Story 2, it sounded to me like OP's "blue paint" offer wasn't serious and she was trying to make a point. But i agree it would have been better to flat-out say no.
Agree I don’t think she thought they would actually agree to it. It was just an inflammatory way of saying no. Personally I think it’s funny and probably would’ve done the same thing. Not because it would bring me happiness though, just cuz it’s a good laugh in the moment.
Omg i didn’t think it could get worse from cheating! The fact the OPs husband would let a REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER be around the kids even if that’s his sister!? I would have left work so fast and called the cops ASAP I’m speechless 😤😩
Dusty i think you misinterpreted the blue paint story. Claire and her mother had been nagging for op to pay for the wedding for a while. They were not taking no for an answer. The Blue paint suggestion was a way to get them to shut up... Well also highlighting part of why. They ruined ops' wedding and had been horrible since all because Claire couldn't be a flower girl. I think op is NTA and Clair& mother are ASCON 1
I was just about to comment this. She did ignore them, but they confronted her at a family gathering, so she said this. She doesn't actually want to do the paint stuff.
Story 4, the tampon "cheating" story has me shook. As someone who was molested as a young child by a babysitter, my parents took me to a child therapist/psychiatrist immediately, even before going to the police. That was the most important thing. I remember when the cops were finally called, they did not know how to talk to children and my brother and i were terrified of them and didnt want to open up. Without the therapist there to get our testimony in a way that didnt traumatize us more, I doubt the perpetrator would have had justice. So, on the off chance someone else has to deal with this nightmare, take your child to a therapist that specializes in children and trauma before anything else. I hope the OP in that story finds a good therapist to figure out if something happened to her children and how to support them better if there was terrible trauma.
Wedding dress story: it’s not revenge if the niece agrees. She could have said nothing, attended the wedding, and then ruined the niece’s dress. Instead she gave her the option which was really an opportunity to reflect on what she had done and how she made someone else feel.
Nope nope for Story 4, the moment OP brought up her husband insisting on her NOT to go home to take care of their kids was a red flag to me. That seems like he wanted to have alone time to have someone over. (FYI this is my thought before the final update) lol Dusty I also thought “Either the house is haunted or he’s having an affair” Edit after update:ohmygosh I was not expecting that. Those are the kind of people you cut out of your life. Ascon1 for the husband 👩⚖️
Whooooaaaaaa I was riled up by the second story's title/first paragraph (I am a child free by choice aunt), but then got crazy whiplash with the kid's/sister's shit behavior (especially after OP's husband's death). The AUDACITY to ask for her money after that? What the absolute fuck?!
Dusty you looking at second story completely wrong. Op was humiliated at her wedding by sister and evil niece. For years they have picked on her and when the OP lost her husband the evil niece posted that picture. Now they want her help she said no , they keep asking she said no , now she said okay these are the conditions I will help you with this wedding and if you don't do it I will not help. This is her way of saying no or hey if you are really that desperate and agree then I will do it. She knows they will say no. So this shuts them down. However id they agree OP can have a little revenge that she is obviously not doing on any other level and is trying to stay away from them. I would think she is not in contact with them but they are reaching out to her at events or social media or something. Walking away and NC is good in theory but not always possible if people keep coming for you because of their entitlement. 😊
I think OP would be the AH if she had hired someone to pour blue paint on the bride, the proposal was just a FU to emphasize they're getting no money from her. The girl is grown now and can take a couple of punches when she starts the fight.
Story #1. Daughters are EARNING what they get. They have equal EARNING options. One has chosen differently than the other. Totally fair. Input = output
Story 3, classic greed. NTA. The in-laws are unhinged and dangerous and OP needs to get new friends since they think someone else's belongings should go to people who have no rights to them.
story 1: That's literally life. Some people have higher paying jobs than others. Also one daughter set herself up better to market her skills. And OP's step daughter being so vocal in her jealousy makes me somewhat scared for OP's daughter. Jealous, entitled, and resentful people are dangerous
Story 5: OP is a pick-me. Simple as that. Even if she isn't in love with the guy, she's majorly overstepping and acting as if she can tell his fiance anything regarding her own wedding
After 3 years Jessica should have some idea what her life partner likes. And, OP is a Groomswoman, not a bride's maid ... She could if the groom wanted she could have helped him pick out the Tux/Mens ware. She was trying to wedge herself between a friend, and his chosen life partner! Asta La Vista friendship!
Last story. If you show up at 10am, in a house with small kids, and don’t expect less than perfection, you are looking for a reason to complain. My kids are grown and gone and at 10am I’m just finishing my coffee and haven’t even attempted to clean. I had a MIL like that. Her house never had a single thing out of order inside or out. My husband said when he was little, he would have breakfast and was not to come inside till lunch unless it was raining. The same happened after lunch. Eat and leave till dinner. That’s how you keep a perfect house
How is OP the ah in story 3.....? He bought her a ring and had it sized for her.... it's her ring. Her friends and John's family are all whack and for the family to demand money back for the funeral when she paid for it is even crazier. I would if John is a relative of mine because that shitty behavior sounds exactly like something my family would pull.
Probably but on an emotional level. And he chose to gaslight OP when things didn't add up and OP was suspicious of him. He knew but didn't care that his sister was dangerous.
John's ring story ...All I have to say is with friends like that OP you do Not need enemies! The Assholery, of the family is ASCON1, and in my opinion the friends are ASCON1.for calling her an Assholes for keeping or wanting to keep this a the ring as a representation of the life they shared and his memory.
I did not know this. Thank you. I have no reason to use that term but I will definitely remember that for the future. I would not want to offend someone even by ignorance.
33:15 marriage over, nope no way in hell, someone who will go that far to cover up someone you don’t want around your kids, would go that far and farther to hide if something happened to them and still try to make it your fault. No
From the info provided in the wedding dress story, it sounds like the one niece and the niece's mom are the only ones who treat op like shit. It also sounds like she gave gifts and stuff to other family members who didn't treat her badly. At least, I assume this because the examples were named as different people. Finally, it doesn't sound like the ruin the dress offer was something she actually wanted. It sounds like she did say no multiple times, but they wouldn't stop badgering her. It sounds like she made the ruin dress off as a way to throw the shitty behavior into the niece's face to get them to stop. I agree that no contact is a good idea, but I don't think OP is a asshole for not doing so. That's like saying someone who is in an abusive relationship is an asshole for not leaving. There are two sets of assholes in the story. The first set is obvious, the niece and the niece's mom for the reasons op gave. The second set is less obvious. The rest of OP's family are assholes, too. I don't know if any of them stood up for OP because that information is not provided, but any of them that allowed the niece's behavior to persist are all assholes. This opinion is made even more solid when you factor in the fact that the bulk of OP's interactions with the niece are at family events hosted by other members of the family. That means that said family is allowing this shitty behavior to persist without quashing it. I think OP needs to go full nuclear no contact. Cut off any family who did not try to stand up for her and any who actively sides with the niece. She should also stop going to family events and tell them exactly why.
The Tampon story, (I hope they were not used cause ewww!) The husband a EVIL horrible Monster not parent to allow a sex offender anywhere anywhere near his kids, and worse yet leaving them alone with her. Then Gaslighting his wife OP and make her feel crazy. If he wanted to see his sister he could have done so by himself, and been honest with his wife, and first and foremost keeping his kids safe. If it was me no matter the cost he would never see the children again at least until they were grown and made that choice because came up with Iron their own😠
On story 3 I’ve actually read about victims who have suffered sexual assault from a family member discuss feelings of protecting their abuser… relationships of lost love that they thought they were in love even in incest scenarios! Often times feelings of abandonment when the victims have to be removed from the abuser and felt forced to have been stopped! I feel like this could possibly fit that scenario sadly if he felt affection towards his sister like above this could be far sicker of a situation than OP could ever know 🤦♀️ and I feel like the sister was playing can you figure it out like a game to OP to F with her… sick bi%
I would divorce him and get a restraining order on the SIL. I would also file for sole custody and supervised visitation. How do you leave your children with a registered sex offender? 😮😢 especially young children who can't articulate what might have happened. 😢😢😢 Also SIL didn't want to sneak around? Why put a tampon in wife's sick drawer?
The thing about the tampon story is…why? Why would this woman leave her tampons in OP’s dresser drawer? Like…OK, we can look at the car one as a potential accident, but the dresser drawer? That was intentional. So why would she do that if she knows that this will hurt her on many different levels? This does not make sense to me. I mean, the story is outrageous as it is, but the motivation behind leaving tampons is baffling. Because…why? I mean, I don’t want to come off as brushing off the husband’s actions, or hers for that matter, but the tampons…it’s like she wanted to get caught. That is some sick crap right there. What is wrong with these people?!
I think she was hoping the wife would think he was cheating and leave him. Even if they share custody, she will be right there to help him out and watch the kids while he's gone. Gives herself more opportunity to molest the kids with nobody to know for years.
Story four depply concerns me, something about the clothes is weird. It's possible she could have done or attempted something on the child and got rid of the clothes buying her new ones, a bribe or something to keep the child quiet I really REALLY hope OP gets the child looked at Ethier by a psychologist, doctor or has a talk with the children if anything has happened. Absolutely furious at the father he knowingly let her into his home KNOWING she has molested one of their family members already.
I am a neat nut, and I have good reason which are not entirely unimportant but I don't have kids. Yet, no matter what its not the guest's place even if they are family to say anything about how others choose to live unless the "mess" is so bad the children are endangered.On Dusty's list of what the kids could be doing or are located so mom/wife can clean I would add would add if the kids were at school. But, I'd also need to know what if anything OP does around the house to keep it clean and in order?? Yet the old adage Happy Wife Happy Life applies here, and in a marriage between spouse and their in-laws dude cannot or should not try to be Switzerland or the UN Peace Keeper that agrees with everyone. You have to pick a side, and if you want to ever have sex with your spouse again, and keep from ending up in divorce court ... Then OP only has one choice. Its not fair, but thems the rules as in those are the things that typically happen if they side with their parent against their spouse.
That tampon story had me stressed and only got worse with each update. Definitely need something past Ascon 1 for both the husband and his sister.
He's circling Ascon 1 a dozen times.
My thoughts exactly. They are worse than Ascon1. So much worse.
I was hoping for an affair, because the facts were so much worse.
Story 2, it sounded to me like OP's "blue paint" offer wasn't serious and she was trying to make a point. But i agree it would have been better to flat-out say no.
Agree I don’t think she thought they would actually agree to it. It was just an inflammatory way of saying no.
Personally I think it’s funny and probably would’ve done the same thing. Not because it would bring me happiness though, just cuz it’s a good laugh in the moment.
In the first story… it’s about “equal input” not equal OUTPUT… that mom is a problem. Her daughter needs to find motivation
Story #4 was the first time a Reddit story truly shocked me. I audibly gasped. Crazy!
Omg i didn’t think it could get worse from cheating! The fact the OPs husband would let a REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER be around the kids even if that’s his sister!? I would have left work so fast and called the cops ASAP I’m speechless 😤😩
Dusty i think you misinterpreted the blue paint story. Claire and her mother had been nagging for op to pay for the wedding for a while. They were not taking no for an answer. The Blue paint suggestion was a way to get them to shut up... Well also highlighting part of why. They ruined ops' wedding and had been horrible since all because Claire couldn't be a flower girl. I think op is NTA and Clair& mother are ASCON 1
YES!
I was just about to comment this. She did ignore them, but they confronted her at a family gathering, so she said this. She doesn't actually want to do the paint stuff.
@@juliaf.7701 Yup. That is what he read, he just didn't click it
Agreed
Story 2: OP is NTA. She's not going to do anything to Claire *unless* she gives her money. They don't want the paint job? Don't ask for money
Story 4, the tampon "cheating" story has me shook.
As someone who was molested as a young child by a babysitter, my parents took me to a child therapist/psychiatrist immediately, even before going to the police.
That was the most important thing. I remember when the cops were finally called, they did not know how to talk to children and my brother and i were terrified of them and didnt want to open up. Without the therapist there to get our testimony in a way that didnt traumatize us more, I doubt the perpetrator would have had justice.
So, on the off chance someone else has to deal with this nightmare, take your child to a therapist that specializes in children and trauma before anything else.
I hope the OP in that story finds a good therapist to figure out if something happened to her children and how to support them better if there was terrible trauma.
Story 3... Im just flabbergasted. Not only by deceased fiance's family but OP FRICKING FRIENDS!!! Wth!!!
Wedding dress story: it’s not revenge if the niece agrees. She could have said nothing, attended the wedding, and then ruined the niece’s dress. Instead she gave her the option which was really an opportunity to reflect on what she had done and how she made someone else feel.
Nope nope for Story 4, the moment OP brought up her husband insisting on her NOT to go home to take care of their kids was a red flag to me. That seems like he wanted to have alone time to have someone over. (FYI this is my thought before the final update) lol Dusty I also thought “Either the house is haunted or he’s having an affair”
Edit after update:ohmygosh I was not expecting that. Those are the kind of people you cut out of your life. Ascon1 for the husband 👩⚖️
Tampon story: My jaw was on the floor. I was speechless. There are no words...
Story 4: THROW THAT ENTIRE EFFING MAN AWAY!!
Whooooaaaaaa I was riled up by the second story's title/first paragraph (I am a child free by choice aunt), but then got crazy whiplash with the kid's/sister's shit behavior (especially after OP's husband's death). The AUDACITY to ask for her money after that? What the absolute fuck?!
Dusty you looking at second story completely wrong. Op was humiliated at her wedding by sister and evil niece. For years they have picked on her and when the OP lost her husband the evil niece posted that picture.
Now they want her help she said no , they keep asking she said no , now she said okay these are the conditions I will help you with this wedding and if you don't do it I will not help. This is her way of saying no or hey if you are really that desperate and agree then I will do it. She knows they will say no. So this shuts them down. However id they agree OP can have a little revenge that she is obviously not doing on any other level and is trying to stay away from them. I would think she is not in contact with them but they are reaching out to her at events or social media or something.
Walking away and NC is good in theory but not always possible if people keep coming for you because of their entitlement. 😊
Oh Dusty. You missed it on story 2
I think OP would be the AH if she had hired someone to pour blue paint on the bride, the proposal was just a FU to emphasize they're getting no money from her. The girl is grown now and can take a couple of punches when she starts the fight.
Story #1. Daughters are EARNING what they get. They have equal EARNING options. One has chosen differently than the other. Totally fair. Input = output
Story 3, classic greed. NTA. The in-laws are unhinged and dangerous and OP needs to get new friends since they think someone else's belongings should go to people who have no rights to them.
story 1: That's literally life. Some people have higher paying jobs than others. Also one daughter set herself up better to market her skills. And OP's step daughter being so vocal in her jealousy makes me somewhat scared for OP's daughter. Jealous, entitled, and resentful people are dangerous
Story 5: OP is a pick-me. Simple as that. Even if she isn't in love with the guy, she's majorly overstepping and acting as if she can tell his fiance anything regarding her own wedding
After 3 years Jessica should have some idea what her life partner likes. And, OP is a Groomswoman, not a bride's maid ... She could if the groom wanted she could have helped him pick out the Tux/Mens ware. She was trying to wedge herself between a friend, and his chosen life partner! Asta La Vista friendship!
Ok. Ima go rearrange Claire's face.
Last story. If you show up at 10am, in a house with small kids, and don’t expect less than perfection, you are looking for a reason to complain. My kids are grown and gone and at 10am I’m just finishing my coffee and haven’t even attempted to clean. I had a MIL like that. Her house never had a single thing out of order inside or out. My husband said when he was little, he would have breakfast and was not to come inside till lunch unless it was raining. The same happened after lunch. Eat and leave till dinner. That’s how you keep a perfect house
How is OP the ah in story 3.....? He bought her a ring and had it sized for her.... it's her ring. Her friends and John's family are all whack and for the family to demand money back for the funeral when she paid for it is even crazier. I would if John is a relative of mine because that shitty behavior sounds exactly like something my family would pull.
❤️🧡
So with Story 4.....was OPs husband one if hos sister's victims?
Probably but on an emotional level. And he chose to gaslight OP when things didn't add up and OP was suspicious of him. He knew but didn't care that his sister was dangerous.
John's ring story ...All I have to say is with friends like that OP you do Not need enemies! The Assholery, of the family is ASCON1, and in my opinion the friends are ASCON1.for calling her an Assholes for keeping or wanting to keep this a the ring as a representation of the life they shared and his memory.
3:39 that's communism for you!
Claire was just five when the cake incident happened. Perhaps her mom told her to do it. I think holding that against Claire is not appropriate.
If that were the only thing, then sure. Apparently Claire never grew up, though.
The thing is she posted that pic after OP’s husband’s death. She mocked OP. Deliberately. And never apologized.
Of course. Claire is not in the right, but she should let go the incident from when Claire was five.
As of typing this, i havent even heard story 4 and im already worried just from reading the comments.
Okay ive now heard it... Oh.... Wow. Just wow.
PSA: Gypsy is a derogatory term for Romani people. It’s equivalent to the N word.
There is zero debate about this. I am Romani.
I did not know this. Thank you. I have no reason to use that term but I will definitely remember that for the future. I would not want to offend someone even by ignorance.
33:15 marriage over, nope no way in hell, someone who will go that far to cover up someone you don’t want around your kids, would go that far and farther to hide if something happened to them and still try to make it your fault. No
From the info provided in the wedding dress story, it sounds like the one niece and the niece's mom are the only ones who treat op like shit. It also sounds like she gave gifts and stuff to other family members who didn't treat her badly. At least, I assume this because the examples were named as different people. Finally, it doesn't sound like the ruin the dress offer was something she actually wanted. It sounds like she did say no multiple times, but they wouldn't stop badgering her. It sounds like she made the ruin dress off as a way to throw the shitty behavior into the niece's face to get them to stop. I agree that no contact is a good idea, but I don't think OP is a asshole for not doing so. That's like saying someone who is in an abusive relationship is an asshole for not leaving.
There are two sets of assholes in the story. The first set is obvious, the niece and the niece's mom for the reasons op gave. The second set is less obvious. The rest of OP's family are assholes, too. I don't know if any of them stood up for OP because that information is not provided, but any of them that allowed the niece's behavior to persist are all assholes. This opinion is made even more solid when you factor in the fact that the bulk of OP's interactions with the niece are at family events hosted by other members of the family. That means that said family is allowing this shitty behavior to persist without quashing it. I think OP needs to go full nuclear no contact. Cut off any family who did not try to stand up for her and any who actively sides with the niece. She should also stop going to family events and tell them exactly why.
I would have asked WHY his Mom didn’t pitch in and help her with the house that day?
The Tampon story, (I hope they were not used cause ewww!) The husband a EVIL horrible Monster not parent to allow a sex offender anywhere anywhere near his kids, and worse yet leaving them alone with her. Then Gaslighting his wife OP and make her feel crazy. If he wanted to see his sister he could have done so by himself, and been honest with his wife, and first and foremost keeping his kids safe. If it was me no matter the cost he would never see the children again at least until they were grown and made that choice because came up with Iron their own😠
On story 3 I’ve actually read about victims who have suffered sexual assault from a family member discuss feelings of protecting their abuser… relationships of lost love that they thought they were in love even in incest scenarios! Often times feelings of abandonment when the victims have to be removed from the abuser and felt forced to have been stopped! I feel like this could possibly fit that scenario sadly if he felt affection towards his sister like above this could be far sicker of a situation than OP could ever know 🤦♀️ and I feel like the sister was playing can you figure it out like a game to OP to F with her… sick bi%
Story 1 the wife is silly cause there’s no way that should happen
Dusty, I think you need to revamp your ascon scale. Current ascon 1 is a terrible human, but the twisted evil needs it's own category.
I would divorce him and get a restraining order on the SIL. I would also file for sole custody and supervised visitation. How do you leave your children with a registered sex offender? 😮😢 especially young children who can't articulate what might have happened. 😢😢😢
Also SIL didn't want to sneak around? Why put a tampon in wife's sick drawer?
The thing about the tampon story is…why? Why would this woman leave her tampons in OP’s dresser drawer? Like…OK, we can look at the car one as a potential accident, but the dresser drawer? That was intentional. So why would she do that if she knows that this will hurt her on many different levels? This does not make sense to me. I mean, the story is outrageous as it is, but the motivation behind leaving tampons is baffling. Because…why? I mean, I don’t want to come off as brushing off the husband’s actions, or hers for that matter, but the tampons…it’s like she wanted to get caught. That is some sick crap right there. What is wrong with these people?!
I think she was hoping the wife would think he was cheating and leave him. Even if they share custody, she will be right there to help him out and watch the kids while he's gone. Gives herself more opportunity to molest the kids with nobody to know for years.
Story four depply concerns me, something about the clothes is weird. It's possible she could have done or attempted something on the child and got rid of the clothes buying her new ones, a bribe or something to keep the child quiet
I really REALLY hope OP gets the child looked at Ethier by a psychologist, doctor or has a talk with the children if anything has happened.
Absolutely furious at the father he knowingly let her into his home KNOWING she has molested one of their family members already.
Story 4, I'd absolutely rather he was cheating. This is so foul
I am a neat nut, and I have good reason which are not entirely unimportant but I don't have kids. Yet, no matter what its not the guest's place even if they are family to say anything about how others choose to live unless the "mess" is so bad the children are endangered.On Dusty's list of what the kids could be doing or are located so mom/wife can clean I would add would add if the kids were at school. But, I'd also need to know what if anything OP does around the house to keep it clean and in order?? Yet the old adage Happy Wife Happy Life applies here, and in a marriage between spouse and their in-laws dude cannot or should not try to be Switzerland or the UN Peace Keeper that agrees with everyone. You have to pick a side, and if you want to ever have sex with your spouse again, and keep from ending up in divorce court ... Then OP only has one choice. Its not fair, but thems the rules as in those are the things that typically happen if they side with their parent against their spouse.
NTA don't pay for anything for Claire and tell them to go fly a kite and Claire was an awful child and an awful teen
Story 4 the husband is a ascon1
Love your show but not t shirt with assault rifle
NTA for the Ring for God's sake your friends are assholes for not standing with you