Tom Segura - The Key to Marriage
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- Опубликовано: 21 сен 2024
- #TomSegura on how intimidation and fear are his keys to marriage.
Tom Segura stand up from the Just For Laughs Festival in 2011.
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he's just talking to the audience, not telling them jokes, he's so good
sometimes that doesn't work. like Tiffany Haddish also talks but unfortunately doesn't put jokes so it doesn't work.
@dutchess2121 Agree. Tom can pull it off, Tiffany unfortunately cannot.
I like this guy. His delivery is everything
Should see him now
Check out his podcast he does with his wife . It's called Your mom's house
Piss on me
Beat me
Try it out
No, don't check out their podcast. The intro song they use is too short ‽
Just saw him live in LA it was fantastic
@@guntag2409 i swear it keeps getting shorter and shorter, really pissin me off
The cousin bit is definitely about Bert
Uhhhhh hundred percent
I love Bret crystal
I thought so too
Who dat?
No he actually has a cousin Brian that made the McDonald's documentary. He was on YMH last year
When Tom Segura is doing standup, I always know it's worth watching
Oh DoOo yaAaa
It’s not weird, you can still order the chicken 😂😂😂 l love that bit.
Yyeeaaa!!
That restaurant bit is so true. People act like you have to order different things. My girlfriend will do that and it's like, if we made food at home then we would be eating the same thing so why is it weird now that we're at a restaurant.
😆
Yeah wtf a lot of people go to restaraunts for a specific dish anyway
I think for me it’s cause my family and my culture in general encourages food sharing and I’m not necessarily talking food swaps. I’m talking “hey have a few bites” and vice versa. So you never want to choose the same thing cause then you’d just have one type of dish on the table
Unless of course that dish is super good and frankly the only thing that’s good in that place or if you’ve just been craving, etc. but in general the goal is just to be able to share and experience a wider variety of dishes whennever you go out to eat because like you said, when you’re home you’re gonna be eating the same thing. You don’t want to do that when you’re out
and its such a weenie comment.
Yeah with a girlfriend/wife or whatever in my experience it's cuz you can sorta share or have a few bites. With others I don't get it.
I think Tom is extremely underrated. Those who know him love him, but there's masses of people, even stand up fans, who never heard of him.
My favorite part about all the questions at the end was that they didn’t lead to a punchline. He just ended the set lmaoooo it made it seem like he was just venting 😂😂😂
Tommy you need a new netflix special. I've become desensatized and can no long reach climax when watching them.
I think I've found my soul mate.
Pretty sure he’s working on another one. He mentioned it in a recently episode of ymh
Just take 11 benedryl and you'll be as sensitive as ever
does anyone have any recommendations for a comedy special that will help me reach full climax
Good news!!!! Ball hog is here
Damn, his cousin must have been Steve Jobs. Comes up with good ideas, makes smarter people figure it out for him, takes all the credit!
That's how it always works, and he's still rightly getting the credit because it was a success and he's the only one without whom it wouldn't have been one.
His cousin didn't do anything, and of course his ideas couldn't be done.
@randomguy9777 Well, Steven jobs had a reality distortion field. The guy was a lunatic.
That's a Bill Burr roast
if you pay them it not stealing
Nobody nor himself said he personally created the iPhone. He did, however, start the company from a garage and put in the time and research to make it even possible.
Where has Tom been all my life?? I found him a couple days ago and it’s all I’ve been watching/listening to this weekend.
That's exactly the same marriage I had with my husband. He passed away on January 1st, 2022. And I miss asking all those questions to him. Thanks for making me smile and reminding me of what a perfect marriage is .
Can you tell me what all those questions are for? It sounds exhausting to me to have to answer them.
She prepares you to have children. The number of worthless questions will rise exponentially.
He calls it being an inverter, the rest of us call it being high.
Julie Anderson i was so confused as to wtf an "inverter" was but then i realized your a story and all letters look like hieroglyphs when you're high.
I swear I used to think I was a genius envisioning hydropowered elevators, underground roller coasters etc... Getting high most definitely warps your creative imagination.
Lol I used to do that annoying "philosiphying" shit. Ah, how I miss my youth. Now smoking is just a part of my day. 😎 Cheers 🍻
The funny thing is, you can control Tesla’s with your phone now
soulistheanswer his cousin was Elon musk this whole time
yep and funny thing is, less than one percent of the population owns one or gives a shit. I want established car companies to make ecofriendly cars, not self driving horseshit
Darn, they stole my idea.
I doubt you can actually drive a fucking car with a cellphone so many reasons why
BAN
Sounds like Elon Musk is Tom Segura's cousin.
SUP KANE
BIKES
DOOKIE SHOES
BIKES
👋 hi
JEANS!!
I see Tom, click like. He never disappoints. Have a great day everyone 🤘
Tom Segura is funnier than Bert Kreischer...
Less fat and racist too!
Pick a random comment and the person who made it is definitely funnier than Bert Kreischer
Its not even close. Am I the only one whos annoyed by Bert? Never found him funny and his laugh irks me, I cant watch anything with him in it. Its like hey Ill take my shirt off because I know nothing I say is funny. FUCK OFF DUDE lol
@@TheBdavis2195 he had his one great story "The Machine", which seems very exaggerated anyway, and he is milking it. Tom is a legit comedian.
@@Sixsoul LMAO Thank you!
Brian sounds a lot like Steve Jobs lol
Tom Segura is always funny. BIKES!!!
André Thomazoni Pessoa Silva hold my pocket!!! 😂😂😂
@@madisonbaker7056 eughhh
How is his cousin different from Steve jobs?
Boom!
Got em
because Steve Jobs made moves and groups that worked. That's smart. I'm not arguing for or against him. I can't tell if you're just piggy backing a joke that's been made a million times - infamously by Bill Burr
Bill Burr did a bit on Steve Jobs not really being all that.
@@tonerdo I've never heard this joke, but it wouldn't matter. It is a legitimate question. Tons of people have ideas. Steve jobs is only revered because he had the resources and money to pour into his idea. I am sure if everyone had the same chance to do so there would be more inventors and or inventions. You say you are not arguing for or against him but your sentence structure paints a different picture. If you are going to fake bias have someone proof read your post before you hit send.
“I feel like we are all related....” That opening line is dope 🎱 . Sure using in a convo
Have you used it in a convo yet?
“My wife is Kim Jong Il” 😂😂😂I couldn’t breathe
Always enjoy seeing footage of Jeans from back in the day
vintage jeans
Vibey leg coverings for sure
I'm going out on a limb, but I bet his browns were gigantic back then.
I got a feeling this guy will make it big some day.
I think I saw this couple outside the post office. She was yelling at him, "Are you stupid? Wait outside" He was crouched down on the sidewalk with a scared dog expression..as he waited outside.
Sounds like abuse. If a man did that, people would be helping the woman, but since it is the woman doing it, people just ignore it.
It’s amazing how far he’s come from these early days….podcast king!
I can't stop watching this guy. Tom Segura, the intellectual Tim Allen.
This guy should be on everyone's top 5 list - I ranked him among the comedy greats such as John Mulaney, Bill Burr, Jim Jefferies, Dave Chappelle, Earthquake, Lavell Crawford + Louis CK.
"You use the R word!!!"
Thank God for comedians. The last bastion of "I can say whatever the fuck you want".
@@jeremiaha5167 until you can't.
@@nepadron - That is what the SWJ far left ultra progressives are trying to do already. To decide what is OK to joke about... Digusting inhuman people posing as kind and compassionate. Fucking creeps.
Ilovehiphopmuzik1 sounds like hardcore fun
Ilovehiphopmuzik1 retraded?
The rapid fire questions at the end are great 🤣
Him and his wife are both hilarious!!!
Yes, him is!
Just him
This is a class act.. Very funny performance and tempo. The cousin part and the wife shit is hilarious.
This version of tom segura is like little jake from two and a half men
Love him, love his wife!! Absolutely perfect.
The last part of that routine was priceless thanks!
I hope this guy makes it big someday!!!! He's good!
So happy to be out of that relationship. If anybody in this comment section is going through that kind of relationship with someone, just remember there is always a way out. Sometimes its ok to just pack all your stuff overnight and move to another state. No big deal.
The personality of Zach Galifianakis, I love it
Wow, Tom really grew as a comic since these days. Not a bad set, but he really blows this out of the water with just off the cuff comments on the podcast these days. Unbelievable how some comics' talents grow.
This guy is the awkward improv artist i’ve been lookingn for
Tom looks like Kung Fu Panda if he was albino and he gave up on the karate thing
Kung fu
Lol. The phone driving your car is not far off lol
I love this guy, he’s awesome!
1:52 Apple development team when Steve Jobs explained the concept of an iphone
YES I ALWAYS MIX THOSE WORDS UP THANK YOU TOM 😭❤️
Tom Segura is doing a showing what it's like to dress like a high school kid in 2004
2004? More like 1984 with that LaCoste polo he is wearing!
You know the saying, "He killed!" ? Well, I literally was laughing so hard that i started to choke, and my survival instincts kicked in . I'M ok now.
J Madden you couldn’t tell this to someone real ?
WuTang *3* you couldn’t ask him this question in real life?
i get the premise of the bits. But how in the world is any of this funny? ;|
his cousin graduated from the Steve Jobs School of Business
Anybody else gets stressed when you see the video is ending soon, and you're not sure if he can end the joke in time?
Like Keanu Reeves in Speed?
On every video, bro.
That is some very polite laughter. Which he’s lucky to get with this bit. Glad he’s gotten much funnier since.
man ive been looking for this set for a while now! i remember coming across this along time ago , classic Tommy Buns
Is that the good fat old Tom? That’s my spirit animal dude
Just discovered this guy, big fan straight the way 😂 👍
Once again 🤣🤣🤣 the delivery..
Hes got that chill af zack galifinakos almost mono tone normal bro funny bob from bobs burgers vibe comedy i love it
Ookami Da Boi1da holy fucking run on sentence dude
he nailed it early with the phone driving the car…hello Tesla
Try it out
3 stroke gang
My professor taught class in the style of tom segura doing stand up
I love Tom so much
Your mom loves bikes
B R thanks jeans
@@alceedus You wanna meet Terry's double dong?!
The Turkey Sandwich Toilet is genius. The toilet water can keep the turkey cold. It's already cold anyway 🤔
Brian is just Tom when he's high😆
Or Bert.
"A shoe that turns into a plane..." killed me...
Funniest comic, I can't watch him on my phone in public 😂😂😂
I could watch this dude for hours Lmao
Was visiting my mom and she overheard this. She’s obsessed and I can’t blame her man 🤣😂
He sounded like he was ready to go for an hour. The jokes were just flowing out of him.
We're all doing this because we know Tom Segura will read these?
No. Because e desperately hope he will.
I’m sorry bro but what are you trying to get at?
@@skwootch578 Presumably alluding to Tom reading the RUclips comments under any of his videos on here?.....Has he maybe said somewhere before that he does that?
If so Tom, what kind of psycho finds Asian men reversing their cars into another Asian man funny? :)
Zach Wyant what part of his post do u not get ?
YES, DAMNIT
I just want to point out Tom Segura been married since 2008 you think he's joking in this bit but I think he's 100% honest and real and we should all take his advice.
@amanda carter 16
So...his cousin is like Steve Jobs. Just has the ideas and makes other people bring it to life
0:50 'Just pop it on your wrist.' - Mr. K. Dilkington
"You can drive your car with your phone, just push a button"
Tesla does that now 😏
One of the best comics around
I love how passive aggressive this dude is, it makes everything he says 100x funnier
this crowd should be laughing wayy harder cuz im dying
Absolutely. The crowd is so shitty
Unfortunately they didn’t give microphones to the crowd
@@brockmeade4450 nah man you can tell if you actually watch them.
Back when jeans was but a pair of jorts
Hahaha
0:23 my man giving a description for Elon
looks like his cousin made a bunch of fake accounts to downvote this clip. wish i were that inventive
Segura is such a savage. Love him
A phone that drives the car for you....Tesla App with summon mode?
The phone that drives the car actually was what Huawei and Porsche did last year with AI.
Now I don’t know how to use “conscience” or “conscious” lol
Has Christine ever done a bit on what marriage is like? Fricken funny couple.
This guy's pretty funny, he should start a podcast.
He has one, and he also has one with his wife
Tik Tok'd
My wife does that, ‘what are you doing?’ ‘Folding laundry!’ ‘Why?’ ‘Because god told me to, I don’t know it needs done!’
THE PHONE THAT DRIVE A CAR.
didn't George Hotz Invent it.
That's Tom's cousin.
In the first half he's totally describing Steve Jobs.
I remember listening to this bit on pandora around 7 years ago. I have always loved this bit but forgot who’s it was. I love Tom segura, listen to his podcast every week, have seen him live, and I have also seen all his specials. I just found out that this is his bit and that’s so weird but cool!!!!
I don't know his cousin, but I think his name starts with Bert and it ends with Kreisher
the crowd sucks big time... segura killed it as usual with his chill passive agressive attitude
🤣🤣🤣🤣the wife bit killed me
I’m glad he made it now so he can buy a new shirt
You know Steve Jobs were alive he would be writing down those ideas for Apple and FORCE his engineers to build the impossible.
Wow he's really good I feel like if he sticks at it he can do it professionally one day!
Lol
Except the "who's Amanda" part, i can totally relate with the description....and we're not even married
Inventors are cool guys. Try it out.
He looks like the real version of Bob from Bobs burgers
Little does he know is his cousin is actually a genius.
Who’s here in 2021??? Love him
I'll admit I can't order the same thing as someone else lol
It can feel weird but if it is what I want I order it and the good thing about ordering the same is less of a chance your order gets messed up
the marriage stuff is spot on. that's why i stay single. :)
Yeah, me too *cough*
he's been married for a long time now