If anyone’s wondering why I don’t use background music since I’ve gotten a few comments about it on past videos it’s because it makes the editing process very overwhelming lol
I have npd and autism too and I always thought I did have a level of empathy but now I've realised, from hearing you define it, I've really just been acting empathetic when needed to kinda mask?? I don't ever actually feel a certain connection or sadness when someone I know is going through something, I just know I have to show that I care, even though I really don't. This video was so good and made me feel better about my experiences :DDD
I actually see myself as hyperempathetic and I don't see enough people talking about the fact that EMPATHY DOESNT ALWAYS MAKE YOU A GOOD PERSON. Empathy is a human emotion like any other, and like anger, jealousy and joy, can all get very messy if you dont have the ability to think critically about yourself and control it. For example, people who romanticise serial killers do so because they have empathy just like you and me, but its misdirected towards shitty people. Another thing I've found is that if you have alot of empathy for one person, if theyre at odds with someone else, then your bias can cause you to be especially cruel to them. My belief is that empathy should be valued alongside emotional intelligence, instead of just being valued on its own
Honestly I've never figured out what level of empathy I feel. It's kinda like, the word 'empathy' has been used against me so many times, that it stopped meaning anything. I remember how when I was younger and my relationship with my mom was much worse, she'd often tell me I should have more empathy, whenever I did something wrong in her eyes. Regardless of my actual feelings, if I missed something, misunderstood, or simply wasn't sure how was I supposed to react, I'd be accused of having no empathy. It sucked massive balls and it still sucks that it's used against other autistic or otherwise neurodivergent people
hey, i found your videos yesterday from the 12th doctor who essay and watched your whole channel back-to-back from that (they're extremely insightful, moving videos and i'll be looking out for a patreon link in future uploads..). as an autist having struggled with experiencing emotional empathy and feeling like a parasitic, evil, robotic freak for years, this one has sat with me the most and i've been thinking about it pretty much nonstop since. but i'm not totally sure i buy this argument? empathy as it's typically understood is both the unconscious affective response typically felt in response to seeing suffering and the cognitive tool to understand another's perspective and access their perspective, which is both a skill that can be learned and a conscious choice to use and act upon. the neurotypical-centric grouping of "empathy" to describe both of these things is ableist, built from the way nts generally access understandings of others and disregarding how differently operating minds experience the world but i don't believe we can draw from this that what is often described as "empathy" (considering the perspectives of others to understand their needs on the basis that their interiority and personhood is as important as your own) isn't still fundamentally important as a basis for moral action. someone having an emotionally empathetic response to another's suffering who then responds to that feeling by removing themself from the situation, ignoring the inner world of the other person and indulging in self-care to make only themself feel better would be acting with that emotional empathy you describe but i do not think most would describe that as an empathetic response or if it was not acting with a consideration of the feelings and value of the other person. likewise, giving endless physical affection because it's what you would you like to receive so it must be what others like too isn't kind but respecting and internalising the needs and wants of others so you can accommodate them is. the cognitive empathy there isn't the motivator for kindness but is how that kindness is made actionable. maybe i'm off-base but i feel like that's what a lot of people mean when describing the link between empathy and morality? not as the cause, but the framework for execution. that's not to say anyone is a bad person for struggling with exercising this tool or learning how to read what would be good for others - as you say anyone's struggles to be kind do not negate their kindness. i just think the closeness our culture places between these two concepts of 'empathy' is a mistake and leads to the horrifying, cruel and ableist understandings of moral action that you describe. sorry for overly long comment, ty if you read this far. this video just made me think a lot which i think means it's good xoxo
Oh yeah I do agree! As I said, the definition of “empathy” i used in this video isn’t objective it’s more just a definition I see used to aid in the alienation of mental illness a lot. My goal was more to call attention to the ways certain human behaviours are taken for granted and challenge the notion of human nature as a basis for morality, because I feel like it’s dangerous when not approached critically. I do not believe that rewriting the definition of empathy to be more inclusive and accurate is impossible. This video was written on the basis of a definition that I’ve personally grown up with that’s caused me a lot of emotional turmoil, and I want to provoke critical discussion moreso than anything! Thank you for such a well thought out comment this is exactly the type of thing I love to see on my videos :))
Also based on this comment you seem to have a much more sophisticated understanding of empathy and how emotions interact with action than most people in my life growing up, I wouldn’t take for granted that every neurotypical person is as thoughtful as you. The specialist I mention in this video definitely wasn’t and it was her job, she was an aspie supremacist. if you were my therapist as a kid I would probably have significantly less complexes, keep up the good work
part of what was making me overthink this stuff recently is that i'm on a counselling course. so much of the theory centres on the need to learn having empathy with your clients and it was fucking me up that this might lead to me not being able to do that career...... you saying that has made me really emotional ahah
@@annabellevids omg! Idk you but based on this comment you seem like you’d be killer at it, we need more diverse experiences in the industry anyway it definitely would’ve helped me out a lot as a kid and I know plenty of people who feel the same. If I had a low empath specialist of any kind I’d think that was so awesome
I'm kinda of the opinion that autistic people tend to have as much empathy for each other as neurotypicals have for each other. So I'm pretty unconvinced that lack of empathy has anything to do with autism... But yeh, lack of empathy is just treated as an obviously morally defective thing by so much of youtube and the world and it is gross. I'm very interested in ur videos on NPD coz RUclips is awash with shitty stigmatizing videos about NPD and that sucks. It's so hard to find any good videos about it. Thank you so much for doing these!
@@mercurialrose my assumption has just been that it's neurotypicals taking a very neurotypical perspective on autism, since autism has been defined through neurotypical eyes. I could be wrong about that tho. I hadn't heard of hyper empathy being an autistic thing, tho I can see that more in the autistics I know... idk how much that is just a thing we are forced into coz of how most of the world isn't autistic. I came up with a theory of autism in the past to do with being developmentally overloaded as well as being overloaded more readily in the moment, and tbh, that seems like it could easily lead to reduced empathy, since being overloaded diminishes how much information that is entering our brains can actually be processed, which would pretty logically lead to developmental issues with empathy. Gah, its been too long since I did that theory, I can't even remember if I already came to that conclusion lol sob. Empathy is an odd thing to think about... like, my power is that I also don't get affected negatively by people's suffering, which as u say in ur Q&A is rly useful for letting people trauma dump on me. Makes me wonder what my relation to empathy is. Ur distinction between empathy and ethics is an important one. Guess I've still gotta try to work out what my relation to it all is.
![Megan Thee Stallion - Mamushi (Remix) [feat. TWICE] [Official Audio]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/5c0_u9PsrsQ/mqdefault.jpg)
If anyone’s wondering why I don’t use background music since I’ve gotten a few comments about it on past videos it’s because it makes the editing process very overwhelming lol
I actually appreciate it! I get overwhelmed by music I haven't heard before playing in the background, so thank you!!
I have npd and autism too and I always thought I did have a level of empathy but now I've realised, from hearing you define it, I've really just been acting empathetic when needed to kinda mask?? I don't ever actually feel a certain connection or sadness when someone I know is going through something, I just know I have to show that I care, even though I really don't. This video was so good and made me feel better about my experiences :DDD
I actually see myself as hyperempathetic and I don't see enough people talking about the fact that EMPATHY DOESNT ALWAYS MAKE YOU A GOOD PERSON. Empathy is a human emotion like any other, and like anger, jealousy and joy, can all get very messy if you dont have the ability to think critically about yourself and control it. For example, people who romanticise serial killers do so because they have empathy just like you and me, but its misdirected towards shitty people. Another thing I've found is that if you have alot of empathy for one person, if theyre at odds with someone else, then your bias can cause you to be especially cruel to them.
My belief is that empathy should be valued alongside emotional intelligence, instead of just being valued on its own
Honestly I've never figured out what level of empathy I feel. It's kinda like, the word 'empathy' has been used against me so many times, that it stopped meaning anything. I remember how when I was younger and my relationship with my mom was much worse, she'd often tell me I should have more empathy, whenever I did something wrong in her eyes. Regardless of my actual feelings, if I missed something, misunderstood, or simply wasn't sure how was I supposed to react, I'd be accused of having no empathy. It sucked massive balls and it still sucks that it's used against other autistic or otherwise neurodivergent people
Damn this is relatable
hey, i found your videos yesterday from the 12th doctor who essay and watched your whole channel back-to-back from that (they're extremely insightful, moving videos and i'll be looking out for a patreon link in future uploads..). as an autist having struggled with experiencing emotional empathy and feeling like a parasitic, evil, robotic freak for years, this one has sat with me the most and i've been thinking about it pretty much nonstop since. but i'm not totally sure i buy this argument?
empathy as it's typically understood is both the unconscious affective response typically felt in response to seeing suffering and the cognitive tool to understand another's perspective and access their perspective, which is both a skill that can be learned and a conscious choice to use and act upon. the neurotypical-centric grouping of "empathy" to describe both of these things is ableist, built from the way nts generally access understandings of others and disregarding how differently operating minds experience the world but i don't believe we can draw from this that what is often described as "empathy" (considering the perspectives of others to understand their needs on the basis that their interiority and personhood is as important as your own) isn't still fundamentally important as a basis for moral action.
someone having an emotionally empathetic response to another's suffering who then responds to that feeling by removing themself from the situation, ignoring the inner world of the other person and indulging in self-care to make only themself feel better would be acting with that emotional empathy you describe but i do not think most would describe that as an empathetic response or if it was not acting with a consideration of the feelings and value of the other person. likewise, giving endless physical affection because it's what you would you like to receive so it must be what others like too isn't kind but respecting and internalising the needs and wants of others so you can accommodate them is. the cognitive empathy there isn't the motivator for kindness but is how that kindness is made actionable. maybe i'm off-base but i feel like that's what a lot of people mean when describing the link between empathy and morality? not as the cause, but the framework for execution.
that's not to say anyone is a bad person for struggling with exercising this tool or learning how to read what would be good for others - as you say anyone's struggles to be kind do not negate their kindness. i just think the closeness our culture places between these two concepts of 'empathy' is a mistake and leads to the horrifying, cruel and ableist understandings of moral action that you describe.
sorry for overly long comment, ty if you read this far. this video just made me think a lot which i think means it's good xoxo
Oh yeah I do agree! As I said, the definition of “empathy” i used in this video isn’t objective it’s more just a definition I see used to aid in the alienation of mental illness a lot. My goal was more to call attention to the ways certain human behaviours are taken for granted and challenge the notion of human nature as a basis for morality, because I feel like it’s dangerous when not approached critically. I do not believe that rewriting the definition of empathy to be more inclusive and accurate is impossible. This video was written on the basis of a definition that I’ve personally grown up with that’s caused me a lot of emotional turmoil, and I want to provoke critical discussion moreso than anything!
Thank you for such a well thought out comment this is exactly the type of thing I love to see on my videos :))
Also based on this comment you seem to have a much more sophisticated understanding of empathy and how emotions interact with action than most people in my life growing up, I wouldn’t take for granted that every neurotypical person is as thoughtful as you. The specialist I mention in this video definitely wasn’t and it was her job, she was an aspie supremacist.
if you were my therapist as a kid I would probably have significantly less complexes, keep up the good work
part of what was making me overthink this stuff recently is that i'm on a counselling course. so much of the theory centres on the need to learn having empathy with your clients and it was fucking me up that this might lead to me not being able to do that career...... you saying that has made me really emotional ahah
@@annabellevids omg! Idk you but based on this comment you seem like you’d be killer at it, we need more diverse experiences in the industry anyway it definitely would’ve helped me out a lot as a kid and I know plenty of people who feel the same. If I had a low empath specialist of any kind I’d think that was so awesome
I'm kinda of the opinion that autistic people tend to have as much empathy for each other as neurotypicals have for each other. So I'm pretty unconvinced that lack of empathy has anything to do with autism...
But yeh, lack of empathy is just treated as an obviously morally defective thing by so much of youtube and the world and it is gross.
I'm very interested in ur videos on NPD coz RUclips is awash with shitty stigmatizing videos about NPD and that sucks. It's so hard to find any good videos about it. Thank you so much for doing these!
I get what you’re saying but a lack of empathy or hyper empathy is a documented symptom of autism, it’s ok to acknowledge that
@@mercurialrose my assumption has just been that it's neurotypicals taking a very neurotypical perspective on autism, since autism has been defined through neurotypical eyes. I could be wrong about that tho. I hadn't heard of hyper empathy being an autistic thing, tho I can see that more in the autistics I know... idk how much that is just a thing we are forced into coz of how most of the world isn't autistic.
I came up with a theory of autism in the past to do with being developmentally overloaded as well as being overloaded more readily in the moment, and tbh, that seems like it could easily lead to reduced empathy, since being overloaded diminishes how much information that is entering our brains can actually be processed, which would pretty logically lead to developmental issues with empathy. Gah, its been too long since I did that theory, I can't even remember if I already came to that conclusion lol sob.
Empathy is an odd thing to think about... like, my power is that I also don't get affected negatively by people's suffering, which as u say in ur Q&A is rly useful for letting people trauma dump on me. Makes me wonder what my relation to empathy is. Ur distinction between empathy and ethics is an important one. Guess I've still gotta try to work out what my relation to it all is.
(Comment for algorithm reasons) (and also i really liked this video ❤)
banger video!
banger video