I innerstand where you're coming from my love, but if i could offer some insight, you definitely want to remain transparent on where that brother is mentally/spiritually when it comes to marriage because marriage itself is a spiritual covenant. Just like we're devoted to our creator without any paper documentation marriage Is between you that man & God, the State doesnt validate your commitment to that person you both are joined in spirit. Just like we dont have a "license or piece of paper" to birth our children, it doesnt stop us from loving & pouring into our child. You know? Not combatting your thoughts on it, just wanted to add and share my view . That divine intimacy is above any legal document.
Agreed. Red flag. You want documentation for an educational degree, a deed, car title, but when it comes to marriage we dont need a piece of paper? Our commitment to God should be held higher than what the courts say but a marriage license makes a shift in the relationship. If it doesnt matter, then let's get it.
@@missjai1348 Thank you for the eloquent response! And I agree with you about what the covenant of marriage entails and the aspect of being spiritually aligned with your partner. But, marriage also gives you rights under the law that you wouldn't have without the documentation side of it as well. In many aspects of our lives there is going to be a legal side of it, when we give birth whether at home or in a hospital there still needs to be a birth certificate for the child. I want to get married in a Church before God and my family and I also want to be legally married and have a marriage license to be able to make medical, financial and other decisions with and on behalf of my husband and vice versa if it's called for. I want to be all in on the commitment and I would need the same from someone I would marry. If I'm dating someone and we're not aligned on that aspect as well, I keep it moving because I wouldn't want to push someone towards my point of view if they don't feel the same way. They can find someone who is on the same page and that's okay.
My opinion: Some men won’t commit until their body part isn’t working properly anymore then they are ready and looking for someone to love them for them. My opinion: the older gentleman is not interested in getting married. Period. If you just listen to his words... not gonna happen even if he meets the most dynamic woman which he may have already met. Marriage No.. long committed relationship Maybe.
And hopefully he's upfront and honest about that so the women can stay on their toes, and leave once the fire has burnt out (seems like approx a year according to his personality). When men like this blame marriage instead of their own internal commitment issues and fears it does a disservice to the younger generation. I'm glad the younger men at this table have a positive outlook on the legacy and families they built. He sounded lightweight jealous if you ask me.
The thing with the older guy is he met his miss right a long time ago and been kickin himself at the parade of bs in dating. I think it has more to do with freedom and fun. You get older u stay home more.
I don't think that the older gentleman (Timon) doesn't want to get married. I think what we're hearing is his ego -- meaning lack of awareness or lack of willingness (likely both) to own his own emotional baggage so he can be at a point of attraction to attract the ideal woman for him. That's arrogant for any grown person (man or woman) to think that someone should just accept them "as is". No sis, no bro, you need to do some self-work, self-healing, and self-growth so you can effectively be in a fruitful relationship. Until he humbles himself enough to do some real self-work, I do agree that none of his relationships will likely last very long.
@@queennoneya601 that happens, and it happens to the best of us but he still needs to heal. Blaming the Institution of marriage for his mistakes isn’t the way. He might have lost THAT miss right but we have plenty of chances to get it right with billions of folks roaming the Earth. If he was a woman he’d be called bitter.
The transparency is great to see. Re Timon's comments -- if one does not want "the license" -- one does not want to be married, which is perfectly fine. But let's call a spade a spade.
Sometimes the older heads have to look to the young ones for wisdom. This is a great example of that. Life perceptions shape the worlds around us, you can see has shaped each individual man's life here.
I agree tht life perceptions do shape our world. Unfortunately we have become eurocentricaly socially conditioned tht we harbor archaic relationship values.
Sometimes having more age and wisdom works against you. People get older and can get set in their ways. Or they have had so many different partners over the years that it warps their sense of what to realistically expect from one mate. Marriage requires you to both BE and be becoming at the same time. There's a certain degree of personal development that has to already have happened. But you need plenty of room for growth left over. Because it will change you. And that's necessary for success. Knowing who you are is good. But for marriage, knowing you can become just as important. Maybe its even better.
More age and wisdom never works against a man when it comes to anything. Women, on the other hand, have a smaller age window when it comes to maximizing their prime years to get the best candidate for a marriage.
The destruction of black families has been so detrimental to our viewpoint and approach to relationships. The absent or abusive father; the overworked, neglected single mother - as kids we witnessed all of it and fell into that generational curse. It is so important that we heal ourselves, heal our inner child before even considering marriage. Otherwise we will repeat the same toxic cycles as our parents..
I don't want to get married because I do not want the responsibility. I am young anything can happen. People change ,at the same time I just want to live a selfish life. If that decision leads me to growing old and alone that's okay also. At least I made my choice.
Agreed, I'm so grateful for this channel. Also this made me realize something I'm so used to solo women RUclips channels. - where women have these get ready with me videos (makeup, hair etc) where they talk about their lives they talk about issues, but I don't often see a male counterpart to this type of video, from a solo male youtube channel. I'm not necessarily expecting a man to have a get ready with me video, but I literally have to bookmark any channels I find where it's a guy who knows how to open up and be more vulnerable & transparent about his life about what he's facing etc - especially as I'm not accustomed to seeing the male perspective as much. - if anyone has recommendations for other channels where the men are open & and transparent about their lives and issues please share thank you! These men discussions on black love is helping feel that void
Refreshing to hear but, men tend to have this "self-serving bias" that there are *no "good " women* out there. I know plenty of women are accomplished, witty, beautiful & single bc, there are men out there who just do not want to commit. In my 30 yrs of life I have taken notes and I see this all the time "Oh I want the perfect woman to hold me down", meanwhile *back at the ranch* the perfect woman was in front of them this whole time. It's ok to not want to get married but, *honesty* is the first step in advancement.
The no good man/woman narrative is definitely overdone. But how another person assesses value is on them. What any one person finds valuable depends on their own needs and wants. We know a man can't tell a woman he's a "good man". That's on her to determine for herself. The same applies in reverse. Women can't tell men they are a catch. Men determine that. And the reality is if a man ends up divorced there's a better than 70% his ex-wife will have initiated it. That gives a lot of men pause. And understandably so.
The honesty and transparency is greatly appreciated. Aaron and Stephon both openly expressed their past lifestyles and showed how much they appreciate the happiness they've found in marriage. Brandon does such a great job keeping the flow of conversation going. He seems to have a great deal of hope in finding someone for marriage. Timon appears to have some self-reflection and that one lady that was the one has probably already slipped through his fingers. I just hope he's up-front with whomever he deals with about not having a traditional, legal marriage. Let her decide if she wants to tolerate that kind of unofficial relationship. The last guy didn't get to speak much at all, but appears to be dealing with someone that could be promising. Hope it works out. Another great segment by the men! Keep 'em coming!
*He will not end up with a "winner", that is understanding of all of his rules and insecurities. He turns me off just listening to his conditions...and has the nerve to say, that he won't make it legal on paper? His woman will be unprotected and have no rights over her own things and future, dealing with him #Ewww
I’m thinking he may have some trust issues with women... therefore he has become guarded and maybe he’s unaware of that energy. I believe that we can be happily single... married life is not for everyone.
I agree. He's very me, me, me. He also doesn't get that he's already the old man at the club. He is very stuck in his past as well. But not a bad guy, but not necessarily marriage material.
He’s who I resonate with most, solid guy knows what he wanted and not afraid to say it. Good intentions, good to women. Much love and success to them..
@@queennoneya601 He will if he feels it's a safe space. I learned that listening to hear, not respond causes men to be more open. They'll tell you things they had no intention to.
@@nia4842 Women knowing this alone, especially in today's climate with relationships would solve so many relationships problems and open so many closed doors. There's so much information on how to be a better man for your woman and help her. But you don't hear much when it's the other way around.
Well... listen up because that’s the mindset of many men, lol .... and that’s why some women end up anxiously depressed in these marriages feeling pressured and devalued. These are the conversations that need to be had prior to marriage....
Women please do not listen to these conversations and take ownership of the narratives that they are introducing. The bottom line is If a man wants to get married he will present himself in such a matter... and focus on the task of being married irregardless to who that woman is. So it's not about finding the perfect woman... It's more to do with if that man is internally ready to be married.
Maybe I am a natural Optimist but I do not think that marriage is unsuccessful. I don't look to statistics to forecast my future. It is 41% of all first marriage's that are estimated to end in divorce. That means that 59% are experiencing success!! You cannot wait until you meet a Fantastic person to work on your fears. You will sabotage it. Make a decision to be purposeful with your love and relationship, just like your finances. Because the commitment to be everything you want in someone else is what it is going to take.
Aww man, this was such a beautiful segment. I felt everyone’s sincerity and vulnerability and I appreciate you all for sharing your heart with us, thank you 🙏🏽 I wish it was longer 😊
The transparency is so amazing here. Being attracted to the opposite sex physically, financially and mentally could be classified as great chemistry. Compatibility is just as important.... Emotionally are they compassionate, caring, intelligence ....... Spiritually what values do they live by. The last man I dated had the physical, financial and mental qualities but lack the emotional and spiritual qualities. How he treated people did not line up within my belief system. We are meant to evolve and he wanted to remain the same. We must start looking at actions and not words alone.
Everytime I see men congregate and talk like this my heart just blossoms... You guys at black love are amazing for rewriting the narrative of the black man❤
marriage is under God..it is a covenant....it is a license....you get a license to drive a car...you study the manual..and you get that license..Pray to the Lord,.ask HIM where is my wife...prepared for me?.
50% of marriages end in divorce, 70% of them initiated by women. They get most of everything following the divorce, including the kids. Women get sole custody of the kids around 80% of the time, and the father loses almost all his rights to those children, except for the financial connection. Yet you blame men for refusing to play this rigged game?
So glad you married men took that leap of faith and asked God for your wife and the confidence and boldness to go after her full throttle. Very glad you guys realized there are tons of beautiful women of substance who really do exist. Single guys, you will come across that one of a kind lady when you least expect to. I will be 47 next Tuesday and I've never been married, never been in a serious relationship, and never been a bridesmaid yet, I'm still keeping hope alive. I'm so excited about meeting my future husband 😁😄😃👏. I will wait patiently until he shows up. You're right, it's very difficult to encounter the right one for you. It's just something you must trust God all the way for. Ask and you will receive. As destiny would have it, you will locate your wife to be...she may not be anywhere near the same city or state you live in. Please remember this: true love knows no distance 🙃🙂👏👌👍!!!!!!!
Fatherhood is SO NECESSARY in this world!! The 'Coming To America' reference was dope (so was the movie sequel) Crown was a good word. I think Timon is definitely growing. These conversations are like his therapy. Keep going Bro. Being a whole person makes you a great candidate as a good husband
The older gentlemen is just toxic lol He’s very articulate so he hides it well. But, to have requirements that high for yourself......just admit that you are afraid. You’re not only afraid that she won’t be enough for you but mostly that you will start to deeply love someone that will realize that YOU are in fact too complicated for HER. You rather stay in your comfort zone and you are probably that way in every area of your life. Afraid and broken. Which is cool.......but, when women use their past experience to justify their crippled-ness, they call us bitter. At some point, you have to let go, move on, and try again.
I love this! It's like eavesdropping on men being the most honest and stripped down that I've ever heard. This is great! So much insight, wisdom and transparency here. Keep it going!
The thing is one has to continually work on oneself and many men need to be open to therapy as women are doing so readily. Men wait too long then it becomes too late, they must realize they can build with someone who is also building. There will never be the right time like Now, to fix and get it right, not perfect!
Thank you for this video. I'm praying for these men in the show who are single and all single men to find that one woman God has chosen for them. Ladies and gentlemen before God does join us with our true love allow God to equipe you to be who you should be in the Lord for him or her. Please read Love and Respect. I've learned so much from this book. God bless you all. Stay safe and healthy. Happy Resurrection Day.
I just happen to be one of the few young black men who is not interested in marriage in the long term and who actually chooses to do his own thing than to participate in a society that offers nothing to us. Eventually, I might come around and start dating and marrying or I have come to terms with not being in a LTR, even if the woman in front of me turns out to be decent.
The best thing to happen to the black or any community would be for men to marry, then have kids and to of course stay married. I believe it's one of the reasons the Asian community is so successful. Kids out of wedlock is very disrespectful to Asians and a household with two people earning makes finance issues much easier.
There are things wrong with marriage. I'd say if you must get married and you have property 401k. Have a prenuptial agreement in place. Divorce is a real possibility and men are losing it all.
1st thing Timon needs to say is WHEN I find that woman.... By saying "If..." shows more work is needed. I pray he receives the INNER HEALING he needs, to get over his childhood traumas of not seeing the best eg of what marriage should be like. It would be nice if he was MENTORED by an older couple who have a loving, successful marriage... 🔹 *People are usually looking for "THE ONE" instead of focusing on BEING THE ONE. By FAITH, when you are PREPARED, that's when God will send the person who is for YOU, into your life.*
As a Black man and husband looking for different information on marriage I find this information to be so basic. I think as Black men we have been so disconnected from our women trying to fit into society that we are not maturing quickly in our relationships. I'm looking at how to reconnect with my wife and only find Black men talking about how to get a wife. Other men and Black women are talking about deeper issues it seems.
Having a healthy perception of marriage and commitment is important. Many have the perception that marriage and commitment are bad. They are the most beautiful things God has created. People make them bad. It has taken me years to realize this because growing up all I saw was bad relationships. It makes me sad that this is the example that was passed on to me. In my heart I had to forgive the generations and ancestors before me. Relationships have to be about love, not money or material things, sex or impressing people.
This beautiful conversation revealed to me that we (male N female)aint no different. I hurt me to see how we beg for such simple forms of luv. I now wish to be more compassionate to ALL men(blessed brown boyz N Girlz #BlkLuvRehab
I'm all here for the vulnerability BUT.....let's be real. There IS NO SUCH THING as any one person (man/woman) who can fulfill all of who you are! Only God can fill that void. Attraction and communication can do wonders but lets not get it twisted. The single men spoke about marriage like it was puff of smoke they're trying to grasp. Marriage is a decision. Period. The same way they needed God's grace and mercy to not catch any STDs while they were running them streets, is the same grace/mercy they'll need to stay out of them and make it work for themselves and their family
I enjoy these videos but I especially clicked on this one because of aaron---his voice for this generation is so necessary. looking forward to hearing this discussion!
There out there, just that the smart blessed and faithful women got em. 😉 Love yourself First Ladies but always make room for you to love the right man. Trust your lady intincts- when it is RIGHT you know and it feels wrong way way way to often - don’t ignore- it is a pattern that a lot of women see but Choose to ignore. I’m not talking shit. I’m a BW happily married to a BM of 19 yrs. We both come from black Couple parents married 36 plus years. 🙂💕🙏🏽
The only way I'm getting marraid is if GOD himself walk her down from heaven and say, " My son this is the wife I chose for you", but he can't do it in America.😂
Brotha still sounds like he wants an escape plan in case his future “marriage” is the nightmare he thought its turn out to be previously. No legal marriage, to me, is a red flag. He might need to heal some more...
The dude talking at 7:30 He will not get married. He is better off not dating anyone. Listen ladies run if you know marriage is a value for you. His lens is still cloudy because I'd your not looking for a wife, a man won't marry.....
I love to hear black men that’s self aware and talk about their mental condition. Not all women looking for advice but this is refreshing to hear men not guys but men speak! But it’s obvious who has one than one person 😂
Homeboy seems to be looking for perfect, but perfect doesn’t exist. Might just be a way to protect himself from what he’s seen in the past. I hope it’s not the case though.
Well, it sounds like she needs to definitely make some changes. No one is forcing her to put her self second in the relationship and it is obvious that he does not want to share in the domestic household responsibilities. So it’s possible, she should make herself a priority.
It’s great to hear this advice. I advocate for doing the extra work, research and self-examination as much as you possibly can, to make the best decision for a spouse. If you believe you in the Bible, you know Marriage is till death do you part. So, make this commitment with wisdom, knowledge, Love and joy.
Although I am not a man I believe if a man has to chase multiple and engage with multiple women he is chasing something else. If you aren’t getting satisfied you should check within or go after what you really want which may be the same sex.
Marriage has absolutely no purpose in today's society. We must all realize marriage is NOT about LOVE. It is a business relationship. All should go into it with a business mindset not a simp / live mindset.
It has a purpose but it isn't for everyone and that's OK. The issue is that people need to be honest with themselves. If you aren't interested in marriage...it's cool but let the person you are trying to date know Day 1 so no one is wasting their time. The problem is that a lot of people aren't honest about what they want or are selfish. Selfish people are the ones who lie and string you along for years when they know they are not/and will never want a committed relationship much less a marriage or children. You don't want marriage - cool...tell the person upfront. You don't want children? Cool...tell the person upfront. You don't want a casual relationship - cool...tell the person upfront and then let them decide if they want to move on or continue with you. If that person moves on...good...then you didn't waste your time. You can now find the person who wants what you want. I have a big appreciation for the two men who when I started dating in my early 30s told me: I like you, but I don't believe in marriage. They didn't lie or string me along. We cut ties early. One of them I am still friends with to this day!
Where are you getting your guidance from? I feel a lot of folks today are misguided buy broken internet coaches. Being honest about not wanting to be married is truly ok but labeling certain behaviors as “ simp” can really be toxic. Are you doing true personal development work? Are truly in touch with your spiritual and emotional,needs and desires? I feel the internet banter really is poisoning the mentally of our people. I truly hope your decisions come from a healthy relationship with yourself and not from a heard mentality. It truly is tragic what I hearing from men and women today. What are YOUR true values? What models of manhood do you follow?
We all know most women get married for security and not cause she love him. Although she may love him, love isnt her #1 priority. Survival is, having a easy life is....especially now in this level up & secure the bag era. He's smart for not wanting a marriage license. The other men got married young. They will be divorced within 10 yrs
Security is not only finances. Women want to be with someone who's addressed those traumas and have settled minds. Being emotional beings it would wreak havoc on her dealing with him if he's not. They're so prevalent that it's got alot of women choosing single instead of marrying a man that will tear her apart tryna live with his emotional instabilities
Most women I know make about the same or more than their husbands. They didn't get married for financial security at all. As someone else said...in today's age....security is definitely not only finances. The men who got married look happy so not sure why you assume they will be divorced in 10 years. Usually, the men who get divorced are the men who didn't really want to get married in the first place. They felt pushed into it. These men don't fit the bill. I don't know why men can't understand that there are some men who really do value marriage. Just like there are some women who do and some who don't.
@@nyembsafric1 a lot of these women already come with children so it won't be my family that I'm taking care of if I was to do that. They want security for easier life, to get that 10 years in so they can get social security when they get older. Had a lot of women say that
@@nyembsafric1 Exactly! Most men take pride in providing for their families. My father took pride in that, both of my grandfathers took pride in it, and every other man I knew did. And now both of my brothers do. I guess I was just fortunate to grow up and be surrounded by some really great black men. It makes me sad for those who didn't grow up with their fathers. I'm only 40 so not that old. It seems like it ended with my parents - the baby boomers. I noticed it's the new generation of men that complain about everything. I hate to say it...but that's what I see. They don't want responsibility or accountability for anything (and that's not even just within a relationship). I guess is that another by-product of single mother households? Would these men have work ethics and be motivated if they had fathers around? That's the magic question. They don't even want to commit to a job or some means to pay their bills. The ones who complain...well those are the type of men that are on a different level and not the ones who were marriage or father material anyway. And that's fine. They should just not get married and definitely not procreate.
Sometimes, how the story is told is how it is. Sometimes the woman is the bad guy in the story. Sometimes men look for their kids forever and the moms make it their life mission to “protect their kids from him”. You don’t know but don’t assume he just didn’t try hard enough
![NOSFERATU - Official Trailer [HD] - Only In Theaters December 25](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/nulvWqYUM8k/mqdefault.jpg)
When I hear "we don't need a license/piece of paper....." when it comes to the topic of marriage, it's a red flag for me.
I innerstand where you're coming from my love, but if i could offer some insight, you definitely want to remain transparent on where that brother is mentally/spiritually when it comes to marriage because marriage itself is a spiritual covenant. Just like we're devoted to our creator without any paper documentation marriage Is between you that man & God, the State doesnt validate your commitment to that person you both are joined in spirit. Just like we dont have a "license or piece of paper" to birth our children, it doesnt stop us from loving & pouring into our child. You know? Not combatting your thoughts on it, just wanted to add and share my view . That divine intimacy is above any legal document.
Marriage license or not . I'm committed to needing two rocking chairs.
@@queennoneya601 🤣🤣😂😂🥰
Agreed. Red flag. You want documentation for an educational degree, a deed, car title, but when it comes to marriage we dont need a piece of paper? Our commitment to God should be held higher than what the courts say but a marriage license makes a shift in the relationship. If it doesnt matter, then let's get it.
@@missjai1348 Thank you for the eloquent response! And I agree with you about what the covenant of marriage entails and the aspect of being spiritually aligned with your partner. But, marriage also gives you rights under the law that you wouldn't have without the documentation side of it as well. In many aspects of our lives there is going to be a legal side of it, when we give birth whether at home or in a hospital there still needs to be a birth certificate for the child. I want to get married in a Church before God and my family and I also want to be legally married and have a marriage license to be able to make medical, financial and other decisions with and on behalf of my husband and vice versa if it's called for. I want to be all in on the commitment and I would need the same from someone I would marry. If I'm dating someone and we're not aligned on that aspect as well, I keep it moving because I wouldn't want to push someone towards my point of view if they don't feel the same way. They can find someone who is on the same page and that's okay.
My opinion: Some men won’t commit until their body part isn’t working properly anymore then they are ready and looking for someone to love them for them. My opinion: the older gentleman is not interested in getting married. Period. If you just listen to his words... not gonna happen even if he meets the most dynamic woman which he may have already met. Marriage No.. long committed relationship Maybe.
And hopefully he's upfront and honest about that so the women can stay on their toes, and leave once the fire has burnt out (seems like approx a year according to his personality). When men like this blame marriage instead of their own internal commitment issues and fears it does a disservice to the younger generation. I'm glad the younger men at this table have a positive outlook on the legacy and families they built. He sounded lightweight jealous if you ask me.
The thing with the older guy is he met his miss right a long time ago and been kickin himself at the parade of bs in dating. I think it has more to do with freedom and fun. You get older u stay home more.
I got the same impression. He just not interested in marriage
I don't think that the older gentleman (Timon) doesn't want to get married. I think what we're hearing is his ego -- meaning lack of awareness or lack of willingness (likely both) to own his own emotional baggage so he can be at a point of attraction to attract the ideal woman for him. That's arrogant for any grown person (man or woman) to think that someone should just accept them "as is". No sis, no bro, you need to do some self-work, self-healing, and self-growth so you can effectively be in a fruitful relationship.
Until he humbles himself enough to do some real self-work, I do agree that none of his relationships will likely last very long.
@@queennoneya601 that happens, and it happens to the best of us but he still needs to heal.
Blaming the Institution of marriage for his mistakes isn’t the way. He might have lost THAT miss right but we have plenty of chances to get it right with billions of folks roaming the Earth. If he was a woman he’d be called bitter.
The transparency is great to see. Re Timon's comments -- if one does not want "the license" -- one does not want to be married, which is perfectly fine. But let's call a spade a spade.
Sometimes the older heads have to look to the young ones for wisdom. This is a great example of that. Life perceptions shape the worlds around us, you can see has shaped each individual man's life here.
Thats why family can be so important. Staying connected to people unlike yourself is important to familial growth.
I love Black men and love their perspectives.
I agree tht life perceptions do shape our world. Unfortunately we have become eurocentricaly socially conditioned tht we harbor archaic relationship values.
Sometimes having more age and wisdom works against you. People get older and can get set in their ways. Or they have had so many different partners over the years that it warps their sense of what to realistically expect from one mate. Marriage requires you to both BE and be becoming at the same time.
There's a certain degree of personal development that has to already have happened. But you need plenty of room for growth left over. Because it will change you. And that's necessary for success. Knowing who you are is good. But for marriage, knowing you can become just as important. Maybe its even better.
LOVE THIS
More age and wisdom never works against a man when it comes to anything. Women, on the other hand, have a smaller age window when it comes to maximizing their prime years to get the best candidate for a marriage.
The destruction of black families has been so detrimental to our viewpoint and approach to relationships. The absent or abusive father; the overworked, neglected single mother - as kids we witnessed all of it and fell into that generational curse.
It is so important that we heal ourselves, heal our inner child before even considering marriage. Otherwise we will repeat the same toxic cycles as our parents..
This! No. Lies. Detected. Thank you🙏🏿
@@msfitbrown48 🙏🏾
@Trinity BMS having healthy parents doesn't exempt from other childhood traumas one can incur. I was generalizing in my original statement.
@Tyana Holmes How are men "gatekeepers"?
@Tyana Holmes that's a warped perspective but okay.
I don't want to get married because I do not want the responsibility. I am young anything can happen. People change ,at the same time I just want to live a selfish life. If that decision leads me to growing old and alone that's okay also. At least I made my choice.
Yes live your life for you
Well, at least you’re honest with yourself. More people should be
You still feel this way?
I appreciate the transparency and vulnerability of what these men shared. Especially the married men.👏
If the world would stfu and let somebody talk we would have peace.
Agreed, I'm so grateful for this channel. Also this made me realize something I'm so used to solo women RUclips channels. - where women have these get ready with me videos (makeup, hair etc) where they talk about their lives they talk about issues, but I don't often see a male counterpart to this type of video, from a solo male youtube channel. I'm not necessarily expecting a man to have a get ready with me video, but I literally have to bookmark any channels I find where it's a guy who knows how to open up and be more vulnerable & transparent about his life about what he's facing etc - especially as I'm not accustomed to seeing the male perspective as much.
- if anyone has recommendations for other channels where the men are open & and transparent about their lives and issues please share thank you! These men discussions on black love is helping feel that void
@@jenniferh.7219 I'm tired of breaking up with my boyfriend. I want us to have peace longer than we have been doing.
I understand men so little sometimes.
Refreshing to hear but, men tend to have this "self-serving bias" that there are *no "good " women* out there. I know plenty of women are accomplished, witty, beautiful & single bc, there are men out there who just do not want to commit. In my 30 yrs of life I have taken notes and I see this all the time "Oh I want the perfect woman to hold me down", meanwhile *back at the ranch* the perfect woman was in front of them this whole time. It's ok to not want to get married but, *honesty* is the first step in advancement.
The perfect woman according to who though? A woman can be "perfect" but not to that guy that is looking.
The no good man/woman narrative is definitely overdone. But how another person assesses value is on them. What any one person finds valuable depends on their own needs and wants. We know a man can't tell a woman he's a "good man". That's on her to determine for herself. The same applies in reverse. Women can't tell men they are a catch. Men determine that. And the reality is if a man ends up divorced there's a better than 70% his ex-wife will have initiated it. That gives a lot of men pause. And understandably so.
The women u speak of are making men accountable. Most men look for easy conquest. Low hangin fruit.
@@bluewave3417 men say they are looking for an equal but sometimes that translate to a women that eats takeout and a dirty house.
You can literally say the same thing about women lol
The honesty and transparency is greatly appreciated. Aaron and Stephon both openly expressed their past lifestyles and showed how much they appreciate the happiness they've found in marriage. Brandon does such a great job keeping the flow of conversation going. He seems to have a great deal of hope in finding someone for marriage. Timon appears to have some self-reflection and that one lady that was the one has probably already slipped through his fingers. I just hope he's up-front with whomever he deals with about not having a traditional, legal marriage. Let her decide if she wants to tolerate that kind of unofficial relationship. The last guy didn't get to speak much at all, but appears to be dealing with someone that could be promising. Hope it works out. Another great segment by the men! Keep 'em coming!
Timon has the male version of a “list.” He’s not marrying anyone. Every video he’s in makes it so clear. The other men are so open in comparison.
*He will not end up with a "winner", that is understanding of all of his rules and insecurities. He turns me off just listening to his conditions...and has the nerve to say, that he won't make it legal on paper? His woman will be unprotected and have no rights over her own things and future, dealing with him
#Ewww
I’m thinking he may have some trust issues with women... therefore he has become guarded and maybe he’s unaware of that energy. I believe that we can be happily single... married life is not for everyone.
I agree. He's very me, me, me. He also doesn't get that he's already the old man at the club. He is very stuck in his past as well. But not a bad guy, but not necessarily marriage material.
when this man said his humanity is fulfilled!!! tears.
He’s who I resonate with most, solid guy knows what he wanted and not afraid to say it. Good intentions, good to women. Much love and success to them..
I love hearing the thoughts of men.
I think if I could shut up more my man would talk more.
@@queennoneya601 He will if he feels it's a safe space. I learned that listening to hear, not respond causes men to be more open. They'll tell you things they had no intention to.
@@nia4842 Women knowing this alone, especially in today's climate with relationships would solve so many relationships problems and open so many closed doors.
There's so much information on how to be a better man for your woman and help her. But you don't hear much when it's the other way around.
Where did that expectation for a woman to fulfill a man's 'intellect' or to keep him 'entertained' come from?
Well... listen up because that’s the mindset of many men, lol .... and that’s why some women end up anxiously depressed in these marriages feeling pressured and devalued. These are the conversations that need to be had prior to marriage....
Normally the woman is usually more advance interllecully then men, educated or not.
It came from the man who spoke it. Every man is different, and has his own needs. When he finds a woman who matches that, more power to them.
@@ericajones3980 not true
@@ericajones3980 Know they’re not…The world we live in was built by the male species..
Women please do not listen to these conversations and take ownership of the narratives that they are introducing. The bottom line is If a man wants to get married he will present himself in such a matter... and focus on the task of being married irregardless to who that woman is. So it's not about finding the perfect woman... It's more to do with if that man is internally ready to be married.
I like how they all respect each other and give each other time to talk.
License doesnt mean anything until you get caught driving. Same thing with marriage smh..
This is very inspirational for women to watch because it inspired us to know what is going on inside a man
I agree. This IS inspirational especially when you have groups of males who believe they don’t need women to survive.
As I suspected but had no affirmation of til black love opened the door to serious real life people that want the relationship work.
We look up one day and we are old couples still not makin the relationship any better.
not all men are the same, keep a open mind
Maybe I am a natural Optimist but I do not think that marriage is unsuccessful. I don't look to statistics to forecast my future. It is 41% of all first marriage's that are estimated to end in divorce. That means that 59% are experiencing success!! You cannot wait until you meet a Fantastic person to work on your fears. You will sabotage it. Make a decision to be purposeful with your love and relationship, just like your finances. Because the commitment to be everything you want in someone else is what it is going to take.
"Make a decision 2b purposeful with your love."
DEEP. And so true.
Is there such a round table for 40 + men? It is good to hear black men share their feelings. Are older men that evolved?
That's what I want to see. I want to see a round table with men 40 and over as well. That's my age group.
I agree. We need the perspectives of those in the 40+ age range.
These men aren't 40+ ?
Aww man, this was such a beautiful segment. I felt everyone’s sincerity and vulnerability and I appreciate you all for sharing your heart with us, thank you 🙏🏽 I wish it was longer 😊
There is nothing wrong with not getting married people
The transparency is so amazing here. Being attracted to the opposite sex physically, financially and mentally could be classified as great chemistry.
Compatibility is just as important....
Emotionally are they compassionate, caring, intelligence .......
Spiritually what values do they live by.
The last man I dated had the physical, financial and mental qualities but lack the emotional and spiritual qualities.
How he treated people did not line up within my belief system. We are meant to evolve and he wanted to remain the same. We must start looking at actions and not words alone.
Seeing black love for each other. The many branches of black culture front and center.
It's good to hear it "from the horse's mouth." Keep talking Brothers! 😊
Everytime I see men congregate and talk like this my heart just blossoms... You guys at black love are amazing for rewriting the narrative of the black man❤
There wives maybe non-Black Women!
Marriage is about something bigger...you're building a legacy - the basic wants and needs aren't enough...not a bad place to start though
marriage is under God..it is a covenant....it is a license....you get a license to drive a car...you study the manual..and you get that license..Pray to the Lord,.ask HIM where is my wife...prepared for me?.
50% of marriages end in divorce, 70% of them initiated by women. They get most of everything following the divorce, including the kids. Women get sole custody of the kids around 80% of the time, and the father loses almost all his rights to those children, except for the financial connection. Yet you blame men for refusing to play this rigged game?
So glad you married men took that leap of faith and asked God for your wife and the confidence and boldness to go after her full throttle. Very glad you guys realized there are tons of beautiful women of substance who really do exist. Single guys, you will come across that one of a kind lady when you least expect to. I will be 47 next Tuesday and I've never been married, never been in a serious relationship, and never been a bridesmaid yet, I'm still keeping hope alive. I'm so excited about meeting my future husband 😁😄😃👏. I will wait patiently until he shows up. You're right, it's very difficult to encounter the right one for you. It's just something you must trust God all the way for. Ask and you will receive. As destiny would have it, you will locate your wife to be...she may not be anywhere near the same city or state you live in. Please remember this: true love knows no distance 🙃🙂👏👌👍!!!!!!!
Your comment actually blessed me. Thank you.
Fatherhood is SO NECESSARY in this world!!
The 'Coming To America' reference was dope (so was the movie sequel)
Crown was a good word.
I think Timon is definitely growing. These conversations are like his therapy. Keep going Bro. Being a whole person makes you a great candidate as a good husband
It is a really good thing when men can be so honest to speak about their strengths and weaknesses like you all do. Kuddos to you all.
Love yourself first.
The older gentlemen is just toxic lol He’s very articulate so he hides it well. But, to have requirements that high for yourself......just admit that you are afraid. You’re not only afraid that she won’t be enough for you but mostly that you will start to deeply love someone that will realize that YOU are in fact too complicated for HER. You rather stay in your comfort zone and you are probably that way in every area of your life. Afraid and broken. Which is cool.......but, when women use their past experience to justify their crippled-ness, they call us bitter. At some point, you have to let go, move on, and try again.
I love this! It's like eavesdropping on men being the most honest and stripped down that I've ever heard. This is great! So much insight, wisdom and transparency here. Keep it going!
The thing is one has to continually work on oneself and many men need to be open to therapy as women are doing so readily. Men wait too long then it becomes too late, they must realize they can build with someone who is also building. There will never be the right time like Now, to fix and get it right, not perfect!
This was a good episode. It is very good to hear great things about love and marriage from young, articulate, Black men! Thank you.
Thank you for this video. I'm praying for these men in the show who are single and all single men to find that one woman God has chosen for them. Ladies and gentlemen before God does join us with our true love allow God to equipe you to be who you should be in the Lord for him or her. Please read Love and Respect. I've learned so much from this book. God bless you all. Stay safe and healthy. Happy Resurrection Day.
I just happen to be one of the few young black men who is not interested in marriage in the long term and who actually chooses to do his own thing than to participate in a society that offers nothing to us.
Eventually, I might come around and start dating and marrying or I have come to terms with not being in a LTR, even if the woman in front of me turns out to be decent.
The best thing to happen to the black or any community would be for men to marry, then have kids and to of course stay married. I believe it's one of the reasons the Asian community is so successful. Kids out of wedlock is very disrespectful to Asians and a household with two people earning makes finance issues much easier.
There are things wrong with marriage. I'd say if you must get married and you have property 401k. Have a prenuptial agreement in place. Divorce is a real possibility and men are losing it all.
1st thing Timon needs to say is WHEN I find that woman.... By saying "If..." shows more work is needed. I pray he receives the INNER HEALING he needs, to get over his childhood traumas of not seeing the best eg of what marriage should be like. It would be nice if he was MENTORED by an older couple who have a loving, successful marriage...
🔹 *People are usually looking for "THE ONE" instead of focusing on BEING THE ONE. By FAITH, when you are PREPARED, that's when God will send the person who is for YOU, into your life.*
As a Black man and husband looking for different information on marriage I find this information to be so basic. I think as Black men we have been so disconnected from our women trying to fit into society that we are not maturing quickly in our relationships. I'm looking at how to reconnect with my wife and only find Black men talking about how to get a wife. Other men and Black women are talking about deeper issues it seems.
I'm watching from London and I'm impressed. It so refreshing watching black men being vulnerable and open. Respect.
Having a healthy perception of marriage and commitment is important. Many have the perception that marriage and commitment are bad. They are the most beautiful things God has created. People make them bad. It has taken me years to realize this because growing up all I saw was bad relationships. It makes me sad that this is the example that was passed on to me. In my heart I had to forgive the generations and ancestors before me. Relationships have to be about love, not money or material things, sex or impressing people.
Some men really need 2get over themselves...Jesus🤦🏾♀️.
EXACTLY.
Please get some microphones 🙌🏽 great content, terrible audio 🥲
I agree
Its you two and Jesus that keeps a marriage together
This beautiful conversation revealed to me that we (male N female)aint no different. I hurt me to see how we beg for such simple forms of luv. I now wish to be more compassionate to ALL men(blessed brown boyz N Girlz #BlkLuvRehab
I'm all here for the vulnerability BUT.....let's be real. There IS NO SUCH THING as any one person (man/woman) who can fulfill all of who you are! Only God can fill that void. Attraction and communication can do wonders but lets not get it twisted. The single men spoke about marriage like it was puff of smoke they're trying to grasp. Marriage is a decision. Period. The same way they needed God's grace and mercy to not catch any STDs while they were running them streets, is the same grace/mercy they'll need to stay out of them and make it work for themselves and their family
I absolutely love these discussions!
I enjoy these videos but I especially clicked on this one because of aaron---his voice for this generation is so necessary. looking forward to hearing this discussion!
These ladies are over here in bad faith for the wrong reasons.
There out there, just that the smart blessed and faithful women got em. 😉 Love yourself First Ladies but always make room for you to love the right man. Trust your lady intincts- when it is RIGHT you know and it feels wrong way way way to often - don’t ignore- it is a pattern that a lot of women see but Choose to ignore. I’m not talking shit. I’m a BW happily married to a BM of 19 yrs. We both come from black Couple parents married 36 plus years. 🙂💕🙏🏽
The only way I'm getting marraid is if GOD himself walk her down from heaven and say, " My son this is the wife I chose for you", but he can't do it in America.😂
Very good episode. Good job fellas
Give it a chance at this point in your life, Timon. You may surprise yourself.
They are being so real. So dope.
Brotha still sounds like he wants an escape plan in case his future “marriage” is the nightmare he thought its turn out to be previously. No legal marriage, to me, is a red flag. He might need to heal some more...
They did it again, Thank you kings!!!!!!!
Evil forces have been trying to divide us but we gon be alright!
@@queennoneya601 Right
Some men can’t and aren’t simply willing to do the hard work that comes with being married. So why not just be single or have a partner.🤷🏾♀️.
Most of the conversations are very encouraging
Thank you for this video & forum 👍🏾
The dude talking at 7:30 He will not get married. He is better off not dating anyone. Listen ladies run if you know marriage is a value for you. His lens is still cloudy because I'd your not looking for a wife, a man won't marry.....
Thank you to these beautiful and intelligent black men for being vulnerable and honest. I salute you and appreciate the education!
I love to hear black men that’s self aware and talk about their mental condition. Not all women looking for advice but this is refreshing to hear men not guys but men speak! But it’s obvious who has one than one person 😂
Homeboy seems to be looking for perfect, but perfect doesn’t exist. Might just be a way to protect himself from what he’s seen in the past. I hope it’s not the case though.
Thank you kings
A great interview with each having a different perspective:) The old man in the club part lol!!
Well, it sounds like she needs to definitely make some changes. No one is forcing her to put her self second in the relationship and it is obvious that he does not want to share in the domestic household responsibilities. So it’s possible, she should make herself a priority.
Keep you entertained ? Wow. Shallow
That was the old/immature perspective... just FYI. Blessings to you and yours. 🙏🏽
It’s mindset…why be committed when they have options lol…
Great video. Peace and trust are key for men to consider marriage.
Opening up is great therapy.
Coach West is all I see 😂 now where is RalphAngel
Interesting
flee from marriage...keep peace of mind .....and keep your money
Marriage is dumb these days. Not worth it.
It’s great to hear this advice. I advocate for doing the extra work, research and self-examination as much as you possibly can, to make the best decision for a spouse. If you believe you in the Bible, you know Marriage is till death do you part. So, make this commitment with wisdom, knowledge, Love and joy.
I liked this one a lil better! 🥴🤣
I hope Timon is on his way to healing and growth
Marriage is the full commitment
Thanks for sharing. I’m not interested in having a relationship of an intimate nature but for those who are…this is probably great.
I LOVE THIS VIDEO ❤️
@7:30-8:10 Yes! Reflective of what I hope for myself.
wow beautiful there is no time line for all at a time we all go our path and our way this is is beautiful conversation thank brothers for all
Well spoken, well thought through, and well put together! 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
Although I am not a man I believe if a man has to chase multiple and engage with multiple women he is chasing something else. If you aren’t getting satisfied you should check within or go after what you really want which may be the same sex.
Lmfaoo huh?? It's men's natural instinct to fuck lots of women.
I enjoy hearing the insight these men shared about their personal views of marriage.
I love this duo b romance beautiful
Davis...??
💕
LOVE THIS!!
🥰
Marriage has absolutely no purpose in today's society. We must all realize marriage is NOT about LOVE. It is a business relationship. All should go into it with a business mindset not a simp / live mindset.
It has a purpose but it isn't for everyone and that's OK. The issue is that people need to be honest with themselves. If you aren't interested in marriage...it's cool but let the person you are trying to date know Day 1 so no one is wasting their time. The problem is that a lot of people aren't honest about what they want or are selfish. Selfish people are the ones who lie and string you along for years when they know they are not/and will never want a committed relationship much less a marriage or children. You don't want marriage - cool...tell the person upfront. You don't want children? Cool...tell the person upfront. You don't want a casual relationship - cool...tell the person upfront and then let them decide if they want to move on or continue with you. If that person moves on...good...then you didn't waste your time. You can now find the person who wants what you want. I have a big appreciation for the two men who when I started dating in my early 30s told me: I like you, but I don't believe in marriage. They didn't lie or string me along. We cut ties early. One of them I am still friends with to this day!
@@lisacox3750 I agree 10000%
Where are you getting your guidance from? I feel a lot of folks today are misguided buy broken internet coaches. Being honest about not wanting to be married is truly ok but labeling certain behaviors as “ simp” can really be toxic. Are you doing true personal development work? Are truly in touch with your spiritual and emotional,needs and desires? I feel the internet banter really is poisoning the mentally of our people. I truly hope your decisions come from a healthy relationship with yourself and not from a heard mentality. It truly is tragic what I hearing from men and women today. What are YOUR true values? What models of manhood do you follow?
We all know most women get married for security and not cause she love him. Although she may love him, love isnt her #1 priority. Survival is, having a easy life is....especially now in this level up & secure the bag era. He's smart for not wanting a marriage license. The other men got married young. They will be divorced within 10 yrs
Security is not only finances. Women want to be with someone who's addressed those traumas and have settled minds. Being emotional beings it would wreak havoc on her dealing with him if he's not. They're so prevalent that it's got alot of women choosing single instead of marrying a man that will tear her apart tryna live with his emotional instabilities
Most women I know make about the same or more than their husbands. They didn't get married for financial security at all. As someone else said...in today's age....security is definitely not only finances. The men who got married look happy so not sure why you assume they will be divorced in 10 years. Usually, the men who get divorced are the men who didn't really want to get married in the first place. They felt pushed into it. These men don't fit the bill. I don't know why men can't understand that there are some men who really do value marriage. Just like there are some women who do and some who don't.
Why shouldn't they want security? Why wouldn't you want to provide for your family?
@@nyembsafric1 a lot of these women already come with children so it won't be my family that I'm taking care of if I was to do that. They want security for easier life, to get that 10 years in so they can get social security when they get older. Had a lot of women say that
@@nyembsafric1 Exactly! Most men take pride in providing for their families. My father took pride in that, both of my grandfathers took pride in it, and every other man I knew did. And now both of my brothers do. I guess I was just fortunate to grow up and be surrounded by some really great black men. It makes me sad for those who didn't grow up with their fathers.
I'm only 40 so not that old. It seems like it ended with my parents - the baby boomers. I noticed it's the new generation of men that complain about everything. I hate to say it...but that's what I see. They don't want responsibility or accountability for anything (and that's not even just within a relationship). I guess is that another by-product of single mother households? Would these men have work ethics and be motivated if they had fathers around? That's the magic question.
They don't even want to commit to a job or some means to pay their bills. The ones who complain...well those are the type of men that are on a different level and not the ones who were marriage or father material anyway. And that's fine. They should just not get married and definitely not procreate.
Your mom did not cut your father off. He left. And now you can choose something different and no one can take that choice away.
Sometimes, how the story is told is how it is. Sometimes the woman is the bad guy in the story. Sometimes men look for their kids forever and the moms make it their life mission to “protect their kids from him”. You don’t know but don’t assume he just didn’t try hard enough
Maybe it's a man Tim??
Men benefit more from marriage than women, so I’m good right now, lol .... #IMO