I'd like to add to the whole "You CAN climb up stairs with no legs, it's just exhausting" analogy. It's ALSO humiliating, which would negatively reinforce not wanting to do it in the first place DESPITE TECHNICALLY SUCCEEDING.
EXACTLY, technically i dont have ADHD as i got tested, but as a kid i feel like i went trough alot of those expiriences. One thing that stook out to me was , when i was 4 or 5, and i struggled to remember tasks i had to do, my mom told me to write them down, and she said something like ''listen sweetie, some of us just arent that good at remembering, and thats okay, you can compensate this way'' and for whatever reason it felt so humiliating to have less of a memory than anyone else, that i made it a whole main part of my personality to try to remember things from that time on, (it took effort but i ended up succeeding), but from that day on writing reminders took on this humiliating aspect to it and i never wanted to do it. Now that was mild, imagine if youre actually getting laughed at or something, no wonder alot of ppl just refuse
@aguspuig6615 you should try to get retested because they may not have had the best "testing methods" back then and even more so if you were afab, thats how I got missed, when I clearly showed signs got diagnosed with something else that I do have but it masked my adhd and autism.
When people act as doing things as simple as getting out of bed in the morning is an accomplishment worth celebrating, it feels more embarrassing than validating.
I actually started back in therapy after watching this channel for nearly a year. Showed my therapist this channel- specifically clips that described specific things I wanted to work on- and now she’s a regular viewer too! She told me she’s been sharing videos with her colleagues as well 😂
I used to say I didn’t “feel like a real person” I didn’t know how to articulate what that meant but when you talked about losing trust in yourself and losing confidence…because other people, yes I can trust them before I trust myself . Man that really hit home.
As a low-need (or high functioning if you prefer that term) autistic, you put it PERFECTLY. The existinal glaze of alienation that keeps you trapped away from life. It's awful.
I have ADHD & Dr. K is literally the only human on RUclips that I can listen to for 2-3 hours straight. 😂 🤷🏻♀️ My time blindness is on steroids when I watch his videos. He says “if 10 other psychiatrists haven’t been able to help you, I won’t be able to either”; he massively underestimates how easily he can make complex topics so interesting & easy to engage with!
00:03 Discussion on ADHD and Doomer related topics 06:47 Community love and memes 10:56 The importance of mindful resistance in titling and clickbait 12:53 Summarizing ADHD Doomer concept 17:20 Understanding the impact of cravings on the brain 19:15 Trauma shapes people's identity, thoughts, and behaviors. 22:48 Transition from building PCs to building people 24:59 Discussing Eternal ADHD Doomer characteristics and challenges 29:25 Developing good habits comes at a cost 31:28 ADHD brings unique challenges in focus and perseverance. 36:41 ADHD involves attention imbalance and hyperfocusing 38:39 The tug of war between nucleus accumbens and frontal lobes 42:52 Psychotherapy for ADHD is effective as medication 44:55 Actions and rewards in ADHD 49:00 People with ADHD have normal habit-forming capability, but it's restricted to dopamine reinforcement. 51:06 ADHD individuals may struggle with forming habits due to dopaminergic rewards 55:07 Feeling cursed and defective due to the struggle with ordinary tasks and effort. 57:14 ADHD individuals may face self-esteem issues due to a disconnect between effort and reward. 1:00:54 Girls face different external pressures than boys in school. 1:02:57 ADHD individuals struggle with delayed reward 1:07:02 Building a habit is like digging a well for ADHD individuals 1:08:56 ADHD individuals work the hardest but are judged by completion, not effort 1:12:57 Understanding the impact of emotional disregulation in ADHD 1:15:29 ADHD leads to rapid and intense negative emotions 1:19:20 Lack of confidence in oneself due to ADHD struggles 1:21:38 Trusting yourself is crucial for direction in life. 1:25:38 Societal expectations and ADHD impact on women. 1:27:42 Stimulant medication less effective for women with ADHD 1:31:50 ADHD treatment involves providing customized neurodiverse solutions. 1:34:28 ADHD medication efficacy ranges from 25% to 78% 1:40:30 Understanding ambivalence is key to progress. 1:42:35 Making decisions doesn't always fix things 1:47:06 Pros and cons shift in perception and impact decisions 1:49:12 Dealing with ambivalence and taking action despite difficulties 1:53:14 Accept the difficulty and anticipate challenges 1:55:15 Thinking about the consequences of our decisions can help us make better choices. 1:59:18 Embrace difficulty to build confidence 2:01:16 Running away from disadvantage leads to contradictory behavior 2:05:08 Embrace difficulty to achieve growth 2:07:05 Understanding happiness and anticipation 2:12:14 Intentionality is key to happiness 2:14:19 Intentionality is key to happiness 2:18:26 Bringing pleasure into work to bridge the gap between work and pleasure. 2:20:32 Embrace work with intentionality and service. 2:24:56 Happiness is about living intentionally, facing difficulty, not just achieving external goals. 2:27:09 Society deconditions our minds and bodies, making easy things hard 2:31:55 Don't wait for the world to fix itself for your life to be good 2:33:58 Take responsibility for your actions and circumstances 2:38:22 Recognizing and claiming power in difficult situations leads to freedom and growth. 2:40:21 Realizing the power within despite past experiences Crafted by Merlin AI.
1:21:22 it’s not even my judgement that I’ve stopped trusting, but my ability to get things done when I say I will. This makes it super difficult to be reliable for others, which sucks so much since I used to be able to keep myself motivated by having obligations to friends and social groups. Now I find myself increasingly withdrawing such responsibilities since I keep failing them more and more as time goes on. ADHD for me has been a growing force against my formidable but increasingly exhausted efforts
I know what you mean. I've been self isolating for the exact same reason. I've gone from dozens of friends and multiple friend groups to one friend over the past 2 years. The toughest part of losing trust in myself is the inability to know if I genuinely gave it 100%. It feels worse letting others down, cuz I have gotten use to letting myself down. It sucks that I can't prevent my ADHD from affecting people I care about.
💯 I feel like my ADHD has gotten much worse over the years. I’m female and grew up thinking I just sucked because it took me so much longer to do things than others. I was never diagnosed until I had my own kids. Then I was finally diagnosed with ADHD, dyslexia, and complex PTSD from growing up in an abusive home. I have anxiety and depression. I had a decent enough IQ to do very well in school until law school. Then I started to think I might have ADHD and dyslexia because the amount of reading I had to do was so hard for me to keep up with. I went to a therapist and was told that “You can’t have ADHD because you got A’s all the way through undergrad. You just need to find a profession you like. I dropped out of law school. But found that I continued to have the same problems the rest of my life. And those became even more difficult when I married someone with undiagnosed ADHD and Autism w/ a gaming addiction. It was always manageable and he kept his job despite it all, but I didn’t know how both of us would hit a wall once we had kids. Both of our kids have ADHD and Autism. Both struggle in different ways. But I never stop feeling like a complete and total failure because I am the mom and I’m supposed to be the one who manages the whole family and the home. I’m so depressed these days that I’ve contemplated suicide multiple times. I used to keep those thoughts away by reminding myself that my kids need me, but these days (my kids are 13 and 16), I have failed so many times at all the things i have tried in life that it is exhausting hating myself so much. I have to work hard not to let them see my self loathing. I want them to have a better life than I did, but I know it seeps through. I have a therapist (I’ve been seeing one since my first child was born and I was hit with severe postpartum depression), but it doesn’t feel like it makes it much better because I know all the right things to do, I just can’t do them. And like he said in this video, stimulant meds don’t help me very much. So I am just stuck suffering and hating myself. I wish I could rewire my brain or just start the game over with a new body and brain!
I hear you. Much of what you say matches for me too. (I also feel like my ADHD has gotten much worse over the years, I do things in slow motion compared to others, I did decently well in school until law school, a psychologist told me “You can’t have ADHD because you graduated from law school” even though I failed out of grad school after, I know all the right things to do, I just can’t do them, and stimulant meds don’t help me very much.) The problem is not with you. It’s living in an ableist world that doesn’t accept neurodivergence. The world needs to change. Even though your kids are 13 and 16, they still need you. They will always need you. You’re their mom. You’re irreplaceable in their hearts and their lives. I hope you can stay strong against the negative thoughts.
@@amandapenny8501 Thank you! It is so helpful to have a community of people who can relate. Our stories sound ridiculously similar except that I dropped out of law school, but managed to get 2 Masters degrees after that while working full time. But I kid you not, I cannot see those 2 Masters degrees as accomplishments because my imposter syndrome rears its ugly head and tells me that I was only able to do that because those programs were not as rigorous. I have the hardest time believing that I actually have useful skills because I take so long to do things and it requires so much more effort than it seems to for other people. Thank you so much for the encouragement to keep going. Somedays are better than others. I agree that this ableist society is the biggest problem. I try to emphasize that with my kids. I am working with my therapist to get through these feelings. The hardest days are when I feel like I've failed my kids. I find it so hard to "be consistent" and help them manage their executive functioning deficits when I struggle with it so much myself! Therapists seem to think that the parents of kids with ADHD are all neurotypical because they seem to expect that we can implement all these systems consistently and when we fail with chore charts because we can't even remember to freaking keep it updated, it feels so damn guilt and shame inducing! 🤦♀
Accepting that life and the things I want to accomplish is going to be difficult, and to not look for an easy solution to the problem was huge. That was definitely something I needed to hear.
How the reminder is written matters, not just where it's put. When I was dating somebody with severe ADHD, we would get in a lot of fights because he would borrow something that belonged to me, forget to put it back, and then forget where he left it. I started taping notes to items not to take them like phone chargers, scissors, lighters, etc, and it did nothing. When I changed the note to have a sad emoji also, to remind how much it upset me when I couldn't find something I needed, he stopped doing it miraculously because it helped tie the consequence to the action, instead of it being disconnected by several hours or days.
@@camilla_films_stuff Fair, but I think NT people would have that reaction going for the charger in the first place after it's upset people or everyone would have trouble with these sorts of things.
The amount of wisdom and knowledge packed into this video is incredible! Normally, when I'm searching for answers about psychological topics like ADD, ADHD, etc., the best I can hope for is finding solutions to questions I already know I have-stuff I’m aware that I don’t know. But it’s super rare to come across insights into things I didn’t even know I didn’t know. This video totally flips that around. You connect issues I never even realized were related. I can’t thank you enough for making such high-quality content accessible for free. I've had so many "Aha!" moments watching your videos, especially this one. So, once again, thank you so much!
I just wished that my sense of self would be stable. Instead it permanently fluctuates, which is what causes most of my suffering. It doesn't matter what I accomplish, my sense of self is so brittle and easily shattered. And then I have to start anew, only for the cycle to repeat itself again and again and again and again. I fundamentally don't know who I am and what I want, it feels like whenever I think I've found the answer it slips away and I can't remember anymore. It's hell.
That totally goes away for me on meds because i don't forget what the hell i was just doing yesterday...i keep building on my yesterdays and before you know it..I'm back!
Same. It's like forgetting that I know how to speak or not being able to believe that I'm wearing pants in public. I just want someone to tell me it's what I think
@@christina619 We have weak imagery so nothing sticks short-term unless we make an effort. Notice on meds when you close your eyes you can imagine things clearly. Off meds its a black hole lol.
I started taking adhd meds as a teen helped tremendously. Off insurance life fell apart and it was hard to function. Dated a girl in college she gave me some of her meds and within a week i felt amazing. No more sleeping in dirty clothes and garbage. I had a serene space and it helped my depression. We broke up but contacted her dealer and started buying prescriptions. As I still have no health insurance. Ive decided insurance or not im seeing a doctor. Wish me luck all!
I was curious so had a quick google, is it really $1100 a bottle for adderall? In Australia we have generic Dexedrine and it’s about 18USD for a bottle of 100 5mg pills.
@@thomasa5619 Depends on location I suppose. Where I live, buying retail costs 16x more than buying from the supplier (have to do it this way since our country doesn't really like having Adhd medication publicly available)
@@doggo_woo not entirely sure what you mean, I believe most countries require legal amphetamines be supplied by a pharmacist, not directly from the manufacturer. Of course the pharmacist has to mark up their costs
@@thomasa5619 I suppose. My doc just told us to get it directly from the supplier because the pharmacists just jack up the price so high, and that price ends up being quite detrimental for anyone seeking treatment for their ADHD since our currency is quite weak.
I actually NEED to plan my days off for them to become enjoyable. Even if I plan to do nothing else but playing video games all day long - it's a plan that I can follow and then feel good about it. If I don't plan what to do chances are high that I will just skip from thing to thing unable to decide what to do, because there are so freaking many things that usually I don't have time for due to work and I am trying to do them all at the same time. With the end result that my day off was exhausting but I still feel like I wasted it because I wasn't able to get anything done or to make good progress in anything.
i love this comment section. i love you 😄 translation: this really resonates with me and it’s pretty awesome to come across other people who have the same issues and quirks
This is also a very self-referencing video, rolls back to Alexithymia and how noticing emotions helps you regulating them better. Rolls back to "how to be more decisive" and how we like our decisions be made for us if we're lazy. I'm jealous of his 6 year old daughter who got those extra instructions and care at an early age and I hope things take off better for her than it did for me too. If I ever become a dad, I hope I'll be able and ingenious enough to do similar for my kids in case they get the condition too and that I notice early enough.
From what I remember watching Barkley as an ADHDer made me feel like there is no hope to make myself better. He provides alot of great information but provides an extremely bleak outlook on it. Once I found Dr K and started watching some of his videos I started to think maybe I can conquer it. A year or so later and my ADHD is far more controllable than it used to be. With still bad days here and there
Barkley's Videos are more informational and on the science of ADHD and ADHD meds. He really doesn't do much therapist stuff. Dr.K is more therapist minded which is focused on helping people out.
I also really like the way he delivers information. He uses some tone that, at least I, interpret as "so fucking fed up with everyone's misconceptions, especially the parents'. And listening to him is sort of cathartic to me, because I can't help but imagine him talking to my parents and finally making them realize things. Also I remember some videos where he actually teaches some skills, especially about the short term memory thing.
@@artblob i generally love his work, but i do thing sometimes the language he uses can turn people off sometimes and make it seem rather pointless or some such. That said, his content is still very much appreciated.
I think a huge component in enjoying time off from work (probably the biggest for me) is the autonomy. It’s the freedom to do what you choose, even if it’s ways more “work” than the job where your efforts are subject to someone else’s decisions and you lack autonomy. The thing that’s made the biggest impact in my years-long autistic burnout recovery process was taking the summer between community college and university to work feverishly on difficult sewing projects (among other things). It was rough on my body and I was so hyper focused I took terrible care of myself, but I felt ALIVE and rested for the first time in years because I was working on something I wanted to do rather than doing what I was told, even when the work itself was generally pretty easy. (The lack of time constraints at and overwhelming overlap of tasks due helped for sure, but I was also trying to tackle several projects before school started again, so still not that much different.)
Hum...i dont like my work because of human interaction...but its highly autonomous. Still i felt so much better this morning getting rid of weeds on my parents backyard. Its weird. I see a bigger reward in seeing the weeds disappearing than doing a virtual type of job where my boss doesnt breathe down my neck but i depends on actions from 3rd parties to complete the projects...and they fail often...delaying everything...by the time those people wake up and do their part im no longer motivated.
I dont know if I have ADHD but everything said here resonates to a scary degree. People think I'm quite intelligent, but I think I'm lazy and stupid. I do everything on automatic and the only thing that seems to keep me in check is at my work where there are immediate consequences [time constraints] for not having my work completed. I've wondered for years why i cant commit to changes and build habits - even basic hygiene. Plans for accountability fall through if the people with you are unreliable themselves, which has been a common occurrence for me. I've isolated myself over the past year or two because i cant trust myself to set a time and stick to it. I feel like I'm alive but not really living when the things I want to pursue I cant because i get in my own way - distracted, lack of desire, discipline etc. The only time I can seem to do anything of value is when it is for someone else and even then it's questionable as to whether I'll commit. I started working out, feeling better and just tapered off. I start drawing, hop to painting, hop to photography, hop to poetry, creative writing, content creation and back again. I can spend 6 hours drawing a character as fan art for a streamer, but when it comes to something that feels like work I scrap it or procrastinate. I'm kind of at a loss on how to overcome this.
You really hit a stride in making excellent points that are applicable to me around 1:56:18 / 1:59:09 when you talking about how to boost confidence (and reduce suffering) through embracing difficulty as part of growing as a person and all related to that concept. Though the whole video was great. I watched this live yesterday and had to rewatch it today, it was so good.
I needed this today I was in full ADHD doomer mode. And I find it's very much connected to the ambivalence you talked about in the second portion. My brain flies in multiple directions at once and I get stuck between even simple choices in a way that is almost physically painful. Most of the time I freeze and do nothing until the opportunity passes or the decision is made for me and it sucks.
My biggest hangup related to ADHD is struggling with dismissal. My dad's favourite phrase for when I was struggling with executive dysfunction was "Don't try, just do". I internalised that shit, of course I did. It led to me burning out in spectacular fashion. I cried when I got on medication. I was full of doubts at that time. I pushed through a whole lot of doubt to get to that point, questioning myself at every stage but saying "if I don't have ADHD, medication won't work, and at least I will know that isn't it". Then I took my first elvanse, and I cried my fucking eyes out. I spent the day just, playing Minecraft. It may seem simple but I often struggle playing modpacks for more than an hour at a time, as they pull your attention in so many directions as there is always a dozen tasks you could be doing at any point in time. And I would get lost in that. But medicated, I could just, pick something and do it. No having to deal with a brain craving novelty, just picking a task and chipping away at it. I cried tears of happiness. My inner child having spent a life being dismissed finally had vindication. I am not someone who cries generally. Even after being on feminising HRT for a few months, I have yet to have a proper cry (despite absolutely having more intense emotions and purposefully watching sad shit), but all those swirling, bottled up emotions being released, all the cumulative feelings from all the dismissal of my struggles, I was so happy.
@@davidcook9875There are absolutely side effects to all medications that are used to treat ADHD. It is too big a topic for me to write an essay in the comments. You should look up any medication and speak to your pharmacist before taking any drug.
@@davidcook9875 yes. I was on concetera and I had very bad side effects. My mental health got worse and I was wanting to take my own life and even planned it out (something I’ve never done before despite having anxiety / depression / ptsd and thoughts of giving up but never planning it) I have never been an angry person ever but this made me angry and snap at people closest to me. The come down after the meds wore off made my mental health ten times worse. I had heart palpitations and was sent to the hospital with an irregular heart beat. My side effects would be worse when I would start my period and the medication and period would make my mental health and side effects ten times worse. I even experienced (can’t remember the name for it ) a feeling of watching my body from the outside and everything feeling not real and too overwhelming like I was watching my body move on its own and it wasn’t really me. I say all this to say it depends on everyone else and how you respond to it. I came off my course for mediation a few months ago to go it alone and I’m struggling a lot of days but slowly managing it. I have days were I wished I was on medication again just to feel normal and find that “normal peace” people experienced but I didn’t .. but then I remembered the cons and how it made me feel and how it terrified me and changed me into someone I hated more than I hated adhd me. So approach it with caution. Write down your side effects if any and keep notes. It helped me
@@davidcook9875 Yes, there absolutely are side effects. But those side effect will vary a lot between people, both in the actual effect and in whether or not the person is willing to put up with it. For me, elvanse worsens my sleep and puts me in a pretty low mood. But you know what improves my sleep? Feeling satisfied with what I have done during the day. You know what makes me feel less depressed? Being able to do the things I want to do. So it depends on you, whether or not the side effects occur with you, and whether or not you are willing to deal with the side effects that you will get. It's worth trying at the very least. Medication is not for everyone, it's just one tool of many to help with ADHD. There are a lot of strategies to dealing with it without medication. One that I use is procrastination. Seems counterintuitive, but hear me out. Let's say you are doing some school work, it's been 20 minutes, your brain is starting to wonder. You are gonna start procrastinating. When this happens, do it. Procrastinate, but procrastinate with a task that is more boring than the one you are currently doing. Wash a few dishes, hoover some, I mostly did cleaning for this because I find that shit boring as fuck. And when your brain starts to fade from that activity, switch back to doing whatever you were doing. This will probably not work for more than an hour or two, for one task. But with school as the example, if you keep switching which subjects you come back to, you will find you can do get a lot of shit done. I actually got significantly worse at cleaning when I got on medication because, I just don't want to do it. I now have full control over my attention, and I fucking hate hoovering, so I'm just gonna do shit I want to do instead (until the floor gets nasty enough that I kinda got to hoover). I am bringing this up to say that medication is not the be all and end all. It is a tool, one that may or may not work for you. Medication worked for me because my ADHD strategies crumbled over time, I used youtube to help me keep focussed on things, to quiet my brain a little and allow me to stay on task for longer. Eventually, youtube because the only thing my brain would focus on. In part they crumbled because I was not aware of what they really were, and now I am I can start building them back up.
The more immediate the benefit is , the easier it is to enforce a behavior in adhd. That is the second part of my treatment that I always forget to figure out. Med are only part of the battle.
I feel like anybody has an easier time doing something if the reward is in arms’ reach. Do you think you could elaborate more on why you believe this is ADHD specific?
@@Pluto-ek3mh I would assume that a normal person can get dopamine from many different sources including both the immediate reward activities and the delayed reward activities, but the average ADHD person never finishes the delayed reward activity and thus never gets the reward. So when your only source of dopamine is immediate reward activities I would tend to think that you'd be more likely to fall into the cycle of addiction. That's was my interpretation.
@@spiderhaz_ Personally, I would refrain from referring to neuro-typical people as “normal” because ADHD is completely natural and it can make those with ADHD feel ostracized for a common disability. Also, I (not a professional or anything of the sort) wouldn’t say they can NEVER gain gratification from long-term dopaminergic tasks. As someone that has been diagnosed with ADHD (again, not a professional), I’ve found it pretty damn difficult, but not impossible. I’ve actually noticed an increase in my attention span, drive, and focus since I’ve started working on it (thanks, Dr. K). But I digress. I can agree with the varying degrees of intensity of the drive to do things - like laundry - between those who do and don’t have ADHD. It was specified in a previous comment and it makes sense. In fact, now that I think about it, this would explain why neuro-typical people are so good at forcing themselves to grind (even if they despise it). Just thought I’d give my insight on the wording of the comment as well as learn something new along the way (and I probably still have much to learn). Thanks for your reply! Please don’t feel discouraged to keep talking because I like this kind of stuff and I’m all about increasing my knowledge! :)
I’m not done with the video yet but the whole “not trusting myself” thing really got me. I held myself back from doing different things due to feeling like I couldn’t trust myself to do or to try them. An example is working out. Prior to being diagnosed with ADHD, I just thought i was doomed to just never be able to enjoy working out like other people and that I would just have to find some way to suck it up. Eventually I did get diagnosed and put on medication and after being diagnosed, I was able to research ways for me to build the habit of working out that would also be ADHD friendly. I got diagnosed in march 2023 and it’s been about a year and I’ve switched from yoga, to Pilates, and now I am just doing regular strength training in the gym. I never would have thought I would be able to form a consistent habit like this prior to my diagnosis. Before, I just thought I was lazy and now I realize that I can build a habit like this, i just need some help through medication, switching things up when I get bored (for example, switching from yoga to Pilates), going with someone else, and if I don’t have my medication or if I have to go by myself that day, going in the morning where I know my dopamine levels will naturally be the highest, as well as giving myself grace when I don’t workout for a full workout and being proud of myself for coming to the gym and trying.
From one ADHD brain to another - great to see you succeed! My trick to working out are combat sports. Try something in a friendly gym. Not keen on trading punches? Maybe BJJ, they just cuddle competitively. To small/weak? Fencing or HEMA will feel more fair. The instant feedback keeps my dopamine (and adrenaline) so high that after >decade of failed attempts to train now I didn't miss a session for years to my ADHD. Hope you will try :)
@@CryptoC4T I will give it a shot :) my boyfriend has been talking about doing ju jitsu again and I’m thinking I might give it a try at some point. Switching things up has been a huge help in continuing to be active and exercising so it’s awesome to see that other people with ADHD have realized it too :)
Hey, going to gym is a long complicated task that needs motivation and time. I have kettlebell at home and I exercise while watching entertainment stuff or even shorts -somehow I managed to do both. I can do hours of workout without notice and the best part of it - now when I stuck in RUclips shorts after 1 minute I fell like I want to physically move - I get this reflex 😅.
Working out is awesome for my ADHD! It’s one of the few tasks that I can focus on with no distractions. Even video games or watching RUclips videos I have something else open or I’m multitasking. Think depends on what kind of working out you’re doing, but for me I like hypertrophy focused or “bodybuilding” style weight training, so i focus a lot on getting a full stretch and contraction during a lift which forces my brain to pay attention to my body. And since each rep per set is harder than the last as the muscle gets exhausted, it’s almost like each rep “feels” different and to my adhd brain it’s continuous novelty. Hardest part about it for me is getting out the house 😂😂😂
Great session. Those three "memes" felt very relatable to me and Dr. K's commentary on them helped me to think through a lot of important stuff. Psychological care is kinda difficult to obtain here in Czechia; sessions like this one mean a lot to me. Thank you.
I’m a 40 yo male In and out of homelessness since 18yo Always smoked weed as a way to deal with my depression since 18yo Kicked out of home at 18yo Never got help So I’m 40yo I’m currently living in a boarding house My main source of income is government benefits And I smoke cigarettes and drink coffee all day long…my life has been the most miserable existence and I wondered if I was cursed by somebody I did wrong or perhaps my dads abusive methods of discipline as a child have left me mentally debilitated….I’ve abandoned all my friends and my family and I have let myself become a looser of epic proportions and it sux everyday sux and by the end of the week I just want to stop it all
Dr. k, in the past few months, you have created one of the best Self-actual-help content for people of all life sets. Thanks and keep them videos coming
Thank Dr.K for everything you do. ❤This video was so special, something everyone should watch that struggles with adhd in their life. Its not easy, it can feel so lonely this struggle. Its not if we can do it, its when! Remember that, keep going, day by day. Ur daughter is so lucky to have a father like you Dr.K! Thank you for helping us.
That's my biggest thing. I theoretically want someone to guide me but why would that guy be just some local dude who got a Master's in social work or whatever? I have listened to Doctor K enough that I value his input and would be more apt to trust his ideas as opposed to just some guy who got a degree in talking to sad people.
Its honestly pretty validating to hear (near the beginning) Dr K talk about not denying cravings so that you don't reinforce them. I used to hangout with a lot of addicts and do a lot of dгugs, and was always trying to tell those guys "dont save some for later if youre struggling not to take it now" for what seemed to me an intuitive reason: that it would only reinforce things. The guys that would do that were the ones who got very dangerously addicted. Literally each and every time, if one of my friends was the type to "save one for the morning" (with perscription painkillers) theyd end up going to 🐎, and most of the time those guys would eventually become homeless over their habits. For clarification this stance is not opposed to 'moderation is key'. The difference is stretching something that won't leave you satisfied when you could be satisfied if you weren't trying to ""make it last""
Thats actually a really based insight that you dont really ever hear. When i think about my own weed use, it definitely got the worst when i started saving cones for the next day etc. It just reinforcing a dependency habit.
@@brandonrothsman2665 I'm aware that you're joking, but it's more complicated than that. "Don't deny the craving" means not just "take all your drugs now", but also recognizing the signs of addiction. If you "want" to save for later it's because you're dependant, it's a redflag. When you save them for later, you reinforce this dependence, which is worse than just satisfying the current craving. In this way there's a double meaning to the "don't deny" part, as in, "don't deny the reality that you're showing signs of dependency", which is the first step to do something about it before you fall fully into the addiction.
I’m not a gamer. I find you brilliant and appreciate all the knowledge you give to us all for free. Currently working on my BA in psychology and you’ve taught me more than any class so far. I appreciate you and want to know if you’re accepting new patients 😊❤ I am 46 and just diagnosed AuDHD 😂
Thank you, this was wonderful and very helpful. I watched it from the beginning to the end, and still want more. A lot of useful information that really helps me, this is the best channel I've ever seen, seriously. I'm looking forward to more broadcasts
ive been watching this channel for half a yr now and have came a long way but THIS is THE BIG ONE for me. Never diagnosed but man oh man do i relate. Now I understand why they say no one can do it but you.
I hope this isn't going to be perceived as wrong but everytime I see Dr.K videos poppin on my algorithm I'm really excited and end up really happy to have had the opportunity to listen to a professional sharing his views. I'm glad to have discovered you Dr.K and I'm looking forward more of your content!
@@SpieleSuchti894 I agree .. I can't focus on the studies I like to watch RUclips for a hour .. I want to study well and do progress .. I think the big issue is RUclips shorts and reels it's eating out time and becoz of its small length videos it makes us hate lengthy videos and becoz of that I can't even focus on a course ..
I'm at 56ish minutes and feeling pressure to cry Like something solid is becoming liquid It's been so hard trying to explain this to friends and family, particularly because I haven't understood it well enough to explain it. Let alone expect them to.. So there is always this doubt, like am I just justifying it so I don't feel bad about myself? I have met people with ADHD, severe and obvious ADHD. And anytime I look at them I sense that I'm not that. So what am I? But in this video you're calling me straight out and it makes so much sense. It feels... Something, to have someone (whose insight I trust) validate my struggles as struggles. It's real, and it's like. Now I know it's real. Thank you so much
Although it took me about half the day, I tweaked through the whole video. It really helped me understanding more aspects of my (undiagnosed) ADHD at age 53...just realising now...and finally all my life's struggle with anxiety, depression, burnout, no energy, no focus and and and...it starts making sense. Thank you Dr. K. 🙏🏻
Man, it's funny that I used to think this warped mental state is just the normal state of existence and I just suck at life or am lazy. Realizing that feels similar to someone coming from a history of family trauma and thinking that this is just how all families are (disclaimer: I'm trying to explain a personal experience not state a fact). Thanks Dr. K for helping me make sense of this.
I used to buy my son a planner each school year (before digital ones) starting in about 5th grade. He would pick it out and use it once. 😂😢. We didn’t know what to do or that he had ADD. Since I taught developmental college writing I just did what I did with my students when it came to papers. I sat next to him and helped him get started with his writing by guiding him through organizing his thoughts. Then we’d read each section and of course I praised his work because, like my students’ work, it was good. ❤
5:20 is mostly discussion of previous video and upcoming trauma guide. 23:30 starts new topics. (long walks don't have long effects, ADHD dooming, expectations of happiness on days off. 26:40 is ADHD doom. Haven't gotten to the rest.
Dr K has a way of triggering eureka moments for me. The whole bit on intentionality was great because just in the past month I realised that I need to start planning my weekends and once I'm done with exams that's exactly what I'll be doing. I was also thinking about how whenever I come home tired with some extra 'work' to do like applying to jobs/internships etc. I often waste that hour or two watching something or reading or whatever. And even though I spent my 1h of recreational time doing something I enjoy (which is entirely reasonable after a long day) I feel bad, and I realised its because my intention was to not do those very things! It also made me realise that's why setting unrealistic expectations is so detrimental because if you fail to meet those goals or expectations for how you spend your time then you fail meeting your intentions and that makes you sad.
Add to it, that if you make unreasonable expectations, you can then convince yourself that 'it was impossible/unrealistic/... to begin with' and give yourself an excuse to not change and keep doing what you do. That is what I have found myself doing quite often. Now I try to downscale it when I notice that the expectation was too high, and try to focus on single things. Take the example of 'cleaning the home'. This goal is just diffuse and a lot of work - yet no clear parameter. So instead, the steps need to be divided down - vacuum the bathroom, clean the dishes, etc. Even if I don't get everything done, I got at least a few steps done and it still feels better than realizing that I felt overwhelmed and simply pushed everything away until I knew I couldn't finish anymore and gave myself the excuse....
Not sure about the work argument. If you work 6-7 days a week and volunteer during your vacation, when do you spend time with your family and friends? Have you considered that this person may be a workaholic? Work can be a very convenient way to escape from your other responsibilities. It is also very valued in American society, unlike other addictions. Personally I like to "waste" time hanging out with friends, reading, visiting places, paint, watch movies, listening to music, just enjoying the beauty of life. I also do work, and I have "fun" working, but it doesn't define my whole existence.
I think you misunderstand the greater point. It's moreso do not simply exist and allow the day to come at you, and live without intention. Try to understand what you enjoy and turn it into something intentional and grasp control of it. Set up the goals that you can achieve. If he goal is to "goof off" or spend time with friends/family, let that be your intention for the moment. In that way, you live by giving of yourself (your mental energy) instead of just receiving the day. Also a machine for example, running with no load on it can lead to damage. Only by placing a load on it, can it run as intended. A see saw with or without a person on both sides. It is unnatural to live an easy life. There will be major cons to this.
It's been a blast as always. Dr K looks tired today and it breaks my heart a bit. Please, take care and rest. You already give so much. Don't burn out, please 🙏💖
Your dad hitting you isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility to not hit your kid when you have one if it fucked you up when your dad hit you. I'm personally terrified of having kids because I don't want to be like my parents or to accidentally mirror their behavior that traumatized me.
When the credit card gets declined meme Is a satire at what do you do once you've done a job, and when it's time to get payed the credit card gets declined. The meme takes a dark or morbid turn from reality, where you simply undo what you just did in a ridiculous way. Doctor: Oh I cured your blindness Credit card gets declined Doctor: Pulls out pepper spray
thanks for explaining it I also didn't get it at first even when dr.k read the explanation from chat he didn't read it out loud so I was left hanging lol
I believe it became popular around the time tiktok discovered that Tradesmen can legally destroy work they've built for customers if said customers do not pay. The first one I saw was a dentist with a crowbar because "the dentist when your card gets declined"
A couple of thoughts on the ADHD Doomer section from someone without ADHD: 1. Teachers say "your child would be great if only they apply themself." I also got told this all the time and I was as organized as you can really expect a teenager to be, and generally getting A+ in those classes. I think it's just what teachers say when they don't have anything specific. To my knowledge there's never been a secondary school teacher in the history of the world who had proper respect for the tradeoffs in time management that come with being in eight classes and also having a life. So they always want you to do more in their class. This isn't necessarily about you at all. 2. If you're practicing a musical instrument and it's less compelling than a video game, you've been taught to practice the instrument wrong. It's absolutely no fun to do scales forever and get no immediate reward but doing scales forever sucks and you shouldn't do it. Nor do you need to spend six hours learning to play "Twinkle, Twinkle" perfectly. It is entirely possible to learn any instrument fast enough that you're making real-time progress and it's immediately compelling. There's a reason we call it playing an instrument, because playing (and not being compartmentalized and perfectionist) is what you should be doing to learn. But actually getting the hang of doing this is kind of hard and it's useful to be taught correctly. So it's worth seeking that out.
Agree about learning to play an instrument but there’s a point in the very early training where it does sound like noise. This is far less in piano than for string instruments like violin (I play both). I’d say it took a few years of playing before it got super enjoyable. I found drawing & painting to be the same btw
There is a MAJOR problem for musicians today that did not exist in my younger days. Its the stupid DAWS..computer producing software...I write song and song..record them with my instruments and singing all day long. HOWEVER recording them properly in the #&%(@* DAW??? I can't do it without meds. I just went 3 YEARS unmedicated and Abelton has been just too ugly lol...i can't do it without drugs...it takes too much concertation for too long as is not nearly as rewarding as composing/playing. In fact..it SUCKS!!!
My problem is I wanted to be at least as good as Keith Emerson, and when I realized that's not gonna happen I pretty much gave up on keyboards and just stuck with what I know. I tried violin and viola and found them incredibly punishing so same deal.
Your first point is missing the point. Yes, teachers say that to even people without ADHD, but one of the common signs for ADHD is a large gap between grades and test performance. If you score incredibly high in standardized tests, but have terrible grades, then it means you're struggling to do actually get yourself to do the course work, which can be a major sign of ADHD, and where you'll most commonly see teachers stressing how students should apply themselves. There was an engineering class I took in high school that I would've failed, but I had the highest score on the final among the rest of my class. The teacher pulled me aside and said there's zero fucking reason someone doing that well on the final should fail that class and gave me a few grades on assignments I never completed to bump my final grade to a C. It's not always that extreme, but that's the kind of scenario that's common for people with ADHD. Maybe not the bumping the grade up part, but I was definitely lucky in that situation. If I had known then what I do now, I would've pushed for getting tested for ADHD.
Here’s a compelling topic to explore: Investigate how people in rural America, particularly those with Christian beliefs, have historically viewed ADHD and PTSD, often dismissing them as excuses for laziness from the 1960s to the present. Additionally, examine how children with ADHD in rural public schools frequently lack the specialized support they need, often being placed in the same classrooms as those with other disabilities like Fragile X syndrome, rather than receiving individualized support and appropriate medical care. (For context, I come from a tech background with experience in PC repair and help desk support also so I get it.) Recently, due to my own struggles with CPTSD stemming from childhood trauma and undiagnosed ADHD, a mental health professional helping me find treatment posed a question I believe everyone should consider: Would you deny yourself or others something that could be crucial for survival?
I've come to realize when I find myself and see others in situations where they have been given advice, much like the beginning described: "Parents says don't eat junk food and go outside" and then 10 years later we can be like 'Genius!' When we finally hit that "Genius" stage and it starts "clicking" for people... it just means that we finally reached the growth and acquired the experience tools they needed to finally understand.
I think it's two parts. Often, parents and authority figures do not give the why for their instructions. Even me, a kid who's favourite word was why, people rarely gave an answer. When you figure out that why, that is for me when shit clicks. Why go outside? Oh, it makes your brain feel better. Why didn't anyone say that getting so natural light and wind in your face makes you feel better? All they did was tell me to go outside. There is also that, you may at the time not care about the why even if it explained to you. You may not fully understand the consequences of not doing something until you face them to some extent.
Not to go into detail, but I am so glad I found your channel. It has helped me incredibly to understand my own brain and self. What I love bout your videos, is they are extremely fast paced! You talk fast, but still manage to explain everything so even a dummy like myself(english ain't my first language) can keep up and understand everything. All the other channels draw stuff out way too long and don't really explain, how everything works, or should work, in a healthy brain. I've been to 2 separate therapist with no success. I had given up already. You Mr., have reignited that fire in me. My fight is not over yet! Thank you.
The piano thing is so relatable. My piano teacher kept threatening to fire me because I never practiced. I kept telling him that I would and I actually meant it, but I didn't do it. I ended up quitting piano because I didn't want him to fire me. This whole experience was kind of traumatizing.
The contrast you note between lifting weights but avoiding difficulty (going about life finding the lightest weights to lift) is really profound... I haven't and probably wont ever get an ADD diagnosis, but everything said here resonates with me. After a year of developing an increasingly consistent exercise habit and starting to even enjoy some aspects of it - I had a thought: is it possible to train myself to cherish the "burn" of doing something difficult *as its own immediate gratifying result*, just in the same way I cherish the burn of exercising my muscles and interpreting that as the immediate physical sensation of getting stronger? Recently I did something outside my comfort zone - I wrote and presented to a small group a several pages long series of written arguments, something I haven't done for maybe a decade (not since college), and which I've never been good at and is a source of dread. Pushing through that task elicits an almost physical feeling of discomfort - a "burn". Afterwards, instead of falling into dwelling on how poorly I did, I made the choice to sit with that feeling and understand that the discomfort IS the manifestation of some kind of growth. And as with exercise, it's when you're the most out of shape that the soreness is worst. But I can choose to cherish it.
Wow I really like your comment. It's very eye opening for me because I can relate. I also love the burn of exercise but I hate the burn of learning something new especially when the learning is involved with embarassment in front of other people. Thanks for this comment!
God Bless you Dr K, you are an Angel to people like me who have felt hopeless and lost for so very long. Thank you so much, I will try my best to work on myself.
I can definitely relate to the being “tired of putting in too much effort” part. I tried for years after college to work on my skills to get a job in the industry studied for in college but it felt like no matter how hard I tried I wasn’t good enough. Eventually I got tired of putting in all this effort without seeing any results so I stopped trying as hard and now I feel like I half ass things. I don’t want to do this, I want to give my 100% and try but if I fail anyway why the fuck should I give all my effort if it’s not gonna pay off? I get people say that stuff takes time, but it feels like something should have happened by now and because it didn’t I either burden myself with the question of “did I really give my 100% or did I just THINK I did?” Or I just go “well I gave it my 100% and I still didn’t get in so what’s the point in giving it my all anymore?” The former gives me more anxiety and depression so I just default to the latter line of thinking
I think it’s futile to ponder on wether you gave it your all or not. Your best is what you manage to accomplish. If you can’t accomplish it, then it isn’t your best, it’s simply what you WANT your best to be. Life is what it is. It isn’t what you make it nor what it should be. You can’t control the past. You can’t change it. You can’t control the future either. You can only more or less control what you’re gonna do right now. At the end of the day, chances are that you gave it your all AND it didn’t work out. That said, that doesn’t mean in the slightest that things cannot still work out anyways. Your mistake is thinking effort is all it takes to succeed. Luck, timing and random bullshit are all factors. Life only stops when you give up. You can keep trying about as hard as you possibly can and maybe you will get something tomorrow. Maybe you just fucking won’t and that’s it. Point being, hope is futile. But so is giving up.
never got my book on how to raise a healthy gamer because Amazon Uk just didn't sent me the book. Never got my money back but I do not care... Hope some of the money went to you because your videos and everything you've done for the last years I have been following... helped me a lot! Thank you so so much!
INCREDIBLE. Understanding your friends and family is the greatest thing you can do for someone with ADHD. This helped my understanding of myself and friends w/ ADHD by 100x
Today I slept from 10 am to 8 pm having slept thru the night. I go up, order breakfast. Eat, and go back to bed. I have no willpower to do anything almost. So I resort to caffeine or stimulants and then I might be able to power thru a run or gym or walk. I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know what I want. Help.
I wanna find that individual who said they scaped their abusive home/family just to get crushed in a toxic relationship later on!! 😓 that hit real hard guys!
I do wanna say that this video felt kinda unhelpful to me. I really don‘t like the way ppl keep glorifying hustle culture. It‘s ofc true that working more is gonna build up your tolerance to handle more. But at the same time, telling someone with ADHD to just take on more work to get used to it is also a dangerous game because hyperfocus isn‘t just good for you. First of all it isn‘t controllable since it is considered brain damage meaning that focusing in that way isn‘t entirely in your control, and secondly, hyperfocus works well when you‘re in it, but once your mind is done with it, it can feel like crashing and burning. So really I think it‘d be way more helpful to mention that taking breaks off of work and working within a adhd friendly schedule is far more helpful if possible than just brute forcing how much you can handle. I‘d say that I‘ve managed to get a job that I really enjoy so working has also become a good calming experience for me. But still as it was I noticed some pretty severe issues I was totally unprepared for. The first moment I spent with practically no free time at all just slaving away at my hyperfixation project. I did that for about 3 months. Kinda similar to that friend of yours. Got up, did the thing, halfway neglecting my human needs until i woke up to humger or whatever else after bathroom breaks. And then resume working until it was evening and i spent the rest mentally in work mode planning before going to bed. And it was fun for the time until i crashed and burned. And then i spent half a year struggling with severe burnout, mental health issues getting worse and also my health issues getting worse as well. And u know, it taught me something. That being that this whole hustle culture thing is a curse. You can work away like a sla*e for months until you crash and burn. And you burn hard when you crash. And your health declines. None of that is healthy in my eyes. And if your friend is in that volunteering, i worry about him honestly. But yeah. Think of animals. A tiger doesn‘t have a hunting quota of taking down 12 prey animals a day. Not even one of 3 a day. And take this, not even 12 a week. Or 3 a week. And neither could he. What would he do with the leftovers? Build a fridge? So it‘s more work. Oh but you need power for that. So he does that. But you also need a generator to work, and metal, and science etc. see how that‘s gonna lead him to more and more labour that doesn‘t pay off? I think it‘s a good metaphor for our society. We are animals in this world like any other. But we don‘t take our own nature into account anymore. Anyone can work a straining job if they have to. But it‘s not healthy for them. Especially when compensation is insultingly low. And let‘s face it, if you argued this towards other socially accepted ideas of the past such as sla*ery u could go on about how sure, it‘s not great being that. But let‘s teach the poor fella how to cope in his little cage. We couldn‘t possibly ever critisize the source though. That‘s off the table. And what would the poor master do without him? Some people have to be forced to work like that right? Some people are deemed a worthy sacrifice. Otherwise who‘d willingly do that work right? Sound familiar? Because it is familiar. And listen, I‘m not gonna go off on a political tangent but I do wanna say that this fear about critisizing the system is very good for the system because you pick up the broken pieces so it doesn‘t get so bad that it collapses. But I also think that‘s the issue with many parts of this advice. Being aware of your social standing and gaining class conchiousness is helpful. And trying to erase the systemic hand in these issues is dishonest and malichious in my eyes. Many ppl argue that knowing they are opressed doesn‘t help them. But it does. Because it can help you structure life in ways that actually benefit you. And there is no use in pretending the world is perfect right now. That is just propaganda. And I‘m not a fan of it. So I guess what I‘d advise is to not be ignorant. Learn about yourself, your own situation and what that means, gain class conchiousness by learning about class and why it comes with inequality as well. And also listen to yourself too. A big part of this meme actually is self hate. The person isn‘t functioning in this system and is blaming themselves for struggling. So no. Helpful isn‘t telling them to just learn to take on more work loads consistently. It‘s telling them they aren‘t bad for having a brain anamoly. They aren‘t stup*d for struggling. That they are disadvantaged societally and to seek out adhd resources that are made by ppl with ADHD of varied places to see what may help you. And also, learn to listen to yourself like I said before. Not everything we feel is wrong because we have ADHD. If your body is sick from not eating for too long or you feel burn out creeping in stop wasting away working and get up and take care of yourself. Don‘t neglect yourself and learn to take breaks in a way that works for you too. You aren‘t lazy if you hit burnout. You aren‘t weak if your adhd is making everything a million times harder than life is for neurotypicals. You are strong. You are worthy, and your adhd doesn‘t make you lesser. Your labour or lack of labour does not define you. You define you. And with the life expectancy of ppl with this disorders being so low, surviving every day with this huge debuff we carry is a win. It isn‘t your fault that we live in a world that defines your worth purely in how much you can sla*e away to make someone richer every day for crumbs in return. So no, it is not your fault that you are struggling. The world is unfair. And all you can do is make the best of it. And being alive today reading this is part of that. You are here, you are worthy and we do love you. Even if it feels like nobody does. Every human on this planet has intrinsic value so don‘t ever let someone tell you you don‘t. And if you do feel like nobody values you. I do. I might just be a random stranger, but I do mean that. Just remember that. The world may seem like a cold harsh place full of cruelty, indifference, denial and evil, but remember that there is people on it in your position that do care about you. So don‘t give up. You can get better. You just have to try and learn to treat yourself well in the process. And part of that is not being your worst bully. It‘s about unlearning the self hate. Because no amount of productivity is good for you if it happens because of emotional self harm.
Thank you. Yes. Yes to all of this. I love his lectures, I am studying to apply to psychiatry residency myself, but this whole "teaching how to cope with the system" without criticizing the system is just BS. We cannot talk about mental health in this society without addressing the fact that some are overworked and others unemployed and that minimum wage is an insult and it can barely feed one person. Labour and wealth NEED to be redistributed before we can talk about dealing with mental health issues, otherwise it is just putting a band-aid on a severed limb. And I would also like to mention to my fellow doctors who flinch at the idea of redistribution of wealth... My friends... we belong to the working class as well. Just because we make more, it doesn't mean we own means of production. If we stop working for health issues or whatever reason, guess what, we go broke. We, the working class, the ENTIRETY of the working class, need to wake up, stop fighting amongst ourselves and fight the real enemy here...
ADHD needs a case by case data base, and how each case was either completely alleviated or gives tips to cope with that specific case. If the data base gets big enough, you put in a questionnaire that will guide them toward similar cases to their own.
I have to find medical advice on RUclips because my doctor doesn’t care about me. I’m a poor man with ADHD and I’m treated like dirt so yea I’m at this brick wall instead of the brick wall that actively hurts my emotional well being
Did you guys also watch this video in small chunks after getting distracted on the internet, only to return and continue another little chunk just for the cycle to repeat?
WHY CANT THEY MAKE SCHOOL SUBJECTS INTO VIDEO GAMES. History would be AMAZING! They do it for kids, why not teens and adults?? I have ADHD and wasn't diagnosed until later in life and i feel it!!
Ive adhd and i absolutely refuse to take meds... i dont want that sh*t in my body and i struggled my whole life! Ppl calling me lazy all the time its a nightmare... god bless dr k! It hit hard when he said %60 of married women get divorced with adhd! I completely understand as i experienced it and i know every single thing that my adhd was interfering with!
So I havent watched the whole video yet but this thing about creating habit is all good and u can train ur self into habit but one thing in that day can ruin ur routine which then means ur head is way back when u first started 3 months and have to fight through 3 months again and it just keeps going round like a circle...
Hey so I’m an adhd troglodyte, diagnosed at 7 never got my meds bounced around schools etc… I’ve recently figured out that going for runs and exercising helps start the motions of everything. Cool I smoked a doink, went on a run, pushups then stretched 🤔 Now I should shower, well I’m in the bathroom might as well brush and use these facial products. Oh I might as well clean the sink and tub while I’m in there. Consistency is hard so I just do it as much as I can 😅
Same here. I started smoking w33d (smoking is bad) but I can do so many things without all the anxiety and depression. I do find that I can't smoke with others due to weed not giving me any downing effects. I just want to smoke and start doing stuff, I like coding and cooking stoned, I feel more confident in taking new opportunities.
I used to be a patient of Addiction Treatment Centre for over 27 months long. I have started in the beginning of 2019. Few months ago I have found first material about ADHD and started to "digg" in so for the moment I'm almost convinced that this is my case. Everything started to match. I would like to share my experience with creating the habits of writing down the things. First month in the ATC I had terrible troubles with my memory. While moving from one room to other I was not able to remind what was the purpose of my movement. Later on I have started to noting down tasks, but totally forgetting that I have done so. It took me months with no effects looking my notes before breakfast, before dinner, before supper, before meetings, before work. Along this "training" I was treated with corrective impacts (? not sure if this is correct term, I mean penalties for not fulfill of duties) which I believe helped me too. After about year and a half finally I could say that noting down and reading it up started to work properly. Would I ever get used to it without a help from outside? It certainly would take me much more time. Thanks for your effort Doc!
I have warped time so severely that I am always years behind and then I am not sure how I skipped through that much time that I was not able to accomplish my goals. I have noticed how my sense of time is fragmentary as I have seen comments that I posted 2 years ago from videos that I left incomplete and somehow I went back to them in the present and in my memory it just seems that I made them recently. I am not sure how I lapsed through that time.
Dr. K, I really appreciate your videos on ADHD as well as other mental health topics. This video rang very true. (I also loved that you used the same analogy that I use of the person in a wheelchair going upstairs without a ramp.) I’m a female with inattentive ADHD who was not diagnosed until I flunked out of grad school. I started over, repeated my degree at a different school, graduated, and have been working as a psychotherapist with kids and families for the last 2 years. I treat ADHD, which is really to say I do a lot of psychoeducation with families about the scaffolding they can set up to help their kids, and I coach parents on how to have more positive interactions and relationships with their kids. The problem is my job is always at risk, because I can’t seem to improve my ADHD symptoms. Meds don’t seem to make a difference. As far as ADHD specific services, my insurance only offers a psychoeducation class for ADHD, which has taught me information but doesn’t helped me apply it. I don’t have scaffolding from my family or from my workplace, even though I’ve tried to ask for accommodations. I’ve seen different therapists at schools and jobs, but I’ve never found one that could help me address my ADHD symptoms, even though I’ve tried to ask for services to address the ADHD specifically. The therapists I come across as a client don’t really seem to know what to do with ADHD. Even my supervisor, who also treats ADHD in kids, doesn’t seem to know how to support me. My job is at risk due to my struggles with time management, time blindness, poor organization, and poor working memory, which cause me to suck at my paperwor. The job insecurity makes me anxious, and I’m either burnt out or actually depressed, all of which makes everything even harder. I also notice that some of the families I serve have a very hard time scaffolding their kids, when the parents don’t have their ADHD well managed. I’m a bit baffled about what to do to help myself and these parents when we can’t scaffold ourselves or find scaffolding. On behalf of the families I serve and myself, thank you for anything else you can offer to help us navigate this diagnosis more successfully.
You can try using alarms for time management, limit the number of clients, create a repeatable format for the paperwork. Although I cannot know exactly about your struggles.
I recently researched a lot of stuff about female hormones, insuline resistance etcetera and found in a female body just about everything is sensitive to too much or too little estrogen. I wouldn't be surprised if that hormone system is the reason the meds do not work so often in women. Maybe, just maybe, you have it extra hard because of an imbalance in those. Doesn't have to be menopausal, can be all your life. This also has a big brain/emotional component and stops you being steady regulated because of the four week cycle (if you're lucky, shorter for me). There were two speaker/doctors on Mel Robbins' podcast that explained it.
The severity of my symptoms has fluctuated, and I would not be surprised if it is connected to hormones based on content I have seen from multiple sources.
Darn those beautiful eyes! I really like the way you explain the things I was always looking for answers to. The world is so full of twisted truths and ones that are just ever so slightly missunderstood. Thanks for clearing it up for us!
Watching your videos have helped me become more productive in general Im genuinely trying my best to find tgings to enjoy in life even if it's kind of forced Im not mindlessly scrolling thru youtube and taking steps to live like a functional human being instwad of a disgusting beggar I cleaned up 4-5 months of trash from my room and my car Im showering and brushing my teeth regularly Working out Waking up not 10 minutes before work Folding clothes instead of dumping them on the floor Throwing out trash in the trash instead of on the floor Youre a real one Dr K
Hey GG, in an addiction psychiatry if you resist the craving it gets worst you've said, but in your 'Ignore yourself video' you said that 'ignore desires, ignore pulses'. I find these two explanataion congusing at all. at least for me. Could you explain more about that? What point am I missing? Thank you! Thank you! :)
Maybe it means that your want to reduce amount of times you give into low level (1-4 strength) impulses. To reduce the chance of forming an addiction You want to please strong impulses (5-10 strength impulses) to reduce the chance of making the addiction/impulses harder to resist. You want to reduce the amount of times you get that strong impulses overtime. Hope that makes sense! (Dr k. Let me know if I am on the right track!)
I can't say for certain, I think it helps to acknowledge the impulse/compulsion, and then journal about the underlying emotions coming up rather than indulge the impulse/compulsion. Look into Susan David's Ted Talk and book on Emotional Agility. Often we're avoiding emotion through our addiction(s). By learning to attune to our emotional states, we become more flexible in our responses, rather than succumb to our impulses and compulsions.
I think because desires are fleeting while addictions are consistent; you may want a donut but you can live without it and the desire goes away. Unlike addiction, you’re not thinking about it 24/7. Whereas addiction you believe that you need it otherwise something is wrong and you can’t function without it. Basically, different levels of wanting
Be very careful of mixing dr.k words on different topics, it is highly dependent on WHAT he is talking about. Is he talking about addiction in the 'ignoring yourself video'? What is the purpose of 'ignoring desires'? Is it to fight addiction? Also 'resisting' is not 'ignoring', so be mindful of what he is actually talking about.
hes specifically talking about pornography addiction. go and watch the video that hes talking about. the method he speaks about in that video he specifically states doesnt necessarily work with all types of addictions.
I have a hunch that I have ADHD, without watching the video my commentary is that my mental health journey over the last few years has been a lot like going to webmd when I’m not feeling good. I feel like I’ve self imposed even more potential mental health issues while researching the topic.
You should watch videos of people explaining their adhd especially i their childhood, and make sure you watch multiple because it’s a little different for everyone.
Sounds like a bad place to be in, it is interesting that you took the time to comment this but not even to watch some or all of the video. In the end you gotta decide to either willfully ignore it and turn away (and then not guilt trip yourself) or face the maybe uncomfortable truth. Oh and before you check webmd again, rather use AI they usually have more helpful and less anxiety inducing advice and you can ask questions back to find out what steps you could take next. Blessings, may you find yourself again!
1:01:18 the way ive had these exact same childhood experiences with teachers and piano practice and everything got me feeling very called out right now
Yeah, the end kinda of gives an dubious message. Is important to not give up and always try to make changes to make your life better even if the are difficult, But a person also needs to know to respect her limits. Accepting and pushing thought difficulties and struggles, just going forward without stopping is what lead me to burnout and almost killing myself at 20. After it I have way less functional capability today that i had at the time, because it leaves after effects just like a stroke.If I listen to my body and respected my limits and wisely choose what difficuties what worthy and what are not, i feel try to achieve a mental balance of things instead of always going beyond my limits could have avoided all of that and keep more of my health.
![Twenty One Pilots - “The Line” (from Arcane Season 2) [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/E2Rj2gQAyPA/mqdefault.jpg)
I'd like to add to the whole "You CAN climb up stairs with no legs, it's just exhausting" analogy.
It's ALSO humiliating, which would negatively reinforce not wanting to do it in the first place DESPITE TECHNICALLY SUCCEEDING.
EXACTLY, technically i dont have ADHD as i got tested, but as a kid i feel like i went trough alot of those expiriences. One thing that stook out to me was , when i was 4 or 5, and i struggled to remember tasks i had to do, my mom told me to write them down, and she said something like ''listen sweetie, some of us just arent that good at remembering, and thats okay, you can compensate this way'' and for whatever reason it felt so humiliating to have less of a memory than anyone else, that i made it a whole main part of my personality to try to remember things from that time on, (it took effort but i ended up succeeding), but from that day on writing reminders took on this humiliating aspect to it and i never wanted to do it. Now that was mild, imagine if youre actually getting laughed at or something, no wonder alot of ppl just refuse
@aguspuig6615 you should try to get retested because they may not have had the best "testing methods" back then and even more so if you were afab, thats how I got missed, when I clearly showed signs got diagnosed with something else that I do have but it masked my adhd and autism.
It’s pretty terrible to manage to finally do something you struggled with and have someone dismiss your effort with “now that wasn’t so hard, was it?”
When people act as doing things as simple as getting out of bed in the morning is an accomplishment worth celebrating, it feels more embarrassing than validating.
@superstingray it feels embarrassing cuz you don't have the self reward system working properly, you need external reward
I actually started back in therapy after watching this channel for nearly a year. Showed my therapist this channel- specifically clips that described specific things I wanted to work on- and now she’s a regular viewer too! She told me she’s been sharing videos with her colleagues as well 😂
Ajajaja that's beautiful.
I used to say I didn’t “feel like a real person” I didn’t know how to articulate what that meant but when you talked about losing trust in yourself and losing confidence…because other people, yes I can trust them before I trust myself . Man that really hit home.
Damn I feel the same way, I’ve always felt less than human.
@@TheMastermind729 Same :\
I feel that shit yo
I catch myself constantly saying or thinking that I don't feel like a real person. I didn't realize it was a common thing
As a low-need (or high functioning if you prefer that term) autistic, you put it PERFECTLY. The existinal glaze of alienation that keeps you trapped away from life. It's awful.
My guilty pleasure procrastinating to Dr. K's ADHD videos. Psuedo-productivity is self-care.
😂 👏🏻
😂
Yeah same 😅
Guilty
Me with but Dr Russell Barkley
I like the irony of Dr K finishing the ADHD section with “damn, that took longer than expected”. My ADHD brain is truly clueless about how time works.
“I’m long-winded, Chat.” - Dr. K
Btw being long-winded is such a feature of ADHD for most of the ADHDers I know
I have ADHD & Dr. K is literally the only human on RUclips that I can listen to for 2-3 hours straight. 😂 🤷🏻♀️ My time blindness is on steroids when I watch his videos.
He says “if 10 other psychiatrists haven’t been able to help you, I won’t be able to either”; he massively underestimates how easily he can make complex topics so interesting & easy to engage with!
Yes, it's a problem. Gladly, I get used to using calendars and alarms
@@jennadee6761and he underestimates the average psychiatrists incompetence
"Are you an ADHD Doomer?"
me, spamming the forward key rushing through the uplifting stories with calming music to get to Dr. K talking
:(
Oh damn i literally just did that
Tbf I watch on a phone screen and don’t want to strain my eyes
5:21 for anyone else hoping the time is in these replies
YES WHERE ARE THE OCD TIMESTAMP ALLIES WHEN WE NEED THEM MOST AAAAAA
Lmfao I just did that
00:03 Discussion on ADHD and Doomer related topics
06:47 Community love and memes
10:56 The importance of mindful resistance in titling and clickbait
12:53 Summarizing ADHD Doomer concept
17:20 Understanding the impact of cravings on the brain
19:15 Trauma shapes people's identity, thoughts, and behaviors.
22:48 Transition from building PCs to building people
24:59 Discussing Eternal ADHD Doomer characteristics and challenges
29:25 Developing good habits comes at a cost
31:28 ADHD brings unique challenges in focus and perseverance.
36:41 ADHD involves attention imbalance and hyperfocusing
38:39 The tug of war between nucleus accumbens and frontal lobes
42:52 Psychotherapy for ADHD is effective as medication
44:55 Actions and rewards in ADHD
49:00 People with ADHD have normal habit-forming capability, but it's restricted to dopamine reinforcement.
51:06 ADHD individuals may struggle with forming habits due to dopaminergic rewards
55:07 Feeling cursed and defective due to the struggle with ordinary tasks and effort.
57:14 ADHD individuals may face self-esteem issues due to a disconnect between effort and reward.
1:00:54 Girls face different external pressures than boys in school.
1:02:57 ADHD individuals struggle with delayed reward
1:07:02 Building a habit is like digging a well for ADHD individuals
1:08:56 ADHD individuals work the hardest but are judged by completion, not effort
1:12:57 Understanding the impact of emotional disregulation in ADHD
1:15:29 ADHD leads to rapid and intense negative emotions
1:19:20 Lack of confidence in oneself due to ADHD struggles
1:21:38 Trusting yourself is crucial for direction in life.
1:25:38 Societal expectations and ADHD impact on women.
1:27:42 Stimulant medication less effective for women with ADHD
1:31:50 ADHD treatment involves providing customized neurodiverse solutions.
1:34:28 ADHD medication efficacy ranges from 25% to 78%
1:40:30 Understanding ambivalence is key to progress.
1:42:35 Making decisions doesn't always fix things
1:47:06 Pros and cons shift in perception and impact decisions
1:49:12 Dealing with ambivalence and taking action despite difficulties
1:53:14 Accept the difficulty and anticipate challenges
1:55:15 Thinking about the consequences of our decisions can help us make better choices.
1:59:18 Embrace difficulty to build confidence
2:01:16 Running away from disadvantage leads to contradictory behavior
2:05:08 Embrace difficulty to achieve growth
2:07:05 Understanding happiness and anticipation
2:12:14 Intentionality is key to happiness
2:14:19 Intentionality is key to happiness
2:18:26 Bringing pleasure into work to bridge the gap between work and pleasure.
2:20:32 Embrace work with intentionality and service.
2:24:56 Happiness is about living intentionally, facing difficulty, not just achieving external goals.
2:27:09 Society deconditions our minds and bodies, making easy things hard
2:31:55 Don't wait for the world to fix itself for your life to be good
2:33:58 Take responsibility for your actions and circumstances
2:38:22 Recognizing and claiming power in difficult situations leads to freedom and growth.
2:40:21 Realizing the power within despite past experiences
Crafted by Merlin AI.
thanks
Ty
@@strawberryfields7330 ✨
❤❤thanks cutiepatootie
1:21:22 it’s not even my judgement that I’ve stopped trusting, but my ability to get things done when I say I will. This makes it super difficult to be reliable for others, which sucks so much since I used to be able to keep myself motivated by having obligations to friends and social groups. Now I find myself increasingly withdrawing such responsibilities since I keep failing them more and more as time goes on. ADHD for me has been a growing force against my formidable but increasingly exhausted efforts
I know what you mean. I've been self isolating for the exact same reason. I've gone from dozens of friends and multiple friend groups to one friend over the past 2 years.
The toughest part of losing trust in myself is the inability to know if I genuinely gave it 100%.
It feels worse letting others down, cuz I have gotten use to letting myself down. It sucks that I can't prevent my ADHD from affecting people I care about.
💯 I feel like my ADHD has gotten much worse over the years. I’m female and grew up thinking I just sucked because it took me so much longer to do things than others. I was never diagnosed until I had my own kids. Then I was finally diagnosed with ADHD, dyslexia, and complex PTSD from growing up in an abusive home. I have anxiety and depression. I had a decent enough IQ to do very well in school until law school. Then I started to think I might have ADHD and dyslexia because the amount of reading I had to do was so hard for me to keep up with. I went to a therapist and was told that “You can’t have ADHD because you got A’s all the way through undergrad. You just need to find a profession you like. I dropped out of law school. But found that I continued to have the same problems the rest of my life. And those became even more difficult when I married someone with undiagnosed ADHD and Autism w/ a gaming addiction. It was always manageable and he kept his job despite it all, but I didn’t know how both of us would hit a wall once we had kids. Both of our kids have ADHD and Autism. Both struggle in different ways. But I never stop feeling like a complete and total failure because I am the mom and I’m supposed to be the one who manages the whole family and the home. I’m so depressed these days that I’ve contemplated suicide multiple times. I used to keep those thoughts away by reminding myself that my kids need me, but these days (my kids are 13 and 16), I have failed so many times at all the things i have tried in life that it is exhausting hating myself so much. I have to work hard not to let them see my self loathing. I want them to have a better life than I did, but I know it seeps through. I have a therapist (I’ve been seeing one since my first child was born and I was hit with severe postpartum depression), but it doesn’t feel like it makes it much better because I know all the right things to do, I just can’t do them. And like he said in this video, stimulant meds don’t help me very much. So I am just stuck suffering and hating myself. I wish I could rewire my brain or just start the game over with a new body and brain!
I hear you. Much of what you say matches for me too. (I also feel like my ADHD has gotten much worse over the years, I do things in slow motion compared to others, I did decently well in school until law school, a psychologist told me “You can’t have ADHD because you graduated from law school” even though I failed out of grad school after, I know all the right things to do, I just can’t do them, and stimulant meds don’t help me very much.)
The problem is not with you. It’s living in an ableist world that doesn’t accept neurodivergence. The world needs to change.
Even though your kids are 13 and 16, they still need you. They will always need you. You’re their mom. You’re irreplaceable in their hearts and their lives. I hope you can stay strong against the negative thoughts.
@@amandapenny8501 Thank you! It is so helpful to have a community of people who can relate. Our stories sound ridiculously similar except that I dropped out of law school, but managed to get 2 Masters degrees after that while working full time. But I kid you not, I cannot see those 2 Masters degrees as accomplishments because my imposter syndrome rears its ugly head and tells me that I was only able to do that because those programs were not as rigorous. I have the hardest time believing that I actually have useful skills because I take so long to do things and it requires so much more effort than it seems to for other people.
Thank you so much for the encouragement to keep going. Somedays are better than others. I agree that this ableist society is the biggest problem. I try to emphasize that with my kids. I am working with my therapist to get through these feelings. The hardest days are when I feel like I've failed my kids. I find it so hard to "be consistent" and help them manage their executive functioning deficits when I struggle with it so much myself! Therapists seem to think that the parents of kids with ADHD are all neurotypical because they seem to expect that we can implement all these systems consistently and when we fail with chore charts because we can't even remember to freaking keep it updated, it feels so damn guilt and shame inducing! 🤦♀
you just described me
Stop scrolling and watch the video lol
😂 thanks
How, did you know.
I can't stop, must not stop...
Thank you. I needed that lol
😞😞😞😞😞
Accepting that life and the things I want to accomplish is going to be difficult, and to not look for an easy solution to the problem was huge. That was definitely something I needed to hear.
How the reminder is written matters, not just where it's put. When I was dating somebody with severe ADHD, we would get in a lot of fights because he would borrow something that belonged to me, forget to put it back, and then forget where he left it. I started taping notes to items not to take them like phone chargers, scissors, lighters, etc, and it did nothing. When I changed the note to have a sad emoji also, to remind how much it upset me when I couldn't find something I needed, he stopped doing it miraculously because it helped tie the consequence to the action, instead of it being disconnected by several hours or days.
Genius.
Very clever
Now that’s awesome.
clever, but that would also remind me of how many times i’ve disappointed and upset people in the past and that kind of sucks 😅
@@camilla_films_stuff Fair, but I think NT people would have that reaction going for the charger in the first place after it's upset people or everyone would have trouble with these sorts of things.
The amount of wisdom and knowledge packed into this video is incredible! Normally, when I'm searching for answers about psychological topics like ADD, ADHD, etc., the best I can hope for is finding solutions to questions I already know I have-stuff I’m aware that I don’t know. But it’s super rare to come across insights into things I didn’t even know I didn’t know. This video totally flips that around. You connect issues I never even realized were related. I can’t thank you enough for making such high-quality content accessible for free. I've had so many "Aha!" moments watching your videos, especially this one. So, once again, thank you so much!
I just wished that my sense of self would be stable. Instead it permanently fluctuates, which is what causes most of my suffering. It doesn't matter what I accomplish, my sense of self is so brittle and easily shattered. And then I have to start anew, only for the cycle to repeat itself again and again and again and again. I fundamentally don't know who I am and what I want, it feels like whenever I think I've found the answer it slips away and I can't remember anymore. It's hell.
That totally goes away for me on meds because i don't forget what the hell i was just doing yesterday...i keep building on my yesterdays and before you know it..I'm back!
Same. It's like forgetting that I know how to speak or not being able to believe that I'm wearing pants in public. I just want someone to tell me it's what I think
@@stoneneilswhat meds are you talking about?
I feel exactly the same. Sometimes I think I have a memory loss or something 😭
@@christina619 We have weak imagery so nothing sticks short-term unless we make an effort. Notice on meds when you close your eyes you can imagine things clearly. Off meds its a black hole lol.
I started taking adhd meds as a teen helped tremendously. Off insurance life fell apart and it was hard to function. Dated a girl in college she gave me some of her meds and within a week i felt amazing. No more sleeping in dirty clothes and garbage. I had a serene space and it helped my depression. We broke up but contacted her dealer and started buying prescriptions. As I still have no health insurance. Ive decided insurance or not im seeing a doctor. Wish me luck all!
I was curious so had a quick google, is it really $1100 a bottle for adderall?
In Australia we have generic Dexedrine and it’s about 18USD for a bottle of 100 5mg pills.
@@thomasa5619 Depends on location I suppose. Where I live, buying retail costs 16x more than buying from the supplier (have to do it this way since our country doesn't really like having Adhd medication publicly available)
Good luck m'dude
@@doggo_woo not entirely sure what you mean, I believe most countries require legal amphetamines be supplied by a pharmacist, not directly from the manufacturer.
Of course the pharmacist has to mark up their costs
@@thomasa5619 I suppose. My doc just told us to get it directly from the supplier because the pharmacists just jack up the price so high, and that price ends up being quite detrimental for anyone seeking treatment for their ADHD since our currency is quite weak.
Last hour of this video is sooo value packed, I started crying. Need to watch this weekly so I can keep reminding myself.
Thanks DR.K😭
I actually NEED to plan my days off for them to become enjoyable. Even if I plan to do nothing else but playing video games all day long - it's a plan that I can follow and then feel good about it. If I don't plan what to do chances are high that I will just skip from thing to thing unable to decide what to do, because there are so freaking many things that usually I don't have time for due to work and I am trying to do them all at the same time. With the end result that my day off was exhausting but I still feel like I wasted it because I wasn't able to get anything done or to make good progress in anything.
i love this comment section. i love you 😄
translation: this really resonates with me and it’s pretty awesome to come across other people who have the same issues and quirks
This is also a very self-referencing video, rolls back to Alexithymia and how noticing emotions helps you regulating them better.
Rolls back to "how to be more decisive" and how we like our decisions be made for us if we're lazy.
I'm jealous of his 6 year old daughter who got those extra instructions and care at an early age and I hope things take off better for her than it did for me too.
If I ever become a dad, I hope I'll be able and ingenious enough to do similar for my kids in case they get the condition too and that I notice early enough.
thank you bae, i feel that our parasocial bond grew stronger tonight
😂
Lmao 🤣
real
too real
From what I remember watching Barkley as an ADHDer made me feel like there is no hope to make myself better. He provides alot of great information but provides an extremely bleak outlook on it. Once I found Dr K and started watching some of his videos I started to think maybe I can conquer it. A year or so later and my ADHD is far more controllable than it used to be. With still bad days here and there
Barkley's Videos are more informational and on the science of ADHD and ADHD meds. He really doesn't do much therapist stuff. Dr.K is more therapist minded which is focused on helping people out.
@@admiral7599 Thank you for your input, and when you put it that way it makes it make more sense.
I also really like the way he delivers information. He uses some tone that, at least I, interpret as "so fucking fed up with everyone's misconceptions, especially the parents'. And listening to him is sort of cathartic to me, because I can't help but imagine him talking to my parents and finally making them realize things.
Also I remember some videos where he actually teaches some skills, especially about the short term memory thing.
@@artblob maybe I misjudged his content or my perspective is just different from my own experiences. If he helps you that's great
@@artblob i generally love his work, but i do thing sometimes the language he uses can turn people off sometimes and make it seem rather pointless or some such. That said, his content is still very much appreciated.
I think a huge component in enjoying time off from work (probably the biggest for me) is the autonomy. It’s the freedom to do what you choose, even if it’s ways more “work” than the job where your efforts are subject to someone else’s decisions and you lack autonomy. The thing that’s made the biggest impact in my years-long autistic burnout recovery process was taking the summer between community college and university to work feverishly on difficult sewing projects (among other things). It was rough on my body and I was so hyper focused I took terrible care of myself, but I felt ALIVE and rested for the first time in years because I was working on something I wanted to do rather than doing what I was told, even when the work itself was generally pretty easy. (The lack of time constraints at and overwhelming overlap of tasks due helped for sure, but I was also trying to tackle several projects before school started again, so still not that much different.)
Hum...i dont like my work because of human interaction...but its highly autonomous. Still i felt so much better this morning getting rid of weeds on my parents backyard. Its weird. I see a bigger reward in seeing the weeds disappearing than doing a virtual type of job where my boss doesnt breathe down my neck but i depends on actions from 3rd parties to complete the projects...and they fail often...delaying everything...by the time those people wake up and do their part im no longer motivated.
I dont know if I have ADHD but everything said here resonates to a scary degree.
People think I'm quite intelligent, but I think I'm lazy and stupid.
I do everything on automatic and the only thing that seems to keep me in check is at my work where there are immediate consequences [time constraints] for not having my work completed.
I've wondered for years why i cant commit to changes and build habits - even basic hygiene.
Plans for accountability fall through if the people with you are unreliable themselves, which has been a common occurrence for me.
I've isolated myself over the past year or two because i cant trust myself to set a time and stick to it.
I feel like I'm alive but not really living when the things I want to pursue I cant because i get in my own way - distracted, lack of desire, discipline etc.
The only time I can seem to do anything of value is when it is for someone else and even then it's questionable as to whether I'll commit.
I started working out, feeling better and just tapered off.
I start drawing, hop to painting, hop to photography, hop to poetry, creative writing, content creation and back again.
I can spend 6 hours drawing a character as fan art for a streamer, but when it comes to something that feels like work I scrap it or procrastinate.
I'm kind of at a loss on how to overcome this.
wow this whole comment hit home, you're not alone!
100% same. I have watched 3hrs of this couple days ago and i don't even now why i keep returning to this type of content. There are no solution
What kills me is I don't even wanna do or try anything because I already know from experience that I'm bound to fail 😔
Sounds a lot like me (just insert DJing/writing for drawing/painting).
I was diagnosed two years ago.
why does there have to be zero advice under this comment 😥😥
You really hit a stride in making excellent points that are applicable to me around 1:56:18 / 1:59:09 when you talking about how to boost confidence (and reduce suffering) through embracing difficulty as part of growing as a person and all related to that concept.
Though the whole video was great. I watched this live yesterday and had to rewatch it today, it was so good.
I needed this today I was in full ADHD doomer mode. And I find it's very much connected to the ambivalence you talked about in the second portion. My brain flies in multiple directions at once and I get stuck between even simple choices in a way that is almost physically painful. Most of the time I freeze and do nothing until the opportunity passes or the decision is made for me and it sucks.
This was the one, this is the stream that helped me the most out of any of your material, God I wish you knew how much you help me sometimes
My biggest hangup related to ADHD is struggling with dismissal.
My dad's favourite phrase for when I was struggling with executive dysfunction was "Don't try, just do". I internalised that shit, of course I did. It led to me burning out in spectacular fashion.
I cried when I got on medication. I was full of doubts at that time. I pushed through a whole lot of doubt to get to that point, questioning myself at every stage but saying "if I don't have ADHD, medication won't work, and at least I will know that isn't it". Then I took my first elvanse, and I cried my fucking eyes out.
I spent the day just, playing Minecraft. It may seem simple but I often struggle playing modpacks for more than an hour at a time, as they pull your attention in so many directions as there is always a dozen tasks you could be doing at any point in time. And I would get lost in that. But medicated, I could just, pick something and do it. No having to deal with a brain craving novelty, just picking a task and chipping away at it.
I cried tears of happiness. My inner child having spent a life being dismissed finally had vindication. I am not someone who cries generally. Even after being on feminising HRT for a few months, I have yet to have a proper cry (despite absolutely having more intense emotions and purposefully watching sad shit), but all those swirling, bottled up emotions being released, all the cumulative feelings from all the dismissal of my struggles, I was so happy.
Good to hear
Is there any side effects to medication? I really don’t want to go on medication at all but if nothing seems to improve then I may have to
@@davidcook9875There are absolutely side effects to all medications that are used to treat ADHD. It is too big a topic for me to write an essay in the comments. You should look up any medication and speak to your pharmacist before taking any drug.
@@davidcook9875 yes. I was on concetera and I had very bad side effects. My mental health got worse and I was wanting to take my own life and even planned it out (something I’ve never done before despite having anxiety / depression / ptsd and thoughts of giving up but never planning it) I have never been an angry person ever but this made me angry and snap at people closest to me. The come down after the meds wore off made my mental health ten times worse. I had heart palpitations and was sent to the hospital with an irregular heart beat. My side effects would be worse when I would start my period and the medication and period would make my mental health and side effects ten times worse. I even experienced (can’t remember the name for it ) a feeling of watching my body from the outside and everything feeling not real and too overwhelming like I was watching my body move on its own and it wasn’t really me.
I say all this to say it depends on everyone else and how you respond to it. I came off my course for mediation a few months ago to go it alone and I’m struggling a lot of days but slowly managing it. I have days were I wished I was on medication again just to feel normal and find that “normal peace” people experienced but I didn’t .. but then I remembered the cons and how it made me feel and how it terrified me and changed me into someone I hated more than I hated adhd me.
So approach it with caution. Write down your side effects if any and keep notes. It helped me
@@davidcook9875 Yes, there absolutely are side effects.
But those side effect will vary a lot between people, both in the actual effect and in whether or not the person is willing to put up with it.
For me, elvanse worsens my sleep and puts me in a pretty low mood.
But you know what improves my sleep? Feeling satisfied with what I have done during the day. You know what makes me feel less depressed? Being able to do the things I want to do.
So it depends on you, whether or not the side effects occur with you, and whether or not you are willing to deal with the side effects that you will get.
It's worth trying at the very least. Medication is not for everyone, it's just one tool of many to help with ADHD. There are a lot of strategies to dealing with it without medication.
One that I use is procrastination. Seems counterintuitive, but hear me out. Let's say you are doing some school work, it's been 20 minutes, your brain is starting to wonder. You are gonna start procrastinating. When this happens, do it. Procrastinate, but procrastinate with a task that is more boring than the one you are currently doing. Wash a few dishes, hoover some, I mostly did cleaning for this because I find that shit boring as fuck. And when your brain starts to fade from that activity, switch back to doing whatever you were doing.
This will probably not work for more than an hour or two, for one task. But with school as the example, if you keep switching which subjects you come back to, you will find you can do get a lot of shit done.
I actually got significantly worse at cleaning when I got on medication because, I just don't want to do it. I now have full control over my attention, and I fucking hate hoovering, so I'm just gonna do shit I want to do instead (until the floor gets nasty enough that I kinda got to hoover).
I am bringing this up to say that medication is not the be all and end all. It is a tool, one that may or may not work for you. Medication worked for me because my ADHD strategies crumbled over time, I used youtube to help me keep focussed on things, to quiet my brain a little and allow me to stay on task for longer. Eventually, youtube because the only thing my brain would focus on. In part they crumbled because I was not aware of what they really were, and now I am I can start building them back up.
the validation I got from this. The importance of professionals talking about this and doing their research is worth the world. Thank you
The more immediate the benefit is , the easier it is to enforce a behavior in adhd.
That is the second part of my treatment that I always forget to figure out. Med are only part of the battle.
That's a good rule of thumb
I feel like anybody has an easier time doing something if the reward is in arms’ reach. Do you think you could elaborate more on why you believe this is ADHD specific?
Intensity and frequency
@@Pluto-ek3mh I would assume that a normal person can get dopamine from many different sources including both the immediate reward activities and the delayed reward activities, but the average ADHD person never finishes the delayed reward activity and thus never gets the reward. So when your only source of dopamine is immediate reward activities I would tend to think that you'd be more likely to fall into the cycle of addiction. That's was my interpretation.
@@spiderhaz_ Personally, I would refrain from referring to neuro-typical people as “normal” because ADHD is completely natural and it can make those with ADHD feel ostracized for a common disability. Also, I (not a professional or anything of the sort) wouldn’t say they can NEVER gain gratification from long-term dopaminergic tasks. As someone that has been diagnosed with ADHD (again, not a professional), I’ve found it pretty damn difficult, but not impossible. I’ve actually noticed an increase in my attention span, drive, and focus since I’ve started working on it (thanks, Dr. K). But I digress. I can agree with the varying degrees of intensity of the drive to do things - like laundry - between those who do and don’t have ADHD. It was specified in a previous comment and it makes sense. In fact, now that I think about it, this would explain why neuro-typical people are so good at forcing themselves to grind (even if they despise it). Just thought I’d give my insight on the wording of the comment as well as learn something new along the way (and I probably still have much to learn). Thanks for your reply! Please don’t feel discouraged to keep talking because I like this kind of stuff and I’m all about increasing my knowledge! :)
I’m not done with the video yet but the whole “not trusting myself” thing really got me. I held myself back from doing different things due to feeling like I couldn’t trust myself to do or to try them. An example is working out. Prior to being diagnosed with ADHD, I just thought i was doomed to just never be able to enjoy working out like other people and that I would just have to find some way to suck it up. Eventually I did get diagnosed and put on medication and after being diagnosed, I was able to research ways for me to build the habit of working out that would also be ADHD friendly. I got diagnosed in march 2023 and it’s been about a year and I’ve switched from yoga, to Pilates, and now I am just doing regular strength training in the gym. I never would have thought I would be able to form a consistent habit like this prior to my diagnosis. Before, I just thought I was lazy and now I realize that I can build a habit like this, i just need some help through medication, switching things up when I get bored (for example, switching from yoga to Pilates), going with someone else, and if I don’t have my medication or if I have to go by myself that day, going in the morning where I know my dopamine levels will naturally be the highest, as well as giving myself grace when I don’t workout for a full workout and being proud of myself for coming to the gym and trying.
From one ADHD brain to another - great to see you succeed! My trick to working out are combat sports. Try something in a friendly gym. Not keen on trading punches? Maybe BJJ, they just cuddle competitively. To small/weak? Fencing or HEMA will feel more fair. The instant feedback keeps my dopamine (and adrenaline) so high that after >decade of failed attempts to train now I didn't miss a session for years to my ADHD. Hope you will try :)
@@CryptoC4T I will give it a shot :) my boyfriend has been talking about doing ju jitsu again and I’m thinking I might give it a try at some point. Switching things up has been a huge help in continuing to be active and exercising so it’s awesome to see that other people with ADHD have realized it too :)
Hey, going to gym is a long complicated task that needs motivation and time. I have kettlebell at home and I exercise while watching entertainment stuff or even shorts -somehow I managed to do both. I can do hours of workout without notice and the best part of it - now when I stuck in RUclips shorts after 1 minute I fell like I want to physically move - I get this reflex 😅.
Working out is awesome for my ADHD! It’s one of the few tasks that I can focus on with no distractions. Even video games or watching RUclips videos I have something else open or I’m multitasking.
Think depends on what kind of working out you’re doing, but for me I like hypertrophy focused or “bodybuilding” style weight training, so i focus a lot on getting a full stretch and contraction during a lift which forces my brain to pay attention to my body. And since each rep per set is harder than the last as the muscle gets exhausted, it’s almost like each rep “feels” different and to my adhd brain it’s continuous novelty.
Hardest part about it for me is getting out the house 😂😂😂
Great session. Those three "memes" felt very relatable to me and Dr. K's commentary on them helped me to think through a lot of important stuff. Psychological care is kinda difficult to obtain here in Czechia; sessions like this one mean a lot to me. Thank you.
I’m a 40 yo male
In and out of homelessness since 18yo
Always smoked weed as a way to deal with my depression since 18yo
Kicked out of home at 18yo
Never got help
So I’m 40yo I’m currently living in a boarding house
My main source of income is government benefits
And I smoke cigarettes and drink coffee all day long…my life has been the most miserable existence and I wondered if I was cursed by somebody I did wrong or perhaps my dads abusive methods of discipline as a child have left me mentally debilitated….I’ve abandoned all my friends and my family and I have let myself become a looser of epic proportions and it sux everyday sux and by the end of the week I just want to stop it all
Don't worry bro. I know people who were in even worse situations and they made it out
give up smoking and drinking, work out as much as physically possible. Eat food.
Brother I feel you. I'm addicted to Kratom now after being a poly drug addict and I can't stop I can't get sober. I'm in pain when I'm sober.
@@Ventryx the unfortunate reality is that at some point it will eventually be a decision like that.
I really hope you get better, please don't give up on yourself.
Dr. k, in the past few months, you have created one of the best Self-actual-help content for people of all life sets.
Thanks and keep them videos coming
adhd doomer starts at 26:40
thanks
ur a godsend
Thanks man
Bless you
Thank Dr.K for everything you do. ❤This video was so special, something everyone should watch that struggles with adhd in their life. Its not easy, it can feel so lonely this struggle.
Its not if we can do it, its when! Remember that, keep going, day by day.
Ur daughter is so lucky to have a father like you Dr.K! Thank you for helping us.
You know me better than my therapist.
That's my biggest thing. I theoretically want someone to guide me but why would that guy be just some local dude who got a Master's in social work or whatever? I have listened to Doctor K enough that I value his input and would be more apt to trust his ideas as opposed to just some guy who got a degree in talking to sad people.
I’d look into a new one then
@@codycrawford7842this is because you want to hear what Dr. K says. You aren’t connected with your therapist
Most songs I listen to know me better than my therapist... It's called projection. 😉
@@celam1244 good point
Its honestly pretty validating to hear (near the beginning) Dr K talk about not denying cravings so that you don't reinforce them. I used to hangout with a lot of addicts and do a lot of dгugs, and was always trying to tell those guys "dont save some for later if youre struggling not to take it now" for what seemed to me an intuitive reason: that it would only reinforce things. The guys that would do that were the ones who got very dangerously addicted. Literally each and every time, if one of my friends was the type to "save one for the morning" (with perscription painkillers) theyd end up going to 🐎, and most of the time those guys would eventually become homeless over their habits.
For clarification this stance is not opposed to 'moderation is key'. The difference is stretching something that won't leave you satisfied when you could be satisfied if you weren't trying to ""make it last""
Thats actually a really based insight that you dont really ever hear.
When i think about my own weed use, it definitely got the worst when i started saving cones for the next day etc.
It just reinforcing a dependency habit.
Im a bit confused, so basically just take all your drugs now?
@@brandonrothsman2665 I'm aware that you're joking, but it's more complicated than that. "Don't deny the craving" means not just "take all your drugs now", but also recognizing the signs of addiction. If you "want" to save for later it's because you're dependant, it's a redflag. When you save them for later, you reinforce this dependence, which is worse than just satisfying the current craving.
In this way there's a double meaning to the "don't deny" part, as in, "don't deny the reality that you're showing signs of dependency", which is the first step to do something about it before you fall fully into the addiction.
@@bapanada9446 okay i see, makes sense
What does horse mean?
I’m not a gamer. I find you brilliant and appreciate all the knowledge you give to us all for free. Currently working on my BA in psychology and you’ve taught me more than any class so far. I appreciate you and want to know if you’re accepting new patients 😊❤ I am 46 and just diagnosed AuDHD 😂
I wanna watch this whole video but I'm already putting it to watch later.
Listen to your username man
Honey, here's your gentle reminder. 😘
Omg same as me. I do this with all knowledge podcast and then watch shitty, lodu videos about dramat and nothing
same
This isn't about doing right now it's about doing in with a right mindset
Thank you, this was wonderful and very helpful.
I watched it from the beginning to the end, and still want more. A lot of useful information that really helps me, this is the best channel I've ever seen, seriously. I'm looking forward to more broadcasts
1:44:00 reminded me of the saying: "Pain is nature's way of saying 'Don't do that!', and painkillers are man's response of 'Just watch me!'"
ive been watching this channel for half a yr now and have came a long way but THIS is THE BIG ONE for me. Never diagnosed but man oh man do i relate. Now I understand why they say no one can do it but you.
I didn't expect to watch a 3 hour stream today but it was so compelling I couldn't stop. So illuminating and empowering. Thanks so much Dr K. 💪✨❤
The adhd segment is probably the most important segment of advice/discussion I’ve ever heard
I hope this isn't going to be perceived as wrong but everytime I see Dr.K videos poppin on my algorithm I'm really excited and end up really happy to have had the opportunity to listen to a professional sharing his views. I'm glad to have discovered you Dr.K and I'm looking forward more of your content!
That 🌽 addiction video was not click bait, it was a good title that got me interested and I walked away with new knowledge.
Yeah that's what I also thought.. it gives us a new way of thinking like scheduling the corn to a time never before ..
Dr K is addicted to corn? I didn’t know it was such a big part of his diet.
@@Nunya24567 Nice
the problem is internet addicted thumbnail readers, I think. It's harmful if you only read the title and go "okay, knowledge acquired"
@@SpieleSuchti894 I agree .. I can't focus on the studies I like to watch RUclips for a hour .. I want to study well and do progress .. I think the big issue is RUclips shorts and reels it's eating out time and becoz of its small length videos it makes us hate lengthy videos and becoz of that I can't even focus on a course ..
I'm at 56ish minutes and feeling pressure to cry
Like something solid is becoming liquid
It's been so hard trying to explain this to friends and family, particularly because I haven't understood it well enough to explain it. Let alone expect them to.. So there is always this doubt, like am I just justifying it so I don't feel bad about myself?
I have met people with ADHD, severe and obvious ADHD. And anytime I look at them I sense that I'm not that. So what am I?
But in this video you're calling me straight out and it makes so much sense. It feels... Something, to have someone (whose insight I trust) validate my struggles as struggles. It's real, and it's like. Now I know it's real. Thank you so much
Although it took me about half the day, I tweaked through the whole video. It really helped me understanding more aspects of my (undiagnosed) ADHD at age 53...just realising now...and finally all my life's struggle with anxiety, depression, burnout, no energy, no focus and and and...it starts making sense. Thank you Dr. K. 🙏🏻
Man, it's funny that I used to think this warped mental state is just the normal state of existence and I just suck at life or am lazy. Realizing that feels similar to someone coming from a history of family trauma and thinking that this is just how all families are (disclaimer: I'm trying to explain a personal experience not state a fact).
Thanks Dr. K for helping me make sense of this.
1:07:59-1:11:11 I have seriously never felt more seen than in this description. Turn this into a short, please. Thank you again, doc.🙏🏽🥺
5:20 to skip the infomercial type intro.
I used to buy my son a planner each school year (before digital ones) starting in about 5th grade. He would pick it out and use it once. 😂😢. We didn’t know what to do or that he had ADD. Since I taught developmental college writing I just did what I did with my students when it came to papers. I sat next to him and helped him get started with his writing by guiding him through organizing his thoughts. Then we’d read each section and of course I praised his work because, like my students’ work, it was good. ❤
Truly heals my heart to see ADHD kids being understood and supported. Keep being an awesome parent. :)
Starts at 5:20
thank you
Bless your soul
5:20 is mostly discussion of previous video and upcoming trauma guide.
23:30 starts new topics. (long walks don't have long effects, ADHD dooming, expectations of happiness on days off.
26:40 is ADHD doom.
Haven't gotten to the rest.
SMV increase from that comment
@@taylorlayton4508 added chapters to spnsorblock
Dr K has a way of triggering eureka moments for me. The whole bit on intentionality was great because just in the past month I realised that I need to start planning my weekends and once I'm done with exams that's exactly what I'll be doing. I was also thinking about how whenever I come home tired with some extra 'work' to do like applying to jobs/internships etc. I often waste that hour or two watching something or reading or whatever. And even though I spent my 1h of recreational time doing something I enjoy (which is entirely reasonable after a long day) I feel bad, and I realised its because my intention was to not do those very things!
It also made me realise that's why setting unrealistic expectations is so detrimental because if you fail to meet those goals or expectations for how you spend your time then you fail meeting your intentions and that makes you sad.
Add to it, that if you make unreasonable expectations, you can then convince yourself that 'it was impossible/unrealistic/... to begin with' and give yourself an excuse to not change and keep doing what you do.
That is what I have found myself doing quite often. Now I try to downscale it when I notice that the expectation was too high, and try to focus on single things.
Take the example of 'cleaning the home'. This goal is just diffuse and a lot of work - yet no clear parameter. So instead, the steps need to be divided down - vacuum the bathroom, clean the dishes, etc. Even if I don't get everything done, I got at least a few steps done and it still feels better than realizing that I felt overwhelmed and simply pushed everything away until I knew I couldn't finish anymore and gave myself the excuse....
Not sure about the work argument. If you work 6-7 days a week and volunteer during your vacation, when do you spend time with your family and friends? Have you considered that this person may be a workaholic? Work can be a very convenient way to escape from your other responsibilities. It is also very valued in American society, unlike other addictions. Personally I like to "waste" time hanging out with friends, reading, visiting places, paint, watch movies, listening to music, just enjoying the beauty of life. I also do work, and I have "fun" working, but it doesn't define my whole existence.
I think you misunderstand the greater point. It's moreso do not simply exist and allow the day to come at you, and live without intention. Try to understand what you enjoy and turn it into something intentional and grasp control of it. Set up the goals that you can achieve. If he goal is to "goof off" or spend time with friends/family, let that be your intention for the moment. In that way, you live by giving of yourself (your mental energy) instead of just receiving the day. Also a machine for example, running with no load on it can lead to damage. Only by placing a load on it, can it run as intended. A see saw with or without a person on both sides. It is unnatural to live an easy life. There will be major cons to this.
It's been a blast as always. Dr K looks tired today and it breaks my heart a bit. Please, take care and rest. You already give so much. Don't burn out, please 🙏💖
Your dad hitting you isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility to not hit your kid when you have one if it fucked you up when your dad hit you. I'm personally terrified of having kids because I don't want to be like my parents or to accidentally mirror their behavior that traumatized me.
Thank you for sharing this content for free, You're a freaking legend ! This is a kind of volunteering in a way.
When the credit card gets declined meme
Is a satire at what do you do once you've done a job, and when it's time to get payed the credit card gets declined.
The meme takes a dark or morbid turn from reality, where you simply undo what you just did in a ridiculous way.
Doctor: Oh I cured your blindness
Credit card gets declined
Doctor: Pulls out pepper spray
thanks for explaining it I also didn't get it at first even when dr.k read the explanation from chat he didn't read it out loud so I was left hanging lol
Yeah, it's as if the service were a product that gets "returned to the shelf" at checkout if you have no money.
God giveth, God taketh.
Do you mean “cured” your blindness? (This is not my native language sorry)
@@luisaboos2752 ah yes I didn't notice that error.
Thank you
I believe it became popular around the time tiktok discovered that Tradesmen can legally destroy work they've built for customers if said customers do not pay.
The first one I saw was a dentist with a crowbar because "the dentist when your card gets declined"
Stimulants on ADHD
1:12:09
On learned hopelessness and the importance of self-confidence to help it.
1:22:12
1:36:30
A couple of thoughts on the ADHD Doomer section from someone without ADHD:
1. Teachers say "your child would be great if only they apply themself." I also got told this all the time and I was as organized as you can really expect a teenager to be, and generally getting A+ in those classes. I think it's just what teachers say when they don't have anything specific. To my knowledge there's never been a secondary school teacher in the history of the world who had proper respect for the tradeoffs in time management that come with being in eight classes and also having a life. So they always want you to do more in their class. This isn't necessarily about you at all.
2. If you're practicing a musical instrument and it's less compelling than a video game, you've been taught to practice the instrument wrong. It's absolutely no fun to do scales forever and get no immediate reward but doing scales forever sucks and you shouldn't do it. Nor do you need to spend six hours learning to play "Twinkle, Twinkle" perfectly. It is entirely possible to learn any instrument fast enough that you're making real-time progress and it's immediately compelling. There's a reason we call it playing an instrument, because playing (and not being compartmentalized and perfectionist) is what you should be doing to learn. But actually getting the hang of doing this is kind of hard and it's useful to be taught correctly. So it's worth seeking that out.
Agree about learning to play an instrument but there’s a point in the very early training where it does sound like noise. This is far less in piano than for string instruments like violin (I play both). I’d say it took a few years of playing before it got super enjoyable. I found drawing & painting to be the same btw
There is a MAJOR problem for musicians today that did not exist in my younger days. Its the stupid DAWS..computer producing software...I write song and song..record them with my instruments and singing all day long. HOWEVER recording them properly in the #&%(@* DAW??? I can't do it without meds. I just went 3 YEARS unmedicated and Abelton has been just too ugly lol...i can't do it without drugs...it takes too much concertation for too long as is not nearly as rewarding as composing/playing. In fact..it SUCKS!!!
My problem is I wanted to be at least as good as Keith Emerson, and when I realized that's not gonna happen I pretty much gave up on keyboards and just stuck with what I know. I tried violin and viola and found them incredibly punishing so same deal.
Your first point is missing the point. Yes, teachers say that to even people without ADHD, but one of the common signs for ADHD is a large gap between grades and test performance. If you score incredibly high in standardized tests, but have terrible grades, then it means you're struggling to do actually get yourself to do the course work, which can be a major sign of ADHD, and where you'll most commonly see teachers stressing how students should apply themselves.
There was an engineering class I took in high school that I would've failed, but I had the highest score on the final among the rest of my class. The teacher pulled me aside and said there's zero fucking reason someone doing that well on the final should fail that class and gave me a few grades on assignments I never completed to bump my final grade to a C. It's not always that extreme, but that's the kind of scenario that's common for people with ADHD. Maybe not the bumping the grade up part, but I was definitely lucky in that situation.
If I had known then what I do now, I would've pushed for getting tested for ADHD.
@aluminumtarkus Exactly. Most teachers do not claim you just need to apply yourself if you're getting an A+. That makes no sense.
Here’s a compelling topic to explore: Investigate how people in rural America, particularly those with Christian beliefs, have historically viewed ADHD and PTSD, often dismissing them as excuses for laziness from the 1960s to the present. Additionally, examine how children with ADHD in rural public schools frequently lack the specialized support they need, often being placed in the same classrooms as those with other disabilities like Fragile X syndrome, rather than receiving individualized support and appropriate medical care. (For context, I come from a tech background with experience in PC repair and help desk support also so I get it.) Recently, due to my own struggles with CPTSD stemming from childhood trauma and undiagnosed ADHD, a mental health professional helping me find treatment posed a question I believe everyone should consider: Would you deny yourself or others something that could be crucial for survival?
I've come to realize when I find myself and see others in situations where they have been given advice, much like the beginning described: "Parents says don't eat junk food and go outside" and then 10 years later we can be like 'Genius!' When we finally hit that "Genius" stage and it starts "clicking" for people... it just means that we finally reached the growth and acquired the experience tools they needed to finally understand.
Made the comment at the start, the moment you started talking about tools made me smile.
I think it's two parts. Often, parents and authority figures do not give the why for their instructions. Even me, a kid who's favourite word was why, people rarely gave an answer.
When you figure out that why, that is for me when shit clicks. Why go outside? Oh, it makes your brain feel better. Why didn't anyone say that getting so natural light and wind in your face makes you feel better? All they did was tell me to go outside.
There is also that, you may at the time not care about the why even if it explained to you. You may not fully understand the consequences of not doing something until you face them to some extent.
Life changing info…today is my birthday and watching this was a gift in itself! Keep up the great work you do! 😎✌️🎉
Finally someone gets this! You have to remember to read your reminders and this system is predestined to fail a lot of the time!
Not to go into detail, but I am so glad I found your channel. It has helped me incredibly to understand my own brain and self. What I love bout your videos, is they are extremely fast paced! You talk fast, but still manage to explain everything so even a dummy like myself(english ain't my first language) can keep up and understand everything. All the other channels draw stuff out way too long and don't really explain, how everything works, or should work, in a healthy brain. I've been to 2 separate therapist with no success. I had given up already. You Mr., have reignited that fire in me. My fight is not over yet! Thank you.
watching this while procrastinating a college report due tomorrow
The piano thing is so relatable. My piano teacher kept threatening to fire me because I never practiced. I kept telling him that I would and I actually meant it, but I didn't do it. I ended up quitting piano because I didn't want him to fire me. This whole experience was kind of traumatizing.
The contrast you note between lifting weights but avoiding difficulty (going about life finding the lightest weights to lift) is really profound...
I haven't and probably wont ever get an ADD diagnosis, but everything said here resonates with me. After a year of developing an increasingly consistent exercise habit and starting to even enjoy some aspects of it - I had a thought: is it possible to train myself to cherish the "burn" of doing something difficult *as its own immediate gratifying result*, just in the same way I cherish the burn of exercising my muscles and interpreting that as the immediate physical sensation of getting stronger?
Recently I did something outside my comfort zone - I wrote and presented to a small group a several pages long series of written arguments, something I haven't done for maybe a decade (not since college), and which I've never been good at and is a source of dread. Pushing through that task elicits an almost physical feeling of discomfort - a "burn". Afterwards, instead of falling into dwelling on how poorly I did, I made the choice to sit with that feeling and understand that the discomfort IS the manifestation of some kind of growth. And as with exercise, it's when you're the most out of shape that the soreness is worst. But I can choose to cherish it.
Wow I really like your comment. It's very eye opening for me because I can relate. I also love the burn of exercise but I hate the burn of learning something new especially when the learning is involved with embarassment in front of other people. Thanks for this comment!
God Bless you Dr K, you are an Angel to people like me who have felt hopeless and lost for so very long. Thank you so much, I will try my best to work on myself.
I can definitely relate to the being “tired of putting in too much effort” part.
I tried for years after college to work on my skills to get a job in the industry studied for in college but it felt like no matter how hard I tried I wasn’t good enough. Eventually I got tired of putting in all this effort without seeing any results so I stopped trying as hard and now I feel like I half ass things. I don’t want to do this, I want to give my 100% and try but if I fail anyway why the fuck should I give all my effort if it’s not gonna pay off?
I get people say that stuff takes time, but it feels like something should have happened by now and because it didn’t I either burden myself with the question of “did I really give my 100% or did I just THINK I did?” Or I just go “well I gave it my 100% and I still didn’t get in so what’s the point in giving it my all anymore?”
The former gives me more anxiety and depression so I just default to the latter line of thinking
I think it’s futile to ponder on wether you gave it your all or not.
Your best is what you manage to accomplish. If you can’t accomplish it, then it isn’t your best, it’s simply what you WANT your best to be.
Life is what it is. It isn’t what you make it nor what it should be.
You can’t control the past. You can’t change it. You can’t control the future either.
You can only more or less control what you’re gonna do right now.
At the end of the day, chances are that you gave it your all AND it didn’t work out.
That said, that doesn’t mean in the slightest that things cannot still work out anyways.
Your mistake is thinking effort is all it takes to succeed. Luck, timing and random bullshit are all factors.
Life only stops when you give up.
You can keep trying about as hard as you possibly can and maybe you will get something tomorrow. Maybe you just fucking won’t and that’s it.
Point being, hope is futile.
But so is giving up.
never got my book on how to raise a healthy gamer because Amazon Uk just didn't sent me the book. Never got my money back but I do not care... Hope some of the money went to you because your videos and everything you've done for the last years I have been following... helped me a lot!
Thank you so so much!
Oh God...the "apply yourself" was so fucking common that someone should have figured out what the hell was going on.
INCREDIBLE. Understanding your friends and family is the greatest thing you can do for someone with ADHD. This helped my understanding of myself and friends w/ ADHD by 100x
Today I slept from 10 am to 8 pm having slept thru the night. I go up, order breakfast. Eat, and go back to bed. I have no willpower to do anything almost. So I resort to caffeine or stimulants and then I might be able to power thru a run or gym or walk. I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know what I want. Help.
@scottstorchfan
That’s the kind of adhd I have. I’m 36 and I’ve wasted my life seeking street drugs to make just getting up and going to work barable.
This was way more packed with clearly broken down ideas and wholesome paternal energy than I expected from the title of the video. Thank you!
I wanna find that individual who said they scaped their abusive home/family just to get crushed in a toxic relationship later on!! 😓 that hit real hard guys!
I do wanna say that this video felt kinda unhelpful to me. I really don‘t like the way ppl keep glorifying hustle culture. It‘s ofc true that working more is gonna build up your tolerance to handle more. But at the same time, telling someone with ADHD to just take on more work to get used to it is also a dangerous game because hyperfocus isn‘t just good for you. First of all it isn‘t controllable since it is considered brain damage meaning that focusing in that way isn‘t entirely in your control, and secondly, hyperfocus works well when you‘re in it, but once your mind is done with it, it can feel like crashing and burning.
So really I think it‘d be way more helpful to mention that taking breaks off of work and working within a adhd friendly schedule is far more helpful if possible than just brute forcing how much you can handle.
I‘d say that I‘ve managed to get a job that I really enjoy so working has also become a good calming experience for me. But still as it was I noticed some pretty severe issues I was totally unprepared for. The first moment I spent with practically no free time at all just slaving away at my hyperfixation project. I did that for about 3 months. Kinda similar to that friend of yours. Got up, did the thing, halfway neglecting my human needs until i woke up to humger or whatever else after bathroom breaks. And then resume working until it was evening and i spent the rest mentally in work mode planning before going to bed. And it was fun for the time until i crashed and burned. And then i spent half a year struggling with severe burnout, mental health issues getting worse and also my health issues getting worse as well. And u know, it taught me something. That being that this whole hustle culture thing is a curse. You can work away like a sla*e for months until you crash and burn. And you burn hard when you crash. And your health declines. None of that is healthy in my eyes. And if your friend is in that volunteering, i worry about him honestly. But yeah. Think of animals. A tiger doesn‘t have a hunting quota of taking down 12 prey animals a day. Not even one of 3 a day. And take this, not even 12 a week. Or 3 a week. And neither could he. What would he do with the leftovers? Build a fridge? So it‘s more work. Oh but you need power for that. So he does that. But you also need a generator to work, and metal, and science etc. see how that‘s gonna lead him to more and more labour that doesn‘t pay off? I think it‘s a good metaphor for our society. We are animals in this world like any other. But we don‘t take our own nature into account anymore. Anyone can work a straining job if they have to. But it‘s not healthy for them. Especially when compensation is insultingly low. And let‘s face it, if you argued this towards other socially accepted ideas of the past such as sla*ery u could go on about how sure, it‘s not great being that. But let‘s teach the poor fella how to cope in his little cage. We couldn‘t possibly ever critisize the source though. That‘s off the table. And what would the poor master do without him? Some people have to be forced to work like that right? Some people are deemed a worthy sacrifice. Otherwise who‘d willingly do that work right? Sound familiar? Because it is familiar.
And listen, I‘m not gonna go off on a political tangent but I do wanna say that this fear about critisizing the system is very good for the system because you pick up the broken pieces so it doesn‘t get so bad that it collapses. But I also think that‘s the issue with many parts of this advice.
Being aware of your social standing and gaining class conchiousness is helpful. And trying to erase the systemic hand in these issues is dishonest and malichious in my eyes.
Many ppl argue that knowing they are opressed doesn‘t help them. But it does. Because it can help you structure life in ways that actually benefit you. And there is no use in pretending the world is perfect right now. That is just propaganda. And I‘m not a fan of it.
So I guess what I‘d advise is to not be ignorant. Learn about yourself, your own situation and what that means, gain class conchiousness by learning about class and why it comes with inequality as well. And also listen to yourself too.
A big part of this meme actually is self hate. The person isn‘t functioning in this system and is blaming themselves for struggling. So no. Helpful isn‘t telling them to just learn to take on more work loads consistently. It‘s telling them they aren‘t bad for having a brain anamoly. They aren‘t stup*d for struggling. That they are disadvantaged societally and to seek out adhd resources that are made by ppl with ADHD of varied places to see what may help you. And also, learn to listen to yourself like I said before. Not everything we feel is wrong because we have ADHD. If your body is sick from not eating for too long or you feel burn out creeping in stop wasting away working and get up and take care of yourself. Don‘t neglect yourself and learn to take breaks in a way that works for you too. You aren‘t lazy if you hit burnout. You aren‘t weak if your adhd is making everything a million times harder than life is for neurotypicals. You are strong. You are worthy, and your adhd doesn‘t make you lesser. Your labour or lack of labour does not define you. You define you. And with the life expectancy of ppl with this disorders being so low, surviving every day with this huge debuff we carry is a win. It isn‘t your fault that we live in a world that defines your worth purely in how much you can sla*e away to make someone richer every day for crumbs in return. So no, it is not your fault that you are struggling. The world is unfair. And all you can do is make the best of it. And being alive today reading this is part of that. You are here, you are worthy and we do love you. Even if it feels like nobody does. Every human on this planet has intrinsic value so don‘t ever let someone tell you you don‘t. And if you do feel like nobody values you. I do. I might just be a random stranger, but I do mean that. Just remember that. The world may seem like a cold harsh place full of cruelty, indifference, denial and evil, but remember that there is people on it in your position that do care about you. So don‘t give up. You can get better. You just have to try and learn to treat yourself well in the process. And part of that is not being your worst bully. It‘s about unlearning the self hate. Because no amount of productivity is good for you if it happens because of emotional self harm.
Thank you. Yes. Yes to all of this. I love his lectures, I am studying to apply to psychiatry residency myself, but this whole "teaching how to cope with the system" without criticizing the system is just BS. We cannot talk about mental health in this society without addressing the fact that some are overworked and others unemployed and that minimum wage is an insult and it can barely feed one person. Labour and wealth NEED to be redistributed before we can talk about dealing with mental health issues, otherwise it is just putting a band-aid on a severed limb.
And I would also like to mention to my fellow doctors who flinch at the idea of redistribution of wealth... My friends... we belong to the working class as well. Just because we make more, it doesn't mean we own means of production. If we stop working for health issues or whatever reason, guess what, we go broke. We, the working class, the ENTIRETY of the working class, need to wake up, stop fighting amongst ourselves and fight the real enemy here...
ADHD needs a case by case data base, and how each case was either completely alleviated or gives tips to cope with that specific case. If the data base gets big enough, you put in a questionnaire that will guide them toward similar cases to their own.
I have to find medical advice on RUclips because my doctor doesn’t care about me. I’m a poor man with ADHD and I’m treated like dirt so yea I’m at this brick wall instead of the brick wall that actively hurts my emotional well being
Dr k Is the only channel I can comfortably sit for 2+ hrs and enjoy everypart especially with ADHD lol
Did you guys also watch this video in small chunks after getting distracted on the internet, only to return and continue another little chunk just for the cycle to repeat?
WHY CANT THEY MAKE SCHOOL SUBJECTS INTO VIDEO GAMES.
History would be AMAZING!
They do it for kids, why not teens and adults?? I have ADHD and wasn't diagnosed until later in life and i feel it!!
Bro's whole Chanel is about me.
Ive adhd and i absolutely refuse to take meds... i dont want that sh*t in my body and i struggled my whole life! Ppl calling me lazy all the time its a nightmare... god bless dr k! It hit hard when he said %60 of married women get divorced with adhd! I completely understand as i experienced it and i know every single thing that my adhd was interfering with!
So I havent watched the whole video yet but this thing about creating habit is all good and u can train ur self into habit but one thing in that day can ruin ur routine which then means ur head is way back when u first started 3 months and have to fight through 3 months again and it just keeps going round like a circle...
hello Dr.K i watch these videos and pretend you're lecturing me outside my window while holding up a boombox like John Cusack in Say Anything
Hey so I’m an adhd troglodyte, diagnosed at 7 never got my meds bounced around schools etc…
I’ve recently figured out that going for runs and exercising helps start the motions of everything.
Cool I smoked a doink, went on a run, pushups then stretched 🤔 Now I should shower, well I’m in the bathroom might as well brush and use these facial products. Oh I might as well clean the sink and tub while I’m in there.
Consistency is hard so I just do it as much as I can 😅
Same here. I started smoking w33d (smoking is bad) but I can do so many things without all the anxiety and depression. I do find that I can't smoke with others due to weed not giving me any downing effects. I just want to smoke and start doing stuff, I like coding and cooking stoned, I feel more confident in taking new opportunities.
I used to be a patient of Addiction Treatment Centre for over 27 months long. I have started in the beginning of 2019. Few months ago I have found first material about ADHD and started to "digg" in so for the moment I'm almost convinced that this is my case. Everything started to match. I would like to share my experience with creating the habits of writing down the things.
First month in the ATC I had terrible troubles with my memory. While moving from one room to other I was not able to remind what was the purpose of my movement. Later on I have started to noting down tasks, but totally forgetting that I have done so. It took me months with no effects looking my notes before breakfast, before dinner, before supper, before meetings, before work. Along this "training" I was treated with corrective impacts (? not sure if this is correct term, I mean penalties for not fulfill of duties) which I believe helped me too. After about year and a half finally I could say that noting down and reading it up started to work properly. Would I ever get used to it without a help from outside? It certainly would take me much more time.
Thanks for your effort Doc!
I have warped time so severely that I am always years behind and then I am not sure how I skipped through that much time that I was not able to accomplish my goals. I have noticed how my sense of time is fragmentary as I have seen comments that I posted 2 years ago from videos that I left incomplete and somehow I went back to them in the present and in my memory it just seems that I made them recently. I am not sure how I lapsed through that time.
Thank you for clarifying that it's not just gender, but societial expectations based on gender.
Dr. K, I really appreciate your videos on ADHD as well as other mental health topics. This video rang very true. (I also loved that you used the same analogy that I use of the person in a wheelchair going upstairs without a ramp.)
I’m a female with inattentive ADHD who was not diagnosed until I flunked out of grad school. I started over, repeated my degree at a different school, graduated, and have been working as a psychotherapist with kids and families for the last 2 years. I treat ADHD, which is really to say I do a lot of psychoeducation with families about the scaffolding they can set up to help their kids, and I coach parents on how to have more positive interactions and relationships with their kids.
The problem is my job is always at risk, because I can’t seem to improve my ADHD symptoms. Meds don’t seem to make a difference. As far as ADHD specific services, my insurance only offers a psychoeducation class for ADHD, which has taught me information but doesn’t helped me apply it. I don’t have scaffolding from my family or from my workplace, even though I’ve tried to ask for accommodations. I’ve seen different therapists at schools and jobs, but I’ve never found one that could help me address my ADHD symptoms, even though I’ve tried to ask for services to address the ADHD specifically. The therapists I come across as a client don’t really seem to know what to do with ADHD. Even my supervisor, who also treats ADHD in kids, doesn’t seem to know how to support me. My job is at risk due to my struggles with time management, time blindness, poor organization, and poor working memory, which cause me to suck at my paperwor. The job insecurity makes me anxious, and I’m either burnt out or actually depressed, all of which makes everything even harder.
I also notice that some of the families I serve have a very hard time scaffolding their kids, when the parents don’t have their ADHD well managed. I’m a bit baffled about what to do to help myself and these parents when we can’t scaffold ourselves or find scaffolding. On behalf of the families I serve and myself, thank you for anything else you can offer to help us navigate this diagnosis more successfully.
You can try using alarms for time management, limit the number of clients, create a repeatable format for the paperwork. Although I cannot know exactly about your struggles.
I recently researched a lot of stuff about female hormones, insuline resistance etcetera and found in a female body just about everything is sensitive to too much or too little estrogen. I wouldn't be surprised if that hormone system is the reason the meds do not work so often in women. Maybe, just maybe, you have it extra hard because of an imbalance in those. Doesn't have to be menopausal, can be all your life. This also has a big brain/emotional component and stops you being steady regulated because of the four week cycle (if you're lucky, shorter for me). There were two speaker/doctors on Mel Robbins' podcast that explained it.
The severity of my symptoms has fluctuated, and I would not be surprised if it is connected to hormones based on content I have seen from multiple sources.
@@amandapenny8501My ADHD symptoms are definitely worse in the days before my period. 😮💨
Just finished watching this for the 2nd time. I take more from it every time, it’s so insightful
"meet Edd. he uses post-it notes to remind himself to buy... more. post-it notes..." -w-'
Darn those beautiful eyes! I really like the way you explain the things I was always looking for answers to. The world is so full of twisted truths and ones that are just ever so slightly missunderstood. Thanks for clearing it up for us!
26:30 Topic starts ❤
thanks was going to close the video XD
@@hannanmoosavie4052 yeah adhders need timestamps lol
Watching your videos have helped me become more productive in general
Im genuinely trying my best to find tgings to enjoy in life even if it's kind of forced
Im not mindlessly scrolling thru youtube and taking steps to live like a functional human being instwad of a disgusting beggar
I cleaned up 4-5 months of trash from my room and my car
Im showering and brushing my teeth regularly
Working out
Waking up not 10 minutes before work
Folding clothes instead of dumping them on the floor
Throwing out trash in the trash instead of on the floor
Youre a real one Dr K
Hey GG, in an addiction psychiatry if you resist the craving it gets worst you've said, but in your 'Ignore yourself video' you said that 'ignore desires, ignore pulses'. I find these two explanataion congusing at all. at least for me. Could you explain more about that? What point am I missing? Thank you! Thank you! :)
Maybe it means that your want to reduce amount of times you give into low level (1-4 strength) impulses. To reduce the chance of forming an addiction
You want to please strong impulses (5-10 strength impulses) to reduce the chance of making the addiction/impulses harder to resist. You want to reduce the amount of times you get that strong impulses overtime.
Hope that makes sense! (Dr k. Let me know if I am on the right track!)
I can't say for certain, I think it helps to acknowledge the impulse/compulsion, and then journal about the underlying emotions coming up rather than indulge the impulse/compulsion. Look into Susan David's Ted Talk and book on Emotional Agility. Often we're avoiding emotion through our addiction(s). By learning to attune to our emotional states, we become more flexible in our responses, rather than succumb to our impulses and compulsions.
I think because desires are fleeting while addictions are consistent; you may want a donut but you can live without it and the desire goes away. Unlike addiction, you’re not thinking about it 24/7. Whereas addiction you believe that you need it otherwise something is wrong and you can’t function without it.
Basically, different levels of wanting
Be very careful of mixing dr.k words on different topics, it is highly dependent on WHAT he is talking about. Is he talking about addiction in the 'ignoring yourself video'? What is the purpose of 'ignoring desires'? Is it to fight addiction? Also 'resisting' is not 'ignoring', so be mindful of what he is actually talking about.
hes specifically talking about pornography addiction. go and watch the video that hes talking about. the method he speaks about in that video he specifically states doesnt necessarily work with all types of addictions.
This hits home for me been living with ADHD my whole life im 40 years old lost relationships and jobs because of it so im grateful for you
I have a hunch that I have ADHD, without watching the video my commentary is that my mental health journey over the last few years has been a lot like going to webmd when I’m not feeling good. I feel like I’ve self imposed even more potential mental health issues while researching the topic.
You should watch videos of people explaining their adhd especially i their childhood, and make sure you watch multiple because it’s a little different for everyone.
The worst thing you can ever do in any situation is going to a website like WebMD.
As someone with ADHD my advice is to just get a professional diagnosis ngl, worst thing that could happen is you having ADHD
Sounds like a bad place to be in, it is interesting that you took the time to comment this but not even to watch some or all of the video. In the end you gotta decide to either willfully ignore it and turn away (and then not guilt trip yourself) or face the maybe uncomfortable truth. Oh and before you check webmd again, rather use AI they usually have more helpful and less anxiety inducing advice and you can ask questions back to find out what steps you could take next. Blessings, may you find yourself again!
@@DioHard I comment a lot more on RUclips than I watch sometimes 🤣
1:01:18 the way ive had these exact same childhood experiences with teachers and piano practice and everything got me feeling very called out right now
I had the same with guitar
Yeah, the end kinda of gives an dubious message.
Is important to not give up and always try to make changes to make your life better even if the are difficult, But a person also needs to know to respect her limits.
Accepting and pushing thought difficulties and struggles, just going forward without stopping is what lead me to burnout and almost killing myself at 20. After it I have way less functional capability today that i had at the time, because it leaves after effects just like a stroke.If I listen to my body and respected my limits and wisely choose what difficuties what worthy and what are not, i feel try to achieve a mental balance of things instead of always going beyond my limits could have avoided all of that and keep more of my health.