I love him but he's not good for me! HELP!
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- Опубликовано: 15 янв 2025
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I noticed I was feeling unappreciated by a man and I decided to tell him and we decided to part ways because he just wasn't showing up for me, he wasn't a communicator and was giving me mixed signals so I just decided it as best to walk away for my own best interest and sense of self.
Appreciating that you had the courage to do that 🙏
@@thejackbutler I knew it was going to give my mind peace and I was right
@@kimfrederick7710 Yay to that
I can’t even tell you how much this video helped me with my current situation. I had just recently ended a relationship and I came on here looking for some sort of reassurance that I’m on the right direction. Thank you so much 🙏🏽
Glad you found your way here 🙏
I loved what you said at 11:15 where leaving a guy because he is not showing up for you is you actually SERVING him because if you were to stay, you are "NOT calling forth the FULLNESS of his MASCULINE POTENTIAL". Deep stuff in all your vids, Jack!
Glad you liked that! Was actually one of my fav points when I re-listened! Thanks for finding the depth here 🙏
Walk away, hard to do but best strategy for inner peace. Weak indecisive men are toxic to a woman. You cant change him ladies, find someone worth your time. Listen to your intuition, its far superior to a man’s words and actions.
Glad you see highlighting the power of intuition 🙏
Yep!! Exactly
Totally ❤
This is such compassionate and respectful advice - that understands the complexity and difficulty of navigating feelings of love when building a relationship is really challenging and maybe not even possible or worthwhile. Thanks as ever Jack!
You're welcome Joanne, glad I was capturing some of the complexity compassionately and thanks for your continued presence here 🙏
Nobody on You Tube serves up straight, clear, complete, perspective like you do. I find your work in this topic very reassuring. It’s worth a second and third listen for me. Thanks.
Love that that is how you are experiencing these videos and appreciate the re-listens. You're welcome 🙏
Man, a stroll with Jack and a good conversation along that beach would be a soul cleansing right now.
Ha! I hope you find some soul cleansing, sounds important!
@@thejackbutler lol. You have such a calm voice and that beach. Hope you enjoy(ed) yourself. 🙂
Thanks Jeff, I just left the man I love, because "Just love" is not enough. The last thing he said when I left him was that "he was worried that I kept dreaming in fairy tales" But the one who really dreamed of fairy tales was him ... who thought that "just love" is enough ... I keep crying ... it hurts to be brave 😢
Thanks for your share. Yes, it can certainly hurt to be brave. Hope it eases up 🙏
Sorry Jack * 😊👍
My non-commiter partener whom we broke-up 3 yers back,just payd a suprise visit to me today to tell me that l“m still in his heart..l was like,thanks..en he is asking me if l still got feelings for him,honestly l was cold when l received his hug,,no feelings,no excitement,l honestly told him nothing at all...he is like l dont know wat to do to win yr love back, my answer was be honest w yourself, u will leave better
Glad you honored yourself and your truth 🙏
Shattering of illusions is very painful. And letting go of someone while there is still love is one of the most heartbreaking things one can experience in this life.
But at the end of the day everything is temporary in this life and will end one day anyway.some things end quicker and some longer. This thought alone makes me calmer to let go easier.
This false equivalent you mention is absolutely the root cause of so much dysfunction and dissatisfaction.
Right? Thanks for your comment 👍
Thank you Jack. My situation completely, and it’s been toxic. I’m still struggling with letting it go. 😥
I needed to hear this today.
Happy you needed to hear this, wishing you ease 🙏
I agree, it's not always possible to square the circle in relationships. Your background is definitely making me lust for the ocean, Jack.
That's a good way of saying it! Yes, I'd been missing the ocean! 🙏
Yep. Makes me wish I could be in Costa Rica right now.
@@scubagirl1971 Never been but seems everyone who goes says good things!
@@KB--- Thanks for the feedback and the sharing 🙏
So TRUE, indeed, since LOVE has RULES & CONTRACTS betw the 2 members, that alwys need renewing all the time! That's why : Love is one thing & Relatioship is another! Thanks,💞💚💛🦋
Yes, well said! Hope you're well! 🙏
I am dealing with this right now.
😢This is so hard and heartbreaking.
Knowing what you have to do.... and doing it.
Thank you Jack. You tell things from your heart....I don’t find that in others videos.
❤️
Just literally have gone through this the last year .. love was not enough to keep us on the same page and it was a karmic lesson but a lovely one ..
Yes, karmic relationships can be real teachers 🙏
You are correct. It is gut wrenching
Yeah, right?
Hi Jack, another great video. I appreciate your emotional intellect and insights. The letting go is the hardest (esp when it feels so special). Looks like you are some place tropical (coconuts falling) 😁. Please send some of that warmth to cold Chicago. Thank you for your amazing work.
Thanks for your appreciation 🙏 Yes, not exactly England with coconuts falling lol (Hawai’i). Stay warm, I spent some of Fall in New England and as it got colder, didn’t think I would manage winter! 🥶🌞
Ohhh my word. This is just what I need. So deep into my breakup misery and so many valid points here. Thank you so much for posting this today. I will listen to this several times to internalize it.
It is so hard when he just can not be there for me, even though he really wants to. So deeply wounded.
I was hanging on like only an anxious preoccupied would.
I so want him to get better. Just not my job and I was making it worse.
It is so painful to feel this anxiety and fear of loss. Let him go.
❤❤❤❤
Sometimes it can be helpful to make a list of what doesn’t work or how he doesn’t show up that you can go back to when you find yourself thinking oh maybe it can work. Wishing you grace in your suffering 🙏
@@thejackbutler Thank you.
Did you read my mind and know I needed this ...right NOW...Thanks coach...watching‼️
I did! Sorry, I should have asked permission lol ;) Glad this was what you needed!
This was such a great video Jack. It was just what I needed reminding of for a situation I am in currently with exactly this issue. It’s really hard to walk away when you both truly love each other hugely, but it is the right thing to do when the man does not show up in other ways for you. Thank you for making me think, your videos always do that. X
I hear you on the hardness, I know how that goes. And happy this was good stimulus to your thinking, wishing you well with your discernment 🙏
Love is enough. Too many people confuse lust for love.
Did the watch the whole video?
Thanks Jack. This video was brought to me by divine timing. A relationship just ended two weeks ago with someone who was not showing up fully for me. It took 3 years but now I'm finally able to let this go and not continue to enable his poor behaviour. I wish him only the best and my heart will heal ❤️
Good work 🙏 Wishing you that healing
@@thejackbutler Thank you 😊
@@olgadorable :)
Thanks Jack, as always. You mention "letting go" lovingly. I would love to do this lovingly, finding it hard though with emotions in the way, I would appreciate a little help on that. Have a good day take care 🙏🌻
It might be that first we have to let go and feel what comes up. Doing it lovingly may be more available once we've been through some disappointment/ anger or whatever's coming up?
@@thejackbutler thank you for answering so quickly, take care 🌈
I enjoy your videos. They have a different perspective from some of the relationships channels I’ve come across on this platform. I like the encouragement to consciously take a more present, introspective approach to relationships and being kind to oneself on the journey.
Glad the different perspective is working for you! 🙏
This video is brilliant:) Truth is so important, even when it hurts. Ive been wrestling with this truth for months. Thank you Jack!
Thank you! Happy this supported what you have been wrestling with!
"Real life difficult territory" thank you for being so real and insightful
I appreciate the reflection 🙏
You're speaking the truth and I really needed to hear this.. Thank you!!
Happy to hear this was needed 🙏
I'm at a point in time when I needed to be reminded of this advice. Thankyou so much for being willing to show up here for us and sharing your wisdom!
Yay - happy to!
Thank you Jack🤗
😊
Your so right Jack.... Im just leaving it... and getting on with my life.... Thankyou 😊 jack for all your videos very helpful..
Good work taking care of yourself 🙏
Thanks Jack, your videos are so helpful and enlightening. 🙏🏽
Aw good to hear!
I just love to hear you speak.☺️Your words are so clear and concise and so genuine. Thank you for caring so much. I have divorced twice and I can’t tell you how much your videos have helped me heal.❤️
Aw thanks! Happy to have been part of your healing, keep it up 🙏
@@thejackbutler ❤️❤️❤️
Oh dear, heavy heart stuff but so true. You've got it in the bag
Glad it was vibing even if heavy 🙏
Thank you Mark. I am in a relationship where many of my needs and expectations have not been met for a long time. I am learning to let go of my expectations and of the idea that someone else should meet my needs (other than safety and respecting my borders). I am much calmee now. More in the now. The relationship to the other looks quite unchanged at the surface, but has a more generous and free quality now. Let's see where life takes us...
That's so cool to hear. Yeah, I think I know what you are pointing to here. Keep following the thread! Jack
@@thejackbutler ❤
@@maikegallwitz6955 🙏
Thank you Jack for another great video!! Agree with you that needs being met is a function of 1) willingness and 2) ability. If one of the two isn’t there then a healthy and satisfying relationship likely won’t result. 💕 Jack - Off topic, have you read the book Getting More by Stuart Diamond? It is a book about negotiation and the effectiveness of the approaches Professor Diamond prescribes can be very useful in personal relationships. I’d love to see some videos from you teaching lessons from his book and translating those into relationship communication. Thanks again! 💕🙌🏻
Glad you liked it! I have never heard of Stuart Diamond, will keep in mind. Most ppl who teach negotiation aren’t necessarily my vibe so curious what his is 🙏
I met a guy and everything was there he met all my needs. But as you said there’s always a butt. He moved to Pensacola and said to be that our season was over. And he also said to me who knows we could meet again at a different time. I just don’t know how to completely let go is there such a magnetic force there. Have not talk to him since 8 February. I have been staying away. I just want to text him and let him know we can still be friends because I miss talking to him. What should I do help
The discernment is whether being friends is really in your best interest. When you have more than friends feelings for someone, you may be setting yourself up for more pain
I believe that if a man truly knows that you are his woman, he wouldn’t let you go. So take it as he isn’t your guy. He isn’t your life partner. And let it go.
Thank you, Jack, you are so spot-on, as usual🙂 I wonder how I get to see your videos precisely when I need them... No, it's not RUclips algorhytms, it's the topic that is relevant to me at a specific point in time that manifests itself on your channel🙂 I found great solace in this video...
Happy you found great solace here! And like that the right video is finding you at the right time! 🙏
Thanks Jack 🙂
You're welcome!
“Enabler champion “😱 ouch ... maybe that was me ...😞
Tread gently with yourself 🙏
with one man, we love each other but we are bad for each other. with the other man, i love him but i am not at all in love with him.
I hear you. For many people the intense feeling-in-love passes at some point, so it may not be the best pointer for who to be with
Great video Jack .Thank you for sharing your good sense and wisdom.🧡✨🎉🕊️
Thank you and glad you found some wisdom here!
BRILLIANT 💜💝❤️💜💝❤️
🙏🙏🙏
Thanks for the lovely advice.
You're welcome 🙏
I hit the like button as soon as i read the title!
Btw, where are you, it's looking good 😊
Thanks for the like! This was filmed on Hawaii!
This seems like my situation. Thank you. This was very useless.
You’re welcome. Hopefully more useful than useless :)
@@thejackbutler Always useful. i Have saved like 30 of your videos. You don't provide or share advice through instagram by any chance, do you?
Oh sorry, i just realized i wrote "useless" in my first comment instead of "useful". 🤣😂🤔 it'sa typo. I'm sorry, I meant useful!
@@bluesmurf8065 instagram.com/realjackbutler
@@bluesmurf8065 All good! :)
Hi Jack, i know you are so true about that, me too
He let go of me because we only loved each other and somehow he thought we're not good enough
But I think I'd better start thinking that.
Great video thanks
That looks like San Diego! I live here too. Would love to meet for coffee.....haha!
It is! I should I say it was, back in CO now. Great city tho!
@@thejackbutler Dang!! Yes it is a beautiful place but does not have not too many high quality men though!
Wise words.what if you’ve been loving someone who hasn’t been fully available and then they’re now going to make themselves available, but some kind of magic has been dulled in this process of hoping for so long? Can love help?.. ( ha watch out for the coconuts)
Good question...the magic being dulled can be both pro and con potentially. It may help with objectivity. Maybe there's a vulnerable way to talk about that loss that actually brings you closer? Coconuts...lol that made me smile in re-watch, not a typical thing I watch for!
@@thejackbutler that’s a good idea talking about the magic being dulled during the process of waiting on him to make changes for almost 7 yrs! It’s only due to watching your videos on loving unavailable ppl, that I started waking up to the fact that I should have been loving myself more! This is when I said that I can’t continue like this and that I will remove myself from the” situation “ and now he says he will make the changes but I still feel a bit of underlying resentment for him treating me like an option or lower priority and for myself allowing this...ha coconuts hitting you in the head in the middle of your speech .imagine before and after pics 😂.
@@elskar1 I can really hear what you are saying. One perspective, you have time to take it slow, see if he really has changed and if it's a yes for you? You could also ask him to hear your resentment and give it to him as fully as you can vs holding onto in the background longer term.
Hey Jack, thanks for all the video's. Question.... what causes some guys to be triggered by a drop of the hat??. Going from zero to 100 aggressive. Thanks Jack.
Usually unfinished childhood business? Sometimes it can be getting emotionally flooded and not knowing how to deal with it
Not sure if he's worth the effort? Here's your FREE He's Your Guy checklist: becomingtheone.us/checklist
Im with a married guy. I tried to leave him, broke up over a text, and 3 days later I got a huge vase of a dozen roses. with "Love Always, his name."What guy does that? I started it up again with the rule that this relationship would not be exclusive, although I haven't met anyone who measures up to him yet online His comment was, "It is with me" and I said "You are committed to someone else" to which he said "If I had a relationship at home, I wouldn't be with you!" Its so confusing. I broke up because he couldn't be there enough for me--between his work, home life and outside jobs. I know you said love is not enough, but we have a huge amount of chemistry with one another. I'm keeping the door open for another relationship, but so far that hasn't happened...your talk was very helpful in navigating my situation. The ending is yet to come!
I'm in the exact same situation, really hoping I'll meet someone else though, I do also think the chemistry is so crazy because of the situation.. I think I'll try using different language, because language is powerfull, like saying, I really like the sex, but do I like unfaithful men? NO! Do I want an unfaithful man? NO..
Thanks for your share. It may be that he loves you but can’t be with you, hence what he’s saying is kinda true. It’s probably hard to meet someone else while you are still in this dynamic, unavailable men have a particularly arresting quality.
.
:)