The Real Problem With Self Esteem and How To Get Past It
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- Опубликовано: 27 ноя 2017
- In this video, Brian takes on the topic of building up your self esteem and/or confidence in relationship to being in your head. If you are working on building your confidence and self-esteem, you are most likely trying to do it like most other men: from your head, meaning you are thinking a lot about and over analyzing your problem.
The more you analyze and try to think about your problems, the more you get frustrated. Instead of pushing, learn to surrender and to let go.
Enjoy the video
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Хобби
Look. You became my personal Psicologist, my Adviser, my Wise Man, thank you. After a broken marriage of 8 years, I´m in my 45 , frustrated, lot of anxiety and low seflesteem, so You give me confidence, good words, wise words. Thank you a lot. From Paraguay (wich is in actuallly in the midlle of a very strict quarantene) you save my life.
Thank you Brian and team for this video. 5 years later it's still having an impact. I'm so grateful for these releases/reveals
Same. This is a regular release for me. One of the best.
Nice video. This video spoke to me. Something that helped me was the idea of "owning my happiness." if I own my happiness, I have courage to defend my happiness. If I am willing to defend my happiness, I am willing to foster my happiness to produce fruit in my relationships. That fruit is seeing myself enjoy my time with other people. The more I see the fruit of happiness in enjoying my time with people, I feel more self forgiveness for all the times I failed, all the times I felt shame in dealing with people. I still have a long way to go but I must honor the process. Let my heart take its time to love life and appreciate all the blessings I have in this life.
Eddie Allen @thefearlessman hi Brian, i have a very very important question in connection to this - Do you think recording yourself on video and separate Mp3 audio and expressing yourself all the expressions you can't do in real life, remaking all the situations that happened in real life that you weren't able to fully express yourself, and then rewatch and listen to audio and do this for a few months wash rinse repeat, will it help you in accepting yourself, how you look when you do those expressions and how you sound 🔊. Please let me know. This is for people who think they dont look or sound good when they express themselves... thank you so much in advance!
Thank you in advance.
@@slickcatricky7694 Agreed. Recording yourself will help you overcome inhibitions. Also it will help you past that stagnant-inertia threshold, creating forward inertia. As well as recording yourself will help you see your current tactics for maintaining attention as well as helping you get used to holding attention. Sometimes we're dont feel worthy of holding someone's attention. That is a limiting subconscious block that we need to overcome ro reach our personal fullness.
I woke up this morning feeling low and worried, just checked my cell and found notification for your video. I realized that all the experiences are created within whether the stimulus is external or self created. I'm gonna practice every day what you just taught. Thanks a lot Fearless Team n Brian.
I just love you Brian. You changed my life.
You are a genius with a big heart.
Thank you very much for your help here!
I think a big issue with many guys having severe difficulty interacting with people, attracting women etc isn't so much self esteem, but that their "body" doesn't function as it should naturally, due to neurological differences perhaps and are trying to use their "head" to compensate. I would say that confidence issues and anxiety in men can stem from things like this, enviromental factors like bad parenting and bullying being other culprits.
@@drenrab3137 make sense you need to get away from that toxic relationship or put some boundaries between him and you I gess don't let him get into your head reject the bad thoughts
Your very good at this man. For some reason I feel connected to this.
Not just some reason
Just be like Ultra Instinct Goku from Dragon Ball Super,don't think about what you're next move or thought will be just focus on your body and let your body take over and let it be
Its good to read this. Ultra Instinct reminded me exactly the same way like you described it.
Its good to get reminded. Thanks a lot for your comment! :)
Do you think practicing talking and expressing yourself on camera ehen your by yourself would help?
This video was definitely gold! It truly works like a charm!
Felt my insides expand and a sense of relief
Big thanks to you for that, after a few minutes I suddenly started laughing for no reason and actually felt good. Keep doing what you're doing and good luck!
Great video!! I just recently found this channel and it’s the most informative channel on RUclips! Really been helping me out!
Thank you Brian! It really worked. After I start watching your videos I felt my a big positive shift in my mind and body. I become more confident,respecting my self,calm,relaxed and happier. Thank you again you doing great job for the community specially for Men
Best motivational video on RUclips! This was amazingly helpful. A woman I approached for no reason told me to gtfo today and it had no effect on my self esteem.
Works out well for me .
great , thanks man,
Love this video, one of my favourites from the channel
Glad you got value from this. Thanks for the comment.
Landon, True Courage
Thanks Brian, great video. Reminds me of Eugene Gendlin's concepts with Focusing Oriented Therapy ... read his book called "Focusing" a few months ago which outlines a similar kind of process ... fantastic way to work through blocks and how you really feel about stuff ... have found it to be an invaluable tool for internal growth
My self-esteem issues have gotten way too damn severe. I work, i grind, i hussle, i help out my coworkers, give them a hand yet i still cannot even sincerely take compliments. Somewhere down the line i lost my sense of self-worth.
VT 24 literally same, and it’s almost like when someone compliments me I try to find reasons for why they would.. what do they want? What are they trying to do? Why are they doing this?
Keep watching this video kings
Ive done this one more recently, and yesterday + today have been interesting.. For me usually approval has the most resistance. Its been obvious but still blurry feeling wise. Today I realized just how scared I am of the approval, the love etc. There was a moment when asking about the *idea* of approval, instead of trying to feel approval in my body, just witnessing myself when focusing on the idea of approval alone. This was key..
Images came up, me approaching doing the hi's and being very open and happy stepping into my bigger self. Seeing and feeling my reaction to that, thats when the fear and grief instantly hit me, it was nice to be able to clearly see the resistance. I guess everything comes in due time
solid video
Great!
This is a great video thanks brotha, this really helped me out and if you can could you make a video on aggression and masculinity and how men back in the day attracted women after being in a war or hunting and how women were attracted by them and how women are attracted to men in this new generation
I have low self esteem, because I never excelled or achieved anything worthwhile, I was never a particularly great as a student. It really brings me down, I'm constantly looking for solutions to this issue.
Maybe you just need to figure out how you actually learn best, nobody can tell you, you have to experiment
Hey Brian, your content is amazing, I think your company is underrated and you should really get more subscribers. I think it would be good for your company and your channel if you manage to record something with one of the instructors from RSD. Those guys give amazing advice on women but i think the lack a little bit from inner game development, which i think is your greatest strenght. It would be great to see them talking with teaming up with you one day
RSD is like pop music, feel like they never get to the point
Sedona Method principle, it works ;) Thankyou!
Glad this connects!
The Fearless Man @thefearlessman hi Brian, i have a very very important question in connection to this - Do you think recording yourself on video and separate Mp3 audio and expressing yourself all the expressions you can't do in real life, remaking all the situations that happened in real life that you weren't able to fully express yourself, and then rewatch and listen to audio and do this for a few months wash rinse repeat, will it help you in accepting yourself, how you look when you do those expressions and how you sound 🔊. Please let me know. This is for people who think they dont look or sound good when they express themselves... thank you so much in advance!
Thank you in advance.
Hit the spot on this one.
It's very similar to RSD Julien's teaching, difference is I can't see Brian having a lot of fun/laughing at himself
Andrew Hillier i noticed that too i think because he is always in a very calm state. Zen mode.
Andrew Hillier @thefearlessman hi Brian, i have a very very important question in connection to this - Do you think recording yourself on video and separate Mp3 audio and expressing yourself all the expressions you can't do in real life, remaking all the situations that happened in real life that you weren't able to fully express yourself, and then rewatch and listen to audio and do this for a few months wash rinse repeat, will it help you in accepting yourself, how you look when you do those expressions and how you sound 🔊. Please let me know. This is for people who think they dont look or sound good when they express themselves... thank you so much in advance!
Thank you in advance.
I like your approach to these things. I have been working on issues of inferiority and anxiety for a long time now, and have made strides with the anxiety.
The problem is, when there is a girl who I find attractive, I tend to let them symbolise 'all attractive women', and how all those women might feel about me. There is a girl at work - much younger than me, and with a boyfriend at the same place - who I get on well enough with. There is another guy, (about her age, pretty good looking, easy to talk to etc) who in short time made a point of talking to her. She is moody, and sometimes blanks me, and him. I have the feeling she likes talking to him more than me, and even though my head tells me 'so what?', my stomach tells me something deeply unfair and painful is happening. I have been doing non judgemental mindfulness and a bit of letting go, and it seems to get better for a while. however, I can't get past this feeling that it's a big deal if she happens to like talking to him more than me.
What do you do about this sort of bs - just keep going with the letting go process?
I'm not really bothered about dating tons of women - I'm bothered by the idea I can't feel ok with myself unless other people - especially attractive women - validate me in some way. I don't go around telling her what she wants to hear, or bending over backwards to make her like me etc, (I doubt many people would describe me as timid or a people pleaser) I just feel my 'insecurity' probably comes over and makes me less easy to talk to. I also need to find a way to stop carrying this feeling that something tragic is happening simply because a girl who clearly quite likes chatting to me, doesn't fancy me.
I know this is rambling, but if you or anyone recognises what I'm saying and has a way to deal with it (even if that is the 'letting go' process), I'd be deeply appreciative to hear from you.
Keep up the good work.
'letting go' process :) - Andrew, TFM Team
@@TheFearlessMan Yeah, I sort of thought that would be the answer. This stuff is the very essence of 'simple, but not easy'. I appreciate the response, lads. Cheers.
@@jamesrawlings5781 Exactly, simple but not easy. The good news is nothing worthwhile is easy lol - Andrew, TFM Team
I hear you men...
Same issues I going through
awesome
I work with inmate in prision, and the first issue that arise when they left prision is the self steem, so, I´m going to use this material to make a course of FEARLESS MAN in TACUMBU Paraguay, a encarceration instiution of a 10 Thousands souls. I´m going to give you the credit of course.
I wonder if it's a problem that I didn't have to go down too far in myself to find the muck that is disapproval. I felt it by my chest. Mid area....the release is like the visualization of a pipe in the sink and drain-o clearing out the muck.
@thefearlessman hi Brian, i have a very very important question in connection to this - Do you think recording yourself on video and separate Mp3 audio and expressing yourself all the expressions you can't do in real life, remaking all the situations that happened in real life that you weren't able to fully express yourself, and then rewatch and listen to audio and do this for a few months wash rinse repeat, will it help you in accepting yourself, how you look when you do those expressions and how you sound 🔊. Please let me know. This is for people who think they dont look or sound good when they express themselves... thank you so much in advance!
Thank you in advance.
Hi Brian, really excellent video. I had a question if you have the time to answer I'd really appreciate it. When we are releasing something, it seems to be more about staying with and releasing the feeling rather than getting wrapped up in the story behind the emotion. My question is, is it really important to know what the real underlining cause/past event or belief that is causing that pain is or should we just stay with the pain and let the answers come if they want to?
Matthew Neill i think both will work in time as you constantly do it. But aside from this you also need to hit it from another angle, which is starting to be 💯 authentic in your social interactions doesn't matter who you're talking to, and yes you will make little mistakes here and there as you start but as you do it, you will refine yourself. And i asked Brian a question just a few minutes before I write this, I asked if recording yourself on video and mp3 audio would help and there you will be expressing yourself and imagine yourself being in all those situations where you couldn't express yourself freely. Because people who have this problem are hesitant to try it in the real worl because they yhink they may sound bad or look stupid, not just look stupid interms of body language but precisely how there face would look like being really expressive. And I guess there is also a limit to the wackiness that one should express because even the most expressive people I know here on youtube have boundaries. They dont show that extremely wacky facial expressions because they dont want to look ugly.
I don't have low self esteem. I have low esteem of others. Regards Daria.
I recomend watching Rupert Spira. It comes down to waking up tou our true nature, as pure awareness.
Put subtitles, please...
Waw awesome ! is is true that is the sedona method?
The guided meditation made me fall asleep haha, too much apathy
Good to take a shot at it. Sometime apathy requires activating energy (even fear or anger can be helpful) just to jump-start your system. You can try deliberately going a little crazy or wild to get energy going and free it up. Then feel the feelings the come up as you let the energy go. - Andrew, TFM Staff
With welcoming approval. Do you ever get students to visualise a time they felt approved of? Or are you supposed to just summon that emotion from nothing?
Start by giving yourself approval. You will be able to feel more and more of what it feels like. - Andrew, TFM Team
Unfortunately, I don't have the time to do this long meditation that takes forever.
Congrats, then you can suffer the rest of you life. Which is longer?
Duke Classy reply, a**hole. Way to be a paradigm of the community. Cause it's totally my fault that I'm busy, it's totally my fault that I have work 4 different jobs and not get any rest, and it's totally my fault that I barely get enough sleep. Way to help someone that has low self-esteem, that has problems with his life, that has problems connecting with women. Just go on ahead and call me a loser since you're such low-life who'd laugh at those who're less fortunate than you. Go on ahead and laugh since that seems to be the thing you're good at.
As Duke said, you'll either make time or you'll make excuses. But you can start with something smaller.
The Fearless Man Like what, exactly?
glock763 Not helping, dude.
No masturbation helps me . It has made me more confidant it has been 2 months now and i feel great
You're so right about that
Do whatever works for you but I bust fat ass nuts damn near daily and still have tremendous amounts of confidence. It’s all in your mind
How mom been mad n taking out on you, its not just dad.
I felt my balls shrivel. Dunno if this is good or bad. Was quite therapeutic though
Great video though already feel that 1% lighter
Very interesting lol. The body definitely has a lot of reactions to emotional changes. Keep at it! - Andrew, The Fearless Man
It feels like I am seducing myself. Quite interesting.
Very interesting indeed Bartlomiej. Can you say more? - Andrew, TFM Staff
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@@TheFearlessMan
This is difficult to answer, but I will try as best as I can.
When I do this exercise, then I feel my emotions.
When an emotion comes up I get two choices:
1) I can experience it
2) I can control it
With this exercise I let myself experience my emotions.
Experiencing emotions feel right and feel good (no matter the emotion):
* Anger -> it feels so good, when I begin to chop wood
* Fear -> it feels so good, when I run as fast as I can
* Disgust -> it feels so good, when I return to my orderliness
* Sad -> it feels so good, when I am vulnerable
* Joy -> it feels so good, when I am playful
But everything has a price and time.
When I experience an emotion, I might find out, that my action was actually a bad choice.
Sometimes the price is very high, like an unwanted pregnancy.
It's understandable that I get another layer of emotions and feel fear, disgust, sadness, or anger toward my first layer of emotions.
This is where the second option comes regarding emotions: I can control them.
Just because I can feel something, doesn’t mean I have to act on it.
I can control my emotions, with a second layer of emotions that I can have towards my emotions.
When I feel joy then I can also:
* be fearful at my joy and run away from it.
* be angry at it and destroy it.
* be disgusted at it and push it away.
* be sad about it, and let it slide away with apathy.
So when I do your exercise I become joyful towards my own emotion. I become playful with it and can experience it.
This is why I feel that I am seducing myself, because I am using joy towards my first layer of emotion (myself).
----
This is probably one of the reasons, why your exercise and method work.
First, I need to know what my feelings are. If I find joy on the first layer of emotions, then I can let myself experience it.
I can then reach out to others with joy and experience their emotion. If I experience anger, fear, disgust, or sadness, then I leave them be. If I experience joy, then we can be playful with each other.
----
I need joy to experience life.
I need the other emotions to protect myself from destroying my life.
I need joy to disrupt my overprotection that is suffocating me.
----
Thank you for what you are doing.
@@BartekRoWa This sounds like you are working very clearly with your emotions and having a lot of awareness. I see what you mean about seducing yourself. You are showing leadership to your emotions. You are not criticizing them but your are the one making clear choices about how to handle the situation. Awesome man :)
i koww im being used... but thats okay bcause i like the abuse!!
haha
The Fearless Man love you Brian
You talk to much get to the point laud short and simple
Dude learn how to connect with your videos. Your messages goid but its like watching paint drying