Is this person healthy? BEST TIPS for Finding a Healthy Partner!
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- Опубликовано: 22 дек 2019
- #mentalhealth #stephanielyncoaching #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #selflove
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Stephanie
www.StephanieLynLifeCoaching.com
“Life doesn’t change just because you’re in a relationship. You’re in a relationship to live life with.” Boom! Thank you.
It’s so attractive when somebody can take responsibility for their own stuff & be able to engage in healthy conflict.
Hello how are you doing 👋👋☺️😀
Million percent!
The way a person treats themselves is by far the best way to tell if that person can take care of someone else. If people aren't able to self reflect and self correct how can he/she be empathetic towards others? I love your videos❤ .
@Mark Zaney that is so very true.
@Brianna Tyler I've seen this text before like randomly 🧐
Enjoyed this
Very well said!
Great point
Her lessons totally helped me when I was going through a rough time. And I had realized that I have never truly taken care of myself. Realizing itself was just so so important. I am feeling much much better now. Because I now know me better and I am taking good care of myself! Thanks so much! From Japan:)
Be silly. Be playful.
So true Steph. So true. The best relationships I've seen have a lightness about them - romantic, friendship, business, family.
Yes- this happened to me and I was blown away that I got healthy and attracted a healthy partner and I could see evidence of how it was it healthy. For me, the biggest thing that stood out was respect and that the man I met was so honest and transparent with me. We had both been in narcissistic relationships in the past and knew what we needed. He is the one who introduced me to your channel. One of the things we talk openly about is what healthy means and how we want that to show up in our relationship. He also tells me If I say something that resonates with him and I do the same for him. I feel so blessed to have found him.
I’m speechless, but I found a funny show the other day. The knight and lady/damsel embraced, more than hug, like magnets, the horse got jealous, what a show,
that you won’t even be attracted to abusers if you’re healthy is so true
i recently rewatched a tv show which i used to like, i used to be attracted to some characters there but now when i rewatched it, i don’t feel any attraction and actually their stalking and obsessive behavior disgusts me
This actually made me realize some of my own flaws. I’m going to get to working on them. Thank you. 😊
Everybody needs to be self aware and that doesn't happen too often.
Have to disagree about the comment that healthy people do not get involved with unhealthy people. I married a woman who turned out to be a Covert Narcissist. They are academy award winning actors. They are actually attracted to healthy people because that is a perfect victim for them to feed off. They do not look for unhealthy people to get into a long term relationship. The mask begins to slip off not long after the wedding. It is extremely painful for the victim of someone married to a covert narc because they were completely fooled on the beginning.
Rebel Lucy I agree. VERY smart people that are narcissist know how to hide it, at least for a good while.
They attract both healthy and unhealthy weak people, who will tolerate their crap
@Millennials Path Sorry, but you simply have no real understanding of how a covert uses deception to acheive thier goals. There have been numerous cases of covert Narcs even pulling one over on their physciatrists! Have you ever been lied to? Certainly a healthy person would never be lied to because they would know ahead of time right? Overt Narcs you can see coming from a mile away. Coverts not so much. Saying that healthy people would never be deceived is actually something a Narcissist would say. That know everything.
Your mind is made up so there is not much I can say. To others who are victims of NPD will understand. I have been married for 10 years to a covert so I am not just watching videos. I have lived through it. I was plenty self responsible before we married.
@@rebellucy5610 I am a victim of NPD too, but I agree with Millennials Path that we must take our part of responsibility.
Clingy behavior has been my number one reason to walk away from a relationship. I've often second guessed myself but I guess my instincts were correct. It's been hard to find someone doing their own thing with confidence.
I agree with you, Stephanie. I do my best each day to perform at my best. But there is still room for improvement. Which is fine, because I am a work in progress. I seek progress, not perfection. I just want to be my best, to attract a healthy woman into my life as well. Aside from that, I live a healthy, active life.
Moving fast is a huge indicator. If they just hop into bed too. I had a man over a week ago and he was groping me and it was our first time hanging out. I haven’t hung out with him since. It’s not my thing
Thank you for this! I've been in therapy for a year after two divorces and a string of abusive relationships. The last was with my childhood sweetheart, whom I had known for twenty five years. A majority of that time was spent apart, so I'm thinking it was easy for her to hide who she really was until we got intimate.
Anyway, I've learned I'm codependent as hell, and I'm in Codependents Anonymous. I don't even want to think about another relationship, though my therapist has said what you did - when I get healthy emotionally, I'll attract healthier people. I have no clue what that would look like! But this video helps a lot. Thank you!
Jason Parrott
Maybe try not to identify with/overly label yourself as a codependent. It's just a traumatic aspect that you're healing, it's not your identity. Secondly, yes to the "when you get healthier" BUT know that you are worthy and can attract a healthy partner while you're healing! You're never going to be fully healed. Good luck!
I relate so deeply, my most recent relationship was similar. Prior to her moving to the same state and then living with me we were apart and everything seemed fine but I thought there may have been something. Then upon living together the true colors showed up and I just had rose colored glasses on for too long. Fortunately I’m out and working on bettering myself now, still stings though.
You are the soul of wisdom and good sense. Thank you and God bless, Stephanie.
I like what you said about if you're healthy then you won't be attracted to someone that is unhealthy. That's one of my worries in looking for a partner. I'm learning that I tolerated a lot of emotional abuse from nearly everyone in my life, many narcs. I'm getting healthy and am seeing that I won't be drawn to these people as friends or romantic partners in my life. I've cut out a bunch of friends. It will take time to get to know new people but I feel like as a person getting healthier every day the red flags are glaring. My ex-friend who is a covert, I was always confused by her very subtle needy manipulation but in hindsight it's obvious.
So many great tips! Thank you Stephanie! A solid person is totally cool with you having your own interests and friends. And the ability to laugh at yourself and be silly is wonderful. Narcs can’t do that. If you’re with someone who can own it and laugh, you’re with a secure person. But as she says, we have to embody this ourselves to attract them into our lives. If we’ve been in Toxicland for many years it takes a while to heal, do the inner work, and find supportive friends to surround ourselves with on the journey. Sending Love and peace to all on the healing path!! ✨💖✨ It’s been a challenge but also the greatest gift for self Love and evolving to see what I’m truly capable of in life. 🙏🏻🎁🎄
Stephanie, I have just come out of a long term relationship with a narcissist who serial cheated on me. I cannot say how much your videos have been helping me. I have realised so much about myself from you. Just wanted to say thank you for making your videos - I watch them in my darkest moments and without fail I feel so much better after. Keep going! You are such an amazing person!
I'm sorry you went through all that, just realize it was never you, it's all him, they're never satisfied with anything or anyone, they are empty vessels with huge holes always trying to get full. I went through the same thing as you, we are better without them and we were(and are) worthy of love and respect, we were never going to get that from these creeps no matter what we did or didn't do. Life is just beginning for us, a healthy, whole, fulfilling life. I'm not sure how long you've been free but it does slowly get easier and better with time and healing, don't rush yourself and treat yourself with gentleness and kindness. God bless you and stay strong, you got this!💖
@@crystaljean522 yep based on a paragraph and half it was all HIM
Crystal Jean thank you so much! You are so right. I’m slowly starting to realise just how empty my ex is. Really thanking my lucky stars that I found out before we got married (we were engaged). Now I’m working on myself so I never make that mistake again.
Hi Stephanie I just want to say I have recently started watching your videos and wanted to say you have given me hope in love again and in myself your amazing
Just wanted to let you know that your channel is helping me SO much. I recently got out of a 5 year relationship with my child’s father and it had been very bad for a long time. He cheated and lied and gaslit me and still doesn’t admit to a lot of the stuff he did. Your videos are giving me so much insight and good advice. Thank you!! You’re doing amazing work.
Yes!! Valuing each other definitely sets the ripple effect for everything else. Respect and honesty it’s the foundation that will withhold the relationship together along with communication.
Loved this video! It’s straightforward and loaded with a ton of valuable information.
From a self love content creator to another- Awesome video Stephanie! ❤️
Wow I'm a healthy person! LOL I do these tips for myself in my daily life..I guess I will have a husband coming soon!
😊
@@jacobkaippallil kerala 🙂
Yes ...he's coming
Yeah😁 me too. Yay!
I hope you find an amazing guy! (If thats what you want of course)
Stephanie you are amazing !!!!! I recommend your video's to all my friends. Finding your youtube's has been a blessing for so many people in my lives :)
😍💝 Stephanie, you are amazing ! Now the narc can not harm me the same way as before - now I know what is going on ! Thank you so much !
Stephanie, I have started learning myself and recognize better after I found you. I fiund you on the very wirst depressive times in my life when I lost self value and confidence on myself with extremely decreased self esteem. Now I know I don’t want to have anyone in my life for the cost of loosing my self! Thank you so much! You taught me things none did! I learned how to parent myself and care for my soul. I M still working on emotional intelligence and please make videos about controlling emotions as well as boosting confidence and self value. I boost mine and sometimes when I see some people that treat me shitty it decreases the way too down. I think I became more sensitive to toxic people and emotional these days unfortunately. I sued to the strong ‘not gonna give a shit’ person. I dont know what happened to me.
Thank you so much!
I used to be* Omg too many mistakes, sorry
She has quite a few videos about boosting confidence and controlling your emotions!
Thanks for your videos. I'm a co dependent person! Ithink I was in a toxic relationship. Now I'm alone. Two years now. It's difficult to find a good man. I think it's more narcissist people now. I mean in this times. I'm the kind of person that's gives all in a relationship.
Congratulations on reaching 200,000 subscribers. You are so deserving of it. You are great! Happy Holidays, Stephanie!
You have no idea how you are building lives. Thanks for this
I value and respect your channel because it is an extension of my choices. It is helping me to finally be connected to self. Congrats for the work that you´ve been doing.
Thank you so so much for making this video, it’s phenomenal insight on healthy relationships!!! I’m still leaning how to learn new healthy habits 🥰
Very good video, so many people are not able to listen, are not able to own their stuff and not able to argue normally (argue without insulting and push the "conversation" different way in order to avoid resolution). It is like a disease and honestly, I would send many people to the reeducation camp with a psychologist because their inability to improve will do a lot of damage to their life and their partner as well.
@Stefanie, Could you make a video about how to test new partner early in a dating process regarding these qualities?
Thank you for great advice. Have a Good New Year!
There is so much excellent content in this video that not only am I taking notes but I am also pausing it just over half way to process what was said in the first part. This should be taught in schools - thank you so much for such well thought out & extremely clear content. If only everyone knew this!!
Thank you for your help and clarity. I like your perspective. Well done.
I am going to listen your video again and again. Very helpful und supportive. Thank you! And have a lovely Christmas, Stephanie!
Thank you so much, great content, very helpful 👍🙏
Finally, a person who knows what the f*** they are saying. So many relationship coaches keep talking about s*** like follow your instincts, listen to your heart and all that bulls*** that doesn't help at all. The moment she said 'own your stuff', you know you've just entered the most practical results oriented channel.
Thank you Stephanie & Merry Christmas to you and yours!!!
In my opinion, two key markers of a healthy/wellness of your partner or friend, and even a diagnosis of your own health/wellbeing. Firstly, is the individual's level of integration with their ego such that the relationships between these two aspects of themselves are healthily negotiated and balanced morally. And this leads into the second key aspect, again their differentiation and connection between physics and metaphysics of life. It doesn't necessary have to be religious but there has to be some kind of spiritual or intrinsic value foundation as their "bedrock" for everything else that their endeavour in their life. Without that, forget about it... there's a high probability that they're on shaky ground. And irrespective if they can change/improve/evolve or not with or without your guidance, I don't suggest dating them or being in a relationship with them because that just accentuates the pre-existing problems and having them conveniently placed onto the personal relationship. I've learnt this from my own personal experience, and that's why, for example, on ethical grounds - because it is so dangerous/hazardous towards health/wellbeing - it's discouraged for clients and therapist to develop relationships beyond the therauptic relationship. Anyway, with moral foundations from a "higher" or metaphysical/spiritual being or dimension (by the way, I think that's what Stephanie means by "energy" - in the metaphysical sense, e.g. Willpower and inspiration from metaphysics, rather than practical/physical means), that's where responsibilities and other sustainable and balanced constructive qualities and values are derived from and how they're manifested and become integrated into their day to day lives here in this physical world. Then from there, that's when all the practical applications become more purposeful and helpful, and begin to make sense as to why these solutions may be better to the alternative of making matters worse. And that is, it's not about winning. It's about solving problems (instead of "twisting the knife" and making it worse to make you "look better") and working towards peace for yourself and everyone involved.
Are you Leo Tolstoy?
👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾
Great Video! Thank You!
BTW...You’re actually OVER 201k with today’s upload!
Congratulations!!!!🥳🥳🥳🥳
so very helpful. Thanks Stephanie 🙏🏾❤️
I love those flowers ya got there in the background. Pretty cool. The petals look perfect for the setting. Oh and great advice as well. 🙏
Great video Stephanie!!
Very good (and important) message.
By the way, super cool your flowers.
Thank you for this video. I am getting back into dating after being in a short term relationship and marriage with a narcissist. I need these types of videos to learn and hopefully not make the same mistake. Merry Christmas
This is such a great video!
A lot of men don't value women and a lot of women are taught to always be nice and supportive. That's how we were socialized from a young age. I try to set boundaries and communicate my needs, but in the end he doesn't respect my boundaries, he does the exact opposite.
That's a story you tell yourself and it isn't helping you. If you focus on men who don't value women that's all you will see. I know because I have been on the other side and thinking that women can't value men.
It is however up to you to keep your boundaries.. and if someone is repeatedly violating against them.. you know what to do. I know.. easier said than done. Don't let anyone tell you your demands are unreasonable.
Awesome video thank you!!
Respect is huge.
Great video ! Vital advice:-) Thank you.
Excellent information , thank you very much .
this video gave me so much hope :) thank you!
😊
Listening to you is life changing ❤
What’s crazy is some ppl really want those kinds of relationships I’m trying to get away from them fast that’s why your video popped up😂
Thank you so much. I wish I had watched your videos before my marriage. But it's not too late. I am correcting my life after your training. God bless you
Lovely and informative lessons I really appreciate. Thank you for helping us all to improve 🌝
Respect !!..thats a good one for selfish and jealous folks
Thank you for this video ❤️
Thank you Stephanie! 💚
I love all the wonderful information. I was raised in a very dysfunctional home. Had no idea about self love or boundaries. To busy trying to get approval. I feel that Stephanie is a God send. I have never been more content. Im.always asking myself, Is this good for me? Do I feel good around these people? I'm enjoying my life about 1 million percent more. Thank you.. Thank You.. Thank you❤
Omg Thank you so much!!!! ❤
Great advice love her
Excellent vid. 👍
Great stuff 😊
Love your videos, thank you
Thank you!!😊😊
Thank you!
I dated a woman for 6 months with borderline personality disorder, and I fell head over heels and could be termed codependent, I am so attracted to her physically that it's beyond belief but the relationship crumbled because of her disorder coupled with my codependency. IT Is by far the worst case scenario you could imagine . I am completely torn apart to the point where I can hardly breathe. So my advice to everybody is don't ignore the red flags before you hurt like I do, I will never recover
Great vid 👍😊 I just subscribed to your Channel
Thanks Stephanie.
thank you stephanie! :)
Everything that comes out of your mouth makes sense to me.
Very good video thankyou
Brilliant video!Xxx
Been there too many times where I was told it was my fault that they lied or cheated. Projecting at it's best
This was timely!!!! Thank you!!!!😊 also- like your nails! Lol 😂
Brilliant, 💯 Thank you #RightThing #Rightway
So helpful!!
Hello how are you doing 👋😀😀☺️
Thank you🙂
My break-up from a 21 year relationship (7 year marriage) came down to two people not putting in the work. If you think a relationship should come naturally, you are delusional. This is very helpful; one of your best videos. I am not sure if i should share with my next relationship, but will consider.
Thank you miss Stephanie I am learning so much about my emotions from you sincerely yours Mrs Amber McCutchen
Wow - spot on
Thank you for this Stephanie❤️ could you please make a video about independence? I've used your videos as a huge tool in my healing recently, I very recently left an unhealthy relationship where I was very codependent and I still haven't completely healed. I naturally tend towards wanting to be "one" with another person and I want to be more independent but I don't even really understand what that means or looks like..
Congratulations on your 2ook subbies! 💚 Thank you for another wonderful and informative video.
I loved this!! May we hear your thoughts on healthy expectations for a partner? I have a history of codependent tendencies and struggle with knowing what to expect from others/ not equating what is done to what I would have done- especially wounded when people don't show up emotionally
VERY WELL SAID & DONE
🌈🔥👁👁🔥🌈
MERRY XMAS! I agree, any relationship is a two way street & most definitly have ur own interest & give
eachother space! Its healthy & necessary for it to grow!!
Another great video. I’m hoping you can do a video on how the mature persons can make friends
Seasons greetings to you and your family
I find it incredibly attractive when somebody is responsible enough to own their stuff. Live life & make room
for being silly😜
If only I could find a healthy love..❤️
Can you expound on what it means when you have problems setting a boundary vs. maintaining a boundary?? I would like to understand this a bit better. Thank you for the great video. I have shared this with several friends because I like it so much!!
Super genius
Recognized with eyes
Besides a stable career, I need a stable home and that includes my partner. A healthy partner.
Sweep sanding line
Recognize line
Well Im independent but I dont like hanging out with friends...
I want to be a healthy partner
I loved it, one of the consequences of Being healthy And having standarts is being by yourself for a while because It becomes easy to recognize that most of the time someone is full of B.S And is lying just for their benefits
I allways see. WY way person carrys self. Joes nice guy