@@Heyu7her3 Well, the deal is to get over it. The problem there is that what was once loneliness became peace...and who wants to tilt at that windmill?
Same! Traditional therapy has really disappointed me so far. Videos like this, online communities and journaling have really helped though. I've just started seeing a new therapist, hopefully it will be different this time.
CPTSD FA and I had PI-IBS that forced me to stop sabotaging my nervous system regulation -- cortisol addiction & that excited state is real -- change my diet, and I couldn't be as angry as I'd been because those pathways were in effect burned out and my gut ceased functioning correctly. Also had to quit alcohol, pasta, irregular sleep; started going to the gym, formed healthy routines by necessity not choice, found community and better friends, quit narcissists and I drive slower. But lately I can drink a little alcohol and have 1 pizza a week or carbo-loading :)
Thank you for this video. I was wondering how CPTSD and attachment styles intersected. I have both. I started with healing my CPTSD and came to a point in therapy where I needed something else to make more progress. Then I found PDS! Using all my tools has helped me reach a much more peaceful life. I did a coaching program for CPTSD, then I went to therapy to do EMDR and neurofeedback, and finally PDS.
@sasb3675 I had found The Crappy Childhood Fairy on RUclips. She offers courses and coaching. The coaching imo was a bit expensive but it was a good start on my journey to heal CPTSD. But it definitely wasn't enough because she believed that you had to manage your CPTSD everyday forever which I wasn't satisfied with which made me find and use the other tools I listed in my original comment.
I feel like somehow you just told me everything about myself in 15 mins that I've been trying to figure out for 30 yrs! I am so happy I found your channel!!
Well, isn't this perfect timing. Currently devouring Pete Walker's book on CPTSD and seeing how I am absolutely in a heavy flight-freeze continuum... and was wondering how that may also have an impact on my FA attachment style. Thais, you are really amazing!! Haha.... digging into this video now! ❤
I’m exactly at this point too, after 40 years of searching for answers, Anna Runkle, Pete Walker & Thais on RUclips have all helped me to understand where everything goes wrong, we are not bad people we are just normal humans in a broken system 🕊️
Is there a type of CPTSD that results from neglectful and emotionally constrained parents? The type of parents who expect you to "stay out of trouble" but just kind of leave you to your own devices and don't care or even notice when you're smoking pot at 12 or having sex at 13? Stuff like that. Family never discussed things, didn't interact much. The only time the parents really interact is to yell at you for not doing chores. Trying to deal with an FA who has never really been held accountable for their major choices and behaviors in life. They now find it very scary and "controlling" when a partner is like "Hey, why did you do this?"
They are so similar in many ways. I believe I have both cptsd and fa attachment style. I was diagnosed with cptsd and, within the past year, connected to the attachment information. I have a long history of pain, anxiety, and disassociating. My attachment with my mom was chaotic also, felt emotionally safe one moment and the next shamed, etc. Romantic relationships have been very challenging for me, but with therapy, your channel, books, etc, I'm reprogramming my mind, learning healthy strategies, and building my self-worth stronger than ever. Thank you for addressing the differences and the info on cptsd. I was hoping you might ❤
@@joelofty6436ot true. So not true. The abuse my father dealt out gave me cptsd, my ex boyfriend’s abuse gave me ptsd (it was so bad it was awhile before I found a therapist who could handle what he did to me), & I’m an fa. I also seem to match a hyper sensitive person (HSP). 🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️🩹 for you. You deserve so much more love than what you got.
@@joelofty6436 then I suggest you change your beliefs about yourself. Look at the people in your life who put them there. Are theses people truthful? Are they compassionate? Are they intelligent? Do they have your best interests at heart? If not then I suggest you ask yourself why you believe people who are untrustworthy, lacking in empathy, & are stupid? Cause you shouldn’t. If you met someone as screwed up as you would you hate them or have compassion for them? It’s because people like you & me who are so beyond messed up that we can have compassion & understanding towards people that others want nothing to do with. Treat yourself the way you’d treat someone who’s hurting as much as you are. Would you say the things to them that you say to yourself? Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to them. Forgive yourself the way you’d forgive them. 🙏🏼❤️🩹 sorry for the edit. There were bad spelling errors
Really interesting, and thank you for this! It's something I've been wondering about for a long time. I'd love to see a video on how an FA with the more severe form of CPTSD would operate in a relationship...while all FAs obviously have boundary issues, emotional dysregulation issues, fear of vulnerability, etc., the freezing and dissociation tendencies of someone with more severe forms of CPTSD would likely have a major impact on relationships in ways that an FA without such a heavy amount of CPTSD probably wouldn't experience.
Surprisingly enough, I function pretty well in a romantic relationship (in contrast to most other areas of life). Partly it's being used to pouring in the dogged effort to work through issues and find solutions even in craziest situations. Partly it's due to the good fortune of my first serious relationship being quite a positive experience. And partly it's just out of necessity.. when you have no one in the world (in terms of family) plus a ton of physical health issues and skill deficits stemming from CPTSD, finding a good-enough partner and doing your best to make the relationship a success is a survival-level necessity. So I made it my priority, building a secure base from which to explore the world.
Healing both of these is tough but so so worth it! I can't say I'm fully healed but I used to have body dysmorphia, would constantly fight with my partner and break up with him, had little sense of self worth (much of this was unconscious). I'd also bring a negative energy at times to work or relationships. Now, I am so much more confident, I'm able to think before reacting, I use a variety of emotional regulation tools, and have such good relationships with everyone in my life. Attachment and trauma healing been probably the most helpful thing I've ever done for myself 🥰
I have been in recovery for about 10 years and I know all the terms but I just don't know how to fix. And the trauma group today I asked how to fix myself. I asked if I need to work on the inner child or my attachment issues. The counselor said attachment issues and trauma all go together. Your video tied my question back very nicely. I asked which program I should purchase. Looks like I will be looking into yours. Thanks for what you do
I have been diagnosed with cPTSD due to being raised n a doomsday cult. I also have abandonment wounds due to some experiences in my childhood (my parents were not abusive but there were some things that happened that weren’t their fault). In my current relationship this shows up as fear of betrayal, freezing and dissociative states, etc. I’ve also had chronic pain with no cause for years. It’s getting much better after two years of therapy!! I would love if you spoke more about how cult upbringing can cause specific attachment wounds. I think it comes from the shunning policies but also the nervous system is always “on” due to doomsday messaging, crisis creation and boundarylessness. I lean anxious but have lots of overlap with FA and have shown up FA to cope with my last relationship. I think my past confusion about whether I was anxious or FA is due to my cPTSD confounding my symptoms. Thank you for this!!
Its definitely something thats come up in discussions in PDS live webinars. People brought up in cults or in very strict controlling religious upbringing & impact on Attachment/relationships. A webinar on this specifically would be good!
Just listening to this discussion is making my palms sweat and my heart race. I am thinking cptsd. I have experienced repeated sexual guilt trips and other coercive tactics in my current relationship. Those tactics largely stopped a few years ago, but i still get racing heart and panicked feelings every time i need to say no or stop or anything - even though he says its ok. I don't truly believe him. Also many years ago, he didn't stop when i said no. That only happened once, but my brain could not make sense of what i experienced and i stuffed it. Anyway, i am thinking i need to leave to be able to heal, but his worst behaviors have stopped, so i feel extra bad leaving. But if my body won't let me say no, i can't really say yes. Also, i don't feel respected or seen in this relationship, even now. Can cptsd heal if you are still living with the relationship that caused it? Please be gentle - i am trying to make sense of this and it is hard. I never realized that the way he pressured me to have sex was abuse. Just today i realized that.
Thank you, Thais, I was hoping you would go into this topic again! I strongly suspect that I'm living with CPTSD because I have been living with chromic pain since my early twenties, have regular emotional flashbacks and I struggle very much with dissociation. I can hardly remember anything from the time before I was 16 and even now in my thirties I really don't feel like like I have much of a past at all. I struggle with remembering things in general. Therefor the reprogramming tools for core wounds I got introduced to through your work don't really work for me because they are built on being able to remember situations where things worked out well and feeling into what that was like. Do you have other reprogramming tools for core wounds that are not based around being able to remember past situations?
That resonates with me. Have you tried conventional therapy? I did EMDR, CBT, schematherapy and EMDR again. I feel my PTSD is now in remission and I am quite grounded. Before the last EMDR I was still 45% FA with all the "book knowledge" in the world could not rationalize or co-regulate myself through triggers. Just 4 months post-EMDR and I am only like 8% FA.
@@laurah2831 the fact that I was living in a relatively peaceful and troublefree environment. The first round I was still living with my abuser who went about to physically and sexually abuse me frequently, also during my EMDR treatment, so I had no way of processing EMDR.
Another great video....not me wondering if I have cptsd until you said they don't really feel hunger....I feel my hunger for sure, better feed me when I'm hungry😂😂😂😂 Thank you Thais love you ❤
I need some help with subconsious behavior being avoidant and sexual satisfaction with another person. My legs try to subconsiouly keep me safe! It's a problem ive largly misunderstood till now im in my 40s help!!
Fascinating. I have cptsd, ptsd, & am an fa. This video is my life ❤️🩹 thanks for this video. It’s very helpful in understanding a lot about myself & my health issues
My CPTSD taught me to be Fearful Avoidant.
Your probably right about that dissmisive to 😂
Ps not laughing at you . Was at me btw❤
Bingo!!!!
These insecure attachment styles are caused by traumatic childhoods, so
@@Heyu7her3 Well, the deal is to get over it. The problem there is that what was once loneliness became peace...and who wants to tilt at that windmill?
You give here more information then we can get in 10 years of therapy.
Same! Traditional therapy has really disappointed me so far. Videos like this, online communities and journaling have really helped though. I've just started seeing a new therapist, hopefully it will be different this time.
Legitimately
There's different forms of therapy and most are not trained in trauma-based practices.
CPTSD FA and I had PI-IBS that forced me to stop sabotaging my nervous system regulation -- cortisol addiction & that excited state is real -- change my diet, and I couldn't be as angry as I'd been because those pathways were in effect burned out and my gut ceased functioning correctly. Also had to quit alcohol, pasta, irregular sleep; started going to the gym, formed healthy routines by necessity not choice, found community and better friends, quit narcissists and I drive slower. But lately I can drink a little alcohol and have 1 pizza a week or carbo-loading :)
How are things going 1 year later?
Thank you for this video. I was wondering how CPTSD and attachment styles intersected. I have both. I started with healing my CPTSD and came to a point in therapy where I needed something else to make more progress. Then I found PDS!
Using all my tools has helped me reach a much more peaceful life.
I did a coaching program for CPTSD, then I went to therapy to do EMDR and neurofeedback, and finally PDS.
Can I ask where/how you find the coach? I believe I needed coaching for my CPTSD and don’t know where to begin
@sasb3675 I had found The Crappy Childhood Fairy on RUclips. She offers courses and coaching. The coaching imo was a bit expensive but it was a good start on my journey to heal CPTSD. But it definitely wasn't enough because she believed that you had to manage your CPTSD everyday forever which I wasn't satisfied with which made me find and use the other tools I listed in my original comment.
Thais explains things better than my psychology teachers!
So glad that you've started talking about cptsd more and how it relates to FA attachment style
I feel like somehow you just told me everything about myself in 15 mins that I've been trying to figure out for 30 yrs! I am so happy I found your channel!!
Well, isn't this perfect timing. Currently devouring Pete Walker's book on CPTSD and seeing how I am absolutely in a heavy flight-freeze continuum... and was wondering how that may also have an impact on my FA attachment style. Thais, you are really amazing!! Haha.... digging into this video now! ❤
I’m exactly at this point too, after 40 years of searching for answers, Anna Runkle, Pete Walker & Thais on RUclips have all helped me to understand where everything goes wrong, we are not bad people we are just normal humans in a broken system 🕊️
@ditadee01 so true! Wishing you all the best on your healing journey!!
Is there a type of CPTSD that results from neglectful and emotionally constrained parents? The type of parents who expect you to "stay out of trouble" but just kind of leave you to your own devices and don't care or even notice when you're smoking pot at 12 or having sex at 13? Stuff like that. Family never discussed things, didn't interact much. The only time the parents really interact is to yell at you for not doing chores. Trying to deal with an FA who has never really been held accountable for their major choices and behaviors in life. They now find it very scary and "controlling" when a partner is like "Hey, why did you do this?"
I dont think there are different types of cptsd but this definitely counts as long lasting more overt trauma
sounds exactly like my ex gf
Fearful Avoidant's, what are your thoughts on the similarities and differences? Comment below
They are so similar in many ways. I believe I have both cptsd and fa attachment style. I was diagnosed with cptsd and, within the past year, connected to the attachment information. I have a long history of pain, anxiety, and disassociating. My attachment with my mom was chaotic also, felt emotionally safe one moment and the next shamed, etc. Romantic relationships have been very challenging for me, but with therapy, your channel, books, etc, I'm reprogramming my mind, learning healthy strategies, and building my self-worth stronger than ever. Thank you for addressing the differences and the info on cptsd. I was hoping you might ❤
I’m too fucked up to ever be loved.
@@joelofty6436ot true. So not true. The abuse my father dealt out gave me cptsd, my ex boyfriend’s abuse gave me ptsd (it was so bad it was awhile before I found a therapist who could handle what he did to me), & I’m an fa. I also seem to match a hyper sensitive person (HSP). 🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️🩹 for you. You deserve so much more love than what you got.
@@triplejmom7826thanks for the kind words, but I don’t believe that.
@@joelofty6436 then I suggest you change your beliefs about yourself. Look at the people in your life who put them there. Are theses people truthful? Are they compassionate? Are they intelligent? Do they have your best interests at heart? If not then I suggest you ask yourself why you believe people who are untrustworthy, lacking in empathy, & are stupid? Cause you shouldn’t. If you met someone as screwed up as you would you hate them or have compassion for them? It’s because people like you & me who are so beyond messed up that we can have compassion & understanding towards people that others want nothing to do with. Treat yourself the way you’d treat someone who’s hurting as much as you are. Would you say the things to them that you say to yourself? Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to them. Forgive yourself the way you’d forgive them. 🙏🏼❤️🩹 sorry for the edit. There were bad spelling errors
Thank you so much. I would love to see a video on "tough love" and how it may affect atachement styles, thank you.
Really interesting, and thank you for this! It's something I've been wondering about for a long time. I'd love to see a video on how an FA with the more severe form of CPTSD would operate in a relationship...while all FAs obviously have boundary issues, emotional dysregulation issues, fear of vulnerability, etc., the freezing and dissociation tendencies of someone with more severe forms of CPTSD would likely have a major impact on relationships in ways that an FA without such a heavy amount of CPTSD probably wouldn't experience.
Surprisingly enough, I function pretty well in a romantic relationship (in contrast to most other areas of life). Partly it's being used to pouring in the dogged effort to work through issues and find solutions even in craziest situations. Partly it's due to the good fortune of my first serious relationship being quite a positive experience. And partly it's just out of necessity.. when you have no one in the world (in terms of family) plus a ton of physical health issues and skill deficits stemming from CPTSD, finding a good-enough partner and doing your best to make the relationship a success is a survival-level necessity. So I made it my priority, building a secure base from which to explore the world.
You get out of the romantic relationship and find more direct/ body-focused therapy practices to heal the wounds and acquire skills.
Healing both of these is tough but so so worth it! I can't say I'm fully healed but I used to have body dysmorphia, would constantly fight with my partner and break up with him, had little sense of self worth (much of this was unconscious). I'd also bring a negative energy at times to work or relationships. Now, I am so much more confident, I'm able to think before reacting, I use a variety of emotional regulation tools, and have such good relationships with everyone in my life. Attachment and trauma healing been probably the most helpful thing I've ever done for myself 🥰
My ex is a fearful avoidant and would have night sweats occasionally. I wish I would have found this page 3 months ago.
Thank you for this! It's turning on lightbulbs for me about myself and people in my life. Thank you
I didn't know what CPTSD is exactly, tnx a lot
I have been in recovery for about 10 years and I know all the terms but I just don't know how to fix.
And the trauma group today I asked how to fix myself. I asked if I need to work on the inner child or my attachment issues. The counselor said attachment issues and trauma all go together. Your video tied my question back very nicely. I asked which program I should purchase. Looks like I will be looking into yours. Thanks for what you do
I have been diagnosed with cPTSD due to being raised n a doomsday cult. I also have abandonment wounds due to some experiences in my childhood (my parents were not abusive but there were some things that happened that weren’t their fault).
In my current relationship this shows up as fear of betrayal, freezing and dissociative states, etc. I’ve also had chronic pain with no cause for years. It’s getting much better after two years of therapy!!
I would love if you spoke more about how cult upbringing can cause specific attachment wounds. I think it comes from the shunning policies but also the nervous system is always “on” due to doomsday messaging, crisis creation and boundarylessness.
I lean anxious but have lots of overlap with FA and have shown up FA to cope with my last relationship. I think my past confusion about whether I was anxious or FA is due to my cPTSD confounding my symptoms.
Thank you for this!!
Its definitely something thats come up in discussions in PDS live webinars. People brought up in cults or in very strict controlling religious upbringing & impact on Attachment/relationships. A webinar on this specifically would be good!
You were raised Jehovahs Witness!!! I’m sure… most who leave and even who stay suffer with anxiety and cptsd
I definitely feel like I have it based on a few unsafe experiences with men.
😂 I’m amazed I don’t have a nervous twitch after all the 💩 I have had to conquer in order to thrive like this. I’m ready for my close up. 😊
Yes I am ...oh dear!
Best video. Thank you ❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing this information. ❤
Just listening to this discussion is making my palms sweat and my heart race. I am thinking cptsd. I have experienced repeated sexual guilt trips and other coercive tactics in my current relationship. Those tactics largely stopped a few years ago, but i still get racing heart and panicked feelings every time i need to say no or stop or anything - even though he says its ok. I don't truly believe him. Also many years ago, he didn't stop when i said no. That only happened once, but my brain could not make sense of what i experienced and i stuffed it. Anyway, i am thinking i need to leave to be able to heal, but his worst behaviors have stopped, so i feel extra bad leaving. But if my body won't let me say no, i can't really say yes. Also, i don't feel respected or seen in this relationship, even now. Can cptsd heal if you are still living with the relationship that caused it? Please be gentle - i am trying to make sense of this and it is hard. I never realized that the way he pressured me to have sex was abuse. Just today i realized that.
Thank you, Thais, I was hoping you would go into this topic again! I strongly suspect that I'm living with CPTSD because I have been living with chromic pain since my early twenties, have regular emotional flashbacks and I struggle very much with dissociation. I can hardly remember anything from the time before I was 16 and even now in my thirties I really don't feel like like I have much of a past at all. I struggle with remembering things in general. Therefor the reprogramming tools for core wounds I got introduced to through your work don't really work for me because they are built on being able to remember situations where things worked out well and feeling into what that was like. Do you have other reprogramming tools for core wounds that are not based around being able to remember past situations?
That resonates with me. Have you tried conventional therapy? I did EMDR, CBT, schematherapy and EMDR again. I feel my PTSD is now in remission and I am quite grounded. Before the last EMDR I was still 45% FA with all the "book knowledge" in the world could not rationalize or co-regulate myself through triggers. Just 4 months post-EMDR and I am only like 8% FA.
@@0Demiyah0 what do you think it was about the second round of EMDR that was different, as you’d done it before the other cognitive stuff
@@laurah2831 the fact that I was living in a relatively peaceful and troublefree environment. The first round I was still living with my abuser who went about to physically and sexually abuse me frequently, also during my EMDR treatment, so I had no way of processing EMDR.
Another great video....not me wondering if I have cptsd until you said they don't really feel hunger....I feel my hunger for sure, better feed me when I'm hungry😂😂😂😂
Thank you Thais love you ❤
I need some help with subconsious behavior being avoidant and sexual satisfaction with another person. My legs try to subconsiouly keep me safe! It's a problem ive largly misunderstood till now im in my 40s help!!
Great topic!!!
thank you! Have been wondering about this
Can you do a video of the difference between CPTSD and BPD? There are so many similarities between FA/CPTSD/BPD
You are a saviour !
Thanks!
Thank You 🙏
I have both so it gets confuse for me
What course is this in ?
❤❤❤
Welp >_
I have LGBTQXYZ syndrome with an overlay of CPTSD symptoms, but my dog still loves me. Woof !
Yeah, the labels are annoying but it helps fix the behaviours.
I can put up with it if it means my relationships actually work.
Fascinating. I have cptsd, ptsd, & am an fa. This video is my life ❤️🩹 thanks for this video. It’s very helpful in understanding a lot about myself & my health issues