My 6+ Year Opioid Addiction (Fentanyl/Blues)
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- This is just a brief and scatterbrained rundown of my past substance use and a little of the repercussions of overdosing 3 times and abusing fentanyl and heroin ultimately leading to brain damage. I started at 16 years old. I was a dumb kid and an even dumber adult, but yeah lmao this is a little of why I am who I am and the shitshow that made me who I am. Don't make these silly decisions I made, opioids are the most insidious substances on the planet and they'll take everything from you before you even realize you have a problem.
My Story is very similar. I was 19 and there was this very hot, graffiti artist boy and he invited me over and he had H I wanted to try it. I wanted him to like me so every day I kept going over and doing it with him. and then one day I said I need to stay home tonight with my family and I got very sick. Tthe next morning I called him and I said I’m very sick in bed and he laughed and said poor baby your Dopesick come on over you can buy some stuff and from that point on I was hooked. In less than one year me and him were homeless on the streets. I lost my car and my job well he actually got my car impounded while I was at work and then I got fired from my job because he stole while I was working like an idiot but after we broke up I kept using so I could no longer blame my addiction on him. It was many years of struggling, but I promise things in life happened for a reason and I love that you’re telling your story to the world. I’m here of you need anything
Keep at it!!! As long as you keep a small amount of hope and connection to reality you will kick this. It's going to be alright.
Seriously, small efforts. Little changes somehow make these big results. Other posters are right, only you can make the choice. And you'll get there. It sounds lame, but being sober gave me a lot of power. You start to feel so safe in your own mind that you stop wanting to risk using. I'm all about the plant life. It's truly a portal to deeper understanding and continued growth.
@@michelletimme8041 being sober not lame at all. Good for you. God bless you 🙏
If you ever need to chat I'm here. I am a recovering heroin addict who relapsed last year after 14 years clean, I know that sounds horrible and I was a very bad addict. Homeless in Pittsburgh and Detroit, in 30 rehabs, jail, etc. Getting on Methadone for 4 years in 2008 saved my life. Outside of my 4 month relapse last year after dealing with some serious family issues I have long periods of sobriety and recovery. I've been clean since Dec 2nd this year without a relapse, got promoted to manager. Was able to pay my house off and both cars, addiction is not a death sentence, fetty especially with xylazine will lay you down quick, dangerous stuff brother. Seek help today and don't be another statistic, no coming back from death. Stay safe, it's worth it, life is and can be beautiful sober
That's fucking amazing man! Good shit getting off this stuff, it's no easy task for damn sure. And hey, relapsing happens to the best of us, it's part of the condition especially with opioids and more specifically Fent. I'm currently on 70mg of methadone daily and I gotta say even after just a month of going to the clinic methadone has helped me 1000x more than Suboxone ever did for my cravings and I just feel like my quality of life is improving more and more each day since getting off subs and Fent. I appreciate the comment and I wish you all the best on your journey as well! Keep on fighting! Much love!
@@fentck I grossed over $700,000 last year. I am a manager, married, four young children. A far cry from the person I was from 2000 through 2008. EVERYONE I used with are all dead, in prison or clean...that's pretty much the only outcomes and I'd say 75% of them are dead, even the ones who were hardcore and never overdosed. Its a coin flip everytime it enters your bloodstream, keep up the good work staying away from the devil's dandruff
That is f@cking amazing and you rock dir sir! Methadone saved my life also. I used it for a year and a half, didn't like it but it saved my life and I excepted the gratefulness in the fact that I was able to get off 20 years of heroin and 2 years of fentanyl. At 10mgs of methadone I took Iboga, and I have no words to describe that but to say extremely beneficial and therapeutic. Thankfully I had 4plus years of therapy earlier in life which really helped me unpack the extreme emotional therapy and healing iboga was. Either way I'm in a place I can get well at. Gained 40 healthy pounds back. I am so grateful, like you said so many dead, how could anybody else besides another addict know the shear emotional toll it takes on your SOUL let alone everything else. Really sorry to hear about your family issues. My dad's dead ( 78 heart attack, took a nap) and two of my brothers are also (heart arrhythmia 42 totally healthy never did drugs almost never drank great shape and other brother 53bladder cancer was an alcoholic for 25 years and smoked for 35 years, loved all immensely) and so SO many friends are just gone...........
But I'm here and I'm a survivor.
@@fentckthat's 😎 awesome. Recovery is possible and you are proving it.
@@chriscline7905your recovery journey is very powerful 💪🙏. God bless you. You give me hope in my recovery 💟. Many questions, either way thank you kindly. I need to go do something manly like work in my garage so this damn sand stops getting in my eyes 😭.
I've been on suboxone for awhile. Sure, I'd rather not be..but I'm convinced I'd have been dead a long time ago without it. So please, if it didn't work for you, ok...but it does for many of us
Still getting high on subs
@@gurumayne8684 lol nah there's really no euphoria and it has a ceiling effect very quickly. no matter what it saves lives and makes life managable
My intention was to bring awareness to my situation and show that I'm one of hundreds of thousands of people afflicted with Opioid dependence. It's not me bashing Suboxone in any way, it personally didn't work for me as well as methadone maintenance has and that's my experience. If Suboxone helps you more power to you, I'm glad you're off the bad bad shit. I'd really rather not be on anything myself but methadone MAT saved my life.
Hey brotha I love how your so open and honest, just remember if you can help one person its totally worth it ,ty for putting yourself out there, I can be embarrassing, we all have our war stories some are hilarious, some will make you cry, we all have our past!!! don't let that effect the future ty all, and props to all my Bill W. Fans.
2.31 in and I really appreciate your honesty so far, that will pay dividends for you later on in your life. Have you ever tried Iboga😉? You seem really emotionally smart and aware. You are a great person for Iboga or ibogaine. It's like really really heavy emotional therapy right now really sped up that you feel deep in your core in every cell of your body that you will confront and go through. Thoroughly heavy duty. Only the strong should go through that door for the jewels that can be attained for many are to heavy for some others... really that's just some ramblings of a 20 year heroin addict 2year fentanyl addict. Holy crap is Iboga strong and very long lasting, buy the ticket take the ride❤
Looking forward to more content! And awesome 4u kicking it!
Hey I appreciate it!! Thank you so much and much more content to come!
Subscribed. This man is going places. As the Cramps lead singer Lux interior said at a 1980 show at a California state mental hospital "somebody told me you people were insane but you seem quite all right to me". 😂. You are going places in life and in recovery. So much more I like to say but I'm going to stop, for now😅.
I will look into it, I've heard of it before but never really researched it! And I really appreciate the kind words! My life is the best it's ever been right now and I owe that all to sobriety. If I was still using well, I wouldn't be. I'd be dead most likely. Your comment made my day thank you! I'm so happy that people can find value through this, all I want is to try to share my story and hopefully deter some people from ever going down that path in life to begin with.
Cool vid man I was just sick for two days and relapsed so now it’s back to square one but I got subs.
It happens man, I appreciate the support and I hope shit goes well for you fr. Shits tough
The way you laughed at the fact you gave yourself brain damage to the point of your heart stopping at any moment....yeah, that's the level of not taking anything serious at all that I am in right now. I might have also gave myself slight brain damage from dying for a few mins in 2019, but not as bad as yours and honestly laughed at that too.
You really get desensitized to everything after a point. Like life's a game almost. Ik it isn't but eh I'm fucked either way so I guess there's no sense in wallowing in my issues, nobody likes to be around the sad guy all the time so I just make light of things I maybe shouldn't but fuck it we ball or whatever the hell the people 2 years younger than me say
Kicked those suckas back in june for the second time, those little pills will destroy to best of us, keep fighting the good fight even on the bad days #brothasinarms p.s. im 31 and was in 4 car accidents in 4mo started really goin in 2020. Enjoy the journey.
Good job keep kicking ass. Just keep showing up and putting in the work on your recovery journey 🌠. Hard work and patience can overcome anything. Iboga helps also, speeds the emotional therapy up.
Bruh if I lost my virginity AND tried Heroin at the same time I don’t think I’d ever be able to stay clean. That’s wild bro, good luck in your recovery!
Dude yup….. I remember MULTIPLE relapses after dabbling with fent while on suboxone I made the conscious decision to say “fuck it I’m going to just ditch the subs and be on the dope until the wheels fall off and the ole rehab shuffle awaits me when it’s gotten too bad”. That happened like 4 times and every time the shit in bAlTiMoRe gets you wrecked for a few uses and then your right back to not being able to get any sort of euphoria….. just being well and it’s essentially just paying 80$+ a day just to “not be violentally ill”
Literally, I ran out of subs and had been doing blues again for the month prior and decided it'd be a smooth switch back to blues and I could just go to my sub doctor to re-up but I didn't even to that, kept smoking blues, got back to like 10 a day almost immediately, and was off to the races for another stint of misery, constant withdrawal, always broke, doing nearly ANYTHING for a fix (ran outta gas on the freeway just to re-up) (boosted from stores all over the city) (stole from people I loved) ive done everything but sexual shit for a fix. And I'ma keep it really real, I probably would've fallen that far from grace had it persisted. When all my money ran dry, I quit work, was facing possible eviction, I decided to go to a methadone clinic but had to go through some really brutal WDs for a few days before they could get me in for induction. It (for lack of a better phrase) struck the fear of God in my heart and sent me in the right direction. I still slipped up from there, but never to that extent, and since New Year's when I had to Narcan my little homie (kids 19) I decided I was done even being around it. Let alone doing it. I wanted nothing to do with it, and I made sure my friend was okay, and for his and my own good I haven't spoken to him much since. I hope he turned his shit around like he says on social media
Seeing a pattern with the women😂, ah so relatable. It's just basic drug math that two addicts make a right 👍😂. So many memories, I'm going to shut up. When its your time you and only you will truly know and you will be able to continue fighting that much more. Hard work and patience. Even with iboga you still need to do the work of your recovery. And women kick that much more ass when you're clean!
Randomly saw this video not sure why it popped up. But hope you’re doing well brother.
God our story is eerily similar besides the kratom part. Loved smoking blues as well but I had stints of sobriety and relapsing but finally found some stability back on subs.
Glad to hear you're stable on subs! Stick with it, and don't fall for the classic "I can just do this for the one time and be fine and just use my subs like normal" that's how I relapsed into full blown addiction again last year
Bro keep it up
hqtw off to u for kicking the blue this shit is hard asf man like deadass hard idk how u did it cold turkey man any advice?
Do a little subs, kratom, gabas, Imodium,Valium, anything. It's hard but doable. Your soul and true being will thank you.
Micro dosing bupe
@@user-iy1dn2zk4f yeah i figured tht out awhile ago so ive been doing tht while waiting for a place to get admitted thanks tho
Well uh. . happy birthday
This year I was sober for my birthday for the first time since I was 18. I'll be making an update video soon explaining the last year or so. Things got crazy. People were permanently cut off. People I thought I knew and could call my closest friends. Bringing one back with Narcan sealed the deal for me. Fuck fentanyl, I'm never touching it again. It's now been over 7 months since my last hit.
Your awesome 😊
So,What’s the mental ?issue here how did you grow up ,cause no happy child would ever consider getting into these poisons sth’s very very very very wrong
No mother, paranoid schizophrenic father who did his best but was sadly homeless a lot of my life. I had been a victim of a home invasion and assault at 14 in which I watched my dad relentlessly get beaten for 30 minutes straight whilst the other assailant held a knife to my throat, then I was mugged at 15 for all my money and then bro still chased me all the way through multiple neighborhoods while I tried to shake him and get home, everything I bought with my money at 16 got stolen (PS4, New monitor, Turtle Beaches, CoD IW and MWR, 2 controllers and some other shit.) And my grandmother who adopted me died when I was 7 from lung cancer, so the rest of my childhood was spent living with my dad's step dad and his new wife Marsha, which I guess they were kinda mentally abusive but not physically, I mean I got beat before but not all the time. Then I ended up getting into Heroin, Fenty, Died at 17 twice and had to move to AZ where my dad had been for 2 years prior to me moving. Little did I know that would be the worst choice anyone could've made and it wasn't even my choice to make. Then at 18 my con artist aunt who was supposed to be in custody of me asked my grandpa for all the money he had me save my whole life in a bank account $3600 to buy me a car and teach me "responsibility" but all she did was present the car to me on my 18th Bday, then stole it by telling my grandpa i was smoking crack! I was sober for 5 months at this point. So she blocked everyone in my family, kicked me out to the streets and kept my car. Great family, fun experiences and wonderful luck sure made my life real fun I'll tell you. But yes you're right, nobody in their right mind decides to just do heroin. I wanted a way out. It made me feel like that was it.
Lord almighty 🫣🫣🫣🫣I’m sorry for everything you went through ,you didn’t deserve being treated like this and the people who treated you like this knew no better .
This dude...
Say what you will man it affects me none 🤷 I know the journey I've been on, you don't. So go ahead make your presumptions about me and be along your way. I've got no room for negativity and bringing anyone's recovery down, who cares of someone's on MAT. But you'd probably rather watch an addict die anyways with that attitude. I know your type well enough from AA meetings, think you're better or something for ABC reasons. But go ahead. Insinuate away friend.
@@fentck Don't assume someone is being critical of you unless its obvious dude lol all he said was two words. Anyway man, I'm in active addiction as we speak, smoking some fent that used to be able to kill me but my tolerance is too psychotic for that to happen anymore, mixed in with some great hard.
Ashamed of my actions but the chemicals send those emotions to the grave at least :D Hope you're doing well. I know how it is. I'd be sick right now if I didn't steal my moms money once again earlier today.
@@barnacleboi2595He made another comment about how someone's still getting high on subs, so he shamed MAT and anyone on it. Otherwise I'd have not said anything but MAT saved my life and anyone critical of someone else's recovery should just shush and focus on their own shit.
And I feel it man I was at that point numerous times. I get what you mean. Stay safe though homie, shits crazy now I'm sure you're well aware. Appreciate the watch and all that good shit man. This drug doesn't define you, and your actions on it don't reflect who you really are, I know how it is. Just know that I don't judge you at all, how could I? Just always stay up, and be prepared for that batch that might be too hot. It's not if but when, you gotta be ready.
Lol I tried tar when I was 18 in high school . I had done hydrocodone before but didn’t really like em but fuck tar felt sooooo good . Got hooked a year later until I was like 27 I been clean 5 years now tho