8 Rules for Loving an ESFJ | Season 27 | CS Joseph

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  • Опубликовано: 2 дек 2024

Комментарии • 121

  • @ZaidenDee
    @ZaidenDee 2 года назад +94

    1. Tell the ESFJ what you value
    2. Always be devoted to making them comfortable and feeling safe
    3. Always make them feel desired
    4. Don't ever call them stupid, also make sure you always listen to them
    5. Give them recognition, show them gratitude and appreciation for all of their support. Otherwise, they will assume that they are doing a bad job and start overcompensating. Provide them with feedback.
    6. Go out of your way to be clean, or they will lose respect for you
    7. Never allow them to make a decision by themselves. They don't know what they want.
    8. They don't really care about opinions or their status. Do things to elevate your status; they see this as a reflection on them.

  • @jobo8868
    @jobo8868 2 года назад +52

    Lecture starts @ 13:10
    Rule 1: share you beliefs and values with them so that they can internalize said beliefs and values with their Fe hero and not worry about being an ass or not being wanted
    Rule 2: also tell them how best they can serve you
    Rule 3: make them feel desired; don't make it forced or they will be upset; give them good experiences
    Rule 4: don't call them stupid and always actively listen to them even if you don't want to
    Rule 5: give them recognition; show them gratitude for their support or they'll take it personally; always provide feedback
    Rule 6: make sure you're clean and organized so you don't trigger their Se critic
    Rule 7: Never allow esfj to make decisions alone
    Rule 8: don't make others lose respect for you, otherwise esfj will lose respect for you

    • @ArathiJNair
      @ArathiJNair 6 месяцев назад

      Rule 7 and Rule 4 doesn't go well 😂. ESFJ not only want to take decisions for them(mostly agreeing with community, still..) but also for the other person. I have no idea how to convince them otherwise 😮‍💨. Rule 6, Rule 8 🤯🤯

  • @kraftdinner21
    @kraftdinner21 10 месяцев назад +5

    Holeeeee. This was by far your meanest esfj video. Lots of accuracy but I can also hear the biterness / dislike.

    • @CSJoseph
      @CSJoseph  10 месяцев назад +4

      Just note that I am not the only one who carries that much bitterness towards this type

    • @emolly93
      @emolly93 5 месяцев назад

      @@CSJosephso true 🤣🤣🤣

  • @nicholasmendez9108
    @nicholasmendez9108 2 года назад +43

    My grandmother is an ESFJ and she hates it when you spit. It’s funny because you spit in the season 3 ESFJ episode and she automatically stops listening to you after you do it. 😂

  • @diyab1056
    @diyab1056 2 года назад +24

    I'm extremely direct so I just tell my ESFJ what I want and what I expect. It comes naturally 😇

    • @serena...869
      @serena...869 2 года назад +3

      Oo ok. How do they take it? The ESJFs entrigue me. I have a close ESFJ friend and they fascinate me more and more. I really like hid character and his composed and peaceful exterior. Yet he's still fun and we can share banter and humour together. Hmm, even as I'm typing this out its bring more things up ha... He's so sincere and respectful and safe and secure. He's got his life in good order and is doing well for himself. He's smart and adventurous. He's....he's great.
      Oh dear...
      (I'm an INFP)

    • @diyab1056
      @diyab1056 2 года назад +1

      @@serena...869 they love when you tell them what you want so they don't have to guess and can give you what you want

  • @linguavert4399
    @linguavert4399 2 года назад +12

    I watched this for an ESFJ friend who is having a very hard time right now. If there's anything I can do to make life more pleasant for her, I'll be glad to do it. Thanks for the step-by-step outline, Chase!

    • @jenstone4708
      @jenstone4708 2 года назад +4

      I’m not csj but I have a close relationship with an esfj and one thing I noticed that makes her day is making her feel she is really wanted and also giving them them things to care give for …

  • @KSM-mu3xx
    @KSM-mu3xx 2 года назад +14

    I (INFJ) am getting married to an ESFJ soon. Im prepared to follow all your points but 8 stopped me in my tracks.
    I totally get the idea, but I strongly dislike the idea of having to make decisions that keep my status elevated. It’s an uphill - sometimes futile - climb (as an infj) because we go against the tide and ‘disappoint’ people often and so I ceased to care a long time ago.
    People are happy with me? Great. People aren’t? I don’t mind at all.
    What people respect is often superficial, and can crash at any moment.. what can I do?
    ESFJs interest in reputation doesn’t gel well with me…

    • @VV-ik7sy
      @VV-ik7sy 2 года назад +3

      Any update or things you have learned? I have started dating an ESFJ male (initially thought he was an enfj but he’s not) and on the first date I did ask about his views on traditional gender roles and he said he doesn’t expect his future wife to be the type to “make him dinner by 7”. He is also okay with a career-oriented woman and he thinks domestic labor should be shared. The scariest part to me from this video is like, if I gain weight he won’t be loyal? What if it’s due to a medical condition? I take pretty good care of myself but I have gained maybe 10 lbs in the past when in Se grip (although since becoming aware of Se grip I haven’t, and I take precautions to avoid it).

    • @Nightwalker377
      @Nightwalker377 Год назад +2

      Interesting. I am an INFJ who has been married to my ESFJ wife for about a year and half now. Been friends and dating for even longer. Like all types. ESFJ’s are not one size fits all. My wife doesn’t care as much about my status being higher than others. I think it’s more about consistency for her. When it comes to my work, she asked me to give up a Supervisory Role in place of starting at the bottom at a new more consistent and established company. She is happy with the decision to this day. I’ve never known her to require my status to be elevated.

    • @ArathiJNair
      @ArathiJNair 6 месяцев назад

      And Do you really agree with the point that... " Always listen to an ESFJ ". Do you think it's possible to always listen to someone even if our likes, dislikes and reasons are different ?????

    • @ArathiJNair
      @ArathiJNair 6 месяцев назад

      ​@@VV-ik7syMe too am thinking about these things😮‍💨.

    • @Mortablunt
      @Mortablunt 5 месяцев назад

      Abort abort, eject eject! Worst type absolutely across-the-board!

  • @vj21oq27
    @vj21oq27 2 года назад +5

    27:28 If I ever dated an ESFJ and if they cheat on me then I will seize that oppurtunity to get rid of them from my life. It's a curse to live with an xSFJ, any mistake from their side gives me a golden oppurtunity to improve my life by removing them from my life.

  • @CuddleClaw.
    @CuddleClaw. 2 года назад +12

    I love this season.
    I’m glad you’re feeling better.
    The menu is a great idea.
    Thank you for your content.

  • @archetopics9473
    @archetopics9473 2 года назад +6

    I am an INTP and I wish to have a better relationship with my ESFJ dad, it's just that I can't convince him of anything and it's super frustrating. He is a "have I told you how much I love you today, love" kind of man, yet he goes on cartaker mode very often. I think we owe each other more than a couple days in court.
    Thanks Chase by the way! You speak truth.

  • @diyab1056
    @diyab1056 2 года назад +22

    Saying "I feel" instead of "I think" when speaking to an ESFJ is a great idea that I didn't even think of 😂

    • @CIA.2024-u9b
      @CIA.2024-u9b 2 года назад

      It feels like a lie to me

    • @diyab1056
      @diyab1056 2 года назад

      @@CIA.2024-u9b why?

    • @CIA.2024-u9b
      @CIA.2024-u9b 2 года назад

      @@diyab1056 I dont feel

    • @diyab1056
      @diyab1056 2 года назад

      @@CIA.2024-u9b everyone feels. Maybe you're just not in tune with your emotions. I mean unless you're a psychopath.

    • @CIA.2024-u9b
      @CIA.2024-u9b 2 года назад

      @@diyab1056 Well, I feel, but seldom and weaker. Mostly with music or the family. Else, hardly.

  • @Anonymous_Anon882
    @Anonymous_Anon882 2 года назад +7

    ESFJs are super-easy to love by nature (principled but super-friendly).

  • @CuddleClaw.
    @CuddleClaw. 2 года назад +11

    Applying this to INFP… I think I triggered him more when I said “I feel” and I should’ve said “I think.” Also, when he was triggered, every function in his shadow was on fire. He was comparing me to his past trauma relationships, accusing me of so many things that weren’t true. It was jaw dropping, he even said I wasn’t being logical and that I was gaslighting him. (I’m an ISTP, I’ve got a healthy grasp on logic). In reality, I think he had just stopped listening once he was triggered and didn’t hear some of what I had said. I thought to myself that no wonder Chase never wants another romantic relationship with an INFP, this is horrible. But I also thought that only a Templar could tolerate this and navigate through this. I also thought to myself “he knows not what he does.” (Similar to what Jesus said). I was careful to stay in a humble space. My heart-felt speeches brought him closer, but not enough because of other distractions, so we’d fall back down the hole. What ultimately saved us was when he could tell I was very close to not wanting him anymore. He said “please stay with me.” So I used Fe Aspirational and Ni Child, I kissed him on the face, held him, and said “I want to love you. Just let me love you.” And I channeled my energy into loving and caring energy. And within 10 minutes, he came back to me, back to his Fi. FUUUUCK. Am I amazing or am I amazing.

    • @simpletomash
      @simpletomash 2 года назад +2

      Haha astonishing backstory! Huge congrats to u and even greater thanks for that spirit and mature behavior of yours.
      - gotta take example from u as a fellow templar. INFJ(verified)

    • @zephdo2971
      @zephdo2971 11 месяцев назад

      i love istps

  • @zenithgreyhatENTJ
    @zenithgreyhatENTJ 2 года назад +7

    Although I’m not longer in a relationship with my ESFJ ex (as an ENTJ). I now know that I did everything I could to actually support that relationship. There was nothing else I could have done. I followed those rules and yet she was just constantly controlling and dishonest like crazy. I just wasn’t going to have it.

    • @katrina7277
      @katrina7277 2 года назад +1

      How was she being dishonest? - your cousin INTJ that’s in a relationship with an ESFJ

    • @StephMicayle
      @StephMicayle 2 года назад +1

      @@katrina7277 Female INTJ with male ESFJ? Im in the same boat. How are things working out on your end? Did you want to connect and chat?
      - Fellow INTJ

    • @Handleitt1
      @Handleitt1 7 месяцев назад

      @@StephMicaylehow did that go? It blew up in my face. 😂

  • @MegaCynthia7
    @MegaCynthia7 2 года назад +2

    This was so helpful. THANK YOU, C.S. Joseph!!

    • @CSJoseph
      @CSJoseph  2 года назад

      Please like and sub

  • @sandradibiaso7316
    @sandradibiaso7316 2 года назад +2

    So sorry you were so sick and had to be hospitalized.

  • @ashleyching7894
    @ashleyching7894 2 года назад +5

    Judge people based on being the best THEY can be as their type.

  • @00Klingon
    @00Klingon 2 года назад +1

    I wish I knew about all of this years ago. It might have saved so much pain for everyone. Spot on about everything. This reads like a list of most every mistake made. The points about them not allowing you to have a voice, problems with major decisions like buying a car and issues with recognition read like you were there. Almost unsettling in your accuracy. This was extended family, not romantic but it still very much applies.

  • @kingsnow9698
    @kingsnow9698 2 года назад +3

    I had a bit of a moral failure with an ESFJ, I know that I didn’t do anything malicious, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and somebody tried to paint me as a bad guy.
    I wanted to ask, what could I do when trying to apologize to them. I don’t have a lot of money, but I wish I could get your help on this because I lack a lot of resources.
    Wish I could share a bit of more details, but I feel like this individual likes me, but they’re scared about who I maybe as an individual, but they’re judging me from a time that I was literally living in a home that was like hell, I wasn’t my best self.

  • @nourelhouda2628
    @nourelhouda2628 2 года назад +2

    So my aunt is an ESFJ and she has two daughters, an ISFP and an ESTP and she absolutely despises the ISFP, she thinks she's rigid and doesn't listen and needs to be more social, to the point of resentment and physical violence, but on the contrary she's likes the ESTP very much.
    Does this make sense?

  • @fenzda
    @fenzda 2 года назад +6

    How would I keep up the house like my ESFJ wants. When she is in pain, she expects me to clean like her. OMG. Or take care of her like she takes care of me. How do I do that.

    • @saavyz
      @saavyz 2 года назад

      Watch and learn. Or ask her.

    • @fenzda
      @fenzda 2 года назад

      Haha. I did. She said I should know.

    • @jenstone4708
      @jenstone4708 2 года назад +1

      Do your best. That’s all.

    • @maryrosenwasser1656
      @maryrosenwasser1656 Год назад +2

      You can't, instead of trying to achieve the impossible do it your own way or neglect it, then come to her and say that you are hopeless without her and that in times like this you can see how much she is doing for you 😉

    • @Mortablunt
      @Mortablunt 5 месяцев назад

      My mother is SJ, and I know from experience it is absolutely impossible to keep things clean enough to her standard if she is out at any time for any reason. I even tested this experimentally by staying completely out of the house for three days while she was on a trip so the house was exactly as she left it after she cleaned it prior to leaving she got back before I did, and somehow found stuff to complain over being dirty. I think it comes with the territory of being SJ as my SJ wife can never be happy with cleaning unless she does it. I’m actually cleaning and her the less organized and yet she’s not happy with the level of cleaning unless she’s done it herself.
      Then they wonder why I check out on cleaning and often times don’t even bother anymore.

  • @jenniferstone4838
    @jenniferstone4838 Год назад +1

    First off, I can never thank you enough before these, how to love videos, and/or any other material that you have given us… You have literally given us a way to understand others and a way to compromise and have peace and harmony. I can’t thank you enough for this … I do have a question though… You said not to judge people by who you are, so how do we judge people if we’re trying to judge him from the best of what their personality can provide, but I have happen to notice that many esfjs our yeller’s… They yell at their children a lot they force their will… From my perspective I feel that hurts children what is right what is wrong? Am I allowed to charge on this one… Question question?

  • @diyab1056
    @diyab1056 2 года назад +5

    Wow so what you said about salespeople makes so much sense! We were walking through a mall and this one guy tried selling us some useless gizmo and my ESFJ was like "Hmm I don't really need that tho..." and then the guy just said a few more lines of his pitch and my ESFJ said "Ok wait I'll come back for it my gf is dragging me away.." 🤣 then he went back to look for the guy and we luckily thank God couldn't find him 😄

  • @SykeeNot
    @SykeeNot 2 года назад +3

    Your banging these out !lol awesome keeep em coming it only keeps me more excited for the infjs one

  • @bohdanpohorilets
    @bohdanpohorilets 2 года назад +4

    I've heard so many times about women with their nails undone from my ex ESFJ - Se critic and Ti inferior and her decisions - OMFG it's as if she wanted to actually destroy her future, which isn't strange because ESFJ as Chase correctly said are systematic

    • @CSJoseph
      @CSJoseph  2 года назад +2

      ESFJs are systematic, not Interest based.

    • @bohdanpohorilets
      @bohdanpohorilets 2 года назад

      @@CSJoseph ah right, my bad thanks

  • @PoisonDreamz
    @PoisonDreamz 2 года назад +2

    Usage of "Love Languages" really has no correlation on how well people do in relationships. Bunch of studies show that they really are not useful.

  • @elypelowski5670
    @elypelowski5670 2 года назад +5

    This is valuable info. and very accurate. One of my best friends she is ESFJ and all these rules you described are spot on and almost all come naturally from me an INTJ male.

    • @zannnnng7910
      @zannnnng7910 2 года назад +2

      This is the first time I’ve ever commented on RUclips… or anything for that matter. This is really interesting. I’ve been typed as an INTJ, and I am married to an ESFJ female and I naturally struggle to do all of these things besides being clean and listening… for the most part patiently. 6 years in and the struggle gets harder and harder. Maybe I’ve been mistyped? When she talks about how she’s feeling and venting… I legit have no idea what she’s talking about to the point that I have trouble relating to what she’s saying. Perhaps they are compatible friends but not in marriage? Is that a thing?

  • @AnnieAreYouWokeEh
    @AnnieAreYouWokeEh Год назад +1

    What if you don’t really like ESFJs but you think they’re really sexy when they’re angry at you?

  • @sientwa6102
    @sientwa6102 2 года назад +2

    I can't even count how many times I called my esfj sister stupid. And didn't listen to her.. 😵

  • @JR-ow8xg
    @JR-ow8xg 2 года назад +3

    If a Fe user is shadow focus, does it mean that they still force/expect gratitude and appreciation?
    I find myself and my dad with healthy self stem and wiling to show gratitude first (both shadow focus).
    Is this an orderly transition to our villain Fi where we become certain of our own value?

    • @CSJoseph
      @CSJoseph  2 года назад +1

      focus is a preference to go to one side to solve problems, you still spend most of your time in your ego.

  • @chloroxbleach8561
    @chloroxbleach8561 2 года назад +7

    me an ISFP,
    is this Heaven?

  • @ashleyching7894
    @ashleyching7894 2 года назад +1

    Be curious to understand when listening.

  • @KhorshidKhorshid3546
    @KhorshidKhorshid3546 8 месяцев назад

    Love you Csj you just make life easier for me."Istj"

  • @mykeewrench
    @mykeewrench 2 года назад +1

    “Ask them can you wash the dishes” Who doesn’t desire an ESFJ man? No one’s perfect.

  • @alizo3
    @alizo3 2 года назад +1

    thank you so much for this lecture, . i was wondering if starting and running a business is a good fit for the esfj. thanks

    • @CSJoseph
      @CSJoseph  2 года назад +1

      Te demon may have a tough time with paperwork, but running a business can be very good nonetheless.

  • @Ali-MJ
    @Ali-MJ 7 месяцев назад

    Wow, I learnt most of these rules from my very childhood with my ESFJ father... (INTP)

    • @Mortablunt
      @Mortablunt 5 месяцев назад

      Maybe you did something terrible in a past life to get one of these?

    • @Ali-MJ
      @Ali-MJ 5 месяцев назад

      @@Mortablunt wow :)💙
      Maybe, but I don't consider my ESFJ father a curse necessarily, I became a UD INTP and learnt a lot to understand my father while living with my subconscious type, and now I can absolutely feel and understand how adorable is a compatible relationship and now I appreciate my healthy wayfarer relationships :)

  • @RuthParodies
    @RuthParodies 2 года назад +1

    Chase, unrelated to the video but do you maybe have (a) book(s) recommendation(s) on the unconscious functions and what their role is? So for example, the critic function, how does it work and interact with the other functions? I'd be really interested in that!

    • @CSJoseph
      @CSJoseph  2 года назад +2

      Well, Aion (by Jung) is listed as source material if you want to go that route.

    • @CSJoseph
      @CSJoseph  2 года назад +3

      www.csjoseph.life/reading

    • @RuthParodies
      @RuthParodies 2 года назад

      @@CSJoseph oh, sorry I didn't look it up. Thank you! I am ordering it..!

  • @chaimaehachemi2674
    @chaimaehachemi2674 2 года назад +2

    Thanku smuch for this helpful vd who cleared for me a lot of thing

    • @maryrosenwasser1656
      @maryrosenwasser1656 Год назад

      None☺ just tell them what YOU want, we (ESFJ) really want to see everyone around us content, so by making things clear we become happy knowing what people want from us

  • @bluestingerborg
    @bluestingerborg 2 года назад +1

    This is one of the personality types I hate the most

  • @RaffertyMBTI
    @RaffertyMBTI Год назад +2

    14:38 lmfao

  • @pouyanejati7068
    @pouyanejati7068 2 года назад +1

    Hey Chase and everyone, do you recommend INFP x ESFJ?
    I had a great relationship with an ISFJ before, i literally made sure she was comfy all the time, then she made me feel comfy herself (interest time lol) although NFP SFJ got emotional compatibility rather than sexual.
    But literally anyone with high Fe gets along with me so well, is the sexual part still an issue to consider?
    I feel like comfort zone problems might be an important issue in Si Si relationships..

    • @CSJoseph
      @CSJoseph  2 года назад +2

      As a romantic relationship this might be tough. The ESFJ has to be the Se user and the NFP has to be the Ni user. That's a tough ask for both from a chemistry standpoint. Emotional compatibility will be good though.

    • @pouyanejati7068
      @pouyanejati7068 2 года назад

      @@CSJoseph Thank you Chase, I really cant make others to be their shadow. (failed before)
      Maybe should focus more on myself getting wisdom on Ni critic and mastering Se trickster, which is hard but worth it
      moral obligations work on me, learned it from your ISFP INFP video :)

    • @Handleitt1
      @Handleitt1 7 месяцев назад

      As an enfp I would verbally convey my feeling thoughts and emotions which amplified the experience. Then tell the esfj what I really want after expressing myself. It was the best. He never did say anything though 😂 it was a short term thing I can never forget because my desire for him was off the charts.

  • @Manu-dc5wb
    @Manu-dc5wb 2 года назад

    Great content. Thank you!

  • @user-kv1mo4os2v
    @user-kv1mo4os2v 2 года назад +1

    Chase, how can someone with FE trickster, improve it?

    • @CSJoseph
      @CSJoseph  2 года назад +4

      Improving one's trickster or demon is the journey of a lifetime, until you get there, I always like to remind that you can always utilize a friendly Fe user as a buffer and outsource that.

  • @romain6063
    @romain6063 2 года назад +2

    I haven’t seen it yet but it’s so dope to have this season coming back

  • @lujainomar5788
    @lujainomar5788 2 года назад +3

    13:11 rule one :

  • @tanziel123
    @tanziel123 2 года назад +2

    Hi, when is infj one coming?

    • @durntortoise8445
      @durntortoise8445 2 года назад +1

      The lecture order is typically from left-right according to the type grid, starting with Structure types and ending with Backgrounds. INFJs are last of the finisher types so.....7 from now.

    • @CSJoseph
      @CSJoseph  2 года назад +2

      #12

    • @tanziel123
      @tanziel123 2 года назад

      @@CSJoseph ok

  • @prathamtitare5518
    @prathamtitare5518 2 года назад +1

    Gotta love that bronze pair😂😂😂

  • @Mortablunt
    @Mortablunt 5 месяцев назад

    I hate these things so fucking much. How did you ever put up with them enough to come up with a dating guide?

  • @znybgyl8657
    @znybgyl8657 2 года назад +2

    Off topic:
    How difficult is it for an ENFP to stop smoking?

    • @malakashraf2801
      @malakashraf2801 Год назад +1

      Si habits are hard to break but very doable
      Actually as an si user you have better self decipline to change habits
      But also look for why you smoke.
      Are you uncomfortable ? Maybe cigarettes put you in your sub or smth to feel stronger ( I am not sure)

    • @znybgyl8657
      @znybgyl8657 Год назад

      ​@@malakashraf2801 Thanks for your reply however I am not an ENFP, I was asking mainly for a friend of mine, so that makes it a bit more complicated.

  • @lujainomar5788
    @lujainomar5788 2 года назад

    22:26 rule three

  • @jenstone4708
    @jenstone4708 2 года назад

    Accurate.

  • @seunghoonha6995
    @seunghoonha6995 Год назад

    spat 38:14 🤣

  • @matt_kitson_
    @matt_kitson_ 2 года назад

    13:00

  • @lujainomar5788
    @lujainomar5788 2 года назад

    25:00

  • @lujainomar5788
    @lujainomar5788 2 года назад

    18:03