Crypt of Dark Secrets: Bad Movie Review

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  • Опубликовано: 26 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 185

  • @DarkCornersReviews
    @DarkCornersReviews  7 месяцев назад +73

    Sorry for those who had the misfortune of seeing the wrong upload. Force: Five will be here next week. Uploading our intended video ran fowl of repeated copyright issues. So we need some time to fix that. (Of course Patreon members can enjoy Force:Five and now the too hot for RUclips cut of this film.)

    • @joannemarin1067
      @joannemarin1067 7 месяцев назад +14

      Any of your uploads are not the wrong ones

    • @thesausagecontinuim1971
      @thesausagecontinuim1971 7 месяцев назад +3

      nae worries big man!!!😁👍

    • @Youll_Love_It_At_Levitz
      @Youll_Love_It_At_Levitz 7 месяцев назад

      Definitely wouldn't call it a misfortune.

    • @maplebob23
      @maplebob23 7 месяцев назад +3

      I was just going to ask if the eclipse made the video late.

    • @travisrygg3317
      @travisrygg3317 7 месяцев назад +2

      All is good, we love listening to you anyway.

  • @midwestmonster9886
    @midwestmonster9886 7 месяцев назад +32

    "We've heard as many fake confessions as we've got unsolved murders." 🤣🤣🤣

    • @euansmith3699
      @euansmith3699 7 месяцев назад +1

      Classic Robin! 😄👍

    • @Redfern42
      @Redfern42 7 месяцев назад +3

      MST3K, RiffTrax, Cinematic Titanic, etc. would be proud of that one!🤣

  • @TheBeird
    @TheBeird 7 месяцев назад +16

    I dunno why, but with each clip of this flick shown, I kept expecting Angela Lansbury to turn up and solve everything

    • @MorristheMinor
      @MorristheMinor 7 месяцев назад +2

      If only because Scooby Doo and the gang were busy...

  • @garrick3727
    @garrick3727 7 месяцев назад +14

    Mary Magdalene being a mystical snake woman with resurrection powers is a massive plot twist from the Director's Cut of The Bible.

  • @CaptOrbit
    @CaptOrbit 7 месяцев назад +18

    "...Uh, you may have missed the defining characteristic of meteorites".
    Absolutely cracked me up! I actually had to pause the video.

  • @goodlookingcorpse
    @goodlookingcorpse 7 месяцев назад +13

    "Primitive sexy dance" seems to be a real trope of old b-movies.

  • @vanillajack5925
    @vanillajack5925 7 месяцев назад +57

    "I'm a snake-woman agnostic." 😅

    • @jamesnoland7821
      @jamesnoland7821 7 месяцев назад +4

      I'm also a snake-woman agnostic. But I hold out hope that a Ray Harryhausen Medusa exists in real life.

  • @lensmann4002
    @lensmann4002 7 месяцев назад +37

    ...Ted Watkins himself, Ronald Tanet, shared his thoughts on the film. “Look, they paid me six grand to make an ass of myself in public and I usually do that for free." Quoted from Bleeding Skull
    Moral-even a naked woman can't salvage, let alone save a bad movie.

  • @malfeitor1349
    @malfeitor1349 7 месяцев назад +38

    You had me at boggy creek cut offs. Came for the review, stayed for the cut offs.

  • @eddieboyky
    @eddieboyky 7 месяцев назад +19

    "I'm a snake woman agnostic." Finally! I've been searching all my life for the others!

  • @alandhopewell
    @alandhopewell 7 месяцев назад +37

    Honorable mention for Tor Johnson's rising from a cardboard lined grave in PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE.

  • @skylx0812
    @skylx0812 7 месяцев назад +15

    Mr. Boggy Britches looks like the life model for one of the 12inch GI Joes an older cousin liked to play with so much. ...which may explain a few things.

  • @ashleys9397
    @ashleys9397 7 месяцев назад +12

    That mystical rock (or boulder) looks to me like the world's biggest russet potato. (I love potatoes.)

  • @joeporter5972
    @joeporter5972 7 месяцев назад +8

    Caught this one several years ago. So much strange: the short shorts on our hero just about breaks it. Then there's the INTERMINABLE canoe time. The dance. This one goes so far beyond bad.

  • @Splendiferous42
    @Splendiferous42 7 месяцев назад +5

    "I got you some cold beer" - I half expected a Cervesa Crystal meme there

  • @GrandOldMovies
    @GrandOldMovies 7 месяцев назад +21

    Notable film resurrection? That's when the Tree Monster/Tabonga rises from the pit it's been smoked in, in that cult cinematic masterpiece, From Hell It Came. And, boy, did it ever!

    • @IronSalamander8
      @IronSalamander8 7 месяцев назад +3

      Oh man, I haven't seen that one in a long time! But the tree monster and quicksand scene still haunt me!

    • @benderbendingrodriguez420
      @benderbendingrodriguez420 7 месяцев назад

      Cinemassacres Monster Madness introduced me too the Tree horror film. Haven't recovered in a decade

  • @mikehunt4986
    @mikehunt4986 7 месяцев назад +6

    Freddy Krueger coming back to life at the beginning of A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 4 might be my favorite resurrection scene of all time.

  • @robotrix
    @robotrix 7 месяцев назад +15

    7:25 Haven't seen a fireplace messed up that bad since Manos.
    Was originally going to ask how that guy way out in the backwater had a metal box of ice for his beer...but I guess when your girlfriend's a magical snake....

  • @dngillikin
    @dngillikin 7 месяцев назад +8

    Well, it's no "Night of the Cobra Woman."

  • @maplebob23
    @maplebob23 7 месяцев назад +13

    If only you had an in-house snake woman expert!

    • @scotth6814
      @scotth6814 7 месяцев назад +3

      Better call Dad.

    • @Bigbadwhitecracker
      @Bigbadwhitecracker 7 месяцев назад +2

      the "assistant" might be a better option in this case.

  • @RavenHouseMystery
    @RavenHouseMystery 7 месяцев назад +11

    Boggy Creek cut-offs? Well, we can't all wear Daisy Duke shorts.

    • @Bigbadwhitecracker
      @Bigbadwhitecracker 7 месяцев назад +1

      Please, daisy duke shorts must be outlawed east of Pueblo, CO all the way to the Kansas border. I shutter to think of the whales squeezing their flab into those with pulsating tattoos popping out.

  • @reignfire85
    @reignfire85 7 месяцев назад +6

    Best resurrection scene: The Mummy's Ghost (the old Universal film), when the woman slowly crawls out of the mud. It's really a great moment of someone clawing their way to freedom after an age trapped underground.

    • @leebritnell2405
      @leebritnell2405 7 месяцев назад +2

      That's very good(and a bit unexpected) for it's time.

    • @BarryHart-xo1oy
      @BarryHart-xo1oy 7 месяцев назад +1

      It is a very memorable and creepy scene.

  • @patanouketgersiflet9486
    @patanouketgersiflet9486 7 месяцев назад +4

    I like how the corpses/zombies come back to life in the graveyard under acid rain scene in Return of the living dead, especially that skeleton opening its eyes. Very remeniscent of my childhood trauma, aka Michael Jackson's Thriller

  • @johnathonhaney8291
    @johnathonhaney8291 7 месяцев назад +6

    "...if that doesn't bring him back from the dead, nothing will!"
    Ladies and gentlemen, the best laugh I've had all day! Gives whole new meaning to the term "making a dead man rise."

    • @mikespangler98
      @mikespangler98 7 месяцев назад +3

      I was thinking of the eunuch test from History of the World.

    • @euansmith3699
      @euansmith3699 7 месяцев назад +1

      He used to be a fine, upstanding member of Boggybottom society; now, he's a real stiff.

  • @rangerrick816
    @rangerrick816 7 месяцев назад +6

    Now I'm ready for "Crypt of Dark Secrets - The Musical".....Keep up the good work !

  • @travisrygg3317
    @travisrygg3317 7 месяцев назад +6

    Tor Johnson being resurrected in Plan 9 From Outer Space. It took him considerable effort to escape his tomb.

  • @mmattson8947
    @mmattson8947 7 месяцев назад +4

    I wonder if Lt Harriman ever used margarine.
    “I can’t believe it’s not butter.”

  • @DDlambchop43
    @DDlambchop43 7 месяцев назад +10

    wait, a meteorite made her immortal? is she related to Vandal Savage?

  • @BigSlimyBlob
    @BigSlimyBlob 7 месяцев назад +4

    In the list of "logical, yet so very dumb" things to say... "We've heard as many fake confessions as we've got unsolved murders" is right up there with "I lost my mood ring and I don't know how I feel about that".

  • @beanbaka
    @beanbaka 7 месяцев назад +2

    Best bit of dialogue was snake woman going "ssshhh"😊

  • @a.champagne6238
    @a.champagne6238 7 месяцев назад +4

    This is actually a competently made film when compared to director Jack Weis' followup "The Mardi Gras Massacre."

  • @a.champagne6238
    @a.champagne6238 7 месяцев назад +2

    I know people who worked on this and Weis' other film Mardi Gras Massacre. I so badly wanted to do a documentary on him but none of them were interested. They figured it would be just ranting about how awful and inept he was but that would be the point.

  • @markditoro8836
    @markditoro8836 7 месяцев назад +4

    I'm glad you covered this one. I first saw this last year on Tubi and thought I had discovered another Ed Wood in director Jack Weiss--absurd storytelling, loopy dialogue, iffy camerawork, etc. So I immediately checked out his other two movies Death Brings Roses (1975) and Mardi Gras Massacre (1978). Alas, they were just ordinary bad movies that did not reach the heights of lunacy seen here.

    • @markditoro8836
      @markditoro8836 7 месяцев назад +1

      Misspelled the director's name. It's Jack Weis.

  • @DMfilmfan
    @DMfilmfan 7 месяцев назад +4

    I'm seeing a lot of Ed Wood's influence in the lack of logic in the plot and the weak script, not to mention the budget-saving measure of using the same furniture for different sets. At least the leading lady is articulate, which is more than can be said for some of her co-stars.

  • @matthewconstantine5015
    @matthewconstantine5015 7 месяцев назад +5

    Ho, boy.
    Making movies in the 70s must have been wild.

  • @rsacchi100
    @rsacchi100 7 месяцев назад +2

    That chair was a popular model, like the poster of the dogs playing poker. 🙂

  • @bryangraham7926
    @bryangraham7926 7 месяцев назад +6

    best resurrection scene is The Sword and the Sorcerer, the resurrection of Sachi of Delos

  • @jfjoubertquebec
    @jfjoubertquebec 7 месяцев назад +7

    I think they are trying for French Cajun southern accent. Rare!

  • @jasonpratt5126
    @jasonpratt5126 6 месяцев назад

    I like the touch of the button glowing magically at the appropriate moment! .....and under the video!

  • @willmistretta
    @willmistretta 7 месяцев назад +7

    Not gonna lie, I was expecting at least one crypt.

  • @markula_4040
    @markula_4040 7 месяцев назад +4

    3:16 Uh, oh. Does Ray Parker Jr have another lawsuit on his hands?

    • @robotrix
      @robotrix 7 месяцев назад

      By him or against him? The former are pretty rare.

  • @raymondtillotson6985
    @raymondtillotson6985 7 месяцев назад +4

    A film that goes off the rails in two snakes of a lambs tail.

  • @TheRealNormanBates
    @TheRealNormanBates 7 месяцев назад +1

    1:30 _Whoa!_ Those are some short shorts! Would you call those David Dukes?
    3:12 Ha! Nice transition back to the movie!
    Better resurrections? Well.. let's see... there's Conner Macleod from the first *Highlander...* Eric Draven from *The Crow...* maybe Murphy from *Robocop?...* hmm, oh yeah. Jesus Christ. That's a good one.

  • @Litauen-yg9ut
    @Litauen-yg9ut 7 месяцев назад +3

    Love your commentaries... Man they're funny.

  • @joshua2814
    @joshua2814 7 месяцев назад

    “And I use the word ‘explain’ quite wrongly.” 😂😂

  • @Emulous79
    @Emulous79 7 месяцев назад +1

    Oh dey dooey Dhamballa, gimme the power I beg of you!

  • @SupremeGreatGrandmaster
    @SupremeGreatGrandmaster 7 месяцев назад +1

    Best resurrection scene: THE CROW
    Runner up: Chuck Norris driving out of his make-shift grave in LONE WOLF McQUADE.

    • @euansmith3699
      @euansmith3699 7 месяцев назад

      I like the biker riding out of the grave in Psychomania; which, I believe, was the inspiration for the album cover for "Bat Out of Hell".

  • @ewintertyler
    @ewintertyler 7 месяцев назад +4

    It’s rare to see a movie that Rifftraxs itself 😂

  • @moonknight1985
    @moonknight1985 7 месяцев назад +5

    This RUclips channel feels like it belongs on 90s channel 4 yes it's that good

  • @smacksalad
    @smacksalad 7 месяцев назад

    Editing and clip choice is fantastic in this review :)

  • @cjthrill
    @cjthrill 7 месяцев назад +1

    This movie should be remade with the current crop of popular stand up comedians. I'm seeing Ari, Tom, Shane, Bert, Sam, Mark, et al.They can all play a part!

  • @facelessnobody8113
    @facelessnobody8113 7 месяцев назад +2

    Dracula's resurrection from Dracula Prince of Darkness.

    • @Nosregni
      @Nosregni 7 месяцев назад +1

      Agreed. Dracula: Prince of Darkness is a great resurrection in a great film.

  • @DanDoty-i5n
    @DanDoty-i5n 7 месяцев назад +2

    From the Ed Wood School of film making 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵 I also noticed that the Sheriff and his Deputy not only not believe Snake Women , they don't believe holsters either. Just wondering which one was going to blows hid balls off first.

    • @a.champagne6238
      @a.champagne6238 7 месяцев назад +2

      You think this one's bad, you should see the director's followup The Mardi Gras Massacre.

  • @davidkoenig8592
    @davidkoenig8592 7 месяцев назад +2

    Another fantastic episode.💯

  • @erikgustafson9302
    @erikgustafson9302 7 месяцев назад +1

    That resurrection scene would have been even better with "Start Me Up" by the Rolling Stones.

  • @Ektalon
    @Ektalon 7 месяцев назад +1

    “If only our department could afford holsters.”

    • @Ektalon
      @Ektalon 7 месяцев назад

      And how does Damballah end up with a incredibly stiff upper class British accent?

  • @THE_bchat
    @THE_bchat 7 месяцев назад +1

    I've seen a lot of "bad movies", but this looks to be the least thought-out film of all time. Where did that guy get $20,000 in cash from? He looks too young to have saved it up from working, and you don't get inheritance in the form of cash. And why did he need to put it in the bank all of a sudden? Why did the two guys need to kill him? They could have just waited for him to leave (he has to buy food at some point) & stolen the money then. What was the point of having the murder victim resurrected if he wasn't going to do anything to the guys who killed him?
    Seems to me that the only point of this film being made was to have that girl dance around naked.

  • @IronSalamander8
    @IronSalamander8 7 месяцев назад +3

    The acting in this thing is abysmal! And I do agree that it's so bad it's also amusing. What a hot mess.

  • @Bigbadwhitecracker
    @Bigbadwhitecracker 7 месяцев назад +1

    I'm amazed by the Hershel Gordon Lewis style acting.

    • @CaptOrbit
      @CaptOrbit 7 месяцев назад +2

      It had a very HGL feel about it, didn't it?

  • @StephanieFlynn-y3i
    @StephanieFlynn-y3i 2 месяца назад +1

    You crack me up!!! Thankyou.

  • @louismendoza-y9l
    @louismendoza-y9l 7 месяцев назад +1

    Somehow Palpatine came back. A snake woman could have been involved.

  • @20th_century_Ghost
    @20th_century_Ghost 7 месяцев назад +2

    Another great bad movie review from Dark Corners. 🖖🏼

  • @rubberneckinc.8937
    @rubberneckinc.8937 7 месяцев назад

    "and I use the word explains quite wrongly."
    As always perfect perfect stuff. I didn't think he'd be able to spell CASH either.

  • @ERJones-fd6oh
    @ERJones-fd6oh 7 месяцев назад +1

    Can't beat a film with interpretive dance

  • @euansmith3699
    @euansmith3699 7 месяцев назад

    Harrigan, "I don't believe you murdered the Captain Cut-offs; however, trying to pull an April Fool's joke not on April Fool's Day is a crime around these parts. The sentence is death."

  • @KarlBunker
    @KarlBunker 7 месяцев назад +4

    If Ted becomes the new Tamballa, let's all give thanks that the movie ends before _he_ does his full front-and-back nude dance!

  • @buzzawuzza3743
    @buzzawuzza3743 7 месяцев назад +4

    I'm not sure I'm ready to believe you actually reviewed this film even though I watched your review. I just don't know.

    • @shannondore
      @shannondore 7 месяцев назад

      What?! You don't have an idea about making a movie based on a woman who turns into a snake and a creepy guy in cut-off shorts?😂

    • @buzzawuzza3743
      @buzzawuzza3743 7 месяцев назад +1

      @@shannondore I guess we'll have to wing it.

  • @bunkerzero
    @bunkerzero 7 месяцев назад +2

    the woman who swims in the lake
    The one who turns into a snake
    Bars 🔥🔥🔥🔥

  • @shawntherapidlyaginghipster
    @shawntherapidlyaginghipster 7 месяцев назад +2

    For a split second, I thought the dark haired girl was Laura Gemser.

  • @GeneSavage
    @GeneSavage 7 месяцев назад +1

    American comedian Gallagher's first serious movie acting role, I see.

  • @SchlockAndAweFilms
    @SchlockAndAweFilms 7 месяцев назад

    I think I have this poster folded somewhere

  • @benderbendingrodriguez420
    @benderbendingrodriguez420 7 месяцев назад +1

    Damballa you say? Must be Charles Lee Rays favorite film😆

  • @couldnotbereachedforfurthe2647
    @couldnotbereachedforfurthe2647 7 месяцев назад +2

    This movie has one great scene.

  • @Prohass
    @Prohass 7 месяцев назад +1

    It’s hard to make fun of, but that’s why you’re the best

  • @raymonddaniels1658
    @raymonddaniels1658 7 месяцев назад +1

    Yup! That's definitely a lot of beer and some pizza kind of movie. Going to watch this one on a friday night. Cheers!😀👍👍👍👍

  • @sarcastanaut
    @sarcastanaut 7 месяцев назад

    I believe!!

  • @KarlBunker
    @KarlBunker 7 месяцев назад +1

    This was a great one! 👍👍👍

  • @a.champagne6238
    @a.champagne6238 7 месяцев назад

    Robin, next year, Mardi Gras falls on March 4 so if you review Jack Weis' Mardi Gras Massacre, that would be when to upload it

  • @ritawing1064
    @ritawing1064 7 месяцев назад +1

    Golly if this is a substitute for "force 5", I can't wait to see how dire is the latter!

    • @DarkCornersReviews
      @DarkCornersReviews  7 месяцев назад +1

      We hope to get it out but copyright may prevent.

  • @gedq
    @gedq 7 месяцев назад

    I suppose poor old Ted there has the problem that Strippers 'r Us is the only clothes shop for hundreds of miles around.

  • @NOSHER
    @NOSHER 7 месяцев назад

    Lt.Harrigan looked different in Predator 2 😊

  • @CarlKeeling1881
    @CarlKeeling1881 7 месяцев назад +1

    The resurrection of Frank Cotton in Hellraiser is a better resurrection

  • @tenebrousoul9368
    @tenebrousoul9368 7 месяцев назад

    I'm not forgetting that i saw Force: Five. I'll give it my view, but i wont forget i got two uploads today

  • @gingataisen
    @gingataisen 7 месяцев назад +1

    Does Jason Voorhees being struck by lightning count?

  • @sgtmajor5700
    @sgtmajor5700 7 месяцев назад +1

    If only the opening was true.

  • @keithbird8910
    @keithbird8910 7 месяцев назад

    That IS Ted's chair! 🤣

  • @thrashpondopons8348
    @thrashpondopons8348 7 месяцев назад

    Hey... better than the Resurrection Bit in 'Game of Thrones'!

  • @paulcocks7299
    @paulcocks7299 7 месяцев назад

    The interpretive dance appears to be on a Playstation controller.

  • @dbsommers1
    @dbsommers1 7 месяцев назад

    So, the bad guys confessed, their confession is rejected, then are forced to be voodoo to death.
    What the hell, man.

  • @jamesnoland7821
    @jamesnoland7821 7 месяцев назад +1

    This is definitely a WTF movie! I feel I'll have to get really sauced to watch this.
    I'm still trying to drum up interest for a Robin Bailes Funko Pop! Anyone else?!

  • @JohnSmith-x8s5g
    @JohnSmith-x8s5g 7 месяцев назад

    I know what film swept up ALL the Oscar acting nominations that year.

  • @marcharrison1970
    @marcharrison1970 7 месяцев назад +1

    Just watched this and I'm struggling to remember a crypt. The nudity is quite something though.

    • @a.champagne6238
      @a.champagne6238 4 месяца назад +1

      The same director who made Mardi Gras Massacre which does not feature a massacre.

  • @Bluesit32
    @Bluesit32 7 месяцев назад +1

    She's a bit small for Dumballah.

  • @AmityvilleFan
    @AmityvilleFan 7 месяцев назад

    Seein that ending: Uhm, what?

  • @ERJones-fd6oh
    @ERJones-fd6oh 7 месяцев назад

    Dambala? The rainbow serpent?

  • @notjpeg
    @notjpeg 7 месяцев назад +1

    Had one question. Chances you might review films like 1995's Cruel Jaws, 2011's Tied In Blood and/or 2015's Shark Exorcist?

    • @DarkCornersReviews
      @DarkCornersReviews  7 месяцев назад +4

      Cruel Jaws is filmed and edited and will be out in a couple of weeks!

    • @notjpeg
      @notjpeg 7 месяцев назад +1

      @@DarkCornersReviews - Will definitely watch that review. Thanks.

    • @markiangooley
      @markiangooley 7 месяцев назад

      It’s Kind Jaws I was hoping for…

    • @diegoferreiro9478
      @diegoferreiro9478 7 месяцев назад +2

      The title 'Shark Exorcist' looks promising!

    • @Nerval-kg9sm
      @Nerval-kg9sm 7 месяцев назад

      @@diegoferreiro9478 It's certainly something.

  • @davidfausel9029
    @davidfausel9029 7 месяцев назад

    C-A-S-H.... and omg that is one helluva denim out- fit! LOL

  • @brittanynicole7431
    @brittanynicole7431 7 месяцев назад +1

    Ha, this was fun!

  • @shredsquidabominog4928
    @shredsquidabominog4928 7 месяцев назад

    She lives in the lake and turns into a snake ...

  • @spews1973
    @spews1973 7 месяцев назад +2

    Where's the crypt?

    • @DarkCornersReviews
      @DarkCornersReviews  7 месяцев назад +2

      The title tells you nothing about the film. I went in expecting something else entirely.