"but you make eye-contact" Who else has the childhood memory of being yelled at by a teacher or other adult, "LOOK AT ME WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU!" ... you learn that you HAVE to look at people, which means you often cannot focus on what they are saying!
Me, too. "You're not listening" and "You're not taking this seriously". Turns out, they meant I wasn't looking at them in the eyes and giving them whatever body language signals they required.
Ever since I learned they don't literally want eye contact and just want your gaze focused in the general area around their face, its been a lot easier. I dont force myself to look when its too hard, but its not uncommon for me to look at NT's hair, nose, ears, etc and have them think im making diligent eye contact.
✋. I can’t tell you enough of how bad my eye contact can be if someone is being confrontational with me now purely because, I literally have so many instances where I had this as a child. Heck I even had that when I was a teenager, well after I had my diagnosis and teachers at school knew about it. I’m honestly surprised I make eye contact at all during conversations nowadays because of how frequently I got the look at me while I am talking to you. Masking at its finest, I guess
I had the opposite experience with a peewee football coach and now I just refuse to even pretend. Second day with the team and he noticed I wasn't looking anywhere near him during instruction, so he asked me what he just said. I repeated it back to him verbatim. He never worried where I was looking again. Made Captain on his team.
My ex-wife said: "I don't believe in autism" when I told her about my diagnosis. I felt extremely dismissed, but I realised later on that meant our divorce was logical.
I was told by a doctor that I couldn't possibly be autistic because I'm not racist. I believe his exact words were "People with autism tend to make racist and other derogatory remarks because they're unaware and I haven't noticed that in you." I can only assume he was trying to express that autistic people often have trouble knowing what's socially appropriate to say, but simplifying and generalizing it in that way is just so ridiculous.
It's complete bullshit. I think it should be the opposite: since autistic people don't think like the others, they don't believe stereotypes (or even don't know about them) so they're more likely to look at foreigners the same way they look at their family.
It almost sounds like the doctor is a mega-racist who just assumes everyone else is racist like them, and everyone is just hiding. And of course assuming that autistic people couldn't hide their (assumed) racism.
This might be the whitest take on autism I've ever heard. So much of racism is not neo nazi yelling nonsense. Just cause Hans Asperger's was a eugenicist who was racist doesn't mean autistic people are any more racist than non autistic folks. The whole point of systemic anti-racist work is that everyone is raised in racist ideas and people choose to work through it.
"But you don't have meltdowns (in front of me)!" And you don't cry, show raw emotion, flip out, expose your vulnerabilities in front of everyone either.
@@dragletsofmakara1120Yes, exactly this... "You're too calm and flat! Oh wait no, you're too emotionally expressive and dynamic!! ...You don't pay enough attention/you're too interested!{And similar variations of comments on too much this or not enough that}" Ok, well, what!? 🥺😱🥴😑🤔🙄😂🤷♂️
This. My last public meltdown was at the main train station of a major Mardi Gras city on "Carneval Sunday" - no one noticed or cared. Other than that, I've been able to wait until I was alone pretty consistently.
a lot of people who call autistic people "too sensitive" will also fold if you literally just tell them facts and call you rude for it. yes, tell me how my sensitivities are weird and invalid when you take objective reality as a personal offense :/
Also, yes, I agree ppl are so emotionally fragile and are so easily offended. I think it’s cause their ego is so inflated that you can pop it like a balloon
@@NoctivagantDiurnal i've had that happen too; i care about what's happening and how everyone else is feeling, but it's hard to share their grief. a funny memory will jolt into my head at inappropriate times or i'll have to keep myself from laughing at something that might be more acceptable to laugh at outside of a funeral. i think the inflated ego bit might be because there's very clear cut expectations of how people should behave (at least to neurotypical people), which turns into "i am entitled to this kind of treatment," which turns into being easily offendable by people like us who don't get it.
@@Jaminux that is actually heavily relatable how you worded that. I frequently find that I *do* understand that someone is feeling a certain way or that something should be handled a certain way, but I simply don't feel the desire to share it or to actually do it, etc, so it's just awkward. Like "hey, I know you're expecting this general reaction from me but it's not happening on my end so I'm not sure what to do about it...."
There are tons of high support needs nonverbal/minimally verbal autistics who require 24/7 care that are able to communicate by typing?? So idk how they thought that made any sense.
To add to the comments about meltdowns: some of us shut down instead of melting down. When I'm overwhelmed, I feel as if I have fallen deep inside my head, where it takes enormous effort to speak or outwardly react to anything. Most people read this as me being "shy," or "unfeeling," or "stoic," depending upon the circumstances.
Yeah, my brain will just stop producing new thoughts. If you asked me to pour myself a glass of water during that time I won’t know how. That or I will suddenly become extremely tired and go somewhere to sleep it off.
OOH! So it was an autism thing. I've only experienced this once, but honestly that was enough for me. I felt like I was under water and that the sounds and lights around me were all blurry. It was like I was drowning. I asked about it on reddit before, but got told to take some cannabis oil because they said I was experiencing anxiety or something lol. I obviously didn't take any oils because I thought that just didn't make any sense. The reason that happened in the first place is because I was out socializing for too long without a break. Its stressful just thinking about it.
@@mister-canada367 Yeah cannabis is not a go-to solution for that stuff, those people on reddit don't know what they're talking about. It can help for some people but it can also make sensations more intense. And it varies by strain quite a bit.
yes exactly my shut downs get so bad all I can think about is "I want to go home" or "I'm gonna kms" and It feel like there's a literal wall between me & my friends or family, like I can't physically communicate like I should or fake/mask any longer
I don’t get this comment much with autism, but I do hear the same kind of silliness from some mental health professionals about my schizophrenia. “You can’t have that. I have seen schizophrenics and they can’t have a back and forth conversation.” And my favorite: “If you had schizophrenia, I don’t think you would have gotten this far.” They say all this before they even know my symptoms. My psychiatrist, schizophrenia researchers, and neuropsychologists all agree I have it. So it’s very disheartening to hear well-meaning *professionals* try to undiagnose me before they even hear about how I could barely talk for a month and my job struggles.
Yeah, and we all now there is absolutly no stigma for anything psychosis-related so of cause You just like to have a fancy little diagnose (irony). What a pity!
I'm sorry you've had similar experiences. It just goes to show; misunderstandings and out-of-date professionals affect people across various conditions, not just autism. Take care. 🧡
It’s like who would say they have something when they don’t. It takes a lot to put it out there that by the time someone is opening up to you, you better respect them and support them, not question or tell them you know them better than themselves.?!?
I had a friend tell me about someone he knew with schizophrenia, and he put his camera app on his lock screen so he has quick access to it. He does this because he often times has to pull it out to make sure the person in front of him is real. The first time that guy did this to him was after he met him the third time or so when he didn't have anyone to introduce him.
I don't think they are even caused by autism. Almost anyone would have issues with emotional regulation if they were forced to grow up to fit a mould they don't understand. And have people get mad and not explain when you do things wrong. Autistic people might, on average, be more emotional which could increase the chance of this leading to meltdown behaviour but it would not be the cause of it.
@@group555_ Interesting idea! Personally I do think meltdowns are often a part of autism. Ever since I was a little kid I struggled with them. I have an emotional “on/off” switch. Either I’m fine or I’m melting down. I was homeschooled and raised by ND parents and I wasn’t raised in a way that’s traumatic for an autistic person, yet I had terrible meltdowns my whole life.
Introversion does not exclude you from being social either. Introverts simply like socializing one on one or in small amounts/spurts with adequate time to recharge.
Eh introversion very wide and broad. I have group of friends that I can literally party for hours without any problems but most of the time I want to be left alone and I struggle to talk with strangers.
Very, very true. I'm introverted ((tought my mother suspects I have autism, but I didn't took any diagnosis tests just yet), and I only like socializing when I have the energy to, with people that give me this energy to socialize. Btw, my best friend is autistic and bro is the most extroverted guy of our small group- He was the one that approached me and talked to me first even if I was reluctant on talking, love him sm
Intense interest in some aspect of real life! Honesty in communications! (getting work done instead of incessant chatting and gossip!).. We could save the world yet...
You legit just described my dream society. And 100% yes to the COVID lock downs being bliss. I kept it under wraps because so many NTs and extroverts were imploding, and I understand that feeling, but good GD that was the best 6 months of my life ❤
I told my psychologist when I was a teenager about a decade ago that I suspected I was autistic. I had a million examples and things to talk about, but instead she asked me to tap each finger on my hand using my thumb. At this point I'd already played piano since I was 5 and guitar for a few years so this was basically a warmup exercise for me. I did what she asked and she said "yep you're not autistic" and diagnosed me an anxiety disorder instead. I'm still so annoyed about that and I've been scared to ask anyone about it afterwards
@@thesincitymama Yeah exactly! There are so many reasons why some things may be more natural for you to copy successfully. She clearly didn't even know enough to be an authority on the subject and should've just said so instead of being so weirdly unprofessional about it. Maybe she thought she could trick me out of thinking more about it since I was just some "dumb kid" to her 🤷
as we all know by now: autistics don't have fingers, it's simple psychology I legitimately don't grasp even a bit of the reasoning here. Is it a belief that all autistics are dyspraxic? Or did she only ever see little kids with an autism diagnosis and assumed lack of coordination typical at young ages is an autistic trait? Like, I'm actually curious.
@@oiytd5wugho I really wished I asked, but I was so baffled by it at the time I didn't even know how to question it. She really stun locked me with that one I admit. I think I spent more time thinking about the stupid finger exercise than anything said in later sessions lmao I have to assume that she either 1: Thought it was ridiculous for me to even ask and it was just a way to put that whole thing to rest thinking I'd not question it further (at least directly to her) 2: A misconception about how autism affects your ability to mirror or repeat back tasks in some way (or dyspraxia as you mentioned). She was just a generalized psychologist working for the state. She might've lacked updated knowledge on spectrum disorders
I didn't get diagnosed as a child? When I had MY child diagnosed, they told me she couldn't be ASD and girls didn't get it. Certainly there was NO chance for a diagnosis for me being much older. Sheesh. Some peoples children.
I literally asked for an evaluation when I was in elementary school and was told that girls couldn't get autism even though at that age, I often needed a "translator" when talking to new people because I didnt know how to string words together in a coherent manner.
It was causing me mild anxiety throughout the whole video, imagining having to clean all the little shards of.. paper? afterwards 😂 I may have been slightly traumatised by working as a cleaner for a few years 😆
When my partner first suspected she might be autistic last year, a psychiatrist (!) told her she couldn't possibly be autistic because she has a degree in german studies. 🤦I will never understand how people can talk so confidently about something they obviously know nothing about. (Later it turned out she's autistic AF by the way 😀).
well you see, not a single autistic person has ever learnt german. that's what they taught in the doctor school. generally it seems like "autism is everything you're not, or everything im unwilling to see in you" 😔
My favourite one said to me by a psychiatrist I went to: "There are no autistic adults, only children." Well, I guess as soon as an autistic child becomes 18 they either turn neurotipical or they evaporate.
I've heard that one, too. It's shocking that such ignorance exists in the medical arena. This wouldn't be expected from surgical teams, so why psychiatric ones?
@@Autistic_AF Exactly. It's absurd. And the medical gaslighting, too. I was told that there are no tests/questionnaires and there is no diagnostic manual when I told him that his assessment was lacking. At least I got my money back when I reported him to the clinic.
My personal take (from what I've gathered), is that people tend to confuse or correlate autism with down syndrome for some reason, which is where the "look autistic" thing comes from.
i think this has been different these days tho, for what is worth, people watch 'autism' on tv and its all of these savants, so the thing they associate it with has changed.
@@uuh4yj43 yes, I definitely think it's more of a boomer and millennial conception than gen z, but because there is a media overlap between millennials and Gen z, there is some of this conceptual overlap, especially with the older Gen z
@@aynDRAWSthere are also some people who insist on this regardless of being presented evidence to the contrary. The same ones who may be confused or even angry to see a person with down syndrome living a normal and mostly functional life 💁♂️ I think some people really enjoy the idea of a group of people existing in concept that are less capable than they are, in like a really sick and hateful way
The misconception that autistic people don't have empathy was the biggest reason that held me back realising I had autism.. It's weird, I wonder if other people had thought these things before they knew too, so much misinformation still floating around, it's detrimental to other undiagnosed autists too
It’s so detrimental - like you said. And simultaneously some doctors would say we can have a strong sense of justice but zero empathy.. what’s that about? 🤷♂️ 🧡
This is all in large part due to the incompetent conman Simon Baron-Cohen he even said "Autistic people lack some fundamental part of being human.". He's STILL the go to "expert" for NTs
I think the "issues with empathy" are sometimes we can show empathy differently... by being super empathetic or sympathetic. I will not give someone an unsolicited hug, because I understand some people wouldn't want that. I may say something like "is there anything at all I can do for you?" and I sincerely mean it, I think NTs use it as a figure of speech (maybe I'm wrong there). I will move heaven and earth if I can to help someone. If they just need somebody to quietly listen, I will do that (though my initial response is to solve the issue). My love language is to solve the issue with them, but sometimes they just want a non judgemental party to vent to.
My mother told herself that I was a psychopath, because of this.... She, being a narcissist, found it much easier to tell herself that I have no feelings, because it convenietly allowed her to justify ignoring my feelings, when dealing with me. She was the MOST obtuse, when it came to my figuring it out, and then getting Dxed.... she went into denial mode, because I had been calling her treatment of me abusive for decades (because it is), and finding out all the traits she disliked in me, and tried to punish out of me, were, in fact, autism symptoms, and not conscious decisions that I was making, just to piss her off. My having autism, made it abundantly clear that I had been right all along.... though she has never (and will never) admit it. Inwas villainized when I found cannabis at age 10, and started using it to cope... and punished by being brought to a psychiatrist, who my mom told "he just explodes (melts down) for NO REASON (the constant reason was that she would torment and poke at me, until I would snap), and got me put on serious, dangerous psych meds!!! Now, at 39, having gotten a proper Dx, through plain stubbornness and tenacity, my psychiatrist recommends CANNABIS for the social anxiety!!! It's like, "I know you say this (pot) is helping you, but before conceding that you may be right, I want you to be put through the ringer, and drugged into oblivion destroying your life... and if none of that works, then MAYBE I'll consider that your opinion on how these chemicals affect you, might be valid."
@@LordLuciferKråka yeah some truths are considered rude. Like if they ask you if you like their new haircut for example, and you don't, they'll take it as an insult if you say no, so you have to say yes even if you don't like it. Which is weird cause they asked your opinion, and it's their hair so it doesn't matter if you like it or not but... That's how it goes.
Well, that stereotype that "autistic people don't ever get irony/sarcasm" was THE thing that for decades made me think "well if THIS wouldn't be I think I am autistic. But loving irony/sarcasm it cannot be." There is much too little knowledge and very common misconceptions I didn't know better myself some years ago. So I am frustrated if others still don't know, but I can't blame them. It's just if they don't want to listen and learn better.
Since I was more diagnosed early in life, at 8 years old, when I heard about that stereotype, I thought "oh! it's not normal that I understand irony/sarcasm" so then I tried not to. Idk if anyone else relates or was diagnosed in early life, but that is what happened with me. 😅
@@VeSpEr7iNe sometimes I don't get them too. And very often (allistic) people don't get if I use irony/sarcasm myself 🤷🏽♀️ And there is also a "taste" for different kinds of humor and You don't have to find anything funny for other people. Then it's just not funny for You and that's OKAY😘
13:06 Back in ’97, a 6 year old me watched Titanic and learned that it was a real historical event. I cried the whole night for strangers who lived a century ago.
See, that's interesting. I can't watch Titanic; I always felt like they made a shallow spectacle out of all those real people dying, like we were supposed to find it entertaining and not heartbreaking
@@naranara1690 A neurotypical persons empathy works differently from ours. The movie being made for a neurotypical audience, they seem to get a catharsis out of it because a historical tragedy is not only being acknowledged but described in great visceral detail. It would likely have been neurotypical people who created SOLAS regulations as a result. The ability to study such tragedies as this analytically, detached from the emotional toll of them is a valuable ability in itself.
When I suggested to my therapist I thought I might be autistic he said no, and attempted to reassure me that I was not. I think he thought I was being dramatic. He apologized when I mentioned it again, and admitted he wasn’t qualified to say either way.
I have suggested mental illness to my therapist, let me mention that some focus on trying to make you feel "normal" to comfort you as their protocol, weirdly
I had a therapists that said the same thing to me too. Essentially the "but you don't look autistic" and "are you sure you're not parroting others on social media?" implying that I was autistic to be trendy 😂 I ain't even on other social medias. Yeah, I didn't go back to them.
I should probably mention it a second time to my psych. I had a similar dismissal that hasn't sat well with me since. I'm glad he apologized and clarified. He sounds like he genuinely meant well.
The one about unmasking is true. The moment I realised I was on the spectrum is when the entire wall crumbled down, and people started to notice more and more my quirky behaviours and I have less headaches at the end of the day.
I was diagnosed late (17) and once I figured it out, I went to Walmart with my family and noticed I was bouncing a bit, talking more, and even doing a few hand wiggles/stems, and I was like, dude what the heck? I didn't know what to think and I still don't know what to think. I like hiding it and pretending I don't have autism sometimes
"I got good grades because I was both smart and self-harming by doing too much schoolwork. I survived by being slightly less suicidal than it would have taken to land in the hospital. I told you I was fine so I wouldn't have to deal with your reaction" but sure, I was fine as a child
“You don’t flap your hands.” “You comprehend emotions.” “You have very good social skills.” “You don’t seem autistic.” “Why do you care so much about getting a diagnosis, anyway? What would that change?” (Me thinking, “Why isn’t wanting to know definitively whether or not I’m autistic enough of a reason?”) Meanwhile… Didn’t talk until age three. Had selective mutism throughout childhood. Have struggled with peer relationships for most of my life (it’s still challenging, just less so due to intensive study and practice). Have struggled both with total lack of empathy (such as when my brother was very sick and had to go to hospital; total lack of empathy despite loving him and caring about him) and total hyper empathy to a point that can be debilitating. Life long sensitivity to sound (including meltdowns from certain kinds of music). Once I learnt what stimming was, realised that I spend pretty much every waking minute stimming in some way and that all those “quirky habits” I’ve had my whole life were stims (some of my favourites are rocking, spinning, and spinning). The first things I ever wrote, once I learnt to read and write were charts and schedules. I’ve always loved charts, lists, and schedules and it’s one of my favourite things to do. I’ve always had special interests. I always thought this was normal. I hated clothes when I was little and would regularly strip. I refused solid food until age 2. I hated being hugged or cuddled as a child. Even as a toddler, I needed frequent alone time. I took everything literally as a child; sometimes I still make people laugh and don’t understand why. I’m extremely gullible, even as an adult. I struggle immensely with any and all change. I adore the familiar. I don’t like buying new things; I prefer things I’ve owned for years. I don’t like moving, even if it’s somewhere nicer. I even have a hard time if a fictional character on tv moves house. And speaking of tv, I don’t like new shows either; I watch the same shows over and over because I prefer the familiar. I’ve struggled with burnout my entire adult life. It takes me awhile to process something, and I find that I’ll go on and on about something; and the only reason I know I’m going on and on is because the people I’m talking to will say something. I have a good memory, including for numbers. I have phone numbers memorised for at least a dozen of my friends and family, even though no one needs to memorise phone numbers these days. I also remember peoples’ birthdays quite easily. If one, seemingly small thing goes wrong, my whole day is ruined and I can’t go on. I have a system for literally everything. I have dozens of notes saved about the most random things, in an attempt to make order out of disorder. If I hear someone say a “rule,” I have to figure out how that “rule” fits. I heard someone say once that juice boxes were for children, which got me thinking, “If juice is for children, what’s the adult equivalent?” I now have an entire chart for kids’ drinks and their grown-up equivalents.
@@E.Hunter.Esquire Yes, and in the process of getting a second opinion because the first one was poorly done. Basically said I wasn’t autistic because I didn’t flap my hands.
@@GhostinAlex haha! Here it is! Milk…tea Lemonade…iced tea Hot chocolate…coffee Chocolate milk…iced coffee Juice…infused water Grape/berry juice…wine Apple juice…cider Mulled apple juice…mulled wine Soda…beer White grape juice…brandy or sherry Squash/Shirley Temple/Roy Rogers…cocktails Malted milk (think Horlicks)…tisane (i.e. herbal tea)
@@user-no2mz9hl4f thank you lol!! Charts are so informative and this one in particular caused me to look up sherry, squash, and Horlicks because those didn’t sound familiar to me!
Meltdowns are a response to extreme negative stimuli, either in raw intensity or in persistence until overload. A lack of meltdowns is not a sign that a person isn't autistic, it's a sign that they have successfully avoided the negative stimuli that cause meltdowns.
Perhaps you are talking about things you could once endure much more easily than you can now? I am very much in the same boat. Some things that were sort of subliminally agitating when I was in my 20s are now, in my 60s, unbearable. And they all align exactly with autistic traits. Everybody, including neurotypicals, changes with age. Plus, everybody, including neurotypicals, becomes less tolerant, on a downright physical and visceral level, of certain stimuli (think noise) and environments. Finally, everybody, including neurotypicals, undergoes the loss or decline in certain skills with age. It should not, therefore, come as any surprise that an autistic person experiences what is the common lot of humanity. Add to this the likelihood that the autistic person's facility to mask is (it seems to me) likely to weaken. Finally, add in the likelihood that discovering your autism, and with it the wider scope of your options and prerogatives (you're allowed to say no, opt out, limit "masking" occasions), can sort of re-sensitize, deprogram or re-condition you so that you respond in what seem to be entirely new ways to some environments or sets of stimuli, meaning things you "could" (forced yourself to) do earlier you "can't" (won't) now.
Quite so, Ken. As I get older, I experience the very same. Ultimately, this expectation that one ought to be able to maintain previous levels of ability ad infinitum is directly discriminatory, as well as blatantly absurd. Even excepting ASD, people grow older and less able, and we all know this from direct observation. So, to believe that one's previous performance is a necessary predictor for future performance is very obviously false, even when taken superficially. That's how you know that the individual is grasping at straws, in order to excuse their own discriminatory actions or beliefs. Additional considerations: •To say, "But you were able to do it before," is tantamount to calling someone a liar, when they try to communicate their current limitations, which is (at least in USA) literally a crime (violates the ADA). •Even excepting age, ASD is a neurological affectation - it affects your brain which, in turn, affects almost everything else about you. The brain is complex and its interactions with the body and the mind are very convoluted and difficult to really understand or pin down to some simplistic static rulesets. The way that ASD affects us in one situation is going to be different than in another, and from one day to the next there will also be different levels of affectation. •All disabilities host comorbidities that complicate things even more. There can be additional issues that are interacting with autistic traits that can produce a very unique system of behaviors and limitations specific to one person, at specific times or in specific situations. •You know your limitations better than anyone.
On the same day that some random Facebook commenter had a go at me saying things like "you're not autistic, you're just using it as an excuse. There are real autistic people ugh" I had a comment on RUclips get 2k likes and a bunch of people saying "I'm autistic too and I relate!" Felt exactly like the meme at the beginning of this video lol
I can say; we seem to have a certain bias towards remembering and reflecting on the negative (like that FB commenter) rather than the positive (like the 2k likes on your autism comment). I feel like that, too. I'm glad you're here, welcome :) #oneofus 🧡
That meme is actually so real though, I've only guessed if someone is autistic or not unprompted three times and I've been right all three times, and when asked why I thought so my response has always been "Because I relate to you to an extent that would make it difficult to believe otherwise". I'm good friends with all three of them to this day.
@@Autistic_AF Well, my thoughts were that it didn’t even get worse. It was not identified until after having kids, so it had more to do with knowledge and self and family advocacy than anything else. What did get worse was my ability and desire to keep pretending I was okay.
Actually, I’ll take it a step further and say that my autism symptoms were most obvious and upsetting to myself as a little kid, I just didn’t know it was called autism.
“Autism epidemic”, what would that look like? Well, starting in one town somewhere, people would suddenly start finding fluorescent lights and microwave beepers intolerable, losing a taste for salads and stews they previously loved, and suddenly acquiring strange fascinations with volcanos and spinning. One after another, people would start conversations with “Did you know Florida will be completely underwater in 100 years?” instead of standard queries about how someone is doing which can only be answered positively followed by comments about the weather. Demand for LED’s and goldfish crackers would skyrocket, while makers of scratchy sweaters would go out of business. Business would generally continue as usual, though those late to be infected, or naturally immune, would feel increasingly uncomfortable in a world more and more adjusted to the needs and preferences of the now-autistic majority. The more severely affected would be kept in safe, stimulation-controlled areas, where the less severely affected could ensure they wouldn’t be harmed while distracted by a leaf blowing in the wind, or by their tendency to not notice their needs for water, food, or the toilet. Special support groups would probably eventually be needed to guard the mental health of any unaffected, however. 🤔
I’m loving that you specified _dry_ cheerios, because I actually can’t stand how bad they feel to eat when they’re in bowl with milk. Even before they get soggy 🤢, the milk with dry cheerios hurts my teeth like nothing else (except chocolate special K, but those are my problematic fav tbh. The pain is worth it 🩹❤😊) Edit: Just came back to this comment as I _just so happened_ to be eating special k as a midnight snack. It hurts as much as I said before, and that WILL NOT stop me from finishing the bowl with a smile on my face.
lets not forget the rapid increase in intellectual and escapism programming on TV, more documentaries, scifi and fantasy - less soap operas and chat shows. Working from home would skyrocket and work time balance would improve dramatically for all, with a performance focus on actual productivity rather than attendance. I also suspect it may be the total death of advertising - leading to all previously ad funded business becoming donation based.
The whole "you didn't get diagnosed as a child" thing makes me sad to hear, because my parents did consider getting me diagnosed when I was younger. They brought me to my GP, who told them "there is no way she has autism because she is a girl, she is sitting here quietly and can maintain eye contact", when I already understood that eye contact is perceived as polite and I was told that me stimming was "embarassing to do around others". It also doesn't help that in my country, many medical professionals think that autism is "something you grow out of when you're an adult" or that it's a "childhood disorder". And that is really frustrating for adults with autism who get little to no support. But maybe it'll hopefully get better with more awareness, I hope to get officially diagnosed one day if possible :) Btw I'm a new viewer here, and I really liked this video! Instantly subscribed ❤
Hi Zena, I'm sorry your GP wrote your experiences off like that. I'm sorry your stimming behaviours were considered inappropriate by those around you. That's so limiting of them, and narrow minded. But perhaps, said with the best of intentions as the world can be a horrible place for neurodivergent people. And I'd like to say welcome. Not just to the channel, but to the autistic community if you haven't been so welcomed before, you have now! 🧡
Many of those same professionals will whisper about, "adult autism" as if it were a fable, an elixir of youth.. something to quietly speak of lest others hear. (I'm not entirely joking...)
@@Autistic_AFI agree that it can be tough when professionals don't want to take autistic adults seriously, but if I can't get a diagnosis or seek help, I can at least take steps to help myself and try to understand myself better. And thank you for your kind words and for being welcoming to autistic folks who self-diagnose! ❤
My Mum took me to the doctors as a toddler, worried I was deaf as I would ignore the maelstrom of my siblings interactions and happily play with what I was involved with at the time.
The entire test for autism: •Communicate, at length, with individual. •Watch and observe individual. •Try to coax eye contact. •If any eye contact occurs, jump in your seat and point your finger at individual, exclaiming, "Ah-hah! I gotchya! You made eye contact, so you failed the test and you're no longer autistic! I knew you were lying about having a heavily stigmatized disability that the government and society hardly offer any support for, simply so you can jump through hoops to get minimal accommodations after lengthy legal battles! Haha I gotchyu!" and then blow a raspberry. •If no eye contact, diagnosis of ASD is quite consistent.
Growing up, my Dad told me "nobody will care that you have Aspergers, so you have do be able to function regardless of how you feel." Now I'm probably the most social and outspoken person in my department at work. Not because I'm social and outgoing, but because I need to watch and process the mood of each person in the room to best gauge my next actions. I get people talking so I don't have to talk, I listen and watch for tells because it tells me how I should appear to feel. I don't break down at work, have meltdowns or show when I'm overwhelmed, I bottle it up and crawl into a dark space when I get home, or overwhelm my brain with loud music until there's no room in my head for it. I'm still autistic, I just hide it better than I did as a teen.
:) I remember how I cracked a good part of my "social chat at work" scene by opening with the question "what's your youngest up to these days" to anyone with kids.
@Autistic_AF well it turns out that she wasn't much of a friend after all. She also said isn't everyone a little autistic, and I don't look autistic... did she get memo of all the things not to say??
@@ringinn7880 she's not autistic, but im certain sje has ptsd. I told her that. But she's also an alcoholic so she's very belligerent and doesn't like to think
I told my whole world almost immediately, in a rip-the-band-aid (plaster)-off approach. The response was telling. I received one very friendly and well-meaning, "I'd have never thought of you that way, you've always struck me as a genius" (interestingly this person, out of curiosity took the AQ test, perhaps to see whether it was a scam that told EVERYBODY "You're autistic," and got 11/50), had one adamantly resistant response--you know, of the egocentric "I must be right" kind--which was, tellingly, from a then-FB friend whom I only met via FB and had never in my life had a live encounter with (we're no longer FB friends, he eventually got too obnoxious), and all the other responses were very tellingly either affirmative or at least non-resistant. It was like...it was like...well, it was like everybody who ever really knew me also...really...KNEW.... My mother, at 85 years of age then (I was 65), replied "Yes, that makes sense." My sister wrote, "So glad you found out." And my nearest dearest friend in the world, who is so caring and, when need be, protective, most tellingly of all never for a moment uttered a peep of doubt. The only resistance I got from him was concern over my approach to telling everybody and whether I could suffer any bad repercussions. But he never for a moment argued with me about it. Wow. The whole thing told me that everybody who'd really known me for a long time knew something was up.
My top S-Tier: 'So this is what you're making up to feel special and get free stuff from the government?'. That's the main reason I don't want to share my DX unless the context really makes it clear that it's not the case. The scary part? They're actually speaking accurately of a lot of the NT's they know.
I think comments like that you mentioned are a window into the soul of the commenter. Is that what they want to do? Is that their forté? Is that the type of thing they were scolded or shamed with in their vulnerable moments?
@@Autistic_AF my sense is that we tend to get hit most often not by what we do but the cultural side effects of what NT's do to each other. I don't think the world hates us so much as punishes us for not weaponizing in the same way NT's do (add open nation states where no one knows their neighbor and where superficials are all most people who'll ever meet you have to go on). I'm guessing there are social technologies that could help with us, I'm betting it's far more gentle stuff than Chinese Sesame Credit though.
@@ZhovtoBlakytniy I assume it means that they've been surrounded by scummy and soulless people who'd do exactly what they're describing and it's become their primary understanding of anyone having a hidden disability. They've also probably been dumped on and lied to a lot themselves. Aaron Clarey's something of a good example of this where I get why he sees the world the way he does (got bullied through school, went to work with investment bankers who were playing the wealth charade rather than doing their job, he tried to call out the 2008 crisis ahead of time and he was a Jeremiah for doing so, I've gotten to work for people like that as well - it can quite a bit like working for Hunter Thomson and his Attorney in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - ie. belligerent leaded-gas affected but sharp-elbowed and egotistical AF). We live in a world where people generally treat each other like crap and I think that's one thing autistics get lied to all the time about - ie. if something's going bad socially it must be your autism. Obvious it's better that we don't do the same but we can really drive ourselves crazy searching our souls for every bad thing that happens (or at least the kind of psychology I was raised with encouraged me to make the world's problems an internal psychological project).
@@ZhovtoBlakytniy I think it's worse than that - they see their peers actually doing things like that, they've probably had a lot poured on them themselves, therefor they assume that we're a continuation of the rot they're seeing around them. Like I said above to AF - I think we tend to be a casualty of what NT's were going to do to each other anyway.
"you don't stim!" by boyfriend stims by tensing his jaw, literally invisible to others and how the hell would a stranger know that about someone? Also I love how this place where you're filming is a dream environment for me as an autistic person. Dim lights with NO overhead lighting, dark walls, bliss
people forget the plethora of invisible stims that are possible…. i fiddle my toes from within my shoes, blink a few times extra, tense my chest or neck muscles, etc. it’s all relatively undetectable aside from the rare time someone has caught me blinking oddly or can hear my toes making sounds😂
I tend to stim by just having something in my hands, like keeping the hymnal in one hand during church or hooking my thumbs in my pockets or beltloops.
The fact that stims are literally anything physical an autistic person could be comforted by literally makes me wonder if, for a long while, people who didn't excessively flap their hands were just assumed to be a little strange 🥺😭
I stim by clacking my teeth together, tensing my legs/shoulders etc (usually to a beat of some kind) these are basically unnoticeable other than my jaw moving somewhat
Not only that, but there are a lot of stimming behaviors that neurotypicals also do sometimes. Stuff that they call a "nervous habit" would be stimming if they were neurodivergent. Humming, playing with their hair, clicking their pen, all kinds of things!
Me: The psychologist confirmed that I am autistic. Mom: I don't think you're autistic. If you are, it's very high functioning. Me: Well, they're the professional, so I'm gonna trust them. What I also should have said: I lived with you until I was 26, went years without a job, and hardly left the house. I don't know on what planet that would be considered "high functioning." She was also surprised by the ADHD & OCPD they also diagnosed me with. Unfortunately, ignorance of what these things can look like is hurting children around the world, especially little girls. 😢
When I hit burnout and tried getting an AuDHD diagnosis through public services, I was told I didn't seem 'hyper' enough, and could hold a conversation, and when I zoned out or rambled for too long during the session, that was me just being 'obtuse'... So glad I spoke with an actually Autistic therapist or else I would've completely lost my mind
"You make too much eye contact" is one a lot of older early-diagnosed people have internalized too much. I got it from Temple Grandin in 2005-ish. One of the reasons I don't have a very high opinion of her.
They are an example of what works for some may not be applicable for all. For example, I come from ranching families, both parents grew up in a mining and farming town in another state, but met each other and had me (also raised me) in a beach area, more metropolitan city and state than say a state like where the author you are discussing above. - There were very few jobs or educational environments during my time and place of growing up that would accommodate my experiences or others similar to me because our community and era -was more of a tourist business or capitalistic driven mindset. So much was catered to a customer service smile always being on and respecting others by tuning into their needs (not allowing or teaching self regulation or purpose of it). I don’t mind their story being heroic, but it does not resonate with my challenges or experiences for me personally … not just as a person with disabilities (I have physical ones, and was much later diagnosed adhd); much of the fierce dialogue coming out of interviews they filmed were to me too much of a blanket statement, often dismissive of equality vs equity.. or reminiscent of gaslighting diversity of the experiences of the actual spectrum and environments of the community they advocate for. I think it’s great to have a resilient example of grit, but wish it included more of an inclusive growth mindset too. I have synesthesia with letters, but if I were to think that I understood all other forms it comes in.. it would not just be a gross misunderstanding, but a missed opportunity to listen and learn from other unique people’s experiences and character.
Excuse me, you're saying you met Temple Grandson and she told you that you make too much eye contact to be autistic?? And 74 people just didn't question that????
I've learned to stare between a person's eyebrows, because i could never pick an eye to look into and would flick rapidly between them. I actually get compliments now when meeting older people that I make good eye contact.
I've got another s-tier reason: I was told, by a medical professional, that I couldn't be autistic, because I am giving of vibes. Or the untranslated quote "weil Sie Schwingungen aussenden". It always gets a good laugh out of other medical professionals.
German here shaking her head. Wow, that sounds more esoteric then medical professionell. What a pretty bullshit, to look back on it, but in that situation it would have silenced me not knowing what to say now. "Schwingungen..."🙄
@@katzenbekloppt_mf I think, what she was trying to say, was that I don't have a flat affect. So she just chose the most esoteric way of saying "you can't be autistic, because you use body language." After I told her, that I have a strong tendency to mask, no less. It was a case of "tell me, you know nothing about autism, without telling me, you know nothing about autism." I was already stressed out, so that statement sent me straight into a meltdown (which looks like uncontrolled crying for me, so she probably took that as proof of her theory). Needless to say, that was the end of our conversation and the last she saw of me.
@@melinnamba yeah, got that, but a medical professionell using that language makes me doubt their profession. Of cause it was Your last apointment with her! Good You have found better then.
@@katzenbekloppt_mf well, it does sound a little less unprofessional if you consider that display of affect is called "affektive Schwingungsfähigkeit" in German. But I do find that whole thing to be more useful in theory, than in practice, since it's really difficult to know whether the body language actually matches a person's emotions, nor do medical professionals get tested on their ability to read body language, so they don't actually know if they read it correctly. They just assume they get it right. I find it especially questionable to use as a diagnostic indicator, when a patient tells you, that they fake body language. But once you have a few fancy letters around your name, you automatically know better than, your patient. For my second attempt at getting a diagnosis, I went to someone who specializes in autism and is autistic herself. And I am now in therapy at an autism center. It makes a world of difference, if you are dealing with people who know that a 6 hour course on autism is not enough to call yourself an expert.
@@melinnamba I am german myself (half) and know that terminology, but she said it in that common esoteric way, so that sounded unprofessionell to me. And I had seen older meds that told a lot of bullshit. Like one that told me my son would get severe brain issues if I am vegetarian (that time I was not yet vegan) and don´t cook meat for him and therefor the child should be taken from me. We were at a hospital to check for a ear-operation. That was really strange. I just looked at him not saying a word and left. And later told the pediatric who sent me there and she was shocked (we did not do that operation then, it was just to see if or not and fortunatly it went better). Or that gynecologist who was barefoot and wanted me to do a lot of private paid hormon tests and buy some oils with colour and "magical" meaning. Never went there again. They are just people and during Covid it was seen that some went crazy like other people denying facts. May I ask were You got Your diagnose? Because I wanted to go to one in Bremen that is autistic herself but now that I have enough money she also is full and I am still waiting to get an official diagnose for years now (was with ADHD around 30 and again ten years (?) ago but that time I was told it can just be either or, it changed not as long ago that of cause it can be both and often is. My older psychiatrist that was helpless to my "untreatable chronic depression" which I always thaught is something different is open to it but doesn´t know enough, she always said I am high-sensitive which is not a medical term of cause and she agrees it could be. But as she will retire soon she will not specialize on this topic. Even with money to pay private not be able to find a place to get diagnosed is so frustrating... I know I am not the only one but it sucks as I waited more then two years for this money to have the option to pay private if they do not open the waiting list at the few places insurance pays. Ugh. When I hear in brittain waiting lists for more then five years it makes me mad. I got one adress in NRW that has a waiting list for a year now but MAYBE if someone else quits a date... Next then is with that piece of paper having the right for a specialized therapy, but that is also rare. I really plan to make the decision where to move maybe to a place where I get that. I definitly want to move away here and planned originally to go back to north-west, thought of Bremen or more around to have a more quiet place but also the structure of a openminded city nearby.
The "you are smart" one reminds me of when I informed my boss of my ASD diagnosis. She was very understanding but at one point she tried to reassure me saying "don't worry, you're smart" as if something I had said had implied I thought I wasn't, and that really rubbed me the wrong way.
Years ago, not long after my son had been diagnosed, I read a newspaper article about a deceased famous pianist who had shown some behaviours that led some people to believe that he may have been autistic. The article contained a statement from an archivist and guardian of the great man’s memory who insisted indignantly that the pianist could not have been autistic, because by all reports, he was a charming child, and autistic children are well known to be little robots. I said some swears.
dude. most of my highschool and uni friends are autistic, and out of the only two who talk like robots, only one is autistic (the other was tested multiple times and kept coming back negative). maybe it's just because i'm autistic, but most NDs i know are wayy more expressive than most NTs i know
Wow, as a 62 year old woman who was diagnosed when I was 58, this is something I can totally relate too. I think I have heard almost all of these over the years especially being told that being funny and being able to write stories means I could not be autistic.
Mike, this was a good one. I gave it a second watch, already. I had to swim up stream against my doctor when i asked to go thru the diagnosis process. he asked, "why would it matter at your age? Just because I was able to cope, & hold down a job... I insisted it would make all the difference. 5 months later I had confirmation & most importantly, many mis-diagnosis were removed from my chart, med's adjusted, etc. What about that it unnecessary for my healthcare, let alone my mental well-being? Thanks for another good video. I like the combo of game / hot topic it's like "a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down," right? the glass breaking sounds are great. ttfn, Lee
"why would it matter at your age? " - I had the same question. I think it's a good question, actually - if it comes from a place of seeking understanding, rather than invalidation. I'm so happy for you that mis-diagnoses were removed; that's a very important medical side to the formal identification that so many of us never get the chance to reach. Take care - (And thanks for your support! 🐈) - Mike 🧡
I live in China, yeah... I am autistic but I used to stare too much into ppl's eyes before... like eye contact problems can go both ways not only avoider. Those ideas are a social construct. such as not everyone has sensory avoidance some of us are sensory seekers. Also with empathy some of us could have too much and some might really don't have much. The world is not a binary system, coz we're human and very widely different.
While not autistic I have an ADHD. The similar misconceptions and you don’t look … , but you’re an adult so you can’t possibly have it, and the most frustrating everyone does that (insert random ADHD trait). Even when you point out how debilitating or stressful life is because I’ve been subconsciously masking for 30+ years. I was talking to another more experienced teacher about a student who was going for an assessment. As she spoke I got the feeling she didn’t think the student was would be and hiding behind the I don’t know them well enough excuse. She was shocked when I said I would be more surprised if she wasn’t diagnosed. When you realise how many teachers and educators do not know how to recognise students who are ND without a piece of paper telling them is astounding. When you chat with them they often have a very narrow view of many ND diagnosable symptoms and conditions. These are people who spend many years with hundreds of students and spend time learning how to teach/support ND students. I can only hope the stereotypical image of Autism or ADHD changes with more ND creators sharing their lives, experiences and special interests showing we are just as diverse and the they are.
"You were fine as a child" My autism was worse as a child, honestly. Super shy, refused to hug anyone, hated super loud noises, didn't really like to talk to people, and therefore, throughout my life, I sort of took my 3DS everywhere to cope with that. I also feel like I'm scarred for life, as my principal of my elementary school KNEW I was autistic and hated being hugged (yet they never put me with the autistic class, likely because I ended up being too smart for it, but that's actually a good thing because they treated them horribly...it was so painful to watch), but he continued to do so. By 5th grade, every time he crossed my path he'd do it and I asked my teacher and friends to protect me. My mom even got him in trouble for it, he could've gotten fired if he kept the act up. Now...I still have a fear of loud noises, that'll never fade. I still hate hugging people...unless they are close to me, and even then, most people don't respect my privacy and leave me alone when I don't take their offer up. I always want to be alone, but if one of my friends offers up the chance to hang out, I don't say no. I have ticks, small ticks, and I feel like I've got to fidget with something if it's available to me. There's not a single problem with being on the spectrum, child or adult, even if they want to doubt it.
"By 5th grade, every time he crossed my path he'd do it and I asked my teacher and friends to protect me. My mom even got him in trouble for it, he could've gotten fired if he kept the act up" ...I'll say. Sounds like it would be very easy to get his job taken away, if the police knew he was insisting on hugging random kids. maybe it's a generational thing, but nowadays and teaching professional doing this would rightly be in fear of losing their jobs.
When I told a psychiatrist I am autistic(diagnosed), she asked me if I have friends and then told me: "The autistic people I worked with don't have friends, so I'd love to do some more testing to see if the diagnosis is right." ....like... WTF did you just say? 🧐
Aaaw this kinda breaks my heart I can see your frustrating and hurt. I think I may be autistic but I can’t say for sure, though since I’ve stated working with neurodivergent children I’m finding more and more things in common with them than any of my adult coworkers 😓 I understand why they have so many social nuances but I CAN’T conform to them, they feel fake, empty, like I’m selling a version of myself to please public opinion. If it feels that terrible for me; how could I do it to someone else? I CAN’T do that, I don’t want anyone to feel that way if I can help it! I love your videos because of your genuineness. Content that comes from a place of open understanding and kind truthful honesty is waaayy more valuable to me than anything else.
11:35 I actually grew up in a household that utilizes comedy very heavily. We’re constantly joking, using sarcasm, or (my personal favorite) wordplay. So I both have a good sense of humor, and understand most any sarcasm that isn’t deadpan (deadpan still confuses and stresses me out). To the extent that humor’s actually one of my main forms of communication.
deadpan sarcasm is the main form of sarcasm i experience at home, i am very familiar with it and exercise it regularly. even so, i still struggle to correctly parse it. it is a dangerous game i play, not knowing what i mean when i say words. lol
I went through an 1 month long assessment with a psychologist specialized in autism, which concluded I was on the autism spectrum. But, since she was a psychologist, she couldn’t diagnose me, and I had to go with the papers to a psychiatrist. That psychiatrist was not specialized, but she was the only option available. Well, I went there with my mom, she asked some questions for a few minutes and told my mom I couldn’t be autistic because I had good eye contact, and that I was probably just shy and intelligent (because intelligent people are often a bit different, she said).. 😐 I did get the diagnosis though, after she read the papers of the evaluation, she decided to give me the diagnosis.
You are the 1st person I know to acknowledge that directly stating your boundaries to people who have power/authority over you, or at least think they do, is fruitless/dangerous. It has been my experience despite assurances from psychologists/mental health professionals/therapists etc that's what you should do. At the very least it gets you nowhere. At the other end of the spectrum, you need to decide whether it's time to get a new job, end a romantic relationship, friendship, or even go no contact with family. All usually at great emotional and monetary loss. Since my late diagnosis 4 years ago, I have done cut off family members, a 'close friend' who was actually just exploiting me, and have found it more and more easy to do so than in the past. The guilt is there but less of a barrier. I worry more that I am taking the easy path of just getting them out of my life but my mental health has improved dramatically as a result
Hi Helen/Rosey! 🧡 You're the first to comment.There really should be a prize for that, I think! Maybe in the future! I'm so glad to hear that I've been able to help in a small way! Welcome to the #actuallyautistic community 😊 -Mike
"You're too smart to be autistic" was the reason my dad gave for not letting me receive support as a kid. Now I realize how ridiculous that is, as some of the smartest people I know are autistic. The one I commonly get is "you don't look autistic." I mask fairly well because I was bullied extensively in grade school. What people don't realize is the amount of work that happens beneath the surface. I may look "normal" but I'm actually trying to remember to use eye contact, to smile, to not be too blunt, to avoid stimming...
Hi Mike 👋, thanks for a fun video! The people who say "but you don't stim" haven't spotted the stealth stims. Here's a bunch I used at school - doodling, chewing the end of my pencil, wriggling my toes, twirling the ends of my hair, picking out split ends, rolling and unrolling my hair ribbons - satin texture = bliss. 🎀 only the ribbons were blue 💙
I honestly am grateful that I got my diagnosis when I did, around 10 or 11. It helped to understand why I was so different going into intermediate and high school, where I would be bullied a lot. Being a woman and high functioning, obviously it was a lot harder for them to even know I had it. My older brother got diagnosed extremely early (but he’s still high functioning so much so he got his bachelor with a double major) I don’t really tell many people unless they NEED to know to help support me properly. For the most part people can’t tell and they can just sense that something about me is different but they can’t really put their finger on it. So honestly the lines, you don’t look autistic or you look normal, hold absolutely no weight at all. I also feel like the stop fidgeting one is annoying as hell. I got told off for ripping at my own distressed clothes(so like ripped jeans that are designed that way) when stressed, writing notes in church meetings cause it was “disrespectful”. For tapping/shaking my leg when I am nervous or cold. Nowadays I’ve turned that fidgeting into crafts or art cause then in the eyes of NT people, I’m being productive rather than a nuisance. Not saying I don’t enjoy doing these things but it’s a shame that it’s so scrutinised and that it’s only seen as acceptable if it’s productive.
My teachers called out my autism when I was a kid but my parents chose not to pursue it because they didn't want me to be judged. Now I'm a teen and getting diagnosed. "You didn't get diagnosed as a child" is a WILD reason against someone being autistic
A neighbor told me she thought my son "lacked empathy" so he was autistic. I told her I'd thought he was autistic for a while and that furthermore I thought my husband and I were both autistic as well. I think we found each other because we were both outcasts. Neither of us were/are diagnosed. She said, "Well you know most people with autism are male." This after I had watched video after video explaining what autism looked like in girls and why it was underdiagnosed. She had her masters in psychology so I just rolled my eyes at her poor logic and moved on.
Being compared to someone with high support needs is the most frustrating one! Being able to pay/use the bus device is why I can’t be autistic (or have struggles). Being able to talk well (I have a very good vocab, due to a variety of reasons). Being able to get dressed/be presentable means that I can’t be autistic or have mental health issues!
I am really enjoying your videos. Thank you for making them. I am also older and recently diagnosed. Understanding that I have autism has filled in EVERY gap! Such a relief on so many levels. A very good friend who is an amazing social worker has now said to me, "well, you aren't an autism expert" and "I really hate how everyone is self diagnosing" and a number of times she'd switch her voice to a very low and slow style which I found disconcerting and maybe patronizing. I was surprised. Ive worked in special ed. and specifically with autistic children and adults and we've had so many conversations about lack of understanding and difficulty finding good mental help. She actually told me she thinks I "really need to find a counselor who specializes in autism" and I reminded her how we both know how hard it is to find that person let alone afford them. Haven't heard from her since and I dare not reach out. Such a bummer! On the other hand, my husband is learning and being more accommodating.
Hey Jennifer. I'm glad my videos are helpful, it makes me smile to know I've helped someone. I can relate, there's so much relief in having an answer after so many years. Decades, even. I'm sorry your friend wasn't kinder - I typically think such 'type 1' / rapid not thought out responses from people tell me more about them and where they are at than about me, if that makes sense? She's possibly been irritated by someone else, and has passed this negative emotion towards you. I'm glad that you've got your husband to talk to - and this brings me to my last point...finding neurodivergent community. It's so important to be around people who are non-judgemental and supportive like the autisti-cats. -Mike 🧡
@@Autistic_AF Thank you for your kind reply. I think my friends subconsciously upset I stepped into her professional know how. She might not like that I knew more than she did without also being a professional. I think you are right that people show you where they are at. I have a hard time forgiving. gotta work on that!
The worst one I had was from my GP. I gathered up all my evidence and built up the courage to start on getting a diagnosis. My GP is young. I gave him all the evidence and he said “The fact that you can even question you might have autism is the first sign that you can’t have autism.” And that was the end of that. 🤷♀️
i really don't get why so many GPs wanna be gatekeepers. like it costs nothing for them to send a referral for an appropriate specialist, and is in fact their fucking job. i'm so grateful to have a GP who gives out referrals like candy and i hope everyone finds a gp like him
the fact I've seen the same weird catch 22 for so many other things... mainly in novels, and primarily for the condition of *being a monster*. that if you're capable of wondering if you are a monster, you can't be one. I have a problem with that idea, too, but it the point is, it's tautological, definitionally vague, and utterly useless. what is it supposed to mean? that for one to be autistic one must be terminally incapable of self-reflection, maybe even self-awareness in the most literal sense? do they think autistic people can't recognize themselves in mirrors, I mean?
@@comradewindowsill4253 The thing is Anosognosia , or the lack of insight and need for treatment, is a real thing in other mental health conditions, for example, schizophrenia is one. However, even then it is only a percentage of the people who have that issue, because everyone is different no matter what. But, it’s one of those things that is “interesting” to pick up on and then put it in movies, books, tv, rumors about family members etc, and then apply to everyone and stigmatize with that condition. Then even medical doctors can be influenced by that stigma, and then apply it to others as well. Since as a kid I knew something was different about me and it had negative effect on me, I studied psychology a lot since high school. I took college courses and everything but I was not capable of becoming a doctor due to my issues. And, I had no help, either. Since I’m older, I come from the “you’re too sensitive just be quiet and stop complaining, everyone is different,” world. So, it’s disappointing to be told that but also just more of the same.
Im not formally diagnosed but ive been doing a lot of listening, reading, test taking, thinking, and talking for the last year and an half to my loved ones about that i might be autistic and that it explains an enormous amount of my struggles throughout my life. Something I recently realized is that the normal amount of distress to experience in change of plans, crowded areas, social situations, etc is NONE! I have a tendency to think "well, yes i feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable but because I can contain it (even though is leads me to chronic exhaustion), i cant be autistic" I hope I can get formally evaluated soon!
I wasn't diagnosed until I was 18 and went out myself since my parents didn't believe autism was a real thing. 2 years later I'm still suffering through the consequences of their inaction and I'm slowly realizing that if I had known earlier, my school life probably would have gone a lot smoother if they actually cared enough.
The most insane reason I remember someone said was when I first got tested for autism a couple years back, and the doctor said to my mom with a straight face that “She (referring to me) couldn’t possibly be autistic because she wants to make friends”… …needless to say we looked for a different doctor…
I don’t understand the tier ranking when other RUclips content creators do it, so I like that you labeled each tier rank with words. It is funny whenever you throw the paper and we hear the glass sound. I love that. The video was fun and you were funny entertaining and informative at the same time. I do like the subject. It is under debunking misconceptions.
Good video. Focusing on where you'd rank a hurtful statement is one good way of keeping it from sinking into your soul. No need to agree, disagree, simply hold at arm's length and hold your nose as you examine it.
"You weren't diagnosed as a child!" I've got probably one of the weirdest diagnosis stories. I'm AFAB, and was diagnosed at 6. Said diagnosis was only possible because my younger brother was suspected of having autism very early on. My mother decided to have us all screened when she realized her other young daughters were a lot like her son. Here's the thing, though. My brother got to grow up knowing he was autistic. I didn't. I found out at 18. My parents fessed when they realized I could legally look at the medical records myself. I knew by the time I was 15, but spent most of my life only getting the bare minimum support, and not having those supports explained to me. In a way, I got the early diagnosis experience, but in other ways, I didn't. I vividly recall crying on my mother's bed one night, asking her "what my diagnosis was" (I was maybe eight or nine, but really into medical shows). I knew by then that I wasn't like most of the other kids, but my experience didn't match that of my autistic brother in my eyes. (We are actually very alike. The only real difference was the level of support he was getting.) She could have told me, a kid who clearly wanted answers and was trying to advocate the fact that they had the capacity to understand it, that I was autistic. But she didn't, and I still don't know why to this day. Maybe she wanted to shelter me from my own disability? Or maybe she was mourning the "normal" daughters she lost, and was trying to pretend I was something I'm not. Diagnosis is weird. I guess I consider the day *I* found out when I was diagnosed, but it's hard to grapple with the idea that growing up, almost every single adult in my life knew.
Hyper-empathy was actually something I had to deal with a lot as a child! It was why I couldn't sit down and watch moments in movies with high tension between characters; because I'd *feel* that tension in my heart, and I'd want to get out.
I'm an Asian living in the west and I still find eye contact uncomfortable when I try to hold it. I found videos of me blinking a lot whenever I try to hold my gaze at others, as if it was blinding. But it's still the same at home with people I am close with, and my dad does the opposite, he tends to stare at other people, or stare at once place and bulge his eyes whenever he is speaking to an audience
The age one really hit home with me, not being diagnosed early was a combination of me being misdiagnosed with dyslexia and me being so aloft at school that I just tried to not be noticed by anybody for being weird. It amazes me how little credit people give to kids being able to mask there own problems from others, every nerotypical person seems to think that people with ASD or ADHD can't learn to mask habits to avoid being bullied or seen as a weirdo at school. Kids learn fast how to survive when put in a situation like that, and the last thing any kid like that wants to do is tell someone they think they are different
From a professional who was diagnosing me for my disabilities: “you’re not autistic because you daydream” (they diagnosed me for adhd-i, anxiety but their were no asd tests: I asked them about why no mention of asd because they have close similarities to adhd. They also proceeded to in documents say to seek testing for it but did not tell me to go seek further testing even though my physical document says they verbally suggested it. Also removed my depression diagnosis because just said yeah I don’t have that; I’m almost done my second assessment with an asd professional because I don’t feel secure with the previous test/diagnosis)
As someone who is undiagnosed but seeking a diagnosis because I’m 99% sure I am, I’ve heard so many of those it’s crazy. Cause how dare I be black and AFAB and autistic, that’s absurd
And it was based on somebody who turned out not to be autistic but to have the hemispheres of his brain not fully connected IIRC So it was just completely different
I got hit with the "but you aren't mute!" back in middle school. Guy didn't mean anything by it, he just decided that his young nephew, despite being his only prior reference for autism, represented every quality for it.
I'm glad this came up in my recommended. I know autistic people on the severe end of the spectrum, but was always curious of how so many people could recently be opening up to others as being autistic and it not be as apparent. I will have a gander at that site you recommended that explains it further. Cheers!
To me, the idea of putting myself in someone else’s shoes baffles me completely, the statement that is. My test results showed empathy as a trait I have. But I don’t see it that way. The most prevalent questions re that was, again, putting oneself in someone else’s shoes, a term that doesn’t make sense to me. At the same time I feel to an overwhelming degree empathy most of the time. An example is seeing a raccoon wander endlessly looking for the baby she was separated from, or feeling the energy in the room, and if negative exiting as quickly as possible. May not be the best examples, but I guess I’m just not getting the phrase used to judge the level of empathy.
"Before you criticise another person's choices, first walk a mile in their shoes" - it's a metaphor that means to say you ought not be quick to criticise other people, because you don't know what their story, their daily life, their struggles are. What might seem like an unthinkable decision to you may seem completely reasonable or even necessary to someone else, under the right circumstances. It means that you first need to understand others' challenges before you can have any chance at fairly judging the choices they make in light of them. I don't know if I explained it well at all, sorry. I know in my own head exactly what it means and how, but do you think i can articulate that understanding effectively? Of course not 😅
I love how “you aren’t having meltdowns, aren’t overly sensitive, aren’t loud” and “you aren’t emotionless, apathetic and quiet” are equally common yet opposing reasons someone might say someone isnt autistic.
That "you're being rude" part I find falls into the social deficit I find Neurotypicals have. What is rude about saying what I want? I see others dance around weird social game trying to get the others to be mind readers and give them what they want with out actually telling them. They they get upset when they don't get what they wanted and build up resentment. Over time they end do this so much the cause a mental health break down. And they say I have social deficits. Sure might come of as rude refusing to play that game and just telling me people what I want but I get what want or at least don't waste my time trying get something for hour that I'll never get.
"Everyone's autistic these days." Oh, I wish. Talking with other autistic people feels just so much easier, and I notice exactly because it's only a handful of people that I know.
Can confirm, stimming I don't do because it was trained out of me early on that it wasn't acceptable -- but I am trying to relearn it, because I find it useful! I can give very minimal eye contact but it's so painful I would rather not unless we're having a serious discussion. I don't have meltdowns, but I have shutdowns and am more likely to walk out on you/a situation if I'm that overwhelmed. I also have been told I'm too pretty to be autistic, which is somehow an even more insulting way to tell me that I don't look autistic.
It’s great to see videos representing people with autism. It’s also great to see people clearing up misunderstanding and misinformation. I know that when I was diagnose with autism, they did an IQ test and told me that because of of how high I scored on the test, I technically didn’t meet their criteria for being diagnosed with autism, but because of how I interact socially, they diagnosed me as autistic. Like sorry, I didn’t know that all autistic people have the same IQ score.
I was tested for autism wayy back in preschool. They had a guy and an assistant watch over me for the day. The school day was nearing end, and the guy said something along the lines of "we dont think hes autistic". Thankfully, pre-school me decides to just... Punch the assistant. I have no clue why but apparently i did it. Unsurprisingly they decided to retract their statement and a couple steps later i was diagnosed :) i still feel bad for that poor assistant tho 😢
3:47 So I’m autistic and my current hyperfixation is psychology! I completely agree that because it’s a spectrum you can’t always tell via brain scans if someone is autistic and it especially depends on what kind of brain scans are done. But this did make me think of some physical differences in autistic brains from neurotypicals that I thought I’d share cuz I think it’s cool! Of course not everyone with autism will have these differences, I’m just sharing because I think it’s cool, not to make any sort of argument. Firstly, our brains tend to have more wrinkles because we think so fast and have so much going on in our heads. I believe the constant uptake in our heads is probably why we are so prone to sensory issues! We also have more grey matter in our brains for the same reason, storing and processing information. I find it funny that our brains are hardwired to make us smarter, or so you’d think, as this actually makes it hard to focus on anything else once we have an interest in something. And once we have that interest, our brains work a a mile a second to conjure up new ideas and to learn and store information. This is why we’re so forgetful and have a hard time paying attention to things and why some autistic people have trouble learning - because our brains focus so much on that one special interest that it’s hard to shut it off. Just a little fun fact lol
My whole life I was bullied for being different. I was constantly made to feel like I wasn’t normal. I always felt there was something deeply wrong with me. But now when I tell people I’m autistic they’re like “noooo you can’t be autistic you’re so normal!” Like WHAT
Same. My verbal abilities are "very superior", according to the neuropsych test. People apparently think that all cognitive limitations impair your speech, for some reason??? Weird
I love the concept behind this video! I'm thankful that I am extremely good at reading people, so I've thankfully only really heard these types of comments directed at me on the internet. They're so frustrating. I suffered for so long with no answers and now people want to deny me that inner peace and sense of community I've craved for decades.
Thank you :) I'm sorry you've had them directed at you on the internet. In many ways, that's worse since you don't get a direct right of reply so to speak. -Mike 🧡
Regarding the "you're too social" one, I got diagnosed with the then diagnosis of Aspergers when I was 12. One part of which was because I wasn't particularly social. As it turns out, I love people and socializing, even if it is exhausting, it's just that I couldn't deal with the people around me at the time and that I was (unknown to me at the time) trans and deeply uncomfortable with the social expectations of how I should and had to look and act. Now, a decade and a half since that diagnosis, you'll find me going clubbing and enjoying life like never before, something many people would probably consider impossible for someone who's autistic.
The funny thing is, i literally got tested when i was a kid. They told my mom that i wasn't autistic and instead, diagnosed me with a different learning disability. It was a misdiagnosis. It's been 6 months since my official Autism diagnosis and I still wonder how the doctors missed it the first time.
I just found your channel, I have never been tested for autism or adhd and I don't think I'll be able too for a few more years. However, something I have noticed is that all but a few friends I have made in my life have been neurodivergent, and all the freinds I have now think I am too. I exhibit many traits of neurodivergency and so that is why I would like to be tested, but what I am trying to say is thank you for making content, and I'll come back to share results on this comment if your still making content in a few years.
something i only realized as an adult was that being an introvert and being scared to be an extrovert are not the same thing my other one!!!!!!!!!! the year of 2023 is when i realized that “socially correct eye contact is not the same as ‘looking at people so they dont know how much you are looking at them’” something else I really struggled with is how traumatic learning to communicate was for me. I likely would have spent years selectively non-verbal but that wasn’t something I felt physically safe doing.
![Eminem - Fuel (feat. JID) [Official Lyric Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/t5H_CewqpKA/mqdefault.jpg)
"but you make eye-contact"
Who else has the childhood memory of being yelled at by a teacher or other adult, "LOOK AT ME WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU!" ... you learn that you HAVE to look at people, which means you often cannot focus on what they are saying!
Me, too. "You're not listening" and "You're not taking this seriously". Turns out, they meant I wasn't looking at them in the eyes and giving them whatever body language signals they required.
Ever since I learned they don't literally want eye contact and just want your gaze focused in the general area around their face, its been a lot easier. I dont force myself to look when its too hard, but its not uncommon for me to look at NT's hair, nose, ears, etc and have them think im making diligent eye contact.
Not you unlocking my memories.
✋. I can’t tell you enough of how bad my eye contact can be if someone is being confrontational with me now purely because, I literally have so many instances where I had this as a child. Heck I even had that when I was a teenager, well after I had my diagnosis and teachers at school knew about it.
I’m honestly surprised I make eye contact at all during conversations nowadays because of how frequently I got the look at me while I am talking to you. Masking at its finest, I guess
I had the opposite experience with a peewee football coach and now I just refuse to even pretend. Second day with the team and he noticed I wasn't looking anywhere near him during instruction, so he asked me what he just said. I repeated it back to him verbatim. He never worried where I was looking again. Made Captain on his team.
My ex-wife said: "I don't believe in autism" when I told her about my diagnosis. I felt extremely dismissed, but I realised later on that meant our divorce was logical.
🧡
Yeah, like those people who don't "believe" in covid or vacinations🙄.
There is no chance if facts are denied.
I am sorry You had that bad experience.
Indeed it was. What a great move😮
How do you even... Not believe in autism? Do they not believe in ADHD, or dyslexia, or tourette's, or literally any other neurodivergence either?
Good to hear she is your ex. You deserve better.
I was told by a doctor that I couldn't possibly be autistic because I'm not racist.
I believe his exact words were "People with autism tend to make racist and other derogatory remarks because they're unaware and I haven't noticed that in you." I can only assume he was trying to express that autistic people often have trouble knowing what's socially appropriate to say, but simplifying and generalizing it in that way is just so ridiculous.
That is absolutely nuts. How about, "Doctors are prone to exaggerated and simplified thinking, especially when solitary."
It's complete bullshit. I think it should be the opposite: since autistic people don't think like the others, they don't believe stereotypes (or even don't know about them) so they're more likely to look at foreigners the same way they look at their family.
It almost sounds like the doctor is a mega-racist who just assumes everyone else is racist like them, and everyone is just hiding. And of course assuming that autistic people couldn't hide their (assumed) racism.
.......wtf O_o
This might be the whitest take on autism I've ever heard.
So much of racism is not neo nazi yelling nonsense. Just cause Hans Asperger's was a eugenicist who was racist doesn't mean autistic people are any more racist than non autistic folks.
The whole point of systemic anti-racist work is that everyone is raised in racist ideas and people choose to work through it.
"But yoh have empathy"
"Why yes, I stole yours."
😂
Ohhhhh, is that where the double empathy comes from? 😉
That’s a really cool profile picture! Is it from something? Or did you make it?
@@TruHeart0306 Oof, I had it for ages, I think I didn't manage to find the origin, so I'm just a brutal art thief at this point :D
Lmao that's such a good comeback!
"But you don't have meltdowns (in front of me)!"
And you don't cry, show raw emotion, flip out, expose your vulnerabilities in front of everyone either.
Exactly! 🧡
Yep. Heard all these as well as “you get too emotional”
@@dragletsofmakara1120Yes, exactly this... "You're too calm and flat! Oh wait no, you're too emotionally expressive and dynamic!! ...You don't pay enough attention/you're too interested!{And similar variations of comments on too much this or not enough that}"
Ok, well, what!? 🥺😱🥴😑🤔🙄😂🤷♂️
This. My last public meltdown was at the main train station of a major Mardi Gras city on "Carneval Sunday" - no one noticed or cared. Other than that, I've been able to wait until I was alone pretty consistently.
@ZhovtoBlakytniy
What they don't know is that this is a self-taught defense mechanism.
gonna tell my neighbour he’s not gay. i mean, he can’t be? he came out when he was 50 years old, he could’ve just done it when he was a child… /s
🤣🤣
unfortunately, being homophobic is a trait of autism /s
And he wasn't OBVIOUSLY GAY in front of everybody, so he must be straight 🙄/s
Funny enough, I had a late ADHD diagnosis *and* only figured out I was trans after 18. I'm "you would have known as a child" bingo
@@dionemartins0212 little does this commenter know there's a secret evil third thing
a lot of people who call autistic people "too sensitive" will also fold if you literally just tell them facts and call you rude for it. yes, tell me how my sensitivities are weird and invalid when you take objective reality as a personal offense :/
My problem is I’m too insensitive I would laugh in a funeral and I have to fake being sad
Also, yes, I agree ppl are so emotionally fragile and are so easily offended. I think it’s cause their ego is so inflated that you can pop it like a balloon
@@NoctivagantDiurnal i've had that happen too; i care about what's happening and how everyone else is feeling, but it's hard to share their grief. a funny memory will jolt into my head at inappropriate times or i'll have to keep myself from laughing at something that might be more acceptable to laugh at outside of a funeral.
i think the inflated ego bit might be because there's very clear cut expectations of how people should behave (at least to neurotypical people), which turns into "i am entitled to this kind of treatment," which turns into being easily offendable by people like us who don't get it.
I will never understand why people get angry at the thought of learning something 😅
@@Jaminux that is actually heavily relatable how you worded that. I frequently find that I *do* understand that someone is feeling a certain way or that something should be handled a certain way, but I simply don't feel the desire to share it or to actually do it, etc, so it's just awkward. Like "hey, I know you're expecting this general reaction from me but it's not happening on my end so I'm not sure what to do about it...."
I was told yesterday by a commenter on here that I couldn't be autistic because I was able to think enough to write comments.
Not on this channel, I hope! 🤞 🧡
Here? On YT or on Mikes channel?
There are tons of high support needs nonverbal/minimally verbal autistics who require 24/7 care that are able to communicate by typing?? So idk how they thought that made any sense.
@@LilChuunosuke That's what I say! It falls apart the moment you think about it, it's just willful ignorance.
God help us- or help that person. Scary!
#21 "you don't like trains"
Oh yes. Or, you're not an eight year old boy, with a little variation... maybe five years old to eleven is allowable... j/k
@@Autistic_AF Oh, that also gets funny considering my own diagnosis was at, well, 12.
I didn’t like trains before my diagnosis, but now I’ve made so many train jokes that I actually get a little excited to see them. xD
Literally the most logical and accurate reason
Ok that is an actual valid reason, TRAINS ARE AWSOME WHO DOESN’T LIKE TRAINS 🚂
To add to the comments about meltdowns: some of us shut down instead of melting down. When I'm overwhelmed, I feel as if I have fallen deep inside my head, where it takes enormous effort to speak or outwardly react to anything. Most people read this as me being "shy," or "unfeeling," or "stoic," depending upon the circumstances.
Yeah, my brain will just stop producing new thoughts. If you asked me to pour myself a glass of water during that time I won’t know how. That or I will suddenly become extremely tired and go somewhere to sleep it off.
OOH! So it was an autism thing. I've only experienced this once, but honestly that was enough for me. I felt like I was under water and that the sounds and lights around me were all blurry. It was like I was drowning. I asked about it on reddit before, but got told to take some cannabis oil because they said I was experiencing anxiety or something lol. I obviously didn't take any oils because I thought that just didn't make any sense.
The reason that happened in the first place is because I was out socializing for too long without a break. Its stressful just thinking about it.
@@mister-canada367 Yeah cannabis is not a go-to solution for that stuff, those people on reddit don't know what they're talking about. It can help for some people but it can also make sensations more intense. And it varies by strain quite a bit.
Tbh I do both meltdowns and shutdowns
yes exactly my shut downs get so bad all I can think about is "I want to go home" or "I'm gonna kms" and It feel like there's a literal wall between me & my friends or family, like I can't physically communicate like I should or fake/mask any longer
I don’t get this comment much with autism, but I do hear the same kind of silliness from some mental health professionals about my schizophrenia. “You can’t have that. I have seen schizophrenics and they can’t have a back and forth conversation.” And my favorite: “If you had schizophrenia, I don’t think you would have gotten this far.”
They say all this before they even know my symptoms. My psychiatrist, schizophrenia researchers, and neuropsychologists all agree I have it. So it’s very disheartening to hear well-meaning *professionals* try to undiagnose me before they even hear about how I could barely talk for a month and my job struggles.
Yeah, and we all now there is absolutly no stigma for anything psychosis-related so of cause You just like to have a fancy little diagnose (irony). What a pity!
I'm sorry you've had similar experiences. It just goes to show; misunderstandings and out-of-date professionals affect people across various conditions, not just autism. Take care. 🧡
It’s like who would say they have something when they don’t. It takes a lot to put it out there that by the time someone is opening up to you, you better respect them and support them, not question or tell them you know them better than themselves.?!?
I had a friend tell me about someone he knew with schizophrenia, and he put his camera app on his lock screen so he has quick access to it. He does this because he often times has to pull it out to make sure the person in front of him is real. The first time that guy did this to him was after he met him the third time or so when he didn't have anyone to introduce him.
@@VoidHxnter omg that answers a question I had the other day about if hallucinations would show up on cameras in the moment or pictures after the fact
Meltdowns aren’t even in the DSM-5 criteria for autism, so it is indeed weak that someone would say lack of meltdowns means someone isn’t autistic.
I don't think they are even caused by autism.
Almost anyone would have issues with emotional regulation if they were forced to grow up to fit a mould they don't understand. And have people get mad and not explain when you do things wrong.
Autistic people might, on average, be more emotional which could increase the chance of this leading to meltdown behaviour but it would not be the cause of it.
@@group555_ Interesting idea! Personally I do think meltdowns are often a part of autism. Ever since I was a little kid I struggled with them. I have an emotional “on/off” switch. Either I’m fine or I’m melting down. I was homeschooled and raised by ND parents and I wasn’t raised in a way that’s traumatic for an autistic person, yet I had terrible meltdowns my whole life.
@@group555_ british person spotted, opinion invalidated /j
@hotpocketsat2am i aint even british lmao
@@group555_ i saw the weird spelling of mold and had to say it lol
Introversion does not exclude you from being social either. Introverts simply like socializing one on one or in small amounts/spurts with adequate time to recharge.
Very true! 🪫🔋
It's also not an autistic trait. Plenty of extroverts I know are autistic, my father among them.
100% true. I’m an introverted autistic person and I absolutely _love_ socialising as long as I don’t drain my social battery.
Eh introversion very wide and broad. I have group of friends that I can literally party for hours without any problems but most of the time I want to be left alone and I struggle to talk with strangers.
Very, very true.
I'm introverted ((tought my mother suspects I have autism, but I didn't took any diagnosis tests just yet), and I only like socializing when I have the energy to, with people that give me this energy to socialize.
Btw, my best friend is autistic and bro is the most extroverted guy of our small group- He was the one that approached me and talked to me first even if I was reluctant on talking, love him sm
Autism epidemic, yes please. Low lighting, quiet, no small talk, deep intricate conversations, bliss
The empty streets phase of Covid was pretty nice. Nobody around, no having to socialize. I liked it.
I'm ngl, but socially - I liked it, too!
Intense interest in some aspect of real life! Honesty in communications! (getting work done instead of incessant chatting and gossip!).. We could save the world yet...
if only
You legit just described my dream society. And 100% yes to the COVID lock downs being bliss. I kept it under wraps because so many NTs and extroverts were imploding, and I understand that feeling, but good GD that was the best 6 months of my life ❤
I told my psychologist when I was a teenager about a decade ago that I suspected I was autistic. I had a million examples and things to talk about, but instead she asked me to tap each finger on my hand using my thumb. At this point I'd already played piano since I was 5 and guitar for a few years so this was basically a warmup exercise for me. I did what she asked and she said "yep you're not autistic" and diagnosed me an anxiety disorder instead. I'm still so annoyed about that and I've been scared to ask anyone about it afterwards
Consecutive finger tapping has been a stim for me since at least 1983 😅
@@thesincitymama Yeah exactly! There are so many reasons why some things may be more natural for you to copy successfully.
She clearly didn't even know enough to be an authority on the subject and should've just said so instead of being so weirdly unprofessional about it. Maybe she thought she could trick me out of thinking more about it since I was just some "dumb kid" to her 🤷
as we all know by now: autistics don't have fingers, it's simple psychology
I legitimately don't grasp even a bit of the reasoning here. Is it a belief that all autistics are dyspraxic? Or did she only ever see little kids with an autism diagnosis and assumed lack of coordination typical at young ages is an autistic trait? Like, I'm actually curious.
@@oiytd5wugho I really wished I asked, but I was so baffled by it at the time I didn't even know how to question it. She really stun locked me with that one I admit. I think I spent more time thinking about the stupid finger exercise than anything said in later sessions lmao
I have to assume that she either
1: Thought it was ridiculous for me to even ask and it was just a way to put that whole thing to rest thinking I'd not question it further (at least directly to her)
2: A misconception about how autism affects your ability to mirror or repeat back tasks in some way (or dyspraxia as you mentioned). She was just a generalized psychologist working for the state. She might've lacked updated knowledge on spectrum disorders
Wow- crazy!
I didn't get diagnosed as a child? When I had MY child diagnosed, they told me she couldn't be ASD and girls didn't get it. Certainly there was NO chance for a diagnosis for me being much older. Sheesh.
Some peoples children.
Awful, but so common, I'm sorry. And for doing the right thing. 🧡
I literally asked for an evaluation when I was in elementary school and was told that girls couldn't get autism even though at that age, I often needed a "translator" when talking to new people because I didnt know how to string words together in a coherent manner.
@@LilChuunosuke wait thats an autism thing?
@@eatinglint there's a reason "high functioning autism" is a specific diagnosis.
@@vyor8837 I said that because I'm also like that to a degree and thought it was from an entirely different disorder
That "shattering" sound when you throw the paper is godly
It was particularly heavy paper.
It was causing me mild anxiety throughout the whole video, imagining having to clean all the little shards of.. paper? afterwards 😂 I may have been slightly traumatised by working as a cleaner for a few years 😆
It keeps making me think he's tossing a rock through the vase in the back.
Dude I absolutely love it
When my partner first suspected she might be autistic last year, a psychiatrist (!) told her she couldn't possibly be autistic because she has a degree in german studies. 🤦I will never understand how people can talk so confidently about something they obviously know nothing about. (Later it turned out she's autistic AF by the way 😀).
They did - not - learn in their studies, unfortunatly...
Schwingungen = Vibrations? LOL what? 😆
well you see, not a single autistic person has ever learnt german. that's what they taught in the doctor school. generally it seems like "autism is everything you're not, or everything im unwilling to see in you" 😔
The first diagnosed person had a bachelors degree in french! Like, WHAT? That literally makes NO sense
It’s scary and dangerous that these people don’t have mandatory ongoing education when they are allowed to practice…. Literally harmful to patients
My favourite one said to me by a psychiatrist I went to: "There are no autistic adults, only children."
Well, I guess as soon as an autistic child becomes 18 they either turn neurotipical or they evaporate.
I've heard that one, too. It's shocking that such ignorance exists in the medical arena. This wouldn't be expected from surgical teams, so why psychiatric ones?
So all the autistics kids die before they’re adults?!? Scary.
Wow, what a psychiatrist 😬
@@Autistic_AF Exactly. It's absurd. And the medical gaslighting, too. I was told that there are no tests/questionnaires and there is no diagnostic manual when I told him that his assessment was lacking.
At least I got my money back when I reported him to the clinic.
How on earth can a psychiatrist be so ignorant as to say that? 😮
My personal take (from what I've gathered), is that people tend to confuse or correlate autism with down syndrome for some reason, which is where the "look autistic" thing comes from.
They do, and i think that stems from those shitty "offensive memes" videos and 4chan
i think this has been different these days tho, for what is worth, people watch 'autism' on tv and its all of these savants, so the thing they associate it with has changed.
@@uuh4yj43 yes, I definitely think it's more of a boomer and millennial conception than gen z, but because there is a media overlap between millennials and Gen z, there is some of this conceptual overlap, especially with the older Gen z
@@aynDRAWSthere are also some people who insist on this regardless of being presented evidence to the contrary. The same ones who may be confused or even angry to see a person with down syndrome living a normal and mostly functional life 💁♂️ I think some people really enjoy the idea of a group of people existing in concept that are less capable than they are, in like a really sick and hateful way
@@leavemealone3089 schadenfreude
The misconception that autistic people don't have empathy was the biggest reason that held me back realising I had autism.. It's weird, I wonder if other people had thought these things before they knew too, so much misinformation still floating around, it's detrimental to other undiagnosed autists too
It’s so detrimental - like you said. And simultaneously some doctors would say we can have a strong sense of justice but zero empathy.. what’s that about? 🤷♂️ 🧡
This is all in large part due to the incompetent conman Simon Baron-Cohen he even said "Autistic people lack some fundamental part of being human.". He's STILL the go to "expert" for NTs
Here's a wonderful quote from Astrid: Murder in Paris. Astrid "Some people think autistics don't have empathy.". Raph: "Only idiots."
I think the "issues with empathy" are sometimes we can show empathy differently... by being super empathetic or sympathetic.
I will not give someone an unsolicited hug, because I understand some people wouldn't want that. I may say something like "is there anything at all I can do for you?" and I sincerely mean it, I think NTs use it as a figure of speech (maybe I'm wrong there). I will move heaven and earth if I can to help someone. If they just need somebody to quietly listen, I will do that (though my initial response is to solve the issue). My love language is to solve the issue with them, but sometimes they just want a non judgemental party to vent to.
My mother told herself that I was a psychopath, because of this.... She, being a narcissist, found it much easier to tell herself that I have no feelings, because it convenietly allowed her to justify ignoring my feelings, when dealing with me.
She was the MOST obtuse, when it came to my figuring it out, and then getting Dxed.... she went into denial mode, because I had been calling her treatment of me abusive for decades (because it is), and finding out all the traits she disliked in me, and tried to punish out of me, were, in fact, autism symptoms, and not conscious decisions that I was making, just to piss her off.
My having autism, made it abundantly clear that I had been right all along.... though she has never (and will never) admit it.
Inwas villainized when I found cannabis at age 10, and started using it to cope... and punished by being brought to a psychiatrist, who my mom told "he just explodes (melts down) for NO REASON (the constant reason was that she would torment and poke at me, until I would snap), and got me put on serious, dangerous psych meds!!!
Now, at 39, having gotten a proper Dx, through plain stubbornness and tenacity, my psychiatrist recommends CANNABIS for the social anxiety!!!
It's like, "I know you say this (pot) is helping you, but before conceding that you may be right, I want you to be put through the ringer, and drugged into oblivion destroying your life... and if none of that works, then MAYBE I'll consider that your opinion on how these chemicals affect you, might be valid."
I consider lying to people to be rude but NTs think consistently lying to you is respectful.
They do?
There is no substitute for the truth. Keep doing what you do.
So much so that we lie to ourselves and mask the meltdown we are having making eye contact.
😅😅😅😅yes
@@LordLuciferKråka yeah some truths are considered rude. Like if they ask you if you like their new haircut for example, and you don't, they'll take it as an insult if you say no, so you have to say yes even if you don't like it. Which is weird cause they asked your opinion, and it's their hair so it doesn't matter if you like it or not but... That's how it goes.
Well, that stereotype that "autistic people don't ever get irony/sarcasm" was THE thing that for decades made me think "well if THIS wouldn't be I think I am autistic. But loving irony/sarcasm it cannot be."
There is much too little knowledge and very common misconceptions I didn't know better myself some years ago.
So I am frustrated if others still don't know, but I can't blame them.
It's just if they don't want to listen and learn better.
Ah yeah! Misconception buddies! ✌️
Since I was more diagnosed early in life, at 8 years old, when I heard about that stereotype, I thought "oh! it's not normal that I understand irony/sarcasm" so then I tried not to. Idk if anyone else relates or was diagnosed in early life, but that is what happened with me. 😅
I was bullied for being "slow" and not getting jokes so I had to learn to understand them 🤔
@@VeSpEr7iNe sometimes I don't get them too. And very often (allistic) people don't get if I use irony/sarcasm myself 🤷🏽♀️
And there is also a "taste" for different kinds of humor and You don't have to find anything funny for other people. Then it's just not funny for You and that's OKAY😘
@@Silly_Fellow552 ha, that's sweet😄
13:06 Back in ’97, a 6 year old me watched Titanic and learned that it was a real historical event. I cried the whole night for strangers who lived a century ago.
🧡 and often a special interest for autists, as well.
I was much older when I finally watched it but tears were literally streaming down my face for the same reason
See, that's interesting. I can't watch Titanic; I always felt like they made a shallow spectacle out of all those real people dying, like we were supposed to find it entertaining and not heartbreaking
@@naranara1690 A neurotypical persons empathy works differently from ours. The movie being made for a neurotypical audience, they seem to get a catharsis out of it because a historical tragedy is not only being acknowledged but described in great visceral detail. It would likely have been neurotypical people who created SOLAS regulations as a result. The ability to study such tragedies as this analytically, detached from the emotional toll of them is a valuable ability in itself.
@@kyleeames8229yo what did any of that mean
When I suggested to my therapist I thought I might be autistic he said no, and attempted to reassure me that I was not. I think he thought I was being dramatic. He apologized when I mentioned it again, and admitted he wasn’t qualified to say either way.
Hi Robert, I'm glad you brought it up for a second time. And it was good of your therapist to admit that they were initially wrong. Take care. - Mike🧡
We love character growth 🤍
I have suggested mental illness to my therapist, let me mention that some focus on trying to make you feel "normal" to comfort you as their protocol, weirdly
I had a therapists that said the same thing to me too. Essentially the "but you don't look autistic" and "are you sure you're not parroting others on social media?" implying that I was autistic to be trendy 😂 I ain't even on other social medias. Yeah, I didn't go back to them.
I should probably mention it a second time to my psych. I had a similar dismissal that hasn't sat well with me since. I'm glad he apologized and clarified. He sounds like he genuinely meant well.
The one about unmasking is true. The moment I realised I was on the spectrum is when the entire wall crumbled down, and people started to notice more and more my quirky behaviours and I have less headaches at the end of the day.
Isn't it just?
I was diagnosed late (17) and once I figured it out, I went to Walmart with my family and noticed I was bouncing a bit, talking more, and even doing a few hand wiggles/stems, and I was like, dude what the heck?
I didn't know what to think and I still don't know what to think. I like hiding it and pretending I don't have autism sometimes
"You were fine as a child."
"Let me tell you. I. Was. The. Fourty. Not."
The fourty not? Is that british terminology?
@@lightningninja6905 My guess is that it's a more polite replacement for a different "F" word.
"I got good grades because I was both smart and self-harming by doing too much schoolwork. I survived by being slightly less suicidal than it would have taken to land in the hospital. I told you I was fine so I wouldn't have to deal with your reaction" but sure, I was fine as a child
@@lightningninja6905 In this channel, AF stands for After Fourty. ;)
@@martalaatsch8358 Keep in mind that in a lot of places, you're not supposed to tell people how you're doing when they ask anyways.
“You don’t flap your hands.”
“You comprehend emotions.”
“You have very good social skills.”
“You don’t seem autistic.”
“Why do you care so much about getting a diagnosis, anyway? What would that change?” (Me thinking, “Why isn’t wanting to know definitively whether or not I’m autistic enough of a reason?”)
Meanwhile…
Didn’t talk until age three.
Had selective mutism throughout childhood.
Have struggled with peer relationships for most of my life (it’s still challenging, just less so due to intensive study and practice).
Have struggled both with total lack of empathy (such as when my brother was very sick and had to go to hospital; total lack of empathy despite loving him and caring about him) and total hyper empathy to a point that can be debilitating.
Life long sensitivity to sound (including meltdowns from certain kinds of music).
Once I learnt what stimming was, realised that I spend pretty much every waking minute stimming in some way and that all those “quirky habits” I’ve had my whole life were stims (some of my favourites are rocking, spinning, and spinning).
The first things I ever wrote, once I learnt to read and write were charts and schedules. I’ve always loved charts, lists, and schedules and it’s one of my favourite things to do.
I’ve always had special interests. I always thought this was normal.
I hated clothes when I was little and would regularly strip.
I refused solid food until age 2.
I hated being hugged or cuddled as a child.
Even as a toddler, I needed frequent alone time.
I took everything literally as a child; sometimes I still make people laugh and don’t understand why. I’m extremely gullible, even as an adult.
I struggle immensely with any and all change. I adore the familiar. I don’t like buying new things; I prefer things I’ve owned for years. I don’t like moving, even if it’s somewhere nicer. I even have a hard time if a fictional character on tv moves house. And speaking of tv, I don’t like new shows either; I watch the same shows over and over because I prefer the familiar.
I’ve struggled with burnout my entire adult life.
It takes me awhile to process something, and I find that I’ll go on and on about something; and the only reason I know I’m going on and on is because the people I’m talking to will say something.
I have a good memory, including for numbers. I have phone numbers memorised for at least a dozen of my friends and family, even though no one needs to memorise phone numbers these days. I also remember peoples’ birthdays quite easily.
If one, seemingly small thing goes wrong, my whole day is ruined and I can’t go on.
I have a system for literally everything. I have dozens of notes saved about the most random things, in an attempt to make order out of disorder. If I hear someone say a “rule,” I have to figure out how that “rule” fits. I heard someone say once that juice boxes were for children, which got me thinking, “If juice is for children, what’s the adult equivalent?” I now have an entire chart for kids’ drinks and their grown-up equivalents.
Wait... have you gotten an evaluation done yet?
@@E.Hunter.Esquire Yes, and in the process of getting a second opinion because the first one was poorly done. Basically said I wasn’t autistic because I didn’t flap my hands.
Interested in the chart of the kids’ drinks and their grown-up equivalents lol! Never thought about that until now!
@@GhostinAlex haha! Here it is!
Milk…tea
Lemonade…iced tea
Hot chocolate…coffee
Chocolate milk…iced coffee
Juice…infused water
Grape/berry juice…wine
Apple juice…cider
Mulled apple juice…mulled wine
Soda…beer
White grape juice…brandy or sherry
Squash/Shirley Temple/Roy Rogers…cocktails
Malted milk (think Horlicks)…tisane (i.e. herbal tea)
@@user-no2mz9hl4f thank you lol!! Charts are so informative and this one in particular caused me to look up sherry, squash, and Horlicks because those didn’t sound familiar to me!
Meltdowns are a response to extreme negative stimuli, either in raw intensity or in persistence until overload. A lack of meltdowns is not a sign that a person isn't autistic, it's a sign that they have successfully avoided the negative stimuli that cause meltdowns.
Or that they just isolate during a meltdown so you don't see them
"But you used to be able to do that." I even say this one to myself.
Our abilities and needs, while 'spikey' (skill profile), change over time. 🧡
Everything is a skill, you need to practice a little more often than others to keep certain skills.
Perhaps you are talking about things you could once endure much more easily than you can now? I am very much in the same boat. Some things that were sort of subliminally agitating when I was in my 20s are now, in my 60s, unbearable. And they all align exactly with autistic traits. Everybody, including neurotypicals, changes with age. Plus, everybody, including neurotypicals, becomes less tolerant, on a downright physical and visceral level, of certain stimuli (think noise) and environments. Finally, everybody, including neurotypicals, undergoes the loss or decline in certain skills with age. It should not, therefore, come as any surprise that an autistic person experiences what is the common lot of humanity. Add to this the likelihood that the autistic person's facility to mask is (it seems to me) likely to weaken. Finally, add in the likelihood that discovering your autism, and with it the wider scope of your options and prerogatives (you're allowed to say no, opt out, limit "masking" occasions), can sort of re-sensitize, deprogram or re-condition you so that you respond in what seem to be entirely new ways to some environments or sets of stimuli, meaning things you "could" (forced yourself to) do earlier you "can't" (won't) now.
Quite so, Ken. As I get older, I experience the very same. Ultimately, this expectation that one ought to be able to maintain previous levels of ability ad infinitum is directly discriminatory, as well as blatantly absurd. Even excepting ASD, people grow older and less able, and we all know this from direct observation. So, to believe that one's previous performance is a necessary predictor for future performance is very obviously false, even when taken superficially. That's how you know that the individual is grasping at straws, in order to excuse their own discriminatory actions or beliefs.
Additional considerations:
•To say, "But you were able to do it before," is tantamount to calling someone a liar, when they try to communicate their current limitations, which is (at least in USA) literally a crime (violates the ADA).
•Even excepting age, ASD is a neurological affectation - it affects your brain which, in turn, affects almost everything else about you. The brain is complex and its interactions with the body and the mind are very convoluted and difficult to really understand or pin down to some simplistic static rulesets. The way that ASD affects us in one situation is going to be different than in another, and from one day to the next there will also be different levels of affectation.
•All disabilities host comorbidities that complicate things even more. There can be additional issues that are interacting with autistic traits that can produce a very unique system of behaviors and limitations specific to one person, at specific times or in specific situations.
•You know your limitations better than anyone.
…isn’t skill regression attributable to autism?
On the same day that some random Facebook commenter had a go at me saying things like "you're not autistic, you're just using it as an excuse. There are real autistic people ugh"
I had a comment on RUclips get 2k likes and a bunch of people saying "I'm autistic too and I relate!"
Felt exactly like the meme at the beginning of this video lol
I can say; we seem to have a certain bias towards remembering and reflecting on the negative (like that FB commenter) rather than the positive (like the 2k likes on your autism comment). I feel like that, too. I'm glad you're here, welcome :) #oneofus 🧡
@@Autistic_AF I am for sure focusing on the positive part ❤️
That meme is actually so real though, I've only guessed if someone is autistic or not unprompted three times and I've been right all three times, and when asked why I thought so my response has always been "Because I relate to you to an extent that would make it difficult to believe otherwise". I'm good friends with all three of them to this day.
What does “fine as a child” even mean? You didn’t bother other people enough for them to do something about it?
It means: ‘autism gets worse’ over time (as the childhood coping techniques and supports eg parents no longer work).
@@Autistic_AF Well, my thoughts were that it didn’t even get worse. It was not identified until after having kids, so it had more to do with knowledge and self and family advocacy than anything else. What did get worse was my ability and desire to keep pretending I was okay.
Actually, I’ll take it a step further and say that my autism symptoms were most obvious and upsetting to myself as a little kid, I just didn’t know it was called autism.
@@leilap2495same 😬it feels so obvious now with old memories, but i thought autism was only what my brother had
@@twotruckslyrics woah i didn't expect you to see you here :o
“Autism epidemic”, what would that look like? Well, starting in one town somewhere, people would suddenly start finding fluorescent lights and microwave beepers intolerable, losing a taste for salads and stews they previously loved, and suddenly acquiring strange fascinations with volcanos and spinning. One after another, people would start conversations with “Did you know Florida will be completely underwater in 100 years?” instead of standard queries about how someone is doing which can only be answered positively followed by comments about the weather. Demand for LED’s and goldfish crackers would skyrocket, while makers of scratchy sweaters would go out of business. Business would generally continue as usual, though those late to be infected, or naturally immune, would feel increasingly uncomfortable in a world more and more adjusted to the needs and preferences of the now-autistic majority. The more severely affected would be kept in safe, stimulation-controlled areas, where the less severely affected could ensure they wouldn’t be harmed while distracted by a leaf blowing in the wind, or by their tendency to not notice their needs for water, food, or the toilet. Special support groups would probably eventually be needed to guard the mental health of any unaffected, however. 🤔
Idk who needs to hear this, but goldfish crackers and dry cheerios...
💯 You have thought long and hard about this, and I respect that! -Mike 🧡
I had cheerios for lunch lol.
I’m loving that you specified _dry_ cheerios, because I actually can’t stand how bad they feel to eat when they’re in bowl with milk. Even before they get soggy 🤢, the milk with dry cheerios hurts my teeth like nothing else (except chocolate special K, but those are my problematic fav tbh. The pain is worth it 🩹❤😊)
Edit: Just came back to this comment as I _just so happened_ to be eating special k as a midnight snack. It hurts as much as I said before, and that WILL NOT stop me from finishing the bowl with a smile on my face.
lets not forget the rapid increase in intellectual and escapism programming on TV, more documentaries, scifi and fantasy - less soap operas and chat shows. Working from home would skyrocket and work time balance would improve dramatically for all, with a performance focus on actual productivity rather than attendance.
I also suspect it may be the total death of advertising - leading to all previously ad funded business becoming donation based.
The whole "you didn't get diagnosed as a child" thing makes me sad to hear, because my parents did consider getting me diagnosed when I was younger. They brought me to my GP, who told them "there is no way she has autism because she is a girl, she is sitting here quietly and can maintain eye contact", when I already understood that eye contact is perceived as polite and I was told that me stimming was "embarassing to do around others".
It also doesn't help that in my country, many medical professionals think that autism is "something you grow out of when you're an adult" or that it's a "childhood disorder". And that is really frustrating for adults with autism who get little to no support. But maybe it'll hopefully get better with more awareness, I hope to get officially diagnosed one day if possible :)
Btw I'm a new viewer here, and I really liked this video! Instantly subscribed ❤
Hi Zena, I'm sorry your GP wrote your experiences off like that. I'm sorry your stimming behaviours were considered inappropriate by those around you. That's so limiting of them, and narrow minded. But perhaps, said with the best of intentions as the world can be a horrible place for neurodivergent people.
And I'd like to say welcome. Not just to the channel, but to the autistic community if you haven't been so welcomed before, you have now! 🧡
Many of those same professionals will whisper about, "adult autism" as if it were a fable, an elixir of youth.. something to quietly speak of lest others hear. (I'm not entirely joking...)
@@Autistic_AFI agree that it can be tough when professionals don't want to take autistic adults seriously, but if I can't get a diagnosis or seek help, I can at least take steps to help myself and try to understand myself better.
And thank you for your kind words and for being welcoming to autistic folks who self-diagnose! ❤
My Mum took me to the doctors as a toddler, worried I was deaf as I would ignore the maelstrom of my siblings interactions and happily play with what I was involved with at the time.
The entire test for autism:
•Communicate, at length, with individual.
•Watch and observe individual.
•Try to coax eye contact.
•If any eye contact occurs, jump in your seat and point your finger at individual, exclaiming, "Ah-hah! I gotchya! You made eye contact, so you failed the test and you're no longer autistic! I knew you were lying about having a heavily stigmatized disability that the government and society hardly offer any support for, simply so you can jump through hoops to get minimal accommodations after lengthy legal battles! Haha I gotchyu!" and then blow a raspberry.
•If no eye contact, diagnosis of ASD is quite consistent.
Growing up, my Dad told me "nobody will care that you have Aspergers, so you have do be able to function regardless of how you feel."
Now I'm probably the most social and outspoken person in my department at work. Not because I'm social and outgoing, but because I need to watch and process the mood of each person in the room to best gauge my next actions.
I get people talking so I don't have to talk, I listen and watch for tells because it tells me how I should appear to feel.
I don't break down at work, have meltdowns or show when I'm overwhelmed, I bottle it up and crawl into a dark space when I get home, or overwhelm my brain with loud music until there's no room in my head for it.
I'm still autistic, I just hide it better than I did as a teen.
:) I remember how I cracked a good part of my "social chat at work" scene by opening with the question "what's your youngest up to these days" to anyone with kids.
My favorite comment was when my friend said it's not fair that I get to call myself autistic because we all have problems!
Oh Heather, that's awful!! 😣😂
@Autistic_AF well it turns out that she wasn't much of a friend after all. She also said isn't everyone a little autistic, and I don't look autistic... did she get memo of all the things not to say??
Just because everyone has problems doesnt mean you have to lie to people.
@@Autisticheather Maybe she should have tried to get diagnosed too
@@ringinn7880 she's not autistic, but im certain sje has ptsd. I told her that. But she's also an alcoholic so she's very belligerent and doesn't like to think
I told my whole world almost immediately, in a rip-the-band-aid (plaster)-off approach. The response was telling. I received one very friendly and well-meaning, "I'd have never thought of you that way, you've always struck me as a genius" (interestingly this person, out of curiosity took the AQ test, perhaps to see whether it was a scam that told EVERYBODY "You're autistic," and got 11/50), had one adamantly resistant response--you know, of the egocentric "I must be right" kind--which was, tellingly, from a then-FB friend whom I only met via FB and had never in my life had a live encounter with (we're no longer FB friends, he eventually got too obnoxious), and all the other responses were very tellingly either affirmative or at least non-resistant. It was like...it was like...well, it was like everybody who ever really knew me also...really...KNEW.... My mother, at 85 years of age then (I was 65), replied "Yes, that makes sense." My sister wrote, "So glad you found out." And my nearest dearest friend in the world, who is so caring and, when need be, protective, most tellingly of all never for a moment uttered a peep of doubt. The only resistance I got from him was concern over my approach to telling everybody and whether I could suffer any bad repercussions. But he never for a moment argued with me about it. Wow. The whole thing told me that everybody who'd really known me for a long time knew something was up.
My top S-Tier: 'So this is what you're making up to feel special and get free stuff from the government?'. That's the main reason I don't want to share my DX unless the context really makes it clear that it's not the case. The scary part? They're actually speaking accurately of a lot of the NT's they know.
Oh that’s pretty hostile. I’m sorry you experienced that. -Mike 🧡
I think comments like that you mentioned are a window into the soul of the commenter. Is that what they want to do? Is that their forté? Is that the type of thing they were scolded or shamed with in their vulnerable moments?
@@Autistic_AF my sense is that we tend to get hit most often not by what we do but the cultural side effects of what NT's do to each other. I don't think the world hates us so much as punishes us for not weaponizing in the same way NT's do (add open nation states where no one knows their neighbor and where superficials are all most people who'll ever meet you have to go on). I'm guessing there are social technologies that could help with us, I'm betting it's far more gentle stuff than Chinese Sesame Credit though.
@@ZhovtoBlakytniy I assume it means that they've been surrounded by scummy and soulless people who'd do exactly what they're describing and it's become their primary understanding of anyone having a hidden disability. They've also probably been dumped on and lied to a lot themselves. Aaron Clarey's something of a good example of this where I get why he sees the world the way he does (got bullied through school, went to work with investment bankers who were playing the wealth charade rather than doing their job, he tried to call out the 2008 crisis ahead of time and he was a Jeremiah for doing so, I've gotten to work for people like that as well - it can quite a bit like working for Hunter Thomson and his Attorney in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - ie. belligerent leaded-gas affected but sharp-elbowed and egotistical AF).
We live in a world where people generally treat each other like crap and I think that's one thing autistics get lied to all the time about - ie. if something's going bad socially it must be your autism. Obvious it's better that we don't do the same but we can really drive ourselves crazy searching our souls for every bad thing that happens (or at least the kind of psychology I was raised with encouraged me to make the world's problems an internal psychological project).
@@ZhovtoBlakytniy I think it's worse than that - they see their peers actually doing things like that, they've probably had a lot poured on them themselves, therefor they assume that we're a continuation of the rot they're seeing around them. Like I said above to AF - I think we tend to be a casualty of what NT's were going to do to each other anyway.
"you don't stim!" by boyfriend stims by tensing his jaw, literally invisible to others and how the hell would a stranger know that about someone?
Also I love how this place where you're filming is a dream environment for me as an autistic person. Dim lights with NO overhead lighting, dark walls, bliss
people forget the plethora of invisible stims that are possible…. i fiddle my toes from within my shoes, blink a few times extra, tense my chest or neck muscles, etc. it’s all relatively undetectable aside from the rare time someone has caught me blinking oddly or can hear my toes making sounds😂
I tend to stim by just having something in my hands, like keeping the hymnal in one hand during church or hooking my thumbs in my pockets or beltloops.
The fact that stims are literally anything physical an autistic person could be comforted by literally makes me wonder if, for a long while, people who didn't excessively flap their hands were just assumed to be a little strange 🥺😭
I stim by clacking my teeth together, tensing my legs/shoulders etc (usually to a beat of some kind) these are basically unnoticeable other than my jaw moving somewhat
Not only that, but there are a lot of stimming behaviors that neurotypicals also do sometimes. Stuff that they call a "nervous habit" would be stimming if they were neurodivergent. Humming, playing with their hair, clicking their pen, all kinds of things!
Me: The psychologist confirmed that I am autistic.
Mom: I don't think you're autistic. If you are, it's very high functioning.
Me: Well, they're the professional, so I'm gonna trust them.
What I also should have said: I lived with you until I was 26, went years without a job, and hardly left the house. I don't know on what planet that would be considered "high functioning."
She was also surprised by the ADHD & OCPD they also diagnosed me with. Unfortunately, ignorance of what these things can look like is hurting children around the world, especially little girls. 😢
Ah, remember she comes from an age when it would be considered an insult.
When I hit burnout and tried getting an AuDHD diagnosis through public services, I was told I didn't seem 'hyper' enough, and could hold a conversation, and when I zoned out or rambled for too long during the session, that was me just being 'obtuse'... So glad I spoke with an actually Autistic therapist or else I would've completely lost my mind
"You make too much eye contact" is one a lot of older early-diagnosed people have internalized too much. I got it from Temple Grandin in 2005-ish. One of the reasons I don't have a very high opinion of her.
Oh😢
They are an example of what works for some may not be applicable for all. For example, I come from ranching families, both parents grew up in a mining and farming town in another state, but met each other and had me (also raised me) in a beach area, more metropolitan city and state than say a state like where the author you are discussing above. - There were very few jobs or educational environments during my time and place of growing up that would accommodate my experiences or others similar to me because our community and era -was more of a tourist business or capitalistic driven mindset. So much was catered to a customer service smile always being on and respecting others by tuning into their needs (not allowing or teaching self regulation or purpose of it). I don’t mind their story being heroic, but it does not resonate with my challenges or experiences for me personally … not just as a person with disabilities (I have physical ones, and was much later diagnosed adhd); much of the fierce dialogue coming out of interviews they filmed were to me too much of a blanket statement, often dismissive of equality vs equity.. or reminiscent of gaslighting diversity of the experiences of the actual spectrum and environments of the community they advocate for. I think it’s great to have a resilient example of grit, but wish it included more of an inclusive growth mindset too. I have synesthesia with letters, but if I were to think that I understood all other forms it comes in.. it would not just be a gross misunderstanding, but a missed opportunity to listen and learn from other unique people’s experiences and character.
Excuse me, you're saying you met Temple Grandson and she told you that you make too much eye contact to be autistic?? And 74 people just didn't question that????
I've learned to stare between a person's eyebrows, because i could never pick an eye to look into and would flick rapidly between them. I actually get compliments now when meeting older people that I make good eye contact.
I've got another s-tier reason: I was told, by a medical professional, that I couldn't be autistic, because I am giving of vibes. Or the untranslated quote "weil Sie Schwingungen aussenden". It always gets a good laugh out of other medical professionals.
German here shaking her head. Wow, that sounds more esoteric then medical professionell.
What a pretty bullshit, to look back on it, but in that situation it would have silenced me not knowing what to say now.
"Schwingungen..."🙄
@@katzenbekloppt_mf I think, what she was trying to say, was that I don't have a flat affect. So she just chose the most esoteric way of saying "you can't be autistic, because you use body language." After I told her, that I have a strong tendency to mask, no less. It was a case of "tell me, you know nothing about autism, without telling me, you know nothing about autism." I was already stressed out, so that statement sent me straight into a meltdown (which looks like uncontrolled crying for me, so she probably took that as proof of her theory). Needless to say, that was the end of our conversation and the last she saw of me.
@@melinnamba yeah, got that, but a medical professionell using that language makes me doubt their profession. Of cause it was Your last apointment with her! Good You have found better then.
@@katzenbekloppt_mf well, it does sound a little less unprofessional if you consider that display of affect is called "affektive Schwingungsfähigkeit" in German. But I do find that whole thing to be more useful in theory, than in practice, since it's really difficult to know whether the body language actually matches a person's emotions, nor do medical professionals get tested on their ability to read body language, so they don't actually know if they read it correctly. They just assume they get it right. I find it especially questionable to use as a diagnostic indicator, when a patient tells you, that they fake body language. But once you have a few fancy letters around your name, you automatically know better than, your patient.
For my second attempt at getting a diagnosis, I went to someone who specializes in autism and is autistic herself. And I am now in therapy at an autism center. It makes a world of difference, if you are dealing with people who know that a 6 hour course on autism is not enough to call yourself an expert.
@@melinnamba I am german myself (half) and know that terminology, but she said it in that common esoteric way, so that sounded unprofessionell to me. And I had seen older meds that told a lot of bullshit. Like one that told me my son would get severe brain issues if I am vegetarian (that time I was not yet vegan) and don´t cook meat for him and therefor the child should be taken from me. We were at a hospital to check for a ear-operation. That was really strange. I just looked at him not saying a word and left. And later told the pediatric who sent me there and she was shocked (we did not do that operation then, it was just to see if or not and fortunatly it went better). Or that gynecologist who was barefoot and wanted me to do a lot of private paid hormon tests and buy some oils with colour and "magical" meaning. Never went there again. They are just people and during Covid it was seen that some went crazy like other people denying facts.
May I ask were You got Your diagnose? Because I wanted to go to one in Bremen that is autistic herself but now that I have enough money she also is full and I am still waiting to get an official diagnose for years now (was with ADHD around 30 and again ten years (?) ago but that time I was told it can just be either or, it changed not as long ago that of cause it can be both and often is. My older psychiatrist that was helpless to my "untreatable chronic depression" which I always thaught is something different is open to it but doesn´t know enough, she always said I am high-sensitive which is not a medical term of cause and she agrees it could be. But as she will retire soon she will not specialize on this topic. Even with money to pay private not be able to find a place to get diagnosed is so frustrating... I know I am not the only one but it sucks as I waited more then two years for this money to have the option to pay private if they do not open the waiting list at the few places insurance pays. Ugh. When I hear in brittain waiting lists for more then five years it makes me mad. I got one adress in NRW that has a waiting list for a year now but MAYBE if someone else quits a date... Next then is with that piece of paper having the right for a specialized therapy, but that is also rare. I really plan to make the decision where to move maybe to a place where I get that. I definitly want to move away here and planned originally to go back to north-west, thought of Bremen or more around to have a more quiet place but also the structure of a openminded city nearby.
The "you are smart" one reminds me of when I informed my boss of my ASD diagnosis. She was very understanding but at one point she tried to reassure me saying "don't worry, you're smart" as if something I had said had implied I thought I wasn't, and that really rubbed me the wrong way.
Meltdowns can also be internal and people just write that off as an anxiety attack.
From the Neuropsych doctor, "If you were autistic you would walk and talk like a robot, and you don't do that."
Years ago, not long after my son had been diagnosed, I read a newspaper article about a deceased famous pianist who had shown some behaviours that led some people to believe that he may have been autistic. The article contained a statement from an archivist and guardian of the great man’s memory who insisted indignantly that the pianist could not have been autistic, because by all reports, he was a charming child, and autistic children are well known to be little robots.
I said some swears.
Walk? WALK LIKE A ROBOT????
dude. most of my highschool and uni friends are autistic, and out of the only two who talk like robots, only one is autistic (the other was tested multiple times and kept coming back negative). maybe it's just because i'm autistic, but most NDs i know are wayy more expressive than most NTs i know
Wow, as a 62 year old woman who was diagnosed when I was 58, this is something I can totally relate too. I think I have heard almost all of these over the years especially being told that being funny and being able to write stories means I could not be autistic.
Mike, this was a good one.
I gave it a second watch, already.
I had to swim up stream against my doctor
when i asked to go thru the diagnosis process.
he asked, "why would it matter at your age?
Just because I was able to cope,
& hold down a job...
I insisted it would make all the difference.
5 months later I had confirmation
& most importantly, many mis-diagnosis
were removed from my chart, med's adjusted, etc.
What about that it unnecessary for my healthcare,
let alone my mental well-being?
Thanks for another good video.
I like the combo of game / hot topic
it's like "a spoon full of sugar helps
the medicine go down," right?
the glass breaking sounds are great.
ttfn, Lee
"why would it matter at your age? " - I had the same question. I think it's a good question, actually - if it comes from a place of seeking understanding, rather than invalidation.
I'm so happy for you that mis-diagnoses were removed; that's a very important medical side to the formal identification that so many of us never get the chance to reach.
Take care - (And thanks for your support! 🐈) - Mike 🧡
I live in China, yeah... I am autistic but I used to stare too much into ppl's eyes before... like eye contact problems can go both ways not only avoider. Those ideas are a social construct. such as not everyone has sensory avoidance some of us are sensory seekers. Also with empathy some of us could have too much and some might really don't have much. The world is not a binary system, coz we're human and very widely different.
That’s true about eye contact.
While not autistic I have an ADHD. The similar misconceptions and you don’t look … , but you’re an adult so you can’t possibly have it, and the most frustrating everyone does that (insert random ADHD trait). Even when you point out how debilitating or stressful life is because I’ve been subconsciously masking for 30+ years.
I was talking to another more experienced teacher about a student who was going for an assessment. As she spoke I got the feeling she didn’t think the student was would be and hiding behind the I don’t know them well enough excuse. She was shocked when I said I would be more surprised if she wasn’t diagnosed. When you realise how many teachers and educators do not know how to recognise students who are ND without a piece of paper telling them is astounding. When you chat with them they often have a very narrow view of many ND diagnosable symptoms and conditions. These are people who spend many years with hundreds of students and spend time learning how to teach/support ND students.
I can only hope the stereotypical image of Autism or ADHD changes with more ND creators sharing their lives, experiences and special interests showing we are just as diverse and the they are.
"You were fine as a child"
My autism was worse as a child, honestly. Super shy, refused to hug anyone, hated super loud noises, didn't really like to talk to people, and therefore, throughout my life, I sort of took my 3DS everywhere to cope with that. I also feel like I'm scarred for life, as my principal of my elementary school KNEW I was autistic and hated being hugged (yet they never put me with the autistic class, likely because I ended up being too smart for it, but that's actually a good thing because they treated them horribly...it was so painful to watch), but he continued to do so. By 5th grade, every time he crossed my path he'd do it and I asked my teacher and friends to protect me. My mom even got him in trouble for it, he could've gotten fired if he kept the act up.
Now...I still have a fear of loud noises, that'll never fade. I still hate hugging people...unless they are close to me, and even then, most people don't respect my privacy and leave me alone when I don't take their offer up. I always want to be alone, but if one of my friends offers up the chance to hang out, I don't say no. I have ticks, small ticks, and I feel like I've got to fidget with something if it's available to me.
There's not a single problem with being on the spectrum, child or adult, even if they want to doubt it.
"By 5th grade, every time he crossed my path he'd do it and I asked my teacher and friends to protect me. My mom even got him in trouble for it, he could've gotten fired if he kept the act up"
...I'll say. Sounds like it would be very easy to get his job taken away, if the police knew he was insisting on hugging random kids. maybe it's a generational thing, but nowadays and teaching professional doing this would rightly be in fear of losing their jobs.
When I told a psychiatrist I am autistic(diagnosed), she asked me if I have friends and then told me: "The autistic people I worked with don't have friends, so I'd love to do some more testing to see if the diagnosis is right." ....like... WTF did you just say? 🧐
Aaaw this kinda breaks my heart I can see your frustrating and hurt.
I think I may be autistic but I can’t say for sure, though since I’ve stated working with neurodivergent children I’m finding more and more things in common with them than any of my adult coworkers 😓
I understand why they have so many social nuances but I CAN’T conform to them, they feel fake, empty, like I’m selling a version of myself to please public opinion. If it feels that terrible for me; how could I do it to someone else? I CAN’T do that, I don’t want anyone to feel that way if I can help it!
I love your videos because of your genuineness. Content that comes from a place of open understanding and kind truthful honesty is waaayy more valuable to me than anything else.
Thank you, Sara. 🧡
11:35 I actually grew up in a household that utilizes comedy very heavily. We’re constantly joking, using sarcasm, or (my personal favorite) wordplay. So I both have a good sense of humor, and understand most any sarcasm that isn’t deadpan (deadpan still confuses and stresses me out). To the extent that humor’s actually one of my main forms of communication.
deadpan sarcasm is the main form of sarcasm i experience at home, i am very familiar with it and exercise it regularly. even so, i still struggle to correctly parse it. it is a dangerous game i play, not knowing what i mean when i say words. lol
I went through an 1 month long assessment with a psychologist specialized in autism, which concluded I was on the autism spectrum. But, since she was a psychologist, she couldn’t diagnose me, and I had to go with the papers to a psychiatrist. That psychiatrist was not specialized, but she was the only option available. Well, I went there with my mom, she asked some questions for a few minutes and told my mom I couldn’t be autistic because I had good eye contact, and that I was probably just shy and intelligent (because intelligent people are often a bit different, she said).. 😐
I did get the diagnosis though, after she read the papers of the evaluation, she decided to give me the diagnosis.
You are the 1st person I know to acknowledge that directly stating your boundaries to people who have power/authority over you, or at least think they do, is fruitless/dangerous. It has been my experience despite assurances from psychologists/mental health professionals/therapists etc that's what you should do. At the very least it gets you nowhere. At the other end of the spectrum, you need to decide whether it's time to get a new job, end a romantic relationship, friendship, or even go no contact with family. All usually at great emotional and monetary loss.
Since my late diagnosis 4 years ago, I have done cut off family members, a 'close friend' who was actually just exploiting me, and have found it more and more easy to do so than in the past. The guilt is there but less of a barrier.
I worry more that I am taking the easy path of just getting them out of my life but my mental health has improved dramatically as a result
Yes, exactly. The trick if one is to do that is to to assert the boundaries in advance, at a time when they are not being pushed or broken.
@@Autistic_AF sorry this was meant to go under your video about boundary setting. Not sure how it ended up under this one
No comments? Well, okay then! Hi, hope you're having a fantastic day, loving the video so far!!
Hi Helen/Rosey! 🧡 You're the first to comment.There really should be a prize for that, I think! Maybe in the future!
I'm so glad to hear that I've been able to help in a small way! Welcome to the #actuallyautistic community 😊 -Mike
Вітаємо! ❤
Це канал дуже крутий і найкращий!
Люблю, з США.
"You're too smart to be autistic" was the reason my dad gave for not letting me receive support as a kid. Now I realize how ridiculous that is, as some of the smartest people I know are autistic.
The one I commonly get is "you don't look autistic." I mask fairly well because I was bullied extensively in grade school. What people don't realize is the amount of work that happens beneath the surface. I may look "normal" but I'm actually trying to remember to use eye contact, to smile, to not be too blunt, to avoid stimming...
Hi Mike 👋, thanks for a fun video! The people who say "but you don't stim" haven't spotted the stealth stims. Here's a bunch I used at school - doodling, chewing the end of my pencil, wriggling my toes, twirling the ends of my hair, picking out split ends, rolling and unrolling my hair ribbons - satin texture = bliss. 🎀 only the ribbons were blue 💙
I honestly am grateful that I got my diagnosis when I did, around 10 or 11. It helped to understand why I was so different going into intermediate and high school, where I would be bullied a lot. Being a woman and high functioning, obviously it was a lot harder for them to even know I had it. My older brother got diagnosed extremely early (but he’s still high functioning so much so he got his bachelor with a double major)
I don’t really tell many people unless they NEED to know to help support me properly. For the most part people can’t tell and they can just sense that something about me is different but they can’t really put their finger on it. So honestly the lines, you don’t look autistic or you look normal, hold absolutely no weight at all.
I also feel like the stop fidgeting one is annoying as hell. I got told off for ripping at my own distressed clothes(so like ripped jeans that are designed that way) when stressed, writing notes in church meetings cause it was “disrespectful”. For tapping/shaking my leg when I am nervous or cold. Nowadays I’ve turned that fidgeting into crafts or art cause then in the eyes of NT people, I’m being productive rather than a nuisance. Not saying I don’t enjoy doing these things but it’s a shame that it’s so scrutinised and that it’s only seen as acceptable if it’s productive.
My teachers called out my autism when I was a kid but my parents chose not to pursue it because they didn't want me to be judged. Now I'm a teen and getting diagnosed. "You didn't get diagnosed as a child" is a WILD reason against someone being autistic
A neighbor told me she thought my son "lacked empathy" so he was autistic. I told her I'd thought he was autistic for a while and that furthermore I thought my husband and I were both autistic as well. I think we found each other because we were both outcasts. Neither of us were/are diagnosed. She said, "Well you know most people with autism are male." This after I had watched video after video explaining what autism looked like in girls and why it was underdiagnosed. She had her masters in psychology so I just rolled my eyes at her poor logic and moved on.
Whenever someone says “most people with autism are male” I give them the link to the survivorship bias Wikipedia page
@@uranian-Umbra
Suicide rate is greater for male population nonetheless.
I think even according to recent re-evaluations, autism is more common in men. Just not by quite as much as previously thought
Being compared to someone with high support needs is the most frustrating one! Being able to pay/use the bus device is why I can’t be autistic (or have struggles).
Being able to talk well (I have a very good vocab, due to a variety of reasons).
Being able to get dressed/be presentable means that I can’t be autistic or have mental health issues!
And it's funny how everyone gets to be an expert on what qualifies as autism except for you and the diagnosing healthcare professional, isn't it? 😅
I am really enjoying your videos. Thank you for making them. I am also older and recently diagnosed. Understanding that I have autism has filled in EVERY gap! Such a relief on so many levels. A very good friend who is an amazing social worker has now said to me, "well, you aren't an autism expert" and "I really hate how everyone is self diagnosing" and a number of times she'd switch her voice to a very low and slow style which I found disconcerting and maybe patronizing. I was surprised. Ive worked in special ed. and specifically with autistic children and adults and we've had so many conversations about lack of understanding and difficulty finding good mental help. She actually told me she thinks I "really need to find a counselor who specializes in autism" and I reminded her how we both know how hard it is to find that person let alone afford them. Haven't heard from her since and I dare not reach out. Such a bummer! On the other hand, my husband is learning and being more accommodating.
Hey Jennifer. I'm glad my videos are helpful, it makes me smile to know I've helped someone. I can relate, there's so much relief in having an answer after so many years. Decades, even. I'm sorry your friend wasn't kinder - I typically think such 'type 1' / rapid not thought out responses from people tell me more about them and where they are at than about me, if that makes sense? She's possibly been irritated by someone else, and has passed this negative emotion towards you. I'm glad that you've got your husband to talk to - and this brings me to my last point...finding neurodivergent community. It's so important to be around people who are non-judgemental and supportive like the autisti-cats. -Mike 🧡
@@Autistic_AF Thank you for your kind reply. I think my friends subconsciously upset I stepped into her professional know how. She might not like that I knew more than she did without also being a professional. I think you are right that people show you where they are at. I have a hard time forgiving. gotta work on that!
The worst one I had was from my GP. I gathered up all my evidence and built up the courage to start on getting a diagnosis. My GP is young. I gave him all the evidence and he said “The fact that you can even question you might have autism is the first sign that you can’t have autism.” And that was the end of that. 🤷♀️
Sounds like Catch-22.
i really don't get why so many GPs wanna be gatekeepers. like it costs nothing for them to send a referral for an appropriate specialist, and is in fact their fucking job. i'm so grateful to have a GP who gives out referrals like candy and i hope everyone finds a gp like him
the fact I've seen the same weird catch 22 for so many other things... mainly in novels, and primarily for the condition of *being a monster*. that if you're capable of wondering if you are a monster, you can't be one. I have a problem with that idea, too, but it the point is, it's tautological, definitionally vague, and utterly useless. what is it supposed to mean? that for one to be autistic one must be terminally incapable of self-reflection, maybe even self-awareness in the most literal sense? do they think autistic people can't recognize themselves in mirrors, I mean?
@@comradewindowsill4253 The thing is Anosognosia , or the lack of insight and need for treatment, is a real thing in other mental health conditions, for example, schizophrenia is one. However, even then it is only a percentage of the people who have that issue, because everyone is different no matter what. But, it’s one of those things that is “interesting” to pick up on and then put it in movies, books, tv, rumors about family members etc, and then apply to everyone and stigmatize with that condition. Then even medical doctors can be influenced by that stigma, and then apply it to others as well.
Since as a kid I knew something was different about me and it had negative effect on me, I studied psychology a lot since high school. I took college courses and everything but I was not capable of becoming a doctor due to my issues. And, I had no help, either. Since I’m older, I come from the “you’re too sensitive just be quiet and stop complaining, everyone is different,” world. So, it’s disappointing to be told that but also just more of the same.
Im not formally diagnosed but ive been doing a lot of listening, reading, test taking, thinking, and talking for the last year and an half to my loved ones about that i might be autistic and that it explains an enormous amount of my struggles throughout my life. Something I recently realized is that the normal amount of distress to experience in change of plans, crowded areas, social situations, etc is NONE! I have a tendency to think "well, yes i feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable but because I can contain it (even though is leads me to chronic exhaustion), i cant be autistic"
I hope I can get formally evaluated soon!
I wasn't diagnosed until I was 18 and went out myself since my parents didn't believe autism was a real thing. 2 years later I'm still suffering through the consequences of their inaction and I'm slowly realizing that if I had known earlier, my school life probably would have gone a lot smoother if they actually cared enough.
thinking every autistic person is the same, is literally the same as thinking every non-autistic person is the same
Yes, exactly!
The most insane reason I remember someone said was when I first got tested for autism a couple years back, and the doctor said to my mom with a straight face that “She (referring to me) couldn’t possibly be autistic because she wants to make friends”…
…needless to say we looked for a different doctor…
I don’t understand the tier ranking when other RUclips content creators do it, so I like that you labeled each tier rank with words. It is funny whenever you throw the paper and we hear the glass sound. I love that. The video was fun and you were funny entertaining and informative at the same time. I do like the subject. It is under debunking misconceptions.
Aww, thank you Leslie 🧡
Good video. Focusing on where you'd rank a hurtful statement is one good way of keeping it from sinking into your soul. No need to agree, disagree, simply hold at arm's length and hold your nose as you examine it.
Yes, YOU'VE GOT IT! It's a certain 'distancing', I think! Like holding a used baby diaper! 🤣
"You weren't diagnosed as a child!"
I've got probably one of the weirdest diagnosis stories. I'm AFAB, and was diagnosed at 6. Said diagnosis was only possible because my younger brother was suspected of having autism very early on. My mother decided to have us all screened when she realized her other young daughters were a lot like her son. Here's the thing, though. My brother got to grow up knowing he was autistic. I didn't. I found out at 18. My parents fessed when they realized I could legally look at the medical records myself. I knew by the time I was 15, but spent most of my life only getting the bare minimum support, and not having those supports explained to me. In a way, I got the early diagnosis experience, but in other ways, I didn't.
I vividly recall crying on my mother's bed one night, asking her "what my diagnosis was" (I was maybe eight or nine, but really into medical shows). I knew by then that I wasn't like most of the other kids, but my experience didn't match that of my autistic brother in my eyes. (We are actually very alike. The only real difference was the level of support he was getting.) She could have told me, a kid who clearly wanted answers and was trying to advocate the fact that they had the capacity to understand it, that I was autistic.
But she didn't, and I still don't know why to this day. Maybe she wanted to shelter me from my own disability? Or maybe she was mourning the "normal" daughters she lost, and was trying to pretend I was something I'm not.
Diagnosis is weird. I guess I consider the day *I* found out when I was diagnosed, but it's hard to grapple with the idea that growing up, almost every single adult in my life knew.
Hyper-empathy was actually something I had to deal with a lot as a child! It was why I couldn't sit down and watch moments in movies with high tension between characters; because I'd *feel* that tension in my heart, and I'd want to get out.
The glass-breaking, cat meow sound effects: that's s-tier stuff.l
Thank you :) ☺️
I'm an Asian living in the west and I still find eye contact uncomfortable when I try to hold it. I found videos of me blinking a lot whenever I try to hold my gaze at others, as if it was blinding. But it's still the same at home with people I am close with, and my dad does the opposite, he tends to stare at other people, or stare at once place and bulge his eyes whenever he is speaking to an audience
My dad is the same omg. Uncomfortable chihuahua eye stares.
The age one really hit home with me, not being diagnosed early was a combination of me being misdiagnosed with dyslexia and me being so aloft at school that I just tried to not be noticed by anybody for being weird.
It amazes me how little credit people give to kids being able to mask there own problems from others, every nerotypical person seems to think that people with ASD or ADHD can't learn to mask habits to avoid being bullied or seen as a weirdo at school. Kids learn fast how to survive when put in a situation like that, and the last thing any kid like that wants to do is tell someone they think they are different
From a professional who was diagnosing me for my disabilities: “you’re not autistic because you daydream”
(they diagnosed me for adhd-i, anxiety but their were no asd tests: I asked them about why no mention of asd because they have close similarities to adhd. They also proceeded to in documents say to seek testing for it but did not tell me to go seek further testing even though my physical document says they verbally suggested it. Also removed my depression diagnosis because just said yeah I don’t have that; I’m almost done my second assessment with an asd professional because I don’t feel secure with the previous test/diagnosis)
As someone who is undiagnosed but seeking a diagnosis because I’m 99% sure I am, I’ve heard so many of those it’s crazy. Cause how dare I be black and AFAB and autistic, that’s absurd
In my humble opinion, the impression of older generation neurotypicals about autism is largely shaped by Rain Man movie.
I think you might be right.
Yeah they used to tell each other that I was like rain man except not smart
100%, I encounter this issue on a monthly basis
@@thesincitymamathat sounds awful
And it was based on somebody who turned out not to be autistic but to have the hemispheres of his brain not fully connected IIRC
So it was just completely different
Nice production quality all around.
Awww thank you ☺️
I got hit with the "but you aren't mute!" back in middle school.
Guy didn't mean anything by it, he just decided that his young nephew, despite being his only prior reference for autism, represented every quality for it.
I'm glad this came up in my recommended. I know autistic people on the severe end of the spectrum, but was always curious of how so many people could recently be opening up to others as being autistic and it not be as apparent. I will have a gander at that site you recommended that explains it further. Cheers!
To me, the idea of putting myself in someone else’s shoes baffles me completely, the statement that is. My test results showed empathy as a trait I have. But I don’t see it that way. The most prevalent questions re that was, again, putting oneself in someone else’s shoes, a term that doesn’t make sense to me. At the same time I feel to an overwhelming degree empathy most of the time. An example is seeing a raccoon wander endlessly looking for the baby she was separated from, or feeling the energy in the room, and if negative exiting as quickly as possible. May not be the best examples, but I guess I’m just not getting the phrase used to judge the level of empathy.
"Before you criticise another person's choices, first walk a mile in their shoes" - it's a metaphor that means to say you ought not be quick to criticise other people, because you don't know what their story, their daily life, their struggles are. What might seem like an unthinkable decision to you may seem completely reasonable or even necessary to someone else, under the right circumstances. It means that you first need to understand others' challenges before you can have any chance at fairly judging the choices they make in light of them.
I don't know if I explained it well at all, sorry. I know in my own head exactly what it means and how, but do you think i can articulate that understanding effectively? Of course not 😅
0:16 My parents are also autistic but they said the same stuff the neurotypicals said when I told them I might have autism
I love how “you aren’t having meltdowns, aren’t overly sensitive, aren’t loud” and “you aren’t emotionless, apathetic and quiet” are equally common yet opposing reasons someone might say someone isnt autistic.
That "you're being rude" part I find falls into the social deficit I find Neurotypicals have. What is rude about saying what I want? I see others dance around weird social game trying to get the others to be mind readers and give them what they want with out actually telling them. They they get upset when they don't get what they wanted and build up resentment. Over time they end do this so much the cause a mental health break down. And they say I have social deficits. Sure might come of as rude refusing to play that game and just telling me people what I want but I get what want or at least don't waste my time trying get something for hour that I'll never get.
"Everyone's autistic these days."
Oh, I wish. Talking with other autistic people feels just so much easier, and I notice exactly because it's only a handful of people that I know.
Can confirm, stimming I don't do because it was trained out of me early on that it wasn't acceptable -- but I am trying to relearn it, because I find it useful! I can give very minimal eye contact but it's so painful I would rather not unless we're having a serious discussion. I don't have meltdowns, but I have shutdowns and am more likely to walk out on you/a situation if I'm that overwhelmed. I also have been told I'm too pretty to be autistic, which is somehow an even more insulting way to tell me that I don't look autistic.
It’s great to see videos representing people with autism. It’s also great to see people clearing up misunderstanding and misinformation. I know that when I was diagnose with autism, they did an IQ test and told me that because of of how high I scored on the test, I technically didn’t meet their criteria for being diagnosed with autism, but because of how I interact socially, they diagnosed me as autistic. Like sorry, I didn’t know that all autistic people have the same IQ score.
I was tested for autism wayy back in preschool. They had a guy and an assistant watch over me for the day. The school day was nearing end, and the guy said something along the lines of "we dont think hes autistic". Thankfully, pre-school me decides to just... Punch the assistant. I have no clue why but apparently i did it.
Unsurprisingly they decided to retract their statement and a couple steps later i was diagnosed :)
i still feel bad for that poor assistant tho 😢
lmao that's hilarious
3:47
So I’m autistic and my current hyperfixation is psychology! I completely agree that because it’s a spectrum you can’t always tell via brain scans if someone is autistic and it especially depends on what kind of brain scans are done. But this did make me think of some physical differences in autistic brains from neurotypicals that I thought I’d share cuz I think it’s cool! Of course not everyone with autism will have these differences, I’m just sharing because I think it’s cool, not to make any sort of argument. Firstly, our brains tend to have more wrinkles because we think so fast and have so much going on in our heads. I believe the constant uptake in our heads is probably why we are so prone to sensory issues! We also have more grey matter in our brains for the same reason, storing and processing information. I find it funny that our brains are hardwired to make us smarter, or so you’d think, as this actually makes it hard to focus on anything else once we have an interest in something. And once we have that interest, our brains work a a mile a second to conjure up new ideas and to learn and store information. This is why we’re so forgetful and have a hard time paying attention to things and why some autistic people have trouble learning - because our brains focus so much on that one special interest that it’s hard to shut it off.
Just a little fun fact lol
My whole life I was bullied for being different. I was constantly made to feel like I wasn’t normal. I always felt there was something deeply wrong with me. But now when I tell people I’m autistic they’re like “noooo you can’t be autistic you’re so normal!” Like WHAT
Tell your finger to hit the like thumbs up:) if you want others to find this channel. It helps!
Yes it does, thank you, Otura76!
So does replying to other people's comments ;D
I was told I could not be autistic because I was too well spoken.
Same. My verbal abilities are "very superior", according to the neuropsych test. People apparently think that all cognitive limitations impair your speech, for some reason??? Weird
I love the concept behind this video! I'm thankful that I am extremely good at reading people, so I've thankfully only really heard these types of comments directed at me on the internet. They're so frustrating. I suffered for so long with no answers and now people want to deny me that inner peace and sense of community I've craved for decades.
Thank you :) I'm sorry you've had them directed at you on the internet. In many ways, that's worse since you don't get a direct right of reply so to speak. -Mike 🧡
Regarding the "you're too social" one, I got diagnosed with the then diagnosis of Aspergers when I was 12. One part of which was because I wasn't particularly social. As it turns out, I love people and socializing, even if it is exhausting, it's just that I couldn't deal with the people around me at the time and that I was (unknown to me at the time) trans and deeply uncomfortable with the social expectations of how I should and had to look and act. Now, a decade and a half since that diagnosis, you'll find me going clubbing and enjoying life like never before, something many people would probably consider impossible for someone who's autistic.
The funny thing is, i literally got tested when i was a kid. They told my mom that i wasn't autistic and instead, diagnosed me with a different learning disability. It was a misdiagnosis. It's been 6 months since my official Autism diagnosis and I still wonder how the doctors missed it the first time.
I just found your channel, I have never been tested for autism or adhd and I don't think I'll be able too for a few more years. However, something I have noticed is that all but a few friends I have made in my life have been neurodivergent, and all the freinds I have now think I am too. I exhibit many traits of neurodivergency and so that is why I would like to be tested, but what I am trying to say is thank you for making content, and I'll come back to share results on this comment if your still making content in a few years.
something i only realized as an adult was that being an introvert and being scared to be an extrovert are not the same thing
my other one!!!!!!!!!! the year of 2023 is when i realized that “socially correct eye contact is not the same as ‘looking at people so they dont know how much you are looking at them’”
something else I really struggled with is how traumatic learning to communicate was for me. I likely would have spent years selectively non-verbal but that wasn’t something I felt physically safe doing.