I'm just realising that I'm not completely in the closet, but somewhat out of it because several years ago I told two people in my life (a close friend and a family friend). I've just always assumed that being totally out would be if I was open to my parents and siblings about who I am, which is probably true. I feel like that's true from watching this episode, i.e. once we have told those people whose blood is the same as the one running through our veins, we're officially out. From there, the hyper-vigilance doesn't have a purpose to serve because we know our loved ones have our back (that is if they support us). I don't want to miss out on the ability to love freely, a gift I can only get from being out and authentically myself. For this reason, I'll seriously consider coming out. Thanks Micheal, Matt, Reno!
This podcast is so good. I'm out to 4 family members and 5 or so friends. But I still feel so much shame and inauthenticity. This podcast helps me sit with it and work through it bit by bit.
Im getting older now and i still dont fit in with either side. Same with family. Ive turned into a loner. I can stay home for weeks at a time not seeing anyone. I only had 1 8 year relationship and it was devastating when it ended . I was pretty wild and loud back then and now find myself only comfortable alone and in peace and quiet. My only real company is my dog. A boxer. And honestly im at peace with myself.
I can relate to you. I came out when I was 38 and that was quite some time ago. I've never really had a relationship with anyone. Recently I've just been hit with otherness at such a level I would like to find an island and just give up on the effort. Social sites are filled with predators and false people. My last interaction someone reached out to me several times so I finally said hello. Then the "same" person contacted me on another site, not knowing anything about the previous conversation. The number of guys on those sites that just told me to give them money was disheartening. My last "relationship" I found out the guy was married, this person was the first time I really connected with anyone. I was making plans to have him move in, go on vacations and possibly a wedding, the realization that he has a wife made my world turn gray, my plans were nothing more than a fantasy.
Gosh how things have changed in 20 years! I started coming out as bi, with the whole speech for my brother and my closest friends. Everyone reacted well, I’m lucky. But little by little it became more natural, easier, and I have to do it all the time because I meet new people at work constantly. It’s easier in London, where I live now. This was quite a trip down memory lane!
Family and friends also have to deal with their bias toward what they feel about gay people and sexuality, guilt and shame are at play as well. Parents ask what they did wrong, why do they have a gay child? The need to process the news of a family member coming out is not the same as hearing a child of theirs is pregnant or something more socially safe.
I'm just realising that I'm not completely in the closet, but somewhat out of it because several years ago I told two people in my life (a close friend and a family friend). I've just always assumed that being totally out would be if I was open to my parents and siblings about who I am, which is probably true. I feel like that's true from watching this episode, i.e. once we have told those people whose blood is the same as the one running through our veins, we're officially out. From there, the hyper-vigilance doesn't have a purpose to serve because we know our loved ones have our back (that is if they support us). I don't want to miss out on the ability to love freely, a gift I can only get from being out and authentically myself. For this reason, I'll seriously consider coming out. Thanks Micheal, Matt, Reno!
Another good episode.
This podcast is so good. I'm out to 4 family members and 5 or so friends. But I still feel so much shame and inauthenticity. This podcast helps me sit with it and work through it bit by bit.
Im getting older now and i still dont fit in with either side. Same with family. Ive turned into a loner. I can stay home for weeks at a time not seeing anyone. I only had 1 8 year relationship and it was devastating when it ended . I was pretty wild and loud back then and now find myself only comfortable alone and in peace and quiet. My only real company is my dog. A boxer. And honestly im at peace with myself.
I can relate to you. I came out when I was 38 and that was quite some time ago. I've never really had a relationship with anyone. Recently I've just been hit with otherness at such a level I would like to find an island and just give up on the effort. Social sites are filled with predators and false people. My last interaction someone reached out to me several times so I finally said hello. Then the "same" person contacted me on another site, not knowing anything about the previous conversation. The number of guys on those sites that just told me to give them money was disheartening. My last "relationship" I found out the guy was married, this person was the first time I really connected with anyone. I was making plans to have him move in, go on vacations and possibly a wedding, the realization that he has a wife made my world turn gray, my plans were nothing more than a fantasy.
Gosh how things have changed in 20 years! I started coming out as bi, with the whole speech for my brother and my closest friends. Everyone reacted well, I’m lucky. But little by little it became more natural, easier, and I have to do it all the time because I meet new people at work constantly. It’s easier in London, where I live now. This was quite a trip down memory lane!
Family and friends also have to deal with their bias toward what they feel about gay people and sexuality, guilt and shame are at play as well. Parents ask what they did wrong, why do they have a gay child? The need to process the news of a family member coming out is not the same as hearing a child of theirs is pregnant or something more socially safe.
9.07, same
Thank you for watching and we're glad it resonated with you.🥰
Mr J seems fully converted to compbi, which won't work for all that many gays.