Estranged parents really tell on themselves when they all default to the same old tired script complaining about their "spoiled" children. First off, providing the bare minimum as a parent (a role that THEY chose and the child had no consent in) is hardly grounds for "spoiling". Secondly, IF they were spoiled, WHO exactly did the spoiling to begin with? They're indirectly admitting that they were terrible at their job, either way.
Also, saying that the rest of the family won't help her for fear of being perceived as flying monkeys says that they are at some level aware that something is wrong.
Exactly. If someone else was doing the “spoiling”, she as the parent had the power to remove the child from that person’s influence. She also would have had the power to not “spoil” them herself, and correct their behavior if it ever actually was inappropriate. But she makes it sound like she was being held at knifepoint and forced to watch helplessly as her mean child was led astray or something.
My mother is resentful of every single thing she's done for me, even throughout my childhood. However, when I tell her I dont need her help, she gets very offensive and says I'm being ungrateful. I can't win with her crazy ass.
It's so ironic when the parents complain about the kids being spoiled when they're surely the reason if it's true. My uncle once shouted at his daughter that she was an idiot with daddy issues because she had an older bf. If true, who the fuck do you think is the reason for that???? Mayyyyybe it's her shitty father? If someone has "daddy issues" (ugh that sounds so demeaning) that's not the kids fault. That's the father's fault.
“My kids are each others best friends” That’s because they’re all survivors of the same battle ground. Mothers like this usually try and pit their kids against each other so they can’t bond and are always on edge fighting each other.
What interests me, is that none of these parents will say they really miss their kids. They never say they regret their behavior and just make excuses for it. She also said she spent years with a therapist to get closer to her kids and none of them want to see her.
Oh, they do say they would do ANYTHING to fix the estrangement. Except for taking any accountability or do any honest reflection or sincerily apologize, that is. But, ANYTHING!!
She didn't go to a therapist to better herself, she did it just to be able to tell her kids "I'm going to therapy" but without putting the honest effort
The brain injury thing, depending on how severe the concussion was, traumatic brain injuries can wreak havoc on a person for years, it's very complex, and it can cause behavioural change. This woman however was clearly not the best person before she had the injury and is trying to use it as an excuse for ALL of her nasty behaviour.
She reminds me so much of my mother with regards to using brain trauma as an excuse. My mother had a very minor stroke. I remember years after that when I was finally starting to realize how twisted my mother was, she claimed she wanted to resolve any issues I had with her. She came to my house and for almost 2 hours I poured my heart out to her. She sat there and listened, sort of gave an apology and then proceeded to tell me that because of the stroke she won't remember any of the conversation we just had. I was devastated at that point because if her stroke was a valid excuse, her actions basically said that she cares so little about me that she couldn't even bring a notebook and take notes or record the conversation on her phone so she wouldn't forget it. But actually I knew the stroke was always an excuse. She had an awful memory all of her life and years before the stroke. She is such a pathological liar that if you ask her the same question 5 times, you'll get 5 different answers. So it isn't that the stroke impacted her memory...it is that she lies so much, she can't keep track of which lie she told.
If I had a brain injury that let me act in a way that hurt my family, I would choose to stay away from them until I'm better. At least I hope I would be capable in making that decision, with brain injuries you never know. But yeah, in this case there seems to be much more going on than simply a brain injury.
@@Spagettigeist brain injuries can totally change a person's personality entirely, I've seen it happen a few times to people close to me, but this woman is clearly using it to excuse her bad behaviour for her entire life.
Yeah, like if you're "saying it like you see it" and that consistently causes issues, and you're not interested in learning to put a filter on your words, maybe you need to learn a more healthy POV on the world so you're "seeing it" more reasonably and positively.
Part of the problem I think is that estranged parents think they are owed what they want from their child because they are the parent. The cold hard truth is that the reverse is true, parents owe their children the best chance of success as an adult they can give that child because they chose to bring this child into the world/raise them (some adoptive parents are no better). My mother failed me, she may not have put me in the cross hairs of predators or physically harmed me, but the problem is in what she failed to do. She failed so catastrophically and from so early on I developed dissociative disorders. I could tell stories for hours about memories of the heartache and not only relieve the pain I felt then, but it is now mixed with anger on behalf of the lost girl that I was. I didn't cut her off to punish her, I cut her off to focus on being able to become a person who doesn't feel like an empty shell, and by knowing I no longer have to focus on her, I can focus on the people who actually enrich my life.
2 месяца назад+44
Says a lot she’s focused on her daughter in law and not her actual children she’s estranged from. That tells me a lot
She definitely seems to see the daughter in law, who her son clearly loves, as the wicked little witch who took him away. But the daughter in law is just a convenient scapegoat to hate and blame.
She's one of those boy moms that can't handle their son living their own lives and starting their own family. God forbid he likes a woman outside of his mother. Yuck.
I had a concussion. I had psychosis. And guess what I also was? A massive piece of shit. Because of my personality. I’m only 23 and spent the last 5 years changing every part of who I am because I was just like my mom. I finally got removed from my abusive home and immediately repeated the abusive cycle. I then played victim. I realized all of this one day and it was crushing but I am so grateful that therapy and psychiatrists exist. Get help woman. This is why I’m estranged from my mom. She brings out the emotionally stunted version of myself I hate so deeply. Break the cycle. It’s possible to change especially when young.
Estranged parents. Ask yourself, are you inviting the rapists to thanksgiving? Are you even "just" informing the rapist of their lives? You shouldn't even SPEAK to these people, even if it is your child or spouse!!!
I left a group of friends because one guy took a picture of my female friends underwear while she was passed out beneath her skirt. They all act like I was the weird one for having a problem with that. It's crazy what people will tolerate.
The flying monkeys idea comes from the Wizard of Oz and it is a known metaphor to call out people who do the narcissistic's biddings, so she is calling her daughter a narcissist directly and openly. On purpose.
I don't understand it quite that way, but rather see it as her telling on herself without realizing it. Since she is clearly the one who would ask relatives to contact the other party, their answer that they don't want to be involved because they don't want to be flying monkeys implies clearly that she is the narcissist, and she may be too dumb to have figured it out.
@@charlesp.8555 Someone else in their family told HER she didn’t want to be her flying monkey by interfering, which is using narcissistic personality disorder terminology to refer to HER. Then in this video she uses the term to refer to someone (possibly the same person?) who has defended her estranged child or kept them away from her as her child’s flying monkey. Which would imply that her child is a narcissist, or at least has what she considers to be a malicious helper preventing her from reestablishing the relationship she wants with her child. TL;DR: she either doesn’t know the origins of the term and is throwing it around to describe any third party who helps one person communicate or not communicate, or she knows the proper usage and is calling the person who used it in the first place that because it stung and she’s resentful of the term.
@@CharlieApples I originally thought it was a friend or relative that was telling the mom to f off. It's hard to say what the situation was, but they definitely were not flying monkeys (as you said).
After a stroke I had a period of time when I was off. My neurologist met with my kids on several occasions and out of the three therapist and two psychologists I've seen they were all open to having sessions with other family members, they encouraged it. I think some of these estranged parents lie about therapy or make up scenarios. And when I think about that- that they would lie just to one up their own kid, so gross. It's cruel entertainment for them.
They could be lying in therapy in some cases. Just to get professional validation in their minds, even though it's not in response to what actually happened. That's why therapy doesn't work with certain kinds of people - you have to be willing to be honest with yourself. Narcissist's egos can't handle that.
They definitely think their kids owe them love and forgiveness, no matter how much abuse they subject them to unapologetically. They grow to hate and resent their children for pulling away, and in their mind they’re the ones who have been wronged and denied what they feel they deserve.
My mom changed after a head injury and during recovery, but I had a strong relationship with her prior to the injury! And I think that is the difference. This woman was already not a good mother to her children and wants to retroactively blame her brain injury. But because I had a good relationship with my mom prior to her injury, that made it a lot easier to respond with concern, understanding, and taking part in the kind if appointments you're talking about for my own mom. Because it was obvious that my mom was not okay and I wanted to help in her recovery and to stay close to her. This woman has no concept of that because I don't think she eas ever capable of that kind of relationship with her children.
@@sourgreendolly7685 My abusive ex weaponized the therapist against me in couples therapy, so I can imagine toxic parents do this, too. If they manage to stay and keep going to sessions, that is.
@@NeithHecateAddamsif I understand correctly that woman was estranged with 2 out of her 3 children prior her head injury so she cannot even blame the estrangement on that
My estranged mother lives in Ashville NC. I accidentally said she lived there recently and then it wasn't something i could be like .. oh... Yeah shes fine... Because i dont know. I DO care. But literally noone would tell me. The SHAME from others about your lack of relationship with parents is huge!
as someone with cPTSD I will always say that my condition may AT TIMES be an explanation but it will never be an excuse. People who use mental health as an excuse for abusive behaviour are pricks
Same here. I have C-PTSD because of my narc mom and have been ni contact. The only time my symptoms are seen is if I am being gaslit or emotionally abused.
We all have to take responsibility for things that are in no way our fault on a regular basis. For example, most of us have to take responsibility for feeding ourselves even though it's not our fault that we get hungry or are even in this world in the first place. I like to think of taking responsibility for actions that we may have done that we didn't have control over in the same way. No blame has to be assigned or accepted in order to take responsibility.
She said that she was already in therapy to improve her relationship with her children before the TBI. And she conveniently only admits and apologizes for the behavior from her tbi and her “extremely rare” condition 🙄 poooooor thing
Its way more than a concussion, thats medical and Im sure her children would have been more understanding. They arent going to drop you for just that. Good god lady what the heck did you do? I can already tell she is just waaaaaay too extra. I don't like this new thing where estranged parents get on social media and talk about personal stuff like this. One its just another way to cross boundaries, hurt their children even more, blab about issues that include way more than just them, find other estranged parents so they wont get better but instead pat each other on the back. I hate it. I feel so bad for their children.
It's also a way to recruit flying monkeys and suck validation from the populous like a vampire now that the supply from their children has dried up. Using social media to publicly shame and humiliate their children as punishment for not being compliant anymore.
She also spends a lot of time recording outside in the now unlisted video where she talks about her daughter being in a cult and it 100% feels like she parked, aimed her camera away from her car, and started recording
My mom noticed immediately but took it as a "joke" for a good two years. Finally, on Mother's Day, she got it and I can tell because her emails turned to anger suddenly and it's like hello??? I said I was going no contact. What did she think I meant? And it's always been like that. No ability to hear at all.
It’s interesting that she reads the comment from her DIL and picks out ONLY the part that she thinks gives her an excuse. The DIL says “it took a while… I was patient up to a point” meaning it didn’t start when she was pregnant.
There is one case that I heard of where it wasn't the parent's fault and it was because the mother left a cult, but by the time she did her older children had already been indoctrinated and were shunning her. So it's not completely impossible for a parent to be estranged for reasons that are not their fault, but it's pretty rare.
@@Maximmmino This is not that uncommon. It happened to Mike Rinder, former senior executive of the Church of Scientology. You can find many examples of this, where the parents brought them in as kids, the parents later want to leave but the children stay. Ofc this may still be partly motivated by resentment towards the parents, you dont get the other side while they are still in it.
'A son's a son, until he takes a wife', is part of a British saying. The rest is 'a daughter's a daughter all her life'. But, joke's on this lady, none of her kids talk to her!
I had two pretty bad concussions 6 months apart (1st was slipping on my porch after it iced over and hitting the back of my head, and the second time, I was rear-ended at a red light). Neither one of these changed my behavior, just gave me God awful headaches for a while and my neck gets stiff and achy easily. If her concussions were as bad as the claims they were, I'd expect she'd have needed speech therapy and/or physical therapy. Excuses, excuses
I think it can be the aftermath, but I agree it would usually include medical Intervention and also probably understanding from your family to a degree. I once had a decent concussion (slipped in the bath and hit my head on the sink and floor and was blacked out for a bit) but all I had was like you a horrible headache and would throw up if I left a very horizontal position 😂 it made me slightly irritable due to my state, but no long term impacts.
I will say I had a concussion and became very emotional for months afterwards. But that never turned me into the kind of person that didn't take responsibility for my actions. I know the signs of being overwhelmed and how to take space because I had worked hard to learn those skills in my teens so I just had to utilize them more and ask my bf to check in with me from time to time because I'd get randomly paranoid something happened to him. If you take responsibility for your emotional regulation before a concussion, it's a matter of doing so more intensely afterwards. That and, of course, being able to apologize for any snippy moments. It shouldn't escalate so far that anyone close would cut you off without there being a major issue beyond emotional dysregulation also being involved - which those close would be understanding of.
Therapy! I still have a stutter that never fully went away but I don’t have any other effects anymore. It was really bad for me. Terrible memory problems for about 6 months
Mine is year 4 of emotional dysregulation, memory loss, processing disorder and an increased ADHD diagnosis. Concussion is a complicated creature but if your intention is to be the best mom you can be, you will do whatever you need to do
As someone who had a serious spine injury, and had to regrow nerves, neurological injuries have a time limit. You get 1 year before your brain craps out, and stops trying to heal itself all together, doesn't matter if you've done any therapies or not. Anybody seeing a neurologist would know that, so I have to assume she was told! Unless she never actually saw one, never actually had a true concussion, and just smacked her head really hard before running to Google MD..That seems even nore likely to me.
There was an example of another mother who was convinced she had cancer even after the doctors told her the tumor they removed was non cancerous and she walked around wearing survivor merch and telling everyone she beat cancer so gives me that kinda vibes Like doctor said my concussion COULD'VE done this so i'm gonna say it did
@@MaximmminoMy narc mom does that. She had a non-cancerous tumor removed then bc she wanted more attention PICKED HER WOUNDS then she got flesh eating disease. All to make ppl show her attention.
I went to zero contact/estrangement with my adoptive mom about 5 years ago due to her constant boundary crossing and her publicly doxxing me. I have zero regrets as dealing with her as she was absolutely abusive to me with zero apologies.
She keeps saying that her estranged children were told bad things about her. Her ex turned the kids against her. The Daughter-in-Law turned the son against her. The older sons turned the youngest against her. It's super disrespectful to the intelligence of her children that she doesn't believe any of them could have decided to go No Contact based on their own experience. According to her, it has to be an outside influence leading them to that decision.
It's fortunate that the kids' relationships with each other are still strong. My mom drove my brother and I apart because he was the golden child and I was the scapegoat. I was forced to go no contact with him because he refused to accept that I had to go no contact with our parents and he was sending abusive message after abusive message my way. He actually screamed at me while I was having an anxiety attack.
I did see Boze’s react to the first vid a couple months ago, & at first I couldn’t remember if I had seen this lady Dawn before…until she started talking about the concussion. Then It all started coming back to me & I literally screeched out loud (a la Boze) “she has…a…concussion…PLAYLIST!!!” 😹🙀. Glad you’ll be covering her further; she seems like a treasure trove of nonsense 🤗
I can relate to being disappointed in an estranged parent giving up on contact. It hurts that my estranged dad doesn't reach out anymore, even though it is also exactly what I wanted. For me, it's because he was the one who offered no contact and yet contacted me several times after I accepted. Now he contacts my sibling every year exactly on my birthday. It's about that he never respected my wishes before this when I was growing up, but now he's all too happy to never talk to me. At the same time, I know being no contact is what's best for us both. Multiple feelings and ideas can exist at the same time.
Dude, I just found your channel, and I love it. Been estanged from my mother for years now. I hate the thought of her finding these EP pages. Though, Im sure she already has. Lol
I want to say that this lady is the one who hit her pregnant daughter-in-law in the stomach and received a punch in the face in return. If this is not the same woman from the Reddit saga, I apologize for confusing her with another person.
I had a therapist when I was 14 I was later diagnosed with BPD, severe anxiety, and depression.....anywho.... I told him my thoughts of offing myself, and about the incident that took my virginity......after explaining how I felt and crying he looked me dead in the eyes and straight faced said " so why don't you just do it already?!" I looked at him blankly and said nothing else to a therapist ever after that. I'm now 35 and just finally getting the courage to open up to get help for my addiction and mental health issues. It destroyed me, it's crazy how some things people say can effect you for the rest of your life.
Regarding her having 3 to 5 tiktok accounts that all have identical content, I think she's block evading so that the algorithm maybe pushes her content into her estranged kids' faces.
Okay but if her brain injury is the reason, why was she in therapy for years trying to improve the relationship? It might have been the straw that broke the camels back, but the concussion clearly wasn't the main load.
Adult children don't go estranged from happy relationships. That is on extremely rare circumstances and usually involve mental health issues where the person will isolate themselves from everyone. This estrangement is specific to a systemic breakdown of a relationship over time. My mom had nothing to do with both of her aging parents beyond telephone calls. She left her younger sister to deal with their aging parents. My aunt took care of my grandparents until they died which in return sent her crazy having to do it all alone. She turned a gun on herself and shot herself in the stomach. When my mother got word about this form other family members, she didn't go to visit but called the hospital only to give her opinion and direction over the phone. Years later after my aunt recovered and got married my mother refused to go to the wedding. Now my mother feels entitled that my husband and I placate to her needs when she had no hand in taking care of her own parents.
23:39 Ooh yes! But it's more acceptable for a parent to cut off their own child, but not the same if the child were to do so. I've heard many stories (and had a few experiences with family members that have decided to cut their kids off or low contact) and people will always give the parents sympathy and reassure. Yet when a child is not putting up with certain behaviors anymore for their own well-being they get plenty of resistance. "But they're your blood." Parents can cut their kids off for being addicts, criminals, liars, or just because they never wanted to be a parent in the first place and they don't get any push back.
12:02 raising kid(s) with no help isn’t a flex. It’s absolutely pitiful. Idk about other countries, but US Americans need to stop bootstrapping child rearing. I’m not referring to single parents who have help throughout the community. It’s a parent’s responsibility to cultivate community.
The flying monkey comment is a reference to the idea that the wicked witch in The Wizard of Oz represents a narcissist, and the monkeys her hench men she manipulates and sends after people. She's trying in the most subtle dogwhistley way to say her daughter is a narcissist.
i get it with brain injuries messing with how somebody behaves. i have one and live with it all the time, and it's absolutely made me act in ways i shouldnt. what you do in that case is take responsibility for the shit behaviour, not hide behind it. regardless of the reason, you still did the thing, you still hurt somebody, its on you to mend that still. tbi isnt a get out of jail free card and im sure this lady wouldn't let her kid use it as one.
Exactly. I heard 'psychosis', which I personally deal with, and nearly spat out my drink. You apologize once you're clear headed again. And people tend to be CONCERNED because it's out of the ordinary. Not push you away. And there is NO way her doctor would let her just, stay home if it was actually psychosis. She would be rushed to hospital. Same if there was a sudden personality or behavior shift. I'm sure you were rushed to hospital for yours. And I personally find it offensive she's trying to blame her injury and psychosis for her bad behavior, and I wouldn't blame you for being offended too. It's people like this that give anyone struggling with a brain issue a bad name. It arguably does as much harm as the media's terrible rep. So messed up.
@@Utsuhoispower🎯🎯🎯 I dissociated and was put in psych (which was awful, never again, my agoraphobia was triggered by being there). But that is what happens in that situation.
@@aelwynwitch9460 Exactly, I seriously doubt that unless she didnt contact her doctor during that time, and nobody else did either, that she would be left outside some form of hospital. Especially if they'll put people in for dissociative episodes and the like. Not to downplay dissociative episodes, I've had plenty of short/minor ones myself and it SUCKS, just saying if there's ANY change in behavior that's noticeable, the western world's answer is hospital. 1000% of the time, unless you're too poor. And sometimes even then, they just saddle you with debt for having the audacity to have a condition :/ She 1000% would have been admitted for that if it really was a big personality shift. I'm super lucky I've dodged it due to medical neglect and being out of country. But if she saw a doctor for the injury to begin with, medical neglect seems less likely. Especially as, as far as I can figure, a working or retired adult, and not a struggling college student like I was at the time. Nobody wants to be in psych. And I think she'd be singing a very different tune had she been. It's still possible there's something going on, but I seriously doubt it was that stark a change and nobody even thought to contact a medical professional.
after 7 minutes in, she mentions her concussion and blames her behavior on that. then she starts to talk about psychosis, mania, and PTSD which are not common affects of a concussion or TBI. A TBI or any kind of brain damage can certainly lead to drastic changes in thought, mood, and behavior [but this is typically with brain damage that can be clinically verified one way or another]
Yes! It's something like 1 in 10 people diagnosed with bipolar had a previous head injury. Mania with psychosis is very much a bipolar symptom, so I wonder if that's what's going on? Also it's rare but head injuries can cause manic episodes. The brain is bizarre.
I will say that a bad concussion really can mess you up. It didn’t make me mean but my memory was so bad for about 6 months and I know it was hard for my kids. But I did get better and yes I acknowledged that it was hard on them as teenagers. Not no contact, just had a bad tbi from hitting my head on the ice and blacking out.
I begged and adapted for more than a decade trying to hold onto my mom. I finally couldn't do it any more and I grieved. Was incredibly depressed. And that felt better than keeping her in my life
These type of people are galvanized by the people who disagree with them and validated by people who agree. I just think it’s so telling that 3 of her children went NC with her. YOU are the common denominator, not the children! Also the DIL says she put her foot down during pregnancy, but that implies stuff happened BEFORE the brain injury that caused strife. Refusal to take accountability and looking for every and any excuse possible to place the blame on anyone but herself.
No child will institute a permanent no contact due to parent's awful behaviour because of a brain injury IF the relationship has been a good one. They MIGHT pull away for a while if the situation becomes completely untenable but even then, once the parent gets a grip, child would slowly come back and relationship would be reinstituted.
I wish I had estranged my father long before I did. But my mom stayed with him despite his disgusting behavior which made it difficult for me because my mom was a very kind person and I loved her. But her unwillingness to accept that my father was an abusive pos made me resent her a bit too. For context, my dad physically, verbally, emotionally, and sexually abused me. I told my mom and most of the sexual abuse stopped, but not all of it. It was just “something we didn’t talk about out”. Well, no. My dad should have been in prison. But I was so scared of him (constant death threats when we were kids) that I wasn’t strong enough to step forward and tell authorities. I tried to tell the parents of my friends, but they just didn’t want to get involved and also told me I was being overdramatic. So I learned that no one could help me. I was just stuck. In any case, I estranged myself from my father for 2 years before he died. Best decision I could have ever made. And when he died, I felt free.
It is really hard to hear from those estranged parents. Why do they think it is easy or a “trend” to be estranged from parents? I went no contact with my mom for 2 years and it hurt so much to not have a mom. But also I couldn’t stand being around her because she was and still is an alcoholic and did a lot of things to deserve to not be in my life anymore. I still contacted her again after 2 years because it hurt so much and I thought maybe I can help her change lol. But now I am stuck in that situation and she tells me all the time that she is soooo afraid to say the wrong things or do the wrong things so I go no contact again and she just doesn’t know what she did wrong. 🙄 And I am still hurting because I will never have the mom that I needed. I don’t know. It just sucks to have parents like that…
I am someone who Did a good job of not contacting my parents ever again But I am very jealous of people with good relationships with theirs And often wish I could call my mom without it somehow just being a continuation of the relationship we had when i was a teenager It sucks But you're not alone I hope that wherever you end up in life And whomever with in that life Family, partners, etc It goes really well
Some people jump on zeitgeists, we should not leave that out but mostly those parents tell on themselves by simply speaking their. That is what most are not concious about in general also. We always tell about ourselves. 🙂
I understand a concussion is not her fault. My mother has schizophrenia, which is not her fault. The problem is that my mother's schizophrenia created an unhealthy parentificative relationship with me and her. When I was a child, my mother would wake me up in the middle of the night in panic and tell me to go check the balcony because she saw a black figure in there. Can you imagine how absolutely terrifying that was for a child? She was having these hallucinations and paranoia almost daily. I didn't even know what was going on with her. My father had died, my grandparents lived far away and I didn't have any safe adults with me, so I was forced to grow up fast to survive. My mother looked at me for care, safety, advice, mental support and financial support. On top of the parentification, she emotionally and mentally manipulated me into doing whatever she wanted me to do. In example, as a teenager I had developed a strong identity as an atheist. My mother was a christian and insisted me to have the confirmation ceremony. She didn't understand that to me it was disgusting to go through the act and lie to everyone that I was a believer. It felt like going against my own nature of being honest. She tried different tactics to make me break, for example bribing, saying that I'd get lots of gifts from relatives. But since I didn't care about things like that, she resorted to threats. She said that I'd cause her to become estranged from her whole family, if I didn't go through with confirmation. I then agreed to do it, for her. After I became a grown adult with my own life and problems, and after processing my trauma with the help of professionals and extensive self reflecting, I realized how toxic my relationship was. And believe me, I really tried to build a foundation to a healthier relationship without sacrificing my own mental health. I tried setting healthy boundaries and explaining her my feelings. She crossed my boundaries time and time again. It came to a point that I'd have a panic attack when I saw her text me or call me. I had to let go at that point and create a distance, for my own mental well-being. I still have empathy for my mother, she didn't choose to have the mental disease. I'm just simply not equipped to handle her. Oh yeah, and when I brought up the forced confirmation thing later in life, she denied everything.
What those religioners don't get is that forcing religion on people is diamwtral to their religion. They don't push through the whole thing they only use what fits them. Picky believers so to say. Hypocrites. 🤷😄
Mental health issues are not a get-out-of-jail-free card for bad behavior. People don’t have to put up with the awful behavior just because it’s the result of a diagnosis.
I have fully expected my mom to cut me out of any type of estate she may have. I have two brothers who I assume will get everything. I am her only daughter. Fortunately she doesn't have much and even if she did I wouldn't care about the money part, that's not what matters it's the hurt. Even though I know I won't get anything, although she would never admit that now, it will hurt my feelings and that's what my mother wants.
18:59 I know myself enough to know that I'll be intensely curious how their lives are affected by my absence. But I'm also aware that seeking those answers will only hold me back. So I got work to do.
When I had a concussion it felt mostly like persistent nausea. I think you'd need 10 or more of those to even begin to suffer any kind of real change of personality. It doesn't just go *bonk*, you now have new and alien thoughts. It's still her.
It can! One brain injury can trigger a manic episode and people who have had head injuries are something like 25% more likely to develop bipolar disorder. But that aside, she does seem like she was a shitty person to begin with.
I mean did she assault someone? Try to poison someone? There's no apologies for that. Just because you say sorry and they forgive you doesn't mean you get a reconciliation. My mil says sorry all the time "sorry you think I'm such a horrible mother!!". It doesn't count.
She's making the argument that being injured means the abusive behavior was excusable. That being neglectful wasn't abusive behavior. She's avoiding responsibility for the way she treated her children, like abusive people are healthy and sane, that they abuse their kids for cruel amusement. Like, no, they are human and have faults. The issue is the pain they inflict and the child (now legal adult) is taking steps to avoid being hurt, for lack of change upon confrontation of said abusive behaviors, or irrevocable damage from their behavior during childhood.
If this woman would have taken all of this energy into making things right instead of taking it online and trashing them maybe she would have had a chance of reconnecting.
Dude nothing will ever be her fault. Nothing. And that is the problem. Not just the stuff she says and does, but the lack of accountability. And mental health issues don't give you a free pass to keep people, because you "can't control it." They have every right not to deal with her. It's like people who walk away from addicts. It's self protection.
After 10 straight years no contact with my parents, I went to my fathers funeral. There were many speeches and such, as you expect. I even got a mention. That I went to 'work with computer, as many people do'. This was in reference to the career I had built, after pursuing an interest since a young age, while still at home. Something that had been a hobby to me, even when I still lived with the fam. A passion. It was how I made something of myself. I was their child, and my job was Computer. It was how I was able to survive, and also thrive, and live my life, out from under their control, and without needing the support they were obviously not willing to give. And I KNEW that during those intervening ten years, there would have been many loud and angry arguments, between mom and dad, about why I left, and whose fault it was. Because that is how my parents resolved all conflict - they yelled about it. Often in front of me, as a child. And as unflattering as it was, to be dismissed as just following the herd, I was OK with that. Far from the first time my dad had said something reductive to, or about me, let alone the rest of the family. And at least the 'official' version of why I left the farm and moved to the big city was me just becoming some mundane office drone. Not that I was corrupted by Satan or seduce by the New World Order into turning against them. But having listened to other similar stories, I think maybe I just didn't give them enough to go on. I never talked to them about what the problem was. Because they would have refused to listen, or become indignant. And I never introduced them to any of my girlfriends or shared my life with them over those ten years. It would have just given them ammunition. I cut contact with them at 22, and so I'd had by that point as long as I could remember being alive, perhaps even longer, to learn the patterns of their behavior. But after the same amount of time with me, they had little to no idea who I really was. I could have been upset about this unflattering characterization of my entire existence, summed up to reductively. Could have made a scene, and interrupted the funeral. But that would have made me just as bad as my Father. In a similar position to me, that is exactly the kind of thing he would do. But interrupting HIS funeral for MY ego-based reasons is not what he would have wanted. hahahaha. That's what my parents, my whole family, really, taught me: "Rules for thee but not for me" So I made my own rules.
my mil is like this woman, probably worse.. I've never gone lc or nc because I didn't want to do that to my husband and kids, but I can see how it would have made the last 20 years of my life significantly less dramatic and upsetting.
If you were a victim of abuse growing up is it ok to abuse your parents back? Because I have seen it happen and I don't mean violent beating or something like that, I think my uncle is a genius he turned things around and just treats my grandma like a moron and acts like she doesn't exist but every time he is around her he pretends to be kind and nice to her it's like he cut all contact by slowly feeding her the bare minimum amount of attention, he even told me just show up for Christmas and birthdays and smile and be nice and you get the rest of the year to live your life while they keep calling you and don't understand why you never pick up the phone
My mother used the will threat. Girl- you don’t got shit to hurt me with. YOU SOLD YOUR SHIT AND MINE to get by without working. You have nothing I want. Nothing. I sit and I sometimes wish I had what I felt I lost until I remember, she just wasn’t there. She just trauma bonded with me. And ended up sinking me in so many ways.
I have been no contact with my parents since 2018. People don't seem to quite understand how complex it is. My parents tell people I don't talk to them because I'm a brat 😂 actually they are alcoholics, physical and mental abuse, being made to face the wall for hours on end in just our underwear, my dad tried to drown me on many occasions for crying... They had a stick in the cupboard they used to beat us with, we had no bedding or pyjamas (they had money), we were rarely fed and riddled with nits. My dad would make really hot chilli then make us eat it, if we didn't it would be forced down out throats. I left at 15 n lived in a crack den because it felt safer. It will never be their fault. Ever.
I wonder how many estranged parents became that way because they hated there children for not being complete copies of themselves. I knew a few people growing up who had parents like that and they only call them to ask who they are voting for
If only one kid goes no contact, it's probably something in that individual kids life. If all your kids go no contact, you definitely did something to cause them all to leave you. And especially when the golden child calls you out, you need to fucking listen! When your favorite child goes no contact you messed up.
There is an old saying: "A daughter's a daughter for life. A son's a son 'til he takes a wife." The saying explains the patriarchal norm that assigns elder care to adult daughters and excuses adult sons from nursing their parents and in laws.
She is threatened by her DIL. She is blaming her for her son's decisions. She wants the DIL to apologize to her since she apologized for brain injury behavior.
It's all about them. No accountability, no regret, just selfishness. Children don't ask to be born and these types of parents think their children should be eternally grateful for simply being alive. That's not how it works. As a child who has had to cut off contact with a parent, I tried for decades to repair the relationship. The sadness and deep pain wore me down and caused so much mental anguish. The pain of "losing" them is nothing compared to desperately trying to "live" with them. The pain never goes away, but it gets easier. Hugs and love to you, if you are reading and relating to my words. You can define yourself without them. Keep going ❤
I don’t understand her use of flying monkeys… if her kids won’t talk to her wouldn’t she welcome any form of contact from them? Also TBI is a really big deal but if my mom got a TBI and started acting totally out of character I wouldn’t suddenly cut her off, I would be able to clearly tell her behavior was abnormal. It seems her TBI may have aggravated some existing personality disorders that had been an issue for a long time.
She spent “YEARS” in therapy trying to improve her relationship with her children. Hello hi if you’re not an a**hole it would never take that long that’s crazy😂 Narcissistic people also love the whole, “well my therapist said I’m right and you’re wrong and they really feel bad for me” thing. It’s weird.
I had to block this lady on TikTok because her constant pleas for validation - as a shitty parent - enraged me. I raised 4 kids with a narcissistic father and I’ve had to apologize for MY part in their home environment but thankfully I maintained positive relationships with all of them. My toxic ex sounds just like this lady, defect and deny, so two of the kids have cut contact with him. His toxic mom also sounded like her when I was the DIL who refused access to me and my minor kids. Funny how I saw it in her but not my own spouse.
I have a friend who was estranged from her adult daughter for five years. The daughter is back in touch with the parents, surprisingly. The daughter lives about 300 miles from the parents. I suppose I might eventually hear more of the actual story. I am very curious to know what in the world happened.
LOL I thought TikTok was for younger people and did some Tiktoks for the age range that I thought it was - and nearly fell off my chair when I saw the analytics - more older folks! So I think also it gives some people, like this lady, get to spread their lies on there without any accountability. It really is horribly sad :( Boundaries are there for a reason and need to be respected and dragging others into it is horrendous behaviour.
Estranged parents really tell on themselves when they all default to the same old tired script complaining about their "spoiled" children. First off, providing the bare minimum as a parent (a role that THEY chose and the child had no consent in) is hardly grounds for "spoiling". Secondly, IF they were spoiled, WHO exactly did the spoiling to begin with? They're indirectly admitting that they were terrible at their job, either way.
Also, saying that the rest of the family won't help her for fear of being perceived as flying monkeys says that they are at some level aware that something is wrong.
Exactly. If someone else was doing the “spoiling”, she as the parent had the power to remove the child from that person’s influence. She also would have had the power to not “spoil” them herself, and correct their behavior if it ever actually was inappropriate.
But she makes it sound like she was being held at knifepoint and forced to watch helplessly as her mean child was led astray or something.
My mother is resentful of every single thing she's done for me, even throughout my childhood. However, when I tell her I dont need her help, she gets very offensive and says I'm being ungrateful. I can't win with her crazy ass.
It's so ironic when the parents complain about the kids being spoiled when they're surely the reason if it's true. My uncle once shouted at his daughter that she was an idiot with daddy issues because she had an older bf. If true, who the fuck do you think is the reason for that???? Mayyyyybe it's her shitty father? If someone has "daddy issues" (ugh that sounds so demeaning) that's not the kids fault. That's the father's fault.
Most usually the person who does the spoiling is who the state says is allowed to. And it always falls to whoever has the most money.
“My kids are each others best friends”
That’s because they’re all survivors of the same battle ground. Mothers like this usually try and pit their kids against each other so they can’t bond and are always on edge fighting each other.
What interests me, is that none of these parents will say they really miss their kids. They never say they regret their behavior and just make excuses for it.
She also said she spent years with a therapist to get closer to her kids and none of them want to see her.
They miss being the center of their kids' universe it's not being alone. They are fine living a life unbothered.
They don't need their kids attention anymore. They have a horde of internet morons to shower them with the attention they crave
Oh, they do say they would do ANYTHING to fix the estrangement. Except for taking any accountability or do any honest reflection or sincerily apologize, that is. But, ANYTHING!!
That’s a good point
She didn't go to a therapist to better herself, she did it just to be able to tell her kids "I'm going to therapy" but without putting the honest effort
The brain injury thing, depending on how severe the concussion was, traumatic brain injuries can wreak havoc on a person for years, it's very complex, and it can cause behavioural change. This woman however was clearly not the best person before she had the injury and is trying to use it as an excuse for ALL of her nasty behaviour.
1000% This. It's so blatantly an excuse, it's painful.
She reminds me so much of my mother with regards to using brain trauma as an excuse. My mother had a very minor stroke. I remember years after that when I was finally starting to realize how twisted my mother was, she claimed she wanted to resolve any issues I had with her. She came to my house and for almost 2 hours I poured my heart out to her. She sat there and listened, sort of gave an apology and then proceeded to tell me that because of the stroke she won't remember any of the conversation we just had. I was devastated at that point because if her stroke was a valid excuse, her actions basically said that she cares so little about me that she couldn't even bring a notebook and take notes or record the conversation on her phone so she wouldn't forget it. But actually I knew the stroke was always an excuse. She had an awful memory all of her life and years before the stroke. She is such a pathological liar that if you ask her the same question 5 times, you'll get 5 different answers. So it isn't that the stroke impacted her memory...it is that she lies so much, she can't keep track of which lie she told.
If I had a brain injury that let me act in a way that hurt my family, I would choose to stay away from them until I'm better. At least I hope I would be capable in making that decision, with brain injuries you never know. But yeah, in this case there seems to be much more going on than simply a brain injury.
@@mariannastahl4174 WOW, that’s so unsettling. I’m sorry you went through that.
@@Spagettigeist brain injuries can totally change a person's personality entirely, I've seen it happen a few times to people close to me, but this woman is clearly using it to excuse her bad behaviour for her entire life.
lol, "I say it like I see it". This means, "you have no right to be offended if I'm insufferable"
Yeah, like if you're "saying it like you see it" and that consistently causes issues, and you're not interested in learning to put a filter on your words, maybe you need to learn a more healthy POV on the world so you're "seeing it" more reasonably and positively.
100%
Part of the problem I think is that estranged parents think they are owed what they want from their child because they are the parent. The cold hard truth is that the reverse is true, parents owe their children the best chance of success as an adult they can give that child because they chose to bring this child into the world/raise them (some adoptive parents are no better).
My mother failed me, she may not have put me in the cross hairs of predators or physically harmed me, but the problem is in what she failed to do. She failed so catastrophically and from so early on I developed dissociative disorders. I could tell stories for hours about memories of the heartache and not only relieve the pain I felt then, but it is now mixed with anger on behalf of the lost girl that I was.
I didn't cut her off to punish her, I cut her off to focus on being able to become a person who doesn't feel like an empty shell, and by knowing I no longer have to focus on her, I can focus on the people who actually enrich my life.
Says a lot she’s focused on her daughter in law and not her actual children she’s estranged from. That tells me a lot
She definitely seems to see the daughter in law, who her son clearly loves, as the wicked little witch who took him away. But the daughter in law is just a convenient scapegoat to hate and blame.
@@CharlieApplesShe's definitely one of those incestuous boy moms.
I noticed that too. So weird
She's one of those boy moms that can't handle their son living their own lives and starting their own family. God forbid he likes a woman outside of his mother. Yuck.
I had a concussion. I had psychosis. And guess what I also was? A massive piece of shit. Because of my personality. I’m only 23 and spent the last 5 years changing every part of who I am because I was just like my mom. I finally got removed from my abusive home and immediately repeated the abusive cycle. I then played victim. I realized all of this one day and it was crushing but I am so grateful that therapy and psychiatrists exist. Get help woman. This is why I’m estranged from my mom. She brings out the emotionally stunted version of myself I hate so deeply. Break the cycle. It’s possible to change especially when young.
She posts this to be a martyr. God. Idek if people this far into narcissism can understand what they are.
I'm glad you got out
I hope you're able to become who it is you want to be
She looks terrifying to be honest. The cold calm boiling anger is right there behind her eyes
Estranged parents. Ask yourself, are you inviting the rapists to thanksgiving? Are you even "just" informing the rapist of their lives? You shouldn't even SPEAK to these people, even if it is your child or spouse!!!
P R E A C H 📣
THIS!! 👏💯
Bingo!
I left a group of friends because one guy took a picture of my female friends underwear while she was passed out beneath her skirt. They all act like I was the weird one for having a problem with that. It's crazy what people will tolerate.
Yeah, my mom wanted me to remain friends with my rapist because she was friends with his mom. I don't talk to her anymore
The flying monkeys idea comes from the Wizard of Oz and it is a known metaphor to call out people who do the narcissistic's biddings, so she is calling her daughter a narcissist directly and openly. On purpose.
Yeah someone mentioned that in my chat after the fact and it made it even more gross to think about
I came here to say that! Thank you. Yeah it’s super super gross, it’s exactly something my dad would say.
I don't understand it quite that way, but rather see it as her telling on herself without realizing it. Since she is clearly the one who would ask relatives to contact the other party, their answer that they don't want to be involved because they don't want to be flying monkeys implies clearly that she is the narcissist, and she may be too dumb to have figured it out.
@@charlesp.8555 Someone else in their family told HER she didn’t want to be her flying monkey by interfering, which is using narcissistic personality disorder terminology to refer to HER. Then in this video she uses the term to refer to someone (possibly the same person?) who has defended her estranged child or kept them away from her as her child’s flying monkey. Which would imply that her child is a narcissist, or at least has what she considers to be a malicious helper preventing her from reestablishing the relationship she wants with her child.
TL;DR: she either doesn’t know the origins of the term and is throwing it around to describe any third party who helps one person communicate or not communicate, or she knows the proper usage and is calling the person who used it in the first place that because it stung and she’s resentful of the term.
@@CharlieApples I originally thought it was a friend or relative that was telling the mom to f off. It's hard to say what the situation was, but they definitely were not flying monkeys (as you said).
14:30 “if it wasn’t a concussion, it would’ve straight been the daughter in law’s fault” - such a helpful example / explanation thank you
After a stroke I had a period of time when I was off. My neurologist met with my kids on several occasions and out of the three therapist and two psychologists I've seen they were all open to having sessions with other family members, they encouraged it. I think some of these estranged parents lie about therapy or make up scenarios. And when I think about that- that they would lie just to one up their own kid, so gross. It's cruel entertainment for them.
They could be lying in therapy in some cases. Just to get professional validation in their minds, even though it's not in response to what actually happened. That's why therapy doesn't work with certain kinds of people - you have to be willing to be honest with yourself. Narcissist's egos can't handle that.
They definitely think their kids owe them love and forgiveness, no matter how much abuse they subject them to unapologetically. They grow to hate and resent their children for pulling away, and in their mind they’re the ones who have been wronged and denied what they feel they deserve.
My mom changed after a head injury and during recovery, but I had a strong relationship with her prior to the injury! And I think that is the difference.
This woman was already not a good mother to her children and wants to retroactively blame her brain injury. But because I had a good relationship with my mom prior to her injury, that made it a lot easier to respond with concern, understanding, and taking part in the kind if appointments you're talking about for my own mom.
Because it was obvious that my mom was not okay and I wanted to help in her recovery and to stay close to her. This woman has no concept of that because I don't think she eas ever capable of that kind of relationship with her children.
@@sourgreendolly7685 My abusive ex weaponized the therapist against me in couples therapy, so I can imagine toxic parents do this, too. If they manage to stay and keep going to sessions, that is.
@@NeithHecateAddamsif I understand correctly that woman was estranged with 2 out of her 3 children prior her head injury so she cannot even blame the estrangement on that
My estranged mother lives in Ashville NC. I accidentally said she lived there recently and then it wasn't something i could be like .. oh... Yeah shes fine... Because i dont know. I DO care. But literally noone would tell me. The SHAME from others about your lack of relationship with parents is huge!
I ended up with no contact with my whole maternal family because they keep judging and keep minimizing the abuse.
Scapegoating the only one willing to do the work to heal is common, sadly.
Mourn, heal, build a good and healthy life. 💛
as someone with cPTSD I will always say that my condition may AT TIMES be an explanation but it will never be an excuse. People who use mental health as an excuse for abusive behaviour are pricks
Same here. I have C-PTSD because of my narc mom and have been ni contact. The only time my symptoms are seen is if I am being gaslit or emotionally abused.
We all have to take responsibility for things that are in no way our fault on a regular basis. For example, most of us have to take responsibility for feeding ourselves even though it's not our fault that we get hungry or are even in this world in the first place. I like to think of taking responsibility for actions that we may have done that we didn't have control over in the same way. No blame has to be assigned or accepted in order to take responsibility.
Three children go no contact. Blame the daughter in law.
It doesn’t matter what you’re going through! You are not allowed to treat other people like shit!!
She said that she was already in therapy to improve her relationship with her children before the TBI. And she conveniently only admits and apologizes for the behavior from her tbi and her “extremely rare” condition 🙄 poooooor thing
How much you want to bet that her "extremely rare" condition is just fibromyalgia or something equally as basic
Its way more than a concussion, thats medical and Im sure her children would have been more understanding. They arent going to drop you for just that. Good god lady what the heck did you do? I can already tell she is just waaaaaay too extra. I don't like this new thing where estranged parents get on social media and talk about personal stuff like this. One its just another way to cross boundaries, hurt their children even more, blab about issues that include way more than just them, find other estranged parents so they wont get better but instead pat each other on the back. I hate it. I feel so bad for their children.
It's also a way to recruit flying monkeys and suck validation from the populous like a vampire now that the supply from their children has dried up. Using social media to publicly shame and humiliate their children as punishment for not being compliant anymore.
I’m Gen X and went no contact with my boomer mom and she didn’t notice for a year
She also spends a lot of time recording outside in the now unlisted video where she talks about her daughter being in a cult and it 100% feels like she parked, aimed her camera away from her car, and started recording
My mom noticed immediately but took it as a "joke" for a good two years. Finally, on Mother's Day, she got it and I can tell because her emails turned to anger suddenly and it's like hello??? I said I was going no contact. What did she think I meant? And it's always been like that. No ability to hear at all.
It’s interesting that she reads the comment from her DIL and picks out ONLY the part that she thinks gives her an excuse. The DIL says “it took a while… I was patient up to a point” meaning it didn’t start when she was pregnant.
There is one case that I heard of where it wasn't the parent's fault and it was because the mother left a cult, but by the time she did her older children had already been indoctrinated and were shunning her. So it's not completely impossible for a parent to be estranged for reasons that are not their fault, but it's pretty rare.
That is wild if you ever remember any names i will gladly cover it
@@Maximmminoyou’re likely to find lots of stories like this in the Scientology rabbit hole
@@Maximmmino This is not that uncommon. It happened to Mike Rinder, former senior executive of the Church of Scientology. You can find many examples of this, where the parents brought them in as kids, the parents later want to leave but the children stay. Ofc this may still be partly motivated by resentment towards the parents, you dont get the other side while they are still in it.
Well, she did indoctrinate her children in the cult...
@@Maximmmino the channel was Cults to Consciousness and the video was titled Life Imprisoned As A Submissive Rabbi's Wife
'A son's a son, until he takes a wife', is part of a British saying. The rest is 'a daughter's a daughter all her life'.
But, joke's on this lady, none of her kids talk to her!
Anyone who repeats that saying with any seriousness has a heart filled with cat barf.
@@kateh2893this is my new favorite saying😂😂
I had two pretty bad concussions 6 months apart (1st was slipping on my porch after it iced over and hitting the back of my head, and the second time, I was rear-ended at a red light). Neither one of these changed my behavior, just gave me God awful headaches for a while and my neck gets stiff and achy easily. If her concussions were as bad as the claims they were, I'd expect she'd have needed speech therapy and/or physical therapy. Excuses, excuses
I think it can be the aftermath, but I agree it would usually include medical Intervention and also probably understanding from your family to a degree.
I once had a decent concussion (slipped in the bath and hit my head on the sink and floor and was blacked out for a bit) but all I had was like you a horrible headache and would throw up if I left a very horizontal position 😂 it made me slightly irritable due to my state, but no long term impacts.
I will say I had a concussion and became very emotional for months afterwards. But that never turned me into the kind of person that didn't take responsibility for my actions. I know the signs of being overwhelmed and how to take space because I had worked hard to learn those skills in my teens so I just had to utilize them more and ask my bf to check in with me from time to time because I'd get randomly paranoid something happened to him.
If you take responsibility for your emotional regulation before a concussion, it's a matter of doing so more intensely afterwards. That and, of course, being able to apologize for any snippy moments. It shouldn't escalate so far that anyone close would cut you off without there being a major issue beyond emotional dysregulation also being involved - which those close would be understanding of.
Yes I did have neurological problems after hitting my head on the ice and I did need speech w
Therapy! I still have a stutter that never fully went away but I don’t have any other effects anymore. It was really bad for me. Terrible memory problems for about 6 months
Mine is year 4 of emotional dysregulation, memory loss, processing disorder and an increased ADHD diagnosis. Concussion is a complicated creature but if your intention is to be the best mom you can be, you will do whatever you need to do
Narcissists project -- she's doing DARVO by accusing her victims of sending flying monkeys
oh 100%
As someone who had a serious spine injury, and had to regrow nerves, neurological injuries have a time limit.
You get 1 year before your brain craps out, and stops trying to heal itself all together, doesn't matter if you've done any therapies or not. Anybody seeing a neurologist would know that, so I have to assume she was told! Unless she never actually saw one, never actually had a true concussion, and just smacked her head really hard before running to Google MD..That seems even nore likely to me.
There was an example of another mother who was convinced she had cancer even after the doctors told her the tumor they removed was non cancerous and she walked around wearing survivor merch and telling everyone she beat cancer so gives me that kinda vibes
Like doctor said my concussion COULD'VE done this so i'm gonna say it did
Even if she was told, you should protect your unborn grandchild from yourself, right?
@@MaximmminoMy narc mom does that. She had a non-cancerous tumor removed then bc she wanted more attention PICKED HER WOUNDS then she got flesh eating disease.
All to make ppl show her attention.
I went to zero contact/estrangement with my adoptive mom about 5 years ago due to her constant boundary crossing and her publicly doxxing me. I have zero regrets as dealing with her as she was absolutely abusive to me with zero apologies.
Never doubt yourself and never go back.
She keeps saying that her estranged children were told bad things about her. Her ex turned the kids against her. The Daughter-in-Law turned the son against her. The older sons turned the youngest against her. It's super disrespectful to the intelligence of her children that she doesn't believe any of them could have decided to go No Contact based on their own experience. According to her, it has to be an outside influence leading them to that decision.
It's fortunate that the kids' relationships with each other are still strong. My mom drove my brother and I apart because he was the golden child and I was the scapegoat. I was forced to go no contact with him because he refused to accept that I had to go no contact with our parents and he was sending abusive message after abusive message my way. He actually screamed at me while I was having an anxiety attack.
Who came to this video because of Bose vs. The World
I love Boze she seems so cool
I adore boze!
Not here from boze, but love her channel.
no but i love boze!
this lady looks just like my mom i got scared lol
I did see Boze’s react to the first vid a couple months ago, & at first I couldn’t remember if I had seen this lady Dawn before…until she started talking about the concussion. Then It all started coming back to me & I literally screeched out loud (a la Boze) “she has…a…concussion…PLAYLIST!!!” 😹🙀.
Glad you’ll be covering her further; she seems like a treasure trove of nonsense 🤗
You're right. Her story doesn't add up at all, lol. Especially the part where she refers to her daughter's "flying monkeys".
I can relate to being disappointed in an estranged parent giving up on contact. It hurts that my estranged dad doesn't reach out anymore, even though it is also exactly what I wanted. For me, it's because he was the one who offered no contact and yet contacted me several times after I accepted. Now he contacts my sibling every year exactly on my birthday. It's about that he never respected my wishes before this when I was growing up, but now he's all too happy to never talk to me. At the same time, I know being no contact is what's best for us both. Multiple feelings and ideas can exist at the same time.
Omg I touch this was Diane for a min! Lol
Shewwwww, Diane would beat this woman's butt for trying to get more attention than her. 😂
Dude, I just found your channel, and I love it. Been estanged from my mother for years now. I hate the thought of her finding these EP pages. Though, Im sure she already has. Lol
I want to say that this lady is the one who hit her pregnant daughter-in-law in the stomach and received a punch in the face in return.
If this is not the same woman from the Reddit saga, I apologize for confusing her with another person.
Manipulation and gaslighting is so infuriating!
In every story, the narcissist tells they are either the hero or the victim
I had a therapist when I was 14 I was later diagnosed with BPD, severe anxiety, and depression.....anywho.... I told him my thoughts of offing myself, and about the incident that took my virginity......after explaining how I felt and crying he looked me dead in the eyes and straight faced said " so why don't you just do it already?!" I looked at him blankly and said nothing else to a therapist ever after that. I'm now 35 and just finally getting the courage to open up to get help for my addiction and mental health issues. It destroyed me, it's crazy how some things people say can effect you for the rest of your life.
I’ve come to realize that people who “tell it like it is” and say that’s how they are seldom, if ever, self-reflect.
Regarding her having 3 to 5 tiktok accounts that all have identical content, I think she's block evading so that the algorithm maybe pushes her content into her estranged kids' faces.
Okay but if her brain injury is the reason, why was she in therapy for years trying to improve the relationship? It might have been the straw that broke the camels back, but the concussion clearly wasn't the main load.
Adult children don't go estranged from happy relationships. That is on extremely rare circumstances and usually involve mental health issues where the person will isolate themselves from everyone. This estrangement is specific to a systemic breakdown of a relationship over time. My mom had nothing to do with both of her aging parents beyond telephone calls. She left her younger sister to deal with their aging parents. My aunt took care of my grandparents until they died which in return sent her crazy having to do it all alone. She turned a gun on herself and shot herself in the stomach. When my mother got word about this form other family members, she didn't go to visit but called the hospital only to give her opinion and direction over the phone. Years later after my aunt recovered and got married my mother refused to go to the wedding. Now my mother feels entitled that my husband and I placate to her needs when she had no hand in taking care of her own parents.
To be fair, a brain damage can change the personality but it also can exaggerate the present one.
23:39 Ooh yes! But it's more acceptable for a parent to cut off their own child, but not the same if the child were to do so. I've heard many stories (and had a few experiences with family members that have decided to cut their kids off or low contact) and people will always give the parents sympathy and reassure. Yet when a child is not putting up with certain behaviors anymore for their own well-being they get plenty of resistance. "But they're your blood."
Parents can cut their kids off for being addicts, criminals, liars, or just because they never wanted to be a parent in the first place and they don't get any push back.
The therapist never told her that😂
Wait, that's NOT Diane?
They look similar, but no. If I'm remembering correctly I think this train wreck is estranged from all 3 of her kids.
@@ademoss80 And it's apparently not her fault. It's the fault of one of her daughters in law who is overly sensitive to her attacks
there's so many of them 😭😭
Yea, similar looking
The factory produces several copies of each model.
12:02 raising kid(s) with no help isn’t a flex. It’s absolutely pitiful. Idk about other countries, but US Americans need to stop bootstrapping child rearing. I’m not referring to single parents who have help throughout the community. It’s a parent’s responsibility to cultivate community.
The flying monkey comment is a reference to the idea that the wicked witch in The Wizard of Oz represents a narcissist, and the monkeys her hench men she manipulates and sends after people. She's trying in the most subtle dogwhistley way to say her daughter is a narcissist.
i get it with brain injuries messing with how somebody behaves. i have one and live with it all the time, and it's absolutely made me act in ways i shouldnt. what you do in that case is take responsibility for the shit behaviour, not hide behind it. regardless of the reason, you still did the thing, you still hurt somebody, its on you to mend that still. tbi isnt a get out of jail free card and im sure this lady wouldn't let her kid use it as one.
Exactly. I heard 'psychosis', which I personally deal with, and nearly spat out my drink. You apologize once you're clear headed again. And people tend to be CONCERNED because it's out of the ordinary. Not push you away. And there is NO way her doctor would let her just, stay home if it was actually psychosis. She would be rushed to hospital. Same if there was a sudden personality or behavior shift. I'm sure you were rushed to hospital for yours. And I personally find it offensive she's trying to blame her injury and psychosis for her bad behavior, and I wouldn't blame you for being offended too. It's people like this that give anyone struggling with a brain issue a bad name. It arguably does as much harm as the media's terrible rep. So messed up.
@@Utsuhoispower🎯🎯🎯 I dissociated and was put in psych (which was awful, never again, my agoraphobia was triggered by being there).
But that is what happens in that situation.
@@aelwynwitch9460 Exactly, I seriously doubt that unless she didnt contact her doctor during that time, and nobody else did either, that she would be left outside some form of hospital. Especially if they'll put people in for dissociative episodes and the like. Not to downplay dissociative episodes, I've had plenty of short/minor ones myself and it SUCKS, just saying if there's ANY change in behavior that's noticeable, the western world's answer is hospital. 1000% of the time, unless you're too poor. And sometimes even then, they just saddle you with debt for having the audacity to have a condition :/ She 1000% would have been admitted for that if it really was a big personality shift. I'm super lucky I've dodged it due to medical neglect and being out of country. But if she saw a doctor for the injury to begin with, medical neglect seems less likely. Especially as, as far as I can figure, a working or retired adult, and not a struggling college student like I was at the time.
Nobody wants to be in psych. And I think she'd be singing a very different tune had she been. It's still possible there's something going on, but I seriously doubt it was that stark a change and nobody even thought to contact a medical professional.
after 7 minutes in, she mentions her concussion and blames her behavior on that. then she starts to talk about psychosis, mania, and PTSD which are not common affects of a concussion or TBI. A TBI or any kind of brain damage can certainly lead to drastic changes in thought, mood, and behavior [but this is typically with brain damage that can be clinically verified one way or another]
Yes! It's something like 1 in 10 people diagnosed with bipolar had a previous head injury. Mania with psychosis is very much a bipolar symptom, so I wonder if that's what's going on? Also it's rare but head injuries can cause manic episodes. The brain is bizarre.
Is... Dawn... Diane?? They look remarkably similar.
🤔🤔
They sound almost identical as well! Tiny violin and all!!
It's like there's a factory somewhere, with several of the same model rolling off of the assembly line.
@bcpr9812 my narc grandma looked like an overweight version of them as well. It's bizarre how similar they all look.
I will say that a bad concussion really can mess you up. It didn’t make me mean but my memory was so bad for about 6 months and I know it was hard for my kids. But I did get better and yes I acknowledged that it was hard on them as teenagers. Not no contact, just had a bad tbi from hitting my head on the ice and blacking out.
These are the situations children should learn empathy. We don't own our children but neither are parents robots.
Did she say how she even found her daughter in laws comments on someone else’s tik tok, or did I misunderstand that?
I begged and adapted for more than a decade trying to hold onto my mom. I finally couldn't do it any more and I grieved. Was incredibly depressed. And that felt better than keeping her in my life
These type of people are galvanized by the people who disagree with them and validated by people who agree. I just think it’s so telling that 3 of her children went NC with her. YOU are the common denominator, not the children! Also the DIL says she put her foot down during pregnancy, but that implies stuff happened BEFORE the brain injury that caused strife. Refusal to take accountability and looking for every and any excuse possible to place the blame on anyone but herself.
No child will institute a permanent no contact due to parent's awful behaviour because of a brain injury IF the relationship has been a good one. They MIGHT pull away for a while if the situation becomes completely untenable but even then, once the parent gets a grip, child would slowly come back and relationship would be reinstituted.
Gotta disagree on that. Don't have kids at all if you don't wanna be around them after you no longer legally have to.
I wish I had estranged my father long before I did. But my mom stayed with him despite his disgusting behavior which made it difficult for me because my mom was a very kind person and I loved her. But her unwillingness to accept that my father was an abusive pos made me resent her a bit too.
For context, my dad physically, verbally, emotionally, and sexually abused me. I told my mom and most of the sexual abuse stopped, but not all of it. It was just “something we didn’t talk about out”. Well, no. My dad should have been in prison. But I was so scared of him (constant death threats when we were kids) that I wasn’t strong enough to step forward and tell authorities. I tried to tell the parents of my friends, but they just didn’t want to get involved and also told me I was being overdramatic. So I learned that no one could help me. I was just stuck.
In any case, I estranged myself from my father for 2 years before he died. Best decision I could have ever made. And when he died, I felt free.
That's a really hard thing to go through
I'm glad you're free now
Your feelings about your mother are legit. She didn't protect you.
Dude. Your channel is super niche but very interesting and fun to watch as an adult who ghosted their dad at age 34.
It is really hard to hear from those estranged parents. Why do they think it is easy or a “trend” to be estranged from parents? I went no contact with my mom for 2 years and it hurt so much to not have a mom. But also I couldn’t stand being around her because she was and still is an alcoholic and did a lot of things to deserve to not be in my life anymore. I still contacted her again after 2 years because it hurt so much and I thought maybe I can help her change lol. But now I am stuck in that situation and she tells me all the time that she is soooo afraid to say the wrong things or do the wrong things so I go no contact again and she just doesn’t know what she did wrong. 🙄 And I am still hurting because I will never have the mom that I needed. I don’t know. It just sucks to have parents like that…
I am someone who
Did a good job of not contacting my parents ever again
But I am very jealous of people with good relationships with theirs
And often wish I could call my mom without it somehow just being a continuation of the relationship we had when i was a teenager
It sucks
But you're not alone
I hope that wherever you end up in life
And whomever with in that life
Family, partners, etc
It goes really well
Some people jump on zeitgeists, we should not leave that out but mostly those parents tell on themselves by simply speaking their. That is what most are not concious about in general also. We always tell about ourselves. 🙂
Dawn is awful and is estranged from more children than Diane but doesn't seem as bad. That should tell you everything about Diane😂😂
Diane is a witch with a capital B.
I understand a concussion is not her fault. My mother has schizophrenia, which is not her fault. The problem is that my mother's schizophrenia created an unhealthy parentificative relationship with me and her. When I was a child, my mother would wake me up in the middle of the night in panic and tell me to go check the balcony because she saw a black figure in there. Can you imagine how absolutely terrifying that was for a child? She was having these hallucinations and paranoia almost daily. I didn't even know what was going on with her. My father had died, my grandparents lived far away and I didn't have any safe adults with me, so I was forced to grow up fast to survive. My mother looked at me for care, safety, advice, mental support and financial support.
On top of the parentification, she emotionally and mentally manipulated me into doing whatever she wanted me to do. In example, as a teenager I had developed a strong identity as an atheist. My mother was a christian and insisted me to have the confirmation ceremony. She didn't understand that to me it was disgusting to go through the act and lie to everyone that I was a believer. It felt like going against my own nature of being honest. She tried different tactics to make me break, for example bribing, saying that I'd get lots of gifts from relatives. But since I didn't care about things like that, she resorted to threats. She said that I'd cause her to become estranged from her whole family, if I didn't go through with confirmation. I then agreed to do it, for her.
After I became a grown adult with my own life and problems, and after processing my trauma with the help of professionals and extensive self reflecting, I realized how toxic my relationship was. And believe me, I really tried to build a foundation to a healthier relationship without sacrificing my own mental health. I tried setting healthy boundaries and explaining her my feelings. She crossed my boundaries time and time again. It came to a point that I'd have a panic attack when I saw her text me or call me. I had to let go at that point and create a distance, for my own mental well-being. I still have empathy for my mother, she didn't choose to have the mental disease. I'm just simply not equipped to handle her.
Oh yeah, and when I brought up the forced confirmation thing later in life, she denied everything.
What those religioners don't get is that forcing religion on people is diamwtral to their religion. They don't push through the whole thing they only use what fits them. Picky believers so to say. Hypocrites. 🤷😄
*~the concussion~* *~my ultra rare disease~*
Mental health issues are not a get-out-of-jail-free card for bad behavior. People don’t have to put up with the awful behavior just because it’s the result of a diagnosis.
That’s an old saying
‘A son is a son til he takes a wife
But a daughter’s a daughter the whole of her life’
I keep expecting to see my own parents in one of these videos... 😬 They're just like this.
4:52 I like how the filter put eyelashes on her hat 😂
Lol you saw it too that was funny
I have fully expected my mom to cut me out of any type of estate she may have. I have two brothers who I assume will get everything. I am her only daughter. Fortunately she doesn't have much and even if she did I wouldn't care about the money part, that's not what matters it's the hurt. Even though I know I won't get anything, although she would never admit that now, it will hurt my feelings and that's what my mother wants.
I think most of us feel the same way so it's always strange to see how many of the parents and apologists weaponize the will
18:59 I know myself enough to know that I'll be intensely curious how their lives are affected by my absence. But I'm also aware that seeking those answers will only hold me back. So I got work to do.
When I had a concussion it felt mostly like persistent nausea. I think you'd need 10 or more of those to even begin to suffer any kind of real change of personality. It doesn't just go *bonk*, you now have new and alien thoughts. It's still her.
It can! One brain injury can trigger a manic episode and people who have had head injuries are something like 25% more likely to develop bipolar disorder.
But that aside, she does seem like she was a shitty person to begin with.
@@popartpistolYes it can.
I mean did she assault someone? Try to poison someone? There's no apologies for that.
Just because you say sorry and they forgive you doesn't mean you get a reconciliation.
My mil says sorry all the time "sorry you think I'm such a horrible mother!!". It doesn't count.
26:28 It’s so funny to hear this perspective. The last thing I want from my estranged parent is to take their money, even if they passed away.
She's making the argument that being injured means the abusive behavior was excusable. That being neglectful wasn't abusive behavior. She's avoiding responsibility for the way she treated her children, like abusive people are healthy and sane, that they abuse their kids for cruel amusement. Like, no, they are human and have faults. The issue is the pain they inflict and the child (now legal adult) is taking steps to avoid being hurt, for lack of change upon confrontation of said abusive behaviors, or irrevocable damage from their behavior during childhood.
*the point in her case
If this woman would have taken all of this energy into making things right instead of taking it online and trashing them maybe she would have had a chance of reconnecting.
Another Tiktoc of hers is"estranged parents r us",
Dude nothing will ever be her fault. Nothing. And that is the problem. Not just the stuff she says and does, but the lack of accountability. And mental health issues don't give you a free pass to keep people, because you "can't control it." They have every right not to deal with her. It's like people who walk away from addicts. It's self protection.
After 10 straight years no contact with my parents, I went to my fathers funeral. There were many speeches and such, as you expect. I even got a mention. That I went to 'work with computer, as many people do'.
This was in reference to the career I had built, after pursuing an interest since a young age, while still at home. Something that had been a hobby to me, even when I still lived with the fam. A passion. It was how I made something of myself.
I was their child, and my job was Computer.
It was how I was able to survive, and also thrive, and live my life, out from under their control, and without needing the support they were obviously not willing to give.
And I KNEW that during those intervening ten years, there would have been many loud and angry arguments, between mom and dad, about why I left, and whose fault it was. Because that is how my parents resolved all conflict - they yelled about it. Often in front of me, as a child.
And as unflattering as it was, to be dismissed as just following the herd, I was OK with that. Far from the first time my dad had said something reductive to, or about me, let alone the rest of the family. And at least the 'official' version of why I left the farm and moved to the big city was me just becoming some mundane office drone. Not that I was corrupted by Satan or seduce by the New World Order into turning against them.
But having listened to other similar stories, I think maybe I just didn't give them enough to go on. I never talked to them about what the problem was. Because they would have refused to listen, or become indignant. And I never introduced them to any of my girlfriends or shared my life with them over those ten years.
It would have just given them ammunition.
I cut contact with them at 22, and so I'd had by that point as long as I could remember being alive, perhaps even longer, to learn the patterns of their behavior. But after the same amount of time with me, they had little to no idea who I really was.
I could have been upset about this unflattering characterization of my entire existence, summed up to reductively. Could have made a scene, and interrupted the funeral.
But that would have made me just as bad as my Father. In a similar position to me, that is exactly the kind of thing he would do. But interrupting HIS funeral for MY ego-based reasons is not what he would have wanted. hahahaha.
That's what my parents, my whole family, really, taught me:
"Rules for thee but not for me"
So I made my own rules.
my mil is like this woman, probably worse.. I've never gone lc or nc because I didn't want to do that to my husband and kids, but I can see how it would have made the last 20 years of my life significantly less dramatic and upsetting.
If you were a victim of abuse growing up is it ok to abuse your parents back? Because I have seen it happen and I don't mean violent beating or something like that, I think my uncle is a genius he turned things around and just treats my grandma like a moron and acts like she doesn't exist but every time he is around her he pretends to be kind and nice to her it's like he cut all contact by slowly feeding her the bare minimum amount of attention, he even told me just show up for Christmas and birthdays and smile and be nice and you get the rest of the year to live your life while they keep calling you and don't understand why you never pick up the phone
In my opinion it is not better. You became what you hated.
@@oOIIIMIIIOo what about the non aggression principle?
@@acacacacacacaccaca7666 What does that mean?
@@oOIIIMIIIOo cant you just do a two minute google search?
Everybody has skeletons in their closet doesn't mean they're bad people. That just means they've lived life a little bit longer than you.
My mother used the will threat.
Girl- you don’t got shit to hurt me with. YOU SOLD YOUR SHIT AND MINE to get by without working. You have nothing I want. Nothing.
I sit and I sometimes wish I had what I felt I lost until I remember, she just wasn’t there. She just trauma bonded with me. And ended up sinking me in so many ways.
I think she has “done a number” on her therapist.
The old saying is, a daughter is a daughter all her life, a son is the son until he takes a wife!
I have been no contact with my parents since 2018. People don't seem to quite understand how complex it is. My parents tell people I don't talk to them because I'm a brat 😂 actually they are alcoholics, physical and mental abuse, being made to face the wall for hours on end in just our underwear, my dad tried to drown me on many occasions for crying... They had a stick in the cupboard they used to beat us with, we had no bedding or pyjamas (they had money), we were rarely fed and riddled with nits. My dad would make really hot chilli then make us eat it, if we didn't it would be forced down out throats. I left at 15 n lived in a crack den because it felt safer. It will never be their fault. Ever.
It's really good you got out of there
I hope you're doing much much better now
I wonder how many estranged parents became that way because they hated there children for not being complete copies of themselves. I knew a few people growing up who had parents like that and they only call them to ask who they are voting for
If only one kid goes no contact, it's probably something in that individual kids life. If all your kids go no contact, you definitely did something to cause them all to leave you. And especially when the golden child calls you out, you need to fucking listen! When your favorite child goes no contact you messed up.
The DARVO is strong with this one
There is an old saying: "A daughter's a daughter for life. A son's a son 'til he takes a wife."
The saying explains the patriarchal norm that assigns elder care to adult daughters and excuses adult sons from nursing their parents and in laws.
Bish, it was a concussion lmfao that doesn't completely change you and make 3 kids dump you. Oh my god lmfao
Has anybody bothered to count how many times she says concussion 😂
She is threatened by her DIL. She is blaming her for her son's decisions. She wants the DIL to apologize to her since she apologized for brain injury behavior.
It's all about them. No accountability, no regret, just selfishness. Children don't ask to be born and these types of parents think their children should be eternally grateful for simply being alive. That's not how it works. As a child who has had to cut off contact with a parent, I tried for decades to repair the relationship. The sadness and deep pain wore me down and caused so much mental anguish. The pain of "losing" them is nothing compared to desperately trying to "live" with them. The pain never goes away, but it gets easier. Hugs and love to you, if you are reading and relating to my words. You can define yourself without them. Keep going ❤
Every time I watch Diane, I feel such joy. She’s such a rube 😂
I don’t understand her use of flying monkeys… if her kids won’t talk to her wouldn’t she welcome any form of contact from them? Also TBI is a really big deal but if my mom got a TBI and started acting totally out of character I wouldn’t suddenly cut her off, I would be able to clearly tell her behavior was abnormal. It seems her TBI may have aggravated some existing personality disorders that had been an issue for a long time.
She spent “YEARS” in therapy trying to improve her relationship with her children. Hello hi if you’re not an a**hole it would never take that long that’s crazy😂
Narcissistic people also love the whole, “well my therapist said I’m right and you’re wrong and they really feel bad for me” thing. It’s weird.
Her story is entirely different on youtube.
Those estranged parents all have that Karen face expression 'I am pissed, do as I say or else' ...
I had to block this lady on TikTok because her constant pleas for validation - as a shitty parent - enraged me. I raised 4 kids with a narcissistic father and I’ve had to apologize for MY part in their home environment but thankfully I maintained positive relationships with all of them. My toxic ex sounds just like this lady, defect and deny, so two of the kids have cut contact with him. His toxic mom also sounded like her when I was the DIL who refused access to me and my minor kids. Funny how I saw it in her but not my own spouse.
I have a friend who was estranged from her adult daughter for five years. The daughter is back in touch with the parents, surprisingly. The daughter lives about 300 miles from the parents.
I suppose I might eventually hear more of the actual story. I am very curious to know what in the world happened.
LOL I thought TikTok was for younger people and did some Tiktoks for the age range that I thought it was - and nearly fell off my chair when I saw the analytics - more older folks!
So I think also it gives some people, like this lady, get to spread their lies on there without any accountability.
It really is horribly sad :( Boundaries are there for a reason and need to be respected and dragging others into it is horrendous behaviour.
And Diane really should cut it with the psychobabble - she's an ignorant woman who shouldn't be allowed anywhere near anyone ....!