How to Stick to Habits and Routines Without Falling Off!
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- Опубликовано: 21 мар 2022
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Sticking to your routines and making new habits can be difficult, especially now while the world is changing so much around us. So then, can we really stick to our habits and routines? How do we do that without falling off?
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This is really helpful. I’ve battled my weight my entire life (since at least 1st grade. Thanks to trauma/abuse/not being diagnosed with adhd/depression/anxiety until recently (I’m now 41), I developed a REALLY unhealthy relationship with food and it became my drug of choice. I’ve done every diet under the book, and do great for a few weeks- maybe a month- and then get overwhelmed and quit. Now, you’ve shown me that I was making too many changes at once. I can’t change everything immediately. I’m going to sit down and set realistic goals, 1 at a time. I think my first realistic goal will be no eating in my car. I’m definitely used to eating alone in my car where no one sees me and I feel safe. But I think that it’s something I can work on first.
Thank you for giving me a new, REALISTIC hope
I can relate to this. A lot. Food was my drug of choice for a long time as well, and it still is, it's still a struggle. And I went through that same issue with diets. You are not alone. 🧡 And I think that sounds like a great starting point! One step at a time. You've got this! 🧡
- Harley
X
Same! I was introduced to intuitive eating and that changed me! Now I don’t stress about food and accept my body shape and size.
The type of food you eat can influence your hunger, where one could be doing an uphill battle, and changing the food changes the mental challenges or reduces them. One source I like on health with food is video search "Dr Berg".
One food that I use that seems to help make things easier for me is apple cider vinegar (which I drink diluted with a straw).
Another trick is fasting. It can be a game changer for health if done right, knowing how and when to do it. I do recommend a lot of research before starting it. There are multiple ways of fasting that aren't healthy or as healthy.
With a healthy mindset, you will do well.
This us a great channel for learning tools to "retrain the brain". For a lack of any better way to put it.
Along with changing one degree at a time, a quote that I have found helpful is "Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today."
Love that!!
I'm writing that one down! Thanks!
I absolutely LOVE that! Thank you for those wise words to ponder and digest! ❤️
This almost made me cry. 💜
Hey I know that wuote it's from Peterson. One of my favorite quotes
I love that Jessica doesn’t hide her emotions and keeps in the bits where she gets teary. It makes me feel less alone with my emotional dysregulation.
Probably from RSD, I cry EVERY time i have to discuss an ADHD related work problem with my boss, and I get so embarrassed about it and feel like a freak. I wish could not cry in front of colleagues but can’t control it. It makes me feel like I’m weak or being dramatic. Jess crying on camera makes me hate myself a little less. Thank you Jessica for your wonderful channel.
You're not alone @dopurrmine
You are SO brave for allowing yourself to be vulnerable and allowing others to witness that vulnerability! Keep growin' girl, you got this.
The fact that society makes us think emotional expression is wrong... It's just ridiculous. Sensitive people like us is what our world needs. It's a tell-tale sign that compassion for each other is what we need to grow as a collective, otherwise we risk self-destruction.
What you're doing is great. You're fascilitating the opportunity for understanding between people and for others to express their true emotions, as well.
I completely agree. Our struggles are emotional, and so is discovering how many ways we're not alone (which I discover in every one of Jessica's videos). I find myself getting emotional about half a minute before Jessica shows how deeply she feels about her topic.
A coach told me that re-starting a new habit after accidentally dropping it is actually a *stronger* mental reinforcement of doing it than if you'd never stopped to begin with. So don't be discouraged if your small change snaps back, just keep stretching that rubber band or muscle gradually.
Combine with small degrees of change and this is a recipe for real long-term development of new habits. I go for a walk almost every day now because I stopped thinking walks didn't count as exercise, so started with something doable. And if I only had room for a 10 minute walk I still did it. Small steps.
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this. I always got discouraged when I dropped habits in the past... Now I will integrate this suggestion into my habit tracker instead :)
@@Serena-or7sl Never give up. I had to learn how to actively notice the tiniest milestones, and learnt how to recognise them as positive, as well as accept them. :)
HOWTOADHD, PLEASE HEART OR PIN THIS COMMENT
"a stronger mental reinforcement of doing it than if you'd never stopped to begin with. " I don't understand this. can someone explain it please
@aminafahmy3711 basically, if you drop a habit but successfully restart it, that makes keeping up the habit *easier* in the future. So messing up and forgetting a day doesn't mean you failed, it might actually help cement the new habit faster than if you didn't miss that day.
(Just what my ADHD coach told me, so no idea how the science part works. Makes some intuitive sense to me though.)
I Love that you get openly emotional so often in your videos.
It makes me feel better about it. I get emotional very often, and it's a process to accept it, especially in front of others. Seeing you being vulnerable and showing your emotions helps a lot.
So thank you for your authenticity.
I felt the same way!
You know that she's a professional actress, don't you?
Really touched by your tears at 4:30. You're right that wrong belief like "I will change drastically, immediately" is to blame for a great deal of suffering, and this is an important message. Not just for the ADHD community, but for everyone.
Oh my goodness yes! I wish I'd tried to learn to feel my feelings slowly and with support. It would have saved me so much suffering. I'm healing now, but I felt so hopeless for so long.
I've been asked repeatedly, why I can't uphold change, until I believed that I'm just unable for conceivable change. It's good to hear that it's no sign of me being not wanting it badly enough (yeah, I was asked, why I don't want something happen that I've been working on for weeks/months /years)
Thanks for the warning. I usually cry when other people do and I've already cried today.
Plot twist: I cried anyway
me too! It also feels kinda validating for me. I love this channel because of it - I feel that she know the pain I feel. And thats sad but comforting.
@@mugglepuff I was crying when she started crying, so I beat her to it lol
This puts something into perspective for me. I was doing the "one degree at a time" thing with a bunch of different habits at once: getting daily steps in, drinking water, flossing, hobbies, etc. Recently, I started two new jobs, and I knew from past experience that my habits would be in tatters until I found a new routine and could start building them up again. But I've been having a hard time getting up the motivation to start doing all of that again, and I think it's what you said about it being too much. It might be one degree at once, but it's one degree in five different areas, and that's still five degrees! So thanks for this video. I think what I need to do is focus on one habit at a time for a bit.
Ahhhhh! Yes! That's very well said - thank you so much for sharing!!
Who is your therapist?
Yeah, I relate to that 100% and now, finally, I get it and I’m starting small ~ I’ve started with oil pulling each morning and I’m not adding in the next habit until I have sustained oil pulling every day consistently for two full weeks, no matter how long that takes, and I’ll keep going like that until I have my basic daily routines built up again, after loosing all of them after my most severe burnout to date and this time, 4 months post adhd diagnosis, the daily routines I’m building are around my needs rather than me trying to be a neurotypical person, so I’m actually setting myself up for success instead of for failure, which I have always unwittingly done because I had no idea I had severe adhd.
@@autumn5852 relate to this and the original comment so much! I've wasted so mich time and energy trying to live up to neurotypical standards! 💜🖤💜🖤
@@autumn5852 my thought would be it very difficult to do a thing every single day for the rest of your life. Eventually you will miss a day and then feel like a loser. Maybe plan for off days somehow.
I am not diagnosed with ADHD. But this was something I learned in therapy. Change is slow and gradual. which also means it does not need to be stressful, over whelming, and horrible. Learning that helped me reduce my anxiety a lot because I was not longer putting so much strain on myself any more. Suddenly I was able to just relax into these small changes that build into lasting success.
I started a bullet journal this year with that kind of mindset - it's OK if I miss a day or more of journaling. It's OK if my habit trackers aren't full. And then I started choosing small habits I wanted to create. In bed by 12:30 in February became 12:00 in March. A tracker for checking in on my bullet journal, and one for eating a vegetable a day (I plan on slowly incrementing up to 3+). When working out once a week became comfortable, I started doing twice a week.
My partner's sister passed away a couple of weeks ago. We spent 10 days away from home figuring out her affairs. I let some things slide, and I gave myself permission to do that. I have some blank days on meal tracking and gratitude, some unfilled squares on my habit trackers. Now that I'm back home and have had a couple of days to recover, I am ready to jump back in where I left off. It doesn't feel daunting to start up again and I'm even kind of excited to do so. I'm excited to work out this week, put photos from my trip into my journal, and nail down that 12:00 bedtime. Little changes have made a big difference for me.
Hi Anna 👋 I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹
@@sophia_comicart Hello Sophia how are you doing
When you said binge watching all of the videos and making a massive change and it’s just not going to work..
That hit me deep.
I knew I was going to fail but I wanted to be better. I found your channel and
It made me understand myself better and feel like I was understood. I then realized I had to get all this in check and I went into shambles trying to do EVERYTHING you have given us advice on all at once. I basically relapsed back into my old ways and I was really sad and unhappy with myself for being the way I was again and not sustaining that life. To hear that it’s a common mistake and one that is fixable is a breath of fresh air to someone who felt very much suffocated. I appreciate you so much the amount of times I’ve cried and felt so connected without ever meeting you is absolutely astonishing and I can’t say thank you enough.
Binge watching has its place as a pep talk on demand I think- when I feel like I just can't do the thing, watching this channel helps me get unstuck. But yes, you totally have to resist the urge to add new things to your plate based on the videos when you're already working on one thing.
My 1 degree of change was using my water flosser every day, and now I've expanded to using mouthwash after brushing at night :) I've struggled with taking care of my teeth for a long time, and now that I have at least one cavity (I have an appointment at the end of next month), I've been taking it a lot more seriously and learning how to properly care for my teeth at home. I haven't had my teeth professionally cleaned in years due to anxiety from a pretty traumatic dental appointment by someone very inexperienced. Putting it off has caught up with me, but I'm doing what I can to keep things from getting worse until my appointment, and then I get to focus on preventative care 👍
Me. I feel you. I go to the dentist, but HATE flossing. Gonna have to work on that... dentist anxiety tip... have them leave the lead vest on you. It helps me alot.
I've never been able to develop regular dental hygiene habits, even as a child, and bad teeth run in my family. I'm also from a financially challenged family, so my teeth are a mess. It's worsened my self-esteem problems, I avoid giving any open-mouth smiles, etc. Last summer, I bought floss picks and a little hand mirror and started flossing, which led into brushing and mouthwash. I had a major depressive episode that I'm still not fully recovered from and fell out of the habit for months. I'm finally just starting to get back into it. There's been so much shame for most of my life surrounding this, because it's such a simple, quick, easy thing to do and it seems like nobody else struggles so much to do something as basic as brushing their teeth. Something I've had to learn to do, and still have to work to remember, is that instead of shaming myself for failing to do it and increasing the dread of having to do it (if I even remember), I need to praise myself when I do properly take care of myself. I'm in an environment where there's little under my control and self-care is difficult on a daily basis, so I have to remind myself to be nice to me.
So hey, I'm proud of you for your progress, and I hope that you'll be able to maintain this habit with few slips in the future
This makes me feel a lot less bad about myself because I also struggle with that. And when my mental health tanked during COVID it got worse. I'm doing better now though
BUILDING UP MY TOLERANCE FOR UNCERTAINTY! Thats a statement that hits me deep. I am stagnant most of my life due to the fear of uncertainty of whether ill succeed or fail in any situation. But recently I've been able to really take small steps that have been sticking, Ive been doing routines without telling myself i HAVE to do it, I just do it. Just being real with myself and saying that i can accomplish everything one step at a time, one degree of change. Thank you
Yes! As someone struggling with anxiety and trauma, that "tolerance for uncertainty" is the key! MIndfulness meditation has been a big help in building that muscle--but it IS slow!
I can relate
This video couldn’t have come at a more perfect time, as I’ve been struggling a lot lately with my positive habits and routines. Thank you, Jess, for all the great help and awareness you bring to us brains.
You're welcome! We're glad this video is able to help in some way. 🧡And thank you for watching and supporting! Couldn't do it without all of y'all!
SAMEEEEE
I still battle to get into routine . My 4year old twins are alot of work
I had to start sending all your videos to my wife to see how having ADHD is not easy day at the office
Oh ...and your are incredible beautiful 😍
There's also this weird paradox about change, essentially that the more we resist and deny our reality, the more inner conflict we create around it, just making us more stuck. But the more we can fully accept ourselves as we are, warts and all, the more we can relax into our reality, and this actually frees up energy that makes the real change more possible.
That is one of the biggest lessons I've learned in life.
One year ago, I was completely paralyzed and drained by self-doubt and self-hatred, not being able to create as an artist or do anything at all, really... and then my therapist gently suggested that maybe I should just... stop. Stop trying for a while. And I thought "Ma'am, I BEG YOUR PARDON???" Like, how will I prove to myself and to others that I'm worth anything at all if I just stop trying? This will be the final proof that I'm a lost case, not worthy of the air I breathe, blablablablah...
But I was beyond tired, so I followed her advice. I think I was expecting I would implode or something... but nothing happened, I just got a chance to truly rest. The world did not end, as I feared. And after a while... the creativity fountain started to flow again.
I slowly stopped wanting to change because I hated who I was, and started looking for change because I was curious and excited about who I could become.
You made me think about something from occupational therapy. There’s a term we use called a “just right challenge”. When setting up activities for our clients, we give them an activity that’s just slightly out of their comfort zone, that “one degree of change”. Thank you for the reminder that I need to apply this to my own life.
I’ve been trying for years to create a consistent sleep routine. I’ve finally (I think) been able to do it by telling myself I need to go to sleep and wake up at certain times and that’s it. No routines, no extra steps. I can do them if I want to, but they’re not required. And once I’m doing that consistently, then I can add more steps. It’s so difficult to make incremental progress, but I’d rather have a good sleep routine in a year then to keep failing over and over again. Thank you again for the wonderful videos! Much appreciated!
Hello fellow OT! 👋🏼
You’re right, we should also be applying the “just right challenge” for ourselves! 💪🏼
But how?? How did you do it? My body just doesn't want to... :(
But have that task set before you go to bed so you don't even have to think about it in the morning.
Thank you, OC!! When Jess mentioned the proximal zone, my OTA in training brain immediately thought of the Just Right Challenge.
Something that might help is starting to add sleep hygiene to your just right challenge (if it isn't already there).
Call 'em baby steps, just right challenge, or 1 degree of change.
Set your phone to blue light or bedtime mode an hour before bed. Brush teeth, wash face, etc.
for those out there who need more info... search sleep hygiene.
"Then appreciate that change." A very important step for others in your life! If no one so much as acknowledges your work (especially for those of us with ADHD) or if they say things like "Finally!" or "It's about time!" or "That's it? That's all?" (aka punishing the behavior they want to see), then it's super easy to start thinking "What's the point? What's the use?" and give up. Having a nurturing support system helps tremendously.
Even just making the bed every morning takes conscious effort, and I used to feel like a failure every time I realize I forget to do it. Until I finally learned about adhd and got diagnosed, I learned to commend myself for the things I'm able to do and remember to do, instead of beating myseld up for stuff i couldn't, just because I forget. I think it makes the difference and I feel like I'm doing it more.
Yessssss! Celebrate the victories - large and small. 🧡
Yes! I started using a bullet journal a few months ago to help keep my schedule on track, and I actually created a page titled “celebrate the little wins” so I can write down some of those little victories and read them later if I need to be reminded of a success!
When you have limited mental spoons, things like making your bed are very low on the priority list. :-P
Well said Pauleen! Celebrating the small things (for me it is dental hygiene) is so important for our mental health!
That's an exellent attitude. I wish I could get there. But also, please don't make the bed, it needs to breathe to minimize the micro organisms brewing in there. I still don't understand why (mostly) Americans are so obsessed with making the bed.. Here we listen to science and let it breathe. One more thing not to blame yourself over.
A book that has helped me even with a guy like me with suspected ADHD, is called "Atomic Habits" which talks precisely about small changes, how to start and stick to habits by building one small change at a time. I really think it can't hurt to read it and try to apply some of that advice, even for people with ADHD :)
this book... it didn't change my life by itself, but it is a fundamental building block in my ongoing and sustained life change. extremely recommended.
I have this book & stopped reading when I felt a bit overwhelmed. This makes me want to finish it. Thank you :)
This channel seriously feels like free therapy and life coaching at this point for many of us struggling with these issues haha. Please don't everr overestimate the importance and value of what you do and how far reaching it can be and you would never even know
Think you meant to say underestimate here
This is great advice for everyone! My one degree of change this week is walking back my bedtime by 1hr. Even 1hr is a stretch goal, and if I move it back just 15 minutes, that's good progress, too. Good sleep is probably the most important foundation (for me).
I have worked in the sleep medicine field for many years, and pushing your bedtime 15 minutes earlier a day is probably the maximum you should try to do. Your internal body clock can’t really handle a more drastic change in a single day. (Unless you are pushing it in the other direction, and going to bed later each day. That can typically be done a little faster.)
You know what? I needed this video. I've been getting better at building up better... routines... I was always great at the "I should really take a shower... but I'm so tired..." I'm only remembering to do that at 3am, right before I go to bed. In the few months I've been binging your content... it's given me more understanding about myself, than the 27 years I've been diagnosed. Words cannot describe how helpful this channel has been for me.
sooooo so so much love for what you've done for me, and probably numerous others. THANK YOU for everything!
This makes me feel so belonged, thank you
Showers at 3am are the only way, what do you mean? ;P
But on a more serious note, I'm in the same boat and only remember to do things like that at the most irregular times... Either midday, or as I go to bed in the am
Have you broken the cycle?? I totally do this, except I don't often take the shower, which only makes me more antisocial. :/ I have so many sleep problems as it is. But I really need to get into a healthier sleep - and personal hygiene - schedule. Especially since mask mandates have lifted, heh.
I found you after my ADHD diagnosis and you've helped me a lot. Your channel helped my mom realize she had ADHD and got herself a diagnosis too!
Awwwww we're so glad to hear our content helped not only you but your mom as well!! 🧡
@@HowtoADHD it’s good to see you again sweetheart
This is my first time commenting on your content. Thank you for your videos. I have clinically diagnosed ADHD, but it wasn't diagnosed until I was in my 30's. I feel like I've had to play catch-up on learning about myself and your channel has been helpful.
This particular video hit especially close to my heart. My entire life I've dealt with this ongoing cycle of expectations and disappointments-I expect changes for myself, set a lot of goals, make a system or schedule for myself that seems reasonable in the moment, ultimately fail to achieve or maintain what I wanted, then feel extremely disappointed and, frankly, disgusted with myself. It's a bitter and acrid experience. Then the cycle repeats, only when I repeat it, historically, I add more expectations onto myself and still to carry the disappointment and disgust from the previous attempts. Every cycle becomes worse than the last. Unfortunately, this cycle has been ongoing for me since grade school, and through work and counseling I've come to realize that I need to accept myself where I am, and forgive myself when I make mistakes or don't achieve something in the way I saw it working out in my head. I would never treat a loved one in the harsh way I treat myself, and that's not right.
I'm trying to do better. I'm trying to acknowledge and reward progress that in the past I wouldn't have considered noteworthy. I'm trying to be more compassionate with myself. It is hard. The negative cycle and the old way of thinking were and are heavily engrained into my sense of self worth and it takes conscious effort to un-learn them and replace them with healthier, more gentle behaviors and habits. But it's something that I know is infinitely valuable to do, and something that I know I can accomplish in time. I can't and don't expect to change over night, in the negative cycle I am currently working to improve nor in other goals I have for myself.
One degree of sustained change over time is good, worthwhile, valuable change. Ninety degrees of explosive change overnight is unrealistic, unkind, and in the end will leave me feeling worse about myself. Thank you very much for the reminder. I really needed it today, but didn't realize my need until I watched you video.
@David Morgan Hey, thank you! I'm doing alright~ It's kind of you to ask.
Thanks, but no thank you. I'm happy with the people in my life irl, not looking for internet relationships.
Amy - I’m crying just reading what you shared because this is me my whole life. I feel unworthy every time I couldn’t meet my set goals and am embarrassed because I can tell my friends think I’m just a talker. Beating myself up is a constant cycle, why it’s so difficult to break. Being 30, I scheduled my ADHD evaluation for the first time next month after having multiple online tests. Would hate myself if it comes out positive that I have it yet never knew.
@@itsnotif.itswhen Thanks! I'm happy my words were meaningful to you. Take care, and have a nice day. 💕
This is along the lines of a book i am reading called "How to be an Imperfectionist" by Stephen Guise. He wrote a couple other books that are directly related to this called Mini Habits. It really focuses on making sustainable changes. One of my favorite lines I saw the other day was "“those who simplify and make success easier than failure are those who get into "success cycles."" So basically, stop over-complicating things and just take small steps toward what you want. As you do so it becomes much easier to change. Thanks for sharing!
This advice is definitely applicable to my perfectionism as well. Thanks for the reminder. It's a weird dichotomy that many of us think in: we have low self-esteem, yet we expect ourselves to be able to do absolutely anything. We rarely give ourselves credit for our hard work or compassion when we need a break. Thanks again!
Yes.
Very well said! Perfectionism can make the "one step at a time" process even harder, but I have started it a few months ago and it can definitely work! Every small victory gives hope for the next step. A tip that works for me to help with self esteem and perfectionism is to try to think about at least one thing that we did well every day.
Thank you for that!!!!
I've started a million hobby projects. Rarely do I finish them. Quick completion and quick change is unrealistic. I've grown an appreciation for incremental progress and an understanding of when I'm asking too much of myself, like you mentioned. Still trying to get an appointment to be assessed for ADHD, though.
Yesssss, I've grown to appreciate incremental progress as well. *high five* Hope you're able to get that assessment! 🧡
When it comes to hobbies, I've been trying to appreciate them for what they are, not for when or whether the projects get completed. I can appreciate my curiosity about learning something new, or ability to develop skills along the way, or the enjoyment of experimenting with something artistic, etc. And if they are hobbies, then giving me those things is all they really need to do.
I really feel like if you fail to follow up on an adhd assessment three consecutive times you should get automatically diagnosed....ok not really but something shaped that way
@@CheerfuEntropy I definitely made the point in one referral related phone call, that the very things they were asking me to do were a struggle, because of, you know ... the symptoms of my suspected ADHD! The woman on the phone laughed. 😆
@@pjp9383 Sometimes we’re actually pursuing a different hobby from the one we signed up for. I reactivated my crochet hobby last fall. So far I’ve favorited over 100 patterns on Ravelry, pinned over 1000 ideas to Pinterest, bought enough yarn for at least 40 projects, and crocheted one scarf. But I’ve really enjoyed collecting and curating. If I can just learn to enjoy looking at the yarns without having to buy them, I could consider my hobby time well spent. 🙄 🧶🧶🧶🧶🧶
My guess is that a lot of "overnight change" probably came after multiple attempts or a significant amount of reflection. For example, I was able to quit smoking cold turkey "overnight", but that was after several attempts I had tried in the past. Having practiced a behavior in the past can make "overnight change" possible.
Yes. Covid knocked me flat on my ass for almost a month back in August, and when I finally recovered I was in perfect position to make several drastic changes that actually stuck 👉this time👈. I had been trying and failing to make those changes for years and suddenly it all fell right into place.
I’m an all or nothing person, I don’t do well with moderation. This one degree thing… wow! I love it. The changes I’ve made in my life have all been this way, one degree at a time. Now that I’ve heard it, I understand how it happened. Wooohooo!!! Thank you!!!
A piece of advice about building/ breaking habits that I've found works for me is that it's easier to change/ adapt a pre-existing habit than make a new one or break one. To build a habit, take something you do regularly already (things like getting out of/ going to bed, having a shower, brushing your teeth, ext) and add to it. To break one, find something else to swap it with that requires not too much effort to do in comparison. I don't know if it's something that will work for other people but it does work for me.
The idea of tying the new habit to an existing one is called habit chaining, or sometimes habit stacking. Very old psychological concept, and a very good suggestion!
That's a common technique in animal training. You can add behaviors to each other to create a "ritual". (ex. Teaching a dog to come downstairs and greet a guest on command) You can replace unwanted ones by training up incompatible behaviors. (ex. Teaching a dog to use its mouth to grab a toy or pillow and bring it to the guest instead of barking)
Ultimately, training an animal is simply shaping habits, and I've personally found understanding animal learning has actually helped me with my own habits.
Hmm. This is one for me to ponder. Thanks!
what if you have no regular habits and it feels like everything is starting from scratch every time you do anything?
@@Anchorhillhartley Do you have regular habits you think are bad?
You wake up every morning - what do you do? Do you brush your teeth at different times of the day? Do you eat meals at different times?
You go to the toilet right? Is that at a specific time?
I’m not sure humans can avoid forming habits so it might be interesting to test yourself in what you do regularly.
I was literally just talking to my best friend about needing to figure out how to stay on track and keep doing my coursework and then this video popped up. Feeks like the universe is taking the piss, but I appreciate the timing 😄
Omg that's amazing!! 😂 Glad to have you here with us! 😀
I'm in this situation too and this video is so timely
"We want the change that happens quickly, we want the change that happens fast, but that change doesn't last... so it's not really change." Wow. Mind. Blown. I'm just repeating this to myself as a mantra. Thank you, Jessica, for another helpful and inspiring video!!
Hi Margaret 👋 I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹
I was recently diagnosed and I'm so happy I found this channel. Anyone else watch videos on 1.75x
I needed this video. Literally Sunday night I created a radical schedule change for myself to try and get a lot more done in a day, and I crashed from the pressure of it before lunch on Monday. The rubber band analogy is perfect and the one degree of change reminds me a bit of a saying I once read: "15 minutes is 1% of your day." So for everyone trying to change by 1%, just think about what you can do in 15 minutes today to push your life along a better path.
15 mins being 1% of your day would work out as a day being 1,500 mins long or 25 hrs. If you were doing 24hrs it would be 14.4 mins but even then most people aren't awake 24hrs a day. If someone woke up at 8am and then went to bed at 11pm, their day is 15hrs long so that would give 9 mins as 1% of your day.
Though the exact number doesn't matter really because I don't know what I can do in that short an amount of time. I tend to do stuff quite slowly I'm not physically very quick, could be partly to do with my EDS meaning I have to always put thought into every movement or my body falls apart) and I have zero concept of the passage of time. I've tried timing myself and 15 mins can be how long it takes to peel and chop a single carrot (into small cubes for use in something like bolognese sauce). Or sometimes it can take me an hour to do it. In the end we found frozen pre-diced base mix (carrot, celery, onion) and now buy that as then at least we're more likely to have dinner done before 10pm. LOL I've learned that I can't consistently do anything in a short amount of time. It always varies massively.
Judging by your comment, your mind is very sharp, perhaps quick - even if you're body maybe isn't always.
Could you use your 10-15 min to do some sort of thought task rather than a physical task, like update your planner, make phone calls, pay bills/ balance your checkbook, write a journal entry,or plan or your errands for the day? Or maybe something physical that's intentionally slow, like some stretches or maybe timed exercises like planking, or setting how many situps you can do in 5 minutes?
* I'm not familiar with your condition, so apologies if those don't fit well. Just hoping to help spark ideas at least. Take care. Maybe your doctor could help with suggestions on physical activities that could fit that time slot. Maybe having a partner help with an activity would help break out down?
For me when I've made long term changes the key has been to try to visualise what I'll look like when I can do the thing and aim for that. When I fail it's often because I'm running away from what I don't want to be like instead of heading towards a me that I want to be.
This is really great! The self loathing that arises from constantly failing to change the things you hate about yourself is very real. And it is constantly reinforced by the Health and Wellness Industry who push the false narrative that we can change instantly if we just buy their product.
To me this underscores how damaging both psychologically, and epistemologically, the commodification of human health & wellness is.
You certainly nailed it there, from my experience, now at 72 years worth. Thank you!
I struggle with patience and taking little steps so much. This video is so encouraging. 💜
SAME. It's hard to not just go MAXIMUM EFFORT and try to strongarm whatever we're doing even though we know it usually isn't sustainable. 😅
I'll take this video as a sign. Currently journaling about my struggle to stick to habits and my desire to change that. It's so hard for me.
It's a super common struggle, you're not alone. 🧡 Hope the video is able to help!
I needed to hear this (and will be replaying this over and over again to remind myself). I was getting frustrated with myself that I was improving "fast enough" and I would also deal with burnout and feel even worse about myself. It also doesn't help we live in a society where we're expected to get things done 100% perfect the first time, and if you're not then you're expendable. It's really messed up how our society and culture won't permit just taking some time to improve. But I digress.
I'm working on this with my therapist and yeah, pretty much it's better to start small and then work your way up there. That and needing to stop comparing myself to others. And I realized I have less patience than I thought I had
I want you to know that you are a grounding place for me, if I'm spiralling, you are 'home'. Your videos, past and present, have fine tuned my understanding of my ADHD and you are so very real and likeable.
Self-improvemt can be such a struggle, but one thing I always try to keep in mind is the sentiment that recovery/improvement isn't a straight line! There'll be times where we fall, or even revert back to bad habits and techniques. We just have to remember to pick ourselves back up and keep trying 💜
This is so important!! It is a zig zag
I think this is also why loss and disability can be so hard. We're used to doing things a certain way. Being able to rely on someone, talk to someone, walk out the door, drive, talk, see where we're going, think a certain way. Then something happens. The person we relied on a lot emotionally dies or moves away. We get in an accident and can't walk. We experience abuse or trauma, and suddenly, we aren't where we used to be. We can't see the world the same way. We don't feel safe. But because of life, we're unable, to snap back to where we actually are cuz that person is gone or the illusion of control has been shattered, or whatever. So we're forced into this stretched state, that isn't sustainable. Until we bend or break. Your mind might be able to change, mentally you can maybe have an enlightenment moment, but it takes time to allow us to adjust there safely with the rest of us
I’m also in tears! Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. It gives me more courage to show up in the world exactly as I am and not how I think I need to show up. There are a lot of “shoulds” in life and somehow us ADHD-ers put a lot more pressure to “perform” than most folks, I can imagine.
Hi Emily 👋 I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹
We're a family of five adults, four with adhd and a 6yr old asd/adhd. You can imagine that organisation is not our thing. My one degree of change, which I learned from your video about an adhd friendly home was to create an adhd friendly home. Starting with 'point of use', Why was that a revelation? It was like 'why didn't I think of this?' So...that!
I read a home management book a few years ago that I swear was written by a woman with ADHD. I got the tip of point of first use from that book and it was a game changer!
It's called Confessions of an Organized Homemaker, if you're interested.
As someone who's currently dealing with several changes, figuring out how to manage my ADHD after being diagnosed last october, and dealing with and understanding and healing from PTSD that I only learned about last september and then also coming out as nonbinary as all the exploration that comes with that, I needed this. I've been trying to tackle all of that at once while not falling behind in class or not be exhausted everyday or overwhelmed and trying to do it all at once, I've been struggling with all of it barely making progress to any of them
Are you me? I’m not in class but other than that… 😂
Hey, me too! High five for the adhd-ptsd-recovery-non-binary squad 👏We can do it! :)
Hi Rose 👋 I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹
I’ve been struggling a lot recently with feeling stuck in life, not seeing any change in my life, and lack of motivation. But your videos remind that I’m not alone and they help me better understand myself. Thank you so much for being such a kind and caring person that people like me can look up too! 🙃
Meee 🥲🥲🥲
I tried to change overnight, to tell myself "I'm going to wake up early, drink plenty of water, exercise and take care of myself". The moment the alarm started ringing at 8am I opened my eyes feeling the immense boulder on my body of all the thing I had to do that day and I went to sleep again.
I'm really glad about your video and your channel in particular! I want to love myself and do things that makes me happy and I will eventually, it just need a little more time.
“We are gonna want the change that happens quickly, but that’s not the change that’s gonna last”. Wow, thank you so much for this video!
I'm learning this lesson right now!
I started orthodontics treatment 19 weeks ago. It might take more than a year, but I already see a big difference... I'm learning patience, I'm learning that every week I need to put on a new tray, slightly different from the previous one, and when I finish I will still need the retainer to keep the teeth in a new position. Every change works the same way!
This is such a great analogy! I had braces for 2 years as a teen. It's been 15 years and I still have to wear my retainer every night.
I really appreciate that you're willing to be vulnerable on camera. It's really comforting to know that it's okay to get overwhelmed and cry about things and I really need that sometimes. I definitely cried along to this one.
I often have to remind myself that "slow progress is better than no progress".
And it's actually encouraging to realize that when it come to making changes, slow progress is actually doing it right.
I time my delay in the morning and take that time + a safe margin out of my planning for the next day. Instead of overcommitting to an early start and productive morning.
At least now i don't miss appointments & feel ok when actually done waking up. It's a 3 hour proces atm, but this is the first 1 degree step; aknowledging and accepting.
So true. I struggled for a while with going to sleep and waking up at a consistent time. After I dropped out of school few months and had a lot more free time, I started to try and be more on top of my sleep schedule and finally I've been able to go to sleep and wake up at a specific time consistently for the past few weeks. Now it's time to try and move it earlier a little bit at a time.
That's awesome!! Look at you go! 🧡
👏 👏 great! I mastered my sleep schedule when I was working. Went to bed, went to bed not sleep, at a good enough time to get sufficient sleep. I wake up extremely early now and it helps.
This video seems to line up exactly with what I’m learning about myself right now. I realized that pushing myself really hard for a week and then crashing and hating myself wasn’t working. About a month ago I decided to work on one little habit a month. This month I’m using my calendar and reminders app, and if I forget to use it for a day I don’t beat myself up for that. Next month I’m going to work on being on time to my obligations. Thanks for the awesome video!
I only discovered your channel recently and this is kind of how I am. I haven't been officially diagnosed with anything but I do have a psyc eval thursday. I'm 33 and honestly is so weird to me thinking the possibilities of the evaluation. --- But I only say this because I relate to quite a few things you have expressed. The changing one degree at a time is such a valuable lesson. Though I haven't figured out what I want to be or who I want to be so I'm stuck in this circle where I keep thinking "oh maybe this is what I want." Then I try it and I feel a failure in the process and I give up. Like when I put LEGO together and a piece breaks off I get upset at myself I shake my body and give up.
I do this a lot with other things, only using the LEGO as an example. But I've lived this far with how my mind thinks that it's impossible for me to feel any agency over myself anymore. Only because everything I do has felt like a let down or my interests fade into obscurity. So with the NYE resolutions, I stick to a plan for x time and it goes great and I see results and then one day my brain shuts off and its back to square one like nothing ever happened. It's so confusing to me.
I'm hoping getting my evaluation done helps me understand about myself more but at the same time this one step that could change how I am as a person looking to the future sounds scarier than it has. 2022 is coming to a close and it's going to be that time again to make resolutions and the cycle never ends.
I really enjoyed the part where you talk about loved ones wanting change for eachother. Right now I'm struggling to make my sister understand I can't change or cope the way she wants me to, and my way is best for me even though she doesn't agree. Thanks Jess!
I absolutely love your videos! You helped be gain the confidence I needed to finally get tested and diagnosed with ADHD. I’ve only been officially diagnosed for 2 weeks and I’ve already had huge improvements in my life. Thank you so much for doing what you do!
Welcome to the team! We're so happy to know that we've been able to help you along your ADHD journey! 🧡 And thank *you* for watching!! Because at the end of the day, our content may help, but you're the one doing all the steps! And are doing a great job by the sounds of it!
Same... after watching their videos i also got the courage and finally got diagnosed last month. It totally made the difference especially w/ the acceptance that I really HAVE adhd. I used to have impostor syndrome abt it too because i was self diagnosing.
When I was much younger, I resolved to make no more New Year resolutions. It's the only one I've ever kept.
That's so relatable
Me too, no more guilt 😊
Thank you for being so in tune with your viewers. You are the most genuine and passionate creator i have ever come across. I discovered your channel earlier this month and I sat on the floor of my bedroom and cried for hours while binging your videos because i have never once in my life felt so understood and supported. I have only ever felt like a failure. I was the typical gifted kid who had extreme burnout and got diagnosed with depression. Today in therapy I talked about how i’m in an endless cycle of disappointing myself because i never live up to my expectations, whether it’s my goals, routines, etc.. This video couldn’t have come at a more perfect time for me. I’m definitely gonna take your advice and try not to expect myself to be able to change myself over night now that i’ve binged all of your content. You are such an incredible resource for anyone with adhd like myself. Thank you for being so vulnerable with us and sharing your knowledge. I don’t know where i would be without it.
I think I really needed to hear this now. People always say "one step at a time" but I don't always appreciate what they mean until I'm trying to change everything at once.
Thanks for continuing to tell it like it is, and speaking with compassion and the wisdom of experience. Your channel is a lifeboat.
This is what I'm struggling with right now, every time I struggle with something you release a video about it and save my life once again haha thank you 💞
Happy to help! Hope things will smooth out for you soon. 🧡
It took me 30 years to realize for myself what you said in that video. I always tried to be a better version of myself like: NOW! At Once! Instantly! Well... after 30 years of struggles I finally accepted that I need reminders not to overlook thinks and being distracted forget that such a thing even existed. :D Now at age 53 I realize that I can do all the things I ever dreamed of doing, if I give myself proper time to adjust and grow into it. Also my most important habit to get down was: "Look at your list of things you need to do EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING!" Thanks for helping other ADHD-brains not to struggle 30+ years, thinking they are inadequate or stupid or incapable... Love your work, keep it up!
As a ADHDer... Funny thing... I watched the video & less than two hours later it came up on my feed again but I couldn't remember if I had already watched it or not. 😂 So I watched it again and halfway thru I remembered. 😊 Thanks for sharing these videos! 🙏
A year ago in December I realized something was wrong in my life, I was depressed and felt like I just wasnt myself. I was a slave to my impulsive behaviors, behaviors which nearly destoryed my marriage and relationships with close friends and family. This video reminds me just how far I came, from admitting that I had a problem, to managing it day by day. Every 1° I invested slowly helped me get through this. A year later, I am taking stimulants finally and going to therapy. These videos also helped me get the help I needed. I have to express my gratitude for this channel. It helped me feel like I wasnt alone and gave me the knowledge I needed to understand how my brain works and why it acts out impulsively when I deal with my anxiety and depression. I like the last little bit you said. I catch myself finding things that help me and I try to get my wife to do the same, but I have to realize that her progress in self improvement is different than mine and the things that work for me, may not work for her. Thank you so much for putting out this content. Its been helping me become the person I want to be little by little.
Great timing, this "how" question is the exact one I was asking for the last couple of days while having a breakdown over the fact that I can't stick to any habit, including taking meds for a condition I've had for 15 years now, THANK YOU JESSICA
I needed to hear this today. It takes me months of baby steps to make any sort of semipermanent change. It's infuriating, but getting treatment and working within my own parameters does wonders ❤️
I only really considered that I have ADHD about a week ago. Before then (and for almost 20 years!), I put my problems down to "just the depression" or anxiety, or "my upbringing", or this or that experience that was traumatic, or... But ADHD explains pretty much every single struggle I've had, as a young child, through every school, employment, relationships, home life, the trauma I've faced, how I've been treated and thought of and spoken about.... It's almost crushing to realise the truth. But also positive, because now (although I am as yet undiagnosed--but I'm 95% sure it's true) I can seek proper help, and actually change for the better, and ignore the whole shelf of self-help books that are dusty downstairs!
And I only discovered your videos a couple days ago, but they're great. Clear, informative, funny, helpful. And you seem like a genuinely nice and helpful person. So thank you, for you channel. I'm sure I'll be binging your work.
I may have binged the channel and planned to fix my habits overnight. Lol. It's been an educational few hours at least...
Hi Jessica, I just wanted to thank you for you videos. You helped me figure out that I have ADHD and thereby empowered me to get help. I've had symptons since primary school but I didn't really feel restricted by it - until two years ago. Studying for uni on my own, at home, with no obligation to go to lectures and instead just video files I could watch whenever (=never)... I quit my course and changed to something different at a different uni, because I thought the only reason I failed was that I wasn't interested in the subjects. But I'm really passionate about my new course and still struggle as bad as before with staying concentrated and motivated.
I finally got my diagnosis last week and of course that doesn't turn me into a perfect student over night, but I now feel like I can actually get through uni and not fail again. So thank you for helping me find hope 💙
Thank you so much for this, exams are near and with adhd I'm really struggling, big loveee
You're welcome! And sending hugs (unless you don't like hugs then still sending the love without the hug!). Good luck on your exams! 😊🧡
@@HowtoADHD OMG WAITT YOU REPLIED PLS I HAVE TO SAY THIS, EVER SINCE I GOT DIAGNOSED YOU HAVE NO IDEAA HOW MUCH YOU HELPED MEEE😭
WKKSKSKS I'M SO HAPPY AND YES I LOVE HUGSS AND EVEN IF THERE'S AN ALTERNATE REALITY WHERE I DON'T LIKE HUGS, I'D STILL TAKE ONE FROM YOU😭💙
I don't know if you're even gonna see this but ilysm😭
In the middle of watching the vid, and what I get is 1% improvement is self-love, 1% improvement is self-compassion. Appreciate this realistic sense 😊
I used to do so much within timed periods for my employers in managing resources around events , that it’s been eye opening and painful to not be able to get more done for myself. Your input has helped.
Perfect timing. I’m struggling currently with having to stop meds (giving me ulcers) and I’m having to rely more on lifestyle changes. Change is tough! ❤️
I found your channel recently and it's changed my life and the way I think about myself. I always thought I had ADHD but was never sure and recently I learned that I have severe ADHD and unpacking it has been bittersweet. Thinking back on all of the things I could have changed with a better understanding of how my brain works... It would have allowed me to get more done, but more importantly, be kinder and more patient with myself. Thank you for being such a beacon in a world that doesn't accommodate people with ADHD. Seeing you tear up during this video just shows how passionate you are about helping people thrive and treat themselves better and it means so much. thank you.
Where was this when I was 20? I just found this channel and it has already changed my paradigm.
2:01 mind blown.
This is so wonderfully put! I’ve always struggled with planning my whole life and have tried system after system to stay organized. Bullet journals, calendars, etc. but nothing stuck. A few weeks ago I started doing simple, messy to-do lists every night for the next day and I’ve actually been doing it consistently! I just needed one degree, instead of a whole system
This is exactly the timely reminder I needed - I'm having to make some important work and lifestyle changes, and it's so easy to feel virtuous about setting unrealistic expectations. But virtue really lies in kindly and realistically letting myself change like a real live person, not a fictional person I'd like to be.
Hi Maria 👋 I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹
I just got in an argument adjacent discussion with my psychiatrist who I have decided I will be replacing, but now I'm just watching this over and over to remind myself that there is at least one human in this universe who understands what's happening and its YOU
My one degree of change is actually turning homework in on time. It's been a big problem since I was little. I'm starting by keeping a planner. I won't do as much work as I need to everyday, and I know that, but I'm starting with one class that's a struggle and seeing where that takes me. I'll probably still have to work on the weekends, and I probably won't do as much as I want to everyday, but that's alright. It's better than going into sensory overload every time I see my lists of work.
Thank you so much ❤
Thank you ❤
I've been at it for about seven years too although ADHD only came on my radar about 18months ago, diagnosed ADHD-C and ASD 6months ago.
I never feel like what I'm doing is good enough and always start things I can barely finish (yoga challenge, meditate for 30 days etc). I don't like the me that fails. But I look back and see that I've put SO many things in place that have subconsciously stuck.
I drink water every morning. I meditate at least four times a week. I do yoga nearly every day. My house stays relatively clean. I eat good food AND not healthy food lol.
I struggle with the feeling that it's never enough, but when I take it all into consideration, I'm already the person I wanted to be five years ago.
And that is definitely something to be grateful for ❤
Hi Jen 👋 I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹
I've been struggling with positive habits and routines in my day to day life for a while now, this video was incredibly helpful! Keep up the great work Jess!
I cannot tell you how much better I feel after watching this. Extremely validating.
I really like the way of thinking that no Matter if I wanna climb a mountain or just walk around the block, it starts with a step. What matters more is the direction I'm going.
Your channel has been so helpful to my journey. Recently diagnosed, as an adult, it's explained so much. Now, your channel has given me so many useful tools to manage my brain. I really appreciate you sharing your journey. I've taken on a very consistent exercise routine because I learned to lower the barriers (the bike is right next to my bed), and to pair a low reward activity (riding the bike) with a high reward activity (watching trashy RUclips videos and drinking coffee). Now, I look forward to getting up and getting on my bike for 15min with my coffee. If I hadn't understood how my brain works, I wouldn't have known to game it. :D
This makes me feel so much better. Also, completely unrelated to the video, but I've watched a few of your videos with my kiddos since they've been diagnosed now. Watching it click with them when watching about emotional disregulation and overstimulation and motivation, is so amazing. It allows for conversations about why we have to be mindful of how we react to things, and gets them to make little changes to help themselves.
Hi Janine 👋 I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹
I feel so called out when you talked about how binging your channel on a day isn’t gonna change you, because it is literally what I have been doing. Thank you for making me realize the expectations I set for myself are not healthy.
I have been learning to deal with my adhd for 38 years (I was first diagnosed when I was seven) and I find this to be true. However I also found it is in my adhd nature to want all the change now. The trick is know that the change will come. Ps I'm on my way to pick up my first set of adhd meds in 35 years. Here's hoping that I haven't set the bar too high for the ensuing progress.
Thank you, Jessica, for everything you do. I started using CoPilot because of your previous video about ADHD and exercise, two things I have grappled with my entire life. I now have a workout routine (2 months now!). I am still the same person with the same struggles, but I now have a tool that helps bring me back when I get overwhelmed and tired. I can crash out for days and it makes me feel awful. My new routine helps me get back up and moving again. I m pregnant with my second kid, right now, so this has also helped me feel more confident as a mom, like this is really hard but I can move through it. Your channel has helped me heal in so many other ways too. Thank you a million times.
It's been 3 years I have been watching and learning new things about ADHD and the kind of trying to figure out ways to cope with ADHD myself. Your videos are really helpful , they helped me understand myself better and I am grateful for that. Just wanted to say thanks. You are awesome. Keep up the good work.
I was diagnosed at 24 with the combined type, but never understood the magnitude of ADHD until about 3 months ago, thanks to a video of Dr. K. I then became obsessed and bought 5 audiobooks. I read 3.5 of them and binged on this channel (and others). It lead to a hypomania without any negative side effects. Then one of my therapists said some questionable shit, and a couple of days later, something triggered me into a manic episode. I think it was partly self sabotage. Things were going too well and voices told me I didn't deserve this, that it was "too easy" etc. etc. I tried to make TOO many good changes, and things were going great, but the stress on my mind and body ended up being too much. Luckily, I was only "out" for 2-3 days. This will have been my fourth episode, and with each one you learn new tools and tricks you fish your sanity out of the abyssal debths.
To summarize, do as this video says, start small with incremental steps. Otherwise the inevitable snapback can be incredibly painful.
Omg!i saw the title of this and I’ve been saying for years “I’ll do anything to avoid routine” which….. would always get dead silence, total lack of comprehension… now I’m going to embrace my hate of routine because that’s how I am, that’s how my brain works!
This is wonderful advice. I can relate to it a lot! I have started back at university, and I'm worried about maintaining momentum with study. But like you have explained, I'm practicing small changes to keep my self on track, and its working very well. Not perfect, and that's ok, but it is for sure getting better! Its all about progress :D
This makes me feel so much better, I have recently been diagnosed with complex ADHD and I constantly try to become more organised and to make drastic changes and make like a million plans do really well for a few weeks then snap back in every area of my life. I think your elastic band theory is really accurate because I accomplish so much in those few weeks and when one area goes it all does and I feel so bad because everyone in my life is so happy for me then they get disapointed when I can not sustain the changes to the point where they say they have given up on me ever changing when I get excited about my plans to improve again which makes me feel like a massive failure and makes me not want to try to improve anymore because I just end up at square one again. I showed a few of my loved ones your video and they have become a lot more understanding about me and understand its not just me being lazy which I am really greatful for. Thank you so much for your videos they are really nice to watch someone like me managing to make consistent changes.
Today my school announcements mentioned you because of neurodivergent awareness week! I was like "I know her!"
I spent over $3500 (money i didn't have and had to scrape up by doordashing) for an online business program. It was a 6 week course. I completely 5 weeks of the course spending 10-12 hours a day glued to my computer screen creating a beautiful online store. The second it became too much with too many apps, uncertainties, and advertising my business, everything came to a halt. It's been on the back burner (more like in the void) for over 6 months. I tell myself i'll come back to it someday, and maybe I will. After doordashing since then to just get money for gas in my car I realized my brain might be different, and maybe i'm not just lazy or crazy. I've just been evaluated and am waiting for my psychologist to schedule our last appointment to go over results. I am happy I found your channel because it motivated me along with many others to get evaluated for adhd and autism. You getting emotional talking about how you want the community to be able to actually succeed and not impulsive make decisions that won't serve them made me get emotional as well. I love you and thank you for your content. ❤️ ~Philleen
One of the things that was really powerful to me when teaching was giving the students time to answer. Might not seem related but hang with me. I had to train myself to count initially from when I asked to when I cut it off because they didn’t know the question I was going to ask and they didn’t necessarily already know the answer like I did. Eventually I could feel when the timing was right. Sometimes when you ask something of yourself outside of your usual boundaries, you need that time to respond and then eventually you’ll get a feeling that the timing is right. You’ll get a feel for when you’re asking too much of yourself or not enough. The best way to implement a habit is whatever you need to do it consistently.
For me, I am implementing my bujo using preprinted pages and nothing else. I have other things I’m working on but I know if I can make my bujo work for me, it’ll make the other stuff easier. So, I give myself permission to drop the other stuff if I’m tired or not feeling like it. I don’t feel like a failure because the bujo is continuous. If I get the other stuff, gravy and it’ll make it that much easier moving forward. One degree at a time.
This is really helpful. I'm struggling with sort of a related problem; over the past few years I've managed to build a few key habits for myself, ones that were really hard for me to keep to but also incredibly important. For example, I've gotten a lot better at actually brushing my teeth twice a day. But I notice that as soon as I slack off, either because of a few chaotic days, or a depressive episode, or even just because I forget to buy toothpaste for two days- It feels like I have to build that habit back from the ground up. Like it's not resilient. Does anyone have any tips on how to not let them collapse so quickly with just a few misses?
This one is tough. I've had so many habits over the years that I have tried and failed to implement, even if they lasted for a while. For me, the habits that made lasting change were 1 - the ones that actually worked for me and my brain (I literally spent a year and a half figuring out how to process the mail in a way that works for me), and 2 - giving myself grace and self-compassion every time I don't keep it up. I finally had to stop saying to myself that I "failed" because I didn't do The Thing on any given day (or even for weeks or months at a time), and start saying that I "succeeded" because I know how to make the task work for me. That mental shift has helped a lot. Best of luck!
As a coping strategy coach for ND people. Thanks for this, I need to be more explicit with this with my clients. I think I am asking them to do too much too soon.
I‘ve never been more thankful for an RUclipsr my entire life