I can relate. My mother would get so angry over something so minor. Screaming and yelling. Then after she'd calm down, she'd act as if nothing ever happened. I completely understand when you say "becoming perfectly normal in 5 min".
I agree. It's like everything else in life that unless you've been through it you can't really understand it. To grow up around the person who is suppose to be your primary caregiver and having to walk on eggshells is really detrimental and extremely tiresome. Not to mention that she had no love to give. God love her she came from her own dysfunctional family. I'm pretty sure I have cptsd. I'm always feeling tense and I live by myself. I lived with this behavior for 19 years until she was put on drugs that made her drooling calm, but by then the damage was done. I couldn't even bring this behavior up to anybody just had to stuff it down. This was the purple elephant in the room. My dad's alcoholism was the pink one. No wonder I have issues.
@@michellepowell3020 I hear ya Michelle. I'm working on letting this stuff go but it takes time. In fact I wasn't aware I was always ready for battle all the time. That was just my norm. I was in my 40's before I realized how uptight(fight or flight) I was all the time.
ugh this was my mum too. its awful. to this day I still hear the creaking of the stairs as she would come up them before she would open the door and start going off on one.. then slam it, then open it to spit some more craziness then close it. then go downstairs... then 2 minutes later come back up to add something else. my tactic was to ignore her, just pretend she wasn't there as she ranted but it didn't work sometimes as she would start to throw things to get me to react.
Me too, I ignore her and then she says I'm betraying her and that I'm a monster! Jesus! It's impossible to live with someone with such a black and white thinking view.
That's one thing I hate the most about borderlines is they force you to react. They keep on escalating until you react. Both of my parents were like this.
Reading these comments makes me feel like I'm not alone. Like I'm not the only one who gasps as the air pressure in the house changes from a door opening.
Yeah. The middle of the night rants were the worst. Especially as an only child with a single mother. Going from sleep to her screaming. After about 10 minutes of ranting, she's done and she goes back out, slams the door. Five minutes later, she's back, she apologizes, she leaves, closing the door softly and apologetically. Twenty minutes later, she storms back in, _actually_ no! I _was_ being horrible and manipulative to her and she rescinds her apology. This back and forth constantly. No sleep. No stability. No clue whether I was being a good daughter or treating her horribly. I am still learning how to find my footing to this day.
Wow I can't believe I'm reading this .. :( this is my EXACT experience...most memorable; I lost my wallet at the airport I just got gifts from my family, was a kid in Nyc, maybe got pick pocketed. ALL NIGHT until school. 10-5am 30ish minute gaps. Throwing the door open, shitting on me, slamming it. I am also a daughter, only child 😅. We should connect sometime lol.
I would just freeze. I would sit with a blank expression, no eye contact, no movement. She also created super scary scenarios about the outside world, making it impossible to visit friends or even sit outside. I was extremely isolated, I felt like I wasn't allowed to participate in regular life. I'm 40 now and I still deal with the ramifications, I learned almost no social skills or coping skills. My mother still rages at me, for not calling, visiting, blah blah blah......it never ends I try to never see her. What a waste of my young life.
Yes like every men is a rapist or no one in this towns likes her, because of her diagnosis and don't u dare to become a child with issues! Ohh and when u mess something up, that no one teached u, u get laughed at or yelled at. She compares herself to u and what she is better at. Also every gift or bit of money feels dirty, like its an exchange for something that u don't know yet and have no control over. Also everything will be twisted and used against u and usally also infront of others so that u cannot really react or she uses that u paint u as villan.
I’ve blocked out a lot of my childhood, but I remember the feeling of the house - was my mom angry or happy today? - can we make noise or will she get mad Like walking on eggshells at times. I protected my siblings from a lot until I left the house. The crap we had to deal with, just remembering makes my chest tight. No contact since 2012
My mom raged all day and night for my entire childhood. She would go for hours and hours until her voice was hoarse. She'd get this crazed look in her eyes, she almost seemed possessed. Once my Dad moved out, she took out her rage on us kids - and would creep into my room....it'd start with angry ranting and the escalate into screaming all night, until I had school in the morning. Sometimes she'd slam doors over and over - until chips of paint were falling on the floor. The phones she'd slam over and over too. One time I begged her to stop - I wanted to have a friend over (I had no one over) and she said she couldn't stop - I said "why?" She said "because it's the only thing that makes me feel good." However let it be known - she could stop. When someone came to the door, if the phone rang and it was for her she could turn off her rage like a light-switch and be as pleasant as pie. She just chose to take out her venom on us kids.
I delt with the exact same thing. I could of sworn she was possessed by the look in her eyes, pure rage and no place for love. However when the phone rang or knock at the door her voice and demeaner changed immediately it was shocking and very scary.
if i used two xtra bits of toilet paper it was on .. she would run around the house with a knife running after my dad too .. o now suffer anxiety and panic attacks as an adult
My mother was exactly like that. It would go on for hours. I did not know anyone else whose mother was like that. I got the brunt of it because I was the oldest. Sometimes she woke me in the middle of the night to scream at me. I don’t know how I ever got through those years.
Same. And she always has an excuse for it when I remind her - she was sick, she was having a hard time in her life so she may have been “grumpy” sometimes etc. anything to not admit that her rage is not normal losing your temper.
I'm so sorry. Mine would bang pots and pans and make me sleep with the lights on, she'd take my door, take my blankets and pillows. my dad just let her.
Thanks for the feedback. We decided to keep the videos short out of both concern for attention span and because we wanted to categorize the videos in ways that we hoped would be helpful to people by labeling, in the titles, experiences that might resonate. Anyway, good to know how you're thinking for future things we put on here. THX! - Rebbie
This made me cry..because you told my story. Sadly I still as an adult have my mother break me down to little pieces...Im trapped and I have a growing panic feeling my body...I live with the anxiety of her always affecting my life and my days..With her rage episodes, narcissism, suicide threats...I never get peace and free will to live my life...I "need" to live by her needs..I dont matter...
Thank you for sharing your story. I thought my mom was a borderline when I came across the symptoms. I think the term walking on egg shells was made for BPD. My mom always seemed on edge and could erupt at anytime. I remember coming in from school when I was 8 or 9 and wondering should I say hello to her because I thought this might set her off. I'm 57 years old and still feel tense all the time like I did when I was around her. I'm working on the damage that was done. She came from her own dysfunctional family.
My mom was a single mother with BPD and I understand. She would come home from work and literally just go sleep in her room or on the couch and my sister and I (we were like 12 and 10) would make dinner. If we offered her some she was pissed that we woke her up and if we didn't we were selfish bitches for not offering her dinner. It was like if we just breathed too loud it pissed her off.
@@littlesongbird1 I'm very sorry to hear what happened to you and your sister. This type of behavior from your mom creates damned if you do damned if you don't behavior so that you always doubt what you do is the right thing. Having a mother treat us in this way left me a lost person with cptsd . On top of this my dad was an alcoholic. Our mothers are the primary source of love, affection and belonging and having mothers like this leaves us without those valuable feelings so I ended up always feeling never good enough. I've worked on my issues but it is hard to let these feelings go. I hope you and your sister are well. there are so many people in the world like us who struggle to live lives after this type of trauma. I wish you and your sister love and happiness.
What's weird is if they're covert they can convince people of this image that they have and then it makes you look crazy for telling people how they really are
Whenever I screamed back to leave me alone she would suddenly go “OH MY GOD!! WHAT ARE THE NEIGHBORS GOING TO THINK?? YOURE ACTING CRAZY”. Like mom, you’ve been screaming at me for 30 minute straight, you’re most definitely the crazy looking one.
And when a BPD mother destroys & betrays her relationship with her husband, her children, and you don’t see the husband’s family for decades, and you break up with your college sweetheart because you’re not capable of trusting women, then what do you do? How can you recover from a ruined life?
What a sweet soul you are I can see the empathy in you. I feel for you! I went through this too with my father and still to this day. We children of BPD parents are survivors I tell you!
They can't control it without getting help. I guess DBT is the go to therapy. Also it's very difficult for them to acknowledge their behavior and get help. Therefore they live in misery and so do the people around them.
You're absolutely right. They intentionally try to ruin your future. Mine said "She does what she wants" when I left at 17. Horrible, sick sadistic people. I was adopted. Mommie Dearest indeed. Thank God she's passed on.
I have a borderline, co- morbid narcissistic sister. I have gotten to the point where I do not care what she is struggling with. She enjoys hurting and abusing me, even by proxy, and my empathy I had for her just doesn’t exist anymore. I don’t even consider her family, the other family members have minimum dealings with her yet they encourage her behavior when they aren’t around.They will have to either step up or she explodes. I’m not doing it anymore. She has affected my life and I am short changing myself for someone who refuses to see she has major problem. I’m not living my life walking on egg shells, isolating myself from having to deal with her, to constantly worrying that my things will be damaged or that she uses sabotage to torment. She will never accept she has a problem so she is going to get the thing she apparently fears the most, I’m abandoning her, because I’m finished with all of it. My life has been the movie called “Whatever happened to Baby Jane” if I don’t get away, I will wind up like the sister Blanche.
@@countcolorsnotcaloriesthings with my mother finally boiled over and I completely went no contact. These last 4 weeks without her have been the most peace I've had my entire life.
Hi, I'm so sorry to anyone who can relate. Having a mother like this is so damaging. It's something I've been having to deal with the worst of now as an adult. She's always been volatile, and had anger issues, but now she's becoming truly wicked and tearing our family apart. We have sent her to a mental hospital in the hope that she calms down. Everyday since I feel a different emotion about it: Guilt, Fear, Sadness, Anger, Concern, Freedom. Right now I'm scared of what she'll do to us as revenge for locking her away when she gets out and comes back home. I know she's had trauma in her life and social issues, but I don't think being sorry for her and being around her is safe for me anymore, or for anyone else in the family. If anyone can relate, is there any hope she'll calm down?
Omg! Yes, my mom too. She once flew into a rage and cut off of all my hair and then made me sit in a chair so she could stand there for an hour and tell me over and over again what a horrible person I was. She would get pissed off at such minor things or would even accuse me or my sister of things we didn't do.
@@queengoblin OMG. My mom would do that too: she once lost her keys to her "fire safe box" and not only accused me of taking them but complained to everyone who would listen. She later found them in her dress drawer and didn't even apologize. She also would flush pads and tampons down the toilet and would blame me or my sister. She once did it in front of me and I called her out on it she flat out denied it. I could write a book and so could you I am sure. Trust me, kharma gets them in the end.
OMG my mom did the same - not with my hair - but force me in the chair and scream at me and threaten me if I moved or cried "Don't you DARE cry!" I'm so sorry 😞
I hope you will find someone. Talk to the people. dont give up.Eat well and sleep well and get away when being 18teen.Find a good job or an academy far away.
I’m an only child who at 50 just got out of a very abusive marriage all while my Dad got very sick, my BPD Mom raged at me screaming “YOU HAD BETTER STAY CLOSE!!!” but of course doesn’t remember screaming that, made it a WAR for me to secure anything for her and my Dad who now had dementia..so I literally up and left my abusive husband and went to another country. Came back, packed my whole marital house, moved to another state, sold whatever I had to survive (my ex bankrupted me) and LEFT. Now my Mom is raging at me because I don’t come to visit, I am bad, I abandoned her etc etc etc. Still bullies me, insults me, but tries to control me by dangling the “I’ll write you out of the will and go into assisted living so then you’ll see what you have.” My response: BURN IT ALL. And hung up. By the way, I’m a clinical psychologist who specializes in trauma recovery for abused victims. Lol. But it’s always different when you’re in it and not the client. Peace to all who deal with this dreadful personality disorder in a parent. Sadly there will be true peace when they pass, but recovery for us. It was never our fault.
My mother was like this. I endured silent treatment for 2 weeks, then she would talk to me, the blow up in rage, accuse me of doing things I never did and stop talking to me again for 2 weeks. I'm an only child. It was so isolating. My dad never helped me. I felt so unloved. Once in her rage she chased me with knives. I'm now no contact with her but she calls me constantly and shows up at my house.
I come from a similar parent and will never forgive her. I'll never go back to my home. This has affected everything in my life, especially relationships.
I remembered my father coming into my room in the early morning... Like 430/5am one day, waking me up and screaming. I was so confused as to why. He told me I was lazy and would never amount to anything. Then he called me disabled (I'm not, I just have ADHD). He blamed me for everything as a child and made Ms feel this deep seems of shame. I'm better now but wow that was rough.
Since I was little, my mom had always scream, beat, and belittle me along with my siblings. I walked on eggshells to not provoke any negative emotion out of her but always she’d wind up doing so that I gave up on her and our relationship. When no had done anything to her she would stomp, slam things, and yell at the top of her lungs until her boyfriend will come. Maybe once we did truly love each other, but the damage she’s caused is unrepairable. Behind closed doors she was cruel, to everyone else she presented herself as this harmless person. That’s not only a narcissist, that’s a monster
you have 100% described my borderline mother as well...there is only one solution, which worked for me, and yes it is harsh but your mental well-being at comes first...you have to go a non-negotiable.. ''no contact'' rule.
@@johnthedespicabledutchman7406 oh That definetly is the plan! Im in a much better position in life and am being antagonized by those who can’t control me, but am happy to know the life that’s been taken from me will be mines once more 🙌🏽
My mother was the same. And I also refer to her as a Monster. I relate to you and understand you. I hope you and I receive the healing necessary to live good lives and be happy.
Trying to explain this to others is so hard even my therapist doesn't get it they would say, "just walk away." There was a time when my mom locked my sister outside naked at 13 because she didn't get ready in 5 minutes to go to the store when my mom didn't even wake her up to go to the store. My mom has filmed me on my own phone while she cussed and screamed at me in the middle of my panic attack (I have PTSD because of domestic abuse in childhood screaming/ raised voices trigger it and she knows that.) There was a time where she choked me or " held my chin up" in her words because I was talking to her about my depression. There was a time when my sister and I didn't have beds because "we wouldn't clean our room" because there were folded clothes in the floor that we had nowhere to put, at this time my mom had a 3D TV. Once I fought my stepdad to keep him from coming in the house while him and my mom where in a physical altercation and he hit me sending me to the ground my mom rushed in "oh my god Curt are you okay." The last one was the only one she apologized for. There are many more and noone in our family knows about it . Everyone tells me to just get over it, I don't think they know how PTSD works. Update: She apologized now I think it's because I stopped talking to her for a while
I am now living with my elderly mother. At the time it seemed there was no choice and not an easy situaton to navigate or change due to finances and her being 80. We had a total screaming match finally and it left me traumatized and very depressed. I feel like a child. It has never been good for me to be around her. When it's good, it's very good but when it's bad it's really horrible. I am worried I am going to commit suicide living here. I have such bad CPTSD. I joined an online zoom support group but it's mostly people dealing with divorcing narcissistic spouses. I am going to look for a group having to do with adult children of personality disordered parents. At some point we are stuck dealing with them as they age if we ddn't get fully away from them a long time ago. I wish I had.
I need a support group for growing with my mom that had it too! Does anyone know of a specific group for adult children who have survived living with a mom with borderline?
:( I resonate. My ex was like this. Not quite as bad, and in slightly different ways, yup... ...the episodes. ...waves of anger (unwarranted). ...running into bathroom with scissors :( :( . ...having to grab the keys from her when she was drunk (that was MY car, too). ...not to mention, her parents, 'friends' and family ENABLED it (and more). Terrible to endure. Much collateral damage.
I relate to this so much. I remember being a teenager and being exhausted from being treated this way, so I'd get back at her and point her flawed thinking during arguments. She would turn to my father blaming him for not disciplining me. On multiple occasions she tried to make my father hit me, and when he wouldn't, she would do it herself. The worst part is, when she's not a monster, she's quite kind and loving. But her affection always comes at a cost.
Nothing is ever free, is it? My mom doesn't listen to anyone, especially me, when I'm trying to talk her down when she's upset. She knows everything and in my 33 years of life I've managed to learn nothing about anything. 🙄
They’ll fly into countless rages and blame you for everything then will have no memory of it, conveniently. Then they expect attention and sympathy after treating you like shit and terrorizing you for years. There is no room for you to exist when your mother is an undiagnosed borderline who refuses to get help. Get away! Even if you have to go to a domestic abuse shelter. Get out because it’s possible but so hard putting the pieces together after a childhood of chronic intense stress and social deprivation, etc.
It's not convenient.. it's dissociative amnesia... The reason? If it continues it builds. And builds and builds. If I'm forced into that over and over again, the likelihood I even get so bad, jail is a very real possibility. Lots of men with this disorder are in prisons... That's literally the unfortunate reality
Beginning of my 15th summer, mother bit off my thumbnail because she was kicking me out and I tried to take my purse I bought with all I bought in it. When she threatened legal action against the family letting me stay with them and forced me to go back home.... She said... Your father said that happened so I guess it did. And then bit my second thumb nail at the end of the summer. I lost both nails. Also she slammed my hands in the car door several times as a child and our toybox had the heaviest sharp lid. And she wouldn't let me around anyone else.... Fun times... It's been 29 years no contact and my life has wonderful people and had a phenomenal career. They don't define us. 🌈 💜 🌈
And now the very serious question. Can having borderline mother make you borderline? Because borderlines are mostly developing in very unstable conditions and children of borderlines definitely have extremely unstable conditions so it would logically make sense that they will also become borderline. What are your thoughts on this?
my mom is bpd bipolar . me and my sister and brother are not . but my sister and myself have anxiety and suffer depression .. don’t suffer from rages or swinging emotions just low self esteem from years of abuse . my brother is a surgeon and very confident..
My sister and I would hide in the closet when the fights started. All I remember was constant screaming at my father, my sister and I. We were all victims.
Omg, I so hear you. I wish I had a daughter like you. I was too busy being my mom’s mom. Thx for sharing. It’s not even over after suicide... EMDR has helped me.
So I’ve felt this way internally with myself but don’t lash out but have when seriously triggered not on my son I just say my brain is broken and I need a minute to him , it feels like Ants in the brain with pressure and stimulus around make it worse when dissociating that’s not excuse for your mom with children though we have to be able to shut it down it’s very hard she needed meds and dbt 😢 I’m sorry u were raised like that I can remember my mom having similar rage moment minus screaming and not knowing who she’ll b towards me. .. there’s a bubble one must make for ourselves and get in it 😔
Experienced the same. I was about 8 or 10 when first had to take the medicines off her hands because she was about to overdose-suicide. Another time she wanted to jump out of the window. I don't know if she WAS gonna do it or not but this is neither way something a child should witness. Also, still to this day, anytime some crisis comes (like COVID), she goes into such a trance-like psychosis state that she is barely recognizable. One sentence contradicts the next, totally contradicting moods and sayings, one moment she is scared to death, next moment she is now the boss who tells what's up. She was with my stepfather for 18 years, she was beaten a lot, but now, I see it a little bit differently than then. I used to see my stepfather as the only monster in the house, and still won't love him to death for beating my mother, but what my mother was doing sometimes was really, really off the hook. She was an abuser as well.
Mine used to cut her face infront of us, when she drank to much my sister bought her to bed, when she was still at home and I took over at the age of 6. One time she got so drunk that I was lying in her bed beside her for a whole night and told her to breath for hours. I cleaned up the vomit and bought her to bed. I was 9. That was only the one time were it was the most critical. Hope u r doing a bit better❤
I always knew what type of mood my mom would be in when she came home is was 24 7 rage followed by endless crying and howling over something as silly as a one fork in the sink. I dealt with this my entire childhood and my brother couldn't cope so he beat me everyday. I was only a child.
BPD isn't a disease, virus, or a bacteria. It's an organized explanation of a person's psyche to get treatment or help those around a BPD individual understand what's happening. I personally feel there is more self awareness among BPD individuals than we want to admit. They know who to hurt and who not to. This is who they are and how they handle it tells you everything you need to know as far as interacting with them. I refuse to give any type of emotional reaction to someone who wants to antagonize me all the time whether they are thoughtless about it or fully aware. I pay them dust. That's the key to surviving BPD parents or siblings.
I am 41 years old father of 6 married for 15 years, I grew up as an only child with a bpd mother, I am fighting for my life with no medication just trying to heal from my childhood. I just recently knew there is s name for what she has. Currently I am not in touch with her because of the constant abuse and harsh words. It still effects me. Maybe now knowing that it’s a known disorder it will be easier for me to be more objective about the relationship. Can’t tell you what a struggle my life is but I’m strong and will win this for my family and myself.
I’m so sorry to hear of your pain. I’m 34 and I am back living with my mother after around 10 years away in another country. Her mental abuse is taking a toll on me all over again and I’m just so glad I now have an understanding of what it is that’s wrong. Wishing you healing x
i hope your wife is not a replica of your mother ? is she good ? the book the body holds the score or keeps the score talks about stored trauma . please get helps for ptsd. from the abuse ❤
This sounds like my mom.... I’m 18 now. Recently she has been saying my dad is cheating doing drugs and wants to kill himself, as well as attacking his side of the family in texts and on Facebook. I feel like this hell never ends...
Serious question is this just menopause? My mom would rage and just blame menopause like it was totally justified and normal and she was just a victim.
No. NO!!! This is not just menopause. Untreated depression, PTSD, and major hormonal changes can make it worse, but menopause does not cause this behaviour. They will blame anything and anyone for how awful they feel inside and how abusive they behave towards others. For you - therapy (EMDR is a gift from God) and meds if needed, for her, meds for depression, HRT, and BOUNDARIES. Set them, state the consequences, and follow through EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. She needs therapy but won't listen right away.
My mother, we believe, has bpd. She is highly fuctional and amazing, but if anything isn't the way she wants, she gets upset. She is now 70, and i love her so much. I just try to do my best, not make her upset. I sometimes just distance myself so she can calm. I always wished I had a happy mom😢
It’s abuse because I am sure she didn’t scream at other adults like that. Real mental illness isn’t selective, my mental disability is hindering my thoughts whether I am in the room with my cat, my lover, my worst enemy, or a hiring manager. The turning it on and off is what makes her a monster. I am so sorry you went through that.
They should not if they have not learned skills to manage symptoms and become a healthy parent. I didn’t have children until I was older and had spent lots of time and effort working on my symptoms.
Leaving the house was the best thing I did for myself. Period. It's been a year since I left, and I've been through extremely hard times but I have come out a whole new and different person. A stronger person. I don't have the weight of my mother on me anymore. I get to see what happened to my childhood and how it affected me at face value. Daily journaling and getting a therapist helped me process my pain and childhood abuse a lot. I'm sorry you have to go through this, no one deserves it. But you can get out. There is always a way. 😊♥️
@@RajStarMusic Agree with you 100% Raj I left home (More like running out the door with my meagre belongings) on the day I turned 15 years old...And I went a 100% ...'' NO CONTACT''...That was over 40 years ago...
@@johnthedespicabledutchman7406 Hah that sounds exactly like my story.. except I was 22. It's a hard thing to do for anyone, let alone a kid. Cheers man and hope you are doing well. :)
I’m so sad to hear how traumatized and hurt all of these children are from their parents’ unmanaged symptoms of BPD. ❤I began DBT therapy five years ago, and spent a year in a DBT group before I had children. I worked and work each day to manage my BPD symptoms and create a healthy, validating, understanding environment for my children. It certainly isn’t easy, but it’s so worth it. I wish that had been the case for other parents, but many with BPD are more on the narcissistic or antisocial side and do not care to change. They want to stay blaming others and playing the victim. I became a victim of domestic abuse by my narcissistic ex husband, and that also really enforced never wanting to let the toxicity of mental health issues impact others, especially my children. I can use my own struggles and pain to help them learn to cope with their own “big feelings” effectively, and can hopefully break the generational cycle of invalidation and hurt.
People think I’m embellishing when I describe not only my childhood, but my adulthood with an uBPD mother and Narcissistic father. I can’t even count how many times over life they’ve beaten me, and the last time was two weeks ago. All because I fought back against them controlling my children and I while we have to live with them. My rent went up and I couldn’t handle it, so they sweetly begged me to come home (same town), and after a week… it all started again. I tell my mother “No” about a decision for my kids, she goes crying to my dad, and my dad comes out yelling to put me in my place. Wash, rinse, repeat. My mother also used to burst into our rooms with a vacuum with no warning, start vacuuming up whatever small toys she could, and when the vacuum would break down she’d throw it to the ground and say, “Fix it and clean up!” She also used to throw out my clothes while I was at school and tell me that if I lost weight she’d buy me more. My sister was the GC, so she got treated like royalty. I remind my mother of herself…. Dangit.
My 22 year old daughter is BPD. Omg, it's so hard. I'm so tired. I seem to be her target and her trigger? She just unleashes her venom on me whenever I try to have a conversation with her or give her advice or commiserate with her. It's really hard. Whenever she had a meltdown, we try to keep her from herself, because she does, and once slashed herself so badly she needed a lot of stitches, maybe harming someone else. Possibly storming off in a rage to the street and getting hurt by a predator. It's exhausting and soul destroying. We really don't know how to cope.
My dad was “likely” BPD. He was never diagnosed. We accepted his behavior as our “normal”. It wasn’t until I married a woman who was diagnosed that I realized how abnormal my life has been. So, yes, I married the one person I didn’t want to be around. Had she not had a hemorrhagic stroke ten years ago, we wouldn’t still be together. It’s not like dad was a monster all the time but trying to figure out who I am today is a struggle because I want to separate all of the horrible things he said and did, apart from me. I’m seeing a therapist. God bless you in your journey to recovery!
I think my mom has borderline disorder Because she will yell at you for 30 minutes or even an hour depending on how long you stay in there and talk to her. And her anger will last for days there have been times where she would be angry at us for two weeks. That meant she wouldn’t talk to us or acknowledge us she would roll her eyes and she would sigh heavily. She would do things like the chain on the door and lock us out of the apartment or break our phone or our iPod that she would try to do anything to punish us
I have a step parent with BPD. And the things she's done to me are beyond cruel.I was always nice to her, even though we didn't interact very often. She lied to a judge about me during a custody trial. Because she got my Dad to be violent and attacked me because she wanted him to. And so to cover up what they did, she started spreading lies about me. She would go into severe rages. For no reason. Yes, no reason, at all. She tried to get my Dad to physically harm me , to prove his love for her, and I ended up in the hospital. She enjoyed every minute of it. She also got jealous of my other sisters, even though they already hardly have any relationship with my Dad. What little attention he did give, she would go into rages over. So, she basically punished him for even acknowledging us. Whenever my Dad tries to start being a good Dad, she will start interfering with it, because I guess it makes her insecure. Her own daughters won't have anything to do with her. And they told her this to her face . She also told my Dad that if he didn't get rid of his dog, she would leave him, because she was jealous of his dog, because my Dad would give the dog food and water. That made her very mad. She told my Dad to commit a certain word I won't use here, but it involved ending his life, in order to"prove he loved her enough". They also are bullies. She also is very controlling, my Dad can't go anywhere without her calling him and asking where he is, why he didn't call her, even if he was only gone twenty minutes. I think that this personality disorder is a lot more serious than most people think.
I don’t understand why my mother is always so angry, behave aggressively and start to pick fights when she see my father every moment,every day. I’m so scared. It’s been decades. It is toxic.
Liz, thank you so much for sharing your story. Thank you. It helps so much to hear from someone else who went through similar things. My mother was just like what you have described. I've recently learnt about projective identification, meaning that she projected all her negative feelings of shame, anger, hurt onto me (she wasn't able to self-regulate and abused me as a regulation tool), which resulted in me displaying symptoms of mental illness. It resulted in me being hospitalized BY HER against my will, misdiagnosed with and mistreated for BPD at age 15, while nobody questioned my obviously overly involved mum. Despite her craziness, in everyone's mind I was the one who needed fixing because I was struggling to adapt to her behavior. My father abandoned me with her at age 10 while favoritising my brother, who hated and bullied me for the extra "attention" (emotional abuse) my mum was giving me. It has taken me 33 years to figure out that I wasn't just "born crazy" like my mum always claimed, but that I've been living HER life and HER emotions at the cost of my own identity, my childhood, adolescence and my adult life thus far. This realization is liberating but also painful and incredibly infuriating. I went no contact some 5 years ago, though she still regularly tries to infiltrate my life. Liz, thank you for sharing your story. I wish the very best to you, and to everyone on their recovery journey.
My mother was the same. Also - becoming perfectly 'normal' in 5mn, with no memory of her melt-down
They claim not to remember things which paint them in a bad light.
I can relate. My mother would get so angry over something so minor. Screaming and yelling. Then after she'd calm down, she'd act as if nothing ever happened. I completely understand when you say "becoming perfectly normal in 5 min".
They do remember. Trust me.
It’s called toxic amnesia
I see the same in both my parents they deny the reality which is worse, they claim that I have done what they do.
Being raised by a BPD mother is horrible.
I agree. It's like everything else in life that unless you've been through it you can't really understand it. To grow up around the person who is suppose to be your primary caregiver and having to walk on eggshells is really detrimental and extremely tiresome. Not to mention that she had no love to give. God love her she came from her own dysfunctional family.
I'm pretty sure I have cptsd. I'm always feeling tense and I live by myself. I lived with this behavior for 19 years until she was put on drugs that made her drooling calm, but by then the damage was done. I couldn't even bring this behavior up to anybody just had to stuff it down. This was the purple elephant in the room. My dad's alcoholism was the pink one. No wonder I have issues.
Brian Walsh My mother passed away in 2008 and I still ALWAYS feel like I’m in trouble
@@michellepowell3020 I hear ya Michelle. I'm working on letting this stuff go but it takes time. In fact I wasn't aware I was always ready for battle all the time. That was just my norm. I was in my 40's before I realized how uptight(fight or flight) I was all the time.
This is why borderlines shouldn't be parents. Idc if they've gotten treatment and are doing better. Some people just shouldn't be parents.
I know. I'm hardly young anymore but I'm often that terrified and abused child still.
ugh this was my mum too. its awful. to this day I still hear the creaking of the stairs as she would come up them before she would open the door and start going off on one.. then slam it, then open it to spit some more craziness then close it. then go downstairs... then 2 minutes later come back up to add something else. my tactic was to ignore her, just pretend she wasn't there as she ranted but it didn't work sometimes as she would start to throw things to get me to react.
I used to ignore mine too. I would try to watch tv. I would try to block her out.
Me too, I ignore her and then she says I'm betraying her and that I'm a monster! Jesus! It's impossible to live with someone with such a black and white thinking view.
You just described my life.
That's one thing I hate the most about borderlines is they force you to react. They keep on escalating until you react. Both of my parents were like this.
@@luisdiaspires7618 Yeah ignoring my mother did nothing but made her freak out and get louder.
Reading these comments makes me feel like I'm not alone. Like I'm not the only one who gasps as the air pressure in the house changes from a door opening.
Yeah. The middle of the night rants were the worst. Especially as an only child with a single mother. Going from sleep to her screaming. After about 10 minutes of ranting, she's done and she goes back out, slams the door. Five minutes later, she's back, she apologizes, she leaves, closing the door softly and apologetically. Twenty minutes later, she storms back in, _actually_ no! I _was_ being horrible and manipulative to her and she rescinds her apology. This back and forth constantly. No sleep. No stability. No clue whether I was being a good daughter or treating her horribly. I am still learning how to find my footing to this day.
Wow I can't believe I'm reading this .. :( this is my EXACT experience...most memorable; I lost my wallet at the airport I just got gifts from my family, was a kid in Nyc, maybe got pick pocketed. ALL NIGHT until school. 10-5am 30ish minute gaps. Throwing the door open, shitting on me, slamming it.
I am also a daughter, only child 😅. We should connect sometime lol.
I would just freeze. I would sit with a blank expression, no eye contact, no movement. She also created super scary scenarios about the outside world, making it impossible to visit friends or even sit outside. I was extremely isolated, I felt like I wasn't allowed to participate in regular life. I'm 40 now and I still deal with the ramifications, I learned almost no social skills or coping skills. My mother still rages at me, for not calling, visiting, blah blah blah......it never ends I try to never see her. What a waste of my young life.
Yes like every men is a rapist or no one in this towns likes her, because of her diagnosis and don't u dare to become a child with issues! Ohh and when u mess something up, that no one teached u, u get laughed at or yelled at. She compares herself to u and what she is better at. Also every gift or bit of money feels dirty, like its an exchange for something that u don't know yet and have no control over. Also everything will be twisted and used against u and usally also infront of others so that u cannot really react or she uses that u paint u as villan.
I’ve blocked out a lot of my childhood, but I remember the feeling of the house - was my mom angry or happy today?
- can we make noise or will she get mad
Like walking on eggshells at times. I protected my siblings from a lot until I left the house.
The crap we had to deal with, just remembering makes my chest tight. No contact since 2012
My mom raged all day and night for my entire childhood. She would go for hours and hours until her voice was hoarse. She'd get this crazed look in her eyes, she almost seemed possessed. Once my Dad moved out, she took out her rage on us kids - and would creep into my room....it'd start with angry ranting and the escalate into screaming all night, until I had school in the morning. Sometimes she'd slam doors over and over - until chips of paint were falling on the floor. The phones she'd slam over and over too. One time I begged her to stop - I wanted to have a friend over (I had no one over) and she said she couldn't stop - I said "why?" She said "because it's the only thing that makes me feel good." However let it be known - she could stop. When someone came to the door, if the phone rang and it was for her she could turn off her rage like a light-switch and be as pleasant as pie. She just chose to take out her venom on us kids.
exactly like nothing just happened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I delt with the exact same thing. I could of sworn she was possessed by the look in her eyes, pure rage and no place for love. However when the phone rang or knock at the door her voice and demeaner changed immediately it was shocking and very scary.
You have just described my BPD Mother to the max.
Biggest hugs and support. You will never be them and do the best thing and stay away from them.
🌈 💜 🌈
if i used two xtra bits of toilet paper it was on .. she would run around the house with a knife running after my dad too .. o now suffer anxiety and panic attacks as an adult
My brother and I agree, we’re both lucky our narcissistic borderline mother didn’t kill us when we were kids.
❤
Likewise.
mine gave me and my twin up at aged 7
My mother was exactly like that. It would go on for hours. I did not know anyone else whose mother was like that. I got the brunt of it because I was the oldest. Sometimes she woke me in the middle of the night to scream at me. I don’t know how I ever got through those years.
Omg same. When I was 3, my mum had her episode because I couldn't brush my teeth properly.
It was the same here. I was the oldest child and she gave me the living hell. I cant believe that I am alive today...
Same. And she always has an excuse for it when I remind her - she was sick, she was having a hard time in her life so she may have been “grumpy” sometimes etc. anything to not admit that her rage is not normal losing your temper.
2 years later commenting that my experience was the same with my mom. It was awful
I'm so sorry. Mine would bang pots and pans and make me sleep with the lights on, she'd take my door, take my blankets and pillows. my dad just let her.
Why are these videos so short? You seem to have a lot to say. I have a BPD mother myself and I know how difficult they are.
Thanks for the feedback. We decided to keep the videos short out of both concern for attention span and because we wanted to categorize the videos in ways that we hoped would be helpful to people by labeling, in the titles, experiences that might resonate. Anyway, good to know how you're thinking for future things we put on here. THX! - Rebbie
This made me cry..because you told my story. Sadly I still as an adult have my mother break me down to little pieces...Im trapped and I have a growing panic feeling my body...I live with the anxiety of her always affecting my life and my days..With her rage episodes, narcissism, suicide threats...I never get peace and free will to live my life...I "need" to live by her needs..I dont matter...
@Satoshi Catamoto Get out of there and go no contact. It wont stop till you make it stop. You deserve better.
Domestic abuse shelters could possibly help you get your footing to get out.
This perfectly explains how my Mother acted. Living in a warzone is horrific. It seems that you turned out rational and calm, you deserve some peace.
Thank you for sharing your story. I thought my mom was a borderline when I came across the symptoms. I think the term walking on egg shells was made for BPD. My mom always seemed on edge and could erupt at anytime. I remember coming in from school when I was 8 or 9 and wondering should I say hello to her because I thought this might set her off. I'm 57 years old and still feel tense all the time like I did when I was around her. I'm working on the damage that was done. She came from her own dysfunctional family.
My mom was a single mother with BPD and I understand. She would come home from work and literally just go sleep in her room or on the couch and my sister and I (we were like 12 and 10) would make dinner. If we offered her some she was pissed that we woke her up and if we didn't we were selfish bitches for not offering her dinner. It was like if we just breathed too loud it pissed her off.
@@littlesongbird1 I'm very sorry to hear what happened to you and your sister. This type of behavior from your mom creates damned if you do damned if you don't behavior so that you always doubt what you do is the right thing. Having a mother treat us in this way left me a lost person with cptsd . On top of this my dad was an alcoholic. Our mothers are the primary source of love, affection and belonging and having mothers like this leaves us without those valuable feelings so I ended up always feeling never good enough. I've worked on my issues but it is hard to let these feelings go. I hope you and your sister are well. there are so many people in the world like us who struggle to live lives after this type of trauma. I wish you and your sister love and happiness.
What's weird is if they're covert they can convince people of this image that they have and then it makes you look crazy for telling people how they really are
I lost my childhood and my brother committed suicide because of this.
I am so sorry. This was my mom too.
i’m so sorry
I relate the full on screaming fits then pretending like it never happened and " not remembering"
Whenever I screamed back to leave me alone she would suddenly go “OH MY GOD!! WHAT ARE THE NEIGHBORS GOING TO THINK?? YOURE ACTING CRAZY”. Like mom, you’ve been screaming at me for 30 minute straight, you’re most definitely the crazy looking one.
And when a BPD mother destroys & betrays her relationship with her husband, her children, and you don’t see the husband’s family for decades, and you break up with your college sweetheart because you’re not capable of trusting women, then what do you do? How can you recover from a ruined life?
They are five years old with temper tantrums
Something about not ever being physically beaten, but also always seeing new heights to your parent's rage, so it's always a possibility...
What a sweet soul you are I can see the empathy in you. I feel for you! I went through this too with my father and still to this day. We children of BPD parents are survivors I tell you!
Mother dearest, needs major help. BPD is no excuse to ruin your children’s lives and future.
They can't control it without getting help. I guess DBT is the go to therapy. Also it's very difficult for them to acknowledge their behavior and get help. Therefore they live in misery and so do the people around them.
You're absolutely right. They intentionally try to ruin your future. Mine said "She does what she wants" when I left at 17. Horrible, sick sadistic people. I was adopted. Mommie Dearest indeed. Thank God she's passed on.
I get intense flash backs hearing her story. It’s like my brain tries to block these things out. These details she describes are so real.
I can relate to how you feel, hope all is better for you.
I have a borderline, co- morbid narcissistic sister. I have gotten to the point where I do not care what she is struggling with. She enjoys hurting and abusing me, even by proxy, and my empathy I had for her just doesn’t exist anymore. I don’t even consider her family, the other family members have minimum dealings with her yet they encourage her behavior when they aren’t around.They will have to either step up or she explodes. I’m not doing it anymore. She has affected my life and I am short changing myself for someone who refuses to see she has major problem.
I’m not living my life walking on egg shells, isolating myself from having to deal with her, to constantly worrying that my things will be damaged or that she uses sabotage to torment. She will never accept she has a problem so she is going to get the thing she apparently fears the most, I’m abandoning her, because I’m finished with all of it.
My life has been the movie called “Whatever happened to Baby Jane” if I don’t get away, I will wind up like the sister Blanche.
My mom is just like this. Cutting myself off from her was the only way to save myself.
@@countcolorsnotcaloriesthings with my mother finally boiled over and I completely went no contact. These last 4 weeks without her have been the most peace I've had my entire life.
Hi, I'm so sorry to anyone who can relate. Having a mother like this is so damaging. It's something I've been having to deal with the worst of now as an adult. She's always been volatile, and had anger issues, but now she's becoming truly wicked and tearing our family apart. We have sent her to a mental hospital in the hope that she calms down. Everyday since I feel a different emotion about it: Guilt, Fear, Sadness, Anger, Concern, Freedom. Right now I'm scared of what she'll do to us as revenge for locking her away when she gets out and comes back home.
I know she's had trauma in her life and social issues, but I don't think being sorry for her and being around her is safe for me anymore, or for anyone else in the family.
If anyone can relate, is there any hope she'll calm down?
Cluster B “parents” tend to parentify their kid(s).
I know few family members like this unfortunately. 😕
Oh yes. I’m a mother for my mom. That’s disgusting.
@@victoria1056 so sorry…😕
Omg! Yes, my mom too. She once flew into a rage and cut off of all my hair and then made me sit in a chair so she could stand there for an hour and tell me over and over again what a horrible person I was. She would get pissed off at such minor things or would even accuse me or my sister of things we didn't do.
Omg I'm so sorry
My mom alao accused me of things i didnt do. She grounded me for 6 months for stealing her lipstuck which she found in a pants pocket later.
@@queengoblin OMG. My mom would do that too: she once lost her keys to her "fire safe box" and not only accused me of taking them but complained to everyone who would listen. She later found them in her dress drawer and didn't even apologize. She also would flush pads and tampons down the toilet and would blame me or my sister. She once did it in front of me and I called her out on it she flat out denied it. I could write a book and so could you I am sure. Trust me, kharma gets them in the end.
@@littlesongbird1 yeah their lives are miserable. it's actually really sad. but still, no excuse for their behavior.
OMG my mom did the same - not with my hair - but force me in the chair and scream at me and threaten me if I moved or cried "Don't you DARE cry!" I'm so sorry 😞
this IS my mother, and there is no way escaping it. I can't
handle it anymore.
I hope you will find someone. Talk to the people. dont give up.Eat well and sleep well and get away when being 18teen.Find a good job or an academy far away.
why can’t you escape ?
I’m an only child who at 50 just got out of a very abusive marriage all while my Dad got very sick, my BPD Mom raged at me screaming “YOU HAD BETTER STAY CLOSE!!!” but of course doesn’t remember screaming that, made it a WAR for me to secure anything for her and my Dad who now had dementia..so I literally up and left my abusive husband and went to another country. Came back, packed my whole marital house, moved to another state, sold whatever I had to survive (my ex bankrupted me) and LEFT. Now my Mom is raging at me because I don’t come to visit, I am bad, I abandoned her etc etc etc. Still bullies me, insults me, but tries to control me by dangling the “I’ll write you out of the will and go into assisted living so then you’ll see what you have.” My response: BURN IT ALL. And hung up. By the way, I’m a clinical psychologist who specializes in trauma recovery for abused victims. Lol. But it’s always different when you’re in it and not the client. Peace to all who deal with this dreadful personality disorder in a parent. Sadly there will be true peace when they pass, but recovery for us. It was never our fault.
My mother was like this. I endured silent treatment for 2 weeks, then she would talk to me, the blow up in rage, accuse me of doing things I never did and stop talking to me again for 2 weeks. I'm an only child. It was so isolating. My dad never helped me. I felt so unloved. Once in her rage she chased me with knives. I'm now no contact with her but she calls me constantly and shows up at my house.
I come from a similar parent and will never forgive her. I'll never go back to my home. This has affected everything in my life, especially relationships.
I remembered my father coming into my room in the early morning... Like 430/5am one day, waking me up and screaming. I was so confused as to why. He told me I was lazy and would never amount to anything. Then he called me disabled (I'm not, I just have ADHD). He blamed me for everything as a child and made Ms feel this deep seems of shame. I'm better now but wow that was rough.
Wow.
But can we talk about the Stockholm syndrome that comes with this
Since I was little, my mom had always scream, beat, and belittle me along with my siblings. I walked on eggshells to not provoke any negative emotion out of her but always she’d wind up doing so that I gave up on her and our relationship.
When no had done anything to her she would stomp, slam things, and yell at the top of her lungs until her boyfriend will come. Maybe once we did truly love each other, but the damage she’s caused is unrepairable. Behind closed doors she was cruel, to everyone else she presented herself as this harmless person. That’s not only a narcissist, that’s a monster
you have 100% described my borderline mother as well...there is only one solution, which worked for me, and yes it is harsh but your mental well-being at comes first...you have to go a non-negotiable.. ''no contact'' rule.
@@johnthedespicabledutchman7406 oh That definetly is the plan! Im in a much better position in life and am being antagonized by those who can’t control me, but am happy to know the life that’s been taken from me will be mines once more 🙌🏽
@@Rainjojo Good for you, stay strong and I wish you all the best, a very happy new year to you and your siblings.
This is why I'm concerned about Amber Heard's child.
i grew up with this as an only child with a single parent.
Same
me too. It felt like I was the only person in the world with a mom like this.
Me too 😢
My mother was the same. And I also refer to her as a Monster. I relate to you and understand you. I hope you and I receive the healing necessary to live good lives and be happy.
Trying to explain this to others is so hard even my therapist doesn't get it they would say, "just walk away." There was a time when my mom locked my sister outside naked at 13 because she didn't get ready in 5 minutes to go to the store when my mom didn't even wake her up to go to the store. My mom has filmed me on my own phone while she cussed and screamed at me in the middle of my panic attack (I have PTSD because of domestic abuse in childhood screaming/ raised voices trigger it and she knows that.) There was a time where she choked me or " held my chin up" in her words because I was talking to her about my depression. There was a time when my sister and I didn't have beds because "we wouldn't clean our room" because there were folded clothes in the floor that we had nowhere to put, at this time my mom had a 3D TV. Once I fought my stepdad to keep him from coming in the house while him and my mom where in a physical altercation and he hit me sending me to the ground my mom rushed in "oh my god Curt are you okay." The last one was the only one she apologized for. There are many more and noone in our family knows about it . Everyone tells me to just get over it, I don't think they know how PTSD works.
Update: She apologized now I think it's because I stopped talking to her for a while
Your therapist probably knows well. No contact with toxic people is an important option.
Your mother was an evil woman. You need a more compassionate therapist.
I am now living with my elderly mother. At the time it seemed there was no choice and not an easy situaton to navigate or change due to finances and her being 80. We had a total screaming match finally and it left me traumatized and very depressed. I feel like a child. It has never been good for me to be around her. When it's good, it's very good but when it's bad it's really horrible. I am worried I am going to commit suicide living here. I have such bad CPTSD. I joined an online zoom support group but it's mostly people dealing with divorcing narcissistic spouses. I am going to look for a group having to do with adult children of personality disordered parents. At some point we are stuck dealing with them as they age if we ddn't get fully away from them a long time ago. I wish I had.
You don't owe her a damn thing. Kick her ass out.
@@dawncapragrace2698 Sounds like you should not live with her. She sounds abusive.
@Dsmv wow. I can relate.
I need a support group for growing with my mom that had it too! Does anyone know of a specific group for adult children who have survived living with a mom with borderline?
Go to the reddit “raised by borderlines” page. That’s all I really know of, and it’s been a huge support for me
Ask a professional.
:( I resonate. My ex was like this. Not quite as bad, and in slightly different ways, yup...
...the episodes.
...waves of anger (unwarranted).
...running into bathroom with scissors :( :( .
...having to grab the keys from her when she was drunk (that was MY car, too).
...not to mention, her parents, 'friends' and family ENABLED it (and more).
Terrible to endure. Much collateral damage.
My poor nephews. My soul hurts for them. Nearly constantly
Lmao I thought this was normal. This is my mum to an absolute T
my mom has this. and shes so toxic to me i wishe she could reach for psychiatric help. im 30 but i feel 10 again.
I relate to this so much. I remember being a teenager and being exhausted from being treated this way, so I'd get back at her and point her flawed thinking during arguments. She would turn to my father blaming him for not disciplining me. On multiple occasions she tried to make my father hit me, and when he wouldn't, she would do it herself.
The worst part is, when she's not a monster, she's quite kind and loving. But her affection always comes at a cost.
Nothing is ever free, is it?
My mom doesn't listen to anyone, especially me, when I'm trying to talk her down when she's upset. She knows everything and in my 33 years of life I've managed to learn nothing about anything. 🙄
They’ll fly into countless rages and blame you for everything then will have no memory of it, conveniently. Then they expect attention and sympathy after treating you like shit and terrorizing you for years. There is no room for you to exist when your mother is an undiagnosed borderline who refuses to get help. Get away! Even if you have to go to a domestic abuse shelter. Get out because it’s possible but so hard putting the pieces together after a childhood of chronic intense stress and social deprivation, etc.
It's not convenient.. it's dissociative amnesia...
The reason? If it continues it builds. And builds and builds. If I'm forced into that over and over again, the likelihood I even get so bad, jail is a very real possibility.
Lots of men with this disorder are in prisons... That's literally the unfortunate reality
Beginning of my 15th summer, mother bit off my thumbnail because she was kicking me out and I tried to take my purse I bought with all I bought in it.
When she threatened legal action against the family letting me stay with them and forced me to go back home.... She said... Your father said that happened so I guess it did.
And then bit my second thumb nail at the end of the summer.
I lost both nails.
Also she slammed my hands in the car door several times as a child and our toybox had the heaviest sharp lid.
And she wouldn't let me around anyone else....
Fun times...
It's been 29 years no contact and my life has wonderful people and had a phenomenal career. They don't define us.
🌈 💜 🌈
I'm so sorry. I understand.
i have never heard anyone describe this. this was my life too. thank you so much.
The woman talking in this video is very beautiful, she has a beautiful face.
And now the very serious question. Can having borderline mother make you borderline? Because borderlines are mostly developing in very unstable conditions and children of borderlines definitely have extremely unstable conditions so it would logically make sense that they will also become borderline. What are your thoughts on this?
Borderlines are often the result of narcissistic parents. Or like you said bpd can run in families too
my mom is bpd bipolar . me and my sister and brother are not . but my sister and myself have anxiety and suffer depression .. don’t suffer from rages or swinging emotions just low self esteem from years of abuse . my brother is a surgeon and very confident..
My sister and I would hide in the closet when the fights started. All I remember was constant screaming at my father, my sister and I. We were all victims.
Omg, I so hear you. I wish I had a daughter like you. I was too busy being my mom’s mom. Thx for sharing. It’s not even over after suicide... EMDR has helped me.
So I’ve felt this way internally with myself but don’t lash out but have when seriously triggered not on my son I just say my brain is broken and I need a minute to him , it feels like Ants in the brain with pressure and stimulus around make it worse when dissociating that’s not excuse for your mom with children though we have to be able to shut it down it’s very hard she needed meds and dbt 😢 I’m sorry u were raised like that I can remember my mom having similar rage moment minus screaming and not knowing who she’ll b towards me. .. there’s a bubble one must make for ourselves and get in it 😔
Experienced the same. I was about 8 or 10 when first had to take the medicines off her hands because she was about to overdose-suicide. Another time she wanted to jump out of the window. I don't know if she WAS gonna do it or not but this is neither way something a child should witness. Also, still to this day, anytime some crisis comes (like COVID), she goes into such a trance-like psychosis state that she is barely recognizable. One sentence contradicts the next, totally contradicting moods and sayings, one moment she is scared to death, next moment she is now the boss who tells what's up. She was with my stepfather for 18 years, she was beaten a lot, but now, I see it a little bit differently than then. I used to see my stepfather as the only monster in the house, and still won't love him to death for beating my mother, but what my mother was doing sometimes was really, really off the hook. She was an abuser as well.
He sounds sociopathic
Mine used to cut her face infront of us, when she drank to much my sister bought her to bed, when she was still at home and I took over at the age of 6. One time she got so drunk that I was lying in her bed beside her for a whole night and told her to breath for hours. I cleaned up the vomit and bought her to bed. I was 9. That was only the one time were it was the most critical. Hope u r doing a bit better❤
I always knew what type of mood my mom would be in when she came home is was 24 7 rage followed by endless crying and howling over something as silly as a one fork in the sink. I dealt with this my entire childhood and my brother couldn't cope so he beat me everyday. I was only a child.
I’m so sorry. It wasn’t my mom. But my dad. Thank you for sharing. So we all know we aren’t alone in our experiences.
BPD isn't a disease, virus, or a bacteria. It's an organized explanation of a person's psyche to get treatment or help those around a BPD individual understand what's happening. I personally feel there is more self awareness among BPD individuals than we want to admit. They know who to hurt and who not to. This is who they are and how they handle it tells you everything you need to know as far as interacting with them. I refuse to give any type of emotional reaction to someone who wants to antagonize me all the time whether they are thoughtless about it or fully aware. I pay them dust. That's the key to surviving BPD parents or siblings.
I am 41 years old father of 6 married for 15 years, I grew up as an only child with a bpd mother, I am fighting for my life with no medication just trying to heal from my childhood. I just recently knew there is s name for what she has. Currently I am not in touch with her because of the constant abuse and harsh words. It still effects me. Maybe now knowing that it’s a known disorder it will be easier for me to be more objective about the relationship. Can’t tell you what a struggle my life is but I’m strong and will win this for my family and myself.
I’m so sorry to hear of your pain. I’m 34 and I am back living with my mother after around 10 years away in another country. Her mental abuse is taking a toll on me all over again and I’m just so glad I now have an understanding of what it is that’s wrong. Wishing you healing x
Sammi Hawe stay strong wishing you well
You got this. Get help if you can, it will help you work through all the trauma, trust me it helps soooo much.
i hope your wife is not a replica of your mother ? is she good ? the book the body holds the score or keeps the score talks about stored trauma . please get helps for ptsd. from the abuse ❤
Wow. I just discovered that my mother could have BPD by a new therapist . this is spot on with my experiences. Wow......
Yes! I know! She tore my room apart!
This sounds like my mom.... I’m 18 now. Recently she has been saying my dad is cheating doing drugs and wants to kill himself, as well as attacking his side of the family in texts and on Facebook. I feel like this hell never ends...
Serious question is this just menopause? My mom would rage and just blame menopause like it was totally justified and normal and she was just a victim.
No. NO!!! This is not just menopause. Untreated depression, PTSD, and major hormonal changes can make it worse, but menopause does not cause this behaviour. They will blame anything and anyone for how awful they feel inside and how abusive they behave towards others. For you - therapy (EMDR is a gift from God) and meds if needed, for her, meds for depression, HRT, and BOUNDARIES. Set them, state the consequences, and follow through EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. She needs therapy but won't listen right away.
My dad was like this.
My mother, we believe, has bpd. She is highly fuctional and amazing, but if anything isn't the way she wants, she gets upset. She is now 70, and i love her so much. I just try to do my best, not make her upset. I sometimes just distance myself so she can calm. I always wished I had a happy mom😢
It’s abuse because I am sure she didn’t scream at other adults like that. Real mental illness isn’t selective, my mental disability is hindering my thoughts whether I am in the room with my cat, my lover, my worst enemy, or a hiring manager. The turning it on and off is what makes her a monster. I am so sorry you went through that.
I’m sorry daughters 😢😢😢 this makes me want to fight for my life for my daughters sake
Same, same same. Wow. I never knew anyone else was going through this
My mother has been screaming at me nonstop all week hoping that i die, shes made me suicidal to make her happy
just get out and don’t look back
This is my sister. I feel so bad for her children.
why do they have children ?
They should not if they have not learned skills to manage symptoms and become a healthy parent. I didn’t have children until I was older and had spent lots of time and effort working on my symptoms.
Just confronted my mother. Straight up rage.
This will be Trisha Paytas as a mother 😭
my mom is exactly like this NOW. She emotionally abuses me and my sister. We don't know what to do. I'm scared of her...
Leaving the house was the best thing I did for myself. Period. It's been a year since I left, and I've been through extremely hard times but I have come out a whole new and different person. A stronger person. I don't have the weight of my mother on me anymore. I get to see what happened to my childhood and how it affected me at face value. Daily journaling and getting a therapist helped me process my pain and childhood abuse a lot. I'm sorry you have to go through this, no one deserves it. But you can get out. There is always a way. 😊♥️
@@RajStarMusic Agree with you 100% Raj I left home (More like running out the door with my meagre belongings) on the day I turned 15 years old...And I went a 100% ...'' NO CONTACT''...That was over 40 years ago...
@@johnthedespicabledutchman7406 Hah that sounds exactly like my story.. except I was 22. It's a hard thing to do for anyone, let alone a kid. Cheers man and hope you are doing well. :)
@@RajStarMusic Thanks for your reply Raj....Yes, life is good sir...If you don't mind later in the day/night can I ask you a few questions....??
@@johnthedespicabledutchman7406 sure man! Shoot me a message or something -- or even reply on here if you want. Love to talk to ya!
Unfortunately, been there
If there is a borderline in your life, RUN
My mother 100%
I’m so sad to hear how traumatized and hurt all of these children are from their parents’ unmanaged symptoms of BPD. ❤I began DBT therapy five years ago, and spent a year in a DBT group before I had children. I worked and work each day to manage my BPD symptoms and create a healthy, validating, understanding environment for my children. It certainly isn’t easy, but it’s so worth it. I wish that had been the case for other parents, but many with BPD are more on the narcissistic or antisocial side and do not care to change. They want to stay blaming others and playing the victim. I became a victim of domestic abuse by my narcissistic ex husband, and that also really enforced never wanting to let the toxicity of mental health issues impact others, especially my children. I can use my own struggles and pain to help them learn to cope with their own “big feelings” effectively, and can hopefully break the generational cycle of invalidation and hurt.
Went no contact. Best choice of my life
This is my dad, its horrible.... Spot on...
People think I’m embellishing when I describe not only my childhood, but my adulthood with an uBPD mother and Narcissistic father. I can’t even count how many times over life they’ve beaten me, and the last time was two weeks ago. All because I fought back against them controlling my children and I while we have to live with them. My rent went up and I couldn’t handle it, so they sweetly begged me to come home (same town), and after a week… it all started again. I tell my mother “No” about a decision for my kids, she goes crying to my dad, and my dad comes out yelling to put me in my place. Wash, rinse, repeat. My mother also used to burst into our rooms with a vacuum with no warning, start vacuuming up whatever small toys she could, and when the vacuum would break down she’d throw it to the ground and say, “Fix it and clean up!”
She also used to throw out my clothes while I was at school and tell me that if I lost weight she’d buy me more. My sister was the GC, so she got treated like royalty. I remind my mother of herself…. Dangit.
My 22 year old daughter is BPD. Omg, it's so hard. I'm so tired. I seem to be her target and her trigger? She just unleashes her venom on me whenever I try to have a conversation with her or give her advice or commiserate with her. It's really hard. Whenever she had a meltdown, we try to keep her from herself, because she does, and once slashed herself so badly she needed a lot of stitches, maybe harming someone else. Possibly storming off in a rage to the street and getting hurt by a predator. It's exhausting and soul destroying. We really don't know how to cope.
My dad was “likely” BPD. He was never diagnosed. We accepted his behavior as our “normal”. It wasn’t until I married a woman who was diagnosed that I realized how abnormal my life has been. So, yes, I married the one person I didn’t want to be around. Had she not had a hemorrhagic stroke ten years ago, we wouldn’t still be together.
It’s not like dad was a monster all the time but trying to figure out who I am today is a struggle because I want to separate all of the horrible things he said and did, apart from me. I’m seeing a therapist.
God bless you in your journey to recovery!
I think my mom has borderline disorder
Because she will yell at you for 30 minutes or even an hour depending on how long you stay in there and talk to her. And her anger will last for days there have been times where she would be angry at us for two weeks. That meant she wouldn’t talk to us or acknowledge us she would roll her eyes and she would sigh heavily. She would do things like the chain on the door and lock us out of the apartment or break our phone or our iPod that she would try to do anything to punish us
That my sister 😅
I have a step parent with BPD. And the things she's done to me are beyond cruel.I was always nice to her, even though we didn't interact very often. She lied to a judge about me during a custody trial. Because she got my Dad to be violent and attacked me because she wanted him to. And so to cover up what they did, she started spreading lies about me. She would go into severe rages. For no reason. Yes, no reason, at all. She tried to get my Dad to physically harm me , to prove his love for her, and I ended up in the hospital. She enjoyed every minute of it. She also got jealous of my other sisters, even though they already hardly have any relationship with my Dad. What little attention he did give, she would go into rages over. So, she basically punished him for even acknowledging us. Whenever my Dad tries to start being a good Dad, she will start interfering with it, because I guess it makes her insecure. Her own daughters won't have anything to do with her. And they told her this to her face . She also told my Dad that if he didn't get rid of his dog, she would leave him, because she was jealous of his dog, because my Dad would give the dog food and water. That made her very mad. She told my Dad to commit a certain word I won't use here, but it involved ending his life, in order to"prove he loved her enough". They also are bullies. She also is very controlling, my Dad can't go anywhere without her calling him and asking where he is, why he didn't call her, even if he was only gone twenty minutes. I think that this personality disorder is a lot more serious than most people think.
I don’t understand why my mother is always so angry, behave aggressively and start to pick fights when she see my father every moment,every day. I’m so scared. It’s been decades. It is toxic.
I had a very similar upbringing. It absolutely sucked
I hope Liz is doing ok today 😢 I totally understand what shes talking about
Liz, thank you so much for sharing your story.
Thank you. It helps so much to hear from someone else who went through similar things.
My mother was just like what you have described.
I've recently learnt about projective identification, meaning that she projected all her negative feelings of shame, anger, hurt onto me (she wasn't able to self-regulate and abused me as a regulation tool), which resulted in me displaying symptoms of mental illness. It resulted in me being hospitalized BY HER against my will, misdiagnosed with and mistreated for BPD at age 15, while nobody questioned my obviously overly involved mum. Despite her craziness, in everyone's mind I was the one who needed fixing because I was struggling to adapt to her behavior. My father abandoned me with her at age 10 while favoritising my brother, who hated and bullied me for the extra "attention" (emotional abuse) my mum was giving me.
It has taken me 33 years to figure out that I wasn't just "born crazy" like my mum always claimed, but that I've been living HER life and HER emotions at the cost of my own identity, my childhood, adolescence and my adult life thus far.
This realization is liberating but also painful and incredibly infuriating.
I went no contact some 5 years ago, though she still regularly tries to infiltrate my life.
Liz, thank you for sharing your story. I wish the very best to you, and to everyone on their recovery journey.
Love this. Thank you for writing, and I'm wishing you well. -P
💯
Went through the same thing… bless you.
I'm so sorry what you had to live in your childhood
Where was the father in this?
I'm that parent trying to get on track 🙃
I'm sorry for her. That is so sad for a child.
My brother and my mom both have this
"It wasn't that bad" oh darling I get it
Me too
Yeah
So intense
Still even
This sounds like my mum
My dad is just like that
Bless