HOW DO YOU CONFRONT SOMEONE WHO HAS HURT YOU? | The
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- Опубликовано: 11 май 2017
- HOW DO YOU CONFRONT SOMEONE WHO HAS HURT YOU? | The #AskNick Show Ep. 25 | Has someone hurt you in the past and you need to confront them. Are you angry at them? Have they betrayed you and you simply can't take it anymore? If so, you need to watch this video. When it comes to confronting someone who has hurt you, my experience is that there is an effective way to confront and a NOT so effective way. So before you confront someone, make sure you watch this video.
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Music: Spring in my step by Silent Partner
In order for friendship to grow we must express our feelings. This is necessary. We will start having bad feelings and get sick if we do not express ourselves.
Thanks for this Nick, i did not realize how important- the intention, my needs and what i need for myself for my own healing . I will never betray my true self. my power is goodness. thank you
My best friend of 7 years stopped talking to me out of nowhere last year I haven't spoken to him since. I have no idea how to confront him. I just want him to know how much he hurt me and get an explanation.
Hi josie. Sorry to hear about your situation. Maybe just reach out to see what happened? Start there first.
That's what I texed a friend that hit me on Saturday and said nasty things to me .I said I would like an opology and explanation ..then I texed her saying I'm not waiting for one then today she texed saying sorry and said she doesn't remember and that she was drunk .any advice.I haven't texed her back...
Is he a narcissist? This is a common thing when narcs dump their supply and move onto new supply.
Thanks for the advice Nick, this stuff is gold.
YEAHHHHHH! I'm glad you like it. Once people understand this, it's a game changer :)
This guy responds and hearts every comment, great to see a youtube this involved :)
Thank you my friend. I do my best to respond. Its touching to me that people would go out of their way to write something, so out of gratitude, I try to do the same 🙂 sometimes I don't see the messages though 😂😂
Yes.. the most important person to confront about any thing is yourself.
🙂🙂🙂
GREAT ADVICE. Thank you Nick!
🙏🙏🙏❤
awesome nick.great tip .going to practice it.
Kali Ravishankar wonderful! I'm glad to hear 😊
thank you Mr. Nick, very helpful nd very timing! :)
Thank you ❤❤
This will help! Thank you!
Yeah I'm glad to hear 😁🙏🙏
Thank you so much I am going to need this in a little
❤❤❤
Thank you, man. It helped me. :)
Yeah! I'm really glad it's helpful 😁🙏🙏
Thanks for your guidance!
You’re welcome ☺️
So say we all. Thanks for this.
Recently had a "friend" step on my boundaries, actted inconsiderately, and snarky. I'm convinced he's misreading me because I'm autistic...
Tried apologizing for anything I did, he acted annoyed and dismissive. I left it at that, and kept my distance, but the snarky comments have continued... It is time to confront him, and let him no he not only hurt me, but angered me! Not something a 5ft 2 100lb male should be doing...
Not sure if I'll tell him about the neurodivergence, but he's honestly a perfect person to stand up to. I was mad he was small and running my mouth, but I'll see it as a practice run for something I will need to always deal with...
I love the duality of how deep and moving this advice is contrasted with paragliders in the background having the time of their lives lol. "witness yourself speaking truthfully" I really need to hear that and in my case all I can do is send a text message? I think its one step towards not betraying myself in these situations...
😊😊
This very helpful
I'm glad. Thank you ❤❤
Just wrote him a note and then read it out loud to him and left the room. I didn't want his response. I wanted him to know I remember what did and that it was not okay for him to treat me this way. Now I'm back leaving this comment . Thank you!
That's a good idea thank you..writing a letter to let go of my feelings would give me release
I love this, in the morning I intend to confront someone with how I felt going through pregnancy alone and he showed up 9yrs later and I'm definitely not seeking an apology but I want to share my feelings
Good luck my friend and be kind to yourself . Wishing you all the best with your situation 😀
Thank you so much my best friend really hurt me and I found out what I need from her when I do have the courage
❤❤🙏 wonderful
Omg how much you have transformed compared to earlier
😀😀😀
Loved it
Thank you 😊
I really like this. How should we then respond based on their response? If I have a friend who just turns it on me and tries to defend himself without empathizing with my feelings, what then?
They can do or have whatever reaction to it....its ok. Just get back to the intention of why you're doing it and be proud of that. Just handle your part.
Thank you you helped me a lot
I have never been loved by a RUclipsr too (sorry)
Awwwww. Thank you. And you're welcome. This is the whole reason why I created the channel. To help others. I'm so glad it helped 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Thank you so much for the tips. It really made me feel better, but I still didn't understand what to say to the other person that hurt me. If I say how I feel, they will still start defending their part of the story. So how should I say it?
thank you. again we can't control their response, so its more important to express how it impacted you and to witness yourself doing this act. Thats most important
the worst part is that i dont even know if she was talking about me, ill watch this and see if i can talk to her
So powerful
My friend girl of over 30 years in my opinion hurt my feelings, after hanging out for a few days of laughter and talking about old times. As she was getting in her vehicle to return home, I said "as a platonic friend " as I always do when leaving, ... I love you. Her response was "I hope so"😒 I questioned why she would say that? She repeated herself and said "I hope so"... as I walked back to my home, I sat down and later called expressing, my disappointment and asked why my loyalty in our friendship was in question? She responded "I noticed that you were hurt, and the response was a bad choice of words, I apologize. I was just letting you know that it was my way of reassuring you that I feel the same. "
I accepted her apology and apologized for how I came at her. Unfortunately, I have a history of mental emotional abuse from my Ex husband. (He was neglectful, had narcissistic traits, & passive aggressive) Perhaps I reacted from a painful place. How can I heal in this area? Or did I have a right to be upset and confront.
Thoughts?🤔
How do you get over feeling the need for it tho? Like you can't trust the person unless they do acknowledge and apologize, and simultaneously miss the crap out of them but don't want to be with someone who can't look at it from your perspective?
Thank you
You're welcome. Glad you enjoyed it 😊🙏🙏
Confronting someone really is a quest for truth and to finally give yourself a voice. This is the reason why a generic "this is what to say" is not advisable. What is the truth? How do you find it and how do you validate your own experience.
i reluctantly agree with most of what is said in this video. i say that for many different reasons. i have a very unforgiving attitude for a good reason; how can someone intentionally hurt someone else and then expect that it was ok for them to do that!? i never ask for an apology from anyone who has wronged me because by me forgiving them, i'm enabling them to thing it was ok for them to hurt me emotionally! i don't think it's too unrealistic to ask for sympathy/empathy because when we hurt someone emotionally there needs to be a consequence for that action! just my 2 cents
Yes I can see that. It makes sense. What it comes down for me is whether someone wants to heal or not. What I find with my clients is that what when you want your life to move forward, you have to witness yourself speaking truthfully. Or the second option is you spend your life waiting for that apology that never comes. But there's no right answer. It just goes back to how fast you want your life to move.
again, i reluctantly agree. for me, i always want closure when someone wrongs me no matter what! i have found myself wrongfully taking out my anger on others who didn't hurt me because they were easy targets. i refused to acknowledge that when i was younger, but as i get older i feel like like it's a scary thing to think about. i stick by my original comment that when someone hurts someone else emotionally they need to be confronted so that they learn what they did was wrong and not ok. whether or not they'll continue to do what they do might be a different story.
gabez8 I can see that. Makes sense.
My bestfriend of 5 years recently took the side of someone who hurt me and stopped speaking to me and they keep acting like their the victim.When I try to talk to her she never answer she always says she's in a call with the person who hurt my feelings
I feel like I need the person to answer a lot of questions which I have. They're ignoring me on the phone so I've decided I'll em a surprise visit. I do feel like once I fully understand everything, I can finally move on and just be happy. Because right now there's a lot of anger. To break up over text💔
I will need this for later but im too scared to tell them
Same
Don't seek any form of validation
💙💙
Hey nick I have the friend that backstabbed me and this helped me confront him thanks
Awww I'm glad it was helpful ❤❤🙏
May I kno wat he did.
I once thought I saw her in a shop and started to shake and get really scared
A Poison Tree
by William Blake
► Full Text
I was angry with my friend;
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.
This was a helpful video. I do have a question what happens if u are needing to confront someone (letter A) that is close to u (but their is no relationship at all) and someone on the outside (letter B) states if u say anything thing to them about me because they told me what (letter A said to letter B) which I don't plan on telling them what (letter B) told me to (letter A). (Letter B) states they will cut the relationship off with me if I tell them what they said to me about (Letter A). I dont do well with ultimatums and I just found this out today regarding a recording.
On the other hand I need to confront (letter A) because all they do is spread lies and I'm sick of it period. I do need help on this because they have a problem of having deaf ears when they've (Narcissist) done something wrong and they blame everyone else. Any help appreciated.
The situation sounds complicated. The one advice I would give is to be as neutral and clear headed as possible prior to doing anything.
what if you need the person to validate your feelings and for them to realize they’re wrong to feel better?
Yes that's the problem. If you need that and don't get it, you may be putting your life on hold for a very long time. The other choice is what I described :)
@@nickkeomahavong01 okay, i see, thank you for replying!!
Ty
🙂🙂
My intention is to have them look at themselves for who they truly are. Stop trying to tell themselves that they’re good people when they’re good at hurting others. It’s like they’re lying to themselves. Love gotta be translated through action and if they don’t get hurt watching me get hurt that’s not someone I want in my life. I want them to look at themselves and see that they aren’t innocent and that the thing they say I did to them they’re very capable of doing. Everyone is capable of hurting others and I think blaming me instead of taking accountability is childish. Honestly I can’t continue with someone who doesn’t even understand what they did and can’t see anything past themselves. They think they have the shorter end of the stick when I’m the one with the most to lose. It’s like they’re used to getting what they want now they’re mad they didn’t get this one thing like I said childish. They look down on me for certain things I have no control over like they have people supporting them that’s why they’re so capable. I don’t have any of that. The relationship was like every other relationship to them. They want me when they want me and don’t when they don’t want me. This is not even a relationship I’m done with them. It’s like they expect relationship treatment when we aren’t in one. They want me to worship them cause apparently they can’t do no wrong like people make mistakes don’t use it against them. Literally the type of person who thinks they’re better than others is the ugliest and probably the lowest of them all. Dee down they know they ain’t shit and know their inadequacy. They’re the type of person to take personal things from you but not prioritize you in any way shape or form. Like they make you feel special and take from you when truly you don’t mean that much to them they just make you feel that way. It’s someone who lacks honesty and if I knew that I wouldn’t have told them anything. Now they know more about me than I know about them. I don’t even know them.
Hi were you able to confront them? And I hope you are doing much better now
@@mowgli7_ thank you im better. Still got a foggy empty feeling if it makes sense but im continuing on with my life anyway.
@@blahblah7050 you will find your way, I have faith
I helped my brother find his card with 100 pounds inside, if he didn't find it then he would've been in big trouble.
Miraculously I found it, he said he'd treat me food. Next day, he bought the shit for me but ASKED me for the money. I hesitated but I did give it to him.
This video made me realise that sometimes you just have to confront people to feel better but don't have expectations. Plus, I should've expected it, he's a pos anyways.
yes its important to speak truthfully...but like you said, just don't have any expectations :)
So someone who I thought I was becoming friends with recently walked out on their bar tab from my favorite watering hole. They were not drunk, and only had two beers however, that in some ways makes it worse.....plus they are pushing 50!! This incident really has me questioning this person's character and judgement. I told their friend/business partner who was still there, and they paid the person's tab for them. They have a business near my job that I have enjoyed having lunch at every now and again up until this recent incident. I feel like I need to say something knowing that they could have just about any reaction. My intentions in doing this is for the purpose of establishing healthy boundaries, and to not compromise my integrity by keeping my mouth shut. I also want to somehow make a point that I don't walk into and out of their business without paying for what I ordered, and I cannot imagine they would appreciate me as a person if I did. The tricky part is figuring out how to say what I have to say tactfully.
saying it from a lens of how the incident impacted you and not so much blaming the other person can be healthy :)
@@nickkeomahavong01 it would be helpful to know what words I have used that come across as "blaming?"
why would you want to confront anyone ... if someone has hurt you ... deliberately or otherwise ... just realise that this person can't be trusted ... and move on!
This girl I’m my class I used to like hurt me because at lunch time, my friend pushed me into her and she fell over and I said sorry and helped her up then she said a was an abuser which made me really sad because she said it infront of the teacher and I’ve had bad experiences in the past (not to me but to known ones) I’ve been pretty sad for a couple of days what should I do?
Sorry you had that experience. Its definitely not pleasant. if possible, just try to see the situation as it is without beating yourself up. If the opportunity arises, do your best to explain the situation or misunderstand. Again sorry for that experience. Hang in there my friend.
Thank you 😊
She forgave me
Be careful not to idolise people! Look at how they treat people not how they look! Dont get fooled ! Life purpose is not all about finding someone.
@@GuidetteExpert I’ve learnt that within the past month...
3:21 if you fail to confront the ordeal as it happens, then of course they wouldnt know if they hurt you
What if that someone is your spouse?
I think it still applies. It's still possible for us to speak truthfully to our spouse as well.
What to do if i did betray myself 4:54 ?
Just stop that action and start developing good habits or honoring yourself.
An literally still hurt and I wanna get over it 😥😥😣😣😣need help
I'm sorry about your situation. Be gentle with yourself 🙏
@@nickkeomahavong01 thank you and I will try to be
@@zanijahparks828 😁🙏🙏
Trying to figure out how to talk to my therapist and tell her that she hurt my feelings. She's a good therapistay and I don't think she ment to. Eeee very nevous.
I think you can say it directly.
He said he didn’t wannah hear my song 🥹