Uncovering 6 Core Wounds Around Intimacy For Fearful Avoidants | HealingFa.com
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- Опубликовано: 2 июл 2024
- Discover the 6 core wounds around intimacy that may affect fearful avoidants in their relationships. Learn how your attachment style can impact intimacy and find ways to navigate and heal these challenges. Dive into this insightful exploration now!
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CONTENTS --
00:00 Intro
00:29 You might believe that you have to meet expectations
03:44 The fear of rejection
07:22 The fear of being ‘found out’
08:46 You probably have a hard time setting boundaries and expressing your needs
16:52 Not allowing yourself to relax
18:26 Not allowing yourself to enjoy
Video Title: Uncovering 6 Core Wounds Around Intimacy For Fearful Avoidants | HealingFa.com
This video is the about Uncovering 6 Core Wounds Around Intimacy For Fearful Avoidants. But It also covers the following topics:
Fearful Avoidant Intimacy
Healing Core Wounds
Intimate Relationship Challenges
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✅ About Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful-avoidant.
The way you feel right now is not the way you are. If you want more freedom, calm, love, and peace in your head, body, and life, it is possible. You are not too broken.
After spending 14 years healing the fearful avoidant attachment style, I am beyond passionate and dedicated to getting you to where I am now: living a life true to myself, waking up feeling rested and peaceful. Deeply in love with my husband and looking forward to the future. This is what life is supposed to be like, and it is my honor to help you get there.
In the past 7 years, I have guided over 2000 people through my Dutch programs (I am from the Netherlands), to a secure attachment and happy relationship. Over the past year and a half, another 150 beautiful people have been through the English program Healed&Happy. I love seeing how lives can change within three months, and how NORMAL it can feel to have a secure attachment. I wish you so much joy, pleasure, and love.
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#fearfulavoidant #intimacy #corewounds #attachmentstyle #relationshipchallenges #healingjourney
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© Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful-avoidant
striving to meet someone's expectations and have lot of expectations.
afraid of rejection especially when too close.
have boundaries and assert them.
Oh my god, I am dealing with exact this right now. Thank you for this video.
This week a situation for me and my partner came up and we're both really challenged with it.
And I think it is exactly the first core wound that you are talking about.
Always when we lay in bed and start kissing more I know that my partner would start doing the next steps. Most of the time it's happening like that. So even before were in bed or when we start kissing I feel stressed and can not stop thinking if I want this or that. And then I also notice that some touches I like and some don't and it varies.
The most difficult thing for me is that my partner (and he is soo kind and open and supportive) feels that it's mostly with intimacy all about me and what I want and need and don't need. I'm sad about that, cause I cannot change that and actually there is even more variation that I didn't even share yet. :D
And also he feels that I blame him that this situation is like that. He feels treated unfairly when I talk about him like HE always wants. I find that great and beautiful. I think nothing is wrong about him.
We love eachother and always want to find a solution.
I feel like I spend so much time with this topic and collect more and more knowledge and wisdom about it, so for me nothing is surprising. That it can be complex and connected to wounds and not always the same. But I feel like and he said some things like that, that for him it's not normal to talk to friends about that topic. So he is all with himself with that and he said that he never experienced this complexity with previous girlfriends before, so it's all so new and a lot that he doesn't understand and for him it's the most natural when all sex and intimacy comes natural.
We talk a lot. It feels very challenging and confronting.
So thank you for more talk about that!
Thank you, this was very insightfull! I was wondering; could you also do a video about the fa when it comes to work/ career. And especially about finding out what you want to do or what you're passionate about. I feel like there's a connection and it's an area in my life were I feel like I'm running circles.. So if you have some insights about that, I would be really interested!!
Same! For me actually I know what I'm passionate about and I can do that not work related. But when it comes to "finding jobs" it's just not possible for me anymore. And I feel like there are a lot of things on different levels with that. Not just one truth.
I can relate to that,settling for a career and commitment may be challenging for FAs… for me it always brings out fear of missing of something outside that i could do better or enjoy more… whenever that i am not feeling as passionate as i used to be about doing a task i doubt that maybe it was not the right choice in the first place🤷🏻♀️ it kinda is same for settling for a partner in my opinion
Wow, this was awesome! I defiently needed this information. I felt in my gut lately that partners shouldn't put any pressure themselves when it comes to sex or intimacy. Like just because you're not in the mood going all the way all the time doesn't mean I or they don't like/love me/them. I guess I was right because you just confirmed it! Very interesting.
This is exactly what was on my mind today. I watched your video about the FA and sex after I woke up and then this popped up after I finished my morning routine. This information is so crucial to me at this moment. Thank you so much for sharing your insights ❤️
Wow, same! No kiddin. This video popped up at the exact right time.
SUPER helpful!! Thank you so much!! ❤
Hi Paulien are you going to do another Livestream anytime soon? I think a lot of us would really appreciate it if we could ask you about specific scenarios some of us have gone through. I hope you do one soon ♥️♥️
That is a really good idea! I am getting ready to move house though, and it is a liiiittle (maybe a lot) overwhelming, so it will be well into the new year! But I will definitely do this, good that you ask!
@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 no problem, take your time Paulien i look forward to it
Something I remain unsure of without outright asking my fearful-avoidant co-worker:
If he was exhibiting distant and dissmissive behaviors after exhibiting what I thought was authentic connection over numerous conversations we'd shared (over lunch break and during work), was he running from his attraction toward me or running from what he misconstrued as my emotionally "chasing" him?
I can sense many months later his gradual trust in me because the cold behaviors have ceased. But what were his initial cold behaviors toward me about, generally speaking? Was it likely his own struggle with attraction or believing I was attracted to him? Was it, perhaps, his fear attraction was mutual?
My goal is ultimately friendship, even if only at work. But I am asking because I don't know what to expect next. As a former anxious-preoccupied, I keep my guard up, perhaps, when I don't have to. I simply don't know whether to expect him to switch to "hot" as further trust is built.
All of this. Thank you for articulating and explaining, Paulien. (Are you from/in Belgium, too? 🙂 )
Thank you for being here and you kind words. I am from the Netherlands!
Im done with relationships. Im tired of getting taken advantage of.
I like you.
The guy I like turned out to be a fearful avoidant, very pronounced one, by the book. He is a self-proclaimed veteran of therapy, so he is quite good with expressing his feelings. He kept saying that he likes me very much, and he does not like it. And that he is at risk of falling in love with me which he does not want.
We are separated now, and he kind of "ghosts" me, but not really, does not want to interact for the aforementioned reasons. He is like "you don't need this sh*t, you are great, you deserve better".
FAs here, please help. Can this be helped? How should I behave? I was friendly but now turned to no contact on my end as well.
"you don't need this sh*t, you are great, you deserve better" This is painful to read. My FA does this too. Mine FA also said not wanting relationship or close emotional connections. At least yours are open to expressing feelings so that's a good start. I suppose a constant and consistent safe presence is good if you are willing, and do not press sex.
FA playing their hand with "You deserve someone better" is our version of saying "I love you" because when we love someone so much it will be painful for us to think you end up with us (bad person). The only cure for this is time and being there in FA's time of need but it needs some serious work or at the least personal recognition about the feelings to work out.
1. If he went no contact, that means his avoidant side activated and he is in survival mode. If you went after him now, it would make him more avoidant of you. So, you need to give him some time to self soothe.
2. After some time has passed you can resume communications when he has stabilized. Start lightly and do not directly go pursuing the issue at hand. Keep the stakes low.
3. Eventually you want to show your hand first and be vulnerable about the situation and how it made you feel without blaming him. If he opens up about the core wound of not being good enough, embrace it with acceptance and understanding. Do NOT directly blame him for his actions as that will trigger avoidance. I do believe this core wound cannot fully be healed but it can be managed with self-soothing and eventually with partners presence. Praise does not heal the wound, just makes us feel better in the moment just so we can crash later when our anxious side switches to avoidance.
4. Sometimes you just need to let the FA go. Their mind is made up and unless they are ready to heal not even acceptance, time and trust will work on them.
5. Do not blame yourself unless you (actually) did something to break our trust. We are very broken, and our thoughts and beliefs can manifest in really negative ways. Most of the time, it is us, not you who's to blame (but do not let us know that!).
@@dewedi This helps me a lot too. My FA still are in almost daily contact with me and I think it’s a good sign. Mine said not interested in relationship in private but not interested in me(or anyone else if it’s not serious) in public. Is this possibly an act of self protection? I’m wondering if I should stick to my gun and keep going. I’m 35 and my FA is my 2nd people that I loved. Mine made the first move for like half an year. And it’s been almost two years since we met.
@@dewedi Thank you, guys for your replies.
It's just painful to see. We have actually known each other for years. And he did not expect me to like him so much. Although I told him that "I will catch feelings, and you do not need it". He ended up catching feelings as well. How are the smartest of you are still so effing stupid 😞
@@thomaspan6514 I would say live your life. Two years of actually trying is too much. Our lives are not long enough for such hopelessness.
One of the reasons Jews are only allowed to be intimate two weeks out of the month is in order to teach the couple how to, and that they can, develop intimacy even without physical touch.