Living in the Closet: Culture, Courage, and Coming Out
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- Опубликовано: 9 фев 2025
- Living in the closet is a unique experience that queer people must face. Yet each person’s journey is shaped by culture, family dynamics, and social pressures. For some, living in the closet is about safety and survival. For others, it’s the first step in a journey toward self-acceptance and authenticity.
In this episode, we explore what it’s really like to live in the closet and the complex emotions that come with it. We discuss:
🌈 What was was like for you living in the closet?
🌈 What did it take for you to come out?
🌈 What advice would you give to someone who is in the closet but afraid to come out?
Whether you’re still in the closet, reflecting on your journey, or supporting someone else through theirs, this conversation offers empathy, wisdom, and practical guidance for navigating this deeply personal experience.
Tune in for an honest and heartfelt discussion about courage, culture, and living your truth-at your own pace.
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◾Michael Diiorio
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◾Reno Johnston
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00:00:00 Introduction
00:03:39 What was it Like to Live in the Closet?
00:35:38 What did it Take for You to Come Out?
00:57:54 What Advice do You have for Someone Who is Living in the Closet and is Scared to Come Out?
01:10:06 Outro
Growing up gay for me was like splitting myself into two lives. Oddly enough I was more myself outside of the home, with friends and strangers, but I would clam up and hide when I was with family. To the point where I wouldn’t speak. Outside of the home I could be expressive but I was too scared to show myself to the people I loved the most and that should be there for you unconditionally.
I was living in a way that tried to protect me from the rejection of my family, a rejection that I thought would be too close to home and would break me if I were to be “found out”. Now it’s the opposite - my family knows and is supportive but I still carry the fear of being “out” to those around me. I’ve technically been out since my twenties but coming up on 30, it stills feels like a screen door.
Michael: My teenage self wants to give your teen a High 5 and a big hug. Yay, us, for surviving!
Kudos to us!😍
Closet is safe, but the cost is your freedom
Exactly, this is agreeable!🤩
It doesn't have to be. You make this choice.
This session resounded with me on so many levels. Thanks to all of you for sharing your journeys. You are making a difference.
Thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot
OMG so many memories! I have mentioned before what it’s like to grow up in Mexico, where, as Michael said about Italy, Catholicism is not a religion, it’s a lifestyle. I started coming out when I was 18, the trigger was a boy in uni who was flirting with me so strongly, and I really wanted to go out with him. So I started coming out with friends at school, (first as bi like you guys), then my brother, eventually my parents, my extended family, etc. Like you said, we never stop, I tell new people every week, I’m used to it and it’s usually not a big deal anymore. Of course I wanted to do it because I couldn’t bare the secret anymore, I wanted to be my true self, but also because I wanted my loved ones to be part of my life, I didn’t want to keep lying to them, and I wanted them to one day meet my significant other, my gay friends, etc.
You're always straightforward in sharing your stories and we're always fascinated by them. We're glad you trust us that much for sharing all of these to GMB. All the love!
Thank you so much Matt, Michael & Reno 💚💚💚I'll try to answer Matt's question "What was it like for you to live in the closet?" (or in my case "What is it like for you to live in the closet?"). I'm turning 30 this year and haven't come out to anyone in my family. I can't say for sure that my life would be better if they knew and felt fully supported by them in being who I truly am, but right now I feel like being in the closet contributes to the other things that seem unrelated, like feeling like I'm unrelatable or the odd-one-out to people I work with or meet just about anywhere. The life lived in hiding is so deeply entrenched that I'm not sure yet if coming out would be right way to go for me. I'll continue to watch the episodes in the "Coming Out" series of your podcast and hopefully I'll gain insight to help me figure out what I need to feel like I'm walking on the path in life that was designed just for me.
Thank you for sharing this inspiring story of yours. Much love from us!
I was forced "out." People got into my business and thought it was theirs to put out in the public. It wasn't a choice I made. I never had any intention of telling anybody anything about what was going on in my private life. It was private for a reason. I'd never have "come out" if it was up to me. I had personal freedom without having to put my private life on blast. Not everybody wants to "come out." Being private isn't the same as living in some kind of bondage. It just means you keep your business to yourself.
Dang being in the closet was a nightmare. my experience mirrors Matt’s almost exactly except for a few details, I did t come out until my mid 20’s, and I grew up in an ultra conservative Catholic South America. I’m about to turn 40 and like Matt it’s something I’m still unpacking up to this day, I also did some EMDR and it was excellent but not everything is resolved and much more is needed
Thank you for sharing your experience and we're glad you can relate to Matt's story.🥰
Oh my, the constant montra of self checking is so exhausting and yet, in new situations I still do it.
Thank you for sharing this, just keep going!😍
I agree with Matt saying early on that the process of coming out is a continual one; it’s never a one and done procedure.
When Michael mentions he wrote journals when he was a teenager, I had similar writing experiences, albeit a generation earlier, in the 1960s, when I kept a diary. Looking back at some of my entries, I can detect some of the same sex attraction in some of the entries I wrote, around the age of 10 or 11.
I didn’t come out to my parents until I was 43, on National Coming Out Day, in an email. They were both overall supportive of me, on balance. Just prior to this I had attended a gay spiritual conference in the mountains and was on a natural high.
I derived a lot of catharsis with this episode. Especially when Reno relates the time he came out to his brother, with so many intense subsequent things happening right after another. I had a bit of the same type of experience in the mid-1980s when a guy that was pursuing me at the health club we both attended came over to my home to watch a movie, while at the same time I had a roommate who I learned was also gay.
I think Michael sums up things nicely near the end here when he states his main motivation is self-preservation, since it would appear society and it’s perceived values would indicate where the rubber meets the road, when it comes to how far out one comes.
Wow, great observation. Thank you so much for taking time giving your feedback, very much appreciated.🥰
It's almost like dying because you have to cut off so much of yourself while increasing the stress and anxiety of acting against your id.
True... everyone has a closet story... and everyone has a recovery story.
Exactly! Thanks for watching.🤩
Thanks for such a deep and necessary talk. Really helpful 👌 ❤️
Awww... Thank you and we're glad you found this helpful.🥰
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Living in the closet is a blast! Jk jk ❤️