I Nearly Gave Up - The Truth About My Past | Roly Diaries
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- Опубликовано: 9 фев 2025
- I Nearly Gave Up - The Truth About My Past. This is one of the hardest videos I have ever made. Growing up gay in a small town is not easy for anything. However, my past is full of things I have had to deal with over the years and today I want to share some of these with you in hopes it helps you if you're going through something similar. Please be kind.
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Hey everyone! Hope you enjoy this insight into my past! Please hit like and come follow below
Enjoy isn't the word I would use, but thanks for sharing anyways. Takes me back to group counseling. Even though it's completely different from what I had, I'm still comforted to know I'm not alone. And I hope you know that too, and have plenty of friends who give you the love and support you deserve! Wish I could hug you! 🤗🤗🤗
this video really did give us insight of your past and now we know you on a little deeper level. thanks for telling us! ❤️ you're amazing, we love you
Nothing that caused you fear is a stupid reason to be scared Roly
Wow roly it must have been so hard to talk about all of this and i hope that nothing but positivity will come your way
Thank you Roly for sharing your truth. You are a strong beautiful person with a lot of love from the world.
Roly, I don’t have words for how much I appreciate you in my life - I knew the stories in this video, but watching you retell them in this way was like listening to them for the first time. Heartbreaking. You are an amazing human being, such a huge role model, and you are LOVED! 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
100 💯
I'm glad you two have each other, you're both such wonderful people! Please give Roly a big hug from all of us when you next meet him!🤗❤🩹
100% agree
Luxeria, we love you as much as we love Roly. Always stay true friends.
❤️❤️❤️
to the people messaging asking where are your parents etc? wtf makes them think its any of their business?! fair play to you for being strong enough to reveal all, but never feel like you have to speak about anything you dont feel comfortable with. much love xxx
T h i s!!!
100%
Yess! I think it's natural to be curious about other people, but keep certain things to yourself, you know? I hate being asked certain personal questions, so I just don't ask a lot of those kinds of things to others, even if I get curious. I'll just think of it privately but that's it. If that person wants to share, they will and that's that
Exactly!!!
Yes I really wanted to do this video but I agree it’s not any business. But I did want to make this for a while anyway xx
My granddaughter lives with me and it’s not easy. She is 15 and is starting to realise what she missed out on as a child who never had a mum who was present. It’s difficult but I am so glad you had your grandparents looking out for you and taking you in xxx
I am so happy she has you!
Hi Roly, my husband Donald and I turn 60 this year and we just want to tell you that you are a very strong man who has endured a lot but come out the other side. Your story is so heart wrenching. It was so sad watching you relive those memories. If you need an Australian mum and dad we would be honoured to call you son.
if you can give love and kindness to your direct environment that too would be wonderful. it is so great that you carry so much love for other people in your hearts. i wish lots of love, joy, happiness, health and also self-love to you and your beloved ones
That is truly heartwarming. I wish you and your husband nothing but the best!
Roly I’m so sorry for all you’ve had to go through. You’re such a beautiful light. YOU have helped me through some of the darkest days of my life because of who you are. I don’t know you, but I think you’re an amazing person. You are awesome!
Keep trotting!
Lots of love
There are some modern interpretations that see "Blood is thicker than water" rather as "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb". The families we choose and the bonds we create are more important and stronger than random genetics. This has always given me a lot of comfort. Thank you for being brave and vulnerable and open! Lots of love!!!
Love this. It's great when it works out for genetic family to be part of your chosen family, but surrounding yourself with people who truly love you and have your back is what's most important. 💜
I'm glad you said this - I was thinking the same thing. Good to see the full quote. Family is who is there, not (*just*) where you come from. X
Thank you for sharing the reading meaning of this phrase all of you. It helps me out with my own pl situation.
And thank you Roly on what he shared.
Even though my life experiences are very different than what he and so many others have experienced. I cried for him and his childhood self and inner child like I do for others. And the same for me and my childhood self and my inner child. Currently iam going thru another though time again . And all the pain and stuff my inner child keep inside for so long even stuff I thought I long ago I thought ago I got out. Has for the past year seemly being let out and even though it's been hard it's been healing for me too.
I don't mean to dump or sound to dreary.
It's just I think for me to keep getting healthier and better and to keep growing as a person. I have to let these things out ,process them and heal. So iam just in a process of being very kind to my self and taking care of my self and doing alot of self care. And I want to be there for others to who need a friend and some to tell them true pistive good things and wish them true positive good things and wishes and vibes andetc every day and there is light at the end of the tunnel and in it too.
Just thanks everyone for just reading my ramblings lol
And good true postive things to everyone everywhere 😎👍🕊
When I hear 'blood is thicker than water used to justify enabling biological relatives being vile, I want to reply "yeah, well, shit is thicker than blood"
I hope everyone knows that no matter what your past is, you are valid, you are worthy of your happiness in your life.
If you need to vent, please use this comment to vent into, I’ll try reply to those with any advice I might have :) ✨🌸
Thank you for being here Roly, you’ve made all of us in the comments lives better 💖
Thank you very much for spreading love and kindness! Have some back:
☮🕊😘🌈❤🧡💛💚💙💜💗🤍🖤🤎🏳🌈🏳⚧🤗🕊☮
Well said!
Sending a big hug x
Hi, Roly this is a massive step to speak out! We can all be proud of our paths and our growing up even if it has been a lot!
I'm finally myself, proud trans and got a gf, I'm waiting trial for my abuser (p*do) that I spoke up about last year. That man has assaulted over 10 young ppl girls and boys.
At last karma is picking up! I fought my dad who abused me too.
If anyone is feeling down, please know that you are not alone, you are brave. strong. loved. accepted. and wonderful 🥰🥰 things do get better on the long run and if you don't see the end of the tunnel then I hope you will meet people who will genuinely help you along the way. Even just an advice, a smile, a compliment can go a very long way 😊
You've all got this and things are going to be okay
Stealing was my way of taking control after abuse too. Nobody likes to talk about cleptomania let alone try to understand it. It’s very demonized in society so I really haven’t ever even talked about it until now. Thank you by the way for this kind comment 🤍
In a completely non condescending way, I just want to throw my arms around you. Never forget how many of us love you. You're so strong. You got through this and look at you now. You are amazing.
❤️❤️❤️
Word
Yassss!!
Absolutely agree. Warmest Welsh cwtches ❤️❤️❤️
You are tougher than you will ever believe. A great heart. Being angry, sad and appreciative are okay. You are okay. And yeah, I would get you a big hug, after standing in that long, long line.
I’m sending all my love. My mom was also an abusive alcoholic and I know well the fear and uncertainty that dominates your life when you’re just a child in this environment. I’m so sorry, but I’m so proud of how you’ve processed and managed your trauma.
I don’t know how to put it in to words or what to say exactly but I am so proud of you for this, it can’t have been easy. You’re such a bright light and a wonderful person and you deserve nothing but happiness, the strength you have is unbelievable, I live in Exeter as well and the system here is so beyond f*cked you should never have had to go through any of that, as a transmasc in Devon I can definitely relate to the horrors of religious high school and just how terrible social services are. I really do hope you’ve found healing 🖤
Thank you for such a lovely comment! nice to see someone else from there too who actually understands!!
I can’t explain the feeling I feel listening to this. It’s not just a sadness for little Roly, it’s anger towards all of the adults in your life that didn’t care for you. No one should ever go through this!
You are such a bright light in the community and we are so lucky to have to have you. I’m sorry that you haven’t always been treated as such. 😘💜
Well said. Exactly how I feel too.
I agree one hundred percent he's turned out to be a wonderful person with a heck of a personality and I just love watching his energy
I agree!
You are so right. No child should go through what Roly and others have, it’s heartbreaking
So many selfish adults failed him as a child.
Hi Roly! I hope you’re doing ok, reading the description this is a tough video for you to make but I’m very proud of you. Keep your head up- we’re all here to support you ❤️
Thank you my love
Psychotherapist here! Really proud you open up 🥰 sending love and hugs!
You're doing an important job! Thank you for that! Sending you love:
☮🕊😘🌈❤🧡💛💚💙💜💗🤍🖤🤎🏳🌈🏳⚧🤗🕊☮
Here's to all the golden hearted grandparents and caring friends who didn't let us broken kid's drown!
Hugs all around!
I'm sorry but this is one of the most wholesome comment sections, we literally all support you Roly and you have really come such a long way, I know your grandparents are proud,
Roly my love, I know saying ‘I’m sorry’ means nothing, but you are so fucking strong for going through all this and still being the incredible person you are, not allowing your trauma to make you someone who is hurtful, you are instead so caring and spread so much joy, in spite of what you’ve had to deal with. So proud of you for sharing this, and for doing what is best for you, such as cutting ties etc. chosen family is everything and you really highlight that for me. As someone who has seen a lot of the foster care system (not as a child in care) for you to come out the other side of everything as such a beautiful, joyous person is truly admirable, wishing you all the happiness in the world
If the idea of doing a "Roly Diaries" series of videos sounds therapeutic for you, by all means, go for it ❤️ we love you and we're here for you Roly. Thank you for sharing all of this - it certainly means a lot to me personally and, I'm sure I'm not the only one ❤️
Thank you! I don’t plan on them all being on such heavy topics but happy ones as well so fun things to come with these
No, you're DEFINITELY NOT the only one!! This broke my 💜 listening to this! I didn't think I'd be crying so quickly in!! If you can understand his pain, and others, you've probably had your own s**t and I love how everyone rallies for strangers in the comments like I've had SO MANY do with me in comments I've made over the yrs in other videos! Take care ✌🏻💜 to you!!
EDIT: P. S. I think he should TOTALLY make the Roly Diaries a thing! It would be so cathartic for him and us too!
Love you buddy. I'm glad you made it out the other side of all this and life is treating you better now.
I started crying when you teared up roly, I am so sorry for what you've been through, and you've come out the other side a stronger person I may not know you personally but ive been watching you're videos for a while now and just want to say you are such an amazing and inspirational person and I love you alot ❤️
I just want to give him a huge hug!
The fear of phone calls is nothing stupid or weird, I had it where I was terrified when even someone else’s phone would ring , now it’s not as bad but making phone calls is still terrifying to me
Parentification is horrid and immensely traumatizing, this makes me and I'm sure many others with similar struggles feel less alone, proud of you for getting through this.
As a note though, I don't think you're ever obligated to give this information, it is much appreciated but I hate it when people pry for absolutely no reason.
It's not really trying its curiosity about a person that you feel close to whether or not we get to see him or talk to him on a daily basis we all feel like he's part of our lives and everybody wants to know about the life of somebody that you care about or love regardless of the fact that we don't know each other personally we still feel like we do and that person is part of our lives
The older I get the more stories I hear and share of darkness, abuse, suicidal ideation. I decided I can either sink into depression alone or feel community of healing together. I would rather heal.
Thank you for sharing. I hope your healing continues
Because the bullying i endured in early childhood, I came up with a personal mantra of my own "Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but the only opinions that matter to me are those of my family" (family being not only blood but the family that i chose. My closest friends). Once you no longer care what some says about you, a lot of that hurt and pain goes away.
Life is unfair. But srsly, you came out of all this like a Phoenix from ashes. You are such a strong person, good that i found this channel.
I'm so sorry you had to go through all this! My heart absolutely broke for you, I just wanna give you hugs 🫂 no one should ever have to go through shit like this.
I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being vulnerable, open, and for letting us in. It really shows your trust and comfort in us. I’ve been watching your videos for a long time, and in the past year or so watching your videos just makes me feel like you are a friend (I know that might sound silly), and with this video I feel that even more strongly. It’s like you are here for us and we are here for you. Sending you love ❤️
Friend you hit the nail on the head
Wow, this is heartbreaking... but you can be really proud of yourself and the person you're today Roly, loads of love ♡♡♡
Thank you Kamee x
I really, really with my whole heart hope that nobody EVER has to go through anything even remotely similar to what you’ve gone through. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. You are so unbelievably strong I’m sure this is going to encourage people to speak up, stop tolerating things that should never be tolerated and to feel less alone. It must have been very hard to be this vulnerable on camera which only makes you even more admirable. We love you, Roly, we appreciate you. I can’t even thank you enough❤️
Wow that was so hard to watch, as a mum I felt so many emotions listening to you and wished I had a time machine so I could go back and scoop you and your sister up and just give you a childhood and love that every child deserves, absolutely heart breaking I'm so sorry the start of life was absolutely vile for you but so proud you fought and got where you are today, stay strong and keep being you because you my dear are an idol and amazing role model x
Yeah, my mama heart is just breaking for what he's gone through, and how many people failed him through his childhood 😢.
@Roly Much love, darling, you're a magnificent human ❤
It's ok to get gooey, Roly. Especially when you're sharing such emotional stuff. And this was a huge share. I hope it helps you to share it, to get it out there and off your chest. You're a fabulous person, and I appreciate this glimpse into your past and personals. I'm glad you have good friends and good support now. You're awesome, and I hope many many awesome things come your way.
Hope you’re doing ok. Just started watching the video and going by the title this sounds heartbreaking. You’re one of the few genuine people on the internet and don’t deserve to go through something so horrible. X
Thank you lovely xx
"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb"
Only thing I can really say, we survived. I'm so happy that you did. The learning and healing is a hard process, but we'll survive that too.
Oh, sweetie. From the little you told before, I had a feeling there was something that had gone down in your family, but I had no idea it was this bad.
I think you are really brave to open up like this, and show yourself vonurable.
I saw you saying some people would get upset, and thought you ment subscribers, but now it's obvious that was not the case.
But good on you for getting this of your chest! Bravo! I can imagine this being very good not only for you, but for any kid in a similar situation.
And I for one is very happy that you made it out on the other side!
Thank you! Yes this was a hard film but I actually feel really good now making it x
@@RolyWestYT We’re all so proud of you roly! you’re such a brave man and we love you💗
Oh Roly. Your grandma was ALWAYS proud of you, don't ever think otherwise. You're amazing. Lots of love to you.
We're so so proud of you, Roly, you're an incredibly strong, loving, and caring person. Keep shining your light, you really are amazing. Love you so much
Thanks Irene
It took me a long time to think of what to write, so I can't imagine how hard it was to talk about. There's nothing any one of us can say to truly help, but I'm hoping you can feel the love and support coming your way from the community you created! Your videos have made me smile and laugh on days I didn't think the sun would ever rise. I hope we can provide some light for you too. You deserve all the love! ❤️
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Hello everybody! Have a nice day and happy PRIDE! 😘🌈❤🧡💛💚💙💜💗🤍🖤🤎🏳🌈🏳⚧🤗
Take good care of yourselves!🤗🤗🤗
Be kind to your body:🧼🛁🪥🧴🩹
Dress warm and comfy:🧦👘
Get your vitamins:🍎🥝🍇🍑🫐
Get you minerals and fiber:🥦🌽🥔🥕🍅
Drink plenty of water:🥤🥤🥤🥤🥤
Treat yourself to something you enjoy:🎮🎳🧩🛹🎧
Express yourself:🎨🎸📸📝
Make sure to take relaxing rests:🛏💤
🌈You matter! You are valid! You are important! You are beautiful! You are valuable! You are deservant of love! Take care!🏳🌈🏳⚧
😘🌈❤🧡💛💚💙💜💗🤍🖤🤎🏳🌈🏳⚧🤗
I have had a pretty shitty upbringing and a hard relationship with my mother who suffers from mental health issues. This really hit home. You should be proud of who you are today!!
You should be proud of yourself too my friend. It takes a lot to open up like that in the comments to perfect strangers.
They say blood is thicker then water… if you put water into a hole in the sand and blood into a hole in the sand the blood will stain and stay clogged up the water will always find a new path 🥰❤️. I understand what it’s like growing up couch surfing and having zero stability still the case now in my late 20s due to being very physically unwell for 10* years. I learned something from my Nan that I will always cherish! No matter what happens in life always laugh smile and find joy in whatever you can in the moment. Proud of you for sharing sending love and bear hugs ❤.
here's to all of us, that are queer and went through a traumatic childhood. to those of us who had to fight, while others were having "the times of their lifes".
we are strong, and we get even stronger, every day that we keep on living, even if it sometimes doesn't feel like it.
Thank you Roly, for being so open about your life. You are one of the kindest people I've seen.
To you and all of us
I can feel your heartbreak through the screen, nothing make some cry, but this did. All I can say is,look at you now,if course your granny would be mega proud of you and your achievements, there are no limits for you now, Go Roly Go! ❤️🇦🇺
PS, I've just started watching your channel, I'm addicted👍
Sending nothing but love to you roly!
❤️❤️❤️
I've been following you for a long time, like back in your early days on here. And I've watched you grow and become the person you are now and like, despite all the things you've gone through you're still this lovely human being who brings so much joy into the lives of others. I can definitely relate to living in an environment where your parents fight all the time. I dealt with that a lot growing up and it was terrible. I too struggle with yelling even now as a 31 year old. Most of the time I can handle it, but sometimes I do still shut down and can't move. All I can do is cry. I can't even imagine how hard growing up was for you, but I'm glad you're here, and I'd give you the biggest hug if I could. And I'm so happy you have such good people in your life now ❤
I had read your comment and I relate to your struggles of shouting. I hadn't thought about it before but I've always struggled and still do, with confrontations especially. I tend to just try to zone out, I'm as quiet as I can possibly be. I do slow movements almost like I don't want to do anything that may aggravate the person who is shouting any more. I can link it to past trauma (school bullying and personal life) I hate arguements, I wouldn't say I'm happy 24/7 but it's typically someone else that puts me in a bad mood and still I struggle to be confrontational. Hopefully one day I'll be able to voice things that I don't agree with or stand up for myself when someone is having a go at me. I tend to just deal with it all in my mind like 'I wish I said this when they done that' sadly not being confrontational causes a lot of people to take advantage due to there being no repercussions. I hope you are doing well today.
I can definitely relate, only at work at I mostly handle being yelled at since it happens so rarely and most of the time it's easy to let it roll off my shoulders, 'cause 5 years of retail makes you used to it. But, when I'm in an argument with someone close to me I generally tend to shut down and end up crying, I have gotten better with it over the years, but it is a struggle sometimes. I too have a hard time standing up for myself due to that and past trauma, but I try my best and that's what matters. I absolutely hate confrontation, but I try. You'll get there one day I'm sure, it'll take time, but it'll be okay, just do your best. And if people take advantage of you that says more about them than it does you. You don't need people like that in your life and I hope if you have anyone who is in your life taking advantage you can kick them to the curb one day
please, never apologise for speaking your truth xxx ❤❤❤ we love you so much roly xxxxx
you are a wonderful person and you should never feel ashamed of your past.. your past has made you what you are now.. and as much as it sounds as a cliché... you are now a result of a learned independence 👏
as much as you may gloss over this.... I'm so sorry you had to suffer through this.... I really feel the need to give you a vertual hug... im so sorry roly.. I hate that you had to suffer all of this...
you are such a beautiful person xxxxxxxx
you deserve the whole world xxxxxx
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legitimately.. my "grandmother" would say to my dad "dont do that! you look like your father!!" so I wholeheartedly understand what you're talking about ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Oh Roly, I'm so sorry. It's absolutely heartbreaking to hear these types of things, and to see the pain it still causes you.
Roly! I am so sorry to hear about your rough childhood! Sending you love and (((HUGS)))! ❤❤❤❤❤
Whew.. hearing about how you have overcome your life does actually make me feel a bit better. I will say that you are not alone. I was my narcissistic mother's scapegoat after she nearly beat my half sister to death with a broom. And my dad didn't have the backbone to stand up to her. Yet, when she had a massive stroke, I was the one who had to give up my entire life to help care for her. Add having a baby at 17 with a guy who turned out to be a p***phile and having to figure out my entire life with a baby.. it sucks. Going through things like that, you finally understand the saying "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" and that just because they are family, doesn't mean that you have to allow them to continue to use you. Sometimes, your family is made of those who truly love you and accept you, not just because they have to or they can use you. Keep your chin up, because if you can survive what you've gone through, you can survive anything that the world can throw at you. My mom passed away when I was 18, and I can't explain how painful it was yet releasing it was. There was so much I wanted to tell her, that I was too afraid to say when she was alive. I wanted to know why I couldn't be loved by her, or why everything was always my fault. And why am I the only one who has to just get over it and move on? One of my first real memories of her was sitting in my aunt's living room, and she and my aunt were in the kitchen talking. She told my aunt that she couldn't love me the same as my sisters because I nearly killed her. Mind you, she had to have an emergency c-section with me and almost died due to blood loss. In her mind, that was my fault, and she never let me forget it. There is far more to the story that I'm just not at the point where I can say or even write it out yet. I will just say that the trauma and the pain won't last forever. If you just keep breathing in and out, it will get better, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.
❤
My goodness, I am so so sorry for all that you’ve been through. Sending you so much love
11:00 Roly, I totally understand what you’re saying here. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD after a sexual assault, I still have a hard time being around tall men with beards. It’s strange because I know that’s not the person who hurt me but I can’t help but get nervous around them. Ily Roly, you’re so damn strong and I hope u know that all of us love you so so much 💗💗💗
Same, whenever I see people that resemble any of my abusive exes my heart starts racing and I feel like running away. I often feel bad about not trusting people that haven't done anything to me, but I also know that's the PTSD and it's not really something I have any control over
Same, I never experienced the type of or level of abuse he went through but I did grow up in a very manipulative household, very verbally abusive and emotionally neglectful, on top of being raped on two different instances by two of my exes, and now any time I see anyone that looks remotely like my exes I get really edgy or go the other way and make a complete detour, even though I'm not sure if it's them or not. I also have negative reactions to weird stuff my husband does or says to me, normal everyday stuff but it really triggers me like when he mentions that a plate I washed still had some dirt on it. He doesn't mean anything by it but I used to get really upset because that was one thing I would get screamed at for. But it really does get better, I've gotten help , moved out, and I'm so so glad my s****** attempt at 16 failed because I really love my life and my husband and my career now.
Oh my god same. If I see anyone with a similar facial feature to my assaulter I fly into panic it’s horrible. I’ve been recommended EMDR therapy for the ptsd. I’ll have to try it and see what happens. I’m sorry you have to experience that too…much love xx
Same. I have a big problem around anyone who looks like my abuser and older men specifically
I'm still trying to get over mine. I remember for the longest time as a kid I had this weird phobia of men. I was always uneasy and felt awkward being around certain ones. It wasn't until I realized my stepdad was molesting me. I was in 4th grade when it started and no one knew why I was so quiet and kept to myself. When he went to jail over a DUI, I found myself actually crying for him and missing him. I didn't know why. When he was drunk, that's when he'd hurt me. I thought it was normal the way he touched me until I asked a counselor and alerted CPS to investigate. No one protected me. My family forced me to lie and say I only said it for attention and I wasted everyone's time. It was disgusting and I felt ashamed and guilty for speaking up or even asking. I was just curious and I remember pointing to my chest and behind when I asked the counselor. I was going in for depression and anxiety as I was getting bullied a lot in school. I was sexually assaulted two years ago and I feel my heart stop as soon as I see someone who looks like him. I have to do a double take or if I'm at work, I have to think of a plan to hide until he leaves. Again, no one protected me when I spoke up about my assault. So I had to fend for myself and fight my own battle.
Thank you for not cutting out you going through intense emotions, and not saying sorry for it either. Your strength is astonishing. Love you Roly ❤❤❤
the pain he shows is really showing... its heartbreaking to see someone like Roly give this story from a first hand account... I am so sorry you went through this painful time, you didnt deserve it
Jesus christ, that's horrific. I can't believe what ppl can survive
I wish you and your siblings healing. Every child deserves a parent. Not every parent deserves a child. I am also hard about myself for how I reacted (treated my loved ones) in the past due to trauma. It’s not easy. Thank you for opening up and sharing your past. And sharing the sweet bond you had with your grandmother. I am very proud of you (despite being a stranger); there is so much bravery in being vulnerable and sharing emotional and traumatic memories. I listened to every word you have said in this video.
I’m not even half way through but Roly I don’t even have the words to express how sorry I am that all of this happened to you, not to mention how young and innocent you were and had no say in any of it. Nothing is your fault. Everyone can see how much of a wonderful person you have become, and must have always been in order to get through all of this and come out the other side such a beautiful person inside and out. I don’t know what else to say, except to please continue to take great care of yourself, and don’t ever feel pressured to share anything online x
I used to constantly move due to being in poverty my whole childhood so I related to you so much and I remember my mom fighting with her first husband a lot due to his abuse so I feel your pain so much Roly ❤️
Big hug to you ❤️
Thank you for sharing. Much love and joy to you now for rising above those trials in life.
Sending you so much love and healing 💕
Love all of y’all we family here ❤️
I am a straight female. High school was the worst experience that I have ever had, except for maybe junior high school.
Yours was probably even worse.
All my love for you, Roly. You're changing the world to the better. Thank you for letting us experience your amazing personality.
❤️❤️
Living with my grandparents right now, moved around a lot as a kid/teen/early 20's. So I can understand your early life situation a little bit. I think it's helped me feel extra lost (I'm 23) and ungrounded. No where to call home, no friend groups etc. Kind of afraid of everything. At the end of the video, it felt true that things might get better for me, coming from you, based on what you came from and where you are now. You are such a cool person, and your body modifications are just so cool!! It's great to see you in a better space. :)
You will get through it!
I’m struggling at the moment. And just to see that everything CAN turn out fine, gives me hope.
I also want to hug you so bad right now. Take care❣️
Sending you all the love
Jenthier it will get better. I know because it did for me and so many people that I know. Please tell yourself this this will get better. Hang on. Hugs.
Stuggles are a necessary part of life. It is only through going through the bad times that we can really see and appreciate the good times. To see who are willing to stand by and support and lift you up in the hard times and who is going to bail at the first sign of trouble. This community, this family, that Roly has created here is a loving and caring place were anyone any everyone are welcome no matter who they are, where they are, or anything else. If you need a friend, we are always here for you.
Just watched this for the first time (because I tend to avoid heavy topics due to my own depression), and I just wanna say I'm so sorry you had to experience all of that. I obviously don't know you beyond the things you give away in your videos, but you seem like such a sweet and empathetic person, and it's deeply impressive to me that you managed to keep a mostly positive energy in life after all these traumatic things in your past. You seem to be in a much better place now, and I'm happy about that, because you deserve it, and it also gives me a bit of hope to think I might be able to overcome some of the dark parts of my own life as well. I hope life treats you with nothing but kindness these days, stay as awesome as you are ❣
I know this is a year old but I just wanted to send a big internet hug to you mate. That's a hell of a tough start so it's great to see you thriving now. All the best buddy, keep squatting for Jesus. x
I've been a subscriber for many years, I remember when you moved in with Calum and Kieran. I've heard the comments you've made that eluded to a rough past, but I'd never have imagined. I wanted to say that I am so proud of you and who you've become. You have built yourself up no matter what those people put you through, or how hard they tried to hold you down. It makes me so sad to see you cry, each time you teared up in this so did I. You deserved so much more than this. You did it though, you built who you are today and you have every right to be happy and be proud of the person you've become. If they aren't in your life anymore that's their problem, and it is certainly their loss. They missed out on the incredible person you are today! 🧡💛💚💙💜❤
This is insanely similar to how my husband grew up. His mother was always on drugs and trying to poison his mind about his dad and anyone but him. But his mom ended up abandoning him to the point of homelessness
And my husband never got to meet his father at all because of the same accusations
That’s awful :( no one should endure that
My bio mom was literally the exact same way, I'm so sorry you had to deal with this. It's hard.
Sorry you had to deal with this type of thing too! Xx
So sorry you had to go through that. Sending love to you 💕
I only found you while watching the toxic tears video and damn am I glad I now have, I have had a really hard time with my family but it has left me trying to be a better person, I'm not going to lie animals have been my main go to in life as they never hurt us like humans do, I now also work as a social support worker working with adults with learning disabilities, thank you Roly for just being you ❤❤
Roly hearing this broke my heart. We are related and spent a lot of time together as kids at Sivie and Dougs I now live in Australia
Hearing your story as an adult is heartbreaking. You have come through so much and achieved many asking moments and I'm so proud of you.
I heard again today “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” I see a lot of people on TikTok and such reaching out to those who have been through situations like this. Glad there are still some good people out there.
I prefer to say that there are 2 different families. One you are born into and you have no choice in them, but two is the family you choose. Those people that you have decided that you want to be around, those you trust and love and have brought into your life. Those "close friends" are just as much family to me than my mom, my dad, or any of my siblings.
@@danielraiber3639 a lot of people get only half of the quote basically meaning your brethren (friend) you will die for is more important. I was referring to ones like Mamatot on TikTok that has been through stuff with her mom and yet she’s a mom and helps so many others. Blood doesn’t mean anything if they threat you like dirt.
@@naz.ghouled i was 100% agreeing with you. Blood does not mean anything. What does mean something is those that we choose to have in our lives. Sometimes that is our blood family, but for others, that is friends, co-workers, a significant other, ect. The people we choose to have in our lives are our true family.
You are so loved and so appreciated Roly. You come across as an absolute wonderful human being who is very open and loving. Sending much love 💚🌸 You are worthy, you are needed, you are beautiful, you are wanted.
Thank you for sharing this, you are incredibly brave but always know that you aren't obligated to share anything with us. We love you, it's okay to keep things privet and I am so extremely sorry people asked you about your past and I am beyond sorry that you had such a childhood, it's heartbreaking.
I myself am a mother of a young son and he is my absolute world. He is my heart and I can't imagine my son being hurt by me, his mother that should protect, love and provide for him. I am very sorry Roly, you are so loved.♥️
Im only 8 minutes into this vid, and omg roly so so sorry u didnt have a fairy tale childhood….thank god you turned out to be a lovely and intelligent queen ❤️
We all must have done some stuff we regret, but as long as we still are able to self-reflect and feel regret, there's nothing wrong with sometimes being or doing wrong. You were young, and your life has been a terrible mess for a long time.
Thanks to your mother, who obviously never self-reflected, never regretted anything, and never *cared* enough for you and your siblings to pull herself together and get sober, to be your mother, to show any responsibility, even if it was only for one single occasion. She just used and abused you for her selfish reasons. 😡😡😡
Let alone the system that failed you and your sister, and that made you live with your mother far too long! 😡
I cannot even come close to imagine what you have gone through! How strong you are!
(And, of course, your siblings are, too!)
The most of the time I watched this video, I either wanted to cry, or give you a big hug and tell you that it is over now, that you are in a good place, you are loved, and you deserve it! ❤️🌈🫂❤️
❤️❤️❤️
No child should EVER have to see what you saw or go through what you did. You are a great young man and no one can EVER take that from you. I'm proud of who you are and respect the heck outta you.
Wow... Watching you since 2011 Roly, I knew you went through a lot... living with your grandparents & remembering how you were back then, its truly a miracle you turned out amazingly... It goes to show how strong you are. I knew you went through some shit, but not to this extent. Cudos to your strength.
Thanks for sticking with me all this time x
@@RolyWestYT always! 💗 Gays Of The Week meant so much to me & to see you grown as a person & a channel has been amazing. You deserve the world & I hope you enjoy everything you’ve worked for. I wish you nothing but the best.
you are so incredibly strong and even after everything you’ve been through, you continue to be such a beautiful person. sending you so much love roly 💕
😘😘
Roly...
First of all, thank you for sharing your story with us. Second of all, do you realise how strong, resilient and courageous you are?
I'm only at 22:25 and already cried with you. We have very similar lives so I can really feel your pain. I'm so sorry for everything that happened to you. You're amazing... And everything you've accomplished is insane.
Much much love to you.
I understand the will thing. I'm going through a similar thing at the moment. I just found out today that my "parents" are already planningplanning to sell my grandma's place and all the money for themselves. My grand is in decent health now, so it doesn't make sense. Both my "parents" can save money to save their lives. Currently, my brother and I are trying to get our own places and start our lives. I told my BF/ future husband about this and he agrees that it's messed up. My dead grandad was a WW2 vet and has a lot of his stuff in the house. I know for a fact that my "parents" are not going to take his stuff and will just toss them to the side. I'm just flipping out about all this info I have received today. I cant deal with another grandparent of mine passing away and having evil people profiting off of them.
I came back to the beginning realising I have written a small book but I do hope you read all of it. Hi Roly I've been watching your videos from way back not long after you started but I binge watched to catch right up to be at the same time your new videos come out however this one I know it's been a year ago but it's been a hard one to do so I did it in little pieces and what I can say is I'm so sorry this all happened to you I too know what mental abuse and SA is like having suffered when I was 7 and then 15 and I was to scared to tell anyone about it and I didn't until I was in my 40s and still my mum only knows about the one when I was 7 and she asked me why I didn't tell her and I told her because you get threatened and as a 7 year old that's terrifying. Your story broke me so many times and after everything you have been through you have turned into an amazing person even after going through all of that most people don't that just want fair for you to go through any of that and you were never at fault ever not being able to see your dad you were mentally and physically afraid because of what you are told by your mum she robbed you of that. I think you're absolutely one of the nicest, funniest RUclipsrs that I follow you make me laugh so much not this one though I was/did and always will feel for you but you now have made it out the other end of that and turned out to be an amazing man. You help me out of my dark depression hole and my anxiety time and time again because you make me laugh and that is very hard to do so I thank you for that. Pls forgive my grammar and any auto corrects that are very wrong at times so I apologise just keep your great content coming. Cheers🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺
This video made me emotional because I can’t even imagine all of that. When you talked about your grandpa with Parkinson’s that’s happening to my grandpa too. It is hard to watch with how slow and inhibited they are. You are so strong and I hope you’re doing well.❤️
Thank you for sharing your personal storyvwith us too. It is through finding those things that we are the same instead of looking at what makes us different which is going to bring this world together. Stay strong Cassie
I’m listening right now to the part where you’re talking about your grandparents health and I just needed to say I’m so grateful too see someone w/ a platform talk about it. I took care of my grandparents up until recently and it is emotionally traumatizing seeing them deteriorate. They’ve both passed now, my grandma died the 1st of May. And although it was a struggle, I miss them so much. Thank you for sharing this w/ us, Roly ❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss.
@@michellecarey583 Thank you 💕
Lots of love to you ❤️
So so sorry for your loss
I am so sorry for your loss. Both of my grandpas died of pancreatic cancer, and my paternal grandmother died of heart failure. My maternal grandma is still with us, but she has really bad dementia that it is difficult to know how she will be from day to day. I never knew the emotional strain that someone with dementia goes through before. I thought that you woke up one day at like 90 years old and you just think you are 30 again. But there are some days that she wants to actually fight us. Like legit punch me in the face (i am 6 foot tall and 300+lbs. She is 5'4 and half me), and then not even an hour later she is crying because she is scared and confused abd then she is the loving sweet grandma i grew up with and does not know why i am crying my eyes out.
I can’t Imagine how hard this must have been 💜💜 sending love x
It was but I do feel really good about this x
"Blood is thicker than water" is one of the worst and first lies youre told. As a viewer I dont feel the right to comment on your story or feelings but I see that this video can be what saves someones life. Those who are living proof of "it gets better" is needed for others so thank you for sharing this part of your life.
Awww Roly, I’m so sorry. My youngest is a year older than you. I would’ve adopted you and would’ve given you the life you deserved, here in America.
Cheers to honor and memory of Roly's Dad, Nan and Grandad! Thanks for taking the time to share them with us. May their memory never fade.
I just want to say regardless of how much pain you've endured you have still managed to be a light in so many people's lives just through your videos, we know your heart is always in the right place and that's all that matters ❤️✨
reading the title, i knew i was in for it. it honestly pained me so much listening to everything you went through. and i can relate to a good bit of it as well. though your past may have been painful, the person who you have become today is just phenomenal. you truly are such a beautiful soul, and you’re incredible. your past will never define you, it’s part of your story. we love you so very much. and i’m proud of you for sharing this, even if it’s a year later than you wanted to do it. ❤️
your so strong for telling us this. in really find my comfort in you, so please dont die
Roly, this truly breaks my heart. So glad you’re doing well for yourself after all of this trauma. You are a fantastic person 🤍 My daughter and I absolutely love your videos (she’s 8 and thinks the piercing fails are gross but she can’t help but watch!). Sending lots of love xxx
Aww ROLY, I just want to give you the biggest hug. Well done for how far you have come. You are amazing. I know I am a random stranger but I am so sorry you had to go through this. Oh, sweet, if you ever need someone to talk to about this, I would be there for you.
Oh Roly. Thank you for your bravery in being this vulnerable with us. I am so beyond sorry that you were failed so much and so often. No one deserves what you went through, let alone a child. I know your grandma would be proud because I'm a relative stranger and I'm ridiculously proud of you. You've come so far with very little help and turned out to be a wonderful, kind, loving, giving person. That's beyond amazing and you should be proud. My heart breaks for the hurt that you've been through and for that you still feel but I'm so happy you have love around you now and that you are where you are and who you are in the end. Thank you again for sharing this with us, it couldn't have been easy but I hope it helps with your healing.
I just wanna hug you.
ps. I hope your aunt watches this and feels like the absolute pos she is. You achieved already so much more than she ever will, you're a better person than she'll ever be.
This was a heartbreaking thing to hear. I can't believe how difficult it was for you to make this video and share all this to us. Giving you a virtual hug from the US,.
Gave me the feels..
I been working at the same goddam McDonald's for almost 5 years.
Over time, my monthly salary went from $330 → $584 → $514
First started, gained more hours, cut 4 hours due to safety reasons and harassment...
Im planning to transfer to a new building. Bc this one man, i consider him a pervert who has SHed me..
Im now getting less money, i have goals.. but things are getting up and then having small obstacles.
Just need to keep going.. i fear my 30s.. im 22 and spending $30 on food..
2 people are sick in my life rn.. and I wish I had the guts to get a jump start in my life.
I came across your channel a few months ago and love your vids. Omg Roly i love you! This was hard to watch as a child I went through a very similar experience. I'm now 23 with my own daughter who has special needs, who is my life and world. My heart broke for you. Keep going. Look at you now, you are doing so well. Be proud! ❤️
Roly I have been a silent watcher from the beginning and a massive fan and supporter to you I love your content and who you are as a person and this video just makes me want to squeeze you and give you a big cuddle because you should not have had to go through what you did but it might not mean much but I am incredibly proud of how far you have come and who you have become xx
Though we are strangers, I now feel a connection with you. Though the details are a bit different, your trauma is so familiar. It is very brave of you to share your story. Hugs and blessings.
Roly I’ve watched you for so many years now and always knew from the slight details you’d drop here and there, that you’d had it hard but my god, you’ve been through the ringer. I can SO relate with a lot of details in your story and I’m so so proud of you, you’ve come from nothing to being a light for so many people. You’re such a kind soul and you didn’t deserve any of the trauma you have been put through. I just want you to know, that you’re definitely not alone, I have a really shitty complicated family and blood is NOT thicker than water, I hate that phrase! Absolute bullshit! You really are such an inspiration for so many and I just… I’m lost for words really, I just think the way you’ve built your life all on your own pretty much, is incredible. Don’t lose your strength, your passion, your fierce and fabulousness, ever. Trauma is a lot and it’s tough FOR SURE, but you have shown everyone that you’ve not let it take away your passion, drive and beautiful personality 🙏❤️
I have no words for what I feel in hearing you recount trauma after trauma at the hands of people who should have been your protectors. So I will simply send you a motherly virtual hug and remind you of something Sean of Steel often says: "Tough times don't last. Tough people do." And you're still here, Roly, so Sean must be right about that. YOU ARE FLAWLESS!
I feel like we could have lived next door to each other, my mum was also an alcoholic, and we had a very dysfunctional life. It reached a head when I was 16, my mum's drinking was out of control. I was looking after my 10 year old brother, my 3 older siblings were living away at the time. I know what it's like to be let down by the adults in your life. I remember my brother coming home from school asking if mum was drunk and me replying "Yeah, but it's ok, she's wine drunk, not gin drunk". WTF! My mum eventually stopped drinking about 8 years later. She hasn't had a drop since. I carried a lot of guilt about things. I was eventually able to talk to my mum about things. She apologized, and told me that I was only a child , and that she had wrongly expected me to deal with adult issues. She also explained that I had done nothing wrong, that it was her decisions that caused the issues. I felt that I was able to talk to her about a lot of things, and it was good to be able to do that and have it validated. Although everything worked out for me in the end, I have unfortunately grown into the biggest empath. I admire your courage for speaking out, it's not always easy to tell people about the rubbish stuff. Try not to be too hard on yourself, you were a child then, you were just doing what a child was supposed to do. Try not to look back on your behaviour as a child, and judge it with your adult wisdom. You didn't have the knowledge, coping mechanisms or insight that you have now. Which is why children are supposed to be protected and safe. Thanks for this video, and please be kind to yourself. X
Sending you the most love. I can’t imagine how hard this was for you to make and I can’t thank you enough for opening up to us and letting us in❤️
💜💜💜
Hey roly, watching this video brought back a lot of similar very sore memories for me, I’m still struggling as a 16 year old trans male and I got brought to tears, thank you for sharing your experience, whenever I’m having an absolutely awful time watching your videos always cheers me up a little bit and I wish I could just give you a massive hug, thank you for everything
I hope you are safe and take care of yourself. I’m just a mom, I have a Amazing trans son. I hope you have support and are encouraged to be yourself. Mom hugs!
Roly.. I don't know what to say.. I'm just so so sorry. The details of the abuse I went through in my childhood were very different to yours but I could relate to your feelings and trauma so much. I just wish I could hold your hand and offer a little comfort. It was heartbreaking to watch you suffering from those memories..
AZ Daddy here again. I am a survivor of Mental, Verbal, Physical and Sexual abuse. I have childhood trauma from age 3 when my dad abandoned me (divorce). To this day I have triggers. Thank you for sharing this video. The courage to have the will to keep going says a lot about your character. My family is apart not close. I haven’t talked to my mom in almost 4 years do to toxicity. Sometimes you have to rid those around you in order to move on. I want to say I am so sorry you had to experience this life trauma so early. No kid should have to live it. Let yourself cry even if on camera it is healing and it can help others struggling the same way. I have had a recent cutting episode and it caused me to be voluntarily committed. I would give you a big huge long hug if I wasn’t so far away, so give yourself a hug for me. Consider yourself adopted by my husband and me. I can so relate to a lot of what you have experienced. If you ever come to Arizona, USA my house welcomes you it’s a safe house. I also struggled with my sexuality.. I actually was outed to my family by a cousin. Funny that the two people who accepted me ALL of me were my grandparents. Sorry for your loss of your grandma. I really need and want to give you a hug🤗. Thank you for sharing this part of your life. It means so much to me more than you know. But to say I understand what and how you suffered would be an understatement. I can say I am a survivor and when daylight peeks thru the window I know I have survived another day as this is how I live…one day cuz I don’t know if I will have another. I have mental health issues and almost ended it from a 9th floor window 6/2013. For me the window was what saved me from plunging to my death. So sharing this part of you means so much for me. We love you and hope this best for you. I do mean what I said about staying at our house if you ever need to just get away or come for a holiday. Cheers mate.
I'm so sorry this happened to you Roly, you're a genuinely beautiful person inside and out, you never deserved any of this. I'm also estranged from my family, nobody should ever push and ask questions on someone's relationship with their family, it's none of their buisness. I'm glad you felt like you could open up to us about this though, appreciate you always 💖
Roly ive been watching youre content for years, since 2014. Youve always been such a beacon of light in my dark days. What you have had to go through at such a young age and in many of your early years is horrifying, but through all of that you have overcome all those obsticales and youve turned out amazing! Im sure youre grandparents would be so proud and smiling ear to ear watching you flourish! You are incredibly strong and such an inspiration to so many! Thank you for all the years of laughs and informative videos! We've never met but I'm so incredibly proud of you! Keep on shining! So much love from 🇮🇪 ❤