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It's mind-boggling how desperate we can become when someone says they no longer want us. I think you're right Rory, in one of your vids, you mentioned that we were literally not wired to process the very concept of 'breaking up'. To our brains operating on an ancient software, it's like our mate is... dead, which is I assume the closest thing from a separation we can biologically comprehend. But they're not *really* dead, so it f*cks with us far longer than it should. That's my take on it anyway. Hope you're enjoying your little break amigo!
I walked away, applied permanent no contact by closing all doors and windows he had to my life. He tried to get to me through mutual friends, I ignored them and discarded because I was no longer interested to have him in my circles. I surprised myself and it felt so good.
You know guys, I realized relationships work in a very simple way. We are not so complicated as we think we may be, dynamics only need to be seen from a rational perspective, it's very intuitive. When you get dumped, the other person knows they have control over you. As common sense as it sounds, when we know someone is there, we can snap our fingers and have them back, or even more, we know they are thinking about us, we are able to go on with our lives, enjoying every single moment because we know in the back of our mind that someone loves us and this validates our insecurities and need to be loved. What happens when we stop giving them attention (be it mental energy or concrete time spent thinking about them, showing them we are suffering because of them), they realized they miss that validation, and either come back and chase you or find another person that can give them that validation and attention. Think about it for a second and think about how you felt when a person who used to have a crush on you gets into a relationship or stops liking/loving you. Keep that feeling in mind and remember, human beings all work in the same way. There's no tricks or games, it's just pure psychology and dynamics
1_Start your no contact 2_start a healthy diet 3_join the gym 4_change your look 5_your confidence will be back 6_post a weekly new adventures 7_build your self confidence 8_he/she will be blowing your phone before 2/4 weeks 9_be natural 10_ Be blessed ❤️❤️❤️
Always see yourself as a winner no matter how things look like... Use some imagination if it can make you feel better, if you was so great to him/her one day they will contact you. My no contact lasted 8 months.... But I reached first, and he replied in 20 second 😅,,, he has been 2 years now... So I am no longer affray to lose him... I gained so much power and confidence 👌
They will never feel my presence in their life again. It's been eight months; all my ex has got from me is silence. It feels good. I hope this gives you hope if you're struggling. Day by day, you'll be right where I'm at. You will have healed and changed so much you won't want them. Hang in there!
Thanks for the always great advice Rory, I walked away from someone I was dating for three months, but wasn't ready for anything serious. She was giving me mixed signals all the time. Although I liked being with her a lot, she caused me a lot of anxiety. I told her this wasn't working for me and she knew where to find me if she was ready, I was first sad for a couple of days but afterwards I felt so much relieve, because I wasn't worrying anymore about what would happen next. Now the ball is fully in her court, and I'll go on with focusing on myself and living my life. Maybe I'll hear from her again in the future, maybe I don't, but it's fine either way.
This is totally true. I had to do this with an ex-boyfriend we were off on for five years he moved to another state, kept calling me telling me how much he missed me and we were going to meet up. He called me a few weeks later and said he was sorry, but he was dating someone I totally had to block him. I could not keep going on with the way things were I feel so much better after I blocked him. It was my move of walking away. It had to be done. I miss him once in a while, but I know us just being friends will not work for me.
Thanx it's a very powerful thing to do. I had to walk away from a man I really liked because he was just playing the game but saw the red flags abit too late but that's OK it's never too late to walk away..he made an excuse as to why he had to cancel and I never send him a message again and I've never heard from him. Your channel is amazing and helped me through my first break up that was very intense but I am all good and healthy now :) hope you are well ❤
I (25 yo) wish I discovered and listened to your advice before my ex (23yo) broke up with me. She left me a month ago and I begged and pleaded for weeks, and I really feel like that completely destroyed any chance of her missing me. I only wish she'll come back into my life one day again but its so hard to say now. Its been a week of no contact now and it's been nice to just focus on myself.
Dude just give it time, I was blocked and even had her dad threaten me to leave her alone 6 months ago, today we are working things out. If the relationship was good it's likely she will be back
Thanks rory. Mine has ended for 2 years now but I always needed to hear to validate my decisions. I still get sad about what happened to us but I don't get to say or control things anymore. Only mine. I'm learnin to be my source of happiness
You are right sir. I have improved so much in just two weeks. I reach out and she is not as angry. I was the wrong one in this instance, using no contact on myself is the way I am going about this. Who knows if we will ever be...but this is not for us it is for my benefit.
I declined my ex's request for friendship a month after the breakup, and I felt like I was dumping him right back. It felt good to lay down my boundaries.
I’m 30 years old and I had a huge crush on this guy from gym. He’s 61 years old with 3 daughters. When I opened up about my feelings to him and showed him the love… he called me that I am “mentally unstable” and he broke up with me and blocked me everywhere. We dated for 2 months and he broke up with me back May 2021 and I was begging him to keep the relationship until July 27th.. after that I went into no contact. He blocked me twice and unblocked me back in 9/27/2021 and showed up at my new gym back in 12/14/2021 and he said “hi how are you? I know this is your gym…. Do you like it?”. I didn’t engage him…. All I replied to him was “hi.. good to see you but I have to workout, talk to you later”. I was hurt… so I stopped going to my new gym… He can have the gym he want… I don’t want to see him. He’s sooo mean. He just want sex…
He sees the situation for what it is. Daddy issues. Men think logically. What could he possibly do with you except for having sex? Hes 61 and you need a younger man.
@Erik Welch I’m sorry to hear that… it does hurt but I hope she loves you back… I can’t believe mine was acting like 18 years old… hes a grown man 61 years old and still playing mind games. I hope he’s happy that he hurt my feelings. I was crying for 4 months and I’ve moved on. He belittled me because of my poor English and I’m not rich like him. He called me “crazy, mentally unstable” and etc. Just hang in there… it gets better every day and you deserve better and we all deserve better.
Nothing you do Will ever be enough.......Just treat it like what it is.... Temporary... Don't get attached to anyone because they are not attached to you... it's just temporary.... save money time energy.....
We broke up 3 weeks ago. We lived together and I was out of there in 1 week, doing no contact soon, we’ve only been communicating about my move. Idk if there’s a chance for us in the future because we were living together and now we’re not. I do think it was for the best for both of us, I just can’t grasp the concept that we regressed so much. Ugh hoping we both can heal and grow and meet eachother again
Im only on the 3rd day of no contact and I’m sweating. I am focusing on myself and minimized my ability to stalk him but my situation is not the usual… and I go back and forth thinking he’ll definitely message me and then swing to nope he’ll never talk to me again. I’m worried he will never talk to me again. Partly because we are long distance and I can’t find any information on my particular circumstances
Listening to Craig Davids song "walking away" has helped me sooo much...lol..just joking..but yes..its been 5 days after a guy totally degraded me as a sick monster and I walked away. Tempted 3 times to see if he contacted me again but then..theres nothing more to say..i was not good enough for him..not as a woman or human being. Someobe who tells you how crazy you are and then just dumping you without explanation..I wouldnt want to be with that person..although he just was a friend..i must feel good. Even if the whole world hates you, you must do what feels good to you.
You are the first who actually talked about the person who got dumped and his benefits instead of going back to the ex who left them or getting them back. Why would someone want his/her ex back in their life idk man, this idea is totally bullshit instead they should use no contact for their own benefits and to become better version of themselves instead of getting the ex back.
Great points! I do have a quick question. I'm in a situationship. She's an unhappily married Korean. She's been hot and cold. Of course because she's married. But something tells me she may be involved with someone else other than me. I could be wrong. Of course she's not mine. But she tells me that she doesn't want to stop this despite some of her questionable behavior. How do I ask her if she's seeing someone else without causing a major issue? I need to know so I can start wearing protection again. We haven't been using it for over a year. But if I decided to right before having sex she me be offended. Once again great material.
Hi thanks for the video. Can you make one on how to set boundaries without coming across as angry or aggressive? I’m currently being breadcrumbed and I don’t enjoy it. So I’m drawing a line in the sand.
@@mythsfacts1073 The breakup happened last June/July. I walked away and went no contact right away. He started going to therapy and then came crawling back 2 months later. Since then I’ve only offered friendship. He took me out to dinner and said he wants more but until I see actions it doesn’t matter. He reached out twice more and I gave non-engaging replies. After that he hasn’t reached out. Possibly because he feels rejected, and I think he wants to see a little bit of effort from me. But I’m not going to contact him.
Power is either in your hands or its not. It's simple, just don't put up with it. Set the boundaries and the tone and if they don't follow through, you leave. I myself set a boundary with an ex and I told her if she lied and continued down her path that I would be gone forever. I was with her for over 4 years and I caught her in a lie. Shes reached out multiple times but true to my word, I haven't spoke to her in over 3 years. You need to have self respect or no one else will.
I reached out by letters and phones and after 2months I just stop it. Know I m in no contact, but I wonder if it's not too late. I regret to not going to nc at the first time. She have a rebound few weeks later... So I asked it's a nc work after a reaching? I never being an asshole after break and I tell her I respect your decision. She Beavehed strange... Drunk and drunk and young rebound. Sorry my English is not good because I speak French Ty Rory for all!!
Want coaching with me on your situation?: www.thelovechat.net/coaching
If you would like Professional Therapy: www.BetterHelp.com/Rory (You receive a discount with this link - I am sponsored by BetterHelp and receive a commission!)
Want 140+ new videos?: www.Patreon.com/TheLoveChat
It's mind-boggling how desperate we can become when someone says they no longer want us. I think you're right Rory, in one of your vids, you mentioned that we were literally not wired to process the very concept of 'breaking up'. To our brains operating on an ancient software, it's like our mate is... dead, which is I assume the closest thing from a separation we can biologically comprehend. But they're not *really* dead, so it f*cks with us far longer than it should. That's my take on it anyway. Hope you're enjoying your little break amigo!
My question is it really desperation or a lack of understating what’s wrong with her?
I walked away, applied permanent no contact by closing all doors and windows he had to my life. He tried to get to me through mutual friends, I ignored them and discarded because I was no longer interested to have him in my circles. I surprised myself and it felt so good.
"You are a prize and you deserve to be treated as a prize." -Rory ty Rory. I need to hear that. 💝
You know guys, I realized relationships work in a very simple way. We are not so complicated as we think we may be, dynamics only need to be seen from a rational perspective, it's very intuitive. When you get dumped, the other person knows they have control over you. As common sense as it sounds, when we know someone is there, we can snap our fingers and have them back, or even more, we know they are thinking about us, we are able to go on with our lives, enjoying every single moment because we know in the back of our mind that someone loves us and this validates our insecurities and need to be loved. What happens when we stop giving them attention (be it mental energy or concrete time spent thinking about them, showing them we are suffering because of them), they realized they miss that validation, and either come back and chase you or find another person that can give them that validation and attention. Think about it for a second and think about how you felt when a person who used to have a crush on you gets into a relationship or stops liking/loving you. Keep that feeling in mind and remember, human beings all work in the same way. There's no tricks or games, it's just pure psychology and dynamics
1_Start your no contact
2_start a healthy diet
3_join the gym
4_change your look
5_your confidence will be back
6_post a weekly new adventures
7_build your self confidence
8_he/she will be blowing your phone before 2/4 weeks
9_be natural
10_ Be blessed ❤️❤️❤️
I mean it’s been 3 months, I’m fuarkin shredded, moved in with the homies, active social life
And still blocked.
I think I’m screwed
Always see yourself as a winner no matter how things look like... Use some imagination if it can make you feel better, if you was so great to him/her one day they will contact you. My no contact lasted 8 months.... But I reached first, and he replied in 20 second 😅,,, he has been 2 years now... So I am no longer affray to lose him... I gained so much power and confidence 👌
They will never feel my presence in their life again.
It's been eight months; all my ex has got from me is silence. It feels good.
I hope this gives you hope if you're struggling. Day by day, you'll be right where I'm at. You will have healed and changed so much you won't want them.
Hang in there!
Thanks for the always great advice Rory, I walked away from someone I was dating for three months, but wasn't ready for anything serious. She was giving me mixed signals all the time. Although I liked being with her a lot, she caused me a lot of anxiety. I told her this wasn't working for me and she knew where to find me if she was ready, I was first sad for a couple of days but afterwards I felt so much relieve, because I wasn't worrying anymore about what would happen next. Now the ball is fully in her court, and I'll go on with focusing on myself and living my life. Maybe I'll hear from her again in the future, maybe I don't, but it's fine either way.
What happened ???
Focused on myself and living my own life, met another amazing girl that is already my girlfriend for more than a year :)
This is totally true. I had to do this with an ex-boyfriend we were off on for five years he moved to another state, kept calling me telling me how much he missed me and we were going to meet up. He called me a few weeks later and said he was sorry, but he was dating someone I totally had to block him. I could not keep going on with the way things were I feel so much better after I blocked him. It was my move of walking away. It had to be done. I miss him once in a while, but I know us just being friends will not work for me.
Thanx it's a very powerful thing to do. I had to walk away from a man I really liked because he was just playing the game but saw the red flags abit too late but that's OK it's never too late to walk away..he made an excuse as to why he had to cancel and I never send him a message again and I've never heard from him. Your channel is amazing and helped me through my first break up that was very intense but I am all good and healthy now :) hope you are well ❤
How long did it take you to recover?
It is huge to State exactly what you want, tell them that your door is open if they change their mind, and then walk away and mean it.
The Best advise I ever heard. Thanks Rory to enlighten our love life path
I (25 yo) wish I discovered and listened to your advice before my ex (23yo) broke up with me. She left me a month ago and I begged and pleaded for weeks, and I really feel like that completely destroyed any chance of her missing me. I only wish she'll come back into my life one day again but its so hard to say now. Its been a week of no contact now and it's been nice to just focus on myself.
Dude just give it time, I was blocked and even had her dad threaten me to leave her alone 6 months ago, today we are working things out. If the relationship was good it's likely she will be back
@@coreybart2783 Yeah I’m blocked too now. Thanks for your words man. Only time will tell what happens. Im happy things are working out for you.
Update?
I hope you are doing well (with or without her)
This is the best no contact video. I love where he goal is placed
Thank you sooo much buddy... This video was really a precious guidance towards genuine happiness. Thanks a lot dear 🤗🙏🙏🙏
Thanks rory. Mine has ended for 2 years now but I always needed to hear to validate my decisions. I still get sad about what happened to us but I don't get to say or control things anymore. Only mine. I'm learnin to be my source of happiness
You are right sir. I have improved so much in just two weeks. I reach out and she is not as angry. I was the wrong one in this instance, using no contact on myself is the way I am going about this. Who knows if we will ever be...but this is not for us it is for my benefit.
I declined my ex's request for friendship a month after the breakup, and I felt like I was dumping him right back. It felt good to lay down my boundaries.
I’m 30 years old and I had a huge crush on this guy from gym. He’s 61 years old with 3 daughters. When I opened up about my feelings to him and showed him the love… he called me that I am “mentally unstable” and he broke up with me and blocked me everywhere. We dated for 2 months and he broke up with me back May 2021 and I was begging him to keep the relationship until July 27th.. after that I went into no contact. He blocked me twice and unblocked me back in 9/27/2021 and showed up at my new gym back in 12/14/2021 and he said “hi how are you? I know this is your gym…. Do you like it?”. I didn’t engage him…. All I replied to him was “hi.. good to see you but I have to workout, talk to you later”. I was hurt… so I stopped going to my new gym… He can have the gym he want… I don’t want to see him. He’s sooo mean. He just want sex…
He sees the situation for what it is. Daddy issues. Men think logically. What could he possibly do with you except for having sex? Hes 61 and you need a younger man.
61/2+7= 37.5 yrs the minimum age a relation with this old man could ever function, so...
😳that’s a Grandpa.
@@2022l I see him as a man.. I really loved him
@Erik Welch I’m sorry to hear that… it does hurt but I hope she loves you back… I can’t believe mine was acting like 18 years old… hes a grown man 61 years old and still playing mind games. I hope he’s happy that he hurt my feelings. I was crying for 4 months and I’ve moved on. He belittled me because of my poor English and I’m not rich like him. He called me “crazy, mentally unstable” and etc. Just hang in there… it gets better every day and you deserve better and we all deserve better.
Nothing you do Will ever be enough.......Just treat it like what it is.... Temporary...
Don't get attached to anyone because they are not attached to you... it's just temporary.... save money time energy.....
We broke up 3 weeks ago. We lived together and I was out of there in 1 week, doing no contact soon, we’ve only been communicating about my move. Idk if there’s a chance for us in the future because we were living together and now we’re not. I do think it was for the best for both of us, I just can’t grasp the concept that we regressed so much. Ugh hoping we both can heal and grow and meet eachother again
Best advice😘
Im only on the 3rd day of no contact and I’m sweating. I am focusing on myself and minimized my ability to stalk him but my situation is not the usual… and I go back and forth thinking he’ll definitely message me and then swing to nope he’ll never talk to me again. I’m worried he will never talk to me again. Partly because we are long distance and I can’t find any information on my particular circumstances
Listening to Craig Davids song "walking away" has helped me sooo much...lol..just joking..but yes..its been 5 days after a guy totally degraded me as a sick monster and I walked away. Tempted 3 times to see if he contacted me again but then..theres nothing more to say..i was not good enough for him..not as a woman or human being. Someobe who tells you how crazy you are and then just dumping you without explanation..I wouldnt want to be with that person..although he just was a friend..i must feel good. Even if the whole world hates you, you must do what feels good to you.
I love this 💖
God I love you rory
You are the first who actually talked about the person who got dumped and his benefits instead of going back to the ex who left them or getting them back. Why would someone want his/her ex back in their life idk man, this idea is totally bullshit instead they should use no contact for their own benefits and to become better version of themselves instead of getting the ex back.
"I can't. The Dating Guy can't."
Me: "WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME!?!?" :(
Great points! I do have a quick question. I'm in a situationship. She's an unhappily married Korean. She's been hot and cold. Of course because she's married. But something tells me she may be involved with someone else other than me. I could be wrong. Of course she's not mine. But she tells me that she doesn't want to stop this despite some of her questionable behavior. How do I ask her if she's seeing someone else without causing a major issue? I need to know so I can start wearing protection again. We haven't been using it for over a year. But if I decided to right before having sex she me be offended. Once again great material.
Hi thanks for the video. Can you make one on how to set boundaries without coming across as angry or aggressive? I’m currently being breadcrumbed and I don’t enjoy it. So I’m drawing a line in the sand.
When was ur Breakup hpnd ??
Yes!!! This is happening to me too, and a video like this could be really helpful
@@mythsfacts1073 The breakup happened last June/July. I walked away and went no contact right away. He started going to therapy and then came crawling back 2 months later. Since then I’ve only offered friendship. He took me out to dinner and said he wants more but until I see actions it doesn’t matter. He reached out twice more and I gave non-engaging replies. After that he hasn’t reached out. Possibly because he feels rejected, and I think he wants to see a little bit of effort from me. But I’m not going to contact him.
Power is either in your hands or its not. It's simple, just don't put up with it. Set the boundaries and the tone and if they don't follow through, you leave.
I myself set a boundary with an ex and I told her if she lied and continued down her path that I would be gone forever. I was with her for over 4 years and I caught her in a lie. Shes reached out multiple times but true to my word, I haven't spoke to her in over 3 years. You need to have self respect or no one else will.
I reached out by letters and phones and after 2months I just stop it.
Know I m in no contact, but I wonder if it's not too late. I regret to not going to nc at the first time. She have a rebound few weeks later... So I asked it's a nc work after a reaching?
I never being an asshole after break and I tell her I respect your decision.
She Beavehed strange... Drunk and drunk and young rebound.
Sorry my English is not good because I speak French
Ty Rory for all!!
It's never to late - no contact is for you!