i think self-reflection and self-awareness are big ones for me. they’re great tools but too often i use them in a destructive way by obsessively trying to better myself or figure things out. i also think empathy is a tool like this - im a therapist and it’s certainly one of my biggest strengths but i can go too far in my personal life and use it to override my boundaries
I appreciate your strength and you in general Kaylen 💞 I’m currently grieving and started watching RUclips again. I’ve been a long time listener of you it’s so good to be back and I’m finding so much comfort here at your channel, thank you.
This sounds similar to how I think about my maladaptive coping behaviors. (I stay away from the words “bad” or “good” and instead think about if it brings me closer to the life and self I want.) I find that most of the things I would like change about myself are rooted in coping with trauma, chronic illness, or mental illness. So I have to a) look at what it’s helping me cope with and b) how I can cope in a way that will help me move toward who I want to be.
This is so relatable and I can admit to many things I also did in the past. Stealing was something that I did do once in awhile and it was right after my mom passed away, I never got the help I needed with so many things that was traumatic about her cancer journey. And a year or so after she passed I barely remember doing it but I grabbed a bag of nuts in a grocery store one day, I had no money and then I just started walking out with them! Like I was not even that conscious of doing it either but I did get caught, and it was so humiliating when they probed me for answers about why I would walk out with almonds and not pay😅. But it really was a serious struggle I felt so alone and my family was not supportive around me when I went through that loss. 💔 I do still feel shame for some of the decisions I make that I know are wrong in other ways in the moment, but I also have empathy for that past version of myself years ago when I made serious mistakes. I literally feel so heartbroken for her and it is something no one really is able to understand except maybe a therapist. And the vulnerability in this coffee talk ❤. At times it seems like you really are the virtual mom figure or older sister for everyone who can relate so much to these things, but never see it be acknowledged in such an honest but helpful and empathic way. Tearing up over here, thank you ❤
I'm so happy that she (and you!) opened up about this. ❤ When my father died suddenly, it really did feel like so much was stolen from me (a parent, a connection with his family since my parents were divorced, the joy of all the future milestones that he would miss, and so much more) but I have never connected the maladaptive behavior of shoplifting to those specific feelings. That hurt little girl was trying to regain anything she could -- even what she felt she was owed as some sort of cosmic justice. Tear-filled lightbulb moment over here, for sure.
Not all the way through the video, but over indulgence in all forms- not eating/alcohol. Something as small as reading way longer than I should so that I don’t go to bed when I know I need to. That’s a mudane version of it but it do be a bad habit 😂 or not staying home to do what I need to but going out and over indulging in extroverted behavior for satisfaction.idk if that makes any sense but- what’s your take?
Yes, food sometimes is a comfort. In my case, I don't use it enough to be unhealthy but occasionally cookies or ice-cream gives a temporary serotonin boost. Using certain habits and tools as a reward or encouragement for doing something that moves you forward is a interesting concept that I've heard before. In my tool kit, or things that I've seen work are a timer & phone. I've found a timer makes me have anxiety because I don't like being rushed but in this time or era we have to learn to adapt to speed so I use it to be more efficient and work on time management. As for my phone, it can be quite distracting but I have found a way to customize it via RUclips so that the distracting apps aren't immediately visible when I open the phone. I also find reducing time on it helps.
You and I are so similar except I tend to put others on a pedestal and think I’m much worse than I am. I’m going to try and use my phone and cannabis as tools instead of unhealthy coping mechanisms. Thank you for this podcast Kalyn!
This was lovely, Kalyn. The way you referred to habits as “tools” took away the negative connotation for me and you also provided very actionable ways of heading in a healthier direction. Thank you, friend.🩵
I got one thing for you: video games Personally, I love video games and have found out that I can use it as a tool. By connecting to my inner child's love for The Sims and other stuff. But it can also be a huge bad habit if I'm not in control of how I use video games as a tool rather than escapism and getting addicted. It's a time sucker like scrolling on the phone, or mobile games that give quick dopamine hits but suddenly takes money out of your pocket because of the "pay to win" aspect that sadly many games are implementing. Games has always been such an anxiety reliever for me, as well as outlet for emotions, so it's not something I would give up on. But I recognise myself turning to it when things get difficult. Another huge one: shopping 🛍️ I feel that one kinda speaks for itself, but yeah. Definitely a bad habit that could be used as a tool (going shopping with friends, getting real about having financial control of spending habits etc.)
A lot of this was like, keep in balance, 80/20, moderation, etc. which is really not helpful for people with bad habits, especially around food and addiction. If we could moderate effectively by ourselves, we would? What is the actual tool to use here? Self-awareness? Okay, but then what?
I have a problem of not wanting to have showers. It's the get in to the tubs I am so small that stepping into that space is very hard for me. I am trying to but there are weeks if not months going by without me having a shower. I do miss doing this not just for keeping clean but feeling good in my body too. Any helpful tips. I live in a place the the tub/shower are together.
I feel you on this, Christina. I struggle so much with showers and washing my hair. The sensory issues and transitions in temperature are so hard for me. It takes so much time out of my day just to gain energy back after a shower. I don't know if these tips will be of use to you, but I find that washing my hair over the tub with the shower without getting in to the tub is helping me wash my hair and not deal with the body. If I can go without a hair wash, then I tend to use intimate washing vipes or a washcloth just to feel clean without all the hassle. Scrubbing, washing and shaving only my legs without stepping in the tub helps with feeling fresh as well. And I have a consistent skincare routine for my face every morning and/or evening. That helps. Lastly deodorants and dry shampoo is a lifesaver on days were I really just can't. Then some other tips for actually getting into the tub to take a shower: make it enjoyable and motivating for yourself! Take baths, put on music/podcasts, use products or scents that make it into a really nice experience every time. Take your time and hopefully you'll get into a routine with it 🌼🌼🌼
@@marthelea thank you I don't mind using the shower to wash my hair and getting bath wipes to at least feel clean. I do love to have baths just need some bubbles or other products to make it enjoyable.
See my thing hoarding and I have no idea how to stop it. Even if I declutter I will over spend and then recreate the issue and I just can’t find a way around it
I have a similar issue with hoarding! For me, I've found that it comes from fear: if I don't hoard this thing now, I won't have it in the future when I need it. I don't know if it might be similar for you, but you might consider digging into that question of why you're hoarding and see if you can answer that root need, instead of focusing on the hoarding itself. Hope this helps. :)
I used to really enjoy listening to your talks on spotify but the amount of advertisements is really killing the mood. Wasn’t even 1/3 through and already had to listen to 4 times 30s ads. ..
i think self-reflection and self-awareness are big ones for me. they’re great tools but too often i use them in a destructive way by obsessively trying to better myself or figure things out. i also think empathy is a tool like this - im a therapist and it’s certainly one of my biggest strengths but i can go too far in my personal life and use it to override my boundaries
I appreciate your strength and you in general Kaylen 💞 I’m currently grieving and started watching RUclips again. I’ve been a long time listener of you it’s so good to be back and I’m finding so much comfort here at your channel, thank you.
This sounds similar to how I think about my maladaptive coping behaviors. (I stay away from the words “bad” or “good” and instead think about if it brings me closer to the life and self I want.) I find that most of the things I would like change about myself are rooted in coping with trauma, chronic illness, or mental illness. So I have to a) look at what it’s helping me cope with and b) how I can cope in a way that will help me move toward who I want to be.
This is so relatable and I can admit to many things I also did in the past. Stealing was something that I did do once in awhile and it was right after my mom passed away, I never got the help I needed with so many things that was traumatic about her cancer journey. And a year or so after she passed I barely remember doing it but I grabbed a bag of nuts in a grocery store one day, I had no money and then I just started walking out with them! Like I was not even that conscious of doing it either but I did get caught, and it was so humiliating when they probed me for answers about why I would walk out with almonds and not pay😅. But it really was a serious struggle I felt so alone and my family was not supportive around me when I went through that loss. 💔 I do still feel shame for some of the decisions I make that I know are wrong in other ways in the moment, but I also have empathy for that past version of myself years ago when I made serious mistakes. I literally feel so heartbroken for her and it is something no one really is able to understand except maybe a therapist. And the vulnerability in this coffee talk ❤. At times it seems like you really are the virtual mom figure or older sister for everyone who can relate so much to these things, but never see it be acknowledged in such an honest but helpful and empathic way. Tearing up over here, thank you ❤
I'm so happy that she (and you!) opened up about this. ❤ When my father died suddenly, it really did feel like so much was stolen from me (a parent, a connection with his family since my parents were divorced, the joy of all the future milestones that he would miss, and so much more) but I have never connected the maladaptive behavior of shoplifting to those specific feelings. That hurt little girl was trying to regain anything she could -- even what she felt she was owed as some sort of cosmic justice. Tear-filled lightbulb moment over here, for sure.
I'm so happy you decided to talk about it. It's a sign of healing. My sincere condolences.
Not all the way through the video, but over indulgence in all forms- not eating/alcohol. Something as small as reading way longer than I should so that I don’t go to bed when I know I need to. That’s a mudane version of it but it do be a bad habit 😂 or not staying home to do what I need to but going out and over indulging in extroverted behavior for satisfaction.idk if that makes any sense but- what’s your take?
Yes, food sometimes is a comfort. In my case, I don't use it enough to be unhealthy but occasionally cookies or ice-cream gives a temporary serotonin boost.
Using certain habits and tools as a reward or encouragement for doing something that moves you forward is a interesting concept that I've heard before.
In my tool kit, or things that I've seen work are a timer & phone. I've found a timer makes me have anxiety because I don't like being rushed but in this time or era we have to learn to adapt to speed so I use it to be more efficient and work on time management. As for my phone, it can be quite distracting but I have found a way to customize it via RUclips so that the distracting apps aren't immediately visible when I open the phone. I also find reducing time on it helps.
you're the best kalyn ❤
You are awesome thank you so much for this ❤
Very interesting concepts. This is one that I will be coming back to!
Beautiful as always! thanks for the talk K
Thanks for hanging out
You and I are so similar except I tend to put others on a pedestal and think I’m much worse than I am. I’m going to try and use my phone and cannabis as tools instead of unhealthy coping mechanisms. Thank you for this podcast Kalyn!
Yess maybe a cannabis support group is needed 😅 ❤ I'm with you!
Anxiety has always been my struggle. In ways I am doing better with it.
This was lovely, Kalyn. The way you referred to habits as “tools” took away the negative connotation for me and you also provided very actionable ways of heading in a healthier direction.
Thank you, friend.🩵
Thanks for sharing keep posting!
I got one thing for you: video games
Personally, I love video games and have found out that I can use it as a tool. By connecting to my inner child's love for The Sims and other stuff. But it can also be a huge bad habit if I'm not in control of how I use video games as a tool rather than escapism and getting addicted. It's a time sucker like scrolling on the phone, or mobile games that give quick dopamine hits but suddenly takes money out of your pocket because of the "pay to win" aspect that sadly many games are implementing.
Games has always been such an anxiety reliever for me, as well as outlet for emotions, so it's not something I would give up on. But I recognise myself turning to it when things get difficult.
Another huge one: shopping 🛍️
I feel that one kinda speaks for itself, but yeah. Definitely a bad habit that could be used as a tool (going shopping with friends, getting real about having financial control of spending habits etc.)
A lot of this was like, keep in balance, 80/20, moderation, etc. which is really not helpful for people with bad habits, especially around food and addiction. If we could moderate effectively by ourselves, we would? What is the actual tool to use here? Self-awareness? Okay, but then what?
Great questions!
Hi good morning happy Saturday morning and happy summer day and I loved your vlogs and you are amazing Supporter and I'm proud of you
Thank you ❤
I have a problem of not wanting to have showers. It's the get in to the tubs I am so small that stepping into that space is very hard for me. I am trying to but there are weeks if not months going by without me having a shower. I do miss doing this not just for keeping clean but feeling good in my body too. Any helpful tips. I live in a place the the tub/shower are together.
I feel you on this, Christina. I struggle so much with showers and washing my hair. The sensory issues and transitions in temperature are so hard for me. It takes so much time out of my day just to gain energy back after a shower.
I don't know if these tips will be of use to you, but I find that washing my hair over the tub with the shower without getting in to the tub is helping me wash my hair and not deal with the body. If I can go without a hair wash, then I tend to use intimate washing vipes or a washcloth just to feel clean without all the hassle. Scrubbing, washing and shaving only my legs without stepping in the tub helps with feeling fresh as well. And I have a consistent skincare routine for my face every morning and/or evening. That helps. Lastly deodorants and dry shampoo is a lifesaver on days were I really just can't.
Then some other tips for actually getting into the tub to take a shower: make it enjoyable and motivating for yourself! Take baths, put on music/podcasts, use products or scents that make it into a really nice experience every time. Take your time and hopefully you'll get into a routine with it 🌼🌼🌼
@@marthelea thank you I don't mind using the shower to wash my hair and getting bath wipes to at least feel clean. I do love to have baths just need some bubbles or other products to make it enjoyable.
The best things in life happen unexpectedly.
See my thing hoarding and I have no idea how to stop it. Even if I declutter I will over spend and then recreate the issue and I just can’t find a way around it
I have a similar issue with hoarding! For me, I've found that it comes from fear: if I don't hoard this thing now, I won't have it in the future when I need it. I don't know if it might be similar for you, but you might consider digging into that question of why you're hoarding and see if you can answer that root need, instead of focusing on the hoarding itself. Hope this helps. :)
❤❤
Alcohol?
Hi love!
Hello!!
Liinda. Sos re compañera con nosotros
Why do I have to listen to the same add three or four times???
You don’t, I put timestamps in you can always jump forward 😊
Hello frend
I used to really enjoy listening to your talks on spotify but the amount of advertisements is really killing the mood. Wasn’t even 1/3 through and already had to listen to 4 times 30s ads. ..