Cptsd| 4 Dangers of Reacting They HOPE Happen to You Beware
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- Опубликовано: 19 авг 2024
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Hello thrivers!! Learning how to respond instead of reacting is huge because you are now separating from the enmeshment AND you will feel more empowered and more like YOU!! But remember - life should not just be about avoiding toxic people, or learning about toxic people - the next stage of healing should be about learning how to get YOU back - how to close the door on the past and live in the present, while creating the life you really want!! Reacting to life and engaging in symptom management is not living to the full!! If you haven't gotten your FREE PDF I Miss Me & I Want Me Back yet.... be sure to get your copy and begin putting the focus on YOU =) micheleleenieves.mykajabi.com
Thank you for this video. Im 37 years old and I've been stuck in this abuse cycle my whole life. It definitely has changed me and everything you said here is true. I've completely lost hope. Thank you for shining the light of truth into my life of darkness. Please never stop. We need you
Part of a narcissist's supply is to not only push their victim's buttons but to make the victim look like the bad guy
They need to be the centre of attention!
@@alexlg9521 Yes
👏🏼👏🏼
And yes, as much as they call you crazy for reacting towards behaviors they created, they love the drama. Whether it’s positive or negative.
They install the buttons!
Part of it is also to have roast beef while you have none as another cries wee, wee, wee all the way home
Yaaaaaassss! They love to trigger you to react and then they are cool and calm. Narcissist love calculated foolishness and dysfunction. Reactive abuse can be so confusing to onlookers...
If you feel angry, just be angry, allow your emotion, and f*ck the world... What s so bad about being you? And who cares what other think?
@@lesleygarvs4640 It matters because they get you to react in front of your kids or family and friends, then it's proof that all the lies they've been saying behind your back, are true. Then everyone thinks you're the a$$hloe , because they don't realize that shes been pushing all your buttons to the point that you get pissed.
When your walls are down even strangers (narcs) attack.
I feel like an awful person for finding so much comfort in this. These really are things that no one know if they haven't lived through them.
People feel as if you are lying or mentally ill when you say that someone forced their false reality outward, because "it can't be a coincidence".
Why would this make you feel awful?
I understand what you mean. This is literally life saving advice isn't it, because Michele uncovers the "covert" nature of the abuse and spells it out. 🖐🏼
Anna2Belle7, No need to feel awful. Trust your intuition. 💡🙂
@@ladennayoung2939
No one understands how much narcissists set you up to present yourself as the problem. No one can imagine why would e.g. an adult would invite you over without telling the spouse and *pretend* to be in the middle of house chores on a regular basis/pattern. It's crazy why someone would put an hour of effort to stage something as meaningless as pretending to do the dishes or just blame shifting - about something that actually take less time and energy to actually *do*. It's like a bad joke.
I feel awful, because I'm so happy that someone gets it, and at the same time I know that they've had to experience it. No one should have to go through this - it's like being happy that someone is in a wheelchair so you can discuss your plight. (P.s. I'm not in a wheelchair or in any way trying to diminish, dismiss etc. I just couldn't think of anything better to compare my feelings with).
And sorry for the long response - I could have put more effort into giving context :)... @
It's a perspective shift when we realize that the reactive state was intentionally provoked each time. We don't have to get angry at ourselves and this opens the door to self-forgiveness.
I love this
Yes. When you know that someone is intentionally trying to trigger you, it changes the game. You know it’s not you.
I only wish that shift happened sooner for me. Then I wouldn't have had to endure all of the hurt and suffering that followed.
This,💯💯💯
I am out of my abuse. Yay! Although she is still trying to loveboom her way back in by forcing gifts, events ought I said no. She came to my house and left the gifts outside my door. My children and I refuse to put a price tag on our mental health. No gift is worth the abuse.
How did you deal with the unwanted material she left on your doorstep?
@@cairosilver2932 they are unopened gifts sitting in my garage. We haven't decided what to do. Thoughts?
@@michellepd2002 I think pay for return to sender and mail them back or drop them off at her door with a no thank you card on top if you're comfortable with that.
@@cairosilver2932 I was just thinking no contact ment no contact. Wouldn't I still be engaging with her?
@@michellepd2002 Ok, I didn't know it was an full NC thing. Find some place to bin them I guess. Personally I wouldn't have them on the property, it's like some kind of finger hold for the narcissist.
I know I speak for most of us when I say that hearing you actually say what it is we’ve all gone though, it gives me strength and determination. I always felt completely alone. No one knew my husband like I did/do. They all think he’s a great guy. They don’t know the monster and no one would believe me if I told them. It’s a very dark, lonely and isolating feeling. I STILL react but not as much. I’m always so pissed off at myself thinking, he got me AGAIN😖 Why am I so stupid? I know not to react yet I do. He gets the best of me and then here I am. Angry at him and even more angry at myself. It’s a viscous cycle but it can be broken.
The part of the narcissist being so calm, it reminds me of when I was telling a friend about how this guy would get stoic and tell me not to take things so personally after his friend bullied me for my abstinence values and my friend said that she thought he didn't mean it because he is so nice in a crowd. Dealing with narcissists or people who make me second guess myself and makes me just want to spend a lot of time alone. As I get older, I can't deal with people lying or being manipulative.
This is so correct and more relief. The reacting description is exact. Thank you Michele
Right; it's not about them. It's you
I can relate to much of this. I do need to stop letting my reaction shape my personality. I will try to be mindful of that and put it into practice.
OMG, Michele. I didn't see this before, but my absolute worst way of reacting is that I go get a glass of wine...or two. Boy does he like to use THAT to prove that I am the problem. I could lose my clients if he 'shared' that! Of course, he would be doing it out of the-goodness-of-his-heart, because those innocent people deserve to know who they have hired...OMG
It's so good to know the tactics but so horrible to know who they are at the same time.
The feeling of the need to protect myself, has stayed with me and is now a personality trait. I am conscious of being on guard all of the time, even two years after I left. My 5 sisters gaslighted me, scapegoating me out of the family, and using the internet social media sites, but before I even had access to the net myself.
When they really set to in their abuse, I was left with an appalling sense that something was dreadfully wrong, but unable to determine what was actually wrong.
I was left with a broken reality, no sense of self, and everything that I based my sense of family upon was destroyed.
I was disenfranchised, dehumanised, disadvantaged, and that happened by their hands, and very publicly. They Even stole my identity, using it fraudulently.
Narcissistic parents do this. In fact, mothers abuse their title because they no that society thinks that mothers are all knowing and are caring and want the best for the child but mothers who are narcissistic we are exploit this. In other words, narcissistic parents will abuse a child. Ultimately, this reacting in your video is what I overcame to the point where this parent has put my life endanger only to get a reaction and I almost got in a fatal car accident that this parent was laughing at.
Narc dad and hubby for me but yes, all true.
It's definitely strategic on their part I could see that so clearly once I was out, they definitely love to evoke our reactions to make it look as it is all our fault as we are the crazy bad guy.
This is crazy! I trained myself to be angry, because I noticed I'm stronger and less privy to be attacked by anyone. Now I can't get out of it.
Gosh that basically happened to me during grandma's when my narc mom took my bag, Narcissistically abused me with tactics and negatives because she arrogantly thought I was "Hiding things" or "Being sneaky", while me and her were away from my grandma and Uncle and then portray as if she was calm and when I got back I got angry, showed her what I actually gotten (which was mints even thought in reality it was an water cup because I knew that if mom founded out about the water bottle she would criticize, narcissistically abuse me with tactics and negatives, etc.) and putted my bookbag right where it was. I found that she was just baiting for an reaction to portray herself as the ""calm, cool and collective" as she had narcissistically abused me while no one was looking and embrassed me if front of them.
So true! These relationships with narcissists will change you....for the worse. You become so hyper vigilant. The only cure is getting away, or have the least amount of contact with them as possible. Great video!
I feel like I'm very irritable around everyone and I was never like this before. I'm trying to better myself but it seems to be very difficult. I think about her daily without fail. And they say you should never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about, but I think this is definitely someone that I need to forget, as hard as that may be. I think it is the abruptness of the discard that hurts the most. We had recently got engaged and I thought we were happy and I had found someone I can spend my life with... oh how wrong I was! Fast forward and I no longer exist and she has a new guy in her life!
@@DanielRD-91 ❤️
I’ll never forget the joyful tone of voice my abuser used when scolding me after a period of reactivity. She loved to see me in a chaotic mess. She never seemed upset by me being angry or hurt and reactive. She seemed to enjoy it. Very sick. She wanted me mummified, controlled, unable to defend myself, completely controlled.
Vindictive narcissist? (I found this on Dr. Todd Grande's channel) There are different forms
I’m glad you’re going into detail w this bc this is where many of us are stuck- it’s very valuable so please give us all of your logic on the topic- thank you so much!!
The identity I was before a relationship and the identity I became as a result of the relationship, God that's powerful stuff and it has happened to me over and over and over, often I feel a girl wants a relationship with me, then the minute there's a commitment, I start feeling assaulted or attacked by her, which makes me push her away, I have trouble maintaining healthy boundaries because of enmeshment issues with my mom.
make her a compliment not the center of ur life.
"Refractory period"!!! Hearing that term and now having the comprehension of that concept brought me so much understanding and freedom.
This was how I started to feel,and I new something wasn't right,so I really did a lot of work and I realized what I was up against so I had to go no contact and find myself, it was pretty easy I just become stronger,wiser, and I found happiness with family and friends,and of course playing my drums in the band I'm in,it was like a great awakening.
This perfectly describes what I went through
Me too
This is such an important video. They provoke you and then insult you saying you are the problem. Your nervous system is totally dysregulated. It is vital not to react and must regulate our bodies and nervous system again.
Thank you for explaining this so well. This is such a huge help in my healing.
Michele I found this to be a real eye opener. Its concerning to me as I have felt this change myself. Its insidious and evil.
The pattern became too blatant and toxic to deny. Believing in them was destroying me. My non-reaction has become a full-time job. My independence is inevitable. Thank you❤🙏
The best videos I have seen on this subject. After 3 years strick no contact with my ex and common friends and careful boundaries with my friend and mother, I am still questioning wheather I was just to ""feisty" and sensitive.
Thank you
I finally divorced the psychopath narcissist alcoholic ex that set me up constantly to react to his abuse and strategic provocations right in front of my children or others
I was always in the refractory state
He set me up to look like
And completely changed the person I was from being respected and revered as the unconditionally loving caring devoted dedicated mom and wife I am into being treated by all of them like I was the outsider, the enemy of my own family
...a horrible person that no one liked or respected or ever wanted to be around
And constantly have to do damage control prove my worth
That he erased from their minds
As I was constantly mercilessly provoked daily into an angry argumentative Defensive state reacting to and getting lured into his crazy making rabbit hole of gaslighting blame shifting projections denials pathological lying , cheating, neglect, stonewalling, abandonments,deflections triangulating smear campaigns
Verbal and physical abuse ,belittling, berating insults cursing and name calling
And he’s doing all this away from anyone seeing or hearing him except me
When I would react where strategically he’s now walked near others he would counter with his typical pattern of acting calm
And suddenly clueless as to why I’m so “crazy or provoking a fight with him”
As he’s telling my kids “ come on guys
Let’s get away from her she’s mean and crazy “
He’s even recorded without my knowledge my reactions to play back to others
And of course he would make sure to brainwash my children he coercively controls and created trauma bonds with and everyone else I know
To believe all his lies , conspiracy theories and projections of his guilt back onto Me as he plays the imposter victim role of his own doing
You just described my life.
i tend to think, we naturally try to recreate adult relationships with the opposite sex that resemble the relationship we had with our parents or caregiver. No matter how dysfunctional our relationship or even abusive our relationship was with our mother or father, we try to recreate those relationship dynamics in adult hood. It's all you know, unless you learn something different in recovery or therapy. Great video,
Interesting because it's the same for a narcissist. They were children once 😢
So true. I married a narc after being raised by a narc mom.
@@michellepd2002 my mom grabbed me up once while I was setting on the floor in front of the TV and throwed my body into the wall above our living room sofa, three times in a row, she use to overpower me, set on my stomach, pin my body to the floor and force me to submit to her, I use to run and hide in the field behind our house, I would hide under the dinning room table, I would hide in the old dog house in the back yard, I even run once to the neighbors, who called the police on my mom, but she never stopped, until I physically fought back when I was 13, but from age 8-13 it was hell on earth living in that house. She would hide it, then on Sunday put on a real show at church, sing her songs, but she was always sure to do her abuse when we were alone. I'm sure she had some kind of mental illness, the happiest days of my childhood was the three days the police forced her to leave the home. The reactivity mentioned here, kept me alive as a kid, it was a learned survival skill, but now it's unnecessary
@@davidnorman2134 mother was also physically abusive. Are you often triggered?
@@michellepd2002 i struggle with emotional flash backs, and falling back into childhood survival behaviors, alot of my recovery has been emotional growth and healing, im learning alot how influencial childhood trauma impacts or blocks healthy development, i feel stuck or even frozen most of the time, flight, fight, freeze stuff, , CPTSD
It wasn't just a reality that I ignored because I wanted give her a chance because I thought she could be someone that just needed love it was the truth about her that i looked the other way and now I am here doing my best to put myself back together.
Other people must surely notice this. Even superficially.
THIS! My family and friends LOVE my narc husband. He even has his family fooled. Before we walk into a holiday dinner or any social situation he either picks a fight with me or right before we walk in the door he says things like, “ are you sure you feel comfortable in that?” And I always get the silent treatment when we are around his colleagues or work functions.
This was nice... You explained things in a simple way and gave example and it was very informative. Awesome!👌😊
Thanks Michele. Thank you for pointing out something I saw all along but never caught We would be having a normal pleasant conversation and she would throw out a double meaning insult when my guard is down. It confused me because it would be inappropriate to respond in kind. I would never point out a friends flaws unless they asked my opinion. I now realize she was using it as a clever tactic.. The outrageous way she did it stuck in my head . I ask myself why and that would lead me back to the actual insult. The over the top rudeness was to just set the time bomb the actual insult was the explosion of doubt. after doing this to me over time she crafted my reality. I came across a word . "Aporia " I was watching a video about Heath Ledger's roll in Batman. It explained how the Joker wasn't Crazy. I wish I could fully explain, it's very deep. In interviews the director talked about why he used Aporia . I feel If you look into the word you will find the core of the Narc , Motivation, tactics and planning.
great class, my whole life I suffer from it, my whole life I fight against it. now it is clear back and front what was played, and above all - who!
You have a beautiful mind. Thank you for the guidance!
👍👍👍 this video just needed more than one like. For sure.
OMG!!!!! This is so spot on accurate and I have NEVER heard ANYONE ELSE explain this so well and clearly!!! You broke down the processes so perfectly! I was born into a narcissistic family and married one. Being the scapegoat for so many years not to mention the betrayal, discards and being blamed for the abuse that was happening to me due to the reactive period , particularly with my ex-husband. He was able to convince my entire family that I was mentally ill and beyond hope of recovery. I left and proved that I am most certainly not mentally ill, but did my toxic family acknowledge this obvious fact? NO! I have been no contact with most of them for years now but due to forced interaction because of children, my ex husband continues his abuse of me and I catch myself reacting when I know I shouldn’t. I am definitely suffering nervous system effects and it has changed my personality from someone who loved life and doing things to never wanting to leave my house and hoping I die in my sleep soon. These creatures are pure evil. This video shed much needed light on what I have been doing wrong. Subbed and am about to binge watch all of your videos! Thank You!!!
The challenging thing for me is work for the time being. When you work in the service industry. Narcissist will try to attack you and use you as supply. In the meantime you are trying to remain professional. Smh. This REALLY need to be addressed in the work place from every angle. Smh. These people will attempt to emotionally and verbally abuse you. Because they know you are at work, and feel as though you can't really do anything to defend yourself. It is awful. Lord help us all is all I can say in Jesus name.
Amen 🙏🏻
True amen
I know what you say; I've worked for the public too for years and it drains you.
Try to be most neutral; follow the policy of your company strictly and if they complain (they will) try to repeat over and over again "I understand your point but it's against the policy of the company" over and over, very calmly.
I don't know the translation for "disco rayado"...scratched disk?
Thank you 🙏 for sooo much mental/emotional validation!!! ❣️
This is spot on and it's insane that my husband has done this to me. Makes me sick.
Your information is 100% QUALITY. If our system was set up to recognize experts who learn things first hand instead of through school, you would be honored by them and teaching classes. Thanks for sharing your wealth of information!
Years later, after no contact, and you're still dropping gems. I don't think I will grow out of your information because your info keeps growing. Thank you!
I know I'm not myself at all. I have anger, really bad anger at x narc and my son.
They both treated me with disrespect.
I know I'm stuck in this horrible state of mind.
How do I get out of it!?
I feel you! Try therapy or journal your thoughts and everything you want to say to them. Maybe get a punching bag and take your anger out on that.
Anger is justified and can feel overwhelming. Someone gave me some advice and I took it. Get yourself an aluminum Tball bat, and when you need to release that emotion, use that bat to beat the hell out of your mattress. As a matternof fact, I have moved past the anger phase of recovery, but I still use my bat from time tontime... 😉
@@rubberbiscuit99 I need my mattress but I totally get your point.
I use art as an outlet although I haven't created anything dark yet.
I think I will now.
Then if that does not work then the bat to the bed!
I hate this frame of mind!
I’ve been there. Believe me, I know how tortuous it is. If you do nothing else, I strongly recommend Doing EFT Tapping. It literally saved my life and it helped me to quit smoking in one week. It’s free and you can do it anytime. You can learn about it here on RUclips. Just don’t allow this man to control your thoughts and feeling for one more second. Decide that enough is enough.
@@cjfree1375 It feels fantastic to release the anger. I had a lot of it from a long "relationship." Everyone has to find what works for them. (No mattress was harmed in the releasing of my anger.) It took a while for me to even realize how pissed I was! Recovery is work, and it takes time. One day at a time. You got this.
Thank you Michele, I believe it's very important to learn about what I was dealing with, but I am also looking forward to my after. There are very few channels that offer that so you are truly a pioneer for us survivors 🌻❣
I'm such a mess, but I see it all very clear now, so not as triggered. The more im away from my Mum, the better I feel. Left the narci's yrs ago. I was irratic, rageful, indecisive, dependent, alcoholic...ugh
This sounds like Bpd...they take on abusers traits & when they are around empathic people they are more themselves, like a chameleon. This is not permanent, but a temporary trauma response, even for Bpd sufferers. When you gain self knowledge, this all fades.
So the "Refractory period" is the part where we feel "out of character", or emotionally charged and unstable. It sounds like the Narc plays on this level here. They want you to step out of character into the refractory period. Yet if you don't show a reaction, they can't tell if you are in that state or not...or no?
They can't and that's grey rock method; if you don't react they cannot point you as the aggressive, the nut case...and you can keep doing it (not reacting) they get bored. They would probably tell you how boring you are 😉😃
Hi Michele, you nailed the this completely, thank you so much !
Married 34 yrs and the his has been the cycle for as long as I can remember - I’m going to find ‘Me’ again thanks to you 😊 🙏
So helpful no reactive abuse . You Observe don't absorb! Don't react. You might respond later.
That is what my husband does, it’s sick and yes some of my kids are deceived. I’m always set up.
Thank you for helping us understand what was happening to us at the hands of someone who never loved us. Bless you
Glad to help!!!
This has happened to me..over ..and over again!..now I see it!..after..over 40yrs of this horrendous abuse!...😔🙏
I’m totally aware that I’m being strategically being setup by the two narcissist in my life and I miss me and I want me back 👍
I understand everything better now and I don’t feel bad about how I reacted I’m being more careful now as to why and is it worth it. When the other person starts showing micro aggression I just stay calm because I have nothing to do with how they choose to behave so their bad behavior is all on them. I’ve eliminated almost all toxic people out of my life. 👍👍
U are the best i follow u everyday....its the only light that keeps me focused while i have to stay in this sick relationship with my parents till i can leave...much love
When you are brought up in toxic dysfunctional family the refractive period lasts for years the biggest dilemma is you have no perception of who you really are there is no former self its like learning to relate to myself and others from scratch, all I've learnt is to be kind to myself, this is going to take some time
They become an introject from the narc which if you've been around them for a long time. Inner child work. We can be calm while they try to provoke us. We don't react. We. Might give a short non emotional rezponse.
Thank you. I will be waiting to learn how to move on from my malicious targeting, because the effects do not stop just because the abuse abates.
Excellent video 💯
I have been following you Michelle and think you are amazing. Spot on with every subject and helping me build a library in my brain of explanations, truths and all the sabotaging that has gone in my life with Narcs. Currently, unfortunately, still in a marriage with one but planning my exit. I have said so many times I have spent practically this whole marriage in a state of reaction to everything, said and done to me! Always mind screwing, etc…End this chaos everyone!
I knew the rules. I'd dodged so many baiting tactics. A few days ago I let my guard down and let the mother of my child into my house. That was a big mistake. She baited as hard as she could infront of my son. She wouldn't leave when asked many times. I Threatened to call the police but that didnt make her leave either. She didnt care. Then came the point when she was demanding to take my son. He wouldnt go with her. Hes 9. I'd managed to get her to follow me to the door. When she knew it was time to go she was as vile as possible. Hit me as hard as she could. My son didnt see that but when I pulled her coat to lead her out of the door she saw my son come down the stairs and dropped to the floor shouting and making the biggest scene hes ever seen. She sat in the doorway refusing to leave. She got what she wanted. Now shes taken my son and stopped communicating.i dont know when I'll see him again. Shes had 7 yrs of trying everything she can to have complete control. I've called social that help me before when she was hitting my son. They helped for a bit but snakes dont change do they. Gutted.
I really hope things work out for you and your son. What an awful thing she did!
@@rahbeeuh thank you. Hope your world does not get as bad as mine. Good luck. We got to keep learning i guess.
@@thesecrettragedyclothingco7194 You're welcome and thank you. So long as we're alive we keep learning. As they say, live and learn
💖🙏
@@Wokeupinthetwilightzone thanks Kristy. Me and my son will walk through fire for many yrs. At first I thought menopause..then cluster b...now i fear some form of dementia. My exs mother was diagnosed at 50 with alzheimers and her mother before that the same. My ex is 47 now. The symptoms of childish, agressive and obstructive irrational behaviour gets real hard to distinguish. Either diagnosis isn't gonna end well for me or my son.. I wish you well. Thanks for the praying hands. Same to you.
I had a narcissist who always targeted me during university days. They’d instigate and instigate and I’d blow up in public. Everyone thought and probably still think I’m an out of control person, the anger the explosion was not me but I was push so much. I’m only understanding now what happened. I can’t believe someone had so much power over me. I’m trying not to be that person who is easily triggered or angered but sometimes it feels like I’m no longer in control and they know exactly how to push me there. I also take accountability for my reactions I should have just stepped away but I didn’t know
Brilliant, thats exactly what happened but I couldnt verbalise. Side effects.....Benign Essential Tremors!! Looking forward to your upcoming videos 👌
This one genuinely upset me, because I realise now, just how much this happened to me with my ex. I don't understand how there can be people that actually function this way. It boggles the mind. What a sad life it must be, to just go around hurting people and repeating the cycle over and over again. I feel so sorry for her, but at the same time, I'm glad I'm not subjected to the abuse any more.
This video is such a God send. Thank you!
this reactivity you talk about gets so exhausting, its not about healthy positive communication, but always explaining yourself, or dealing with your partners insecurity issues. With my x, I felt like she always wanted me to feel guilty, even when I had done nothing wrong, and I asked her a million times to stop treating me like that, but I was constantly ignored, which pissed me off when I feel like I'm being ignored, I feel like my boundaries are being violated, and I know no other way to communicate other than pushing the person out of my life or withdrawing from the unhealthy relationship, does tha make sense, thanks alot for this video its very inciteful. I mean I entered a relationship for a partner, love acceptance, but its' like the relationship provided all these dysfunctional traits your laying out in your video, it's very sick and unhealthy.
This is so true .My husband would do something rely nasty when no one could see i would react or be upset people would see this quiet nice guy life and sole of the party with someone who was upset or arguing and believe i was the problem especially as he would lie about me . I was aware that what he was doing was wrong but he always said i was mad that i needed help and for decades i believed him and looked at my reaction more than the original abuse. He got away with his behavior and i became the problem I now see exactly what was happening.
so true thats for real my problem nervous system brain fog phobia fear all messed up
Honestly, I believe there are spirits that help operate the narc's strategy. My narc mom wasn't that smart. They set us up & bait us spontaneously as they receive instruction from familiar spirits pretending to be their own thoughts. Somehow I doubt even deliverance would help, since they refuse to change, or even admit they need to.
Much like animals get lured into traps by the bait, so we get lured into reacting emotionally and irrationally trying to resolve the pain inflicted by the narcissist's non-stop baiting and provoking.
Then we beat ourselves up because we fell into the trap AGAIN. Double whammy. Then right as you start healing, it happens all over again.
@@wassahapening Yes. And the cure is to regularly love and care for yourself. Nurturing and protecting yourself relationally, emotionally, physically, financially. And to block people who are not cheering for your well being while inviting people who do cheer for your wellness.
@@davidskues7153 you're right. I am working on all of the above. What a bad rollercoaster ride.
Wow this is an amazing video
I totally agree with everything you said about the brain 🧠and nervous system. They damaged it all. 💔
I need 1 on 1 with you ASAP! Every word u speak in everyone of your videos is 100% spot on. I will b reaching out to u. Thank you
I love you you’re so right every word you saying every word you saying it’s so right keep doing this video your channel it’s so beautiful and you’re beautiful you’re saving lotta people and God bless you God bless you God bless you🙏🙏🙏💕💕🙏🙏
THANK YOU! I'm on recovery and look forward to your videos!
Thankyou Michele ...you are always on point. I have been watching for more than 5 years ... It has kept me sane ... Being that narcissistic abuse is exhausting... God bless you.
Totally have had been through this. Thank you. I wish I knew this at the time. I literally hated myself for years afterwards because I blamed myself for everything. After all I lost so many friends too.
I know what you are saying, it s as if you are expecting things to happen... Because you are used to abuse... For example many ups and downs in our health... Come from a long time exposure to the abuse up and down cycles... So your body still believes you are there, even when you moved away long ago, or even worse when you expect bad things to happen, only because you experienced some joy(like in the past)... The inner dialogue most change along with the new reality
Thank you very much Michele You can really save the day beautiful
So basically the refractory period is the "mood" we sustain and stay in BECAUSE of something the Narc did. And they gain supply from that period, from that negative mood. No wonder they check on you. When you go off on them? And you cool down? They are checking to see what happened to the anger. It's like they get upset when you don't stay upset!
I wish I could give a 1000 likes. Thank you! I never thought of this, never heard of it and it makes so much sense. And unfortunately I’m living it, even though I’m out.
Thanks 🤎looking forward to regulating the brain videos
Hyper reactivity is what happens when your body and your brain are always in flight or fight mode. Patterns are hard to redesign and even harder when we cannot recognize them. We can come with a ancestor wounding - we can live out the patterns of the people who raised us and those that raised them. We can try and live what looks like a good life but how do we know when our models are broken? What happens when one broken person after another raises the next generation of people- the wounding continues - patterns are important to identify and to break free. There are no coincidences- there is an inner voice that guides you I hope that you always hear yours and that nobody ever tries to take it away.
It gives me chills... bcz it absolutely exactly to a T what iam unfortunately going through it right now😭😔🤯
Sad! Just very sad when there’s kids involved, and not right now having the immediately opportunity to a walk away. 😞 I would love to flip the game and act out of this always fixing state specially with family, and make him look crazy all the time. But it’s SO hard when you have a character and the integrity, healthy......
God help me!!! And whoever else is dealing with this right now... 🙏🏻stay Strong and believe in God!!!
So true. My ex would wind me up in front of my kids and in front of my parents. My mum said to me after he left that they hadn’t understood until now why I seemed to be so hard on him all the time. (I’m grateful they understood quickly!) 19 months free and still recovering - but I’m getting there!!
Best video on this. I went thru this, still going thru it. Yes defies logic so hard to believe they are so strategic & diabolical. Thank you 💕🙌⚘
Not reacting at all for far to long caused my eventual reaction to be far to intense. And they definitely used that to their advantage.
Wow, this is so good and on point...brought a lot of clarity to me. Thank you and God bless!
My parents turned my daughter against me. It happened. And whennI say it, of course: You‘re crazy, Sanna...
It is amazing how cleverly that system works!
But suddenly, I got ancalkey from my uncle. The first time in my 56 years I mentioned him about my situation. I had a gut feeling that he understands. And I got a relative who sees me. Without him, I wold still have doubts about my perceptions, but now I have someone who shares them. He is the brother of my mother.
Your videos have helped me so much, you have no idea! Thank you
Sirens go off when the malignant abusers stops and ponders if really... they are being wholly loved. 🙏
Michele, would be nice if you can give some feedback. My husband is a great guy nice caring, and a great dad..always supporting and encouraging us..Never demeans or devalues anybody. But his parents are highly abusive, they have been scapegoating me for along time, and when I realised it I started standing up..so more games and manipulation...I have gone no contact and it’s ok with my husband but he still doesn’t acknowledge his parents dysfunction. He kind of dodges it..but doesn’t acknowledges it clearly.
Thank you. I'm almost 3 months in to no contact. I'm healing and have spent so much time in dissonance that I didn't know what was happening or why, but I genuinely believed it was my fault. I believed I was the problem. I was why our relationship was failing. The brain fog has cleared. Hindsight is coming in 20/20.
She tried to hoover me back in yesterday by pleading to my good nature. She's a financial train wreck and I believe she wants to use me to solve her problems. She made her bed. She walked out. She got everything she wanted and tried to be my friend in the end... here she comes again. I'll be staying in no contact.
Thank you again.
I reacted and they used family court to establish a conservatorship with family court to keep control and make people believe I was crazy and commit me to a mental hospitals and maintain complete control.
Thanks, Michele. That sounds like an awesome focus for the new year. My body and brain are totally disregulated, and I don't even associate anymore with the people who caused my CPTSD. So learning to get back to a normal state is exactly what I need.
perfect michele
Please keep making these videos they truly help me. Last week my covert narcissistic mom was trying to make me react for her smear campaign and it didn't work and I have God and your videos to thank for that.
We are all able to realise this now that we’ve heard it. It’s obviously going to change u if it’s a constant feeling u have to cope with it can change u entirely