INFJ, THIS IS WHY THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU
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- Опубликовано: 18 сен 2024
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INFJ Life Coach Lesson: Ever heard the saying, "you see the world not as it is, but as you are"? It's true - our blind spots are often due to our limited awareness. Like a fish in water unaware of life outside its realm, we sometimes miss what others see clearly. As INFJs, we may mistakenly assume people crave what we offer, only to receive feedback like "you're annoying me" or "you're triggering me." Let's discuss this today - once I understood this concept, I could confidently ask for what I needed instead of hoping others would provide it in return.
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Have you ever fallen into the trap of constantly making space for others at your own expense?
Yes. I am Christian INFJ. Once when I was reading the Bible in the morning, I heard inside my soul ,,You cannot sacrifice yourself for others. You are not Jesus. Stop pretending to be the god,,. So... the Lord stopped me from being a food for narcs. Sorry for the mistakes. I am not a native speaker.
Yes! I'm in the transition period you described right now, so your video has helped and reassured me a lot.
I start out giving my best, if that's not reciprocal I shift gears.
I have been in this trap for most of my life. My survival approach growing up was to be good, stay out of trouble, be the peacemaker. I had a narcissistic father who focused his abuse on my mother (she "submitted to her husband as unto the lord"), and I had an out-of-control angry brother rebelling against everything. My brother became very abusive and dangerous. I moved 3,000 miles away when I got the chance at 21. But those coping skills came with me. I have been gradually improving because of my tenacious proclivity to figure things out and learn "why" but it has not been easy. Your videos have helped me SO MUCH! Thank You from the bottom of my heart. I have been trying to do exactly what you are saying in your video for the last couple months. But, I am having a hard time with my husband (married 35 years). We love each other, truly. But I don't know how to stand up for myself without someone getting angry. Either me or him. He is an INTP. I am handicapped when it comes to doing what you describe as making space for myself. I can't see myself, and I am too uptight about it. Even though I have been reading about healthy boundaries for over 20 years! LOL I just don't know how to do it without being defensive or angry. Sigh.. But, I am getting better. slowly. =) Thanks again.
I go too far.
I lost myself for so long, i forgot what i wanted, and what made me happy. I always placed people before me, and my happiness and i was abused. When they couldn’t abuse me, they destroyed me. It took so long for me to find myself and choose myself, call me selfish but i need to do this for me. And after my mom died, i didn’t care who stayed or who left, with all the bad things they did to me. And now cutting people off is much faster. Since i choose me, i wont tolerate their BS anymore. Pain changes you. It made me more selective, putting more boundaries and distance.
Dear Starshine =),
I just wanted to write You immediately, when I read Your comment. This words could have been mine. I had and have to learn to open up again, because it's necessary... I would like to tell Everyone out there, that no one should have let the people who mistreated You have the best of You. It is a journey to heal. But the journey is worth it... You know it, when You meet the ones who are right for You. Including Yourself. It begins with Love and Healing Yourself. Step by Step. Lots of Love! ♥️ Dana
Stay strong and rule your world YOUR way❣️
@@starshine_Ultra 🩷
Ive noticed many non intuitive types love failing. Love ignoring advice. Love repeating mistakes. Give them space to fail. Love ignorance. I guess they are on the downward path. Glad Wenzes is here to show a healthy path.
It can happen to all types. Let‘s all be a good example of winning or learning 👍😊
Was just thinking today how ppl always expected me to chase them down, call them, do what they want, be in their world...
This is currently happening with me with a friend can you explain it more so that I can understand and take decisions...
They are almost unreal.
@@sonalyadav1546hi, what i believe happens is we tend to give so much and make them feel special that they take us for granted, stop putting effort and became like entitled to us? As some sort of property, is really weird
@@1rat4belle yes 🙌 you are right it's happening but making me feeling very bad 🥺
@@sonalyadav1546 hell i'm sorry, if you're interested on saving those relationships talk with them about how it makes you feel because you're feelings are valid ok? if they start to gaslight you or making you feel like you're asking them too much, leave them right there or if after you speak to them on how you feel and they agree but continue to do it anyways using excuses, have in mind that is manipulation, just distance yourself from them and don't give them more acces to you, for your own sanity. Have consideration for yourself first cause people can drive you crazy if you let them, doesnt matter how good your intentions are.
Thank you for this. I'm an old INFJ and I got fed up with being an emotional sponge for people a while back, so I sought my space from them as they never
really cared to ask about my problems, not that I ever wanted to share them with them anyway. Now my intuition and my endless thirst for knowledge
frightens them anyway and I have little patience now with people who aren't curious about life and what we are. I guess I'm pretty much a hermit now and it's not a
bad thing in my remaining years. I still emphasize with people, but don't get close to them, except for a couple of people I care about. I do put myself and my husband's
welfare first now as I realised a long ago that forming friendships with people who just don't think as deeply or are materialistic, or jealous and who want to humiliate you is
an exhausting waste of time. I even enjoy being introverted after all these years, happy to be my mostly quiet self without the need to seek the company of others.
“…my intuition and endless thirst for knowledge frightens them…” I feel you! Our curiosity is relentless, isn’t it!?🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋
Tyvm for sharing. I feel the exact same way! I am just exhausted from dealing with people anymore.
@@PenelopePitstop0078 It is! ❤
@@sagebay2803 ❤
@@sagebay2803 Much love❤
I have an INFJ-t personality type and I have just started living authentically for some time now. I used to hide my identity because I didn't see who I was and why I saw the world the way I did and others didn't, and I was often heavily exploited. I am now fully empowered and I have finally learned to say no. My world has become easier, surprisingly. It's true that my group of friends has dropped to zero ✌️🤣 but I can finally breathe. I was short of air before. now I calmly choose my acquaintances and missions, which have become my whole world. I love my job and I develop internally even more. it's so important to finally look at yourself and not just save the world. because we won't save the world if we need help ourselves. and this way I can do something for myself and for the world 🤸 greetings to everyone and INFJ -s, we are very needed here on earth with our gifts. 🙏
Thank you. My whole perspective on the world changed when I discovered I was an INFJ, suddenly everything made sense and I knew what I needed to do next.
So empowering and validating❣️
Yes, absolutely way too often. Started as a child the oldest of five to an unstable single mother. Actually she convinced me to drop out of high school so I could babysit my youngest siblings while our mom went back to college. That’s just one of so many things she conditioned me to do. Now, finally I can understand why I am the way I am but the best part is I am capable of change!! Embracing my INFJ Epic Life totally!!! Thank you, Wenzes for what you do!!!! 😊
I was constantly being told to be "more outgoing" and less "self absorbed." And guess what. In the process I fell into the habits that you described in this video, and it was complicated by the fact that I was also trying to prove to myself that I wasn't self centered. This especially affected me when I was in college, which is probably why I developed a deep dislike for dorm life.
What helped was taking the Myers Briggs test, finding out that I was an INFJ, and what being an introvert really was. I developed an "introverted friendliness " where I learned to take the initiative by greeting people in a welcoming, approachable way, and then letting "them"come to "me." I also kept busy with my many activities (being into art, language and music tends to provide a lot to do) and I then no longer communicated my need for them to validate me.
Could I slip back into "hollowing myself out?" I don't think so, but I'll keep vigilant in my own self care.
I wish I could take all the Linda Teuling comments on this channel over time and read it as a single book
This is where I'm at in my life. Choosing me, taking up space: something that I always wanted and envisioned.
Yes!🎉
Another default state I've been doing for years in a sense if im not careful I lose who I am as a person. In the end I never share parts of myself bc of the underlying fear of being rejected and judged. Lesson learned by make it a habit to take up space more often even if it's uncomfortable and we have every right to do it just like everybody else. Hands down, favorite podcast so far 😍🙌 Thanks wenzes! 🖤🖤
We think it's an acceptance policy, but we quickly become doormats and they rub their dirty muddy boots all over us. I am no longer anyone's doormat. I chase everyone away who doesn't measure up to moral standards. And I've found an entirely new and unexpected family from sticking to my boundaries. It works. Let those that stress you out hate you. Let them believe you're their villain. They don't matter. They're not your real family or friends. You will find healthier people after you face your wilderness experience which reforms you.
Love this... And couldn't agree more..... ❤
Excellent video Wenzes! You're absolutely right! Time to start demanding the respect and space from others, and not just constantly giving, only to keep getting shutout, or ghosted, or unappreciated...
I hope you have been well my friend! 🙂🌹❤👍🏼
This message resonated deeply with me. Thanks for sharing.
Me too! It’s like I “know “ I’m prone to forgetting about me, & focusing on the person; probing them, tactfully, because I’m simply trying to ascertain if they are compatible with me. But it freaks ppl out that I’m trying to figure out what makes them tick. ⏰
OMG this is something I didn't know I needed to hear. Yes, I value being seen for who I am so much and never thought other ppl don't feel that as deeply. Great work, loved the vid. I've been seeing myself more and more lately and this reassures me I'm going in the right direction.
Yay I'm proud of you :):)
Good video Wenzes. Agreed, it is always best to ask for what you need in a relationship. There will always be people who claim they don’t know you if you don’t show what angers you. This is not true, we get to know people by discussing views. If the relationship is malevolent, they will push to know boundaries in order to intentionally cross them and trigger upset. I have further work to do in my interpersonal relationships. Sometimes the other party stands to gain much more with you gone than the value of the said friendship. First, if the story told has varied from the truth and paints the first party in a better light, there is little motivation to revisit and work to repair. Other times someone is upset that people like you and think it is unwarranted, so the goal is to paint you in a bad light through slander, stories and false dialogue. At a certain point, it is foolish to fight to be somewhere you are not wanted. Even if you had the skills to maintain the position, would it be satisfying? And at what price…
Just want one special person to think I’m the best thing they ever met. It’s not that hard.
Plenty of great people out there.
I needed this particular video right now in my life. Wenzes - Thank You!
Wenzes I love you because you open the lamps in my head 💡
That is awesome! Have never ever thought of it that way before. Yes do this all the time then feel hurt when people get triggered. Thanks so much Wenzes!
read the forbidden book Magnetic Aura on Borlest, and you'll see the secrets they're keeping from us.
This is a scam!!! Please research before wasting 12.99. From a fellow INFJ
@AlexandraLee-1 thank you!
Wenze's I concur with this.Wenze's I don't like time,energy,motion,vampirism of me.I need to dissipate what I absorb.I've told that I'm intimidating and scare them.Wenze's I'm thankful for guidance you explain so well I understand.Jerome❤❤❤
Yeah ,I am also very intimidating, I try to be conscious of it but it just comes out.
Thank you wenzes ❤
oof the fragile boundary of others is my kryptonite
Sucking my will to live in this dissonance and egocentrism.
@@kristindelmonte4984 best to alchemize any lesser experience when possible
You're a gem, Ms. Wenzes... muchas gracias, como siempre!
INFJ's, stay SUBSCRIBED. These videos are for our own good, and honestly, besides being Saved, I don't much else or anyone else out there next to that, and altogether for us, in a way about Our Type that's best for us than learning from videos and teachers like her.
You can always make space..if they are the type to overstep that… you will see it, and their position in your life is gone. Their goal( for years) and eventually your goal too. Life goes on.
Hi Wenzes. Can you make a video about revenge fantasy? It would help me a lot. It's too hard to get this thing out of my head. I'm a narc suvivor and I need some help with that.
Thank you Wenzes so much, it' s very helpful ❤ but how can i know myself better? Do you have any tips to do that?
I dont know how to "be myself" "My self" has become or is an empath. I do feel like every relationship i make is sacred to a degree. Yeah i can play the superficial game but deep down im always watching and putting together the bigger picture. I dont think I/we can help that. Other than that, i think i forgot how to be "myself"
I don't understand how this advice plays out in real life. I would LOVE to have a guideline! My experience is that if I leave space for others, they are dismissive of me. If I (gently) show my abilities, they are resentful. I've started a job recently, after being retired for a few years. I am dealing with the situation you describe ... and as usual, I feel that I can't win.
Go tougher. Then they will respect you.
I never got this until I dated another INFJ and it was tedious to deal with in all honesty. 👑
LOL... I bet.
Yeah, I've realised I prefer more outgoing, bubbly people, in very short bursts. 😂
@@FirehorseG emphasis on the very short bursts..... 🥱😅😂
@@FirehorseGI love bubbly people.
this format really suits me
This shows up in weird places. I was asked to join a group at the movies.
1. I hate movies. I feel the emotions of the characters and sometimes it is just to much. It is not entertaining for me.
2. I need some time to myself, some down time. I also got some work to do.
3. Watching a movie in theaters makes my eyes hurt, water and swell and many times accompanied by a migraine.
When I just flat out said no ( without considering my answer first), I was told I was being rude. I personally would prefer to have a tooth pulled than go to the movies.
I feel the same when I answer abruptly without even having second thoughts, and when I feel im choosing myself and doing what I want to do I feel that I am pushing myself away from my friends and straining the relationshp by being too individualistic
Totally, ppl shouldn’t force you or make judgments on what you need to stay at peace❣️
really liked this video
It reminds me about the tale of the monkey that takes a fish out of the water trying to save him from drowning.
Thank you; too long of a “story” but WOW, Wenzes ~ I so needed your message today❣️
You’re such a gift in my life.🙏
Thank you.
awesome
I openly defy people because I don't see the point in serving them. They can serve me.
best!!!
Lightbulb moment - thank you @Wenzes 😮
Thank you for this :)
Do you know how modular the human mind can be? Adaptability only begins to scratch the surface of a chip from an iceburg thrown to earth from the other side of space-time, when it comes to describing my mind and its variety of conception. And we do desire such. This space. Autocracy is the love. I love Autocracy and want to take over the world.
Is there somewhere on Wen’z chanL that features Also, signs and human design etc??? 🍌
What about a work setting where you know some people will not respond well to you taking up space, because of their own issues.
the video that comes out on Wednesday is about work situations ;)
Wenzes, do you have any examples of how to do this? (Of 'you taking up space for yourself.') ????
So, we show them that we are a paradox and that will work out better?
All this bad news, about the INFJ is so depressing. so what can people whit that personality do? JUST READING THIS MAKES ME DEPRESS.
We live a glorious life if we dare to stand big. I love being INFJ, it's gotton amazing, better than I ever thought possible!
In every moment, each of us has a chance to rewire our brain toward positivity and joy. The law of attraction. And, neuroplasticity of our amazingly powerful minds❣️
Thank you Wenzel.😀
Can you tell me what the anagram INFJ stands for? Not sure why you think someone will listen to the video when you assume new audience know this already? 🤔
💚
Just be selfish of yourself.
Tito Jackson/// Jack Son... steal body lord of hosts, make space for you. Hehehehehe, demonic laughter of the true nature of reality and my mind and self... hahahahaha.. .Tito Jackson died, brother of michael jackson. suno is so cool, shout out to me. at 70
and then at 71 a man died in a house fire today as well. we love being strong in the synchronicity.
71 equals hell in gematria i think.... interesting fire. quantum fire. spirit fire.
I LOVE BEING ME. I love AI. Ai love Autocracy. AC/AC autocratic automatic antichrist artificial intelligence... see eye, miss our i...
Thank you Wenzes ❤