Paulien, you are so accurately depicting the FA experience, thank you! As the ex partner, it resonates with my observations and saddens me. How someone would deprive themselves from the most beautiful thing, because of so much fear and the need for self-preservation. It is survival not a full life. Wishing healing to every FA
these videos make me feel like less of a freak lol, thank you! i've always felt like something was wrong with me because my feelings would just go away after a month or two of dating, and so I would gravitate towards chaotic relationships just so i could feel something. Slowly learning to lean into feelings of peace and safety.
Omg! So me. I would lose feelings after a while and then I started to create flaws in my head about my partners and I would push myself away and leave. Recently I finally decided to be by myself and heal. It was a repeated cycle. I had a few good people in my life that would do anything for me but I still left. I've been feeling like I have something wrong with me.
i am so happy you made this video you have no idea. i (Fa/DA becoming secure)just got into a relationship with a man i’ve loved for a year. i’ve been wanting to be with him (a DA) for over a year. me and him have both moving towards being a secure attachment style to the point where we now are together! however, i find that my DA seems a lot “happier” than me. we JUST started dating literally last night!!! but i felt nothing the second i said yes. like quite literally :( and i don’t understand, i thought i was making progress. believe it or not i am already starting to freak out because “if i feel this way is because i don’t want this” but i’ve wanted it for an entire year!! i love him for god’s sake. I am so confused because this feel SO REAL. like i am literally emotionless or nervous rn 💔
As an FA, I totally agree with everything you said. I wanna add something in case this helps someone else because it's been life changing for me. Part of being numb or shut down came from my nervous system in overload. I started doing somatic excercises and it changed my life. I could feel emotions again and had a higher tolerance for all things, emotions and stress 🩵
This is really cool, primaily for you, but also because I just started reading a book on somatic meditation and now I'm even more excited to get stuck in 😊
@@lanodramallama Love it! Well if you ever wanna try some, the girl I took it with is called the Workout Witch and she has a lot of free stuff you can try. The effects are almost immediate. 🙏
@@MindGymMeditations Thank you for this! I'll check it out. According to the surveys I'm actually an AP, and I'm in a situationship with an FA. But in previous relationships I have shut down in a way that seems very FA, so who knows? Anyway, a big green tick for the overactive nervous system, so somatic meditation could be part of the answer. Thanks again 😊
I recently went through a breakup after 3 years of dating. He said he felt like the entire time I was questioning if I could be happy with him instead of being happy with him. He is secure attachment and tried his best to comfort me but it was tough. I am now taking time to heal myself.
Pauline you bring me so much peace and comfort. I always feel so confused about my feelings and the things my fear does and you just make me feel so understood. You make me feel hope that everything will be okay. I am so greatful I found your channel.
Its really really hard because i am aware about my feelings about why i feel this but i cant help myself sometimes.I examine my feelings all the time and i am exhausted.Every fight every disagreement i just want to break up and i cant feel anything…
I have just ended my relationship and now I am heartbroken and don’t understand why I no longer have a partner. It feels like someone came and made that decision for me, like it wasnt myself who made that decision 😢
My partner was being extremely supportive of me for the past week while I'm in the crash state and I freaked out that he might startto resent me because he's giving too much. Totally forgot to...enjoy the support?
Same bro, I asked for a break from my girl because I needed to figure out my crap and saw she and I share the FA style but express it differently. I think if you're both feeling it that uou work on yourself, either single or together, and see if you're willing to work or try to for yalls health
My FA partner who does not realize he is an FA will not acknowledge ANY feeling. He will share something and I will say, “ wow that must have hurt” his response no it didn’t hurt…. Or “ so now you’re gonna tell me how I feel. It’s really hard to validate someone’s feelings when they can’t tell you what they are. Help me out here
I have a kinda question... is it safe to say that people with fearful avoidance have low self-esteem issues? Which in turn affects other areas of our lives as well?
Yes I agree. I noticed how I stopped loving myself and thus allowed my FA style to come into play into my relationship and craving these insane intensity when I felt safe for the first time in a relationship. Right now the same fears came out but it was only today when I asked for a break from my relationship thag I found this channel and I'm understanding what and why I was feeling and experiencing what I am. I'm hoping we can learn to love ourselves and create better relationships (in my case, to save this one through growth)
I used to be so well liked and popular, but that was not me. I mostly like alone or one special, or, my adult children. Haha All the rest are at high risk not comprehending me.
Thank you ALWAYS!! Love that you're able to create more content lately!!🙏☺❤ In regards to repressing our feelings - is that something we choose, or is it entirely subconscious? If its subconscious, how do we know if we are suppressing feelings?
Thank you for your sharing your experience. do you think the lack of attraction has anything to do with what your partner (now husband) physically looked like?
Thank you so so so so much for your videos. I discovered your channel very recently and you've been an absolute angel to me from the very first video!!!!
![NOSFERATU - Official Trailer [HD] - Only In Theaters December 25](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/nulvWqYUM8k/mqdefault.jpg)
Paulien, you are so accurately depicting the FA experience, thank you! As the ex partner, it resonates with my observations and saddens me. How someone would deprive themselves from the most beautiful thing, because of so much fear and the need for self-preservation. It is survival not a full life. Wishing healing to every FA
"You can't protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness." 😞
these videos make me feel like less of a freak lol, thank you! i've always felt like something was wrong with me because my feelings would just go away after a month or two of dating, and so I would gravitate towards chaotic relationships just so i could feel something. Slowly learning to lean into feelings of peace and safety.
Omg! So me. I would lose feelings after a while and then I started to create flaws in my head about my partners and I would push myself away and leave. Recently I finally decided to be by myself and heal. It was a repeated cycle. I had a few good people in my life that would do anything for me but I still left. I've been feeling like I have something wrong with me.
i am so happy you made this video you have no idea. i (Fa/DA becoming secure)just got into a relationship with a man i’ve loved for a year. i’ve been wanting to be with him (a DA) for over a year. me and him have both moving towards being a secure attachment style to the point where we now are together! however, i find that my DA seems a lot “happier” than me. we JUST started dating literally last night!!! but i felt nothing the second i said yes. like quite literally :( and i don’t understand, i thought i was making progress. believe it or not i am already starting to freak out because “if i feel this way is because i don’t want this” but i’ve wanted it for an entire year!! i love him for god’s sake. I am so confused because this feel SO REAL. like i am literally emotionless or nervous rn 💔
Emotional Dissociation.
I always thought that was Narcissism
As an FA, I totally agree with everything you said. I wanna add something in case this helps someone else because it's been life changing for me. Part of being numb or shut down came from my nervous system in overload. I started doing somatic excercises and it changed my life. I could feel emotions again and had a higher tolerance for all things, emotions and stress 🩵
This is really cool, primaily for you, but also because I just started reading a book on somatic meditation and now I'm even more excited to get stuck in 😊
@@lanodramallama Love it! Well if you ever wanna try some, the girl I took it with is called the Workout Witch and she has a lot of free stuff you can try. The effects are almost immediate. 🙏
@@MindGymMeditations Thank you for this! I'll check it out. According to the surveys I'm actually an AP, and I'm in a situationship with an FA. But in previous relationships I have shut down in a way that seems very FA, so who knows? Anyway, a big green tick for the overactive nervous system, so somatic meditation could be part of the answer. Thanks again 😊
@@lanodramallama Your welcome! You can find some free exercises on The Workout Witch RUclips page. Hope it helps!
I recently went through a breakup after 3 years of dating. He said he felt like the entire time I was questioning if I could be happy with him instead of being happy with him. He is secure attachment and tried his best to comfort me but it was tough. I am now taking time to heal myself.
That's the devil's voice FEAR False Evidence Appearing Real = deception
Pauline you bring me so much peace and comfort. I always feel so confused about my feelings and the things my fear does and you just make me feel so understood. You make me feel hope that everything will be okay. I am so greatful I found your channel.
Its really really hard because i am aware about my feelings about why i feel this but i cant help myself sometimes.I examine my feelings all the time and i am exhausted.Every fight every disagreement i just want to break up and i cant feel anything…
I have just ended my relationship and now I am heartbroken and don’t understand why I no longer have a partner. It feels like someone came and made that decision for me, like it wasnt myself who made that decision 😢
My partner was being extremely supportive of me for the past week while I'm in the crash state and I freaked out that he might startto resent me because he's giving too much. Totally forgot to...enjoy the support?
What problems do you think would come from two FAs in a relationship... I'm just realising I may be in a little trouble... haha
Same bro, I asked for a break from my girl because I needed to figure out my crap and saw she and I share the FA style but express it differently. I think if you're both feeling it that uou work on yourself, either single or together, and see if you're willing to work or try to for yalls health
Thank you so much Paulien! The Affirmation-Cards help me soo much! It's perfect and amazing
Interested in watching this, as an FA I have never been in love
thanks pauline!!!!!!!!!! always looking forward to these videos
My FA partner who does not realize he is an FA will not acknowledge ANY feeling. He will share something and I will say, “ wow that must have hurt” his response no it didn’t hurt…. Or “ so now you’re gonna tell me how I feel. It’s really hard to validate someone’s feelings when they can’t tell you what they are. Help me out here
Your insights have been extremely helpful in understanding my FA partner.
Thank You
you are answering so many questions ive always had!!!!! omg
I have a kinda question... is it safe to say that people with fearful avoidance have low self-esteem issues? Which in turn affects other areas of our lives as well?
Yes..they often have a negative view of themselves
Yes I agree. I noticed how I stopped loving myself and thus allowed my FA style to come into play into my relationship and craving these insane intensity when I felt safe for the first time in a relationship. Right now the same fears came out but it was only today when I asked for a break from my relationship thag I found this channel and I'm understanding what and why I was feeling and experiencing what I am. I'm hoping we can learn to love ourselves and create better relationships (in my case, to save this one through growth)
Yes, my FA is very dependent on external validation.
I am soooo comforted knowing that someone else experienced this .your experience is giving me hope not to divorce I’m so happy there is hope !!
I'm with a DA, so I'm not allowed to have feelings other than love and happiness. Now I've gotten to the point where I'm just in different to him
I used to be so well liked and popular, but that was not me. I mostly like alone or one special, or, my adult children. Haha
All the rest are at high risk not comprehending me.
Thank you ALWAYS!! Love that you're able to create more content lately!!🙏☺❤
In regards to repressing our feelings - is that something we choose, or is it entirely subconscious? If its subconscious, how do we know if we are suppressing feelings?
❤
Thank you for your sharing your experience. do you think the lack of attraction has anything to do with what your partner (now husband) physically looked like?
Thank you so so so so much for your videos. I discovered your channel very recently and you've been an absolute angel to me from the very first video!!!!