Hey Doc, some boys are born girls: Decker Moss at TEDxColumbus
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 20 май 2024
- When we're born, a doctor instantly deems us to be one of two things: Male or female. But gender isn't just between our legs. It's also between our ears. So, what happens when how we look on the outside clashes with how we feel on the inside? Do we settle? Do we change? And at the end of the day should gender really be as big a deal as society wants us think it is? In this talk Decker Moss explores these issues and more, as he struggled through not only one but two major gender-related transitions in his life.
Recorded at TEDxColumbus on October 11, 2013 at COSI in Columbus, Ohio.
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
I think something some people on here need to realise is that people don't /choose/ their genders, they just /are/ that gender. I doubt anyone would choose to be transgender or gay just for fun. It's not fun. Nothing about it is fun. Surgery isn't fun. Therapy isn't fun. Discrimination isn't fun. Do you really think people would want to bring that onto themselves just 'cause?
I'm so thankful for people like you
Ayyyyyyyyy, it's good to know there are some decent people around
Li Marrable :)
Thank you for understanding ;)
Here's something you need to realize. Some people do chose their gender. It doesn't fucking matter. Discrimination is wrong because it hurts people. It doesn't fucking matter if someone chooses to eat a pizza or go to bed at 6pm or be a girl or be gay or play the PS4 as their exclusive gaming console. This is because of an ideal known as liberty and there's overwhelming evidence that liberty promotes happiness.
So yeah someone might choose to be transgender. So fucking what?
I completely understand transgender and I support it, however, I don't like when people complain about doctors labelling babies. Doctors label babies sexes, not genders.
Andrew Hurrell True. I'd say it's the parents faults for reenforcing the idea that sex and gender are the same, even if they don't realize it.
the majority of trans people (myself included) don't complain about doctors labelling babies on their sex, it's more about actually being born as that sex and how people try to push us from birth to act and look the way that is expected from our sex. and how people assume from birth that because we are born a certain sex, that our gender must also fit with our sex.
True. How could they describe somehting that is felt, not seen? They could say "It's a baby!" but that'd be awkward, right?
There are cases in which the categorys of sex (male/female) fail. Thats the case doctors do bad labelling, because instead of recognizing the problem they just give a sex to the baby and try to operate the problem away.
Jan Bensi yes i know the reason babies cry is because they're misgendered and they can't talk so fucking sad...
I love how he adresses that he knew this would impact his sister too. I am the identical sister of my now brother, and it has impacted me much more than anyone expected.
The imagination of kids flattered by Dope Heads.
I got chills when Mr. Moss talked about about lying to his doctor. Of all the experiences he had with being discriminated against, this struck me as being the worst: he was actually afraid his doctors would let him die because of who he was.
The worst part is that his fear is 100% justified; in the 90s a transgender woman named Tyra Hunter died a completely avoidable death because the EMT refused to treat her.
Ms Moss, Ms Moss its a female!!!
Shut up shaheeda
It's part of the natural process - evolution will eventually weed out the less productive in society.
@Shaheeda william you misgender him
@Nerd Of The Norm the weak would die if the world could be returned to natural selection/survival of the fittest
For you people who want to know what dysphoria feels like:
Imagine you're hair is blond, but everyone keeps insisting it's black. You can't correct them, and you're just let with this feeling that they're wrong.
This happens every moment of the day and it burns.
I think the reason some people struggle to sympathise, myself included, is because we find it difficult to imagine how someone can feel like they are a gender. I can't say for certain that if I, a male, was born into a female body that I would know something was amiss.
What is it that feels wrong exactly? And can this reasonably happen with other traits? Can someone feel like they are 45 years-old when they are only 17, or can someone feel Japanese when they are American?
I can picture it being uncomfortable not feeling like you belong in your body but how do we know it isn't a mental problem? The only good example I know of that sheds some light on the subject is the David Reimer case but it seems like it was tarred with a host of other issues.
I know most men and women behave differently but acting like the other doesn't necessarily make one feel like the other. I can't properly envisage what it feels like to be either gender. How do you separate male like behaviour from being male on the inside?
The behaviours associated with a race are a social construct. A lot of behaviours and speech patterns of races are cultural and aren't determined by the race itself. I would fully expect a Caucasian raised completely surrounded by Asians to act and speak like an Asian person.
I have read some information of hormone imbalance being the cause but then that doesn't tell me if it is better to change their sex or treat the identity. It doesn't seem to be very clear cut.
If someone were to call me "ma'am" they'd be wrong based entirely on my sex. Why can't the pronouns just refer to the sex. The idea that the pronouns have to match up with what you feel and not what you objectively are is a new phenomenon. I find it a lot easier to call someone he when they have fully transitioned than if it is just a female telling me they want me to call them "he" mind you.
Goslin I never was able to really get a good idea of what dysphoria felt like and this completely cleared up my confusion
Goslin I dont think that example is quite right. Hair colour is not part of identity as much as gender. I think it is more like if you are a rock star but everyone wants you to sing pop and sais you are popstar.
Supaninjafication I researched it and it is not possible to change the gender identity. The only way is to change the body to match the identity.
Sex = the BIOLOGICAL difference between male/female.
Gender = the MENTAL difference between male/female.
More like Gender = irrational construct of cultural stereotypes that some people try hard to shoehorn themselves in without realizing how ridiculous they are by trying
Sex is the same as gender, FACT! One of the definitions of gender is one or the other sex. If you are going to believe in this ridiculous notion that you are what you think or feel, people can decide to be animals!
"Gender" is just a term for a subset of "identity" with heavy emphasis on sexuality.
It has nothing to do with biology. Sex is a biological term.
If you can' (or don't want) to discern these things, then please refrain of talking about it.
Going around and randomly redefining perfectly pre-defined terms is exhausting for everyone reading your stuff.
Playbackjunkie No. You're right. They're EXACTLY THE SAME, no matter what dictionary definition I give them.
Sure, people can decide to feel like animals. Is that your problem? No? Didn't think so, so why do you care what people identify themselves as?
Gnarbro TaKa It's not about whether it's my business or not. It's about whether it's fact or not. They can think whatever nonsense they want, I'm just saying it don't make it true.
The fact that I'm terrified to look at the comments, explains everything.
AttackOnJiminsJams what is that supposed to mean? will it make you hurry to your safe spayyyyce?
@@heydude7568 why are you even here?
Isaa Rose because somebodys got to inject some realism into this ‘worried western well’ satanic jamboree
@@heydude7568 I see another person who thinks they know more than modern science.
@@faerynammon9328 'science progresses funeral bt funeral.' max planck - SCIENTIST. do you understand that rose?
I'm feeling really happy because as I scroll lower I see older negative comments but I'm realizing that as time has passed we have understood people better, and we're not being mean and stupid anymore. I love everybody who gives others love and respect. Please keep this up, my friends.❤
Don't look at the replies then
@@iykury Ive seen negative replies, but not comments
Comments that read too much like common sense get deleted en mass
Thank u 4 creator of this video, how articulate and compassionate and brave hebis. Also your positive attitude & comment. It is gr8 2 see positive supportive comments. 👍Conflict is hard 4 me, and I have 2 work hard 2 speak my opinion that trans men Are men, ditto for transwomen Are women. Its their decision how they express their gender. Gender is more fluid then we often acknowledge.
Why do we have to impose hate on someone who is happy/comfortable in their body? If they're not causing pain to anyone, why should we cause pain towards them? It's not your body. They're not hurting themselves so leave people alone.
That would hurt the child since they could be forced to do it not even to mention the birth defects that could occur from incest!
Addie Doherty because trans people want others to use the pronouns that they think they Identify as. Your gender is determined by your genitals.
David Cooper look it up 🙄 it’s really not. Like at all.
@Sam Soul That one transphobic joke that every transphobe thinks is funny. Lucky people like this guy will die out someday.
Because people are uncomfortable with those who choose to embrace their true selves, while they feel trapped in the status quo.
And lots of other reasons.
Don't read the comments.... Don't read the comments..... Don't read the comments.... Fuck that! I am reading the comments!
Commenting on the comments!!
Best comment in the comment section
better dead than red
Comrade Ogilvy so true. Seeing hate about LGBT+ people makes me so angry.
Comrade Ogilvy
Me honestly
I like the way he said “judging by what’s between our ears instead of what’s between our legs.”
Ah Christians usually like to judge any ways, even though they claim they can't and don't because only god can judge.
Is she not a woman?
@@ruaidhri777 didn't you watch the video? HE IS A MAN.
@@shrutis OK, I could be wrong here but am I correct that this person was born a female?
@@ruaidhri777 he is biologically a female yes.
I always feel so lucky that I identify as the gender I was born with when I hear stories like this. I just have no clue how hard it must be, but I suppose that only makes me prouder of those people telling these stories. They went through that and went on to tell the tale. Many Blessings to all members of the LGBTQ+ Community!
You're not lucky, they are unlucky
Thank you, Munchkin!
It’s all fun and games until they try to make it into an agenda
I am a trans man and I get hate and bigotry on a daily basis everywhere but I never care anymore. These people don't educate themselves enough or do enough research on the topic or talk to medical professionals or scientists enough to be able to form a correct opinion on it. They just take one look at something and judge it with zero knowledge on it. That's what people do. People live for drama. I had to earn my manhood. Not everyone has to do that. I had to fight to be me. Just to be myself. That's it. Blood sweat and tears just to be myself. A lot of people have no idea what it feels like.
@@StonedTotheBones0000 I’m pretty sure you don’t no one cares you are trans buddy
lolol why is everyone so angry in the comments. His gender doesn't matter to you? it matters to him and only him
EXACTLY!
Willowaffi so true
If it doesn't matter to us, why is she telling us about it?
Carl Rendon He is talking about it because there are people who go through the same thing, and people who are curious about it.
Carl Rendon you went into these comments just to purposefully misgender him........k lmao
When I was a kid (like 6) I went up to a customer service representative in a bookstore whose identity was very obscure to me, and, always being told to approach people with "hello sir", or "hello madame", suddenly felt panicked as I didn't know which one to use. At first I thought the person was a woman, so I said "excuse me madame" but then saw thin facial hair (like an adolescent's) and more masculine traits than I initially had made out, and hurriedly followed that with "or sir.. I don't know.." and felt to panicky and embarrassed that I just asked my question right after, in the hopes of getting their attention to my question instead of my failure to properly greet them. I felt so awful, because my intention was to get it right. However, the person, whose gender is still a mystery to me, was so kind and pointed me in the right direction without even acknowledging my mess up. I thanked the rep without adding sir or madam at the end, and told my mom what happened, because I had no idea if I had done something bad. If that happens to anyone out there in the world, I hope you're as nice to the kid messing up as that person was to me, because that's not something I saw coming or knew how to handle yet.
+The Matadore aww..
+The Matadore That's when I go with "my friend" in speaking terms.
I'm quite sure the person was perfectly happy with you not putting him or her into the "male" or "female" drawer. You were a kid and got confused. But that's alright.
If the person didn't correct you, they were likely nonbinary or trans. Cis people get insanely offended when you call them the wrong pronoun, especially dudes, at least in my experience.
But yeah, I react pretty much the same way. It's usually pretty obvious when people just don't know, and it doesn't matter to me enough to correct someone when I'm just buying a coffee or something. It's kind of funny/cute when it's a kid, though, since their main concern is just whether or not I have cooties lol
I think the big mistake is the “sir” or the “madame”. Why not just “Hi there, can you direct me to the travel section please”. If people greet me as sir it makes me feel very old. Also, is “madame” even a thing? Shouldn’t it be “mam”?
I thought I was a lesbian. Then I realized I was a man.
Damn it, I'm straight
And?
No.just no.
Naebryn oh no that’s such a bad thing to be straight.
This is honestly a mood
Literally me
This was so touching. I'm transgender and I hope for the world to stop viewing me as female someday. I know it won't be easy though. Thank you so much for bravely talking about this
Good luck in life dude
I hope you're okay now, man. Good luck.
I hope things are better now bro
You are female. It's genetic.
Even if that were to happen (it never will btw), it still wouldn't change the fact that you were born, are and always will be a biological female, not male. Even if you pass for a male and no one knows you're a biological female, you'll still know.
I am SO INCREDIBLY PROUD of my FRIEND, Decker Moss, for giving this TEDx Talk about his incredible journey to become HIMself. I was fortunate to meet and become friends with Decker at the very beginning of his journey, and this TEDx Talk barely touches on the courageousness and integrity that oozes out of this wonderful man. Not only has he fought the good fight to become HIMself, he has taken extraordinary measures to inform and educate all those around him . . . including his family, friends, co-workers, and the public at large . . . all in an effort to make the world a better, more understanding, and accepting place for ALL of us. BRAVO Decker!!! You are PERFECTION!!
this presentation has changed my perception about trans people. they deserve to live equally like other genders. thanks so much for an inspiring presentation
+Hong Nhung Pham 0.3 percent of the population do not get to protrude on my rights. I do not believe that special considerations need to be made in our schools. The governement can add another radio box to our birth certificates if they want. SEX M/F and add GENDER to be filled in at the age of 18. By all means cut/paste at your discretion once your 18 and the SEX should be something you can change after that.
+Ronnie Paul Not sure how anything you just said has anything to do with *your* rights...
yeah the topic doesnot have any relate to me but i still care about the right of trans people
Hong Nhung Pham I was talking to Ronnie, not you. I'm very happy that your view has been changed to a more open-minded and accepting view :D.
Thomas Lewis oh i thought you are talking about me=).it's really great to have a friend who share the same idea
When I was a young trans I would put my hair up in a hat sometimes and see if I could pass as male at different places....
The mood... that hit me right in the feels...
When i was a young trans my father took me into the city...
sorry xD
I used to have really large breasts. My back always hurt and I actually have a little hunchback behind my neck because of them...
I got them reduced last year, I feel better, but they weren't reduced as much as I asked the doctor, just because he thought I shouldn't have tiny breasts since I'm a woman and I HAVE to look pretty (aka desireble, fuckable)
I comment this because Decker mentioned about what being born a female means in out society (7:18), which sucks.
I don't know if I'm transgender. I feel like I'm more like a gender neutral or gender fluid person. I never liked dressing with skirts and the color pink, when I was a girl I used to play with boys, I liked climbing trees and searching bugs. That's I played like, but I also liked creating stories with tiny figures, or in this case, since that was what they bought me: barbies. And I always wanted to have a train, a mini train to play, and one of those toys with mini buildings and mini trees and stuff. You will say it sounds stupid and it is normal to like these things and all, but those tiny insignificant things have made my family and other people think there's something wrong with me, and have consciously tried to make me use the "right" colors, use make up, skirts, they have consciously told me I should show more skin since I'm a woman.
Why it has to be like this? I'm confused by gender roles, and I know some people are transgender for real, but impossing so many gender roles makes people wonder what they are supposed to have between their legs. I like my body as it is (I would reduce my boobs a bit more), but sometimes I get angry because I can't lift things and help male coworkers to lift things and stuff, making me feel angry and frustrated and useless. All these gender roles confuse me, how am I supposed to know if I'm transgender? I feel like I'm in the middle of both "official" genders, but the problem is that the concept of female is so exaggerated that I feel like an outsider being a female, and when I'm with girls I don't fucking know what to talk about with them. I have more common themes with men, but I don't like Men's world, they are too violent and they havew the same problem: their concept of masculinity is too exaggerated and brutal, and I bet some of them feel like I feel, that they are not male enough.
Also, I love some stereotyped female stuff. I love Taylor Swift, I was a huge spice girls fan when I was younger, I like One direction songs, but my favorite bands are from Metal music and I always identify with male characters in movies and books... so what the truth??
sorry my english, I'm southamerican...
Jo Moody i say don't worry about labels... just do what you like! and screw whether or not society sees it as masculine or feminine. that shits all marketing strategy anyway.
Jo Moody I feel the same way about gender identity. Some people in faith-based upbringings are offended by this kind of talk but I think the reason for it is because of the categories humans use to try and make sense of things and to create an organized society that serves an organized purpose... But in the beginning we were created human--both male and female with no separation. If that was the original design, it's no wonder there are people today confused because they don't fit into a box... I don't know... These are just my recent musings 🤔 be who you want to be. There's always going to be a community somewhere that accepts you for you, sometimes it just takes longer to find one. One good thing about the internet today 😉
I went to a doctor to do a routine stress test and one of the questions he asked was did I have any children, to which I replied no I've never had children. He wanted to know why because he said a woman "my age" (I was 40 at the time) should have had at least some children, as if I was one big disappointment as a female because I chose not to have any children. I felt very degraded and slightly humiliated.
Don’t worry about stuff like that if you aren’t sure! I myself is agender (meaning I have no gender) but my former best friend was and still is really unsure what gender she is! She’s stopped thinking about it because she doesn’t know, and I told her that, that was great! Male/female/non binary, those are just labels. You don’t have to define who you are with a label. You can just be you! Even if it’s confusing. And if you ever start worrying about pronouns just use whatever you feel comfortable with. Try one out with your closest friends/family at first to see if it works! I was fortunate enough to be completely sure what that I have no gender but just because there exists a label that describes me perfectly it doesn’t mean that there exists one that fits you! (Sorry for the rant!)
Things to consider are if you've ever had dysphoria; gender and gender roles are two different things. You might also want to look at what you want to be seen as.
So powerful. It's wonderful that he is happy with himself, and the sacrifices he made were astounding. Amazing
Satan gets excited also who is doomed.
I have so much respect and admiration for this man.
He didn't only stand up in front of hundreds of people and show how vulnerable he's been but also the hard times he's gone through, he has set an example for other people, cis and trans alike and I think that's wonderful.
I can't however help feeling sad by seeing the response this talk has had.
So many people giving so many likes to transphobic comments...
This needs to change, these attitudes must change.
I am so grateful for Decker's talk. Naturally as a 70 year old man, my world has been the binary environment, and as awareness grew afterI came out in the 70's, of gender identity, and especially after the recent evolution and discussion of transgender issues, I have found it difficult to have empathy, respect I had for everyone, but empathy, No. This talk has taken me a loooooong way towards that and imagining a world that Decker describes, and I am very excited, now, to move myself and others into that future.
This talk was really touching. I'm trans, and I love when people can speak to an audience about this and get them to listen
Satan gets excited also who is doomed.
His hair is rockin'
***** Did you even watch the video?
I'm 110% positive that the person in this video is a man. Excuse you.
***** "It" has feelings like every other person. Regardless of what DNA says, and what a person is born as, it's all about what they identify as, and how they feel. The person in this video was born a female, yes, but now he is a man. It doesn't make you any of a higher person to try to argue this. Is doesn't hurt you to call him a man, why not go that extra mile to make a person happy?
Maybe because (shocker) it's not wrong?
Emma Pearce Except the very definition of man is an adult human with a male body. An adult human with a female body is a woman. That is simple to understand, no?
I swear to god, as soon as he said "I identified as a twin" I started crying... Because I don't have a twin (or any siblings, for that matter...) but I have some close friends who are twins, and have encountered twins a lot in my lifetime. And even though I will never personally know the feeling, I see the bond between the twins that I know, and it's a bond that is so close, it's almost unbreakable. They love being close, and looking the same, and sounding the same, and everything about each other. And to change yourself by coming out as trans, it's like changing them too. Because you're taking away the identity that so closely matches theirs. It could feel like you are saying "this identity I have isn't good enough, I want something different", which isn't only a statement about yourself anyone, it becomes about them to, and it can feel like you're saying their identity isn't good enough either.
I know the choice you made was hard, but I admire your courage. I wish you and your twin the best. I hope you can start living as the best and truest version of yourself! And I'm glad your sister seems to accept your choice. :)
James Lynn What? It's completely ridiculous to start crying in that situation. All Trans identity politics aside, you're an idiot.
Serena Suni I don't know exactly how to reply to this, other than to thank you for expressing your opinion but let you know it wasn't exactly necessary or relevant for you to reply in such an insensitive way to an 11 month old comment on what was very obviously a video meant to stir emotions. Perhaps I am just a more emotional or empathetic than you, though, so I am just not seeing the ridiculousness that made you so strongly want to reply. I mean, I cried when my toast popped up out of the toaster last week.
Yeah man sorry. I didn't look at the date and was kinda pissed when I replied. Sorry, I usually wouldn't be so annoyed over something that's ridiculous to be angry at.
It's all good, friend. :)
That was a bit of a backhanded compliment. Are you saying that his sister feels like she isn't good enough to be herself? Just because you're someones twin, doesn't mean that you're not still an individual.
Thank you, Decker, for this meaningful talk. I am the mother of a transgender son, who was, like you, born a girl. The hardest thing for me was remembering to call him by male pronouns. I have finally got it, but it was hard for me to remember at first. Now, I do think of him as a man, but as a mother, I felt like I was losing my daughter, and she was being hijacked by this guy I did not know. I have adjusted to this now and I love him so much, regardless of his gender. I realize that he always knew he was male and his bravery to go ahead with this, is admirable. He has faced some of the same issues as you, Decker, and I just hope that the future will bring about enlightened medical personnel, and that people in general will educate themselves on gender identity. People like you are helping us to get there, Decker. Keep up this good work and I wish you all the best in life.
You sound like a very loving and accepting parent. It's perfectly understandable to feel taken aback when someone changes their gender when you've known them one way all their/your life. But you grew from that.
@@derpkipper Yes, I have tried, and nevertheless, he is not speaking to me now. OK. I cannot help this. I have apologised profusely but I am only a human mother. Not perfect at all.
Wow, what this poor guy has been through JUST TO BE HIS AUTHENTIC SELF, thank you for sharing Decker, and opening my eyes even further to what so many people are going through. I would love to have a friend like you.
I'm Happy for this guy and I'm proud that he went up on a stage and told his story he probably helped a lot of people with that
Hello Decker. It is very nice to meet you. Thank you for sharing such a personal story. What a tremendous and persistent effort your change required! You eloquently describe changes that our society needs to make in order to open up to the full spectrum of gender.
You know what dude, if you feel like a man then I’m happy you changed. Good on ya bro! Loved the vid, keep up the good, positive, progressive work, Sir!
This comment reminds me of the time a dude bro called me a she and when I corrected them I was scared but he said, "oh shoot bro sorry, HE etc. etc." And that restored my faith in humanity.
Satan positivity hates that we are negative against true life.
You sir, are an inspiration for people everywhere. I have a cousin-in-law who is transgender, and a few friends who are considering the journey. I am helping them all I can with my support and simple acceptance: its simple for me ; why must the world make so much of it?
Dude, that was exceptionally well spoken. I think you did a great job revealing the individuality of each person's transition. When I ran a support group, I'd say "there are as many paths through this as there are people making the journey, and there are an infinite number of places you can choose to end up." I'm very glad you found your way, sorry that it was such a hard path, and impressed at the bravery you showed along the way.
I'm going through this right now (though I'm agender, not trans), and it's a comfort to hear other people's stories. I will be getting top surgery within the next year or two and am having a difficult time figuring out how to tell others in my life, or if I should just hide it. It's only my breasts; I don't want to be male, but I don't want to be looked at as female, either. Wearing a mastectomy bra would be easy enough, at least around friends and acquaintances that I rarely see. But it still doesn't quit feel right to me; I want to let them see who I really am. It's just really hard...
chapachuu Good luck!! In whatever you decide!!
A Bee Thank you :)
chapachuu I wish you the best and hope you find the acceptance you desire while being able to be who you truly are inside and out. Stay Brave! Stay Strong! Stay True!
Leslie Drees Thank you. It helps to know there are others like me and people who are understanding and accepting out there. :)
chapachuu As an agender myself, I'm considering the same thing. Also, any gender outside the binaries is considered trans, so yes, we're trans too. Been trying to figure out how to come out to family and friends, and you're right, it is really tough. I actually find it easier to come out to strangers than to the people I'm close to. Do female-at-birth agenders take testosterone to look agender or what? I know what I want to look like but I've no idea how to get there...
6:17 "I knew that one day you'd come to me and say that you had to deal with this, and I'm glad."
I'm not crying, you're crying
"now imagine going to ur closet"
already there hunny
Gender identity is a problem in our world today because of the labels that society places on gender and their roles. It makes me really upset to see all these comments on this video saying hateful toward this man.
Anyone in the comments who says 'people are only gay or trans because it's "in" right now.' Don't know what they are talking about. The fact that gender and sexuality is such a big topic right now has helped many people find others to talk and relate to and help them come out. Nobody likes to be accused of doing something for attention, especially if it's something they've been struggling with all their life.
These people in the comments who are being stubborn and rude toward the lgbtq+ community AND its supporters look incredibly ignorant. Thank you Decker for having the courage to stand up in front of a large room full of people and tell them your story.
Bless you.
+Erika Muir I hate to be rude, but I'm just cofused. I understand girl, boy, agender, transgender, and genderfluid, but where the hell did the other 50 some odd bullshit come from? Take this for example: www.chickensmoothie.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?t=2535871&f=10
Allosexual - one who experiences sexual attraction
Does this even need a name? I know you can class yourself whether you do or don't have sexual attraction, but do they really need a label to represent those who experience sexual attraction? Isn't the group as a whole considered the "standard"? (Before someone throws a fit, what I mean is, isn't natural to experience sexual attraction? (Notice how I didn't say _normal_.) But the group that doesn't experience it can be classified as a different group. Some of them are so specific that they don't even make sense.
+FluffyCatGirl1 Most of those are used scientifically or when you're explaining something so you don't offend anyone by saying things like the 'normal way' or 'regular people'. It's a way of categorising different feelings and mental states so that people can explain and understand lgbtq+ from another perspective other than their own (usually in this case hetro, cis people).
You'll come to find that in most situations, if someone is in the majority they won't feel the need to announce or 'come out' so those terms won't be used.
I hope that was somewhat useful and decipherable. If you have any more questions I'm more than happy to answer them! :)
+Erika Muir According to Gallup, most people overestimate the gay population by more than double the ACTUAL population of LGBT. There is NO problem. Only ~10% of the population identifies as homosexual. That is the definition of abnormal. If that offends you, it's not my fault. You (collective not personal) have an issue with being abnormal. I have red, white, black, blonde, and brown hair...I'M ABNORMAL, and I don't need you or any part of society to accept me, coddle me, or normalize me. Nor do I need to fly flags and dance naked in the street to celebrate my abnormality (which I suspect is overcompensation for lack of wider acceptance).
Tolerance and acceptance are two DIFFERENT things. Everyone deserves the right to be tolerated and open to pursue happiness (so long as that pursuit does not infringe upon the rights of others). There is no right to open acceptance, and adoption of any beliefs which are incongruent with one's own.
Oh, BTW, Muir is the surname of one of my favorite conservationists. I'm always happy to see the name.
thetravelinghermit People like to talk about gender and sexuality because its such a big part of a lot of people's lives. I agree that tolerance and acceptance are two different things that in my eyes are both harmless ways to respond to the LGBTQ+ community and their stance. Therefore, compared to people who are outwardly expressing disgust and generally say unsupportive things are obviously doing much worse than people who decide they want to join in with bigger pride organisations and events.
Erika Muir
Thanks for your reply. You bring up another issue that I can't quite wrap my head around...Pride. How does sexual orientation have anything to do with pride? Granted, I have the benefit of having the orientation which aligns with tradition. Yet, when I consider it, I can't fathom having pride in being hetero. I just think, what have my dangly bits got to do with hubris?
People express disgust when they're revolted. Revulsion comes from an inability to empathize. Any straight person who says they empathize with homosexuality is either confused about their own orientation, or lying in support of a status quo.
About 20 years ago LGBT folks really banded together and began a series of campaigns to to actively suppress the natural feelings of 90% of the population so that they, a marginal group, wouldn't feel marginalized--and have done so to the point that LGBT are now over-represented.
It's at this point I ask myself, why does a marginal group have the right to suppress the overwhelming majority? If our revulsion is our own problem, why can't their own feelings be their problem?
I think the message would be simplified if you take it like this:
Gender and preferences (Sexual orientation, outfits, behaviour, etc.) should be considered to be separated things.
It's not that calling someone she or he offends them, it's the implications of calling them like that, our society has defined this things to go together and that makes them feel awkard. If this predefinition of preferences would not exist many people wouldn't feel confused by "what" they are. They wouldn't feel weird when looking at the mirror and they would love themselves physicaly and psychologicaly.
\Precisely!
All this issue is due to the stereotypes and labels associated with one or the other gender, which is why I honestly believe gender is a social construct but that is a different (sort of) subject.
You deserve more likes and it breaks my heart the amount of transphobic comments on this page.
People are honest that liars hate. Satan's perverts preach that we should lie like how Satan desires.
I can't imagine dealing with something like gender dysphoria😣
It sucks. I wish I didn't need to deal with it
Ryan Hofmann same, and I still have to be in the closet
It really sucks. I actually had to go on antidepressants for 3 years partially because of gender dysphoria.
Dolly The Geek
It's sucks and I'm glad you don't have to go through it
This is really powerful. Thank you Decker. I'm so glad that I watched this. I wish I could have been there in person.
Great talk! You are brave to live the life you feel to live. And you look amazing!
I agree!!
.. the woman sounds like a croaky old toad!
@@Tony07UK man*
The complexity of the issue - far beyond the quick, easy judgmental comments often aimed at homosexuals- is beautifully brought home. Whether or not you accept others who are homosexuals, Decker will cause you to think about the tremendous impact one's gender -and willingness to change that gender - has on one's life and family. Decker is my nephew and I am proud of him. More importantly, I believe he has the right to live honestly and therefore happily. And Bill, if this topic makes you bored, perhaps no one in your family has ever had to experience the difficulty homosexuality brings to one's life.
The issue is not complex, its an obsession with sex, looks, and gender titles.
I think I'm gonna try coming out to my dad.
I've tried coming out to my mom but she doesn't understand. I think my dad will understand more
i wish you the best of luck!
How'd it go?
You come from Satan preaching that will screw you in the end. Dope Head.
That was an excellent talk. Very well presented. Made me feel understood. I'm glad the world is slowly beginning to understand us more.
I can't believe how hateful people are being on here, and how closed minded people are. Come on, this is the 21st century, grow up. This man is strong and courageous, thanks Decker, your story really hit home with me
I very much appreciate the slow-spoken sincere tone of this. It's stripped away of showiness, and the effort taken to convey the story in such an accessible way really allows me listen with an open mind. A great addition to TED. Cheers.
When I was pregnant, people would ask me all the time "do you want a boy or a girl?" This is normal for most expectant parents. The answer is always, "It doesn't matter, I only wish for a healthy, happy baby." Why does this change? Why does it matter after they're born? I still want the same thing. They're 20 and 17. I want healthy, happy babies. That is all.
You just had me in tears listening to your heartwarming speech. You were amazing up there... and the world that you described - I want to live in that world too! I wish you all the happiness in the world my friend.
I was born a female in Missouri as well, but I haven't gone through the transition. Luckily, I lived in such a small town that I didn't have to come out to everybody. But at the same time, it was unlucky. I lost friends not because they didn't want to be my friend anymore, but because their family wouldn't let them. My school luckily let me switch to the staff's male bathrooms so the discrimination and bullying in the bathroom would go away. It's difficult, and I know it sucks. But from that experience, you learn a new way to treat people.
All of you who think "it's just a mental disorder" "oh it's still a woman" imagine your standing in a room full of mirrors. Imagine when you look in that mirror you see someone else, someone of the opposite gender. Like you're wearing someone else's skin and you feel like you're wearing the wrong skin for the gender you feel at heart. That is the struggle of people everyday who suffer in silence because of social labels
+sam jam If we didn't evaluate it scientifically then how would we ever grow. When should we stop scientific research on any topic? If brain synopses are able to tell us what gender we are on a neurologic level than we can more understand why this happens at a fetal development level.
Well, anony/annoying mustard. It's been around for centuries.
***** actually It's not as uncommon as you think, even with many people afraid to come out 1 in 1000 people are born transgendered
If you see a different person instead of a reflection then I'm pretty sure you're mentally disabled
***** www.livescience.com/50635-bruce-jenner-transgender-prevalence.html "The most frequently cited estimate is that 700,000 people in the United States, or about 0.2 to 0.3 percent of the population, are transgender, though some experts say the true number is probably greater than that." That is equal to 2-3 in every thousand, even more than the figure I gave (which in all honesty was just a half remembered fact from a while ago)
I paused the video several times to let the ideas and feelings really sink in. I want to have not just an open mind but also an open heart.
Wonderful talk. I think it’s easier these days, at least in Canada, to go through the process. My FTM 15 year old son has his new birth certificate and health card with new name and gender marked as male. He just started on T. By the time he goes to college he can start his next chapter with new friends as male.
Forging official government records is outrageous
I think the solution is simple. forget stereotypes. Girl stuff/boy stuff. How bout everyone is human and can do whatever the fuck everyone wants.
Thats what creates the need for people to be transgendered. If a girl wants to do "guy stuff" why not let her. If she has male mannerisms dont judge her. Society is So stupid. I have a friend who has a friend that I thought was gay at first. Had very feminine mannerisms, feminine guy usually means gay right?
Wrong, i later found out that this dude had nailed more women than I will ever. Hes a feminine stud. Maybe some people are just more in touch with their "masculine/feminine" side.
Thank you! :)
who said genetics mean nothing. Im talking about what society says is "feminine" and "masculine". Which most of the time is just a passing fad. Jeans/pants used to be seen as masculine now all women wear jeans, its normal.
Should have read the post before you commented.
*****
When did he say genetics meant nothing? Here is a nice little fact very few people outside the medical community know. When a child is in the womb, if estrogen levels become too high, the estrogen will literally turn itself into testosterone, hence why you have some women that seem to have more or major masculine features. Same thing can cause a person to be born transgender.
WRONG! what creates that confusion is actually her fault, she is actually believing that women or girls cant do the whatever you mean by "guy stuff". I have no Idea what "guy stuff" means btw. This video shows that she is obsessed with the way she looks.
Tori Helle People love to reference that but there really isn't solid evidence that there is any correlation there. The truth is no one knows what causes people to be transgender, only that it happens. That's okay, everyone just needs their due respect and any treatment that applies to them.
What a lot of courage this man shows. I wish he didn't have to struggle so much to be himself but I am glad he finally got to be himself.
Wait till he see's what reward Satan has waiting for his deceived. Torment that makes what hurt he faces now like a seed tick hurts.
Thank you so much for opening your heart and life to all of us. A very powerful, moving message! I'm a better person for having listened to you!
hey Decker, kudos to you! it took a lot of balls to make that speech! you made the world a better place, and so we thank you!
Really great presentation, and all the love to you, Decker
I just want to say to anybody who wants to change their bodies, that you are perfect just as you are, and you will also be perfect if you do change your body.
^_^ I agree
Probably the emptiest comment I've ever read on youtube.
Em me Good for you!
Achilles94627 I can clarify if I was unclear. I am saying that we are all perfect and don't need to change our bodies to be able to feel good about ourselves. Also, there is nothing we can do to make ourselves any less perfect, such as surgically changing our bodies. So, it's win win either way.
What do you mean we are all perfect? How are you defining perfection? Are you saying, for example, that a morbidly obese person is just as close to perfection as a lean and toned person?
Thank you for your story and your bravery! So this was 5 years ago and that would make us about the same age. It’s hard growing up in the era we did. You are an inspiration to me. Thanks so much. 🤗
I really admire your courage on being a true identity to the world.
Oh no.. these comments. My faith in humanity drops the further down I scroll.
+Connor I just read something about rape and stuff that is a completely different cas..and I'm wondering when I'll stop reading
Even though I came here to be inspired I get caught up in the comments. It's so hard to stop scrolling...
From the pro trans or the anti trans?
Faith in humanity because people don't agree with what you think?? It's really time to grow up.
same :(
Wow. There are no other words to describe this incredible man's story. Thank you for sharing that with us!
Very moving, made me cry...he's helping me deal with the issue. Thanks you Mr. Moss. I would never have imagined the details of this difficult process.
You have inspired me to continue to help, support and love my son as he goes through this long journey.❤️
I'm going to friggin cry, man 😭❤️ If I had been there in that room I bet I would've.
Really good speech, I have no words.
I have watched so many videos with people talking about their transition. This was one of the most touching and informative videos I’ve seen. I cannot imagine the burden Decker carried all those years.
Self imposed. You forgot that part.
Be kind and always lead with compassionate curiosity.
He made me tear up a bit. It hurts my heart so much that people are treated badly for just wanting to be at peace with themselves
Brave, Brilliant soul. I believe we all should be able to be exactly who we are!
+Nicole Mendoza yup, im a billionaire... Now lets all bend the world around to fit with my identity. Start by opening your wallet.
As a trans man, I was vibing with everything he said until he started talking about a world without doctors and judges labeling babies. The vast majority of the population is cis, being trans is really rare, so I don't think society should be rerouted to accommodate the small population of trans people. Gender *expression* should be a spectrum, but there are only two sexes (male and female) and the existence of those two categories is important for the continuation of the human race
While I'm with you on most of what you said. Intersex people do exist.
@@Nemshee intersex tho, is a very small percent of people, and if they are intersex the doctor would probably notice
I mean changing your bone structure, chromosomes, etc.
If only everyone was as reasonable as you are.
Nemshee they are pretty rare as well and they identify with one gender they don’t see themselves on a spectrum or as a gender. It’s a birth defect.
That was sad and beautiful at the same time! An amazing talk! Kudos, so much strength he has!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, for explaining this in a way that helps us understand. All my life, I have supported AND wondered what these experiences really were for others. I have often been disappointed by spokespersons who ask for understanding, yet never explain their experiences in a way that will help us understand...
This video gave me a whole new perspective on individuals who are transgender and what their daily struggles are. I hear countless stories about the gay and lesbian community but i know very little about those who are transgender and what it would feel like the opposite gender. Previously, I thought of gender as biological but this man has proven that there is so much more to it than that. I thought it was very eye opening when he was describing what he felt during puberty. It changed my perspective completely when he talked about feeling the need to shave but looking in the mirror and seeing his completely smooth face. I cannot imagine the frustration that would cause, especially during the years of being a teenager since that time is difficult enough in terms of trying to figure out the person you are going to be. In today's society, transgender is much more tolerated, but it is strange to think that only thirty years ago this man had so many hardships relating to changing his gender. He says that his doctor diagnosed him with a mental disorder, but is this the cause of him feeling like a male trapped inside a woman's body? I would like to know what actually causes this to occur. Is being transgender caused by something that is genetic?
+Sam M I'm not transgender, but I can confidently make some statements to help address an issue or two that you brought up.
Is it genetic ? Remember how you mentioned his need to shave. Society imprinted on his brain that all men need to shave. If he lived by himself in the jungle, for example, do you really think he would feel the need to shave? I doubt it. Therefore it's not genetic to feel this way.
Actually, I doubt that any of the physical changes which he chose to do would be so urgent if he did live by himself in this jungle scenario. It's all a matter of conforming to what society expects from that sex.
On the other hand, conforming to what society expects of you, especially sex-based roles, is a powerful force. So I can see why he felt it important to make the changes that he did.
And note that he admitted that many of these self-imposed alterations were so that other people would treat him like a man, and view him as a man, not as a woman. Notice how proud he was at the end, when he said that complete strangers finally see him now as truly a man. Therefore, not genetic. It's all in his head, IMO.
Although I doubt that *all* strangers now recognize him as a man, since many commentators felt like he still came across as a woman, including myself.
I suppose that objectively speaking, there's nothing wrong with that, once he identified that he's more comfortable as a man. Many men dress & act a certain way because they want to be respected and viewed and treated as men. Just like women dress & talk & act femininely, because they are proud of their femininity.
But the feeling of being "trapped" ? I can't understand that myself. Just because a girl is a tomboy, doesn't mean they need to be so ashamed of their feminine parts to remove them.
BTW.. I don't necessarily call it mutilation, because how many straight men would really say that about a boob job, or a nose job on a beautiful woman ? ;-) Okay, a few would. But it's kind of the same purpose... to make themselves more attractive to themselves or the people they want to attract... usually based on what society deems is attractive.
Beautifully expressed, and thank you for sharing your journey.
"One of the first things I learned about my gender was that it wasn't only about me, it was about everybody around me too" - so true for many of us outside the mainstream, thank you for saying this Decker.
This sentence is pretty much a solid statement. The people around me could not even understand this. And that put me into places of near self-annihilation. But i endured and not giving up on myself.
Thank you for noticing this sentence, i hope you find your own happiness.
The very last part of the talk was so touching, it touched the very core of my soul.
I pray to god Decker hasn't read any of these comments...
my feelings
calico isles I could only read a few of these comments made me so angry n upset. I want to comment but thought no that's what they want
calico isles I pray to giant purple squid in the sky that he doesn't see this
Safe space? WHERE ARE YOOOUUU???
Never mind the comments, if god cared about Decker's feelings, he (or she) wouldn't have made Decker a girl in the first place so don't expect him (or her) to care about prayers.
Clap Clap.. applause! Bravo Bravo! Yes be true to yourself. you go boy! This some thing everyone needs to hear and to understand.
that last minute brought tears to my eyes! Thank you Decker!
Thank you Decker. Thank you for teaching me how to be a better human being. I now know better questions to ask and a better way to communicate.
WOW! no other word would do this justice. My 20 year old nephew told me about this video and how it impacted his understanding. I looked it up and watched it with my 16 year old nephew and 13 year old niece. They were completely engaged and enhanced their learning of what it means to treat all people as just that....people. We are all HUMAN. Why the division? Thank you Decker for aiding in my family's learning.
I felt the same way. I love the idea of equalizing these assigned roles.
I can’t believe how sexist America must be. There weren’t sexist divisions for children like that where I grew up.
This was very well spoken. I wish more people were accepting and that we wouldn't need these sorts of things to have to be explained, but until that day I hope more people going through these experiences are able to speak out as well as this.
I needed this so god damn bad! Thank you so much!
THAT was amazing...wow all the very best Decker!! Your talk really opened my mind..
Wow, i teared up at the end. That was really moving. I didn't previously understand how important pronouns were to transgender people because I've never known one, but now I feel sad for not using them when talking about them in the past. I cant imagine how difficult it must be, and he is so brave and inspiring. I couldn't even stand up on that stage knowing how many judgmental eyes are watching, let alone share such a personal story.
Thank you for having the courage to hold this talk! I’m 51 years old and have always felt uncomfortable being indentified as a “girl” or as “female”. Though there were times I wished to have been born a boy, I knew I wasn’t actually male either. I felt I had no choice but to accept the gender that had been assigned to me. Recently, I have started to feel like I have a choice. And it is courageous people like you who have helped me to see this...so Thank you!
Omni * sorry but as a 15 year old I'm telling you it is not a choice. Also nobody is "assigned" a gender they are just born that way.
Alex Thompson Ha ha....you have made me laugh! Maybe you misunderstood my comment (for “assigned”, I meant the gender label that was slapped on my birth certificate by a doctor who did not - and could not, as I had recently been born - know me), but, either way I think it is funny for a 15-year-old to say that.
SO good. This was like being in church! Love your message, Decker.
These comments are fucking disgusting.
Your gender is not the same as your sex. If you woke up one day and were suddenly the opposite sex, would you suddenly be the opposite gender too? Would you feel comfortable being called a boy (or girl)? Would you be comfortable being treated as the other sex?
Gender is so much more than your genitals. It's everything from being called he or she to the way people treat you. Guys are expected to lift heavy stuff and be less emotional. To be more aggressive than women. To take charge and "be a man". Women are expected to look nice and be polite and be emotional and all kinds of nonsense. Yes, these ideas are changing, but they're still there. It's the way we greet each other. It's the way we talk to each other. It's the way we think about things "that's really girly" and "that's really manly".
Gender is EVERYTHING. From the clothes we wear to the way we style our hair. It's a social construct that's ingrained in us from before we're even born. Girls do this and boys do that. Boys wear suits and girls wear gowns.
Who are you to say that a person is wrong about their own gender just because they don't "look like one"? If you were called the opposite sex, you correct them and they say "no you're not you look like a boy/girl" how would you feel? You wouldn't like it would you? You'd think that person was an asshole. That's you every time you tell a trans person they're "not really a boy" or "not really a girl". That they're "delusional" or "wrong". You're not in their body, in their mind. What gives you the right to say who they are?
Daelen Southwell Gender is only a concept;an idea.
Daelen Southwell Honestly.. I feel like I would manage living in my new body
If I Were to wake up female (my "opposite" gender) the only thing I would care about is why my biology changed, beyond that I would not care because there's literally no change. I don't have gender dysphoria therefore the only thing that'd change is that I'd be called by female pronouns, which is why I believe our language should remove pronouns because they have no meaning. What constitutes a male name? Our society. Therefore by removing the concept of male and female names, pronouns, etc, many things would be solved.
...If I were to 'wake up female'...I'd go right back to sleep...
Terence Donegan same.
I am a transgender child and I haven't told my parents yet...but everyone at my school can kinda tell I don't belong in this body...for birthdays they buy me boy clothes and boy toys and everything...and now watching this makes me feel so special and how I shouldn't be afraid to be who I am...
there is nothing wrong with you, love what you love. be happy
You're great
Peter Pan there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. you'll have a long journey if you decide to transition, but it will be worth it. good luck coming out!
Just be the girl you were born to be.
You probably dont even know whatvthat means!
Standing ovation from me! Amazing Ted talk!!
Thank you for sharing your story Decker and I applaud you for living your truth. You are an inspiration and an advocate. I am so happy to have heard your Tedx.
Very inspiring and touching! Congratulations! Best wishes
He got that nice fade hair cut tho
Thank you so much for this heart-felt talk in which your feelings, directions, decisions and so much more are being challenged but also being delivered into this world as you are a man. I really felt this as you spoke. And that is so incredibly great, in the title of your talk: some boys are born girls. Yes, indeed. It has been almost ten years since you delivered this talk and it feels as if it is "right now" to me. I am grateful. And I think you are really great!
😢😭
I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that!
I hope that you make new friends that just understand you!
Love you for who and what you are!
Know that you are loved by the people who understand!
There are more people out here that care than you know... but there are a lot more people who will never ever understand!
Just don’t give up hope!
❤️❣️❤️
For me, the seemingly endless struggles for transgender people is probably impossible to truly understand. I can imagine all the roadblocks that you are constantly having to find a way to pass - only to find another ten seconds later. Again and again, in some cases for an entire life. But even though I can only imagine it, there is one thing I would like to say. To you, and to everyone whose gender identity doesn't match that single letter on the birth certificate:
There are people out there who just don't care about gender, in the same what that they do not care about sexual orientation. People who are not actively trying to be supportive - it is all just the way they work. Pretty much like most people don't really care about which shoe size you have, or if you prefer tea over coffee.
The world is full of hate, and fear for the unknown and unfamiliar. But even if only 1 person out of 100 belongs to the "don't care" (and basically gender-blind) category, there are still millions of us out there. We see the human person in front of us instead of seeing a man, a woman or a person anywhere in between those two binaries. And speaking for myself: If having a friend like that could help someone, I would be happy to be that friend. If you need an online friend who can support you, without getting any kind of reaction to a sex change reveal (other than "Oh, you have spoken about this for a long time - I'm so happy to hear that the process is moving forward.
So, I'm here. Feel free to get in touch, I'd be happy to provide some positivity in return. Gender, age, interests, life style - none of it matters. No religion, no politics, If I can help a few people by just highering the quality of responses, I sure as heck would be happy to. You can find me on the blue F network (search for my name "Andreas Viklund" and look for the profile picture with me a cute puppy, or through @andreasviklund on Twitter. Let me help you expact your own, personal network
Stay strong, and thanks Decker for a personal, emotional and very well spoken presentation!
--Andreas (musician, writer, web producer, graphics designer) - (also: 36 years old, straight, married with a beautiful woman whom I have live together with for longer than 16 years already...
Andreas Viklund ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Andreas Viklund
you are one of the few people who I bothered reading the massive comment and it was worth it, that was lovely :-)
Andreas Viklund thank you for existing, you don't know how good this was to see that someone has empathy
i almost cried t some parts of this because im going through the same thing at 14 years old
Liam Davis me 2
Lilium Sullivan always be yourself. learn to accept yourself. Anything else is only cosmetic. Your chromosomes will always be xx or xy.
Wow...what an eloquent speaker you are!!
What an amazingly courageous and complicated journey you have navigated through so far. I really applaud you.
I love people who think outside the box, open other people's minds to other possibilities, and ways of thinking.
I feel very sad that things are so complicated for you.
I am happy to see you, as whatever name or gender you want to be.....Namaste.
ok but can we talk about how his name is "decker moss" like that's such a good name
Yeah, I'd be down to talk about that.
Yo, "decker moss" is such a good name, tho'!