Tom Segura - A Strip Club Named Beef

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  • Опубликовано: 24 дек 2024
  • #TomSegura on what actually happens at a strip club called Beef and what skipping grades would be like as an adult .
    Tom Segura stand up from the Just For Laughs Festival in 2015.
    #TomSeguraJFL #TomSeguraStandUp
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Комментарии •

  • @Recktar76
    @Recktar76 3 года назад +726

    The club he’s talking about, The Beef Baron in London, is now shut down because the owner got put into prison for racketeering. True story

    • @RyanJamesOfficial
      @RyanJamesOfficial 3 года назад +23

      It was a Hells Angels meet up. No surprise.

    • @ssizzlejr
      @ssizzlejr 3 года назад +20

      I drive past it everyday and says it will "open when safe"..what's the deal with it now? Lmao

    • @lashlarue7924
      @lashlarue7924 2 года назад +6

      🤣 You can’t make this shit up!

    • @07foxmulder
      @07foxmulder 2 года назад +3

      @@lashlarue7924 It’s really not that crazy of a story...

    • @BigKahuna88
      @BigKahuna88 2 года назад +6

      My boy was there last night, it’s open now!

  • @dubbydub9245
    @dubbydub9245 5 лет назад +556

    Inside Beef: "I dig the curtains in this place."

  • @Agreedtodisagree
    @Agreedtodisagree 6 лет назад +1988

    I kinda like his nonchalant attitude makes him funnier.

    • @tychristopher7
      @tychristopher7 4 года назад +18

      That was my exact conclusion as to why he's one of my in my top five favorite comedians

    • @rubenduarte2982
      @rubenduarte2982 4 года назад +15

      Can someone be chalant?

    • @massojupiter3436
      @massojupiter3436 4 года назад +15

      When a comedian says something funny and has a face that says "I'm bored " it makes the joke much funnier than a comedian who constantly laughs at their own joke.

    • @alecLogan
      @alecLogan 4 года назад +5

      Lekok It varies, reckon. If they can’t get through the joke because they’re laughing too much, it’s off, but if you don’t have any reaction _at all_ to the ridiculous bit coming out of your mouth, it feels like a script with a zero effort actor.
      Furthermore, with a particular infectious type of laughter (balanced between those extremes), it helps keep the mood up for longer stints, I imagine.

    • @kadinlamp929
      @kadinlamp929 3 года назад

      @@massojupiter3436 coughs* Bert
      I love bert

  • @bwfrieds
    @bwfrieds 6 лет назад +2652

    I love it when great material gets lost on the wrong audience.

    • @Garrick1983
      @Garrick1983 6 лет назад +4

      @Colin Walsh right,it was pretty straight forward jokes just nothing great.

    • @raumfahreturschutze
      @raumfahreturschutze 6 лет назад +73

      I'm laughing, the audience is laughing, what's the problem? The material was funny, but nothing worth howling and crying on the floor for five minutes over.

    • @VincereVelMori1987
      @VincereVelMori1987 6 лет назад +12

      It's him being great at adjusting to the crowd's vibe too-- they could be cool but if Tom kept beefin with them it would have bombed

    • @prieto21
      @prieto21 6 лет назад +2

      You love it?

    • @letsgotomarsman
      @letsgotomarsman 6 лет назад +1

      raumfährebordschütze Iv never laughed like that in my life

  • @herbtenderson7335
    @herbtenderson7335 6 лет назад +441

    4.... 8..... 12......
    *HE GETS IT*

  • @brentpalucki9613
    @brentpalucki9613 6 лет назад +618

    "...a magical fairy or a government official..."
    This is such an excellent nested joke. It's hilarious to make these two things seem interchangeable.

  • @haydenshaffer5784
    @haydenshaffer5784 5 лет назад +107

    “How ya doin?” “Unfortunately, alive.” 😂

  • @gwa_rsa4629
    @gwa_rsa4629 4 года назад +45

    “I’m coming around the corner, look down”
    Had rolling on the floor.
    😂 😂

    • @Connjur
      @Connjur 2 года назад

      Me too 🤣🤣

  • @nirvarene25us
    @nirvarene25us 6 лет назад +1468

    "Well Bonjour, I don't even know where I'm at right now" hahaha
    Can I get me a croissant?😂😂😂😂

    • @TheDewaltBoy
      @TheDewaltBoy 6 лет назад +24

      Nirva Rene wow thanks for pointing that out, i totally missed that after having just watched it

    • @CrazyForCooCooPuffs
      @CrazyForCooCooPuffs 5 лет назад +35

      CRAHSAHNT

    • @snomanchan
      @snomanchan 5 лет назад +11

      TheDewaltBoy shut up

    • @madbear3512
      @madbear3512 5 лет назад +1

      Thank you i totally didn't hear that

    • @snomanchan
      @snomanchan 5 лет назад +1

      madbear3512 Lol shut up that wasn’t the point of the comment you idiot

  • @kadiridav
    @kadiridav 4 года назад +106

    Tom: do you ever get tired of living
    Audience: *boisterous laughter*

    • @dii3218
      @dii3218 2 года назад

      How many fuckin days are there?

  • @realest_JoJo
    @realest_JoJo 6 лет назад +41

    "I'm coming around the corner, look down." lmfao

  • @thenamesmarek
    @thenamesmarek 6 лет назад +1297

    Tom Segura is one of the funniest people alive.

  • @JohnnyKy9
    @JohnnyKy9 5 лет назад +172

    "What goes on there?"
    "Pretty intense shit, actually."

  • @chrisholbrooks412
    @chrisholbrooks412 6 лет назад +2870

    The VIP room at Beef is called Pork

    • @sonamhf
      @sonamhf 6 лет назад +57

      Should be Bacon

    • @flankspeed
      @flankspeed 6 лет назад +46

      All you'll want to do is Duck.

    • @deadimdead1990
      @deadimdead1990 6 лет назад +14

      Way underrated comment

    • @nirvarene25us
      @nirvarene25us 6 лет назад +3

      Hahahaha. Huh?

    • @SHACOBES123
      @SHACOBES123 6 лет назад +7

      Is that where the strippers pork your porkin brains out?

  • @tc2241
    @tc2241 6 лет назад +279

    *generic hip-hop introduction*
    "what's up dawg"
    Men's a genius

  • @JackVermicelli
    @JackVermicelli 6 лет назад +3360

    I wouldn't think a strip club named Beef would have *women* stripping.

    • @chiraqtookapack7189
      @chiraqtookapack7189 6 лет назад +149

      Now that you put it like that...

    • @deltablaze77
      @deltablaze77 6 лет назад +113

      ...Roast Beef........................sorry....

    • @bigmike-
      @bigmike- 6 лет назад +95

      Something something Arby's

    • @GeoffPeterson33
      @GeoffPeterson33 6 лет назад +51

      Not until you see some beef curtains

    • @popeye697
      @popeye697 6 лет назад +12

      I thought that too, but it's Canada so....

  • @VagabondJack
    @VagabondJack 6 лет назад +933

    Hell, I was born in Paris, Tx. They've got an Eiffel Tower with a big red cowboy hat on top.

    • @GiDD504
      @GiDD504 6 лет назад +10

      Jack Robinson try it out

    • @marcotejada1498
      @marcotejada1498 6 лет назад +32

      Ugh. That's obnoxious...

    • @jjjr8664
      @jjjr8664 6 лет назад +1

      Funny. Me too.

    • @denzelelysium
      @denzelelysium 6 лет назад +15

      I'm not from, but I've been to Paris, TN several times. It's a shithole. I've not been there in over a decade but it's hard to imagine that it's changed much...since like the 50's really.

    • @whiskeysoul89
      @whiskeysoul89 6 лет назад +14

      Texas: We're just better than you
      That should be our slogan

  • @Verlarn
    @Verlarn 4 года назад +51

    *"Can I geht me a crassont?!"*
    _southern chuckles_

  • @DustinPoynterVideos
    @DustinPoynterVideos 6 лет назад +386

    My jeans are high and tight for this one.

    • @Sem5626
      @Sem5626 6 лет назад +12

      bert is fat

    • @howardhavardramberg333
      @howardhavardramberg333 6 лет назад +7

      I am high for this one.

    • @KJBO1611
      @KJBO1611 6 лет назад +2

      Try it out

    • @mvdaking
      @mvdaking 6 лет назад +5

      I’m took a lil meth n ab 10-12 Benadryls so I need this right now right now right now right now

    • @AnonymousFREEZEpOp1
      @AnonymousFREEZEpOp1 6 лет назад +3

      Piss on me, beat me.

  • @perskarva123
    @perskarva123 6 лет назад +249

    When I was about 10 years old I wanted to be retired.

  • @pontusnilsson3674
    @pontusnilsson3674 3 года назад +7

    ”Im comming around the corner, look down” BRO I LAUGHED SO HARD 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @iamgort70
    @iamgort70 6 лет назад +587

    Tom Segura, Dave Chapelle and Bill Burr are the only people you need for your reality. A happy, witty, cynical perspective of our world. Love those guys, funniest comedians on the planet.

    • @christeitter3638
      @christeitter3638 6 лет назад +3

      Couldn’t agree more

    • @paytenlowrey5620
      @paytenlowrey5620 6 лет назад +17

      Don't forget Doug Stanhope.

    • @MrChickenstalker
      @MrChickenstalker 6 лет назад +4

      I agree with all of en expect bill burr, that boy is garbage

    • @davidhibner3048
      @davidhibner3048 6 лет назад

      IAM GORT and to throw off religion crowd fans ari nobody does it better

    • @j.p.kalfakis9593
      @j.p.kalfakis9593 6 лет назад +3

      IAM GORT word, there legends. don’t forget about the 🐐 Joey Diaz tho.💯

  • @zakkholguin3942
    @zakkholguin3942 4 года назад +32

    This is one of those rare bits I can hear a million times and still laugh.

  • @rperez327
    @rperez327 5 лет назад +106

    Worst crowd ever. I'm crying over here. That was some great material

    • @fidget0227
      @fidget0227 4 года назад +11

      It’s not an auditorium, and people were laughing and applauding the entire time. What are you talking about?

    • @AndrewVelonis
      @AndrewVelonis 4 года назад

      I understand why you would be crying, expecting a comedian and getting this dull depressing monologue instead.

    • @MrKhho100
      @MrKhho100 4 года назад +7

      It's a smaller venue. Plus, the sound is edited that way you won't hear laughter over Tom's voice.

    • @charlottem.1477
      @charlottem.1477 3 года назад +1

      AndrewVelonis Who is funny to you? I’m not being a shit disturber, I’m genuinely interested to know.

    • @elizabethmccleary7331
      @elizabethmccleary7331 3 года назад

      You’re not suppose to hear the laughter over the comedian ... like he was shooting a special or something ... moron

  • @sometimesitbelikedat2529
    @sometimesitbelikedat2529 4 года назад +6

    This guy cracks me up, man. That "what's up dawg?" In the beginning was funny as fuck to me.

  • @prostobogdanov
    @prostobogdanov 4 года назад +41

    The one liner that kill: "Are you ever... Just... Tired of being alive?". Oh man, this is beautiful.))

  • @jdrancho1864
    @jdrancho1864 6 лет назад +19

    'I know everybody I need to know' - lmao, I am so stealing that.

  • @ChopstickUrFootOff
    @ChopstickUrFootOff 4 года назад +10

    the way he giggles always kills me lmao

  • @JaqenHghar.
    @JaqenHghar. 5 лет назад +24

    "I'm coming around the corner, look down" 😂😂😂😂

  • @baileymorris4990
    @baileymorris4990 4 года назад +17

    The bit about old people was killer. Comedy hasn't made me laugh like that in years!!

    • @MsAwesome6814
      @MsAwesome6814 4 года назад +1

      same!!! I had to pause the video because I couldn’t hear him and my eyes were watering

  • @mick-ericboettge8683
    @mick-ericboettge8683 4 года назад +15

    tired of being alive is the literal translation of the german word for suicidal; lebensmüde

  • @aaronburratwood.6957
    @aaronburratwood.6957 6 лет назад +184

    I listen to Tom Segura on Pandora. I always forget what he looks like. I love watching him speak Spanish. Holy crap he’s funny.

    • @aaronburratwood.6957
      @aaronburratwood.6957 6 лет назад +3

      Bill Burr is funny as hell too. It’s a toss up.

    • @354allday
      @354allday 6 лет назад +2

      I listen to him on Pandora also where I first heard him

    • @BlakeNix
      @BlakeNix 6 лет назад +2

      Ditto. Heard him on Pandora first and I’ve bought three of his specials now. No regrets. Huge fan of great edgy standup. I love Bill Burr, Daniel Tosh, Anthony Jeselnik, Joe Rogan’s stand up is great, too many others to name. I like Tom’s work as much as any of those guys. He’s awesome.

    • @theroninne
      @theroninne 6 лет назад +1

      @@BlakeNix you got great taste in people who like to say fuck

    • @evanabbott2737
      @evanabbott2737 6 лет назад +2

      Look up “your moms house” podcast. He does it with his wife Christina P.👍

  • @boronir
    @boronir 6 лет назад +130

    The funny Zach Galifianakis

  • @nicklehmann3331
    @nicklehmann3331 4 года назад +18

    That moment when you realize Tom Segura is the voice of all dogs

  • @BladeCammando
    @BladeCammando 5 лет назад +16

    the Goblin line got me

  • @Rynlox
    @Rynlox 4 года назад +24

    Been working in a factory for over 8 years now and absolutely everyone becomes this guy @5:59. Never thought it'd happen to me

  • @lilgorgo
    @lilgorgo 5 лет назад +44

    "how many days ARE there?"

  • @SoCr8s
    @SoCr8s 6 лет назад +34

    Quickly becoming one of my favorites

  • @t-hummve4767
    @t-hummve4767 3 года назад +4

    i love the face he makes when no one answers his question of if theyre sick of being alive

  • @Atomrofl42
    @Atomrofl42 5 лет назад +8

    He’s one of my favorite comedians ever

  • @teamgitusome
    @teamgitusome 6 лет назад +48

    tom is the bob ross of comedy

  • @L47M
    @L47M 4 года назад +2

    "Im coming around the corner, look down" 🤣

  • @Carrots105
    @Carrots105 6 лет назад +76

    Yes I'm from Paris, TN and yes I ask my mom for crescents like that

  • @LunyMilky
    @LunyMilky 6 лет назад +40

    "- Dude, you crushed it this year
    - hehe, yeah, I know"
    x'D that smirk pays off like a sonnavab!tch! x'D

  • @TheDuality0fMan
    @TheDuality0fMan 2 года назад +6

    Tom's delivery is so damn good. I choked on my lunch enough times to just stop eating.

  • @disturbedpyro4511
    @disturbedpyro4511 3 года назад

    " I'm coming around the corner, look down!" 😂😂😂

  • @volumedaddy6917
    @volumedaddy6917 5 лет назад +41

    Tom segura is like a not even trying...is like if Louis CK didnt care even more

  • @Maddie-sw4nn
    @Maddie-sw4nn 5 лет назад +2

    “Can I get me a croissant” HILARIOUS

  • @Lilmisswxx
    @Lilmisswxx 6 лет назад +23

    We have a strip club in town called the Outhouse 😂😂

  • @dartfrogger
    @dartfrogger 2 года назад +1

    I've driven by it dozens of times.... and the sign never failed to entertain

  • @ahopper42
    @ahopper42 6 лет назад +10

    Love this guy one of the greatest comics of all time...

  • @paulberstler8069
    @paulberstler8069 4 года назад +2

    This guy is great. He should do a podcast or something..

  • @yazajag
    @yazajag 5 лет назад +4

    I just lmao at "Lower your head, I'm coming around the corner..." 😂🤢😵

  • @LinusKnight
    @LinusKnight 5 лет назад +1

    *"And HE looks like a FUCKING goblin..."* jesus christ hahaha Tom's (vocal) cadence in his jokes are brilliant.

  • @malango255
    @malango255 6 лет назад +88

    I work in a care home and people over 90 pray to die. no joke.

    • @slappyhappy6192
      @slappyhappy6192 5 лет назад +16

      Yeah because they live in a prison ran by people overweight black women who beat them like Ben Stiller in Happy Gilmore

    • @pico4996
      @pico4996 4 года назад +1

      livey oone yo he dead yet?

    • @Fyuken
      @Fyuken 4 года назад +1

      livey oone he's happy with his life, good for him

    • @matthewfairchild3846
      @matthewfairchild3846 4 года назад +3

      @@slappyhappy6192 Hey, it's a racist.

    • @ericbrown1101
      @ericbrown1101 4 года назад

      @livey oone your granddad sounds like a badass, I wanna hang out with him.

  • @accordingto27
    @accordingto27 4 года назад +2

    Literally watched this and then replayed it again immediately

  • @zizimugen4470
    @zizimugen4470 5 лет назад +6

    0:50 I’ve lived in Martin, TN while getting a geology degree, and Paris is just about a 30 minute drive. It’s actually hyped up like the real Paris, with that stupidly small tower that hardly looks anything like the real one at scale, and the whole area of West Tennessee is pretty much the air of death if you aren’t a farmer or a crop.

  • @frankglynnegrobbelaar2444
    @frankglynnegrobbelaar2444 4 года назад +6

    The part about not wanting to meet anyone new for the rest of life, I feel that!

  • @61lastchild
    @61lastchild 6 лет назад +6

    "No to the rest of your sentence..." lol

  • @p4pnoob413
    @p4pnoob413 6 лет назад +65

    Didn't realize how much weight he lost until seeing older clips. Woah! Congratulations, Jeans!

  • @enkrypt3d
    @enkrypt3d 4 года назад +4

    my uncle is exactly the same way.... he tried to stop taking all his meds and said he was done... but he lived.

  • @EeizeMode
    @EeizeMode 4 года назад +1

    This mf guy is officially my new favourite comedian

  • @inbr33d
    @inbr33d 4 года назад +26

    How about when two cities have the same name and are both garbage?
    Ie Birmingham, UK & Birmingham, Alabama

  • @johngilmore7745
    @johngilmore7745 3 года назад

    The head dancer is Sauce. You know you want some Beef Sauce! Lmao 🤣🤣😆

  • @AsadtheTutor
    @AsadtheTutor 5 лет назад +16

    Chicago has billboards for a strip club called, "Pink Monkey."

  • @gabbyroach5889
    @gabbyroach5889 5 лет назад +5

    I love Tom with my whole heart

  • @travistaylor6110
    @travistaylor6110 4 года назад +5

    "4, 8, 12, he gets it."😂

  • @jasonmohr6571
    @jasonmohr6571 3 года назад +1

    Best part. "YOU GUYS WERE WONDERFUL TONIGHT"

  • @RustinChole
    @RustinChole 5 лет назад +4

    2:40 ”....sometimes, I think I’ve felt everything I’m ever gonna feel. And from here on out I’m not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I’ve already felt.”-Her

  • @ncr1998
    @ncr1998 4 года назад +1

    Bro the goblin joke had me wheezing holy shit😂

  • @JBrotsis1
    @JBrotsis1 5 лет назад +6

    I saw Segura a month ago and he ended his act with a hilarious joke. Tears in my eyes with the crowd roaring in laughter talking about the real, complicated act of 69'ing with a girl. Where if she's lying down facing up, she's sucking your meat rod while getting pumbled in the face by your sack.
    This man is by far my favorite living comedian!

    • @kianawilcox253
      @kianawilcox253 5 лет назад

      jbroti 004 😂 Always gotta have the girl on top!

    • @bengough6955
      @bengough6955 3 года назад

      I can't watch that clip too often, I'll die choking with laughter

  • @featuresnobodyaskedfor
    @featuresnobodyaskedfor 3 года назад

    I had to watch this video, the title alone had me cracking up

  • @deewhatsherface
    @deewhatsherface 5 лет назад +4

    I’ve literally watched this 5 times and laughed everytime I’ve watched it

  • @MarioFlogar
    @MarioFlogar 4 года назад +2

    excellent SEVEN MINUTES slayd!!!!

  • @Moribus_Artibus
    @Moribus_Artibus 4 года назад +3

    The actual strip club he is talking about is called The Beef Baron. He changed the name for legal reasons but the joke still holds true

  • @teddyursana3854
    @teddyursana3854 5 лет назад +2

    this man understands me on a different level

  • @chrismyers6276
    @chrismyers6276 5 лет назад +6

    The Personality Champ doing his thing.

  • @AlterProjector
    @AlterProjector 4 года назад +1

    6:31 he sounds like benson from Regular show I thought it was really him for a sec lol

    • @2900seb
      @2900seb 4 года назад

      omg yeah the "SIT DOWN" really did

  • @kyhassen
    @kyhassen 5 лет назад +15

    Theres a strip club named Emergency Room as well.

  • @davidwright3590
    @davidwright3590 5 лет назад +2

    His impressions are very underrated

  • @tevita101
    @tevita101 5 лет назад +4

    This dude needs his own tv show man. He would kill it if he can act

  • @spiketrademark1099
    @spiketrademark1099 4 года назад

    How you doing? - Unfortunately alive...
    Epic!

  • @reagan3846
    @reagan3846 5 лет назад +10

    Kevin can add like a mf

  • @drphot6050
    @drphot6050 3 года назад

    Tom: “Can you wrap your head around…
    Me: BEEF (loud and wrong af 😂)

  • @Docwagon1776
    @Docwagon1776 5 лет назад +19

    I'm going to Beef for my 70th...

  • @user-kl8vj2qy9w
    @user-kl8vj2qy9w 4 года назад

    5:07 "when he was 84 he stopped taking his heart medication"
    Crowd: HHHAHAHAHAHAHA

  • @zaklinaczcipek
    @zaklinaczcipek 6 лет назад +12

    Try it out!

  • @DanielPerry444
    @DanielPerry444 4 года назад +1

    The title alone made me laugh out loud 😂😂

  • @bmak76
    @bmak76 5 лет назад +3

    This club exists, but its actually called Beef Baron. It's just as classy as he's making it out to be.

  • @nicktaramusic
    @nicktaramusic 6 лет назад

    Love Tom Segura for this

  • @JaimeEskobar
    @JaimeEskobar 5 лет назад +5

    Pretty intense shit actually omg lol

  • @kingmajin
    @kingmajin 6 лет назад

    "he could add like a son of a bitch" lmao

  • @brokenyard
    @brokenyard 6 лет назад +35

    Shake Hands With Beef

  • @Melanittanigra
    @Melanittanigra 6 лет назад +2

    "im comin around the corner, look down"

  • @q8a5
    @q8a5 5 лет назад +2

    Ok tom is actually hilarious 😂

  • @garethbaus5471
    @garethbaus5471 4 года назад +8

    I really hope beef has a lot of curtains.

  • @Susanarylander
    @Susanarylander 4 года назад +1

    I’m crying!!! Hysterical ....

  • @victoriae.2371
    @victoriae.2371 4 года назад +3

    Dude, you crushed it! I hope you skip ahead to your own sitcom. 👍👍

  • @Osprey1994
    @Osprey1994 6 лет назад +1

    Great guy love this bit.

  • @dieselchic3945
    @dieselchic3945 6 лет назад +37

    Paris Texas has the mini Eiffel tower doned with a red cowboy hat

    • @analogdefector6033
      @analogdefector6033 6 лет назад +1

      Paris, TN has the mini Eiffel tower next to a statue of a giant catfish.

    • @Ezzell_
      @Ezzell_ 6 лет назад +1

      Paris Texas is the best Paris in the world....cause its in Texas and its not FRENCH

    • @denzelelysium
      @denzelelysium 6 лет назад +2

      @jll shelby, gross
      @analog Defector, grosser
      @ken ezzell, grossest
      Congratulations Ken! Way to completely miss the point, be completely wrong, and be the grossest all in one sort of sentence. You win my contempt!

    • @Ezzell_
      @Ezzell_ 6 лет назад

      @@denzelelysium so glad i was able to ruin your youtube day......TEXAS!

    • @dieselchic3945
      @dieselchic3945 6 лет назад

      Why would you say my hometown is gross? Dont mess with TEXAS!!!