My Spirit Animal | Live At The Apollo | Joe Lycett
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- Опубликовано: 22 июл 2020
- Here is a story about a walrus and the perfect alibi.
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#JoeLycett #StandUp #Comedy 
Приколы
"I would've had to break the speed of sound Sharon"😂😂😂
"Walrus says you can piss off!" An epic answer that I want to use more often.
Hahahahaha “where were you when the murder happened” 😏😏😏
"parked in Leeds"
Yes that is the punchline of the joke
Brilliant punchline. Well crafted story
"She looked like a bit of wet scrambled egg in a chair" 🤣🤣
O read this literally as he said it... My god
So many civil servants looked like that when I used to go to the job centre when I was young lol. Sitting there just waiting for their pension.
Apparently I, too, have a walrus for a spirit animal. "Kick the toddler" has entered my mind an alarming number times. Don't worry, no toddlers have been kicked - on purpose, that is.
There's actually a bit Fern Brady does on this and apparently it's (basically) your brain overcompensating for you being a worrier. Relieved the hell out of me - I always just figured I was some kind of closet psychopath when I randomly wondered "What would happen if I just shoved that guy over the guard rail?".
Aecides 3 Do you know where I can find this bit? Very interested what she has to say on it
@@Melissa-lf4mq "Fern Brady - Heterosexual Marriages
" uploaded by Russel Howard :)
Or like:
-I should just throw my phone into the river?-
My mind: that toddlers father is walking away now if I can stand just here and pretend not to realise then they can’t get to their father mwahahaha
By the way, I've done the math, to go 120 miles in 8 minutes you would have to be going at least an average speed of 810mph, not counting the time it would've taken to go into a coffee shop, get a coffee, go outside, and confront the parking officer, which would be over 1300mph, which is mach 1.12, which is over the speed of sound. You're welcome.
Thanks, you are a champion. No trolling intended
You’ve got way too much time on ur hands to work this out😂 But thank u anyway as I’m sure no one else could be asked to work that out😂
The DEDICATION
No one asked for it babe
Can't take bends at that speed.
“A bit of wet scrambled egg in a chair”. The weirdest imagery I’ve ever heard, yet I got a picture-perfect image in my head 🤣🤣🤣
I continue to laugh at this every time I see it
Same, even though I've watched this so many times lmao. Also hi fellow Amy 👋
Amy Y hello fellow Amy 😘
Hi 👋👋👋
@@amymkr26 omg it's an Amy gathering! Hiya 🥰
@Pat Mahon ahaha time and place? 😂
3:58 “I would’ve had to break the speed of sound Janet!” 🤣🤣
"I would have had to break the speed of sound Sharon"*
Joe Johnstone sorry I thought I was Janet lol 😂
“rocking horse do a plop” sent me into orbit 😭😭😭😭😭
Maybe walrus was telling you to start life anew in Leeds.
:D underrated.
"Kick that toddler" sounds a lot like "drop this baby", a classic thought of those who suffer with OCD. Also, I loved the "Well, what do I do with this information, Janet?!"
It is physically impossible for me not to cry laughing when I watch Joe Lycett clips, I seriously love him
“Well what do I do with this information Janet?”
I know your bits word by word and yet I keep returning and laughing and enjoying them. Love your work, Joe.
Same 😂😂😂
Voice: “kick that toddler”
Me: “how far?”
Voice: “I’m out”
"I would have had to break the speed of sound, Sharon!" :)
I love love love how the next level person, in the office, simply states “this says you parked in Leeds”. The “next level” person does not progress the situation at all they simply restate the problem. This is 1000% spot on, hilarious!
I’m not British so I’m very thankful to QI for letting me discover so many great comedians I wouldn’t know otherwise.
I've watched this so often that not only do I know all the words but I know what tone of voice to use and how and when to gesture with my left hand/ arm hahhaha
PS Walrus says you can piss off!
@Vincent Roche I know, right! 😄
@Vincent Roche Yes, I'm sure you spend every waking moment paragliding over volcanoes and riding grizzly bears over waterfalls.
@Vincent Roche You haven't lived until you've ridden waterfalls into grizzly salmon.
at all times in love with his limp wrist
“Where were you when the murder happened😏👀” kills me everytime
Well what am I supposed to do with this information Janet!?! Still has me cracked up
This dude is just easy to listen to and enjoy!!!! Glad I discovered him.
I love this. Expertly crafted bit of stand up.
The final punch line is good.
impeccable limp hand action
“Kick that toddler” = call of the void
The amount of times I’ve watched this video is insane and yet I still find it hilarious
You do truly make me laugh, even in the darkest of times. Thank you!
Joe is the King of Brilliance 💞✨👑✨💞
Despite watching this a million times, I end up in hysterics 😂😂😂
This is my favorite performance. I️ wish you would do more specials.
Mr. Lycett is awesome, wish I could see him live
Could you imagine being friends with him 😂😂
"After searching for one online"- been there! hahaha
You sir are a legend 😊
Walrus says:🤣🤣🤣‼️
2:08 absolute mood
Love it- thanks for the laughs.
Watched this for like 100x now 🤣
"Kept the fine, paid it"
There.
That's ALL the set now. Line
By
Line
I relate to this so hard
😂 Walrus says ya can piss off !!
He cracks me up! 😂😂
I LOVE HIM!!!❤️❤️❤️
Joe Lycett....underrated
OMG! He is so dang funny!
Loved it all but the Hot tub joke was so funny 😂
My you are wickedly funny 😂
You are the Eggman.... I am the Walrus!
Goo goo g'joob
he should really make walrus merch-
I Fuckin love you Joe!
Walrus....LOL
I have a feeling Joe has a recurring problem understanding parking.
Hugo Boss on the advert 🤣🤣🤣
I love him
Brilliant
I think Joe is my spirit animal.
Hi I love you! Hope you do new York soon
The English has a Sharon’s and the American has Karen’s. 🤣
What does your country has?
Coronavirus and a flailing economy, I'm guessing.
No England's got Sharon and karon ..... And felicia otherwise known as diva . ..... Karen= ...well we all know what a Karen is ..... Sharon = incompetent and felicia = Gucci fame Instagram fame tik Tim beauty ......
@@phily8093 haha i fucking love you
Phil Y New Zealand has Glendas, hence “oooh you cheeky Glenda”
In Poland we have Grażyna
Ah yes, the Morrison’s ghost that resides in the Leeds spirit section
YOU CAN GET THERE IN YOUR HYPER CAR
I have the same inner voice, so perhaps I'm a Walrus Shaman too.
I definitely saw ghosts on my TV but then I had really bad reception.
'Well what do I do with this information Janet'
My mom grew up in a house with a ghost. She (the ghost) wasn't creepy or frightening at all. Apparently she *really* didn't like swearing, and she would lock my grandpa outside until he apologized if he was working out there and swore. She would also unlock the front door for everyone if asked politely (and these would be times when no one else was home). I know there were other things she would do, but none of them were even slightly creepy.
What is there to dislike about Joe Lycett?
I'll wait.
His videos are too short?
He never calls me? 😂
OH MA GOSH! He honestly could’ve gotten away with murder!!! So damn true!!!
Hey Hugo Boss, has the clothing company Joe Lycett allowed you to use thus new name?
"What did you say, Walrus? Couldn't possibly kill another prostitute"
The Tesco in Durham is haunted. They won't open 24 hours because of this guy who got beheaded had been there when it was a pub. He was rather tall and at the time doorways were smaller. He smacked his head and there was lots of fuss and apologies from the landlord. He wasn't too bothered just laughed and said "next time I come here I'll be a head shorter" many years later he was beheaded and apparently he did come back. One of the stragest hauntings. You expect it at the cathedral (2 ghosts, 1 creepy story) but not tesco
Am I seeing the vesper around his neck? If it is, I support it.
yeahhhhh and walrus is in no way derived from Alice in wonderland hahahah
me:goes to close the window
my inner voice for some weurd reaosn:
throw your phone out 😏 just do it
There was a famous ghost that taunts security in Telford shopping centre BTW. not morrisons but hey that was 1980 and morrisons wasnt around then. The ghost may still be though x
Omg 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I literally want to make Joe my husband. -If he hasn’t seen my several hundred comments on the subject throughout his channel we’re through. 💅
I think that's called harassment.
@@TheMultiGamerOfficial I think it's called sarcasm you actual specimen.
@@je9484 Is that meant to be an insult?
@@TheMultiGamerOfficial let’s call it an aspiration to your intelligence.
@@je9484 You do realise I was making a joke, right? The fact you failedto recognise that makes YOU the specimen rather than moi.
You make me giggle 🤭
I seen a ghost in tesco
Sometimes opportunities are just handed to us.... And yet we pay the fine.
I would love to marry this guy...
Jesus Christ, my nickname.is walrus thanks to one disastrous night of drinking. I was bought that exact same ring. That damn ring haunts me.
joee helloo
Hahaha 😂 how funny is the dude?!?
He would've been going if he had driven from Leeds to Birmingham in 8 minutes at 24km a minute or 24,000m a minute or 1,440,000m a second or 1,400km a second
jokes on joe i’ve seen a ghost outside tesco’s 😼
Really?
Logan True yeah saw me gran outside tesco’s and told me mate and she said she couldn’t see her. she had on this purple coat she wore all the time and an ald tesco bag with the blue stripes on
This has been uploaded numerous times and yet O still laugh at the punchline
Even though many of the major properties on The Strip, here in Vegas now charge for parking, your 1st hr is always free and there are still a ton places to park with no fee whatsoever. After 15yrs of free parking, it’s gonna be a real head-f*ck next time I’m home in the UK and trying to deal with that crap! 🤨
How is the end of the bed a creepy place though..? 😂
1:05
I saw a ghost in Meijer's.
Hi boss
Sweaty Sharon x Sick Jan collab when
just FYI your subscribed to channels are public at the moment so people can see all of the ASMR things that you are into 🥳
So
He's talked about it on tv before.
Lol
i saw a ghost in tesco bru
Why does he actually remind me of a warus?!
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I feel like i know Sharon pretty well.
😂