A Mother Opens Up About Killing Her Son
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- Опубликовано: 6 июн 2024
- In this weeks episode I speak to Ellen Pakkies. She was known as a loving mother, a religious woman and an upstanding member of her community in Lavender Hill. But on a September morning in 2007, she killed her own son Abie by strangling him with a rope.
In this episode we discussed Ellen's early years and the abuse she went through, how addiction destroyed her family, the days leading up to the tragic incident with her son Abie, and the reasons behind her actions. We also went into great detail about the day she murdered her son and what happened afterwards!
0:00 - introduction
1:17 - Ellen Pakkies Background
9:57 - Ellen Talks About Her Son Abie’s Childhood & Struggles
11:41 - The Cracks Start To Show! (Addiction, Stealing, Abuse)
19:05 - Josh Tells A Story About Addiction
20:44 - The Days Before Abie’s Murder
22:55 - The Day Ellen Murdered Her Son
27:41 - Ellen Pakkies Goes To Trial For Murder
31:14 - Would Abie Forgive You?
31:49 - Does Ellen Pakkies Have Any Regrets?
34:19 - Ellen’s Final Message To Her Son! 
Развлечения
This episode hits on a lot of hard topics. I hope you can take something out of it and I would love to hear your thoughts!
Moving interview Josh - Don't know if the video is edited but sounds a lot like you rushing the guests a bit. Gotta allow the story to build. However, all of this is because your podcast is genuine and even if it comes with scratches, we're here exactly for that!
Sad episode, I wish you had covered what the other sons are like, are they also addicts or they are doing well, how did they react to the murder? What was the husband's reaction, was the community supportive, how is she getting by now, does she work, did she attend the funeral etc. I love detail
I love how open minded you are about people living on the Cape flats.
@@RICARDO_1997😳😳😳😳
@@RICARDO_1997 easy to say stuff like this when you not in that situation. I feel her pain. Especially since her son was on Tik. People that are on Tik can be extremely violent and will make you feel like you are dealing with the devil himself.
My son was a bad cocaine and ketamine user. He stole my money, I went downstairs one day and my television was gone! He sold it,he sold my phone jewelry. I chucked him out a few times and once made him go to his father's. But I had him back and gradually over years of pain and worry and anger and crying and praying for him. Finally at the age of 29 he has totally turned his life around. He had to detach himself with who he hung around with. Now he hasn't really got any 'friends' because they all take drugs. I feel really proud of him. I couldn't of taken his life ever.
You are a mother. I am too.I dont understand what this woman did , this isnt something I can understand.
Nobody has the right to take anybody life alot of people have been through worse things than her and don't end up murdering somebody worst still their own child that I cannot get my head around how a mother could do that
@@notestingme the worst thing is she seems " at peace" with it
@@lindc1070 I think she's a very badly damaged lady from what happened in her childhood.
@@nickyjones2709 yes but so are serial killers. Should such people be allowed to go free?
Every addict is different and you cannot imagine what its like to live with someone like her son. Don't judge because it takes a lifetime to "unlive" those experiences.
Pileezzzzz 🤦
Who are you? I bet you’ve never dealt with an addict in your life so don’t even
@@1CHILL_PILL1me??
@@1CHILL_PILL1 wrong
@@1CHILL_PILL1 she could have left no excuse. Barbaric ! She was a druggy herself.
I'm Black American and grew up poor,but with a degree of stability,due to my mother.My father was alcoholic and terrorized the home.There were times I wished my mother would divorce him and we'd be free.
There were times I wished he were dead.
I understand how the out of control behavior of her son drove her to put him out of his misery.
Others can say what they will,but if you've never lived under the conditions that would drive you to kill,you cannot judge.
I hope your life is a lot happier now. Alcohol ruins just as many lives as drugs.
I am sending you lots of hugs,prayers and love ❤️ xxx
It has happened in our family 😢
🧡
It happens in tons of families no matter what race. Drugs/alcohol kill, steal & destroy and don't give a hoot what race one is.
What a horrible life this woman lived through. She reached her breaking point. I sincerely hope she finds the peace she needs.
You have said what I was wanting to say but I couldn't find the right words.
I agree this woman lived a terrible life buy there was no point of her taking life of an innocent person...she had no right of doing that to her son... he could have been worse!!!!
14:33
She has to REPENT before the Lord God
you is crazy killing people isn't peaceful
looks is deceiving,evil self
I had a son who was addicted to heroin. He has put me through a lot of mentally and emotionally pain but I could never killed my son. I was always praying to God to save his undying soul. Having a love one on drugs and to see how they change is already emotional pain.
Omg😢 Yes how could she do it
@@Pheneria-dv6zw I think we should be fair to this lady, she went through a lot in her life before the horrors of her son. Her life was never normal. You are looking at it from a lens of a person who has had a normal life.
Unless you have walked in her shoes, don't judge!
@@ereddy2024 Well, if you should hear my story, you will think otherwise. Went through worst then what she went through.
@@ereddy2024it’s called kick him out and don’t have him around. Killing someone that isn’t trying to kill you is wrong it doesn’t matter what she went through if she was a man killing his daughter everyone would point fingers saying he was abusing her for years.
The Interviewer was absolutely open,compassionate, and gentle as the mother told her story. The mother is brave and brutally honest about what she and her family endured, this is one of the most rawest, heartfelt interviews of seen in a while. My hat goes off to both the interviewer and this beautiful Mom, for the most uncanning testimonies, peace and blessings to them both.
Beautiful mom ? Who killed her child no matter what she went trough
@@Maysoon3121
T.H.R.O.U.G.H.
@@Maysoon3121
T.H.R.O.U.G.H
I second this 👏👏👏👏👏. This is great courage and humility and honesty we got to witness. A gift to humanity. Thank you both!!! We do need to change our mindset, and open our hearts, in a revolutionary way. We are all human! We are all one!
Ffs, you people are delusional.
I will always remember Ellen Pakkies coming to my school and telling us her story. It was so heartbreaking and a true testament to what drugs can do not only to the individual, but their family as well. I met her personally after the talk, and she is such a kind and sweet woman.
Killed her own son come on now
@@chasegoolsby9465not the ideal solution but she defended her home when no one would
Ellen Pakkies...
- Turned herself in...
- Admitted unreservedly to what she had done...
-Did not ask for leniency...
- Is remorseful...
- Maintained a respectful and polite composure throughout...
- Made good on her community service obligations...
- Never claiming the horrors of her lifelong suffering as an excuse...
Compared to thousands of repeat offenders and convicted detainees who are the absolute polar opposite of this person...
Her "sentence" served a greater purpose in our strife torn...broken country...
🇿🇦
@chasegoolsby9465 ...I accept that you are entitled to your point of view...
I do not agree with it in this case...
🇿🇦
Lord have mercy 😢😢
My father said the same thing to me when I told him I was being molested and then he beat me. He died 2 years later. Fathers, be careful how you treat your daughters, your days seem to get numbered.
My father molested and raped me when i was a kid. When he got sick, i was the one to take care of him on his dying bed. I don't even know my feelings abt this old man, he took everything from me. I never know the feeling of being loved by my own parents. My childhood was terrible
I read this comment somewhere from a woman who had an abusive stepfather as a girl. He once tried to attack her with full force but the mother was able to stop him. They left the room, and she sat on her bed horrified, she had even wet the bed under her. She wrote she then felt this deep peace all of a sudden and saw this bright light. She said she saw four angels walking into the room and going by, carrying a white sheet from its corners and smiling at her. They walked in the direction the stepdad had gone. Then she didn'y see them anymore. She didn't even really know what angels were but she saw them clear as day and knew they were angels.
Anyway, the stepdad suddenly died after two weeks. The angels had been carrying a sheet to cover him with, I guess!
Exactly mothers too son.
Amen
My farther cutt me out of his life after my mother divorced him ( 27 year ago) he remarried I didn't like his new wife nor her teenage daughter and son. At the time. So we cut all contact . I have settled down and have 3 kids of my own and we have had zero contact. I do hope one day he is punished .
As a teacher in the rural areas of cape town this touched me deep in my soul. And I see this same pain and hopelessness in the little faces in front of me every single day. 😢
😯🤯😢😥💔🫂❤️🫂😭🤯💀💀☠️🩸
@annJord, God's strength to you I can't imagine what you must be witness to...my heart breaks for the children.
@@alisonkotze9723 it is extremely hard to see. Just yesterday heard parents in the community is selling edibles to children as young as 8 years old 😭
❤️🔥🙏🙏🙏❤️🔥
🙏🏽❤
Sorry that she went through so much.
Just disown your kid. That easy. Take the keys away, change the lock.
Killing your son cause of addiction?
I am sorry. This lady, because of all the abuse she got, is broken.
All of this is tragic.
What she did was wrong.
Josh seems so emotionally and compassionately beyond his years. Wonderful interview. No human is all good or all bad. We are a mix of both. I am glad she is sharing her story to help others in moments of quiet desperation.
We are not a mix of both! Thats the devil trying to lay claim on a part of your soul! We are given the choice to do good or do bad!
@@KingFishdom not true depending on the circumstances, good people can snap……and temporary lose there ability to think fight or flight
@@charlenecundy1690 where does it say that in the bible?
To me, snapping is letting evil overcome you.
According to the Bible we are all bad people , thankfully, Christ died to rectify this but in life we are still bad people we sin all the time whether we want to or not have Christ died, that we may be forgiven for sins against God, I believe that every person has the potential to snap given the right circumstances even people that consider themselves to be good humans . We all have a breaking point.
When you said that this needs to be heard by another generation - this hit home. Thank you Wide Awake Podcast for exposing the trauma that so many South Africans go through everyday and the horrific impact it has on us all ... thank you
Jaw dropped after 2 minutes 6 seconds. This is one story in a world that has billions of similar cases. Can you imagine how many people, women, are going through half the trauma Aunty Ellen's been through
I have my own story, too. This happens more than people know 😢😢
Hmm.. Sooo where have all these other poor mothers like HER hidden the bodies??
Is this now justification for murder? Wtf
Thankfully they don’t murder their addicted children they leave or get help.
Aunty's Ellen's an evil bastard
Its not normal and yet this is the normal that Ellen knew.
My heartbreaks for the devastation of the awful life she knew as a child. Ellen's story needed to be told, and I thank her for her courage, her humility and her honesty.
I thank you Josh for your compassion and understanding. And for the platform you have given this woman.
She didn't have tv, access to reading material, religion, or God in her heart? Come on now..
Old witch, no remorse .
@@marlenedeblasio2881none
She loved her son I’m sure!!!
He was suffering. He just had the right Moma.
I was an addict.
Now, I never stole and hocked my parents stuff or came at them with knives or anything, but I did try to fight my dad. We constantly fought.
They threw me out at 15 and I was on my own. Eventually I got sober, and were on better terms now than we ever have been. I'm glad my mom didn't strangle me to death in my sleep. She was in an impossibly difficult situation, but she also robbed her son of the chance to recover. He was a kid.
What an incredible interviewer. He cries when he needs to for his guests. Thank you for this interview. My son died of an unintended OD and I can relate to the calamity she speaks of.
I read all of you guys bad experience my heart goes out to you guys I have Five kids. My twin are married da one is getting divorce my eldest is a daughter has choose to be with another women ,my fourth child ,,,a son is for the whole world he has 5 girls with 5 kids he has sex with his step daughter she was pregnant he helped her to do an abortion after 5years it came to light now he's been charged with rape n abuse all het step kids now I can only pray that he goes to prison pay for his crime 😢😢😢😢😢😢
@@jenniferjivan6351
Sorry your son is a devil and has destroyed so many lives because this will filter into future generations.
@@jenniferjivan6351
You should be relieved for his children and step children that he will be incarcerated.
If you from around the rural areas in Cape Town you almost hear and see this everyday, I understand that most people would just think "' okay but she killed her son?'' This story is deep and I live in Mitchells Plain where I'm exposed to drug addicts, murders and gangsterism it's not easy to raise a child here and I'm young something you don't even have people to guide you. Ellen is a beautiful soul may her son rest in peace.
I am so sorry.
Bless u
you sound like a really thick skinned person. how do you rid yourself of the toxicity of your environment?
So true. It is so easy to say "I would never" when you have not lived that person's life.
It is incomprehensible to most of us the dangers faced every day by the majority of our country's people.
We need to stand together to make a difference.
People look from the outside in and think it’s as simple as black and white . I grew up in Mitchell’s Plain as well , the hardest part is when we lose our friends to this shit , having to either witness our friends being shot and killed or visiting and hearing your childhood friend you grew up with was shot , it hits so hard .
May her son rest in peace. And may she find some peace of mind. I'm so sorry for all she's been through. It's truly heartbreaking
So killing ur kid is OK ??? Bc u went through hell ? What kind of thinking is that
@@Maysoon3121 hold on... Wait a minute... I didn't say that. I simply acknowledged all she's been through, which if you watched the entire video, you'd know was absolute hell since the day this woman was born. And normally when a person goes through that much, people with a heart can acknowledge that and sympathise. I am allowed to do that much. And I really do pray she finds some peace of mind, because this woman has lived her entire life in a cycle of trauma. Unfortunately, living with a drug addict is practically abusive. I have that experience. This woman has been abused by the people closest to her all her life, and then found herself in a situation where her own son was doing the same. She had no resources and no one willing help with her with her son, and she had no help or counselling for her previous traumas. My word I can't imagine her mental state at the time. Now I'm not justifying her actions, but I will give her the benefit of the doubt and try to be gracious when it comes to her traumatic life experience, because she sure as hell didn't get that mercy when she was a child and needed help. Help didn't come for her. Right now how many mothers are sitting at home with children addicted to tik with no one to help them? What do people who have no idea what that's like do? They laugh at them. They think it's funny. I watch my mother almost cry every night. I watch her spend money she doesn't have trying to help my brother, only for him to leave rehab within a month. Never stays longer than a month. And rehabs aren't allowed to keep them there. They need to be willing to get help but that hardly ever happens. Then they're back home and it's constant arguments and fighting and not a moment of peace because we're living in fear. Kick him out on the streets to kill himself? We can't. But what I will tell you, is every person in my family it's so afraid of him, he lock our bedroom doors every night. You don't even wanna know the kind of thoughts we have of him, it's too shameful to say, even though we love him. I really don't doubt that woman loved her child. It's just so hard living like that, and I don't even have a history of abuse so I can't even fully put myself in her shoes. But what I do relate to, is her urge for it to stop. I really just want this to stop. I just want to live a peaceful normal life. But I never will until he decides to get better. But they rarely do. So my family and I are trapped in this hell with him, watching him kill himself slowly.
She is very wicked. The mother is very wicked.
the son deserved to be happy too when ur born in a deranged home , she knew she didn't need to be pregnant bc her life was already hard.
Lot of serial killers were molested beaten bullied ect do u have pity ???
@@Maysoon3121 did I say it was right for her to kill her son? You people are so quick you judge when you yourselves haven't lived a single day the shoes of those you hold to the highest of standards. You without sin, so quick to brand another person evil and wicked. You're just as wicked! Are you without sin? Are you perfect and Godlike and have been ordained by God the judge of her? When you can't even do a simple human thing by being empathetic and acknowledge that this woman has lived a life harder than most. I can't even say I know of a person who has lived a life as hard as her, so do you? Have you lived as hard as her, or do you know of a person who has lived as hard as her? I can understand how someone who has been abused all her life, would see her own son abusing her and kill him in retaliation for that abuse. But I don't think it is right that she did it fact kill him. Cause all you people who sit on your high horses, will look at mothers struggling with their drug addicted sons, and will say nothing and do nothing when the drug addict is abusing and inflicting fear upon the entire household. But today you say he too had dreams and a future what are you talking about? You clearly haven't lived with a Meth addict. He would have tormented her his entire life, and people like you would turn a blind eye. Now that she kills her abuser, you say how dare she. But where was the help when she needed it. Where were you people to put him in his place when he stole and got verbally and physically abusive his mother? Where were you people to force him to get help because he feels that without this drug that turns him into a monster and robs him of a future, he will die? Where were you people to pay for a rehab no family in the ghetto can afford? You were sitting on your high horses looking for other people to mercilessly judge you're arrogant and self-righteous and I pray you get judged for every sin just as harshly, and no one stops to even try to understand you, just as you have done
Perfect example of how our trauma transfers onto our children. It’s in the DNA, stay prayed up 😢
I think thats likely but traumatised parents likely dont give their kids what they need experientially and that causes the issues just as much as genetics in fact id bet if these kids with trauma genetics were put in a different house with a non related family/traumatised family theyd probably turn out different.
@@hawk_202I agree. It could be a combination of both nature and nurture.
Exactly
@@hawk_202actually, you can inherit PTSD. I didn’t know this, but going to a therapist- she revealed to me that trauma lives in the dna and can be passed onto children. This is why it’s key to heal before having kids.
Omg! I don’t know how old Josh is but my goodness, his awareness and compassion is absolutely beautiful!
😢😢😢😢😢😢 I don't think anyone can fathom how defeated and fed up you'd have to be to take out the life you brought to earth. I'm sorry you had to experience life this way Ellen💔💔💔
You are sick girl your distrusting this was not self defence she fucking kill her son, why is every one feeling bad for a mom who killed her son
Fed up?? God fucking help us 🤦
@@bobo25500like she didn’t kill her kid holy shit
Poor Ellen...SERIOUSLY 👿
I'm no replying I could find link forgive me. Something about this lady that tears at my heart. We don't choose where we are born nor the environment, I wish I could hug her real tight, she has had more than her share. Her faith in God has saved her.
Praise the Lord. I pray she can build a better world for herself and others with her testimony. The system failed her.Thank you for bringing this story to us. My God how my heart aches for her. God bless, God needs you, you can open the eyes of many others. God bless the judge, that is justice.Again, thank ❤you.
Dear, Ellen Pakkies
you didn't deserve that, and im so sorry you've experienced such an awful and traumatic abuse. As someone who fully understands that kind of abuse I cry for your loss, and for you. You deserve to be happy and I hope you are healing. I hope you know that you aren't alone and we are here for you. Please continue using your voice, I know it hurts, but your voice and speaking out against the abuse is the most powerful thing you have and you are also the most powerful vessel. So please don't give up and when you need support and love reach out to mental health professionals. it took me 21 years to finally get help, but im so glad my journey has began. Much love.
❤👏🏽 beautifully written,You my friend are absolutely,NOT an AVERAGE chicken nugget 🐔 in such a crazy,evil,demeaning,and totally non understand world..your words/views are a breath of fresh air!....WAY TO FUCKING GO GETTING HELP!!❤...never the wrong time or too late! You're an amazing soul...and deserve peace and happiness...just like you exude onto others! Thank you for being you chicken nugget! 😂 ✌🏽 ❤😘 Good luck/vibes on your healing journey my friend! KICK ASS!!
Took you 21 years but he didn’t even live till 21. Have some shame
her son didnt deserve to be murdered either smh she seems evil
You realize her son hadnt even reached puberty yet right? All i hear is, " Nobody knows what she went through". DOESENT THE SAME APPLY TO HER SON? Imagine a kid being addicted to drugs and not having the capability of fully understanding his actions or his consequences. Can you say the same for her? I will die for my son and hes 10 years old right now. If he became addicted to crack and was stealing ofcourse id be upset but I PROMISE YOU one thing. I would never do and say what she did. She said, " He was laying in the back on the ground and i saw the rope on the table so i gathered up my courage and grabbed the rope. It was like i was gathering my courage". He didn't attack her and it wasnt self defense. I can promise you this, the thought of killing my son WILL NEVER, EVER, ENTER MY HEAD.
You must never ever pass judgment on something you've never personally experienced, you can have an appreciation but you can never fully know...only God knows her story & only He can judge
These comments are mind blowing. I am in disbelief of the pass you people are giving this mother. I’m American, & personally nothing on this planet could make me take the life of ANY of my children. As a single parent, we have had some very hard days! Many tears, stress, and depression. However can’t imagine a situation that could bring me to execute either one of them. I’m not judging this woman, I just don’t understand. Here in the USA, she would’ve gotten a prison sentence - a long prison sentence. Strangling has to be a dreadfully painful & slow way to die. Killing him was the only option?
I'm baffled as well. But ...I live in Europe and had a wonderful childhood.... I don't know what to think anymore. The trauma?, the total absence of any kind of help? I'm really confused right now
You're all judgemental. Different lives, feelings and experiences.
I don't condone her murdering her 20 year old son. But keep in mind that her son pulled a knife on her more than once. I'm not saying it's right that she did what she did, but I understand. Having your own child threaten you and steal from you for years on end will make anyone want to find a way out, even if the way out is a bad one.
And considering that she tried to get help from the police who were unable to help, she probably felt she had no choice.
Did you listen when she is telling her childhood. Having a childhood like that would bring most of the people to be totally mentally insane
Too much is just too much …..
The police needed to intervene before this eventuated. No body listened, she asked for help from police and at the hospital and other people within her circleof friends. No one listened, no one acted or offered any help.
Such a sad story.
Exactly
I have a son, heroin recovering addict, started from age 15, he is now 38, survived multiple overdosis, brain anoxia, went through hell and back, but he is my son. He is alive, I never ever gave up on him, but Im not judging, it is a hard hard life but the one thing I have to say, we need specialised rehabs not costing an arm and a leg. Financially ruined, my monthly cost on meds and medical aid and therapists R14 000pm. He is under our care 24/7. My heart is in pieces, but I will fight until my very last breath. 😢😢😢😢 I can write books full, not nice to have your child arrested, jailed, drugs steal our children, damage them for life. God help us all.
Strength to you and your family. This is a real pandemic for our society.
@zamankosi7966 thank you so much
My mother was abused as a child. No one protected her. Not even her own mother. Then as a mother my mother never protected us and allowed her main abuser to abuse us too. I was angry at her for many years but recently I am trying to forgive her thinking she really may never know any better.
What are you talking about? The internet has existed since the 90s so has therapy and so have countless resources for women in her shoes stop making excuses for monsters your mom isn't a victim anymore she is an adult she is an abuser and an enabler who allowed you to be abused and with your own logic you sound like you might be dangerous around children yourself now.......
If you were abused how do you know any better?
My heart is broken for the little girl inside this woman. I just have no words to express how awful I feel that this wonderful, beautiful woman had such a tragic up bringing. I am bawling after hearing and watching the podcast...why do human beings abuse children?! How can they?! This woman's son I'M sorry but he deserved hid plight. He would have NEVER STOPPED STEALING AND ABUSING HER. Never. My best wishes and love go out to her and I hope her life blossoms into the bouquet she deserves. - Trish from USA
Ppp❤ppppppppppppp🎉😂🎉❤❤❤❤🎉🎉😢😂p😢😂🎉😢😂🎉❤🎉
Would you feel that way if it was a man who killed his daughter be honest
Why ? What about the son she murdered ? Her others kids can’t stand her and don’t bother with her which speaks volumes.
Is it possible she actually projected all the trauma and badness onto her son
Was he violent towards her? If he was violent towards her maybe you can justify it but not for being a druggie and a mess. I dont think murder is justified to solve problems like this. She could have kicked him out.
Hey Josh,
Thank you for bringing Ellen's story to your platform. It is a hard-hitting story that echoes true for so many women in the Cape Flats. So many families go through this type of trauma and abuse that they end up trying to normalise it or tell themselves that this is as good as it will get in life. The Ellen Pakkies story will forever remain a tragic but at the same time hopeful story to many of us.
Holy cow your off your head
@@bobo25500*you're.....
@r.coffman1431 *your
Hopeful story?wtaf
@r.coffman1431 no you are
I remember this happening when i was a teenager and I just couldn't imagine how a mother could be pushed to the point of killing her child. I remember having a profound compassion for this woman.
Those individuals who judge her, when they themselves have not walked a day in her shoes, should understand that we may have gone through the challenges of an addicted family member but have we gone through all the additional trauma of being raped, sodomised, neglected and literally having to sell ones body to survive as a very young girl? Secondly, people forget that not everyone reacts to trauma in the same way. That is why, you can have 2 kids growing up in the same house and going through the same trauma but the way that they respond to that trauma can be vastly different. One of those children may decide that they want to get out and they stay focussed in school and end up having a successful career, family and fulfilling life, whereas another may struggle to grapple with everything that they have been through and slip into a depression, start trying to "forget" what they have been through, by medicating themselves etc.
I am glad that there are people out there, who have had family members who are able to get out from under addiction and who end up leading productive and fulfilling lives.....but then there are those that end in tragedy. I remember her being so numb after it all happened and then her coming to the realisation as to what she had done. She will probably never forgive herself and perhaps cannot even really rationalise why she did it. I don't think she is a terrible human being, she just did a terrible thing, which is something that she will have to live with for the rest of her life.
You have described @davidowen5135 so well. My deceased identical twin sister had a similarly appalling life and her children all reacted to complex trauma in very different ways - including her son who was a child genius, autistic, and died as an addict. Such awful tragedies 😢
@davidowen
Brilliantly said! Your insight concerning what happened to Ellen and what happens in families living with an addict, is absolutely commendable. We all know that God loves the sinner but hates the sin. My wish is that Ellen has found inner peace.
Thank you for your wise comment. I really enjoyed reading your comment. 👍
Amen
❤️🔥🙏🙏🙏❤️🔥
My son is addicted to it as well. It's hard because I went through everything she did too. I just can't imagine taking such drastic steps.
Because your childhood and trauma are not the same as hers I m sure. But all the best anyway
No most people wouldn't no matter the circumstances
You are a decent human and have morals that is why you don’t murder your child. It’s sick all these excuses ! It not ok and never excusable to take a child’s life.
@@Liza-cl2gb Not making excuses for her, but she's not normal either. The entire bloodline is traumatized
You're probably not as traumatized as this woman. Not making excuses, but it's true.
Josh you are giving a voice to the voiceless and seeing the fact that this touched your heart is moving. There are not many of us left that care about other people. Keep up the good work...
I couldn’t kill my son . I empathize with her and like her I’ve been through so much but I would take my own life first . It’s difficult though because if you do that you no longer have control over what your child does in the world without you , so that’s what she thought was best . God please have mercy on her soul
I almost split my Son’s body open with an axe. It still traumatises me to this day. A Parent (like me) of a Drug addict child understand s and feels it with Miss Ellen. No one, but no one knows what a drug addicted child puts you through. The trauma is indescribable
I hope she accepts her mistakes then
Don't emphasize with her. She has a " dead mother" complex, and she is using this man's platform as a means for playing the moral victim.
I can write a book what I went through with my son but never dreamt of killing him. Everyone needs to except Jesus in their life and when you dies without excepting Jesus, you are lost for eternity. That is the most sad part. 🙏🙏🙏
@@virginiadavids3133 you are an amazing mother. 👏
This lady visited my former highschool once here in Namibia ,but i missed that day of school....crazy that im now watching her on this podcast
I can only speak for myself.My son was addicted and that pain is unimaginable.But I would never have killed him, my son.
Life is never as it seems. She endured so much in her life and still has a positive mindset. A very strong woman she is.❤
She's probably lying
My heart breaks for Ellen. Her life has been unbelievably traumatic.. Love to her. ❤
Wtf
Are you ok mate!!! or do you miss the part were she kills her own son
@tawhaipeneha5881 well said 👏
Yeah it's so traumatic she's made a fucking fortune from playing the victim instead of cold hearted murderer😱
She kills her son and u say. Love to her heart ❤ the fuck did u not hear the story where she killed her son. She is a monster horrible human being there can be a other ways to help ur son Other than killing him she could have helped him even if it took 40
Years she is a mother her job is to help rescue and be there even when it’s hard she is weak minded decide to end her own son instead of help him coward I hate her
It's a wonder this woman made it out alive from her childhood She is a strong woman who had a moment of lunatcity and just snapped from what she was dealing with her son that she lost control and she has to live with it for the rest of her life and that is punishment for her
Something happened in her head in that instant after years and years of abuse, pain, agony, poverty and life just being ruthlessly unfair that she blacked out and took it out on the most frustrating thing in her life at that moment which happened to be her son. He was the symbol of all the pain she has known and she snapped and took him out.
You could say that. But wouldn’t a mom feel guilt who snaps? I know I would! If years had passed and I missed my son or felt guilt for my snapping that took his life. She never feels guilt she says no regrets! She says she felt “light” when she knew he was dead.
she doesnt even care she is evil
@@opt4heavenhearts4thehomele27light because the burden was lifted....
@@Beth-mi2hf yes, your discernment is spot on. I pray your discernment stays with you in these end times when ppl think evil is good and good is evil. Bless you
I believe the Lord forgave her
Josh, your podcast highlights pertinent socioeconomic issues that our society faces here in SA. Please keep up your excellent work. This story is beyond belief, and heart wrenching yet definitely resonates with thousands in the country and needs to change.
You came to that conclusion because you are naive and intelligent. In reality he's exploiting people from hellish places for youtube clicks under the guise of activism. He's done nothing to enact change or actually explain the situation and educate his viewers. Instead he gives us a dog and pony show.
Never outrule a womans heart .... What annoys she uses Jesus now as a scapegoat...She murdered her son I don't understand this ....Than you find fools in these comments praising her 😢😢😢😢
I was actually so surprised when I saw the comments. Justifying murder! She could have kicked him out
Right?! I'm shocked by the comments. It's bizarre, to say the least. How are people justifying murder?
Yeah, they're idiots.
What a life she has had to endure. I feel like I can't breathe listening to all that has happened to her. It is heart heart breaking
I can't breathe thinking about how terrified her son must have been.. Evil bastard
@@bobo25500are you calling him and evil b or her ? Because she’s clearly the one
@@A_kan965 no im replying/being sarcastic to the person who said they can't breathe bc that monster/murderer has had a hard life. I'm totally gobsmacked at the amount of sympathy she's had, beggars belief 🤦
@@bobo25500 right ? Man South Africans need to wake up
@@A_kan965 for sure 👌
I just discovered your podcast and subbed, plus followed on Spotify. Peace, love, and congratulations on your positive ambitious intentions of your work!🎉❤😊 Your guest is a very courageous person, and what her son on drugs put her through also happens here in America all the time. My son was on meth and alcohol and scared me many times, pushed me, grabbed my face, said he hated me and hoped I die, conned money from me, then afterwards would apologize and promise to get help, and it would start all over again. Unfortunately, the drugs in our world today are much stronger and more destructive than ever before. God bless her heart ♥
Thank you for sharing Ellen's story. My heart goes out to her ❤
My late sister was an addict and I can relate to the life of always being stolen from, lied to...a desperate and heartbreaking situation for the addict and those that love them. I can relate also to being so desperate for relief from the turmoil and pain that death seems a way out, desperation to end the suffering. Devastating effects from a man-made evil. Sending much love and strength to Ellen ❤
Josh you are doing wonders brother. Been a supporter since the very beginning and it's amazing to see you grow more and more by the day.
this is easily the best podcast in south africa. Big ups Josh! You doing bits bru
She just told part of my story and i cried so much...my heart is so heavy heavy....
I have been reading through comments and trying to understand Ellen's actions. So many of the comments seem to be unfair on Ellen's late son who didn't have a chance to repent or even change his life. We cannot take another's life when we are not able to give life. I only pray for God's mercy on both you and your late Son. Dying under addiction and not repenting is the worst thing for anyone( in the after life).
Ellen you are a strong woman and I pray that you heal completely through Christ.
Man those words hit so deep.
I said the same thing. I don't feel sorry for her because she planned that then went to work like he was trash
Yes 😢😢how could she do that 😢😢
Somebody once told me that if I could see people's hearts, I would run and hide! As I grow I have learnt and I tell everyone I know to never ever trust anybody! Trust nobody. The mother's with a God complex are the worst and what I can't understand is why would a person who was abused,raped,tortured etc go on to abuse and even kill or harm their child/ren? I know most individuals choose the negative path instead of positive path and they justify their evil deeds due to their childhood trauma etc inherently it's wrong and we should not be silent ; those who say don't judge or whatever are also capable of Playing God at some point. I'm lost for words and for Ellen's son's, may your soul come back and seek revenge on your mother for betraying you instead of really saving you and overstanding you, I am lost for words.
@@tinyty88Amen and Amen. I second that. I agree with you 💯
This was a hard watch especially as a mother of 4 and someone who has been clean for 14 years as of October 7 and I have been that person who has put people through hell during my addiction and I have also been put through hell through abusive relationships my heart truly goes out to her and her family. ❤
Me too.. put my family and my poor single mom through hell. 2 years clean from heavy oxy and cocaine use
I am so confused, why are people saying she is a wonderful woman? Yes she was abused herself and that is terrible, but she murdered her own child for having problems… in any other country she would be jailed forever and certainly wouldn’t be called “a star”… wtf!?
I don't get it either
You won't get it, my brother killed our nephew and we had peace, we couldn't keep a teaspoon in a house, the law was 17:46 on our side.We were his victims as well 😢
I agree. It's a sick world where people have more compassion for a murderer than the one murdered.
Yeah I also have no idea why people are lifting her up, like she literally killed someone and is walking free. That's crazy bro. And this is coming from a fellow south african
@@pulanekgomo1556Yeah, so anytime people struggle instead of waiting till a certain age and handing them to police, praying for them to change, or anything else, it's easier to kill the person and have peace? Sick
The way she broke when he asked about her regrets is heartbreaking life has away to twist into places and situations you would never have guessed 😢😢
Omg not only did this bring me to tears but it made me realize I was not alone in my struggle with one of my kids this story was so relatable to my life and I had times when I thought I would snap , I was on the edge of snapping, ik her pain although my situation with my child was far worse I indeed know her struggle 🙏
Oh yeah EXACTLY, mine was also FAR WORSE and of course we think we gonna snap BUT WE DON'T isn't it???? She's an evil psychopath. This was disgusting
@@radjamadgi2267Thankyou. I totally 100 percent agree with you.
Thanks for sharing this story. A lot of communities are experiencing similar issues. Families are going through hell and can't even talk about it. There's no help out there. Mother's are suffering and it's no fault of their own. Even kids who grew up in normal loving homes are drawn into these drugs and just destroying everything the parents have built. It's really sad 😥
Yeah but we don't all murder our kids
@@bobo25500sometimes it's the only way to survive, you won't know because you don't understand, he would have killed her, you are not going to answer, this lady has to for her sins so Sit down or pass by quietly
@@juliegovender9414 how do u know what I do or don't understand. Shame on you woman!!
@@bobo25500Shame on you whatever you are!
@@bobo25500loser
Just my opinion but I think she was more traumatized and near a psychotic break than she could realize. This is a woman who grew up with extreme violence, no help or therapy and just kept going. Having a teenager in your house who is constantly getting high, stealing from and threatening you would take a huge toll on someone who is already extremely shaky mentally. I think she just broke and that’s a big reason she said it was like she didn’t understand what or why she was doing that to him. The court was privy to way more details than could fit in this interview and I would bet they took her mental state seriously into account.
You're victim blaming now.
Let go of the demons in your head ma'am
She doesn't deserve your sympathy. She was a terrible mother.
Your mother was a terrible colonist. Fair ?
Yes. She broke down. 💔 I agree. 😢
A life quote that has always been profound to me is that "anyone can be a murderer on a bad day". Her story is heartbreaking, and I have extreme compassion for her. No mother should have to go through this. ❤ our SA system failed her and him, and has failed so many others.
Well said.blessings always
People are so selfish these days, and every woman who kills their own children has either a mental disease / post partum depression or a hard past life. These are the excuses we use for EVIL women. It's so difficult for women to understand that YES, they can be evil too... You don't have to find an excuse for every evil person...
@@Jademoonx so true, can we stop blaming the state let him or her down. There are 3rd world countries that get by, you do not need therapies to not be awful to your fellow man
Thank you Josh for airing this lady's life experience. Listening to her I felt excruciating pain and a sense of helplessness. I know EXACTLY what she meant and why she resorted to ending the problem. Addict..addiction sometimes you do what you feel you have to do to have some peace. Mama i dont fault you for ending you pain. In your case I feel l understand. I worked with addicts and their families and I have first hand knowledge of how devastating a tragedy it is. Mama I wish you only PEACE AND HAPPINESS YOU DESERVE IT. SENDING LOVE ❤ PRAYERS 🙏AND HUGS🤩 TO YOU.
Get a grip
People are so selfish these days, and every woman who kills their own children has either a mental disease / post partum depression or a hard past life. These are the excuses we use for EVIL women. It's so difficult for women to understand that YES, they can be evil too... You don't have to find an excuse for every evil person...
@@Jademoonx yip..if it was a man he'd probably be in prison for life at least!! She's a fkn monster 👹
@@bobo25500 Yes, exactly, if this was a man, no one would empathize with him. Everybody would say put him in jail and throw away the keys. But every time I see a video of a woman killing her children, there is so much empathy for her. Omg, I feel for her, there's so much pressure on women, mental issues, blablabla... It's INSANE!!😤
I feel so sorry for Ellen, to go through her own life as an abused child and having a child that was uncontrollable
This must’ve taken alot of courage for both of you. I hope Ellen’s story helps other people in the same situation as her
I’m so surprised by these dumb comments clapping for this weird woman who outright killed her son. Wtf
Would you feel that way if it was a man who had killed his daughter be honest
I wonder if I am listening to the same interview as you... how is this going to help anyone in a similar situation...to do what kill your child. Omg! Are you guys sane.
I just subscribed to wide awake. Joshua is such a respectful lovely man, and so gentle to the interviewees. Bless Ellen, her story is so tragic, it made me cry. I pray for her healing and the millions of traumatised souls like her.
Thanks for taking this story I needed this the most
i don't know what i thought the story was going to be but i didn't think she was going to take a rope into her kid's room and strangle him b/c she didn't like that he was on drugs and acting erratically because of it. there are millions of mothers out there in the world that are in that exact same situation and don't commit such an extreme act. sounds like the "system" failed her, but it also failed her son.
He assaulted her as well, it was in the movie. This was a less informative version of her story
Until it happens to you, then you'll want the very system to understand your situation
Count your blessings that you have never experienced this and I pray you never have to experience life on the Cape flats and living with "tik koppe" who rob and assault their own family members and the gang members who will show up at your door. I've had a nephew steal from gangsters and they showed up at my door looking for him. Do you know the terror of gangsters threatening you because they think you are hiding a drug addict. I thank God nothing happened to me that night and I was ready to beat my nephew up for dragging me into it. So please until you have found yourself in the shoes of those struggling every day without peace count yourself lucky you don't have these problems and stop sitting on your high horse of belief that you would never be able to do this and millions of others won't either
@winterblommetjie❤. Absolutely true.
Some situations are much worse than others. I know a woman that was almost raped by her drug addict son. Imagine how you must feel as a mother if your own son would stoop that low
What an emotional roller coaster u have taken us on with this interview.Thank you Josh. An amazing woman she is. We respect her so much. Well done Josh. U make us sooo proud!!!
Devil She is MURDER Matthews 18:6👉😭😩🔥👀💯🤮✔️🦨
AMAZING WOMAN????!!!! 😂😂😂 YOU MUST BE JOKING ..SHE IS A KILLER
@@cristearoxanadaniela7845 Yes coz u dont know what its like to have soneones thatz on drugs ruining your life. I suggest u dont start this convo
I love you both for doing this. I am really touched to hear about your addiction problems too. It absolutely destroys you and everyone around. I felt like I was possessed by something. I love my family so much and will always regret hurting them, thank you for sharing because it gives me hope that you guys are still here today ❤ so sad but so important to share 😢
Wow I'm truly touched by this brave woman, as parents people don't realise that as mother's we endure extensive physical, emotional and mental abuse from our children.
Bro what, she literally killed her boy and is walking free ain't no way
This was incredible thank you for sharing this Ellen and Josh ❤
My heart is both broken and deeply inspired by this lady's resilience. I am so sad that she had to go through so much to be so strong.
God heal her from the hurts unspoken, the areas in her life that You alone know.
Thanks Josh, this was a really incredible interview!
Inspired.. What planet are u on
Wow Josh,you are such a brave young guy,you took a mile, hours, minutes,second to bring Ellen,to tell us and the world her story that she went through. Many would never overstand, unless they put their feet on Ellens Shoe. I like the way Josh you have humanity in you, this means alot to the society,to have a human being like you,who have overstanding to human story and this gave Ellen courage,felt safe, open to tell her story,not many would do that. Be blessed Josh, i follow you on insta and RUclips seeing how amazing you are to your employees, this brings togetherness through you ❤❤❤❤❤❤
I love your videos man
It keeps you updated and makes you see life in other people s perspectives
Wow first time hearing about her and her story. At first I saw the title and couldn’t fathom how a mother could kill her own child but listening to everything she has been through in her life and with AB was really heartbreaking and tear-jerking. We always hear on the news how things are in the cape flats but we rarely hear people’s personal life experiences and what it is like as a human to go through all of that. I will always be amazed by South Africans ability to be so resilient and to become positive after going through so much hardship and tragedy. I’m so sorry for what you been through Ellen, and I’m so sorry for Abie. I wish life was better for our people. 😢
Watch the movie. Ellen pakkies😢😢😢
She took his life....and yiur glorifying it. Is thus normal in Cape Town.
Josh, I love your pod and the empathy you show to your guests.
PS. Lavender Hill is singular. I've noticed you always say Hills. Keep up the amazing work, may your platform keep growing.
This really made me cry!Just can't stand all the trauma she went through.May God grant you peace.❤❤❤
My first time in this podcast and I already subscribed.this is a very sad episode 😭😭😭
This is such an intense story and there was so much to unpack and I feel Josh missed so many chances of getting so much more from Mrs Pakkies, leading up to the murder.
PS. my first time I watch your show and keep pushing.
First time watching this channel and I agree with you, somewhat the interview felt rushed and lacked detail.
Then you guys can start your own channels, and do a better job than he does.
What a tear-jerking story. May she be restored🙏🏾
Wow my whole heart! Felt this moment!! Great job!!! ♥️♥️♥️
What a tragic story all the way around. I could never do what she did. What a caring and charming host.
Is this the actual Ellen Pakkies story? This is levels 👏 I'm watching this tonight 😊
What an incredible story and an incredible woman. My heart breaks for Ellen and all the other mothers and women going through the same thing. Growing up on the Cape Flats and still going back often due to still visiting family, i see this too often. How drugs are absolutely killing our communities. Ellen's story is that of too many mother's on the flats and townships. I hope all these damn drug dealers watch this episode. We need to rid our communities of these drug dealers.
Gosh i haven't shed so many tears heaing someone's story in a long time. I wish Ellen nothing but a beautiful and prosperous life onwards. She deserves happiness.
There you go mums with addict kids get the rope out...
It’s not just the Cape Flats and townships, it’s happens in all communities.
Such a heartbreaking story, my heart goes out to you lady, your life hasn't been easy, it's a lesson to all the ladies going through this
I would like to say this is an amazing interview. You are very compassionate and articulate in your interview. Wishing you much success blessings and happiness
Thank you for this story, Josh. Thank you for sharing your story Ellen. It’s never just the drug addict that’s affected. Families are ruined because of this. Some do recover from the drugs but not everyone is successful. This was and probably is still painful and you will live with this forever. I empathize with your situation because unless you have been through something like this, you can never understand the reality of it. The SA government fails us communities!!
6
Ellen you not alone 😢😢😢😢😢😢Im in tears hearing her tell her life's journey,i cant imagine the pain and suffering she endured through out her life😢😢😢😢😢Thank you for being so brave😢😢😢😢😢May you find inner peace😢😢😢😢😢
Trauma is devastating, unpredictable and unforgiving. I hope she continues to help by talking to the community and spreading her story.
You're doing well Josh and you are truly an inspiration. Keep it up and keep leveling up (recovering addict here as well)
Wishing you the best on your journey
Thank god your mum never murdered you
@@nomarussia5085 thank you
@@bobo25500 my mom stood by me all the years
Sweetheart how beautiful that you've never lost your faith. Your hardship makes me so sad and I'm so sorry you had to go through all that you have. ❤
Thanks for this, really Break my heart to know that people have to experience so much pain in a life time. need to share the love.
The amount of people here commenting as though she is the victim here is incredible! I am truly shocked .
Sad
Nobody said she is a victim. People are just empathic towards the horror she went through, which nobody can judge her on. Cos we haven't walked a mile in her shoes. We hear so many stories of kids murdering their parents. What are the odds he would've killed her. He drew a knife on her twice. 3rd time could've been fatal.
I'm sorry is she not the victim? 7 years of being robbed, harrased and threatened by an addicted bum?! And she should have just given him everything else?! she is the biggest victim
Me too, I am so disturbed!!!!!
thank you so much for this! major respect for the both of you. her story deserves to be heard forever.
Hi Josh. If your kids don't do this please don't judge,just be thankful. I know what she went through, I have a son, and sometimes you wished them dead. You just want normal life like all other people. It is not easy, please prayer for families that are facing this drug addicts.
🙏🏾💖👏🏽
So true. No one knows unless you have been in that situation.
I have a son on drugs and he has been for years.. He has put us through so much, but never have I wished him dead, or thought about ending his life. No mother should ever attempt/ murder their kid..
@@chickadee39This. Some of these comments are disgusting idc what anyone says. All the sympathy for her, the poor pitiful mother who had to murder her own son how hard that must’ve been for HER. Pathetic
People are so selfish these days, and every woman who kills their own children has either a mental disease / post partum depression or a hard past life. These are the excuses we use for EVIL women. It's so difficult for women to understand that YES, they can be evil too... You don't have to find an excuse for every evil person...
wonderful interview Josh. Keep on being so strong and charismatic. All the best.
I read her story (a book) years ago. Mrs Ellen Pakkies, you endured so much abuse, heartache and being let down by those who were meant to protect you, yet you bear no malice. Please have NO regrets, as there arent any. After what youve endured, you can teach so many about forgiveness ❤
Tears in Ellen Eyes show Remorse and Regret..I Think this is Healing for Josh and Ellen.Drugs and Alchohol is Every where in All Countries.❤
what an incredible woman. she has overcome the hurdles of a hard life and has decided to be better and not bitter. thats the true strength that puts you on an almost godly level. we all respect and commend you
😂
Wait i don't get it men it was not self defense he was not a only kid with drug issue bein acting out so is that logic to kill your son and be like ya i had bad past,, fuck this old woman she is not strong she is evil if i was his father i will broke every bone in her
@@beluga_bro the world is not black and white. u havent lived in a day in her shoes. thats between her and her god
Such an incredible sociopath 😶
@jax0000 perhaps she is a cold blooded killer, but do you think a mother truly wants to kill their child? I dont think thats a natural desire, I dont even believe that to be a conscious desire. she clearly feels extremely guilty, probably is paying the price emotionally everyday until she passes because of it. her son is gone and we didnt personally know him or conceive him. belittling her doesnt make anything better. sometimes there is no right or wrong, life can be paradoxical too. its an incredibly complicated topic and should be open for debate, but this woman clearly is extremely broken and remorseful about it and there is nothing that will bring her son back and there is nothing that will heal her previous trauma. unfair to judge based off a 30 min story
don't know why youtube cut you off my feed, but glad to be back! god jul!
She shouldnt be judged. No one knows her situation. She had a bad life and fighting her own battles, also having to deal with her son's never ending addiction and abuse. We all have our breaking point. She was trying to survive in life and society. She tried to help her son, but other professionals should have stepped in to help her, no one seemed to care or help. Both lived in their own trauma and she wasnt able to deal with both of them! Such a sad situation, others cause such trauma and then these souls are left to try help themselves. She was not a bad mother, just a mother living in her own hell, trying to help someone elses hell, but situations like this, usually doesn't end well. Just such a sad situation, which with help, could have been avoided! They failed this woman and her son.
Such a strong story.. much love to her, she's an amazing woman😭❤️ thank you both for the interview ❤️❤️
You sinners Don't know What LOVE is HOSEA 4:1 you Wicked As She is A MURDER Matthews 18:6 👉🤮👀💯😭🔥✔️🦨👹😩
One of the best Podcast maybe the best Podcast in South Africa 🇿🇦 just love what you doing Watch The Ellen Pakkies movie three times cried all the times watching the movie 😢
What a tragedy! Abie must have had too much pain in his soul to be so dependant on drugs. My heart aches for all the children who only live to suffer.
What a nightmare...no one should have to deal with those issues....God bless you...and may the journey ahead hold a lot more happier times.