thanks for the insights on a topic that actually concerns me right now. Despite being only 35, having a partner and small boy, I simply feel like all my friends simply stopped calling. And I always had that feeling like I needed to do those steps to keep in touch, to be around. Once I had enough, decided not to be the one who needs to call, and here we are 7 years later and almost all of them never called. Not joking. Never. How is a person supposed to feel? We all still live in the same city, we follow each other on Instagram etc...nobody calls.
Back in time, June 17, 1961 married to my love.❤ Women of that time were homemakers. Coming up on 63 years of being content on finding the one for me. Dated 2 years before getting married. One lucky and blessed man. 😊😊
A very important subject, and excellent and helpful tips too. I have been there. I spent five years taking anti-depressants and one day I said: "I had enough of this". Yes, we are meant to be tough, that is the way our parents (my dad was born in 1920) were and they were far better and stronger than most men under 40 today, who have been brainwashed by the media and the TV. To be a pathetic "vulnerable" wimp is NOT right. Imagine the reaction of WW2 veterans if they were told that they should be more "sensitive" and not afraid to show their "vulnerability". One of the most valuable and powerful things that helped me to survive depression was the memory of my dad, a most gentle but also, strong, honourable man. He would not have crumbled as I did, he went through hell but never ceased to be an example and a rock for all of us. Thank you, Ash! Regards!
I never felt lonely in my life when I was single, in a relationship or married. That changed when my wife wanted to get a divorce. I have never felt so lonely in my life.
Hi Ash, Thanks for this video. There is a rule for Divers which I learned and which perfectly applies to your final point: Self Care. Before helping other Divers, make sure that you are geared up, enough air, proper orientation. Otherwise there will be two dead Divers. I learned it the hard way when my wife had a Dive accident and I hurried to the surface without a decompression procedure to help her. Pure luck, that we both survived. I do think that this can be applied to life as a whole. Cheers, Tim
I only have one good friend, from university. We only see each other every few years since we are two hours apart. It takes an effort to stay connected but I continue to reach out to him.
Great video addressing a persistent and difficult problem. I have read that one problem is a difference in hormonal structure between men and women. Estrogen is the "socializing hormone" and testosterone is not. These hormones start flowing in utero, before we are born. Girls socialize normally; boys need to be taught, socialized. That aside, there are things we men can do. Look for men's support groups like the ManKind Project (New Warrior), groups that do men's work. If you have a problem, join a support group (AA, Grief Support, etc.). If you are in a church, hunt out the men's activities (men's lunch, etc.). And as Ash so well puts in, seek professional help if needed. Reaching out for help and support is a strength, not a weakness. So many of us have unrecognized child abuse, a father who was always angry, always judging, always mocking, sometimes violent. That is NOT normal, it is abuse. It is not his "right." Ash, I like this path. I think it helps all of us. Thank you!
A very thoughtful video tackling a very delicate matter. I'll be honest, I find it difficult excepting my circumstances. My bug bear is when I hear people mention 'Your used to it'. You never get used to it! Age & time are not on my side. Your advice is certainly much appreciated.
Ash you are providing a great service for men of all ages today. They are largely overlooked in society and many as a result feel dejected and lonely. I’m Speaking as an older man.
Excellent talk thanks. I’m 64 and have zero close or extended family except my 90 year old mother and my widowed sister and niece who have always lived abroad and who I see maybe 20 days per year. My sister left UK when she was 18. My father died on holiday, visiting my sister, when he was in his mid 50s, 4 decades ago. Ever since then I’ve lived very near to my mother, here in England, and helped her practically for all that time. It has stunted my life, without doubt. I almost don’t know what loneliness is. I’ve become more and more isolated and physical health issues are creeping up on me. No friends. I’ve tried to seek help, like counselling, to improve my self-motivation and do something about it…with little success. All I really do is work…which is a (physically demanding) self-employed gardening job. My isolation feels more like a product of circumstances rather than any particular mental “disorder”.
Thank you for speaking on this very epidemic subject amongst us men, especially in today's world. I think it's very fine to talk and acknowledge about how we're currently feeling with people who are wiling to listen whether that's close family or friends, I think that's a start which is important. Look out for your fellow guy friends as well, make sure they're alright because mental health issues and depression are REAL and it is an epidemic. I only have a few close friends myself and I personally think it's enough because I believe in quality over quantity, especially as I get older.
Less than Six friend issue...I'm in that category. For me, it's about the quality of the friend, six really good, reliable and loyal friends...are worth more than 100 fairweather friends. I'm happy to have 5 high quality friends...
I was in the Canadian Army when I was young and spent 4 years stationed in Germany. I lived most of the time living off base, on the economy, as we called it. The first two years I shared a 3-bedroom apartment with two friends, but after they returned to Canada I got an apartment on my own. I don’t know if I would say I suffered from loneliness, but I certainly got bored. I’ve always enjoyed live theatre so I decided to join the amateur theatre club we had there, with the intention of just helping build sets or do some lighting work or whatever. I ended up as the Stage Manager and so I was deeply involved with all aspects of the productions. I eventually acted on stage in a couple productions. I really enjoyed it and met a lot of good people from outside my normal work environment.
As Tony Hancock said in The Radio Ham: "I've got friends all over the world. None in this country but all over the world!" The writers couldn't guess how prophetic that would turn out to be as technology made the world smaller!
All good points, Sir Ash. I find that not being afraid to start up conversations with strangers really helps them and you by bringing joy and a smile and interest in another human being and their journey. For more deep seated loneliness, I have found that diving deeper into my connection with nature and forming bonds with wild animals helps due to the more profound nature of developing compassion and appreciation for all forms life.
Excellent Ash. There are in my opinion various levels of loneliness from the desperately sad person sitting in a bedsit with nothing in their life, to the successful career person that actually has no friends. Both are lonely but in different ways. Many of us are perhaps friendless but have our partner to protect us from loneliness, yet we miss that matey relationship we had with our classmates at school. Real friends are rare, value them if you are lucky enough to have any. Six! I would love one. Cheers Ash.
I've been lonely for a long time since my last relationship. Going to the gym 3 times a week and chatting to people was where I started, surprisingly I've met people I will socialise with outside of the gym. I'm trying to be brave enough to attend hobby clubs (anxiety, lol). Dressing smart helps the confidence massively!
It sounds like you have been very proactive and that is a huge step towards defeating loneliness. Good luck on your journey to find a hobby to turn into a passion. Be assured, you are very much not alone on your endeavours.
Moving frequently in life, thru your work does build resilience, courage and inner strength or coping skills. Skills needed to survive and for many to flourish.
Some good advice, though I suspect for many men like myself, the loneliness we feel is from spending years without a significant other, and finding it next to impossible to even find situations where even asking someone out is a possibility.
I clicked on this casually, but it contained so much I needed to hear. Several lightbulb moments for me here. Thanks so much, and thanks to the people who have written comments.
I was chatting to a hairdresser, a very warm outgoing character, and he told me that since the covid restrictions some customers make an appointment every couple of weeks just to have an excuse for a chat. I notice that the lockdowns have made me far more introverted, hardly speaking to anybody except my wife for two years got me out of the habit.
I’m extremely lucky in that I’m the same. However, my first wife (with whom I am still friendly) and I were never meant to be. However, I appreciate that so many people are not so fortunate. Having someone as a partner or a friend is not easy and I can understand why men find it harder. It’s so easy to say “go out and make friends” but so hard to do and impossible for some who are isolated. If you can strike up a friendship with someone you feel may need that occasional meeting or talk, please do your bit to help
Great advice as usual Ash! I moved to Alaska in 2010 alone, and not knowing anyone in the state. The best thing I have done is get involved in community charitable volunteer organizations. I have made many close friends through these organizations, and it feels great to help and truly become a useful member of the community I now call home.
Great video - thank you for posting. No loneliness here. I ride with the Hog Ridin' Fools. Also, I meet up with the Snoqualmie Valley Scooter Trash regularly at the Rustic Cabin in Duvall. Dunno. One approach might be to get yourself a nice little sled and start riding around. Stop when you see some bikes. Say hi. Works like a champ. I don't want a pickle... OK - on the wife front. I met my sweetie on Feb 28, 1966. Total bliss from that moment on. In the A-6 Intruder of life, I am the pilot and she is the bomb/nav. I make it go hot, fast, and low, and she punches in the coordinates of where we are going.
Great topic. You have to go to therapy to deal with your trauma and issues, and trust me on this one fellas, join a MMA, Boxing 🥊 or CrossFit gym, and I promise you, you’ll meet new people, gain new friends and have a entire new and positive community that you’re now apart of.
This is a very important topic indeed! Speaking as someone who went through a self imposed martyrdom after a long term relationship ended, loneliness can be a killer. It was like a country song…I lost my girl, my home, my friends and my dog😂. Loneliness can manifest itself into not just the feeling of being alone but dangerous habits. One can actually become addicted to the feelings that come with loneliness and wear it as a badge. This is the most damaging kind of pain because one would rather suffer than heal. Eventually, I realized the time had come to do something about it and forced myself to join social groups such as a running club, cooking classes and starting to date rather than…well you know…. Men need a pack! Even the outliers need a group to join here and there. It’s how I met my wife actually. After a few years of forcing myself to fight the loneliness, love conquered all.
There is a tribe out there for everyone - we just need to find it, and that is the tough task - the skill is to keep going until the right tribe finds you.
Thank you for the video. I enjoyed the way you presented this topic, with so much intensity and conviction. Clearly a topic that interests you a lot. I think being in regular contact with younger people (sports, teaching, coaching, etc) prevents you from isolating yourself in you own past. Perhaps more importantly, be positive, have passions, remain open minded and curb quick judgments. You will make friends and feel relevant. 👍👍👍
Good advice Ash, in the past men went to places like lodges and clubs where men were able to get together. Veterans have the VFW and the American legion. Sadly these organizations are not utilized like they were in the past. I have been lucky and haven't had to deal with this issue. I have close friends and I also at times like my solitude. A man needs friends in his life. Cheers Ron
Great advice, Ash. Addressing what some might feel is 'the elephant in the room' - and worthy solutions to taking the next step and overcoming loneliness and isolation. Absolutely agree, with self-improvement before you can help others, and volunteer activity can be very rewarding and give you a new purpose, in addition to meeting those with a like mindset.
Salient advice on a profound and SERIOUS topic. I'm one the 15% and reclusive by nature which I'm comfortable with at my station in life. I may feel it when I'm older but hope never to get to that stage. Cannot stress the importance of keeping boredom at bay and hobbies are an excellent time filler.
This is astonishingly good advice, and a very important video to have watched. I have many friends, but I am away from most of them, and as a result I've been feeling quite lovely lately.
A carpenter or say a musician, writer, painter, etc., the more they practice, the better they get at their craft. Every day is a new opportunity to practice and improve your craft at good living. Keep practicing and you'll keep discovering new aspects of how to continually enrich your life. The smallest of discoveries can light up your day and provide inspiration for your next discovery. So always strive to be creative with whatever means are available to you. Life is an adventure. Enjoy it!
Bang on Ash. I have many friends, are they close? More work colleagues/ acquaintances. I live now in an area I didn't grow up in (for similar reasons to yourself). I have no friends in the area at all, I don't even know the neighbours. Social Media does help to keep in touch with people. If I need solace, I retreat to tinkering with my Land Rover. Were I to follow all of my interests, I would never be home. A careful balance. Next year will be a fresh challenge as I will "age out" of the Army Reserve and lose that social interaction. *salute
If one is truly lonely, and looking for companionship, there are many social clubs that one can join. Hiking, hobbies, sports, book clubs, be brave and go forth!
I think that the only child while alone does not suffer from loneliness . I I want do do something I just do it , no friends or companions. I am a jazz fan but I do not know anyone alive who shares my passion for jazz so for many years I have gone to jazz concerts on my own . I have listened to Max Roach, McCoy Tyler, Miles Davies, Bobby Hutcherson, ,”Big” Joe Lovano, Herbie Hancock, Wayne Shorter, Art Pepper and John Schofield among others . If I had sought and failed to find a companion I would never have been to any of these gigs. I can remember each and the pleasure that they gave me. My one jazz regret is that I could not afford the ticket price for Stan Getz , (wife , children and a large mortgage ). A year later he was dead so my message is if you are lonely get out there, you may meet someone with a shared interest though I never did.
I have one friend I can hang out with, met him through work. Going to martial art classes, hiking groups, etc. is no surefire way to meet people. When he gets busy with a big project (this time a pool and deck) I may not get to hang out with him for over a month. This has been a life pattern, when in my 20s there were larger groups, but basically one anchor person i could hang out with outside said group.
Being alone as a guy over 40 is amazing. Treasure it. You just need a couple of mates you can go down the pub with on occasion. Don't worry about not going out so much as the powers that be made it so expensive, it's not worth fretting over. Female company once you are past 40 is highly overrated. I chat to a lot of my mates and they feel the same way. "What are we getting out of this? Very little. It's a shame but seems one half just gives up when they hit 40 and blames it on some hormonal thing. Being your own master of your time is precious.
@@IDKline You can still have mates and feel very much alone. A lot of us live compartmentalised lives and cannot feel confident talking about it. Life is tough but often a lot of the issues are ones we make for ourselves. Realising that is half the battle.
That's great think I've done all the things you've said I've just started out with the National trust and having some mental health issues it can b hard noisy neighbours a dodgy area I follow many camping and bushcraft videos my second year camping and am a member of a bowls club I go for Drinkeepoos maybe u wouldn't fink that drinking a good idea but there mostly senior people and I always got on with them I find Yung adults them aged 16 to 30 challenging at times and I've been homeless I did try counselling but gotta cat in the end she was my best friend 4 20years ur video great and I've done research on this too I sometimes suffer from delusions there nasty buggers but I deal with it my way.............. Went out 2nite and drank beer saved a fortune on drinking wine 🍸 think I'll stick with Guinness next time I'm flush I'll become a patron
It's not for everyone, but I reached out to my local Masonic lodge. Not only does it offer social interaction, but there are charitable opportunities, as well.
Hey may I help you all I am a female who never had friends and my brother recently kick me out of the family. We were like the only family. Also I am a virgin. I was alone all my life. I am more alone ever but its takes courage to be alone. Its a hard path. It can build up or destroy you. Its how try to take the bull by the horns to fight it. Some times you learn all lot being alone. Don't use substance to drown yourself. I never drank. Do drugs. If I can be like loneliest person all my life. I think most people 99% can beat me. The 1% tend to end their life cause call quits by taking their life. Which makes more trouble when you do so. You leave a scar that damage to those who know you. They its their fault. People might go angry and family falls apart cause one person decide to end their life. Ending one life is a selfish act. A coward. Giving up is literally yellow!!! So loneliness is one of part of your life you got time to know yourself and re-enter. You don't need to talk to nobody but again you got be tough but if take day by day. You see it is not bad after all. You might like at the end.
It all depends on the kind of qualities you have and personality....you can live alone for 10 to 20 years if you're self entertaining and highly literate it's no problem . . Other people don't have the patience to develop so they live like everyone else always in a hurry to get somewhere. Most men they are happy with the regular life others sacrifice women cars and houses live alone and are into themselves but they operate like a journalist.
The more a man focuses on mens sana in corpore sano, the more our Adam becomes adamantine, the less he will feel lonely when merely alone. Solitude can be a blessing, others, at times, are merely an annoyance.
I've noticed that those who can't treat their friends well, also can't treat their wives well, and can't treat their children well Add to tht being neighborly. You have look deeper than the superficial story being told. Many people will knee jerk react and react to this statement. But I have been on God's green earth long enough to see at a deeper level (deeper than facebook photos or cocktail party conversation), that loneliness is an inside job.
Don't depend on medication. Try face it abd deal it. I don't know how to explain it. Took me years to cope it and found my happiness in my loniness. But I rather be the most loniness person cause I would never want anyone to feel this pain
Nah. I dont buy that stocism argument. I dont care about control etc. I share my feelings. I talk about emotions etc. People simply dont want to hear it. We are isolated by wider society. Single men are treated with suspicion. I have 2 close friends. 1 is dying of cancer. Sh!t life really.
What about introverts vs extroverts? Does loneliness also shorten the life span of introverts? Everyone needs social interaction but an introvert needs less. Also what about having a cat, does the cat then insulate us from these negative effects of loneliness?
Introverts will still have friends....but generally speaking they will be more selective and have higher quality friends than extroverts. I think introverts are happy spending interacting with fewer high quality friends....
Hush now, baby, baby, don't you cry Mama's gonna check out all your girlfriends for you Mama won't let anyone dirty get through Mama's gonna wait up 'til you get in Mama will always find out where you've been Mamma's gonna keep baby healthy and clean Baby boy You'll always be a baby to me
This is not about inability to create meaningful relationship with women (and blaming women for that), it's about loneliness. Also, MGTOW's "solution" is mentioned and debunked at 9:21.
@@morsecypher The fact is, the vast majority of 'western' women today are arrogant, lazy, entitled, never worked an honest job in their life & would rather have an 'OF' account than earn an honest living. And then act 'high & mighty' as if no-one is good enough for them. Proof is, look how many simps sign up for those sites. The expect to skate through life on their looks (which they were born with) - p.s. many have heads on them like horses & still act stuck up...
my dad always told me the truth, no one gives a shit about you but me and your grandmother. i could tell you stories that would make you see things from a different perspective, from falsely being accused of assault at work, i was saved because there is cctv, and dealing with domestic violence at home from a crazy woman, i had videos of her threatening to kill me and the police did nothing. there is way more however, i'm tired. welcome to the world gentlemen. In the eyes of society, you are nothing but cannon fodder. live for yourself however, treat people how you'd like to be treated. care for only those that would actually care for you. i won't invest myself on a society like this, utterly biased and mostly ignorant. i'm only 34 and i checked out, i love being alone, i have peace and i thrive. read some philosophy such as Nietzsche or Voltaire. embrace your destiny, look into the abyss with no fear and find something worth living for.
Hey may I help you all I am a female who never had friends and my brother recently kick me out of the family. We were like the only family. Also I am a virgin. I was alone all my life. I am more alone ever but its takes courage to be alone. Its a hard path. It can build up or destroy you. Its how try to take the bull by the horns to fight it. Some times you learn all lot being alone. Don't use substance to drown yourself. I never drank. Do drugs. If I can be like loneliest person all my life. I think most people 99% can beat me. The 1% tend to end their life cause call quits by taking their life. Which makes more trouble when you do so. You leave a scar that damage to those who know you. They its their fault. People might go angry and family falls apart cause one person decide to end their life. Ending one life is a selfish act. A coward. Giving up is literally yellow!!! So loneliness is one of part of your life you got time to know yourself and re-enter. You don't need to talk to nobody but again you got be tough but if take day by day. You see it is not bad after all. You might like at the end.
![Quando Rondo - Life Goes On [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/eIf3fhMXAow/mqdefault.jpg)
Six close friends looks like a quite a crowd to me. If someone is so lucky to have one, that person is not alone in life.
Greetings from Lithuania! Thank you for all the effort changing lives of MEN!
🖐
thanks for the insights on a topic that actually concerns me right now. Despite being only 35, having a partner and small boy, I simply feel like all my friends simply stopped calling. And I always had that feeling like I needed to do those steps to keep in touch, to be around. Once I had enough, decided not to be the one who needs to call, and here we are 7 years later and almost all of them never called. Not joking. Never. How is a person supposed to feel? We all still live in the same city, we follow each other on Instagram etc...nobody calls.
Back in time, June 17, 1961 married to my love.❤ Women of that time were homemakers.
Coming up on 63 years of being content on finding the one for me. Dated 2 years before
getting married. One lucky and blessed man. 😊😊
A very important subject, and excellent and helpful tips too. I have been there. I spent five years taking anti-depressants and one day I said: "I had enough of this". Yes, we are meant to be tough, that is the way our parents (my dad was born in 1920) were and they were far better and stronger than most men under 40 today, who have been brainwashed by the media and the TV. To be a pathetic "vulnerable" wimp is NOT right. Imagine the reaction of WW2 veterans if they were told that they should be more "sensitive" and not afraid to show their "vulnerability".
One of the most valuable and powerful things that helped me to survive depression was the memory of my dad, a most gentle but also, strong, honourable man. He would not have crumbled as I did, he went through hell but never ceased to be an example and a rock for all of us. Thank you, Ash! Regards!
Thank you for this one. Much needed. You've been on a roll lately. Great content.
I never felt lonely in my life when I was single, in a relationship or married. That changed when my wife wanted to get a divorce. I have never felt so lonely in my life.
Hi Ash, Thanks for this video. There is a rule for Divers which I learned and which perfectly applies to your final point: Self Care. Before helping other Divers, make sure that you are geared up, enough air, proper orientation. Otherwise there will be two dead Divers. I learned it the hard way when my wife had a Dive accident and I hurried to the surface without a decompression procedure to help her. Pure luck, that we both survived. I do think that this can be applied to life as a whole. Cheers, Tim
I only have one good friend, from university. We only see each other every few years since we are two hours apart. It takes an effort to stay connected but I continue to reach out to him.
Great video addressing a persistent and difficult problem. I have read that one problem is a difference in hormonal structure between men and women. Estrogen is the "socializing hormone" and testosterone is not. These hormones start flowing in utero, before we are born. Girls socialize normally; boys need to be taught, socialized. That aside, there are things we men can do. Look for men's support groups like the ManKind Project (New Warrior), groups that do men's work. If you have a problem, join a support group (AA, Grief Support, etc.). If you are in a church, hunt out the men's activities (men's lunch, etc.). And as Ash so well puts in, seek professional help if needed. Reaching out for help and support is a strength, not a weakness. So many of us have unrecognized child abuse, a father who was always angry, always judging, always mocking, sometimes violent. That is NOT normal, it is abuse. It is not his "right." Ash, I like this path. I think it helps all of us. Thank you!
Thank you for the comments, great things to think about.
Excellent advice about volunteering. When we change our focus from self to serve, we find meaning and purpose and friendship
A very thoughtful video tackling a very delicate matter.
I'll be honest, I find it difficult excepting my circumstances.
My bug bear is when I hear people mention 'Your used to it'.
You never get used to it!
Age & time are not on my side.
Your advice is certainly much appreciated.
Excellent video. Life is about community and connections.
Excellent message Ash! 👍 Thanks for the sober Philosophical perspective on a subject many Men don't address! Cheers! ✌️🕊️
My pleasure!
Ash you are providing a great service for men of all ages today. They are largely overlooked in society and many as a result feel dejected and lonely. I’m Speaking as an older man.
I’ve struggled with loneliness, melancholy, and self-isolation my whole life. Thanks for the advice. I bought a bowler hat thanks to you.
Excellent talk thanks. I’m 64 and have zero close or extended family except my 90 year old mother and my widowed sister and niece who have always lived abroad and who I see maybe 20 days per year. My sister left UK when she was 18. My father died on holiday, visiting my sister, when he was in his mid 50s, 4 decades ago. Ever since then I’ve lived very near to my mother, here in England, and helped her practically for all that time. It has stunted my life, without doubt. I almost don’t know what loneliness is. I’ve become more and more isolated and physical health issues are creeping up on me. No friends. I’ve tried to seek help, like counselling, to improve my self-motivation and do something about it…with little success. All I really do is work…which is a (physically demanding) self-employed gardening job. My isolation feels more like a product of circumstances rather than any particular mental “disorder”.
See if there is a Talk Club in your vicinity, it may well be worth a try sir - talkclub.org/clubs/?btn
@@TheChapsGuide 👍Thanks. nearest is Liverpool, 70 miles away
Thank you for speaking on this very epidemic subject amongst us men, especially in today's world. I think it's very fine to talk and acknowledge about how we're currently feeling with people who are wiling to listen whether that's close family or friends, I think that's a start which is important. Look out for your fellow guy friends as well, make sure they're alright because mental health issues and depression are REAL and it is an epidemic. I only have a few close friends myself and I personally think it's enough because I believe in quality over quantity, especially as I get older.
Less than Six friend issue...I'm in that category. For me, it's about the quality of the friend, six really good, reliable and loyal friends...are worth more than 100 fairweather friends. I'm happy to have 5 high quality friends...
I was in the Canadian Army when I was young and spent 4 years stationed in Germany. I lived most of the time living off base, on the economy, as we called it. The first two years I shared a 3-bedroom apartment with two friends, but after they returned to Canada I got an apartment on my own.
I don’t know if I would say I suffered from loneliness, but I certainly got bored. I’ve always enjoyed live theatre so I decided to join the amateur theatre club we had there, with the intention of just helping build sets or do some lighting work or whatever. I ended up as the Stage Manager and so I was deeply involved with all aspects of the productions. I eventually acted on stage in a couple productions. I really enjoyed it and met a lot of good people from outside my normal work environment.
As Tony Hancock said in The Radio Ham: "I've got friends all over the world. None in this country but all over the world!" The writers couldn't guess how prophetic that would turn out to be as technology made the world smaller!
Excellent work, sir.
Loneliness and solitude are two totally different things. Age and experience teach us this.
All good points, Sir Ash. I find that not being afraid to start up conversations with strangers really helps them and you by bringing joy and a smile and interest in another human being and their journey. For more deep seated loneliness, I have found that diving deeper into my connection with nature and forming bonds with wild animals helps due to the more profound nature of developing compassion and appreciation for all forms life.
Nature is a profound way to connect with one self. Walking in the woods is the best.
Excellent Ash. There are in my opinion various levels of loneliness from the desperately sad person sitting in a bedsit with nothing in their life, to the successful career person that actually has no friends. Both are lonely but in different ways. Many of us are perhaps friendless but have our partner to protect us from loneliness, yet we miss that matey relationship we had with our classmates at school. Real friends are rare, value them if you are lucky enough to have any. Six! I would love one. Cheers Ash.
I've been lonely for a long time since my last relationship. Going to the gym 3 times a week and chatting to people was where I started, surprisingly I've met people I will socialise with outside of the gym. I'm trying to be brave enough to attend hobby clubs (anxiety, lol). Dressing smart helps the confidence massively!
It sounds like you have been very proactive and that is a huge step towards defeating loneliness. Good luck on your journey to find a hobby to turn into a passion. Be assured, you are very much not alone on your endeavours.
Moving frequently in life, thru your work does build resilience, courage and inner strength or coping skills. Skills needed to survive and for many to flourish.
Some good advice, though I suspect for many men like myself, the loneliness we feel is from spending years without a significant other, and finding it next to impossible to even find situations where even asking someone out is a possibility.
I clicked on this casually, but it contained so much I needed to hear. Several lightbulb moments for me here. Thanks so much, and thanks to the people who have written comments.
“Never overlook the power of volunteering to improve your life.”
Sobering segment which we men need to review and reassess. Thank you Ash
I was chatting to a hairdresser, a very warm outgoing character, and he told me that since the covid restrictions some customers make an appointment every couple of weeks just to have an excuse for a chat.
I notice that the lockdowns have made me far more introverted, hardly speaking to anybody except my wife for two years got me out of the habit.
I can hardly imagine not being married to my wife! The absolute best thing happened to me
😂
A very lucky man... congratulations.
@@БелорусскийРусскийБостон same, married 30 years, best companion ever.
I’m extremely lucky in that I’m the same. However, my first wife (with whom I am still friendly) and I were never meant to be.
However, I appreciate that so many people are not so fortunate. Having someone as a partner or a friend is not easy and I can understand why men find it harder. It’s so easy to say “go out and make friends” but so hard to do and impossible for some who are isolated.
If you can strike up a friendship with someone you feel may need that occasional meeting or talk, please do your bit to help
@@theofarmmanager267 OMG! You story is my story! In addition to that my current wife is somewhat friendly with my ex
Great advice as usual Ash! I moved to Alaska in 2010 alone, and not knowing anyone in the state. The best thing I have done is get involved in community charitable volunteer organizations. I have made many close friends through these organizations, and it feels great to help and truly become a useful member of the community I now call home.
Same here Matt. My charity activities have been a gateway to many connections over the years.
Reading and listening to some Classical or Metal music while also staying positive helps me:) Appreciate this helpful discussion Ash.
Thanks Ash, I think this is my favourite of all your videos
Glad you enjoy it!
Great video - thank you for posting.
No loneliness here. I ride with the Hog Ridin' Fools. Also, I meet up with the Snoqualmie Valley Scooter Trash regularly at the Rustic Cabin in Duvall. Dunno. One approach might be to get yourself a nice little sled and start riding around. Stop when you see some bikes. Say hi. Works like a champ. I don't want a pickle... OK - on the wife front. I met my sweetie on Feb 28, 1966. Total bliss from that moment on. In the A-6 Intruder of life, I am the pilot and she is the bomb/nav. I make it go hot, fast, and low, and she punches in the coordinates of where we are going.
Arlo reference there?
Great topic. You have to go to therapy to deal with your trauma and issues, and trust me on this one fellas, join a MMA, Boxing 🥊 or CrossFit gym, and I promise you, you’ll meet new people, gain new friends and have a entire new and positive community that you’re now apart of.
This is a very important topic indeed! Speaking as someone who went through a self imposed martyrdom after a long term relationship ended, loneliness can be a killer. It was like a country song…I lost my girl, my home, my friends and my dog😂. Loneliness can manifest itself into not just the feeling of being alone but dangerous habits. One can actually become addicted to the feelings that come with loneliness and wear it as a badge. This is the most damaging kind of pain because one would rather suffer than heal. Eventually, I realized the time had come to do something about it and forced myself to join social groups such as a running club, cooking classes and starting to date rather than…well you know….
Men need a pack! Even the outliers need a group to join here and there. It’s how I met my wife actually. After a few years of forcing myself to fight the loneliness, love conquered all.
There is a tribe out there for everyone - we just need to find it, and that is the tough task - the skill is to keep going until the right tribe finds you.
Thank you for the video. I enjoyed the way you presented this topic, with so much intensity and conviction. Clearly a topic that interests you a lot.
I think being in regular contact with younger people (sports, teaching, coaching, etc) prevents you from isolating yourself in you own past. Perhaps more importantly, be positive, have passions, remain open minded and curb quick judgments. You will make friends and feel relevant. 👍👍👍
Good advice Ash, in the past men went to places like lodges and clubs where men were able to get together. Veterans have the VFW and the American legion. Sadly these organizations are not utilized like they were in the past. I have been lucky and haven't had to deal with this issue. I have close friends and I also at times like my solitude. A man needs friends in his life. Cheers Ron
Thank you for covering this topic!!
Thank you very much for addressing this subject.
p.s - I LOVE the colour and the fabric of you jacket!
Great advice, Ash. Addressing what some might feel is 'the elephant in the room' - and worthy solutions to taking the next step and overcoming loneliness and isolation. Absolutely agree, with self-improvement before you can help others, and volunteer activity can be very rewarding and give you a new purpose, in addition to meeting those with a like mindset.
Well done.
Salient advice on a profound and SERIOUS topic. I'm one the 15% and reclusive by nature which I'm comfortable with at my station in life. I may feel it when I'm older but hope never to get to that stage. Cannot stress the importance of keeping boredom at bay and hobbies are an excellent time filler.
Hope this video reach everyone who are feeling lonely.... Thanks for taking up another excellent subject...more power to you.....
This should & might be your highest viewed video
Hits home for so many, especially myself
This is astonishingly good advice, and a very important video to have watched. I have many friends, but I am away from most of them, and as a result I've been feeling quite lovely lately.
Glad it was helpful!
If you can be happy on your own, enjoy your own company, you got it made kid
A carpenter or say a musician, writer, painter, etc., the more they practice, the better they get at their craft.
Every day is a new opportunity to practice and improve your craft at good living.
Keep practicing and you'll keep discovering new aspects of how to continually enrich your life.
The smallest of discoveries can light up your day and provide inspiration for your next discovery.
So always strive to be creative with whatever means are available to you.
Life is an adventure.
Enjoy it!
Ash, An important subject that does affect most people over there lives. Well said.
Such an important issue, thanks for speaking out! Much appreciated mate!
Amazing advice and video Ash.
Bang on Ash.
I have many friends, are they close? More work colleagues/ acquaintances. I live now in an area I didn't grow up in (for similar reasons to yourself). I have no friends in the area at all, I don't even know the neighbours. Social Media does help to keep in touch with people. If I need solace, I retreat to tinkering with my Land Rover. Were I to follow all of my interests, I would never be home. A careful balance. Next year will be a fresh challenge as I will "age out" of the Army Reserve and lose that social interaction.
*salute
If one is truly lonely, and looking for companionship, there are many social clubs that one can join. Hiking, hobbies, sports, book clubs, be brave and go forth!
Interesting topic and needs more discussion. Thank you for taking the time and sharing this video.
great topic well done men need to socialize with other men even the pub scene in england is dying
Was in the police service for 30 years,left with no friends whatsoever!😊
Brilliant, thanks
Well said, Ash. Very good video and very important. 🕐⚙️🍸
Real talk!!
Thank you for speaking on this subject.
I think that the only child while alone does not suffer from loneliness . I I want do do something I just do it , no friends or companions.
I am a jazz fan but I do not know anyone alive who shares my passion for jazz so for many years I have gone to jazz concerts on my own . I have listened to Max Roach, McCoy Tyler, Miles Davies, Bobby Hutcherson, ,”Big” Joe Lovano, Herbie Hancock, Wayne Shorter, Art Pepper and John Schofield among others .
If I had sought and
failed to find a companion I would never have been to any of these gigs. I can remember each and the pleasure that they gave me.
My one jazz regret is that I could not afford the ticket price for Stan Getz , (wife , children and a large mortgage ).
A year later he was dead so my message is if you are lonely get out there, you may meet someone with a shared interest though I never did.
Thanks Ash!
Try not looking for others to make you happy, look within yourself to be happy.
Great video, Ash. Thank you
I have one friend I can hang out with, met him through work. Going to martial art classes, hiking groups, etc. is no surefire way to meet people. When he gets busy with a big project (this time a pool and deck) I may not get to hang out with him for over a month. This has been a life pattern, when in my 20s there were larger groups, but basically one anchor person i could hang out with outside said group.
Being alone as a guy over 40 is amazing. Treasure it. You just need a couple of mates you can go down the pub with on occasion. Don't worry about not going out so much as the powers that be made it so expensive, it's not worth fretting over. Female company once you are past 40 is highly overrated. I chat to a lot of my mates and they feel the same way. "What are we getting out of this? Very little. It's a shame but seems one half just gives up when they hit 40 and blames it on some hormonal thing. Being your own master of your time is precious.
@@IDKline You can still have mates and feel very much alone. A lot of us live compartmentalised lives and cannot feel confident talking about it. Life is tough but often a lot of the issues are ones we make for ourselves. Realising that is half the battle.
Nice lilac jacket and matching striped shirt.
That's great think I've done all the things you've said I've just started out with the National trust and having some mental health issues it can b hard noisy neighbours a dodgy area I follow many camping and bushcraft videos my second year camping and am a member of a bowls club I go for Drinkeepoos maybe u wouldn't fink that drinking a good idea but there mostly senior people and I always got on with them I find Yung adults them aged 16 to 30 challenging at times and I've been homeless I did try counselling but gotta cat in the end she was my best friend 4 20years ur video great and I've done research on this too I sometimes suffer from delusions there nasty buggers but I deal with it my way..............
Went out 2nite and drank beer saved a fortune on drinking wine 🍸 think I'll stick with Guinness next time I'm flush I'll become a patron
It's not for everyone, but I reached out to my local Masonic lodge. Not only does it offer social interaction, but there are charitable opportunities, as well.
Try a church. Jesus is really man's only eternal hope
Would you say that joining the Masons was a good decision? What do they do at meetings? Are there benefits to being a mason? I'm intrigued.
Hey may I help you all I am a female who never had friends and my brother recently kick me out of the family. We were like the only family. Also I am a virgin. I was alone all my life. I am more alone ever but its takes courage to be alone. Its a hard path. It can build up or destroy you. Its how try to take the bull by the horns to fight it. Some times you learn all lot being alone. Don't use substance to drown yourself. I never drank. Do drugs. If I can be like loneliest person all my life. I think most people 99% can beat me. The 1% tend to end their life cause call quits by taking their life. Which makes more trouble when you do so. You leave a scar that damage to those who know you. They its their fault. People might go angry and family falls apart cause one person decide to end their life. Ending one life is a selfish act. A coward. Giving up is literally yellow!!! So loneliness is one of part of your life you got time to know yourself and re-enter. You don't need to talk to nobody but again you got be tough but if take day by day. You see it is not bad after all. You might like at the end.
Yup...
It all depends on the kind of qualities you have and personality....you can live alone for 10 to 20 years if you're self entertaining and highly literate it's no problem . . Other people don't have the patience to develop so they live like everyone else always in a hurry to get somewhere. Most men they are happy with the regular life others sacrifice women cars and houses live alone and are into themselves but they operate like a journalist.
😂passionate, words of wisdom, start by putting a tie on.
There no books on success being lonely. No body will buy it. Nobody buy it. But it can be the best book.
The more a man focuses on mens sana in corpore sano, the more our Adam becomes adamantine, the less he will feel lonely when merely alone. Solitude can be a blessing, others, at times, are merely an annoyance.
Perhaps. But self-acceptance and assurance do not automatically follow from healthy mind healthy body.
@@scrambaba agreed but they help
I've noticed that those who can't treat their friends well, also can't treat their wives well, and can't treat their children well Add to tht being neighborly. You have look deeper than the superficial story being told. Many people will knee jerk react and react to this statement. But I have been on God's green earth long enough to see at a deeper level (deeper than facebook photos or cocktail party conversation), that loneliness is an inside job.
Loneliness is the least of my concerns as a man.
Nerve pain how to have friends
Get a good, suitable dog. I have two and sometimes crave loneliness! Hahaha.
Don't depend on medication. Try face it abd deal it. I don't know how to explain it. Took me years to cope it and found my happiness in my loniness. But I rather be the most loniness person cause I would never want anyone to feel this pain
Women have sympathy and support while men do not, men have blame and responsibility without any sympathy nor support thus are isolated by default.
It cost money and energy to keep up with human connections.
Learn to juggle. Do stuff to keep your brain active by doing to activate your brain. Challenge it!!!
Nah. I dont buy that stocism argument. I dont care about control etc. I share my feelings. I talk about emotions etc. People simply dont want to hear it. We are isolated by wider society. Single men are treated with suspicion. I have 2 close friends. 1 is dying of cancer. Sh!t life really.
Try your local Parkrun to meet new people.
Consider joining a fraternity like the Freemasons. I've made many life long friends, I really enjoy and find fulfillment in the charitable work too.
The Police
Message in a bottle
What about introverts vs extroverts? Does loneliness also shorten the life span of introverts? Everyone needs social interaction but an introvert needs less. Also what about having a cat, does the cat then insulate us from these negative effects of loneliness?
Introverts will still have friends....but generally speaking they will be more selective and have higher quality friends than extroverts. I think introverts are happy spending interacting with fewer high quality friends....
Sharp blazer Ash!
Hush now, baby, baby, don't you cry
Mama's gonna check out all your girlfriends for you
Mama won't let anyone dirty get through
Mama's gonna wait up 'til you get in
Mama will always find out where you've been
Mamma's gonna keep baby healthy and clean
Baby boy
You'll always be a baby to me
MGTOW
💯
This is not about inability to create meaningful relationship with women (and blaming women for that), it's about loneliness. Also, MGTOW's "solution" is mentioned and debunked at 9:21.
@@morsecypher The fact is, the vast majority of 'western' women today are arrogant, lazy, entitled, never worked an honest job in their life & would rather have an 'OF' account than earn an honest living.
And then act 'high & mighty' as if no-one is good enough for them.
Proof is, look how many simps sign up for those sites.
The expect to skate through life on their looks (which they were born with) - p.s. many have heads on them like horses & still act stuck up...
You almost had your hooks in me
Didn't you dear
You nearly had me roped and tied
Altar bound hypnotized sweet freedom
Whispered in my ear!
@@morsecyphertruly, the blame is on men for tolerating bad female behavior. Even rewarding them with superhuman "rights".
my dad always told me the truth, no one gives a shit about you but me and your grandmother.
i could tell you stories that would make you see things from a different perspective, from falsely being accused of assault at work, i was saved because there is cctv, and dealing with domestic violence at home from a crazy woman, i had videos of her threatening to kill me and the police did nothing. there is way more however, i'm tired.
welcome to the world gentlemen.
In the eyes of society, you are nothing but cannon fodder.
live for yourself however, treat people how you'd like to be treated. care for only those that would actually care for you.
i won't invest myself on a society like this, utterly biased and mostly ignorant.
i'm only 34 and i checked out, i love being alone, i have peace and i thrive. read some philosophy such as Nietzsche or Voltaire.
embrace your destiny, look into the abyss with no fear and find something worth living for.
Great words my friend. 🤝
Hey may I help you all I am a female who never had friends and my brother recently kick me out of the family. We were like the only family. Also I am a virgin. I was alone all my life. I am more alone ever but its takes courage to be alone. Its a hard path. It can build up or destroy you. Its how try to take the bull by the horns to fight it. Some times you learn all lot being alone. Don't use substance to drown yourself. I never drank. Do drugs. If I can be like loneliest person all my life. I think most people 99% can beat me. The 1% tend to end their life cause call quits by taking their life. Which makes more trouble when you do so. You leave a scar that damage to those who know you. They its their fault. People might go angry and family falls apart cause one person decide to end their life. Ending one life is a selfish act. A coward. Giving up is literally yellow!!! So loneliness is one of part of your life you got time to know yourself and re-enter. You don't need to talk to nobody but again you got be tough but if take day by day. You see it is not bad after all. You might like at the end.
Try your local Parkrun to meet new people.