GIRL DEFINED HUSBANDS AREN'T ALLOWED TO GO TO SEA WORLD? | We've Changed our Mind on MODESTY
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- Опубликовано: 4 июл 2024
- JUSTICE FOR DANIEL ROBINSON PETITION: www.change.org/p/buckeye-ariz...
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“Fighting the lies of feminism” as they speak their thoughts as women into a microphone for their business that they get paid for. You can thank feminism for a lot of that.
I love this whole ultra conservative christian culture of hating on feminism by articulating a lot of what feminism has gotten us 😂 So many times it’s “women should be able to be SAHMs but FEMINISTS HATE THAT” like my girl feminism says you get to be a SAHM and/or have a career and tells stupid men that if they shame you for either they are a tool 😂 SO DUMB
A part of me actually wants them to get their patriarchal fantasy world because it would spare me from ever hearing them speak again. 😂
In their religion, this "ministry" is an exception, because they do not presume to teach men, but only teach fellow women.
Shhh don’t tell em they might get smart! 😂
First wave feminism was a good thing, it's just everything after that that sucks.
Bethany being more concerned about women in bikinis than the treatment of orcas in a water park lol
No, please don't go to Seaworld. But because its practices are harmful to the animals and not because of modesty/lust issues.
Is it just me, or did Bethany and Kristen just exchange their parents ideas of modesty for their husbands ideas about modesty?
That sounds like a good explanation. I can't make any sense of what they said other than they admit to there being gray areas. That is, if I'm getting their meaning.
I definitely feel that’s the case for Bethany! If she had married someone who wanted her to be ultra modest that would be her schtick but since Dav is less intense she adapted to that instead.
My thoughts, exactly. Their husbands have different ideas of modesty, so they had to change what they consider modest to be able to meet their husbands’ expectations.
My thoughts, exactly. Their husbands have different ideas of modesty, so they had to change what they consider modest to be able to meet their husbands’ expectations.
Huh, that’s a great point!!! I’ve watched a handful of videos of them over the years && it’s sad. It’s all on the women. Their thoughts/actions AND the men’s around them it’s all on them to control & protect is this faith based lifestyles. I can’t imagine the constant stress & for whattt?!?
A man who has a problem with what his partner wears needs to address his insecurity.
For sure.
Idk, I slightly disagree in some circumstances. Of course, there are always shades of gray, but I would want to compromise with my partner about what exactly is making them uncomfortable. Are they upset because they want to have a nice night out and you're wearing a low front, low back, minidress that exposes literally everything? Could we get a mid-knee length dress with a low back, but a covered front, or vice versa? Also, context. Vegas is different than a wagyu steak dinner.
@@Sm57204west thanks for your comment. I agree there are shades of grey in this and there is no way to know why a guy may be bothered. I also think one should care and help their partner when they aren’t feeling well about something (obviously in a non abusive or controlling relationship).
I found a RUclips channel called Psychology is Seattle and the dr gives a lot of interesting insight into all types of actions. Insecurity is one of many. Happy Friday!
@@Sm57204west- Unless it’s a wagyu steak dinner, in Vegas.
Though, all in all.. I very much agree, with you.
@@XOChristianaNicole 🤣🤣🤣 very true!!!
Her husband blaming her for the guy staring is insane 😭 That would have been the end of the relationship for me
Except that that didn't happen... They were both concerned and he was looking for a solution.
@@annacharity22he said that SHE had to wear floor length skirts because of how another man was looking at her, how is that not blaming her? he should’ve confronted the creepy man about staring
@@princesstuesday5287 It was a solution that popped in his head in the heat of the moment and then changed his mind on
@@annacharity22 The way she relayed him saying it she was clearly offended
The idea that anyone would think of dinner at a restaurant as a potential danger to their HUSBAND because of a stranger's outfit is BONKERS to me. Like????????? Are these husbands just not allowed to go swimming in a public place ever?? Do they just have to stay home all summer???? Make it make sense.
The whole fundie environment constantly infantilizes and dehumanizes them and precludes agency, education and freedom of choice. Of course they're immature
I can't help but feel like Kristen is secretly struggling with this "new" Bethany. Anyone else feel this way? I'm probably just projecting, but it's the same way I feel around my older sister as I slowly deconstruct from our strict beliefs.
I've noticed that Kristen has seemed to resent/not really like Bethany very much for a long time, even before she really started changing her views on things-I obviously don't want to jump to conclusions, but it sort of seems like they haven't really gotten along for years now. No idea what the root of it is, but perhaps changing beliefs is a part of it.
They never actually seemed very close. I've not looked into it personally, but from what I've gleaned from people talking about them and their mother (Fundie Fridays is a main source for me) is that their mother seems like she pits her children (or probably only her daughters) against each other.
She (Fundie Fridays) mentioned something about some children and grandchildren featuring on the mothers instagram, but not all of them. So there seem to be favourites. If that's true it's not wonder there is resentment and jealousy and all these negative feelings between the sisters.
And considering how much they/their family/their religion focusses on marriage and children, it's no wonder that they get their worth from hitting these milestones. Or feel bad about not getting married young (and feeling resentful of letting a wonderful opportunity to study on a sports scholarship go to wait on getting married for years) and still having to live at home with a mother who seems like she gives her affection conditionally and/or only to some children.
@@kimberlycaritas Might go back to Kristen having infertility issues...
When I tell you I SCREAMED when Kristen said her husband (bf at the time) told her SHE should change how she dressed because of a creep…oh my god!!
I cannot even imagine the level of exhaustion these women put themselves through just to go out in the world and perform normal activities like going to dinner, or taking the kids to the waterpark... it really highlights the fact that they have A LOT of trauma around their body image and what they think they're projecting to others. They really need to just go to a licensed therapist (and not one that's affiliated with any belief system, no "religious therapist") and work through all that trauma instead of trying to teach other people from their own pain.
It’s super conservative Christians/religious types who talk about men being the “strong” sex … Yet some other woman’s cleavage is apparently enough to cause major issues in their marriage. Seriously?
for real. they're the natural leaders, protectors, and the stronger ones. and yet a pair of tits totally derail their minds and render them completely unable to control themselves. make it make sense
By focusing on eliminating immodesty they both became the drooling men they are trying to "protect". I feel like I keep saying this with Christian influencers but you are at war with an imaginary enemy in which there is no prize to win.
That’s such a perfect way to put it
100% - I think part of it is also that once you get this grift train rolling & realize that controversy is money the only way you can go is further and further
As a Christian I always hated the modesty thing. I hated the way that girls and women were made to feel guilty and ashamed of their bodies, and how they were supposed to be responsible for someone else's sinful thoughts and behavior; and I hated that if men were creepy then it was normalized, because it was supposedly ok for them to be sexual predators underneath. It just seemed to be a sneaky way to control women without women even being aware of it. And I never understood what happened when you got married. Who do you dress for then? The creepy guys who are lusting after you, or your husband?
“Cultures and times change.” Kristen is so close.
So what I'm hearing is the acknowledgement that they have zero authority to speak on anything.
Win for the week: I got two medications in the mail that I’ve been out of for 3 weeks. One is vital to managing my neuro-immune conditions, the other is the only medicine that helps me believe there can be more in life than darkness, hopelessness, self-and-body-hatred, and believe that it’s worth fighting to recover from anorexia that’s already stolen 20+ years of my life. It’s been a dark few weeks, and I finally am starting to see glimmers of light again. Praise the Lord.
I’m glad you got your medication. I have needed different medication at points in my life to really function and there is a unique relief when you get the medication you need. I hope they help and I feel like you will enjoy your life forward twice as much.
I am so sorry you had to go without those medications for three weeks, that must have been stressful to say the least! It’s great you have them now and I am hoping more and more light starts to shine through for you 💛✨
so glad you got your necessary medications and i hope you keep fighting. there is DEFINITELY more to life. and i know sometimes it's hard to see/remember that, but keep fighting and i promise you'll get to have good days again
B your FACE , when girl defined said they are Not doing an apology video!! 😂 I got tears of joy and happiness . Thank you !!
Let me tell you, I was FLABBERGASTED when I heard that 😂
It’s always so interesting to me how people like Bethany and Kristen criticize secular culture for being overly sexual, but their way of viewing other people seems way more sexual than I have ever viewed the world. I am a sexual person (just meaning, not asexual and I experience attraction, etc) but I just don’t really think of other people outside of a sexual context in a sexual way. I know their argument would be that as a woman, I am not made to feel lust like a man would, and that they are empathizing with the men in their lives, but the men I have talked to about this tend to me more on my end of the spectrum. Personally if I walk into a room I’m just not seeing peoples bodies as sexual, even if their is more skin showing. It just feels like their view of others is so dehumanizing. If you can’t look past someone’s cleavage to have a conversation with them, that’s such a personal issue.
Right?
Cuz when i see a woman in super short shorts, i don't think much of anything. I don't think she's immodest or impure or assume anything about her personally. i just think, huh, yeah, it is pretty hot out here. I don't see a woman in a tiny little bikini and think anything about her, other than the fact that a bikini is appropriate wear for a beach or pool. The point is, i don't sexualize people that way.
But these people, who are so concerned with modesty and not revealing too much, it VERY much seems like they're so concerned with that because they sexualize EVERYTHING. wearing short shorts when it's 97 degrees isn't sexual. it's freaking hot. having a breakdown over a magazine cover because of your obsession with sexualizing women isn't normal. it's a freaking piece of paper.
but I'm willing to bet, just like you said, that if you dumped a dozen secular, normal people at a beach and a dozen of these fundamentalist/religious types at a beach, the religious ones would be the ones having a meltdown over how much skin people were showing, and the normal, secular folk would just be like "yep, that tracks, it's a beach."
and that's because we realize that women are more than just objects to be used/desired by men. we're freaking people. and because most secular folk view women as people (to varying degrees, don't get me started on patriarchy), they don't sexualize them nearly as much. but of course, if you live with these beliefs that mandate women be subservient to their husbands, these beliefs that basically reduce women to sexual objects, then OBVIOUSLY you're going to sexualize them more.
it's wild that the same people who run around upholding purity culture are also the people who sexualize others the most.
YES!!! Like have they considered women are real people like men are - not an appliance made up of an assemblage of body parts?! The hyper focus on modesty makes it worse - make bikinis scandalous makes it harder not to ogle women in bikinis - make it worse for everyone
@@Ashley_jd of course not. that would first require acknowledging that women are, in fact, real people. and not lesser beings than men. i don't think they've truly gotten there yet
I don't believe that last part. I mean you at least are aware that they are seeking for people to find them sexually attractive, right?
@@annacharity22 not automatically. For one, women with large breasts often show cleavage in shirts that are not revealing for those with different body types, and shouldn’t be penalized for their bodies. But also, context is important for how you are interacting with people. If an adult dancer wearing a low cut top needs directions to the subway, she deserves to be treated like a human and spoken to respectfully despite the fact that what she is wearing is designed to be sexually attractive. People shouldn’t be dehumanized because what they are wearing is alluring. I think the responsibility is on others in most cases to be mature enough to interact with the person politely. There are contexts, like in professional spaces, where for everyone’s comfort people are expected to dress more conservatively, but in a restaurant it’s not fair to have those same expectations.
I don’t see Dav buying her clothes as necessary problematic, because it doesn’t seem like she’s uncomfortable with the clothes he’s buying, but that she finds it freeing she has “permission” to wear them because her husband picked it out. I just find it sad that she can’t buy something outside her old black-and-white standards because she likes it or wants to try it.
I grew up in a similar environment and I took a job on the other side of the world in my 20s and being away from my family, much as I love them, to figure out who I am on my own was so important. I remember the first time I bought myself a bikini and I wore it to an empty beach in early Spring because it was kind of terrifying to try it. But I didn’t need anyone’s permission. That bikini was SO comfortable, I wore it all over the world on my travels. It was the first time I bought something that was just something I wanted without reference to or worries about the rules and judgement I grew up with.
Bethany has never given herself the space outside her childhood bubble to decide for herself what she wants.
This is helpful I think. I wish she had just said though something like “if I am uncomfortable or don’t like something he respects that” otherwise it’s so easy given everything they are on about to assume he’s picking out things and she’s willing to push his boundaries to make him happy regardless
Just wanted to add that if anyone wants more information on Daniel Robinson's disappearance, Mile Higher Podcast did an episode covering everything featuring his father David. Thanks for caring about his case, it's so tragic
My husband and I have always operated under the motto of 'it doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home". 32 years and going strong!
Oh my gosh, I LOVE that motto 👏🏻
Bethany's growth is great and all, but she seems incapable of explicit accountability.
I am a silent viewer, but I just have to tell you that your videos have helped me heal from religious trauma so much. I love your videos and appreciate you so much. Also your hair looks so gorgeous! ❤
I have such an issue with how dismissive Bethy and Kristin are about the impact of their previous beliefs and where they came from. They’re basically like, “yeah we know we said a lot of harmful things about purity and modesty from a biblical perspective but just move past it!”
Yes exactly. Incredibly arrogant and self centered. Like it’s okay to apologize about things especially when you negatively impacted young girls
They talk about how they USED to be in conservative circles like they’re not aware that they’re still in conservative circles…?
I wouldn't trust any man to lead me who is so fragile he can't even see another woman's skin without going nuts... Idk but it doesn't sound like a very solid leader...
I feel Kristin is really close to letting go of the destructive parts of her beliefs. Also, I wish they would talk more about how context matters. Tiny tanks tops in a more conservative church? Maybe not. Tank tops at a mall? Normal for our society. I'm also thinking about what modesty means as I raise my daughter. I think it comes down to context (being respectful of the environment or cultural space you are in at that moment) as well as an internal check of "why am I dressing this way"? If it's to impress the popular kids (or to stay popular), or to get a sexual reaction from someone to either get love or manipulate, maybe check yourself. If it's to look cute and feel good about yourself because you respect yourself, great!
There's also the dark underbelly of these beliefs, which is a sort of magical thinking. If I dress "modestly", then I will get a good husband. Or keep my husband from straying. Or to get the popular Christians to like me. Or because it makes me more holy or pure than others. Or because I'm ashamed of my body. All of these are just as damaging.
My win for the week: I figured out how to up my quilting game and bought the right supplies for the quilt that's been giving me trouble.
I appreciate what they are saying on a surface level… but the fact that they are refusing to apologize or even acknowledge the harm that they may have caused to young women really bothers me. Why are they so adamant that this is not an apology?
because they haven't done any of the deep work to understand WHY their views were so problematic in the first place. fundamentally their beliefs are just the same, they're just loosening the stranglehold those beliefs have had over them a little. and probably because the public at large has attacked them ruthlessly (rightly so) for how toxic their views are
Theyre deconstructing, its annoying when christian influencers use "disentangling" as if its an entirely different concept. 🤦
This. I think part of it is the stigma around therapy in that community, but I hate it when they call it disentangling
They’re against progressive Christianity and favour Jinger’s take over Jill’s take of the Duggars (even though they are currently both Christian iirc), which is why they use a separate term. Doesn’t make it less asinine, but hopefully baby steps.
@@hanatemonstas4485 yeah, it's a way to separate themselves and it does seem to be a recognition among some Christian influencers that some of their beliefs were harmful. It just bugs me so much because it feels like a way to not take accountability
I remember Bethany posted a picture wearing this very elegant, long black dress and said it was the kind of thing her husband liked for her, what he saw as attractive. She looked AMAZING, I should say, very elegant and classy. And after that she posted a picture wearing a colorful, ruffled dress that made her look like a porcelain doll, to which she said it was her preferred style. I have a feeling that these two infantilize themselves in order to portray whatever they believe it’s femininity. They’re stuck with the “girly” conception they learned in the 2000s and can’t get over it in order to feel comfortable in their own skin and age. I think they think it makes them look young and relatable, but it’s mostly just childish and immature. If you’re old enough, you might remember who Boxxy was on RUclips. It’s like they’re trying to forever impersonate her mannerisms.
This is so true and it's an area I can relate to Bethany on. The anxiety of going from your 20s to 30s and assessing how much value you've put on your ability to appear "small and cute" and how it's inevitably going to become hard to keep up. Now she's frantically building a new woman shaped box to fit into and it's got to be rough. Bethany has said some horrible hateful things but I can feel the anxiety her beliefs have caused radiating from her every time she speaks. It's hard to not empathize.
Nice observations! I would love to see Bethany wear something a little more edgy, or just less frilly and “girly.”
Do you remember Cody Ko and Noël doing 'That's Cringe' on the subject of these two fascinating sisters? "Well for a start, she looks like she dressed as a bath bomb." If you haven't seen it yet, cheer yourself up with a little viewing. I think you'll like it.
kind of confused by this comment, are you saying she should dress the way her husband wants and finds attractive instead of how she personally wants?
@@jules8273not sure what’s confusing about this comment..
They are absolutely disgusting to joke about this not being an apology video. They recognize that people have said they’ve been hurt and they don’t care and think it’s something to do a silly haha voice about 😤
It takes courage to confront a creep and defend a loved one. Blaming a girlfriend who is stuck with you is much easier for cowards.
WFTW: I got evicted from my storage unit (I’m low income and was struggling to keep up with the bill) but it’s a blessing in disguise because it’s what I needed to tackle the stuff that’s been sitting for YEARS. I also will be saving $130 a month which is HUGE!
That was excruciating. I still can't figure out if they ever got to a point.
WftW: I got to practice my German with other people.
Yeah it was a lot of talking in circles.
That is awesome! How long have you been practicing German?
@@BHaney I started in high school and have kept it up throughout my adulthood. 🙂
People learn german in school as a second language? :D
Ja. Es machte Spaß. Es war mein Lieblingsfach.
@@RobAGabor das freut mich zu hören! 😊
I’m all the way in South Africa but I just signed the petition. My heart breaks for Daniel and his family
Win for the week: Arrived in northern Alaska for work, and everyone has been very nice and accommodating
"It's all within your cultural context what it means to be a man and a woman" good job, you're getting there! Too bad they didn't go further than justifying wearing pants
WFTW: I had a super stressful Monday, it felt like everything went wrong. But I stayed calm and kept plugging away at solutions, and Tuesday was better. I turned that awful Monday into a pretty good week! *Pats back.*
Love this for you! I understand these kinds of days!
Wow. I have literally NEVER EVEN THOUGHT about caring what my partner thinks when he is around other women at a beach/waterpark. Like WHAT. WHAT.
It sounds like they haven't changed their minds about what modesty is, but have had a mind shift in how they let it affect them.
So when they said that we have to pay attention to cultural norms (men wearing kilts and women wearing pants, etc.), we have to adhere to the cultural norms until someone changes them... Then when enough people sign onto it, then it's okay to wear what was previously forbidden?
Yupppp I had this exact conversation with my (super fundie) brother when he was losing his mind over Harry Styles wearing a dress 😂😂
WFTW: My anxiety was high this week but I successfully navigated several group settings and ended up enjoying them all! Progress 😂!
🥰
focusing on the relief and joy from making it through is such an important part of whole experience and it often gets missed. You did it! Congrats on facing the storm and coming out the other side. May you continue to find happiness, health, and peace.
Progress is so worth celebrating! I’m glad to hear you ended up enjoying those group settings, how awesome! 💛
Yay!! That’s such a good feeling ✨🌱✨
I’m so happy for you!
This is so interesting to witness. They’re so close to understanding that this transformation in their thought is part of the mental liberation feminism advocates for not just for women, but for men. As much as I disagree with them for most of their beliefs, I’m very happy that they’ve been able to deconstruct (“disentangle”) this stressful, harmful belief they were raised in and no longer have to carry the guilt of humanity on their shoulders anymore. Baby steps!
If I may offer a different perspective on Dave…he’s been deconstructing with the help of a non-Christian therapist I wonder if he buys Bethany clothes to say she doesn’t need to continue to dress according to the rules of Modesty culture. I don’t know if he says she has to wear the clothes but if he offers them up as something she could wear I don’t think that’s necessarily bad. I also agree with your comment that infantilizing men and making everything taboo is damaging.
Slightly different perspective for Dav buying Bethy clothes: maybe he buys her colthes he's seen her appreciate but doesnt think she can wear and he's trying to encourage her to grow in that area?
Or maybe he wants to be married to a woman in her 30s and not a perpetual teen.. 😬
Win for the week, it's my birthday and I'm getting so much love from my friends! It makes my heart feel so warm. As we get older, it gets more difficult to make and maintain friends, so I honestly treasure the friends I have!
My win is that I adopted a sweet little dog yesterday
Wow, such a revelation for them what is a complete non-issue for everybody else. The person is valuable regardless of what they are wearing, and people can communicate in peace regardless of how they are dressed. Truly mind-blowing.
Thank you so much for still sharing links & talking about Daniel!!!🙏❤️ I’m in az too🌵 I work in Buckeye and I don’t see much about him here anymore :( 3:51
The disentanglement vs de - construction verbiage is so weird
Win for the week, I did a hard thing! I wasn't planning on it, but I confronted a professor of mine on a couple concerns I had with the way our class had been treated early on in the semester. I'm glad I spoke up and that she really seemed to take it to heart and expressed a willingness to improve for future classes. That's really all I could ask for and I'm glad I got it off my chest. I was feeling really dysregulated about the whole thing, especially for a couple weeks back. It feels good to move on and know that my voice matters and that I'm in the right place, on the right path. ❤
Pinely took her sex course. It's full of shame, contradictions, transphobia and shilling their other products.
Ooooh I got that video recommended to me, I’ll definitely have to check it out. Unfortunately her course being bad does not surprise me but I feel bad for her customers who wasted their money on it.
@@BHaneyI'd be interested to know your thoughts. Maybe a commentary on a commentary? Or is that too meta 😆
Rachel Oates also did a really awesome video covering her sex course as well. Highly recommend.
The way these two talk just is like nails on a chalkboard. Migraine inducing. Especially the "hmmmm" of agreement while the other is talking - like what they're saying is sooooo deep. Gurls, you're in the shallow end of the pool in all things.
"We're not going to talk about men's modesty, or talk to men about women's modesty..... My husband had a lot of opinions on this when we first got married." Seriously ladies?? Seriously??
Guys shouldn't go to water parks? So at what age should male children stop going to water parks, like 11?!
It bothers me so much that when asked about the people they've hurt with the stuff they've said, Bethany says, "Well, we never said we were right." Like, girl, yes, you did! Y'all both did. The godly thing (or even just secularly ethical thing) to do is apologize not blame-shift. So many times when church leaders/influencers/teachers get caught doing something or are told their teachings have been harmful they blame-shift, say you didn't understand them, or rather suddenly, want to abnegate any position of authority they've had/have. It rankles my soul.
OOH I HAVE A WIN FOR THE WEEK (finally)! Visiting my parents for Thanksgiving. It's been almost a year since I've seen them and nonstressfel family time is always appreciated
B, I can't begin to explain how soothing your voice is in-between the clips of Kirsten and Bethany chattering nineteen to the dozen with barely a pause for breath.
If I was still a rightwing Christian, I'd have a very hard time figuring out what exactly they're trying to say here because their message is very jumbled and disorganized. I'd probably take it to mean that you should try to do all those supposedly "godly" things, but if that's too hard, then you're probably fine if you just feel bad about not doing them. As a progressive Christian, though, I understand that their message is jumbled because they're trying to have their cake (please rightwingers who pay their bills) and eat it too (not have a message that's so strict and misogynistic that their audience tunes them out). You can be super strict or you can be popular. They know you can't be both.
The algorithm really needs to catch up and let more people see these amazing videos.
Here's the thing, I have a faulty filter and my boyfriend has kinda picked that up from me I think. We both just say it if we find someone of the opposite sex attractive. It's almost always something we simply agree with each other about and laugh about. Like, yeah, hot people exist. And that RARELY happens. So for them to act like people are just lusting after every person they see is so...misguided. No wonder they always felt so uncomfortable. It's really sad...and weird. It's not reality.
WFTW: I had a much needed emotional conversation with my mom and brother (we are all good and we addressed some issues we've all been having) and I worked Workout three times this week
This belief that men can't control their sexual thoughts/urges creates situations like Anna Duggar staying married to Josh and feeling obligated to forgive him for "stumbling".
14 minutes in and I just have to comment! I grew up fairly conservative-fundie adjacent. So I had similar hang ups about modesty. When I first got engaged, I can remember asking my fiancée (now husband) was it ok to wear a bikini (we went to the beach one day while he was on leave)? (I was no longer fundie at all, but I still had a lot of baggage about modesty and female se*uality.) And he was so mystified why it would be an issue! I cannot fathom-at this point in my life and almost 20 years out of more conservative Christianity-allowing a guy to have views (or blame ME) about what I wore because someone was looking at me too much in public. Like, instant red flag for me!
The fact that Bethany outright states that people are saying they should apologize to people they’ve hurt and is audaciously like “yeah we’re not gonna do that” ????? oh it’s your viewers’ fault for not reading the Bible and actually taking the advice you offered, gotcha 🙄🤦♀️😠
Even when she possibly had a reason to scroll due to lack of preparation or editing.
When she stopped scrolling she did everything else. Looked diwn, away, drank water, she is so uninterested in what her sister has to say.
Wftw: I'm gonna be able to give a presentation to my church about the travesty happening in Palestine! I hope to encourage everyone to make a difference, so hopefully it goes well. Also, i won a scholarship! Big week for me!!!
good luck. ALL people deserved to be treated with humanity, and i hope you can help them better understand what's happening.
They are always sooooo close to the point, and then completely pivot and miss, as they jump off a cliff into backtracking on their original point
Re: the Brittany Dawn guest appearance, I really appreciate your choice not to do it since you couldn't verify the daughter's age. That being said, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the episode separate from reacting "live" to the video!
WFTW: I was feeling down, so my boyfriend and I went to a stand up show! It was a really good time and my mood improved by a lot!
Love your channel ❤
Oh, man 😂 the amount of shade these girlies throw each other never gets old! And they're sisters 😅
I haven’t watched this yet but I wouldn’t let my husband go to sea world either tbh
I mean that’s fair lol
omg, bethany talking about the stress she felt by being hyper focused on sexuality is so spot on
Did you grow up with that shit, too? Bc same and I thought the exact same thing about her description. To a tee
win for the week: laundry day went well! & my conlang's up to 100+ words 🌺🌺🌺
That’s exciting! I don’t really know anything about conlangs (I had to google it), what inspired you to create one?!
@@BHaney I'm working on a novel--and it's one of those faraway dreams, you know, but the conlang is part of the world building :) 🌺 Also, it just interests me! haha
You are kinder than me. When they were discussing the way the church objectified them, i could hardly even feel bad for them about it because they could so clearly discuss what the church did to them, yet absolutely refused to apologize that they made thousands of other girls feel like that too. No, it wasn't just a "change in ideas" 🙄🙄🙄 They are victims of their upbringing, and they're seeing it, yet they won't acknowledge their part in it, and they perpetuate it as long as it is in their best interest to follow it.
Edit for grammar!
Your hair style in this video is ❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥!
I was nominated to be a part of the Executive Chamber Board of Commerce! And this week was my first time volunteering with Meals on Wheels!
I love your channel ❤
Gah, this video really was helpful! I really envy people who didn’t grow up in purity culture. My whole life until 27 (I am now 32) revolved around sin. Granted it revolved around NOT sinning, but my whole life being apart of the church was being hyper aware of what sin is and how not to do it. It actually became a heavy burden of what not to do, that I actually ended up just not really doing anything and not living. I was entirely depressed and would go to church bawling my eyes out because I just always felt like I was failing God, and my tears led people around me to feel like I was super spiritual. I was *actually* broken. I haven’t been to a church actively for about 5 years now, I still believe, but I am just figuring out how I can live. God’s people put that terrible life on me, and I fear going back and allowing them to decide my life again. Lol what a dump of thoughts and emotions, but it helps me seeing people like Girl Defined also realize the hyper culture of talking about sin. It helps me know I am not crazy and lived in some weird reality lol.
Have a great day B :)
there's a song called "good Enough for God" by this band called Citizen soldier. (they're amazing). anyway, it perfectly captures what you're talking about here.
deconstruction is a HUGE blessing. but i think a lot of people get things mixed up and assume that when you deconstruct you have to completely abandon your faith. and that's not true. it's okay to still believe, you just want to learn how to let your faith ENHANCE your life instead of letting it consume you and making you miserable.
and i think the difference is faith itself vs. the CULTURE of religion. because all the BS rules about modesty, remaining pure, living biblically, abstaining from sin, going to confession, all of that is just made up religious CULTURE. and that culture is toxic, it doesn't' serve to help anyone. but real faith, believing in a higher power and letting that strengthen and guide you to be the best version of yourself, that's the part that you should hold on to.
the way i describe myself now is spiritual, but not religious. because i don't follow the rules of religion anymore. i don't pray anymore or go to church or confession, i don't think about what is a sin and what isn't, how i'll be judged or won't, none of that crap. but what i do is try to live a good life, try to be kind to others, tolerant, compassionate. and rather than specifically pray, i now more just "commune with god" as i call it. when i'm out on a hike and the scenery is beautiful, i'm breathing in crisp fresh air, and the sun is shining on my face, i take a moment to be grateful for all that beauty and the fact that i get to experience, and to send up my thanks and gratitude that i'm there in that moment, experiencing this gorgeous nature all around me, you know? when i cuddle my cute little kitty, i send up a silent thank you for bringing him into my life. that kind of thing.
it's okay to abandon the STRUCTURE of religion if all that structure has done is cause you harm. and that DOESN'T mean you have to abandon your faith. you just find a new way to practice it, without all the arbitrary rules that were so harmful in the first place.
@@bottomofastairwell SO true! Thank you for this! I think I am a “communing” with god too. When I really started taking a look at what the Bible says, I just found the Bible doesn’t say that if you don’t go to church you go to hell. It just encourages people to fellowship, and I do that… just different than what the tradition says. It is actual freedom to live life free of guilt of sin. My life feels so much lighter now, and I am so thankful because I used to pray that god would just take me away because everything was just boring and stressful. But now I have life and enjoy life! I am beyond thankful to be away from that toxic culture :)
@@Whimsers right? it's so much more freeing to life on your own terms and leave the toxic culture behind.
and like, "fellowship" can be anything. it could be going to a restaurant with your friends and talking about how glad you are to have them in your life and appreciating the amazing food you get to eat.
to me, it's really just expressing my gratitude for all the good things in my life or good things i get to experience. and by that definition, "fellowship" could even be the concert i was at tonight. it was a ton of girls, wearing whatever we wanted, feeling safe and comfortable to express ourselves, and appreciating awesome music together. it was a great time, all around fun, and the entire energy of the crowd felt warm and welcoming and safe, like you could just let loose and enjoy yourself. it's that kind of thing that makes me appreciate the life i've been given and so grateful for the joy and beauty in this world. and that kind of fellowship seems way more healthy and positive to me than churches i used to go to where they just made me feel bad for things like existing as the child of a single parent.
nope. don't need that. i'd rather commune on my own terms and find my own ways to worship, you know?
husband: a man looked at you... we should consider long skirts
Bethany: *surprised pikachu face*
Audience: *throws popcorn*
I dont think Dave buys Kristen's clothes just as a way to control how she dresses, a lot of men do enjoy shopping, including for others. I have one friend whose partner buys most of her clothes because he enjoys shopping more than her. And he has good taste. My own partner does not buy me clothes but he is good at picking out things I should try on. Sometimes other people have a better objective view at what looks good on us. Though I do agree at the end of the day, partners should not be pushing their partners to wear things their not comfortable wearing or not allowing them to wear things they do like.
Really enjoyed your takes on this!! And Idk about anybody else but every time I see somebody in this culture saying “disentangling” i roll my eyes - ma’am this is exactly what deconstructing is - re-examining your beliefs to figure out what is grounded in your faith and what was added by culture - they can’t stand to not place things in a zero sum us vs them context
I think they say "disentangling" because even though it is the exact same thing as deconstruction, whenever a conservative Christian hears "deconstruction" they automatically assume the person has left the faith (which is actually "deconversion"). So, yeah, it is deconstruction, but deconstruction is kind of a bad word in that community and they don't want to be accused of apostatizing.
Girl Defined is a whole mess.
My win of the week is you releasing a video I can watch rolled in my duvet while I recover from the flu ❤
The reason they all silly and fun is because they are trying to relate to a younger audience, growing up in the church I saw this a lot ages 10-16, the church has such a toxic view of women
the infantilization is so real. and the way they specifically target young women is just... eww
Win for the week: i found listings for a few theatre costuming jobs that im working on applying for after having trouble finding any that im qualified for
Yay! So happy to listen to this at work. Perfect timing ☺️
6:47 🤣🤣🤣🤣 That ,"How dare you!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Nice Mark Driscoll joke. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
It is infuriating that they're saying that there's nuance to how they get to live their lives, but on the fact that LGBT+ people exist, their views are as black and white as ever. Like they're so close to the point, but it seems like they are only willing to be more tolerant when it comes to the things they want to do.
Look at these two trying to ride Jinger Duggar's coat tails. Theyve been dying to make a video where they can use the word *disentangle*. Finally a small light bulb turned on about their extremely close minded and pushy views. They're a bit late to the party.
I think dav buying bethy clothes isnt necessarily bad. Sometimes your partner has good taste or style and so they like to buy nice things for their spouse/gf whatever . And we all know bethy dresses like a 12 year old. Which whatever, i wear hoodies and leggings 98% of the time. But still like to dress up here and there.
Is it just me or does Bethany seem like she is yelling when she’s talking to the camera instead of just speaking to us?
So happy to see this episode! I stock overnight at a retail store and this is gonna keep me happily entertained for a while.
The SeaWorld they are referring to does have a water park. I live in the same area as them so ive been to this seaworld. It's called Aquatica.typically though, people aren't walking around in their bathing suits outside of the water park area. Not sure if there rules regarding bathing suits outside of Aquatica. But we do have an actual water park at SeaWorld.
I’m so sad that Bethany grew up feeling so sexualized and so burdened by the thought that she was “causing men to stumble.” That’s so heavy especially when you’re a young girl :( that entire concept is so far from the truth and so harmful.
This really reminded me of when I worked at a Sports bar/family restaurant.. (I don’t want to name the place just for privacy reasons) but it was a Texas Roadhouse inspired restaurant that was sports themed..so most of it was a family restaurant, but like 30% of it was a sectioned off bar with more tvs and such..anyways.. I was working in the bar in a tight (insert gasp) black shirt and jeans…as I walked by this man at the bar top, he literally grabbed me by the hips and tried to sit me in his lap. I lost it.. thankfully my manager (who was a male) and some male coworkers stood up for me, and this man was kicked out.. but not before getting in my face and basically saying “what did you expect me to do?”…still enrages me😅
I will always maintain that modesty culture perfectly subverts its own goals. Bethany and Kristen describe this wonderfully: Their obsession with how a woman’s body ought to be covered and why actually created a sexualised mindset about women’s bodies.
They don’t realise that ‘most’ people aren’t constantly distracted by women’s bodies and plagued by these very sexual observations about how a woman’s body looks and what is or isn’t covered. They assume everyone is in a constant state of sexually charged judgements because that’s how they think.
I literally think this mindset always makes men and women hornier and more sexually frustrated than regular ‘secular culture’ messaging does.
Win for the week:
I finally got the rest of the yarn I need to finish the baby blanket I'm crocheting for my niece. Hopefully I'll be done before she's born.
My win for the week: I've had a couple of great nights of sleep. I think I've finally found a nighttime ritual that helps me fall asleep soundly
good sleep is HUGE
Please share
@@caitlinsoliman1658 started taking my night meds an hour earlier, turned on blue light filters on my phone and laptop that automatically turn on at 7pm, only comfort shows past 9pm. So by like 9-9:30 my brain has been getting the signals to shut down and night meds are kicking in, so the comfort show usually knocks me out.
If I’ve learned anything about Christianity it’s that logic is not a part of the belief system
The woman who made this video is very ignorant and also seems unintelligent. She thought that Kristen's fiance was mad at her for a guy staring at her...
I have heard women shame girls for dressing in tight or revealing clothes while expressing sympathy for the “poor boys” that just can’t control their thoughts (insert eye roll). Do I love to see scantily clad young women walking around my sons-no. However I will always remind my boys that they are perfectly capable of looking away and they are still absolutely responsible for their decisions and how they treat a woman, regardless of what she may be wearing.
My 7 week old took her first steps