Psychological flexibility: How love turns pain into purpose | Steven Hayes | TEDxUniversityofNevada
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- Опубликовано: 6 фев 2025
- What can we do to prosper when facing pain and suffering in our lives? More than a thousand studies suggest that a major part of the answer is learning psychological flexibility. Steven C. Hayes is one of the researchers who first identified that process and put it into action in the form of a popular acceptance and mindfulness method called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. In this emotional talk, Hayes distills the essence of psychological flexibility down into a few easy to understand sentences. He takes viewers through a harrowing journey into his own panic disorder, to the very moment in his life when he made this life changing choice: I will not run from me. Hayes shows how making that choice allows us to connect with our own deep sense of meaning and purpose, arguing that taking a loving stance to your own pain allows you to bring love and contribution into the world.
Steven C. Hayes is Nevada Foundation Professor at the Department of Psychology at the University of Nevada. An author of 38 books and more than 540 scientific articles, he has shown in his research how language and thought leads to human suffering, and has developed “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy” a powerful therapy method that is useful in a wide variety of areas. His popular book “Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life” was featured in Time Magazine among several other major media outlets and for a time was the number one best selling self-help book in the United States. Dr. Hayes has been President of several scientific societies and has received several national awards, such as the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapy.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
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To quote Dr. Steven Hayes: "In your pain you find your values and in your values you find your pain." A mantra to live by. Thank you for your knowledge, your wisdom, your courage, and your abundant love.
What does "in your values you find your pain"? Mean
@@disisaz I imagine that following your values will inevitably bring you pain. If you want to find a partner and build a family but you have social anxiety, you will experience a lot of pain going towards your goals.
Amazing!
@@disisaz I think he is referring to a struggle to maintain focus or consistency towards what you value. When life’s circumstances (wealth, health, relationships, time, work, family, etc.) do not feed into, compliment, or enhance what you value, then there is an inner pain or dissonance because you are not living a life consistent to what value. For example, say you core values of being fit and traveling, if you have an accident that prevents you from participating in events in line with these values (severe car accident) then the ability to not live your values becomes a pain point, even if the injuries are temporary.
M
"I stood up, inside a promise: 'I will not run from me.'"
Steven Hayes' work changed my life and the life of many of the clients I work with as a psychologist. I hope many people can see this inspiring talk.
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Benji Schoendorff he changed my life as well
and your work changed my life and the life of many of the clients I work with as a psychologist.
Years of therapy never helped me as much as a couple hours of looking at ACT materials, on my own. The concepts are easy to put into action and you don't necessarily need a therapist as very few therapists are aware of this system of skill enhancement.
@Giannina Herrera find the video monsters under the deck. Follow that series of videos.
If you are a TED fan, I have an interview coming out sometime this week (3rd week of May, 2020) on Susan David's TED podcast ("Checkin In"). Early on, Susan saw the relevance of ACT concepts to business and coaching and has been doing a great job describing what the science shows in ways that reaches normal folks. Her podcast is especially relevant to us as a human community in this COVID era and its worth following. We had a super time exploring some of the work that I describe in my new book, A Liberated Mind, and linking it to the challenges of COVID ... worth checking out.
Thank you very much.
Hello Mr. Hayes,
Thank you for this powerful and intimate talk. It's always a pleasure to see a guy who's intellectual and down to earth at the same time.
I recently got in touch with ACT during studying psychology in my masters degree.
Warm regards from Germoney
@@arnonuhm4022 Thanks for the kind note. There is a chapter of ACBS (the ACT group) in Germany ... you night find it useful. Good folks.
Hello dr hayes, thank you for being realist and honest, me, as a person who suffer anxiety, is too important remember, everyday, being kind with our selfs, is the number one thing. Loveself and compassion.
Your work has saved my life and allowed me to live it again and it all began with this TED talk. Thank you. You did indeed, "do something".
"Cause love isn't eveything, it's the only thing".
Thank you for this talk!
Feel it to heal it. Name it to tame it.
11:37-12:20 demonstrates the entire Hexaflex. Acceptance ("emotional openness"), defusion ("being able to look at your thoughts"), self-as-context ("the more spiritual part of you"), present moment awareness ("directing your attention flexibly, fluidly, voluntarily"), values ("what's there to be focused on ... something of importance"), and committed action ("be able to move towards it"). Outstanding.
THIS IS EXTRAORDINARY.
THIS IS SALVIFIC.
THIS IS A BLESSING
THIS IS ME.
THIS IS ALL OF US.
This is Love.
THANK YOU
'There is something really important inside an anxiety struggle, that can lift up a human life' - One of my favorite Steven Hayes quotes.
@17:36 “Because we hurt where we care and we care where we hurt.”
This is one of the most powerful speeches I have ever heard.
+Jabberwocky Thanks Jabberwocky! Hey, pass it forward! My best. - S
Ikr
@@stevenchayesphd as a beginner in clinical psychology I really look upto you Sir. Thank you for your work!
You are absolutely right about that. I counsel people too, and ACT and all the work these folks have done really makes sense. Science with heart. So beautiful.
Following Hayes ACT principles is exactly as easy as losing weight and getting in shape. If you do the work, you'll get the results. If you don't do the work but just listen to talks like this, you may feel encouraged about the possibilities, but you will never experience the changes.
My comment only applies to those who lose weight for love.
I say: Love's great exercise.
thanks for the reminder. could you suggest a book to start with?
@@gives_bad_advice check out a Liberated Mind. It gives you Dr. Hayes background, the principles of ACT, and ACT exercises within the book that you are to do.
@@gives_bad_adviceThe happiness trap by Russ Harris 😊
I am in tears right now watching this. That little 8-year-old boy is my little 9-year-old girl. Never has anything resonated so deeply in me. I needed this right now in this moment in my life. I've lost years of my life to panic attacks, depression, and agoraphobia stemming from trauma and have had such difficulty with self-compassion. I'm finally seeing a therapist, and we have discussed exploring mindfulness and acceptance. This just made up my mind.
This bald man changed my life in 2013. I picked up an ACT book and never been the same since
My therapist watched this with me on one of our sessions, and it was very very important to me. I was at the peak of my panic attacks, not too far from suicide.
Thanks, Steve.
Very opposite for me. I was fidgeting the whole time waiting for this Talk to be over cuz hearing others having panic attacks doesn't make me feel less anxious. Especially when they talk like they have the solution for everyone. Was there one? Maybe for him but it didn't resignate with me. Now I feel annoyed at my therapist for making me watch this twice. "Everyone has childhood issues that give them anxiety. Feel better now?" No!
@@My_eyes_hurt What I took from the entire tedtalk is to learn to sit with discomfort. No matter how hard it is, because the issue is our brains and body want to do what ever possible to run away from discomfort which only increases panic. I have a rare form of OCD called somatic OCD and there are days where I am terrified to even shower or make my own food. My therapist would also try to constantly force down the inner child card. I understand what she was trying to get at but in my personal case my panic attacks were very often and talking about my childhood did not bring comfort of any sort. Just frustration because i needed tips ASAP to learn to manage what I am feeling. I am looking for a new therapist that can better assist me.
@@mayramedina8535 Please read Dr Claire Weekes book "Hope and Help for your Nerves" it's a miracle worker. She is gone now, but literally 1000's have been helped and cured by her work. It's worth the effort to order it, and read it.
@@My_eyes_hurt I can totally imagine if youre in a state of constant terror that it is not the right time to be watching this video. It kinda suprises me that the lack of understanding and emphatic nature of the therapist to not see this. There is a time and place for everything and even you will one day see the deeper meaning of this video or something from a different angle that contributes to giving more clarity and meaning to your life. -From a compassionate soul who also struggled and always to some degree will.
Your talk made me cry...tears of understanding, acceptance, sadness, remembrance, and hope. Thank you dear man.
That is it. How you end it with hope, that greatest pivot from that hip of hardship that is life
wow, after this speech I actually enjoy spending more time with my anxious thoughts and childhood memories than my cigarette. thanks Mr Hayes
You can thank your mind for that thought! Good one!
Thank you for your vulnerability dr Hayes. Your courage to speak your truth and be authentic is really moving for me.
"Because we hurt where we care, and we care where we hurt"
9:11 My father made that sound about 25 years ago during argument with my mother when she was giving him a hard time while all he was trying to do was run, fight, hide from anxiety. She obviously did not understand that. Now I know exactly what that was.
That was one of the best ted talks I've ever watched.
I'm a student studying psychology in Korea. I want to say thank you deeply because when I was severely suffered from obsession an unwanted thought, your messages in ACT and RFT literally healed me. You changed the way I view myself. This video also impressed me a lot. I realized personal experience, especially the painful ones must be the best tutor for those who study psychotherapy. I feel said about the fact that there are not many chance to join your or ACT related workshop and not many books have been translated yet(zero RFT books written in korean yet T-T), I'm walking forward one step at a time to learn ACT and Life. Thanks again and I hope to see you someday.
Thank you for the note. There is a notable uptick in interest in Korea and if you are a student I guarantee you will see a further rise (maybe you will help make it happen!). One suggestion: join ACBS -- the society building ACT. You can learn a lot that way (it's very inexpensive) and a Korean chapter is coming.
Thanks I'll join there right now!. By the way, I have a question. Are there many health psychologist using ACT- based program or counseling on the clinical field in US?
Sure. If you look at the ACT literature about a quarter of the randomized trials are in that area; if you do join ACBS you can search through the membership list and you will find several hundreds of members who working in the health field. Perhaps start with the book "Acceptance and mindfulness in behavioral medicine" as a quick orientation. Lance McCracken is the editor.
+Steven Hayes Thanks for your kind advice. It means a lot to me truely.
I finally signed in ACBS!! I was amazed that there are so many useful materials in the community. Thanks again. I hope to be the one who spread ACT and RFT in Korea.
ACT saved me from drowning in OCD. Words cannot express how grateful I am for your work (and soul).
Me too. I feel it was the only answer to my anxiety disorder. CBT was more about control.
My 12 years old break into tears every time I watch this. Thank you!
Love...just love. Thank you from the bottom of my heart
So beautiful, so courageous, and so compassionate. Thank you, Steve, for taking us so deeply into your experience and giving us a bridge into our own deep selves. I cried and found my own pain in yours. Bless you always.
Que palestra incrível, me emocionei vendo e pensando na minha criança, no que ela quer me dizer e eu a estou calando.
you are absolutely incredible, sir.
Steve Hayes and Mark Dixon, you guys are my heroes. Let's ACT up!!!
why is this talk so underrated? it's absolutely captivating
We hurt where we care...Steve Hayes' work changed my life too, and I'll be forever grateful.
Thank you Steven Hayes - you profoundly changed my life when I read your book "Get Out of Your Mind and into Your Life" ten years ago. This TED talk is deeply moving and helpful :)
Posts like that are what keep me going!
Steven Hayes thank you for this. So inspiring.
I was asked to watch this for a class. I don't mentally or logically understand all the things Dr. Steven Hayes said, but it just magically made me cry.
I had almost the exact thing happen to me. I can feel that helplessness. I still to this day never realized exactly how I overcame panic disorder... but it was psychological flexibility. Dont fight the anxiety. The emotions that lead to it. The thoughts. Let them be.
I am brought to tears. The most powerful talk I have ever watched. Thank you. Wow.
This is one of the most powerful and beautiful talks I have ever heard. Thank you Dr. Hayes for your courage, vulnerability, and love.
I have recently been introduced to ACT by a counsellor I consulted for depression. I'm encouraged by your speech and work. Thanks Dr Hayes
This guy is a great story teller
As a psychogy student, I'm learning ACT these days, very enlightening!!
Simplesmente fantástico ❤
Dr Steven Hayes has been a constant in my journey with ACT, thank you Dr Hayes!
One of the most touching Tedx talks I've seen so far. Love is the only thing.
A cathartic experience worth sharing indeed! I had a couple of similar ones that also allowed me to deepen my self-compassion and love towards myself. This is an incredibly unconfortable experience and an incredible gift to be able to give oneself such attention and love. We then know there will be always a place within us we can get in touch with that will be always there for us. In the book of Michael Singer "Untethered soul" there is a chapter that describes very well this state of surrendering to purify our heart.
Beautiful. I have had an experience like this where I surrendered to my suffering and it then became something I cherished. It was me.
I love Steven C. Hayes ❤ couldn't stop sobbing for the entire video.
i was cleaning my room wanting to cry... so i layed in bed and watched another ted video and like magic lol i love the message at the end. love is the only thing!
This brought me to tears. It's so beautiful.
We yearn to be able to act effectively in the world;
to live, and love, and play, and create skillfully.
This is the yearning for competence-to be able.
🍀
Steven C. Hayes
Dear Dr. Hayes.
I cannot begin to tell you what effect this video has on me. I have seen it more than once. And it touches me deeper and deeper everytime. Maybe because I am in a different place in my own recovery everytime I watch it. I almost cried today when I saw your speech again and I think it is because I can relate more and more to the things you are talking about.
Thank God for youtube - which gives me a chance to watch you and listen to you - all the way from Denmark.
Best regards Lisa
Thank you for the note and I'm glad it was of use to you. As you can see from the comments, not everyone can relate to this space or this solution ... but my guess is that we have shared some of the dark places. Peace, love, and life - S
Thank you for your share. I, too am in recovery and this talk resonates with me deeply. RUclips has been a source of so much insight and information that explain..well, everything. May you have strength and courage to continue "walking this path that we have the opportunity to walk" Namaste
This guy is a genius
Steven Hayes congruence shines through so much, imagine if everyone could express themselves like this and would not hurt themselves emotionally over regrets.
It's a great talk. Thank you. I somehow can hear my own child self crying
ACT is a revolutionary therapy!
You have been very useful. This is my current struggle. Thank you.
One of the best Ted talks ever 🙏
Dr. Hayes, you are my idol.
Raul VM don’t idolize people.
@@chamade166 He is not literally his idol.
I can so relate! I've had two major anxiety attacks (ambulance both times) and my parents arguing when my father came home intoxicated and late....he's so open and honest! Love yourself, so you can love others...great message Dr Hayes
Oh my. Im in tears after this. Powerful and very well put💞
We hurt where we care… wow, that’s an eye opener to me… so true.
You are a the blessing Dr. Hayes.
you are awesome.. Cause you described it perfectly.. Me too have the little Eight Kid Crying ,, this fear.. that need All my love and acceptance.. Thank u for this kind remind.. ..
Intense: accept and acknowledge your feelings! Good case for mindfulness.
Dear Steve:
Thank you so much for this talk, it perfectly reflects the work everyone involved in ACT should be doing.
I'm one of the people translating the talk to Spanish, so I can say quite sure that it will be up with subtitles by Tuesday, next week. Sorry for the delay! there are a lot of other things to do!
This was awesome. Being in a 12 step recovery fellowship with near 40 years recovery, my anxiety "light switch" cut on in June 2020. After several nightmares my writings were about two specific events one when I was 15 and one later on in August and I was 6. Wow, never knew they were still there. After I awoke in a sweat I got up and wrote about them in the middle of the night and I got some relief!!! I am just heading of your work from Daniel and Tara Amen and I have become a devotee. I am however, somewhat on guard for "bad days or setbacks". I don't want to go back. In 12'steo fellowships they tell you to go help someone, that's the best way to ward off your return to active addiction and I would imagine active anxiety.
So beautiful and honouring to that little version of ourselves
i had a really hard time understanding this talk - not sure why - but i can say my current therapist's work is rooted in ACT and it has been a game-changer for me
This is a very strong speech. Thank you for sharing your history and knowledge about ACT. On a personal level this is very usefull and of course in a client setting. The ending says it all...
Thanks Arild. Here is a new one! Check it out: bit.ly/StevesSecondTED
This man is a genius. Thanks
Steve, it was a great honour to have seen a preview of your TED talk in Hong Kong in December last year and to have met you. ACT has been a great influence on my work as a counsellor and, indeed, in my daily life.
Que lindo , fiquei emocionada ! Eu não vou esquecer : nunca mais fugirei de você 😢
I came across this video by chance and I am so glad I did. This talk is absolutely beautiful and touching. It is so inspiring, seeing someone showing and accepting their own vulnerability.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Wonderful Steven. That's what love wants and what a shining embodiment of that is expressed in this talk. Thank you
Thanks, Elliott! I certainly don't like the feeling of "forcing myself" to be around and interact with certain people. I may admire "how" he or she does certain things but not like the energy I feel during our interactions. Thanks for letting me know I can honor my feelings about certain people just not being my people - and respectfully distance myself.🤔😉👍🏾
Firstly, I want to say that “Dr. Hayes is my life road” Maybe öne day, ı will be good psychologist like him.
Thank you for sharing with such wisdom and clarity. Healing begins with coming face to face with ourselves and feeling the feelings that we so long separated ourselves from. We are whole and we were always whole but some where we chose to disconnect what seemed so fearful to process and feel. Thank you again......
Heartache like nothing I’ve felt before!!! It’s a good thing going to SSU in the fall. Thank you.
The Authentic man!!!
lo que cuentas de niño lo hemos vivido mis hijos y yo 18 años.
no recibí ayuda psicológica emocional de parte de nadie ahora a los 63 llevo más de diez sufriendo ansiedad generalizada con ataques de pánico y es tal cual cuentas el infierno,nadie que no lo haya o este pasado sabe lo que es.
me has emocionado.abrazo a tu niño herido y al adulto ahora por la valentía de exponerlo generosamente para apoyarnos y ayudarnos al vernos reflejados.
gracias gracias gracias...
Bendiciones 🙏
nicely said
Steve, I direct an anxiety clinic and can't tell you how often I have shown some of your videos to patients (especially happiness is an empty promise), and so happy to have another one. Looking forward to your keynote at ADAA in San Fran this year!
This one of the most relatable presentations ever. Thank you!
Living legend and a big mentor! Life brings those people in earth for a purpose... Greetings from Greece Dr Hayes!
This system of skill enhancement brought me out of the darkness and into the light again. Thank you for helping me and many others.
Immensely grateful to you Sir for your work, words, honesty, humility and creativity and sharing it so abundantly with everyone
So vivid! It takes courage to get down on the floor, to reveal the mental state of everything you imagine and feel! Knowing it sounds insane, but knowing so many people are in that place too. Very moving!
You've put words to something I've experienced and see in my clients' experiences. I, too, ask how old the part is and it never ceases to amaze me at how the answer comes back so quickly, even when it is pre-verbal. Thank you.
Great talk , resonates with my life story. Takes courage to speak it in this way
Steve, congratulations on your TED talk, and it was definitely a privilege to have a preview during your workshop in HK. Your work has been one of the great inspirations in my therapist identity development as a scientific practitioner, and my application of ACT has been receiving promising feedbacks.Thank you again.
I cannot thank you more, Hayes! I finally understood how to be kind and compassionate to myself. Tonight I gave a big loving hug to my young self and found the true peace. I can see myself living my life differently going forward.
How inspiring! As a young psychologist I can definitely say this video has helped me a lot. Thank you
Very useful and insightful. Thank you Steven for making the world a more accepting place
Thanks a lot for this opportunities. I cried with open heart. Wonderful speeches. I'm glad to be a part of ACT from studying on courses from Steven C. Hayes. With respect.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful presentation. It is well said, "Love is not everything, it is the only thing." Dr. Sima Goel
"We hurt where we CARE. We care where we HURT."
Thanks for you video. Now I'm suffering anxiety disorder, but the most important thing is that I'm listening my emotional pain. This emotion it can be so hurt but after that I feel at peace with myself and I feel love that for me it's the most important thing.
Thanks you form Spain, Barcelona.
This is brilliant!!! I love it! It really reaffirms what I practice and what I encourage my clients to practice.
Maravilhoso! Barueri SP
Brilliant. Very relatable and down to earth and as a mental health nurse inspiring.
Wow, what an inspiring talk. The way he shares his story here is very captivating.
A story very similar to those of Mingyur Rinpoche and Eckhart Tolle, and a realisation also very similar. Very inspiring Dr Hayes.
What an inspiring and captivating message on psychological flexibility. I plan to share with my patients. I have come to believe that your work exemplifies a deeper part of us...our spirituality.. Thank you for this presentation and thank you for creating ACT!