Ordinary Problems || Father Knows Something Podcast
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- Опубликовано: 5 июл 2024
- Welcome back to Father Knows Something! Real People. Real Stories. Real Dad advice with a dash of ADHD, and maybe a couple of millennials chiming in from time to time to add their takes.
This week's episode has Dad, Justin, and Morgan responding to problems a lot of us might be able to relate to.. or ordinary struggles as some may say. From trying to get your drivers license to juggling boundaries with your boyfriend and an ex.. we've all been there, and with our advice and yours these listeners will be sorted in no time. Can't wait to hear your thoughts!
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Index:
00:00 -- Start
05:24 -- Story 1
17:18 -- Story 2
28:23 -- Story 3
37:29 -- Story 4
55:34 -- Story 5
For story 5 I'm with Morgan, you can trust your partner all you want, but if people don’t respect your relationship flirting and acting seductively is disrespectful to you and essentially spitting in your face. However causing a problem over that situation will probably come off poorly. At the end of the day op and her boyfriend are going home together and not some dusty ex, op will have the last laugh if they can remain composed and not seem to care about the ex and her actions. Be the definition of unbothered by the immaturity if it presents.
I totally agree. I see the guys point though, of course ideally you would want to be completely unbothered and “let them,” but I definitely don’t think it’s wrong to expect your partner to check that person
Yes! I totally agree.
Agree. Nothing else to add, you've said it all!
@@hailiebaker6923 lol this is so random but did you watch Mel Robbins recently?
If a girl is flirting with my man...especially an ex and he doesn't put her in her damn place(it can be nicely)...then I wouldn't want him.
Story 5: Morgan is so right!! It comes across so conniving! That girl wants the writer’s man and there is no respect
Sometimes I disagree with Morgan on relationship stuff but I fully agreed with her in this case...and now I know why Jerry is still single. Yikes.
Agree too! No woman who is involved with a guy wants another woman fawning over her boyfriend…especially an ex of his. With her asking to be paired up with him, she is essentially saying I have designs on him. Now OP is gonna spend the day of the bachelor/bachelorette party worry about what is happening between them, even if she says she trust him. What happens when they all get drunk? 🤔🤦🏼♀️ I, personally, would act the same way…I don’t share!
Hi fks fam, I'm the writer from story #4 and I just want to thank you for reading my write in and so thoughtfully responding. I'm also so thankful for all the suggestions from the comments! This is all so motivating for me! As for my dad, I've given up having a relationship with him long ago, I have plenty of supportive male figures in my life that way outweigh his absence. My partner and I decided to start with just 1 hour in the morning on weekdays doing some stretching and watching some walking RUclips videos. We also have talked about learning how to shuffle, it's a kind of dance (think running man) since we both love house music. I think it's a great start to make entirely new and better memories to associate with movement. Wishing you all a safe, and happy holiday season. Much love!
I’m so sorry for what you went through with your dad! If you don’t mind my adding to the conversation, I think I can relate in the sense that I’ve had a difficult relationship with working out and losing weight as I suffered from an ED throughout high school. I used exercise as a way to punish myself for who I was and what I looked like and since I’ve come to terms with this, I have had to change my relationship with exercise.
My advice would be to focus on making sure you fully come to terms with the trauma and work through that first, because I don’t want you to use exercise to punish yourself like I did with myself and like your dad did with you. Once you’re ready, always try to frame exercise as a way to reward your body and not as a form of losing weight or “looking better”. Don’t force yourself when you are feeling bad about yourself and try to find the most fun ways to exercise. This can be some sort of dance class, an individual or group sport or even just long walks through the park. Check in with yourself and make sure you’re always exercising as a way to enhance your life and help you get stronger or healthier, not as a way to change who you are. Good luck and hope this helps ❤️
Those sound like great ideas. ❤
When it’s warm outside put on your favorite podcast like FKS and just walk around the block the different inclines are great
Also I can really relate to being overweight all my life and rn I’m on my fitness journey and it feels amazing. Anything is progress like, being able to pick up a 5lb weight and now you pick up a 8lb pound weight. Forget the scale look at yourself and that has been the biggest thing for me. I don’t own a scale and I don’t think I ever will because that weight does not define who I am as a person and f the health charts that say we need to be a certain weight.
Hey, I had a thought. Have you thought about getting a dog? Walking a dog would get you moving every day, but reframe your association with exercise being abuse/punishment.
I know my neurodivergent ass cannot do anything "for me", but my energy to do things for others is bottomless. Having external motivation could be a good way to get around the task paralysis
Hey girl I'm sorry for what you went through. Obviously, if you feel that you want to exercise to be healthier and feel good, you should go for it and do whatever makes you happy. But I hope you learn to love yourself and your body no matter what size you are. I hope you look in the mirror and are confident regardless of anything else ❤
Story 5: This seems to be a recurring thing that a lot of men never understand. A lot of women have heavy anxiety/mistrust in relationships and are made to seem controlling because of situations like that. I would be INCREDIBLY sussed out if my partner chose to walk down the isle with his ex because SHE requested it. Crazy to put the feelings of an ex over your current partner. especially knowing she struggles a lot with that stuff. Is she crazy or does she just want her partner to not hang out with an ex that flirts with him?
Agree and she is 100% not crazy
Agree she is not crazy for being uncomfortable with her boyfriends blase response about walking down the aisle with his ex but are we glossing over her going through the phone after the ex flirted with her bf? In this case, I don't actually think that OP 100% trusts her boyfriend either. Both Jerry and Morgan make good points and in this case, no one is 100% in the right.
I agree with "some" points that Jerry is making - I have 100% trust in my boyfriend to make the right decisions in this situation but I also agree with Morgan that boyfriend should shut the ex's behavior down and any conversations about it is not being insecure. Yes, I cannot control the ex's crazy behavior so I'd probably have a little haha laugh about it but if my bf isn't also having a "i know right?" laugh about how silly her behavior is AND, key word, - shut it down right then - I would be annoyed. I would definitely be like okay and you said no right? Why is OP's boyfriend letting it happen - it doesn't even have to be an overreaction either - he could literally just say "but that's weird considering we have a history and I have a girlfriend and that would be pretty disrespectful to her don't you think?"
That being said, my boyfriend gets hit on... all... the... time... and the ball is in his court. I trust him and he has always declined politely and walked away if these heaux don't understand that boundary. We just don't know how intense OPs reactions are to her insecurities nor do we know how wishy washy her bf is in situations that need boundaries but I can see that it's a little bit of both since OP mentioned she blew up.
And do we even want to go down the road of the bride and this woman being good friends? Maybe the bride is teaming up with her to try to get them back together!
Seriously men are so dumb when it comes to situations like this🙄
Exactly!! I don't get how men can't understand this. Who cares about the ex's feelings. Respect your girlfriend.
100% agree with Morgan on the last one. It’s not about trusting your partner but it’s disrespectful and hurtful to undermine a relationship and pretend like it’s ok to do this. If the boyfriend tolerates it, it means he likes it or gets something out of it and you need to run. You can 100% know nothing will ever happen but also be annoyed and hurt when someone disrespects your relationship.
morgan is absolutely right on the last story. my boyfriend was in a wedding and was supposed to walk down the aisle with, not even with a former fling, but with someone who i had overheard say “he’s should be with me”. i trust my boyfriend with my life, but it made me so uncomfortable. i let him know, he understood my discomfort, and he asked the groom to not walk with her. he didn’t see the problem because he would never do anything, but he respected and understood my discomfort, explained the situation to the groom, and the walking arrangement was changed.
in the words of Justin, COMMUNICATE. she needs to communicate first to the boyfriend that she’s uncomfortable. if the boyfriend doesn’t understand the discomfort and respect it, there’s an issue. if the other girl already made a request to walk down the aisle with boyfriend, why can’t the boyfriend also make a request to not, for very valid reasons? COMMUNICATE. and if the boyfriend won’t step up and ask for a change of partner for the aisle walk, then that’s the red flag for concern.
to be clear, it’s bot a red flag on the boyfriend id he asks and the ask is denied, but it IS if he won’t even make the ask just to respect his partner.
I’m a guy and if I knew an ex was trying to walk down the aisle with me(asked for it), I would 100% try to counter it. If I’m in a relationship, I’m not trying to entertain that person AT ALL. it doesn’t matter what is or what isn’t, it’s just a no.
Story 1: No need to break S’s heart. Just tell A how J felt in private so she knows and maybe it’ll bring her comfort. As for J’s family, just let them grieve how they want to. They’re hurting too even if J wasn’t close to his family. Pain is pain
Story 5: I agree with Morgan and it's weird that you'd continue to allow this girl to cross boundaries like that. Everyone knows what she's doing, but by not nipping it in the bud, you're allowing the behavior to continue, which tells her A) you have no backbone and B) she can continue doing it without consequence. Put up a boundary. It's not that hard.
1:03:21 Story 5, OP needs to have a discussion with her boyfriend about how uncomfortable she is about 25F. If she doesn't trust 25F, TELL HIM, guys can be oblivious, and if he really does not care about 25F, he will reaffirm that feeling to OP. Also, if 25F literally requests to walk with BF, he needs to stand his ground and say, "Hey friends, I'm not comfortable with walking down with 25F, we all know she keeps flirting with me, and who knows what she will do during the wedding. I love OP and want you guys to respect our wishes on this matter."
OP, if you are watching this video and reading the comments. TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. If he dismisses you, if he calls you crazy or controlling, or if he lies to you about solving the problem; then you have the right to tell him you need a break or just space. But if you really trust him, then you should be able to trust him to have a conversation about the matter AND trust he will do his best to solve it. If he can't because of the bride and groom, then it's not his fault. If he says he can't because he doesn't want to cause drama; explain to him that this is important to you and you DO trust him but not 25F. Reaffirm your love with each other, and hopefully, you will be able to figure things out.
Sorry for the long comment, but nobody was getting to the point!!!
I'm 100% with you! God, I was so frustrated hearing them
For story 5, I have never heard someone explain this as well as Morgan did. My boyfriend had this friend who would be sooo touchy and flirty with the guys in his friends group, especially when their girlfriends were around. When I would bring this up at first he said “I grew up with her, she is like a little sister”, but everytime something like that would happen it would feel like a slap in the face. After a couple of talks he kind of got it, but I showed him this story and he understood a woman’s perspective a lot more. Thank you so much Morgan!
Last story, Morgan is right. That's weird. She will not only be walking down the aisle with him, but doing all the other wedding stuff with him. The bf should've immediately either knew that was weird or shut that shit down. Idc if they're friends, the fact that she wanted him specifically? Oh hell no. You get put with WHOEVER the bride pairs you with. Deal with it.
Wonder if the bride is a good friend and would try to help bridesmaid rekindle that relationship 🤔
By good friend I just mean close to the bridesmaid haha, because this kind of stunt wouldn’t make you a very good person 😅😅😅
Story 5: i' m with Morgan. Its so disrespectful. It has nothing to do with trust, its just considering our partners feeling. I would never do activly something that i know is hurting my partner. I have dealed the same problem, my ex's best friend confessed her love in front of me.... They didnt get together, but it always hurt when he didn't understand why I didn't want them to spend time together... But now i can see that this is an " all men" problem 😅
Agree with Morgan on that last story. The ex girl has some weird motives. And I would find that disrespectful to my relationship as well if my partner allowed that to happen.
Story 5, your boyfriend is not doing the right thing. He should have completely cut contact as soon as she disrespected you. He should be making boundaries explicitly clear. Hes betraying you in not doing so. You deserve loyalty and respect. That's bare minimum. He should demand she leave him alone. Especially if he knows how you feel.
This has NOTHING to do with trust. Everything to do with respect.
I wouldn't want him!
Relating to story #5 I had to chime in as I had a similar experience. My now husband had a what I called a Fan girl early on in our relationship. He only considered her a friend but clearly she had a thing for him. She’d continue to invite my husband to group outing she organized but conveniently everyone else would bail last minute (always 2/3 other people). Making the outing turn out to be more like a date. After the third time this happened I had to tell my husband that she was most likely doing this on purpose and how her actions hurt me and that I felt disrespected by her. Only after I explained all these points together did my husband get it.
Hopefully this girls BF sets better boundaries with the ex, because it’s really easy to create space in group hangouts.
Also the request of walking down the aisle with him is bonkers, it feels like she’s trying to play out a fantasy of them getting married. This is a bit cynical but I could also see the bride playing up a rekindled relationship behind the scenes, because couples love to have close couple friends so the BF in this story needs to be clear to them all.
Morgan is right. A boyfriend should stand up for his girlfriends boundaries. Having boundaries and asking your relationship to be respected is not being insecure and crazy. Justin and Dad are coming off a little gaslighty. You shouldnt be called insecure for having reasonable boundaries and wanting them respected.
Very gaslighty like cmon now, regardless of the “right thing” there are just principles and respect. Trust also isn’t black and white. Also I think men subconsciously always want more options
Praise the Lord for Morgan in the last story. Men just don’t GET IT.
Story 4- MARTIAL ARTS.
Edit::One of the women at my club has thyroid disease, and she is currently a world champion, and she is a big curvy girl. Top of the game.
Start with private lessons if youd feel more comfortable. When you begin any martial arts it always starts slow, and small movements. The rate of your progression depends on your confidence with whats been/being learned. This means the sport moves at YOUR pace rather than vice versa. An incredible way to appreciate what you and your body are capable of, decrease anxiety, improve self esteem and form tight bonds. Karate changed my life. I still am not able to perform very much in front of others, and cannot at all in front of crowds and it has been over a decade. I am autistic so that contributes to that. But i take private lessons and public when im rarely able, and my self esteem has become so strong, even if my anxiety is a separate issue.
Story 2: he forgot the 2nd anniversary and.. every hundredth day? Did I hear that right? Who counts anniversaries by the hundred … no wonder he couldn’t keep it straight lol
Story 4: RUclips HIIT or dance workout videos! Plenty to follow along for free with no equipment necessary
I caught that.. . !!!! Agree….
I came here to find this comment cause I was so confused! Sounds like OP is fairly immature.
hi! im story #3 (license). thank you so so much!!! you guys gave me a few options i hadnt thought about :) BTW i just wanted to answer the question abt how i got to intern. my paper is a statewide paper. i was completely remote and i was reporting for my home city. my offer is for another two towns which are kind of far away. btw, im located in Connecticut :) anyways thank you for your advice!!! i will update!
Literally we could have been the same person. Luckily, my boyfriend and his family, and my friends have been super helpful with teaching me how to drive. I'm still trying to figure out the car situation but I've joined local car selling Facebook groups to buy something cheap while I build credit. Good luck babe 🫶
Literally the same age and everything. I was going to write in with the same issue
omg i can relate, my boyfriends dad has also offered to teach me how to drive haha. it's just a matter of orchestrating our free time which is hard. good luck to you too
@@artisaweapon8604be careful with cheap cars. If you have someone knowledgeable in cars plz take them because the amount of people hiding problems to just get the car off their hands is ridiculous (Ik from experience) lol. Good luck on your guys journey you got this !
@@artisaweapon8604look into renting a vehicle. If you aren't old enough maybe ask someone who is to rent one & let you drive it, just be sure to get the insurance lol Some cities also have car shares, like Zipcar. A moped/scooter might be an option too (depending on where you live) because they're significantly cheaper than a car.
For story 4, if you're reading this, I might suggest pool activities. There is something about being in a pool that makes me feel invisible under the water, and the water helps to make you feel much more lightweight, so it can be an easier exercise for bigger and disabled people. Don't listen to your dad! Misery wants company, so he's just trying to drag you down. I believe in you! ❤
Edit: I know the idea of wrestling into a skin tight swimsuit is awful for anyone, but they also make clothing that can go in water! So you can find a couple comfy outfits to wear in the pool instead of swimsuits
For the story about the weight ~ no one is going to look at you at the gym. Going to the gym is so liberating. It takes about 7 trips to make it into a habit and then some number more to make it into a routine. Sometimes you just have to force yourself to go and you won’t regret it at the end bc you did something for yourself. You have to go into it thinking about doing it for yourself. Over time your dad’s thoughts will go away if you focus on your commitment to **yourself** and not worry about what others think. It’s easier said than done, but you will learn to grow out of wondering what others think. I’m so sorry you do have things in your way and I hope things get better for you with time
Story 4: I've lived this same scenario my entire life (28 years) with my mother, I've never said anything. But listening to Jerry, makes it so I feel more comfortable approaching her the next time it's brought up.
Story 4 - so I'm a holistic health coach and felt compelled to comment in this one. If being active in a public space, especially one as intimidating as the gym make you uncomfortable then simply don't start at the gym. If your partner wants to support you, that is wonderful. Start smaller though. Start with a healthy morning or bedtime routine that includes a but of stretching, slowly expand that routine a little at a time. What you include is less important than just getting in the habit of prioritizing your self care. And like Morgan suggested, while incorporating this daily habit, start exploring active hobbies. Gardening, hiking, geocaching or try some beginner classes with your partner when you feel comfortable.
In regard to the thyroid condition I know this is easier said than done but try to seperate your size from health. The 2 are not necessarily related, especially with a thyroid condition. Rather than tracking your weight, keep a "feel good journal". So instead of checking your measurements every day jot down notes about how you're feeling every day. Things like "no back pain today" or "I slept great and felt energized when I woke up this morning" This literally trains your brain to recognize non-aesthetic progress first.
In regard to nutrition similar to the other suggestions start small. Don't try to eliminate ANYTHING. Instead focus on adding nourishing foods. As slowly as adding one vegetable to one meal a day or one glass of water in the morning are still be effective and you WILL start to feel better
To story #3 my bio dad and mom both yelled at me when teaching me to drive lol, maybe its a right of passage 😅 I definitely pulled over at one point on the street and told my mom I couldn’t do it anymore and got out haha. Good luck and you will get the hang of it in no time!!❤
Story 5... YES Morgan! That is EXACTLY what I was thinking. Thaking the story at face value with that being the truth and nothing but the truth... The only thing I would be able to do if I were in OP's shoes would be to talk to my bf and let him know my boundaries and hope he could respect me enough to be trusted. Also, I dont thing OP would be the one stirring the pot by not being okay with the situation. The bf should have a good enough relationship with his friends to let them know that THAT is not okay with him nor his gf. The one that stirred the pot is the ex-gf by requesting that. It shouldn't even have been an option for her. If she has that influence, I can only imagine what else she can get away with.
“I look at a piece of cake and it sticks to me” 😭💀
For story 5 I 1000% agree with Morgan, I don’t even have anything to add it’s like she took the words right out of my mouth.
Story 4: Try kickboxing or something fun you've always wanted to try. You focus more on the skill and fun than the physicality. Definitely go for a group thing so it gets you out to see friends and accountable. I'm so excited for you and proud of you. Your dad has his own demons. Bless his heart.... I wish you the best!
respectfully, dad and justin are trippin on story 5
THIS
For story 5: I 100% agree with Morgan
Story 5: There's two things that can happen in this situation. Her partner can 1) shut the ex girlfriend's advances down or 2) let it keep going and maybe even cheat. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what the ex is doing (even though it is disrespectful), she is not the OP's partner. OP's partner is the one in a committed relationship with her and should be the one at fault if anything does happen with the ex. The question that OP should ask herself is "What am I going to do IF something does happen?" "Am I going to let it slide?" "Do I need space and we work it out later?" "Am I going to end the relationship?" If nothing happens and her partner is respectful than he shouldn't be rewarded for doing to bare minimum of being committed to their relationship. OP can be worried about the ex all she wants but it is her partner's action that matter.
Very true. He needs to shut it down.. the door to the home is only opened if someone opens it.
Story 5...so Jerry only deals with a problem if HE thinks it's a problem, got it. Morgan is definitely looking to be with a man that's the opposite of her dad, that was clear with this story 😅 I'm not a jealous gf at all, idc if my bf does stuff without me or has female friends. In this case, he knew his partner's feelings & he should've said something on his own. It is NOT immature, disrespectful or stirring the pot to take the bride & groom aside privately & say, "I don't feel comfortable walking with this person."
First story reminded me about a guy i met online who was "sweet talkin" me and he was gonna move back to our state and planned on meeting BUT...sadly he was Killed in a hit and run and i found out by people posting on his FB he had a gf it seems she leaves i love you msgs still to this day and i always thought do i tell her he was not truthful but i never did its been like 10 yrs now or more...and i still wonder if she'll ever know but prob better not.
I’m 28 and was diagnosed with hypothyroidism at 21 after unexplained 50 pound weight gain. I’ve learned to log all food and workouts. I used my Apple Watch to loosely count calories burned. And went to countless dietician/nutritionist appointments to learn how to nourish my body and learn to count calories. Naturally I only lost 10 pounds without the help of prescription from my endocrinologist to aid in weight loss. Once I was on medication the weight feels like it’s melted off of me. I understand it’s not for everyone and I genuinely wasn’t aware it was an option for me until my endocrinologist brought it up.
As for work outs, if OP owns a switch some fun things to play that are a workout is Just Dance. There’s also the Ring fit. They’re both fun to play, can have whole body workouts, and Op can do it in the privacy of their home/bedroom
I’m vacuuming, listening to podcasts on RUclips as I work. One video ended, and it sent me strait to this one. I hear a single word and think “Yay! It’s Dad!”
Thank you for being the internet Dad for those of us without dads or broken relationships with our dads. 💕
never been this early!!!! i’m so excited, time to start chores 🥰
Same!!
I 100% agree with Morgan. I’d be upset if a girlie asked my boyfriend to walk in the isle with her, especially an ex. I would think she is a homewrecker.
story 1: i wanted to share my experience losing someone i dated, we only dated for 7-8 months on high school, he was who i lost my virginity to. we still remained in contact, briefly, just interacting online & saying hi at school sometimes. when he died (a year after he graduated high school) his girlfriend at the time came up to me to tell me he still had photos of us & me in his phone. we had been broken up for almost 2 years. it broke me. i still hold some guilt for not talking to him more.
This is going to keep me going on the rest of my stresfull corporate job! Thanks for the light and inspiration you guys always bring us!! Happy holidays all the way from Austria from a portuguese
Story 4: Climbing like indoor climbing/bouldering is a super fun calisthenic workout that is way more judgement-free than gyms! Also hiking! Both great, mind-soothing exercises for all!
I’ll weigh in on story 5 as a couple years ago I had a very similar situation happen to me. My best friends had both me and my ex in their wedding, and they did a partially combined bachelor/bachelorette party. I recently got engaged at the time and had been with my partner for about 3 years. I communicated the situation with him and he said he trusts me and was unbothered by it. Even though we both trust each other, out of respect for my partner I did not participate in the bachelorette night that involved my ex. I also communicated this with the bride and she had no problem with it, she just wanted all of us to be comfortable and have a good time. Moral of the story: respect your partner. Don’t put yourself in a situation that could end up negatively, avoid the drama. It’s not worth it. Most of all: COMMUNICATE! COMMUNICATE! COMMUNICATE!! That’s all, and thank you for your content! I’ve been listening to THT for over a year now and recently started listening to FKS and love it!
I wasn't prepared for how much I was going to relate to the story about the writer struggling with exercise; had me in tears. I've started going on walks a lot more recently after work because I work overnights and the fresh morning air has really really made exercising easier.
That last one was soooo entertaining hahahaha I love how feisty you all got with "let me ask you this" hahahahaha ps. I would not be at peace if my bf had to walk with an ex, but I would let him do whatever he wants, at the end we cannot control other's behaviors. However, I would truly appreciate if he made sure to let ex know he doesn't appreciate the flirting.
Story 3: absolutely have a friend teach you!!
About story 5, I’m with Morgan.
When I was in a 11 year relationship, and someone was interested in me, I would make it a point to tell the person to put a stop to their behavior, communicate it to my partner, and distance myself from that person. I didn’t care if it “stirred the pot”- my partner’s feelings meant more to me than this other person.
If I were OP, I’d hope my partner would do the same. I don’t think it’s about control, I think it’s about partner consideration and parter respect. Especially if the partner knows how I feel.
For the weight struggle story, I struggled with finding an exercise I would stick with as well until this year. I discovered hot yoga and I’m OBSESSED. Between that and tracking calories in MyFitnessPal, I’ve lost 25 pounds and am almost pre-baby weight for the first time in 6 years 🙌 yoga is great for the mind as well.
i am so early i love y’all’s podcast makes my day!
Nah... last story.. ex gf.. id shut that down hardcore. Morgan was right its sketchy af
IMO He should've shut it down the first time it happened. The girlfriend shouldn't have to do anything!
Story 4: god I have a lot to say today
I didn’t have the same upbringing as you, but I did have a lot of pressure to diet and a horrible relationship with exercising.
After my dad had a massive heart attack at 48, I wanted to try and get comfortable exercising. I started going to the gym and literally just walking on the treadmill for 30 min, eventually an hour, and scrolling on TikTok. It got me comfortable being at the gym at all. Then I slowly eased into weightlifting. I began taking the total body wellness classes and then shifted to weightlifting. I REALLY ENJOY weightlifting now (as far as working out goes). It’s something where I can see progress that has nothing to do with the gym.
Everything is a process and it’s okay to go slow, it’s usually better.
Another note: there is nothing wrong with being fat! (Idk what size OP) Fat is not a bad word/thing, it is an adjective: like thin, tall, short, ect. I’ve lost 70 lbs and I’m still fat: that’s not going to change. Just as some people are naturally thin, others are naturally fat. It’s not a defect and there is nothing wrong with you if you are ❤️
story 2: this really hit home for me. my partner and i have been together for a lil more than 2 years, bffs for a year and coworkers for almost 5 years. i know this man like the back of my hand. but i can’t help but feel not loved in my love language. i’ve been trying to navigate thru therapy and growing up with a narcissist mother has really affected my love life with him. i have difficulty communicating my feelings out of fear and wanting to please him. but more than anything he is my person and perfect in every way but i feel he doesn’t know how to love me. it’s his first serious relationship and my second but truly i feel like he’s my first actual love the genuine kind not the infatuated kind like my first. lately i’ve been thinking it could be the end but i’m so appreciative of this advice and will give it my all to make it work and hopefully be honest with myself if it’s not working. thank you jerry morgan and justin❤
I love having Morgan on with the guys because she gives realistic answers whereas the guys are just giving best case scenarios with no emotion behind it😂
Morgan is right!! After the wedding discuss with the boyfriend how disrespectful this woman is and he needs to step up and get out of these situations.
Story 4: Another form of exercise that could be fun is dance. Whether it’s dance classes, or doing dance that is created for exercise, it’s definitely a good workout. The Fitness Marshal on RUclips has good videos. Also, workout class can be a great motivator. I’ve found that when i sign up or pay for something, I feel like I have to do it, so I go. Also, I know that other people are there, but everyone is so focused on their own workout and sweating that they probably won’t even look at other people during the class.
For our thyroid girlie recovering from abuse, have you considered getting a dog?
I am completely externally motivated, my ADHD makes it almost impossible to do something "for me", but I can pour out endless energy and effort for others.
If you just want to get moving a little bit every day, a dog will need walking multiple times a day. You won't have to be un your head about it bc it's not about you, it's a chore that needs doing for your fur baby
Story 4 felt like 27 yr old me. I have thyroid disease, a similar dad and hard time exercising. here’s what helped me - established minimal contact with my dad, start taking prenatal for vitamin/mineral deficiency, get off of bc-p (this made a huge difference in thyroid). As for exercise - walk the neighborhood on a timer, I do 15mins and out and then walk back, sport workouts are fun too, I like tennis, etc. getting a dog helps you walk more too.
Also, for exercise, build it in as a part of your routine! When I meet up with my friends, we go for a walk, or to a Pilates class, and then get tea or coffee. When I go to work, I cycle instead of using the bus. Like, maybe pick one chore or task like grocery shopping and make it as physical as you can - walking to and from the store, for example. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. For your lunch break make sure you use 5 minutes of it to walk around the block. Anything like that just to get you started and make at least a little more exercise an integral part of your life. It may be annoying at first, but eventually it'll just be a nice habit. :)
First time seeing the video version of the show (y’all are adorable btw lol). But I HAD to come comment in support of Morgan on the 5th situation. If the ex didn’t specifically ask then I might be more understanding of the other perspective. But for her to say that she wants to walk down the aisle specifically with her ex is sus af. And I also think it is sus that OP’s partner saw no issue with it, or didn’t at least consider how she would feel seeing him walk arms linked with his ex down the aisle, no matter how innocent he may think it is. Baffling y’all 😂 Love all 3 of you, keep up the great work ❤
I love that this comment section is backing up Morgan for the last story because I also agree! There is no doubt that the writer trusts her partner fully, but the problem is the disrespect that everyone else is showing her and her relationship by allowing a request from an ex that makes her uncomfortable. Yes, she has no control over her boyfriend's ex and friends who have agreed to do this little bit, HOWEVER, HE as the person in the middle fully has a say on whether this is okay or not.
Even if he's trustworthy and will never cheat or entertain his ex's advances, it doesn't remove the FACT that this situation makes her uncomfortable. SHE has no control over what other people in this situation can do but HE is able to do something that has enough impact to put her at ease.
It's easy for him to just say "Hey guys, I know ex-gf requested pairing up with me and it may be funny to see during the ceremony, but my girlfriend is uncomfortable with this and so am I. I don't want to give people the opportunity to blatantly disrespect my current relationship by trying to spark and old one that has long since died. That's just where I am in life and I hope you understand." And if they make fun of him or feel the need to tell him that it's no big deal, then they are the problem because why would you ever be okay invalidating someone's feelings and disrespecting other people's relationships for any reason? Your wedding will be just as fun even if they don't pair up together and this is a very firm way of letting the ex know that "Hey, you guys are friends but this just isn't a good idea. He's in a happy relationship and there's no reason for us to create trouble."
The boyfriend's one decision of standing up for their relationship will create a chain reaction of conversations that need to be had. IT's as easy as that.
Story 4: If you don't want to do the gym, there are lots of free workouts on RUclips. When I was really out of shape, I started with walking workouts. Some of my favourite RUclips people that do workouts are Lucy Wymondham-Read (no equipment), Jen Hillman (yoga), Leslie Sansone (walking workout). Grow with Jo (some equipment) and FitbyMik (strenght training w/equipment). Strength training is very good for women.
For story 5: she is clearly expressing that this other girl is upsetting her, and she wants to set a boundary around their friendship. Im confused as to why jerry, who talks about setting boundaries, appears to not be only unsupportive but to be against this particular op setting this clear boundary. Also, to imply that this boundary is invalid bc he doesn't agree with it is upsetting.
Returning to this when i can cry and not be at work. I have some advice for the first story.
I nanny a baby who naps a lot on Tuesday’s (FKS) and Thursday’s (THT). Life’s good😎
Story 4: something to look into is gut health & im not trying to come off as shaming anyone at all and am also not sure if you’ve looked into this already, but with me I thought I was eating healthy, but the preservatives in the US mess us up in insane ways. Even things that are marketed as healthy are usually loaded with unnecessary ingredients and preservatives, which is horrible for gut heath & can impact energy levels, mood, weight loss, autoimmune diseases, etc. I’ve recently switched to only eating foods with ingredients I can pronounce and a ton of fresh fruits and veggies and it’s already had an insane impact on my energy.
I’m definitely with Morgan for story 5
Story 5: I’m with Morgan.. It just gives off a weird vibe
I agree with morgan. If my partner doesn't shut that crap down, then he doesn't deserve my trust. He can figure out a way to make sure boundaries are made and make sure she respects our relationship. If not, then completely cutting it off or not going to the wedding. My husband 100% would do this.
The beginning 😂
Girl highlight of my day when he just sat in silence lol
I have a bachelors degree in human development and family studies, and we talked about John Gottman in so many of my classes. He has so many great ideas!
100% agree with Morgan on story #5. There was no sense in her specifically requesting to walk with her ex boyfriend. It would be slightly different if it were an assigned partnership but that’s not the case. The situation just seems slimy and disrespectful.
For the 4th story you guys gave good suggestions but didn’t talk about how much her inability to exercise is due to her trauma. Those thoughts wont go away from solely exercising… Its obviously very deep and needs to worked out in therapy.
Can I make a suggestion for story number 4?
RUclips has a plethora of exercise content! I also struggle with working out, super sleepy, etc. I started small with gentle Pilates and stretches. There’s dance cardio, no jumping, weights, abs. EVERYTHING, but the key… BEGINNER! Also, 10,15 minutes if that’s all you have to give that day. I also don’t like people watching me work out so I lock my door and get to work! Let me know if you want me to recommend any one! I have a whole playlist. ❤
PS - I have RUclips premium so it is much cheaper than a gym membership. I’m not sure what the work out experience would be with ads.
It may be genetic, but it is also how you live your life. My grandma lived until 83, would be 100 today, but my dad only made it to 65. He lived a very different life to his mum, which had an affect on his lifespan. So take care of yourselves everyone!
For story 4, get obe fitness! They have really good varied classes with really supportive instructors. They can't see you, so no criticism. Don't tell your father about starting, but try that first.
Just here to agree with Morgan in Story #5!
Story 5: Morgan is 100% right, this is so weird and disrespectful... The girl also keeps flirting with him all the time. Seriously, accept that he's with someone else and move on. He needs to have a conversation with her, as her friend, to set boundaries.
Also, 30 minute dance parties at home!
Also emphasis on what Morgan said EAT THE COOKIE IT WONT MAKE YOU GAIN WEIGHT OR LOSE PROGRESS. 3 cookies a week is better than no cookies than 3 weeks later you eat most of the Oreos in the family pack.
Story 4 really got me in ways to hard to explain i had to stop listening.
I'm 28 and also had been overweight since i can remember (almost 5kgs as a new born), I was extremely bullied and traumatized for my body since i was a kid. I also have thyroid issues, insulin resistance since about 11/12 and PCOS (my family has a long history of hormonal issues, i got the Lottery and had been on medication for this my entire life) had large amount of family members on both mom and dad sides that always bully me since i was a kid i don't remember a single time a family member didn't bully me at least once even as soon as i arrived to family gathering they would call me pig or scream "She got even more fat" as greetings, told me to my face someone like me could never be love by anyone, ppl like me are disgusting, make jokes of cooking me for Christmas dinner as a pig (i hate Christmas this was the worst season for me) that i could only expect to be rejected by other ppl, criticize me and mock me if i ate in their presence, laugh at my if i run or play with the other kids and therefore their kids my Cousins will do the same, all of this since i can remember in was just a kid i didn't even understand anything about the world but i was already ashame of my body, most of it it's block due to trauma, they even have pictures of my crying and laugh at the memories of all the times they make my cry while bullying me all of this was made by grown af adults well over their 30 with kids of their own, i of course cut them all of my life, have 0 contact and expect to see them again at their funeral.
All of the bullying took me to develop ED's that funny or sadly enough never really did anything because the hormonal issues will make it almost impossible to loose weight easily, also due to the thyroid issues and life circumstances i developed multiple mental illnesses that had affect me my entire life, had issues with SH and ideations that are to hard to said. Thanks to all the harassment as a kid I can't go on a diet without spiraling into full ED of either stop eating entirely for days or binging punishing myself and throwing up, i even have to force me to eat more than one time a day, I can't bare to have ppl see me move or i will go on a full panic attacks if i feel enough ppl its watching me, i can hear their voices in my head laughing at me so even after many years of Trying i can't get myself to get over it, when i had tried exercising by myself i had injuries due to doing wrong movements or taking my bodie to extremes because all the Ed mentally comes in play.
I don't want to be like this, i do want to loose weight i do want a healthy body, i do want to be able to walk long distances without feeling pain, but i know the path to a body i could like it's at the cost of my mental health and most likely my physical health so PLEASE maybe for me it is too late but for the love of god or whatever you believe protect your kids, i am not saying to allow unhealthy eating behaviors but don't allow anyone to mock them or making them fell bad about a body they don't even really understand, kids shouldn't feel undeserving of love because of a body they haven't even discover, kids shouldn't be humiliated for eating, kids shouldn't have those ideas implant in their heads, kids should learn how to love their bodies and respect them, childrens need to learn how to love themselves.
Story 5- If a girl is flirting with my man...especially an ex and he doesn't put her in her damn place(it can be nicely)...then I wouldn't want him.
About the second story, it sounds like OP has some abandonment and rejection issues because she was not really happy either.
She said that he doesn’t meet her expectations and she ends up disappointed and that the communication is poor.
I think she wants him back because he “rejected” her amongst other things. I have the same issue
The expectations also sound a little extreme..."forgetting every 100th day of our relationship" 😳 I would also break up with someone who wanted to count the days of the relationship, that mentality is exhausting. I think she should try therapy before getting into another relationship. Otherwise, these problems will keep repeating or she'll end up in an abusive relationship with a man that's good at lip service.
To speak to story 1: this is different just based on age and therefore seriousness. But when I was in 6th grade I had a boy that I considered my boyfriend. He asked me out over email lol. It wasn’t anything too crazy. We went to the movies once, we shared a first kiss, we held hands and hugged sometimes. But we mostly played games together online and chatted over email. This lasted the entirety of 6th grade, just over a year total. Right before beginning 7th grade, we broke up. About 4 months later he passed away because of an unknown medical condition. There was another girl in our class that had a crush and had sent him a message to confess this to him which he never opened.
Well, at the funeral she got to place a rose in his casket and there was a lot of attention on her. Obviously we were kids, so it was a lot different, but it was still tough for me having spent much longer knowing him. But anyways, I still wouldn’t have said that to that girl. She was grieving too and I would never have taken that away from her, even as a kid.
Story5 is about insecurity but not in the way the guys think. OP is insecure because her bf is not putting in firm boundaries to respect their relationship or asking if his friends/ex to respect his current relationship.
It less that she’s worried he will be tempted. More that she’s worried his ex does not respect that he is with someone new. If he can’t lay down the law and tell his ex not to be inappropriate or not to cross a friend boundary then it is disrespectful
Men can be so naive when they want to be. Personally, i see it as disrespectful to your partner to ignore their discomfort in a situation. She has said shes uncomfortable and that should be it. The partner should be like "hey this makes my partner uncomfortable and i respect them and my relationship with them enough to not put it in jeopardy just because i dont see it as a problem. My partners feelings are valid, regardless of whether anything would happen or not."
I had to pay an instructor to teach me to drive because none of my friends would teach me. Like $500. It was insane.
STORY #3: My late father never taught me to drive and I never asked him because of his temper. My brother and uncle taught me, I came home one day and asked my dad if I could drive to school with his car. The look on his face when I showed him my license.. he was in disbelief LOL
im story #3 haha. i think this is going to be my situation LOL
@@aliciagomez3312 hey gotta do what ya gotta do!! I knew this is was the only way lol good luck!!! 🥰
Beautiful story…
i definitely agree with morgan on the last story. the girl is being malicious and the gf has the right to want her bf to set boundaries with his ex. i think maybe girls can see the malicious intent other girls more than guys can😅
Why would you bring that up Justin 😢! My dad died at 55 he was diagnosed with a rare cancer and died 5 months later. Love yall!!
Not me thinking the knome was a guest for actually 10 seconds.
Boys don't get it, I'm with Morgan in this last one, gosh I got annoyed
same. Justin and Jerry were starting to annoy me a little bit. Like no it wouldnt be fine if the roles were reversed. 🙄
Story 5 I do u understand about not wanting your bf to walk down the aisle with an ex but also they are walking down the aisle for what 30sec maybe if there is a long aisle I don’t feel that’s enough time to really make an issue over and I feel that might be something missed from this situation. Yes the girl is wrong but I know me personally with the girl I’ve been with for 6 years if I was in this situation I would be the guy suffering through this just to not be a point of drama for the bride to have to deal with im not bringing up a mixed up order at a restaurant it would be difficult for me to bring this up.
I think for story 5, I’m more on the guys side with this. I still think OP should ask the boyfriend to talk with the couple to see if they can switch around, or at least he can talk to his high school ex and be like hey, these are my boundaries and you need to be chill or I will be letting the couple know. Sure the girl is being conniving, but it’s about trusting the boyfriend. I’d personally feel like I wasn’t being respected as an adult that I can handle myself in these situations by my partner.
This is great advice. At first I was like nope he should have told his ex to stop (the first time it happened) but then I remembered their ages...maybe he needs to be told and learn how to deal with the situation.
At the same time though...for me this would be an expectation in a relationship. I wouldn't want to have tell someone to do this for me.
Who celebrates every 100th day besides someone on a Disney channel high school show? I don’t mean this to sound mean…
I will say it’s great to be excited and be in love. Share, love, share experiences, and share your lives. However, don’t make it that they carry the weight of your happiness. You own your happiness. It makes for a stronger relationship.
Right?? She sounds very immature.
Morgan is 100% right on this !!! The boys were really annoying here !
Story #5: I think most women would agree with Morgan. She's right!!! MEN NEVER UNDERSTAND THIS! WHY!? Justin and Jerry take some fuckin notes!😭🤣Even if this girl wasn't flirty the fact that she's his ex means that he should walk with someone else.
The boyfriend SHOULD ask the bride and groom if he can walk with someone else. It's basic courtesy and respect for your relationship. Also if you don't have to associate with someone toxic like the flirty ex- don't. I would find it a red flag if my boyfriend didn't think to politely ask if he can walk with someone else.
Jerry- if I write my story here will you give advise in the comments ? I want your advice but I’m scared to write in
Jerry really seems to struggle with stories that have to do with mutual respect. His Answers tend to be "well, if you don't trust them leave them." It's not about distrusting their partner. It's about feeling disrespected and having their feelings disregarded.
34:06 yup ME 😂 it’s cheaper to Uber than own a car plus pay rent
Idk everyone has boundaries and that could be a boundary 1:01:55