I agree with you so much! I've met people who can't be single, they even feel kind of proud to say that. This problem is so deep that I realise there's no need to tell them they have a problem because they won't understand. And they keep on and on with the same pattern leading to nowhere...
Exactly, sometimes ignorance is bliss but it's sad to know they'll never be able to enjoy a truly deep relationship because they never had one with themselves.
it's not about solving all our problems or running away from yourself, it's about feeling something great, sharing your experiences with someone else, holding and kissing someone, the potential having a great romance, loving someone, having a family, doing something we're biologically hardwired to do. also just imagine giving this same exact advice to someone like yourself that says they want friends, "friends aren't going to fix all your problems, you shouldn't depend on others for your happiness, you should become comfortable being alone".
Yes i also do not understand his point. « You are lonely but people won’t help you » then what’s the point? If you are lonely then meeting people is THE POINT. People need connections and we cannot fix that on our own. If you met the wrong people then try to meet other people! It is very confusing. In my own life, i am single and I feel that I am lacking affection, this is motivating me to find a partner. There is no way anyone can convince me that it would not be any help. It feels like the author is confused and does not know what he wants 🤷♂️
I agree with your sentiments about having self-esteem and truly "becoming who you are," which is very Nietzschean, actually. You cannot use other relationships as a cure-all or be overly dependent on any one person. However, having friends, a girlfriend, etc., is overall just healthier and better for well-being than not having them. We are inevitably social beings; even the most solitary among us generally need some interaction. To truly grow yes we have to self-reflect and look inside ourselves, but healthy friendships help us become our best self.
Well said and totally agree. I've said in previous videos that we are social creatures, it's in our DNA and there have been lots of studies linking happiness to the quality of our relationships. This video is meant to highlight that if you think someone, anyone, is going to fix your problems, you're going to be disappointed. Sure, a good strong network can give us the courage to tackle our problems, but they can't do the work for us.
I'm 35 single and live with my parents, I always been so lonely, after watching your videos I take the courage to tell my story on upcoming video\s on my channel, I'm certain it will make me feel better.
Glad to hear from you again, Jay. Very good points made. I think to a great extent, we've been conditioned to believe that in order to fix ourselves, we just need to find our other "half." That's been the underlying theme of most romantic movies.
Exactly. I think it's great to have someone there to support you but they can't ultimately do the work for you and they're not going to "fix" anything for you. Glad the video helped :)
To be honest mate, it shows how delusional people are and how little they have going on that they think a partner will fix everything. What a terrible place to be where you need another person to cure your own issues. That's frightening to me.. And you nailed it saying a good partner and friend can help but they can't fix you, only you can fix you.
Well said mate. Ive never had a partner. I can't love myself & am lonely so nobody else can love me. Despite knowing im never going to get out this suffering im in your videos always comfort me
"Whether you think you can or can't, you're right" - Henry Ford. Please don't do yourself the disservice of saying you'll never get out of the suffering. You have the same right to happiness as everyone else on this planet. I get in these places a lot too and I have to remind myself that happiness/joy/fulfillment something I have to make for myself.
Why can''t you "love yourself",what makes you think you are any less worthy of love or unlovable as anyone else. The point of these videos is to see we all have the power to make changes in our lives both external and internal,whether its changing our jobs or the town we live in or going to gym to workout and feel better or going to therapy or reading up on tools for transformation. Buddhism believes that life is suffering but it also offers tools for transfomation to liberate us from that suffering because often it is our beliefs and attachments to certain beliefs or ego identity that causes that suffering.Things that we think of as unchangeable or immutable are often not and so much of what keeps us stuck in negative beliefs or cycles is the belief that nothing will change,this simply isn't true. I use to believe these things too and use to think I was just as I was and could not change or tried to change things that maybe I needed to accept,understand or have compassion for. So much of life is how we think about things and if we can change our thinking we can often change our behavours and it is our behaviours that define who we are and who we are to become.
Yes, but you still get that support, and it helps to move forward with your life? Even if she is not fixing it, her presence alone puts you in a bit better position than someone who has no one at all. When there's zero motivation to get out of bed because who is going to stop you? With someone in your life, you know that you have to get out of bed!
Nice idea, I respectfully disagree. I'd been in a really bad places mentally over Christmas and knowing that my GF was also suffering because she couldn't help me actually made me feel worse. Yes, they can encourage you and be there to support you but you can have that exact same support from a friend or therapist. You shouldn't get into a relationship hoping that any support that may or may not give you will suddenly help you change.
True, a girlfriend might or might not fix your life. What's for sure is her presence alone can give you support and power for you to have this strengthen to manage and fix your life, it may be temporary, but so is everything in life.
this has been lurking in the back of my head recently. I've assumed for quite some time that finding a girlfriend would curr my loneliness/depression, but I am quite sure that the sources are different.
people in relationship underestimate how hurtful it is to be chronically single. We know people can't solve our problems, but having a partner that is by your side is priceless
Im 19, I watched some of your videos and i can relate to a lot of things you said. I watched some other people videos of them talking about their experiences and i see theres a lot in common for all of us. All this emptiness , regret,the hole we feel in our life . I fear this battle man, wish i could change . I know we cant live a perfect life with zero regrets but i fear living a life of 'only' regrets.
Beautifully said, love that last line. I would say the fact you're even aware of these issues at your age says a lot about your spiritual maturity. Most people don't start becoming aware until their 40s/50s, hence the mid-life criss, and then start trying to work out how to fix it. By that point, they have a lot of baggage and change is much harder. I started my self-development at around 23 and a therapist I was seeing at the time told me the same thing. One of the first books I read on development was "how to win friends and influence people". I would suggest you read it if you haven't before. Communication is one of the key foundations to building a good life and for people of your age, who spent their formative years in a world-wide lockdown, communication skills are poor. Getting an edge will help you stand out and find success in whatever you choose to do. You've got so many years ahead to build a meaningful, purpose-centred life. Hope some of the content on this channel helps you too. Welcome to the channel.
63 yo married 2 x , have a girlfriend 48 yo who I see on the weekends , she has a son 15 yo ... she lives 40 minutes away , it works .. but we are on different paths , I have 3 adult children and 2 grand children , don't have time to be lonely ... ty Jay for the informative vid
You articulated eloquently all these points that are actually prevalent in all those self developmenty videos.....but from my experience it is all about biology....the timing...the circumstances....those inner little feelings...all an expression of biological hetiocracy....One last thing...nobody wants a girl to fix sth....they just want what is naturally supposed to be wanted....being deprived from that natural fix is actually equivalent to slow decay and resentment....we are ment to be +- either we like or not...the problem is that big nature MAMA doesnt want all the genes to survive...otherwise the world population would be 16 billions....cold but who knows maybe true....you would really understand...unless you have endured constant rejection throughout your whole life......
Your other videos makes us think that you are all alone and lonely, an yet you have a girlfriend who lives with you. That's strange, sounds a little dishonest. Of course a person can still be lonely living with someone else, and a relationship can't solve all our social needs, but you have someone to share your days, to keep you campany, and knowing this makes the other videos sound a little... over dramatic, maybe?
Really interesting perspective and wanted to address this for my other viewers. Firstly, I share some of my vulnerable moments in life on this channel because it helps other people know it's OK to feel bad things, the reason that first video on loneliness took off was because people are so fed up with seeing this edited, polished and fake version of life everywhere online. Just because I have a girlfriend doesn't mean I'm not allowed to feel crap and don't appreciate being told my thoughts and feelings are over-dramatic. This video was created to address the comments I got from people saying I needed to find someone to settle down with and I'll be happy. I've never mentioned my relationship in any of my videos which means they've assumed I'm single. It also means there are people out there who believe that if they could only meet "the one" that all their problems will be solved. Sure, it is great to have someone to support you but no one can fix your problems for you I've started attended a men's group recently where everyone is given the chance to share their struggles. Most of the guys in there are married.
I agree with you so much! I've met people who can't be single, they even feel kind of proud to say that. This problem is so deep that I realise there's no need to tell them they have a problem because they won't understand. And they keep on and on with the same pattern leading to nowhere...
Exactly, sometimes ignorance is bliss but it's sad to know they'll never be able to enjoy a truly deep relationship because they never had one with themselves.
it's not about solving all our problems or running away from yourself, it's about feeling something great, sharing your experiences with someone else, holding and kissing someone, the potential having a great romance, loving someone, having a family, doing something we're biologically hardwired to do.
also just imagine giving this same exact advice to someone like yourself that says they want friends, "friends aren't going to fix all your problems, you shouldn't depend on others for your happiness, you should become comfortable being alone".
Yes i also do not understand his point.
« You are lonely but people won’t help you » then what’s the point?
If you are lonely then meeting people is THE POINT. People need connections and we cannot fix that on our own. If you met the wrong people then try to meet other people!
It is very confusing.
In my own life, i am single and I feel that I am lacking affection, this is motivating me to find a partner.
There is no way anyone can convince me that it would not be any help.
It feels like the author is confused and does not know what he wants 🤷♂️
what a great talk! it's like several months of therapy condensed in 10 minutes
Thank you, appreciate the kind words
I agree with your sentiments about having self-esteem and truly "becoming who you are," which is very Nietzschean, actually. You cannot use other relationships as a cure-all or be overly dependent on any one person. However, having friends, a girlfriend, etc., is overall just healthier and better for well-being than not having them. We are inevitably social beings; even the most solitary among us generally need some interaction. To truly grow yes we have to self-reflect and look inside ourselves, but healthy friendships help us become our best self.
Well said and totally agree. I've said in previous videos that we are social creatures, it's in our DNA and there have been lots of studies linking happiness to the quality of our relationships.
This video is meant to highlight that if you think someone, anyone, is going to fix your problems, you're going to be disappointed. Sure, a good strong network can give us the courage to tackle our problems, but they can't do the work for us.
I'm 35 single and live with my parents, I always been so lonely, after watching your videos I take the courage to tell my story on upcoming video\s on my channel, I'm certain it will make me feel better.
I hope you do make videos, good luck with it
That's so good to hear Brother, let us know when it's up and well done
Hope you are feeling less lonely now 😊
Glad to hear from you again, Jay. Very good points made. I think to a great extent, we've been conditioned to believe that in order to fix ourselves, we just need to find our other "half." That's been the underlying theme of most romantic movies.
Exactly. I think it's great to have someone there to support you but they can't ultimately do the work for you and they're not going to "fix" anything for you. Glad the video helped :)
To be honest mate, it shows how delusional people are and how little they have going on that they think a partner will fix everything.
What a terrible place to be where you need another person to cure your own issues. That's frightening to me.. And you nailed it saying a good partner and friend can help but they can't fix you, only you can fix you.
Thanks, glad the message came across clearly
Well said mate. Ive never had a partner. I can't love myself & am lonely so nobody else can love me. Despite knowing im never going to get out this suffering im in your videos always comfort me
"Whether you think you can or can't, you're right" - Henry Ford. Please don't do yourself the disservice of saying you'll never get out of the suffering. You have the same right to happiness as everyone else on this planet. I get in these places a lot too and I have to remind myself that happiness/joy/fulfillment something I have to make for myself.
Why can''t you "love yourself",what makes you think you are any less worthy of love or unlovable as anyone else.
The point of these videos is to see we all have the power to make changes in our lives both external and internal,whether its changing our jobs or the town we live in or going to gym to workout and feel better or going to therapy or reading up on tools for transformation.
Buddhism believes that life is suffering but it also offers tools for transfomation to liberate us from that suffering because often it is our beliefs and attachments to certain beliefs or ego identity that causes that suffering.Things that we think of as unchangeable or immutable are often not and so much of what keeps us stuck in negative beliefs or cycles is the belief that nothing will change,this simply isn't true.
I use to believe these things too and use to think I was just as I was and could not change or tried to change things that maybe I needed to accept,understand or have compassion for.
So much of life is how we think about things and if we can change our thinking we can often change our behavours and it is our behaviours that define who we are and who we are to become.
Yes, but you still get that support, and it helps to move forward with your life? Even if she is not fixing it, her presence alone puts you in a bit better position than someone who has no one at all. When there's zero motivation to get out of bed because who is going to stop you? With someone in your life, you know that you have to get out of bed!
They leave at the worst moments
Nice idea, I respectfully disagree.
I'd been in a really bad places mentally over Christmas and knowing that my GF was also suffering because she couldn't help me actually made me feel worse.
Yes, they can encourage you and be there to support you but you can have that exact same support from a friend or therapist.
You shouldn't get into a relationship hoping that any support that may or may not give you will suddenly help you change.
Another good point, if you;'re dependent on someone to help you get through and they leave, you suddenly have no tools to look after yourself.
True, a girlfriend might or might not fix your life. What's for sure is her presence alone can give you support and power for you to have this strengthen to manage and fix your life, it may be temporary, but so is everything in life.
this has been lurking in the back of my head recently. I've assumed for quite some time that finding a girlfriend would curr my loneliness/depression, but I am quite sure that the sources are different.
The sun shining at the end of the video, as if to suggest that Jay's final conclusion brings you hope, is poetic.
Haha thanks, definitely did that on purpose...
people in relationship underestimate how hurtful it is to be chronically single. We know people can't solve our problems, but having a partner that is by your side is priceless
Nice one mate, glad to see you back on here again too
Thanks, I will try and post more regularly some day
@@JayWallace No problem man and no rush at all
He bacc! 🔥
Haha, actually filmed this back in December just haven't had the chance to get it edited. I really am going to try and be more consistent one day...
Thank you for making life even more complicated.
Just saving people some disappointment - no one else can "fix you"
@@JayWallace I think it all depends on how broken you really are.
Im 19, I watched some of your videos and i can relate to a lot of things you said. I watched some other people videos of them talking about their experiences and i see theres a lot in common for all of us. All this emptiness , regret,the hole we feel in our life . I fear this battle man, wish i could change . I know we cant live a perfect life with zero regrets but i fear living a life of 'only' regrets.
Beautifully said, love that last line. I would say the fact you're even aware of these issues at your age says a lot about your spiritual maturity.
Most people don't start becoming aware until their 40s/50s, hence the mid-life criss, and then start trying to work out how to fix it. By that point, they have a lot of baggage and change is much harder.
I started my self-development at around 23 and a therapist I was seeing at the time told me the same thing.
One of the first books I read on development was "how to win friends and influence people". I would suggest you read it if you haven't before.
Communication is one of the key foundations to building a good life and for people of your age, who spent their formative years in a world-wide lockdown, communication skills are poor. Getting an edge will help you stand out and find success in whatever you choose to do.
You've got so many years ahead to build a meaningful, purpose-centred life. Hope some of the content on this channel helps you too.
Welcome to the channel.
@@JayWallace Thank you hope your channel does well
63 yo married 2 x , have a girlfriend 48 yo who I see on the weekends , she has a son 15 yo ... she lives 40 minutes away , it works .. but we are on different paths , I have 3 adult children and 2 grand children , don't have time to be lonely ... ty Jay for the informative vid
Wow sounds like you've got a busy life! Thanks for sharing
its time to have a kid man. 3 years with someone is plenty of time to know ir you're ready or not. i've never met a lonely dad
Mind your own business.
@@martin_93 no u
You articulated eloquently all these points that are actually prevalent in all those self developmenty videos.....but from my experience it is all about biology....the timing...the circumstances....those inner little feelings...all an expression of biological hetiocracy....One last thing...nobody wants a girl to fix sth....they just want what is naturally supposed to be wanted....being deprived from that natural fix is actually equivalent to slow decay and resentment....we are ment to be +- either we like or not...the problem is that big nature MAMA doesnt want all the genes to survive...otherwise the world population would be 16 billions....cold but who knows maybe true....you would really understand...unless you have endured constant rejection throughout your whole life......
Would not*
Your other videos makes us think that you are all alone and lonely, an yet you have a girlfriend who lives with you. That's strange, sounds a little dishonest.
Of course a person can still be lonely living with someone else, and a relationship can't solve all our social needs, but you have someone to share your days, to keep you campany, and knowing this makes the other videos sound a little... over dramatic, maybe?
Really interesting perspective and wanted to address this for my other viewers.
Firstly, I share some of my vulnerable moments in life on this channel because it helps other people know it's OK to feel bad things, the reason that first video on loneliness took off was because people are so fed up with seeing this edited, polished and fake version of life everywhere online.
Just because I have a girlfriend doesn't mean I'm not allowed to feel crap and don't appreciate being told my thoughts and feelings are over-dramatic.
This video was created to address the comments I got from people saying I needed to find someone to settle down with and I'll be happy. I've never mentioned my relationship in any of my videos which means they've assumed I'm single.
It also means there are people out there who believe that if they could only meet "the one" that all their problems will be solved. Sure, it is great to have someone to support you but no one can fix your problems for you
I've started attended a men's group recently where everyone is given the chance to share their struggles. Most of the guys in there are married.
interesting take
Thanks
Thankyou for sharing
You're welcome