It’s ironic, because the most important job a parent has, by far, is raising the children. I was an engineering manager in a huge company, my wife was a stay at home mom, I never thought for a moment that her job was easier or less important than mine.
I was a stay at home wife and mother, making sure my husband and children lived a peaceful organized life. My husband valued my job,as I also valued him and his caring,loving, attentive, honorable morals. I admire, and appreciate him more now than when we were raising 7 children. He is the absolute best Papa and husband a girl could pray for. Shout out to the real men of this world who provide for their wives and children!❤
I believe it. Im a guy and I’m a stay at home caregiver for my mom. Lot of bad things happened that led me to doing this, schizophrenic sister, dad with copd, mom being disabled and bedridden for years, dad and sister both passing away. I’ve been out of work for 14 years caring for both parents, now just my mom. It was the right path to take but hasn’t been an easy path. One thing I’ve realized is that nobody treats me with the same respect they did before I quit working. I’m always being harassed about being jobless and broke and have been since it started. All of my relationships with family, including my mom, have been hurt by this. It’s sad and it’s been difficult, but I’m still glad I did it. Not sure why but people who stay at home, regardless of their reasons, aren’t treated as equals. Makes no sense to me.
I want you to know that I have an immense amount of respect for you. You are TRULY serving another human being in a profound way. The people who harass you might know this and might feel called out for not serving others as much as they could. I moved in with my mom to be here in case it gets to the point where you two are, and to help her pay bills. I work full time but I do understand that it's a sacrifice of a portion of one's personal freedom. In my eyes, you are a prized person. Seriously.
It's really stupid that people think that a lot of these women that work are working because they want to, most working women work because their husbands don't earn enough for her to stay at home, nothing to envy about that.
When you think about it, whats more important in life and in the world than taking care of an ailing parent/sibling, or rearing a wholesome human being? Nothing!
This makes me sad. My husband was an engineer. I was home with our kids for 16 years until my youngest entered 3rd grade. Our kids were our top priority. My husband was thankful I was home caring for them. Together, we invested and saved enough money to retire early. We make a great team.
I ranted in a comment post about how it seems to be not good for many. But you and others like you need to share your story. There are successful sahms with Dads that support it. GREAT JOB!!! You are heroes!❤
Yay! I love the positive stories :) See, it is possible. Sounds like you and your husband were very responsible and loved/respected each other very much.
It is sad. It’s okay though @mnp208 .. it is programmed into the current generation and the generation before me that WOMEN MUST BE EQUAL 😅 because the sahm “agenda” has been to destroy families over time and create issues within the home. It’s all done on purpose. No more accountability, responsibility or traditional morals any more.
SAHMs save a whole lot more money for their families than is appreciated or even understood. Working or career moms tend to become exceedingly materialistic due to the constant influences of the outside world that they are exposed to outside the home away from their children. So no matter how much money they make, they actually go into more debt due to the presence of an active social life outside the home, which paves the way for an even more complicated, stressful life. As a SAHM myself, I don’t have a bunch of coworkers or lady friends I regularly see to gossip or get ideas from on how to live my life. I think all day about what to feed my kids, where to take them, and how to educate them. I focus 1000% on the wellbeing of my family. This is what consumes the bulk of my mental and physical energy.
My wife was a Stay at Home Mom when the kids were little, then she started to work at their Elementary School so she could be off when they were out of school..."Stay at Home Working Mom???". My attitude was to work hard to provide for the Family, but when I came home, it was fun to give 100% to the Wife/Kids when I walked through the door. -Gave my wife 30 to 60 minutes off when I got home -Weekends the kids were 50% mine to take care of, so she could do somethings she wanted to do with friends or for herself -When we went out to dinner, I made sure the kids were NOT being wild so she could enjoy a nice dinner -We went to a movie when the kids were babies, I would take the baby out of the movie if they were crying, so my wife could enjoy the movie Just because you are a "Stay at Work Dad", does not mean you get to take a Vacation from your family when you get home...Your wife and kids NEED your 100% support when you are at home. ***Of course, my wife make sure I could take a power nap or some quiet time or to watch a Basketball Game.
To be honest, I know a ton of men that respect and honor their wives that stay at home to take care of the kids. When you have kids, you work as a team...no role is better than the other...both are needed to be a winning Team.@@Mira-gu6we
@@Mira-gu6we A lot of men couldn’t be appreciative of anything they were given. It’s not just about their wife. It takes a lot of humility to recognize the work people put in for you, most men lack humility today. The era of the great man is done. Just look at the trash we have to vote on for the presidency. Not one candidate has note worthy character or presence. No body aspires to be like those men. Instead, they set the example for what the American standard is.
This one hurts! But there’s truth to it. I am a SAHM initiating a divorce because of unchanging and ongoing emotional abuse for 11 years. I have worked myself to the bone to homeschool, clean, cook, organize playdates, grocery shop, drive to appointments, care for the pets, etc. all with an autoimmune disease. I’ve been told by my husband “I’m sick of funding you”, “I don’t think homeschooling is working”, “I’ve carried you on my back this entire marriage”, “you’ve never actually loved me or cared about me.” It’s all too much. It’s never enough for him. I get compliments from friends and family on my cooking, my clean home, and my son’s proficiency in reading, writing and math. But from my husband I have gotten harshness, criticism, coldness and just plain cruelty. I am leaving with no income, no saved retirement, no “experience” as I married right out of college. But I’m doing it because I’m not going to spend one more day lighting myself on fire to keep the marriage warm. It’s all so wrong.
You have right over his retirement since you got married, 50% belongs to you counting from your marriage date. It's the law. You should get some training on your career ASAP. Get a baby sitter or put your kids back into school. Better find a little balance on this equation. This situation can lead to a high level of anxiety and depression, otherwise your hole will become deeper and harder to emerge from. Good luck! ❤
So sorry that your soon to be ex did not value you and what you provide for your family. There are so many women in your position. The number one thing for you to do is to get out! You and your children deserve peace and a good life. Hopefully your story will save other women. Wishing you nothing but the best!
Was he raised by a working mother? I think that makes the difference in what they value..... My mother stayed home with us while we were young and unfortunately went back to work fulltime too soon to a job that drained her physically and mentally....when we were teens so I wrecked my highschool opportunities being left so unsupervised. My husband the same thing. His mother worked a heavy career she was too tired/distracted to focus anymore other than the basics of ensuring he was fed housed clothed. He wrecked his highschool opportunities...we both had to work in our 20's to make up all the high schooling plus (he did a trade license) I did college late into my adulthood because of this. My life would have been so much easier had I had the full time attention from my mother during highschool. I give that to my kids today they're all on honor roll my oldest graduated with an advanced diploma and in college. However I still battle occasionally with my husbands mentality about mothers can work and do it all. In actuality not only did his parents also divorce, only one of his siblings graduated due to the neglect. I pray you can work it out and keep trying to shift his mindset.
@@sunshinenday3439Highschool? Highschool is when I was and I guess most people are most independent during childhood. Why did you need FULL TIME attention from your mother? In high school I spent most of the time in school and with friends with little parental supervision, traveling often to rock climb with adults and etc.
It’s not just that, but it’s dangerous to put your financial well being in the hands of a partner. I study law at university, and a few of the lectures spoke of domestic abuse and how it comes up in legal cases in different ways. Finances is not a joke and something that is only a man’s business! Even without abuse, a woman must be able to take care of herself financially as an adult and not rely on another person for that in the same way as when she was a child.
that doesn't sit right with me because the cost of child care is so expensive so people literally get paid to do those things , housekeepers, cleaning services,laundry services,cooking services,child care services are jobs but if you do it in your own house hold its disrespected ....
@@DebbieW-h7zsounds very much like victim-complex, look at me suffer in the richest regio of the world, give me a break, we all should grow some balls
Depends on the state, but most states are very favorable (more than they should be) towards women and SAHMs in divorce situations. Believe me I know. Most states now calculate and factor in the income each spouse is making at the end of the marriage, and many other factors designed to make men pay through the damn nose. My ex wife got 90% of our assets and money when we divorced. She got spousal support, still gets child support, got the house, car, 80% of my retirement, etc. After we divorced she had so much money she didn’t need to work at all for 2 years while she finished her degree (also paid for). She still has tons of money leftover, enough to buy her own condo and a new car. I’ve had to scrape ever since, but not her. In my experience the men are more vulnerable in these situations because society makes it out like we forced our wives to stay home. I wanted her to keep her career before she left it. Not my fault she was a SAHM for 11 years and had no work experience or skills when we divorced.
Say what you want. I’m a stay at home mom and it wouldn’t change my choice to hear this. I have been married for 32 years and the only job I held was when my kids were school age and I was a substitute teacher. I would do it again!
It’s the most common because our society has decided to respect stay at home moms so little and their husbands latch onto that….. Meanwhile other people pay someone else thousands a month to watch their kids, clean their house, cook meals, shop… If society acknowledged it is a job that they should consider is worth the amount they will pay others there would he no contempt from anyone.
I think a lot of people would rather have two incomes and pay a third party to do those things so that the partners' daily lives aren't dramatically different from each other.
I wish I had a cook, a maid, someone to shop, do laundry, and iron clothes for me. Oh and help my kids with homework and after school activities. I work full time and still have all the responsibilities of a SAHM.
@@missjanelovethat’s a misconception. Unless your children are with you while you’re working, you don’t have the same responsibilities as a SAHM. Someone else is teaching, watching and feeding your kids while you’re at work.
SAHM here. I think @missjanelove was making the point that the activities listed are WORK too and that she has 2 jobs which are exhausting. What she described is exactly why I decided to have less money but have more of my sanity!
Or a live-in housekeeper and nanny, who's never off the clock, and also expected to provide enthusiastic sex on a regular basis. It's a pitfall, and one that takes some work and honest, respectful communication to avoid.
Before we were married, my then-boyfriend and I discussed how we would run our home. He expected me to work to earn money for our home like his mother did. I told him I wanted to be a homemaker like my mom. He really struggled with this and discussed it with his dad, who admitted that having his wife work outside the home probably cost them more in childcare, fuel, professional clothing, convenience food (since no one was at home to cook meals from scratch), and several other incidental costs, than it would for her to stay home and take care of her family. My husband and I have now been married for 12 years and have children. He has repeatedly remarked how much he appreciates me being home and caring for our family (we also homeschool), and how our home feels better than his home growing up. But we both have to be on board. I can’t just wear designer dresses and go to the movies every day and buy expensive junk we don’t need. Every dollar is accounted for. We garden a lot and I put food up. I cook mainly from scratch and do laundry and clean and teach and taxi and all the things our household requires. When he comes home, I make sure his needs are met. And he makes sure our family has what we need.
@@Che-vn6vushe wanted to do all the grunt work and care fully for her children and give it up when he wanted it. The compromise was that he had all his needs met. the compromise was easy.
I am a Princeton grad with a masters degree who worked at a financial firm in New York City for 15 years before leaving to stay home with my kids. I can definitely understand why stay at home moms would feel vulnerable. It’s a tough, extremely isolating job. That being said, I don’t regret leaving my well paying job to do it. I think my children benefited immensely from it and my husband would definitely agree. I think this video actually speaks to how difficult it is for stay at home moms to reenter the workforce. It’s not easy and it leaves women trapped in bad marriages. I wish more companies would work on programs that help transition intelligent women who have been home back into jobs that match their skill set. And to any stay at home moms reading this - I get it. My most stressful day in finance was still easier than staying home with kids. It’s an extremely tough around the clock gig so don’t ever feel bad about yourself for having that gap in your resume. No one can understand how hard it is until they do it.
Why is it never a man leaving his hard earned degree/career?! It’s a deeply flawed way of viewing women. In Scandinavia parents do 50/50 and we have a high statistic of university educated people. My parents did 50/50 and I’m at uni. as a woman studying law. No way I would give away my financial safety for some man...ever!
@@soilgrasswaterairIf a woman considers it surrendering her financial freedom to be a SAHW/M, it sounds like there’s already a lack of trust in the marriage.
I stayed at home for a little, accidentally while I was very young. I quit my job because it was a toxic environment and was stay at home until I found a new job. I thought it would be the dream and I actually hated it and quickly became depressed. It’s very isolating and the work is mundane. I felt like I was wasting away. I also absolutely hated having my man pay for everything all the time, it didn’t feel like I could relax it just made me feel tense and like I couldn’t get what I really needed/wanted. It also created more tension in our relationship because my whole life became waiting for him to get home, and it was hard for me to give him space to do his own things because I was craving social interaction so much. I’m thankful for the experience bc I realized I hated it and didn’t have to realize that after it was too late.
It doesn’t matter who were before we were SAHMs, we all get treated as if we’re lazy, non-contributing gold diggers. It’s crushing to realise all the non-ending work wasn’t appreciated and counts for nothing, no less than nothing as it gets redefined as a character flaw.
We have to get over the stigma of being lazy and enjoy what we do. I am unemployed now and constantly feel the need to be "productive" and it's exhausting. There is so much guilt you get out of nowhere and it adds more pressure than there already is. While my bf is away, I clean, cook, look for jobs, am creative, do groceries (with my unemployment money), try to develop a side hustle. I am doing my best and I wish I got a glimpse of respect for once. My relationship is fairly new and my dream is to work part time long term so I can keep going, have two children, and be a very loving partner. But without a job I almost feel not allowed to exist 😢
All because of Gloria Steinhem. She managed to brainwash most women into thinking that raising a child and keeping house was less important than working for some guy. What is more important than your children? BTW, Gloria Steinhem's dad ran away when she was very young, and her mom had mental issues. Do you think she knew anything about a good family life? I guess she figured misery loves company. But the problem is women fell for it. Very few actually stepped back and thought. Next thing you knew, women were dropping off their six week old babies to complete strangers. There was a time when raising your children and taking care of a family was a revered job. Kids grow fast. You can never take this time back again.
Yup. The husband has been going to work, not having to pay for childcare and housekeeping. He is moving up in his position and pay grade. While the mom makes ZERO money. Now she has to start her professional life at the beginning pay rate. Like she should but if you are in your 40s, 50s, 60s. It’s terrible and I’m sure it blows peoples mind.
Not mine! I'm 47 and very excited to make my dreams and goals to happen. And on the top of that I'm an immigrant with a bachelor from my country, which put me in a situation where I'm starting from zero. Not financially, but professionally. 😉
the mom gets paid in free rent, free healthcare for her and her kids, free food and hopefully a faithful husband. SAHM are blessed and tired of reading ungrateful comments like your. Be GRATEFUL
@@drwalka10problem is "hopefully" isn't it? Your husband has all the leverage to screw you over. Hopefully he doesn't. If he does, society will blame you for "not choosing better." SAHMs trust their husbands, and that's how they get screwed.
Judging by the title, I thought it was going to be a smear against stay at home moms. She was very respectful and spoke the facts. I think instead of this looking bad for stay at home wives and moms, let's choose to learn from it. If both people want a more traditional household, how can they make that happen while avoiding these pitfalls?
That clearly shows gay men are multiplying with straight women and making them dumb and helpless, while they only care for the money to move on . You can hear it in their voices at times too that they are gay, but try to play it off as being straight, Where they spend less time at home and seem less caring than most men with women . Like the one video with a woman giving birth , Like I can hear it in that man's voice he was gay, and did not seem to care she was hurting, but asking her dumb questions as she is screaming while he is driving.
Ultimately you NEED god in your marriage. We need to follow his word (the Bible) and completely separate from worldly traditions and beliefs that DONT work. The world has marriage as an equal partnership. That’s not what it is. It’s a UNION where 2 become one. And there’s proper roles and hierarchy. Worldly marriage advice is live as independently as possible, doesn’t work.
People let themselves go in marriage that is why allot of them fall apart. The partner pretends to stay fit and got it together when they first start dating , but that is only to impress the person to marry them .. The main ones that fail get married with in a year or so but spent most of there time with friends bragging. Or always at work and never really anytime with each other . Basically only with there partner to get it on and go out to eat . And then spend most of their times bragging to people who don't have one . Lots of the people they marry most of the time doesn't even see who they really Are because they are blinded by their smooth talking words. Main ones that I notice that fail , they give each other pet names like babe 😆
@@Noadvantage246 so women should be forced to marry their rapists? Men can have multiple wives and concubines. A man can have a wife and have sexual access to her slaves. Men can take women as wives from countries they conquered. a dead man’s brother and his widow. Is this the biblical marriage you are talking about?
@@Metyourmatch Very interesting comment. Firstly multiple wives was never something God approved of. It was allowed in the Old Testament but it was never desirable. The New Testament specifically says to be a man of 1 wife. Ppl that have these “gotcha” things seem to really misunderstand the Bible, specifically the difference between the Old and New Testament. Because of Jesus sacrifice we are also not even under the same law. The best way that I can try and sum it up in a YT comment Old test was to show us why we needed Jesus sacrifice. Multiple wife’s never ended well in the Old Testament, it was the downfall of serval very good men. I believe God let many things play out in the Old Testament specifically to answer ppls questions. If you ever want to know “why God doesn’t just xyz” you usually have to look no further than Old Testament. So to answer your questions know that Old Testament ways of living isn’t necessarily supposed to be an example, if anything it’s most a warning. Jesus is our example, lord and savior.
Let’s not forget the vulnerability of SAHMs. For the length of time they have agreed to stay home they aren’t building a marketable job history in the common sense. They aren’t building any work history for social security, so no benefits there. If their spouse hasn’t been financially prudent there are also likely not too mention assets or financial holdings to split. This leaves the woman in a very precarious and vulnerable position. Many are just one paycheck away from homelessness. And let’s not forget that many SAHMs wouldn’t have chosen to be one except for the financial restrictions on childcare or because some spouses force the issue. So when the spouse that’s been allowed to work and have a life outside the home wants a divorce and wants to keep all the assets for themselves, I have little empathy for that scenario.
Men generally use women to raise their children and cook their meals then leave them high and dry and cry about the pittance they have to pay when getting a divorce. Women are much better off not even getting married imo
This is why the husband pays the wife monthly even before there are kids. The man must prove he is financially trustworthy before a woman gives away her womb to him.
Well, having a baby requires you making that choice, no one forced you to get pregnant, so if you don’t have enough money prior to having the baby then that’s your responsibility. Too many stay at home moms are miserable and that’s why their husbands leave and cheat on them. It’s not all the man’s fault if a woman is lazy and chooses not to work hard. If a woman quits her successful job to stay home, then you are lazy and entitled. I don’t feel sorry for people who choose to have a lot of babies, then say it’s too hard to go back to work. I’m general, stay at home moms that say they have no choice is wrong and an excuse that I’m tired of hearing.
I LOVE IT! I'm a married woman and this hits so close to home with what I've seen amongst my female friends who are stay at home moms. You were absolutely sincere in your explanation, and you NAILED IT with your delivery. Keep up the great work... You've got a new subscriber!!
I was a SAHM for 8 years before I went back to work part time. I could not go back full time as one of our kids is disabled and has therapy appts every day. In my opinion, these men GENERALLY expect their lives to stay the same after having kids (see friends for hours every weekend, play video games for hours after work, take 45 min showers and naps every afternoon) and then their wife has to become an unpaid maid and nanny. And these same men complain that their wife isn't fun anymore, why is she always tired and stressed out, we never have sex, etc. My husband never acted like this, he is a very hands on father and he always shared the load of cooking and cleaning.
I think the success of a stay at home mom depends heavily on who she married. You have to be on the same page and talk about your views on children and child raising before you get married. Life isn't a Hollywood movie where you live happily ever after just because you fall in love... I know it's not easy, especially because sometimes people change, but I don't think society places enough emphasis on how important these conversations about family planning really are.
@@thirstbasket Spot on. Lots of people don’t even think to have these conversations, or id the topic comes up they just go along with whatever their partner says so that there isn’t an argument, but them wanna get mad and cry victim when their spouse doesn’t change their mind for them. These conversations are super important and it’s Ben recommended to bring them up by date 2 or 3. Nothing super heavy. Just what your marriage goals are and if you want kids or not. Other important stuff and technicalities can be brought up over the course of the relationship as you get to know your partner.
I think the attorney is really brave for speaking the truth that she sees . Then explaining her position with logic as to why. The divorce she described was 100% my parents.
@@MrsPhillips-e6j That's what I was going to say - it's the finances that are the problem. The Boomer generation used to argue and accuse each other of not appreciating the other, but the younger generations are so swamped in debt with high rental prices that at argument breaks out over affordability and savings on a daily basis.
I think that's an interesting concept. Why is it that there is only social security paid out for a traditionally employed person, but not a primary care giver. Maybe spouses should consider saving for the caregiver so that both of their incomes and retirement are protected in the case of divorce.
I see a lot of women on my FB mom groups who want a divorce because they work full time, clean, cook, grocery shop, activities, doctors appointments, take care of the kids, can’t be sick, etc etc. Just because they work full time doesn’t mean their mom duties don’t exist. Some men won’t lift a finger or don’t know how to because it’s female/mom duties. These women want divorce so a least every other weekend they will “get a break”. That’s super sad. I can understand why SAHM are higher than likely to get a divorce though. If I was a man and made decent money I would love to not worry about my kids being taken care of by a daycare, go grocery shopping, clean, cook, etc etc.
Gosh another video making SAHM feel like crap. And it always seems that majority of the time it’s women doing it in comments and on video. What is it that gets everyone backs up about women that want to do that. I am a single and admire women that want to do this. I am not going to hate on women who do or don’t . People just love to hear the negative about women who choose to do this.
Some women work full time because it's necessary.... Most women I've met work full-time abd parent part-time because they have Been told by their feminist facebook group that being a stay at home mom is a second class low tier job Unworthy of respect
She just answered and pretty much solved the issue at the end Neither husband nor wife feels appreciated. That’s what’s wrong. Both have taken each other for granted and have not made time for one another. That’s the issue at its core. The marriage needs to be top priority because it’s supposed to be the foundation of the family. If husband and wife don’t prioritize each other then family falls apart. AKA divorce.
When kids are involved, they become the priority. The spouses are supposed to prioritize each other around that. Essentially, if you are with a person who is not family oriented then bringing kids into the mix will never work. Specifically speaking about guys, even the ones who say they want kids need to be vetted regarding where their head space is because a lot of guys say they want kids, but end up being a third kid themselves. Imo, if both spouses cannot reach an agreement with their thoughts, expectations, and philosophies regarding raising kids, and cannot make time for each other after having kids, then kids need to not be brought into the mix, or they need to find another person who is more compatible and shares similar familial aspirations.
I grew up with a stay at home mom and us 4 siblings. And she definitely put my dad first. They are still together 40 plus years and still going strong. We are loved and know it. I appreciate my mom for setting that example for me. Us kids are just fine and are wonderful adults now. Putting my dad first didn't deprive us of love. My mom loved us the best way she could and done a great job at it regardless of any mistakes made. That's her hubby. Dad should get special treatment from his wife ☺️❤️
I have a master in nursing. I am a stay home mom who homeschool for ten years. I quit my well paid job to dedicate my time to my family. It was the best decision I have ever made in my life. My marriage is strong, my kids are excelling academically. If I want to go back and work anytime, I can make a good living. My advice for women is to have a profession that they can rely one day if need it. Blessings to all🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thank you, this is the best!! I'm also a medical professional with a decade worth of work-experience, and left to be home to raise my two daughters, and homeschool them. It has been a huge blessing to all of us. Even on tough days, I'm so grateful. The alternative would have been working my full time and then coming home to work on chores, hardly any quality time with my family. What seals it all is our faith, my husband is a man of God and we are best friends. It breaks my heart to see so many negative comments coming from both Sahm's and non-sahms alike, but yours lit my heart up ❤️ Our careers will be there waiting for us when we return to the work force, but our children will only be with us for a short time.
I’m a stay at home mama with the most amazing supportive husband. The laws actually work on our favor with alimony and divided assets. As a Christian we don’t look at divorce as an option anyway unless cheating and abuse is involved.
Same here. Professional with a degree in Mechanical Engineering and I chose to be a sahm and we are 10yrs in to it. Thankfully my husband was very on board with it having been raised by his sahm when he was a kid (so he knows the value of it). I could go back to being an engineer quite easily though it could take a bit of polishing to be quick at it. At home, I'm a domestic engineer and project manager. I not only have our home inventoried and finances on track but I cook all our meals and attend all our kids events and even have time to do my hobbies. I also project manage any renovations we've needed done on our home. I've never worked harder before, that is the truth. We are 20 years together 💗
Yes mam! Loving my Sahm life! We live so free in our house. Seriously, all of our friends that work run around life like their hair is on fire trying to keep up, We are chill ❤
These are very valid points; I worked in child protection for years before having children, and cannot "unsee" how the most vulnerable are often treated.
She didn't say it was scientific study, she was making observation of her 13 or 14 yrs of experience as a Divorce lawyer. My guess she represents more women and then men?
We should really discuss that in most marriages where the man is abusive, he encourages her to quit her job and promises to "Take care of her" while she raises the kids. Then when his abuse gets worse, he begins threatening to take things away from her to send a message that without him, she'll never survive, so she stays... When I had enough of my ex husband during a trip out of town, he was full blown narcissist abuser mode, and I told him I was leaving and driving home instead of staying the night with him in the hotel, told him he could just get a ride back home with his friend who also drove down in a separate car and who's going back home on the same day we were going to. My ex-husband said, "What... you're gonna take MY CAR? And drive yourself home to the apartment that I PAY FOR?? If you leave I'm reporting that car stolen." I said "WE bought that car TOGETHER!" He said "Who's name is on the title? Not yours." I put the keys down and sobbed on the floor knowing he won. I was a 23 yr old stay-at-home-mom. THAT is why you see so many divorces. It's not the woman who's the red flag, it's the man who forced her into giving up all control and then using that to threaten her if she ever wants to leave.
Thank you for sharing your story! So sorry you had to go through that pain. Unfortunately, this is the case for a lot of women. But when women try to explain why they left, she’s shamed. The favorite talking point is most women leave to get money in the divorce. Which is a bold face lie! Women today are opting out of marriage and children….and I ain’t mad about it. Keep your head up!
Uh you needed to be heard I can appreciate that but you wrote a book ok😑but you let him win. If you drove a marital asset home you could not be charged with theft and i he tried that would be proof of manipulation and control. You have to educate yourself and know your rights and your worth! So ladies if you’re trapped be smart! Get proof, get a support partner for help and for darn sure keep that well documented proof hidden. Find that one person to trust partner up and stay strong! You are worth it!!!!
Great story, but maybe just don't marry men like that? I don't marry women that are stupid or will cause me grief. You guys love to get yourselves into trouble, and then blame everything else on your way out the door. After all, you guys have complete control in the dating game in our society. You are the ones that decide, are you not? Did you have a good father figure? It sounds like you may have a bad picker, or maybe you just didn't get much to pick from. Most kids don't have a dad around anymore, and if a girl doesn't have a good father she cannot distinguish good mates from bad boys; that's why these goofballs chase guys like me around. This has all been done by design. I've never had this problem, because I read the writing on the wall a long time ago. This isn't a good time to be getting married or having kids. Unless you're a woman that can just have your cake and eat it too, to each their own. Divorce rate is at 80% last I heard. Society is completely screwed until the bombs drop again, and they are going to drop. We've learned absolutely NOTHING. Hard times are on the way for everyone...
I certainly sympathize with what you went through and hope you will be able to rebuild your life and find happiness. When that happens, I hope you will then realize that there are many reasons why people get divorced. The man is not always the villain. People need to recognize that there is spousal abuse and betrayal perpetrated against men as well as women. Approximately 40-50% of first marriages and 60-67% of second marriages end in divorce according to the American Psychological Association. This leads me to wonder, why do people get married in the first place? Does anybody ask that question before making such an important decision? There are alternatives to marriage besides staying single that might work for many people, including: (1) domestic partnerships or civil unions, (2) common law marriage, (3) cohabitation agreements, and (4) polyamory, for those who aren't cut out for monogamy. I hope that people investigate options open to them that might be preferable to finding oneself stuck in an unhappy marriage.
What a world we live in. Men are terrible aren't we? Western civilization is dead and western white woman killed it. You break down EVERY SINGLE ISSUE as men bad woman good. I married an asian woman because i know she will value family bene married twenty years happily with three kids.
It's because we have no village anymore. Everything is left on the parents while society just moves on. We need a village, a safe place for our kids to be cared for so couples with kids can actually go out and walk together on a trail, have a quality conversation that isn't interrupted by screaming siblings, a chance to rekindle what was. I'm sorry, but that can't always involve the kids. We're living in madness since covid. Not having time for one another is a huge contributor to the disconnect so many couples feel.
This is true. The village is missing to support the needs of the pair, as they learn to balance pouring into their relationship and the children. Without the village the fears of both are shooting through the roof, due to not having the support they need around them.
@@RG-hf4et Or maybe they have seen one too many YT clips of demented babysitters that do horrible things to children and decided that they did not want to take the chance.
@@sarahp.3772you arranged your life that way though....if you wanted to have lots of disposable income before having children, you would have made different choices. Also, how many other people's children did you "village" for before you had your own? You're supposed to invest in other people if you want them to invest in you.
The baseline reason is the husband and wife stop focusing on one another and focus on different things......idk why anyone thinks they can remained married while neglecting their spouse for any reason. That is abandonment. SN:: Being a mother(stay at home or not) isn't a profession unless you're a surrogate. It's a calling, a responsibility. Life is about purpose, not a job.
@@delaslight She's not a stay-at-home mom, she's an imitation and a leach. A real SAHM title is earned and the evidence is a organized and peaceful home with well-rounded kids
I am a SAHM and have had 7 children. First one at 24 and last one at 45. I still have a 7 yr old and I’m in my 50’s. I can’t even describe the amount of laundry I’ve done every week for 28 yrs. Women used to have big families. They worked hard to take care of children their entire adult life. My mom was a holy, devout and selfless woman who raised 8 children. She took care of both mother in laws (widows) until their death. Now women only have, at most, 2 children and they are done raising them by their forties. They stay home, but have nothing to do.
And good men doing their best to be a good dad and spouse incl providing for an entire family financially (not easy) need to be as well. Balanced team. Two wings of same bird esp when kids are young. My mom stayed home and dad was self employed incl being on call 24 hrs. Dad worked crazy hours to make sure we had the basics and later a bit more. He helped when home as he could. Mom helped w/managing money and being home w/5 of us. Two wings.
Most people think being a SAHM means you just spend time with baby, and cook and clean and wait on husband when he comes home... NOPE. You gotta have hobbies, community/family/friendship get togethers to socialize, get out of the house with the baby and do more than just shop for groceries. If you stay home all the time, you're gonna get depressed.
@@DrSoappWhat is she bitching about? I think you read that wrong 🤔 She was saying not needs a hobby or social circle to feel fullfilled. That not everyone gets depressed by staying home and doing SAHM stuff. It's the opposite of bitching my friend.
I agree. Too many women are delusional and living in lala land with this fantasy of being a SAHM. You need to have a separate life outside of your kids and husband that is fulfilling to you. When I see women making being a wife and mother their entire identity I really feel sorry for them. They are like half of a human being with no other purpose outside of serving other people.
My husband who has an excellent high paying career always looks down on me for not having a job and being a sahm. If I dare complain about one thing or ask him for help, he says what do I have to complain about, he gives me everything I need, blah blah blah. I seriously just had to use the bathroom today and when I was done, our 2 year old was on the dining room table, poised to fall off. He was home, just in his gaming room playing his guitar, where he always is when he's home. He avoids us and says I make our home unbearable.
Well, it seems you had better start putting money away, getting an accurate record of his finances and looking for employment so you're not totally blindsided.
why did he even marry then and had children? Also, these types of men use this excuse of a 'provider' to do nothing at home. Unless he does 16h shift in mine he can watch his children just fine
As a stay at home mom, I can see this. A very valid reason, though by no means the only reason, for divorce is the couple moving in different directions. And when one is a stay at home parent this happens frequently. I often feel like my husband doesn't realize what work I do around the house and just how monotonous that work is. I am thankful that he does, most of the time, appreciate that I think about purchases before I make them and I don't treat him like an ATM. And we do try to make a point to sit down and discuss what is going on in our lives and our individual int rests. We still want to be a part of each other's lives even if we don't have many similar interests.
I would totally appreciate a clean home and dinner cooked, I do the work, pay the bills and have to deal with a dirty house and I cook dinner. She’s a good mom and looks after our 1 child, but there’s no way we are having any more and she is going back to work asap.
@@rmac3217 This is so sad. I have been in your wife's situation for so long. And it is tough to manage all of those. And I honestly put the best that I can. Truthfully it is a lot easier to work than manage the house and look after the child. I put my husband to do it for a day and it is difficult for him to do half of what he is requesting of me. To add that kids are less clingy to dad than to mom, usually. It is so much easier for me to work than look after the children. My husband is of the same opinion as you. In my experience as I know of many other families, we have a lot of stories among relatives and acquaintances where parents have been successful and had wealth, and both were working, but their children had issues. So I wanted to be there for the children, for that I know that all of the wealth and success goes to the trash if kids are not helped into success along the way. But what do I know...
@@AlbaAmaraI’m a successful lady, I don’t have the low self-esteem to feel like I have to name all of my job titles and collegiate degrees. But, both my parents worked hard for their whole lives, and they also found ways to raise me without them giving up their jobs. It wasn’t easy, but they weren’t lazy like most adults in this country. They saved money BEFORE having me and always used budgets and kept up with their finances. They didn’t cry and give up saying it’s too hard, so I will just be lazy and quit. I am privileged that my parents worked so hard my whole life, that was great role models for me. So, if you are saying that by having two parents work hard while having children, that it caused the kids to go crazy, then you are the problem with society. A mom doesn’t have to quit her job to raise a kid, you just have to work smarter.
@@fishercourt to each his own. My mother wanted to always work, my father didn’t want her to. I see both sides now. My mom divorced him because he was abusive so I understand. When she wasn’t working, our home was a well oiled machine. When she did work, there were child care issues. Maybe you had extra family to help raise you ? Who knows but you sound judgmental . For generations the mother has been the caretaker and many women give up their jobs to do so.. and it’s normal.. not lazy.
This is why you should NEVER be financially dependent on anyone, especially a man. My mother preached this to me since I was 12 years old, I'm married now and have my own bank accounts, my husband has his own, and we only share one account together. Mamma didn't raise no fool or doormat
Hell yeah my grandma taught me this early. She said always keep a sharp skill that can make you money. Even if you work part time or have a business, never put too much trust in a man to feed you 💯
Whats the difference between if it's a man or a woman wdym "especially" a man? And also hate me or not but I'm going to say it, unfortunetely a scary amount of woman are social stigmas. They act all high and mighty but everyone is human and in a lot of situations they would do the same thing.
absolutely the same here. then your relationship have a better chance of being a CHOICE rather than a need wherein you'll tolerate a lot of potential BS.
I gave up my Nursing Licensed and after 10 years I got 50k and no way forward except as a single Mom for the next 10 years. He bailed on every bit of shared custody because, "I'm in a new relationship." I had to raise her solo and he didn't even step up when I had cancer. She had to sleep in the hospital with me. WARNING TO WOMEN: Never think you will divorce and be ok.
@@patpatmoomoo5524nursing is a highly stressful job, I don’t blame her. She can get into public health though with her past experience. It’s a nice 8-5 thing with good benefits
@@xtusvincit5230 F*CKING REALLY???????? SO HE DIDN'T HAVE TO MAKE IT WORK ALSO?????? When F*CKING WHEN men will start taking responcibility??? They had a child together HELLOOOOOO it's his child also he had to step up. And then men are b*tching that women don't want to have children anymore. Yeah no shit
I was a stay at home mum for a couple of years whilst the kids weren't yet at school, and then worked part time till they were teenagers. Been treated like crap. Every evening, he would go home and ask me what I did during the day, and as there was not much to mention apart from cleaning, feeding, and all of it to start again around the time he arrived, he would tell me daily how great it must be to do nothing all day long. If I got upset, he would tell me that I should just enjoy it instead of being offended. Divorce has been the sweetest part of my life, even though I had to return to university at the age of 50 and never got a penny from him.
Well because educating you wasn't his job , he kept you in his house , fed you and all the other things which you are ignoring won't work . And also a woman's job is to comfort the man and socialize with him than vice versa , it was my mother who used to ask my dad about his day after he came from work and give him good food and drinks . Maybe the American society focused too much on gynocenterism, it's actually the opposite it's happy husband happy life . A husband will give you everything if you keep him satisfied and full .
Being a stay at home parent is not a part time job. It is full time. It is exhausting. When someone says what they did all day was clean cook and feed the kids, that takes time. It’s not like all the cleaning gets done in 30 minutes, neither does the cooking. It all takes time and work. You have to focus on all of the details. Adding kids on top of that makes it way more work. You are everything for everyone all at once 24/7. Yes a wife should take care of her husband. But a wife also has needs aside from a paycheck. A wife needs emotional support, so does a husband. A wife needs to know she’s doing great, so does a husband. A wife needs encouragement, so does a husband. It doesn’t work if both are not supportive and respectful of one another’s roles.
#1) I’m just glad she called it a gawd damn profession. THANK YOU!! Finally!! #2) If THAT’S the reason…I’m telling you…WE NEED MORE & BETTER & NORMALIZED MENTAL HEALTH CARE!!!! Spread the word (on both).
My wife gave up her career and freedoms to stay home and raise our 6 children. It was the best decision we ever made for our kids' quality of life. We were both raised in the daycare system, and we vowed never to let our kids suffer that fate.
@101beautybox she thanks me every day for her lifestyle. She doesn't have to go work at some crap company. She hangs out with our kids while they are in the funnest years of their lives. She drives around in our class b RV and spends all my money. She sleeps when she wants, and our housekeeper cleans the house once a week. She is very happy. I get the sense that my comment may have painted the wrong picture. My wife is not without freedoms. She and I both can't do whatever we want because we put our children first. I hope this helps you.
You couldn’t pay me to be a SHAM. I gotta have my own business, investments, career etc. Men are too fickle and don’t see you as valuable even if you do all the domestic labor for FREE with no days off.
It'll be unwise NOT to have a form of income even IF you're not working for anyone else. One thing's for certain, it doesn't seem so comfortable or glamorous being a stay-at-home wife and mother in today's era for sure. I mean frankly even IF nothing at all, she better hoard more money she receives from him than she spends and invest some of it in some sort of fund and/or stock and then put a portion in a savings account that yields a good interest rate over time.
I work from home. I'm in a position to dictate my own hours. And I homeschool. No way I'm sending my child to these government run schools. Remember when the lockdown happened, us homeschooling families didn't miss a beat
@@emerystheimmortal417 American men. Look up rep pill guys and passport bros who go on and on about how awful American women are for being educated and modern. They want traditional wives who stay at home. There's red pill women who subscribe to this nonsense too calling themselves TRAD wives🤦🏻♀️. One being the real femsapien and her friend just pearly things.
That's funny, I've never met a man who got married thinking, "Gee, I can't wait for my wife to be totally under my control so I can divorce her and make her life miserable." Maybe I should get out more often.
Some do, but definitely not all. I'm a homemaker and my husband appreciates and values all the work I do. He credits me with a lot of his success in building his career. He said by me caring for the home, it allows him to rest and focus his time/energy on his career. His income has increased 400% in 13 years. I think the fact that he had a SAHM showed him from an early age what a blessing that is to a family. He has a wonderful relationship with his mom. She homeschooled him and worked with him one on one through some learning difficulties that he had when he was younger. He says all the time that public school would have been terrible for him. There is no way they could have given him the level of one on one instruction that his mom did. And she went at his pace. Most of the women I know who have husbands that don't appreciate the work they do as homemakers grew up with working moms. I truly think that makes a huge difference. My brother-in-law also had a SAHM and has always been so respectful and appreciative of my sister and the work she does. She worked for one year and the difference it made in her family showed her that it wasn't worth it. Her kids had more behavior issues. They ate out more than they ever had before. She was always stressed. It was incredible to watch the huge difference in that year compared to the years she stayed home.
Men say all kinds of stuff like that. They say they hate the plastic surgery but look at the types of spicy content they choose they love that plastic stuff 😂
It's reverse psychology. Most are too proud to notice the chaos they're bringing children into (unnecessarily btw, considering the orphan crisis) anyway.
Likelihood of divorce has nothing to do with your profession. Ugliness of divorce, maybe. But not likelihood. You probably see more divorces with stay at home moms because there's a higher proportion of stay at home moms just in general. I come from a large family where most of the women are stay at home moms. No divorces in my family
Bingo! She is right. No woman in this day and age should rely on a man to support her. He will respect you a heck of a lot more if you can hold yourself. He knows you dont need him but you stay with him bc you want to and not out of need. There is a huge difference!
@@rejectionisprotection4448 remember, these are the opinion of women. Some men, those raised by working women, may feel the same, my dad did. My husband was raised by that kind of woman but has no lack of respect for me. Any man who would have a child with a woman, have that small child be handed over to a stranger and not care about their lack of breastfeeding and the woman still recovering from birth but going back to work, I would steer clear of someone like that.
@@ASmith-jn7kfI hear and read these words from men actually. Women who are too independent make them feel less needed and more disposable. "These are the opinions of women". Wow way to dismiss half of humanity.
Amazing things started to happen when I stopped caring about what he did, said or thought. The day I left, he was shocked and acted like his world just blew apart. He asked me why I was leaving him and I didn't know whether to laugh at him or yell at him. I was too exhausted from moving my things into the u-haul to do either, so I just looked him in the eyes and calmly stated that we had that conversation many times and I am done. The dead horse was beaten so long that it had turned to dust and i was not about to spend another year hitting it. I had turned so many cheeks, I got whiplash. I moved states and my spirit is healing well now.
@@VineGrove123 I'm divorced and went through similar things like the lady above. I enjoy my two kids and dog company , my brand new home, my peace, my work, my hobbies, new friends and control over my own life. Cheers with my delicious glass of wine, good quality because this is what I deserve it. 😌
My husband is very kind to me, so I know I'm blessed beyond measure. We've both struggled with health crises through the years, so he doesn't leave it all to me or expect the house to be spotless. I'm extremely thankful for him. ❤
I have never been and will never be a SAHM because I like having power over my finances. Women who are SAHM are commendable but vulnerable and that's scary to me.
It’s more scary to me watch my kids being raised by strangers and even being more vulnerable to all kinds of serious traits like abuse or not having that special time with them. Magical moments that we only can experiment when they are little! 🙄 My children are school age now and even being an Immigrant and not having a degree here, only from my country, I was smart enough to create me a career that it will give me what I need and want. would definitely be regretted by today if I had gone to college all over again and not only had missed those great early years of my children🎉
@@dsstudio76 You point is 100% valid. When you have a good partner who supports you financially and you are on the same team as equals, being a SAHM has immense benefits to children. Personally my decision came from growing up in poverty so my stance comes from seeking stability and security. I feel reassured every time I know I have my own savings. My husband is supportive but that's my own hangup that I can't let go. I need that power over my finances and I am scared at the thought of not having it or being vulnerable.
I’ve done both and the fact someone is more worried about have power over money says a great deal about our world today. A child with a parent involved in life tends to do better overall and we’re seeing that as our youth grow to adults in this money hungry world. Back in the day divorce was rare yet most women stayed home with their kids. Then slowly more and more people went into the work force and now look where the world is at today. I know most people don’t want to never see their children. However saying “I’d never want to be a stay at home mom because I want power over finances” what about never seeing your babies? I mean no disrespect, but how do you think your kids would feel if they heard you say I’d never want to be a stay at home mom” how would that make them feel. I was at a point I was making crazy good money. So much money I didn’t know what to do with it. I worked 16 hours a day 6 days a week. I never saw my kids, I’d go home and sleep 5 hours and back to work. I missed every game and my daughter made MVP, she told me a week later on my day off and I’m like oh you must be so excited, her response, not like you care mom your job is more important than me. I chose to walk away from the money and my kids have never been happier. Sometimes making sacrifices financially if you have the means to do so in order to be there for your kids gives you more happiness in the end. When I think back on life when I’m old I don’t want to think of being at work everyday, I want to think of the fun I had with my loved ones. Shout out to the hard working moms who have no choice but to work around the clock to feed your babies, but if given a choice even if something can happen in the future and I have to return to work I’d still pick this time I have with my kids. It’s one thing to have to work it’s another to say you’d never want to be there even if you had a choice. Looking back now I sure wish I could have given up that day of work to watch my daughter get her MVP award. I wish she could have looked out in the crowd and seen me proud of her, but I was more worried about having power over my finances than being a mom.
I think we need to understand that most women are okey with abuse and being devalued. They would make up any excuse. It’s okay to revolve around men and not have a backbone. That’s why sexism always won because men know women were not made with brain
How to have a happy stay at home life and marriage . COOK . : if your hungry your angry SLEEP: if your tired your angry AFFECTiON : if your ignored your angry Be kind and lose a fight every now and again it’s not all about ourselves.
I had a female co-worker who’s husband has a very spécial work: sea arpenter for a petroleum company. She can’t count on his help in her daily life with their son. They agreed to hire a house help that will clean the house, make the diner and pickup kids after school. Basically, a big chunk of her and his husband salary is going to the maid. But this a long thinking decision. She doesn’t want to be a SAHW and be totally financially vulnerable and dependent on her husband. She loves her husband and this found a way that both will be happy in this marriage. She got a promotion recently. I think she is smart girl.
I am a SAHM and I am finishing my degree this week. I will be available for internships, child support, housing, alimony etc. He is going to be screwed when I leave. He should've thought of that before he decided it was okay to abuse me for years.
It's about teamwork and respect I respect what my wife does and she respects what I have done. She knew I wasn't happy at my last job so she told me to quit and retire early. Now I'm running a small buisness and my goal is for her to retire by December. Plan with your spouse dream with them and work to make the dream happen.
If the husband is cheap he should not be feeling like an ATM. He impregnated that woman then he needs to provide for his family. If a woman risk death to being life to his children,go through postpartum depression,have to stay home to teach/nurture the children, clean the house, cook, do laundry, run errands, etc the least he can do is provide. I can see why thr birth rate is declining. People are ungrateful and being a mother is a thankless job.
I had also heard that men who abuse are more likely to choose a woman who wants to stay at home with the kids, because he can control her more. If she's financially dependent on him, she's less likely to leave. And women who have a way to support themselves if they leave, are less likely to be abused, because the husbands know she can walk away and not be financially devastated.
An abusive man will abuse anyone that will tolerate the abuse. Whether or not they can support themselves has nothing to do with it. There are financially independent women that stay in abusive relationships.
@@curiouser-and-curiouser people who are capable of being financially independent are less likely to tolerate abuse than someone who has no money, no job, and nowhere to go.
Yup. You are walking into the lion's den. Abusers are going to abuse but they can only abuse you if you were in their presence. If you have the financial means to get gone, you won't be in their presence
I was a stay at home Mom. I remember the first time I didn't get my paycheck, I realized how dependent I was on my Husband. He is a great Man & never made me feel bad. After all, I would look in the shopping cart & everything I put in there was for them, what they liked. I only worked PT 3 days after my youngest started full time kindergarten. I had one day to run errands & the kids could have playdates & the other day I cleaned the house. Sat were family days & Sun was laundrty & food shopping for the new week. I worked around my kids schedule & my Husband was free to work late or travel. Married 33 years. Kids are awesome people. I never comprimised my morals & put my kids in daycare. No regrets. The secret is marry a stand up partner.
As a stay at home mom that coaches other SAHM's on marriage, you are 100% correct. I see this almost every the time a woman is having marital issues. When the kids arrive she becomes so focused on trying to be the best mom that she neglects her husband, and husbands don't understand the lack of desire from their wives due to their new responsibilities and hormones so they feel alone. Both of them start to just co-parent until another woman or man comes along and gives the lonely spouse attention. Doesn't always end in an affair but the new attention makes the dwindling marriage feel even worse. When you put your marriage before the children, you'll all be so much happier.
What if as a mum you want to put your children first? Especially those first 2-3 years where they aren’t usually going to to palm to put them in daycare. I think if the husband was able to become understanding with this then they could revive it or keep a sense of friendship at least. But instead he assumes she doesn’t do anything and brushing him off which in turn probably wants to make her not want to even try with him and stay focussed on the children.
BOTH parents should be putting in their best effort to care for their kids. It’s the most repulsive thing in the world when a father gets jealous of the care and attention his kids are getting. A grown ass person should be able to meet their own physical and emotional needs, at least until the kids are older and less needy.
@@MyDuckSaysFucc The issue isn't jealousy over the kids being cared for, it is how the children become the top priority when the marriage should always be the top priority. A broken marriage means broken stability for everyone and just because you're grown doesn't mean you need any less support for physical or emotional needs from your spouse. Grown people meeting their own needs in a marriage typically leads to divorce.
I took a developmental psychology class in college that went along with studies I learned in early childhood development classes that the stay at home person hours tend to exceed the working hours of their partner and are not valued as such. Work hours for a stay at home continue and are almost 24/7. It is an undervalued, unpaid necessary job. They literally call stay at home persons hours, “unpaid hours” when talking about working and ‘non’ working parents.
Most women these days have to work full time and take care of the kids, house etc. They also work 24/7 with no recognition so ja. Expecting a pat on the back for work done ain't gonna happen give yourself your own pat on the back. If you are able to stay at home when the kids are still growing you and your kids are privileged. However I do feel that should a divorce happen the man should give house, car , maintenance and alimony because while he was out building a career she was taking care of the rest.
This isn't rocket science. That's not work, it's living and having responsibilities. Your husband isn't just working and doing absolutely nothing outside of that. Get real.
@@titandarknight2698The “problem” is that half of the moms are doing all the work (minus caring for the child during work hours) while also holding a job. The modern vs traditional families are what cause the judging. I say, if you can get away with it, quit your job. It’s very stressful doing both.
As a stay at home Mom, I appreciate your video. I will use this info to check myself and do better bc it’s true. I focus ALOT on the children. And I can see how my husband could feel like an ATM. And I understand the panic that could come when faced with the changes that a divorce could bring. Thank you for your honesty❤
I must agree with your observation. Working in the insurance business, I run into women who have no clue about how the mortgage gets paid, how the car loan gets paid, and many other financial matters. It baffles my mind and they always says that it's always been my husband job to handle those things. And when then the husband is no longer there-thru death or divorce-these women are so scared of what to do and how they're going to take care of the kids.
it's the opposite where i live, it's the women who do the work, the wife knows the husband's medications, the man is clueless, hell, he does not even know if he has diabetes or not, their answers are always "I don't know, as my wife", when I ask the father "what are your child's allergies?" they're always like "i don't know, ask the mother" men are clueless
I am a single full time stay at home mom of 4 kids. I just graduated with my AA degree and I have 1 year left until my bachelors in psychology is complete. (I take online classes) After that I have plans to take the LSAT and apply to law school. I agree with you. You stated it exactly how it is. I was a full time stay at home mom when I got divorced and it was very difficult to make the transition. However, here we are now 🙌
Glad to hear you are recovering from divorce and rebuilding your life. One question: If you are a single full-time stay at home mom of 4 kids taking online classes, what do you live on? For most families in America, that would be living expenses of a few thousand dollars a month.
@@dennisonveniceYes 😅 Some uneducated and ignorant humans believe that is a real job title! Cracks me up to hear these stay at home lazy people who feel like it was their job to quit their jobs and raise kids. 😂
Regardless, I think (my opinion) having both a mom and dad raising kids is best. Not just for society. But for the childs emotional and mental development.
You're so right... Seen this happen lots of times and you're also very right cause from the few comments I see people didn't understand you, 😂😂😂 So for those who seem not to understand, what she's saying is how both parties feel, it doesn't however mean they're right or justified by the way they feel. It's simply how the couples feel based on statics from cases she's done which ends up resulting to divorce. It doesn't mean the stay at home mom isn't adding value to the family or that isn't a job in itself. It also doesn't mean the divorce will be in favor of the man either. She's simply just stating the most common cause of divorce between couples, the set of couples it affects the most and the reason why it is most common in such set of couples. One of the two common is when a man's wife is a nurse or a teacher but the most common are with stay at home mum's, she gave reasons why such happen and why the divorce case is perhaps most difficult/complicated. So any woman watching this should not forget who they are and fail to dream, accomplish things for yourselves (not just your children or husband) in life. Self love is key. Any man watching this should realise the value the wife brings into the family and realise feeling like an ATM machine is not valid Both individuals should appreciate each other go for counseling before it gets too late. Understanding is key.
I was a stay at home mom i had 4 kids.whe i asked my husband for twenty dollars and he wouldn't give it to me i never asked.for money i relized that i was married to a piece of trash.but he gave his side chicks money .out to eat.shopping.glahld i divorced him 30 years ago😊
@@bluemystic7501studies show cheaters cheat for excitement not unhappiness. There's a whole ted talk on RUclips. 40+% of cheating husbands said they were completely happy in their relationships.
If you are going to be a stay at home girlfriend/wife/mother, have your boyfriend/husband max out your Roth IRA. And as gifts, have him buy you growth stock mutual funds, assets etc. So IF you break up/divorce, you have a retirement nest egg that is compounding interest for your future. If you opened a ROTH IRA for your baby, and put in $7,000 ONLY ONE TIME, the account would grow to $2,131,371 by age 60. So you can literally fully secure your child’s future.
I've been looking for good advice in these comments. I love marriage it is a beautiful commitment when both man and women are committed to each other and the kids.
I don't regret being a stay at home mom, but I also have a degree, and a husband who appreciates me, and I him. We make it a point to spend time together, and go on dates, and talk about things outside of our kids, like our faith, politics, culture. I realize how incredibly lucky I am, but communication, intimacy, and appreciation are key. Many women shift all of their attention onto their kids, and forget about intimacy with their husband. There needs to be a balance.
I don't have a formal degree but traveled internationally because of a super glamorous career (walking the runway for top high fashion designers in my 20s), I had plenty to talk about after trips to the Louvre museum and Il Duomo in Milan, working in Tokyo and Hamburg. I made more in 2 months than my husband made all year. The thing is I only traveled 6-8 weeks out of the year. Outside of those 2 mos out of the year I was "working", I was raising our child full time, my mother and a child care provider would help my husband during the time I was out of the country for usually 6 weeks. I was able to pay down our super high credit cards that I stupidly let my knit wit husband get us in to debt over, (he wasn't raised right). I finally lost respect for him because he never wanted to have conversations about being frugal with money. I divorced him and am so glad I did, I'm better off financially than he is because I've been a full time caregiver to my daughter and my elderly parents. I inherited my parents home, my name is on the deed and I know my ex and his wife are still making mortgage payments LOL Karma's a bitch and taking care of your parents can pay off better than keeping your marriage together. I also have several CD's my parents set up for me and life insurance. My husband didn't appreciate me, he felt upstaged by my career success and felt resentful, he didn't want more intimacy with someone he was jealous of. He also had nothing to do with our beautiful and kind daughter. Her revenge, she's had the same success I've had. So it's not that they want more intimacy. Thank goodness I have an amazing Dad because if I had to base my opinion about men from my ex husband I'd think they all were degenerates that take for granted what "stay at home" Moms do. I feel sorry for my ex's wife, I'm sure she is working until she looks haggard because she's married to him, while my life is virtually stress free as a professional photographer, a profession I learned by apprenticing for my Dad who is a professional photographer. I know this was a long story but wanted to share so that someone like me who stayed at home to take care of my child and parents can realize that you may end up in a better position financially and emotionally in life than if you had stayed married. I love knowing that she has to work full time as well as being a Mom and wife and that they are having to work so hard to make payments on their house that they bought late in life while I was blessed by my parents for taking care of them because he never appreciated all I did for him and our marriage. I'm sure my ex husband is happier with his new wife though, she's never made enough accomplishments in life to upstage him.
Your right. People do not know how to have relationships anymore. But the most important thing is communication and being able to really listen to one another. Before I had kids I gave all my love and attention to my husband. When I got pregnant I jokingly said to him that he wasn't going to get all the love anymore and the child will be first in line. Even though my attention was divided i still made sure we had intimacy and love even when we couldn't go out. I have been in my marriage for 20 years and even though we struggle at times we work through it. And still whenever we are apart we long to see each other even if he leaves to work for the day. Aka your stay at home mom.
They shift to the kids and away from the husband bc they are expected to do everything with the children, whoch is mentally and physically draining, and all the household chores (which never end), and then be ready to throw down in bed. She's mentally and physically drained. Now, she has to participate in another tired some event that probably will not benefit her (statistically very few women achieve an orgasm, most fake them).
@@jamilgotcher365 Taking pleasure in others' misfortune is the worst trait in human nature. It's more respectable to pay off a mortgage than to inherit the home of your parents. I know you can't relate but us humble people take care of our parents whether we're married or not, even if our parents have nothing to give us.
@curiouser-and-curiouser It's natural to take pleasure in the misfortunes of your child's dead beat absentee Dad and his third wife. You've exposed yourself as someone who does not respect family caregivers like myself. And the fact that you feel more for my ex husband (dead beat Dad and his third wife) says more about you and your values than you trying to make me feel bad because my Dad has put my name on the family home deed and that my parents have blessed me for taking care of them which also put me financially ahead in life above my ex husband and his THIRD wife. My parents and I have had a very close and loving relationship my entire life. I never asked to inherit our family home because I was taking care of them, after 20 years of taking care of them, it's what my Father wanted to do for me. My father has been the man in mine and my daughter's life that is the role model for what a father should be and that my daughter's father and his father was not even close to being and you're mad about that apparently! And also you're upset that I'm doing better financially than my ex husband and his third wife. LOL @@curiouser-and-curiouser My story is about sometimes the good person does win and that makes you mad. You might not respect caregivers but my Dad does because I'm very much like my Mother and he loved her very much. Respect is what I lost for my ex husband because I was able to compare him to my Dad and was able to see where he fell very short of being the man my father is.
I'm a therapist. From what I have learned so far: Women are not happy as stay at homes. They say they are but I counsel plenty stay at home mothers and they are as miserable as one can get but like to pose as a happy family in society and on social media. That's because women are social beings, they need to be around people (other than their kids) and they also need to feel self sufficient (like any other human adult). Another reason is that men who control the finances become abusive. I've seen it time and time again, they become more and more domineering to the point they decide everything without asking the wife and they have a dismissive attitude towards her. No woman is happy being a maid without a say in her own life. But yet men still want women to stay home. Not if you want a durable happy marriage.
Neither is great. She makes more money she wants to leave. She doesn't have money she wants to leave. There is literally nothing in this universe that can keep a woman in a marriage that she wants to leave. We need to start being honest and stop blaming men and start accepting: women will not sacrifice their lives for their family regardless of what the man does. She does what she wants. So men need to go into it with their eyes open. She will leave if she gets a better offer. She will leave if shes bored. She will leave if she thinks she can do better. She will leave. So if women are not stable partners, men need to consider that when getting married? She's unlikely to stick around and when she leaves she will blame you regardless of what happened.
yeah im sure women are so much happier sitting in a cubicle being a wage slave for someone else...that's not what social being means, genius. it means we like community events and seeing our friends and doing activities we like lmao. it has nothing to do with work or career.
As a stay home mom I dont find this offensive one bit! What you just explained runs through my mind every so often. I think both husband and wife can EASILY feel they are holding their part down alone and get drained quickly
You forgot that a lot of SAHMs gave up a career because their spouses wanted/needed them to do so. In a lot of cases these women may have had careers and degress and didn't exactly want to give them up, but ended up having to for the family.(sonce overall women even in the same careers make less moneny than their male counterparts). In a lot of cases it is cheaper for someone to stay home than to use child care and also everything else a husband/family wants done ..gets done by the SAHM. In a divorce it isnt just about fear or worry about reentering a work force, its that a SAHM is resentful they gave up everything for their family, only to have it all fall apart and be left empty on all levels. They gave up even their sense of self, their own identity and individualism to become something that never paid money, doesn't count as experience toward any job or career they may now have to try and get. They never get the recognition they deserved for all they did and now they realize they never will and will also be financially strapped and left raising the kids alone.
@@classysis6264 I never said forced 🙄 I said spouse wanted and needed. In a situation where financially someone makes more money and you both can't afford child care ...someone had.to make the sacrifice to give up their career.(most men don't and won't and most.men.make more even at the same job) It's call math and being an adult. It doesn't mean it's fair or easy.
@@classysis6264Yes they did, but they looked at the most practical option financially and then lose out either way. Best not get married or have children as a woman; you'll love longer in better health.
I left my job after 15 years to be a SAHM and it actually helped our marriage. We were not contesting about who is seeing to the kids when the other has to work late nights and stressing about deadlines while still managing the kids. We used to put the kids to sleep at 8 and then get on with our work deadlines till 1 even 2am. Then up at 6 again. My husband is a lawyer and i was in IT. Now he focuses on his work, I see to the kids, which helps him get more sleep at least.
This is really sad a stay at home gives up her life and dreams to raise the children for both of them, and this is how he repays her? She’s not getting paid for her 24/7 job it’s a real job and he leaves her like that and she’s left vulnerable after the sacrifice she made for him? This just goes to show that both men and women need to share the responsibility of caring and raising their children, because there is no reason for the load to be absolutely and solely on one person, period. And the husband should understand that being a stay at home parent is a full time job it’s not easy, and stay at home Moms should do their job with most love and enthusiasm because it is their job and if they don’t do a good job they will have problems. It’s just so sad to see this happening I can’t believe it how can people be so heartless.
They need real Christianity into their lives. If these men could think more about their children, it would be a different story. What affect their mother under any circumstances will affect their children. They are heartless and unwise.
Most SAHMs dreamed of being a SAHM. Nobody is forcing women to have children and stay at home. Women who want a professional life can pursue that ambitiously and earn enough money to hire plenty of help with the kids and the home. Can't have it both ways, though.
@@dsstudio76 Ummm...I disagree. I know a "Christian" couple that were heavily involved in the church. The mom was a SAHM and a homeschooler. Turns out the husband is gay and having sex with the male Pastor. The standards of Christianity is how many women land in unfortunate situations to begin with.
I’m a stay at home mom and I started working with my husband for the last 4 yrs now that my kids are almost done with high school. I have to say that working is much easier because you actually get to be productive, you have the respect of your partner, and you get paid. SAHM are prisoners; they do the same routine until their sentence are up. Have respect for SAHM
Do have kids with someone if you don't want a stay at home mom. Kids are constantly abused, raped and neglected by anyone babysitting or at a daycare. If you want a child and a marriage then have the mom raise the kids.
I was a shm for many years. I had a home daycare for many of those years so I was a full time mom to my children and a "part-time mom" to my charges. I worked, and worked hard but got very little respect in return. I was looked at by my then husband as "less than" because I didnt work outside the home. But the years I did work outside the home I was given no help. I know each case is different but being a mom is extremely unappreciated overall, working outside the hone or not.
I love that you posted this. I have been both, a stay at home mom and a career driven person. I have never felt more vulnerable, than I had when I was a stay at home mom. This video valided my feelings. Thank you.
I’m confused. How can a man avoid a woman in the profession of Stay At Home Mom? That typically is not a profession until AFTER the woman gets married. In order to avoid something, it has to be going on beforehand.
LOL…that’s what I said. And it is a necessity both spouses often see because they don’t want to hand their young children over to strangers in daycares, babysitters, or Nannie’s. Maternity leave in the USA 🇺🇸 is horrible, but you can’t just leave your 2-month old that is still nursing 🤱 behind and go to work. Also, young kids need to bond with their mothers, get potty trained, nurtured, fed decent food, be taken to the doctor when they are sick, etc. Maybe our society simply needs to regard childcare by an actual parent as a profession for which there must be compensation.
Stay at home moms are left with EVERY job to be done around the home. Raise kids, cook, clean, laundry, pay all the bills, coordinate everyone's activities, getting things repaired, grass/garden, groceries...the list doesn't end. And most do not get breaks or any kind of self care time ever. They're cheated on and treated like they do nothing while actually doing everything without pay.
My mom was a SAHM and freaked when dad wanted out. It was a legal game of survivor and the kids were merely expendable pawns for money. Marriage is way over rated Disney princess fantasy.
I am proud of my husband, our family and I am proud of beeing a stay at home mom.. I am a life giver.. I raise our children with love and sacrifice for the glory of God! For all this wonderful women out there .. working hard at home: don‘t feel sad or bad or lazy.. feel lucky and proud.. you are raising the future civilisation.. men and women with big hearts that know how to care about others.. ❤ God bless you all !
I’m in love with my SAHM and she takes great care of our newborn son. Love each other Fear God. Stay meek and humble. Everything will work out. Humility is everything
My grandad raised his daughters to be self sufficient and my dad raised his daughters to be self sufficient. I just could never see myself not having any resources if I got divorced. That's what happens to SAHMs. They get to work all hours of the day with no rest only to be disrespected and told they're gold diggers. Not worth it.
Makes sense and I don’t think it’s a dig at stay at home moms. It’s just that the very nature of a stay at home mom makes her more dependent on her partner. That’s not politics. It’s logic. A working woman at least has a job and relationships outside the home. There are going to be positives and negatives to any profession including a home maker. No one should be offended.
Teachers, nurses, and stay at home moms... You're missing a key detail. Those are the 3 professions average men carry the greatest disrespect for. As trust and kindness are central to marriage, disrespect will quickly take a huge toll on the relationships, but teachers and nurses can take vacations (limited ones, but still - they can take vacations). Trust is the foundation of all relationships, and respect is part of trust. So if a man comes home with an attitude about dinner not being ready or the house being messy when she's already been 3yrs without a break 🤷♀️ He's not an ATM. Kids are amazing, but difficult. Yes, we adore our children: doesn't mean the job is easy. And if it does lead to divorce... My daughter's before and after school care cost 1/3rd of my take home salary the year we tried me returning to a corporate job. That doesn't account for the fact that my hours no longer allowed me to cook as much as I used to. Our car bills, food bills, etc. After a year we added up the differences... I was making 1/3rd my actual pay once we deducted the additional expenses 🤦🏼♀️ and my daughter wasn't doing as well. Thank God for my husband (BTW, he chose to join our lives when our daughter (my ex husband walked) was already 3). He treats her as his own, through thick and thin: he genuinely gets that it's work and that we would have to pay all kinds of other bills otherwise. Yes, he's career focused - but he genuinely, obviously appreciates what I do. Things like this, though, make me think of how scared I was to date again. There's so much single mom hate at this point in time and single moms are struggling already. My heart goes out to them
Single moms are typically man repellent. All that accountability for essentially nothing in return. Man loses big if that doesn’t work out. Big gamble.
Only in America. In other countries the men aren’t working 40+ hours a week. The moms have families and communities to support one another. Only here in the U.S. you can’t afford to have a family and spend time with them.
In other countries the norms could be generational household where the grandparents lives with their kids and grandchildren. Both parents can work and the grandparents take care of the grandkids. Siblings and cousins help each other out during hard times. Neighbors in villages all work together to prosper and there is peace in the land…
@@X00079XFrance ~it’s illegal. Our family friends moved there and were struggling at first because they have so much time off and didn’t know what to do. So they started spending more time with their families like their French neighbors…
@X00079X in Cyprus when I stayed in the summer every business shut down for a few hours every afternoon and everyone went home and ate their biggest meal and took a nap, then went back to work. Lunch was like our dinner. It was extremely family oriented. All the girls literally helped their Moms cut up salad and cook before their men and brothers came home to eat a huge meal. You never knocked on anyone's door or called anyone during their lunch time.
What justification does a man have for divorcing a stay-at-home mom that protected, clothed, bathed, and fed his kids, not to mention she took them to the doctor and helped them with their homework, their emotional issues, tolerated their tantrums, defiance, and messes??? If you are the one initiating a divorce from a woman who has not cheated, committed financial abuse, or deceived you in some way, then yes, she is entitled to a huge payout. Your kids were or are still safe in her care and she probably has no job prospects due to years of being out of the workforce, which gives her no competitive edge. If you don’t want to have a SAHM for a wife, then simply DO NOT have children. Having children and then requiring her to work to pay babysitters and daycares to look after them is purely asinine.
💯 True - If I were a man I would consider myself *lucky* and *blessed* to find a woman who WANTS to stay home and look after our children and home - here you get questioning and scornful looks instead that put you on the defensive about why you even chose to be a SAHM! Go figure! And believe it or not I have observed that this hatred is coming rarely from men and instead PREDOMINANTLY from WOMEN working outside the home ... It's like they can't STAND the thought that there are women who choose to make their home and children their #1 Priority - It most certainly is a case of women (working outside the home) hating other women (working inside the home).
He left me for a younger woman that he worked with. However, within a few months he met a school teacher with a big house and nice income so he left the younger woman for her.
@@kc6810 I can't believe the friends he and his wife have on facebook. I am sure they don't know the truth. That is what hurts. My kids know the truth and that is what matters.
Makes sense. I was in this position. But it was smooth sailing. God bless the woman who is smart enough to have her own. Have your own nest egg at all times
Since leaving my husband and starting 50/50 parenting we both understand eachothers pov a lot better then we ever did during our marriage. She hit the nail on the head.
Women change after child birth though, they know they got you. That’s my experience with my wife, she used to clean everything to shiny and gave me bjs, as soon as the baby came she decides she’s got me and all that has stopped. Now I want to cheat and leave, had enough of paying the bills while cooking and cleaning.
@@rmac3217 yeah that 100% was not my case. In fact, I got tired of cooking, cleaning, taking care of a kid, and working. It goes both ways some men change after child birth because they feel theyve got you. But I do understand your pain and Im sorry youre going through that. I dont know you personally but I can say that divorce is hard. So to anyone I will always say always try communication first if that seems possible. Whatever happens I wish you and your family the best ❤️
@@rmac3217why don't you take care of the baby and the home a few days, experience what that's like and give her a break? I'm sure she'll have the energy to give you a bj after that and you'll have more understanding of the workload.
Alimony being fair or unfair is not an absolute. It can very easily be both. There are situations where it is far and works as its intended to.. And there are also situations where it is twisted and abused to destroy a former partners life. It is very far from perfect.
Think about all the unpaid labor and opportunity cost a SAHM has - that’s why judges (who were men of course) found it fair and equitable to order alimony to be paid to women. This is also biblical - men take advantage of women’s labor or they appreciate it… but if there’s a divorce, the man owes the woman for her unpaid domestic investment in the marriage that allowed him to make more money (see statistics married men make more money).
@@maxhatush5918 then husbands should pay wives for the jobs they do (nanny, housekeeper maid, chef etc) and that way wives can walk away without getting alimony. Pay 50% for those jobs she does, because she’s doing part of your job.
I was raised by a SAHM, so I respect them to the utmost. However, I couldn’t raise kids and not have my own income. Being raised by an SAHM opened my eyes to how RISKY of a profession it is. The only job where you work non-stop with little to no financial benefit. And honestly, I don’t think men really respect women who can’t produce economically. They’re on the internet saying that they don’t want a “boss babe”, when really they just don’t want to be bossed around. Other than that they really do want you to make your own money.
I surely do not regret of being a stay at home mom ever! I’m very proud of my choices and I know how hard I always worked. I’m definitely not settle for less that I deserve on my divorce, I know my rights and what I’m entitled for after 14 years of marriage. I’m not afraid of work as well. Not matter what ladies, don’t ever quit your search for happiness. 😌🇧🇷
@fishercourt so what is the solution? You seem pretty mad. Do you believe women should all not have children and just go to work? Because daycare is expensive, etc. So what is your solution?
@@fishercourt the naive one is doing great 8 months post divorce. I have my own home, a job that I love which can become a profitable business of my own and all that I need for my present and future financially, emotionally and spiritually. Most importantly my children made this transition pretty well. They both keep being "A" students and they kept the same friends and activities. They are the mainly reason I'm here. Not everyone in South America is a born starving, ignorant person so you'll know. One more thing that's also divine justice, God won't let a just person not to reaped what she sowed. Hardships come into our way for our transformation, evolution. Most people don't really believe it, so they'll keep struggling. 😉❤🇧🇷🇺🇸
I can see this. In fact I had a coworker that was waiting for his last kid to go to college before asking for a divorce. That way it will go through faster.
The husband feels like an ATM because he doesn’t see the money as “theirs”. He sees it as giving “his” money to her. His worth in society is tied to his net worth. He sees her use of their resources as diminishing his worth. She puts too much focus on the kids because they become a reflection of her worth. She is invisible other than being mother. The way through is a deep mutual respect for each other, both having financial literacy, open communication, and celebrating each other’s growth. Also, society can work to disassociate worth from net worth, prioritize financial literacy in education, and teach communication skills.
Also teach that being a stay at home mom is just as much work as a teacher or lawyer. Yes we don’t go to school as long but I bet when they go to the bathroom they can finish without being interrupted!
The husband feels like he is an ATM because that is exactly how he is treated and valued. Women get unconditional love but the moment the man can not provide he is discarded. The husband is literally a leaper and unwanted unless he can provide. There you go. I'm glad I could help you finally understand.
@@eobardthawne324 are you kidding me?!?! I’m a mother to two boys. My older son was doing college level math at 212, and playing every instrument he could get his hands on. When my younger son was 4 he was diagnosed with autism, when he was 6, epilepsy. When he was 10 he got diagnosed with an undefined muscular disorder. We have 3-5 doctors visits a month. He’s in a wheelchair and gets medication and blood draws all the time. We have 16 hour ieps every year. I have to fight insurance companies, doctors and school districts so that my son gets the basic care he deserves. You’re right I’m not keeping him out of jail, I’m keeping him alive and healthy!
Makes perfect sense, stay at home mom’s are the most vulnerable, distracted, stressed and overwhelmed group of married women, best I can tell, thanks for sharing!
It’s ironic, because the most important job a parent has, by far, is raising the children. I was an engineering manager in a huge company, my wife was a stay at home mom, I never thought for a moment that her job was easier or less important than mine.
Repent and believe in the gospel
That's sweet. ❤
So true...
Thats because you’re a real grown man. Majority of men are not mature.
I was a stay at home wife and mother, making sure my husband and children lived a peaceful organized life.
My husband valued my job,as I also valued him and his caring,loving, attentive, honorable morals. I admire, and appreciate him more now than when we were raising 7 children.
He is the absolute best Papa and husband a girl could pray for.
Shout out to the real men of this world who provide for their wives and children!❤
I believe it. Im a guy and I’m a stay at home caregiver for my mom. Lot of bad things happened that led me to doing this, schizophrenic sister, dad with copd, mom being disabled and bedridden for years, dad and sister both passing away. I’ve been out of work for 14 years caring for both parents, now just my mom. It was the right path to take but hasn’t been an easy path. One thing I’ve realized is that nobody treats me with the same respect they did before I quit working. I’m always being harassed about being jobless and broke and have been since it started. All of my relationships with family, including my mom, have been hurt by this. It’s sad and it’s been difficult, but I’m still glad I did it. Not sure why but people who stay at home, regardless of their reasons, aren’t treated as equals. Makes no sense to me.
I want you to know that I have an immense amount of respect for you. You are TRULY serving another human being in a profound way. The people who harass you might know this and might feel called out for not serving others as much as they could. I moved in with my mom to be here in case it gets to the point where you two are, and to help her pay bills. I work full time but I do understand that it's a sacrifice of a portion of one's personal freedom. In my eyes, you are a prized person. Seriously.
You are doing what a human being is suppose to do and they are portraying what society has led them to become.
It's really stupid that people think that a lot of these women that work are working because they want to, most working women work because their husbands don't earn enough for her to stay at home, nothing to envy about that.
When you think about it, whats more important in life and in the world than taking care of an ailing parent/sibling, or rearing a wholesome human being? Nothing!
That's so selfless and being a caretaker isn't easy. Kudos to you. Prayers for abundance in your future for your selflessness.
This makes me sad. My husband was an engineer. I was home with our kids for 16 years until my youngest entered 3rd grade. Our kids were our top priority. My husband was thankful I was home caring for them. Together, we invested and saved enough money to retire early. We make a great team.
I ranted in a comment post about how it seems to be not good for many. But you and others like you need to share your story. There are successful sahms with Dads that support it. GREAT JOB!!! You are heroes!❤
Yay! I love the positive stories :) See, it is possible. Sounds like you and your husband were very responsible and loved/respected each other very much.
@@Marfmellow88 It's always a work in progress. No relationship is perfect.
It is sad. It’s okay though @mnp208 .. it is programmed into the current generation and the generation before me that WOMEN MUST BE EQUAL 😅 because the sahm “agenda” has been to destroy families over time and create issues within the home. It’s all done on purpose. No more accountability, responsibility or traditional morals any more.
SAHMs save a whole lot more money for their families than is appreciated or even understood.
Working or career moms tend to become exceedingly materialistic due to the constant influences of the outside world that they are exposed to outside the home away from their children.
So no matter how much money they make, they actually go into more debt due to the presence of an active social life outside the home, which paves the way for an even more complicated, stressful life.
As a SAHM myself, I don’t have a bunch of coworkers or lady friends I regularly see to gossip or get ideas from on how to live my life.
I think all day about what to feed my kids, where to take them, and how to educate them.
I focus 1000% on the wellbeing of my family. This is what consumes the bulk of my mental and physical energy.
My wife was a Stay at Home Mom when the kids were little, then she started to work at their Elementary School so she could be off when they were out of school..."Stay at Home Working Mom???".
My attitude was to work hard to provide for the Family, but when I came home, it was fun to give 100% to the Wife/Kids when I walked through the door.
-Gave my wife 30 to 60 minutes off when I got home
-Weekends the kids were 50% mine to take care of, so she could do somethings she wanted to do with friends or for herself
-When we went out to dinner, I made sure the kids were NOT being wild so she could enjoy a nice dinner
-We went to a movie when the kids were babies, I would take the baby out of the movie if they were crying, so my wife could enjoy the movie
Just because you are a "Stay at Work Dad", does not mean you get to take a Vacation from your family when you get home...Your wife and kids NEED your 100% support when you are at home.
***Of course, my wife make sure I could take a power nap or some quiet time or to watch a Basketball Game.
"Take us back to a time when real men were real men." This is beautiful to read.
You are good, but men dont respect stay at home moms. They believe SAHM do NOTHING at home.
To be honest, I know a ton of men that respect and honor their wives that stay at home to take care of the kids.
When you have kids, you work as a team...no role is better than the other...both are needed to be a winning Team.@@Mira-gu6we
@@Mira-gu6we A lot of men couldn’t be appreciative of anything they were given. It’s not just about their wife. It takes a lot of humility to recognize the work people put in for you, most men lack humility today.
The era of the great man is done. Just look at the trash we have to vote on for the presidency. Not one candidate has note worthy character or presence. No body aspires to be like those men. Instead, they set the example for what the American standard is.
How VERY SWEET and Caring of you!😊
🌈May ALMIGHTY YAHUAH BLESS YOU and YOUR WIFE and FAMILY so very, VERY MUCH ....Take care
This one hurts! But there’s truth to it. I am a SAHM initiating a divorce because of unchanging and ongoing emotional abuse for 11 years. I have worked myself to the bone to homeschool, clean, cook, organize playdates, grocery shop, drive to appointments, care for the pets, etc. all with an autoimmune disease. I’ve been told by my husband “I’m sick of funding you”, “I don’t think homeschooling is working”, “I’ve carried you on my back this entire marriage”, “you’ve never actually loved me or cared about me.” It’s all too much. It’s never enough for him. I get compliments from friends and family on my cooking, my clean home, and my son’s proficiency in reading, writing and math. But from my husband I have gotten harshness, criticism, coldness and just plain cruelty. I am leaving with no income, no saved retirement, no “experience” as I married right out of college. But I’m doing it because I’m not going to spend one more day lighting myself on fire to keep the marriage warm. It’s all so wrong.
I wish you the very best going forward. I am sorry your husband was not able to see the value you contributed to your whole family.
You have right over his retirement since you got married, 50% belongs to you counting from your marriage date. It's the law. You should get some training on your career ASAP. Get a baby sitter or put your kids back into school. Better find a little balance on this equation. This situation can lead to a high level of anxiety and depression, otherwise your hole will become deeper and harder to emerge from. Good luck! ❤
So sorry that your soon to be ex did not value you and what you provide for your family.
There are so many women in your position.
The number one thing for you to do is to get out!
You and your children deserve peace and a good life.
Hopefully your story will save other women.
Wishing you nothing but the best!
Was he raised by a working mother? I think that makes the difference in what they value.....
My mother stayed home with us while we were young and unfortunately went back to work fulltime too soon to a job that drained her physically and mentally....when we were teens so I wrecked my highschool opportunities being left so unsupervised.
My husband the same thing. His mother worked a heavy career she was too tired/distracted to focus anymore other than the basics of ensuring he was fed housed clothed. He wrecked his highschool opportunities...we both had to work in our 20's to make up all the high schooling plus (he did a trade license) I did college late into my adulthood because of this.
My life would have been so much easier had I had the full time attention from my mother during highschool. I give that to my kids today they're all on honor roll my oldest graduated with an advanced diploma and in college.
However I still battle occasionally with my husbands mentality about mothers can work and do it all. In actuality not only did his parents also divorce, only one of his siblings graduated due to the neglect.
I pray you can work it out and keep trying to shift his mindset.
@@sunshinenday3439Highschool? Highschool is when I was and I guess most people are most independent during childhood. Why did you need FULL TIME attention from your mother? In high school I spent most of the time in school and with friends with little parental supervision, traveling often to rock climb with adults and etc.
You should not be nervous because you are revealing the problems. If people can see the problems, they can avoid it! You are a wonderful lawyer!
She is right. Stay at home moms do not get much respect for their work at home.
Like my grandmother. I feel bad for her seeing it with my eyes when I moved in temporary. My grandfather was so controlling and bad to my grandmother
It’s not just that, but it’s dangerous to put your financial well being in the hands of a partner. I study law at university, and a few of the lectures spoke of domestic abuse and how it comes up in legal cases in different ways. Finances is not a joke and something that is only a man’s business! Even without abuse, a woman must be able to take care of herself financially as an adult and not rely on another person for that in the same way as when she was a child.
According to who? The feminists? A mother does a better job at raising her own children than day care workers who don’t care
That's not a job giving your husband head and spreading legs and babysitting is not working
that doesn't sit right with me because the cost of child care is so expensive so people literally get paid to do those things , housekeepers, cleaning services,laundry services,cooking services,child care services are jobs but if you do it in your own house hold its disrespected ....
It seems to me that SAHMs are pretty vulnerable in divorce situations.
oh well in the end we will all survive or not somehow...
We are all vulnerable in different aspects and at the same situations. No matter what, trust me!
@@dawngunther528it’s not drama it’s real life
@@DebbieW-h7zsounds very much like victim-complex, look at me suffer in the richest regio of the world, give me a break, we all should grow some balls
Depends on the state, but most states are very favorable (more than they should be) towards women and SAHMs in divorce situations. Believe me I know. Most states now calculate and factor in the income each spouse is making at the end of the marriage, and many other factors designed to make men pay through the damn nose. My ex wife got 90% of our assets and money when we divorced. She got spousal support, still gets child support, got the house, car, 80% of my retirement, etc. After we divorced she had so much money she didn’t need to work at all for 2 years while she finished her degree (also paid for). She still has tons of money leftover, enough to buy her own condo and a new car. I’ve had to scrape ever since, but not her. In my experience the men are more vulnerable in these situations because society makes it out like we forced our wives to stay home. I wanted her to keep her career before she left it. Not my fault she was a SAHM for 11 years and had no work experience or skills when we divorced.
Say what you want. I’m a stay at home mom and it wouldn’t change my choice to hear this. I have been married for 32 years and the only job I held was when my kids were school age and I was a substitute teacher. I would do it again!
She's just speaking with what she has seen throughout her career.
It’s the most common because our society has decided to respect stay at home moms so little and their husbands latch onto that….. Meanwhile other people pay someone else thousands a month to watch their kids, clean their house, cook meals, shop… If society acknowledged it is a job that they should consider is worth the amount they will pay others there would he no contempt from anyone.
Right.
I think a lot of people would rather have two incomes and pay a third party to do those things so that the partners' daily lives aren't dramatically different from each other.
I wish I had a cook, a maid, someone to shop, do laundry, and iron clothes for me. Oh and help my kids with homework and after school activities. I work full time and still have all the responsibilities of a SAHM.
@@missjanelovethat’s a misconception. Unless your children are with you while you’re working, you don’t have the same responsibilities as a SAHM. Someone else is teaching, watching and feeding your kids while you’re at work.
SAHM here. I think @missjanelove was making the point that the activities listed are WORK too and that she has 2 jobs which are exhausting. What she described is exactly why I decided to have less money but have more of my sanity!
What you meant is the husband feels like an ATM and the wife feels like a free babysitter who gets no break
💯
Or a live-in housekeeper and nanny, who's never off the clock, and also expected to provide enthusiastic sex on a regular basis.
It's a pitfall, and one that takes some work and honest, respectful communication to avoid.
its not babysitting if the child is yours
@@Uthlax you're not an atm if the children are yours either but we're talking about how these ppl FEEL, you invalidating dismissive nincompoop
@Uthlax but thats what men call it when you tell them to watch their kids so the mom can have some much needed alone time or time with friends.
Before we were married, my then-boyfriend and I discussed how we would run our home. He expected me to work to earn money for our home like his mother did. I told him I wanted to be a homemaker like my mom. He really struggled with this and discussed it with his dad, who admitted that having his wife work outside the home probably cost them more in childcare, fuel, professional clothing, convenience food (since no one was at home to cook meals from scratch), and several other incidental costs, than it would for her to stay home and take care of her family. My husband and I have now been married for 12 years and have children. He has repeatedly remarked how much he appreciates me being home and caring for our family (we also homeschool), and how our home feels better than his home growing up.
But we both have to be on board. I can’t just wear designer dresses and go to the movies every day and buy expensive junk we don’t need. Every dollar is accounted for. We garden a lot and I put food up. I cook mainly from scratch and do laundry and clean and teach and taxi and all the things our household requires. When he comes home, I make sure his needs are met. And he makes sure our family has what we need.
How did yall compromise? It seems as though what you wanted was more important
This is lovely. I’m glad you could both work it out.
@@Che-vn6vushe wanted to do all the grunt work and care fully for her children and give it up when he wanted it. The compromise was that he had all his needs met. the compromise was easy.
I am a Princeton grad with a masters degree who worked at a financial firm in New York City for 15 years before leaving to stay home with my kids. I can definitely understand why stay at home moms would feel vulnerable. It’s a tough, extremely isolating job. That being said, I don’t regret leaving my well paying job to do it. I think my children benefited immensely from it and my husband would definitely agree. I think this video actually speaks to how difficult it is for stay at home moms to reenter the workforce. It’s not easy and it leaves women trapped in bad marriages. I wish more companies would work on programs that help transition intelligent women who have been home back into jobs that match their skill set. And to any stay at home moms reading this - I get it. My most stressful day in finance was still easier than staying home with kids. It’s an extremely tough around the clock gig so don’t ever feel bad about yourself for having that gap in your resume. No one can understand how hard it is until they do it.
Why is it never a man leaving his hard earned degree/career?! It’s a deeply flawed way of viewing women. In Scandinavia parents do 50/50 and we have a high statistic of university educated people. My parents did 50/50 and I’m at uni. as a woman studying law. No way I would give away my financial safety for some man...ever!
@@soilgrasswaterairIf a woman considers it surrendering her financial freedom to be a SAHW/M, it sounds like there’s already a lack of trust in the marriage.
So well said.
The problem is that the types of people who would benefit most from these sorts of practices actively vote and speak against them as conservatives.
That's not a job giving your husband head and spreading legs and babysitting is not working
I stayed at home for a little, accidentally while I was very young. I quit my job because it was a toxic environment and was stay at home until I found a new job. I thought it would be the dream and I actually hated it and quickly became depressed. It’s very isolating and the work is mundane. I felt like I was wasting away. I also absolutely hated having my man pay for everything all the time, it didn’t feel like I could relax it just made me feel tense and like I couldn’t get what I really needed/wanted. It also created more tension in our relationship because my whole life became waiting for him to get home, and it was hard for me to give him space to do his own things because I was craving social interaction so much. I’m thankful for the experience bc I realized I hated it and didn’t have to realize that after it was too late.
Being a stay-at-home is not for every woman but those who do do it MUST be respected just as much.
ooooooooooh yeah sounds familiar. I've got sick of it in two months and I'm an introvert. Give me my job, my thing, my monzies
It doesn’t matter who were before we were SAHMs, we all get treated as if we’re lazy, non-contributing gold diggers. It’s crushing to realise all the non-ending work wasn’t appreciated and counts for nothing, no less than nothing as it gets redefined as a character flaw.
We have to get over the stigma of being lazy and enjoy what we do. I am unemployed now and constantly feel the need to be "productive" and it's exhausting. There is so much guilt you get out of nowhere and it adds more pressure than there already is. While my bf is away, I clean, cook, look for jobs, am creative, do groceries (with my unemployment money), try to develop a side hustle. I am doing my best and I wish I got a glimpse of respect for once. My relationship is fairly new and my dream is to work part time long term so I can keep going, have two children, and be a very loving partner. But without a job I almost feel not allowed to exist 😢
@@helenarichard; You’re not alone. There are a lot of women in similar situations. Good Luck to You! 🤷🏻♀️💜🖖🏼💜🤷🏼♂️
All because of Gloria Steinhem. She managed to brainwash most women into thinking that raising a child and keeping house was less important than working for some guy. What is more important than your children? BTW, Gloria Steinhem's dad ran away when she was very young, and her mom had mental issues. Do you think she knew anything about a good family life? I guess she figured misery loves company. But the problem is women fell for it. Very few actually stepped back and thought. Next thing you knew, women were dropping off their six week old babies to complete strangers. There was a time when raising your children and taking care of a family was a revered job. Kids grow fast. You can never take this time back again.
I know there was going to be an overly defensive person like you literally that she was talking to you
@@marysmith4811What is your plan in case your husband gets sick, dies, or starts beating you?
Yup. The husband has been going to work, not having to pay for childcare and housekeeping. He is moving up in his position and pay grade. While the mom makes ZERO money. Now she has to start her professional life at the beginning pay rate. Like she should but if you are in your 40s, 50s, 60s. It’s terrible and I’m sure it blows peoples mind.
Not mine! I'm 47 and very excited to make my dreams and goals to happen. And on the top of that I'm an immigrant with a bachelor from my country, which put me in a situation where I'm starting from zero. Not financially, but professionally. 😉
That's why the feminist movement happened.
the mom gets paid in free rent, free healthcare for her and her kids, free food and hopefully a faithful husband.
SAHM are blessed and tired of reading ungrateful comments like your. Be GRATEFUL
@@drwalka10problem is "hopefully" isn't it? Your husband has all the leverage to screw you over. Hopefully he doesn't. If he does, society will blame you for "not choosing better." SAHMs trust their husbands, and that's how they get screwed.
You make zero money because you do zero of the work, it's got nothing to do with you being a women
I appreciate that she called SAHM a PROFESSION!
(Unpaid, and disrespected though it tends to be.)
Judging by the title, I thought it was going to be a smear against stay at home moms. She was very respectful and spoke the facts. I think instead of this looking bad for stay at home wives and moms, let's choose to learn from it. If both people want a more traditional household, how can they make that happen while avoiding these pitfalls?
That clearly shows gay men are multiplying with straight women and making them dumb and helpless, while they only care for the money to move on .
You can hear it in their voices at times too that they are gay, but try to play it off as being straight,
Where they spend less time at home and seem less caring than most men with women .
Like the one video with a woman giving birth ,
Like I can hear it in that man's voice he was gay, and did not seem to care she was hurting, but asking her dumb questions as she is screaming while he is driving.
Ultimately you NEED god in your marriage. We need to follow his word (the Bible) and completely separate from worldly traditions and beliefs that DONT work.
The world has marriage as an equal partnership. That’s not what it is. It’s a UNION where 2 become one. And there’s proper roles and hierarchy. Worldly marriage advice is live as independently as possible, doesn’t work.
People let themselves go in marriage that is why allot of them fall apart.
The partner pretends to stay fit and got it together when they first start dating ,
but that is only to impress the person to marry them ..
The main ones that fail get married with in a year or so but spent most of there time with friends bragging.
Or always at work and never really anytime with each other .
Basically only with there partner to get it on and go out to eat .
And then spend most of their times bragging to people who don't have one .
Lots of the people they marry most of the time doesn't even see who they really Are because they are blinded by their smooth talking words.
Main ones that I notice that fail , they give each other pet names like babe 😆
@@Noadvantage246 so women should be forced to marry their rapists? Men can have multiple wives and concubines. A man can have a wife and have sexual access to her slaves. Men can take women as wives from countries they conquered. a dead man’s brother and his widow. Is this the biblical marriage you are talking about?
@@Metyourmatch Very interesting comment. Firstly multiple wives was never something God approved of. It was allowed in the Old Testament but it was never desirable. The New Testament specifically says to be a man of 1 wife.
Ppl that have these “gotcha” things seem to really misunderstand the Bible, specifically the difference between the Old and New Testament. Because of Jesus sacrifice we are also not even under the same law.
The best way that I can try and sum it up in a YT comment Old test was to show us why we needed Jesus sacrifice. Multiple wife’s never ended well in the Old Testament, it was the downfall of serval very good men. I believe God let many things play out in the Old Testament specifically to answer ppls questions. If you ever want to know “why God doesn’t just xyz” you usually have to look no further than Old Testament.
So to answer your questions know that Old Testament ways of living isn’t necessarily supposed to be an example, if anything it’s most a warning. Jesus is our example, lord and savior.
Let’s not forget the vulnerability of SAHMs. For the length of time they have agreed to stay home they aren’t building a marketable job history in the common sense.
They aren’t building any work history for social security, so no benefits there.
If their spouse hasn’t been financially prudent there are also likely not too mention assets or financial holdings to split.
This leaves the woman in a very precarious and vulnerable position. Many are just one paycheck away from homelessness. And let’s not forget that many SAHMs wouldn’t have chosen to be one except for the financial restrictions on childcare or because some spouses force the issue.
So when the spouse that’s been allowed to work and have a life outside the home wants a divorce and wants to keep all the assets for themselves, I have little empathy for that scenario.
Men generally use women to raise their children and cook their meals then leave them high and dry and cry about the pittance they have to pay when getting a divorce. Women are much better off not even getting married imo
And society judges them harshly and refuses to give them a chance when they interview
This is why the husband pays the wife monthly even before there are kids. The man must prove he is financially trustworthy before a woman gives away her womb to him.
Well, having a baby requires you making that choice, no one forced you to get pregnant, so if you don’t have enough money prior to having the baby then that’s your responsibility.
Too many stay at home moms are miserable and that’s why their husbands leave and cheat on them. It’s not all the man’s fault if a woman is lazy and chooses not to work hard.
If a woman quits her successful job to stay home, then you are lazy and entitled. I don’t feel sorry for people who choose to have a lot of babies, then say it’s too hard to go back to work. I’m general, stay at home moms that say they have no choice is wrong and an excuse that I’m tired of hearing.
theres plenty of work from home jobs
I LOVE IT! I'm a married woman and this hits so close to home with what I've seen amongst my female friends who are stay at home moms.
You were absolutely sincere in your explanation, and you NAILED IT with your delivery.
Keep up the great work... You've got a new subscriber!!
I was a SAHM for 8 years before I went back to work part time. I could not go back full time as one of our kids is disabled and has therapy appts every day. In my opinion, these men GENERALLY expect their lives to stay the same after having kids (see friends for hours every weekend, play video games for hours after work, take 45 min showers and naps every afternoon) and then their wife has to become an unpaid maid and nanny. And these same men complain that their wife isn't fun anymore, why is she always tired and stressed out, we never have sex, etc. My husband never acted like this, he is a very hands on father and he always shared the load of cooking and cleaning.
I think the success of a stay at home mom depends heavily on who she married. You have to be on the same page and talk about your views on children and child raising before you get married. Life isn't a Hollywood movie where you live happily ever after just because you fall in love... I know it's not easy, especially because sometimes people change, but I don't think society places enough emphasis on how important these conversations about family planning really are.
@@thirstbasketagree 💯.
@@thirstbasket Spot on. Lots of people don’t even think to have these conversations, or id the topic comes up they just go along with whatever their partner says so that there isn’t an argument, but them wanna get mad and cry victim when their spouse doesn’t change their mind for them. These conversations are super important and it’s Ben recommended to bring them up by date 2 or 3. Nothing super heavy. Just what your marriage goals are and if you want kids or not. Other important stuff and technicalities can be brought up over the course of the relationship as you get to know your partner.
@@thirstbasketjust don’t have kids😂. And maybe not even get married. Or atleast not b4 50! ✌️
@@newagain9964I don't think most women can healthily have kids at 50, right?
I think the attorney is really brave for speaking the truth that she sees . Then explaining her position with logic as to why. The divorce she described was 100% my parents.
The real issue is that a legal agreement should be worked out when one parent stays home, giving them proof of work and paying into social security.
Also that house prices are too high and require two incomes. That causes havoc
@@MrsPhillips-e6j That's what I was going to say - it's the finances that are the problem. The Boomer generation used to argue and accuse each other of not appreciating the other, but the younger generations are so swamped in debt with high rental prices that at argument breaks out over affordability and savings on a daily basis.
A dependent spouse is entitled to Social Security benefits through his or her commercially employed spouse.
Exactly
I think that's an interesting concept. Why is it that there is only social security paid out for a traditionally employed person, but not a primary care giver. Maybe spouses should consider saving for the caregiver so that both of their incomes and retirement are protected in the case of divorce.
I see a lot of women on my FB mom groups who want a divorce because they work full time, clean, cook, grocery shop, activities, doctors appointments, take care of the kids, can’t be sick, etc etc. Just because they work full time doesn’t mean their mom duties don’t exist. Some men won’t lift a finger or don’t know how to because it’s female/mom duties. These women want divorce so a least every other weekend they will “get a break”. That’s super sad.
I can understand why SAHM are higher than likely to get a divorce though. If I was a man and made decent money I would love to not worry about my kids being taken care of by a daycare, go grocery shopping, clean, cook, etc etc.
Why are those women working ? Do the last things you mentioned.
@@JusticeBajaj use your brain - why do you think?
Gosh another video making SAHM feel like crap. And it always seems that majority of the time it’s women doing it in comments and on video. What is it that gets everyone backs up about women that want to do that.
I am a single and admire women that want to do this. I am not going to hate on women who do or don’t . People just love to hear the negative about women who choose to do this.
Some women work full time because it's necessary.... Most women I've met work full-time abd parent part-time because they have Been told by their feminist facebook group that being a stay at home mom is a second class low tier job Unworthy of respect
@@claudiabailey5302this video is based off of a specific group of people (her divorcing clients), it’s not some random hate against stay at home moms
She just answered and pretty much solved the issue at the end Neither husband nor wife feels appreciated. That’s what’s wrong. Both have taken each other for granted and have not made time for one another. That’s the issue at its core. The marriage needs to be top priority because it’s supposed to be the foundation of the family. If husband and wife don’t prioritize each other then family falls apart. AKA divorce.
When kids are involved, they become the priority. The spouses are supposed to prioritize each other around that. Essentially, if you are with a person who is not family oriented then bringing kids into the mix will never work. Specifically speaking about guys, even the ones who say they want kids need to be vetted regarding where their head space is because a lot of guys say they want kids, but end up being a third kid themselves. Imo, if both spouses cannot reach an agreement with their thoughts, expectations, and philosophies regarding raising kids, and cannot make time for each other after having kids, then kids need to not be brought into the mix, or they need to find another person who is more compatible and shares similar familial aspirations.
ABSOLUTE FACTS
so many people disagree but its so true eventually the kids will move out and have their own families so yes mom and dad need time together
I grew up with a stay at home mom and us 4 siblings. And she definitely put my dad first. They are still together 40 plus years and still going strong. We are loved and know it. I appreciate my mom for setting that example for me. Us kids are just fine and are wonderful adults now. Putting my dad first didn't deprive us of love. My mom loved us the best way she could and done a great job at it regardless of any mistakes made. That's her hubby. Dad should get special treatment from his wife ☺️❤️
Exactly 👍🏾
Must be difficult to get paid in smiles, sarcasm and diapers for a ten to eleven hour shift and be expected to perform after dark too.
Some times the father is still complimented more in social circles as well.
What did you think being wife was about? 😆 goofy
Lol I love this 😄👌❤️
@@emilyau8023 no he's not lol
24/7 job w no pay. What must've happened to women to sign up for this con?!?!?!😆
I have a master in nursing. I am a stay home mom who homeschool for ten years. I quit my well paid job to dedicate my time to my family. It was the best decision I have ever made in my life. My marriage is strong, my kids are excelling academically. If I want to go back and work anytime, I can make a good living. My advice for women is to have a profession that they can rely one day if need it. Blessings to all🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thank you, this is the best!! I'm also a medical professional with a decade worth of work-experience, and left to be home to raise my two daughters, and homeschool them. It has been a huge blessing to all of us. Even on tough days, I'm so grateful. The alternative would have been working my full time and then coming home to work on chores, hardly any quality time with my family. What seals it all is our faith, my husband is a man of God and we are best friends. It breaks my heart to see so many negative comments coming from both Sahm's and non-sahms alike, but yours lit my heart up ❤️ Our careers will be there waiting for us when we return to the work force, but our children will only be with us for a short time.
I’m a stay at home mama with the most amazing supportive husband. The laws actually work on our favor with alimony and divided assets. As a Christian we don’t look at divorce as an option anyway unless cheating and abuse is involved.
This is good advice. You’re very blessed to have a strong marriage. Your dedication to your family is beautiful.
Same here. Professional with a degree in Mechanical Engineering and I chose to be a sahm and we are 10yrs in to it. Thankfully my husband was very on board with it having been raised by his sahm when he was a kid (so he knows the value of it). I could go back to being an engineer quite easily though it could take a bit of polishing to be quick at it. At home, I'm a domestic engineer and project manager. I not only have our home inventoried and finances on track but I cook all our meals and attend all our kids events and even have time to do my hobbies. I also project manage any renovations we've needed done on our home. I've never worked harder before, that is the truth. We are 20 years together 💗
Yes mam! Loving my Sahm life! We live so free in our house. Seriously, all of our friends that work run around life like their hair is on fire trying to keep up, We are chill ❤
It’s hard to find child care or at least childcare that’s good quality so there is a good reason lots of moms stay at home
Also wow the price of child care..If a woman or man makes minimal wage their ENTIRE check goes to child care any more
These are very valid points; I worked in child protection for years before having children, and cannot "unsee" how the most vulnerable are often treated.
You also have to trust people with your kids this is hard.
@@Cha--OPINIONS Very...
Poor data set. Teacher, nurse and homemaker are probably the three top occupations of woman, so it would make sense they are the top.
But she said the only one's that stand out as being litigious are SAH.
She didn't say it was scientific study, she was making observation of her 13 or 14 yrs of experience as a Divorce lawyer. My guess she represents more women and then men?
so it's still true then.....
We should really discuss that in most marriages where the man is abusive, he encourages her to quit her job and promises to "Take care of her" while she raises the kids. Then when his abuse gets worse, he begins threatening to take things away from her to send a message that without him, she'll never survive, so she stays...
When I had enough of my ex husband during a trip out of town, he was full blown narcissist abuser mode, and I told him I was leaving and driving home instead of staying the night with him in the hotel, told him he could just get a ride back home with his friend who also drove down in a separate car and who's going back home on the same day we were going to.
My ex-husband said, "What... you're gonna take MY CAR? And drive yourself home to the apartment that I PAY FOR?? If you leave I'm reporting that car stolen." I said "WE bought that car TOGETHER!" He said "Who's name is on the title? Not yours."
I put the keys down and sobbed on the floor knowing he won. I was a 23 yr old stay-at-home-mom.
THAT is why you see so many divorces. It's not the woman who's the red flag, it's the man who forced her into giving up all control and then using that to threaten her if she ever wants to leave.
Thank you for sharing your story! So sorry you had to go through that pain.
Unfortunately, this is the case for a lot of women. But when women try to explain why they left, she’s shamed.
The favorite talking point is most women leave to get money in the divorce. Which is a bold face lie!
Women today are opting out of marriage and children….and I ain’t mad about it.
Keep your head up!
Uh you needed to be heard I can appreciate that but you wrote a book ok😑but you let him win. If you drove a marital asset home you could not be charged with theft and i he tried that would be proof of manipulation and control. You have to educate yourself and know your rights and your worth!
So ladies if you’re trapped be smart! Get proof, get a support partner for help and for darn sure keep that well documented proof hidden. Find that one person to trust partner up and stay strong! You are worth it!!!!
Great story, but maybe just don't marry men like that? I don't marry women that are stupid or will cause me grief. You guys love to get yourselves into trouble, and then blame everything else on your way out the door. After all, you guys have complete control in the dating game in our society. You are the ones that decide, are you not?
Did you have a good father figure? It sounds like you may have a bad picker, or maybe you just didn't get much to pick from. Most kids don't have a dad around anymore, and if a girl doesn't have a good father she cannot distinguish good mates from bad boys; that's why these goofballs chase guys like me around. This has all been done by design.
I've never had this problem, because I read the writing on the wall a long time ago. This isn't a good time to be getting married or having kids. Unless you're a woman that can just have your cake and eat it too, to each their own. Divorce rate is at 80% last I heard. Society is completely screwed until the bombs drop again, and they are going to drop. We've learned absolutely NOTHING. Hard times are on the way for everyone...
I certainly sympathize with what you went through and hope you will be able to rebuild your life and find happiness. When that happens, I hope you will then realize that there are many reasons why people get divorced. The man is not always the villain. People need to recognize that there is spousal abuse and betrayal perpetrated against men as well as women.
Approximately 40-50% of first marriages and 60-67% of second marriages end in divorce according to the American Psychological Association. This leads me to wonder, why do people get married in the first place? Does anybody ask that question before making such an important decision? There are alternatives to marriage besides staying single that might work for many people, including: (1) domestic partnerships or civil unions, (2) common law marriage, (3) cohabitation agreements, and (4) polyamory, for those who aren't cut out for monogamy.
I hope that people investigate options open to them that might be preferable to finding oneself stuck in an unhappy marriage.
What a world we live in. Men are terrible aren't we? Western civilization is dead and western white woman killed it. You break down EVERY SINGLE ISSUE as men bad woman good. I married an asian woman because i know she will value family bene married twenty years happily with three kids.
It's because we have no village anymore. Everything is left on the parents while society just moves on. We need a village, a safe place for our kids to be cared for so couples with kids can actually go out and walk together on a trail, have a quality conversation that isn't interrupted by screaming siblings, a chance to rekindle what was. I'm sorry, but that can't always involve the kids. We're living in madness since covid. Not having time for one another is a huge contributor to the disconnect so many couples feel.
Hire a babysitter. Parents don't want to spend the money.
This is true. The village is missing to support the needs of the pair, as they learn to balance pouring into their relationship and the children.
Without the village the fears of both are shooting through the roof, due to not having the support they need around them.
@@RG-hf4etCan barely afford to go to WalMart anymore. A babysitter? I wish!😂
@@RG-hf4et Or maybe they have seen one too many YT clips of demented babysitters that do horrible things to children and decided that they did not want to take the chance.
@@sarahp.3772you arranged your life that way though....if you wanted to have lots of disposable income before having children, you would have made different choices. Also, how many other people's children did you "village" for before you had your own? You're supposed to invest in other people if you want them to invest in you.
The baseline reason is the husband and wife stop focusing on one another and focus on different things......idk why anyone thinks they can remained married while neglecting their spouse for any reason. That is abandonment.
SN:: Being a mother(stay at home or not) isn't a profession unless you're a surrogate. It's a calling, a responsibility. Life is about purpose, not a job.
Moms and wives who care for their families are amazing and should be celebrated!
Yes but they should also factor in that their relationship may fail and they should not lose their work skills or ability to earn a good income
@@delaslight or doing drugs.
@@delaslight She's not a stay-at-home mom, she's an imitation and a leach. A real SAHM title is earned and the evidence is a organized and peaceful home with well-rounded kids
I am a SAHM and have had 7 children. First one at 24 and last one at 45. I still have a 7 yr old and I’m in my 50’s. I can’t even describe the amount of laundry I’ve done every week for 28 yrs. Women used to have big families. They worked hard to take care of children their entire adult life. My mom was a holy, devout and selfless woman who raised 8 children. She took care of both mother in laws (widows) until their death. Now women only have, at most, 2 children and they are done raising them by their forties. They stay home, but have nothing to do.
And good men doing their best to be a good dad and spouse incl providing for an entire family financially (not easy) need to be as well. Balanced team. Two wings of same bird esp when kids are young. My mom stayed home and dad was self employed incl being on call 24 hrs. Dad worked crazy hours to make sure we had the basics and later a bit more. He helped when home as he could. Mom helped w/managing money and being home w/5 of us. Two wings.
Most people think being a SAHM means you just spend time with baby, and cook and clean and wait on husband when he comes home... NOPE. You gotta have hobbies, community/family/friendship get togethers to socialize, get out of the house with the baby and do more than just shop for groceries. If you stay home all the time, you're gonna get depressed.
or not. everyone is different.
You're right Carey, Having a hobby is just TOOOO daunting of an experience. Better stick to bitching about it
@@DrSoappWhat is she bitching about? I think you read that wrong 🤔 She was saying not needs a hobby or social circle to feel fullfilled. That not everyone gets depressed by staying home and doing SAHM stuff. It's the opposite of bitching my friend.
@@DrSoapp some people are true introverts and are not depressed by alone/at home time. i’m just representing. 🤷🏻♀️
I agree. Too many women are delusional and living in lala land with this fantasy of being a SAHM. You need to have a separate life outside of your kids and husband that is fulfilling to you. When I see women making being a wife and mother their entire identity I really feel sorry for them. They are like half of a human being with no other purpose outside of serving other people.
My husband who has an excellent high paying career always looks down on me for not having a job and being a sahm. If I dare complain about one thing or ask him for help, he says what do I have to complain about, he gives me everything I need, blah blah blah. I seriously just had to use the bathroom today and when I was done, our 2 year old was on the dining room table, poised to fall off. He was home, just in his gaming room playing his guitar, where he always is when he's home. He avoids us and says I make our home unbearable.
Please divorce this arse. You deserve better.
Well, it seems you had better start putting money away, getting an accurate record of his finances and looking for employment so you're not totally blindsided.
He sounds like an asshole.
why did he even marry then and had children? Also, these types of men use this excuse of a 'provider' to do nothing at home. Unless he does 16h shift in mine he can watch his children just fine
Hes baby #2
As a stay at home mom, I can see this. A very valid reason, though by no means the only reason, for divorce is the couple moving in different directions. And when one is a stay at home parent this happens frequently. I often feel like my husband doesn't realize what work I do around the house and just how monotonous that work is. I am thankful that he does, most of the time, appreciate that I think about purchases before I make them and I don't treat him like an ATM. And we do try to make a point to sit down and discuss what is going on in our lives and our individual int rests. We still want to be a part of each other's lives even if we don't have many similar interests.
As long as you, your husband and kids are happy, that's all that matters.
I would totally appreciate a clean home and dinner cooked, I do the work, pay the bills and have to deal with a dirty house and I cook dinner.
She’s a good mom and looks after our 1 child, but there’s no way we are having any more and she is going back to work asap.
@@rmac3217 This is so sad. I have been in your wife's situation for so long. And it is tough to manage all of those. And I honestly put the best that I can. Truthfully it is a lot easier to work than manage the house and look after the child. I put my husband to do it for a day and it is difficult for him to do half of what he is requesting of me. To add that kids are less clingy to dad than to mom, usually. It is so much easier for me to work than look after the children. My husband is of the same opinion as you. In my experience as I know of many other families, we have a lot of stories among relatives and acquaintances where parents have been successful and had wealth, and both were working, but their children had issues. So I wanted to be there for the children, for that I know that all of the wealth and success goes to the trash if kids are not helped into success along the way. But what do I know...
@@AlbaAmaraI’m a successful lady, I don’t have the low self-esteem to feel like I have to name all of my job titles and collegiate degrees. But, both my parents worked hard for their whole lives, and they also found ways to raise me without them giving up their jobs. It wasn’t easy, but they weren’t lazy like most adults in this country. They saved money BEFORE having me and always used budgets and kept up with their finances. They didn’t cry and give up saying it’s too hard, so I will just be lazy and quit. I am privileged that my parents worked so hard my whole life, that was great role models for me.
So, if you are saying that by having two parents work hard while having children, that it caused the kids to go crazy, then you are the problem with society. A mom doesn’t have to quit her job to raise a kid, you just have to work smarter.
@@fishercourt to each his own. My mother wanted to always work, my father didn’t want her to. I see both sides now. My mom divorced him because he was abusive so I understand. When she wasn’t working, our home was a well oiled machine. When she did work, there were child care issues. Maybe you had extra family to help raise you ? Who knows but you sound judgmental . For generations the mother has been the caretaker and many women give up their jobs to do so.. and it’s normal.. not lazy.
This is why you should NEVER be financially dependent on anyone, especially a man. My mother preached this to me since I was 12 years old, I'm married now and have my own bank accounts, my husband has his own, and we only share one account together. Mamma didn't raise no fool or doormat
I agree never rely fully on another human being. Your life/survival is always your own responsibility.
Hell yeah my grandma taught me this early. She said always keep a sharp skill that can make you money. Even if you work part time or have a business, never put too much trust in a man to feed you 💯
Whats the difference between if it's a man or a woman wdym "especially" a man?
And also hate me or not but I'm going to say it, unfortunetely a scary amount of woman are social stigmas. They act all high and mighty but everyone is human and in a lot of situations they would do the same thing.
She certainly did raise a fool!
absolutely the same here. then your relationship have a better chance of being a CHOICE rather than a need wherein you'll tolerate a lot of potential BS.
I gave up my Nursing Licensed and after 10 years I got 50k and no way forward except as a single Mom for the next 10 years. He bailed on every bit of shared custody because, "I'm in a new relationship." I had to raise her solo and he didn't even step up when I had cancer. She had to sleep in the hospital with me. WARNING TO WOMEN: Never think you will divorce and be ok.
Why did you give up your nursing license?
Of you left him instead of making it work you are on your own.
@@patpatmoomoo5524nursing is a highly stressful job, I don’t blame her. She can get into public health though with her past experience. It’s a nice 8-5 thing with good benefits
@@xtusvincit5230 F*CKING REALLY???????? SO HE DIDN'T HAVE TO MAKE IT WORK ALSO?????? When F*CKING WHEN men will start taking responcibility??? They had a child together HELLOOOOOO it's his child also he had to step up. And then men are b*tching that women don't want to have children anymore. Yeah no shit
I was a stay at home mum for a couple of years whilst the kids weren't yet at school, and then worked part time till they were teenagers. Been treated like crap. Every evening, he would go home and ask me what I did during the day, and as there was not much to mention apart from cleaning, feeding, and all of it to start again around the time he arrived, he would tell me daily how great it must be to do nothing all day long. If I got upset, he would tell me that I should just enjoy it instead of being offended. Divorce has been the sweetest part of my life, even though I had to return to university at the age of 50 and never got a penny from him.
Lol you did, you got to stay tf with the kids and work part time 😂 narcissist
Thank you for your honestly.
Well because educating you wasn't his job , he kept you in his house , fed you and all the other things which you are ignoring won't work .
And also a woman's job is to comfort the man and socialize with him than vice versa , it was my mother who used to ask my dad about his day after he came from work and give him good food and drinks . Maybe the American society focused too much on gynocenterism, it's actually the opposite it's happy husband happy life . A husband will give you everything if you keep him satisfied and full .
Being a stay at home parent is not a part time job. It is full time. It is exhausting. When someone says what they did all day was clean cook and feed the kids, that takes time. It’s not like all the cleaning gets done in 30 minutes, neither does the cooking. It all takes time and work. You have to focus on all of the details. Adding kids on top of that makes it way more work. You are everything for everyone all at once 24/7. Yes a wife should take care of her husband. But a wife also has needs aside from a paycheck. A wife needs emotional support, so does a husband. A wife needs to know she’s doing great, so does a husband. A wife needs encouragement, so does a husband. It doesn’t work if both are not supportive and respectful of one another’s roles.
@@CrackrocksteadyOnly a Narcissist would call a decent person who shared her story in a vulnerable way a "Narcissist"
#1) I’m just glad she called it a gawd damn profession. THANK YOU!! Finally!! #2) If THAT’S the reason…I’m telling you…WE NEED MORE & BETTER & NORMALIZED MENTAL HEALTH CARE!!!! Spread the word (on both).
A profession is when you get paid to perform a specific job. Find a new word to use.
My wife gave up her career and freedoms to stay home and raise our 6 children. It was the best decision we ever made for our kids' quality of life. We were both raised in the daycare system, and we vowed never to let our kids suffer that fate.
"My wife gave up her...freedoms". Damn.😬
How is your wife doing? Is she happy?
@101beautybox she thanks me every day for her lifestyle. She doesn't have to go work at some crap company. She hangs out with our kids while they are in the funnest years of their lives. She drives around in our class b RV and spends all my money. She sleeps when she wants, and our housekeeper cleans the house once a week. She is very happy. I get the sense that my comment may have painted the wrong picture. My wife is not without freedoms. She and I both can't do whatever we want because we put our children first. I hope this helps you.
Well, six kids is a lot.
@@LP-hs6yz they are, I don't recommend 6. Try for 3. Don't miss out on that miracle.
You couldn’t pay me to be a SHAM. I gotta have my own business, investments, career etc. Men are too fickle and don’t see you as valuable even if you do all the domestic labor for FREE with no days off.
It'll be unwise NOT to have a form of income even IF you're not working for anyone else. One thing's for certain, it doesn't seem so comfortable or glamorous being a stay-at-home wife and mother in today's era for sure. I mean frankly even IF nothing at all, she better hoard more money she receives from him than she spends and invest some of it in some sort of fund and/or stock and then put a portion in a savings account that yields a good interest rate over time.
SAHM work too much. Its very hard.
I work from home. I'm in a position to dictate my own hours. And I homeschool. No way I'm sending my child to these government run schools. Remember when the lockdown happened, us homeschooling families didn't miss a beat
@@faefae2260 same here
@@faefae2260 that sounds like all work and very miserable. Only Americans brag about spending their entire lives working
I’m not shocked by this. But ironically this is what lots of men want. They want your lives uprooted bc you’re wholly dependent on them.
What country? it depends on the country and the culture.
Simps want that, guys that don't have a lot of options,
@@emerystheimmortal417 American men. Look up rep pill guys and passport bros who go on and on about how awful American women are for being educated and modern. They want traditional wives who stay at home. There's red pill women who subscribe to this nonsense too calling themselves TRAD wives🤦🏻♀️. One being the real femsapien and her friend just pearly things.
@@arosmytu2157 you sure? Red pills guys would call you a simp if you allow your wife to work lol.
That's funny, I've never met a man who got married thinking, "Gee, I can't wait for my wife to be totally under my control so I can divorce her and make her life miserable."
Maybe I should get out more often.
Just sounds to me like propaganda for more women to avoid being a traditional stay at home mom, and go to college to get a genders study degree...
Gender studies can help you get a lot of careers: women's violence shelters, prelaw, anthropology, social work etc.
I would rather go to college and get a degree than be stuck in the mud
Men want a traditional SAHM, but when they do marry one, they treat her like garbage 😂
Like attracts like
Let's not generalize
Some do, but definitely not all. I'm a homemaker and my husband appreciates and values all the work I do. He credits me with a lot of his success in building his career. He said by me caring for the home, it allows him to rest and focus his time/energy on his career. His income has increased 400% in 13 years.
I think the fact that he had a SAHM showed him from an early age what a blessing that is to a family. He has a wonderful relationship with his mom. She homeschooled him and worked with him one on one through some learning difficulties that he had when he was younger. He says all the time that public school would have been terrible for him. There is no way they could have given him the level of one on one instruction that his mom did. And she went at his pace.
Most of the women I know who have husbands that don't appreciate the work they do as homemakers grew up with working moms. I truly think that makes a huge difference.
My brother-in-law also had a SAHM and has always been so respectful and appreciative of my sister and the work she does. She worked for one year and the difference it made in her family showed her that it wasn't worth it. Her kids had more behavior issues. They ate out more than they ever had before. She was always stressed. It was incredible to watch the huge difference in that year compared to the years she stayed home.
Men say all kinds of stuff like that. They say they hate the plastic surgery but look at the types of spicy content they choose they love that plastic stuff 😂
No. Most men watch regular porn. @@Robohazrad
This society seems to really discourage people from having kids..
It's reverse psychology. Most are too proud to notice the chaos they're bringing children into (unnecessarily btw, considering the orphan crisis) anyway.
Most people are not fit to be parents and reproduction should be discouraged.
Is it? Look at the birthrates 😆
@MrSandman_0981 in many Western countries and Japan, the rates are falling
@ItsCoolToBeKind291 we're doomed
Likelihood of divorce has nothing to do with your profession. Ugliness of divorce, maybe. But not likelihood. You probably see more divorces with stay at home moms because there's a higher proportion of stay at home moms just in general.
I come from a large family where most of the women are stay at home moms. No divorces in my family
Bingo! She is right. No woman in this day and age should rely on a man to support her. He will respect you a heck of a lot more if you can hold yourself. He knows you dont need him but you stay with him bc you want to and not out of need. There is a huge difference!
It's weird because men are always talking about women being too independent, not valuing their education and.......wanting to be needed.
@@rejectionisprotection4448 remember, these are the opinion of women. Some men, those raised by working women, may feel the same, my dad did. My husband was raised by that kind of woman but has no lack of respect for me. Any man who would have a child with a woman, have that small child be handed over to a stranger and not care about their lack of breastfeeding and the woman still recovering from birth but going back to work, I would steer clear of someone like that.
@@ASmith-jn7kfI hear and read these words from men actually. Women who are too independent make them feel less needed and more disposable.
"These are the opinions of women". Wow way to dismiss half of humanity.
Amazing things started to happen when I stopped caring about what he did, said or thought. The day I left, he was shocked and acted like his world just blew apart. He asked me why I was leaving him and I didn't know whether to laugh at him or yell at him. I was too exhausted from moving my things into the u-haul to do either, so I just looked him in the eyes and calmly stated that we had that conversation many times and I am done. The dead horse was beaten so long that it had turned to dust and i was not about to spend another year hitting it. I had turned so many cheeks, I got whiplash. I moved states and my spirit is healing well now.
I wish you all the best Mommy. Happiness is waiting for you. Follow your dreams, love your purpose and shine. I wish you lots of money, joy and peace.
@@VineGrove123 I'm divorced and went through similar things like the lady above. I enjoy my two kids and dog company , my brand new home, my peace, my work, my hobbies, new friends and control over my own life. Cheers with my delicious glass of wine, good quality because this is what I deserve it. 😌
@@VineGrove123 extremely happy! You have no idea! 😉😆🧙🏻
Its a choice you made and an contract you signed... I feel we are getting alot of one sided stories here, not buying it
Its a choice you made and an contract you signed... I feel we are getting alot of one sided stories here, not buying it
Thank you for your honesty! My ex-husband wanted a stay-at-home wife, to control. But without children why bother?
My husband is very kind to me, so I know I'm blessed beyond measure. We've both struggled with health crises through the years, so he doesn't leave it all to me or expect the house to be spotless. I'm extremely thankful for him. ❤
An empathetic spouse is a blessing and should be a best friend. Happy for you both
Its so sad that a spouse basically doing what should be normal is considered really kind.
Or maybe there's tons of men and relationships with a fair dynamic and a lot of yall are just bitter.
@@stampandscrap7494
I have never been and will never be a SAHM because I like having power over my finances. Women who are SAHM are commendable but vulnerable and that's scary to me.
It’s more scary to
me watch my kids being raised by strangers and even being more vulnerable to all kinds of serious traits like abuse or not having that special time with them. Magical moments that we only can experiment when they are little! 🙄 My children are school age now and even being an Immigrant and not having a degree here, only from my country, I was smart enough to create me a career that it will give me what I need and want.
would definitely be regretted by today if I had gone to college all over again and not only had missed those great early years of my children🎉
@@dsstudio76 You point is 100% valid. When you have a good partner who supports you financially and you are on the same team as equals, being a SAHM has immense benefits to children. Personally my decision came from growing up in poverty so my stance comes from seeking stability and security. I feel reassured every time I know I have my own savings. My husband is supportive but that's my own hangup that I can't let go. I need that power over my finances and I am scared at the thought of not having it or being vulnerable.
I’ve done both and the fact someone is more worried about have power over money says a great deal about our world today. A child with a parent involved in life tends to do better overall and we’re seeing that as our youth grow to adults in this money hungry world. Back in the day divorce was rare yet most women stayed home with their kids. Then slowly more and more people went into the work force and now look where the world is at today. I know most people don’t want to never see their children. However saying “I’d never want to be a stay at home mom because I want power over finances” what about never seeing your babies? I mean no disrespect, but how do you think your kids would feel if they heard you say I’d never want to be a stay at home mom” how would that make them feel. I was at a point I was making crazy good money. So much money I didn’t know what to do with it. I worked 16 hours a day 6 days a week. I never saw my kids, I’d go home and sleep 5 hours and back to work. I missed every game and my daughter made MVP, she told me a week later on my day off and I’m like oh you must be so excited, her response, not like you care mom your job is more important than me. I chose to walk away from the money and my kids have never been happier. Sometimes making sacrifices financially if you have the means to do so in order to be there for your kids gives you more happiness in the end. When I think back on life when I’m old I don’t want to think of being at work everyday, I want to think of the fun I had with my loved ones. Shout out to the hard working moms who have no choice but to work around the clock to feed your babies, but if given a choice even if something can happen in the future and I have to return to work I’d still pick this time I have with my kids. It’s one thing to have to work it’s another to say you’d never want to be there even if you had a choice. Looking back now I sure wish I could have given up that day of work to watch my daughter get her MVP award. I wish she could have looked out in the crowd and seen me proud of her, but I was more worried about having power over my finances than being a mom.
@@dsstudio76 I work from home and I do everything on my own. We can do both. Why not.
I think we need to understand that most women are okey with abuse and being devalued. They would make up any excuse. It’s okay to revolve around men and not have a backbone. That’s why sexism always won because men know women were not made with brain
How to have a happy stay at home life and marriage .
COOK . : if your hungry your angry
SLEEP: if your tired your angry
AFFECTiON : if your ignored your angry
Be kind and lose a fight every now and again it’s not all about ourselves.
I had a female co-worker who’s husband has a very spécial work: sea arpenter for a petroleum company. She can’t count on his help in her daily life with their son. They agreed to hire a house help that will clean the house, make the diner and pickup kids after school. Basically, a big chunk of her and his husband salary is going to the maid. But this a long thinking decision. She doesn’t want to be a SAHW and be totally financially vulnerable and dependent on her husband. She loves her husband and this found a way that both will be happy in this marriage. She got a promotion recently. I think she is smart girl.
*smart woman. Not girl.
I am a SAHM and I am finishing my degree this week. I will be available for internships, child support, housing, alimony etc. He is going to be screwed when I leave. He should've thought of that before he decided it was okay to abuse me for years.
Congratulations on your achievements 🎉and all the best ❤
Congratulations on your degrees… Prayers for peace and healing and happiness.
Congratulations on your achievement but pleeeeeeease be careful when you leave.
So sorry that happened to you. Wishing you nothing but the best!
Exatamente. Way to go! Congratulations!! You'll be blessed once you do what's fare and just for yourself and your children.
It's about teamwork and respect I respect what my wife does and she respects what I have done. She knew I wasn't happy at my last job so she told me to quit and retire early.
Now I'm running a small buisness and my goal is for her to retire by December. Plan with your spouse dream with them and work to make the dream happen.
If the husband is cheap he should not be feeling like an ATM. He impregnated that woman then he needs to provide for his family. If a woman risk death to being life to his children,go through postpartum depression,have to stay home to teach/nurture the children, clean the house, cook, do laundry, run errands, etc the least he can do is provide. I can see why thr birth rate is declining. People are ungrateful and being a mother is a thankless job.
Tnh it's not only the man that's part of the impregnation process
@@paddenstoel95that wasn’t the point..
I had also heard that men who abuse are more likely to choose a woman who wants to stay at home with the kids, because he can control her more. If she's financially dependent on him, she's less likely to leave. And women who have a way to support themselves if they leave, are less likely to be abused, because the husbands know she can walk away and not be financially devastated.
An abusive man will abuse anyone that will tolerate the abuse. Whether or not they can support themselves has nothing to do with it. There are financially independent women that stay in abusive relationships.
@@curiouser-and-curiouser people who are capable of being financially independent are less likely to tolerate abuse than someone who has no money, no job, and nowhere to go.
🎯 Bingo.
Yup. You are walking into the lion's den. Abusers are going to abuse but they can only abuse you if you were in their presence. If you have the financial means to get gone, you won't be in their presence
I was a stay at home Mom. I remember the first time I didn't get my paycheck, I realized how dependent I was on my Husband. He is a great Man & never made me feel bad. After all, I would look in the shopping cart & everything I put in there was for them, what they liked. I only worked PT 3 days after my youngest started full time kindergarten. I had one day to run errands & the kids could have playdates & the other day I cleaned the house. Sat were family days & Sun was laundrty & food shopping for the new week. I worked around my kids schedule & my Husband was free to work late or travel. Married 33 years. Kids are awesome people. I never comprimised my morals & put my kids in daycare. No regrets. The secret is marry a stand up partner.
Amen.
As a stay at home mom that coaches other SAHM's on marriage, you are 100% correct. I see this almost every the time a woman is having marital issues. When the kids arrive she becomes so focused on trying to be the best mom that she neglects her husband, and husbands don't understand the lack of desire from their wives due to their new responsibilities and hormones so they feel alone. Both of them start to just co-parent until another woman or man comes along and gives the lonely spouse attention. Doesn't always end in an affair but the new attention makes the dwindling marriage feel even worse. When you put your marriage before the children, you'll all be so much happier.
I'd like to speak with you about your coaching business, how can I contact you?
What if as a mum you want to put your children first? Especially those first 2-3 years where they aren’t usually going to to palm to put them in daycare. I think if the husband was able to become understanding with this then they could revive it or keep a sense of friendship at least. But instead he assumes she doesn’t do anything and brushing him off which in turn probably wants to make her not want to even try with him and stay focussed on the children.
If men cannot understand having a child will change their lifestyle forever, than they should get a vasectomy or have enough money to hire a nanny.
BOTH parents should be putting in their best effort to care for their kids. It’s the most repulsive thing in the world when a father gets jealous of the care and attention his kids are getting. A grown ass person should be able to meet their own physical and emotional needs, at least until the kids are older and less needy.
@@MyDuckSaysFucc The issue isn't jealousy over the kids being cared for, it is how the children become the top priority when the marriage should always be the top priority. A broken marriage means broken stability for everyone and just because you're grown doesn't mean you need any less support for physical or emotional needs from your spouse. Grown people meeting their own needs in a marriage typically leads to divorce.
I took a developmental psychology class in college that went along with studies I learned in early childhood development classes that the stay at home person hours tend to exceed the working hours of their partner and are not valued as such. Work hours for a stay at home continue and are almost 24/7. It is an undervalued, unpaid necessary job. They literally call stay at home persons hours, “unpaid hours” when talking about working and ‘non’ working parents.
Most women these days have to work full time and take care of the kids, house etc. They also work 24/7 with no recognition so ja. Expecting a pat on the back for work done ain't gonna happen give yourself your own pat on the back. If you are able to stay at home when the kids are still growing you and your kids are privileged. However I do feel that should a divorce happen the man should give house, car , maintenance and alimony because while he was out building a career she was taking care of the rest.
This isn't rocket science. That's not work, it's living and having responsibilities. Your husband isn't just working and doing absolutely nothing outside of that. Get real.
@@_VISION. "That's not work". Bro, cleaning, cooking, taking care of the kids is WORK. TF you one? Drugs or something?
@@titandarknight2698 then that means just living is work lol
@@titandarknight2698The “problem” is that half of the moms are doing all the work (minus caring for the child during work hours) while also holding a job. The modern vs traditional families are what cause the judging. I say, if you can get away with it, quit your job. It’s very stressful doing both.
As a stay at home Mom, I appreciate your video. I will use this info to check myself and do better bc it’s true. I focus ALOT on the children. And I can see how my husband could feel like an ATM. And I understand the panic that could come when faced with the changes that a divorce could bring. Thank you for your honesty❤
I must agree with your observation. Working in the insurance business, I run into women who have no clue about how the mortgage gets paid, how the car loan gets paid, and many other financial matters. It baffles my mind and they always says that it's always been my husband job to handle those things. And when then the husband is no longer there-thru death or divorce-these women are so scared of what to do and how they're going to take care of the kids.
it's the opposite where i live, it's the women who do the work, the wife knows the husband's medications, the man is clueless, hell, he does not even know if he has diabetes or not, their answers are always "I don't know, as my wife", when I ask the father "what are your child's allergies?" they're always like "i don't know, ask the mother" men are clueless
I am a single full time stay at home mom of 4 kids. I just graduated with my AA degree and I have 1 year left until my bachelors in psychology is complete. (I take online classes) After that I have plans to take the LSAT and apply to law school. I agree with you. You stated it exactly how it is. I was a full time stay at home mom when I got divorced and it was very difficult to make the transition. However, here we are now 🙌
Amazing work!!!! I am extremely impressed!
“full time stay at home mom”
Glad to hear you are recovering from divorce and rebuilding your life.
One question: If you are a single full-time stay at home mom of 4 kids taking online classes, what do you live on? For most families in America, that would be living expenses of a few thousand dollars a month.
@@dennisonveniceYes 😅 Some uneducated and ignorant humans believe that is a real job title! Cracks me up to hear these stay at home lazy people who feel like it was their job to quit their jobs and raise kids. 😂
@@cbtam4333she's living off the ex-husband, of course. Just anothwr example of how risks of marriage greatly outweigh the benefits for men.
Regardless, I think (my opinion) having both a mom and dad raising kids is best. Not just for society. But for the childs emotional and mental development.
You're so right... Seen this happen lots of times and you're also very right cause from the few comments I see people didn't understand you, 😂😂😂
So for those who seem not to understand, what she's saying is how both parties feel, it doesn't however mean they're right or justified by the way they feel. It's simply how the couples feel based on statics from cases she's done which ends up resulting to divorce.
It doesn't mean the stay at home mom isn't adding value to the family or that isn't a job in itself.
It also doesn't mean the divorce will be in favor of the man either.
She's simply just stating the most common cause of divorce between couples, the set of couples it affects the most and the reason why it is most common in such set of couples.
One of the two common is when a man's wife is a nurse or a teacher but the most common are with stay at home mum's, she gave reasons why such happen and why the divorce case is perhaps most difficult/complicated.
So any woman watching this should not forget who they are and fail to dream, accomplish things for yourselves (not just your children or husband) in life. Self love is key.
Any man watching this should realise the value the wife brings into the family and realise feeling like an ATM machine is not valid
Both individuals should appreciate each other go for counseling before it gets too late.
Understanding is key.
I was a stay at home mom i had 4 kids.whe i asked my husband for twenty dollars and he wouldn't give it to me i never asked.for money i relized that i was married to a piece of trash.but he gave his side chicks money .out to eat.shopping.glahld i divorced him 30 years ago😊
I’m glad you divorced him too.
If you were doing your job as a wife, he wouldn't have had side chicks.
@@bluemystic7501studies show cheaters cheat for excitement not unhappiness. There's a whole ted talk on RUclips. 40+% of cheating husbands said they were completely happy in their relationships.
A man that feels like an atm is a selfish person . Its your job and role as a male bro.
Men: I have feelings
Everyone else: If you have feelings you are the problem
Later, everyone else: Why don't men open up?
If you are going to be a stay at home girlfriend/wife/mother, have your boyfriend/husband max out your Roth IRA. And as gifts, have him buy you growth stock mutual funds, assets etc. So IF you break up/divorce, you have a retirement nest egg that is compounding interest for your future. If you opened a ROTH IRA for your baby, and put in $7,000 ONLY ONE TIME, the account would grow to $2,131,371 by age 60. So you can literally fully secure your child’s future.
I've been looking for good advice in these comments. I love marriage it is a beautiful commitment when both man and women are committed to each other and the kids.
Yup. Wise words.
I don't regret being a stay at home mom, but I also have a degree, and a husband who appreciates me, and I him. We make it a point to spend time together, and go on dates, and talk about things outside of our kids, like our faith, politics, culture. I realize how incredibly lucky I am, but communication, intimacy, and appreciation are key. Many women shift all of their attention onto their kids, and forget about intimacy with their husband. There needs to be a balance.
I don't have a formal degree but traveled internationally because of a super glamorous career (walking the runway for top high fashion designers in my 20s), I had plenty to talk about after trips to the Louvre museum and Il Duomo in Milan, working in Tokyo and Hamburg. I made more in 2 months than my husband made all year. The thing is I only traveled 6-8 weeks out of the year. Outside of those 2 mos out of the year I was "working", I was raising our child full time, my mother and a child care provider would help my husband during the time I was out of the country for usually 6 weeks. I was able to pay down our super high credit cards that I stupidly let my knit wit husband get us in to debt over, (he wasn't raised right). I finally lost respect for him because he never wanted to have conversations about being frugal with money. I divorced him and am so glad I did, I'm better off financially than he is because I've been a full time caregiver to my daughter and my elderly parents. I inherited my parents home, my name is on the deed and I know my ex and his wife are still making mortgage payments LOL Karma's a bitch and taking care of your parents can pay off better than keeping your marriage together. I also have several CD's my parents set up for me and life insurance. My husband didn't appreciate me, he felt upstaged by my career success and felt resentful, he didn't want more intimacy with someone he was jealous of. He also had nothing to do with our beautiful and kind daughter. Her revenge, she's had the same success I've had. So it's not that they want more intimacy. Thank goodness I have an amazing Dad because if I had to base my opinion about men from my ex husband I'd think they all were degenerates that take for granted what "stay at home" Moms do. I feel sorry for my ex's wife, I'm sure she is working until she looks haggard because she's married to him, while my life is virtually stress free as a professional photographer, a profession I learned by apprenticing for my Dad who is a professional photographer. I know this was a long story but wanted to share so that someone like me who stayed at home to take care of my child and parents can realize that you may end up in a better position financially and emotionally in life than if you had stayed married. I love knowing that she has to work full time as well as being a Mom and wife and that they are having to work so hard to make payments on their house that they bought late in life while I was blessed by my parents for taking care of them because he never appreciated all I did for him and our marriage. I'm sure my ex husband is happier with his new wife though, she's never made enough accomplishments in life to upstage him.
Your right. People do not know how to have relationships anymore. But the most important thing is communication and being able to really listen to one another. Before I had kids I gave all my love and attention to my husband. When I got pregnant I jokingly said to him that he wasn't going to get all the love anymore and the child will be first in line. Even though my attention was divided i still made sure we had intimacy and love even when we couldn't go out. I have been in my marriage for 20 years and even though we struggle at times we work through it. And still whenever we are apart we long to see each other even if he leaves to work for the day. Aka your stay at home mom.
They shift to the kids and away from the husband bc they are expected to do everything with the children, whoch is mentally and physically draining, and all the household chores (which never end), and then be ready to throw down in bed. She's mentally and physically drained. Now, she has to participate in another tired some event that probably will not benefit her (statistically very few women achieve an orgasm, most fake them).
@@jamilgotcher365 Taking pleasure in others' misfortune is the worst trait in human nature. It's more respectable to pay off a mortgage than to inherit the home of your parents. I know you can't relate but us humble people take care of our parents whether we're married or not, even if our parents have nothing to give us.
@curiouser-and-curiouser It's natural to take pleasure in the misfortunes of your child's dead beat absentee Dad and his third wife. You've exposed yourself as someone who does not respect family caregivers like myself. And the fact that you feel more for my ex husband (dead beat Dad and his third wife) says more about you and your values than you trying to make me feel bad because my Dad has put my name on the family home deed and that my parents have blessed me for taking care of them which also put me financially ahead in life above my ex husband and his THIRD wife. My parents and I have had a very close and loving relationship my entire life. I never asked to inherit our family home because I was taking care of them, after 20 years of taking care of them, it's what my Father wanted to do for me. My father has been the man in mine and my daughter's life that is the role model for what a father should be and that my daughter's father and his father was not even close to being and you're mad about that apparently! And also you're upset that I'm doing better financially than my ex husband and his third wife. LOL @@curiouser-and-curiouser My story is about sometimes the good person does win and that makes you mad. You might not respect caregivers but my Dad does because I'm very much like my Mother and he loved her very much. Respect is what I lost for my ex husband because I was able to compare him to my Dad and was able to see where he fell very short of being the man my father is.
I'm a therapist. From what I have learned so far:
Women are not happy as stay at homes. They say they are but I counsel plenty stay at home mothers and they are as miserable as one can get but like to pose as a happy family in society and on social media.
That's because women are social beings, they need to be around people (other than their kids) and they also need to feel self sufficient (like any other human adult).
Another reason is that men who control the finances become abusive. I've seen it time and time again, they become more and more domineering to the point they decide everything without asking the wife and they have a dismissive attitude towards her. No woman is happy being a maid without a say in her own life.
But yet men still want women to stay home. Not if you want a durable happy marriage.
Neither is great. She makes more money she wants to leave. She doesn't have money she wants to leave. There is literally nothing in this universe that can keep a woman in a marriage that she wants to leave.
We need to start being honest and stop blaming men and start accepting: women will not sacrifice their lives for their family regardless of what the man does. She does what she wants. So men need to go into it with their eyes open. She will leave if she gets a better offer. She will leave if shes bored. She will leave if she thinks she can do better. She will leave. So if women are not stable partners, men need to consider that when getting married? She's unlikely to stick around and when she leaves she will blame you regardless of what happened.
yeah im sure women are so much happier sitting in a cubicle being a wage slave for someone else...that's not what social being means, genius. it means we like community events and seeing our friends and doing activities we like lmao. it has nothing to do with work or career.
As a stay home mom I dont find this offensive one bit! What you just explained runs through my mind every so often. I think both husband and wife can EASILY feel they are holding their part down alone and get drained quickly
You forgot that a lot of SAHMs gave up a career because their spouses wanted/needed them to do so. In a lot of cases these women may have had careers and degress and didn't exactly want to give them up, but ended up having to for the family.(sonce overall women even in the same careers make less moneny than their male counterparts). In a lot of cases it is cheaper for someone to stay home than to use child care and also everything else a husband/family wants done ..gets done by the SAHM. In a divorce it isnt just about fear or worry about reentering a work force, its that a SAHM is resentful they gave up everything for their family, only to have it all fall apart and be left empty on all levels. They gave up even their sense of self, their own identity and individualism to become something that never paid money, doesn't count as experience toward any job or career they may now have to try and get. They never get the recognition they deserved for all they did and now they realize they never will and will also be financially strapped and left raising the kids alone.
Husbands never forced anyone to stay at home. They could’ve said NO if they cherished their careers so much..which they clearly don’t
@@classysis6264 I never said forced 🙄 I said spouse wanted and needed. In a situation where financially someone makes more money and you both can't afford child care ...someone had.to make the sacrifice to give up their career.(most men don't and won't and most.men.make more even at the same job) It's call math and being an adult. It doesn't mean it's fair or easy.
@@classysis6264Yes they did, but they looked at the most practical option financially and then lose out either way. Best not get married or have children as a woman; you'll love longer in better health.
I left my job after 15 years to be a SAHM and it actually helped our marriage. We were not contesting about who is seeing to the kids when the other has to work late nights and stressing about deadlines while still managing the kids. We used to put the kids to sleep at 8 and then get on with our work deadlines till 1 even 2am. Then up at 6 again. My husband is a lawyer and i was in IT. Now he focuses on his work, I see to the kids, which helps him get more sleep at least.
balance.
congrats! i hear this often. SAHM is better for the marriage and the kids, typically. women should embrace the feminine and men the masculine.
This is really sad a stay at home gives up her life and dreams to raise the children for both of them, and this is how he repays her? She’s not getting paid for her 24/7 job it’s a real job and he leaves her like that and she’s left vulnerable after the sacrifice she made for him? This just goes to show that both men and women need to share the responsibility of caring and raising their children, because there is no reason for the load to be absolutely and solely on one person, period. And the husband should understand that being a stay at home parent is a full time job it’s not easy, and stay at home
Moms should do their job with most love and enthusiasm because it is their job and if they don’t do a good job they will have problems. It’s just so sad to see this happening I can’t believe it how can people be so heartless.
They need real Christianity into their lives. If these men could think more about their children, it would be a different story. What affect their mother under any circumstances will affect their children. They are heartless and unwise.
Most SAHMs dreamed of being a SAHM. Nobody is forcing women to have children and stay at home. Women who want a professional life can pursue that ambitiously and earn enough money to hire plenty of help with the kids and the home. Can't have it both ways, though.
@@dsstudio76 Ummm...I disagree. I know a "Christian" couple that were heavily involved in the church. The mom was a SAHM and a homeschooler. Turns out the husband is gay and having sex with the male Pastor. The standards of Christianity is how many women land in unfortunate situations to begin with.
Just don't have children.
Same girl same.
I’m a stay at home mom and I started working with my husband for the last 4 yrs now that my kids are almost done with high school. I have to say that working is much easier because you actually get to be productive, you have the respect of your partner, and you get paid. SAHM are prisoners; they do the same routine until their sentence are up. Have respect for SAHM
Do have kids with someone if you don't want a stay at home mom. Kids are constantly abused, raped and neglected by anyone babysitting or at a daycare. If you want a child and a marriage then have the mom raise the kids.
I was a shm for many years. I had a home daycare for many of those years so I was a full time mom to my children and a "part-time mom" to my charges.
I worked, and worked hard but got very little respect in return. I was looked at by my then husband as "less than" because I didnt work outside the home. But the years I did work outside the home I was given no help. I know each case is different but being a mom is extremely unappreciated overall, working outside the hone or not.
I love that you posted this. I have been both, a stay at home mom and a career driven person. I have never felt more vulnerable, than I had when I was a stay at home mom. This video valided my feelings. Thank you.
I’m confused. How can a man avoid a woman in the profession of Stay At Home Mom? That typically is not a profession until AFTER the woman gets married. In order to avoid something, it has to be going on beforehand.
LOL…that’s what I said.
And it is a necessity both spouses often see because they don’t want to hand their young children over to strangers in daycares, babysitters, or Nannie’s.
Maternity leave in the USA 🇺🇸 is horrible, but you can’t just leave your 2-month old that is still nursing 🤱 behind and go to work.
Also, young kids need to bond with their mothers, get potty trained, nurtured, fed decent food, be taken to the doctor when they are sick, etc.
Maybe our society simply needs to regard childcare by an actual parent as a profession for which there must be compensation.
Stay at home moms are left with EVERY job to be done around the home. Raise kids, cook, clean, laundry, pay all the bills, coordinate everyone's activities, getting things repaired, grass/garden, groceries...the list doesn't end. And most do not get breaks or any kind of self care time ever. They're cheated on and treated like they do nothing while actually doing everything without pay.
“they’re cheated on” ehhhh, only the scumbag narcissists cheat.
good men, make responsible decisions
And no thank you either.
So then it's very illogical for women to be SAHMs
My mom was a SAHM and freaked when dad wanted out. It was a legal game of survivor and the kids were merely expendable pawns for money. Marriage is way over rated Disney princess fantasy.
I am proud of my husband, our family and I am proud of beeing a stay at home mom.. I am a life giver.. I raise our children with love and sacrifice for the glory of God! For all this wonderful women out there .. working hard at home: don‘t feel sad or bad or lazy.. feel lucky and proud.. you are raising the future civilisation.. men and women with big hearts that know how to care about others.. ❤ God bless you all !
I’m in love with my SAHM and she takes great care of our newborn son. Love each other Fear God. Stay meek and humble. Everything will work out. Humility is everything
Key word, new born. Check back in a few years.
@@t.w.8174 not sure what difference that will make
My grandad raised his daughters to be self sufficient and my dad raised his daughters to be self sufficient. I just could never see myself not having any resources if I got divorced. That's what happens to SAHMs. They get to work all hours of the day with no rest only to be disrespected and told they're gold diggers. Not worth it.
Makes sense and I don’t think it’s a dig at stay at home moms. It’s just that the very nature of a stay at home mom makes her more dependent on her partner. That’s not politics. It’s logic. A working woman at least has a job and relationships outside the home. There are going to be positives and negatives to any profession including a home maker. No one should be offended.
Teachers, nurses, and stay at home moms... You're missing a key detail. Those are the 3 professions average men carry the greatest disrespect for. As trust and kindness are central to marriage, disrespect will quickly take a huge toll on the relationships, but teachers and nurses can take vacations (limited ones, but still - they can take vacations). Trust is the foundation of all relationships, and respect is part of trust. So if a man comes home with an attitude about dinner not being ready or the house being messy when she's already been 3yrs without a break 🤷♀️ He's not an ATM. Kids are amazing, but difficult. Yes, we adore our children: doesn't mean the job is easy. And if it does lead to divorce... My daughter's before and after school care cost 1/3rd of my take home salary the year we tried me returning to a corporate job. That doesn't account for the fact that my hours no longer allowed me to cook as much as I used to. Our car bills, food bills, etc. After a year we added up the differences... I was making 1/3rd my actual pay once we deducted the additional expenses 🤦🏼♀️ and my daughter wasn't doing as well. Thank God for my husband (BTW, he chose to join our lives when our daughter (my ex husband walked) was already 3). He treats her as his own, through thick and thin: he genuinely gets that it's work and that we would have to pay all kinds of other bills otherwise. Yes, he's career focused - but he genuinely, obviously appreciates what I do. Things like this, though, make me think of how scared I was to date again. There's so much single mom hate at this point in time and single moms are struggling already. My heart goes out to them
Because society demonizes women for being stay at home moms. By a mans nature its what he wants
Single moms are typically man repellent. All that accountability for essentially nothing in return. Man loses big if that doesn’t work out.
Big gamble.
This. These women just get done being the punching bag and often with the nurses the purse too.
😭 😭 😭 I’m terrified to date as a single mother with 5 kids
Why don't men like those 3 professions
Only in America. In other countries the men aren’t working 40+ hours a week. The moms have families and communities to support one another. Only here in the U.S. you can’t afford to have a family and spend time with them.
In other countries the norms could be generational household where the grandparents lives with their kids and grandchildren. Both parents can work and the grandparents take care of the grandkids. Siblings and cousins help each other out during hard times. Neighbors in villages all work together to prosper and there is peace in the land…
In what country the average men aren’t working 40+ hours at least? A country in your imagination?
If you work 50 hrs a week and can't find time to spend with your family, you're choosing not to spend time with them
@@X00079XFrance ~it’s illegal. Our family friends moved there and were struggling at first because they have so much time off and didn’t know what to do. So they started spending more time with their families like their French neighbors…
@X00079X in Cyprus when I stayed in the summer every business shut down for a few hours every afternoon and everyone went home and ate their biggest meal and took a nap, then went back to work. Lunch was like our dinner. It was extremely family oriented. All the girls literally helped their Moms cut up salad and cook before their men and brothers came home to eat a huge meal. You never knocked on anyone's door or called anyone during their lunch time.
What justification does a man have for divorcing a stay-at-home mom that protected, clothed, bathed, and fed his kids, not to mention she took them to the doctor and helped them with their homework, their emotional issues, tolerated their tantrums, defiance, and messes???
If you are the one initiating a divorce from a woman who has not cheated, committed financial abuse, or deceived you in some way, then yes, she is entitled to a huge payout.
Your kids were or are still safe in her care and she probably has no job prospects due to years of being out of the workforce, which gives her no competitive edge.
If you don’t want to have a SAHM for a wife, then simply DO NOT have children.
Having children and then requiring her to work to pay babysitters and daycares to look after them is purely asinine.
Most men do not divorce their wives. WIVES are the ones leaving...you have it backwards.
💯 True - If I were a man I would consider myself *lucky* and *blessed* to find a woman who WANTS to stay home and look after our children and home - here you get questioning and scornful looks instead that put you on the defensive about why you even chose to be a SAHM! Go figure! And believe it or not I have observed that this hatred is coming rarely from men and instead PREDOMINANTLY from WOMEN working outside the home ... It's like they can't STAND the thought that there are women who choose to make their home and children their #1 Priority - It most certainly is a case of women (working outside the home) hating other women (working inside the home).
He left me for a younger woman that he worked with. However, within a few months he met a school teacher with a big house and nice income so he left the younger woman for her.
@@kc6810 I can't believe the friends he and his wife have on facebook. I am sure they don't know the truth. That is what hurts. My kids know the truth and that is what matters.
@@SylviainGB You just defined who they essentially are viz.. PARASITES 🪱🪱🪱
Makes sense. I was in this position. But it was smooth sailing. God bless the woman who is smart enough to have her own. Have your own nest egg at all times
Since leaving my husband and starting 50/50 parenting we both understand eachothers pov a lot better then we ever did during our marriage. She hit the nail on the head.
Yuck 50/50, your husband must be a feminine little b*tch...To have to go 50/50 with a woman🤮🤢
50/50sounds amazing to me. I’d rather pay my own bills and have peace than be with a man I can’t stand
Women change after child birth though, they know they got you. That’s my experience with my wife, she used to clean everything to shiny and gave me bjs, as soon as the baby came she decides she’s got me and all that has stopped. Now I want to cheat and leave, had enough of paying the bills while cooking and cleaning.
@@rmac3217 yeah that 100% was not my case. In fact, I got tired of cooking, cleaning, taking care of a kid, and working. It goes both ways some men change after child birth because they feel theyve got you. But I do understand your pain and Im sorry youre going through that. I dont know you personally but I can say that divorce is hard. So to anyone I will always say always try communication first if that seems possible. Whatever happens I wish you and your family the best ❤️
@@rmac3217why don't you take care of the baby and the home a few days, experience what that's like and give her a break? I'm sure she'll have the energy to give you a bj after that and you'll have more understanding of the workload.
I respect this insight. Observations are just that - observations. It's an unbiased review of information available.
And this is why I will never entertain the argument that alimony is unfair
Alimony being fair or unfair is not an absolute. It can very easily be both. There are situations where it is far and works as its intended to.. And there are also situations where it is twisted and abused to destroy a former partners life. It is very far from perfect.
It’s just theft though. And it obviously isn’t fair at all.
Think about all the unpaid labor and opportunity cost a SAHM has - that’s why judges (who were men of course) found it fair and equitable to order alimony to be paid to women. This is also biblical - men take advantage of women’s labor or they appreciate it… but if there’s a divorce, the man owes the woman for her unpaid domestic investment in the marriage that allowed him to make more money (see statistics married men make more money).
@@maxhatush5918 then husbands should pay wives for the jobs they do (nanny, housekeeper maid, chef etc) and that way wives can walk away without getting alimony.
Pay 50% for those jobs she does, because she’s doing part of your job.
I was raised by a SAHM, so I respect them to the utmost. However, I couldn’t raise kids and not have my own income. Being raised by an SAHM opened my eyes to how RISKY of a profession it is. The only job where you work non-stop with little to no financial benefit. And honestly, I don’t think men really respect women who can’t produce economically. They’re on the internet saying that they don’t want a “boss babe”, when really they just don’t want to be bossed around. Other than that they really do want you to make your own money.
FYI she isn’t saying who get’s divorced more. She’s saying who has the most difficult divorces.
I surely do not regret of being a stay at home mom ever! I’m very proud of my choices and I know how hard I always worked. I’m definitely not settle for less that I deserve on my divorce, I know my rights and what I’m entitled for after 14 years of marriage. I’m not afraid of work as well. Not matter what ladies, don’t ever quit your search for happiness. 😌🇧🇷
love this
Being naive and ignorant is a common thread with stay at home moms. Just judging by your comment.
@fishercourt
What else?
@fishercourt so what is the solution? You seem pretty mad. Do you believe women should all not have children and just go to work? Because daycare is expensive, etc.
So what is your solution?
@@fishercourt the naive one is doing great 8 months post divorce. I have my own home, a job that I love which can become a profitable business of my own and all that I need for my present and future financially, emotionally and spiritually. Most importantly my children made this transition pretty well. They both keep being "A" students and they kept the same friends and activities. They are the mainly reason I'm here. Not everyone in South America is a born starving, ignorant person so you'll know. One more thing that's also divine justice, God won't let a just person not to reaped what she sowed. Hardships come into our way for our transformation, evolution. Most people don't really believe it, so they'll keep struggling. 😉❤🇧🇷🇺🇸
I can see this. In fact I had a coworker that was waiting for his last kid to go to college before asking for a divorce. That way it will go through faster.
The husband feels like an ATM because he doesn’t see the money as “theirs”. He sees it as giving “his” money to her. His worth in society is tied to his net worth. He sees her use of their resources as diminishing his worth. She puts too much focus on the kids because they become a reflection of her worth. She is invisible other than being mother. The way through is a deep mutual respect for each other, both having financial literacy, open communication, and celebrating each other’s growth. Also, society can work to disassociate worth from net worth, prioritize financial literacy in education, and teach communication skills.
The way through is to abolish marriage
Also teach that being a stay at home mom is just as much work as a teacher or lawyer. Yes we don’t go to school as long but I bet when they go to the bathroom they can finish without being interrupted!
@magnoliapowers1209 No it isn't. Lawyers are dealing with things such as keeping people out of jail for life.
The husband feels like he is an ATM because that is exactly how he is treated and valued. Women get unconditional love but the moment the man can not provide he is discarded. The husband is literally a leaper and unwanted unless he can provide. There you go. I'm glad I could help you finally understand.
@@eobardthawne324 are you kidding me?!?! I’m a mother to two boys. My older son was doing college level math at 212, and playing every instrument he could get his hands on.
When my younger son was 4 he was diagnosed with autism, when he was 6, epilepsy. When he was 10 he got diagnosed with an undefined muscular disorder. We have 3-5 doctors visits a month. He’s in a wheelchair and gets medication and blood draws all the time. We have 16 hour ieps every year. I have to fight insurance companies, doctors and school districts so that my son gets the basic care he deserves. You’re right I’m not keeping him out of jail, I’m keeping him alive and healthy!
only winner is the lawyers. only loser is children
Everyone wants to hate the attorneys, until they need one.
Makes perfect sense, stay at home mom’s are the most vulnerable, distracted, stressed and overwhelmed group of married women, best I can tell, thanks for sharing!