No one gets better at football, studying, singing, socialising or anything without actually doing it. We gotta do the same for physical touches as well🥲
A key piece of advice for anyone watching: I healed, completely, after *years* of social anxiety. At first, videos like this actually made me feel worse. But now i understand; there's a specific frame you have to interpret these videos in for them to help you. The change came after I was so overwhelmed with anxiety, that i gave up on trying to be 'enough'. I deciding I wanted to be radically honest. I wanted to be vulnerable, to show my embarrassing feelings instead of trying to fix them first. When I met people and felt nervous, **I would tell them.** "Honestly, I'm kind of a shy person. I feel nervous about not having something interesting to say." Often times, to my surprise, they took it extremely well and actually were MORE open and interested in getting to know me than ever before. And I felt like I could be myself -- including the vulnerable parts. I'd often even hear, "Whaat? You don't seem shy to me!" Because it turns out that being honest about your fear IS courageous. Then it clicked. Why was I watching videos like this? Because I thought I needed to learn how to be something different. To not be nervous, to not be awkward, before I could socialize healthily. The truth is exactly the opposite: Socializing well comes from deciding that it's OKAY that you feel nervous, that you're awkward, and being honest about it. It turns out, your awkwardness is mostly your self-judgment for FEELING awkward. You think you're supposed to feel differently, that others "just feel comfortable socially." It's not true. Everyone gets nervous and weird sometimes, everyone has awkward silences. When you become okay with it, and own it rather than trying to change it -- that is, ironically, when you get healing. What you resist, persists. Let yourself socialize AS socially anxious you. Let yourself feel shy, and then give yourself grace to not beat yourself up for not "performing." Confidence is not the assurance that you'll be liked -- it's knowing that you'll be okay, and treat yourself well, even when you embarrass yourself or feel shy. So yes, practice socializing. But not as a technical skill. The thing you're actually practicing, the fundamental layer that all healthy socializing comes from, is this: You're practicing BEING VULNERABLE. You're practicing COURAGE. The outcome of any social interaction doesn't matter, only that you let yourself be brave, and honest. If you're like me, it will rapidly transform your life. Wishing y'all well. Be kind to yourselves.
Well said! I've learned that is often a question of perception or frame of mind along with projecting. Am a work in progress and I focus on progress rather than challenges ahead and progress is far better than perfection.
Don’t make excuses. It’s not like you have a disease or disorder or something. Just do it. It may be difficult but it’s very possible. There are people in worse positions than you.
How could you possibly know what I can or can not do? So you can surely say I don't have a disease or disorder? It seems you're making random assumptions about a total stranger.
@@Mr.Rgdias Unless you have autism or any other social disorder that prevents from doing do, the effective thing to do is to just push yourself through the pain and anxiety because if you don't do it now, then when are you going to do it?
During Covid, I stopped going out and stayed home. I spend more time on my devices rather talking to people outside. My communication has gotten worse ever since covid.
Honestly though, covid really just ruined everything :/ and the thing is is that the whole quarantine and wearing a mask thing would help reduce covid mightve not been true, and the people who said it was true were pretty much guessing
It's definitely a use it or lose it kind of thing. I experienced this exact same thing. In fact, I graduated during Covid in 2020, and I struggled to find work after graduating which made me fall into a depression. So my confidence was totally rock bottom. I couldn't remember how to talk to people anymore, and I was quite chatty and sociable in my early 20s. But I recently started studying again and I met some new people. The more I see them and interact with them, the better I feel at socialising. But it took me a while to find the right crowd. I had to sort through a lot of people that I don't get along with before I found the ones that I can actually talk to.
THIS! After Covid I completely forgot how to talk to people other than my own family. It's been a struggle ever since then, but I've become a lot better. My advice would be to just force yourself into social situations (ik it's hard). Basically just exposure therapy. Force yourself to be in places with a lot of people and engage in small talk with strangers (even if you don't feel like it, you never will lol). Such as cashiers, people in line at the store, in church, and school. I also love how in the video he talked about observing people! That's what I did at first, I would listen to people's conversations and watch their body language (trust me you learn a lot). I also came up with a list of responses to general questions that people usually ask (such as how are you). As well as my own questions for other people (what have you been up to recently?). Also don't be afraid to take charge of the conversation, I've found that it's a lot easier than just being shy and letting the other person interrogate you (taking charge also helps you feel more confident). And I've been working on changing my mentality about people, just reminding myself that they are no better or worse than me. They're just a person with their own ways of thinking and opinions, and it's okay if they disagree with or dislike you.
It's incredibly difficult to force yourself out of your comfortable little bubble, but unfortunately it's the only way to become better. I've learned that the more I stay in my comfort zone, the worse I feel about myself. Usually it stems from feeling stuck and not getting better. The more you stay home and avoid people, the deeper the pit that you're stuck in will get. And consequently, the harder it is to get out of that pit. Which is why it's better to force yourself to do difficult things rather than not. It is through struggle that we get stronger and more durable.
100% solid advice. Observing is probably the most important thing you can do to get better at conversations. I used to be considered really shy to the point some people thought I was “mute” as a kid. When I got into college though I started to get better at actually listening to what people were talking about and asking questions about themselves, their thoughts, etc. Now people actually ask about me and want my input.
@@samir6035what abt the intense body heat and sweating, fidgeting, everything being overwhelming, shaking, stuttering, voice changing and intense fear? what do u do abt that
I've spent more than enough time around people and social interaction to know that I do not get along with many people and I often just don't care enough about anyone to bother trying conversation, I'm happy in my own company
@@angl0_ it's very uncommon. Most likely they are just saying that as a coping mechanism but deep down they (maybe subconsciously even) know they don't want to be lonely.
I’m legit so shy and so awkward I don’t know how to make conversation with people and I fear making a fool of myself so I just avoid human interaction best I can… 😅
This is me as well. Growing up, i was shy and avoiding interactions bcs i was afraid of making things awkward and weird. Then it caused my social skills to be underdeveloped. So now im trying to put myself out there as much as i can and risking myself to be embarrassed and make mistakes. Now, it hasn't significantly improved yet but it's better. It might be embarrassing yet that's how improvement is made
Can confirm the baby fact. I was a bit awkward at communicating but sometime after that I started observing how my dad interact with people and without noticing I copied the same exact way he did. He always tease people a bit in conversations and nonetheless I do that too haha.
I knew this "secret" for a long time. The problem is that I can't find people willing to deal with my socially awkward side until I learn, but I can't learn until I find people. I'm stuck in a loop.
My method that got me better was socialize or do something when you count 3..2…1 in your head get into a EXTROVERT mentality and just DO it regardless cause if you DON’T you missed out on socializing and will never gain practice. You’re in this loop you can get out of FAST or slowly depending on your mentality of your situation. YOUR’E GONNA HAVEE AKWARD FIRST CONVOS people may not accept you (their loss) but you at least gained experience and you’ll get out of that loop with time. 😊 Also people not accepting you is what you’re gonna deal with social OR not they’re just like judgmental props you gotta get through to get to •actual interesting nice people•. Be the bigger person, socialize, get your experience, then leave , YOU would get something out of it THEY DONT all they did was have hatred in their life 😬
The biggest lie implicit in today’s society is that social skills are set in stone. I can quickly tell when someone has underdeveloped social skills, even if they have surface charisma.
Yea, this seems easier than it actually is when you have social anxiety. I’m finally able to go back to uni after a brain injury, but I feel so disconnected to others because I’m older, have to deal with accessibility accommodations, and just don’t know what to talk about. Would like some advice as to where I should go to find people locally, especially those that already don’t have their own social groups.
Well, to be fair, the whole point of the video is to tell you that it’s not going to get easier until you just do it. Will there be people who might make fun of your inability to communicate the way THEY want? Maybe, but I’d argue most people are kind enough to not do that though, at least not in your face. But those people aren’t worth your time. You can find like-minded people all you want but until you learn how to talk to people you have nothing in common with, social anxiety will always be a struggle
same. was out of it for 3 years during the pandemic. came back and just feel older and out of touch. planning to join those student organizations if they ever open up tho.
Hey J B. I know how you feel. Mind if I share my experience here? I related very much to you, and was able to heal completely in time. "A key piece of advice for anyone watching: I healed, completely, after *years* of social anxiety. At first, videos like this actually made me feel worse. But now i understand; there's a specific frame you have to interpret these videos in for them to help you. The change came after I was so overwhelmed with anxiety, that i gave up on trying to be 'enough'. I deciding I wanted to be radically honest. I wanted to be vulnerable, to stop trying to conceal or "fix" the embarrassing parts. When I met people and was nervous, I would tell them. "Honestly, I'm kind of a shy person. I feel nervous about not having something to say." Often times, to my surprise, they took it extremely well and actually were MORE open and interested in getting to know me than ever before. And I felt like I could be myself -- including the vulnerable parts. I'd often even hear, "Whaat? You don't seem shy to me!" Because it turns out that being honest about your fear IS courageous. Then it clicked. Why was I watching videos like this? Because I thought I needed to learn how to be something different. To not be nervous, to not be awkward, before I could socialize healthily. The truth is exactly the opposite: Socializing well comes from deciding that it's OKAY that you feel nervous, that you're awkward, and being honest about it. It turns out, your awkwardness is mostly your self-judgment for FEELING awkward. You think you're supposed to feel differently, that others "just feel comfortable socially." It's not true. Everyone gets nervous and weird sometimes, everyone has awkward silences. When you become okay with it, and own it rather than trying to change it -- that is, ironically, when you get healing. What you resist, persists. Let yourself socialize AS socially anxious you. Let yourself feel shy, and then give yourself grace to not beat yourself up for not "performing." Confidence is not the assurance that you'll be liked -- it's knowing that you'll be okay, and treat yourself well, even when you embarrass yourself or feel shy. So yes, practice socializing. But not as a technical skill. The thing you're actually practicing, the fundamental layer that all healthy socializing comes from, is this: You're practicing BEING VULNERABLE. You're practicing COURAGE. The outcome of any social interaction doesn't matter, only that you let yourself be brave, and honest. If you're like me, it will rapidly transform your life. Wishing y'all well. Be kind to yourselves." For you personally, J B, what this means is: Talking to people *about what you just told us in your comment.* What unconscious assumptions are stopping you from doing that? Do you feel like others would be bothered, inconvenienced, don't want to hear your problems or won't relate because of you being older, or something? These are all caricatures. People GET IT. We all connect through vulnerability. If what's stressing you out is the difficulty of connecting socially after getting an injury and returning to college late, then mention it to people you meet. You can be honest without being dramatic or seeking a savior: just be okay with talking, casually, about the REAL things you're facing. I know it can feel like people will be overwhelmed or off-put, but that's usually not the case. That comes when you try to MAKE THEM solve your problems - but when you're comfortable casual talking about your problems, you're OWNING them. The same way if a friendly person tells you, "Yeah, I'm a bit shy. So i feel nervous meeting people sometimes." -- you don't feel repulsed, you feel drawn to their brave honesty. They're not self-victimizing and trying to make you save them. They're just okay being real about what's rough. And that's so valuable. In short, the most valuable, rare thing you can offer socially is being radically vulnerable. Being okay with what you're feeling, and with being honest about it. Most of the time, weirdly enough, people interpret this as courageous non-neediness. Because you're accepting of your own emotions and struggles, and being real. So they feel they can be open and real around you, too. Nervous, frustrated you is enough. More than enough. Give yourself some grace, and let yourself be a little more open, a little more courageous. It'll work out over time. I guarantee it.
@@GSPV33 I like your comment man. The problem is that the people around me don’t think that way. Every time I go to uni people always give me a weird glare because they think I’m messed up or something. It’s not really an assumption when it’s obvious people look at you differently. Already discourages me from conversing with them. I’ll still continue to do my best for myself
The problem is not being able to talk but the main problem is when you talk to someone they are not even interested to listen to you or they ignore you . Also when you talk to them they will respond with small words and then awkward silence 😑
there are many people on the planet who are intrested in talking to you, try to find these people. make sure to not talk to much about yourself or else you will get these response like "hmm okay" or "ahhh"
This was a much needed wake up call. I can't express how much I'm thankful to you for making such real and amazing content. Easily one of the best videos that I've come across everrr!
You need to go out and practice more with what you learn and observe their reaction to later learn from them and that will help you become better at talkimg to people. So remember, go practice more by talking to more people and observe their reaction . Because thats how u learn
I remember when I really did not talk to people at all beside some friends. Over time I started to talk more and it’s true, you slowly got better at socializing. You could even just listening to more people. I still don’t always like talking to people
So true, I was extremely social as a kid but then I got medicated for my adhd which caused me extreme social anxiety and disinterest in socialising for a year so I basically spent a whole year not talking to anyone other than my parents and teachers. After I finally convinced my mom to let me off the medication I was basically socially disabled for the next ten or so years, but the more I put myself out there the better I got at it. Had to spend lots of time with people to make up for all the lost social development in that year. And parents, DO NOT Medicate your kids to make them talk less! It’s extremely harmful!
that makes much more sense, you see I’m a youngest child and my mom sheltered me all the time, never got to play outside or talk to friends much. I didn’t have any convos to observe lol
Social anxiety is real however the more we press on the anxiety the more it grows, if we put on practice, step out day by day, the more we encounter people the more we can conquer it.
True, maybe I never practiced socializing much bc I never make time for it or never take the opportunity to. But now, I am slowly getting better recently.
Feel the fear and do it anyway!! Find comfort in the discomfort 💕 does eclipse set the tone for the next 14 years! This is the time right here right now
I want to believe that all I need is more practice, I have been mostly alone most my life, so could be that. But sometimes I feel like I’m just slow. Reading and communicating feel so unnatural to me. I can’t keep up with people.
Everyone seems so busy these days. For me, the first step to talk directly to people is so overcome the "i'm so busy" label and not getting too nervous by it when i did it. It's a short dopamin rush. Most of the time i communicate by digital writing/voice mails via smarphone or computer. But as it's said, to get better in something, DO the thing you want to get better in.
But I am autistic. How do I get better at social interactions then? The more I tried, the more I got rejected and now, after being at home for a year (due to mental health issues), I am finally going back to school again but how do I even have a normal one to one conversation?!
That's the secret just go out there and start talking with more people-best way to learn communication just start a career in sales, cold calling and meeting a lot of buyers and trying to persuade many people to buy
I spent lots of time staying in my room since i was a kid yk and my parents usually dont go outside so.Ppl mocked me made fun of me at my age of 5-12 and i started become insecure abt myself and now i am 14 i became an introvert with social anxiety and having lots of insecurities.And also when i try to talk they's r talking with oths everytime so i feel left out.It's really hard for me to ask something to someone like i dont even ask my teachers when i dont understand anything but i am trying to be more socialize. I think the environment changed us.
I used this when I was 7 the pattern thing I practiced by greeting my teachers and replying saying “I’m fine thank you how about you?” In reply to when they ask if I’m ok
i started talking to prossies first then i started talking to roadmen and steeet folks..........now im a gangleader in london..........socializing can be a problem too
This is great advice, really uplifting thank you!!! Wouldn't it be easier to say "they" when giving an example though? I just thought it sounded better and is easier and quicker to say than "he or she" since it's shorter
Yeah i was as a shy and timid child.. Both my parents always working.. And as a child i rarely made first move to approach or talk to neighboorhood friends they alwas come and invite me to play with them... Most of them were older than me... So i grew up not knowing how to communicate or make friends with same age kids... This spiral continues till i'm in my 30's.. I still don't know how to approach or talk to other person.. Even though i know how to make a small talk... But i never really could step further to become their best friends... It seems like there's always a wall between me and them... Now i just feel so tired trying to know other people.. I don't have the energy and i don't feel like I need a friends or something... I'm just happy with my own... Talking with people is just tiring and troublesome
i guess this applies more to allistics lol Yes im social i love talking to people its just allistic society doesnt accept the way i am socially as an autistic person. i mostly speak monotone, etc. but people tend to take it the wrong way even when i tell them i dont mean it in that way or whatever.
I get stuck when it's time to inquire further about them. I don't usually genuinely care 😂 am I just an asshole? I don't want to be, but it's how I usually feel. I don't have questions I want to ask because I don't care about the answer or have the energy to start/hold a conversation. I wish I did. Anyone else relate?
Outism: am I a joke to you? But fr this is great advice I'm 21 and most people can't even tell I have Outism because I picked up on the patterns, I took their secrets!
Im gonna send this vid to my friend and introduce this because there this girl that he like, but don't know how to start a conversation so im sending this.
What do you know? To make friends, you only have two options. You dominate or you suck up. Pop culture? Dominate or suck up. Hobbies? Dominate or suck up. Food? Dominate or suck up.
How? How can i pratice if i can't even say hi and handle a simple conversation once I'm in front of people? I'm always convinced they think i suck and i think i suck when I'm in public
Bruv i litterly talk to a stranger on a side walk. And yet i still feel like i my communication skills aren't the best (right now i have always though i had autism so thats a possibility) But yeah, my problem isn't fear. It's like i don't say the right things in the right time. It pisses me off when people tell em to be myself. Then when i am myself they leave me 😂
This is why I don’t believe you in things like introverts. A human is so capable and complicated at the same time to be kept in one cage called introvert.
So, in short , to get better at talking to people, we need to talk to people
yeah.
yes
Si
exactly the more experience the more you master speech-craft
No one gets better at football, studying, singing, socialising or anything without actually doing it. We gotta do the same for physical touches as well🥲
A key piece of advice for anyone watching:
I healed, completely, after *years* of social anxiety. At first, videos like this actually made me feel worse. But now i understand; there's a specific frame you have to interpret these videos in for them to help you.
The change came after I was so overwhelmed with anxiety, that i gave up on trying to be 'enough'. I deciding I wanted to be radically honest. I wanted to be vulnerable, to show my embarrassing feelings instead of trying to fix them first.
When I met people and felt nervous, **I would tell them.** "Honestly, I'm kind of a shy person. I feel nervous about not having something interesting to say." Often times, to my surprise, they took it extremely well and actually were MORE open and interested in getting to know me than ever before. And I felt like I could be myself -- including the vulnerable parts. I'd often even hear, "Whaat? You don't seem shy to me!" Because it turns out that being honest about your fear IS courageous.
Then it clicked. Why was I watching videos like this? Because I thought I needed to learn how to be something different. To not be nervous, to not be awkward, before I could socialize healthily.
The truth is exactly the opposite: Socializing well comes from deciding that it's OKAY that you feel nervous, that you're awkward, and being honest about it.
It turns out, your awkwardness is mostly your self-judgment for FEELING awkward. You think you're supposed to feel differently, that others "just feel comfortable socially." It's not true. Everyone gets nervous and weird sometimes, everyone has awkward silences. When you become okay with it, and own it rather than trying to change it -- that is, ironically, when you get healing.
What you resist, persists. Let yourself socialize AS socially anxious you. Let yourself feel shy, and then give yourself grace to not beat yourself up for not "performing." Confidence is not the assurance that you'll be liked -- it's knowing that you'll be okay, and treat yourself well, even when you embarrass yourself or feel shy.
So yes, practice socializing. But not as a technical skill. The thing you're actually practicing, the fundamental layer that all healthy socializing comes from, is this: You're practicing BEING VULNERABLE. You're practicing COURAGE. The outcome of any social interaction doesn't matter, only that you let yourself be brave, and honest.
If you're like me, it will rapidly transform your life.
Wishing y'all well. Be kind to yourselves.
Yaya
Tysm u wonderful human
Thank you very much for your well-written insights.
I literally paused the video to read your comment. Thank you for sharing
Well said! I've learned that is often a question of perception or frame of mind along with projecting. Am a work in progress and I focus on progress rather than challenges ahead and progress is far better than perfection.
As a self-aware introvert I could say this is easier said than done.
Don’t make excuses. It’s not like you have a disease or disorder or something. Just do it. It may be difficult but it’s very possible. There are people in worse positions than you.
How could you possibly know what I can or can not do? So you can surely say I don't have a disease or disorder? It seems you're making random assumptions about a total stranger.
@@Mr.Rgdias Unless you have autism or any other social disorder that prevents from doing do, the effective thing to do is to just push yourself through the pain and anxiety because if you don't do it now, then when are you going to do it?
Yep I just get tired and overwhelmed
@@V1Salvo This attidue is the way tbh, it is hard though, the best thing to do it just put your self in the fire.
During Covid, I stopped going out and stayed home. I spend more time on my devices rather talking to people outside. My communication has gotten worse ever since covid.
Honestly though, covid really just ruined everything :/ and the thing is is that the whole quarantine and wearing a mask thing would help reduce covid mightve not been true, and the people who said it was true were pretty much guessing
SAME plus it completed ruined my relationships with my friends
It's definitely a use it or lose it kind of thing. I experienced this exact same thing. In fact, I graduated during Covid in 2020, and I struggled to find work after graduating which made me fall into a depression. So my confidence was totally rock bottom. I couldn't remember how to talk to people anymore, and I was quite chatty and sociable in my early 20s. But I recently started studying again and I met some new people. The more I see them and interact with them, the better I feel at socialising. But it took me a while to find the right crowd. I had to sort through a lot of people that I don't get along with before I found the ones that I can actually talk to.
THIS! After Covid I completely forgot how to talk to people other than my own family. It's been a struggle ever since then, but I've become a lot better. My advice would be to just force yourself into social situations (ik it's hard). Basically just exposure therapy. Force yourself to be in places with a lot of people and engage in small talk with strangers (even if you don't feel like it, you never will lol). Such as cashiers, people in line at the store, in church, and school. I also love how in the video he talked about observing people! That's what I did at first, I would listen to people's conversations and watch their body language (trust me you learn a lot). I also came up with a list of responses to general questions that people usually ask (such as how are you). As well as my own questions for other people (what have you been up to recently?). Also don't be afraid to take charge of the conversation, I've found that it's a lot easier than just being shy and letting the other person interrogate you (taking charge also helps you feel more confident). And I've been working on changing my mentality about people, just reminding myself that they are no better or worse than me. They're just a person with their own ways of thinking and opinions, and it's okay if they disagree with or dislike you.
It's incredibly difficult to force yourself out of your comfortable little bubble, but unfortunately it's the only way to become better. I've learned that the more I stay in my comfort zone, the worse I feel about myself. Usually it stems from feeling stuck and not getting better. The more you stay home and avoid people, the deeper the pit that you're stuck in will get. And consequently, the harder it is to get out of that pit. Which is why it's better to force yourself to do difficult things rather than not. It is through struggle that we get stronger and more durable.
100% solid advice. Observing is probably the most important thing you can do to get better at conversations. I used to be considered really shy to the point some people thought I was “mute” as a kid. When I got into college though I started to get better at actually listening to what people were talking about and asking questions about themselves, their thoughts, etc. Now people actually ask about me and want my input.
Anxiety: allow me to introduce myself
Love n star girl
Anxiety comes from the fear of failure, the trick is to be pessimistic and expect yourself to fail and laugh it off when you do
@@samir6035what abt the intense body heat and sweating, fidgeting, everything being overwhelming, shaking, stuttering, voice changing and intense fear? what do u do abt that
@@starz1234-q2m someone made a comment about being open about how you feel when interacting, you should give it a read
I've spent more than enough time around people and social interaction to know that I do not get along with many people and I often just don't care enough about anyone to bother trying conversation, I'm happy in my own company
That last sentence is not true and you know it. Sooner you acknowledge it and decide to fix it the better.
@Bailey251 I'm curious why is it not true tho? Ppl can prefer to be alone and enjoy their own company right
@@bailey2517it can be true some people genuinely like being alone and that’s fine why r u so cynical
@@angl0_ it's very uncommon. Most likely they are just saying that as a coping mechanism but deep down they (maybe subconsciously even) know they don't want to be lonely.
@@chillpill2098 the world is cynical. Get used to it. 🤷
I’m legit so shy and so awkward I don’t know how to make conversation with people and I fear making a fool of myself so I just avoid human interaction best I can… 😅
This is me as well. Growing up, i was shy and avoiding interactions bcs i was afraid of making things awkward and weird. Then it caused my social skills to be underdeveloped. So now im trying to put myself out there as much as i can and risking myself to be embarrassed and make mistakes. Now, it hasn't significantly improved yet but it's better. It might be embarrassing yet that's how improvement is made
Can confirm the baby fact. I was a bit awkward at communicating but sometime after that I started observing how my dad interact with people and without noticing I copied the same exact way he did. He always tease people a bit in conversations and nonetheless I do that too haha.
cute
I knew this "secret" for a long time. The problem is that I can't find people willing to deal with my socially awkward side until I learn, but I can't learn until I find people. I'm stuck in a loop.
My method that got me better was socialize or do something when you count 3..2…1 in your head get into a EXTROVERT mentality and just DO it regardless cause if you DON’T you missed out on socializing and will never gain practice. You’re in this loop you can get out of FAST or slowly depending on your mentality of your situation. YOUR’E GONNA HAVEE AKWARD FIRST CONVOS people may not accept you (their loss) but you at least gained experience and you’ll get out of that loop with time. 😊
Also people not accepting you is what you’re gonna deal with social OR not they’re just like judgmental props you gotta get through to get to •actual interesting nice people•. Be the bigger person, socialize, get your experience, then leave , YOU would get something out of it THEY DONT all they did was have hatred in their life 😬
@@pippip8237 true true
The Truth is one that noone evet talks about:
You are fine at talking to people. People just suck
Ur weélcome
Why be so cynical?
But u cant change people. The only thing u can change is yourself
Most of it is pointless and not productive
@@baki577 I think he lowkey right in a very basic sense
There is no shortcut to greatness.
Practice makes perfect.
The biggest lie implicit in today’s society is that social skills are set in stone. I can quickly tell when someone has underdeveloped social skills, even if they have surface charisma.
So what are they?
What are clues that indicate to poor social skill. Perhaps i could give myself a quick fix 😅
Yea, this seems easier than it actually is when you have social anxiety. I’m finally able to go back to uni after a brain injury, but I feel so disconnected to others because I’m older, have to deal with accessibility accommodations, and just don’t know what to talk about. Would like some advice as to where I should go to find people locally, especially those that already don’t have their own social groups.
Well, to be fair, the whole point of the video is to tell you that it’s not going to get easier until you just do it. Will there be people who might make fun of your inability to communicate the way THEY want? Maybe, but I’d argue most people are kind enough to not do that though, at least not in your face. But those people aren’t worth your time. You can find like-minded people all you want but until you learn how to talk to people you have nothing in common with, social anxiety will always be a struggle
@@mattbarachko5298 it indeed does get easier the more you try. It's always gonna be difficult to do it, just easier.
same. was out of it for 3 years during the pandemic. came back and just feel older and out of touch. planning to join those student organizations if they ever open up tho.
Hey J B. I know how you feel. Mind if I share my experience here? I related very much to you, and was able to heal completely in time.
"A key piece of advice for anyone watching:
I healed, completely, after *years* of social anxiety. At first, videos like this actually made me feel worse. But now i understand; there's a specific frame you have to interpret these videos in for them to help you.
The change came after I was so overwhelmed with anxiety, that i gave up on trying to be 'enough'. I deciding I wanted to be radically honest. I wanted to be vulnerable, to stop trying to conceal or "fix" the embarrassing parts.
When I met people and was nervous, I would tell them. "Honestly, I'm kind of a shy person. I feel nervous about not having something to say." Often times, to my surprise, they took it extremely well and actually were MORE open and interested in getting to know me than ever before. And I felt like I could be myself -- including the vulnerable parts. I'd often even hear, "Whaat? You don't seem shy to me!" Because it turns out that being honest about your fear IS courageous.
Then it clicked. Why was I watching videos like this? Because I thought I needed to learn how to be something different. To not be nervous, to not be awkward, before I could socialize healthily.
The truth is exactly the opposite: Socializing well comes from deciding that it's OKAY that you feel nervous, that you're awkward, and being honest about it.
It turns out, your awkwardness is mostly your self-judgment for FEELING awkward. You think you're supposed to feel differently, that others "just feel comfortable socially." It's not true. Everyone gets nervous and weird sometimes, everyone has awkward silences. When you become okay with it, and own it rather than trying to change it -- that is, ironically, when you get healing.
What you resist, persists. Let yourself socialize AS socially anxious you. Let yourself feel shy, and then give yourself grace to not beat yourself up for not "performing." Confidence is not the assurance that you'll be liked -- it's knowing that you'll be okay, and treat yourself well, even when you embarrass yourself or feel shy.
So yes, practice socializing. But not as a technical skill. The thing you're actually practicing, the fundamental layer that all healthy socializing comes from, is this: You're practicing BEING VULNERABLE. You're practicing COURAGE. The outcome of any social interaction doesn't matter, only that you let yourself be brave, and honest.
If you're like me, it will rapidly transform your life.
Wishing y'all well. Be kind to yourselves."
For you personally, J B, what this means is: Talking to people *about what you just told us in your comment.* What unconscious assumptions are stopping you from doing that? Do you feel like others would be bothered, inconvenienced, don't want to hear your problems or won't relate because of you being older, or something? These are all caricatures. People GET IT. We all connect through vulnerability. If what's stressing you out is the difficulty of connecting socially after getting an injury and returning to college late, then mention it to people you meet. You can be honest without being dramatic or seeking a savior: just be okay with talking, casually, about the REAL things you're facing.
I know it can feel like people will be overwhelmed or off-put, but that's usually not the case. That comes when you try to MAKE THEM solve your problems - but when you're comfortable casual talking about your problems, you're OWNING them. The same way if a friendly person tells you, "Yeah, I'm a bit shy. So i feel nervous meeting people sometimes." -- you don't feel repulsed, you feel drawn to their brave honesty. They're not self-victimizing and trying to make you save them. They're just okay being real about what's rough. And that's so valuable.
In short, the most valuable, rare thing you can offer socially is being radically vulnerable. Being okay with what you're feeling, and with being honest about it. Most of the time, weirdly enough, people interpret this as courageous non-neediness. Because you're accepting of your own emotions and struggles, and being real. So they feel they can be open and real around you, too.
Nervous, frustrated you is enough. More than enough. Give yourself some grace, and let yourself be a little more open, a little more courageous. It'll work out over time. I guarantee it.
@@GSPV33 I like your comment man. The problem is that the people around me don’t think that way. Every time I go to uni people always give me a weird glare because they think I’m messed up or something. It’s not really an assumption when it’s obvious people look at you differently. Already discourages me from conversing with them. I’ll still continue to do my best for myself
The problem is not being able to talk but the main problem is when you talk to someone they are not even interested to listen to you or they ignore you . Also when you talk to them they will respond with small words and then awkward silence 😑
i agree lol
Than found someone who's interesting talking to you
there are many people on the planet who are intrested in talking to you, try to find these people. make sure to not talk to much about yourself or else you will get these response like "hmm okay" or "ahhh"
I experienced that its very hard i dont understand how people do it but i got better at socializing the last 6 months 😅
This was a much needed wake up call. I can't express how much I'm thankful to you for making such real and amazing content. Easily one of the best videos that I've come across everrr!
What about autistic people where observing social standards/cues is a problem for them
man who cares
Great question
@@sulkel I care
We are just fucked.
@@car9182 no. No you don't. Don't kid yourself.
people busy on phones should realise that this is a shoutout to them. 😂😂😂
So, the secret to getting better at talking to people is talking to people. That's awesome.
You need to go out and practice more with what you learn and observe their reaction to later learn from them and that will help you become better at talkimg to people. So remember, go practice more by talking to more people and observe their reaction . Because thats how u learn
Kurz und bündig. Sehr gut erläutert
As someone who is NOW...completely socially handicapped, ...i appreciate this message wish me luck....🤞.
I remember when I really did not talk to people at all beside some friends. Over time I started to talk more and it’s true, you slowly got better at socializing. You could even just listening to more people. I still don’t always like talking to people
"You were not born socially handicapped." Me, autistic: That's nice lmao
This makes a lot of sense....I live a very isolated life...but I'm also autistic soooo socializing is just plain harder for me
I'm trying to heal my social anxiety and i will try this out
So true, I was extremely social as a kid but then I got medicated for my adhd which caused me extreme social anxiety and disinterest in socialising for a year so I basically spent a whole year not talking to anyone other than my parents and teachers. After I finally convinced my mom to let me off the medication I was basically socially disabled for the next ten or so years, but the more I put myself out there the better I got at it. Had to spend lots of time with people to make up for all the lost social development in that year. And parents, DO NOT Medicate your kids to make them talk less! It’s extremely harmful!
that makes much more sense, you see I’m a youngest child and my mom sheltered me all the time, never got to play outside or talk to friends much. I didn’t have any convos to observe lol
Short answer: be around people
Very interesting and inspiring. Just what I needed to hear. Thank you ❤
Social anxiety is real however the more we press on the anxiety the more it grows, if we put on practice, step out day by day, the more we encounter people the more we can conquer it.
Best way to start so you don't go from 0-100 is just start talking to your co-workers at work or customers and build off from that.
Great advice 👍🏻😮thanks ❤
I’ve spent my entire life sitting in the back and watching people I think my brain has had plenty of time 😂
"touch grass" bro said wisely
That's really encouraging to hear...cool... thanks!🎉!
I’ve never seen a secret that’s so obvious and true at the same time 🙌🏼
Great advice
True, maybe I never practiced socializing much bc I never make time for it or never take the opportunity to. But now, I am slowly getting better recently.
Welp,I am an alien learning to be a human😂.Love from andromeda galaxy:)
"How much more rough could it get?"
"Rough."
She's literally telling you.
Gotta be clear with your decisions
"Bee friend" lol, these bee puns are everywhere.
Feel the fear and do it anyway!! Find comfort in the discomfort 💕 does eclipse set the tone for the next 14 years! This is the time right here right now
Anxiety joins the chat*
“You are not born socially handicapped”
Autism: Allow me to introduce myself.
i aprove this is so true
talking isnt hard but getting meaning full growth out of it is hard.
I want to believe that all I need is more practice, I have been mostly alone most my life, so could be that. But sometimes I feel like I’m just slow. Reading and communicating feel so unnatural to me. I can’t keep up with people.
Practice practice practice.
Everyone seems so busy these days. For me, the first step to talk directly to people is so overcome the "i'm so busy" label and not getting too nervous by it when i did it. It's a short dopamin rush.
Most of the time i communicate by digital writing/voice mails via smarphone or computer.
But as it's said, to get better in something, DO the thing you want to get better in.
So.... We have to interact with more people to interact with more people?
I have a big difference in personality before looking and after looking mobile
But I am autistic.
How do I get better at social interactions then?
The more I tried, the more I got rejected and now, after being at home for a year (due to mental health issues), I am finally going back to school again but how do I even have a normal one to one conversation?!
Underated advice
That's the secret just go out there and start talking with more people-best way to learn communication just start a career in sales, cold calling and meeting a lot of buyers and trying to persuade many people to buy
Leave a baby to grow up in a room constantly filled with adults and within a few years it'll learn to give up trying to be heard.
I spent lots of time staying in my room since i was a kid yk and my parents usually dont go outside so.Ppl mocked me made fun of me at my age of 5-12 and i started become insecure abt myself and now i am 14 i became an introvert with social anxiety and having lots of insecurities.And also when i try to talk they's r talking with oths everytime so i feel left out.It's really hard for me to ask something to someone like i dont even ask my teachers when i dont understand anything but i am trying to be more socialize.
I think the environment changed us.
I used this when I was 7 the pattern thing I practiced by greeting my teachers and replying saying “I’m fine thank you how about you?” In reply to when they ask if I’m ok
How to talk to people: talk to people
i started talking to prossies first then i started talking to roadmen and steeet folks..........now im a gangleader in london..........socializing can be a problem too
Impressive 👏🏾
This is great advice, really uplifting thank you!!! Wouldn't it be easier to say "they" when giving an example though? I just thought it sounded better and is easier and quicker to say than "he or she" since it's shorter
Thank you very much
Yeah i was as a shy and timid child.. Both my parents always working.. And as a child i rarely made first move to approach or talk to neighboorhood friends they alwas come and invite me to play with them... Most of them were older than me... So i grew up not knowing how to communicate or make friends with same age kids... This spiral continues till i'm in my 30's.. I still don't know how to approach or talk to other person.. Even though i know how to make a small talk... But i never really could step further to become their best friends... It seems like there's always a wall between me and them... Now i just feel so tired trying to know other people.. I don't have the energy and i don't feel like I need a friends or something... I'm just happy with my own... Talking with people is just tiring and troublesome
i guess this applies more to allistics lol
Yes im social i love talking to people its just allistic society doesnt accept the way i am socially as an autistic person. i mostly speak monotone, etc. but people tend to take it the wrong way even when i tell them i dont mean it in that way or whatever.
You stalk them, and follow them to their homes, find out more about their families and loved ones, that is observation
I get stuck when it's time to inquire further about them. I don't usually genuinely care 😂 am I just an asshole? I don't want to be, but it's how I usually feel. I don't have questions I want to ask because I don't care about the answer or have the energy to start/hold a conversation. I wish I did. Anyone else relate?
Thanks
wrong
-20 baby aura
real lol
She thought celebs will make me jealous bros fams 😂😂😂 it's in her head but, not in real life 😂😂😂😂
& she proud 😂😂😂
Interaction costs me money
Outism: am I a joke to you?
But fr this is great advice I'm 21 and most people can't even tell I have Outism because I picked up on the patterns, I took their secrets!
Thats scary tho learning can bring me closer to friends 🤔
me who works at retails, *internal screaming*
Im gonna send this vid to my friend and introduce this because
there this girl that he like, but don't know how to start a conversation so im sending this.
So... it's like learning to swim, just swim...?
Great !!
My problem is telling folks my business as form of conversation
step one: practice talking to people
step two: if you don't know how to talk to people do step one
Feed the algorithm
Kisa. Im not coming over remember this aint over
Remember come get me before I leave. I'm serious I'm tired from the voices I need your love
That poor baby. 🤣
*Overthinking has joined the chat*
But I know every tinsy bitsy about it(my observation is actually better than normal)but it's the nervousness that gets in the way.
In summary "Touch grass"
Gracias
What do you know? To make friends, you only have two options. You dominate or you suck up. Pop culture? Dominate or suck up. Hobbies? Dominate or suck up. Food? Dominate or suck up.
my only problem is keeping eye contact while talking :')
How? How can i pratice if i can't even say hi and handle a simple conversation once I'm in front of people? I'm always convinced they think i suck and i think i suck when I'm in public
Bruv i litterly talk to a stranger on a side walk. And yet i still feel like i my communication skills aren't the best (right now i have always though i had autism so thats a possibility)
But yeah, my problem isn't fear. It's like i don't say the right things in the right time.
It pisses me off when people tell em to be myself. Then when i am myself they leave me 😂
What if i have autism LMAO
Not us introverts watching this 😢
Exp like zherka says
This is why I don’t believe you in things like introverts. A human is so capable and complicated at the same time to be kept in one cage called introvert.
Lol. Tried that. Doesn't work for everybody when the codes are not compatible with the way your brain functions.
But how can i talk back if i cant know what there saying half the times
She doubting me. She don't know the things I'm able to accomplish if im with her
❤❤❤❤