Dealing With Nuisance Lust | Doug Wilson
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- Опубликовано: 12 май 2021
- In this section from the book, "How to Exasperate Your Wife," Pastor Doug Wilson discusses strategies for dealing with "nuisance lust." Want more videos like this? Subscribe to the Blog & Mablog channel here: / @blogmablog4870
Check out Doug's book, "How to Exasperate Your Wife" today!
canonpress.com/exasperate/
This video is presented by Canon Press.
Check out Doug's book, "How to Exasperate Your Wife" today!
canonpress.com/exasperate/
I just saw your sexuality by design lecture and I just want to say one day I would love to shake your hand sir. Doug Wilson your a fierce warrior for Christ. You speak truth even though literally everyone is against you. God bless you forever!
Context: I was watching this video, when my three year old son walked into the room. I Paused the video, and he climbed into my lap.
Son: Daddy, who's that?
Dad: "That's Douglas Wilson"
Son: "Is he your friend?"
Dad: "I have never met him, but I like to read & listen to him."
Son: "He's my friend, I like him."
Blaming the boobs for lust is like blaming the gun for a shooting. The object isn't the problem, and our urges aren't even particularly the problem, but how we respond to it. We can't always help how we initially feel about something - anger, lust, pride, jealousy - but we can control how we respond to those internal urges, and THAT proves to whom we truly belong - our appetites or Christ. "We cannot keep the birds from flying overhead, but we can keep them from making a nest in our hair" - Martin Luther.
Spot on!
"Blaming the boobs for lust is like blaming the gun for a shooting" this is an amazing phrase. 10/10
True. Now if someone is vaunting said boobs, then they share in the blame, but again, that boils down to their heart and our heart.
I see what he's saying, but I've found the greatest success in my struggle against lust when I've placed heavy restrictions on my devices. In concept I do agree with him: we cannot trust that these safeguards will on their own be enough to keep us from lust. But it is also foolish for an alcoholic to leave liquor in the cupboard if he is trying to get clean. Jesus said to cut off your right hand if it causes you to sin, and so we should do with our devices. If necessary, make them almost useless except for the situations you absolutely need them.
Agreed! “Flee”
God is with us in temptation and provides a way out:
1 Corinthians 10:13 “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”
With Gods help we can be effective against temptation:
James 4:7 “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
I also agree but he isn't saying to keep magazines laying around and he isn't saying not to block porn sites. But I think he is saying not to let it have power over you.
I resonate with you, "if you'r eye causes you to sin.." idea
Essentially, "If you're eye causes you to sin, gouge it out"
I think there's a place for that, but I don't think it's a long-term solution. My experience while using a filter was that it restrained me to an extent, but I also felt much weaker to resist that desire any time I was on a device that didn't have a filter installed.
In a nutshell (if I'm following correctly): Don't get away from lust by only rules/regulations/moral law -which leads to legalism -but get away from lust by transforming your desires. Lust is indeed an immoral desire. Also I think he's alluding to not making such a huge deal in your mind out of something that doesn't need to be. Making a potential object of lust a huge deal will paradoxically draw your attention to it more.
Yes I think so!
The way I think of this is -- would you feel safer around a murderer who has no weapon in his hand, or an armed man who has never fired his gun? I think God wants us to be armed to the teeth, but to voluntarily lay down our swords.
That being said, I think that 90% of the reason lust is a problem in our society is because we train people up in it, rather than the opposite. I was never given any guidance because the whole subject was taboo. So, naturally, I became curious - and since even the healthy curiosity was verboten, the red line had already been crossed before I ever actually did anything wrong. Now nothing held me back from really sinning.
I often think - if only I hadn't been raised in a society that associates skin with temptation, if only I hadn't been left to my own devices when I became curious about the opposite sex, if only there had been a way to understand what I was experiencing and to learn what I wanted to know - then maybe my teacher would not have been the open, uncensored internet. I was lucky, too, in that I was at least very careful about what I looked at, since I was always trying to justify my bad behaviour. It was years before I ever dared to peek at anything more explicit than a nude photo, once I had finally given up pretending I had better motives. Kids these days are seeing hardcore stuff before puberty.
If I ever have children. I don't want them to be completely in the dark about how the opposite sex works. I don't want the government giving them the talk, either. The very sad and unfortunate fact of the present day is that children are being targeted by nefarious forces. Parents have to guide them, even though it's uncomfortable at first, even though we never received the guidance from our own parents. Sending your kid into a pr9n-ified culture without explaining the danger is a very severe, and sadly a very common form of child abuse.
Sorry for the digression - I was mostly just trying to agree that the wayward desire is the root of the evil. In my case, I think it became evil because I tried to suppress all of it, even though God made us this way for good purposes. There's a middle way between repression/puritanism and indulgence - it's called holiness, and it should be seen as the normative state! After all, we've managed a society where it's normative that people don't solve their problems with violence.
"You can nickame these breasts of other women as the 'Principalities and Powers'."
That gave me a good laugh, what a wordsmith! Relaying a powerful message with a healthy dose of deadpan humor, I love it
I died there as well
The part about clamming up and dealing with it alone struck me.
Even outside lust, struggling with sin alone is torture.
You never struggle with it alone if you involve God in helping you.
I don’t struggle with pornography or pornographic pop ups anymore, but man, this was just brilliant. Ur the best Doug
As a wife, I appreciate hearing this perspective. Thanks Doug!!
Love listening to this man talk... He's straight, helpful, wise, and, in many respects, a breath of fresh air.
I have listened to the book once, am working through it again with pen in hand. So thankful for Douglas Wilson and the work of all the brothers and sisters there in Idaho. God bless
This has been one of my favorites!! Thanks so much!! It really helps me think better as a wife.
It’s always refreshing to hear sound teaching regarding the issue of Law and grace.
🤔🤔🤔 Again, Mr. Wilson causes me to think. Thank you so much for your wisdom. 🎯
"Be satisfied with your wife's breasts" -solomon. East for him to say he had 700 pairs to pick from. Haha, just kidding. I do understand this is a serious subject I just couldn't resist the joke.
thats 1400 total!
Don't leave out the concubines .. all 3k +
😹😹😹😹
Honestly he'd be the only one truly eligible to say this, as he has experienced 700+ women and found that even that is vanity. To stick with your wife brings true joy and meaning.
Just discovered Doug this week. This is great nitty-gritty discussion of difficult subjects too often ignored. Points to awhile new level of communication waiting for spouses to explore. Sorely needed.
Did anyone else have several prolonged chuckles bordering on out and loud laughter during this video. Your the best Doug!
Listened to this book on a long trip earlier today, it really is a must-listen.
Thanks so much, Doug! Also, thanks for your sense of humor; comic relief is almost always useful!
This is some of the wisest advice I've ever heard regarding lust and it has helped me tremendously. Thanks Doug!!
The message I didn't know I needed, thanks Pastor Doug!
This is one of the most profound ways to approach the problem that I've ever heard. I will be thinking about this for a long time, thank you brother, for this.
Praise be to God, who changes your nature! Thanks pastor, all indicators of where you may be spiritually
I love you're sense of humor & you have such a real Understanding of real Life & the struggle we All have too ! God bless you & this wonderful ministry amen !
Just WOW…….well said brother! This is one of the wisest answers I heard that deals with the human aspect of lust and that can help those faithful brothers that are stuck in that cycle and don’t know if it will ever end, may God through this word bless all that hear this.
Wow...this is how I like being taught. Give it to me straight. Don't sugar coat it. Thank you for this brother.
Thank you, brother Doug. More wisdom for you and us, please Lord.
This is absolutely amazing looking back.
This is a real problem for me also. I’m so glad I found this video! Thank you!
As a man in recovery, you are hitting this on the nose. I took steps with people involved but this has been the difference this time. You have to learn to normalize the experience to overcome it. I might show my wife this one.
Thank you Pastor Wilson. Glory to God. I love you all
Ok, I am hooked. I will be ordering the book "How to Exasperate Your Wife". My wife is a long-time LCSW Christian marriage counselor that counsels the worst of the worst marriages at a marriage retreat ministry, with a very high rate of success. I showed her this clip and she laughed pretty hard and loved it.
I just saw your sexuality by design lecture and I just want to say one day I would love to shake your hand sir. Doug Wilson your a fierce warrior for Christ. You speak truth even though literally everyone is against you. God bless you forever!
Thank you Pastor Wilson
This is so good. Very well articulated and humorous.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts.
So much wisdom! Thanks doug
A pastor of mine used to use this analogy for dealing with lustful thoughts and images. “You can’t stop a bird from flying over your head but you can stop it from building a nest in your hair”. Deflect, reject and cast it down in the name, word and by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ.
This is EXTREMELY good and godly advice!
Great knowledgeable and well thought advice, thank you for sharing.
I don't think I've heard any man give advice this way and in such a manner! I'm hooked for sure. Not married, but this is good advice and I get it.
Hilariously and profoundly insightful (or, in Susan's case, inciteful...). Thanks again Doug for a great lesson and a few good laughs along the way :)
This is wisdom. May we slay legalism and antinomianism with the Gospel always.
AWESOME! Thank you pastor Wilson!!!
Amen, Pastor Wilson, rules don’t work, but Christ in me does.
Doug just has a way with illustrations. Had me literally laughing out loud.
He is right though. Even if i was physically blind, id still have a problem with lust, the enemy is inside the armor.
Listening to these conversations always brings me back to Matthew 19:12.
Some men probably wish (and sincerely pray about how) they could turn it off for good.
Thank you.
Amen, brother. Get your heart and mind right.
this is very helpful.
Love you Doug for your expository preaching and wisdom to walk as a husband in these sinkhole demented times. Keep on preaching sir. Oh boy, besides that, Doug is also doubling as my new English teacher since he's taught me a couple of new English words such as " clams up, fortitude, holy alacrity, miffed, fulminate, lurching away, skanky billboards, tar baby and phrases mixed with humor from him all in less than 12 minutes! btw I used to watch porn but God's grace rescued me since the law couldn't.
This is great 🤙🏻🤙🏻🤙🏻🤙🏻
Very good dear sir!
This is on a whole nother level
Best advise I have ever heard: look to Christ. Thank you, Pastor Doug, for touching on this and properly applying Colossians 2. One truth that has been helpful to me is to remember that women are people created in God's image. Such necessitates that we actually treat them as such. Simply ignoring them does not solve the problem of lust, and creates disrespect of fellow image-bearers of God.
Understanding that women are fellow image bearers necessitates one's recognition that they are real people. Once recognized as real people, treating them as such and interacting with them as such becomes easier to do without lust. In short, women are not objects, but fellow human beings.
I must confess that my recognition of women as real humans is what I was referring to in my initial comment as image bearers. It is one thing to recognize someone as a real human, and an additional thing to truly see the connection to the image of God. Obviously there is overlap, but I find my motive to use the lingo image bearer was to impress the reader versus accurately presenting my understanding. I am still growing in my genuine understanding of God.
Damn. This is quality.
Maybe it's because I'm not married but I think this one flew over my head.
The way Doug used his words here is difficult to follow. I'm very good at listening and usually I understand Doug very easily, but I had to struggle to follow exactly what he meant in this one.
That's ok but don't let him nest in your hair.
I don’t think you need to be married to understand this.
The Bible says flee youthful lusts and temptation. And speaks of how intense lust can be. I don't quote understand either. Running away isn't legalistic. It's protecting the fact that it's likely or possible that if you just sit there you may give in . The Bible doesn't seem to teach what he's saying if I'm understanding him correctly
And honestly everything I've ever heard about lust seems to be the opposite of most of what hes saying - if there's fire you don't sit there and watch it- you run so you don't get burned. Even a little. It's almost like youre testing yourself and saying I'll be fine I can look just for a second. Also most of the time I've ever tried that it doesn't work at least compared to immediately clicking away etc. After I "run away" I dont struggle
I wish we could also have some advice specifically for those of us who struggle with homosexuality, who have no hope of ever having any type of outlet for our romantic desires and who must strive to live lives devoid of romance and any thought of sex.
I have no advice, but I pray for you and all those similarly situated.
It's no comfort, but many heterosexuals also go through life with no sexual and romantic outlet. It sucks!
How about making a list of things you've never done and never will do and aren't really bothered by? Maybe motorcycling, winter mountaineering, visiting southern hemisphere, presenting a television show, ... plenty more things .... and see anything you can't have as part of the same list.
I don't think that it is fundamentally or functionality that different from plain old lust. Some men are just lecherous. Some men are murderous. Some men are greedy. Know thyself and navigate through with that Knowledge and a good godly mentor.
You say there is no hope, but that is not true. Scripture tells us that the Spirit has the power to transform. You are a new creature in Christ, the old has past, the new has come, if indeed the Spirit lives in you. The verses below proclaim that Christ changed them from what they were. I will pray that for you.
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 ESV
I’ll pray for you Miguel. It must be hard no doubt! I know the Lord is will you and understands what you are going through!!
This is crazy I just read this article it was referenced in Joe Rigney's book More Than A Battle
I've been rebuked and set straight...thanks Pastor Doug. The "Herpes in heels" part cracked me up...love your dark humour...sexual sin is a reality trying not to be ensnared by it is important for the young and the old. Flee it...Hate it...love God. Like a thing I generally live by, " you're never to old to do something stupid" just try not to do it as often.
Talk about Lol! It is very helpful and humorous at the same time!
I think I hear what he’s saying. When we seek our own strength to change over the power of the Holy Spirit to change, we fail. Only the Holy Spirit and walking by the power of the Holy Spirit can change our heart! The enemy will continue to tempt the flesh….we can’t win by living by that flesh. The enemies attacks are fruitless if we live by the Spirit. Ultimately in my own struggles this was a hard lesson to learn. I’m glad Doug is laying it out!
"Command what You will, will what You command" -Augustine
Also, “Sex even in marriage is only for procreation…” -Augustine
@@Drspeiser Augustine wasn't right on everything. But he was in asking God for strength from above to live our lives here below. Thanks
@@davidcrutchfield138 Ha ha, I hear you friend. Have a great day!
Maannnn "Blonde, bikini-clad welterweight" made me have to pause the video and sit down laughing🤣. Doug is absolutely brilliant at speaking hard truths in a witty lighthearted way
Brilliant
Through an external application of the standards. That's what separates your explanations from most. How few people ever go there.
Something I learned from a mentor of mine is that when you see a woman wearing stuff she ought not to wear you need to:
1. Avert your eyes IMMIDIATELY so you are not continuously tempted, and to minimize the temptation.
2. Cage your incorrect thoughts, mentally throw them out of your mind and then think about things which are much more beneficial, which is also what Paul taught.
Hopefully this doesn’t sound rude but like does that work for u or is like something u still struggle with and have to always keep working on?
@@mattsell2361 I think we will always struggle and have to work at shoring up our defenses against temptation. The battle may be slightly different in intensity for each man depending on his experiences and faith. Everyone is just a temptation and weak moment from doing something they will regret the rest of their life. There are two problems: the enticement (the carrot or principalities and powers in this case) and the desires of the heart. Get those two within close proximity and there is obvious danger. Following rules can only get you so far, and doesn't necessarily deal with the issue of the heart. If we want to please ourselves more than to please God, then we are dangerously vulnerable to temptation, and the "principalities and powers" show no mercy. We have to work on our heart's desires and I think Doug Wilson is trying to say it is dangerous to leave a man to work it all out by himself, so being able to talk about it with your wife is a good thing in so many ways. A single man can rely on a another brother for accountability. The Holy Spirit can use our wife to remind us what is more important, and she can give us some accountability. Probably the most dangerous position is to think we are strong enough to face it ourselves. There is a good reason the Bible instructs young men to FLEE youthful lust.
It is the conflict in mind that reinforces the dopamine paths that led to the conflict.
I try to explain that all men and women are tempted by lust and as followers of Christ, we want to overcome that temptation. At the same time knowing that we do not want to be that temptation to a brother or sister. In scripture we battle, wrestle and struggle with sin but when it comes to sexual immorality it says FLEE.
1 Corinthians 6:18(KJV) Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
Much love, great video Jesus Christ is King
Breasts called Principalities and powers 🤣🤣 I will never able to read Ephesians 6 without laughing from now on. Beautiful analogy. On topic: you shared wisdom here.
Hahahhahah "cosmic battle" Hahaahahahahah Love this guy!
Wish I knew this stuff a long time ago
Bravo
'....Nancy Pelosi...' Didn't see that one coming! LOL!
Amen! Beauty is that this applies universally to any sin. It's about changing your heart through the power of the Holy Spirit, not about your arbitrary laws. Whether it's alcoholism, phone "addiction", etc.
One could very well abide by their laws perfectly, but still in their heart desire the thing in which their laws are prohibiting. This is still considered sin in the eyes of the Lord, and thus we should through God's Power strive purge the evil from within our hearts.
A dog who is trained not to bark without a shock collar is more valuable than a dog who doesn't bark with one.
This is definitely true regarding the conquering of temptation and living a holy life. However, the temporary use of the shock collar may be necessary for training purposes. Serious bondage and dopamine reinforced addictions do require a strategy for withdrawal, but Doug doesn't seem to be dealing with this here, I've seen him address it in other vlogs.
I've heard a relevant quote, "you can't stop a bird from landing on your head, but you can keep it from building a nest in your hair."
I never heard it like this before, but dammit this was a great point
Imagine a convo between him and Michael pearl 🤦🏾♂️🔥🔥
I have found strength in Christ. Someone posted this prayer and it has really helped set me free!
Father in Heaven, please forgive for my sins. I am unable to overcome this affliction Father but You can. Thank you for sending Your only begotten Son to die for my sins and thank You for overcoming my affliction Father. I need you to do a work in me. I need salvation through Christ. Amen.
one is not to avoid lust and sin by sheer will, not only because it's unefficient, but because constantly fighting will make you miserable.
rather, understand that you've already won. there is no fight, satan is pathetically tempting you, knowing he already lost.
This really is a pain in the profa***ity. I saved this for everyday. I suggest apps and internet extensions by Family first. As little as $5 a month. I am in no way affiliated with them, I am sharing this purely for the love of my brothers and neighbor
I’m trying really hard to get through this video, but it keeps stopping and not wanting to play on WiFi or data...it plays commercials and every other video fine, but this one??? I’ll try again tomorrow and see what happens.
The partner needs to forgive and support too. Not just get angry and emotional every time someone's gone to the trouble and faced the pain of bringing it up.
9:38 to 10:00 had me rotfl. 🤣
When Paul says “flee from sexual immorality” doesn’t that mean we should run (like bouncing our eyes, etc.)?
I would think of it as running away like if i were tempted by a girl to have sex with and i would turn and run away like sonic the hedgehog
take it from someone who is guilty of everything ,start your day with prayer .Pray first,give God the best part of the day and every night thanks giving. Eph. 6 He has your back!
it would be Christ-like if the spouse heard of the mistake and upon hearing of her spouses genuine repentant heart, she comforted him, reminding him not only of God's rules but also of God's grace and exhibitednot only her willingness to forgive him but also her willingness to help build a plan together on how to effectively deal with the issue
As opposed to with drawing physical affection for months on end.
@@grantarmbruster6591 exactly. That just isolates the problem and the person and makes things worse. This video has started a good discussion in our fellas group text
@@3d1k3 sadly for many men i council they fall into the porn trap because the wife tells them no. And even when they complain to their church leaders they are told to endure in silence. Which leads to more frustration guilt and shame. Yes there is guilt and shame can be good. But withdrawal of all responsibility from wives marriage obligations is a huge factor in Christian porn addiction.
@@grantarmbruster6591 #1- I absolutely believe that a woman should never willingly deny her huband- it is his body, as his is hers. Withholding is sinful, unhealthy, and manipulative.
BUT, it is incredibly disgusting and wrong to blame a man's lustful, sinful decisions on his wife. A man doesn't accidently or unknowingly "fall into porn." He chooses to do that, and when he blames a wife, even if she is wrong in her own actions, then he is nothing more than a petulant child shifting the blame.
This argument says that it is unavoidable and understandable for an unmarried man to "fall into the porn trap", as if men are incapable of self control and cannot be expected to resist sin.
What of a wife that cannot physically fulfill sexual actions? If she's disabled or ill? Should she expect divorce, or for her husband to turn to porn or another woman?
@@jennystraight297 So you think it is ok to put stumbling bocks in front of people. got it.
Not a native English speaker. I need to wrap my head around about what is being said..when images popup on the screen I would prefer to bolt and run 🏃♀️ away. Just like Joseph did when he was approached by Potiphar's wife.
Any man who claims that "porn" has not influenced him in this current age has either not been on the internet, watched tv or... well doesn't have the eqipment to be a man. Sad days!
I agree most people don’t wanna admit they have struggled with porn
But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. Isaiah 53:5-6
Within not without.
You need to just run away from this stuff don't fight it keep running and Train your eyes to pivot at first glance and develop muscle memory response. Good habits are needed
Very good stuff but honestly I'm struggling to see the practical application
Interesting video.
8:44
Interesting.
God’s way seems to be counterintuitive. We think more rules will help us obey, but it works the opposite way. Walking by grace enables us to obey.
I have a theory that a man's lust and the tendency to have wondering eyes comes from feeling slightly cheated. Most of the women we marry find God after university i.e. after the "party phase". Her premarital body count is, on average higher than yours all the while with every year spent together she gets older and less attractive, rations your access to intercourse and gets more insecure and aggressive.
I think at a sub conscious level men know that they got a bad deal. I think anyone who marries a virgin would be much more appreciative of what he has compared to the average man otherwise the average man will always wonder. Women are not required to stay pure anymore, a low body count and repentance is enough yet purity is the one thing that men value the most. I would love to see someone address this part.
I agree that self imposed laws and even the Decalogue cannot help fleshly desires. We use a mirror to see, not to wash our face on. The Law is not evil but if we live by it, even in sanctification, we will actually made matters worse by inflaming sin in us. Gratitude in the Gospel breaks sins snares. A greater love dispels lesser loves and a beautiful portrait captivates over a hottie in hideous heels. I would only say, not as a rebuke....mocking potential lust to diffuse it doesn't seem to be Biblical or the wise approach..perhaps sorrow for the one trapsing by for all to idolize? Should we mock sin to diffuse?...From an honest inquirer.
Label them principalities and powers😂😂😂
Lol, I feel like you just solved the rubik's cube of male problems😂
Oh the flesh, what a nuisance.