Being single in a family-centered religion | with Kim
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- Опубликовано: 9 июл 2024
- Kim joins us on Saints Unscripted to share her insights about being single in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (otherwise known as the Mormon Church). She shares her advice, her lived experience, and so much more! Thank you, Kim!!
0:00 - Intro
0:44 - Thriving LDS Singles
1:40 - Kim moved to Arizona and became active in the church
2:15 - 40+ year old single community is uncelebrated
3:30 - Feeling like a failure being single
4:06 - Challenges of being single as a 40+ year old
5:30 - Empty nesting as a single person
6:40 - Single and retired phase
8:40 - What would you do differently if you went back in time?
10:00 - Keanu Reeves quote
11:30 - Learning how to be an individual and be comfortable with yourself
13:20 - We are meant to be in families and relationships
16:40 - Singledom challenges are challenges in and outside of the church
18:00 - The most important relationship is your relationship with God
20:05 - How singles are looked down on
22:45 - Programs in the church to utilize
24:40 - Building a network when you’re single
Follow Kim!! / @thrivingldssingles
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Why she said here is so spot on!! I am now 67, mom of 5 grown kids, I was married at 19 in the Idaho Falls temple, and while I was expecting our 2nd child, my spouse cheated on me. But didn't come clean until well after the baby came. Although I wanted to stay together, I couldn't get past the pain. I began resenting everything & went inactive. Remarried a few times outside the church had more kids, and came back to the church months prior to my spouse of 28yrs walked out. I'm not interested in another relationship at this point. I gave so much in my marriages,
I'm tired and just want to be me now. I never did get my sealing in the temple cancelled, nor has my first husband ever remarried. And he is also now active in the church, but we haven't felt the need to get back together...we just remain friends.
My single journey was a hard, long road to travel down. I had the hardest time trusting the Lords timing and also loving myself where I was as a single woman in the LDS church. Once I started trusting the Lords timing and turning over my will to his will was when I found my now husband. If we met 20 years ago, we wouldn't have been compatible. We needed to go through our life challenges to be compatible and perfect for each other at this point in our lives. My point is, be patient and trust in the Lord because He knows what is best for you and can see the bigger picture.
The feels. It was hard my first 15 ish years a member until I married
So hard :/ Sorry Ryan. More support for the singles!
@@SaintsUnscripted Indeed!
Having young adult children, it's incredibly difficult seeing my sons not able to even have a steady girlfriend! Young women in the church don't seem to ever want to date let alone get married! It's so sad, to see them alone all! All of them are so sweet and nice! There good looking they are Temple recommend holder's, they have testimonies most importantly and they all served mission's!
Young women are being guided by their Mom's and they have told them if they don't feel magic the first date don't have a second one. I have worked with the singles for 7 years and they are really strong in the gospel!
I can appreciate this. Although I am married, we are not able to have children and that can be similarly difficult. Finding space for those that don't fit the model is important.
Same. My wife and I were single until I was 35 and she was 41. 4 years and a month later and still no kids and extremely unlikely to happen.
I’m almost 67 and a widow. It can be very isolating at times. My Bishop is struggling with trying to put me in a calling that will help me feel needed in the Ward. It’s been hard as my husband passed at the beginning of Covid and I moved to a different State. It’s been a lonely road. I’ve made great friends outside of Church however I’m struggling with connecting with members of my Ward.
sometimes I feel like a second class member at church. Outside of church I don't feel bad for being single, but at church I do, often.
Great video. Thanks Kim for giving voice to this group of amazing members! I have many friends and family who are in this boat and it can be such a challenging place to be in. You exemplify so well the Lord's admonition to endure to the end. Your positivity and faith is inspiring.
Been a member of the church now for 12 years. In my early thirties and still single. I was an adult convert, and thus didnt fit in with the typical LDS in the YSA wards I went too. Ive tried. Even gave uo some of my own interests to be more flexible. Tried among English and Spanish speaking members but to no avail. I've given up on trying.
Being single in the 'family centred' church is an emotionally challenging situation. There is always an expectation that the attainment of a marriage is the resolution to such a deficit state.
Being single due to same-sex attraction is even more confronting and challenging. With no hope for a partner, no prospect of marriage, no spouse, no children, no posterity; one really feels acutely that there's no place to be amoungst such a 'family centred' church.
One may have no deficiencys in health, career, economics etc, and feel spiritually inclined, and be self sufficient in all ones need, yet consigned to live with no physical intimacy, having no realistic option to form spousal and familial relationships, yet also be mentality and emotionally adjusted to being alone, having overcome the emotions of loneliness, celibacy and sexual abstinence, including refraint from porn and masturbation, and other deviant vices. Holding and being true to a testimony is always a challenge whatever our circumstances. Latter-day Saints are tried and tested in all things. Generally the way same-sex attraction is resolved within the church is to allow such members (be they single or not) to become inactive, and lost. Usually if such inclination are ever acted upon, then excommunication inevitably removes them from the family centre church, and in many cases also from their immediate and extended family relationship as disident wicked defectors of the faith. The natural separation between those who live a Telestial law from those who live a Celestial law ultimately is inevitable.
The single LDS members with same-sex attraction is an anomalie within the church. With no realistic pathway of acheiving resolution given for the conversion from same-sex to opposit-sex attraction given, entering into the new and everlasting covenant of marriage is not an option available to choose. Such 'afficted' singles striving for righteousness are, especially amidst the society of the church, very much alone and can feel isolated, and even unintentionally ostracised. Typically suicidal ideation is a manifestation associated with such unresolving internal confliction that those experiencing such must contend with and resolve.
The gosple construct explaing the purpose of life can lead those with same-sex attraction questioning why are they really here? What truly is the purpose to this life that they are living? And why is it so different from what their patriarchal blessings promised? Overcoming the manifestation of lust is one aspect of the natural man all must attain to. Bridling our passions, and confining intimate physical relations within the bonds of marriage is an essential part of the covenant path. But entering into a marriage covenant is typically beyond the reach of an honest individual who's intrinsic sexual instinct is oriented towards the same sex.
Being single in the church, whatever the reason, often always amounts to feelings of dissatisfaction, because we as Latter-day Saints strive to achieve the ideal. That ideal being becoming as God is. We strive to attain Christ like attributes and step forwards towards attainment of the goals entailed within our understanding of eternal progression. We all know and feel that, "it's not good for man to be alone"; and that ,"the man and the woman are one within the sight of the Lord". As singles its easy to feel unfulfilled and indeficent.
We all know that we come to mortality to "taste the bitter that we may know to prise the good". Perhaps experiancing the anguish of being single and remaining faithful in mortality is just one of the variable premortally appointed challenges give to achieve our individual growth on our eternal journey towards godliness. Empathetically single Latter-day Saints striving to attain happiness should be estemed, and esteem themselves as fellow sons and daughters of God striving to attain exaltation. As we view and interact with one another we all need to definatly remember, "but for the grace of God go I". Introspectively with compassion all righteous Latter-day Saints should ask themselves, "if I was in the shoes of that single member; what would I choose to do, and how would I like to be considered and treated by those around me for seeking to live within 'the family centered' church?".
Another perspective, my husband made some huge mistakes ending up in jail. We divorced and my ward was so supportive and all the ways they were loving and kind. While I was single I served in RS presidency and primary presidency. I am so grateful for that period of time and the love I feel for them including my bishop. ❤️
I wouldn't say I get looked down upon in the church. But, for me being single all my life has been the hardest thing I have had to go through being 39, despite my efforts. And girls not wanting to commit to me. One thing that makes being single so hard for me is I am the only one in my family who doesn't have my own family. I have lost friends who shunned me because I didn't find someone within their time period. I do know people who have become happily, comfortably, single and don't want to date. That never happened to me.
Thank you for having this episode!! I look forward to finding her podcast!!
The emotional resilience course sounds like what you are talking about in the self reliance program. It’s great.
I met a single LDS Church sunday school teacher in Indonesia.
Thank you! My wife and I were married at 33.
been in the church 30 years, never been married , never will be. i knew i would get married in my 20s or not at all. stopped going for a long time because it makes you feel out of place.
Highly recommended regarding this topic: "28. Jesus, Marriage, and Sex [Matthew] - Tim Mackie (The Bible Project)" @ the 45:00 marker 🙏🏼🕊
Thank you for this. And it's not only singles. In some areas it's very difficult relating to anyone in a ward/stake that has far right political views. Or if you have same sex attraction. Or any number of things beyond the group norm. For me I know it's all real, God lives, there is a Christ, Prophets exist, Book of Mormon is full of real people, temple covenants are serious so I thrive w/o much ward involvement.