I’m 27 now, but at 18 years old I married a textbook narcissist. Shortly after we got married, I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. As years went on I was so desensitized to the abuse I was enduring. I was sick and frail and under 90lbs. A few years later I found the courage to leave; I put myself through cosmetology school and safeguarded my daughter. It was the BEST decision I’ve ever made, difficult nonetheless, it took every ounce of my being and many years of recovery still in the works to this day. My life has completely changed for the better, I found joy, I found freedom. My abuser moved out of state shortly after, and I’m now in the most wonderful relationship with a man who treasures me and my daughter. YOU CAN DO IT. Read the signs and trust in the Lord. ❤️
I have gone through the exact same thing - and once the lightbulb turns on, it's ON. Speaking on this subject is never easy but necessary. It's helpful for not only you, but others to realize it's a real thing. Once I realized certain people in my life were narcissistic and actively abusing myself and others, I learned how to either deal with the situation or how to leave it. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing..yes the light is on, I finally figured it out and suddenly, nothing else matters except my peace, my freedom. I’m escaping and will be free.
What an incredible episode! I never comment on anything but I spent the last two days binging your podcast! The host was amazing and thank you for sharing your story Kat!! This is going to help so many people! Very glad I found your community
I wish I would have seen this a couple of months ago. I'm fresh out of this exact situation, having to cut off the narcissist after 25 years of supplying. I didn't know what narcissism was until this year. I'm so thankful for this podcast wow. It's such a lonely type of abuse to experience. It's worse than physical abuse because physical abuse is visible. Narcissists are manipulative and crafty. Like a bad dream, you didn't realize you could wake up from it and be free. I miss my mother still to this day, but as human beings, we can only give so much of ourselves until there is nothing left to give. Like she said, when the supply is out, on to the next victim. Thanks for mentioning the spirituality part Kat. I love Jesus, but my abuser used God to control me and that in my opinion is far worse than any form of manipulation. God's work looks like what happened to Kat. She broke a cycle and overcame as the genuine beautiful hearted person she was designed to be. Now not only will she be a beautiful mother to her children but also God's children all over the world who needed to hear this. The true work of God. Not religious manipulation.
HOLY SHIT this made me realize that my abuser was a narcissist. I was gaslighted by everyone in my life into thinking that my abuser was in the right and that I deserved it.
Thank you for doing this podcast. I have 2 narcissistic parents. My dad died almost 2 yrs ago. I have chronic illnesses and mental health problems because of my parents. I’m 44 yrs old and my mom is a covert narcissist. She still treats me like I’m 10 yrs old. I found a therapist who has been helping me with dealing with my trauma. I’m on medication to deal with my ptsd, anxiety, bipolar 1, and panic attacks. I also have fibromyalgia I’ve set boundaries with my mom but she didn’t listen when we lived with us. She would verbally abuse me in front of my kids and husband. She didn’t think I was a good mom or a good person. She was embarrassed by me cause I no longer can work due to all my health problems. She and my Dad would pretend that I wasn’t sick, and when people would ask me what I did for a living, my mom would jump in and change the subject. Cause God forbid anyone find out that I was disabled. I always throughout my whole life thought I was less than. I was a nothing and nobody. Through therapy I know that’s not true. Even tho I still have nightmares and night terrors about my trauma. I’m working through it all. But I feel validated. I wish I could talk to you about all of this. Cause I finally had to cut my parents off. And like your guest said - we left quietly and under the radar. Because we lived together during Covid, my mom was staying with us. And my Dad would swing by every weekend. And it was hard to cut the cord! We moved out so quietly that they didn’t know where we lived and still don’t. I see my mom yes. Cause she’s my mom and I love her. But we found a place packed up our stuff quietly over several days, and when my parents went over to my grandmas house for the weekend, we grabbed all out stuff and left. We left the keys and garage door opener on the dining room table, oh and a 9 page letter telling them how we - my husband and I are breaking the cycle. And are better than them along with that I don’t need them. I’m not 5, I’m 44! But my parents thought we couldn’t live on our own. That I needed them. LOL I laughed at them out loud. (They did not like that!) But we did find a place of our own, and have rented on our own with out their help at all. But since my mom still doesn’t understand boundaries. And since we also lice in HI, it’s so dang expensive - we unfortunately will be moving in a couple of weeks back to the mainland. (I lived in the Midwest with my husband for 15 yrs but came home for my family and my boys. So they could meet my family, their heritage and where I’m from) I’ll miss my home state but it’s the right thing to do for my family. My therapist says that probably with a larger physical boundary she’ll get it. And maybe my recovery will move forward better. Cause it’s been tough. Lots of crying and like you said tons of anger. When my Dad died I had so much unresolved things I wanted to say to him. He died after I and my mom had a massive argument and he called me a liar and a faker. But I can’t say what I wanted to say to his face. I’m learning to identify narcissistic people. Be more selective with who I’m friends with. I will cut those people off much easier now than before. Life is too short.
both of y’all are so well spoken and the insights are so deep. i really needed this today. it breaks my heart but the one i’m dealing with is my mother 💔
This hit home. I have been with two clinically diagnosed narcissists. I thought I was crazy, they both preyed on me when I was at my lowest. They were able to turn me against my own family, and we are so close. I stayed until they went after my child, that’s when I found the power to leave. The first one I dated was incredibly physically abusive, I was constantly in and out of the hospital. I’m a Trauma nurse, I knew better, but I blamed myself. I constantly felt guilt for things I had no control over. For almost 4 years he would lock me, my daughter, and his 3 children in the house. I was 18 taking care of a 1 month old, a 7 month old, 1 year old and a 4 year old. I had to keep the house pristine no toys, no nothing out of place, no dishes in the sink everything had to be perfect. I was 18 taking care of 3 babies and a toddler. He installed an alarm system to keep me in, not to keep others out. He never gave me the code. If I were to open the door the cops would show up. He told me if the cops showed up, then they would find some reason to take the kids away. I was so young, he was 11 years older than me, and he manipulated me so easily. I had 6 miscarriages from being beaten while pregnant, and pushed down the stairs. It was hell, but I lived for those 2 days a month where he would love bomb me. It would immediately negate the 28 days of pure hell he put me through, because for those two days he treated me like a princess. It wasn’t until he started his verbal manipulations with my daughter, I saw it instantly the fog cleared immediately, and I called my dad. He got me out. My friends rallied around me, my family circled me, and prevented me from going back. Years later I thought he had changed and I missed the kids. I was their mom, their moms were on drugs. I went back. Had his mom, sister, and step dad not lived next door and if the kids had gone to school that day he would’ve killed me. He managed to lure me into the basement. I was pregnant and it had convinced himself I had cheated even though he never left me alone, he would sit outside my work. But he lured me down to the door and I just knew if I walked down the stairs I would never walk back up them. But he was behind me and threw me down. I screamed, clawed, kicked, bit, fought for my life saw the girls at the top of the stairs and told them to run. They did, they ran next door, as his family was running out they could hear me screaming. Beat down the door and saved me. I screamed so hard I ruptured blood vessels in my eyes, and damaged my vocal cords. I had 15 broken bones, but he went to prison and I was free. The second narcissist I dated as completely different so I didn’t believe he was. He used his words not his fists. I got out sooner he only stole 2 years of my life, but that was a different type of hell. Now, I am with my soulmate. He treats me like a Queen, he communicates with me, he allows me to have my bad days but doesn’t let me fall too far. He doesn’t treat me differently about what I’ve gone through. He just loves me, and I couldn’t be more lucky.
Thank you ♡ this is a really hard subject and is so isolating. It can feel like you're trapped by the relationship, andI'm really struggling with how to resolve it, because I feel like I can't really take it anymore. It's so hard when it's family.
It does get better. Just try to surround yourself with positive people who encourage you to be the best version of you that you can be. Not the type of people who put you down and are toxic for your mental health and well-being. I know it's easier said than done but it is possible. Believe me I was in a physically mentally and emotionally abusive relationship with my daughters father. I finally found the courage to leave when she was 13 months old for good. With no where to really go. And no support system. But I have brought myself back to a positive mindset. Nearly four years later I'm still working on everything but I have learned to take it day by day. 🖤🖤🖤
@jordananastasio8635 that's wonderful to hear that you were able to do that! Yes, positive relationships are so important, and I'm very lucky that all my relationships outside of the one with my narcissistic parent are healthy and positive. I've learned to distance myself emotionally and am learning how to not be a source of energy for them.
I just went through this with my mother. It really is a healing process. For me, I had to cut ties completely. Cell phones often assure that the abuse never ends. Cutting the the supply off gives you freedom you didnt realize you were missing out on, and that healing process can finally begin. @@minsk005
It's so important and helpful to speak on this topic ❤ Thank you for sharing! This helps give us strength to break free from relationships with NPD partners and/or family members
I would love to have more from her and you! I absolutely needed this. Love all of your podcasts. I have to listen on here because I can't find you on Audible.
Omg thank you so much 🙏🏼💖 that’s just what I needed to hear. I just ended my relationship with my mother because I am way peaceful and happy without her toxic and narcissistic behavior. I am now in a relationship with the same patterns and I am aware of it I just do not know how to get out of it because we have a 2 year old and he has been supporting “ financially for these 2 years of maternity leave.
I stopped talking to my narcissist cold turkey. They tried contacting me for a full yr after I left. Sending me old pictures of us together, making me feel bad for not being there for her birthday or whatever celebration it may be. I feel bad for her, but that's the human in me, but I will never feast at her table again.
My parents wouldnt help me and my 2 girls leave our abuser. They told us to go to a battered womens shelter....i had to figure out everything on my own.
Rarely but believe it or not people who may have been a narc their entire life can make enough effort and chances in their life as they "work" on healing is possible for some people cuz they have let the false image of themselves go and work on their new and real self image ....their old negative methods dont work forever ....you belief system has a huge influence in their life .....learning new ways to react and think of things are important for their path to healing
thank you so much for sharing. i had a narcissits dad and mom and they destoyed my life, marraige and everything. i hope they burn in hell for eternity
Reading this comment hurt my heart because I understand. ❤ This applies heavily to 2 of my children. We had to tell our daughter to stop calling. Much love to you.
@@KatKamalanihahaha this is your response?? You’re in Hawaii, as an influencer, and you don’t have resources to show this follower of yours? Just a empty response from your management team I’m assuming. Wow
@@KatKamalani you’re a cute couple. That’s wonderful. This discussion was one of the best that I have seen on this topic of Narcissistic abuse. Great job!
I’m 27 now, but at 18 years old I married a textbook narcissist. Shortly after we got married, I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. As years went on I was so desensitized to the abuse I was enduring. I was sick and frail and under 90lbs. A few years later I found the courage to leave; I put myself through cosmetology school and safeguarded my daughter. It was the BEST decision I’ve ever made, difficult nonetheless, it took every ounce of my being and many years of recovery still in the works to this day. My life has completely changed for the better, I found joy, I found freedom. My abuser moved out of state shortly after, and I’m now in the most wonderful relationship with a man who treasures me and my daughter. YOU CAN DO IT. Read the signs and trust in the Lord. ❤️
I’m so sorry!! I’m so proud of you and happy you are in such a good place now.
I have a very very similar experience. Thank the Lord
@@sunnybeach103I do as well. It's terrible how many of us have and are going through this situation 😢.
I have gone through the exact same thing - and once the lightbulb turns on, it's ON. Speaking on this subject is never easy but necessary. It's helpful for not only you, but others to realize it's a real thing. Once I realized certain people in my life were narcissistic and actively abusing myself and others, I learned how to either deal with the situation or how to leave it. Thank you for sharing.
💓
Thank you for sharing..yes the light is on, I finally figured it out and suddenly, nothing else matters except my peace, my freedom. I’m escaping and will be free.
The host is very knowledgeable on this topic she is saying amazing things. This was very good
Yes!! I spent so much time finding the right person and she really was.
Please do more podcasts with her, I loved this episode
Yes! She is incredible. 💓
What an incredible episode! I never comment on anything but I spent the last two days binging your podcast! The host was amazing and thank you for sharing your story Kat!! This is going to help so many people! Very glad I found your community
I needed this. I'm getting ready to leave mine. You guys are amazing.
Hang in there. ♥️
I wish I would have seen this a couple of months ago. I'm fresh out of this exact situation, having to cut off the narcissist after 25 years of supplying. I didn't know what narcissism was until this year. I'm so thankful for this podcast wow. It's such a lonely type of abuse to experience. It's worse than physical abuse because physical abuse is visible. Narcissists are manipulative and crafty. Like a bad dream, you didn't realize you could wake up from it and be free. I miss my mother still to this day, but as human beings, we can only give so much of ourselves until there is nothing left to give. Like she said, when the supply is out, on to the next victim. Thanks for mentioning the spirituality part Kat. I love Jesus, but my abuser used God to control me and that in my opinion is far worse than any form of manipulation. God's work looks like what happened to Kat. She broke a cycle and overcame as the genuine beautiful hearted person she was designed to be. Now not only will she be a beautiful mother to her children but also God's children all over the world who needed to hear this. The true work of God. Not religious manipulation.
HOLY SHIT this made me realize that my abuser was a narcissist. I was gaslighted by everyone in my life into thinking that my abuser was in the right and that I deserved it.
Thank you for doing this podcast. I have 2 narcissistic parents. My dad died almost 2 yrs ago. I have chronic illnesses and mental health problems because of my parents. I’m 44 yrs old and my mom is a covert narcissist. She still treats me like I’m 10 yrs old. I found a therapist who has been helping me with dealing with my trauma. I’m on medication to deal with my ptsd, anxiety, bipolar 1, and panic attacks. I also have fibromyalgia
I’ve set boundaries with my mom but she didn’t listen when we lived with us. She would verbally abuse me in front of my kids and husband. She didn’t think I was a good mom or a good person. She was embarrassed by me cause I no longer can work due to all my health problems. She and my Dad would pretend that I wasn’t sick, and when people would ask me what I did for a living, my mom would jump in and change the subject. Cause God forbid anyone find out that I was disabled.
I always throughout my whole life thought I was less than. I was a nothing and nobody. Through therapy I know that’s not true. Even tho I still have nightmares and night terrors about my trauma. I’m working through it all. But I feel validated. I wish I could talk to you about all of this. Cause I finally had to cut my parents off. And like your guest said - we left quietly and under the radar. Because we lived together during Covid, my mom was staying with us. And my Dad would swing by every weekend. And it was hard to cut the cord!
We moved out so quietly that they didn’t know where we lived and still don’t. I see my mom yes. Cause she’s my mom and I love her. But we found a place packed up our stuff quietly over several days, and when my parents went over to my grandmas house for the weekend, we grabbed all out stuff and left. We left the keys and garage door opener on the dining room table, oh and a 9 page letter telling them how we - my husband and I are breaking the cycle. And are better than them along with that I don’t need them. I’m not 5, I’m 44!
But my parents thought we couldn’t live on our own. That I needed them. LOL I laughed at them out loud. (They did not like that!) But we did find a place of our own, and have rented on our own with out their help at all. But since my mom still doesn’t understand boundaries. And since we also lice in HI, it’s so dang expensive - we unfortunately will be moving in a couple of weeks back to the mainland. (I lived in the Midwest with my husband for 15 yrs but came home for my family and my boys. So they could meet my family, their heritage and where I’m from) I’ll miss my home state but it’s the right thing to do for my family.
My therapist says that probably with a larger physical boundary she’ll get it. And maybe my recovery will move forward better. Cause it’s been tough. Lots of crying and like you said tons of anger. When my Dad died I had so much unresolved things I wanted to say to him. He died after I and my mom had a massive argument and he called me a liar and a faker. But I can’t say what I wanted to say to his face.
I’m learning to identify narcissistic people. Be more selective with who I’m friends with. I will cut those people off much easier now than before. Life is too short.
same here. pls stay away from your mom. they will such the life out of you. God Bless u
I’m so sorry💓
both of y’all are so well spoken and the insights are so deep. i really needed this today. it breaks my heart but the one i’m dealing with is my mother 💔
Thank you!! Hang in there.
This hit home. I have been with two clinically diagnosed narcissists. I thought I was crazy, they both preyed on me when I was at my lowest. They were able to turn me against my own family, and we are so close. I stayed until they went after my child, that’s when I found the power to leave. The first one I dated was incredibly physically abusive, I was constantly in and out of the hospital. I’m a Trauma nurse, I knew better, but I blamed myself. I constantly felt guilt for things I had no control over. For almost 4 years he would lock me, my daughter, and his 3 children in the house. I was 18 taking care of a 1 month old, a 7 month old, 1 year old and a 4 year old. I had to keep the house pristine no toys, no nothing out of place, no dishes in the sink everything had to be perfect. I was 18 taking care of 3 babies and a toddler. He installed an alarm system to keep me in, not to keep others out. He never gave me the code. If I were to open the door the cops would show up. He told me if the cops showed up, then they would find some reason to take the kids away. I was so young, he was 11 years older than me, and he manipulated me so easily. I had 6 miscarriages from being beaten while pregnant, and pushed down the stairs. It was hell, but I lived for those 2 days a month where he would love bomb me. It would immediately negate the 28 days of pure hell he put me through, because for those two days he treated me like a princess. It wasn’t until he started his verbal manipulations with my daughter, I saw it instantly the fog cleared immediately, and I called my dad. He got me out. My friends rallied around me, my family circled me, and prevented me from going back. Years later I thought he had changed and I missed the kids. I was their mom, their moms were on drugs. I went back. Had his mom, sister, and step dad not lived next door and if the kids had gone to school that day he would’ve killed me. He managed to lure me into the basement. I was pregnant and it had convinced himself I had cheated even though he never left me alone, he would sit outside my work. But he lured me down to the door and I just knew if I walked down the stairs I would never walk back up them. But he was behind me and threw me down. I screamed, clawed, kicked, bit, fought for my life saw the girls at the top of the stairs and told them to run. They did, they ran next door, as his family was running out they could hear me screaming. Beat down the door and saved me. I screamed so hard I ruptured blood vessels in my eyes, and damaged my vocal cords. I had 15 broken bones, but he went to prison and I was free. The second narcissist I dated as completely different so I didn’t believe he was. He used his words not his fists. I got out sooner he only stole 2 years of my life, but that was a different type of hell.
Now, I am with my soulmate. He treats me like a Queen, he communicates with me, he allows me to have my bad days but doesn’t let me fall too far. He doesn’t treat me differently about what I’ve gone through. He just loves me, and I couldn’t be more lucky.
Thank you ♡ this is a really hard subject and is so isolating. It can feel like you're trapped by the relationship, andI'm really struggling with how to resolve it, because I feel like I can't really take it anymore. It's so hard when it's family.
Yes!! Hang in there🫶🏼
It does get better. Just try to surround yourself with positive people who encourage you to be the best version of you that you can be. Not the type of people who put you down and are toxic for your mental health and well-being. I know it's easier said than done but it is possible. Believe me I was in a physically mentally and emotionally abusive relationship with my daughters father. I finally found the courage to leave when she was 13 months old for good. With no where to really go. And no support system. But I have brought myself back to a positive mindset. Nearly four years later I'm still working on everything but I have learned to take it day by day. 🖤🖤🖤
@jordananastasio8635 that's wonderful to hear that you were able to do that! Yes, positive relationships are so important, and I'm very lucky that all my relationships outside of the one with my narcissistic parent are healthy and positive. I've learned to distance myself emotionally and am learning how to not be a source of energy for them.
I just went through this with my mother. It really is a healing process. For me, I had to cut ties completely. Cell phones often assure that the abuse never ends. Cutting the the supply off gives you freedom you didnt realize you were missing out on, and that healing process can finally begin. @@minsk005
It's so important and helpful to speak on this topic ❤ Thank you for sharing! This helps give us strength to break free from relationships with NPD partners and/or family members
💓💓💓
This is so familiar in my life as well. Thanks for.....again, being honest and open. This was very informative, and eye opening for me. 🤙
I would love to have more from her and you! I absolutely needed this. Love all of your podcasts. I have to listen on here because I can't find you on Audible.
Incredible podcast. You have such a way of putting this…very relatable. Thank you so much for this. ❤
So much love for Emily Gibson as a fellow Plexus girlie🥰 thank you for shedding light on this hard topic!
Yes!! I love her.
ugh I was listening to her until I read this comment. I don’t trust anyone that gets sucked into MLMs.
Omg thank you so much 🙏🏼💖 that’s just what I needed to hear. I just ended my relationship with my mother because I am way peaceful and happy without her toxic and narcissistic behavior. I am now in a relationship with the same patterns and I am aware of it I just do not know how to get out of it because we have a 2 year old and he has been supporting “ financially for these 2 years of maternity leave.
I stopped talking to my narcissist cold turkey. They tried contacting me for a full yr after I left. Sending me old pictures of us together, making me feel bad for not being there for her birthday or whatever celebration it may be. I feel bad for her, but that's the human in me, but I will never feast at her table again.
Dr. Ramani is incredible
She has a channel here in YT. i watch her for years and helped me a lot
Love this!
Loved this girls thank you I needed this bit of support today
Sending my love
@@KatKamalani I appreciate the acknowledgement !!!❤❤❤❤such a beautiful family and love the support
On Point! 🥹🙏🏼☝️💪🤙
Please Pray for me as I leave today
My parents wouldnt help me and my 2 girls leave our abuser. They told us to go to a battered womens shelter....i had to figure out everything on my own.
I am so sorry, I hope you are doing better now🫶🏼
This is sooooo good. Thank you🙏🏻
Thank you!😭💓
Rarely but believe it or not people who may have been a narc their entire life can make enough effort and chances in their life as they "work" on healing is possible for some people cuz they have let the false image of themselves go and work on their new and real self image ....their old negative methods dont work forever ....you belief system has a huge influence in their life .....learning new ways to react and think of things are important for their path to healing
This is me word for word w my narcissist
Kat this is a good thing for you girly. Doing a podcast.😊
Thank you!! I really love it. 🥹
Yep you were right! Crying like a baby!
The link for the 6 ways to heal the nervous system. You mentioned you would link it here?
It's linked under Emily's info in the bio
Emily has it linked :)
thank you so much for sharing. i had a narcissits dad and mom and they destoyed my life, marraige and everything. i hope they burn in hell for eternity
I have seen clips from this podcast and had assumed you two were sisters!
So funny!!
HELP, what if it's your child?? He's 32 and my younger son...but I moved here to Hawaii from Alaska just to get away...😢
Reading this comment hurt my heart because I understand. ❤
This applies heavily to 2 of my children. We had to tell our daughter to stop calling. Much love to you.
@@leslienold7719so you had multiple children that turned out to be narcissists??? Hmm
It truly is a journey personal to every person. I wish you the best of luck 😭
@@KatKamalanihahaha this is your response?? You’re in Hawaii, as an influencer, and you don’t have resources to show this follower of yours? Just a empty response from your management team I’m assuming. Wow
How would I get in touch with your guest for coaching/counseling?
Check the bio!!💓
@@KatKamalani where is it! Non techy here!
💜
Wish I could unsee it
Did you get divorced?
No, my abuser wasn’t my husband 💓
@@KatKamalani you’re a cute couple. That’s wonderful. This discussion was one of the best that I have seen on this topic of Narcissistic abuse. Great job!