How Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Can Survive & Thrive with Terri Cole
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 24 июл 2024
- Does your mother guilt trip you or emotionally blackmail you? Does she act competitively with you or take credit for your talent or accomplishments?
These are all behavioral patterns of the narcissistic mother.
I promise you, if you have one, you know it, even if you haven’t had the correct language to describe it.
It is an incredibly painful experience to be the child of a mother with this personality disorder, and particularly painful for daughters.
In this video, I will be tackling the topic of how to survive and thrive from this experience. I’ll be covering:
...Two types of narcissistic mothers
...The behavior these mothers display
...How to heal from having a narcissistic mother
...Steps to take to prioritize your own health and happiness
If you found this video helpful, please drop me a comment and let me know what resonated with you.
Download your free Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Survival Guide.
www.terricole.com/dsg2
Time Stamps:
0:00 - Intro
1:03 - The two different kinds of narcissistic mothers
2:54 - 10 indicators of having a narcissistic mother
10:47 - How you can start healing from narcissistic abuse
14:18 - Taking the focus off trying to change the narcissist
16:30 - The importance of feeling your anger
19:12 - Conclusion
Related Videos:
• Narcissistic Mother? R... - Is Your Mother a Narcissist? Recognizing the Signs + How to Heal
• How Mean Mothers Impac... - How Mean Mothers Impact Self-Love
• Live Q&A about How to ... - How to Handle Your Mother Issues
• Scapegoat, Golden Chil... - Scapegoat, Golden Child + More: How to Identify & Heal from Narcissistic Family Roles
• 7 Steps to Start to He... - 7 Steps to Heal the Mother Wound
ABOUT TERRI COLE:
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and global leading expert in female empowerment. For two decades, Terri has worked with some of the world’s most well-known personalities from international pop stars to Fortune 500 CEOs.
Terri has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible, and then actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change i.e. true transformation.
She empowers over 500,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, Real Love Revolution and Boundary Bootcamp + her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. She is also the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free (April 2021)
CONNECT ON SOCIAL:
Private Community (no longer on FB): www.terricole.com/fb
Instagram: www.terricole.com/ig
Terri Cole: www.terricole.com
RESOURCES:
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole
I no longer offer one-on-one coaching/therapy sessions but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources. If you choose to sign up for Better Help's service, I will receive a commission on the referral but please know that I only recommend services that I know & trust.
No No Narc: I created this course to teach you the strategies I’ve used for more than 2 decades in my psychotherapy practice to help women break free of dysfunctional patterns and learn how to prioritize themselves. www.terricole.com/nnn-special...
My book, Boundary Boss: boundarybossbook.com & The Boundary Boss Workbook: boundarybossworkbook.com
Understand and Transform Your Mother Wound: I created this course to help you break free of the insecurity and confusion that comes from having a mother wound and learn how to prioritize your preferences, your pleasure and yourself. www.terricole.com/motherwound/
www.terricole.com/gethelp/ -- If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
#terricolerealloverevolution #narcissisticmother #narcissism #terricoleshow 
Развлечения
"I'd say probably 90% of depression in daughters of narcissistic mothers is repressed anger."
My sister told a therapist that the way I speak of our Mother was true but I never showed the anger that I had a right to feel. I am working on recovering from her abuse. I can change but she will never be a better person
Yes, Yes, Yes! The deep seething anger, its like a festering wound.
Yes. I’m suicidal right now due to mine. I’m 42 and my whole adult life has been dark with depression, I’d say 98% caused by my mum who does love me but seems to want me to be depressed out my mind. I won’t ever understand that
Use that anger to make yourself better
Bless you girls, we are stronger and better, we know what love is and we CAN and WILL overcome and find our own loving familys one day!!!!
They also like to play the victim card.
Agree! They do that ALL THE TIME!
That was what I was looking for - not sure if this applies to my Mom. I spent decades white knighting mine, dealing with exaggerations and watching her melt down over the slightest perceived critique, real or imagined. If I came to her with an issue, it was always met with an even worse version of the scenario she had. Even about the weather! If I said we had a snowstorm and got 6" of snow... she had a foot! 😏
absolutely.
That's so true.
Right, my mom would constantly complain to me about her mom and all the things she does wrong to her and the whole time I’m thinking 🤔 hey! You do the exact same things to me! I am so fearful I will do the same to my daughter. I think I am breaking the cycle but sometimes kids can really push ya damn buttons! I listen to my daughter and have sympathy and empathy for/towards her. Those are things my mother never seemed to have for me.
Told my mom I was upset about not having friends at school we had a “heart to heart” the next time she got upset “that’s why you don’t have friends”
"Keep lecturing me the way you are you're going to be extremely lonely"
They all study in the same school. Listens pretends to care, next day “nobody loves you, I should have aborted you”🙂 amazing
That is SO typical of the kind of shit they do. They mine you for your vulnerabilities and then use them against you.
😂 I’m laughing bc I can relate…it’s one of my MANY coping mechanisms. I was also class clown in ‘03
@@TheKingnaShow I've just realised I've been the class clown my whole life - I thought I just wanted to make people laugh and feel good, and be liked - I didn't realise I was trying to appease the kids so they wouldn't attack me!
I stopped telling my mom any information about my personal life, she always used it against me.
❤
Me too. I had to learn!!!
❤😢
Mother is evil . 😢
My brother and I have had this conversation many times with each other. She manipulate one of us into telling her about our lives then use it against us. Now that we've entered our 30s, it's finally starting to hit us that no matter what we have to keep it on a superficial level with her.
My mom always made sure to guilt trip me by telling me that i was "being a disrespectful kid" by sticking up for myself when she would try to control me.
I hear you and I'm holding space for you. Thank you for sharing.
My mom would go on and on about my cousins. This cousin is getting married or going to college or has a good job to the point of bragging about them. My response is that's nice for them but I'm my own person and her response was always, "You're just jealous". Which made no sense whatsoever.
Omg yes!!!! I’m sooo full of it. I feel life being drained from my body
Same my mom would slap me 😔
Yes! Disrespectful, ungreatful, spoiled, etc... I still kind of believe it at 27 years old. I HAVE TO cut contact with her she is ONLY damaging me STILL .
I am balling my eyes out because I knew my mother was a narcissist (and so did my brothers) but I didn’t realize as her only daughter, how hopeless it would be to ever get through to her. I am also crying for how many years I wasted dedicating myself to trying to make her happy which was and still is impossible.
CAI make yourself happy hon x
Girl I feel you!!! I exhausted myself trying so hard and it was hopeless. Even achieving something she just said bullshit like "you better keep it up" at least your brothers see too tho!! I have two brothers that are in denial and tell me I'm harsh and be nice to her.... whatever. They still do what she wants because they're still trying to win her affection. I moved on even though it hurts like hell!!
I'm so sorry!!
CAI I’m with you. I’m listening to this and realizing how my mom has emotionally sabotaged me my whole life. But for bit I’ve been learning this has happened and recognizing the symptoms of my PTSD. If you want to talk email me. josborn4192@mysvc.skagit.edu
At age 26, I spent the last year of my mother's life calling her every single day to try to build a relationship with her after a decade of constant strife between us. Shortly before she died, the last thing she ever said to me was, "You are a despicable excuse of a human being and I don't know how you look in a mirror and actually like yourself."
Lovely, huh?
Be good to yourself. You did your best, which is all you can do. Now protect yourself. Warm hugs, my sister.
“It’s not about them, your entire life has been about them.” No truer words 😢
1000% this. They are absolute vampires.
😢
This video has hit me with a huge dose of reality I need and wasn't going to tell myself. I am locked in on this challenge as I feel it will truly help me navigate through either making it better for our relationship or if necessary better for soley myself.
Yes. Every conversation turns towards HER. We live across the country and the small amount of time we set aside to FaceTime isn’t ever about her 2 small GRANDCHILDREN but all about her
Now it's all about me. About my well being, about having my needs met, absolutely all about me!!
It wasn't until I became a mother myself that I started to realize that my own mother was, in fact, a narcissist. the things she's done (and continues to do) to me, I would never have the heart to do to my own children. it breaks my heart thinking about it. I feel so much anger towards her.
I understand your pain ..I could never do things what she did to me to my kids never ever ..I also realized when I felt that love inside me for my own kids that feeling is different..I am crying while writing this ..Luv and hugs
I read your comment about your narcissistic mother. I want to say your anger is not only justified, but in my opinion, it is a healthy reaction to mistreatment. I will carry anger till the day I die, but only at my mother. Best wishes.
I realized it also as an adult also, I didn't have a voice at all. I ended up with a narcissist husband that she rooted for. I am learning to forgive and take care of myself and my emotions. Working on getting away from all of them. To God be the glory.
One of the weirdest things my mother does is simultaneously tell me that I am not as beautiful as I think I am, and that all I’m good for is my beauty. And the fact that whenever I wear something that looks beautiful on me and get compliments from anyone for it, she’ll ask me where I bought it because she also wants to buy it for herself. And that’s literally not even the worst thing she’s done to me.
I completely understand the feeling of anger. It's understandable because anger is a protective mechanism. But I think part of our healing is being able to forgive and keep a distance from them. Forgiveness is for our hearts. So we can move forward and embody the loving beings we truly are. They don't even deserve our anger.
I'm def working on all of this, myself.
Sending you all so much love! We are in this together!
She's invalidating me-my feelings, my beliefs, my values, etc. It sucks.
I hear you and I see you.
she's jealous. hope you are healing
You are not alone - there are BILLIONS of Daughters (felt) on earth - like WE (YOU and I) wich are damaged in all areas of life. I write this to comfort you !!!
ive been there so many times. i understand it so well. im so sorry to see hundreds of thousands of people in the same boat. you are heard and we all love and support you. your feelings, values, and beliefs matter so much and you are so valid
@@kiankon Thank you - I hope you have found a coping mechanism for that - because people who take this much effort to comfort other people have very high intrinsic value. Stay whole !!!
“You’re not gonna work this out with her.” Putting this on my wall.
Tyra High Same. 🤘🏼
for real, my narcissistic mother died in April, for a year up to that I lived in her house and tried to be there for her (I struggle to say I was her carer as I'm not sure that was in my heart, it was more fulfilment of duty than caring, sadly). I tried to be real, but we never worked a thing out, the best I got was telling her on her death bed that I forgive her (which I really do to a certain extent) and in return she told me "I admire you". As if it had all been a big game and I had proven myself an entertaining adversary. If you can accept in your heart these people are very very sick and you can find a way to co-exist with them then you are incredible and god bless your strength and patience, personally I say run.
This hit me today too. 🙏🏻
Man after 4 years of not speaking to my mom... this is my reality.
Yup. I thought we kind of got close latly. Today I realized noooo, ofcourse not, she is the same as always, Im NEVER falling for it again!!!!
Narcissist daughters unite! What we've been through has made us stronger! I am with you. And, I am FOR you.
This felt like a hug. Thank you ❤
Agreed that felt like a hug badly needed ❤️🩹
Here
Amen thank you ❤
Amen❤️
Growing up with a narcissist parent, is one of the most painful things anyone can endure. I'm sure we all have horror stories of what we have endured but the shame, never lets us tell our story.
I start to open up around me about my mother. I can't tell all the stories anyway because I could write a book of 500 pages (written in small letters) but a few things. But there is ONE thing that I keep secret and that nobody knows. Not even her, nor my father, nor my sister. Nobody. Because of shame.
I know it will come out some day. I will need to let it go. But not now. I'm not ready. I think of it every time I write a comment on youtube, anonimously, but I can't let it out.
So correct The most traumatic demeaning experience a female child can go through . You grow into an adult and the abuse goes on as if targeted to reduce you to nothing . Shame covers your face . Should you susceed in life despite everything she has done , you have a professional life and marry a man of value and wealthy like I did a real war erupts with her She is full of a terrible envy and atimes the un believeable happens . Till date too ashame to tell anyone !!! You need prayers and the Grace of GOD to remain sane !!
I have an ebook about my childhood. No more shame. Shame is on her not me.
They are incapable of self reflection. Its never them, always everybody else's fault. They are the perpetual victim. Its honestly insanity inducing.
Soooooo true
Perfectly said!
Very true.
Yes, yes... YES!!!
Exactly. I have become so articulate over the years because of how much I have tried to explain what she should be self reflecting on, the outcome and what caused it. At least I gained a skill but it was NOT worth the effort.
Whenever I confront my mom about how I feel she just straight up says nothing. Still to this day, can’t get her to have a TRUTHFUL conversation about what she’s done.
It's possible you may never get that. But you can try writing a letter to her that you never send. And if you need a response, write your own response as if you are here. Give yourself the parent that you need and satisfying that part of you longing for that by giving yourself kindness and attention. I'm sending you strength and light.
She’s a coward
Just have to say how pretty you are nowonder we get treated like this imagine the envy 💖😉
Same. I wasted years trying to get my mom to admit what’s she done. They can’t mentally go there. They are not capable. Again they invalidate you and make out like you are lying or your reality is incorrect. They will never get it and if they ever ‘cop’ to anything it’s only for the fear of losing you. I gave an engulfing narc mom.
Just don't and move on with your life, I learned that even if I'm mad at my mother, doing my best at making myself happy make me forget about her.
I find a big trait is pitting siblings against each others is a huge trait, always putting herself as the between person to control the narrative. And having a scapegoat daughter to do all the work
Yes, so true. I talk more about narcissistic family roles in this video: ruclips.net/video/2lQkcu5bDVg/видео.html
I am experiencing that at this point with this beast I have as a so-called mother. She truly is a Malignant Narcissistic woman.
Yes. And the children will still act that way towards one another even after that parent is deceased. I have seen it with my mom and siblings.
Honestly it took me till age 40 to realize that my mother was a narcissist, it actually came last week as a glaringly bright epiphany. It explains my depression and chronic illness.
Been there too. Love to you.
You’re not alone sis! Hang in there ❤
Hugs to you. Been there too
@@simplymommyandme Hugs! ❤
Same here age at 34
My mother never loved me as she did my siblings - I’m not a victim /I’m a survivor of her rejection
She saw the good in you and wanted to squash it... You are a Survivor because you are stronger than your siblings. If they had gone through the same kind of abuse would they have survived?? Or would they have been devastated?
Same here
@@zippie3352 BS.
Iam her kid by a relative so she really hates,me
I am in the same boat as you... Her sons are the golden kids while her daughters got neglect physical and emotional. Since I am the oldest girl I got it much worse. She talks about how tough I am that I should of lost my faith in God a long time ago. Nice! Hugs to all you survivors!😚🤗
They can't stand it when you say "well, that's your opinion, it's not mine". They can also criticize you left and right but if you dare criticize them, they go ballistic.
I'm witnessing you with compassion, and I appreciate you sharing here.
Yessss! Very true!!!
This! The double standard is insane.. "don't you dare disrespect me by doing X, y, z. But how dare you call me out for doing X, y, z"
One thing I've always wondered is, why all the cussing and name calling? I mean on some level I know it's emotion immaturity, and defiveness and all that.. But I struggle with my emotions to the point where the manifest physically in things like throwing up, or back pain, or tension around throat area.. what I'm getting at, is I'm in no way emotionally mature whatsoever, I cry at the silliest of things, I'm also very conflict avoidant. but I still would rather have a calm rational conversation than be yelling and screaming profanities. I just don't get it
and dontvdare have your OWN opinion
I left my reptile mother when I was 15. ❤ Best decision of my life 42 years ago.
I like your use of adjectives. I call mine a sleestack ( reptile like aliens from an old kids show Land of the the Lost).
That's a good one. Mine is a monster, an alien. Twisted from the inside out & seeking to destroy & consume her kids. A malfunctioning machine on fire. I don't remember loving her & her life worsens by the day, an opaque tragedy.
You were wise beyond your years!
The hardest thing of having a narcissistic mother is when you finally have a daughter of your own, you find it hard to discipline your own child because it makes you feel like your being abusive towards your own child.
THIS COMMENT HERE!!!! ❤️
This is so true xx
Yes!
So true but be careful. Not setting healthy boundaries for children to feel secure in is also abuse.
My mother is both. The pain she has caused me is indescribable. I feel like I am shattered in a million pieces. I keep attracting narcissists in to my life and suffer from CPTSD. I honestly think having a narcissistic mother is the most painful experience a human can have 😥
Anna Wilson the pain is excruciating, I agree. Bless you on your path of recovery 🙏🏾💛✨
What's CPTSD?
@@AO-wg9ne Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
@@annalieff-saxby568 Ty! Never heard of this before; seems really extreme 🙁
@anna sister, you have articulated my deep pain so well. I too have a similar experience. The men I attract are not only narcissistic but treat me just as bad as my mother did. I’m deeply wounded and don’t know if I will ever heal. The emotional and mental wounds have shattered my heart and soul in a million pieces.
OMG My mother is a narcissist. I never knew what to call her, I just knew she was NOT a safe place for me. WOW
Same here!
You're not alone
I always so envy to see my friends who can have a heart to heart conversation, share secrets, and talk about their crush with their mother. If i'm not being blamed she would accused me of doing something, and would just ignored me and pointed out how unnecessary it was
Definitely dear.. you have my voice.. I feel like when I am the same room with my narc mom, i feel uneasy and suffocated..
Me too, I just known that she's self centered.
Running (exercise), meditation/prayer, and no contact is what I have been doing the past few years, and is what has been truly healing me from this.
thank you for saying so. I don't need to hear any more about identifying the problem, I need to find terra firma to walk through it. Psilocybin has helped me in ways I cannot express.
Today i also blocked him from my contact list.. ! Thnx a lot . actually i am searching for solution..thnx a lot
I have been doing the same to help myself feeling okay and still she laughs at me and uses all meditation at me when I get angry telling me "where all positive good energy of yours in that meditation?" when literally she is the one making problems all the time
Thank you. This is my reassurance that I’m making a good decision.
The best way to deal with narcissist is to not deal with them.
I ran for my life once l became an adult! Mother’s that are narcissistic will kill you emotionally and physically! They are TOXIC😢 🏃🏼♀️ 🏃🏼♀️
30 cents and clothes on my back....
destructive she adores to torment & torture me
coming from experience she was the contributor to my 2 week psychotic episode, heart issues, and many of my mental illnesses. im 19 doing everything i can to move. narcissistic mothers can make your mental and physical health so much worse because stress can kill you
You just read my life in a sentence
I’m running now 🤦🏾♀️
I cut my mother out of my life, she was driving me to emotional breakdowns .I haven't had contact in 9,years I do not miss her
Good for you!!! Yeah, why would you miss her if she primarily caused you pain?? Now your life can be your own. Thanks for sharing and being here with us xo
I have not spoken to my mother in over 2 years or had any contact with her after the way she upset my youngest son who has autism by telling him he is naughty, she constantly belittled me and criticised me all my life and kept on embarrassing me in front of other people by telling them I was shy and wouldn't speak to people so that affected my confidence a great deal. When it came to my Countdown finals recording she made a point of wanting to be invited and be my guest in the green room instead of my husband who supported me throughout my run of 8 games, but I made it clear didn't want her there because she would be taking all the credit and the focus off me and embarrassing me in my front of the fellow contestants, even though I have made things right with her in the past, but it is clear that she will never change, nobody in the family won't speak to her because of the way she is and her attitude in general, my older brother won't have anything more to do her because of the way she treated him, I know he bullied me and my mother did nothing to stop it, but I forgave him and moved on with my life. But looking back she has lost her Grandchildren who won't have anything more to do with her because of things she has said, I have my husband children my cat and good friends that make me happy, I feel better now that I have moved on from my toxic manipulative controlling and narcissistic mother and her poisonous lies.
That's what I call a brave lady, I wish my daughters will do that to their mother someday, she is one of a kind NARSISISTIC with so much anger, hate and revenge, she has destroyed my daughters so badly they were hospitalized 5 times
When I can financially I will leacmve. Good for you
Lil G BGD that’s amazing. I am just starting no contact because my mom was breaking me mentally too.
Making boundaries with my mom is both, ironically, the scariest and yet freeing thing I have ever done. The mere act of setting boundaries has begun the rebuilding process of my self-confidence... after 42 years! Even if you are sweating and shaking, that first "no" or moment of "putting your foot down" is like coming up for air that my child-self wished it had!
It took me until I was 47 years old. Took a job all the way across the country for a huge career opportunity. That is how I learned the hard way, but the decision and the move sparked behavior that I’ve never seen. Hurtful and disappointing. The distance is allowing the healing however. Best of luck to you as you heal and rebuild
@@jenniferwinfree5650 Thank you and very much the same to you!
It took me until 43 I fell for her manipulation and I sacrificed my peace by moving in with her and it’s been the biggest mistake and now praying to get out ASAP -- I’m not looking to work it out with her and will be cutting her off completely ones I leave. I realized after 43 years that she never loved unconditionally it was always conditional but I had to go through it to break free.
I thought I had seasonal depression turns out my depression was linked to my mother’s narcissism. Being apart from her is so healing. Went low contact and I feel peace. I still need to heal from the lack of apologies. Snide remarks but being on my own I feel so much better. Haven’t felt depressed since
Daughters of Narc mothers with Depression=repressed anger. Felt that. Thank you
Right on
No doubt
Same.
@@terri_cole I'm stuck in a toxic divorce with a narcissistic mother, and because of the system, they want to put me with my mom bc they want to put girls with girls and guys with guys.
@@terri_cole I can relate to all of this.
They always gaslight. And they never take responsibility for how they hurt you. I told my mother her comments about my weight, stomach, apparent weight gain are rude and they shouldn’t be said unless I ask for them. And then she proceeds to get offended and say I’m the one in the wrong. I just cannot it’s so exhausting..this isn’t even half of it
So not worth the energy- just slowly distance yourself and limit contact for your own sanity. Thanks for being here with us!
Yeah my parents do the same about my weight and I am healthy weight. My UK size fluctuates between 8 and 12. When I am size 8 I am anorexic and need to be hospitalized for not eating (that's what she says). Size 10 - fat pig and "How much do you weight now?" and "You should lose weight". Size 12 - omg, no man is going to marry you, try not eating for a week, just drink water, go for a run right now, shops don't sell any clothes for fat women like you. You are single because you are fat!"
I mean, what size should I be then? If UK 8 is too small and UK 10 is too big??
Anete Šmite no one should say that to someone let alone their daughter I’m so sorry 💜
Anete Šmite so many guys love size 12 like the singer megan trainor says! Buxom
They never, ever take responsibility. Because to do so would be to acknowledge to themselves that they're not perfect, and oh no, we can't have that. But what ends up happening to them over time is, they deteriorate. It's like they de-create themselves. Because if you never self-reflect, never own your part in anything, you don't really grow and you don't really learn. My mother is in her 70s and she's like a shell of a person, forever sealed in her bubble of delusional perfection. She doesn't "get it". And now that I'm an adult, when I have conversations with her I can finally see how empty she really is. She doesn't operate in reality. And that has its consequences, trust me.
"The narcissistic mother has no capacity to love you" is so true and this is the one thing I understood but was very painful to realize, I kept trying to tell her how to love me and what unconditional love it. It is pretty amazing to me how a person gets to this point, because I know they do not love themselves too and have a very low self-esteem.
They love u conditionally
@@bbbbbbbbbbbb-fy9bdBnot always true some of them love themselves a lot and think their daughter is not good enough and always care for somehting which can give them reward
Oh dear one. Yes. They can not give what they don't have.
@@Crowwillbe That's what they say to exist. They will put themselves in the spotlight : they're the best, they do everything right, they're always right, and the others are not good enough,... BECAUSE they don't like themselves. It's like they try to convince themselves and people around that they have value. The daughter is not good enough because they're jealous of her. They need to destroy her self-confidence and self-esteem (in private, at home), but in the same time they like when the daughter is brilliant so they can shine in public. They think their daughter's life is their own life and her personality is their own personality. So it must be brilliant to tell people how wonderful their daughter's life (so THEIR life in their mind) is.
My mother thinks she and I are just ONE.
- She told me ONCE (last year I think) on the phone, with that desperate voice like she was revealing a huge secret that she couldn't keep any more, that she wanted to have my life : travelling around the world (for my job), being free, no children and no man in my life (because of her but she doesn't know that. I'm self-isolated and feel depressed).
- She told me several times that she tried to imitate my signature but she can't, it's too complicated for her (luckily !).
- One time, we were in a clothing store, I saw a long dress and I said : Oh I love that dress !!
She said : Yeah but the problem is... long dresses don't suit me. (like I couldn't buy it for ME because it wouldn't suit HER)
- When we are together and meet some people who haven't seen me for a long time and make me compliments like I'm a beautiful woman, she won't say anything until we get home. And there, she will put me down verbally to remove all my pride and self-esteem. The last time she did that, right after, she said that she would also like to receive compliments (that she never gets).
Really, she freaks me out sometimes.
@bbbbbbbbbbbb-fy9bdB this this
My mom is more covert that this. She had always dismissed me by laughing at me when I try to express myself. If I ever bring any issues up to her she goes crazy with victim mode. She triangulares all of my siblings against me and each other, she makes all of my talent and successes about her. She compares everything to her experiences. She’s a major pick me. She loves using guilt and shame as a teaching tool. She was physically abusive until I moved out at 17, so getting beat was a regular occurrence since I was 4 years old. She never takes accountability and the whole world thinks she’s the amazing liberal compassionate saint. I’m 30 and I feel so much anger. When I have insurance I finally want to get a therapist that will help me work through this so I can be happy and free from her control and abuse.
Hold on & hang in there. I am so sorry you are experiencing this level of pain, manipulation, deceit and disturbing behavior. I am proud of you for acknowledging what's going on and articulating it very well while actively searching for deep healing tools such as therapy. It has helped me a lot, call 211 and inquire about free counseling in your area, no insurance needed. Also sign up for Medicaid in your area as they have free therapy for those who do not have means, money or insurance, but 1st and foremost - grab the absolute best narc defeater that has the most undefeated record out there to fight your battles 💪💪🏼 and that's God 👑❤️
He got your back better than MapQuest ⭐👑
❤️Just remember you're not alone. There are many people out here working on our healing, healthiness and happiness ❤️♥️
you are worthy of having a happy life, now go get it 💪🏽💖. 💪👑 Godbless
@@t4t806 thank you so much 💗 I do want to say that some days with her are better than others. We have a lot of codependency because we are both helping my sister raise her four young fatherless daughters. My mom is in therapy but she still has a lot of issues that I believe she will never identify and work to change. I love her because she is my mother but I know that the more I learn to self validate and find emotional independence, the better I will be.
The covertly narcissistic mother is so insidious that sometimes even your own siblings will argue against your reality.
It really does suck when everyone else sees “how wonderful” they can be….makes it all the more frustrating to know that they KNOW how they SHOULD be and can even go as far as to “pretend” to be so great, but behind closed doors, one on one, with no audience- they are incapable of really giving us the love, support and acceptance we’ve always deserved. 😢 💕
I am so very sorry, sounds much like what I have been through. Keep your head up! God has many plans for you!
People will act like, "you don't talk to your mother?" like I am some kind of villain. Then I mention how bad she also was to the DOG and they are THEN HORRIFIED.
OMG linda!! I KNOW that is the truth. People have no clue if they haven't experienced a narc mother. Grateful you survived to have your own kids and grand babes. Real love is really healing
I can't do it anymore. I know two types were mentioned - the smothering and ignoring kind - my mother is BOTH!!
I am in the same situation. My mother would adopt puppies compulsively then abandon these now grown dogs in parks. That woman tried to stab me twice, so that usually shuts people up. CPS only made matters worst, she beat me more. I finally fought back physically and she stopped. She saw the rage and knew I was still growing at 14. I beat her up good!
Joslyn Jade Christie same!
Linda V I get the same response! People always assume that only fathers can be bad parents
To all the ladies hurting, grieving, healing...I am with you. We don't get to choose the mother we deserve in our lives. We get what we get, and we make do. We grew up quickly, learned the hard way, and only understood tough love. We never truly got the love we deserve. But as we get older, we understand, we heal and grow, and hopefully become better people than our mothers. I will always have love for my mother, but I have more love for myself and my health and mind.
For those that are still fighting, stay strong ❤
Love this, thank you, I try harder every day so I can be better than what I had/have
Thank You 🌀🙏💙
Thank you, I am with with you too. Living a life based on Love, Kindness and Compassion has become so important in my life. Could this be because i have a mother who is narcissistic so those qualities are very much on the bottom of her priority list (her favourite word is 'hate')? I feel like I am addressing an imbalance in our relationship..
My mother's favourite saying, "but what would the neighbors think?" She never thought about what my brother and I thought. We were there to show the world how perfect she was. Luckily I learned to do what I felt I needed to (be great in school), and not listen to her "but boys don't like girls who are too smart." I told her that then they were not worthy of my attention!
thank you.
My mom emotionally abuses me. I been letting her treat me poorly all of my life because I thought I deserved it. But today at 34, I finally said ENOUGH ! I am glad I found this video.
I am so glad you were able to say enough is enough, Erica ❤️❤️
There are so many lies my mother has told about me over the years that people to this day believe about me. I finally realized that every single time I got a new friend and I told her about it she would literally instantly friend them, and then they would stop speaking to me.
She loathes with hatred anybody who actually knows me and loves me for who I am.
Her jealousy is absolutely so disgusting. God forgive me I can’t even stand to look at her or hear her voice it makes my stomach churn with nausea. She has always hurt me physically mentally and psychologically my entire life.
I didn’t get to this point of feeling like this until just the last few months I just cannot take it anymore. I cannot even have a conversation with her and I feel bad because she’s elderly but I just I can’t stand her.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️
I get it, me too, I stay in the relationship out of a feeling of obligation at this point
The “I gave birth to you”, is the number one reminder that will always be held over my head !
Having an adult woman be in competition with you as a kid and then you have to deal with peers doing that as well ! Makes me want to cry !
I'm witnessing you with compassion. Thank you for sharing.
But mine cried because I was a girl and not a boy!
Thank you for posting your comment those are just " One of " the excuse my mother uses too to humiliate and belittle me in front of my siblings
I used to get this line one day I told her did I ask you to do it no right it was your choice and your husband's to have me giving birth to me. And It is the only great thing you have done in your entire life. I told her politely. And competition omg it's like she cannot do things but even if I am good at them she wants to stop me and portray to the family that I do nothing.
I avoid competition like the plague. I've always made it clear with my coworkers that they never have to worry about me applying for a promotion that they want because I never apply for promotions. I feel lucky to have a job at all. I just want to keep the same position that I got when I applied for it.
I want to heal my inner child
Hypnosis is great try it, there are lots of videos about it it helped me
One Who Knows Their Path Same here.
Made me think of Healing The Inner Child series..
Me too... any advice?
Me too
I just realized my mother's narcissistic when, after disclosing to her that I've been having panic attacks, made my mental health issues all about her and how I never open up to her and how I apparently think she is a bad mother.
When I read about the signs, my mom ticked every box.
That certainly sounds like narcissism - I'm holding space for you with so much compassion as you navigate being her child. ❤️
The most difficult scar these people leave you with is finding how to love yourself
I am witnessing you with compassion, Linda ❤️
@Terri Cole this experience actually made my more aware to be compassionate and empathetic as I grow as a person. But I have a very small group of people I trust not to hurt me. Unfortunately I had to let go of my mother. I forgive her because she can't recognize the pain she inflicted on her children but I can't do the drama trauma anymore.
I wish you had been my Mom. I'm always jealous of people who have nice Moms. I would have done anything for home cooked dinners and affection in my childhood. Thank you for making this video. I cried so many times during this video. The validation hurts but is very helpful. Thank you.
Kenna Donovan God bless u
I feel the same way, you are not alone!
I feel the same way, all we really need is love and care ,too bad some mothers are too self-absorbed to care about us!
Me too 😢
Home-cooked meals don't mean the mom isn't a narcissist.
My mom acts like a whole different person in front of her friends and pretends she’s all peace love and light. I wish everyone really knew the type of person she is behind closed doors. I cannot be around her when she’s around her friends she’s so fake. And anything bad that has happened to me or anyone she knows she creates this whole sob story and whoah is me and makes the whole disaster about her.. she makes my stomach sick. She also triangulates around my brother and sister and gets everyone mad at each other and picking sides. God forbid she does anything for you we’ll never hear the end of it.. she’ll hold it against you. She’ll purposely say condescending things she knows hurts you in front of other people because she knows she’ll get a reaction and then she can say we’re the bad ones. She’ll ask for one little thing for help and turn it into a whole ass goose chase just so people have to go the extra mile…. Anyway… I decided to go no contact and it is a freeing feeling knowing I have that power and she cannot control me anymore.. I wish this freedom upon my fellow survivors.. we can break free..
I feel ya. Stay true to yourself and take care of yourself in the ways that you need. That's important. I am sending you strength and protection, Ashley.
My mom does the same! She pretends and makes up lies and brags about herself. It drives me crazy!! The other day she told my sister in law that she found a real diamond watch at the thrift store, and she had taken it to a jeweler for repair....ALL lies. And it's not dementia, she knows exactly what shes doing.
My mom does the same thing
Yh it's hard to pick my jaw up off the floor, watching her with friends. Sometimes I get comments from people like, 'your really lucky to have your mum' -_-
@@Mich4513 They lie horribly and it really doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
I am 49 years old I am finally standing up to my narcissistic mother. I have set boundaries…she absolutely hates it. I am moving out of town in couple of months…she is trying to smoother me more and more as the days by. I’m so over it..I can’t wait to move!!
How did it go? Did you make it out?
My mother always wants to be the victim. She would twist an argument and make out I called her crazy or a failure. I never uttered those words but apparently I’m told what I’ve called her. So now she storms off, slams doors like she’s been attacked or disrespected. It’s really scary that she can do this. My nervous system is always on high alert around her. I avoid confrontations with her as much as possible, just to safe my system from disruption.
Not spoken to her since 9 years.
I'm recovered ...😎
Whoooo Hooooooo! Go YOU, Komal!
Komal Jha So Happy for you. I started my healing journey at age 62. In doing very well.
Mary F Richardson
...as they say, It's never too late sweetheart 😗😗😗
Greetings from India !!
Komal Jha
Congratulations
HI BEAUTY, ME TOO 10 YEARS. HARD BUT SO MUCH BETTER TO NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEM...GO DIVA GOD BLESS YOU. ANGELA FAITH
I am crying so hard. I am almost 58 and I feel like I wasted half my life dealing with this. I am thankful to a friend I have never met sent me to these sights. Thank you for starting my healing
It took me until I was 53. Don’t feel alone.
It’s never too late to be what you might have been. Heal and live now. 💕🦋☀️
S they teach us to distrust others except them
I am fifty I am dealing with such person who makes me weak till now I have sacrificed much for her. Can't do more
I am 54 and only now the penny has dropped..it sure does explain alot..
I wish they taught us this at school. How I regret the 20 years of my adolescence and youth wasted and gone because of her sick character. A life wasted . . .
Agreed.. same here
Same! Agreed
When I was growing up I heard all these songs about praising your mother,and every religion praised them and advised people to adore them. I always questioned about them in my heart. She always controlled me and made me guilty so now I'm a patient battling depression for 25 years.
We're rooting for you sis. Keep focusing on the positive, on healing, and growth. Every religion praises GOOD mothers. Narcissistic mothers don't fit the bill because they don't do many things that GOOD mothers do. My favorite verse from the Bible that helped me with healing is: "Can a mother forget the child she nursed and have no compassion on the child from her womb? Even if she should forget, I [God] will not forget you."(Isaiah 49:15-17)
Whenever I feel upset and angry, I wrote all my feelings in a journal.
When I go back to it after calming down.. I can hardly look at what I wrote... it's scary to actually see how much hatred I've got inside
I think anger can be a healthy emotion, especially if you're channeling it into journaling and not through other means! It sounds like you're on the right path toward healing, Lena ❤️
I feel you, same here!
I have done this method for years, due to the fact I had no one to talk to about what I was going through. I believe writing is a great therapy especially if y have no one that can relate or understand what to do. My journals have helped me deal with so much emotional tramua in all aspects of my life. Thank y, f sharing
I feel that so much. It's hard to reread my stuff, but it's very cathartic and imperative for me to do this. So. Much. Righteous. Anger. I love the feeling of it spilling out onto the page.
The greater the abuse the greater the anger.
I pray we can release it by acknowledging it and writing about it and *grieving* the emotional (and other, when it happened to some) abuse.
Exactly. I confronted my narc mother about everything, and what did she do?? Not only did she deny every single thing that I said happened, she went the extreme opposite by saying that I made everything up. That I was lying. Every single detail, she said I made it up because I am jealous of her. That was the saddest day of my life, yet also the best day
The moment of clarity. I realized she was hopeless and I left.
Never looked back. That was a year ago
I hear you and I am witnessing you. I am glad you found peace and are able to distance yourself so you can heal. Thank you for sharing.
My mother said the exact same thing to my therapist It made me start questioning my my own reality 😔
I tried to confront my mother too...never worked...and now am getting the same treatment from my kid's...on there was no boundaries even now that she is dead...my girls won't even except my boundaries...I have been blamed and shamed all my life...nobody ever validates my feelings or pain they caused...I suffer with PTSD because of the abuse from her that seemed to follow me into my adult life...
@@deannahudson6873 I am so sorry to hear all this. Please, please keep reaching out to those who will understand - your fellow victims of narcissistic parents. Reach out, reach out, reach out.
I know it's hard.I have done the same thing.This expericence is cruel!But you know what? You got one life ! GO LIVE THE WAY YOU WANT IT !BE BRAVE,beautiful loving women and good! I blame them for the fact that it's not normal to hate your daughter because she is a female ! I don't care if she will realize or not ! Because in the end they will receive the same behaviour as they give! This type of people will end up single ( they afraid of not being in the center of attention).I can't find them excuses.It's not normal to be this stupid all your life.The explanation is simple:they hate womens.:)
My mother died at 100. I found out when cleaning out her house that she prevented me from switching to advanced classes in third and sixth grades. Sounds small, but as the family scapegoat it would have helped me belong somewhere. We were poor, and she was not an academic success. She hated me until she needed me - in her old age. My goal is not to diminish myself any further; to reject the shame she placed on me.
That is a beautiful goal ❤️
Mine did the same, boy, they live long.
My Mom when I was a little girl and I needed emotional support “Nobody likes me everybody hates me I’m gonna go eat worms.” Mocking tone.
I never had children because I didn't want to be a bad mother. Hmmm, I wonder why
Janice S same here. 😔
Me too no kids
Me too. I feel like I'm a better "mom" to my unborn children by not having them, then taking even THE SLIGHTEST little chance I would have turned out to be even a bit like my (ignoring narcistic) mother.
It's hard though, feeling so much love and not having any children to give it to.
But I'm 55 now, so... Too late anyhow.
Me too! I don't want to continue this vicious cycle. Also, my dad was in and out of my life using me to get to my mother.
Janice S peace
I finally shut my 83 year old narcissist mother out of my life a year and a half ago. I miss her but I'm mentally and emotionally healthier for it. My relationship with my own adult daughter is healthy and wonderful. I just can't imagine treating her like my mother treated me. I could never! She's my precious baby girl.
Thank you for this video. You nailed it 100% for me.
You're welcome. I hear you and I'm holding space for you. Sending you strength Christine.
My 83 year old mother absented herself when I was 32 I'm 58 now. I now have established email and phone " grey rock" only communication. But I always feel manipulated when I hear her words. It's so hard but I know that I have saved my daughter and granddaughters from her critical eye and cold indifference.
@@serenity90210 I wish i would do the same with my daughter..i would give her all love which i never got
I never realized any of this until after my mothers death. When I realized how abusive she was I became very angry and resentful. My mother has been gone for fifteen years now and I can honestly say that I don't miss her on any level.
I don’t blame you. Mine is alive and she’s as good as dead to me
@@roonieh9619 Were you scapegoated?
The mother wound is very destructive and causes so much trauma.. I just wish everyone courage, love and strength in overcoming their traumas.
Thank you Terri for this video, it is really helpful! 💜🙏
My mom told me i was getting old...i told her she will always be older....me (winning)
My mother destroyed my career, my marriage, my friendships, my relationships, and my self-esteem. I am 50 years old and went NC 10 years ago with my narcissistic mother. I am still recovering. The bonds of trauma run deep.
I am so sorry to hear it and yes indeed trauma bonds run deep. I am sending you strength and positive energy on your healing journey. Thanks for being here with me.
MIFNP ::::Im so sorry I feel for you greatly and reading your comment made me want to connect my soul to yours and hug you and heal you. Obviously I don't have the power to do that but it really is heart wrenching for me to read your comment. I'm kind of crying and I really hope you heal and break those bonds YOU deserve it! Much love sister ❤
Awww. How absolutely sweet of you to send a virtual HUG! I gladly accept!! Thank you so much for thinking of me. :) God Bless you, Tessa. :)
It's absolutely horrible what narcissists are capable of doing. My father is one of them..
Terri Cole Real Love Revolution I highly need an advice yr video reflects all about my mum. Have comments see down please
I am 60. My mother died last year. I was with her when she passed.
I am grieving a whole lifetime with her of trying to be a separate and different person from her.
She got to my daughter also.
Tears when you spoke of being seen ?? I've always felt invisible 😔.
I'm holding space for you with so much compassion, Kathy ❤️
I have NEVER felt more seen. I feel like you are talking about my mother and I directly. Thank you so much, I’ve never felt so relieved. I finally feel like I’m not alone. I know this is an old video, but I think you’ve just changed my life.
She says “when you move out don’t come back”
Sounds like a great idea 😂
TallWomanPowerMaliaArrayah that’s not a bad Idea.
Same
Easier said then done 😢
She better not show her face at all, (OK my ma's good, but if I was in your place)
I finally stood up to my narcissistic mother earlier today. She exploded but I stayed completely calm lol.
;)
@@terri_cole . . I love all the comments on here, like THIS one!!! WOW!!
Great youtube channel!!!
I shut my 80-year-old mother out 2 months ago. I feel like I am getting healthier, bit by bit and day by day. It's like kicking an addiction. I never dared question her. I was so brainwashed into believing her presentation of being an übermom. But now I am being honest about her behavior, and about 2 weeks ago, I discovered she is a narcissistic mom who ignored me. No doubt about it.
I also question my therapist. I've seen her every week these last 2 years, and not once has she mentioned the possibility of my mom being mentally ill. So that's been a massive waste of money and time.
I am educating myself at the moment, and that feels very liberating. Thank you for helping me.
She probably feels she has a right to do that.
My mother was the travel agent for guilt trips. "I love you" meant "I need you." YOU don't really exist except to meet their needs. I grew up in a home of insanity. Then I escaped. Managed to get through childhood. Thought I was done. Wrong. Decades later, those scars are forever. Forgiveness helps. She was sick. Incapable of love. But i am not. I am strong and kind and caring, determined to live the life I deserve even though I didn't get the childhood I deserved.
GREAT line - "the travel agent for guilt trips." Love to you.
"You are not going to work it out with your narcissistic mother." THIS IS SO TRUE! I literally tried to work it out with my BPD mother for 40 years. Forty years! A total waste of time. And now she's dead and things only got worse as the years went on. I read books. I tried to counsel her. I tried to understand the situation. I applied reason and logic and appealed to her on an emotional level. Nothing worked. She twisted everything I said.
DON'T TRY AND WORK IT OUT WITH YOUR NARCISSISTIC MOTHER!!!!
Mary,
I am so sorry you went through that. Now it's time for you to heal. I am sending you good energy and strength!
Shannon Phillips
Shannon Phillips
Thank you.
I needed to hear this.
It is so hard to pretend that the past never happened when I'm around her. She acts like nothing happened.
It's totally insane.
I thought her acting like nothing is wrong was the way I should be to "get over it". Turns out the answer is so obvious. Don't follow in ANY of her footsteps!!
This is soo true.....No Contact whatsoever.....no matter what!!
Yesibutterfly 1 She’s ruined so much from my wedding to my child’s birth 4 years later. Done!
when i try to make decisions for myself she calls me selfish...so im always doubting myself. and my choices
I'm witnessing you with compassion. I'm sending you strength. You are the only person who can make choices for you. Only you know what is best for you.
She calls you selfish because you are to own person not the robot she wants you to be that will cater to her every need
Every time I talk about moving away my mom calls me selfish for “taking him (my son) away from them (her, step dad, siblings)” and says things to scare me like if I put my son in daycare he will be abused or his father will try to steal him from me. Just really wild things to make me feel too scared to leave her. But will then say things behind my back like “I wish she never came back here”
@@Layla-fr7mf I see you're other comment about covert religious narc mum , i'm a muslim so is it a sin to leave her and cut ties ?
Especially if there no one to take care of her , I'm a still studying and she manipulate me to go in a certain career that I don't want, and pressure me to find a job asap so that she live on my salary ( with my cover narc big brother too) WHILE i'm still discovering myself ( and what i want TRULY ) and need those money to heal my messed up health sistem
So please can you give me an advice !!
Fafo
Dear daughter
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Only advice I can give you is to stay strong and don’t allow others to chose for you even if it is your own parents. They are supposed to guide you and support you to make a decision but not to decide for you. It is ok to consider their opinion and think it through as they might have some wisdom behind it though. As for your relationship with mum and brother, you need to set boundaries. She is your mum and need your support and help but without allowing her to abuse you. So each time she tries to harm you using words or guilt trap you, remain calm and remember that she has a personality problem. She can’t see things as they are or in a logical and neutral way. She is guided by her own wants and needs. If anything bad or painful comes from her, remind your self if that fact and keep her at bay. You do your duties towards her as God has decreed but don’t tolerate any harm from her. ‘ that is your opinion and I have my own which I am entitled to.’: this should be your attitude and your answer. This life is a test for all of us. Learn as much as you can about this personality disorder to arm yourself with knowledge and don’t forget to be gentle on yourself. Living with them is a great challenge and leaving them is also the same. I pray that you stay strong and that you will find a way.
"Guilt" is the only way my mom could control me. I can't "shake" the guilt to this day.
All my life I felt like I was the only one going through this. It's very sad that there are so many people going through the same thing. I remember being 4 when I first felt the rath and unloved and nothing has been done to rectify it. I thank God for my husband because if it wasn't for him and my kids I would never know what it feels like to be loved.
They will never say “I can’t cope without you.” They would rather drive you to insanity so you actually do need them.
I'm sending you strength and protection.
“It is an *abusive* relationship you’re in with your narcissistic mother..” WOW.
Glad to hear it is resonating for you.
Terri Cole Real Love RevolutionTM it really is. Thank you. 🌸
I tried to have a heart to heart with my mom. The house growing up I was aware that my family wasn’t right but we were not allowed to discuss things that were unfair, the hurtful things that happens or anything really. Everyone always had such great things to say about my family. I ended up pregnant as a teen and my parent told me I’m a shame to the family and kicked me out. When I was 25 and had a lot of unresolved issues so I foolishly tried talking to her about it. She told me I was crazy that it never happened and even if it did I should have just asked to stay and she was sure they would have let me. So it was my fault. That was the light bulb moment for me, and ended the hope for change. I’ve been trying to learn to navigate this relationship while protecting my kids from this toxicity. It’s really hard. Thank you for the video. Spoke so much into my experience!
Wtf‼️I'm soooo so so so sorry that this happened to you baby. Not only did you have the deal with your changing body, the outside worlds view and then your own bloods harsh treatment ‼️
It's crazy how she couldn't even try to be supportive and understanding.
Well my earth mother had me sign a notarized document that she would get my daughter if I die. Nevermind the fact I had to make a hard decision to leave the disgrace of a father and risk single motherhood OR the fact that someone might love me and I'll get married and they legally take over. Nope
All she saw was supply. I refused so she proceeded to want to file taxes on my daughter yearly even as far as want to claim her under her retirement when she retired.
I'm getting pissed off for both of us just thinking about it but she recently got her death sentence 💀
Sending you and your loved ones well wishes and happy continued healing 🤗✨
to hell with her. all the best to you. stay strong.
Went no contact, after 66 yrs. And now live my life in peace, and feel s great! Was physically abuse,metal abuse .I know she would never change.
Yes on the outside to others they pretend to be loving & caring but behind closed doors they are monsters, who beat you down verbally 😡😡😡😔😔😔😔
I wished internet existed when i was young ! I have discovered far too late my mother IS a narcisist but i always knew she was not normal. She is 86 now and still the same. Luckily for me i left home very early but éven from far away she was dangerous and manipulating. All you are saying is hitting the point. Thank you!
I feel the same way. It is wonderful to have the knowledge available to heal ourselves and to connect with others who understand.
I, too, thank the internet. Like you I have always known something was very wrong but didn't quite know what. I it can't be any more clearer. Love X
Same here!
Everything my mom cared about was outward appearances but not about my actual needs. She’s really insecure about herself and constantly seeks approval around her but the cost has always been to me. She talks trash about everyone behind their back. The times I have stuck up for myself by simply saying “what about my feelings” she takes that as a personal attack demands an apology and is extremely verbally abusive. It’s so depressing because I’m disabled and reliant on her. She tells me to my face her former best friend fakes her autoimmune disease which means she thinks I’m faking too. She has always been a combination of neglectful and smothering.
I am so sorry you experienced this ❤️
My mother said something hurtful. When I told her how it made me feel, she shifted blame to my work stressing me out. I asked her to apologize, she wouldn't. I told her she is immature. She smugly said she is older. I told her maturity is a behavior, not an age. And I told her to grow up! Very soon, I can break away from this self centered woman.
Wasted so much time..😭
Everything was always my fault.
She loved the hurting and the drama.
I grew up with a narcissistic mother. She died almost 25 years ago. When I learned that she had died, I felt a weight physically lift from my shoulders. I had gone 'no contact' with her long before I learned what that was. I remember once sitting at a dinner with some people and I mentioned that I hadn't spoken to my mother in over 5 years and their reaction was exactly what you describe. "Ohhh, but she's your mother.", etc., etc. I didn't know how to describe to them what I had lived with all my life. I didn't have the words and vocabulary to describe it at that time but I knew, in my heart, they had no idea what I had endured. I have been in and out of therapy for about 30 years. Many therapists understood that what I went through was abusive but also didn't have the vocabulary to help me. I have found most of my healing with books and videos such as yours. You describe my mother almost exactly. I remember during her funeral, my brother said something like, "Well, you know Mom was never really a mother." That was the closest, at that time, that we had come to understanding what we went through. Thank you for this video. It really resonated with me. I hope that those that have narcissistic mothers now have the resources and vocabulary that will help them to heal. Words and ideas are powerful.
AB,
Thank you for sharing your powerful experience here with us. I am so sorry for what you endured but grateful you went 'No contact' long before she passed. The more people talking and sharing about their narc mother experience the more victims who will find relief and sisterhood xoxoxo
I can relate. Even dating sites advise you look at the relationship between your date and his/her parents. Red flag if it's bad or non-existent. Further victimization of the victim.
I too thank you very much.. I've gone three months no contact... this is sooooooooooooo hard but has to be done................ Blessings
1 month for me
Darla Dems 6 months for me, it does get better I promise! Best decision I have ever made!
I almost 50 years old and you have spoken to everthing I have lived. A strong heartfelt thank you.
I was 45 when finally saw things clearly about my mom. At 50 I went no contact for one year...needed a serious break from all the head games and guilt and lies. We're talking again and she hasn't changed at all and she's even worse now. She'll never change. I love her but OMG .
Of course she's worse! True narcissists don't want to be ignored or receive the silent treatment. The best thing to do is limit your interaction with her, and just continue to live your life.
I don't love her, but I still do pity her. After all she's so talented at playing the victim. Like you, I meet her only when absolutely necessary.
I now understand why so many elders end up in nursing homes. i will be putting my mother in one or my brainwashed golden child brothers can take care of her because i refuse to i want nothing to do with that evil demon in a flesh suit
Haha I used to be jealous my brother got all her love. Now I'm just happy she has a pawn to take care of her when she's older so I don't have to pick off emotional scabs.
Same💯
Nursing homes 💯💯💯💯💯💯 don't let your children be responsible for them
My mother is currently on end stage copd they gave her 2-5 years 8 years ago!!! Meanwhile my father and step mother have passed so I have no actual parents imo!!! My golden child brother can have her!!!
I was raped as I was 6 years of age. But my narcissistic mother said I would make this up. She NEVER comforted me or gave me any affection ! It was ALWAYS just about her ! How it would turn out for HER. And always played the shame and guilt card against me.
I am 51 1/2 years of age today and I totally broke up with my whole narcissistic family. And I recognized, that I always was attracting people in my life - in EVERY area - which are narcissists in the one way or the other. No matter if they are female or male. THAT is a horrible curse.
Omg I am not alone
Grace and Hannah, I am so sorry that you went through these things. I am so so sorry that you both went through this. I hope you are both doing better now. Sending love to the both of you from the Caribbean.
Same here. My mother’s reaction was worse than my rape.
I was that exact age
Wow! So sorry! It's just horrible and I'm sick of this crap!
I thought I was crazy for years when my mom and I would try to have open communication. It always ended with her screaming and crying. At 15 years old she finally told me that I’m adopted when it was an open adoption. Then she prevented me from meeting my birth mom. One thing I learned from all of this is that my daughter WILL know who her mother is and that she is incredibly loved by her. My heart goes out to everyone on here. ❤
I am witnessing you with compassion and sending love right back ❤️
This is what I deal with my mother. Now I’m worried that I’ll be codependent for life. 🙄
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ It is possible to become more aware of codependency and start to heal.
Same here 😮💨
I’m 26 years old and this week I stopped all contact. I will not suffer anymore. It’s time to heal
Be glad. I wish I was aware at 26. I am now 42 and just acknowledged it
I cut the contact with my mum ten years before she died. And when she died I was relieved. I never loved my mum. My son and I have a great relationship. He knows that I love him to death and would do anything for him. I have always tried to be the opposite of my mum.
Thank you for sharing, I am witnessing you with compassion.
When my mom died - I FORBAD myself to cry for HER - almost 10 years. What I was mourning about, was the FACT, that I never had a real mother AT ALL. And a wise psychic helper said to me one day: I have always to be on guard not to be addicted to other "Motherfigures" or other people thelike, because THEY would probably treat me EXACTLY the same way - ABUSIVELY
Firstly, I forgive my mother as well as the hurtful narcissistic people that I have unfortunately crossed paths with. Secondly, narcissistic people do not change...Thirdly, what you say is absolutely accurate.
❤️
Wow, I suspected my "Mother" was a narcissist. She is the ignoring neglectful kind. This video was right on the mark. She is 93 and I am 65, she is still blaming me for the fact that we are not close! She still talks shit about me behind my back. I have had to draw major boundaries with her for many years. It's always all about her.....
Same here. Same.
my mother is the most abusive and nasty person and when she visited her friends she would sit there and say "i always put my kids first" what a load of shit! i called her out once and they all looked at me with the stink face then proceeded to talk bad about me as usual.
Sorry to hear it, Jody. Limit your contact if you can to spare yourself. Thanks for sharing here with us.
Same
Jody Ramsay lol with the stink face. I know that look.
Stay away from your mother if u can, therapy and coaching. Is a must.
Yup. Love is conditional with a narcissist. Absolutely. They will turn on you in an instant.
Hands down the best description of a narcissist mother , a true blooded one I have ever listened to. It’s a cruel and unnatural way of life with one of these tyrant mothers. It’s the person who is to care for you the most who is the true enemy as closest to the devil as it gets. Best thing I ever did was no contact at 34 I didn’t want to but I had to save myself and my kids. Thanks for the much appreciated validation Ms. Terry ❤
My mother lied about having cancer, compared my pregnancies to hers that I was so huge and she never showed and her babies were smaller than mine and her labours were easier than mine. She is by far one of the worst humans I have ever met in my life.
My mom uses me for helping her with her life .
Tammy,
Decide to stop letting her use you. That is your choice. If she asks you for help or what she should do, you can say lovingly," Mom I really don't know the answer. I have no doubt that you will figure it out because you are the only one who can. I'm just trying to figure out my own life." or something to that effect. Choose you, mama!
Nothing wrong with helping a mother but do not let her use you as a crutch and take all your time so you will not have time for your own life. Is she narc?
Any time I would visit her, it would always turn into a handyman visit - fixing her pool, changing air filters and countless mildly mechanical tasks for which she (supposedly) has no capability to do herself. This was happening even when my Dad was alive, and he was a mechanical engineer! Meanwhile my sister's visits were shopping, lunches, fun stuff. And it was focused on my sibling, whereas my visits were about her needs.
Perhaps it is a blessing my sister got her to move closer to them and not me - more of her care falls to her now. I already have a MIL and SIL with NPD close to home as it is.
same.
my mom dose it too , She use me to correct herself s problems which is just shit , like she said "Im not good enough" meaning if I am good enough meaning she is good enough , well its not the case if I am good theres nothing good about her.
I tried a heart to heart with my narc mother, she said "Don't you interrogate me!"
My heart to heart didn't last long before she became verbally aggressive. Most likely because I dared to question the dynamic. So I started repeating her words back and asking what she means and how could she say such hateful things when I'm trying to help whatever is wrong. To this I was told I am a "master manipulator". I was so surprised that instead of realizing she was on attack she accused me of being what she is! So I simply said "well, I guess I learned from the best".
playlists omg I had no idea there were other people in this world dealing with a mother like this. I feel so validated for the first time in my life. So heartbroken at the same time. My mother is the ignoring kind of narcissist that’s also always in constant competition with me and likes to project her negative traits upon me.I hate her so much but I love her and I am so deeply broken.
@@treemarie213100 Oh yeah they are impossible. They do so much damage to other people. Eckhart Tolle says that you should thank people like that. They force you to deal with the situation, educate yourself and you emerge much wiser
I tried to help my Mother (covert narc) because she got depressed a lot. I found a great book called "Feeling Good" by David Burns. Her response was "That wont work!" She took any attempt to help her as a personal attack on her intelligence or something and got totally defensive. So insecure. In the end, I realized that she was impossible to deal with so stopped trying. For my own sanity I had to separate myself from her and her problems. She was an adult, it's her issue, it's up to her to help herself. Good luck Shannon, all the best.
“But I AM your mother!” is what I hear.
Or (I’m a counselor) don’t you dare try to psychoanalyze me
When I was a kid and I upset my mother she would cry and say “what if I died” in an emotional fit. I’ve started to recognize this behavior in myself at times and I’m not proud of it at all. In hindsight, it’s crazy talk and horrible behavior. Crazy the things we absorb from our mothers. Time to reverse the curse 👍🏼
We do absorb so much. Good for you ❤️
I’m 21. I remember very early on that there were these hot & cold emotions with her and everything was/is so intense - dramatic. Nothing ever felt genuine. I also got punished a lot for being disobedient mostly emotional abuse - screamed at, taking credit for my appearance/talents, guilt trips, victim card, absolute control, but as a kid also occasionally slapped on the bum and I think I may have been 14 when she brought me to the basement in our house and punched me in the face with her fist two times and screamed at me. I remember not really knowing why but believed her that it was my fault and I deserved it. An I did not tell this to anyone until pretty recently (my older sister)
I wasn’t sure about sharing this, but just want to let anyone who has been through this to know. You’re not alone.
The hot/ cold thing. Yeah. I'm now thinking it's them using the silent treatment and also a form of temporary discard which they can never uphold because you are the supply.
It is great to see that a therapist understands this type of abuse. I have not been able to find a therapists who understands this type of abuse. I had to learn about it on social media which helped me on my healing journey. It took me over 40 years to figure it out and now I am parenting my self and recovering from it all. I've been no contact for 6 years now.
Right on, Zamecia!
Wow..i just saw this and i just took off to other side of country to break free..41 yrs old and i have nothing due to this
My sister is a 'therapist,' the biggest Narc you would wish to find,! Her ex-husband called her a parasite, and now she's feeding off her clients, wish them luck!
Zamecia McCorvey for me it took more than 40 years to understand what kind of person my father really is. If it was not for youtube, maybe I would never have found out. People like him should not have children, period.
Yeah I'm glad to, I had a hard time explaining this behavior and pain in myself to my therapist. So I decided to record and bring it in for it to be heard. She looked right at me in shock, Then I cried I said its hard to explain such emotional abuse with out it sounded like I was being unfair. She saw and heard for herself and from there i received better help to recover because she then understood what I was dealing with.
I still have anger issues even after creating boundaries and cutting my narcissistic mother off. It’s been really hard to let go of all the shit she put me through, and how much happier/better my life could’ve been if she had just loved me.
I hear you and I'm witnessing you.
That last sentence hit me like a ton of bricks.
Never even realized it but since I was probably 15 I have tried to live 3,000 mi away from my mom because I've always even said out loud and to her It's the only way we get along and it is... I'm 55 into the state caller every Sunday for what I call my weekly ass chewing because it's nothing less if she laughs at anything it's a good conversation and I feel light and happy but seldom ever occurs... 99% of time is a bitch fest her, me, or both... At each other about each other or her about my siblings and their significant others or me and my shit never resolved when we're done we just hang up
@@michellewilkes5801 Why do you keep exposing yourself to them at all, if they are that toxic? Why is that beneficial to you, and how is that beneficial to or for you?
I mean you don't realize it, but you are STILL letting her control you and make you miserable by choosing to think that way. It's generally for the best to go no contact with narcissistic individuals regardless of who they are to you. But it's NOT beneficial to or for you by choosing to hold onto anger or the bad memories/times that you had with them. Holding onto demonic spirits that cause offense, and in turn unforgiveness is VERY detrimental and damaging to you. The enemy/those evil spirits try to make you feel like you have power and control when you choose to harbor that/those feelings. But it's WAY more detrimental to you in the long run, and in reality when you choose to respond or live this way on a constant basis. You are ABSOLUTELY no better then them, because you have chosen to function from a victim mentality, and way of being, just like them. Which is why and how people become narcissistic in the first place, and why they don't EVER be healed or truly delivered from it, in the mighty name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. I'm not saying that you are a narcissist, but you can definitely be narcissistic, and become a burden to yourself and those around you, and those that are connected to you, when you choose to function like this. THE CHOICE KS ABSOLUTELY YOURS. I KNOW WHEN YOU ARE RAISED BY SOMEONE WITH NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER, THAT YOU ARE RAISED TO BELIEVE THAT YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE. BUT THAT'S A LIE FROM THE PITS OF HELL. YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE A CHOICE TO MAKE. CHOOSE TO BE FREE FOR YOUR OWN SAKE. FROM THIS DAY FORWARD. CHOOSE THERAPY OR WHATEVER YOU NEED TO GET THERE, IN THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS CHRIST OF NAZARETH. I PRAY YOU ARE DOING BETTER, AND I PRAY YOUR STRENGTH IN THE LORD, IN THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS CHRIST OF NAZARETH. AMEN AND AMEN AND AMEN AND AMEN AND AMEN AND AMEN.
"anything you've done, your mother has done better" -- yes...always. my mother always had to be better. it was always about her. she took up so much space. the whole room was hers, and I was part of the wall.
Thanks so much for this healing teaching. I am 69 and recently lost my narcissistic mother. I participate in a daughter's grief group and I am not afraid to share my horror stories . All the others have such kind words and stories and I don't . But I realize there were no words to describe this situation when I was growing up. It is was it is and I am healing now. Thank you again for your healing message.
It took me until I was 47 years old. Took a job all the way across the country for a huge career opportunity. That is how I learned the hard way, but the decision and the move sparked behavior that I’ve never seen. Hurtful and disappointing. The distance is allowing the healing