After I went no contact, I had to contact my sincere friends and talk about memories we shared, and the good qualities and positive character traits they have seen in me. Narcs scramble your identity and sense of self. Get away.
“Narcs scramble your identity and sense of self” 💯 true!! Going through this now, trying to remember who I was before the abuse and know I’m not a bad person
@@Lover-of_TRuth I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this psychological torture, mind attack, and emotional manipulation. Know this my friend: All narcs are deeply insecure and emotionally dysfunctional creatures. They lack a true self, suffer from low self esteem, and cannot generate feelings of self worth in their own. So they seek out people with positive attributes they admire and covet. The narc in your life chose you because you’re a great person with positive attributes. This is why they must abuse you; because you have what they want and will never obtain. They’re equivalent to rotten meat. They can never bring forth something of good merit. Take time to yourself. Reunite with your true self and reclaim your right to life a life of peace and happiness with respect and dignity. The truth is you’re the prize. Keep shining!
@@amodestmessengerchalonanto5150 thank you so much!! I had to save your words to read over and over for comfort. I just woke up feeling very uneasy. Narc is getting re-married and after devalue and discard, still single and recovering the abuse, have lots going on and it hit me all at once.. been divorced from the narc for over 5 years and am just now learning what narcissistic abuse is and am now trying to shield my daughter from emotional pain as well and it is quite overwhelming. First thought in my mind when I woke, is this is spiritual warfare and my mind is under attack... I appreciate you so much, you have no idea what your words being there when I opened my eyes, means to me! I needed this 🤗
I confirm that when we are angry trying to prove ourselves the narcissists become suddenly calm, in a state of peace like getting their dose of drug as we see in the movies. An experience so shocking that I could never forget.
It was so bizarre the first time I stood up to my grandfather. He is insanely controlling, and would explode at the most random things, so I was scared to get angry and defend myself. But I'd had enough. Emotionally, I was expecting Armageddon. Once I got angry, though, he backed off with hardly any pushback. He looked like he was high. It was very confusing and disquieting until I stumbled upon the RUclips narcissism rabbit hole.
That has happened to me, i don't know where I'd be if god wasn't in my life he does make a difference, but it is still very, very difficult and it has changed me in so many ways both good and bad.
That's where the Narc gets our energy, they transfer their toxicity, and they regulate their constant internal chaos. Then upon our emotional reaction to the abuse is where the abuser relies (count on) to shift tables and blame the abused one with an audience.
I can't wait to heal from my covert narc ex's emotional abuse. I feel a bit lost at the minute... She drove me to react to her with insults and anger.. I'm ashamed of that because that's not my character at all. Just want myself, and my life back.
Time heals it took me 4 years after first narc & 18 months after the second . I was recently dating a guy that said his ex was a narcissist but I have seen & had some serious toxic projection from him . Now I have my doughts . Or if he just isn’t healing as he’s still talking about her . So I would take time out & the day you feel nothing for her is the day you heal , you won’t even realise you healed until you think I haven’t even thought about her . Good luck 🤞
I often wonder how others viewed me when I was being abused. I wasn’t always the nicest. I was unhappy and irritated and didn’t even realize why. I couldn’t figure it out. I think on some level I realized I began mimicking his emotions, but I was too unaware to put the two together. He was always upset, easily agitated by his own existence. He would wake up angry. Most of the time he couldn’t even say why he was mad, he just was. And I adopted that energy. Now that I’m out, I see myself authentically. I really believed I was mean because my mom would call me mean and then, of course the narc would too. But now I see I’m not mean or easily irritated. I actually have a very calm, pleasant and patient demeanor. I never realized that until recovery.
E M classic gaslighting technique of the narc. Mine does it repeatedly. It doesn't matter if your happy or upset. Your mood will always be a point of attack for them
@E M you took all of the words right out of my mouth. My mother birthed that negative narrative about me as well, then later my husband started saying it. My mother has the whole family believing this about me, saying I’m not easy to get along with or she’s mean. So when ever my family is around me, they walk on eggshells. Took a while for me to learn that you must know who you truly are and definitely included people in your life that are good spirited individuals that love to bring joy around me. This abuse wears on you so bad, you really forget that they are the cause of this nasty change you are going through. I too have a laid back pleasant personality, but like you said, it is very hard to show that side of you, the REAL YOU when you are dealing with Narcissist Abuse. Very stressful
@@Lokey21 everything you said!! 💯 especially when you said “you must know who you truly are”. When you’re a child trying to develop your identity it gets buried under the negative adjectives your parental figures title you with. And narcissistic abuse in a relationship is basically identity/spiritual murder. They attack the core of who you are. It takes a while to heal.
I have felt this way with my ex. Now six years later, I am starting to think about what I did before as a young man. I used to read a lot of science fiction and I listened to a lot of music. They may not seem like much but it was part of who I was once.
I know what you mean. I used to read several books a month and write and draw and I loved film photography and now its like I never did any of it...like I forgot how or that was someone else
I found my people! Everything I liked was WRONG! my fav foods, my fav movies, music, books, comics, hobbies except the ones that benefitted them of course. I now started to get back into my stuff and it feels good... I keep making me my fav dishes and they taste better each time I eat them.
I know the feeling! I used to be so creative and wrote so much, and we can take our power and happiness back!! I think we wanted to make them happy so much that we dedicated everything we are to them and their happiness and living on edge so there is no time to take care of ourselves.... then we build up resentment for them. Praying for.your healing and new relationships ❤🙏
I was/still am a heavy reader. Although being under this abuse it’s hard to concentrate on my books for too long. But I refuse to give up on myself and all the things that make me who i am. I hope you get back into the things that made you who you are too. 😊
I HAVE HAD SO MUCH ABUSE IN MY LIFE THAT I WASN'T CONSCIOUS OF IT AND THOUGHT THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME... WHEN I STARTED TO SEE THAT IT WASN'T ME BUT I WAS JUST WITH NARCISSISTIC AND MANIPULATIVE PEOPLE... NOW WITH MY EYES OPEN I SEE HOW TRULY SAD THIS PLANET IS AND HOW LITTLE LOVE THERE REALLY IS. I KNOW WHO I AM NOW...AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN...AND BEING TRUE TO ME IS ALL I CAN DO!!
This reminds me of "what you resist, persists". It's a wonderful gift to be able to - respectfully - stop reacting to another's negative moods, to reclaim our faith in ourselves, to stay resilient and not let them affect us. Thank you.
After narc abuse, I realised my 'friends' just wanted me to 'get over it' whilst at the same time moaning about their own relationships. I know they were well meaning, but I had to find the answer from inside myself....'support' from family and friends was unhelpful to me as I just needed time. Bit by bit, I recovered myself and I never want the narc back, even though they said they'd 'reach out to me next year'. No. Bye-duh-bye, and stay gone. I am alone, but not lonely, because as Michele says 'I am living in harmony with that belief'....I will never let myself down, but I would if tolerating drama from family or toxicity from 'friends.' My friends are good timers - I have fun when we go out, but I realise I was giving so much and getting so little in return. I just accept them as they are, and I put myself first, last, and every place inbetween. In no way I am irritated, but I am operating a no BS, no drama policy with everyone in my life. I am being me with no apology to anyone else for being my authentic self. Also I quit social media - a breeding ground for narcs and toxic depressives. Michele - you are saving lives with your channel. Bless you x
You may need to get new friends, and family members can be toxic. You have to let them go, and be to yourself when it comes to family at times. I pray that you find peace and hope in God.
Great teacher. Great teaching on a painful topic. Emotionally abusive people are disturbing to know. They leave hidden emotional scars that take quite awhile to heal up. Be kind to yourself even if no one else is. You are worth more than ugly hearted people say that you are.
I feel so much better since cutting off toxic people from my life. I do find I was really irritated with people generally for the last couple of years because I had encountered so many people who were trying to encourage me to do things that weren't good for me like encouraging me to drink just because they drank or people who made fun of my abstinence values and it made me feel like less of a person, but then I realized that once I took more time to myself and focusing on my hobbies, I felt so much happier. It's all about the kinds of people we surround ourselves with and it's important to surround ourselves with people who lift us up, not bring us down.
Dad is a malignant narc, not covert, and definitely when I'm happy, he'll shoot me down. But if I'm sad or hating myself, then he's all smiles and hugs.
My mom shoots me down when I’m happy and kicks me even harder when I’m sad.. because is was weakness in her eyes.. so no emotions was the way to go inside the house..
Narcissists prefer to think that the victim defames them when they see narcissists as a problem as if the true is not the true but a blaming. That´s the reason narcissists are such rude people. They deny their nature and act as if others are abusers, not them. So there is no way for the victim to talk it out.
"what? I didn't do/say that to you! I would never insult you! You're making this up to look like the victim!" **sends screenshots of them insulting and abusing me** "Well you got that wrong, you misunderstood me and while we're at it you're way too sensitive" I always hated this "no I'm the victim here" game, so exhausting
Mine emailed me today out of the blue and said she hoped I never find soneone and if someone was stupid enough they’d be gone as soon as they saw my black heart you can’t get away !
Oh that’s it - it is constant anxiety and irritation. There used to be such a person living in the household and after they moved out it took me about two months to start remembering how I used to feel normally before they had appeared in my life. Absolute nightmare.
This is so accurate and a little triggering but I want to say to anyone who sees this if you don't understand what Michelle is saying don't give up. You clicked here for a reason. Every single word she is saying is true and real. Ask yourself these 2 questions #1 Would they disrespect their boss/ co-workers/ employees like they disrespect you? We all know we aren't immortal.. #2 If you took your last breath today would you be okay dying in your current situation? These are the two huge eye openers for me. I didn't want to die with such deep pain and sadness in my heart. I hope I make a little sense. I'm not okay but I'm safe now. These scars will always be here but I'm safe.
Michele you have made so much sense to me. I've had 10 (weekly) sessions with a LCSW and she never got to this kind of level. I am, by nature, a calm person. My covert narcissist wife ALWAYS triggered an emotional response from me then claimed that she was the one walking on egg shells. For a while I actually believed it. She also used to say often that I was such a miserable person. She made me miserable, I see it now. She spent 20 years emotionally and psychologically abusing me and I never saw it until I left her earlier this year and researched her behaviour. Thank you Michele.
I would be laughing, being goofy, interacting and having fun for us and me, he’d just sit there like a stick in mudd. I’d bring it up. he’d always say “I’m having fun. do you think I’m not having fun?”. He didn’t communicate that he was. I told him that he’s not communicating and that I’m actually showing it but he’s not, that there’s a difference. He goes “sorry I’m just tired”. He’d then get quiet and distant.
The first 26 seconds of this video describe exactly how I feel.. I feel like I lost my identity and it feels horrible not knowing who I am or who I want to be anymore. I wish there was someone I could talk to about my feelings , someone who really understands and won't try to minimize them. I'm tired of faking being normal, tired of getting triggered, tired of hating myself for that.
My Irritation level has hit the MAX! Today I shut everyone and everything down..... I didn’t speak to anyone. I focused all of my energy towards myself ( I have health issues.) Got some things done, soaked up my Fur Babies, let out a good cry (undetected of course) and then cleared my mind. It was so peaceful for the remainder of the day. I don’t like it when I feel like I can’t control my emotions, feelings, reactions 😖😖😖 I don’t like who I turn into in order to cope in this environment. These were amazing helpful tips, thank you 🙏🏽😊💕
After i seperated from the narc, I was alone, unintentionally distancing myself from others. Now I know why, I felt that I did not deserve to have friends, that I had nothing special to offer. I understood that when I met my boyfriend and did not understand the fact that he wanted to spend more time with me and give me gifts. I felt like it was too beautiful to be true, but it was sincere. Please understand your value, you are worth it, you can accomplish what you put your heart into ! You are loved, you just have to step away from the vampire narcs that suck on your life and energy. Take care of yourself.
Same here. I realised that's not true about me and that it was all them putting this false reality garbage in my mind. At the moment I'm not emotionally ready / available for any relationship, friendship or otherwise, I need to work on myself and that's what I'm doing and it's getting better over time. I do spend time with family, and my cat though, she's one of my best friends to me. I've found new interests and hobbies that I love and through those interests I've met some amazing people. I may not be close with any of them, I don't know how it will turn out but I remain hopeful regardless. If I do meet anyone friend or partner, it will most likely be from one or all of my interests so it's only a matter of time in any case. In the past I've met people whom I believed to be my friends but turned out to be filthy, toxic people, I also met them when I was in a weak state of mind or I forced myself to meet people out of peer pressure in the past but I actually wasn't ready and I won't make the same mistake again.
Being abused 20 years by narcissist parents, I am irritated, but I marry healthy husband, every time I am irritate, he always explains to me things not your imagination, most of people are nice, they are not offended by purpose......after 30 years with husband, I found I change, everting if I being irritated, I always ask myself maybe something I misunderstood, people are not hurt you by purpose.Most of time to prove that idea is right.
actually sometimes they DO tell you to not be happy. My mother used to say that if I laughed too much I would end up crying....and sure enough, she'd do something so it would happen. Learned to stifle joy.
Whether it’s a toxic relationship or a toxic job, you need to leave. Being the trooper who doesn’t quit an abusive situation usually does nothing in the long run for your mind, health, or life. You’ll know when it’s time to go.
In the healing process I've noticed that everytime I was getting happy I stopped myself from showing it, even though I was alone. So I've figured out that I should change that behaviour and I've started showing my happiness through a smile at least. I was feeling so uncomfortable and I was looking around to not be seen smiling... It's quite a process to change this inside your mind! Thank you for sharing this! 🤗
I married a man who was later diagnosed as sociopath with obsessive compulsive disorder. We were married for one nightmare from hell year. I lost my sassy self. A year after the divorce, I told a therapist that I used to be sassy and that part of me was gone. He said I never lost it, but I knew I did. The damage a narc does is so subtle, deep and devious. I know you understand. Finding yourself again is worth the work, not saying I'm there yet, but recognizing this is the start. Your insights and encouragement are worth more than solid gold.
Another excellent video from you! THANK YOU. Also, I realized I was not "raised" I was "DARVO'ed Up" Meaning, for each need, hunger, advice, attention, information, clothing, safe environment, I was made to feel as if I were the "Offender" or I "owed" the narc mom something, that my needs were hurting her, that they were signs of how obnoxious I was, and that I deserved punishment. I realized that the big things they do to hurt us, they also do it in small ways too. EVERYDAY. I felt very grateful to this malignant "mom", and when I got chronically ill I felt only safe when I was around her, even as an adult. She was a disabling force, that fooled me into feeling safe around only her. And she kept me from realizing that I was ill. Instead, I felt ashamed and needy. How sick is that!! I had no self-insight!! I would have done anything for my malignant narcissist mother.
Me too! mother dearest told me to hit her so she can call the police on me and I was so happy I've come along way and I thought she would be proud lovefor me but no she was red in the face 😈 I was like I can't do this anymore and that's when I started to look for some type of mental illness but this time I had to go n never come back no contact so I felt your story and I thought wow I'm not alone in this narc abuse since I was little
@@deannadevereaux1001 There are alot of us who went through this. But we'd never know it if we met irl. I'm grateful that I have the internet to say things I'd never normally say. And yes, you're not the only one... it's hard...
I have issues with being happy. My dad was a narcissist and died when I was 14 and then I was married to a covert narcissist for 17 years. We divorced. I remarried and my husband now says I need to give myself a break and just know happiness. But I can easily see what your saying because I struggle with being happy. And I’m very reactive now when my husband upsets me. I quickly tell him when I don’t like something.
I actually have been saved and baptized at the age of 5 and My parents were ministers. I tend to be an empath and think I attract them! And sometimes I feel like it’s the anointing upon my life too. I have never been treated well by people. Even when I was little. I have been in therapy for over a year ☺️ But i need to work on the happiness thing!
What do you do if you experienced this your whole life from childhood right up into adult relationships. Because once you become that angry irritated person, don't you start to become the abusive one.
The first step is awareness - then taking time to work through and weed out what was 'planted and/or absorbed' by your environment as opposed to what is the real you. Then it's all about re-conditioning yourself to be happy and calm. It takes time, patience and self-compassion but it's so worth it =) hang in there, don't give up!!!
I started journaling 2 weeks ago and observing my mood and writing it down by adding what Michele said "wow I'm happy, that feels really nice and no one's messing with me because of it" it really did do some stuff to me so far, I still started ruminating and guilt tripping myself again yesterday and today as well but it didn't paralise me as much as it used to, I still managed to pull myself together and do some workout and cleaning. It's babysteps but I can see where it's going.
Like Michele says " self-compassion", this I know is a key. Lack of by either party will turn out as abusive. Compassion being not excepting one as having lower value or beliefs that are hurtful. Its only human to be irritated or angry but best to have compassion to ground you while you have this.
I've often suspected this about myself. Thank you for confirming my suspicions! No happiness allowed. No success allowed. No confidence allowed. No one-to-one conversations with others at family gatherings. No autonomy. It's as if your brain "just knows" that these are out of the question based on the repeated and never-ending results of having tried...along with the fact that our brains are built to optimize time and energy, and do so unconsciously most of the time....out of NECESSITY (our brains cannot sustain a level of total vigilance 24/7).... so whenever something either "never works" or causes pain, we "automatically" look for the ways that WILL work in the moment...and this is a basic fact of being human that covert narcissist rely upon to control their environment and everyone in it. This literally "re-wires" us. I agree that ultimately, we must take responsibility for our participation...that is, "once we are aware of what's happening".....but in the time between when we first encounter the narcissist up until we're aware that something is horribly wrong....a LOT of damage can be done. Before we've educated ourselves and become aware of these toxic behaviors we are like "fish in a barrel". We don't stand a chance. Once we do know, we are the ONLY ones who CAN put a stop to it. This is where our responsibility begins.
OMG my eyes opened! one of the abusers is my sister and she never wants me to be "happy", every time she has something better than me, something more expensive, more knowledge about a certain topic, just always right and a better person than me or anyone else. the relationship between us has been so difficult, I am glad I don't even live in the same country. :D
Narcissistic abuse is so horrible, I don’t know how all of the damage can be undone. I’m definitely not who I was 24 years ago. I’m trying to leave for the 4th time but all can do now is keep my will to live hour by hour. I’ve lost everything, my children most importantly.
I have been in this perpetual narc abuse by both my parents, particularly my mum. She really got under my skin. Mean and sly and putting me down. Gone no contact and working on not reacting. Have had such irritation, anger and rage since childhood. Dad drunk and died from it, mum playing the 'victim' . I have had hard time understanding why I have been so irritated and had flare ups and rage. Thank you for explaining, so helpful, many blessings to you. X
*I'm glad I learned what narcissism is a couple years ago, and I now know is severely wrong with my husband. I just wish there was some way I could leave. I've worked it in my head every single way, but there is literally no way out. The mental abuse is so severe, and I just have to endure it. Every time I'm about to have to spend one of his days off with him, my neck is completely stiff the day before. This is just the tip of the iceberg though...............*
Hi I am sorry you are going through this you don't deserve that why can't you leave do you not have family or a friend you can turn to you need to get out of it they will break you down get help
Hi I am sorry you are going through this you don't deserve that why can't you leave do you not have family or a friend you can turn to you need to get out of it they will break you down get help
This happened to me Yes. It destroyed my creativity and ruined my life. 10 years later and I'm still like this. Infuriating. Narcs get no repercussions. And yes I'm irritated 24 7.
I am just so relieved to know it isnt just me... have you heard of a petition that people are signing so that narcissists will begin to get punished for the things that they do? Like, Cares Act ,or something like that? I am still stuck and I am not looking forward to being free, I do not feel like myself anymore. I was so strong and independent! I literally watch him smile sometimes while he is doing his thing. I am just shutting down at this point. I literally will make up a bed in my walk in closet so that I can just get away from it. All of this resonates with me! I have learned so much in the past few months. I am really, sincerely, grateful to you and your channel. I would probably be crazy by now, lol. I have no family, no support system, I'd give anything to have them back. I lost the ones I was closest to all before I was 25 yrs old. I TRY SO HARD NOT to react!!! I can only do it if I shut myself away. I am feeling much more like myself when I just shut it down. It feels like the only option I have right now...
Hi sorry to hear that you have had enough pain in your life can't you turn to your friends you deserve better than that they don't love they done care they are messed up people who to weak to sort their own shit out it not your place mine or anybody's don't put up with that crap
My dad rewarded me for being irritable (throughout my childhood- on). My mom thrived off of the chaos and conflict. So weird.... You would assume that those who “love you the most” would be pleased to see you happy. Digging into information and learning over the last 5-6 yrs has been so helpful in helping me better understand narcissistic personalities. I am working toward learning to release instilled anger through appropriate grief processes. Thank you so much, Michele, for your research and teaching. 🧡
suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app +19087998357 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger ..
my x wife was telling me i was evil for not sharing her views...it really damaged me. i never asked her to change her views. i never said she was bad for doing or speaking whatever,...
suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app +19087998357 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger ..
You are on point qith this. I used to be the happiest qnd bubbliest person for years and now im struggling. But i know ill be ok. Sending you love from UK ❤❤
Nice presentation for a person who's trying to lose the stored resentment !!! Thankyou for highlighting the manipulation that so insidiously lurks in this scenario!!! And the comments prove we are not alone out there as they poke those abandonment wounds trying to isolate you after building up your false security with them.... again thankyou!!!
Yes! When I'm happy or go see my children, he gets jealous. Then starts is abuse. After he is quite, nice and I am very upset. Then he leaves, ghost me, silent treatment like he is happy that he got me to that upset point. I am left with the feeling of what just happened? How did I let myself get yo that point again? All my efforts to heal. Just got thrown out the window and I have to start all over!
My experience was opposite. If I showed anything BUT happy, supportive, playful with my spouse, I was rejected, shamed, put down, accused, and overall villainized if I showed a fraction of negative emotion--but he could have all the emotions he wanted bc they were all my fault anyway.
Yes! I wasn't allowed to be angry and if I was, I had to stop immediately.. while he could rage on and on.. same with being tired/exhausted.. I always had to be happy.. even though he made me feel like shit.. he would nag if I was sad and that would ruin his mood.. he even said that I made his life harder (due to my anxiety) so therefore he needed to smoke weed..
this so makes sense! I'm glad I watched this messagem I have noticed this pattern with a family member and also in others, exactly how you described it ..anytime I was happy the other would be irritated grumpy etc and if it came to a confrontation the other person would do exactly as you explained it, they would calm down because I become silent and dont show any joy, smile happiness etc which left me feeling down frustrated sad the total opposite of how I was feeling, I'm so aware of this pattern now in others and will definately keep the situation in check and continue to hold onto my happy :) thank you for giving us this message!
Your knowledge is impressive, especially considering your youth. A lot of videos are not dealing with the narc's- and victims thought patterns and micro-emotional behavior- and reactions on such a useful and practical level as you. A lot of videos are more focused on theoretical explanations of the origins of narcissism- or the interdependence between a narc and the victim. Thanks for posting
Oh this is so great. I mean, yeah I was irritated all the time but I didn't realized it was because when I was happy, I was crushed into the floor for no reason, again and again and again. My birthday was going perfect and suddenly the NAR started to fight. We were going to a wedding... same thing. I even got my brackets removed and wanted to buy some popcorns for the first time in years and again, a fight. Thanks for this. You made my day. You gotta see my face right know.
When I do more research on this they start plenty intimidation tactics...when I stop engaging in them they start to agitate anything I'm doing to stay sane/productive. For example, when I'm listening to a feel good song they wait deliberately until song finish to stomp on floor or slam car door. They do this even when I'm watching a movie or just playing a game on my phone which shows they are illegally monitoring me and using any data to harass me. This covert harassment must stop!!!
I feel sorry for his new supply when they all turn on her. Thank you for sharing this I needed to hear this. I'm so tired of feeling that way. I'm in the creeping up stage lol. Thank you so much.
Totally explains why EX would never help with the young children or constant battle of housework! Me overwhelmed& totally stressed made me grumpy him total delight!
suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app +19087998357 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger ..
I was gaslighted, and scapegoated in that, by my 7 siblings, destroying my sense of self and my reality over more than a decade. When reflecting on this recently, I was challenged for what was described by a cousin as “ badmouthing” those who lied openly in this abusive manipulation. So I pointed out that what she described as badmouthing wasn’t badmouthing. It can’t be! It takes place during the abuse, not after the scapegoating has driven out the victim of the abuse, it is an expression of pain that happens in response to the abuse at the time that the abuse takes place. And I pointed out that her response demonstrates that she had been listening properly when I was expressing that pain 10 years ago. Lots of people weren’t listening, This video is really good and Michele is very astute and expresses these complexities excellently. Thank you.
Wow, I never realized that’s what was going on.. and it was all in plain sight. Who would want to believe those closest to you would do this.. I also felt awkward and disapproved by them being into my hobbies, arts etc, taking care of animals ,... . While in fact there’s NOTHING WRONG with that kind of things
Perspective is one things but lies are another. They can say something is too big, you say it's too small and it's all ok because it's relative. I can accept their perspective. But don't expect me to accept false accusations and blatant gaslighting as a 'difference in perspective'. I always held on to my truth, and whereas I have no trouble accepting differing perspectives, I will NOT tolerate false accusations, lies, and gaslighting. The fact that I held on to my truth is what resulted in my being scapegoated and shunned by family.
Been like this since i was a kid, everytime i was happy something bad woukd happen,so i never let myself be happy,i am in my 40s ,so even now i cant let myself be happy
Wowww, me as well. I always thought that when I was too happy and within few days I would be in immense sadness. This was n my childhood. 34 years now and I ve been in several period of depression. Try to find self love as counter effect but it is like roller coaster. I am on downside this 3 months.
Whatever happens - happiness is inside me - no one can touch it. My narcissistic wife can't penetrate it. She is a bully, defames me in public, rude, and creates all sorts of problems that just exist in her head. She went over the bend and her friends abandoned her because they found out the truth and that she used them against me. By staying calm inside my own sphere I survive. Why do I do this: I protect my kids. I am their source of common sense in this world and if I divorce her she will smear me and defame me in court. She is persuasive and going to court is just supply for her. Her ability to fool the court is her validation that she is above anyone else. I have too much respect for the truth and decency - I can't compete and will not make my kids a battleground of control. My kids should be shielded. They are innocent and this sacrifice is very little to the reward. So I developed coping mechanisms and I know my wife is not well. Identifying this as an illness and what you see are symptoms - it becomes easier. I still love her. Sex with her is spectacular and she is a very powerful woman outwards but I know I am living with an emotional predator. Unfaithfulness - I let her have her moments of casual infidelity, and it's been a while now, it doesn't give her the supply she needs anymore. My goals are higher. I am happy inside because I focus and I use the things I am grateful for. Gratefulness is a powerful potion and I use every given moment to remind me what I have and is blessed with.
suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app +19087998357 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger ..
Michele, you have such an amazing gift to put so clearly and specifically into words all the nuances of narc abuse, kudos! This resonates so much and clarifies even more. So empowering! Will surely apply your tips, thank you so much :)
I wish I could thumbs up this video 100 times. So true! The ex narc would always be in an immediate bad mood if he came home from work and I was happy. I could see him searching my countenance to determine what emotions I was experiencing to determine what to do or say next to try to piss me off.
I watched until 9:35 and I agree with all of this but it’s very important that anyone in this kind of relationship needs to leave immediately! This does not work unless you leave them. The work starts then. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Thank you, Michele. I’m learning to allow a feeling to be present and to observe it. As a result, I don’t go automatically into a shut down or startle mode. There are things that still tend to trigger me, yet even they are having less and less power to make me “react”. Instead, I “notice” and then RESPOND, calmly, without drama. It is not a quick process, yet it is possible to change from “triggered!” to “observing!” Blessings!❤️
This is so helpful for me i don't think it's ever going to get better soon it's been 28yrs of heartache and frustration, i was much happier before the relationship sad to say that but it's reality.
I’m still irritated and I cannot understand why I still have so much anxiety smh I’m fighting the feeling but it comes and goes shit 12 years in 11 months out and sometimes it seems I have it all together then boom here comes that feeling unsurety all over again 🤦🏽♀️
suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app +19087998357 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger ..
1. The programming and my reaction = lightbulb moment! Thank you! 2. Abuser and Thriver are allowed 2 different perspectives. If i accept that fact, then I don't react. Why did i never realize that???? THANK YOU!
Thanks for posting this. This feels like me exactly. Feel like a much more angry person than before where it is hard to recognize who I am anymore. Thanks for sharing it
I've lost the ability to laugh and smile like I used to. He's SO abusive and mean. Threatens to kill my fur kids, threatening suicide, threatening (insert something) all the time. Prayers please! I need out
I live with a narc woman and I need to hide my enjoyment about a movie, a song or a new business client to when she's not around. If she senses my enjoyment she immediately either complains about something I need to handle/solve or claims victimhood by listing how tough her life is. It's gotten to a point where it's ridiculous. If she meets rejection from me to her claims she immediately employs shaming- or guilt tactics.
Envy is a prime motivator with the narcissist . I had to deal with illness , unable to work , long treatment and recovery . My now ex choose this as a opportunity , i was helpless , so abandon , rub it in , extra salt lol . She never seen the years of devotion , as something to appreciate . Its all about regulating how they feel about themselves . It was payback time . So my patience , understanding , compassion, commitment , support , caring . She found offensive , demeaning , diesnt make sense , until you understand there external regulation . Then it makes perfect sense , its insane , but explainable, understandable . I always strove to create a relationship of healthy interdependence, Never happened, In my case i had to deal with despair , and hopelessness . They really do try to swap places with you . They are not you , and you are not them . Even before we seperated i was already working on getting myself back . Was signed up for a 16 week recovery program for people living with , loved ones with mental illness , and attending councilling .
I made a habit of praying for present and future deliverance forever from these type of people in my life and in anyone else's life for the matter. You know I had a manager come at me side ways I used every tatic to try to communicate with him in a proper manner and his posture, his tone and his urgency that had me so startled had me really bothered and it was on a day that it took everything in me to get up and get dressed just to earn my money as well. Working with no peace of mind as well which was already draining and not helping me at all but smoke damn near a whole pack of cigarettes before my shift was even up. 🤯 You know that joyful feeling that you get that you about to get some work done and make the money that you know that you know that you know you need yet stuff getting to happening and the stress in you makes you feel like you lacking bec5the miserable people in your head be attacking and damn wtf. Trying to get your money while the getting is good and their is some people eating g you up inside and that alone is some crap that needs to fall off like a bad habit!
Here's a fun thing to try: tell yourself shhhhh - we're going to [do this task, attend this event, etc] in a good mood. Allow yourself a lil giggle lol. It kinda feels like you're accelerating thru a yellow light, or putting a little extra on a company credit card. You're not really "getting away w/something" big anyways, but you're reassuring yourself that things won't turn out any worse if you happen to be in a good mood doing regular things.
Years ago during a drug intervention, my mother stood up and shouted at me "don't make me responsible for your happiness". It's something I never forgot, it seemed like such an odd thing to say. This was years before I realized she was a narcissist. And now that I have discovered this term "narcissist" her statement still nags at me, what did she mean, I mean I feel like I am the one who should have said that to her. I'm wondering if it is something she heard when she was in marriage counseling with my stepfather, and just thought it was something cool to say. But your video hear has helped shed some light, thank you. And I have watched a lot on this topic.
After I went no contact, I had to contact my sincere friends and talk about memories we shared, and the good qualities and positive character traits they have seen in me. Narcs scramble your identity and sense of self. Get away.
“Narcs scramble your identity and sense of self” 💯 true!! Going through this now, trying to remember who I was before the abuse and know I’m not a bad person
@@Lover-of_TRuth I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this psychological torture, mind attack, and emotional manipulation. Know this my friend: All narcs are deeply insecure and emotionally dysfunctional creatures. They lack a true self, suffer from low self esteem, and cannot generate feelings of self worth in their own. So they seek out people with positive attributes they admire and covet. The narc in your life chose you because you’re a great person with positive attributes. This is why they must abuse you; because you have what they want and will never obtain. They’re equivalent to rotten meat. They can never bring forth something of good merit. Take time to yourself. Reunite with your true self and reclaim your right to life a life of peace and happiness with respect and dignity. The truth is you’re the prize. Keep shining!
@@amodestmessengerchalonanto5150 thank you so much!! I had to save your words to read over and over for comfort. I just woke up feeling very uneasy. Narc is getting re-married and after devalue and discard, still single and recovering the abuse, have lots going on and it hit me all at once.. been divorced from the narc for over 5 years and am just now learning what narcissistic abuse is and am now trying to shield my daughter from emotional pain as well and it is quite overwhelming. First thought in my mind when I woke, is this is spiritual warfare and my mind is under attack... I appreciate you so much, you have no idea what your words being there when I opened my eyes, means to me! I needed this 🤗
@Charthers qq
My brain was like scrambled eggs when it ended. 4 months out and I’m still unscrambling it.
I confirm that when we are angry trying to prove ourselves the narcissists become suddenly calm, in a state of peace like getting their dose of drug as we see in the movies. An experience so shocking that I could never forget.
Yes!!! So bizarre
Omg yes! I also had this experience...it was unsettling to say the least.
It was so bizarre the first time I stood up to my grandfather. He is insanely controlling, and would explode at the most random things, so I was scared to get angry and defend myself.
But I'd had enough. Emotionally, I was expecting Armageddon. Once I got angry, though, he backed off with hardly any pushback. He looked like he was high. It was very confusing and disquieting until I stumbled upon the RUclips narcissism rabbit hole.
That has happened to me, i don't know where I'd be if god wasn't in my life he does make a difference, but it is still very, very difficult and it has changed me in so many ways both good and bad.
That's where the Narc gets our energy, they transfer their toxicity, and they regulate their constant internal chaos. Then upon our emotional reaction to the abuse is where the abuser relies (count on) to shift tables and blame the abused one with an audience.
Yes, it still feels like being happy is something to be ashamed for.
You deserve to be happy and it is okay and safe.
Seriously ! My utter experiences with family & ex husband !
@@rachelsimbhu4383 mine too
I feel that being happy is not safe.
I know exactly its like shame grief and guilt are normal
I can't wait to heal from my covert narc ex's emotional abuse. I feel a bit lost at the minute... She drove me to react to her with insults and anger.. I'm ashamed of that because that's not my character at all. Just want myself, and my life back.
Time heals it took me 4 years after first narc & 18 months after the second .
I was recently dating a guy that said his ex was a narcissist but I have seen & had some serious toxic projection from him . Now I have my doughts . Or if he just isn’t healing as he’s still talking about her . So I would take time out & the day you feel nothing for her is the day you heal , you won’t even realise you healed until you think I haven’t even thought about her . Good luck 🤞
You're not alone. This is unlike a "regular" breakup. Those who have been in our shoes get it. I get you💙
Me too! This video was enlightening. I’ve been stuck in this bad feeling and didn’t realize why.
It's true they leave you broken like crazy broken.. My anger after was just sad and some days still. Almost 2 yrs no contact..
So true, I am right there with you.
I often wonder how others viewed me when I was being abused. I wasn’t always the nicest. I was unhappy and irritated and didn’t even realize why. I couldn’t figure it out. I think on some level I realized I began mimicking his emotions, but I was too unaware to put the two together. He was always upset, easily agitated by his own existence. He would wake up angry. Most of the time he couldn’t even say why he was mad, he just was. And I adopted that energy.
Now that I’m out, I see myself authentically. I really believed I was mean because my mom would call me mean and then, of course the narc would too. But now I see I’m not mean or easily irritated. I actually have a very calm, pleasant and patient demeanor. I never realized that until recovery.
E M classic gaslighting technique of the narc. Mine does it repeatedly. It doesn't matter if your happy or upset. Your mood will always be a point of attack for them
@E M you took all of the words right out of my mouth. My mother birthed that negative narrative about me as well, then later my husband started saying it. My mother has the whole family believing this about me, saying I’m not easy to get along with or she’s mean. So when ever my family is around me, they walk on eggshells. Took a while for me to learn that you must know who you truly are and definitely included people in your life that are good spirited individuals that love to bring joy around me. This abuse wears on you so bad, you really forget that they are the cause of this nasty change you are going through. I too have a laid back pleasant personality, but like you said, it is very hard to show that side of you, the REAL YOU when you are dealing with Narcissist Abuse. Very stressful
Exactly!!
@@Lokey21 everything you said!! 💯 especially when you said “you must know who you truly are”. When you’re a child trying to develop your identity it gets buried under the negative adjectives your parental figures title you with. And narcissistic abuse in a relationship is basically identity/spiritual murder. They attack the core of who you are. It takes a while to heal.
Yeah they were probably PROJECTING too.
I have felt this way with my ex. Now six years later, I am starting to think about what I did before as a young man. I used to read a lot of science fiction and I listened to a lot of music. They may not seem like much but it was part of who I was once.
I know what you mean. I used to read several books a month and write and draw and I loved film photography and now its like I never did any of it...like I forgot how or that was someone else
I found my people!
Everything I liked was WRONG! my fav foods, my fav movies, music, books, comics, hobbies except the ones that benefitted them of course.
I now started to get back into my stuff and it feels good... I keep making me my fav dishes and they taste better each time I eat them.
@@stillpril8942 I'm happy in a relationship now. But I was an angry person. Now I just want to get back some of what i was.
I know the feeling! I used to be so creative and wrote so much, and we can take our power and happiness back!! I think we wanted to make them happy so much that we dedicated everything we are to them and their happiness and living on edge so there is no time to take care of ourselves.... then we build up resentment for them. Praying for.your healing and new relationships ❤🙏
I was/still am a heavy reader. Although being under this abuse it’s hard to concentrate on my books for too long. But I refuse to give up on myself and all the things that make me who i am.
I hope you get back into the things that made you who you are too. 😊
I HAVE HAD SO MUCH ABUSE IN MY LIFE THAT I WASN'T CONSCIOUS OF IT AND THOUGHT THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME...
WHEN I STARTED TO SEE THAT IT WASN'T ME BUT I WAS JUST WITH NARCISSISTIC AND MANIPULATIVE PEOPLE...
NOW WITH MY EYES OPEN I SEE HOW TRULY SAD THIS PLANET IS AND HOW LITTLE LOVE THERE REALLY IS.
I KNOW WHO I AM NOW...AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN...AND BEING TRUE TO ME IS ALL I CAN DO!!
🤗
I totally agree ! 💔
✨unproud member of the Was-Never-Allowed-To-Be-Happy-But-Also-Never-Allowed-To-Cry Club!✨
This reminds me of "what you resist, persists". It's a wonderful gift to be able to - respectfully - stop reacting to another's negative moods, to reclaim our faith in ourselves, to stay resilient and not let them affect us. Thank you.
They brought out the worst in me and it’s made me sick for a long time. I’ve had to deal with a lot of friends and family like this.
After narc abuse, I realised my 'friends' just wanted me to 'get over it' whilst at the same time moaning about their own relationships. I know they were well meaning, but I had to find the answer from inside myself....'support' from family and friends was unhelpful to me as I just needed time. Bit by bit, I recovered myself and I never want the narc back, even though they said they'd 'reach out to me next year'. No. Bye-duh-bye, and stay gone. I am alone, but not lonely, because as Michele says 'I am living in harmony with that belief'....I will never let myself down, but I would if tolerating drama from family or toxicity from 'friends.' My friends are good timers - I have fun when we go out, but I realise I was giving so much and getting so little in return. I just accept them as they are, and I put myself first, last, and every place inbetween. In no way I am irritated, but I am operating a no BS, no drama policy with everyone in my life. I am being me with no apology to anyone else for being my authentic self. Also I quit social media - a breeding ground for narcs and toxic depressives. Michele - you are saving lives with your channel. Bless you x
You may need to get new friends, and family members can be toxic. You have to let them go, and be to yourself when it comes to family at times. I pray that you find peace and hope in God.
@@ladennayoung2939 shut up
I totally agree
Stay strong you not alone
Great teacher.
Great teaching on a painful topic.
Emotionally abusive people are disturbing to know.
They leave hidden emotional scars that take quite awhile to heal up.
Be kind to yourself even if no one else is.
You are worth more than ugly hearted people say that you are.
I feel so much better since cutting off toxic people from my life. I do find I was really irritated with people generally for the last couple of years because I had encountered so many people who were trying to encourage me to do things that weren't good for me like encouraging me to drink just because they drank or people who made fun of my abstinence values and it made me feel like less of a person, but then I realized that once I took more time to myself and focusing on my hobbies, I felt so much happier. It's all about the kinds of people we surround ourselves with and it's important to surround ourselves with people who lift us up, not bring us down.
So true
Dad is a malignant narc, not covert, and definitely when I'm happy, he'll shoot me down. But if I'm sad or hating myself, then he's all smiles and hugs.
My mom shoots me down when I’m happy and kicks me even harder when I’m sad.. because is was weakness in her eyes.. so no emotions was the way to go inside the house..
Disgusting
@@user-ui9dk4vr9b Yes I think they're evil.
Narcissists prefer to think that the victim defames them when they see narcissists as a problem as if the true is not the true but a blaming. That´s the reason narcissists are such rude people. They deny their nature and act as if others are abusers, not them. So there is no way for the victim to talk it out.
Yes! Exactly
Your right they constantly feel they are the victim so they can punish you at will !
"what? I didn't do/say that to you! I would never insult you! You're making this up to look like the victim!"
**sends screenshots of them insulting and abusing me**
"Well you got that wrong, you misunderstood me and while we're at it you're way too sensitive"
I always hated this "no I'm the victim here" game, so exhausting
Mine emailed me today out of the blue and said she hoped I never find soneone and if someone was stupid enough they’d be gone as soon as they saw my black heart you can’t get away !
@@welderrick7576 Narcissists don´t know how to be a helping hand but prefer to think that the other is the one with the black heart.
Mine would literally get giddy and all smiles when I was in the depths of hell in pain, made by design,by him.
My dad was like that imagine growing up with someone who takes joy in winding you up and pushing your buttons to upset you just for kicks.
Oh that’s it - it is constant anxiety and irritation. There used to be such a person living in the household and after they moved out it took me about two months to start remembering how I used to feel normally before they had appeared in my life. Absolute nightmare.
This is so accurate and a little triggering but I want to say to anyone who sees this if you don't understand what Michelle is saying don't give up. You clicked here for a reason. Every single word she is saying is true and real.
Ask yourself these 2 questions
#1 Would they disrespect their boss/ co-workers/ employees like they disrespect you?
We all know we aren't immortal..
#2 If you took your last breath today would you be okay dying in your current situation?
These are the two huge eye openers for me. I didn't want to die with such deep pain and sadness in my heart.
I hope I make a little sense. I'm not okay but I'm safe now. These scars will always be here but I'm safe.
Michele you have made so much sense to me. I've had 10 (weekly) sessions with a LCSW and she never got to this kind of level. I am, by nature, a calm person. My covert narcissist wife ALWAYS triggered an emotional response from me then claimed that she was the one walking on egg shells. For a while I actually believed it. She also used to say often that I was such a miserable person. She made me miserable, I see it now. She spent 20 years emotionally and psychologically abusing me and I never saw it until I left her earlier this year and researched her behaviour.
Thank you Michele.
I would be laughing, being goofy, interacting and having fun for us and me, he’d just sit there like a stick in mudd. I’d bring it up. he’d always say “I’m having fun. do you think I’m not having fun?”. He didn’t communicate that he was. I told him that he’s not communicating and that I’m actually showing it but he’s not, that there’s a difference. He goes “sorry I’m just tired”. He’d then get quiet and distant.
The first 26 seconds of this video describe exactly how I feel.. I feel like I lost my identity and it feels horrible not knowing who I am or who I want to be anymore.
I wish there was someone I could talk to about my feelings , someone who really understands and won't try to minimize them. I'm tired of faking being normal, tired of getting triggered, tired of hating myself for that.
My Irritation level has hit the MAX! Today I shut everyone and everything down..... I didn’t speak to anyone. I focused all of my energy towards myself ( I have health issues.) Got some things done, soaked up my Fur Babies, let out a good cry (undetected of course) and then cleared my mind. It was so peaceful for the remainder of the day. I don’t like it when I feel like I can’t control my emotions, feelings, reactions 😖😖😖 I don’t like who I turn into in order to cope in this environment. These were amazing helpful tips, thank you 🙏🏽😊💕
After i seperated from the narc, I was alone, unintentionally distancing myself from others. Now I know why, I felt that I did not deserve to have friends, that I had nothing special to offer. I understood that when I met my boyfriend and did not understand the fact that he wanted to spend more time with me and give me gifts. I felt like it was too beautiful to be true, but it was sincere. Please understand your value, you are worth it, you can accomplish what you put your heart into ! You are loved, you just have to step away from the vampire narcs that suck on your life and energy. Take care of yourself.
Same happened to me
So trueee
Same here. I realised that's not true about me and that it was all them putting this false reality garbage in my mind. At the moment I'm not emotionally ready / available for any relationship, friendship or otherwise, I need to work on myself and that's what I'm doing and it's getting better over time. I do spend time with family, and my cat though, she's one of my best friends to me. I've found new interests and hobbies that I love and through those interests I've met some amazing people. I may not be close with any of them, I don't know how it will turn out but I remain hopeful regardless.
If I do meet anyone friend or partner, it will most likely be from one or all of my interests so it's only a matter of time in any case. In the past I've met people whom I believed to be my friends but turned out to be filthy, toxic people, I also met them when I was in a weak state of mind or I forced myself to meet people out of peer pressure in the past but I actually wasn't ready and I won't make the same mistake again.
I needed this ,i have a bit of clarity on everything more so than I thought. Ty Michelle , u help me soo much 🙏🙏💜💜💜💜
Stay strong sweety you're not alone
I can relate to this. I had a very hard time finding any happiness doing the things i used to enjoy.
This video explains EVERYTHING of what I feel but couldn’t explain or understand until now. 1000 Thank You’s for explaining this!! 💜
100%
This is ME..2 years now..I am still beyond disgusted and take full responsibility.
Being abused 20 years by narcissist parents, I am irritated, but I marry healthy husband, every time I am irritate, he always explains to me things not your imagination, most of people are nice, they are not offended by purpose......after 30 years with husband, I found I change, everting if I being irritated, I always ask myself maybe something I misunderstood, people are not hurt you by purpose.Most of time to prove that idea is right.
actually sometimes they DO tell you to not be happy. My mother used to say that if I laughed too much I would end up crying....and sure enough, she'd do something so it would happen. Learned to stifle joy.
Whether it’s a toxic relationship or a toxic job, you need to leave. Being the trooper who doesn’t quit an abusive situation usually does nothing in the long run for your mind, health, or life. You’ll know when it’s time to go.
In the healing process I've noticed that everytime I was getting happy I stopped myself from showing it, even though I was alone. So I've figured out that I should change that behaviour and I've started showing my happiness through a smile at least. I was feeling so uncomfortable and I was looking around to not be seen smiling... It's quite a process to change this inside your mind! Thank you for sharing this! 🤗
That’s why “ no contact” feels so good!
I married a man who was later diagnosed as sociopath with obsessive compulsive disorder. We were married for one nightmare from hell year. I lost my sassy self. A year after the divorce, I told a therapist that I used to be sassy and that part of me was gone. He said I never lost it, but I knew I did. The damage a narc does is so subtle, deep and devious. I know you understand. Finding yourself again is worth the work, not saying I'm there yet, but recognizing this is the start. Your insights and encouragement are worth more than solid gold.
Another excellent video from you! THANK YOU. Also, I realized I was not "raised" I was "DARVO'ed Up" Meaning, for each need, hunger, advice, attention, information, clothing, safe environment, I was made to feel as if I were the "Offender" or I "owed" the narc mom something, that my needs were hurting her, that they were signs of how obnoxious I was, and that I deserved punishment. I realized that the big things they do to hurt us, they also do it in small ways too. EVERYDAY.
I felt very grateful to this malignant "mom", and when I got chronically ill I felt only safe when I was around her, even as an adult. She was a disabling force, that fooled me into feeling safe around only her. And she kept me from realizing that I was ill. Instead, I felt ashamed and needy. How sick is that!! I had no self-insight!! I would have done anything for my malignant narcissist mother.
Me too! mother dearest told me to hit her so she can call the police on me and I was so happy I've come along way and I thought she would be proud lovefor me but no she was red in the face 😈 I was like I can't do this anymore and that's when I started to look for some type of mental illness but this time I had to go n never come back no contact so I felt your story and I thought wow I'm not alone in this narc abuse since I was little
@@deannadevereaux1001 There are alot of us who went through this. But we'd never know it if we met irl. I'm grateful that I have the internet to say things I'd never normally say. And yes, you're not the only one... it's hard...
I have issues with being happy. My dad was a narcissist and died when I was 14 and then I was married to a covert narcissist for 17 years. We divorced. I remarried and my husband now says I need to give myself a break and just know happiness. But I can easily see what your saying because I struggle with being happy. And I’m very reactive now when my husband upsets me. I quickly tell him when I don’t like something.
🤗
Yeah. Perhaps focus on seeking a relationship with Christ and self more. Look into going to therapy or what have you.
I actually have been saved and baptized at the age of 5 and My parents were ministers. I tend to be an empath and think I attract them! And sometimes I feel like it’s the anointing upon my life too. I have never been treated well by people. Even when I was little. I have been in therapy for over a year ☺️ But i need to work on the happiness thing!
If your happy and you know it thank your ex narcissistic.have a great day everyone and be blessed.
What do you do if you experienced this your whole life from childhood right up into adult relationships. Because once you become that angry irritated person, don't you start to become the abusive one.
I would significantly change my environment.
Thats what happened to my grandmother. I am struggling not to become that too.
The first step is awareness - then taking time to work through and weed out what was 'planted and/or absorbed' by your environment as opposed to what is the real you. Then it's all about re-conditioning yourself to be happy and calm. It takes time, patience and self-compassion but it's so worth it =) hang in there, don't give up!!!
I started journaling 2 weeks ago and observing my mood and writing it down by adding what Michele said "wow I'm happy, that feels really nice and no one's messing with me because of it" it really did do some stuff to me so far, I still started ruminating and guilt tripping myself again yesterday and today as well but it didn't paralise me as much as it used to, I still managed to pull myself together and do some workout and cleaning. It's babysteps but I can see where it's going.
Like Michele says " self-compassion", this I know is a key. Lack of by either party will turn out as abusive.
Compassion being not excepting one as having lower value or beliefs that are hurtful.
Its only human to be irritated or angry but best to have compassion to ground you while you have this.
I've often suspected this about myself. Thank you for confirming my suspicions!
No happiness allowed. No success allowed. No confidence allowed. No one-to-one conversations with others at family gatherings. No autonomy. It's as if your brain "just knows" that these are out of the question based on the repeated and never-ending results of having tried...along with the fact that our brains are built to optimize time and energy, and do so unconsciously most of the time....out of NECESSITY (our brains cannot sustain a level of total vigilance 24/7).... so whenever something either "never works" or causes pain, we "automatically" look for the ways that WILL work in the moment...and this is a basic fact of being human that covert narcissist rely upon to control their environment and everyone in it. This literally "re-wires" us.
I agree that ultimately, we must take responsibility for our participation...that is, "once we are aware of what's happening".....but in the time between when we first encounter the narcissist up until we're aware that something is horribly wrong....a LOT of damage can be done. Before we've educated ourselves and become aware of these toxic behaviors we are like "fish in a barrel". We don't stand a chance. Once we do know, we are the ONLY ones who CAN put a stop to it. This is where our responsibility begins.
OMG this is so true. Then when I try to stand up for myself or put my foot down, I get told by my wife who is suddenly calm ‘why are you yelling?’
OMG my eyes opened! one of the abusers is my sister and she never wants me to be "happy", every time she has something better than me, something more expensive, more knowledge about a certain topic, just always right and a better person than me or anyone else. the relationship between us has been so difficult, I am glad I don't even live in the same country. :D
A let up feels good. Wow! I never thought of it that way. This is so true.
Narcissistic abuse is so horrible, I don’t know how all of the damage can be undone. I’m definitely not who I was 24 years ago. I’m trying to leave for the 4th time but all can do now is keep my will to live hour by hour. I’ve lost everything, my children most importantly.
Thank you. I never associated how being in a bad mood can be a sense of reward
I have been in this perpetual narc abuse by both my parents, particularly my mum. She really got under my skin. Mean and sly and putting me down. Gone no contact and working on not reacting. Have had such irritation, anger and rage since childhood. Dad drunk and died from it, mum playing the 'victim' . I have had hard time understanding why I have been so irritated and had flare ups and rage. Thank you for explaining, so helpful, many blessings to you. X
*I'm glad I learned what narcissism is a couple years ago, and I now know is severely wrong with my husband. I just wish there was some way I could leave. I've worked it in my head every single way, but there is literally no way out. The mental abuse is so severe, and I just have to endure it. Every time I'm about to have to spend one of his days off with him, my neck is completely stiff the day before. This is just the tip of the iceberg though...............*
Hi I am sorry you are going through this you don't deserve that why can't you leave do you not have family or a friend you can turn to you need to get out of it they will break you down get help
Hi I am sorry you are going through this you don't deserve that why can't you leave do you not have family or a friend you can turn to you need to get out of it they will break you down get help
This happened to me Yes. It destroyed my creativity and ruined my life. 10 years later and I'm still like this. Infuriating. Narcs get no repercussions. And yes I'm irritated 24 7.
I am just so relieved to know it isnt just me... have you heard of a petition that people are signing so that narcissists will begin to get punished for the things that they do? Like, Cares Act ,or something like that? I am still stuck and I am not looking forward to being free, I do not feel like myself anymore. I was so strong and independent! I literally watch him smile sometimes while he is doing his thing. I am just shutting down at this point. I literally will make up a bed in my walk in closet so that I can just get away from it. All of this resonates with me! I have learned so much in the past few months. I am really, sincerely, grateful to you and your channel. I would probably be crazy by now, lol. I have no family, no support system, I'd give anything to have them back. I lost the ones I was closest to all before I was 25 yrs old. I TRY SO HARD NOT to react!!! I can only do it if I shut myself away. I am feeling much more like myself when I just shut it down. It feels like the only option I have right now...
Hi sorry to hear that you have had enough pain in your life can't you turn to your friends you deserve better than that they don't love they done care they are messed up people who to weak to sort their own shit out it not your place mine or anybody's don't put up with that crap
My dad rewarded me for being irritable (throughout my childhood- on). My mom thrived off of the chaos and conflict. So weird.... You would assume that those who “love you the most” would be pleased to see you happy. Digging into information and learning over the last 5-6 yrs has been so helpful in helping me better understand narcissistic personalities. I am working toward learning to release instilled anger through appropriate grief processes.
Thank you so much, Michele, for your research and teaching. 🧡
suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app +19087998357 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together
it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger
..
Wow this is what has happened to me!!! Omg 😱 This is life changing. I need to be conscious of this.
You lose your self trying to please them
my x wife was telling me i was evil for not sharing her views...it really damaged me. i never asked her to change her views. i never said she was bad for doing or speaking whatever,...
Holding on to Reality! What a Beautiful Statement.
suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app +19087998357 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together
it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger
..
You are on point qith this. I used to be the happiest qnd bubbliest person for years and now im struggling. But i know ill be ok. Sending you love from UK ❤❤
Nice presentation for a person who's trying to lose the stored resentment !!!
Thankyou for highlighting the manipulation that so insidiously lurks in this scenario!!!
And the comments prove we are not alone out there as they poke those abandonment wounds trying to isolate you after building up your false security with them.... again thankyou!!!
Yes! When I'm happy or go see my children, he gets jealous. Then starts is abuse. After he is quite, nice and I am very upset. Then he leaves, ghost me, silent treatment like he is happy that he got me to that upset point. I am left with the feeling of what just happened? How did I let myself get yo that point again? All my efforts to heal. Just got thrown out the window and I have to start all over!
My experience was opposite. If I showed anything BUT happy, supportive, playful with my spouse, I was rejected, shamed, put down, accused, and overall villainized if I showed a fraction of negative emotion--but he could have all the emotions he wanted bc they were all my fault anyway.
Yes! I wasn't allowed to be angry and if I was, I had to stop immediately.. while he could rage on and on.. same with being tired/exhausted.. I always had to be happy.. even though he made me feel like shit.. he would nag if I was sad and that would ruin his mood.. he even said that I made his life harder (due to my anxiety) so therefore he needed to smoke weed..
this so makes sense! I'm glad I watched this messagem I have noticed this pattern with a family member and also in others, exactly how you described it ..anytime I was happy the other would be irritated grumpy etc and if it came to a confrontation the other person would do exactly as you explained it, they would calm down because I become silent and dont show any joy, smile happiness etc which left me feeling down frustrated sad the total opposite of how I was feeling, I'm so aware of this pattern now in others and will definately keep the situation in check and continue to hold onto my happy :) thank you for giving us this message!
Your knowledge is impressive, especially considering your youth. A lot of videos are not dealing with the narc's- and victims thought patterns and micro-emotional behavior- and reactions on such a useful and practical level as you. A lot of videos are more focused on theoretical explanations of the origins of narcissism- or the interdependence between a narc and the victim. Thanks for posting
Thank you Michele.. I was struggling! Their perspective and mine are two different things! Learning to recondition my mind 🙏🏾
Oh this is so great. I mean, yeah I was irritated all the time but I didn't realized it was because when I was happy, I was crushed into the floor for no reason, again and again and again.
My birthday was going perfect and suddenly the NAR started to fight. We were going to a wedding... same thing. I even got my brackets removed and wanted to buy some popcorns for the first time in years and again, a fight.
Thanks for this. You made my day. You gotta see my face right know.
When I do more research on this they start plenty intimidation tactics...when I stop engaging in them they start to agitate anything I'm doing to stay sane/productive. For example, when I'm listening to a feel good song they wait deliberately until song finish to stomp on floor or slam car door. They do this even when I'm watching a movie or just playing a game on my phone which shows they are illegally monitoring me and using any data to harass me. This covert harassment must stop!!!
I feel sorry for his new supply when they all turn on her. Thank you for sharing this I needed to hear this. I'm so tired of feeling that way. I'm in the creeping up stage lol. Thank you so much.
Totally explains why EX would never help with the young children or constant battle of housework! Me overwhelmed& totally stressed made me grumpy him total delight!
suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app +19087998357 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together
it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger
..
I was gaslighted, and scapegoated in that, by my 7 siblings, destroying my sense of self and my reality over more than a decade.
When reflecting on this recently, I was challenged for what was described by a cousin as “ badmouthing” those who lied openly in this abusive manipulation.
So I pointed out that what she described as badmouthing wasn’t badmouthing. It can’t be!
It takes place during the abuse, not after the scapegoating has driven out the victim of the abuse, it is an expression of pain that happens in response to the abuse at the time that the abuse takes place.
And I pointed out that her response demonstrates that she had been listening properly when I was expressing that pain 10 years ago. Lots of people weren’t listening,
This video is really good and Michele is very astute and expresses these complexities excellently. Thank you.
Michele, your understanding of this matter is beyond most scholars. I can't thank you enough for posting these videos.
I love you.
Thank you.
Just be happy.
It certainly brought out the worst in me..You speak so much of my truth.
Wow, I never realized that’s what was going on.. and it was all in plain sight. Who would want to believe those closest to you would do this.. I also felt awkward and disapproved by them being into my hobbies, arts etc, taking care of animals ,... . While in fact there’s NOTHING WRONG with that kind of things
I guess that's why I beat myself up. To keep myself unhappy.
Michelle, you give superb clarity to the confused victims..
Perspective is one things but lies are another. They can say something is too big, you say it's too small and it's all ok because it's relative. I can accept their perspective. But don't expect me to accept false accusations and blatant gaslighting as a 'difference in perspective'. I always held on to my truth, and whereas I have no trouble accepting differing perspectives, I will NOT tolerate false accusations, lies, and gaslighting. The fact that I held on to my truth is what resulted in my being scapegoated and shunned by family.
Been like this since i was a kid, everytime i was happy something bad woukd happen,so i never let myself be happy,i am in my 40s ,so even now i cant let myself be happy
Wowww, me as well. I always thought that when I was too happy and within few days I would be in immense sadness. This was n my childhood. 34 years now and I ve been in several period of depression. Try to find self love as counter effect but it is like roller coaster. I am on downside this 3 months.
And those hobbies/activities you enjoy.
I get angry when I see the narcissist get away with murder and get honored and exalted by others.
This literally blows my mind and makes total sense.
Thank you. This is exactly what I occured but I'd never heard it described and you did a really good job breaking down what happened.
Whatever happens - happiness is inside me - no one can touch it. My narcissistic wife can't penetrate it. She is a bully, defames me in public, rude, and creates all sorts of problems that just exist in her head. She went over the bend and her friends abandoned her because they found out the truth and that she used them against me. By staying calm inside my own sphere I survive. Why do I do this: I protect my kids. I am their source of common sense in this world and if I divorce her she will smear me and defame me in court. She is persuasive and going to court is just supply for her. Her ability to fool the court is her validation that she is above anyone else. I have too much respect for the truth and decency - I can't compete and will not make my kids a battleground of control. My kids should be shielded. They are innocent and this sacrifice is very little to the reward. So I developed coping mechanisms and I know my wife is not well. Identifying this as an illness and what you see are symptoms - it becomes easier. I still love her. Sex with her is spectacular and she is a very powerful woman outwards but I know I am living with an emotional predator. Unfaithfulness - I let her have her moments of casual infidelity, and it's been a while now, it doesn't give her the supply she needs anymore. My goals are higher. I am happy inside because I focus and I use the things I am grateful for. Gratefulness is a powerful potion and I use every given moment to remind me what I have and is blessed with.
I don’t know how you do it...❤️🙏🏾
I saw a ohoto of my my 14th birthday party. I was laughing and full of joy. I just wept when I saw it. I remembered that girl. I am getting her back.
suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app +19087998357 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together
it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger
..
I have never heard this. It does apply. :( Thank you.
I'm listening to this again and am getting even more out of it. Favoriting this!!
Oh yes!!! I have learned while putting two and two together not to show happy emotions around him, even with the kids.
Michele, you have such an amazing gift to put so clearly and specifically into words all the nuances of narc abuse, kudos! This resonates so much and clarifies even more. So empowering! Will surely apply your tips, thank you so much :)
And your makeup, hair color and clothes are such a vast improvement. 👌👏🙌
I wish I could thumbs up this video 100 times. So true! The ex narc would always be in an immediate bad mood if he came home from work and I was happy. I could see him searching my countenance to determine what emotions I was experiencing to determine what to do or say next to try to piss me off.
I watched until 9:35 and I agree with all of this but it’s very important that anyone in this kind of relationship needs to leave immediately! This does not work unless you leave them. The work starts then. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Thank you, Michele.
I’m learning to allow a feeling to be present and to observe it. As a result, I don’t go automatically into a shut down or startle mode. There are things that still tend to trigger me, yet even they are having less and less power to make me “react”. Instead, I “notice” and then RESPOND, calmly, without drama.
It is not a quick process, yet it is possible to change from “triggered!” to “observing!”
Blessings!❤️
This is so helpful for me i don't think it's ever going to get better soon it's been 28yrs of heartache and frustration, i was much happier before the relationship sad to say that but it's reality.
I got chills running up my arm...within the first 5 minutes!!!
I’m still irritated and I cannot understand why I still have so much anxiety smh I’m fighting the feeling but it comes and goes shit 12 years in 11 months out and sometimes it seems I have it all together then boom here comes that feeling unsurety all over again 🤦🏽♀️
suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app +19087998357 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together
it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger
..
Gotta get a exercise program, a little routine! A little sweat goes a long way.
I’m going thru the irritation of it
1. The programming and my reaction = lightbulb moment! Thank you!
2. Abuser and Thriver are allowed 2 different perspectives. If i accept that fact, then I don't react. Why did i never realize that???? THANK YOU!
What an excellent video. You are one of the best narcissist experts.
Thanks for posting this. This feels like me exactly. Feel like a much more angry person than before where it is hard to recognize who I am anymore. Thanks for sharing it
I've lost the ability to laugh and smile like I used to. He's SO abusive and mean. Threatens to kill my fur kids, threatening suicide, threatening (insert something) all the time. Prayers please! I need out
I live with a narc woman and I need to hide my enjoyment about a movie, a song or a new business client to when she's not around. If she senses my enjoyment she immediately either complains about something I need to handle/solve or claims victimhood by listing how tough her life is. It's gotten to a point where it's ridiculous. If she meets rejection from me to her claims she immediately employs shaming- or guilt tactics.
Envy is a prime motivator with the narcissist . I had to deal with illness , unable to work , long treatment and recovery . My now ex choose this as a opportunity , i was helpless , so abandon , rub it in , extra salt lol .
She never seen the years of devotion , as something to appreciate . Its all about regulating how they feel about themselves . It was payback time . So my patience , understanding , compassion, commitment , support , caring . She found offensive , demeaning , diesnt make sense , until you understand there external regulation . Then it makes perfect sense , its insane , but explainable, understandable . I always strove to create a relationship of healthy interdependence, Never happened, In my case i had to deal with despair , and hopelessness . They really do try to swap places with you . They are not you , and you are not them . Even before we seperated i was already working on getting myself back . Was signed up for a 16 week recovery program for people living with , loved ones with mental illness , and attending councilling .
thanks for your time and passng your knowledg ! i love u
I made a habit of praying for present and future deliverance forever from these type of people in my life and in anyone else's life for the matter. You know I had a manager come at me side ways I used every tatic to try to communicate with him in a proper manner and his posture, his tone and his urgency that had me so startled had me really bothered and it was on a day that it took everything in me to get up and get dressed just to earn my money as well. Working with no peace of mind as well which was already draining and not helping me at all but smoke damn near a whole pack of cigarettes before my shift was even up. 🤯 You know that joyful feeling that you get that you about to get some work done and make the money that you know that you know that you know you need yet stuff getting to happening and the stress in you makes you feel like you lacking bec5the miserable people in your head be attacking and damn wtf. Trying to get your money while the getting is good and their is some people eating g you up inside and that alone is some crap that needs to fall off like a bad habit!
Here's a fun thing to try: tell yourself shhhhh - we're going to [do this task, attend this event, etc] in a good mood. Allow yourself a lil giggle lol. It kinda feels like you're accelerating thru a yellow light, or putting a little extra on a company credit card. You're not really "getting away w/something" big anyways, but you're reassuring yourself that things won't turn out any worse if you happen to be in a good mood doing regular things.
Your videos are amazing and really paint the picture for us future thrivers.
Years ago during a drug intervention, my mother stood up and shouted at me "don't make me responsible for your happiness". It's something I never forgot, it seemed like such an odd thing to say. This was years before I realized she was a narcissist. And now that I have discovered this term "narcissist" her statement still nags at me, what did she mean, I mean I feel like I am the one who should have said that to her. I'm wondering if it is something she heard when she was in marriage counseling with my stepfather, and just thought it was something cool to say. But your video hear has helped shed some light, thank you. And I have watched a lot on this topic.