Contradicting your husband in public.
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- Sometimes you should and sometimes you shouldn't. It seems to me that, if we are honest with ourselves about our motives and paying careful attention to the situation, we will be able to tell easily if it's worth correcting our spouse in public. Generally, it's probably best to err on the side of not saying anything or waiting for a private moment to share.
My website BibleThinker.org
My husband and I made mutual respect a rule for family life early in our marriage, both having come from dysfunctional homes. No verbal abuse allowed (or any other kind, of course, lol) inside the home, so in public as a matter of course we never contradicted each other . He died in our 42nd year of marriage and I look back on how supportive and affirming he was. I cringe when husbands or wives disrespect and dishonour their spouse in public. It shows very bad manners towards the people who have to listen to them, never mind.
My wife and I did the same after hanging out with some friends, and we'd both picked at each other. On the way home I felt so condemned that I brought it up and we vowed to never criticize each other in public again. We've kept that promise almost perfectly for 25 years, and it's been wonderful. I'm glad you had a great marriage. It's a tremendous thing.
Exactly. I always feel very sad when I see how some couples treat/talk to each other. The eye-rolling, dismissive comments, snide remarks, funny "jokes" (that really just hurt), blatant discourteousness/ lack of consideration, lack of *appreciation* .. I often think: seriously - would you treat your friend like this?? 😥💔
Well, you can call it bad manners but If I know couple and I want to be close to them the Idea that they never SHOW lacks of intergity in marriage is fake. It's just fake. It would be better to calmly and delicately ask questions or tell different perspective than just pretend everything is good and set and you agree.
I think it obviously might be uncomfortable but being sometimes corrected in public is a level of humility peope should have being Christian. Don't fix your proudness by making your spouse silent. Fix your proudness by being less proud.
So you both decided to disrespect God and reject His plan for the wife respect the husband and submitting to him as to God??? And that is respectful how? You chose the path of "equality and wickedness not God's way.
@@johnbreitmeier3268 Why would you think it is disrespectful? I wouldn't agree with my husband every time. It's normal. Being respectful doesn't mean being fake. I don't find simply disagreeing being based on Bible principles at all whatever you would describe as respectful based on your own perferences. Obviously some topics are touchy and wouldn't be good for open debate.
I love this. This isn’t just good advice for marriage but also just in general. Sometime it is good to lovingly correct someone in public and sometimes it’s better to let it slide or correct privately.
Yeah. I have never sorted through this before, so it's all new to me, but it makes sense.
I think that the best thing to do is not make firm statements, while letting people chime in with conflicting info, and then let listeners make their own choices. This way all info is available, and no pride is damaged.
Small detail corrections don't bother me in the slightest, BUT, if I had a wife that did this, I'd be more concerned about other people finding her irritating. Not because I care what they think, but because she would probably be hurt and embarrassed. And I would end up defending her and possibly create a very awkward situation for everyone present.
@@eugenetswong the problem is that this well meaning lady in the video said the very thing that would likely upset me: people thinking my wife is irritating.
For all she knows, the husband doesn't care in the slightest, but she still feels irritated on his behalf. People just need to accept one another, and not decide for another couple what constitutes disrespect.
If someone like her told my wife to 'please stop correcting your husband constantly, and just let him speak', I would be quite upset with her and possibly tell her to mind her own business/marriage, and stop worrying about my wife helping me with the finer details.
She doesn't really seem like the type who would actually say something like that, but the fact that she even mentioned it is rather telling with how irritated she can be about someone else's marriage dynamics.
@@eugenetswong I think that depends on what is being said because sometimes someone is saying a very incorrect thing that could lead to harm and that would need public correction at the time. however, something trivial as if something was on Monday or Tuesday should be let go as it’s most likely doesn’t change the core of what is being said.
@@kayhamilton3947 Yeah, I agree. I was speaking in the context of when it doesn't lead to harm.
In general, interrupting people is bad manners. In some cases correcting mistakes is fine, sometimes even the right thing to do, but it is rude to interrupt someone who makes an unimportant factual error no matter who is doing it.
I love that Mike pointed out that a wife is caring for her husband by correcting him and is likely very unaware she is disrespecting him. I am that woman. I wish I had known all of this years ago
It's likely not your husband you need be concerned with feeling disrespected, and instead the people you are with finding you irritating. Finding a way to stop constantly correcting him will likely avoid the need for your husband to tell someone else to mind their own business when they finally feel brave enough to ask you to stop interrupting and correcting your husband.
I say this because if I were married and my wife corrected me over finer, factual details, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. As for theology, it depends on the manner in which she says it. For example, if you have a differing perspective, you could say something like, 'that's so interesting, I always thought it was xyz, perhaps I've been looking at it out of context.'
This gives your husband the opportunity to consider your words without feeling like you're trying to undermine him. It may come as a shock to you, but you're allowed to disagree with your husband's views (hopefully not fundamental and important ones, otherwise you just might be unequally yoked), and you can even discuss this with him, indeed, even in front of friends. Paul just said wives shouldn't do it while at church.
The problem with other people finding my wife's corrections irritating, is that I am likely to defend her, even more so when her corrections don't bother me. I'm a very insecure person generally speaking, but my one day future wife correcting my anecdotal errors I actually find endearing. Some of those errors if left unchecked can change the whole context of a story.
It's a tightrope act, with very few right answers. I would feel offended by people being irritated with my wife on my behalf.
No, Mike did not say that a wife *IS* caring for her husband by correcting him, and is unaware. He said that it’s POSSIBLE that SOME women MIGHT think they’re just trying to be being helpful, and MIGHT be unaware. However, those are few and far between. And I personally think Mike said that just to be diplomatic.
Women who correct their husbands in public subconsciously choose to believe they’re doing it to be helpful, but they’re just fooling themselves. I know, because that’s what I believed until I matured enough to be able to recognize my own hidden motives. The fact that you misquoted Mike’s comment, shows that you’re only hearing/believing what you want to hear.
I make this point "respectfully" (pun intended), but it always surprises me when a woman says that it never occurred to her that something that is clearly disrespectful was disrespectful. Sincerely, when people do that to you do you really not feel disrespected? If you're telling a story and somebody randomly cut you off and explains that you're telling it wrong you don't feel disrespected? Here's a starting point for figuring out what is disrespectful to your husband: would you feel disrespected if somebody did it to you? That's not to say that there aren't times when a man might consider something disrespectful that you wouldn't necessarily, but those are the exception and not the rule. Generally speaking, if it would make you feel disrespected, it makes your husband feel disrespected. I'm really shocked at how many wives claim that they don't understand that.
@@MattPerk7 You've stated the problem us wives have quite clearly: we don't understand. My husband never once sat me down and told me how disrespected he felt when I corrected him, wrong or not. I, on the other hand, prefer to be corrected when I am wrong. If his correction was done respectfully, I didn't mind it at all. He didn't like correction no matter how respectfully I did it.
Have you communicated to your wife how you feel respected or disrespected or do you simply expect her to just know? Men think like men and women think like women. And I'm not "claiming: to not understand. I genuinely do not understand.
Tell me how, as a wife, I should've handled this situation: My husband tried to adjust something quickly in the engine compartment of our car. The engine was running. He stuck his hand in and nearly got his finger ripped off via the fan belt. He is permanently disfigured now. He knew better, right? To show that I respect him, I should have said nothing?
I hope I am not coming across as sarcastic. I genuinely do NOT understand. What would you have your wife do: respect you by remaining quiet and risk you permantly damaging your hand, or disrespect you by warning you?
As a wife, remaining quiet was unloving; warning him was loving. Tell me what to do.
I love how you emphasise that men's responsibilities are the men's concern, and women's are women's. Aside from setting healthy boundaries where necessary, we need to stop reminding our other half what their responsibilities are, and concentrate on meeting our own instead. *So important* and well said, Mike!! 👏👏
. It depends on who knows more at that particular time .
@@woobiefuntime No it does not. It depends on who is in charge and in a godly house that is the husband. You don't get to choose that if you choose God.
Women's responsibilities ARE the husband's concerns if he is in charge. She is responsible to both her husband and God.
@@johnbreitmeier3268 what I'm saying is it is like being a advisor. .if the husband is wrong then he should be corrected by his wife because it has a impact on the home
@@johnbreitmeier3268 i see it that it's not up to the husband to tell his wife how she should behave towards him. It is to lead her, and their family, in a Christ-centred way, towards God, in whatever contexts they are living.
Both parties are free to describe how they feel, or struggle, when their spouse behaves negatively towards them (as Mike explained very well, imo) - or indeed to express appreciation of loving behaviour. But I agree with Mike, that our job is to concentrate on our own brief to them, rather than pointing out their brief to us. 🙏
Sooooooo good. This was a powerful part of the conference for me, because I realized I do this so frequently, not ever meaning to be disrespectful, but not realizing that it was. Dr. McDowell actually leaned over to me at our table during this part and said, "Oh THAT would drive me NUTS!" And I bet he has no idea that comment really stuck with me and made me realize, maybe it drives my husband nuts too. Lord, help me to be more careful about when I might be disrespecting my loving husband!!
I sensed you were just trying to help 🙏🏼 but the pointers to be graceful or handle it in private is helpful. A few things that stood out for me was learning to grow [spiritually] with your spouse, i.e., thicker skin/thinner skin or even realizing that your partner was trying to be helpful in their own [interesting] way. But we don't count shortcomings/wrongdoings, we count moments to honor Christ & His Bride 🙏🏼🤗
It's really awesome that you could recognize yourself in this quickly and didn't need to make excuses or try to justify yourself. None of us start out perfect...we won't get there this side of heaven either...but the only way to improve is being able to see our short comings or character flaws and start working on them with the help of the holy spirit.
@@kathyrickard9001 Thanks for the encouragement! Grateful for the conviction of the Holy Spirit! 🙏
Beautiful. I’m trying to wrestle this in myself, too!
I’ve heard women constantly correcting their husbands to the point that they take over the story being told, the man just goes quite and the wife has fully direct the attention on to her. I hate it when your telling friends about your adventure ,there is that one person who takes over with there story ,and it’s always bigger better greater.
My wife does that also.
I don't feel at peace when I hear my mother "correcting" my father. It's like a question of pride that is unasked and it keeps going until years later she's feeling guilty but she's already done harm. The matriarch does not take over the patriarch I think that's the female egoism is to correct her husband in front of her children self righteously. As my mother does.
You don't just correct people in public unless it's an emergency or equally important, and if you do you do it as gently as possible.
One wonderful pastor I had would often say, " do you want to be right or do you want to have relationship???" He applied that to his own relationships with his congregants and his wife. If it's Tuesday or Thursday or May or July, what does it really matter? Love your ministry Mike Winger!
👋🏼 HELLO👋🏼 Conviction! Slapping me right in the face…..PRAISE the Lord for this ministry to be able to speak into our hearts and lives…….🙌🏼 thanks again, Mike.
You and I both!!!
In a husband and wife relationship, I think it goes both ways. Neither should be correcting the other in public, unless crucial.
Yes, both ways for sure.
Respect is not only for husbands. Wives can be belittled or dismissed or criticized and these are all forms of disrespect.
I find the church generally only talks about wives disrespecting husbands.
Respect is not only for husbands. Wives can be belittled or dismissed or criticized and these are all forms of disrespect.
I find the church generally only talks about wives disrespecting husbands.
@@laurakosch that’s because that’s what the Bible focus on.
You’re not wrong, disrespect can go both ways, but the husbands commandment is to love his wife.
If he’s doing that, as unto the Lord, he will be respectful.
I think it depends on what it is being corrected or how important it is.
Most stuff should definitely slide.
Also it depends on your relationship.
If things are generally good between you, with lots of mutual love and respect, an occasional correction is no big deal.
If you’re relationship is already strained though, the smallest thing seems big.
Been there.
It sucks🤦♂️
This is good for every relationship/friendship. If you're prone to correcting every single sentence or nitpicking words and synonyms, and you think it's just a quirky family trait, believe me, it's not quirky. And conversations around these types of individuals are exhausting especially when half the time, they're just as wrong with their 'corrections'.
Amen.
This has nothing to do withother "equal" relationships. It has to do with whether you respect your husband or not.
My problem is that I've been corrected so many times that sometimes when I'm having an adult conversation with someone, I have to ask the person clarifying questions on the meaning of a word or phrase. I know it annoys the person but I genuinely don't understand.
Example: At Walmart, There was a pre-built bike that I absolutely wanted. There was something wrong where I would turn the handlebars but the wheel didn't follow. I took it to Customer Service and gave a three option request.
1. May I have a discount since the bike doesn't work As Is. (No)
2. Is there someone in the store either today or tomorrow who can fix this bike? ("We don't do that here.")
3. Do you have a tool I cam borrow to attempt to fix the bike ("No." - I returned the bike to its place and borrowed a kit from the shelf to fix it and returned the kit to its place....It didn't work.)
The statement with number 2, I was trying to clarify what the Representative meant by "here". Did she mean "At this counter, in this store today (the bike builder will be back tomorrow), or in this store at all?" I had to ask for clarification three times and she only repeated those three same words. I finally got her to say, "We can't fix this bike in this store at all ever."
(I avoid shopping there most of the time. After reading online reviews, people stated the same problem with that bike. I dodged a bullet and am glad I didn't buy it.)
@@johnbreitmeier3268 Nitpicking conversations certainly has *everything* to do with all relationships, including friendships.
Yes, this video was addressing the issue of respect between husbands and wives, but that doesn't mean that people are "wrong" to comment on respect between people in general. Where do you get off, thinking that you can direct the course of conversation in the comment section??🤔🤪🤪
At least it's still relevant to the video.
@@johnbreitmeier3268 well, respect can be found in other relationships besides the marital ones can it not? We're just talking about generalist respect which can then be applied to the marriage relationship
When someone is wrong on the facts, it is not contradiction. It is correction. And one should humbly accept it.
But when someone corrects another just to be right while telling a story, that's just about interrupting and a "look at me!" Mentality. Sometimes people just need to set aside pride.
Some facts are not relevant.
Stephen, no. If an IMPORTANT matter needs to be corrected, you can do it in a gracious way.
@@josda1000 Is that what goes on? Perhaps.
Or perhaps the person giving correction is trying to be helpful.
You are right, however, that it is always a good thing to remove ego from the equation no matter who is speaking.
@@jasonreed2116 If the goal is truth and accuracy, then everyone in the conversation might be edified by helpful corrections.
But as you say, it would depend on the circumstances.
If the one being corrected and the one correcting can both keep their egos out of it, then no harm no foul.
One thing to note about the idea of a woman **nitpicking** things that are based on facts (like dates of things) -- there is an unfortunate number of women with undiagnosed autism that genuinely dont mean to come across as nitpicking, or rude, or over correcting, and don't even know they do it or why and with the right supportive partner can learn to recognized these traits and work around their brains compulsive need for the information to be accurate.
Does it need to be said?
Does it need to be said by me?
Does it need to be said by me right now?
a woman at church i had a titus 2 bible study with. she said she wanted to be a good wife. however when we began hanging out for family dinners, she would belittle and scream at her husband. call him names and it was soooo awkward for my husband and i. we felt so terrible for her husband. he never spoke back and he looked so embarrassed. over time, she began yelling at me when at her home. after a few months, i finally called her and read her scripture, concerning a wife and husband. how christians are to speak to one another. such as timothy + Ephesians . anyway, she went off and screamed at me. i told her that i care about her and her behavior makes others feel uncomfortable. she became a member at our church shortly afterwards. it really made me rethink who our church accepts as members.... i dont see any love of jesus in her. i never told anyone else at church about her behavior bc i figured i already confronted her. we stopped being friends. she even took her daughter out of my sunday school class. im praying God will soften her heart.
That's when you confront directly and tell her "Don't speak to me like that"
If she doesn't repent, I think you're supposed to bring it to the elders' attention.
The Husband didn't properly check out her character beforehand did he?
Obviously a woman should not be rebuking a man. But for a woman to woman (as in your case), follow the proper procedure layed out in Matthew 18:15~17 / Luke 17:3~4. Then 1 Corinthians 5:11~13 specifically says not to associate with someone who is a "verbal-abuser." (This is what the word means. But it may not be translated that way in your version. It's the word right after "greedy-person, or an idol-worshipper"). And then goes on to judging and removing such a person from the assembly.
Then related to a woman screaming and rebuking her husband specifically, you have 1 Timothy 2:11~15 and 1 Peter 3:1~6.
@@johnrockwell5834 Not necessarily. There's no guarentee that the person you married will still be the same person throughout the marriage. Each person will make his own choice day by day to serve the lord or not. To choose life or death. Bliss or eternal fire.
I'm a guy, unmarried, but even as a teen I had to learn to stop correcting people on these kinds of things in general. It still requires a conscious effort even as an adult to hold back the reflex.
This got an extra layer of internal complexity now that I'm a Christian and I actually care a lot about people getting details right or wrong with, specifically, the bible.
As an ex-catholic leaving "the Pope speaks for God" I came to learn what some Protestants are like from 15 or so through 30's and the toxic masculinity of the pastor's opinions [not sola-scripture] or traditions of men ( single or twofold ministry of pastors+elders/deacons only, clergy/audience only services, cessationism, Sunday sabbath they got from Catholics, good Friday, Xmas, women should wear long skirts, women not to teach or prophesy etc) are just as protected for the purpose of the male-ego "this is how I grew up/learned in seminary so it must be right".
If men let go of their pride the church might have the Spirit and look like the book of Acts again.
I live in the south for context. I'm not a charis-maniac but I think there should be some healthy balance & movement of the Spirit.
I know that I have a tendency to correct people on things like details, dates, stuff like that. One strategy I have used to help “soften” my correction is to phrase those corrections as questions. As opposed to saying, “That didn’t happen in June. It happened in May,” I’ll phase it something like, “Was that in June? I thought I remember that being in May, because I seem to remember it happening right before Mother’s Day.”
By phrasing it as a question, I open myself up to being wrong. I’m not asserting my superior memory, knowledge, or intellect in the way that I deliver it. Also- if the person I disagree with insists that they’re right and I’m wrong, I won’t push the issue (in most cases, unless the issue really is *actually* important).
This is perhaps more of a matter of politeness than purely marriage dynamics, but I’m hoping this strategy will help me if/when I get married one day, God willing!
Ahhhh, the force is strong in this one🥷
Not to be abrasive but why the heck do you need to correct them on a date anyway? This is generally what people who always want to be right do
@@somethinggood9267 I used this as an example because that was the example used in the video, more than anything. I don’t make a point of correcting people on dates at all if I can help it. In real life, I try to only do so if there is a group conversation and there is a debate already occurring as to when a certain event/vacation/etc happened. Then I’ll pipe up and say when I *think* it was.
Having said that, I’ll admit that I sometimes offer this info when it isn’t asked of me. It’s a nit-picky flaw of mine that I’ve been working on for years.
This is great advise. I’ve literally corrected my husbands theology when he is in the middle of praying together. Thank God he is and has been navigating us through my obliviousness in how I’ve disrespected him by public corrections in other ways as well.
I wouldn't mind being corrected on things like that. It was this day not that day to me ain't a big deal. I think if you have a wife that is waiting and watching for every mistake you make so she can capitalize on criticizing you thats an issue.
yep! There is a difference in being corrected on something minor and someone just being a nag for the sake of being a nag.
Mike! I think you're my HERO! I agree with EVERYTHING you are saying. Look at yourself. Each side works on themselves and THEN you can learn to serve each other better. I have decided TO love but never be IN love because loving someone should not be blind. That said, my mate can't change me BUT my love for him can. That comes with trust, communication, and understanding. What that doesn't mean is that I am going to dumb myself down to feed your ego. REALLY, REALLY GOOD one! You're fair. I respect fair.
One more thing, if I say something wrong and you don't correct me, we are going to have a problem. Because you are allowing me to be wrong. I am FOREVER a learner.
I honestly would prefer my husband to correct me if I'm being inaccurate in public, even slightly, because I care a lot about accuracy. Maybe it's my OCD coming out... It genuinely doesn't occur to me in the moment that other people might feel differently about that, and I guess it should.
Hats off to you! It sounds like when it happens in your relationship, it doesn't adversely affect communication, and it's more a teamwork thing, which is cool. I think sometimes, though, the person correcting can be taking away from the point the other person is trying to make, and it can seem like they're correcting the *person* rather than clarifying details.
But I actually get you - I'm big on accuracy, too! 😁
Same! Accuracy and honesty are so important to me!
I don´t know a single guy who does not take public correcting and interupting as disrespectful. I certainly do and would not like to be treated like that.
(I agree with Mike though, it really matters how you do it)
Good day. The last time I checked only women can give birth and produce milk for each baby. A man can never exactly be a woman. It is sad that American culture and the world's culture at large have changed husbands working hard outside the house and women working hard inside the house until the children are raised. Please reach at least one soul each week with the true gospel of Jesus Christ. Let us get ready for the new earth. Stars are not that big and cannot be trillions of miles away because of Revelation 6:13. Stars are sources of light and help with seasons. If Judge Jesus is considered a foreign prince, would you defend the constitution or obey the word of God? Sodomy (homosexuality) is a deathstyle. Biology is when two men and two women will never have their own literal children. Tragedy is when a husband and a wife cannot literally make one flesh. People should go preaching at abortion clinics. You abhor idols but you commit sacrilege by going to church every sunday. Remember that Sodom and Gomorrah was destroyed by the Lord in Genesis. Sodomites (homosexuals, furries, necromancers) are disobeying the first commandment which God gave, which is, Be fruitful and multiply. Women should wear dresses and a head covering. Men should wear trousers with no head covering. The mark of the beast is spiritual and physical. Only God can create in the Bible sense which is to bring something out of nothing. Peace unto you. Let us follow the pure Christian religion. Dragon is the old word for dinosaur. Elohim is a devil. The saints are going through tribulation but that will end when the Lord Jesus shall return. The world shall go through the wrath of God, not tribulation. The saints shall possess the kingdom and we shall reign here for a 1,000 years. The feet of our Lord Jesus will touch the Olivet mount. The gospel of John shows that the Lord Jesus rose before the first day of the week. He died in the midst of the week and rose on the sabbath. Daniel 9:27, John 19:31, John 20. We would say that he died on Wednesday and rose on Saturday. The first passover of the holy old king James Bible always comes before the heathen Easter. Read Acts 12:1-4. If the first passover falls around Easter like in 2022, then something is wrong. The calendar problem must be solved. I am not relying on man and that is why the belief I have is different from most people. We ought to pray for the repentance and success of kings and all those in authority. I pray for president Joe Biden and his cabinet to do well and repent of their sins. I have been praying for all those in authority since I read 1 Timothy 2:1-4 some years ago. I am a sabbath keeping, new moon celebrating, holy day feast observing Christian that would never knowingly eat pork, shrimps, or anything sacrificed to idols. It is an abomination for a Christian to eat shrimps, pork, chicken, etc. Adam and Eve were children of God but they sinned by eating from an unclean tree. The mark of the beast will be IN the right hand or IN the forehead. It is spiritual and physical. Most of the world worships the beast by keeping sunday, friday, Christmas, Easter, Eid, Diwali, etc. The carnal mark is linked to a digital economy. Our Lord Jesus never ate shrimps or pork. Prayerfully read Leviticus 11:43 and Revelation 21:8. If you make yourself abominable, that is a sin! Repent.
The new covenant will not save you if you continue being rebellious and stubborn against the word of the Lord. It is a sin to steal and a sin to forget the sabbath (saturday). *1 Samuel **15:23** KJV - For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, he hath also rejected thee from being king.* Witchcraft, sorcery idolatry, witches, sorcerers, idolaters will be cast into hellfire. Only they that are washed in the blood of the Lord Jesus and keep his commandments shall be kings and priests. There is no such thing as a sunday rest or sunday sabbath in the Bible. Only the seventh day is blessed, sanctified and hallowed. Isaiah 66:22,23 says that from one new moon to another and from one sabbath to another shall all flesh worship before the Lord in the new earth. Matthew 7:21-23 proves that not everyone that says Jesus is Lord will enter the kingdom. We need to do the will of the Father which is to obey and honor our Lord Jesus Christ. He kept the new moons and we ought to keep them.
@@thomasfryxelius5526 I think both sexes care! It would really irk me you know just be kind!
"Where do you get your energy from? Studying I bet"
"sleep"
Definitely the most helpful part of the video
Apparently it's one of the great misperceptions - being introvert or extrovert just refers to what it is you need when your batteries need recharging: do you need people and socialising? i.e. extrovert. Or do you need quietness and your own space? i.e. introvert 🤗
Yes, shyness doesn't really come into it 😁
Very true, when I used believe the conventional meaning of introversion, and in wanted to change some things about me with regards to social languages and thought it was innate, I prayed it away because people have it wrong and then say it's a genetic thing.
and now I have people thinking I'm not an introvert, with shocked faces and making shady remarks when I disappear for weeks, or not constantly going out, thinking I've been hanging out with other people... When I was at home.
I'm generally open to correction (especially if i got facts wrong and unintentionally shared misinformation). However, I'd be very annoyed if my husband or anyone else constantly nitpicked my retelling of a story. There's a way to interject and add on to a narrative without being rude and making the other person feel dumb. Also I think if you feel that this is what your spouse is doing you should definitely have a conversation bc it'll breed resentment.
Spot on👍
FOR SURE
I’m not sure how someone else can make you feel dumb, unless there’s validity to the claim… otherwise it’s pride.
My wife always has a rebuttal for everything I say, even if it's my opinion or even if it's a topic that I know more about. Of course, if it's a topic that she's completely unfamiliar with then she won't even feign interest. It's like, ever heard the term, "active listening?", you can at least appear interested in something I care about. When we're out with friends, I could be mid-sentence, or a few words into contributing to a conversation, and she'll interrupt me to say her point or make a joke and will then say, "sorry go ahead." But I'm kind of over the "sorry", because clearly she thinks that her input is more important than mine. Eventually, I think I'm just not ever going to want to open my mouth to talk, because I know she'll either tell me my opinion is wrong, or interrupt me before I even share it. Anyone else deal with stuff like that?
She is insecure and feels social anxiety and seems to respect her imagined image more than you. She’ll need some practice/therapy to learn why she does it and how to do something different
That sucks. Wasn't she like that at all when you were boyfriend and girlfriend? I'm 32, male and single btw.
Yes, I think a lot of people experience that. And I think the people that do it often either don't notice, and/or probably won't admit it. Really unhelpful behaviour. 😕🙏
You should talk to her about it. Tell her it upsets you
@@sherlockhomeless7138 I don't remember her doing the interrupting, no.
I am an electrical engineer whom does consulting for a living. I have a team of people we work with. Something we do as a team is we try to message each other when we say or do something wrong. This way that person can correct themselves rather than someone else do it. Its a bit harder for a wife to do that however she could pull out her phone for a second and text her husband so that he can correct himself. Thats being seen as the easiest way to be supportive of the husband. I will admit, I like your preaching just dont like your beliefs on the fathers being the head.
My Papa was a preacher and my Mema (grandparents) was his wife. When asked she would always say that Papa was the head or leader of the house, she is the hand that can turn the neck. Meaning her opinions were listened to, and was the one thing that could sway the husbands decision. When 2 people disagree you cannot just agree to disagree in a family. You need to be unified. So someone has to submit, meaning let the other be responsible for the choice. If a mother tells a father her opinion, she has done what is right in her heart. She is no longer responsible for the action. The bible does say each of us will be judge by our own actions. This means the husband is responsible for the actions that come afterwards.
I believe that if I am listening to my wife, even when I disagree with her if she chooses to let me take lead on the issue then she is giving me the respect I need. I hate to say it Men do not need love, we need to feel respected. The bible doesn't say when love your husbands, it says submit to them. Husband must also love their wives to earn this respect. These are listed together because they are mutually inclusive of each other. You cannot separate them. Men need to love their wife, and women need to submit to their husbands. This goes back to the most important thing both need. Men need respect, women need love. When a wife ask (not demands a husband to do something) unless the man is in the middle of something, they should stop to do it. Even when a wife does something wrong to a husband such as disrespecting them in front of others, a husband is suppose to love the wife and forgive her. A marriage is a covenant unto God for a sinful man and a sinful woman. The reason its a covenant unto God because thats what creates a solid foundation for marriage.
Wow! I think that's the most concise, best marriage advice I've heard in awhile. Does it even matter? I do tend to correct my husband on the details, or at least want to. And that has rubbed off on my daughter and she nit picks constantly on me and everyone. We've tried to stop her but I know it's my fault for demonstrating it to her. I have stopped doing as much so our youngest doesn't pick it up as much. But what an excellent reminder of this. And of course the "I feel that you...." statements are the best way to phrase things. It's all about perception of things. We just hit 21 years of marriage, and like all marriages, it's been a roller coaster. We've even had a bit of marriage counseling to get us through some major bumps. Respect is huge. I also want to be shown love by being respected for my expertise and knowledge. And just like marriage, same with kids. Don't discipline in public. Take them to a quiet place and talk to them there, unless it's truly an emergency. I'm going to hold this advice close. Awesome!
Hah! I tried the, "I feel (thus and so) when you do (such and such.)" And I got told, "Your feelings are not my problem."
I was so gobsmacked that I didn't know what to say!!
Of course, the issue was that he was *absolutely responsible* for what he'd done that had given rise to my feelings. But I missed the opportunity. 😟😟🤪
Mike, as husbands we are given the title “head”, which means we have leadership responsibility. Which means that we do admonish or rebuke in all gentleness and kindness and love with our wife. You said we should focus on ourselves and not on the other person, but it is very helpful for us to encourage one another in our walk with Christ. Encouraging one another to show love to God and love to our neighbors. To allow your spouse to sin without confrontation is evil, but to admonish or rebuke in a private setting in order to grow is very loving. I doubt you would disagree with me on this point but I could see people hearing this and thinking that they should never say anything to their spouse.
The best way to persistently get respectful treatment from a wife, is to persistently be a man who is worthy of respect.
Lead.
I see this kind of comment a lot. It is the assumption that the man is in the wrong. If the woman is wrong it is the man's fault. This isn't logical or Biblical. People are people. They all make mistakes. Even, shutter, wives with loving husbands need to get their act together at times.
@@bassmanjr100
I’m afraid you may be reading things into my statement that I didn’t intend.
Allow me to clarify:
It doesn’t have anything to do with anyone being “in the wrong”, anyones “fault”.
I’m simply saying the best way to garner respect, is to live in a manner that deserves respect.
This seems completely logical to me. And since I’m quoting on a video from Mike Winger, I assumed my comment would be understood to mean that this man would be living in a biblical manner, as the leader of the family.
In short, we should not expect respect….just because. That seems illogical.
@@bassmanjr100 You have a point; Yes, even women can be wrong. But the focus on the man isn't a matter of blame. It's one of responsibility. A leader is responsible for what happens even if he's not to blame. It's his responsibility to address the issue and find a good resolution.
@@josephmiller997 incorrect. It’s a husbands responsibility to be sensitive to the Spirit of God and to lead his family. He is not responsible for any of her behavior if he is led by the Spirit. She has free will. She will stand alone on judgement day.
Jesus is always someone who is respectful. He is commanding the wife to respect (literally "fear") her husband. So, if she refuses to respect her husband, she's actually disrespecting Jesus. So, in these cases, the man needs to love his wife even if she refuses to subject herself to him, and the woman needs to subject herself to her husband even if he is an unbeliever or disobeying God. (1 Peter 3:1+, etc.)
The spirit of the age is for people to disrespect each other. Also for wives to disrespect the husband and husbands to fold down their position as head of the wife. These are some of the sins of our age.
Just so you know this is really helpful even though I'm not married . 😃
Yes. Now you know what to look for in your potential mate.
It's like being in the passenger seat of a car. There's several ways to get to a destination, not all paths are necessarily the wrong way, but if he's scraping the side of the car on everything or heading into oncoming you might want to get out.
“Some husbands are just stupid …. And the wife is smart…” I’m sure it wouldn’t have been funny if the statement was… “Some wives are just stupid…. And the husband is smart”. This attitude and double standard is part of the problem.
Amen this statement was a red flag of the feminist cancer that has seeped into almost every area of everything. Only jokes at men’s expense are allowed. This is why society is ruined. Mike Winger just actually added to the problem here rather than take a strong stand and be disliked for it
mike giving good advice / insight - this is a universal matter, not just christian - people, spouses, should avoid doing these sorts of things in public. luv that mike admitted being 'deeply insecure'.
I don't know this raises red flags for me. If your partner (male or female) can't admit that they are wrong and won't accept correction then there is a pride issue that needs to be dealt with. Just giving them gentle language won't fix that. This is a major problem in this generation that people won't accept correction. I'm talking about the wife in this example. Also what she is doing is not correction, it's nit-picking.
I'm not married, but to be honest, if I was, and my wife started correcting me on details, like 'last Tuesday...'
’No, it was Thursday'
Or 'We went to the movies with Bill, Dan, and Sarah...'
'It was Rachel, not Sarah' I don't think it would bother me in the slightest. If she was correcting me about subjective issues, like challenging me on a decision I made, or criticizing me for something that would be diminishing, or even constant nagging about every little thing I do or say, that I would have a problem with.
With her correcting me over small details, I would be more concerned with how she was being perceived by others. They might find her irritating, and that would upset me, because if anyone was to say something about it, I would be defending her to the person, telling them that if it doesn't bother me, it shouldn't bother them. Privately I'd ask her to refrain because of how others might hurt her by saying something.
I think what you described is the healthy level of respect (heard/listened to on real issues, her submission - not dominated)
& love (concern for her friendship/reputation +heart).
Clearly you are not going into pride/sin with an unhealthy demand of respect turning into worship or never being corrected.
I wish more people had this balance.
Our western marriages are so broken. Christians are suppose to be a light 🕯️ but we copy the world in the USA.
Really enjoyed this. This is something The Lord has convicted me of and is changing in me. Praise Him!
Doesn't Jesus explicitly say that we should take the person to the side to reprove or correct them, and not initially do it publicly?
What scripture
@@Diamond-eq2xj Matthew 18:15-17. Related is Galatians 6:1 and 1 Timothy 5:20
@@voymasa7980 correcting someone is not “sinning against them” which is what Matthew spoke about. The Galations verse has nothing to do with this and 1st Timothy 5 quite literally says those who are sinning rebuke in the presence of all. So how would that have to do with not correcting them publicly…?
@@Diamond-eq2xj you misapprehend. I never said correcting someone is "sinning against them", you switched the subjects of the verse: the point is the reproving is done 1:1 discreetly first, then, if they don't listen, with 2-3 witnesses, and only after them "continuing in sin" (like 1 Tim 5:20 affirms) reprove them before the congregation. Galatians 6:1 is linked because the reprover should have a spirit fo meekness themselves in this reprove, so it's not to be done pridefully or arrogantly; this comports with Jesus warning to remove the beam from your own eye before trying to remove the speck of dust from your brothers. By taking them to the side to reprove 1:1 at first, and if necessary before only a couple witnesses, it also gives you the opportunity to not look like a fool if you were the one wrong.
@@voymasa7980 quick question. Is english your first language? I haven’t even read all of what you said. I couldn’t make it past the first sentence. I believe you mean miscomprehend…
I tend to correct my husband because it bothers me a lot when people exagerate things or lie.
You should read 1 Peter 3:1~6 and submit to that instead.
@@XeenMusic 😂
Yes. What advice do they have when the other person is outright lying or exaggerating at your expense? Roll over like a doormat and take it?
@@lindenpeters2601 With at least men (I would presume it would carry over to a woman, but I can't be 100% certain), they are to go one on one. If they don't listen, then take two or three others. If they still don't listen, then take it before the entire assembly.
Matthew 15:15~17
15 “But if at any time your brother might sin, be going away; convict him alone between you and him. If at any time he might hear you, you gained your brother. 16 But if at any time he might not hear, take alongside with you still one or two, in order that by the mouth of two or three testifiers every word might be made to stand. 17 But if at any time he might refuse to hear them, speak to the assembly. But if at any time he might even refuse to hear the assembly, let him be to you even as the one of the nations and the tax collector."
But since women themselves are to be silent in the assembly, it would be clear at that point that men would be involved by then in dealing with the situation.
Otherwise, the women needs to follow 1 Peter 3:1~6, in which it states that if her husband does not obey the word of God, that she is supposed to win him over without words. So, she's not supposing to be nagging and rebuking him and correcting him for his sins.
@@XeenMusic What about love her as he loves and nourishes his body?Why is your correction one sided???
This goes both ways. He must respect her to.
I think this behavior sometimes is a kind of revenge. He hurt her at home and she picks on him in public.
As long as it is in the context of her recognizing him as an authority in her life. Obviously, good parents will learn how to treat their children respectfully, but the kind of respect that children show to their parents is different in that it is a recognition of the parents Authority. If you work for somebody at a job, hopefully they have respect for you but your respect for them is on a slightly different level because of the authority that they have concerning the work that you do for their company or for the work that they have been tasked with overseeing. A coach should have respect for his team, but the respect that they have for him is on a slightly different level because he is an authority. It's the same thing in a marriage. Obviously a good husband should have respect for his wife but her respect for him is different in that he has authority over her. I think that's what is often missed in modern-day marriages. Wouldn't you agree?
Perhaps, but our Bible says vengeance is the Lords and nowhere are we permitted to disobey the Lords commands to us, because our spouse has.
Jesus said, take up YOUR cross and follow ME.
@@BoxBoy86 The idea of revenge is an explanation, not an excuse. I know a wife who’s doing this, and I think it’s a very bad behavior.
And some men like to humiliate their wife in public. That is bad too.
@@biaberg3448 agreed 🙏
I clicked on this faster than Jezebel had Naboth killed
Wow, that's fast! 😂
Excellent answer. it is so crushing to be corrected in public, especially when the correction is over trivial things. I also think it embarrasses the other parties as well, so really it is a no win for anybody.
Exactly. And what you said can apply to all sorts of interactions with various people in one's life. Usually the issue is with the person who's doing the constant correcting and nitpicking, while the person on the receiving end, if not careful with their thoughts, may veer toward thinking, "What's wrong with me that keeps causing so-and-so to constantly do this?" Thus heaping the poor behavior of the other person onto themselves in the form of needless insecurity.
Thank you for this video. I am dealing with a wife that does all the above, just did it the other day In front of a friend, the friend felt it also.
I need to get thick skin cause I lose it when she does these things to me. We are seeing counseling with our Pastor.
Please keep us in your prayers.
Thank you.
Are you dealing with her or in relationship with her?
Big difference.
I'm a white guy with a Haitian wife.
We've been married for over 7 years. We're still not on the same page as to what feelings and emotions are.
Cultural differences are a real thing.
I get the idea that when a man complains in a counseling session that his wife does not respect him because she counters him publicly it has nothing to do with interrupting his stories. I think it is more to do with when he takes any kind of initiative or tries to make any kind of decision she will intentionally do the opposite thing or obstruct him in a publicly obvious way. The story Interruption thing is sort of a silly way to paint the picture.
Thank you for addressing this. They soft pedaled the issue badly.
The people who always correct your memory, are usually, almost always wrong. Its a much deeper issue. Whether you're a man or woman, if your S.O. is doing this, better hope you're not married. Its a major red flag. Gtf away from them, trust me. You have no idea how people like this can get. Overly defensive as well, manipulative and backstabbing. Drop them and don't look back
Mike, people are more attuned to others than we give them credit for. “Honor is not equal”. We all know this down deep in our being. We know how to do good to some people looks different then to do good for others. It’s not that hard to see those around us and see how our action affect them. We are not omniscient however we can aim to be peacemakers with all. Women, mostly desire affection. Men do not AS MUCH. Men want to be understood, and it is a more critical issue for them as they feel their place is at the head of the marriage as described in scripture and I believe this is also written in our DNA by the great I Am. It makes sense. We all agree that the head of any group needs to be understood. A commander in a military group needs to be understood before his troops. It’s best if all are understood. However, if only one is to be understood it should be the head. Not the opposite. This is what respect means I believe in almost every form of hierarchy. You make way for the head to be understood. The subordinates respect the head by striving to understand and making the understanding of the head more important than the understanding of the subordinate.
Added on edit:
I believe women desire to be understood too. I believe they should be. But not before the husband is understood in most situations where a conflict in understanding is present. Also it is a way for a woman to know the heart of her man as heart leader. Also when the rubber hits the road most men will lay down their lives for their wives and families if a situation came to that and would be more capable to do so in times of crisis. The men also have a higher chance of survival over women. Not absolute but higher. It is all very practical. Men do not even desire the honor of feeling protected by their wives. Men do feel absence of dishonor when they cannot protect their wives. Women want to feel protected by their husbands and usual resent the idea of having to protect almost any man besides their sons.
Just some observations and thoughts.
If husband needs to get “thicker skin” and not take things as disrespectful then wife needs to get thicker skin too and not take things as if he’s being unloving.
I love you saying you are wired to be an insecure punk. Honesty is the most admirable quality… everyone has personality flaws and knowing them, owning them and working on them makes us better and more genuine. I sincerely appreciated this admission/statement.
That is very wise. What are some of your personality flaws?
Hey Mike, my wife and I have a very good relationship usually. Despite her being agnostic, and me being quite a biblical follower of Christ. She was recently confronting me about the Sabbath, and basically saying that if I decide to modify my life in some way (like....take a full rest day once a week), then it's something we should talk about together.
I can understand where she's coming from, but because this was a biblical matter, I told her that God is more important than her. I also told her that she's the most important "person" in my life (which should be obvious). She became quite resentful and distant though. Normally I can mend any arguments that come from my Christian life. This time though this is quite a serious matter, to place herself above God in where she thinks she should be worshipped. What is your advice for this?
Ooooh, that's a tough one...
Mike, please answer for this man!
Honor the Sabbath regardless. Do stuff to serve her on the other days to make sure you carry your weight, maybe do more or hire out help.
Honor God first regardless of her input bc it is a command from YHWH [technically it starts Friday night sunset to Sat sunset - Protestants got Sunday from their Catholic mother] [I'm ex-catholic]
then choose to spend some of the Sabbath blessing or loving her as part of your rest and let the 🍓 fruit of your heart speak be the defense of the truth.
Great points! I especially found it valuable where the advice leaned not just toward addressing these types of things, but trying to go to the root behind it.
If phrasing it "I felt like you disrespected me" sounds to feelsy to you and you don't want to use it you can also say "It seemed like you disrespected me" or "it seemed to me you disrespected me". Takes out the objective statement part of it, but also the sHaRiNg OuR fEeLiNgS part of it if that happens to be something you're not comfortable with, but it does inform what _your perspective_ and _your perception_ was which is the goal here I believe. I'm not married, I just thought of this suddenly and wanted to share it just as an idea.
The problem is, if your wife actually does not respect you then this will only make the situation worse LOL
I agree with respect. I want others to see my husband the way I do, he’s the best man I know.
There is a truth with the way our brains are wired. If you tell a story and have a wrong date or time or color or whatever, when you tell the story that way from then on that is the truth in your brain. Your brain believes what you say.
Respect is not only for husbands. Wives can be belittled or dismissed or criticized and these are all forms of disrespect.
I find the church generally only talks about wives disrespecting husbands.
Best thing you can do to avoid this is to be a meek and pleasant wife. Follow the examples in the scriptures.
truth. Apparently its ok if you walk all over women and belittle them....
I find our society including our churches have done the opposite. In our culture and entertainment, men are often depicted as stupid and lazy and only able to function through life because of their amazing, brilliant wives. The women expect the men to work very hard, pay for everything, protect everyone and then be the butt of jokes. And our culture wonders why men pass on marriage all together more than ever. If our churches try to turn the tide back an inch towards something Biblical they are called patriarchal bigots. That is why most have either given up or put 90% of the focus on men.
@@bassmanjr100 um what? has nothing to do with this comment. "whine whine" men are teased. Oh please. For every man that is "belittled" by being told to get his keister off a couch instead of playing video games, there is a woman who is told she is not attractive enough, pretty enough, feminine enough, whatever, not enough of a "trophy wife". Get real.
@@rachelm9350 You should really think about something other than your appearance for a change. Vanity is not a Christian value.
One of the issues I sometimes have is that I'm afraid others view me as disrespectful because they don't understand something. My husband struggles with language, and he appreciates when I jump in and help him find the right words or finish a thought. He asks me to help him. But I understand that for most people who don't struggle with language issues that it probably appears on the outside like I'm being disrespectful even though he has asked me and told me repeatedly that he appreciates it since he struggles in this area.
And he's incredibly incredibly intelligent... but he has some kind of issue with translating his thoughts into words. Especially when he's tired. I, on the other hand have a degree in English, so language is my strong suit. So it's a great match because I can help him with language. And he's incredible with math and technology and I am terrible at that stuff. So we make an amazing team. It's just hard to feel like other people must think I'm this terrible over-bearing wife even though I'm just helping him the way he has requested.
We went through this but it's more so the other way around. We were not speaking because I was always bei ng corrected. I told him one day that we are disrespecting each other and that's why we were treating each other the way we are. That helped a lot and I don't think it's happen since. If I am talking to someone however he always finises the story, that I think I can handle.
He was correcting you in public, what were you doing to disrespect him?
My wife and I did the same thing. I noticed it one day and brought it up. We agreed never to do that again, and it was actually easy. We've had a wonderful 25 years together.
@@dumfriesspearhead7398 I never say 'you do this or that' I always say ' we'. If I don't he will throw it back at me and argument would start. I probably am guility of things as well, so I allways say WE.
Great advice! My husband and I barely ever encounter this, and i think this is because we are very similarly thick skinned and gracious. I try to make sure I am self aware so that I don’t interrupt him, though I have had to learn a lesson or two😂.
Hi Mike, you didn't have to put down the husband by calling him "not smart" or "dumb" and the wife "smart". I believe a wife correcting her husband continuously in public shows she does not respect him at home either.
People have bad habits. It doesn’t necessarily indicate anything sinister.
I don't think either spouse should contradict the other in public. Keep it private.
Most times public contradiction or correction is unwarranted and mostly stems from ones insecurities or feelings of low self-esteem.
Her mistake was "whatever you wanna classify it as". The main difference here is, one situation is a person being asked to sustain an already dying life. One is a person actually ending a healthy life.
Oh man. This made me think of something I witnessed recently. It wasn't really disrespect but some of us women are on a train to destroying our marriages it's not even funny. Anywho, there were 2 couples dining next to us. I'm assuming good friends. One of the ladies was NON STOP talk. The couple she was with participated when they could. BUT the husband, not one peep the whole time! We were there about an hr and they were already eating when we got there. Idk if maybe it was an off day for them. But wow some us women need to just check ourselves from time to time. 😁
Pastor Mike you are a treat. I listen to you and your advice is sound. I appreciate the way you remind us that even though you're a pastor with wisdom regarding the scriptures, you're still human. Good stuff. My family and friends enjoy your presentations. God Bless you for being here & available to lead us.
My ex+husband told me that I didn't respect him. I had no idea what he was talking about. Now I'm aware that he had so many insecurities he didn't even know about. He would not talk about anything serious with me, he would run to his mother. He would tell her all my mistakes and errors. I became an invisible wall flower just to cope. He became violent. He became adulterous. He would not agree to counseling. End of marriage contract.
Here's a novel idea. Both wives and husband's should be respected. We often hear about how important it is to men that they're respected by their wives and kids. Perhaps if men respected their wives and kids instead of demanding it, it would all flow how it should.
Everybody should be kind to each other and everybody should seek the good of one another, but did you realize that nowhere in Scripture is a husband ever commanded to respect his wife? He is certainly commanded to love her, to show her honor, to sacrifice for her, to provide for her, and to keep her for as long as they both shall live, but never to respect her. Conversely, wives are directly commanded to obey or to respect their husbands multiple times very bluntly and plainly. Do you understand why it might be a little hard for somebody to accept what you're saying the way that you are saying it? Obviously, there's a common way of treating people that we might refer to as "respectful" and obviously that would include the way that a husband should treat his wife. Everybody should treat everybody with that kind of respect, but when the Bible talks about a wife respecting her husband it's not talking about that. It's talking about the kind of respect that you show somebody who is in a position of authority over you. Your husband is your head and you have a command from God to recognize him as your head and obey his leadership. If you rebel against that, it's not really your husband you're rebelling against, it's God that you're rebelling against. Your husband does not have to "earn" your respect (although he should certainly strive to), but he is due your respect simply because of his position of authority. This is not your husband's opinion, this is God's opinion and you will give an account to God one day for what your attitude was towards your husband's headship.
@@MattPerk7 I fully expected this reaction, but I stand by what I said. It may not be written down in the words of the Bible, but Jesus showed Women enormous respect at all times, much to the disgust of the disciples on occasion. Love IS respect.
@@MattPerk7 wow trash. You'll have to answer to God for that.
Great advice and counsel. I gotta say, as a barber, whoever does your beard does a great job👍
This needs a corollary for one parent correcting the other parent in front of children - or countermanding an instruction - or criticizing the way the other parent speaks to the child in front of them - or defending the child against the other parent - and so forth.
It's important to point out this issue can go both ways.
I agree, we are supposed to our side of things, but as a husband, you are to let God's Word into your wives life. She needs to be corrected often just like the men do. If you find yourself focusing on your sin, and she's also mainly focusing on your sin, there is an infection that needs to be dealt with.
Not that it is inspired, but watch "Chitty-Chitty Bang Bang" and notice how tactfully Truly Scrumptious suggests an alternative response or action without belittling Carracticus Potts. I think we could all learn from her example.
Something that helps… is ask her so if someone breaks in the house YOU get UP THEN or who is getting up to see. Her response immediately will be you (husband)….
How often should a wife contradict her husband in public?
Probably no more than 490 times a day.
Lol
@Ken Bannedagain seems like a harsh punishment for a one off offense... also, what if she's right? Just feels like you can communicate better.
@Ken Bannedagain lack of respect isn’t biblical justification for divorce
@Ken Bannedagain That's an anti Christian view
😂
I did love the thicker skin / thinner skin equilibrium:
trying to define respect/disrespect 👑 to your wife so her heart intentionality 💭 💜+results despite intention can be discussed 💔
and the husband's definition respect 👑 vs pride 👿 can be examined in light of scripture 1st 📜 🕯️ 🔦 & hypocrisy/golden rule applied to his expectation on others vs his own actions. 💜
Some things are just gender differences for us to grow in love & wisdom 🌲 & some things are sin/pride/selfishness bc both genders are sinners.
Mike's video on the Bible stupidity test is great for men and women.
Hey Mike, do you plan to release the full version of this seminar?
This is talking about my wife. We are separated right now because of the overbearing control. Please pray for us. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
This is exactly what we needed to hear. 2.5 years down with forever to go! 🥰
I dated a woman who would start sentences with the word "no"....and then counter whatever it was that I said. So glad that relationship ended.
Dating is wrong
@@blakeavila4409 When you're single? Wrong how?
@@spacecoastz4026 Bonds you with someone else's future wife
@@blakeavila4409 What? So you believe in only arrange marriages and not dating and finding the right person? I'm not bonded to anyone but my wife.
@@spacecoastz4026 There is no such thing as the right person. Only ready people and not ready people. When men and women are alone together they emotionally bond. Even if you’re no longer bonded with other women you can still remember them and they can still remember you. I’m not for arranged marriage (I’m not against it either) I’m for betrothal and courting in each other’s houses with each other’s families and never alone one-on-one
I hate being contradicted in front of others. Especially if it's over something pedantic that's immaterial to the point I'm trying to make.
I admit I tend to take it more personally than I should. If you permit me to go into therapy mode, I think it comes from growing up as the youngest sibling.
You're always talked over, talked down to, only half heard when you do talk, and given condescending platitudes in response.
It was an environment where I had to respond with hostility just to show I meant business.
It's left me with some bad habits that I steadily am trying to break, but it took until ny late 30s just to realize how close to the surface all that anger from childhood still was.
I thought I had LONG gotten over everything from back then.
I think youre doing proverbs 4:26 by thinking about your past present and future decisions with the desire to take correction with a better heart.
GJ and keep going. 💜 May others follow your genuine example for YHWH's glory by our testimonies
I'm the youngest of 8 kids but every family can be unique, but I'm sorry you weren't heard before.
What if he wants to put pineapple on pizza and the only way to save his soul is to tell him he's wrong
Fair
As Mike said, if it´s really vital and could actually hurt people you might have to
Thank you for sharing this great advice! My husband and I both learned from it! 🥰
I realized while I don’t do this in public, I totally do it when my husband is on the phone with his parents. 🤦🏻♀️ That might be worse. This discussion also helped me realize that there are certain tones that I use that my husband perceives as disrespectful. He makes an objective statement about my tone that I don’t agree with, but the underlying issue is how my tone makes him feel, and that’s disrespected.
What should/can wife do if she is eager to respect her husband....but he does nothing respectable?
They would need to talk one-on-one and talk out the issues.
Pray
I would ask that woman why she married that man in the first place. How bad of a judge of character do you have to be to marry a man who is completely unrespectable?
continue to respect him and fulfill her role as a godly wife regardless of if he fulfills his role. our calling doesn’t change depending on whether or not others fail or succeed at fulfilling their own calling. the same is true for Christians in general. we’re still called to evangelize and walk with the Lord even if our brothers and sisters in Christ are failing to do the same
@@SeanWinters I mean people can change, especially after they get married...
"Then he called his servant that ministered unto him, and said, Put now this woman out from me, and bolt the door after her." (II Samuel 13:17)
Being right is not all it’s cracked up to be especially when it’s done in public. Marriage is a partnership and couples are meant to complement each other. Shalom Aleichem
The narcissist I had the misfortune of living with, under her guise of offering me a place to live when homeless was a shocker!
I saw her glaring at her husband while he was on the phone to HIS daughter(nor hers) then running over to snatch the phone right out of his hand!
She then proceeded to start talking to the woman all about herself!
I only correct my husband if it is something that really matters- especially if I think he's going to ask me why I didn't say anything. (Knowledge I have that he doesn't have because our fields are very different.)
0:55 an interesting test would be to do that exact behaviour back to your wife/partner and see how they react. If they don't like it then perhaps the person is unwilling to change or admit a fault in their behaviour, which is also a big problem
This drives my husband nuts! I’ve learned to just hold his hand or give him a kiss on the cheek. Or totally ignore it lol! We’ve been married for 35 years so it’s a process.
I had a pastor whose wife did this during his sermons! He would just thank her and go on. It was a small, wonderful church. I don’t think it was disrespect, and it didn’t bother anyone. I would not have done that in her place.
That's very inappropriate in church. I went to a church where that happened and I never went back. It probably did bother the people you never saw again.
@@matthew4878 well then that church wasn't for you. It doesn't mean that it was objectively wrong
@@geekygecko1849 1 Corinthians 14:34-35. This woman interrupted her husband, the pastor, several times. This is prohibited.
wow that is incredibly rude and wife sounds like she is a control freak. i would hate to see that marriage behind closed doors. he sounds like a submissive husband. not God's design or order. i would not respect my husband if he acted that way.
@@matthew4878 When I say small, I mean very small. If there was a visitor, it was obvious. They stopped in the morning dose of service to welcome visitors if they walked in late. It was mostly a handful of families and a few college students. I knew everyone in the church. It’s possible some people didn’t like it, but those who mentioned it thought it was an endearing quirk. Much like the pastor asking random people in the congregation to lead prayer each Sunday, and some of them doing so in Spanish or the pastor going off on a tangent in his sermon and forgetting why and just going back to his original point.
When I see a woman demeaning or disrespecting her husband in public it makes me glad The Lord never sent me a wife.
Correcting should be reserved for things that are destroying the relationship. If you're trusting in God's work the little things like pronouncing a word don't matter. It's part of personal growth.
Mike winger out here revealing he is deeply insecure and the ladies like "i cant believe that allen parr is an introvert"
Lucky is the man who has a wife to correct him. Wait, my wife says I should say "blessed is the man".
😂
I ve met alot of husbands like this too, it becomes a cycle...
I think it depends how this is done, if it's in love and isn't to make the husband look stupid that is different in my opinion. It should be few and far between as well.
Doesn’t matter HOW it is done. If the spouse finds it disrespectful, it will never be right. Ultimately, the other spouse has control over how they perceive it. You may have all the loving intentions in the world, but if it’s harmful to your spouse, doesn’t matter. If you truly love your spouse, you will stop hurting them in “loving” ways.
It’s all the balance. Your spouse should grow thicker skin and you should grow thinner, but in the end, if it really bothers your spouse, what kind of a monster are you to tell them, “Oh honey, you KNOW I love you! That’s why I disregard your feelings and wishes and do what I THINK is ok regardless of how it makes you feel! Grow thicker skin because that’s what Mike said to do!” 🤦♂️ Love is kind. If your “love” isn’t … it’s not kind or love.
Edit: fixed mistake
@@JimLookin if someone is constantly offended they have an issue.
@@rachelm9350 Indeed. But who has the issue? My point is if it is something that always bothers your spouse, why continue to do it? You can’t wash your hands and walk away because “they should be enlightened enough to deal”. The Bible deals with this issue when telling stronger Christians to not do things that cause harm to weaker Christians. It continues by saying weaker Christians should grow up and take on the “meat” of the Word and not only want “milk”. Both are charged with something to do: grow and be tolerant/loving towards those growing.
Edit: If someone refuses to grow and stop being offended, you are indeed correct. I was inadequately stating clearly the point that to continue to do something that hurts your spouse could be “ok”. I think we can all agree that someone who always disregards how something affects their spouse while clinging to the stance it was technically “correct” in what they did. Hopefully this clarifies better my intention. Thank you for adding your bit so I could fill in what was missing.
What if her friends and your friends are afraid of her.
My husband did this to me! For four years I asked him to stop. He trained my daughter to do so. It is obnoxious! He is better now not perfect but improved.
Wife: ''I'm not disrespecting you... I'm just making sure you get the record straight. And I'll keep on doing it every time we're with other people, so watch what you're saying and maybe you should just check with me first before you say anything about anything.''
Husband: ''I think we need marriage counselling.''
Where do you get your energy from?
Mike Winger: Sleep
Amazing lol
What if your husband tells the store wrong 90% of the time.🙃 Then wife has to clean up the confusion weeks latter and their like " What" ? Even husband can't remember saying it? Good Lord help.
If my wife ever disrespected in public I’ll just tell her for us to go somewhere private, pray and God will help us resolve the problem.
What would you do if she refused to go somewhere private?