Living with Chronic Suicidality
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- Опубликовано: 14 янв 2022
- **If you are in distress, or are having thoughts of suicide or of self harm in any way, please please please REACH OUT. Go to your nearest emergency room department, call your doctor/psychiatrist if you are in contact with one, your therapist if you have one, or a mental health crisis line in your area. There is help available to keep you safe until you are in a more safe state of mind. Your life matters.**
It is an unfortunate reality that many people who experience suicidal thoughts experience these on a chronic, ongoing basis. In this video, I share my own experience with this, as well as discuss some of the strategies I used to work through these perpetual suicidal thoughts.
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I hate the “it gets better” campaigns, too. It makes depression sound like it’s temporary and can just go away. If someone has severe depression, sometimes nothing they do helps. That’s just the reality. And some people’s lives just never improve.
Yet I am sure I couldn't muster up the courage to jump
Thank you so much profusely for these videos. Until you I have had train wreck Bipolar1 😞 and felt very alone.
Thank you for putting yourself out there.
This right here, this finally hit right now.
You certainly don't get a chance to get better within that morrons environment mentality !! Let's be honest with them it's a disease to be happy !! Youd best off with your gym buds than in an hospital ,surely you don't have to be Einstein to find that out ,these carers make you lose all your life purpose because they do not have one sadly ! As clear as that it's not you it's the sick environment
The worst frase for me is "it's ok to be not ok"
“What made you sad?” Lol If I knew I wouldn’t tell you 🎉
"It gets better. For some people, maybe it doesn't."
I love you lady
-Come over an see
Johnny Depp threatens to end Amber Heard’s life-a tape from trial
I read a few things suggesting that not having social support is generally the reason mental health issues don't get better, but that that fact wasn't profitable enough for the pharma companies to let it be shared.
So true even though I still go through it from time to time.
Yes, this, my life has never gotten away from poverty even as hard as I am fighting
Absolutely right. If you're not in immediate crisis no one cares. I've been dealing with chronic suicidality for years. It's every day, often all day. I've been sent to the hospital a couple of times, which did nothing for me. It's almost like no one even believes me when I tell them I'm afraid that one of these days I'll finally just do it, spontaneously. No one cares. No one cares.
I think many people do care very deeply! Unfortunately many things about the mind/brain are still a mystery. Perhaps some better answers are right around the corner!
And if you mention it to your therapist, they stop talking to you and make you call 911. Where they don't take you seriously because it's chronic, not acute. So you try to talk to your therapist, who stops talking to you and makes you call 911. Where they don't take you seriously because it's chronic and not acute. So you talk to your therapist.... See where I'm going? It never ends, and we are never helped.
Right! And then the very same people who say they care don't really care, because they're never there for you! It's like, do you know how hard it is to choose life every day with this illness? The least people can do is check in, but they can't be bothered!
@@missovercomer2488 YES!!!! Omg, this is exactly how I feel. Thank you so much for saying it.
I feel you hun. 3am here brain won’t stop the skin crawling:’)
My husband completed suicide this summer- I knew he was depressed but he would never admit to it- maybe he had something else, some other mood disorder . I figured out that he seemed depressed/ extremely moody as a young wife. His death by suicide was something I never expected, we worked through some tough times but came through them . It came as a huge shock and felt like a betrayal.Now as I think about I realize that he had a plan, possibly for a very long time. I had not heard about chronic suicidality but this sounds like what he may have been going through. His death was abrupt, impulsive, but so was he. We had a long mostly happy marriage, almost 35 years, ( I’ve had a couple of people say that it can not be true because he died by suicide!), one of our children has been suicidal for a long time ( she gets help through therapy, exercise, a good marriage and some medication). I asked him to get a physical to test for thyroid, testosterone, etc, but he would not. I am not hiding his death and people really don’t want to talk about him but I feel that it would be disrespectful not to. He was a good man, complicated and intelligent but he would NOT accept that he needed help. He was estranged from his whole family but not ours nor mine. There was no shame about mental illness in my family nor ours, I should have been possibly more patient, he was just unreachable by me and our children. Burnout I now think was an issue too when I hear you speak about the larger factors. He had friends too, but he just shut us all out. I miss him so much. I wish he had seen your videos, what a relief to talk about suicidality openly and honestly. You present yourself extremely well, and you make a great spokeswoman for mental health.
Sorry for your loss
omg.. 💔 I'm so sorry
sorry for your loss. I can totally relate having been down the dame path with my Children's father.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Your husband's depression and chronic suicidality did not mean you two weren't OK in your relationship. I know from loving someone with the same condition, they were the closest they ever came to being truly happy, when with me. The darkness... It is something within them. Your external relationship cannot heal that. It doesn't mean you didn't have a good, solid thing 💜
Obrigada por falar sobre esse tema 🙏🏼❤️ parabéns pela lucidez. Só quem convive sabe a importância.
Thoughts of suicide have been with me since I was a child. It's always just been there, simmering in the background. When I've talked about it, people freak out and assume I'm about to attempt it rather than just listen to me. The medicalized approach has made things worse for me - not better. It doesn't get better - you just learn to live with it. I'm very glad to hear you speak the truth about how life doesn't really matter. It's true. You have to forge ahead and try and make your own meaning. And then, you die. It's absurd! I'm also glad you mentioned housing and food insecurity. I live in deep poverty and it accounts for about 75% of my chronic stress. Last time I saw my psych, we decided to try a new med. As he was writing the prescription, I asked him "Can you write me a prescription for food and rent?" If those stressors were taken care of, I wouldn't need as many meds!
Exactly! I've also struggled with these ideas since I was a child and now, as an adult, it can be difficult to stay positive when there are so many environmental factors that make good mental health difficult to achieve. Not to mention there are so many depressing things going on the world that may not directly affect me but still weigh on me.
If I weren't a Christian, life wouldn't have
meaning
Genau gesagt.
OMG! I didn't think anyone else thought like me! Thankyou 🙏 it's not just me!
I feel like I could have written this comment, exactly. All of this. Solidarity, Mrs. N.
you describe this perfectly. just a passive desire not to be alive.
There's a Swedish book called "I don't want to die, I just don't want to be alive."
God gives you life, and gives meaningful
activity and social connections to help
What about when every single one of those connections goes away??
@@cathy7382 god is not real thing, its religious fairy tail book you think is real sky daddy book
Agreed. Whenever I talk to an expert about feeling suicidal, they turn me away because I have the urges under control ... just barely under control. So the signal from the system is "stop wasting our time and call back when you're serious about it." In the hospital I presented as suicidal and was put in a booth until I got myself under control about 12 hours later.
yeah I HATE THAT
They are absolutely right. Your condition is characterized by how critical you are of your thoughts and feelings. Your thoughts and feelings may deceive you, but you have the ability to determine which thoughts and feelings are normal for you and which of them are abnormal. You don't have to take any thoughts and feelings as a guide to action. Only a fool is led to any of his soul movements. If you understand that suicidal thoughts are not what you would like for yourself, this is not what your mother would like for you, then everything is not so bad. Treat these thoughts as different stuff that gets into your head, but try to treat it with humor. Imagine that a man is walking by and here he is accosting you with this bullshit. And you tell him everything you can say in this case.
The other week, a paramedic refused to take me to hospital. They told me to call emergency the next day and ask for a corresponder. I did what he said to do and the person in charge of sending out a corresponder told me I wasn’t an emergency. I ask police why they don’t want to stop cyber bullying, which was my latest suicidal trigger. I had a senior seargent of my local station literally hang up on me, after my complaint of a detective forcing me to sign a withdrawl of my claims of the gaming abuse. I don’t know what else to do. The bullying doesn’t stop. They continue with other people, not just me. Police and medics don’t do anything to stop bullies, because it’s “not a crime”.
Yup! The mental health here in the UK have not bothered with me in about two years they got fed up with me. I have suicidal thoughts 24hrs a day it's my crutch.
I made this for people like you and me who struggle with suicidal thoughts. ruclips.net/p/PL4mWyJOTVD-7jmTIJ9UGufD604wYzhY0s
Ketamine treatments stopped my chronic suicidality in its tracks. Immediate relief in the first 45 minutes after the IV infusion. It was like the heavy blanket finally lifted. I continue to go in for maintenance and my depression is now in remission!! Amazing after such a deep, chronic depression I thought I’d never escape from. It seriously saved my life.
Thanks for sharing. I’ve been wanting to do an alternative therapy. This was one of the ones I’ve considered. What exactly do ketamine treatments do?
It's dangerous to hail one specific drug as the solution to everything, psychiatry is a process of trial and error and currently ketamine is at the very end of that process, along with ECT. It's also still illegal in many countries so your post might make someone consider illegal drugs. Anyone reading this should bring it up with their psychiatrist but not consider it a surefire solution
I'm not aware of any study demonstrating long-term betterment but it definitely helps short term and I think more countries should consider legalizing it as treatment
@@clemdelaclem Not sure why you felt the need to comment this. My post was about sharing my personal experience and success with the treatment; nowhere did I "hail" it as a panacea for everything. Please examine your internalized stigma.
Ketamine is regulated and legal for medical professionals to use and prescribe in hospital and clinical settings. It is, like most medications, illegal for individuals to obtain for the non-prescribed purpose of selling or abusing.
@Terri Caton Art so sorry about your son. Yes, I was skeptical after 13 failed trials of medications. I thought I was the unlucky soul who would never be happy. But I’m so glad I gave it a try because honestly it is about the closest thing to a miracle I’ve ever experienced. I was on the edge, and it saved my life. And I know several others who have said the same thing. I really hope that it is someday covered by insurance.
I wish I could get katamine treatment because nothing works with my depression and wish for death regularly. Unfortunately in my country. Katamine is illegal. Where did you get your K treatment done ?
The knowledge of suicide is the only thing that keeps me living.
I am similar at the moment. The knowing that I have the option.
My Dad made a serious attempt at suicide, he was a rapid cycling manic depressive with psychosis & schizophrenia. He struggled deeply his entire life. I saw him after his first critical attempt. the day after as he had been moved from ICU into psych hospital. I asked him what he thought about his attempt. He told me it was the most foolish thing he had ever done & said he would never try suicide again as an option to end his torment. I am grateful to him for telling me this, for it takes the thoughts that come to me off the table. It’s not an option to end even the worst of his suffering. I have been learning to suffer my chronic pain and despair one moment at a time, just each moment, this moment. I don’t know if this helps at all, but I wanted to share it. Dad died of heart failure at 86yrs old, he really fought to live every minute till the end.
🫂🫂🫂💓🕊
Wow, that sounds intense that he lived that way,
It’s scary as a therapist to work through this if you don’t have any training on it. We’re pressured to have people committed or we can get into loads of trouble when we miss things. Someone needs to find a therapist who they feel like they can be extremely open and honest with.
We do not get enough training on chronic suicidality, as providers, in school. Sharing your story. I’m sure your video will be shared in graduate schools all across the world so providers can better help people. 💜
the problems wuth therapists doing this (sorry,I definitely don't speak for everyone,if it helps some people I am so glad 💕 but this is how I felt after being forced into those places along with some others) I was much worse after being in those places because I was treated very horribly in there,one place killed a patient and the state covered it up
I totally agree! I work in psychiatric care in Sweden and Im thinking this video could be lifesaving. Im excited to show colleagues and patients. Thank you!
Yes! And it's so dumb that you have to pay so much money as a therapist to be certified in any particular modality of therapy (like DBT, CBT, etc.) - there are so many barriers for therapists when it comes to accessing additional, more specialized training. DBT is really the main way to go for chronic suicidality but it's generally pretty inaccessible to both therapists and clients in the proper DBT classes format.
This is why I oftentimes just won’t mention my passive feelings on not wanting to be alive to my therapist. Unless I feel like it’s getting bad enough that I might take action, I stay silent because I don’t want to be committed forcibly or constantly hounded about it (know from experience and it is not a good time). I wish I didn’t feel like I couldn’t be fully honest.
@@ashtaylor4107 i feel the same way 😢
I'm in this now at 58.
I cannot escape it.
Chronic suicidal ideation is a part of my disorder. And it makes friends, family, and health care practitioners very uncomfortable. I want to be able to talk about it without being forcibly admitted. It's very rarely bad enough to be a threat to my life. It's just part of existing for me.
And I hear you on how hard it is to make friends. I got off of social media for my mental health and now I'm like, crap, how do I meet people?
As an idea: Try looking online for a local group ( mental health group , or a Death Cafe is another option, as an example) , and then meet for lunch in person ( or coffee, etc) or volunteer somewhere - nice people generally volunteer and are open minded. I belong to a Survivors of Suicide group in my town where I have met face to face with several of the other members. It’s a start. Good for you about not using social media for a while! I have found that it helped me to feel better as well. It is hard to find friends that are willing to listen but they ARE out there.
The taboo of not being able to openly talk about it, makes it worse. It then becomes like a festering secret. It should be talked about, because death is a part of life, just like birth. If it was talked about and wasn't a taboo, then maybe all the depressing things that contribute to life being depressing could actually be addressed and society could be designed better, and smart deep thinking people could fit into it better and actually have a place. We used to have artists, poets, philosophers but in this world unless you are a contributor worker cog in the corporate military alliance, there is no place for you. You can't even walk into the forest and go be alone in nature as a hermit or free being anymore as that requires a digital reservation, a fee, and a day pass.
@@machinethesun9243 it's designed to be unhealthy on purpose. If we're poor, we're exploitable. They legit don't want to built better societies. It's why things aren't getting better. The people with power have no investment in things getting better. But they sure do love to see us fight over culture wars.
There's a strong correlation with depression and intelligence. When you see it, it's incredibly hard to be ok.
@@thenerdgirl1this. Well said.
@@thenerdgirl1 Very interesting thoughts. I think too, that most of the people in power are only self-centered maniacs, who don't care about the well-being of others. A lot of them could be even considered to be genuinely evil. And I don't mean in the sense of conspiracy-theories like freemasons etc. Just in the psychological and moral sense. They are truly insane and morally corrupted and corrupt everything they come in contact with. It's actually disgusting. They are not leaders or the "elite", not at all. They're mostly just despicable thugs in well-tailored suits.
I’m in my 30s now. I have had chronic suicidal thoughts since I was 9. For many reasons, I only got diagnosed with depression and started treatment about a year ago, when I no longer felt safe being alone with those thoughts. I wholeheartedly agree that, with chronic suicidality, oftentimes it’s not about eliminating the thoughts (which still seems impossible for me), but about changing our relationship with them. What works the most for me is learning to not identify with those thoughts. I feel most safe when I am able to treat those thoughts as some kind of chronic pain: it’s there, but it’s just a non-life threatening symptom that I can handle (with the help of medication and therapy). I’m not saying that this will work for everyone, but for me personally it is easier to distance myself from suicidal thoughts than to eliminate them.
This is a good post.
I like this way of thinking a lot
Same here. I am 39 almost 40 and I'm dreading it because I didn't get a chance to make a life for myself or find love when I was younger due to medication Benzodiazepines ruining my life. I have been thinking about committing suicide because I can't bare with the thought of turning 40. I also look no where near so I am 😕 about my age and not very happy. My doctor is unsupportive and doesn't try different treatments for with Mr to get me better. She thinks klonopin and Lexapro is helping and it's doing nothing but making me worse. Some nights I feel OK and others not but I have been extremely suicidal over a whole year. I have been so suicidally depressed I haven't been enjoying things I use to for almost months now since last year and I am afraid sometimes because I don't want to die. Noone does but I'm tired of being in constant pain. I developer depression at 15 due to being badly bullied in school and losing the only friend I truly loved which feels worse than him dying.
I've been struggling with suicidal ideation just as long, literally. Since I was 8 I have felt the desire to disappear on and off always and always. There were times when I was more stable, less triggered less afraid of what I might succumb to... Most of my life has been plagued by poverty and physical disability. So "get proper nutrition and exercise" hasn't even been accessible to me. The years (like now) where I couldn't even get food properly have been the worst. Now as a full-time caretaker for my elderly mother who is slowly passing, the only person who ever really *saw* me and has now forgotten me I don't welcome old age though I don't welcome death either but still the ideation haunts me. Often I think of how little people actually care... Or even know what I fight. I turned 40 about a month ago. I was facing eviction - I still am. Even help surviving physically isn't offered to me, how could I feel valuable, wanted, save-worthy? This all triggers my childhood trauma which lead to the suicidal ideation. All that to say, you're not alone. I hope you're still here with us.
Thank you for your comment.
Sometimes, I think of my suicidal thoughts as a headache, of some other physical symptom, instead of a definition of who I am. It helps me to stop focus on the chronic suicidality.
Sending you lots of love from eastern Quebec.
Same, not identifying with your thoughts allowed mine to go away. I just paid less attention to them and it took power away from them. We are not our thoughts
I had no idea there was a name for this, but it's basically the way I've felt since I was about 9, but didn't have a name for it until my late 20s. I've attempted 4 times since I was 17; I've found therapy and resources that help, and am very lucky to have a supportive family. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for talking about it and putting a name to it.
Dude! My first attempt was when I was 9, I never met anyone who was suicidal at this age too! Thanks for sharing
Who are you closer to, your mother or your father?
Also felt this way from the same age.
@@bens2718 No, that's what your comment is for. Hope you get the help you need to deal with whatever it is you're going through
@@bens2718 Someone willing to listen when you're ready to talk about what is actually bothering you.
I usually stay silent because I have autism not schizophrenia. I just listen, I love Lauren she is great. Anyway, autistic people are another group of people where the suicide rate is very high. I myself have had such thoughts for more than twenty years (and never told anyone). But my reasoning is not that it doesn't matter to be alive. It just too painful to push through another day. There are many comorbidities to autism and I myself have some of them and then some other conditions on top of that. So the pain is intense. Otherwise I relate very much to Lauren 💜
I’m autistic too, and I struggle with suicidal thoughts, or a temptation to leave this world. I use all of my power to change the world so it’s worth living in for the innocent people who are opressed. Even that is a struggle. I’m a female gamer who streams. Bullying is really bad. I wish life were easier. Thankfully I have faith in God. Without that, my passion would be minimal. I keep saying to my autistic housemates, “If everyone was autistic, the world would make more sense, and we’d look normal.”
Yes!!! Bullying from my family, my peers at school, and now coworkers have driven me to want to unalive myself more than once.
There is a lot of pathologizing autism as “unempathetic,” but I will never stop being shocked and horrified by how much allistic people ENJOY harming others. Autistic people make mistakes but I’ve never observed one who smirks and crows and enjoys harming others like the average allistic person.
It’s sad and painful and chronic and of course I just want to go home/rest forever.
It’s tough to stay motivated when experience has taught you that this will be your life, every day, until you die.
@@sarah_ferguson I am lucky enough to have experienced actual provable divine intervention in my life. Yes, I recognize that sounds crazy, but I just can’t lie about something this important.
So from one burdened autistic woman to another, I just want you to know that god is absolutely real and no matter what happens, we all get to go home and rest. God knows your pain and is so happy to hold you and comfort you and you will one day know it fully in your experience.
Good luck to you.
@@youtubename7819 Take care 💜 I could talk about my experience but it would turn into the hatefest. I also meant the physical pain too, but I won't talk about it either. It is comforting to know that I am not alone though 🤗
@@Lav640 Self diagnosis is valid. Sure, it won't give you accomodations in work but we would accept you as community ❤
I knew I had schizophrenia, but never heard about this before. I don't have any urge, just think about it all the time. Like there's a small vocal part of myself that keeps telling me to do it, even though I don't actually want to? Kind of a difficult thing to explain to anybody, I think it would just worry people pointlessly. We're all gonna die, I'm not in a rush, I'm not suffering. But for some reason the concept of it really sticks in my head. I'm scared to do ECT or go on more meds since I'm doing so comparatively well where I am. Maybe I'll try reducing the loneliness a bit!
Thank you for this comment. Listening to the first few minutes of this video, I kept wondering whether having suicidal thoughts but not actually feeling suicidal or wanting to die was chronic suicidality. P.S. if it matters, I don't have schizophrenia
When I had a really big anxiety crisis, I was sorta left for a while with these intrusive thoughts of acting out of impulse and just ending my life, particularly from jumping from high places. Though at the beginning I did experience symptoms of depression, like apathy, those waved off fairly quickly, but these intrusive thoughts continued, I couldn't even get close to my apartment windows or keep them open out of fear. So it wasn't really that I wanted to or planned to end my life, but rather that I was fearful of "losing control" and doing such it. I also would fear just throuwing objects out of my hands into someone out of nowhere, so I do think need of control was really central in all of these.
After months and a lot of therapy, meditation, yoga and what else, these finally started to wave off as well, though I'm still much more fearful of heights than before. The psychology of the brain is an interesting thing.
@@Reiska05 I wish you a good day, Skitso. And I send you a big hug and compassion. ❤
@@Reiska05 Yeap, that's me! I hope you have a nice day as well. Take care, things are strange and unpredictable!
You have such an objective, neutral and rational type of speaking about this topic. I really like this. I'm a medical student and this was very educational for me, but also just nice to listen to. You give concrete solutions and acknowledge that some tips aren't easy to execute. Still you provide great tools in a helpfull way. Thank you.
Well said. Thank you for this.
Agreed.
As a medical student, when you get out and become a DR you will find that you will easily burn out when you realize there are very little resources for mental health for people you will be treating.
Make sure to look at healthygamergg
I continue to suffer from chronic suicidality after many years of treatment and hospitalizations. I never found the secret to healing this problem. I found this video helpful especially the part about one's personal philosophy about life. I think I need to think about this some more and perhaps find some relief. I used to willingly go into hospital and after a few months of stressful treatment would pretend things were better just to get discharged. It was a revolving door. Finally I got smart and realized that the hospitalizations weren't helping. I have been out for 5 years! Because I know it's my problem to deal with. Thanks for giving me a few more tools Lauren.
Maybe try alternative treatments like vagus nerve stimulation, deep brain stimulation, ketamine, magic mushrooms, or TMS. I’ve heard about different ones that help people with treatment resistant depression.
The best way to protect yourself from this is to tell yourself - I will never commit suicide. I have obligations to mom, dad, husband, wife, child, cat. Thoughts of suicide are nothing, it's the wind. I will not enter into the game with these thoughts. These thoughts may capture the imagination, but it's not about me. Let them play without my participation. Let them crash against your position. They will not leave you alone, but they will lose relevance for you.
I am a Schizophrenic as well, and I thought I was alone in this Chronic Suicidality.
My 11 year old son, who lives with Autism, is already suffering chronic suicidality. He constantly asks what the meaning of life is, asks what's the point of living. What you've said is basically what I say to him! WE choose what the meaning of our lives are. WE get to decide our focus and purpose.
(We both) definitely struggle with the constraints of life, eg money, jobs, school & the things that we must do in order to be part of this world. It does make things hard sometimes, when he doesn't want to have to go to school etc. But in a way I believe it also helps. As it gives us some roots in the ground, some structure.
Thank you for your videos. I love what you do.
I'm an autistic adult (high functioning). I had a long battle with suicide. I found out what was causing it for me. I think your son will really enjoy the content I'm going to be making about the scientific causes of suicidal thoughts.
For crisis survival I made this toolkit:
ruclips.net/p/PL4mWyJOTVD-7jmTIJ9UGufD604wYzhY0s
Thank you so much for talking about this, I’ve been dealing with this for about 7 years and never knew what was happening. At this point, it’s part of my normal routine to not expect I’ll be alive the next day, every day. It feels like a never-ending nightmare, which is why I couldn’t understand why people even *liked* living.
And you are so right about the “It gets better” campaigns! I don’t want to get better at some point, I want to feel better now :(
Yes!
I hate to pry but have you tried any type of medication ?
its only get better if things change. if you are stuck, and some things cant be changed, recovery is almost not possible, like in my case.
The way i coped with it, once i found out what was happening to me was allowing myself to just not try to fit in with all the norms of society.
Finding joy in that I could say no more often and not wear myself out with trying to keep up.
Thankyou for posting this. One of the reasons I haven't been able to trust doctors is like you said, they don't get at the root of the problem and it's basically more medication or the psych ward. All the meds they had me on usually just made things worse.
I think having meaningful relationships would help me not be suicidal but I have a really hard time making friends
I talked about my suicidal ideas, I was not planning ti kill myself ,I just had those annoying thought and I lost most of my rights for 2 years had to fight in court that was the last time I shared my thoughts with the nurses or my psychiatrist those people cant be trusted
Were you placed in a conservatorship?
@@beautyalaritz3310 nope but I was forced to take medication against my will . I changed psychiatrist and went back to my regular medication then I was lucky I won in court 2 years after my depression and got the rigth to refuse antidepressant and visit from the care team to my home
I almost got lock up in mental hospital cause i told psychiatrist that i think i heard voices…. Never again i trust psychiatrist…. I hope you are well.
Look, majority of mental health specialists aren't there to help you. They just want you not to be a menace for society or a burden.
If you share suicidal thoughts with them they will direct you to inpatient as fast as possible because they don't wanna have that responsibility.
It is almost as if it is they believe that by making you suffer more that they can make you afraid to do it the same way punishing sombody for stealing makes them less likely to steal. Doesnt work like that. Instead you feel that you might as well tell nobody, and the one day it is too much it just happens. Then the people cry and whatever wonder why they were never told. Smh 😵
I would love to have you as a therapist. You are so knowledgeable! i always forget that you have schizoeffective disorder while watching your videos because i feel like I'm listening to a very compassionate and expert doctor. I truly admire you! you are awesome!
I'm so glad you talked about vitamins/minerals and effect on mood!
Thank you for making this video. I have struggled with daily suicidal ideations since I was in the third grade and now I'm 32- it's not easy to research or talk about... even mental health professionals make it feel almost too taboo to broach... which makes one feel even more alone, dysfunctional, and beyond depressed. You've made me feel much less alone; honestly, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your work🙏. Wishing you and your family good health.✌️
I was able to get some relief from those by giving up on idea of stopping them or shutting them out and instead alter their content over time. A gunshot to the head or (for whatever reason) a sword slicing my head off became a near miss, or a fruit or object being destroyed instead of me. In short, I
actively visualized something by choice to get ahead of involuntary, intrusive imagery.
Nowadays I have control over it even though it still happens randomly. Maybe that technique could work for some people.
Im 53 and I can tell you that it never goes away.
You spoke about something in this video that I had never heard from anyone else, and it is exactly what I am going through right now. I too have stopped eating, in a bid to cause physical and mental collapse, and because I don't want to hurt anyone or cause undo trauma by taking my own life in violence, and the fact that you so courageously exposed that painful, and very personal, aspect of your illness so candidly here has given me a little burst of resolve to try to stay alive a little bit longer, because now I don't feel so lonesome as I did before. I have anorexia too, and I am struggling to maintain myself. Thank you so much.
I'm truly happy to see your post because it is courageous and hopeful.
Please know your are very welcome to say hi with an update if you'd like.
🕊🌻
Thanks for being so open!
Thank you for helping explain this. I wished anybody going through this obtains the much needed support
Thank you so much for this! I needed it.
I find that most of mine has to do with the life that I have to live, not the one I want to. It is really hard to accept a life that somebody or Society forces onto you. I think that that is why finding a reason to be happy or to live for is so important. And if you don't like your life, you need to find a way to change it to something closer to what you can be happy with. Getting out of abusive and invalidating situations is crucial, because you cannot heal in the same environment that was creating your condition.
I’ve felt this my entire life! it’s always just a “back pocket” option for me. At least I know I can take myself out etc.
You're such a wonderful person, Lauren.
You are so loved and thank you for sharing your experience which makes you feel vulnerable
I have breaks from it when I’m drinking, but if I’m sober or just smoking weed I feel constant suicidal ideation. There are still a lot of things in life that I enjoy, but I don’t know how I’ll make it on my own once my parents pass. My autism, ADHD, social anxiety and low IQ make functioning in society seem damn near impossible. I go to bed every night hoping I don’t wake up.
You’ve described how I’ve felt on and off for most of my life ; and it’s helpful to know I’m not alone ; thank you for sharing this video and sharing your thoughts your experiences and your encouragement!! You’re a beautiful person inside and out
I first attempted when I was 7 and have dealt with chronic suicidality for two decades now. Thanks for educating and giving a platform for
others to share. Hoping to get better help soon.
Can't wait to hear this, thanks for all your efforts. 🙏
I have a loved one who is certainly Not Always Living Well with mental illness. As a result, I imagine that I can just begin to grasp the "pains" that mental illness entails. Life is sometimes (or often) tough enough without such an illness. Certainly, those dealing with mental illness should receive the full support of friends, family and society generally. Unfortunately, that is only an ideal that is not even widely shared. The harsh reality is that support at every level is typically both insufficient and inconsistent. Thank goodness Lauren through this channel is making a concerted effort to show love and support for all those who are carrying these heavy burdens. Peace, wellbeing and serenity are too rare and transitory even for those of us without an illness. I wish the best for all mankind but especially for all those like my loved one who face these often severe additional challenges.
As a severely depressed man with daily suicidal ideation, I want to thank you for considering us neurodivergents. More neurotypicals should realize that their standards are impossible for millions, but we as a society seem to be moving in the right direction... painfully slowly.
Thankful for your videos. You always explain things so well💜
I’m so glad you’re healthier now then you have been in the past.
I know personally it’s an impossible feeling way to have to live and I know for myself and a very good friend understand this terrible scary struggle and the severe lack of any decent human understanding of or treatment/support for those of us experiencing this. Makes you need to keep it a secret after you’ve been literally traumatized more than you began from just answering your councillors constant questions. They don’t understand and being secretly ambushed & manhandled by a group of officers and then having an experience inpatient that you wouldn’t ever wish on anyone you love is negatively ineffective and horrible.
I absolutely love this, and all your videos! Girl, you are an inspiration! Praying for you, your family, and your wholeness and wellness!!! Thank you, keep posting!!!!
Praying for you - you are loved and appreciated by millions of people whom you don’t even know.
Thank you so so so much for doing such a great job!!! I cannot express how helpful these videos are
I've felt this way ever since I could even remember. Thank you for your help
Thank you for talking about this. 👍
Thank you so much for speaking on this topic. I will be sharing this with many of my clients since this is so very common, yet there is so little focus on chronic suicidality. Most of the community resources want to prevent suicide deaths but are poorly equipped to deal with this type of chronic suffering. I am glad that this video now exists to be a support to those going through this very isolating experience.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I understand completely what you're going through and opening your heart to us. I appreciate you and your family. Again, thank you for giving us the opportunity to share each other's feelings in a safe, honest place. You're are so tenderhearted and angelic.
I have had a lot of exposure to this issue. Another strategy which I know is useful for some of those suffering with it is getting into philosophy and exploring what the greatest thinkers had to say on the meaning and value of life. Some people find this makes it easier to acquaint themselves with their chronic suicidality, as you say. Thank you so much for putting a name to this problem and making this video. Amazing, important work.
Right, it’s part of my flight response. It’s been a couple of years for me. It not about death necessary KU for me but, making the emotional pain stop. Glad we are talking about this.
This is the content we need on RUclips!! Great job and thank You! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜❤
Lauren, thank you so much for this video. When I dealt with this (the heaviest time) I found out I had some physical health problems that complicated it. Your ability to open up and talk about this is very helpful. Again, I thank you.
Your honesty is so palpable. Seriously, it’s obvious you’ve lived it. And your way of addressing people going through it is so understanding and reaches them at their own level. I struggled with chronic suicidality for a long long time. Now it’s just acute. Relationships are key but during a global pandemic it’s hard. For me it’s compounded by my sobriety from alcohol.
Wow, you literally just articulated my lived experience. Thank you so much.
Thanks for sharing this. Please know that you are helping people "out here".
Good job Lauren! This content in my opinion was better than ever! I'm a very serious and disturbed person but I'm sticking around for my dream and not acting rashly on destructive impulses.
Thank you for sharing. I so appreciate and love who you are. Stay safe! 🌹🌹
I've been through manic depression and suicidal ideation for 15 years (age 30 now).
I've had my fair share of therapy sessions, visits to the E.R., and roulette of medications.
As someone struggling to live, I agree and empathize with you %100.
Very different situation
Wow. You have come so far, you have learned so much! You inspire me to try harder to better myself. Thank you for sharing this and I’m proud of how much dedication you have to improving your mental health and life.
Brilliant video! Thank you. I couldn't agree more - this is such an overlooked experience/topic.
I really appreciate your words. It’s sinking in.
Your thoughts and comments are spot on.... You've articulated what is so important, misunderstood and so "not" talked about. Thank you.
As always, your unflinching honesty is so appreciated. Thank you.
This video was so needed THANK YOU
Thank you, thank you for talking about this. 💕
My suicidal thoughts have lasted for more than 10 years. Most of the time, I have the passive desire that I don't want to live anymore, without actual plans. Sometimes I did actively seek suicidal methods, and even tried some (they turned out to be totally useless) .
Thank you so much for making this video. It's good to know that I'm not alone.
same
great video, very important topic. Thank you for raising awareness. Cheers!
Thank you so much for talking about this. Its something I've always hidden because when I have brought it up no one seemed to get it. It's a daily fight of trying to manage these thoughts that always pop up alongside the constant desire to just disappear.
This is such a wonderful, well produced and comforting video. Thankyou so much
Thank you for this video. I wish I could see it when I was in my suicidal part of life, but even seeing it now that I'm doing better had a huge impact on me. Thank you again.
Thank you for this insightful video . This reminded me of a period In my late teens , early twenties . I did most of what you suggested which makes me realise I did a good job at the time with help with a therapist . I still have the suicidal thoughts but I don’t take them seriously now ; they just indicate I’m struggling and I need to take more care of myself
This was such a helpful and inspiring video. I love the part about your thoughts on the philosophy of life.
Thank you. Even just hearing one person speak in a relatable way, about what I'm going through, is very helpful.
Another really good video Lauren. You are spot on about how the health industry misses how to deal with those going through this. I'm not sure what could effectively be done better though. I went for more than a decade having nearly continual suicidal thoughts and two attempts. It was quite frustrating hearing people say "it's a cry for help." I was not crying for help unless it was an end to a very real misery. One either knows or helplessly can't understand which is why I think it's so hard to give treatment. I often refer to ways of coping as tools in a tool bag... perhaps one of the best I have is that thoughts are not the same as actions.
This video really does give me hope that someday I will have a life that feels worth living. I'm in a place where I don't really have a lot of control over things, but knowing someday I will be is comforting.
Hopeful for you. ❤
@@MISNM0 Things are actually quite a bit better now than when I posted this. Thanks so much!
@@kaylasitler3536
🙌🙌🙌🎯
Thank you. This video was so appreciated!
So insightful. Thank you so much, such an important topic
Love your content. I started watching, trying to understand my mother and her behaviors better, as she refuses any and all medications. This episode is warmly and beautifully helpful individually. Thanks hon...and thanks to your support systems for helping to keep you here and able to share!
what you said about the system failing and it compounding the issues hit the nail on the head
Thank you for making this video 🙏🏻 💕
Thank you. I can relate to what you are talking about. I can say, compared to several years ago, that those thoughts have mostly receded. You are right on about the helps. They work.
What a great video. Thank you so much for sharing this with the world. You and Rob are helping a lot of people.
Something that can be helpful is knowing that, at least in Canada, getting help from a doctor or therapist isn’t an automatic trip to the hospital.
A psychodynamic psychotherapist can be helpful as well. They’ll ask about what you’re feeling rather than jump into a risk assessment or safety plan. If therapy isn’t for someone, meaningful relationships, as you mentioned, can be really helpful too.
Been through this. I was homeless for 3 years in NYC. Many psychiatric hospital stays during that time. Suicide was a huge daily obsession for me. Don't give into it. Learn to enjoy and grow spiritually from the suffering. You can grow from these experiences . Your life isn't over.
congratulations on overcoming such challenges. I am very proud of you, and its great seeing that other people CAN get out of such obstacles. wishing you joy, creativity, funny moments and abundance in ALL. thank u for sharing
You were homeless and yet psychiatrists were forcing you to stay alive knowing your conditions ? Isn't that the most evil and sadist thing I have heard. Why do we force humans to live against their will if we just throw them to the streets when we find no use for them?
Thank you for your honesty.
Lauren, I've been watching your videos since the very very beginning, I've watched them all, and I really think this is one of the most important and powerful videos you've made so far. Thank you for being so real, and genuine, and from the heart.
Great topic to discuss. Also - the new background looks fantastic!
I've yet to watch this, but thank you so much!
Edit: Unfortunate it seems to say, but it's nice to hear I'm not alone in this feeling at least. It's been extremely difficult getting through day to day, but I continue to drag on hoping for better days. Though it is hard when the people around you don't understand how you're feeling. Why it may be difficult for you to eat, shower, clean, work... just finding motivation in general. After being on several medications to no avail, I'm able to find moments of relief through the use of psychedelic compounds. Which saddens me, because what works the most for me is illegal and heavily stigmatized.
Great video, great information, thanks again.
This video is so meaningful for many people, both as therapist and our patients. In the end you talked about the meaning of life and u explained it in a wonderful and understandable way. Thank you!
I just wanted to say thank you so much for sharing your stories. I can imagine you are helping countless people who are experiencing some of the things you have, whether or not they experience schizophrenia specifically. You are so incredibly bright, and well spoken and I wondered if you have a job that allows you to share your experiences with others. I'm thinking of a mental health office on a college campus, etc. I just really appreciate you and sending you so much love and support.
What has helped me, is *the surprising effect of perspective,*
*Instead of eating healthy,* I convince myself to avoid eating "crappily." Meaning, avoiding things like sugar, junk food, over greasy food, etc.. Even skipping the sugar in my coffee was a solution. It gets lonely not to eat comfort foods... especially when there's no one around we can metaphorically hug (i.e. socialize with at a non-stressful level).
*Instead of forcing myself to exercise,* I prefer to call it "giving myself the strength to love and care for others"; because when we're in extreme (chronic) depressions, it's hard to feel motivated to do what "needs to be done" - we just don't feel worth it at that low a mood. *A good thing to know* is, exercise doesn't always need to be vigorous: painting, yoga (even 15 minutes), music, going for a light walk, are all wonder exercises that help alleviate inner struggles.
Last important note without being super lengthy, know that *it is great to push ourselves, but deteriorating to be cruel to ourselves.* Meaning, if we aren't happy with our progress for whatever reason, being kind to ourselves, in my experience, is far more effective than negative self-criticism.
- Love makes the world go round
You have to understand that your chanel is pure gold. You give hope to so many. Willing to put yourself in front of camera, without shame of being schizophrenic is courage. Pls never kill yourself, you dont know how much help and hope you are giving to so many of us.
i don’t know how to express the pain of living with this every day, every single waking day, for over a decade. at best it’s background noise i can ignore, like a refrigrator buzz. other times, like now, it’s so loud i can barely hear anything else. and a million little spots on the spectrum in between. thank you so much for addressing this, all of your videos capture so much that i’m desperate for people around me to understand and explain them so eloquently.
Thankyou. I relate so much and appreciate the tips you gave
thanks for the video. this topic isn't talked about enough
Thank you so much for talking about this. It’s not talked about enough and I agree, it can be so isolating to feel this way.
After watching the video in entirety, these tips are so helpful. Every one of them are all ideas that I’ve come to think of lately, and when implemented, are so effective. Especially the vitamin deficiency!
Thanks for this. I hadn't heard anyone talk about this before. And I am tired of explaining essentially this to therapists and it becoming very apparent, very quickly that they have no idea what to do with me.
Yes, we need more discussion about this because it's more common than clinicians generally understand.