Parenting a Gender Non-Conforming Child | Michele Yulo | TEDxUtica
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- Опубликовано: 28 авг 2024
- I believe there are preconceived notions of how raising a child will go in terms of gender. We prepare ourselves in completely different ways when we learn we are having a boy or a girl and this is reinforced and policed from the second a child is born and beyond. But what happens when your child does not adhere to the confines of gender boundaries defined by society? How does that change how we view our children, ourselves, and the world around us? Gender has become a hot topic in almost every area of society--creating Princess Free Zone (a brand, website, blog) allowed me to be a voice in the positive change that has taken place over the last eight years. More importantly, though, I have a very personal stake in the dialogue because my daughter, by age three, rejected all things considered "girly." It was through her that I found my calling. My talk would address my personal journey as a parent and the need for openness when raising our children in terms of how to nurture their exploration of identity versus hindering it.
Michele Yulo is the founder and president of Princess Free Zone, Inc. and creator of SUIT HER, a potential line of suits for girls. It was Michele’s daughter, Gabi, who would provide the crucial spark of inspiration. Gabi was never into princess or pink; instead, she loved super heroes and bright, bold colors! Finding nothing for her in girls’ departments, Michele realized that girls like Gabi were being completely ignored by big companies that seemed to only see girls through a very narrow lens that limits their self-expression as well as the world around them. Michele decided do something about it and in 2009 started her journey with PFZ and helping to break down the gender stereotypes that are harmful to all children. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
Guys graphic tees are better than girl graphic tees and that's the tea sis.
Awkward Duckie...TRUE! I've often gotten dude graphic Ts cause they have cooler pictures and sayings...I'm not into the girls shirts, with a coffee on it, that says cheesy stuff like, "I LIKE YOU A LATTE!" 🤣🤣🤣...
I'd rather have a shirt with a glow in the dark pirate ship! 😎🦜 🏴☠️
Awkward Duckie Too bad my parents would throw a fit if I asked for one. I saw a shark one and I *wanted that tEE* . Couldn’t get it though, sadly.
All of my good shirts come from the "men's" section lmao, plus one of my favorite hoodies
honestly though
Totally, I just realized that like 2 years ago.
I have NEVER, EVER, heard THIS MUCH KNOWLEDGE, about GENDER, from a Mom. She is absolutely AMAZING. Amen to the truth! As someone the same age as the Mom's daughter, I truly relate!
Same! I'm 13 though, which I'd assume you are by now, but I relate a lot.
That just shows us our own mothers has no clue at times ....
Quit sucin her.
Why couldn't the child just play what she wants, wear what she wants and chill, I can't believe this woman is on about pink princesses n blue trucks, this ain't 1965. I call BS
@@Anita1984isuponus
I couldn’t agree more!
People need to start realizing how damaging it is to tell your kid they can't wear a shirt or play with a certain toy based off of the gender associated with it. Shaming your child for what they like has long lasting consequences that aren't talked about nearly enough.
While there absolutely nothing dangerous about questioning one's gender identity. Drastically increased risk of depression and suicide rate higher than that of Auschwitz inmates is nothing when compared to the horror of "being forced" to conform to a traditional gender norm.
@@user-eu6zm5yr2l Being forced to conform to gender norms is exactly what makes trans or non-binary, or even just gender non-conforming people suicidal and depressed.
Ridiculous.
Really?
What really makes me annoyed is my mom telling me to shave my legs because "hygiene"
Mom, dad is in this house too, you know???
Ikr!
Body hair anywhere including your hands and stuff is protection coded by your DNA....so you're right
Lmao
Be a girl
I am a mother myself and would not dare to make my daughter shave. That’s a way to Intimate decision and is really not my business as „just“ her mother.
Just because a girl likes boy things doesn’t make the person a boy, that’s where the parents are getting confused on this
Maybe some parents are getting confused on this, but while people shouldn't assume that gender non-conforming kids are trans, it's important to acknowledge that some children *are* actually trans. There are trans children who will absolutely tell the world who they are in terms of gender, who have gender dysphoria, and accepting non-conformity doesn't make that go away.
Buddy all the speech was a lot of confused ideas that a mother considered right for her DAUGHTER that she didn’t know how to educate...
All that stupidity behind the people who believe in transgenderism allows to convince more and more idiots.
I can’t convince you properly because I barely speak English so I invite all of you that are reading this comment to check out Ben Shapiro.
These are abusive parents. I only hope their messed up kids knife them in their sleep instead of shoot up a school.
Ye
But she doesn't call her daughter a boy.
I DIDN"T KNOW BIC MADE *GENDERED PENS.*
THEY ARE PENS. I MEAN.
*???*
I recently saw tooth paste for men xD
I pen for people with longer nails I support though, but they've been making padded pens for years and years. You get that death grip on your writing implement and have any nails at all and it's digging into your flesh. In general nail life is hard, I would like longer nails, but the practicality of moderate length is what I have sporting for a bit. Less cracking, and I can mostly hit to correct letter on my phone. That A and S on the iPhone is hard, as is the backspace with their new swipe keyboard, I've erased far too many words with that new addition.
Imagine bic making a basic pen and coming up with the gender “pen”.
I started crying at 4:24 at the picture of the girl with her new buzzcut. I was 19 when I first got the courage to shave my head, my mum slapped me in the face and cried the most I've ever seen her. She acted like I've personally hurt her and compared my shaving my head to self-harm.
I'm 21 now, rocking my buzzcut, wearing 'men' clothes. I get weird looks, sometimes I get harrased, but every now and then I overhear a parent explaining to their child that girls can have short hair and like 'boy stuff' too and that makes me so happy.
This woman is an amazing mother, the world needs more people like her.
Hana Vrzáková...We are buzzcut buddies! I have a buzzcut and a pompadour...I love it! 😎...TANK GIRL is jealous! 😋😎
GI JANE is SHOOKETH! 😜😎
I really like this speech due to the fact that I am a girl and I really like "boy" clothes but my family would never let me buy any in fact just yesterday I went to the mall and saw a jacket in the men's section I had told my father I wanted it but was met with "that's for boys honey" I was met with anger and sadness because I have no intention in becoming a boy I just enjoy theres clothes because I dont want to be wearing tight clothing my whole life, i wish my parents would see this
Right on. I buy my pants from the mens section all the time. I want my damn pockets. I don't want to be a man, but I want their clothes.
Sad! I hope they will or at least you'll soon be able to buy your clothes by yourself? Soo many of my clothes are from the men section. They just fit, are often cheaper, have big pockets, and you can combine them anyway, people wouldn't even notice it on me that they're for males (I wouldn't care tho). good luck
The day you are able to get a job and buy that jacket will be a great day
I'm currently wearing a pink shirt. But sometimes I wear plaid shirts that I got out of the men's section because the ones that are made for girls are very poorly made. I have always liked boy and girl things but when I was younger I liked dolls alot. I mostly wear jeans but sometimes I say I think I will wear a dress today. I also used to gave really long hair but now I have short hair. I think everyone should let there kids wear what they want and play with whatever toys they like and let them be who they are. But I do think kids should know what gender they are born as.
I love men’s clothes. Not just the pocket, but they wear better. Guys are expected to be rough on clothes. I will never hand was a garment. I have stuff to get done and I want to do that in something that will stand up.
Children should be free to wear what they like, play with what they like.
Drive Tone So a girl that wants to grow up to be a carpenter will become a psychopathic criminal?
Drive Tone nice logic 😂😂 if a boy wears nail polish you think he's gonna go full psychopath?? lol
@@wegner7036 what? What was that logic?
@Ronron Care to rephrase? I am not entirely certain what you're referring to (It's been five months, sorry about that).
@@wegner7036 sorry. Here is what I meant:
What might have been your reason for concluding a female carpenter turns into a psychopath?
what an amazing mother
every parent should hear this speech
Amazon Prime stop.
Amazon Prime stop.
Amazon Prime He definitely wouldn’t.
@Amazon Prime Hey there! It sounds like you're either Jewish, Christian, or Muslim. Either way you're probably reading texts from what Christians call "The old Testament" and what Jewish folks call the Torah. did you know that when these texts were written, the people writing them concieved of SIX genders, not two? You should do more research, it will probably help you love your God more and all of his diverse creations. learning more about the people around you is the best way to love God.
Amazon Prime Nonbinary people aren't mentally ill, they just don't really want to conform to one of the two "official" genders. Like you maybe don't/didn't want to conform to the rules of the classroom. Does that make you mentally ill, not listening to the rules of good behaviour? No, of course not! It's the same here. Our modern society have these very strict and weird rules, but honestly, we need rule breakers, because otherwise we get stuck in time, and there can be no progress.
I am raising my son this way. He has dolls and cars. Regular Legos and Lego friends. He has pink and blue shirts and he enjoys gymnastics. I'm not religious but have told him he has the right to believe whatever he wants. I've always been an open minded person and that's not going to change.
you sound like an amazing parent :))
BEST PARENT EVER! (that's not mine lol)
@Amazon Prime how so?
yup, poor kid
Wow. I think I was being raised NB all the time then? Except I always was and will be a girl but still like boys stuff. That's nothing new. Don't use NB for raising your kids right. They already choose all the time if they want to be a giraffe or a tiger or anything else. And that's it.
I am an engineer and my brother is becoming a clothing designer. I learned with 95% men/boys in my class, for my brother it´s just the opposite. We are both really good at what we do. Our parents always let us be who we want and it made us better and happier persons.
(We are both straight and cis for that matter. Just because you raise your kid gender non-conforming does not turn them into something they aren´t already born as).
Letting “boys be boys” and “girls be girls” should mean letting them express themselves the way they want. I love this video
I remember when target removed their labels and the backlash that it caused. It made me very happy that we were finally starting to see progress in society and that gender stereotypes were slowly beginning to fade. Thanks for being a great role model for parents around the world.
When did they remove labels? All the targets where I live are ridiculously labeled
Unfortunately all the Target sear me are gendered. I hate going swimming because of the amount of skin showing. So I was looking for a rash guard (swim suit t-shirt) and some swim shorts. I could only find this in the guys section and none of them fit me well because how small I am. It really sucks how gendered things are because things would be so much easier if they did not do this in stores or in the world.
@MrHotPinkBanana ikr, so many things we consider "for boys" or "for girls" were only labeled so less than 100 years ago. Lmao
You call mental illness acceptance progress? More like madness
@@divasbraidz more like, the brain being mapped differently than the body. There's actual science related to trans, it's less illness and more like a miss match.
My son is this way so much, he has long hair, gets called a girl a lot. Love my little pony. Loves pink clothes with glitter. (When people say you have a wonderful girl... he says I'M NOT A GIRL)
@the clique is shooketh maybe he's not, but maybe he is. I'm born female and always felt pretty much like a girl and still liked lots of boyish things (blue, maths, physics, riddles, video games, IT). I did get into some girly things later on (like in my twenties), but I don't think I've become more of a girl because of that.
@@wullivieh Why do you consider physics to be "boyish"? I've been interested in physics, astronomy, etc. for my whole life, and I'm very comfortable as cis female.
pure
@@dezzydream For some reason I feel that physics is a male science, biology a female one, and chemistry a neutral one. That's how the teachers are in my school for it, there's not a single female physics teacher or male biology teacher, but we have 1 male chemistry teacher
@@crystalcollision5432 That make sense. It's a psychological thing for you, associating the subjects with genders based on teachers. I always remember people by colours, it's so weird.
A former co-worker of mine told us as an infant and young child, her daughter would scream her head off in anger if they tried to put a dress on her. Today you wouldn't know her from anyone else on the farm she works at, and is happier then you'd imagine. And she's getting married to her girlfriend next year, icing on the cake!
Amazon Prime Prove it ;)
Awe im so happy for her!!!!
Is she trans?
This is absolutely amazing❤❤
Omg that is so cute 💜
okay yes, I get it this is amazing and sweet... but can we please talk about how adorable this little human being is with a buzz cut and missing teeth!?!?!?! LIKE I WANT HER
Nani Bridgewater yes! She was so adorableee
More little girls need to rock the buzz cut
her?
wholesome
The Person ...yeah dude-
I have 3 boys all who are who they want to be my middle one will tell you his a boy but plays with girl toys, wear pink wears boys and girls shoes, paint his nails likes to wear make up. He likes to have longer hair than normal for boys. He even wore bright pink snow boots to school and was accepted.
Kira Hall 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
That's nice to hear.
Nice!
Damn the bit about the woman looking sad remembering how she was forced as a child into an uncomfortable dress hit me hard. My mum always forced me into clothing and hairstyles that I hated because she wanted me to be more feminine, and she'd never let me have any toy that I wanted if it could be interpreted as somewhat masculine, replacing it with dolls and makeup that I'd just give to my sister. I wish I'd been allowed to express myself authentically as a child, because that level of stifling definitely causes psychological damage in children that follows them throughout their life.
This is the epitome of an amazing parent.
Your username 😂
Also agreed
I'm a cis woman, but I've dipped between masculine and feminine traits since I was 7. My parents always supported my love of Disney, star wars, diy and fashion
Jeez, all she said was that shes a boyish girlish person.
You're missing the point of this talk. These labels you're giving to your preferences and interests are part of the problem. Why do you have to think of your preferences as traits of a specific gender? Remove the labels.
god i hate the word cis
as in that word bit your whole opinion
Izzie ShotgunClare They think of their preferences as traits of a certain gender because it’s true. The truth is, more boys like things like tools, building, and action, and most girls, do not. It doesn’t mean they’re not allowed to like or play with them, it just means they’re a bit different. The labels are fixated as such because that’s just how it mostly how it is.
I have a similar story. I had girls clothes and girly stuff just to feel like I belonged, but I liked playing with the boys and doing "boy" stuff. I wanted to cut my hair short in the 2nd grade because I didn't like my long hair. No one supported it. Someone even said to me that I would look like a boy, like that was a bad thing. Thankfully now I've got the short hair I wanted and can do what I want without judgement because we've come so far in accepting people for who they are.
^ lmfaoooo (but for now, he's right. We don't have enough hard working women. Eventually society will step up and we'll have smarter, faster, stronger people regardless of gender.)
If only the deep south would be more accepting *cough *cough
Snips. My daughter started school in what I call a GI Jane haircut. She let her friend cut her hair and it was so chopped up that I had to no choice but to have it cut.
I loved this. I remember when I was a child I loved boy stuff (I still do now, lol) and after school I used to play superheroes with my male classmates while female played princesses and fairies. One day one of my male classmates’ older brother said “you cannot play with us. Go play princesses with girls”. I looked up at him (he was way taller than me) and said “I can play whatever I want, and I am a better superhero than you”. In that moment I gained respect of all kids in the playground. It seemed an ordinary thing for me, but now I realize how lucky I was to be accepted by my friends
This is amazing! I cannot believe a parent like this woman exists today. She's gonna make her daughter a wonderful person.
As a non-binary person, I absolutely love this speech.
Being a transmasculine non-binary, this means so much that this parent is so supportive and open to it. I can't explain how much I love this video.
Nothing to do with your comment, but PASTA IS NEVER MEDIOCRE ! Pasta is love, pasta is life, pasta is the love of my life
Nice profile pic ||-//
@@oriane4026 honestly same.
Mediocre Pasta exactly what I was thinking!
I'm curious, what does transmasculine non-binary mean? It sounds like you were born a woman, feel like a man, but don't consider yourself fully male or female. Am I at least in the ballpark? Haha
As a trans woman, dating an agender person, we both really appreciate this. Sadly, my family disowned me because they had the twisted views that there's only 2 genders and that if you're born to one, that you are always it. They need this.
This girl is basically me. Gender non-conformity needs to be understood by a lot more people
Amazon Prime yeah, it does.
@Amazon Prime could you please remove or edit your comments to be positive
Amazon Prime are you trying to trigger loads of people and create an argument? I just wanted to agree with the kid. I don’t want an argument
Amazon Prime you can have your opinion. I can’t be bothered to talk to you anymore. Let’s just agree to disagree
Amazon Prime thanks. I won’t look into that.
You know what's interesting? The same goes with music instruments.
I'm a student in a music school, and last year I was chosen to present my instrument (harp) to little kids, preschoolers. I saw like, 3 boys, maybe more, REALLY interested in harp. But their parents response was "Isn't harp a girly instrument? Let's go check on the trombone and saxophone section" and things like that. And I don't know much about these kids, but it was really sad to watch them walk away. The same goes the other round. I seriously don't understand it. In fact, one of the most prestigious and succesful harpist is a guy (Xavier La Meistre, he's awesome look for some videos).
So please, let the Child choose the instrument, because they won't be happy with it later, believe me.
Sorry if they is some wrong spelling, I'm still learning 😊
I alwasy liked both. "boy things" and "girl things" and my mother bought me both. Even for my grandparents it was normal to do crafting and technic stuff with me, because I like it. I was lucky. I dressed up as "Bell" and the next year as the bird dude from Zauberflöte... x'D
As a non-binary person i am blessed that there are still people like this.
I haven't told my parents so i said while we were shopping 'why is everything gendered' and my mum said 'cuz boys don't want to wear dresses and skirts' so i was like 'but some guys do' i just wanted to cry in that moment. So thank you for being a supportive parent.
Loved this! My daughter is 5 and loves playing with legos, trucks, and everything Star Wars along with her dolls and unicorns. She also likes wearing “girl” and “boy” clothes. We’ve taught her that there is no such thing as boy/girl clothes and toys.
I love and appreciate that you're teaching your child to look past the products and the labels that society forces onto people. You sound like a great person and i'm sure your child is gonna grow up to be just as wonderful (don't listen to the haters.They're all bark and no bite)!
good gender-non comforming royal term: my little monarch
:>
sorry i just thought this was cute~
i personally use supreme ruler or esteemed one
I like it.
I would have said your highness
Or personal sovereign.
This child is literally my entire life in a nut shell, like I also enjoyed playing baseball when I was little but when I got “too old” to play I had to quit cus I didn’t like/want to play softball and when I was in 7th and 8th grade I would continuously ask the coaches wife (she was my math teacher) if I could get a sign up sheet to play and she would always tell me no, that I couldn’t play baseball and it was only for boys which made me so mad but I stopped asking this year cus I knew they would say no but seeing this gives me some hope that I can be who I want and be seen by more that what I look like
A lot of sports teams are separated into boys and girls because, in general, boys are stronger than girls, faster than girls, etc. It's just nature. Sometimes there isn't a girls baseball team or boys volleyball team at school because there's simply no demand or no one to compete with. That's where clubs come in! You can contact your principal or counselor and start a baseball club if that's a thing in your school.
I have such a similar story too. I’m around her age, I’ve been playing baseball since I was four and currently on a team with one other girl. In Australia where I live at least, there are many opportunities for women to keep playing baseball (and not just softball) in high level and amateur. However the amateur levels are often mixed
What you described was not your fault, but you shouldn’t be frustrated at all about it. Even at my school, there is a basketball team for girls. What happened is, most girls your age rather wouldn’t play basketball. Since it’s unfair to put a girl against a boy, they simply can’t have you. There is no demand for a girls team.
@AceFromSpace Nice profile pic
This woman is a really good mom.
Thank you. You approach is an eye opener. I was brought up believing blue is only for boys and pink is only for girl. After this talk, I am questioning that. Thank you for making me see another view point which I would have shut it down on the first word. Excellent presentation. Thank you.
Mentioning your daughter’s love of Superheroes is motivational because, speaking as a lifelong SF fan, SF is always motivational to embrace the beauty of diversities and non-conformity. Especially regarding gender. Thank you very much, Michele. 🖖🏻
I wish I knew I could have said I wanted to go in the “boys” section
:(
Yeah but I always insisted yet my mom would never let me
I always wanted a train set and Lego growing up and I never got them and when I got little brothers of course they had train sets and Lego sets and I played with the sets and my brothers and built the entire lego sets for them I loved it, it wasn't fair that they got these things as Christmas and Birthday presents and I got barbies and bratz dolls when I was a kid I remember one time building a train track with glue and popsicle sticks and my parents still wouldn't get me one 😔
Thank you so much for letting her be herself instead of using puberty blockers and trying to convince her she's a boy. There are many girls like her. Daddy's girls.
I want this mom. I'm non conforming and gender curious.
I am a product of the 70's and 80' as well. My mom never told me no for anything based on gender. I had my dolls and my Matchbox cars with a parking garage.
Traci Scott...OH that parking garage! I remember the commercials and how the car went all fast down that ramp-slide. I loved that part...AND the lift that took the cars to the top of the parking garage...Ah nostalgia! 😎
I love this video so much. As a girl with very short hair I know the huge struggle with this stuff. I had to fight to keep my hair the way I wanted it, and even if many people still don't accept that I have a family that's trying its best to support me. Hopefully we'll be able to defeat gender stereotypes soon.
I cried at this video. I'm not ashamed to day I did. I'm almost 16 and I'm really confused, almost distressed, by my gender for at least a year. I always thought that it was normal to feel sometimes more like a boy or more like a girl but last year, I realised that maybe this is not something that everyone feels. I tried to explore this about 6 months ago and I told two people. My best friend and my brother. My best friend is a trans guy and he was so supportive. Then I told my brother, he didn't believe me. Since then I shut down all of the feelings again and have only really returned to wanting to discover this in the last month because I have been so scared. I really want to be me, I want to express myself, but I am so scared. This video really really made me cry because this is what I want my mum to be like if and when I tell her, but I know she won't be. I'm so scared and I don't know what to do. This gave me so much hope and touched me so deeply. Thank you for this video.
There is nothing wrong with you for wanting to express yourself. You do not have to meet anyone's expectations but your own. The fact is not everyone feels like you do. That however does not mean that there is anything wrong with the way you feel. Everyone is unique and different, and it is our differences that make us interesting.
I like that the mother said, “I don’t care if you cut your hair, but there are kids who will look at you funny” people shouldn’t care about what other people’s kids look like. It’s their kid, they raise them how they want. Unless they abuse the child then ya know that’s not okay
I’m non binary and this made me tear up. I wish my family saw gender the way I do.
I wish I had a parent that could understand me like that
being non-binary/ gender non conforming has caused me depression and suicidal thoughts no confidence nothing. I am biologically a girl but it neither boy or girl so I dress masculine and my parents just think I'm a tomboy so yey! :(
I can relate to this to be honest.
When she talks about buzzing her daughters hair i can really relate, my parents wouldnt let me cut my hair into a boy cut until about 2 weeks ago after 3 years of begging and when i saw my hair in the mirror i almost burst into tears i mean like actually crying. The poor hair dresser thought i hated it but i couldn't stop smiling for days.
I agree with letting your children act like whatever gender they want, but there are 2 things you shouldn't do
1: you shouldnt act like your child IS that gender, just that your child acts like the opposite gender
2: dont force your child to become the opposite gender if they dont want to, this leads to your child not understanding who they are and could lead to depression and eventually suicide
Let your child be their own person
VerZ...Sooooo, are you saying in general? Cause this mom NEVER did that!
No parents are forcing their kid to be a different gender. Some people simply were assigned the wrong gender at birth, and if a kid tells you they are not the gender they were assigned, they are.
Gender non-conforming isn't trans. I agree. But trans kids exist.
I agree, just make sure to respect prefered pronouns :)
I was always a tomboy, my mom let me wear boy clothes, however, she always told me I am a girl and most importantly that God made a girl and a boy, and she always reconfirmed that I am a girl. Today I am a woman with two beutiful children. My daughter went through the same confusion and I repeated what my mom did to me. Today she is growing up to be a young beutiful girl.
I’m scared to go into the comments
AND SPRITE...YET, you are in the comments, saying you are scared to go into the comments. 🤷 🤷♂️ 🤨...COMMENTCEPTION! 🤣
There’s a decent amount of trans-positive stuff, but also a good amount of transphobic stuff as well, wouldn’t risk it
I’m just happy this mother is so accepting every parent should be like this
I think the most painful thing for me growing up, is that it was ok for me to be gender neutral as a kid. But when puberty hit, society was like "you're a girl, you need to start growing your hair, you need to start learning how to cook, you need to start learning this and that" but my brother wasnt bothered about learning any of those tasks. I didn't want to either but when I asked why I had to I was told " you're a girl, one day you're gonna get married so start learning this things now, no man wants a useless woman". So all I got from society is that it doesn't matter how smart or brave or strong you are, as a woman your life revolves around a man! It made me so mad its probably why ive hated all things associated with femininity.
I want to get a pixie cut.
My parents say no.
I say yes.
I will keep saying yes.
It will make me happy.
I want to and will.
I.
Will.
@Rachel Hacker I'm still fighting :) Thanks for the encouragement
I was in school and then we were learning about advertisments and almost each one was gender stereotypes and its cool how open my classmates were which were all mad at the teacher for how stereotypical they were.
Amazon Prime wtf is wrong with you
@@jaxonmourning My man👊
@Amazon Prime there may be only two genders, but some people aren't comfortable with being called by the gender they were born as. Its 2018, its not a mental illness to be different from everyone else. If you think that its wrong to not wanting to be called something else related to gender, then why are you here? Just leave people alone if they disagree with you. This video isn't FOR YOU. Its for people like this womans chil, and their family
But sadly enough it's a thing that marketing always goes with what the majority of men/women likes... It's even testet. And pink is a color more preferred by women than men (even if it's been implemented by the parents at birth) but it shouldn't define you or what you choose. Because at the end the buyer is the customer and you can always go for the other.
Why would u get mad at your teachers lol. They aren't perpetuating gender stereotypes by asking you to analyse advertisements. In fact, programs on advertising in school usually make a point to acknowledge how companies use gender as a marketing ploy.
I’m so glad there are people like this that exist and explain everything so well to make others understand
This woman is amazing and very understanding hope there are lots people like her💛🙏🏼
Honestly the best thing you can do as a parent is to just listen to your kid.
I wish my mother was like this. I told her i was gender fluid and she didn't talk to me for 3 weeks.
I identify as female, but I was never super girly or a tomboy. But I liked boys clothes and toys more and now as a teen I almost dress androgynously. My parents never even noticed.
I'm glad Ted/Tedx is keeping these talks on line because they'll be valuable references for future historians and sociologists.
My mom told that she didn't want me to go to prom in a suit because she thought that I would have wanted to become a boy as next step...
As recently as the 1960's/early 1970's in Swiss Germany, pastel blue was the color for baby girls. My mom lived in Zurich at the time, but had immigrated from France. She would dress her 2 baby boys with gifts from family (blue). People on the street would regularly get confused about the gender of her babies.
I absolutely love this speech. So eye opening, especially seeing the ads and how they've changed
This is outstanding. It’s too bad everyone hasn’t seen it!!! Thanks for sharing.
Companies and branding make me so fricking sick
A neighbor who I babysit was born a boy but he likes to dress up as princesses for Halloween but he also likes dinosaurs and superheroes and I love that
I changed my name and gender on RUclips to a boy's because I wanted to avoid the ads targeted to girls. I used to be bombarded by the same s*** Zola wedding planning commercials and now I get dinosaur movie ads. Way better to admire animated dinosaur graphics than the pressured into marriage (I'm only 20 after all)
I was very lucky to have a mom who intentionally raised me and my siblings as if gender was never a restriction. We knew some things were labeled "girl" stuff and "boy" stuff, but we also knew we could do whatever we wanted. She is proud of that, and she should be. She did get a little nervous when my youngest sister wanted a short haircut, only boy clothes, and to be called an androgynous name. I think she's glad that one of our other siblings identifies as a cis woman and, for the most part, is comfortable operating within that category ("At least I have ONE girl!!"). But by now she's accepted the fact that both her youngest and me don't really care about being any particular gender. We don't want to be "women", and we don't want to be "men".
We're non-binary.
Neither of the binary gender categories are useful to how we navigate our lives and our choices. We didn't know about the term "non-binary" until the late 00s, but I think there would be a lot more non-binary people if we even knew it could be an option. I don't want to imply that simply being gender-nonconforming automatically makes you non-binary, but it's an option, y'know? The freedom to not conform to a gender is important.
For me, that "non-binary" means I don't even consider gender. I grew up being allowed to do whatever I wanted, gender-wise, and it turned out that "whatever I wanted" was exactly that. Gender binary who? I frequently find myself wondering why so many things are considered gendered in the first place.
Furthermore, I think many cis women and cis men would be happier, too, if they didn't feel like their gender was a restriction. I think everyone benefits from the idea that you do not have to more-or-less perfectly conform to a binary gender in order to have a good life and be accepted by your peers.
Do what you want, y'all, go be you.
That's a very narrowed view of gender that you have.. Being a woman or a man doesn't mean that you conform to the gender roles. Those who don't aren't necessarily non-binary. We're women and men who do our womanhood/manhood differently.
@@CalThePaladin3733 You've made assumptions about things I did not say.
I can copy my last paragraph here again if you missed something or were too angry when you read it the first time:
"Furthermore, I think many cis women and cis men would be happier, too, if they didn't feel like their gender was a restriction. I think everyone benefits from the idea that you do not have to more-or-less perfectly conform to a binary gender in order to have a good life and be accepted by your peers.
Do what you want, y'all, go be you."
@@CalThePaladin3733 tl;dr I agree with you on what you said, and basically already said it in my comment, and I don't understand why you disapproved of my comment
Sending this to my mom. She doesn’t respect my pronouns at all. I correct and talk with her but she only uses she/her. She says she does support me. But she doesn’t. If she did she would respect them :/
Bleach Tea i know your pain and you can talk to me if you need to let the pain out
Exactly, just like your parents arbitrate limits and boundaries for you and your good since the day that you're born
respect your mother's feelings ':0
Amazon Prime seriously, what is wrong with you?
Amazon Prime 1. I am on 3 meds. ADHD, anxiety, and depression. 2. It’s scientifically proven that trans, non binary, Genderfluid, ect ect arent mental illnesses. So if you wanna fight, science will back me up boo
I just find all of this super sweet and I can't stop smiling
Everyone is their own person and it's their own choice how they express them selves
I'm glad that I have a mother like her. A few weeks ago she finally let me buzz my head. All throughout my childhood I've bounced between feminine and masculine stuff. I loved barbie but also superhearos and pirates of the Caribbean was my everything.
I don’t get why people make baby stuff so gendered. I’m a transguy and my mom & dad raised both me and my sister to be able to play with any toy we wanted, or dress however we wanted regardless of gender and they were endlessly supportive when I came out as trans, I got top surgery when I was 15. I don’t get why some parents are so closed minded, it only pushes them away from their children.
It really does, take it from someone to has experienced it personally.
I am happy for you but as a fellow transguy who's parents never let me wear the clothes I insisted on or cut my hair, I am a bit jealous.
at 15?! really? im jealous
Look where that got them😶
Ashton Because scientifically, most of the time girls like girls stuff and boys like boy stuff.
I don't know if the channel manager sees my comment but I would really love to translate this video into Russian and send it to my mum and the mother of my nephew, because this topic is personally relatable and because I want my nephew to be raised in a less corrupted by stereotypes and gender forced environment. PLEASE enable the TRANSLATION option for this video.
Maybe you can search this video on the TedX website, over there there are many options in the subtitles.
I grow up being pretty much a guy. I had short hair, I played with boys, I wore boy clothes, I was often confused as a boy. My parents thankfully never really cared. I was just a tomboy. To this day I still am way more masculine than the average girl but that doesn't make me special. It just happened. No need to glamourize or force any of this.
Her heart quakes at a parent telling their son not to buy a doll most likely made in the likeness of a girl. But it doesn’t quake whenever her daughter wakes up one morning asking what her husband is wearing, so she can wear the same thing.
I am a woman and I played with cars and dinosaurs when I was a kid.
It's not gender nonconformity if it's not gender. Nonconforming to gender stereotypes works better.
the weirdest person you would ever meet Nonconforming to gender stereotypes is literally exactly what gender nonconforming means
Chief, that's literally what it means
What?
Qing Dang genderqueer, or non binary are used to describe those who are not Male or female. Gender non conforming is when someone does NOT CONFORM to the GENDER stereotypes of their gender.
When I started university we got welcome gift bags (basically a bag full of promotional items) and I had to send a male friend in order to get the "boys" version of it because they were given out by gender. Guys got a magazine about barbecuing, girls got one about fashion. Guys got super glue samples, girls got body lotion etc. I mean really? We were twenty somethings that were approaching adulthood and you still split us up by gender?
this is so amazing. i wish it had spanish subtitles so i could show this to my mom so she could understand what i think as we raise my little brother. thank you for this
I really like this speech because growing up and even now my mother won’t allow me to buy “boy” clothing. Other day I was at the mall with a friend and I bought shorts in the boys department and lied to my mum about where I got them. Like I’m gonna wear and look how I want to. I buzzed my hair despite my mother’s attempts to stop me and imma dress how I want.
"PREACH" Button
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This woman is amazing
This speaks to me as a nonbinary pal, who likes watching My Little Pony and collecting stuffed animals, and also loves all things superhero and dragon and playing video games like Skyrim, as someone who loves playing ice hockey, but is also fascinated by dance and figure skating, and as someone who likes movies like Deadpool and Pacific Rim, but still adores animated movies like Tangled, Brave, Zootopia, and Beauty and the Beast.
Your unconditional love might have saved you both lives. Well done!
The problem with people who are “non-binary” is that they think not conforming to gender stereotypes makes them a different gender. For example, would a girl who likes to play baseball secretly want to be a guy? No, she’s just a girl who likes to play baseball. The same goes for clothing. Just because you’re a boy who likes to wear skirts, it doesn’t make you a girl, just a guy who doesn’t care what he wears. I thought the point of feminism was to banish gender stereotypes, not to make your identity revolve around them
The way you like to dress, the type of clothes you wear, the haircut you get and so on, that's not the same as gender identity. The way you feel inside and the way you like to look can be totally unrelated, if you feel like a man but like to wear dresses, well you're a man in a dress, that's true. But you can also be assigned male at birth and feel like a woman inside, which is different, in which case if yiu wear a dress youll be a woman in a dress.
Non-binary people are sometimes somewhere in the middle of the gender spectrum, or more on a side, and it doesn't matter what clothes they like to wear, their identity should always be respected, no matter what. Anyway someone telling them they're just "this in the opposite gender's clothes" will not change the way they feel inside, except probably make them feel terrible, which in the end is really pointless, right ?
That ain't what it is fam
Not really
+Oriane I'm 100% asking this out of ignorance and curiosity. How do people know what gender they are? Is it biological characteristics?
As a nonbinary person I can bring my testimony.
At first I've thought I was just a girl who liked "man things", but then I understand that I liked "man things" like male clothes because they make me look like a man.
This is the difference from a nonbinary person to a girl/boy who just likes things of both genders.
A nonbinary girl wears boy clothes to show her "boy part", a cis girl just because she likes that clothes
I remember on numerous occasions of my mother getting slightly frustrated at me for ''liking boys stuff''and not wanting to wear dresses or do''girly things'' and for a while the media convinced me i was trans gender.I didnt really tell anyone but im glad i didnt because i quickly realized that i was just gender non conforming,and that its completely fine.Although my mom probably wont understand why i prefer talking about superheros over princesses i dont think i can really blame her,i blame the way she grew up and im grateful to grow up in place where i have access to videos like this to help me understand and accept myself
Thanks for just letting your child ‘be’ themselves! We need more of this for the sake of the psychological well-being of children.
THIS is how we make process away from gender stereotypes, not with censorship, propaganda and hatred.
I’ve learned sooooo much about gender neutral parenting but my biggest concern is about pronouns. I really put thought in what name to choose, cause when you hear Elizabeth, you automatically assume that is a girl, but with names like Blake or Indigo you’re probably gonna have to think twice or even ask if it is a “boy or a girl”.
you can use they/them, they're gender neutral pronouns or ask the person what pronouns they prefer :)
shouldn't u use the pronoun they're assigned at birth? ofc if they end up being trans later in life then u should change but we're talking about young children here, who really don't care about pronouns as long as u aren't restricting their personality. trying to make the pronouns and the name gender neutral just makes things seem as if the only way to have kids that don't have to conform to societal norms is to make them gender neutral. just because u call a girl baby elizabeth doesn't mean she can't be masculine or like trucks, and just because u name a boy baby james doesn't mean he can't be feminine and like dolls.
I would say just use the pronouns according to gender assigned at birth and let your child know, that you are okay with them being trans/NB in the future. Make sure they know that home is a safe space for them. Don't use gender neutral pronouns and don't bother too much with gender neutral names.
@Amazon Prime no we shouldn't
Albus Dumbledore If I hear the name indigo I'm gonna assume it's a pokemon. Im sorry for any child who's name is a colour.
I feel like this whole gender topic Is not really a thing over here in Germany and I struggle to understand it, too. Isn’t gender-nonconforming a term for people who don’t want to choose the purely male/female lifestyle? It seems like Gaby is just expressing her own individual interests! When I was Gabys age, I hated barbies and wasn’t interested in pink stuff, I loved dinosaurs and outer space etc. but I never for once felt like I wasn’t a „proper“ girl - and neither did my mom. It should be seen as healthy when girls don’t let their personality be shaped by Disney, media and commercials!
Gender non-conforming (or GNC for short) just means someone who doesn't really follow traditional gender roles - a girl who likes boy things or a boy who likes girl things. Trans / nonbinary / genderqueer would be some terms for people who don't fit into purely male or female. GNC is to do with what you're interested in and how you like to look - it is presentation. Whereas nonbinary and genderqueer is to do with your internal sense of gender and is identity. I hope that makes sense!
I strongly disagree with you in this not being a German issue. It depends a lot on your environment, but in my surrounding f.e. there is a growing movement of "embracing male/female energie" which basically means teaching people strong gender stereotypes apart from looking into personal interest. And all that gender advertisement? We have that too! Z.b. gibt es inzwischen den bastelkleber für Prinzessinnen und Piraten in rosa und bunt... Oder Bratwürste für Frauen und Männer...
i love this, i really love this, i grew up with an older and a younger brother but i was a very girly girl. I realized as i grew up more i realized something was off with me, when i was 10-11 i started trying to dress like a guy and i rode bikes and scooters, i wore high tops and i cut my hair off, and my parents always thought i was a tom boy. all my friends were confused because they dressed in pretty dresses and stuff and i always felt, odd? i felt left out so i pushed myself back into the typical gender norms and tried to ignore the burn in my gut that told me me this wasnt normal for me. I got older and realized i liked girls as well as guys, i was in a relationship with a guy and we dated for 3 years and throughout those years i started finding myself, but we broke up(because of him not me) but just last year i started binding my chest, cut my hair off again and dress more masc. i found myself, im Non-binary and im changing my name and go by they/them and I'm finally happy and my parents suport me no matter what, they didn't care if i didnt stick to the gender norms of a "girl" and im so thankful for them. ❤
You're an amazing person, and i'm so glad you've found yourself. I'm Non-binary as well and also plan on changing my name in the next few years. Life's a pretty crazy ride, isn't it?
i remember being 7 years old asking my grandma if i could play baseball and she told me "no hunny baseball if for boys" so she signed me up for softball i am now 16 and i sill play softball but still to this day wish it was baseball. I grew up with baseball and it was something I've always enjoyed. We had season tickets every year for the Angels and i remember when i was 5 wanting to play for the Angels. It makes me happy that your daughter is playing baseball and i wanna say thank you to the mother for being so amazing with how she identifies and being so supportive the worl needs more people like you
"Do I know how far she's gonna go?" No.
"Am I gonna tell her she's can't play anymore?"
No.
Is she an awesome parent?
Yes
Hotel?
Trivago.
Thank you for this. My children had a similar story, but inverted (AMAB). All it took was a look at attempted suicide statistics, to know that they both needed to be who they simply were.
*hugs* I'm glad they have a supportive and accepting mom who truely loves them!
This brought tears to my eyes and made me wonder how much stronger of a person I could’ve been if I was accepted as a child by my mother.... instead she just created a broken human trying to repair themselves each day
Just because they are tomboy doesn’t mean they identify with being a boy, that’s just crazy! I was a tomboy because I grew up with a brother but thank God my mom put limits to my choices in how I dress.
What a wonderful mother!!!😭😍🤗
Really?
Bless this woman! She is preaching! I hope more parents watch this lecture. SO GOOD!
i’m really happy she talked about this, it’s hard to be gender non-conforming with unaccepting parents, i just wish mine would understand
This was my favourite Ted Talk so far 😍 such a calm and insightful perspective on the topic:) absolutely wonderful