Narcissists make you feel like you’re not good enough for anyone or anything. It makes you lose confidence in yourself. It makes you not want to do anything.
Yup, exactly. Trying to pass that now as I type. 6 months after we've broke up. Gonna have to block all social media and her number though. I still get haunted those ways.
Wow, narc survivor I did not know you watch Ms. Nieves videos too adding some more to your growth so that you can continue with your great teachings. I watch all that I can on different channels just to get different perspectives to help me get over the covert narcissist husband I was with. Thank you for your videos Ms. Nieves.
The narcissists are definitely experts at destroying whatever brought us joy, part of the healing is getting that joy and getting ourselves back or building ourselves up for the very first time.
Before meeting the narc, I enjoyed dancing, working out, photography, graphic design and art. During the relationship with the narc, i slowly lost my motivation and passion to do any of those things. It’s been two years since we’ve broken up and I’m starting to paint and go to the gym more. The weights coming off too and I’m starting to recognize the person I used to be.
I hear you, Narc abuse is so insidiously devastating on sooo many levels, it’s criminal. Thankfully Self recovery or Self rediscovery is possible 😎 Cheers 🌟
So wonderful to hear that. I hope you are better now. If it's okay, could you pray for me who's just broken up after years of abusive relationship? It's relieving, scary and sad at the same time.
I loved that, exactly what you describe-- for 36 years. I woke up to it about 8 years ago, began researching, realized it was never going to change, began working on myself, and making a plan. After a couple of thwarted attempts, I finally separated, moved out, filed for divorce. Best choice I ever made. And it's been a damn challenge for sure the last two years, but like you, I too am slowly rediscovering myself, and healing. Still a little trouble getting back to my interests, but I'm getting there. Just had to take the time to recalibrate and begin to really heal. I'm definitely on my way. And happier for it. ✌🏻❤️✨🌻
This resonates so loudly with me, when my narc family n narc ex discarded me, I honestly thought I lost my mind, deep depression , severe cptsd, lost my will to do anything, I became useless, mindless, soul less, broken hearted, fractured mind, can't think n process thoughts, mentally slow, I get tired more easily, my mind became fuzzy, can't concentrate on anything, couldn't work, was unemployed for 2 yrs, profusely apologizing for simple things to someone, talking too fast and too much bcoz of extreme isolation and no human contact to speak with anyone so ppl on the street became friends and family...... I became so good at hiding my " inner mental shame" in public, that ppl wud look at me and think I'm so successful, happy and got it going on yet that was my excellent cover, I somehow managed to put on a great show and switch on the professional happy side of me to ppl but after going home behind closed doors, was mental n emotional meltdowns, feeling suicidal but yet I'd muster the strength to wipe my tears n pretend I'm ok in public n at work ect but inside of me I was dying, dying a slow painful death, almost like someone had buried me alive in a coffin with a movie 🎥 playing on and on and on of all the painful traumatic experiences/memories of my past, my mind forcing me to watch and remember, whilst I can't breath, panic n anxiety attacks, trying to make sense of it all, blaming them, myself, God for allowing such cruelty on me and hurting my life like this!!! I became a shell of my former confident, energetic, highly ambitious and motivated self, from jumping out of bed even with a scant few hours of sleep I was excited and ready to go slay the day.... to not being able to lift myself out of bed and can't sleep at all, lay awake like a zombie till 5, 6 AM watching RUclips, tv ect like a zombie until I can't keep my eyes open and finally fall of to sleep , afraid to sleep, constant crying.... waking up at 3, 4, 5 pm in the afternoon, not eating, double n triple checking if I locked the door or took my phone bcoz I can't remember if I did and yet it was just afew mins ago ! It's taken 3 yrs to heal and still in recovery and work towards becoming a new version of my old self, only this time, God have mercy on a narc that comes my way!
It's horrendous what you have been through, and you are axredit to yourself, keep telling yourself that every week, I do, it helps me, yourstrongerthan you know, you will come out on top and be the best version of you, don't ever give up, and don't let the b**t**D's grind you down, always remember your worth!💖
Wow yours I relate to most. I’ve been out over 3 years now but the only place I ever want to be is in my bed distracting my mind. I was an outgoing extrovert & called myself a hobby junkie. Now nothing excites me, not fun, money, literally anything. It only occurred to me today to RUclips solutions so if you have any id love to hear anything from anyone. I can’t even make myself go to work. I work for myself so it’s different but even though I’m not fired I can hardly pay my bills
I'm here too. It's been a year since I've got divorced, just then I realised how my family have been narcissistic and my first abuser in fact is my mom, then dad, and siblings. I'm completely alone and isolated from society as I'm unemployed as well. I've got Phd and must apply for a postdoc. I just couldn't. I need a bit of my lost motivation and enthusiasm.
I spent the last year reading and rereading through the Book of Psalms, all 150 every month! I’m feeling more alive in spite of my covert narcissist’s continuous complaint. The presence of the Lord, his dwelling within the praises of his people, cannot be withstood!
when we were little, my narcissistic mother used to spend hours by cooking on saturday, making us very much aware that this is something she doesn't want to do and that we don't deserve it. recently I realized, that I still feel like I don't deserve the time spent on cooking my meal, and I am having a very hard time making myself to even try and find some recipes of meals that I would love.. And when I find them, I just look at them, and I suddenly feel like it's too much work and that I should spend the time doing something more useful, than waste it on cooking only for me.. I am certainly going to try this "happy dance method" now :)
That's intense...eating is emotional fuel. My parents never cooked or had food around...my entire life. So I get so depressed & don't eat, my blood pressure dropped low, anemic, colitis...etc. I made sure I cooked 4 my kids...but I won't 4 me
@@correanne5366 You have no idea how precious, how valuable you are! You are the daughter of the living God, King of the universe! God has a great plan for your life, even if you cannot see it right away. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
@@correanne5366 hello, it seems my problem is actually a very common thing among us. I am sorry you have to go through this too, but at the same time it makes me so happy, that you know it and work on it so your kids wouldn't have the same problem :) they are lucky to have you ;*
They will give you angry looks or say some untrue provoking comment to discourage you from what you are doing. Example: your healthy eating habits are twisted into a "eating disorder" and they pretend they are against it because they are concerned. You wanting to be in control of what you eat may trigger a narcissistic parent who is used to being the one choosing and cooking what you eat as an adult (infantilization) or because they are sensing that you are doing something positive for your self and that triggers them because they need you in a low physical and emotional state in order to use you as supply one way or the other.
So true, I eat very different to my family, my ma n 2 sisters eat the same, I'm very adventurous with food, always wanting to try something new ect.... changed my way of eating to keto and my ma would insult me... " who can eat like u" " u messing my kitchen" " wat u showing off for" can't u eat like us, " u a big problem, my other children don't worry me, they eat anything I mske" if I ask her to make me any food she will purposefully burn it and make it shit then wen I ask y u did that it get mad. Then she will gas light me! Laugh n mock my food yet eat it 🙈 if taste so bad why u eating it hungrily ? Telling my second sister " who can eat like her, she must b got lot of money to eat like that" then my sister started saying to me " who can eat like u" 😔 Her envy n jealousy toward me and hatred of me has broken our family in a way that can never be put together 😔
@@Kim-vs4vb I had the same problem.. when I started cooking and eating my own food, she used all kinds of manipulation, insults. But then she learned how to cook the way I was eating, not out of respect, but so she could still have control over what I ate! And she would only eat whatever I didn't eat! No wonder I had such a bad eating disorder for years, my mother made my food all about her. The actual way I found out what narcissism was, was that one day I was so desperate and miserable, I googled, "What would make someone want to control what you eat?" That one question brought up a whole new world about narcissistic personality disorder, and I slowly started getting better. It's interesting how you said her Hatred, Anger and Jealousy broke your family... Mine too. In The Muslim tradition, you make "Haj" H-A-J to atone for your sins.. like you give up those 3 things because that is the energy that breaks up mothers from their own children. It is truly a life-threatening mental disorder. I wish you all the love and peace you deserve!
Lele V. That is so true... abuse around the subject of food is very damaging... I noticed I literally would be triggered every time I ate, way into my 40's! People have to eat to survive, and when it becomes emotionally painful to eat because of what a parent has done to make you feel bad about eating, it's difficult to overcome. You associate your survival with pleasing them, and it's not ok just to give yourself your most basic needs.
I think I am getting to be a professional at ignoring the nonsense and lies that spews from their mouth I am trying to stay focused on inspirational people like you Michele Thank you
Yes! Conditioned! It took me almost 3 years to deprogram from the narcissist abuse. I kept feeling their eyes on me, like he could see what I was looking at even though he was not even around anymore for so so long until it was finally healed. I'm so grateful for my healing.
@@ikbelsoua it’s sad that we only wanted to be loved .. they know what they are doing they picked us because they know we wouldn’t give up on the relationship.. it’s funny now it’s like what was I thinking .. it’s just clicked
My ex constantly told me I was worthless, not good enough and a piece of nothing. Somedays I just want to sit and not move, not speak.... I did this a lot. I have to tell myself to get up and get going even though it feels so painful. This is utter torture.
Ive also been experiencing the same & was told word for word by my ex narc repeatedly for years the same as you. I know the pain is so intense you can't speak or move. I know it's hard, but don't lose hope, you're not worthless or alone.
I am going through this now too, after a lifetime of abuse, I was on my own, happy and healing, but then chose to help my Dad when he called... I had no idea he was a narc too. It all came full circle. I now know the source. I used to dance every day, now it feels like my body hurts when I hear music, instead of bringing joy like it used to. Just keep moving, even though it feels horrible. They don't have the right to take our body, our voice and our joy! Sending you love and strength! You are not alone!
Yes went through this, self confidence, motivation lagging, always second guessing yourself etc. I thought about my life 8yrs prior to knowing the ex narc. Although happier now, I’m a lot harder on myself and have downward spirals of depression occasionally.
Don't be so hard on yourself, it's not your fault that you were in a toxic relationship, learn to let go of these toxic people that don't serve you 🙏 you got this
Yes, so spot on! Needing to be available to others 24/7 goes all the way to my childhood. I find myself only wanting to take on projects or entertainment that don't take my full concentration, things like watching TV or reading short articles it's the belief that I always need to be available to others, especially when they wanted to talk, or there were "family" responsibilities. I couldn't focus for very long on anything I wanted to do, let alone suggest something I wanted to do, or I'd be considered selfish. Then there was the "are you sure you want to do that?" , or "why did you do that?", followed by "why can't you be more self motivated?. It created codendancy and the shame associated with it. To help myself now, I try to remember my college years when I had a reprieve from my parents and when I wasn't fully tied down yet. It's been helping, I'm just working more on being more consistent with it to reprogram myself. I'll try the tips you suggest also💕.
What has helped me greatly has been developing hobbies. I collect vintage jewelry, joined a fife and drum band, and sew my own clothes. When I was married to a narc I wasn't allowed to do any of these things, even to go for a walk on my own.
There's a parallel between victims of narcissism and finding god. I've observed it a lot. Some including myself had said that narcissists... are vessel empty shells occupied by demons or evil spirits. They aren't human, perhaps by appearance. But there's no genuine spirit or emotions in there. They can mimick, copy and paste, and learn how to act but they can't be genuine, can show genuine love like us it's just not the same at all. You know the feeling of that empty love, it's meaningless. Almost like they are an earthly test for us.
I’m so sorry to hear that, I’m so afraid of what is going to happen. I left my nex and my girls are 9 & 4, I hope I can raise my girls to be healthy even though he’s a part of their life.
I gave up everything I loved , and let him take control of everything . He was the stay home parent and I was the working parent . And now after leaving I've lost 2 children to him , my 8yr old doesn't even talk to me and my 4 yr old comes every now and then but not often , I hate it but don't feeling strong enough to stand up to him ..,. Ever
@@carmenhernandez-es3hq Speaking from experience, I can only advise that you pray a lot for God's help, and keep your children away from their father, who WILL poison them against you.
I feel the same way as you do. After 33 years of this nonsense I have lost the person I once was. As far as my children, similar issues apply. For me and my 2 adult girls. I realize now that there had been "Parental Alienation" on my Covert's part when they were growing up. I have attempted talking to my oldest daughter and tried to explain what had happened. She will not acknowledge. Claims that she had not been brainwashed. I am definately not perfect but I am none of the things that my girls were told 😥 I feel for you.
Taking care of my elderly mom. I’m not sure what all diagnosis she would get if evaluated but this is exactly what I’m going thru and recognized this was happening. But didn’t have words for it. I call it walking thru a mine field blindfolded!
I’m currently married to one. It’s been the most exhausting relationship I’ve ever had. I’ve been diagnosed with major depression and anxiety. I no longer feel motivated to do the fun things I used to and I feel like a prisoner in my own home. My brain is not the same and it’s an ongoing CPTSD. Last week he called me a narcissist. Thankfully I’m getting the help I need to get my strength back. I read a quote somewhere that said you can’t heal where you got sick and that’s what I’m realizing. I ask you for prayers so I can get out! Thank you and God bless you all. 😘
OMG this makes so much sense! Was seriously thinking of quitting what I love to avoid feeling on edge from conditioning. I was going about it all wrong! I’m so excited I feel giddy to try this! Thank you so much!
I’ve been disabled for 4-5mos. The arc has been bewildering. The love-bombing was so intense, and the demean/discredit/discard so rapid…it’s hard to even comprehend. The trauma-bonding and discard has left me challenged to practice even basic self-care and motivation.
When a man approaches me displaying interest I say " Thank you, I'm flattered, but I have transcended the male. I filled my quota". I quit at the age of 60. My life is filled with a peace that passes understanding. And no I am not a lesbian.
Yes you're not is just that you just want to protect your peace , health abd sanity !!!!!!! Alack of self love is the root cause of all suffering in this universe!!!!!!!
@@kyleryandalton1383 I had a fantastic husband for 21 years. And numerous full spectrum lovers. I love men. I have transcended the NEED for one. Seems your the one having problems. Your words go THUDD I never blamed anything on anyone.
Lol 60 year old lady, transcends men. Haha okay. Do you mean, no guys have shown you interest in many, many years, so now you are faking happiness with your situation. Sixty year old lady talking about men approaching her. The female ego never ceases to amaze me. Unreal.
This has happened to me and in a very bad way 😕. I honestly feel terrible about myself right now over it. I know what I need to do but I'm not motivated enough to do it
Yes to tunes ! There is always a song that can lift you up. I learned a long time ago its good to stay away from ' angry young man songs '. You feel they speak for you at a certain bench mark, but soon learn they keep you stuck there. There is such a huge reservoir of choices. Even learning an instrument becomes mentally restorative. Memory, muscle memory to frets or keys. Whenever I feel blah, winters doldrums, I realize its time to crank it up.
Doing my art, being what I've always dreamed; a children's book writer and illustrator, has had these blocks. 💔😢 I hear my father: "that's a really hard industry to break into..." now I acknowledge that but KNOW I CAN DO IT! I'm talented enough and I CAN do it! ❤️🙏🏻 I no longer look to anyone to tell me I can. I can!!
Before I dated my ex (whom I suspect has narcissistic traits), I used to do really well at work. I used to love studying, hanging out with friends and working out. Now, I dread work because we broke up because I was working during a holiday. I don't find joy in studying at all anymore and I had to retrain my brain to hang out with friends and working out. I'm trying to recondition my brain back to the way it was before we started dating. I lost a lot in that relationship mentally and I need to rebuild all those associations from the ground up again. Thank you for making this video. This helps a lot.
This video came at the exact time i needed it. Been narcissist free since March 2019 and healed over a year now but little bits of trauma keep showing itself all the time. Its amazing how every bit of my mind and soul had some trauma, ive had several perceptual lenses about myself change and rechange all the time. Thank you michelle
The internalized voices after conditioning from others, can be extensive and more impactful than we realize. Your videos Michelle have helped me to gain greater consciousness as those voices come up. I keep reminding myself I don’t have to be perfect in my daily exercises I’m following through with so far in the new year. That reminder helps me to relax in the moment, and so I can focus even better! So far, so good!
So True! You end up sacrificing what you love to a narcissist who NEVER acknowledges or appreciates the sacrifice - no win situation. You are stuck in a perpetual losing battle while the Narc holds all the power. Never LOSE YourSelf to Please another - Golden lesson learned
Thank you for all your good engagements here Michele. I’m learning a lot from your videos. I hope that I can someday be more successful in converting what I know into real, lasting healing. My trauma took a lifetime to build up layer by layer and I feel I could never live long enough to resolve it all before I die. I just aim for any tiny forward improvement I can achieve and work to get one step healthier and closer to heaven.
Whoa, now I get it. The narcissist in my life would shame me for doing anything, shame me for eating healthy meals, shame me for being clean, shame me for trying new things, shame me for studying, shame me for cooking, shame me for being a good wife, shame me for exercising, shame me for being a good person or doing good deeds, meanwhile this person is a "devout Jehovahs Witness" shaming me for doing the very things in my nondenominational Christianity that her religion teaches you should be doing. I was blinded for so long until I got angry. A deep and righteous anger in realizing she doesn't do any of those things herself unless she sees me doing them and shames me for it! She doesn't do anything for her own sake or even for her religion. I clean, then she decides to hurry up and clean after a week of letting her house be a pigstye, I bathe, she runs out all the hot water while I'm in the shower then decides after days to shower too, I cook, she shames my meals then cooks something worse, and tries to feed my husband that over the healthy and frankly delicious food I made him. Luckily hubby KNOWS his mother. He's seen her act terribly with all of his exes but not so terribly as she had with me. It took us a while to realize she is deeply jealous and intimidated by me because I'm the type of woman she aspired to be. Except one thing, I ENJOY motherhood, thoroughly and she hated it(because she HAS to do things for someone other than herself). Her seeing how much I love children, even those that aren't mine and value their development into healthy, intelligent, and happy beings, she started to shame me about how bad of a mother I will be. Since I have been watching your channel, along with many others, I have began to grow and call her for what she is. She tried so hard to destroy me and the subtleties were no longer. But she failed. And continues to fail. Now she leaves me along for the most part but is working on a hoover. And expects me to worship her as this perfect mother and homemaker. I completely ignore her. I learned that making her feel unimportant is the key to peace in my life because she is getting no supply for me. So she lures me into conversation just to cut me off to make me feel unimportant but I laugh at her in my head, assert my own statement, then ignore her for the rest of the conversation and she doesn't know what to do after that because I put my attention elsewhere like I'm listening to the Bible on my phone or I have to go put my laundry in the dryer. 😊 I have still been lacking the motivation I needed to do what I need to do in my life and I've always felt like it was attributed to her. This was my confirmation. I'm thinking of making my own channel for those people with narcissistic in laws or family members myself some day and later in life I want to pursue my degree in psychology so that I can help many people personally who have been abused my narcissists.
Woke up this morning with no motivation to do anything only thinking about my abusive ex girlfriend. So I went to search for answers on getting motivated again and found this video. I decided to play mask off by future and after listening to that song im happily doing dishes. And yes that song puts a fun feeling in me and gets me going
You are a genius when it comes to narcissism...one of my favorite couches out there...so young but wise beyond your years,God bless you..you were born to help people struggling with this in their lives❣️
my covert narc. father just died recently..........my last conversation with him was very tense and confrontational.... after many shaming attempts i finallly asked him "DO YOU LIKE ANYTHING ABOUT ME?" loooooooong pause (crickets) then he said "I guess i dont like myself" wow. invalidating for me but so eye opening for him. imagine your fathers last words being this without saying anything he liked about me. im struggling alot since then with abandonment, shame spirals, lack of motivation etc. etc. etc.
How can he give you what he doesn't have? You clearly never saw his skills of self-love pour over into your well being, so why hold onto the belief that he had anything good, kind or loving to give? End your suffering and give it to yourself, the generational habit can end with you. Good luck validating yourself and my condolences.
Thankfully 😅 our negative beliefs or childhood subconscious programming can be deleted and reprogrammed to positive beliefs. Faulty programming is not a life sentence, there is Hope 🙏❤️ TY for this valuable information Michele 🌟
I used to work out everyday, do hair oiling overnight my nails always done make up and stuff but after long years doing and having that abusive relationship I just do it out of obligation now my hair fell so much is so thin used to be thick and long now I barely have hair, in my case is not that he prohibited me or anything is because he was always telling me I didn't have an hourglass figure, small but and didn't compliment me at all no matter what effort and how good looking I was, I don't recognise myself
I thought I was going crazy I used to love making wreaths, singing and exercise walking / running it’s because of this toxic narcissistic sadistic person I am stuck with..that I no longer do these things
This makes so much sense. My ex covert narc would give me a look and be colder when I had been to see new friends. And also that I always got to his place too late so I stopped exercise and would rush after work to get back to his house earlier (to be fair I had to work on not being late in general, which I have). But there was no reason for him to be angry for me getting over to his house “too late” because if I said I would be there at 7:30 I would get there at 7:30 it’s just he wanted me there ASAP. Same as when I would be happy and joking and fun and friendly with his family, he would glare at me like I had talked to much. Every silly joke or playful thing I said was wrong. The way I smiled was wrong and would be met with me being berated. Literally I couldn’t breathe correctly in the end. I was a shell of a person and it was just 6 months but it took me so long to get over it.
Thank you for this, Michele! I've been struggling with trying to accomplish something that means a lot to me, but I quickly lose steam. I'm going to write down what feelings and thoughts I have that are associated with this, then decide how to replace it with positive feelings. I've just realized why I've struggled with this throughout my life. Thanks to you sharing these insights and tips, I just might be able to breakthrough some longstanding barriers that have significantly held me back from reaching my potential. Thank you. 💖💖💖
With my ex, it was going out on my own, there was always a negative backlash, so stopped going out and having a life outside of relationship. He also diminished my successes so I stopped succeeding.... it takes so long to disengage from the enmeshment. Healing can only happen when you leave and get your MOJO back. Narcissists are a MOJO thief!
Thank you for posting this! I couldn't understand why I felt tension whenever, after leaving a narcissistic partner, I'd do Duolingo ... It sounds trite but it is so strange and visceral, almost a panic, and I also felt it with playing my guitars and working out. I'm still feeling, literally "feeling", guilty about not focusing on her, even after she's gone. I need to self soothe with -- "It's OK to work on yourself, she's gone now."
I have a roommate that has been in and out of treating like a child. I have suffered severe depression and lost my thrill of art and music . I am fighting to get it back. I'm also physically weak. My eating Dissorder is even worse. I need to stay strong.
After learning ex was a narcissist spite became a big motivator. Once the narcissist was gone I lost the spite that motivated me and need to learn other ways to get motivated.
02:00 just 2 minutes into the video and I'm like wow! I searched my problem hopelessly and couldn't imagine somebody could put my current situation into words like the way you just did. Awesome intro ... gonna watch the rest of this video now hope I get a solution❤
Thank you so much for this excellent video. I was exactly same as you when it comes to reading & studies. And now I have completely lost interest in both. It feels so painful when I sit to study or to read something. But now I am gonna try this tip.
hi. once again I come to a realization. Another eye-opener along with more hard work. I'm old and tired at 75, but mental exercise can be done. Reaching and touching the heart can be questionable at my age, but doable. Actually if I didn't think you've been an invisible person in my life, I wouldn't even make the effort to trash negativity for things I used to get right at and do and just love it. I'm a firm believer no one does anything they don't feel like doing, or at least it's difficult. I got slapped for telling a teacher that. But I didn't lie. It shamed me and made it worse. Feelings mean so much and emotion is attached to everything about us humans. We learn them. Cruel people are made when their emotions are tampered with when susceptible as young ones. My god! What yhe hell?
After taking me down so far I snapped awake and became intolerant and pushed back, just for my own survival of my identity, certainly not to win any battles because that ain't gonna happen. Forget the relationship thing because if you work for that you'll just slowly die from the inside out. You have to know who you are and be your own best friend, your own parent, your own adult. You cannot put your heart into the hands of any other person- ever! That's wise period but if you give your heart to a narcissist? You're a gonner! I wish people were different but they are what they are, but we can all decide for ourselves what we'll be with or without the approval or recognition of another. On that note- nobody ever has made everyone happy anyway so it only falls to us to go forward and if others want to tag along with us? Then great! But don't wait for it.
My narc husband tried to kill himself and almost succeeded. Directly after asked me to quit my job! Finding him was quite traumatic as I've never seen that much blood in real life. He cut his throat and his wrists and arms. 42 stitches. 2 years later I still haven't worked. I need a job. The pandemic isn't helping. We are now separated but I cannot survive the virus with my lung problems. It's been a long wait n I struggle with the thought of going back to work
@Reality5870 he wouldn't persue help. It was psychosis due to drug use. I had suspected but also I suspected other things due to his strange behavior pryor...he eventually started doing drugs again...this time I caught him repeatedly...we're not together now as of last July. He started treating me shittier than ever...there's nothing I can do.
Sometimes I get it back and I'm motivated. But 80 percent of the time I just can't find any joy in anything I used to like. I'm really frustrated about that. It's like someone just stole a part of myself.
Your exercise explanation fit my situation perfectly. I played pickup basketball a few times a week for years and once I started dating my wife all of a sudden basketball became an issue for her. Exercise was tied to playing basketball so once playing ball stopped so did the weightlifting. Im getting back to me now but I experience all 5 of the c-ptsd effects daily. I stayed for the kids but have lost myself in the process.
I honestly don't know what I associate my passion with. I only know that when I try to do it, I'm hit with this feeling of being tired - aggressively tired. Like my body is fighting tooth and nail to drain me of any energy I have to prevent me from doing my thing.
Just what I needed. Thanks you Michelle. I’m excited for try this tomorrow. I used to love to power walk 3 miles on the beach for over a decade before the narc and now eight months No contact I can’t stand the thought of it and have gained 15 pounds. Ugh now I go even want to see my reflection in a mirror.
This works the same with any Passion... I stopped playing the piano for years because of the looks I would get from my mother who I desperately needed to Make sure she was always pleased... This is an awful way to damage someone...
I married into a narcissistic snake pit and over time I lost myself and interest in everything that brought me joy. Thank God I was finally able to go no-contact with my inlaws. My husband has been incredibly supportive; he warned me about his family before we were married but they seemed so nice in the beginning...
double binds are at work in this dynamic too. because the double bind messages make you damned if you do damed iif you dont. cuts you off from your body(right brain) and your left brain cognition....the subconscious trauma in your body has a message Cognitively that you internalized.
When I was younger, I was always the most successful academically among my siblings. My narcissistic mother also punished me by discouraging & sabotaging my academic development. When I was an elementary school student, one day I came home finding that my mother had thrown away a few books I was reading & loved without any reason. That's how insidious & toxic narc parents are. The ways they harm you are totally contrary to what normal parents do, yet as children, we didn't have enough knowledge to know our parents were wrong. Instead, after decades of being despised & put down, we grew up believing we were the ones who were fundamentally flawed & never good enough
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processing with a safe therapist about body sensations and core messages can help create a new empowerment. one therapist calls this the "triangle of containment" whats happening in your body? talk about it identify the object of distress or the message and stay connected to the therapist emotionally as you walk through these three points.
Omg I was also punished by my covert narcissist dad for reading books as a kid. I always wondered if I was the only one. I lost motivation to read throughout my middle school & high school years & I couldn't understand why. I was also criticized for being on honor role & punished for making it into a gifted program in elementary school for reading & math & was told I couldn't attend because I wasn't smart enough. These narcissists are extremely delusional. Thank you for helping me understand why I've been struggling to go to the gym & lost my interest in reading during my childhood & adolescent years.
I would go to a yoga class and he would call me non stop! Saying I was worshiping a false Buddha god. My instructor stopped me one day and told me to never bring my phone ever and now I do not want to exercise I relate it to his abuse!
It's like I finally feel good and start being motivated. Being productive. And then BAM! They push you back down. Why? They like you to feel as bad as they do.
Or "oh, he thinks I'm sleeping with everybody, let me get rid of all my friends, & my family too? O ok... oh & the job too?! Ok. Oh, he discarded me, with nothing, again" 🙄😂 I was so stupid.🤦🏼♀️
Oh wow. This explains why I've lost my spiritual drive. My spouse would use religious manipulation against me until I began to connect anything on a spiritual level (a good thing) to something that made me panic and uncomfortable. It's so sad what these people do.
I am definitely going to try this. I used to be an avid reader. It was not uncommon for me to have two or three books going. Been through a series of extremely abusive employment environments that have left me drained.
Mrs. Michele thank you for this video. I have a question about paired associations. I was wondering when you said you have to consistently do the things that motivate you that break paired associations,for Me I notice when I dress up or pamper myself or take the time to look after my physical appearance and when I make a todo list of things I need to get done for each day is that an example of becoming motivated to break the paired associations? I know for Me writing a to do list of things I need to get done the next day or that day,taking smaller steps(to create momentum),and when I look after my physical appearance or pamper myself that motivates Me. Does that count towards breaking paired associations and putting positive feelings in your body?
Thank f someone is talking about this subject. Last Yr CPTSD was seriously discussed as my diagnosis. The covert DOES still hang around but I manage to keep him away. He's a pensioner! I'm 37. My home is a clutter of mess. My dog and I have a v close relationship. I'm alone apart from that rurally. Which can b tough for dentist etc. Realising narcs are everywhere. I fought off a bad sexual assault from a neighbour who has left. Why I'm shunning my housework and still afraid to take my bin out- is silly. Help?! Caroline, Dingwall 🏴✌🏻❤️ Edit- omgoodness imma try this. I feel SICK doing lots of things. I ve known somehow the FEELING puts me off. Drinking beer didn't work. I ll try this. TY v v much. I know I ve not deserved these things. I'm not wanting attention. Understanding to go fwd I'm desperate for. TY.
Narcissists make you feel like you’re not good enough for anyone or anything. It makes you lose confidence in yourself. It makes you not want to do anything.
Yup, exactly. Trying to pass that now as I type. 6 months after we've broke up. Gonna have to block all social media and her number though. I still get haunted those ways.
Narc Survivor yep living presently with the grandiose narc and I feel like I don't want to do anything at all 😳
This is exactly how I feel.
This is true. My parents were narcissist and the lover. Worst life ever
Wow, narc survivor I did not know you watch Ms. Nieves videos too adding some more to your growth so that you can continue with your great teachings. I watch all that I can on different channels just to get different perspectives to help me get over the covert narcissist husband I was with. Thank you for your videos Ms. Nieves.
The narcissists are definitely experts at destroying whatever brought us joy, part of the healing is getting that joy and getting ourselves back or building ourselves up for the very first time.
Yep
Before meeting the narc, I enjoyed dancing, working out, photography, graphic design and art. During the relationship with the narc, i slowly lost my motivation and passion to do any of those things. It’s been two years since we’ve broken up and I’m starting to paint and go to the gym more. The weights coming off too and I’m starting to recognize the person I used to be.
I hear you, Narc abuse is so insidiously devastating on sooo many levels, it’s criminal.
Thankfully Self recovery or Self rediscovery is possible 😎 Cheers 🌟
So wonderful to hear that. I hope you are better now. If it's okay, could you pray for me who's just broken up after years of abusive relationship? It's relieving, scary and sad at the same time.
@@randomcommenterphd893 of course! I hope for fast healing for you! Life will get better! 🙏
I loved that, exactly what you describe-- for 36 years. I woke up to it about 8 years ago, began researching, realized it was never going to change, began working on myself, and making a plan.
After a couple of thwarted attempts, I finally separated, moved out, filed for divorce.
Best choice I ever made.
And it's been a damn challenge for sure the last two years, but like you, I too am slowly rediscovering myself, and healing. Still a little trouble getting back to my interests, but I'm getting there. Just had to take the time to recalibrate and begin to really heal.
I'm definitely on my way.
And happier for it.
✌🏻❤️✨🌻
😢 girl, i feel you 100% same with me!
This resonates so loudly with me, when my narc family n narc ex discarded me, I honestly thought I lost my mind, deep depression , severe cptsd, lost my will to do anything, I became useless, mindless, soul less, broken hearted, fractured mind, can't think n process thoughts, mentally slow, I get tired more easily, my mind became fuzzy, can't concentrate on anything, couldn't work, was unemployed for 2 yrs, profusely apologizing for simple things to someone, talking too fast and too much bcoz of extreme isolation and no human contact to speak with anyone so ppl on the street became friends and family......
I became so good at hiding my " inner mental shame" in public, that ppl wud look at me and think I'm so successful, happy and got it going on yet that was my excellent cover, I somehow managed to put on a great show and switch on the professional happy side of me to ppl but after going home behind closed doors, was mental n emotional meltdowns, feeling suicidal but yet I'd muster the strength to wipe my tears n pretend I'm ok in public n at work ect but inside of me I was dying, dying a slow painful death, almost like someone had buried me alive in a coffin with a movie 🎥 playing on and on and on of all the painful traumatic experiences/memories of my past, my mind forcing me to watch and remember, whilst I can't breath, panic n anxiety attacks, trying to make sense of it all, blaming them, myself, God for allowing such cruelty on me and hurting my life like this!!!
I became a shell of my former confident, energetic, highly ambitious and motivated self, from jumping out of bed even with a scant few hours of sleep I was excited and ready to go slay the day.... to not being able to lift myself out of bed and can't sleep at all, lay awake like a zombie till 5, 6 AM watching RUclips, tv ect like a zombie until I can't keep my eyes open and finally fall of to sleep , afraid to sleep, constant crying.... waking up at 3, 4, 5 pm in the afternoon, not eating, double n triple checking if I locked the door or took my phone bcoz I can't remember if I did and yet it was just afew mins ago !
It's taken 3 yrs to heal and still in recovery and work towards becoming a new version of my old self, only this time, God have mercy on a narc that comes my way!
It's horrendous what you have been through, and you are axredit to yourself, keep telling yourself that every week, I do, it helps me, yourstrongerthan you know, you will come out on top and be the best version of you, don't ever give up, and don't let the b**t**D's grind you down, always remember your worth!💖
See you girl. Im here too..
Wow yours I relate to most. I’ve been out over 3 years now but the only place I ever want to be is in my bed distracting my mind. I was an outgoing extrovert & called myself a hobby junkie. Now nothing excites me, not fun, money, literally anything. It only occurred to me today to RUclips solutions so if you have any id love to hear anything from anyone. I can’t even make myself go to work. I work for myself so it’s different but even though I’m not fired I can hardly pay my bills
I'm here too. It's been a year since I've got divorced, just then I realised how my family have been narcissistic and my first abuser in fact is my mom, then dad, and siblings. I'm completely alone and isolated from society as I'm unemployed as well. I've got Phd and must apply for a postdoc. I just couldn't. I need a bit of my lost motivation and enthusiasm.
I spent the last year reading and rereading through the Book of Psalms, all 150 every month! I’m feeling more alive in spite of my covert narcissist’s continuous complaint. The presence of the Lord, his dwelling within the praises of his people, cannot be withstood!
when we were little, my narcissistic mother used to spend hours by cooking on saturday, making us very much aware that this is something she doesn't want to do and that we don't deserve it.
recently I realized, that I still feel like I don't deserve the time spent on cooking my meal, and I am having a very hard time making myself to even try and find some recipes of meals that I would love.. And when I find them, I just look at them, and I suddenly feel like it's too much work and that I should spend the time doing something more useful, than waste it on cooking only for me..
I am certainly going to try this "happy dance method" now :)
That's intense...eating is emotional fuel. My parents never cooked or had food around...my entire life. So I get so depressed & don't eat, my blood pressure dropped low, anemic, colitis...etc. I made sure I cooked 4 my kids...but I won't 4 me
@@correanne5366 You have no idea how precious, how valuable you are! You are the daughter of the living God, King of the universe! God has a great plan for your life, even if you cannot see it right away. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
@@correanne5366 hello, it seems my problem is actually a very common thing among us. I am sorry you have to go through this too, but at the same time it makes me so happy, that you know it and work on it so your kids wouldn't have the same problem :) they are lucky to have you ;*
so spot on... omg...
Wow how did I not know this is what I experienced too, you worded this spot on
They will give you angry looks or say some untrue provoking comment to discourage you from what you are doing. Example: your healthy eating habits are twisted into a "eating disorder" and they pretend they are against it because they are concerned. You wanting to be in control of what you eat may trigger a narcissistic parent who is used to being the one choosing and cooking what you eat as an adult (infantilization) or because they are sensing that you are doing something positive for your self and that triggers them because they need you in a low physical and emotional state in order to use you as supply one way or the other.
So true, I eat very different to my family, my ma n 2 sisters eat the same, I'm very adventurous with food, always wanting to try something new ect.... changed my way of eating to keto and my ma would insult me... " who can eat like u" " u messing my kitchen" " wat u showing off for" can't u eat like us, " u a big problem, my other children don't worry me, they eat anything I mske" if I ask her to make me any food she will purposefully burn it and make it shit then wen I ask y u did that it get mad. Then she will gas light me!
Laugh n mock my food yet eat it 🙈 if taste so bad why u eating it hungrily ? Telling my second sister " who can eat like her, she must b got lot of money to eat like that" then my sister started saying to me " who can eat like u" 😔
Her envy n jealousy toward me and hatred of me has broken our family in a way that can never be put together 😔
@@Kim-vs4vb I had the same problem.. when I started cooking and eating my own food, she used all kinds of manipulation, insults. But then she learned how to cook the way I was eating, not out of respect, but so she could still have control over what I ate! And she would only eat whatever I didn't eat! No wonder I had such a bad eating disorder for years, my mother made my food all about her. The actual way I found out what narcissism was, was that one day I was so desperate and miserable, I googled, "What would make someone want to control what you eat?" That one question brought up a whole new world about narcissistic personality disorder, and I slowly started getting better.
It's interesting how you said her Hatred, Anger and Jealousy broke your family... Mine too. In The Muslim tradition, you make "Haj" H-A-J to atone for your sins.. like you give up those 3 things because that is the energy that breaks up mothers from their own children. It is truly a life-threatening mental disorder. I wish you all the love and peace you deserve!
Lele V. That is so true... abuse around the subject of food is very damaging... I noticed I literally would be triggered every time I ate, way into my 40's! People have to eat to survive, and when it becomes emotionally painful to eat because of what a parent has done to make you feel bad about eating, it's difficult to overcome. You associate your survival with pleasing them, and it's not ok just to give yourself your most basic needs.
I think I am getting to be a professional at ignoring the nonsense and lies that spews from their mouth I am trying to stay focused on inspirational people like you Michele Thank you
Yes! Conditioned! It took me almost 3 years to deprogram from the narcissist abuse. I kept feeling their eyes on me, like he could see what I was looking at even though he was not even around anymore for so so long until it was finally healed. I'm so grateful for my healing.
Same !!
same; and always say to the narcissist voice "get out of my life you piece of sh*##, this is my life, and you are a dead"
@@ikbelsoua it’s sad that we only wanted to be loved .. they know what they are doing they picked us because they know we wouldn’t give up on the relationship.. it’s funny now it’s like what was I thinking .. it’s just clicked
My ex constantly told me I was worthless, not good enough and a piece of nothing.
Somedays I just want to sit and not move, not speak.... I did this a lot.
I have to tell myself to get up and get going even though it feels so painful.
This is utter torture.
Ess Essen I am exactly the same , don't worry you are not alone ❤️
Ive also been experiencing the same & was told word for word by my ex narc repeatedly for years the same as you. I know the pain is so intense you can't speak or move. I know it's hard, but don't lose hope, you're not worthless or alone.
I am going through this now too, after a lifetime of abuse, I was on my own, happy and healing, but then chose to help my Dad when he called... I had no idea he was a narc too. It all came full circle. I now know the source. I used to dance every day, now it feels like my body hurts when I hear music, instead of bringing joy like it used to. Just keep moving, even though it feels horrible. They don't have the right to take our body, our voice and our joy! Sending you love and strength! You are not alone!
Yes went through this, self confidence, motivation lagging, always second guessing yourself etc. I thought about my life 8yrs prior to knowing the ex narc. Although happier now, I’m a lot harder on myself and have downward spirals of depression occasionally.
Don't be so hard on yourself, it's not your fault that you were in a toxic relationship, learn to let go of these toxic people that don't serve you 🙏 you got this
Same here😔
Take cold showers and boost your dopamine levels and depression will go away....start slow and stay 20 min in cold water.
@@nishauprety9878 very good 👍
Yes, so spot on! Needing to be available to others 24/7 goes all the way to my childhood. I find myself only wanting to take on projects or entertainment that don't take my full concentration, things like watching TV or reading short articles it's the belief that I always need to be available to others, especially when they wanted to talk, or there were "family" responsibilities. I couldn't focus for very long on anything I wanted to do, let alone suggest something I wanted to do, or I'd be considered selfish. Then there was the "are you sure you want to do that?" , or "why did you do that?", followed by "why can't you be more self motivated?. It created codendancy and the shame associated with it. To help myself now, I try to remember my college years when I had a reprieve from my parents and when I wasn't fully tied down yet. It's been helping, I'm just working more on being more consistent with it to reprogram myself. I'll try the tips you suggest also💕.
What has helped me greatly has been developing hobbies. I collect vintage jewelry, joined a fife and drum band, and sew my own clothes. When I was married to a narc I wasn't allowed to do any of these things, even to go for a walk on my own.
Finding God was the best motivation I needed.
"I searched for God and found only myself. I searched for myself and found only God" - Sufi proverb
Same here. Renewing of the mind is what I needed and only achieved through the word of God. Experiencing God Working in my life motivates me daily.
There's a parallel between victims of narcissism and finding god. I've observed it a lot. Some including myself had said that narcissists... are vessel empty shells occupied by demons or evil spirits.
They aren't human, perhaps by appearance. But there's no genuine spirit or emotions in there. They can mimick, copy and paste, and learn how to act but they can't be genuine, can show genuine love like us it's just not the same at all. You know the feeling of that empty love, it's meaningless. Almost like they are an earthly test for us.
Lmfao
@Nikki E. Take a deep breath dude
Yes, crushed and deflated. After 33 years of emotional starvation, and destruction of all that I loved and enjoyed. My kids are estranged from me.
I’m so sorry to hear that, I’m so afraid of what is going to happen. I left my nex and my girls are 9 & 4, I hope I can raise my girls to be healthy even though he’s a part of their life.
I gave up everything I loved , and let him take control of everything . He was the stay home parent and I was the working parent . And now after leaving I've lost 2 children to him , my 8yr old doesn't even talk to me and my 4 yr old comes every now and then but not often , I hate it but don't feeling strong enough to stand up to him ..,. Ever
@@carmenhernandez-es3hq Speaking from experience, I can only advise that you pray a lot for God's help, and keep your children away from their father, who WILL poison them against you.
I feel the same way as you do. After 33 years of this nonsense I have lost the person I once was. As far as my children, similar issues apply. For me and my 2 adult girls. I realize now that there had been "Parental Alienation" on my Covert's part when they were growing up. I have attempted talking to my oldest daughter and tried to explain what had happened. She will not acknowledge. Claims that she had not been brainwashed. I am definately not perfect but I am none of the things that my girls were told 😥 I feel for you.
@Zayda Omera I love to hear success stories!
Taking care of my elderly mom. I’m not sure what all diagnosis she would get if evaluated but this is exactly what I’m going thru and recognized this was happening. But didn’t have words for it. I call it walking thru a mine field blindfolded!
I’m currently married to one. It’s been the most exhausting relationship I’ve ever had. I’ve been diagnosed with major depression and anxiety. I no longer feel motivated to do the fun things I used to and I feel like a prisoner in my own home. My brain is not the same and it’s an ongoing CPTSD. Last week he called me a narcissist. Thankfully I’m getting the help I need to get my strength back. I read a quote somewhere that said you can’t heal where you got sick and that’s what I’m realizing. I ask you for prayers so I can get out! Thank you and God bless you all. 😘
OMG this makes so much sense! Was seriously thinking of quitting what I love to avoid feeling on edge from conditioning. I was going about it all wrong! I’m so excited I feel giddy to try this! Thank you so much!
I’ve been disabled for 4-5mos. The arc has been bewildering. The love-bombing was so intense, and the demean/discredit/discard so rapid…it’s hard to even comprehend. The trauma-bonding and discard has left me challenged to practice even basic self-care and motivation.
When a man approaches me displaying interest I say " Thank you, I'm flattered, but I have transcended the male. I filled my quota".
I quit at the age of 60. My life is filled with a peace that passes understanding. And no I am not a lesbian.
I'm stealing this comment it is so awesome 🤗🤗🤗🤗😀
@@Kim-vs4vb It's true, so glad you liked it. Love your channel !
Yes you're not is just that you just want to protect your peace , health abd sanity !!!!!!! Alack of self love is the root cause of all suffering in this universe!!!!!!!
@@kyleryandalton1383 I had a fantastic husband for 21 years. And numerous full spectrum lovers. I love men. I have transcended the NEED for one. Seems your the one having problems. Your words go THUDD
I never blamed anything on anyone.
Lol 60 year old lady, transcends men. Haha okay. Do you mean, no guys have shown you interest in many, many years, so now you are faking happiness with your situation. Sixty year old lady talking about men approaching her. The female ego never ceases to amaze me. Unreal.
You are such a beautiful soul ❤️ Thank you for all your helpful and insightful videos!!! 😊🌸
This has happened to me and in a very bad way 😕. I honestly feel terrible about myself right now over it. I know what I need to do but I'm not motivated enough to do it
Yes to tunes ! There is always a song that can lift you up. I learned a long time ago its good to stay away from ' angry young man songs '. You feel they speak for you at a certain bench mark, but soon learn they keep you stuck there. There is such a huge reservoir of choices. Even learning an instrument becomes mentally restorative. Memory, muscle memory to frets or keys. Whenever I feel blah, winters doldrums, I realize its time to crank it up.
Doing my art, being what I've always dreamed; a children's book writer and illustrator, has had these blocks. 💔😢 I hear my father: "that's a really hard industry to break into..."
now I acknowledge that but KNOW I CAN DO IT! I'm talented enough and I CAN do it! ❤️🙏🏻 I no longer look to anyone to tell me I can. I can!!
Before I dated my ex (whom I suspect has narcissistic traits), I used to do really well at work. I used to love studying, hanging out with friends and working out.
Now, I dread work because we broke up because I was working during a holiday. I don't find joy in studying at all anymore and I had to retrain my brain to hang out with friends and working out.
I'm trying to recondition my brain back to the way it was before we started dating. I lost a lot in that relationship mentally and I need to rebuild all those associations from the ground up again.
Thank you for making this video. This helps a lot.
"Very good Technic". it's amazing' how we make the outside world' fit what we are feeling inside'.
This video came at the exact time i needed it. Been narcissist free since March 2019 and healed over a year now but little bits of trauma keep showing itself all the time. Its amazing how every bit of my mind and soul had some trauma, ive had several perceptual lenses about myself change and rechange all the time. Thank you michelle
The internalized voices after conditioning from others, can be extensive and more impactful than we realize. Your videos Michelle have helped me to gain greater consciousness as those voices come up.
I keep reminding myself I don’t have to be perfect in my daily exercises I’m following through with so far in the new year. That reminder helps me to relax in the moment, and so I can focus even better! So far, so good!
So True!
You end up sacrificing what you love to a narcissist who NEVER acknowledges or appreciates the sacrifice - no win situation.
You are stuck in a perpetual losing battle while the Narc holds all the power. Never LOSE YourSelf to Please another - Golden lesson learned
Yes. Consistent repetition to get back to your good self is key. Self love,compassion.
Thank you for all your good engagements here Michele. I’m learning a lot from your videos. I hope that I can someday be more successful in converting what I know into real, lasting healing. My trauma took a lifetime to build up layer by layer and I feel I could never live long enough to resolve it all before I die. I just aim for any tiny forward improvement I can achieve and work to get one step healthier and closer to heaven.
People should be jailed for emotional abuse
Whoa, now I get it. The narcissist in my life would shame me for doing anything, shame me for eating healthy meals, shame me for being clean, shame me for trying new things, shame me for studying, shame me for cooking, shame me for being a good wife, shame me for exercising, shame me for being a good person or doing good deeds, meanwhile this person is a "devout Jehovahs Witness" shaming me for doing the very things in my nondenominational Christianity that her religion teaches you should be doing. I was blinded for so long until I got angry. A deep and righteous anger in realizing she doesn't do any of those things herself unless she sees me doing them and shames me for it! She doesn't do anything for her own sake or even for her religion. I clean, then she decides to hurry up and clean after a week of letting her house be a pigstye, I bathe, she runs out all the hot water while I'm in the shower then decides after days to shower too, I cook, she shames my meals then cooks something worse, and tries to feed my husband that over the healthy and frankly delicious food I made him. Luckily hubby KNOWS his mother. He's seen her act terribly with all of his exes but not so terribly as she had with me. It took us a while to realize she is deeply jealous and intimidated by me because I'm the type of woman she aspired to be. Except one thing, I ENJOY motherhood, thoroughly and she hated it(because she HAS to do things for someone other than herself). Her seeing how much I love children, even those that aren't mine and value their development into healthy, intelligent, and happy beings, she started to shame me about how bad of a mother I will be. Since I have been watching your channel, along with many others, I have began to grow and call her for what she is. She tried so hard to destroy me and the subtleties were no longer. But she failed. And continues to fail. Now she leaves me along for the most part but is working on a hoover. And expects me to worship her as this perfect mother and homemaker. I completely ignore her. I learned that making her feel unimportant is the key to peace in my life because she is getting no supply for me. So she lures me into conversation just to cut me off to make me feel unimportant but I laugh at her in my head, assert my own statement, then ignore her for the rest of the conversation and she doesn't know what to do after that because I put my attention elsewhere like I'm listening to the Bible on my phone or I have to go put my laundry in the dryer. 😊 I have still been lacking the motivation I needed to do what I need to do in my life and I've always felt like it was attributed to her. This was my confirmation. I'm thinking of making my own channel for those people with narcissistic in laws or family members myself some day and later in life I want to pursue my degree in psychology so that I can help many people personally who have been abused my narcissists.
It’s almost scary how validating these videos are. Narcissistic abuse is real
Thank you so much! This explains why I keep hitting a wall every time I try to fix my life!
I needed this explaining sooo much.
Thanks sooo much 🌹
Woke up this morning with no motivation to do anything only thinking about my abusive ex girlfriend. So I went to search for answers on getting motivated again and found this video. I decided to play mask off by future and after listening to that song im happily doing dishes. And yes that song puts a fun feeling in me and gets me going
You are a genius when it comes to narcissism...one of my favorite couches out there...so young but wise beyond your years,God bless you..you were born to help people struggling with this in their lives❣️
No Im not putting myself out there to continue to be abused. Every conversation is abusive. Done!
I know how you feel. I have become a Jedi knight at being alone and loving it with my pets.
my covert narc. father just died recently..........my last conversation with him was very tense and confrontational.... after many shaming attempts i finallly asked him "DO YOU LIKE ANYTHING ABOUT ME?" loooooooong pause (crickets) then he said "I guess i dont like myself" wow. invalidating for me but so eye opening for him. imagine your fathers last words being this without saying anything he liked about me. im struggling alot since then with abandonment, shame spirals, lack of motivation etc. etc. etc.
How can he give you what he doesn't have? You clearly never saw his skills of self-love pour over into your well being, so why hold onto the belief that he had anything good, kind or loving to give? End your suffering and give it to yourself, the generational habit can end with you. Good luck validating yourself and my condolences.
I appreciate how Michele identifies the issue and then offers a solution to counter correct or counter balance.
TY Michele 🙏❤️🌟
Thankfully 😅 our negative beliefs or childhood subconscious programming can be deleted and reprogrammed to positive beliefs. Faulty programming is not a life sentence, there is Hope 🙏❤️ TY for this valuable information Michele 🌟
Thank you for popping back up! Sincerely
I used to work out everyday, do hair oiling overnight my nails always done make up and stuff but after long years doing and having that abusive relationship I just do it out of obligation now my hair fell so much is so thin used to be thick and long now I barely have hair, in my case is not that he prohibited me or anything is because he was always telling me I didn't have an hourglass figure, small but and didn't compliment me at all no matter what effort and how good looking I was, I don't recognise myself
I thought I was going crazy I used to love making wreaths, singing and exercise walking / running it’s because of this toxic narcissistic sadistic person I am stuck with..that I no longer do these things
This makes so much sense. My ex covert narc would give me a look and be colder when I had been to see new friends. And also that I always got to his place too late so I stopped exercise and would rush after work to get back to his house earlier (to be fair I had to work on not being late in general, which I have). But there was no reason for him to be angry for me getting over to his house “too late” because if I said I would be there at 7:30 I would get there at 7:30 it’s just he wanted me there ASAP.
Same as when I would be happy and joking and fun and friendly with his family, he would glare at me like I had talked to much. Every silly joke or playful thing I said was wrong. The way I smiled was wrong and would be met with me being berated. Literally I couldn’t breathe correctly in the end. I was a shell of a person and it was just 6 months but it took me so long to get over it.
Thank you for this, Michele! I've been struggling with trying to accomplish something that means a lot to me, but I quickly lose steam. I'm going to write down what feelings and thoughts I have that are associated with this, then decide how to replace it with positive feelings. I've just realized why I've struggled with this throughout my life. Thanks to you sharing these insights and tips, I just might be able to breakthrough some longstanding barriers that have significantly held me back from reaching my potential. Thank you.
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Thank you for this, currently trying to get rid of fear based beliefs that were instilled in me by old friends and family.
With my ex, it was going out on my own, there was always a negative backlash, so stopped going out and having a life outside of relationship. He also diminished my successes so I stopped succeeding.... it takes so long to disengage from the enmeshment. Healing can only happen when you leave and get your MOJO back. Narcissists are a MOJO thief!
Thank you for posting this! I couldn't understand why I felt tension whenever, after leaving a narcissistic partner, I'd do Duolingo ... It sounds trite but it is so strange and visceral, almost a panic, and I also felt it with playing my guitars and working out. I'm still feeling, literally "feeling", guilty about not focusing on her, even after she's gone. I need to self soothe with -- "It's OK to work on yourself, she's gone now."
Positive comments on sticky notes on my mirror & talking to myself in the mirror helped.
I do that too, at first I thought I was mad to talk to myself but I find it healing especially wen u are all u got and no one is around anymore.
I have a roommate that has been in and out of treating like a child. I have suffered severe depression and lost my thrill of art and music . I am fighting to get it back. I'm also physically weak. My eating Dissorder is even worse. I need to stay strong.
Love how simply you explain everything Ive been fighting with these last 3 years. 🖤
After learning ex was a narcissist spite became a big motivator. Once the narcissist was gone I lost the spite that motivated me and need to learn other ways to get motivated.
welcome back michele 🇪🇬
02:00 just 2 minutes into the video and I'm like wow! I searched my problem hopelessly and couldn't imagine somebody could put my current situation into words like the way you just did. Awesome intro ... gonna watch the rest of this video now hope I get a solution❤
He ruined everything I ever got excited about. I feel like I’m almost scared to even attempt to be happy again.
Thank you so much for this excellent video. I was exactly same as you when it comes to reading & studies. And now I have completely lost interest in both. It feels so painful when I sit to study or to read something. But now I am gonna try this tip.
hi. once again I come to a realization. Another eye-opener along with more hard work. I'm old and tired at 75, but mental exercise can be done. Reaching and touching the heart can be questionable at my age, but doable. Actually if I didn't think you've been an invisible person in my life, I wouldn't even make the effort to trash negativity for things I used to get right at and do and just love it. I'm a firm believer no one does anything they don't feel like doing, or at least it's difficult. I got slapped for telling a teacher that. But I didn't lie. It shamed me and made it worse. Feelings mean so much and emotion is attached to everything about us humans. We learn them. Cruel people are made when their emotions are tampered with when susceptible as young ones. My god! What yhe hell?
I love when your dogs fight…and the exasperated look on your face. It’s classic. 💜
Your insight is amazing. Thank you 🙏🏽
I love your shirt & Chanel book. The background is so relaxing.
After taking me down so far I snapped awake and became intolerant and pushed back, just for my own survival of my identity, certainly not to win any battles because that ain't gonna happen.
Forget the relationship thing because if you work for that you'll just slowly die from the inside out.
You have to know who you are and be your own best friend, your own parent, your own adult. You cannot put your heart into the hands of any other person- ever! That's wise period but if you give your heart to a narcissist? You're a gonner!
I wish people were different but they are what they are, but we can all decide for ourselves what we'll be with or without the approval or recognition of another. On that note- nobody ever has made everyone happy anyway so it only falls to us to go forward and if others want to tag along with us? Then great! But don't wait for it.
Wow. I wondered why it is now so hard to read books for pleasure!!! Wow. 🙌🏽thank you
My narc husband tried to kill himself and almost succeeded. Directly after asked me to quit my job! Finding him was quite traumatic as I've never seen that much blood in real life. He cut his throat and his wrists and arms. 42 stitches. 2 years later I still haven't worked. I need a job. The pandemic isn't helping. We are now separated but I cannot survive the virus with my lung problems. It's been a long wait n I struggle with the thought of going back to work
@Reality5870 he wouldn't persue help. It was psychosis due to drug use. I had suspected but also I suspected other things due to his strange behavior pryor...he eventually started doing drugs again...this time I caught him repeatedly...we're not together now as of last July. He started treating me shittier than ever...there's nothing I can do.
Perfect two songs that get you into motivation. Worth it by fifth harmony and Better Now by collective soul
Sometimes I get it back and I'm motivated.
But 80 percent of the time I just can't find any joy in anything I used to like. I'm really frustrated about that. It's like someone just stole a part of myself.
Omg thank you for this! I was feeling defeated 😞 so thank you I will start this
thanks so much again, Michelle ♥️ .. will share how this works out for me
Wow I needed to hear this today. I’ve moved out of my narc mom’s house, but I still feel unmotivated and downtrodden in my own apartment.
P.S.- I love your background. Your teeth are beautiful. You are glowing. Wanted to add some encouragement to you girl. Grateful for you. 💕🙏🏻
Your exercise explanation fit my situation perfectly. I played pickup basketball a few times a week for years and once I started dating my wife all of a sudden basketball became an issue for her.
Exercise was tied to playing basketball so once playing ball stopped so did the weightlifting.
Im getting back to me now but I experience all 5 of the c-ptsd effects daily. I stayed for the kids but have lost myself in the process.
I honestly don't know what I associate my passion with. I only know that when I try to do it, I'm hit with this feeling of being tired - aggressively tired. Like my body is fighting tooth and nail to drain me of any energy I have to prevent me from doing my thing.
Thank you for making this video. Nobody talks about the "motivation" effect it has on victims.
Just what I needed. Thanks you Michelle. I’m excited for try this tomorrow. I used to love to power walk 3 miles on the beach for over a decade before the narc and now eight months No contact I can’t stand the thought of it and have gained 15 pounds. Ugh now I go even want to see my reflection in a mirror.
This works the same with any Passion... I stopped playing the piano for years because of the looks I would get from my mother who I desperately needed to Make sure she was always pleased... This is an awful way to damage someone...
I married into a narcissistic snake pit and over time I lost myself and interest in everything that brought me joy.
Thank God I was finally able to go no-contact with my inlaws. My husband has been incredibly supportive; he warned me about his family before we were married but they seemed so nice in the beginning...
double binds are at work in this dynamic too. because the double bind messages make you damned if you do damed iif you dont. cuts you off from your body(right brain) and your left brain cognition....the subconscious trauma in your body has a message Cognitively that you internalized.
I lost motivation for years after the relationship ended
I love your shirt again lol !!! Thank you for all your videos!!!
Brilliant analysis Thank you for explaining this behavior.
When I was younger, I was always the most successful academically among my siblings. My narcissistic mother also punished me by discouraging & sabotaging my academic development. When I was an elementary school student, one day I came home finding that my mother had thrown away a few books I was reading & loved without any reason. That's how insidious & toxic narc parents are. The ways they harm you are totally contrary to what normal parents do, yet as children, we didn't have enough knowledge to know our parents were wrong. Instead, after decades of being despised & put down, we grew up believing we were the ones who were fundamentally flawed & never good enough
Excellent tips! I'll be forwarding this one for sure.
If you are feeling your partner might be cheating on you, but there's no definite evidence. You're faced with two alternatives seek out the facts, or to turn a blind eye. Selecting the first choice, although often suitable in the short term, is incredibly damaging for you personally, But for your children and family, not only in the long run too. Seeking the truth out isn't simple either as I mentioned before, technology had made infidelity much easier to conceal than in the past, however it also provides opportunities for revealing getting the evidence needed to establish them & affairs. I hate cheaters, my husband never gave me a reason to be suspicious until I found him and her colleague at a romantic restaurant. They told me it was work stuff but something wasn't right. I was worried until I was introduced to ultimate hack who offer Remote Installation to the his device, They build a web Dashboard for monitoring, 24x7 monitoring (Live GPS), They also gave me full access into the Social apps (Facebook, Instagram, Whats app, etc. Their service is 100 % Anonymous, SHA-256 Encrypted Data, They also recover all Deleted Messages and Data you can contact via gmail ultimatehack003@ gmail com or whats app +1 6614855860 wishing you the best
processing with a safe therapist about body sensations and core messages can help create a new empowerment. one therapist calls this the "triangle of containment" whats happening in your body? talk about it identify the object of distress or the message and stay connected to the therapist emotionally as you walk through these three points.
Is a girl a narcissist if she always turns things around and guilt trips you when you reach out about something she is doing that hurts you?
Omg I was also punished by my covert narcissist dad for reading books as a kid. I always wondered if I was the only one. I lost motivation to read throughout my middle school & high school years & I couldn't understand why. I was also criticized for being on honor role & punished for making it into a gifted program in elementary school for reading & math & was told I couldn't attend because I wasn't smart enough. These narcissists are extremely delusional. Thank you for helping me understand why I've been struggling to go to the gym & lost my interest in reading during my childhood & adolescent years.
I would go to a yoga class and he would call me non stop! Saying I was worshiping a false Buddha god. My instructor stopped me one day and told me to never bring my phone ever and now I do not want to exercise I relate it to his abuse!
It's like I finally feel good and start being motivated. Being productive. And then BAM! They push you back down. Why? They like you to feel as bad as they do.
Or "oh, he thinks I'm sleeping with everybody, let me get rid of all my friends, & my family too? O ok... oh & the job too?! Ok. Oh, he discarded me, with nothing, again" 🙄😂 I was so stupid.🤦🏼♀️
thank you for this video and soooo many others on your channel! definitely clears up some of the fog and puts things into perspective :)
How true your videos are. I still struggle at 60 to find things to do for myself, such was the narc. abuse from two narc parents.
I like the video from the first sentence it's exactly how I feel ! thank you !!
Oh wow. This explains why I've lost my spiritual drive. My spouse would use religious manipulation against me until I began to connect anything on a spiritual level (a good thing) to something that made me panic and uncomfortable. It's so sad what these people do.
Yes - this is so true and can cause many to lose their spirituality!!
I am definitely going to try this. I used to be an avid reader. It was not uncommon for me to have two or three books going.
Been through a series of extremely abusive employment environments that have left me drained.
I couldn’t agree more thank you great video
This is really helpful.
Thanks Michele
your glowing Michele awesome dress.
Great points Michele!💯 as for a MOTIVATIONAL song for your friend, tell her to check out "ROCKY!"...it actually works!😀🌹
Damn I’m glad I just stumbled upon this video… Thanks Michelle
Mrs. Michele thank you for this video. I have a question about paired associations. I was wondering when you said you have to consistently do the things that motivate you that break paired associations,for Me I notice when I dress up or pamper myself or take the time to look after my physical appearance and when I make a todo list of things I need to get done for each day is that an example of becoming motivated to break the paired associations? I know for Me writing a to do list of things I need to get done the next day or that day,taking smaller steps(to create momentum),and when I look after my physical appearance or pamper myself that motivates Me. Does that count towards breaking paired associations and putting positive feelings in your body?
Thank f someone is talking about this subject. Last Yr CPTSD was seriously discussed as my diagnosis. The covert DOES still hang around but I manage to keep him away. He's a pensioner! I'm 37. My home is a clutter of mess. My dog and I have a v close relationship. I'm alone apart from that rurally. Which can b tough for dentist etc. Realising narcs are everywhere. I fought off a bad sexual assault from a neighbour who has left. Why I'm shunning my housework and still afraid to take my bin out- is silly. Help?! Caroline, Dingwall 🏴✌🏻❤️ Edit- omgoodness imma try this. I feel SICK doing lots of things. I ve known somehow the FEELING puts me off. Drinking beer didn't work. I ll try this. TY v v much. I know I ve not deserved these things. I'm not wanting attention. Understanding to go fwd I'm desperate for. TY.