Yup, I think of the ESFJ as the passive aggressive PTA mom who organizes an elaborate event while gossiping about everyone the whole time, and at the end, throws a fit yelling "After everything I've done for you!" ... Lady, no one asked you to do any of this. And you did this more to exalt yourself than to actually help anyone else.
I was in a relationship with an ESFJ once and I will NEVER do it again. Absolute torture. I got the point where I wouldn’t let her do things for me because she expected payback in blood later. Still didn’t help. She was a professional victim. I can’t even roll my eyes enough to do it justice.
@@sinamuller4312 Try telling Amber Heard no, and see what happens. ESFJ’s are a great type to be in a relationship with if you want to risk having your life destroyed when you break off the relationship. That’s the one type I avoid at all costs. I don’t care how “sweet” they seem in the beginning. Just run. 🏃♂️ 💨 💨
@@sinamuller4312 I don’t think he’s talking about being immature in general, I think he’s more talking about specific behaviors that immature examples of a specific type are prone to
As an INTJ with an ESFJ grandmother(i love her tho) Here’s what i don’t understand about ESFJ:like they’ll do something nice for you that you didn’t even ask them to do or help you in ways you didn’t ask and if u don’t appreciate it they’ll go extremely mad or then they’ll be like”im slaving for you bla bla bla”(i hate victim mindset). Like my grandma would be literally cleaning my room when i didn’t ask(im personally not the tidiest person but i know where everything is) and will put my things in places or throw “unneccessary things”(that i actually needed) and I literally told her in the nicest way possible:”grandma please stop tidying my room i appreciate your effort i really do however stop tidying my room” and she’s literally like:”so you want me to die you don’t appreciate anything nice in life just say you want me to die bcuz you think im useless”
Some ESFJs are way too much in victim mode to even recognise when you are trying to help/be there for them. It can go to a point where they literally reject compliments or any verbal validation, and it can feel quite dismissive on my side when it happens a lot. I understand insecurities and that sometimes when people don't feel good enough, they have a hard time believing they are worth the kind words and in this society most people are taught that to be "good" means to be rejecting of self and in constant self deprivation/judging mode. Given ESFJs cognitive functions, I'd say they are some of the most susceptible to falling in the trap of that BS. But what happens with that is, they build such resentment inside but can't properly communicate it so they become EXTREMELY passive aggressive. These covert social contracts they do are absolute minefields because they will constantly go out of their way to do everything for you (even when you might not want/need it and it's actually a violation of your privacy and independence) but they don't care about that. Yet if you dare to step directly on one of those by telling them that you never asked for any of this and most importantly, it's not what you need from them, they will absolutely explode and turn on you by going deeper into their victim narrative and interpret your own individual values and need for independence as an attack to them. They don't understand the concept of boundaries and are ready to weaponize any piece of information you give them, because they will take it and use it to try and control you life. Under the pretext of "help". And because they are soooo good at these sneaky games, they will turn it around on you to make it seem like you're the ungrateful one but they are just a poor victim who wanted to "help". Even when that help comes at a much higher price in the long term. It gets even worse if you try to explain it to them. They don't see the big picture and to them, if they say they feel "sorry" for you they literally cannot comprehend how it can come off as devaluing, condescending and downright disrespectful. It's like they can't even allow space for someone to be their own separate individual, they just want to blur all the lines between what makes you you and what makes them them , which they don't even seem to be very in touch with. They understand themselves through doing practical things for others, even if you don't want or need those things, and have specifically tried to communicate your own individual needs and beliefs. They will just disrespect your feelings and values for the sake of doing whatever THEY think is good and important to you, ecen if you've told them multiple times that not only is it not helpful, but it's violation of your values and it hurts you. But they don't care. Ugh, I didn't expect to write that much and I could probably go on and on, but I'm gonna stop myself. I'm sure there's some lovely ESFJs out there, but I think of all the types, these are the ones for which personal development is the hardest because of how detached they are form their own personal feelings and how they push them down in service of the pleasing the group. Introspection and understanding myself comes quite naturally to me, but even in older years, they really can be so stubborn with that Fe because their entire ego image is built on how they seem through other people's eyes and as a result, really fail to examine so glaring issues within themselves and continue to play the victim every time someone dares to not just go along with what's expected or tries to put some very needed healthy boundaries.
Preach! They really cant handle "no" too. They cant imagine how possibly someone may not want anything to do with Ne child. Afterall in theit world, everyone is supposed to love them(Fe hero bs)
Oh I love me some ESFJ covert contracts. I can sniff those out a mile away, maybe it is an INTJ thing. I know fully what they are doing, I can either choose to oblige, or deny. It is funny because I had to teach my ENFP wife how to spot when our ESFJ friend sets up these 'covert contracts'. Many times I will oblige out of the kindness of my heart and with the full understanding what is going on with the social contract. You are right about just stating "Oh I dont really need that" for their end of the contract and that is pretty much the end of that. There have been a few times when I do not hold up my end of the social contract, I do not really feel too bad about it as I never asked for any of it to begin with and I especially do not like people 'lording' things over my head such as a 'social contract'
What if you give and they dont need it. Or they dont want help. Or dont want obligation to give back. To be given something can be a burden someone does not want.
@@thijsjong said every Fe user which I am. It kinda pisses me off but really I also do it as well sometimes so why not just receive it but always ask if they want something in return before receiving it.
that's their vice. Esfj don't expect something in return by default because their ego is systematic. They expect something in return or create a habit because they have experience injustice from other people and see other people do it as well from their Se critic and think of it as a norm which makes their Fi nemesis feel like it deserves to receive something back because their ISFP shadow is interest based.
@@aram6436 Most give before you can say no thank you. You dont get a chance to refuse the help. It is not offered but given. You dont know if that person wants or needs help. You are not helping. You are interfering. I think this mostly happens to. ISTPs ESTPs ENTJs. For example a pregant woman with a heavy shopping bag. Ask first. Dont just "help". It is not on us to ask if you want something in return. It is not our position to ask. You initiate the interaction. YOU ASK IF SOMEONE WANTS HELP. It is not on you to bestow a needingness of help status onto someone else. Unless it is very obvious like someone drowning or falling onto the tracks of an oncomming subway.
@@thijsjong hmm I dunno even if you ask if that person needs help it can potentially irritate that person anyway which happens to me when I ask if they want help but I guess it depends not all people react the same.
This was so good! ESFJ here married to an ESTP here almost 25 years. This video really brought to my attention that I ALWAYS feel sorry for people (I would consider lot empathy/ compassion. ) my unhealthy cycle is always looking for people who need help but I get energized by bringing new people together and creating "networks." It never fails- I find someone who needs help, try to help them, then I end up their closest and/ or only friend which can be very draining. As a military spouse, I kind of look forward to moving and starting over again (although I'm good about keeping in touch- moves give me distance from clingy relationships that I create by seeing someone who "needs" me. As I've matured, I am much better about this. When I was younger I literally met a new neighbor once who was pregnant and on bed rest- next day I'm at her house cleaning for her and helping her do a unit transfer downstairs 🤷🏻♀️) that was not a good relationship. I didn't even want a friend. I just wanted to help someone in need then got sucked into her pretty dysfunctional life. (Until we moved, ha!) My ESTP husband is SO GOOD about pointing out to me when I'm about to get myself into trouble lol! And I really respect him for that. On the flip side- when he has tried to be more empathetic like me- I'm quick to point out to him that typically that's not a strategy that ends up working well for him. He's gifted in being good and loving and direct. He's also really good about making me feel appreciated. ESFJs- find healthy relationships that build you both up. Not ones that drain you to the point where you self pity. Thanks for this video!
@@t-man5196 he's not violent at all. Direct and to the point- yes. Assertive- for sure. But he takes so much pride in seeing his troops do well, make rank and win awards. He tells new airmen that they are like family and need to look out for their little brothers and sisters. He's always trying to help people better themselves and as a result- most people love working with him. I'm actually so surprised that he has done well in the military, as he hates "following rules for the sake of following rules" but he does well at coming in, fixing systems that are inefficient and training up new leadership. I couldn't be more proud to be married to him, and no- he's not violent. Also- not everyone in the military are "violent." He has a medical job😅 take care!
@@AK-hn6xb “he tells new airmen that they are like family and need to look out for their little brothers and sisters” yeah, while instructing them to drop bombs and missiles on the “others” who “aren’t family”. Typical...
@@t-man5196 um..again he's medical. No missiles or bombs involved. Definitely not trying to start talking bad about any type. We all have gifts/ differences that make us unique and well suited for different situations. For me- as a wife, friend and a mother - he's a very loving and dedicated partner that balances my personality well. I'm grateful for him in my life.
I’m not an esfj but infp, still I think it sounds cold and harsh to say that to an esfj or not returning a favor..ok if it’s like one thing but if an esfj has been helping with several things and you don’t reach out to offer help or give back it’s selfish in my book. I would be hurt too if I had been going out of my way to help a friend or family member and they don’t try to be there for me in return..I would never say anything or ask for favors of friends tho. My mom is an esfj she has helped me so much but never complained to me because I offer to help her and gladly help her whenever she ask.
Hey there Joseph! A while back, I thought I was an ENTJ, but as I've learned about how the functions actually work, I've realized I'm an ENTP, like you! Anyways, I have a question: how do I deal with my inferior Si? It feels SO exhausting to consistently work towards goals, and to put in the repeated effort to see things through. What do you do to manage it?
I know an ESFJ that checks himself into a mental ward every month. Maybe he wants the attention. It's been going on for years. He also constantly goes to he emergency room for minor issues.
I am an INTP. And the negative stereotype of ESFJs is ....... spoiler warning Not sparing anyones feelings. Psychic vampyres. Drama queens. I think I changed into a Esfj once during a mental break down. I did not recognise my behavior as my own. So different and atypical as I was then. Now for the positive stereotype euh I have to think about that.... I will have to get back on that.
pros would be that they help everyone and are very protective and nourishing. Funny and pretty good at their jobs and are able to handle fights and arguments better(of other people). I don't think they are psychic vampires...are you thinking of enfjs?
Ti hero being aware of worst possible form of truth hence why you can't think of the positive stereotypes so let me help you a bit to piss your Fe inferior a bit which is obviously they're caring is one of their positive stereotype.
I help people just because for me it's the normal thing to do and I was very surprised at the beginning when people won't help me back (or to be more fair it won't come across their mind to help me back ) I help because I trust people and I'm don't intend to hint that they should help me next time I just help spontaneously . But growing up my mother taught me to do favour and throw it in the sea and not to expect anything in return
yes.. one thing i hate as an istp are guilt trips.. im always willing to help but not if youre being manipulative. I think Esfj are manipulative afff.. since Fe is my lowest, i hate when someone forces me to use it.. makes me angry
Find this sorta interesting and funny. My mom has taught me if you do something , only do it from the heart and never expect to receive anything back. Which sounds like a blend of heart temple and covering a non visible contract? ( Or things that was expected out of her from her extj mom to combat the contracting.)
I wish it were that easy. Some are way too much in victim mode to even recognise when you are trying to help/be there for them. It can go to a point where they literally reject compliments or any verbal validation as you say, and it can feel quite dismissive on my side when it happens a lot. I understand insecurities and that sometimes when people don't feel good enough, they have a hard time believing they are worth the kind words and in this society most people are taught that to be "good" means to be rejecting of self and in constant self deprivation/judging mode. But what happens with that is, they build such resentment inside but can't properly communicate it so they become EXTREMELY passive aggressive. These cover contracts they do are absolute minefields because they will constantly go out of their way to do everything for you (even when you might not want/need it and it's actually a violation of your privacy and independence) but they don't care about that. They don't understand the concept of boundaries and are ready to weaponize any piece of information you give them, because they will take it and use it to try and control you life. Under the pretext of "help". And because they are soooo good at these sneaky games, they will turn it around on you to make it seem like you're the ungrateful one but they are just a poor victim who wanted to "help". Even when that help comes at a much higher price in the long term. It gets even worse if you try to explain it to them. They don't see the big picture and to them, if they say they feel "sorry" for you they literally cannot comprehend how it can come off as devaluing, condescending and downright disrespectful. It's like they can't even allow space for someone to be their own separate individual, they just want to blur all the lines between what makes you you and what makes them them , which they don't even seem to be very in touch with. They understand themselves through doing practical things for others, even if you don't want or need those things, and have specifically tried to communicate your own individual needs and beliefs. Ugh, I didn't expect to write that much and I could probably go on and on, but I'm gonna stop myself. I'm sure there's some lovely ESFJs out there, but I think of all the types, these are the ones for which personal development is the hardest because of how detached they are form their own personal feelings and how they push them down in service of the pleasing the group. Introspection and understanding myself comes quite naturally to me, but even in older years, they really can be so stubborn with that Fe because their entire ego image is built on how they seem through other people's eyes and as a result, really fail to examine so glaring issues within themselves and continue to play the victim every time someone dares to not just go along with what's expected or tries to put some very needed healthy boundaries.
Yup, I think of the ESFJ as the passive aggressive PTA mom who organizes an elaborate event while gossiping about everyone the whole time, and at the end, throws a fit yelling "After everything I've done for you!" ... Lady, no one asked you to do any of this. And you did this more to exalt yourself than to actually help anyone else.
I was in a relationship with an ESFJ once and I will NEVER do it again. Absolute torture. I got the point where I wouldn’t let her do things for me because she expected payback in blood later. Still didn’t help. She was a professional victim. I can’t even roll my eyes enough to do it justice.
I hate ESFJs lol
Sounds like you're hurt. Maybe you should've said no more often?
@@sinamuller4312 Try telling Amber Heard no, and see what happens. ESFJ’s are a great type to be in a relationship with if you want to risk having your life destroyed when you break off the relationship. That’s the one type I avoid at all costs. I don’t care how “sweet” they seem in the beginning. Just run. 🏃♂️ 💨 💨
@@tylerpond1229 There are other toxic people as well. It's not especially a type thing to be immature. Good luck with the next one though.
@@sinamuller4312 I don’t think he’s talking about being immature in general, I think he’s more talking about specific behaviors that immature examples of a specific type are prone to
As an INTJ with an ESFJ grandmother(i love her tho) Here’s what i don’t understand about ESFJ:like they’ll do something nice for you that you didn’t even ask them to do or help you in ways you didn’t ask and if u don’t appreciate it they’ll go extremely mad or then they’ll be like”im slaving for you bla bla bla”(i hate victim mindset). Like my grandma would be literally cleaning my room when i didn’t ask(im personally not the tidiest person but i know where everything is) and will put my things in places or throw “unneccessary things”(that i actually needed) and I literally told her in the nicest way possible:”grandma please stop tidying my room i appreciate your effort i really do however stop tidying my room” and she’s literally like:”so you want me to die you don’t appreciate anything nice in life just say you want me to die bcuz you think im useless”
Some ESFJs are way too much in victim mode to even recognise when you are trying to help/be there for them. It can go to a point where they literally reject compliments or any verbal validation, and it can feel quite dismissive on my side when it happens a lot. I understand insecurities and that sometimes when people don't feel good enough, they have a hard time believing they are worth the kind words and in this society most people are taught that to be "good" means to be rejecting of self and in constant self deprivation/judging mode. Given ESFJs cognitive functions, I'd say they are some of the most susceptible to falling in the trap of that BS. But what happens with that is, they build such resentment inside but can't properly communicate it so they become EXTREMELY passive aggressive. These covert social contracts they do are absolute minefields because they will constantly go out of their way to do everything for you (even when you might not want/need it and it's actually a violation of your privacy and independence) but they don't care about that. Yet if you dare to step directly on one of those by telling them that you never asked for any of this and most importantly, it's not what you need from them, they will absolutely explode and turn on you by going deeper into their victim narrative and interpret your own individual values and need for independence as an attack to them. They don't understand the concept of boundaries and are ready to weaponize any piece of information you give them, because they will take it and use it to try and control you life. Under the pretext of "help". And because they are soooo good at these sneaky games, they will turn it around on you to make it seem like you're the ungrateful one but they are just a poor victim who wanted to "help". Even when that help comes at a much higher price in the long term. It gets even worse if you try to explain it to them. They don't see the big picture and to them, if they say they feel "sorry" for you they literally cannot comprehend how it can come off as devaluing, condescending and downright disrespectful. It's like they can't even allow space for someone to be their own separate individual, they just want to blur all the lines between what makes you you and what makes them them , which they don't even seem to be very in touch with. They understand themselves through doing practical things for others, even if you don't want or need those things, and have specifically tried to communicate your own individual needs and beliefs. They will just disrespect your feelings and values for the sake of doing whatever THEY think is good and important to you, ecen if you've told them multiple times that not only is it not helpful, but it's violation of your values and it hurts you. But they don't care.
Ugh, I didn't expect to write that much and I could probably go on and on, but I'm gonna stop myself. I'm sure there's some lovely ESFJs out there, but I think of all the types, these are the ones for which personal development is the hardest because of how detached they are form their own personal feelings and how they push them down in service of the pleasing the group. Introspection and understanding myself comes quite naturally to me, but even in older years, they really can be so stubborn with that Fe because their entire ego image is built on how they seem through other people's eyes and as a result, really fail to examine so glaring issues within themselves and continue to play the victim every time someone dares to not just go along with what's expected or tries to put some very needed healthy boundaries.
Preach! They really cant handle "no" too. They cant imagine how possibly someone may not want anything to do with Ne child. Afterall in theit world, everyone is supposed to love them(Fe hero bs)
You are such a fine gentleman, I love your mind.
Much appreciated
Oh I love me some ESFJ covert contracts. I can sniff those out a mile away, maybe it is an INTJ thing. I know fully what they are doing, I can either choose to oblige, or deny. It is funny because I had to teach my ENFP wife how to spot when our ESFJ friend sets up these 'covert contracts'. Many times I will oblige out of the kindness of my heart and with the full understanding what is going on with the social contract. You are right about just stating "Oh I dont really need that" for their end of the contract and that is pretty much the end of that. There have been a few times when I do not hold up my end of the social contract, I do not really feel too bad about it as I never asked for any of it to begin with and I especially do not like people 'lording' things over my head such as a 'social contract'
INxJs are soooo good at reading deception.
Sensor questions are so rare
So are sensor customers that pay for the service
@@CSJoseph Obviously
i love my ESFJ dad and ESFJ sister. Now it's really good to know how to handle it in the relationship. thanks!
soo they give and expect to recieve, the horror the horror....
What if you give and they dont need it. Or they dont want help. Or dont want obligation to give back.
To be given something can be a burden someone does not want.
@@thijsjong said every Fe user which I am. It kinda pisses me off but really I also do it as well sometimes so why not just receive it but always ask if they want something in return before receiving it.
that's their vice. Esfj don't expect something in return by default because their ego is systematic. They expect something in return or create a habit because they have experience injustice from other people and see other people do it as well from their Se critic and think of it as a norm which makes their Fi nemesis feel like it deserves to receive something back because their ISFP shadow is interest based.
@@aram6436 Most give before you can say no thank you. You dont get a chance to refuse the help. It is not offered but given. You dont know if that person wants or needs help. You are not helping. You are interfering. I think this mostly happens to. ISTPs ESTPs ENTJs.
For example a pregant woman with a heavy shopping bag. Ask first. Dont just "help".
It is not on us to ask if you want something in return. It is not our position to ask. You initiate the interaction.
YOU ASK IF SOMEONE WANTS HELP. It is not on you to bestow a needingness of help status onto someone else. Unless it is very obvious like someone drowning or falling onto the tracks of an oncomming subway.
@@thijsjong hmm I dunno even if you ask if that person needs help it can potentially irritate that person anyway which happens to me when I ask if they want help but I guess it depends not all people react the same.
This was so good! ESFJ here married to an ESTP here almost 25 years. This video really brought to my attention that I ALWAYS feel sorry for people (I would consider lot empathy/ compassion. ) my unhealthy cycle is always looking for people who need help but I get energized by bringing new people together and creating "networks." It never fails- I find someone who needs help, try to help them, then I end up their closest and/ or only friend which can be very draining. As a military spouse, I kind of look forward to moving and starting over again (although I'm good about keeping in touch- moves give me distance from clingy relationships that I create by seeing someone who "needs" me.
As I've matured, I am much better about this. When I was younger I literally met a new neighbor once who was pregnant and on bed rest- next day I'm at her house cleaning for her and helping her do a unit transfer downstairs 🤷🏻♀️) that was not a good relationship. I didn't even want a friend. I just wanted to help someone in need then got sucked into her pretty dysfunctional life. (Until we moved, ha!)
My ESTP husband is SO GOOD about pointing out to me when I'm about to get myself into trouble lol! And I really respect him for that. On the flip side- when he has tried to be more empathetic like me- I'm quick to point out to him that typically that's not a strategy that ends up working well for him. He's gifted in being good and loving and direct. He's also really good about making me feel appreciated.
ESFJs- find healthy relationships that build you both up. Not ones that drain you to the point where you self pity.
Thanks for this video!
Ahh your ESTP is in the military. Makes sense, as they are the most violent type on average.
@@t-man5196 he's not violent at all. Direct and to the point- yes. Assertive- for sure. But he takes so much pride in seeing his troops do well, make rank and win awards. He tells new airmen that they are like family and need to look out for their little brothers and sisters. He's always trying to help people better themselves and as a result- most people love working with him. I'm actually so surprised that he has done well in the military, as he hates "following rules for the sake of following rules" but he does well at coming in, fixing systems that are inefficient and training up new leadership. I couldn't be more proud to be married to him, and no- he's not violent. Also- not everyone in the military are "violent." He has a medical job😅 take care!
@@AK-hn6xb “he tells new airmen that they are like family and need to look out for their little brothers and sisters” yeah, while instructing them to drop bombs and missiles on the “others” who “aren’t family”. Typical...
@@t-man5196 um..again he's medical. No missiles or bombs involved. Definitely not trying to start talking bad about any type. We all have gifts/ differences that make us unique and well suited for different situations. For me- as a wife, friend and a mother - he's a very loving and dedicated partner that balances my personality well. I'm grateful for him in my life.
@@AK-hn6xb I’m sorry, you’re right
The audio /video setup is pretty damn good considering the weather. 👌
This is good to hear
Think twice before asking help from an esfj. They will do the favour anyways even if you changed your mind.
I’m not an esfj but infp, still I think it sounds cold and harsh to say that to an esfj or not returning a favor..ok if it’s like one thing but if an esfj has been helping with several things and you don’t reach out to offer help or give back it’s selfish in my book. I would be hurt too if I had been going out of my way to help a friend or family member and they don’t try to be there for me in return..I would never say anything or ask for favors of friends tho. My mom is an esfj she has helped me so much but never complained to me because I offer to help her and gladly help her whenever she ask.
Thanks for the lecture Joseph.
I, an INFJ, have also found myself doing this return on investment thing. Guess this is a normal thing for Fe doms and parents.
I thought this was only my mom
Hey there Joseph! A while back, I thought I was an ENTJ, but as I've learned about how the functions actually work, I've realized I'm an ENTP, like you! Anyways, I have a question: how do I deal with my inferior Si? It feels SO exhausting to consistently work towards goals, and to put in the repeated effort to see things through. What do you do to manage it?
Watch the confessions of an ENTP episodes
@@CSJoseph thanks, doing that right now!
Did you know Tim Heidecker’s thought to be ENTP?
Why do they do this? Because as an INTJ, I find it very attractive when slaves grovel before me...
😶
I know an ESFJ that checks himself into a mental ward every month. Maybe he wants the attention. It's been going on for years. He also constantly goes to he emergency room for minor issues.
Maybe an ENFJ?
I am an INTP. And the negative stereotype of ESFJs is
.......
spoiler warning
Not sparing anyones feelings.
Psychic vampyres.
Drama queens.
I think I changed into a Esfj once during a mental break down. I did not recognise my behavior as my own. So different and atypical as I was then.
Now for the positive stereotype euh I have to think about that....
I will have to get back on that.
pros would be that they help everyone and are very protective and nourishing. Funny and pretty good at their jobs and are able to handle fights and arguments better(of other people). I don't think they are psychic vampires...are you thinking of enfjs?
Ti hero being aware of worst possible form of truth hence why you can't think of the positive stereotypes so let me help you a bit to piss your Fe inferior a bit which is obviously they're caring is one of their positive stereotype.
Come one, just drink more coffee and we'll becoming ESFJ, lol.
Healthy ones will do anything for their loved once. The Si parent karen -ness can come in handy when injustice is present.
I help people just because for me it's the normal thing to do and I was very surprised at the beginning when people won't help me back (or to be more fair it won't come across their mind to help me back ) I help because I trust people and I'm don't intend to hint that they should help me next time I just help spontaneously . But growing up my mother taught me to do favour and throw it in the sea and not to expect anything in return
yes.. one thing i hate as an istp are guilt trips.. im always willing to help but not if youre being manipulative. I think Esfj are manipulative afff.. since Fe is my lowest, i hate when someone forces me to use it.. makes me angry
I just stay away ftom them.😊
Do esfj focused intps do that also?
I think one that i knew did that to me. But it didn't have that much tension.
wonder that's how SPONGEBOB getting bitter after helping (serving) Squidward in that episode😹😹😹
Find this sorta interesting and funny. My mom has taught me if you do something , only do it from the heart and never expect to receive anything back.
Which sounds like a blend of heart temple and covering a non visible contract? ( Or things that was expected out of her from her extj mom to combat the contracting.)
My favorite type.
Great video. Don’t ENFJs do this too?
They are more aggressive than passive agressive and they are interest based. Their method is more of abandoning you if you don't pay back.
ESFJ's are as good if not better favour miners than ISFP's =)
Thank you!
I signed up for the Companion Guide but I haven't got the email with the link. What can I do? (thanks for the video content, always insightful)
Email support@csjoseph.life and they will fix it for you
They just want that verbal validation that they are wanted in a relationship, its all abt the feel good feelings.
-infp
I wish it were that easy. Some are way too much in victim mode to even recognise when you are trying to help/be there for them. It can go to a point where they literally reject compliments or any verbal validation as you say, and it can feel quite dismissive on my side when it happens a lot. I understand insecurities and that sometimes when people don't feel good enough, they have a hard time believing they are worth the kind words and in this society most people are taught that to be "good" means to be rejecting of self and in constant self deprivation/judging mode. But what happens with that is, they build such resentment inside but can't properly communicate it so they become EXTREMELY passive aggressive. These cover contracts they do are absolute minefields because they will constantly go out of their way to do everything for you (even when you might not want/need it and it's actually a violation of your privacy and independence) but they don't care about that. They don't understand the concept of boundaries and are ready to weaponize any piece of information you give them, because they will take it and use it to try and control you life. Under the pretext of "help". And because they are soooo good at these sneaky games, they will turn it around on you to make it seem like you're the ungrateful one but they are just a poor victim who wanted to "help". Even when that help comes at a much higher price in the long term. It gets even worse if you try to explain it to them. They don't see the big picture and to them, if they say they feel "sorry" for you they literally cannot comprehend how it can come off as devaluing, condescending and downright disrespectful. It's like they can't even allow space for someone to be their own separate individual, they just want to blur all the lines between what makes you you and what makes them them , which they don't even seem to be very in touch with. They understand themselves through doing practical things for others, even if you don't want or need those things, and have specifically tried to communicate your own individual needs and beliefs.
Ugh, I didn't expect to write that much and I could probably go on and on, but I'm gonna stop myself. I'm sure there's some lovely ESFJs out there, but I think of all the types, these are the ones for which personal development is the hardest because of how detached they are form their own personal feelings and how they push them down in service of the pleasing the group. Introspection and understanding myself comes quite naturally to me, but even in older years, they really can be so stubborn with that Fe because their entire ego image is built on how they seem through other people's eyes and as a result, really fail to examine so glaring issues within themselves and continue to play the victim every time someone dares to not just go along with what's expected or tries to put some very needed healthy boundaries.
My ESFJ says I do this :p
Covert Contracting wants to get things FAIR 🤷♂
But it's not fair if you tell the person "this is free" and charge them anyways in a manner they don't know about.
Wow, this whole thing is so wrong.
Based on what evidence? Your feels?