Why Do You Think a Family is a Burden?
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- Опубликовано: 24 авг 2024
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"all the choice -which i doubt you have anyways (...)" Man's called them maidenless in such a profound way
He's fighting strawmen because most of his followers are incels not guys who have options
Lmaoo, nice take. I do think, however, he was alluding to free-will. I’m not sure though and don’t know his stance on the topic of free will.
oh but you are maidenless my lambkin, you'll never claim the elden throne like this
RECLAIM THE THRONE.... TARNISHED.
Profound? There's nothing profound about old idealisms of going out and claiming people as your own, which your 'maidenless' reference leads towards.
I've had a lot of amazing accomplishments in my life but my biggest achievement will always be the family that I've created with my husband and our beautiful children. ❤
Actually, I'd say that your biggest accomplishment is being able to see that family is this important. Many people have successful families and fine careers and still feel like they "haven't achieved anything."
That "you've" created?? What a selfish way to look at things as if it was all you.
@@brad741She did say "with my husband." Unless you meant she didn't acknowledge what the children received from friends, teachers, other family, neighbors and the rest of society? But then I think it should be assumed that the writer understood that her children also had other influencers who contributed to who they became. She meant that she and her husband created them physically and were their primary influences.
Dont even give attention to that idiot@@maryk446
I hate to say it but nothing you do matters and your family is not important. Like at all. You think the way you do because you and your husband are extremely unexceptional.
I got married at 19. Married 33 years, until her sudden death 8 years ago. Marital problems ? Yes. Money problems ? I was a working cowboy. Raised 2 great kids, built a ranching operation, worked 2 jobs. I’d do it all over again. Do it different if I knew better? Yep.
Perfect. 💛
Have you written about your story, family and ranch and triumphs and tragedy?
As said before, if no one is willing to face the reality, then someone else has to be blamed. Blaming others means a kind of covering up some persons would not want to expose.
If 2 persons who are adult, rational, and are able to make important decisions by themselves, then there’s no reason for someone else to disapprove of their relationship.
The conflict is due to lacking of mutual respect. If some persons think that there’s something that never has happened in their lives, then this perspective should be respected. But pls do not intervene others relationship by disapproval.
To argue is pointless, because different persons have different values and beliefs. Therefore, mutual respect is the most important.
A life lived with that one partner and if you're lucky enough, blessed with children, is the most rewarding experience. Don't fall for the latest "trend". Life gets pretty lonely when you're single at 60.
Dr Peterson, you are a voice that e world needs to listen to before it's too late. 🤗🇨🇦🙏
@Addi97xIndeed that can happen, free will, is a basic principle in life and in our relationships. I know, none who are perfect, or journeyed through life with out stumbling, or losses.
I think it's more about growth, reflection mercy and forgiveness. Even though it all, the joy the pain, it's incredible, gift... and what you discover about yourself and mankind, it's worth the ride 🏜🏇... God bless you 🙏
@Addi97x I don't know that, that is necessarily worse. If that's the case, one would still have all of the rewarding & sensational memories of those times (as a family unit & mentoring one's children, in the hopes of helping them develop into the best versions of themselves which they can possibly reach). Also, if the children don't want anything to do with that remaining parent, and that, said, parent knows that they did the best job that could possibly do - at steering them into becoming responsible, well adapted, productive members of society, in my personal opinion, and I have children, I would view that as them being short-sighted, and not having learned any of the valuable lessons in life yet. I wouldn't blame myself, or my decisions, for any of that.
Politely, it's telling a certain woman wrote this, and not a guy who's been the ringer with divorce, estrangement and rejection most of his life.
That's all I'll say.
@@JohnDoe-xk1dv I am not jumping in on your life story, making any assumptions that you were referring to yourself, at all, in your comment, nor directing this at you in ANY way at all. Yet, since you do mention the differences between the "Men's World" & "Woman's World", in today's culture - specifically relating to their (general, or common, perspectives in relationship type issues)... I happen to, myself, be a man of a similar life's list of negative, unfortunate, relationship experiences - although, I have had some great quality, valuable experiences throughout my adult life, in relationships, as well - and such, is why I chose to respond on (what I'm assuming is a lady, by the screen name) had previously said. I, also, agree with your specific point, 100,000%, that the VAST MAJORITY of women, especially in today's "woke", "inclusive" (in the MOST exclusive ways), and maniacal cultural society!! Yes, absolutely, Men DO NOT need Women to survive (in the one generation perspective, of course, for reproduction is a different conversation), if we're simply talking about survivability in the most basics of continued existence form. In fact, due to chromosomes, having more developed upper body strength, bone density, lung capacity, and harmones (such as Testosterone) naturally occurring, Men can survive without Women easier than the reverse. HOWEVER, the ENTIRE POINT is that Men do NOT want to MERELY exist, not in a civilized society, nor even in some "wild", experimental, survivability study. Men, if they are exclusively just with other men, for what appears to he the ongoing future, THEN that survivability ratio, or percentage, drops SUBSTANTIALLY!!! Men are DRASTICALLY much more happier, in a healthier headspace, and in turn, much more productive - both in their personal & professional lives, when they are "nurtured" by a Woman, who's love that they truly feel they are receiving. Now, convos can go on & on about what appropriate "nurturing" should look like. However, that point still remains.... Women, try treating a GOOD MAN (you have to be more carefulin your selection process first) much better, like you appreciate knowing him, and watch how he will flip the ENTIRE world upside-down, all in his undying efforts to please you. Damn, it is not that hard of an equation!!
@@BD-11B_OIF-1 well said, like a non judgemental scientist. Personally, I've had enough with women but not preaching my hatred to other men esp younger ones.
I do recall a marketing research study done years ago that said customers tend to be less happy after they make a choice in circumstances where choices are plentiful.
For instance, when customers are given only three ice cream flavors, vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry, they tend to be happy with the choice made. Little buyer's remorse.
However, when they have dozens of flavors to choose from, many will have second thoughts and buyer's remorse on the flavor they have selected.
Interesting perspective.
This reminds me of why I love in n out so much
Jordan talks about the relationship between number of sexual partners and probability of divorce all the time. It's not the same as marketing but hey, it seems to work in a similar way in this case I guess
“Grass is greener “ syndrome. Given so many choices, you regret your choice because you miss the opportunity to try so many..
That reminds of me of a study that said that having too much information makes it more difficult to make a decision.
"Some Son's Never Fully Grow Up Until Their Fathers Funeral" ... 100%
"No one could be a man unless his father has died." - Sigmund Freud
"Yes, but that death could occur symbolically." - Carl Jung.
I watched my father's father die. I carried Grandpa's casket. I helped grampa to bed the last days of his life because my father just had back surgery. I guess I am ahead or the curve
Damn, way to assume people have fathers. That's an asshole move.
@@LysisAGhow were you born then numb nuts
I reckon I didn't grow up because of my father's funeral. I always used to joke if I didn't have kids I'd want on my gravestone.... " He came, he saw, he sought of conquered...... then he fucked off and took his rubbish with him" :-)
Those Peterson suits, man!
He does like clothes, right? I saw him live wearing that suit. He has two pairs of trousers. One blue, one maroon. Very cool. ❤
Listening to him is so interesting. You seldom notice the clothes he wears. I wonder if he’s colorblind and someone else is picking his clothes
very immature, no doubt
I love those!
@gabrielleglenn4792 Some tailor actually made them for him and he decided WHY NOT? Son it's become a Thing
I feel like I gave my husband’s life direction, through my own young standards and expectations.
He valued and respected me so much, he pursued me endlessly, but I wanted marriage and a family, and I wasn’t playing dating games, I took it seriously, so he worked to make it happen. I gave him that desire to succeed and reach goals. I was his motivation.
In doing that, he gave my own life direction and purpose, in giving me a home to tend to and children to raise.
We balance one another, and give the other purpose.
Now we both have an intertwined purpose in our new world we’ve created.
5 months too late babe❤
But what a perfect and beautiful comment so full of honesty and truth.
May the LORD JESUS ❤ continue his Works
X Dave
Had exactly what your describing and we grew apart. Realized it too late to save it, I'm my own worst enemy at times. But 13 years oof something most never experience. But life goes on and who knows what the Lord has in store for me
I have had a blessed and awesome adventurous life before I met the love of my life at 36. We have 4 children now, and that is my greatest achievement.
"Maybe even less than one partner." Suddenly, my day brightened right up.
I've been watching some tribal Navajo stories over the last year. What struck me is that one of their definitions of evil is simply that which tries to break up the family. When I heard that my jaw dropped to the floor in reflection. There's a sliver of that in just about every culture over 200 years old.
Well yea. Family was them much more important for survival then now. There qas no old age retirement homes,hospitals, emergency vehicles, social security benefits, restaurant deliveries of food, etc. It was either your family taking care of you when you are old by doing all of the jobs I mentioned, or you do it yourself as much as you can and once you can then you are fucked. So family was much more important for everyday life than it is now, for survival purposes. It makes sense that if something breaks up a family it would be seen as evil.
@@marino5652 Be everything you just mentioned still relies on the family, particularly maintaining a replacement of the population. Look at Korea and Japan, they are miles ahead of the rest of the world when it comes to retirement benefits, modern conveniences, and medical excellence, but both of these nations are crumbling economically because of the destruction of the family. While people point to different factors that caused these declines, there is no denying the effects and the need to reverse course within the next 100 years or these two societies might be the first to die from population collapse. A phenomenon happening world wide, including in the US and Canada. If modern people don't start coveting having a family, particularly reaching an average of 2 children per woman (which is an average remember so for every childless woman another woman would have to have 3 or more children), then everything you listed will wither away one the vine because the elderly population will be relying on a shrinking population of youths, regardless of relation, who are able to care for them. Hell, despite an ever aging population, Japan is being FORCED to close nursing homes and make the elderly live on their own because there are not enough young people to employ to take care of them.
Everything relies on the family, even in the modern era. And modern people need to start putting families first again instead of chronic independence. It fuels population collapse, especially when women are being told to be independent and not rely on men.
Women have a limited biological fertility window that starts closing in their mid 20's. It makes no sense to force a young woman to go through years of post secondary education and then accumulate years of experience and climb a corporate ladder only to be childless at 35 and alone with 3 cats, 2 dogs, a bearded dragon and hamster. Involuntary childlessness is on the rise world wide, even in places that have yet to go below replacement like the Philippines, Laos, and Peru. Women are forced to work instead of staying at home to have and take care of the kids they are biologically designed to have and eventually grow depressed in their 30's a childless and then misplace their depression and frustration on the husband instead of the lack of child forced by society. So she initiates divorce 70% of the time, the remaining 30% of divorce by men list emotional or physical abuse as the leading factor. Women also have happiness levels far below normative even in the wake of a pandemic compared to women prior to feminist lobbying and modern women's rights. Female happiness has actually dipped below male happiness in the 2020's for the first time in 100 years. Women in the middle of WWII in Europe were happier than the modern woman statistically. So what affects women's happiness MORE than a bloody and horrifying war filled with racism, genocide and rape??? Childlessness...Female happiness reached its peak in the Baby boom and plummeted as soon as fertility rates dropped below replacement. Women are angry. Women are angry and they have been fed propaganda to blame men for their unhappiness, citing a fictional patriarchy as the source of a female suffering. While most men still love the women in their lives and take their blows as the grumblings of their poor oppressed wives, sisters and daughters, some men retaliate. They retaliate by using their own soulless ideology against them via transgender ideology. If being a woman shouldn't be limited to their reproductive organs and the biology should mean nothing then a man could be a woman because her biology is moot because women are not their biology, they are some mystical magical woo that anyone can become because being a mother and reproducing is not the core of being a woman. It's a burden that women must overcome to be useful for the feminist movement. It's why feminists hate tradwives or stay at home moms and keep mocking them and shaming them. Because how dare a woman centralize the family and her motherhood in her life. How very dare a woman not be independent and rely on a man for income while she makes a home and guards the hearth and raises his children?? Heresy! Treason! Original sin! TERF! SWERF! Pick Me! I'm sure you know all of the typical insults...
In a world where women deny their biology of being evolved to have children and to care for them in the home and a select group of degenerate men nipping at their ankles for a piece of the delulu pie, the family is needed more than ever. A traditional family where women stay home and raise the children and rely on and support a man to provide for the family...When that ideal family is broken or shamed by any force, Feminism, Gender Ideology, Racial supremacy, socialism, Communism, even capitalism and religious domination, when you don't put families first and degrade the family as second to whatever twisted ideals you have, you sentence your society to death. The measure of how bad the idea is depends on how rapidly the society dies. But any society that places the thriving of a family over the thriving of individuals will always prevail over chronic individualism.
@@kimmiewise1044 in regards to Japan, Japan has a lot of old people who vote. And whichever political party can get the elderly vote, wins. What is good for elders is not the best for young people. Young people, it is expected to work 10 hours or even 12 and obey the elderly, even when the elderly are nuts. Often young people are supposed to work overtime. This way of life doesn't leave room for creating kids or taking care of them. What is the point of birthing a child and then not even being able to see him for more than one hour per day? This can not be solved by the typical conservative response: mother stays at home and father works. Why? Because to afford high costs both must work and even if just one works, he would have to work all day long. That means the kid is growing up without a father. Because the father just comes home to sleep and is never able to raise the child. So the child is on a way fatherless. You mentioned that a woman's clock is starting to fail by mid-20s which is outright false. It is in mid 30ties that it starts to dwindle, although pregnancy is well possible but harder after 40. And now a surprise that people do not talk about: men's sperm gets defective after 45. Kids born to a man who is 45 and older at the time of conception are often time born with various mental illnesses, and sometimes not born at all. It is a sperm's DNA that affects the ability of the placenta to form, and old men's sperm is not doing that well. This has been shown even when the woman who is getting pregnant is in her 20ties. That concludes that even though men have a bit more time than women, they do not have a lot. Yet, you or other people do not pressure men into starting a family before reaching 40ties (if he wants two kids and wants to avoid problems, he needs to start in 40ties the latest to impregnate his wife). Now, one more thing. People think population decline is a horrible thing, but I do not see it as such. During the majority of humanity and Just 100 years ago there were less than one billion people out there, and we survived. Now, it is over 8 billion. There is no need for 8 billion people and more. Why would we have to replace an existing number of people (2 kids per woman )? A lot of jobs today are not necessary, it's just comfort that we get out of it. So if there are fewer people, jobs would reduce back down to the ones that are necessary for society. We do not need millions of pizza deliveries. Old people used to take care of grandkids, yet now a grown person must pay for a babysitter and an elderly home for his parents.
Interestingly, women are more happy outside of marriage. Why? Becouse men use marriage and childbirth as a way of control. Men get free slave, maid, sex slave, cook, butlers, and a servant. Men do less childcare and less housework. One reaserch you can check is: in households where men are close to equal to their wives in time spent doing house chores and childcare, there are more kids! Interesting, right? Men who put effort at home have more kids. So, doesn't that show us that a path for society to have more kids is where men contribute in childcare and house chores equally to their wives, rather than forcing women out of education, and careers, locking them home, and forcing them to pop kids out? Funny, men get to be an astronauts, policemen, judges, firefighters, lawyers, bus drivers, etc., yet some people think that women can not find enough pleasure in that as well, because the only happiness for a woman is if she has kids and she stays home. Preferably not independent so her husband can control her financially and in other ways.
I would posit that people in a stable monogamous relationship with children would be driven to be more thoughtful about how they engage with the political process to better set up their children's future, improve and safeguard their working conditions and address impediments that affected them starting and keeping that family.
Whereas childless individuals who on average deem the popular ideology, material recompense and progression in career and their rare vacation time to travel and hopefully maintain a hobby as the epitome of what life has to offer.
I find it more difficult to identify a motivating factor that would provide something to lose and to drive such a person to pivot and accept the discomfort that will come to risk rejecting that status quo of acceptable hardship, stability and "choice" and be more thoughtful in a long term manner politically to improve their situation to have kids when the government is the biggest employer and the private sector is dominated by a few behemoths spread across multiple industries as oligopolies in curated 'competition' who want their employees' time and disposable income feeding back into their ecosystems through use of their goods and services.@marino5652
A good family will lift you up, a bad one will drag you down. I fully respect men not willing to take the chance, but at the same time not taking that risk will get you stuck where you are right now, and over time, this life you have and being on your own will get boring.
There seems to be a societal amnesia regarding privileges, rights and responsibilities.
Freedom has no value if there is no privilege. Rights and Privilege cannot be attained without responsibility.
A man must have a sense of duty, that starts with family.
My alcoholic manipulative Mom left my Dad for his best friend then used the courts to keep my sister and I away from him so she could get child support.
TV and video games raised me. I got in contact with my Dad when I got older and he's the only family I talk to now. He used to ask me when he'd get grandkids and I told him that I don't want any because I don't want to end up like him. He's on marriage number 3 and has called me in tears with suicidal intentions more then once.
I never had the luxury of seeing what a good, happy marriage looks like. I'm 40 and trying to heal through Jesus. I'm content being with animals for company. It has nothing to do with 'freedom'. The system is broken.
The world is broken unfortunately. Maybe if we all look towards Jesus, he could heal us and the next generation of those who do decide to have children will not have so much trauma.
Understand that what you have been through is not easy. You are doing a good job for your life.
@@shanghuikhoo3157 I try. I used to be much worse and I still have things to work on.
I just don't like seeing blanket labels blaming men, especially by Dr. Peterson as I respect him, when it comes to societal issues
Jesus would want you to find your complement. That is the true beauty of marriage and what keeps the good marriages lasting through the ages. ❤
@@kaitlanparks8061 Once those in power fix the broken marriage system it's something to consider.
Politely Jordan, I don't think family in itself is a burden. But growing up in poverty or with an abusive family environment, can leave life long scars.
Education saved me, and I was blessed I stumbled on the right mentors at the right moment. Otherwise...psych ward admission, and maybe self deletion.
Not all of us have resources man.
I really wish he would understand that. Not all of us have the same foundation to play from. A toxic environment really can distort how you see relationships.
Then don’t let your kids live in poverty or in a toxic environment? It’s the simple.. grow some of your food. Get a cheaper car. You already pay for a home, all your bills and food. You guys act like children cost soooo much more then what you already pay. Children do not cost that much. And why would you let your kids see abuse or bad thing?
@@GloriousVibeare you a grown adult? Clearly you understand what a toxic situation is since you see that what you had is not normal. So do the opposite? Do not let your children have that! It’s so pathetic how grown adults think they are just helpless beings 😂
@Heavyisthecrown A little compassion goes a long way, man. I don't know if you'd consider someone in their early 20's a *_grown_* adult, more like a growing adult. We're all learning as we go, so more patience and compassion instead of judging and projecting how you think an "adult" should act, whatever tf that means. Everyone's story is unique, and yet we're all the same, so maybe you should stop holding up a blueprint or filter to how a human being should be or what they should accomplish. Not everyone wants kids. Not everyone has the same narrative you operate from, so try and learn to understand that before you think we're all just naive and utterly hopeless individuals who don't want to bear any responsibility, as we all *HAVE* to. It takes time to heal from your past and find any stability to take of yourself, let alone others. It's extremely arrogant and ignorant of you to come on here and act like you've got life all figured out. "Kids aren't that expensive, just grow your food and save, and drive a cheaper car." How foolish of you to say these things 🤦, do better, my brother.🙏
I'm so sorry.
It should be clarified that one thing is deciding that one shouldn't have a family for specific reasons, another is believing that family itself is a mistake. The latter is what Jordan Peterson is talking about.
Family isn't a burden per se, but I grew up with a fractured family and havent had a relationship with my father since i was 18. Sometimes people just dont have the tools or think they're worth it to create a family. Family units support and grow confidence and self-esteem. I know I'd be a good father, but I don't know, sometimes I have the feeling of that I love "my kids" so much that I don't want to even have them due to this world and insecurity and not having experience with a solid, loving family unit of my own. I also dont think that immature people should just be having kids to magically make them mature. Clearly thats not happening in our society. Kids are raising kids.
Same
I am so grateful for the humbling wisdom and knowledge this man has to offer. Grateful for his amazing way to put words on my existential struggles. Helping me doing the right thing and find meaning through that in life.
I see some people here going nuts in the comments, saying that because some families have a horrible life, family life shouldn't be pursued. That doesn't make any sense. No family= no you.
Life has always been horrible and precarious for us humans since day 1. But people got tough and had kids. And HERE WE ARE TODAY.
Death and suffering everywhere were never enough to make people think they should stop having families. Until today, when some lab techs sell us tools to stop conception, so we think we have an alternative, that we don't have to share the same fight, the hard work and dedication that literally brought us until today. You are physically here because so many before you DID NOT think the way you do.
Is family burdensome? Yes. So is life. Are they both worth our sweat and tears? HECK YES. You are worth it. Do not insult your very origins.
Jordan Peterson is not talking about here and now. He knows all about the world's horrors, he had kids in therapy, he's not stupid. But he's highlighting how we are MADE to overcome the world's horrors, not by caving in (as people think in 1st world countries think they can do) but by TRYING harder and doing BETTER.
If you have a child, you'll see.
I am a true a*hole. But I had a kid and realised I was an a*hole. But also that I was ready to grow the heck up and do anything in my power to make a better world for HIM. That's the power of unconditional love that we don't have, but kids do.
Welcome to real life: you don't know everything and yes, there's more to life's horror. To quote Jordan Peterson, there's more to you than the horror inside you.
Well, you're fortunate, so is your family.
What about the ones who don't grow up? They destroy their families selfishly.
Not going to lie..
I am 30 and single, I make 100k+ per year. Years and years worth of savings.
I really value my alone time, and focusing on my relationship with Jesus.
Right now I am thankful I don’t have a wife or kids.
But in the future. If it is the Lords will. I will be happy to be a husband. But I am in no rush. I feel complete.
Jesus was unmarried and childless on earth, the masses seem to forget.
He did ok :)
@@JohnDoe-xk1dvHe was chosen to be committed to the gospel, that's why. Like nuns and priests. I agree that being single and childless can be a good thing, but that is the argument others will give you.
@@megankissinger8269 not sure he was 'chosen' though. He was God incarnate, on Earth. Does God choose Himself? Don't know on that one...
@@JohnDoe-xk1dvthis doesn’t make sense cause you’re not at all like Jesus. None of us are. He is perfect and never sins. As long as you can be forever sinless, go ahead and don’t have a family.
Wise.
I remember hearing Yeonmi Park saying that Freedom is scary in the sense you don’t know what to do with. I think having a family was set to ground someone. I think it also makes you work harder because you have something to think about than just yourself.
Having a family is not for everyone. If you are fond of short-term, shallow relationships, please don’t get married. If you don’t like children, please don’t have any. If you are afraid of everything, even the weather, please stay single. If you are abusive, dependent on chemicals, or simply an arsehole, don’t start a family. There are far too many people out there who should have stayed lonely and alone, but didn’t, so generations paid the price. Families are hard work. If you are lazy, stupid, selfish, and self-absorbed, stick to your own company. The world will thank you.
Your comment should be in every school in the world. Spot on bro.
The way you wrote this seems like you hate single people that choose to stay single.
@@iiDefied , only a fool would make that interpretation. Stay single. Nobody cares if you do.
@@garywagner2466 not really. The only things you pointed out were all negative. Also, I'm married, fool.
@@iiDefied poor man. Bet he’s regretting it.
My wife and I have 10 children. We know how hard it was to raise them but never felt like it was a burden. One day, God called us to be Foster Parents. He made us ready and able.❤
We need an open forum to discuss the challenges put forth by his outstanding mind.
I consider myself contemplative. I try to discern as much as I can. I thought I knew what I was doing as a young punk.
I didn't pursue a family. I had contempt for our wars and our ways. Why would I subject someone I love more than myself to potential and probable suffering?
I was blessed with a family, not of my own blood. I have even more contempt over our wars and our ways.
I've learned about the experiments conducted on the poor and 3rd world countries. I've learned about the thousands of years of conquest and slavery. I've learned about the food supply and manipulative marketing to children. I've learned about the human trafficking, slave labor, and sanctioned X abuse of children.
Is it really wrong to spare a child from these conflicts?
So many desperate people in the comments. If you're getting into relationships because you're afraid of loneliness, you're going to be miserable until your dying day. And worse: you're going to make other people miserable as well.
I was too busy staring at his suit to hear anything so I had to watch it twice
😂
A family is a foundation in which we get our motivation ambition is the reason why we try to improve our lives to give our family a better life
"It's a deep immaturity." Nailed it, sir.
What makes it an immaturity?
@@channelname5938well A it's naive and B it's refusing to take on responsibility, both of which are fundamental markers of immaturity
@@Trickster_24what if you're sterile, and/or grew up in poverty and abuse with massive scars you don't want to put on a child?
Is that immature, to not inflict next generation abuse? judgemental you are bud: think about it.
@@Trickster_24 I don’t see refusing to take on responsibility as inherently good or bad. If I say (unprompted) that I will hire you as manager of my restaurant, and you decline because you’d rather not deal with such pressure, sure you’d be throwing off responsibility, but I’d be a major dck if I scolded you for not accepting this responsibility (which is only one of many) that I arbitrarily decided to drop in your lap. I find the moral focus on family and having kids hard to buy when there are plenty of different ways to take on or decline responsibility; I actually think you have to have it in you to decline certain responsibilities from time to time just to keep your priorities in check. Otherwise, you’d just do whatever’s in front of you, which imo is a rather sad way to live.
@@JohnDoe-xk1dvI'm not afraid of being judgemental. Being judgemental and critical of myself is exactly why I've healed past my own childhood trauma.
There's an obvious difference between advice for the general public and tailor made advice for an individual.
Obviously I wouldn't recommend someone with severe trauma immediately go have a child.
But seeing a committed relationship and the idea of having a family as a burden is completely different than seeing a career in a specific field as a burden, and being sterile has almost nothing to do with whether you see it as a burden or not, there's millions of people who are sterile who want to adopt or have a donor. Even if they chose not to have a child personally that's not the same thing as regarding the idea of a family as a burden. I know because I was once in a place I considered family a burden, I no longer am in contact with either biological parent, one of them even attempted to steal my car when I tried to re-establish a connection with them.
For the record trauma very often makes someone both overly mature in some ways, but at the same time make them more childish in other ways. Trauma can make it significantly harder to mature in specific ways related to what traumatized you that you don't even realize until many years later if you decide to go down the path of therapy and self exploration.
People think life is a bed of roses because they've not thought about it in is a broader way. As we get older, what we do for ourselves doesn't impress is anymore. I remember playing video games and they were fun until no game triggered a positive feeling in me anymore. Most of my positive feelings come from doing things for other people like my daughter and family. I could do something I don't like but that sense of doing it because it benefits my daughter is worth it. Men need to man up because too much freedom is self imposed tyranny in the long run.
I'm just scared my marriage would become like my parents'. Very unhealthy, toxic and dysfunctional.
Well raised. Important to be healthy, and find someone if you want it, that is also healthy. Knowing what health means.
Thats why therapy is so important before you go find someone to get married, so that you can understand yourself and try to not repeat your parents mistakes
A family is like a bagful of gold: when you are trying to run free, it is a burden; when you are ready to stop and settle down, it represents bountiful resources and freedom.
Family is not a burden, it's a privilege. To share your life that clisely bonded to another is such a gift. Children are a gift.
I've heard the opposite all my life and it sounds like selfish insanity.
Being widowed with two young kids, having sole responsibility and very little help made it a burden.
But without my daughters, my life would be SO poor.
Agreed. But sometimes, Family is a burden.
I don’t think it’s a burden at all it’s finding a partner that is the challenge
My daughter is hyperactive and she wears me out. But it's a good problem to have. She blesses me so much just by being alive.
I love your teachings Mr Peterson, I hope to come to your show when In Philadelphia.
Your jacket is sharp, nicely done.
1.Why do I think a family is a burden ? Because when the women leaves, which statistically seems to be the norm its is financially and emotionally traumatic. 2. Most men would like a family and one loyal woman, but they discover the stability is not there, and then ask themselves is the cost/risk worth the reward. 3. After series of experiences of failed relationships (women monkey branching eventually in much of my experience), one should recognise where the path leads and stop with that path.
We're out there... Experiencing the same thing from your gender that you're experiencing from ours. The attrition rate from monogamy is truly ridiculous. Suddenly the guy decides he's polyamorous, or bi, or whatever else. I've practically given up on finding a heterosexual conservative biological male... In this ocean of switched entities? Pft. The odds are not looking good. Still, though... I remain on the lookout.
But I did manage to get married and have my children when I was very young so I have experienced the blessing of being a parent, albeit alone, because he took off when they were 5, 2, and 1 and has never been involved in their lives (they're 22, 19, and 17 now), and even though it's been hard and there have been times I thought I wouldn't make it (I had stage 4 leukemia when he left), I fought for my legacy, and turned a death sentence on its head. If that is possible, anything must be.
Family is not a vacation. This isn't Full House, or the Wonder Years. Family is dirty tactics, tooth and nail fights, repulsive motivations and slimy manipulations. It's a huge process that builds on itself that no one is ever *EVER* "100% prepared for" as some of these commenter's are saying they need to be. That's such a bs excuse. You can't be 100% prepared for anything that isn't being repeated, 100% the same, and the same serves for relationships. That's why even though I've been betrayed and abandoned and lied to... I will not let go of my hope for that relationship that will last. I have not experienced 100% of anything, and just a point of fact you should remember when you feel like giving up is the best option; "quit" is a four letter word. 🤗
It's also a deep immaturity to not recognize the massive life change having a family and making said choice when one is not emotionally mature doc
Lmao yeah. I’m surprised someone with his level of mental adeptness can’t comprehend someone else setting a few standards for themselves. The only thing going on here is value discordance in terms of what different people want out of life; these values aren’t moral but more like preferences, so why does he jump between the moral loading and the practicality while acting like it’s all one package? Why can’t someone say “If I have to be single to avoid having kids then I will accept that?” Just say you think it’s dumb and move on, JP.
@@nancybotwin4868 Even then. There are some people out there that are just not fit to be parents period
@@jamestyler3606 Yeah.
Honestly I’ll add a little nuance here in that no one can ever be totally ready for having a kid and part of becoming more ready is actually putting yourself through it, but that seems like a rather odd take to come from “get your ducks in a row first” Peterson.
No one is ever "ready" for marriage. Marriage, and especially raising children, is something that matures you as you go
Immature response. He didn't say you should start a family before you're ready, did he?
How ironic, I'm struggling to find the "burden of a family" and it seems more unattainable than ever.
There’s no burden of a family. A family exists out of love. That never burdens.
For you. You only speak for you.
no, a family is all about love. If that isn't you, then I understand what a burden that would been your world@@eriamhsl3841
A lot of people will regret not having the " burden of a family and constraints of one partner". They will realize,they never had the freedom they thought they did. We all have laws, standard's, constraints that guide us.
People think that having a family is a burden due to the cost of living in a broken world, not due to hedonism. Most can barely afford to sustain their own existence
It’s a matter of luck. Being in the right environment at the right time and meeting not only the right person but also that person is being in the right time at their journey, ready to compromise and settle down. It all has to align well double time you and the partner together.
Otherwise it all can turn into a massive fireball coming down on everything you build on your own up until that point in your life as it statistically happens half the time.
We all want a family a partner settle down feel needed feel useful feel love and respect and safe but not all of us are unfortunately lucky just enough. So we have to adapt to the circumstances and make do with what we have. I never say never but after all I’ve experienced, at the moment, until the circumstances changes and the luck turns, I’ll be doing my best to survive and taste a glimpse of happiness without an official life partner, again. Best of luck to all though.
I choose peace and quiet.
Yup. 🙏
Peace now vs peace in your elder years.
@mrmoosetachio It's hard to fill others cups if you don't fill your own. We have to find our own peace and then we'll be of genuine use to others.
@@GloriousVibe that's a lie that single folks tell themselves to feel better about being single.
In a *healthy* relationship you and your partner care about and take care of each other. Neither of you are always gonna be able to have life together indefinitely.
It's supposed to be about support and encouragement. Building and growing together.
@@mrmoosetachio It's not a lie. Many people who have kids and are married would agree with what the OP said. All of life's problems aren't solved with marriage and children. That's a lie people tell you. It also doesn't mean your life will work out as you expect and you might end up alone when you're old either way.
I can hardly afford to pay rent and my car payments, is absolutely no way I could afford to pay for the medical care and food for a baby and a woman.
At 56 I realised I spent my whole life caring about and thinking of others first. I gave so much of myself I forgot about me. With whatever time I have left I’m going to put myself first. With all due respect the world can go fxxk itself.
Did you have a family?
It's doing a good job of thar......4 sure
the first step to unstoppable awesomeness!
People feel like families are a burden due to the moral decay that has occurred during our slide down the slippery slope. Actual problems keep getting "solved" by creating more problems with government intervention, the nanny state, an erosion of personal responsibility and freedom, and most importantly, the turning away from our creator. It shouldn't surprise us that when Adam neglected his responsibility in the garden and blamed Eve and God for his unwillingness to take his job seriously that we would continue to slide. You can draw a straight line from the fall in the garden through the wars, through the creation of big government, through the welfare state, through the push to pull women (and men for that matter) out of the household and into the "work force" to the point they are "too busy" to raise their families and lean on "society" to raise their children for them, which is why there is so much rot in the public schools. I can go on and on (and due to the short attention spans of the Tik-Tok and Shorts ADHD correlated results of the slippery slope), but few will read this anyway. It's just so easy to see that it hurts to even think about it.
My dad called our family a burden once. He called me, his child, a burden. It hurts sometimes 😔
I am sorry
Love you ❤️
@@TheMackirkI appreciate your sorry
@@HUMBLE-EYES❤
@@sofidofie 😊
Why do I not want a family? Probably because my parents are suicidal and having me was probably the worst decision of their whole lives. I can't fathom how they got to be the way they are, but it scares me that they could have been just like me at one point, and I quite frankly don't want to walk that path.
I don’t want to feel obligated to commitment or by responsibility) but it’s just that they took everything I loved and loved doing and who I was being
Cause now we’re the men they turned us into
A peaceful life, just me and my dog ( German shepherd) is the life for me 🍃 🙏 🐕 ❤
Less is more. Living with 0.8 partner
Less is more. Living with 0.8 partner
takes one to know one; if i can't imagine because i never lived it.. how am i supposed to choose that option
You can choose blessing of responsibility and burden on freedom.
I like the way you are phrased that. 💛
Thank you Jordan! As always you hit the nail on the head! Family is the most important thing on earth not financial gain!🙏🙏🙏Blessing’s
The biggest moral collapse in the world is happening in our time, unfortunately, sexual content broadcasts and homosexual broadcasts are the biggest disgrace in the world. The world has existed for billions of years and has never witnessed such a moral collapse as long as it has existed. These broadcasts are a cause for God's wrath. They should be banned all over the world immediately. Young people are poisoned by these broadcasts.
The most important thing on earth to some, not all. You are not the world's representative
By some you mean the majority@@AhtoNajeebRashied
It's not at all an immaturity to decide not to have kids. It's actually much more mature to make that personal decision than just stumble through life and have five kids with five women, never being able to meet even a percentage of the obligations that brings along. Our boomer fathers did that, forcing our mothers to raise us by themselves. And there's nothing wrong about breaking that habit.
My grandfather was a great man, in my opinion. He was a simple man, but he was great in my eyes. He was a man of God who prayed and went to church everyday. He and my grandmother were married for over 50 years until their death. Up until his death my grandfather always told me one thing. "NEVER GET MARRIED"
You don't become a real grown-up until you love something more than yourself, and that's not going to happen without a family.
Exactly, dr peterson said in an interview that you only become a full adult when you live in a world where someone else is more important than you, that happens when you have a child. That's a very strong phrase
You don't grow up until you can look yourself in the mirror. It's not a child's responsibility to validate me because I can't do it myself.
@user-kv4sb2xt1k You are way off the mark, it has nothing to do with your validation. And with that narcissistic view of having children, it's probably better that you don't have any.
A family is your first and greatest blessing.
We CAN'T AFFORD to have a Family.
What sense does it make to start a family when you're going to live in POVERTY?!
Well said.
I get the sentiment completely, but I doubt many guys focus their spirit to work as hard as possible to be able to sustain a family out of the blue - it's actually very difficult to hold onto these abstract ideals as that to which you are sacrificing your toil. Finding someone you can commit to, who gives you the promise of something you can work for, that seems the better path of the two.
True wealth is to be found in relationship.
@@JordanBPeterson based
You can't find a job that pays 30k a year?
Your lazy and justifying it.
Spot on brother Jordan highly appreciate your insights. So articulate and respectful bless you brother in his name HALLELUJAH !
I am married and have two children. Daily life is busy and tiring but is also profoundly meaningful. I feel that everything I do to support my family and guide my children is the most important thing I can possibly be doing.
It’s a bit arrogant to think that we deserve more than we have. If you’re lucky enough to have what you once asked for, be happy with it.
I remember being through my 20’s and having choices. Women, social gatherings. Now in my 30’s I sometimes feel that same arrogance to be rudely awakened by the fact that I’m no longer as good looking or charming as I was then. Evident by the type of women that approach me. Low hanging fruit but once I’m approached by something above that, I’m intimidated and lost on what to do next. Don’t fall victim to your own vanity.
Family is so important.
(when you are in a relationship, you choose to be in it, because you like it, it makes both of you better, not for some moral high ground)
Out of a long marriage and I’m so happy to be over and have one son(who I love and lives with me) I’m so happy to be free. To make friendships again seems like my whole life was robbed from me now I get to live and be happy again
Good luck to you.
I'll take things feminazis say for 1000$. 🙄
My sister is gripped by this ignorance. She constantly talking about how she never wants kids and is so much happier because she can buy whatever she wants and she can party all she wants and take vacations and stuff with her girlfriend. Idk how to talk to her about family and the importance of it. She says she'll never have kids and it makes me so sad. Any tips on how I can talk to her?
The person who need help is you. Not your daughter
To me, it’s not about freedom. Freedom is definitely great and you’re a strong person with this power of freedom.
Yet. Had a single mom growing up working 7 days a week so was my Uncles and Aunts = They were miserable and definitely weren’t supportive parents, they wanted me to shut up and do homework till I become a lawyer or doctor.
To me. Having children when I’m not rich or have the time in the work… is a burden not only on me but on them. Being miserable and just taking out your frustration and anger on your children.
I never want to be them.
Family is a blessing
God blessed me with an amazing family at age 36, best decision I made was to follow through with His plan for my life.
@@Mi_Mono I'm not lucky, I'm Blessed. God still has a plan for your life.
The issue is, having a family is a huge financial burden, even for the “middle class”. This is a big reason for the decline birth rates, not people choosing a more hedonistic lifestyle.
My wife and I earn approximately £90,000 a year between us (roughly split 50/50). Although we don’t live in poverty, we’re also nowhere nearer to owning our own house than we’ve ever been, and the cost of introducing a another person into the mix would push the goal even further away.
Also, if we were to have children, we would then either have to sacrifice 50% of our income to allow her/me to stay at home to look after the kids, or fork out on private childcare.
Stop living beyond your means. You exactly what I’m talking about and you’re using what you’ve said as an excuse to not be responsible
Sounds like you guys need to be better with money
I live in London my friends, one of the most expensive cities on the planet. A household income of 90k doesn’t leave with much once general living costs are paid. We’re also going through historically high inflation, which hits us harder as the city is already expensive.
People criticizing here have no idea how costly it is to raise a kid yet 2 or 3
@@Qwmnenbvctyzioswo the point I was also making was to have children you either have to sacrifice one income, or pay for childcare, which is going to result in the same loss of income either way for both of us. So, we would have to raise a family on a salary of £50k, which, living in London, doesn’t go very far these days. It wouldn’t be impossible, but it would certainly cause massive strain, and I am not prepared to bring a child into substandard living conditions.
I'm just not build for it and why would I replicate myself or my bad genes when I'm not crazy about them to begin with which doesn't even include being halfway responsible and not having something I know I can't take care of.
Don't feel guilty if you're not like other sheep here, indeed. Develop yourself and people, as you can - family is not a goal, it's a process and an outcome.
The cool thing about forcing yourself into new challenges is…you surprise yourself.
The economy has made traditional norms impossible. The goal of the one world government is singular people with morality which is self-centred.
There was a time I would profusely agree with Jordan...what he neglects to tell U is that by 2030 autism will affect 1 out of 2 children..75% chance Ur wife will play up on U ..80%chance she will divorce U and take 50% of all goods and chattels plus the kids and family pets ..Gov will demand U give her 75% of gross salary...she will shack up with the bloke she left U for and U will have to prove yourself worthy of visitation rights.. you're not living in the real world Jordan
prove yourself worthy hey?
there is an assumption there
harsh maybe,
but better than encouraging people to lose hope
Why will 50% of kids have autism in the future?
Respectfully, let me straight up answer these rhetorical questions.
Why do I think a family is a burden? Doing one's duty by family requires a substantial financial and time investment. It creates mutual obligations I would be honour bound to meet forever. The same resources and time could be spent on other pursuits that I simply prefer to enjoy.
Why do I think choice that I may or may not have is freedom? That is because the choice to say NO remains open. I can't say NO with honour to a permanent relationship that I have offered my word of commitment to. Certainly, I can't end that at will without substantial pain on both sides. I don't want to have a partner - I have no desire to negotiate and compromise how I live my life with someone else. It is not everyone else that wants to limit me to less than one partner - it is I who chooses to impose that limit upon myself.
Some people r scared of changes for the better but i mean heyy, i really cant blame them, it was understood all family household were raised different. By a lot sometimes 😊
I’m a semi-successful musician or “rockstar” as some people put it. Not a household name, but music on streaming services, tv, movies, video games, etc. So you know my background. I’m not the best looking, but I’m not the worst, and so, I never had too much trouble with women.
That’s all to say… I have never had sex as much as I have in a healthy, monogamous relationship (with no masturbation, which I also think helps). It’s much more fulfilling sex, as well, with someone you love.
I’m getting married in August.
It’s freedom until they have no one and nothing to help with whatever it is they need help with. Even if it’s just learning to grow up.
They wouldn't think so if they didn't feel they were coming up short deep down. Most people who can't be good lovers or family-people dismiss love and family as concepts. That's one of those things that's consistent as gravity.
Having kids is 100% the best years of your life - yes it’s hard work at times but I NEEDED the growth also.
Sadly not all parents would agree with you.
yes, YOU needed it. Not everyone does.
@@penultimania4295 I didn’t “NEED” it per se - it’s what I got and what every parent will get if they have kids. I agree with you tho (if this is what you meant) that it’s ok to not have a family. Just so long as it’s a deliberate choice and not just something one never got around to and then regrets it. Cheers
@@penultimania4295 naaa most people need growth. People who don’t like kids typically have the most growing up to do.
@@charliecinnella9090 mhm it's the opposite. The only thing you follow is your animal instinct to stick it in a hole, good job.
I want to build family, however no one want to do it with me... yet...
Well, family is not a burden, it's a blessing, I have three boys and I thank the world every day for them. Even after a divorce I still have faith in the value of commitment and keep looking to create a strong family.
However... starting a family in modern society is like playing Russian roulette with two bullets in a six shooter, on a whim the lady can decide she's not happy enough and leave with the kids and more than half of everything you've worked for. It's a deal so bad I think I'm a fool for still trying, and I don't blame anyone for just bailing out altogether.
The only thing i really want is a family. Everything else is secondary or less. I can only imagine that people who don't want one grew up way too comfortable in their family dynamic. You know, like all the rest of these idiology driven narcissists. No real problems growing up so the have to invent a dragon to slay, but since they're not really creative enough for that, they just take what's real and actually works and make a dragon out of that instead.
What are your reasons for wanting a family? So your children can have to burden of taking care of you in old age.
@lea-anne9133 The enrichment of family and service to others is such a blessing. Children allow for "our growth." In guidance, you achieve a level of understanding of our world and the positive you can give, and be for another outside of yourself. To feel the joy in the first laugh or steps in a child's development is like no other.
You can experience love with your husband... but to feel the experience of the loving of a child is altogether a different type of love. We don't love our parents the same way... we see and experience them as individuals. The joy of living is in all the complex relationships and the struggle... don't miss it, my dear. God bless! 🙏
Enjoy the ride 🏜🏇...
@@lea-anne9133asian here. I want children, because it's a responsibility that I wanna take, the heavy investment not only financially, but also mentally and time is worth it, because everything I've done is for my loved ones.
People that assumed an individual wanting children because they want someone to take care of them when they got old are insecure ignorant fools
It looks like you are the one who’s not creative enough to even think of another reason why some people might not want a family. No, not everyone was too comfortable. Some of us had quite the opposite experience, but it’s just easier to label everyone who doesn’t think like you, a narcissist.
Absolutely, the choice to be free of "antifreedom" or discipline can't result in quality freedom. People don't seem to like to know this feeling nowadays, but it's good to know what it's like to feel great about coming home from a hard day of work, rather than just whiny and mad about it or feeling entitled to ease all day. I've found that what limits and rots the self more profoundly is having to vainly stick to selfish or ego-related needs & wants, even if it's just having to try to take care of health 24/7. I want to be able to live more for others but I know right now I can't because I need to be able to take care of my health & psyche properly first
This absolutely. I wish he would understand that we're no use to others if we can't establish a solid foundation for ourselves first.
@@GloriousVibeDo you really think Jordan Peterson doesn't understand that? That is exactly the kind of thing he talks about a lot.
First...because family is a burden. Second he did not give an explanation why a family is not a burden. Third he says he doubts the existence of freedom of choice but did not explain why. And fourth and lastly he wants people to adapt his way of living.
Not everyone is fit to have family Mr. Peterson! Promoting family like it's a trip to Piazza could be a trip with a major consequence! Especially for the kids. Use that glorious vocabulary to advise to act up on it cautiously and throughly . Family is sacred.
The past 30 years have proven to me that family is a burden.
I’d wager your family says the same thing about you
Assuming that family is a burden, it’s the most noble burden you can carry, so take that cross with dignity.
IMO, it comes down to love. When love is not the foundation of a relationship, nothing that is built on it will last. There are so many who don't like themselves and have nothing in the way of love to give anyone else. These people should remain single...
Deep immaturity and ignorance that's gripped us!! WELL SAID!!
It's never a burden to start a family, but sadly people who start it wrong say that it is, and people who see bad examples think it's a burden
I love this guy. I am one of the men that life has put limitations on. I'm ok with it but I do think a family would have been a blessing
I want family ❤
I got into this shit for reasons I don’t really knw I was young and didn’t have shit else..she gave me a reason to live bc I had some one to love but I didn’t love myself and now 4 kids later I’m still as depressed as I was when my mom died right after we got together. Her family have drove me to hate them and now they hate is driving me away from my wife bc she don’t wana put space between us….I wish I didn’t create any of this shit bc I feel like I gotta leave now to be happy or stay and feel emasculated like shit..My family didn’t fill the hole in my heart.
Family is not a burden. Love my family. However, I am still open for others to choose whatever they want. People seem happier when they can make their own choices. Something that is personal, waste of time preaching non mandatory subject to others they don't want for themselves. It is deep immaturity and ignorance to have something for society that you don't want for yourself.
Love Jordan Peterson and enjoy listening to him. Is he saying everyone on earth should have the same desire and like the same things? Life, would be dull.
I still respect men and women who decided to live without constraint of permanent relationship. There are many married couples not limiting themselves with one partner anyway, by having affairs✌
I will agree with him on everything except the first point. When some people say that having a family is a "burden," it's not necessarily because they're immature or ignorant.
In fact, I would argue that the men who choose to make this claim-- and yes, it is predominately men making this claim, are not ignorant of what it means to have a family; but rather, these men are HYPER AWARE of the incomprehensible levels of responsibility that comes with having a family.
-- I need to make my wife happy.
-- I need to make my children happy.
-- I need to make sure my wife is clothed, fed, and has a roof over her head.
-- I need to make sure my kids are clothed, fed, and have a roof over their head.
-- I need to be responsible.
-- I need to be kind.
-- I need to be loving.
-- I need to keep an open mind.
-- I need to be forgiving.
-- I need to be firm.
-- I need to be everything and anything, something and nothing, at all points in time throughout the day, everyday, until I die; and shame be on me if I should ever slip up.
A good percentage of the men Jordan Peterson shames as "immature" in this clip, are most likely men who see the magnitude of what it means to have a family, realize they don't measure up, and ultimately choose to opt out; rather than make a half-arsed attempt at something they know they can't accomplish; which makes perfect sense in their minds, because taking the leap in this instance is tantamount to playing with a woman's emotions and gambling on their children's future (because a husband who falls short, at any point in time, will have an upset spouse and children who may end up becoming less than because their father wasn't "good enough.").
So yeah. Jordan Peterson is smart, and often right about a lot of things. But this ain't one of them, in my opinion.
Stellt euch nur vor wie wütend dieser Anwalt nun ist. Einfach herrlich! 😂🎉
As much as I am a fan of Jordan, I can't take anyone seriously who hasn't been in the dating market in over 20 years. You couldn't pay me to wife someone up to start a family based on what I see all my friends going through. From financial distress to divorces with or without kids, infidelity. No thanks, I'll enjoy my solitude. Maybe when the odds of success become better or the culture shifts I'll change my outlook.
Freedom is a burden if you are not wise enough to make choices and aren't be able to deal with the consequences of those choices.
Can we talk about his suit? So chic!
Family is one thing , having a partner in the family is another, sometimes can t alaways have em all