of out of fear of backlash from stupid things not infidelity but I shouldn’t have lied, she went home last summer for 6 weeks but was coming over and back at that time to do beautician work on clients in the house but this time is very different as almost everything is gone from the house and there’s no real communication normally I’m the chaser so this is the first real break up for her I believe not like last summer, she has moved into a house the family own with her child but it’s a lot smaller in every way and not something I believe she would like as she likes the finer things in life, can you please offer any advice on this situation as to what I could do or is all hope lost ? Or can anyone else offer advice please
When i found out that my man for 9yrs have infidelity, i just have no choice just to be strong and walk away. But deep in my heart i still love him with all my heart that time even he do cheats for so many times. My advice is if u really love her and willing to change just for her then don’t ever stop pursuing her. Show her how much u love her. But if u think that u still cannot be faithful to her, pls let her go. Give her peace and the right for her to find a guy who will love her and can be faithful to her.