My DA contacted me after 6 months. We even spoke on the phone and they said they wanted to meet me for lunch or coffee, but have since made excuses for not meeting me. It’s like being in the relationship again, being tortured. Now I’m seeing someone else, who’s not a DA, and trying to forget about the DA.
@@robstriathlontipsforbeginners you got a new change in life with your new partner. Let the DA find out the hard way, she is too late. Also, you loved her too much. You know its true. It wasn't healthy
@kidronreddy1671 The truth is it took me a long time to do it. He strung me along as an ex and breadcrumbed me. I just got tired of feeling disappointed and disrespected constantly. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but my peace and self respect became more important, and I have that now. Wishing you all the best. Trust me I understand how you feel.❤️
You're going to become a huge widely known you tuber. You're just so incredibly good. One video is more helpful than going to the therapist multiple times. Thank you so much for doing these!
My avoidant has been ghosting me for 3 months. Then he contacted me out of the blue, very drunk, Boxing Day evening asking to come and see me and I said no. I texted him the next day to ask what he wanted and he withdrew and cut again, I still don’t know what he wanted to say to me. Since then my mindset has shifted. I still love him a lot but I’ve accepted that’s it for us and moved on emotionally, I don’t cry anymore. He’s never going to have the courage to say what he feels and commit to me. And believe me I grieved this man more than I’ve ever grieved any relationship loss before. I was distraught up until Xmas. That call from him seemed to be the literal wake up call
I literally woke up feeling a longing for my avoidant ex situationship and this video spoke volumes I decided to sit with my feelings this time and allow them to go through me and yes i am longing for a deeper connection to my self, thank you Corri T.
So was mine! Then I realized he never thought I WAS funny. Or necessarily fun. And I'm a total hoot! I crack everyone up and can plan fabulous adventures! But everything was a competition and about his ego and pride. He had to come out on top or he got ugly. Oh not immediately, but I sorely paid for it later. I think we need to fully block them (including on social media and no viewing them, either) and take a lot of space and time to really think about what we sacrificed to be with this person. Unless we do that for at least a month we are vulnerable to being roped back in by their future faking and breadcrumbing. Not to mention the gaslighting that we got so used to we no longer knew it was happening. She's right, I'm still trying to lower my cortisol after almost 2 months.
My ex was really fun and funny as well. I'm trying to associate him with negative feelings and negative experiences and also disassociating changing his name in my phone when it was in there. When I think about him, I change his name and say a different name in my head. The best thing I did was write a letter and do not give it to him everything he did to cause me pain heartbreak or hurt all the disrespectful things and then write a letter of what I deserve and the kind of man I want ❤🥰
@@gal1885mine was as well try disassociating change his name in your phone change his name in your mind start associating with him with negative things write a letter just don't give it to him about everything he did that was negative or heartbreaking or disrespectful and then write a letter of the kind of man you want and deserve ❤🥰
I'm struggling with still seeing the good in someone who hurt me. I still see the potential. It's a very intelligent person who of course could improve if he wanted and learn new coping techniques. He just doesn't want to do it. Not for me. Which really hurts. How do I get over it?
It’s so hard when you feel like you know their heart and know their potential I’m in this same boat but remember what you deserve and why it had to end in the first place. Stay strong
You said it right yourself he just doesn’t want to do it. And even if he did he might come back and resent you when ‘ it’s not working’ and he returns to his misbehavior
My boyfriend told me “I love you so much it’s scary” one night and the following night “I don’t love you!” and “you don’t deserve me!” in the middle of a horrible fight. It almost makes me want to laugh but the amount of stress and struggle for so long makes me relieved for this break, whether temporary or permanent. I have been trying to help him (and us) as I understand why he is the way he is but it’s been one-sided and one step forward two steps back.
@@HarpersweetsI did, too! And I used to dismiss these kinds of comments as well. Now after 6 weeks of absolute no contact I realize he's right. I deserve better.
I feel this on so many levels. I'm working on disassociating his name in my phone and in my head, I changed it to a different name. I also wrote a letter of everything he did that was disrespectful and heartbreaking the name of wrote a letter of everything I wanted in a man everything I deserve I am focusing on myself❤
@@Daniellemarie10 I wrote mine a letter months back during one of his distancing episodes (we'd sort of argue, nothing serious, I just wasn't being a perfect girlfriend for him or had the nerve to bring up something he said or did that didn't sit right with me, and so he'd block me). I came to call these episodes the punishment phase because it felt like he was punishing me for having a voice and needs of my own. This happened more times than I care to count. But I never sent the letter. Usually he'd reach out after a few days, always on his terms, and shut me down or get angry if I ever wanted to discuss what happened or why. He was overly defensive, manipulative and jealous of any wins on my part, and made sure to make me feel horrible whenever he wasn't feeling so good about himself. I know these behaviors were coping mechanisms due to his childhood. But at some point I realized that you have to choose your own emotional wellbeing, and if you break it off they will either do some self-reflection and work or they won't. This doesn't mean you don't love them. It just means you've chosen yourself and put your needs first. Change doesn't happen overnight so I won't unblock him, ever, because I refuse to be roped back in under the guise of his having remorse or having changed. For almost 2 1/2 years nothing ever changed. I'm done.
Thank you for this video Corri. This directly speaks to my situation and feelings I’m experiencing after my recent break up with my avoidant ex. It’s so so tough each day, but I know that with time and no contact from I will gradually begin to heal and focus now on my own life. Instead of working so hard to make it work between us. God I was so anxiously attached, the stress of it completely took over my life. I see that now , that it could never have lasted. Thank you so much for this video. Truly. ❤
I really needed to hear this today as this is the position I’m in with an avoidant asking for his third chance and I’m having to keep away and honour myself and self respect instead of giving in to what’s coming from the anxiety programming only. You’re so right about are you missing them or missing a connection that’s wasn’t even present when you were with them!
It does make you wonder what has gone so wrong in modern society that so many people are in some way dysfunctional. Whilst certain mental health conditions must have existed in the past but simply went unrecognised, the number prevalent today must be as a result of how we live now.
I'm grateful for your videos. They are so helpful. You said near the end "the imprint lasts forever". And that is something I'm really struggling with. After our breakup (me = anxious, he = dismissive) I worked really hard on myself. Finding my self worth, self love and confidence again. But no matter how confident I feel, or how much I appreciate myself (cause I don't want to have such a relationship ever again) I still feel this enormous deep connection with him. And that is what I'm struggling with. I also feel his emotions. I feel his sadness, his anxiety, his connection with another woman, which is just a shallow connection. But I do get to feel it everyday. And I don't want that anymore. As soon as he is sleeping (or busy/working during the day), I don't feel it. At those moments I feel happy with myself. He has a very strong energy. And I just don't know how to make him let me go. It was his choice to run away, but obviously he can't let me go. Do you have any tips for that?
You will feel that connection with someone else in time. Until then, take the energy you are using having candlelight vigils for this guy and put it towards self improvement. That way you'll be more likely to attract someone better.
I had similarly briefly, my arms would come out in hives because I was so upset. Hasn’t happened for a couple months but when I’m hormonal it’s like the pain is brand new again 😢
Hi there. We have talked before. You are suffering but believe me when I say that you can find happiness again. Yes, she was your everything, but there are other women out there that can make you happy again. I was crying every day because I was missing my avoidant and then I gave up and a few months later, I found someone new. She is prioritising me, showing her love, not running away,.. This is making me so happy. Keep learning about attachment styles, but move on. You will not believe me now, but you will later.
@@createwithcorri nope. I have done it all. It is getting worse. Hate and anger is getting worse. The another problem is: I lost plenty of money too with her. I see her as a criminal who escaped.
@@marguskiis7711you need to stop this dangerous mindset. You’re calling her criminal. But you’re building yourself up to a very scary mindset. You need to stop.
I *am* at my centre. Doesn't mean I wasn't generous enough to want to help the avoidant, especially as I didn't know they were avoidant at the start, when they are showing themselves to be your perfect soulmate. We don't discover their true nature until some time later, or much later, if we are not familiar with attachment theory. Of course, by then we are already attached. Have you tried being addicted to dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin? It's fantastic, and utterly addictive.
This is exactly how I have felt for the last 6 weeks… it is so so hard. Thank you for your videos❤️ I really hope I can eventually let go and stop waiting on this person to love me
This is so true and it's exactly how I feel . I miss her so much and understand what you are saying. Becoming secure in myself is something I've struggled with for many years. She is always on my mind and I can't move on unfortunately.
I found your video very comforting ❤ As it's winter, the season of loss and grief... we often forget that grief is a process and is non linear... videos like this one give support and reassurance, and remind me that I have done well until now, and that on certain days (like on Sundays) I might need a little extra support, added to the support I'm already giving myself on the other days... 🤍 Sometimes we get warmth and love from other people understanding our heart and what it's going through 🤍
An inprint of love stayed in my heart, I thinks the same with him. He is an avoidant, and I would be shocked If he says or write I love you. I haven't been expecting this for almost 15 years. Im in a healing proces, still hurting, he brutaly betrayed me, just at the time it was the best period of our relation, he scared of that and run.... but he stayed in my heart.
Her birthday is today. My phone shows me a slideshow of some of the times we spent together. It's been almost a year and she's still the first thing I think f in the morning and the last when I'm drifting off to sleep. We weren't perfect together, at 70 I don't believe that possible, but we were awfully good. There wasn't any arguing or hot / cold attitudes, just us having adventures together until we weren't. I know she loves me as I love her, but as an avoidant personality, I know she can't or wont self reflect to find a way to work through her wounds from childhood, to allow us to be back together. I'm still so broken up.
Thank you so much Cori, your videos give so much comfort and lead us to act with maturity despite the pain, I have been stuck in this cycle for years and now breaking it, it is not easy but at the end of the day, both parts need it. ❤❤
She definitely fumbled me. I still lover her and always will. I prey for her daily. Wishing her exactly what she brought me. Deception, manipulation, gaslighting and cheating. Her leaving is exactly what I needed to grow and learn. Without this I would still be blind!
Wow- 80 days for me too! And mine is definitely with someone else now. He can’t be alone. Oh well, he’s their problem now! Hope they like their hair falling out from stress lol
Wish I could talk to you and give you a hug. You have been part of my bad days after an DA. You make me have a hint of relieve... still working on this. Hugs from Brazil.
Thank u, Corri!! Every single word you said Ive lived in the last 1y and it is exactly as you say it! It feels really good to have your experience validated in such a genuine way! ❤️ Best, Ana
Her behaviour and lack of respect and connection was outrageous, but she had me. Now it's ended, and I know I have the capacity to find true love again, inside a healthy relationship. I wonder what the odds are of her achieving the same thing, if that's even what she wants.
I'm avoidant. Was together with an anxious partner. We both became aware. We're not together, but both doing the work apart from each other. I'm changing and she leaned to set strong boundaries. I'm greatful we met.. there was a purpose behind it all.
Do you miss her? Or plan to get back together? Or is it completely over? I've stopped communication with a DA and I really wonder what it's like for him. It's just inconceivable that he would not miss me after everything.
@sashar5646 I do miss her very much. Every single day. I don't cry or show emotion too deeply, but this broke me. She wanted to see other ppl and I said go for it. I don't expect her to wait for me. But I experience grief and loss. And it's so painful, but I need to do the healing and if there is a chance again I would take and be ready to give and receive fully. I understand that she will heal when she focuses on herself. I hope she doesn't rush into anything. But I told her I'm breaking contact for a while and I'm doing the work. Childhood trauma and relationships. I think yr partner does miss you even though he doesn't show, it hits hard after walking away
@@DBZstudios4394 how long did it take you to start missing her? mine (we weren't even partners really) is with a different person and seemed annoyed when i tried to talk about emotions and how some stuff he did hurt me. So, I think the situation is different and right now he's relieved.
@@DBZstudios4394 Also, what you wrote to me now, was genuine, and I hope you communicated it to her too. Good luck with your inner work and everything.
Just found your channel yesterday. I was dumped by text 14 mths ago, from a 15 yr LDR. I had no idea what an avoidant was, just thought it was her independent style. I’ve been focusing on my commercial pilots license since, been in no contact and twice she has reached out earlier on, but I handled it poorly. Learning daily about relationship styles. Her birthday in 14 days. No contact. I’ve had hundreds of women, but this one was different
I can relate to one of this but not to the part of losing myself when with him. I miss a part of myself - it's like a sacred part of me that is soft and beautiful and just " ah, I am just me" type of feeling, connected to him without losing myself.
Hi lovely thank you for your videos. You are just what I need right now. I am an anxious attachment who really wants to heal this attachment style to become securely attached. How can I have a call shot with you please?
I’m suffering bad since my break up, and I did chase initially trying hard to apologize because I messed up. But now I’ve gone no contact and blocked (just over a month now). But I’m still not sure if I’m the avoidant (FA?) or we both are? He ghosted me after we first got together and went back to his ex. I forgave him and took him back. Now he won’t forgive me or me a second chance like I gave him. Heartbreaking and I feel like a fool.
What happens if my wife does message me at the break up but wants to heal but she messages me as her husband? She says, she misses me and love me? But im the one not contacting her until she also takes responsibility 50/50. Because i feel its both not just me. So in order for her to heal i need to stay away… she also wanted to be intimate.
I finally stopped seeing mine after a weekend away in which he treated me like any random person he’d just met…a week after we slept together for the first time in months. 5-6 years I’ve tried to bend myself to accommodate him only for him to turn around and treat me like nothing. It broke me. 7 months out but can’t seem to get past him or completely cut him off even though I know there is nothing to salvage because he will never allow himself to be vulnerable. It sucks.
How Corri, how?!? 😳 This video could not be more timely 🤯 and it hits right into the heart of it all 🎯🥹😭 Thank you for your work & all that you do! 🥹♥️
I think a lot of it comes down to shared accountability. Those couples who are able to wear and share their 50% are more likely to either not get into a breakup situation at all, or are able to work through the issues. Sadly there seems to be a victim and a perpetrator mentality in many breakups. The victim, probably the avoidant and the perpetrator the anxious.
How about when you have 2 children and the child protective services and authorities have gotten involved. How do you deal with the missing of the family? It's so hard😢
What breaks me is that she was amazing. I never had such a vibe with a girl. And then i fell in love. And had the best sex of my life. I really thought that i've found my person. The one for life. And then she turned toxic. Critical. Degrading me. Insulting me. Cheating. Lying. Gaslighting. Traumatizing me. All combined with breadcrumbs of her being nice again. But eventually i had to end it. Now we've been broken up for 4 months. And i've seen her again last week. We work at the same clinic. I can't completely avoid her. And it killed me. She is sooooo nice now. She acts like she cares about my pain. Wants to help me. She is glowing with joy and happiness again. She is everything i fell in love with in the first place.. and i understand that this is just because the threat of the relationship is gone and she is free to feel again. But it's so painful to see the person you fell in love with again. That she actually DOES exist. Just not for me. But for every other guy out there. For every fuckboy that treats her like a bag of meat with three holes. They all get her best. They get everything she can muster in terms of love and commitment. But not me. Because i made the mistake of actually loving her. She lives the life of my dreams. She is everything i needed. And my worst poison. It's all so fucked up.. i wish i had the option to just never ever see her again.
Bro all the toxic narcissists girls are full of love bombing and fun and full of excitement but all this disappeared very quickly cz thy dnt like to stay on one tree.thy change men like ice cream flavour 😆 🤣 😂 😹. Plz stop looking into ur past it's gone look into the future and build a relationship with a secure woman..avoidant woman r fun bt nt good for long term relationship. Run 🏃♂️ 😂😂
We were going back and fort after a brakeup for 3 m. He even asked me previous week if I would have children with him. He made love to me and than no contact . After two days I called him where are we standing now and he said he can not work on relationship and after that he wrote he I am his speacial person and he does not love any body else more than me. Than he blocked me. F me. What is that? God help.
What if she’s falling for someone else who she works with? I don’t understand how she can go from 2 months before we were going to get married to having someone else in a matter of weeks!?!? I feel like a fool!!!
You need to ask yourself why would I want to be with someone who is capable of hurting me that much. You are better than that and we all deserve to be treated in a decent and respectful way. Whilst starting the whole process all over again can seem like hard work right now, in time it will naturally become easier. Work on yourself and regaining your confidence that has taken a battering recently and one day soon you will be the shining star you always were and starting again with someone new will be a pleasure, not a chore :-)
With every hard question she yelled and cussed. I stood there and tried four times. Before I finally shutdown. After this it was constantly turning away and running to smoke weed and cigarettes. Also texting about how I responded to her turning away from me. I knew she had past traumas, but so do I. She then turned to cheating over text. After triangulation happened she discarded me. Working through this process alone now. I need help. What should I do?
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
My DA contacted me after 6 months. We even spoke on the phone and they said they wanted to meet me for lunch or coffee, but have since made excuses for not meeting me. It’s like being in the relationship again, being tortured. Now I’m seeing someone else, who’s not a DA, and trying to forget about the DA.
That's why they should be blocked. How many more times do they need to treat you that way before you finally stand up for yourself?
That's exactly what happened to me with my ex until one day I decided to cut things off for good. I think he would have kept breadcrumbing forever.
@@robstriathlontipsforbeginners you got a new change in life with your new partner. Let the DA find out the hard way, she is too late. Also, you loved her too much. You know its true. It wasn't healthy
@@KellyCherwin how did you manage to cut him off please tell me😢😢😢i need guidance thnx
@kidronreddy1671 The truth is it took me a long time to do it. He strung me along as an ex and breadcrumbed me. I just got tired of feeling disappointed and disrespected constantly. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but my peace and self respect became more important, and I have that now. Wishing you all the best. Trust me I understand how you feel.❤️
You're going to become a huge widely known you tuber. You're just so incredibly good. One video is more helpful than going to the therapist multiple times. Thank you so much for doing these!
So true. She is the best therapist ❤
Not doing the work for anybody else- I want to heal my nervous system.
❤
My avoidant has been ghosting me for 3 months. Then he contacted me out of the blue, very drunk, Boxing Day evening asking to come and see me and I said no. I texted him the next day to ask what he wanted and he withdrew and cut again, I still don’t know what he wanted to say to me. Since then my mindset has shifted. I still love him a lot but I’ve accepted that’s it for us and moved on emotionally, I don’t cry anymore. He’s never going to have the courage to say what he feels and commit to me. And believe me I grieved this man more than I’ve ever grieved any relationship loss before. I was distraught up until Xmas. That call from him seemed to be the literal wake up call
I literally woke up feeling a longing for my avoidant ex situationship and this video spoke volumes I decided to sit with my feelings this time and allow them to go through me and yes i am longing for a deeper connection to my self, thank you Corri T.
This video resonated with me deeply, capturing the essence of my grief so accurately that I found myself in tears.
My favorite thing you've said, "don't let him use me to get over me."
The hardest part is that he was so funny and fun.
Funny and fun. That’s why I miss mine too. 💔
So was mine! Then I realized he never thought I WAS funny. Or necessarily fun. And I'm a total hoot! I crack everyone up and can plan fabulous adventures! But everything was a competition and about his ego and pride. He had to come out on top or he got ugly. Oh not immediately, but I sorely paid for it later. I think we need to fully block them (including on social media and no viewing them, either) and take a lot of space and time to really think about what we sacrificed to be with this person. Unless we do that for at least a month we are vulnerable to being roped back in by their future faking and breadcrumbing. Not to mention the gaslighting that we got so used to we no longer knew it was happening. She's right, I'm still trying to lower my cortisol after almost 2 months.
My ex was really fun and funny as well. I'm trying to associate him with negative feelings and negative experiences and also disassociating changing his name in my phone when it was in there. When I think about him, I change his name and say a different name in my head. The best thing I did was write a letter and do not give it to him everything he did to cause me pain heartbreak or hurt all the disrespectful things and then write a letter of what I deserve and the kind of man I want ❤🥰
@@gal1885mine was as well try disassociating change his name in your phone change his name in your mind start associating with him with negative things write a letter just don't give it to him about everything he did that was negative or heartbreaking or disrespectful and then write a letter of the kind of man you want and deserve ❤🥰
I'm struggling with still seeing the good in someone who hurt me. I still see the potential. It's a very intelligent person who of course could improve if he wanted and learn new coping techniques. He just doesn't want to do it. Not for me. Which really hurts. How do I get over it?
It’s so hard when you feel like you know their heart and know their potential I’m in this same boat but remember what you deserve and why it had to end in the first place. Stay strong
You said it right yourself he just doesn’t want to do it. And even if he did he might come back and resent you when ‘ it’s not working’ and he returns to his misbehavior
My boyfriend told me “I love you so much it’s scary” one night and the following night “I don’t love you!” and “you don’t deserve me!” in the middle of a horrible fight. It almost makes me want to laugh but the amount of stress and struggle for so long makes me relieved for this break, whether temporary or permanent. I have been trying to help him (and us) as I understand why he is the way he is but it’s been one-sided and one step forward two steps back.
I got "I don't deserve you" a lot. I would always say you just let me worry about what I deserve.
@@HarpersweetsI did, too! And I used to dismiss these kinds of comments as well. Now after 6 weeks of absolute no contact I realize he's right. I deserve better.
@@karenblack2869 it's been around 5 months for me. My heart still aches without him. 😔
I feel this on so many levels. I'm working on disassociating his name in my phone and in my head, I changed it to a different name. I also wrote a letter of everything he did that was disrespectful and heartbreaking the name of wrote a letter of everything I wanted in a man everything I deserve I am focusing on myself❤
@@Daniellemarie10 I wrote mine a letter months back during one of his distancing episodes (we'd sort of argue, nothing serious, I just wasn't being a perfect girlfriend for him or had the nerve to bring up something he said or did that didn't sit right with me, and so he'd block me). I came to call these episodes the punishment phase because it felt like he was punishing me for having a voice and needs of my own. This happened more times than I care to count. But I never sent the letter. Usually he'd reach out after a few days, always on his terms, and shut me down or get angry if I ever wanted to discuss what happened or why. He was overly defensive, manipulative and jealous of any wins on my part, and made sure to make me feel horrible whenever he wasn't feeling so good about himself. I know these behaviors were coping mechanisms due to his childhood. But at some point I realized that you have to choose your own emotional wellbeing, and if you break it off they will either do some self-reflection and work or they won't. This doesn't mean you don't love them. It just means you've chosen yourself and put your needs first. Change doesn't happen overnight so I won't unblock him, ever, because I refuse to be roped back in under the guise of his having remorse or having changed. For almost 2 1/2 years nothing ever changed. I'm done.
Thank you for this video Corri. This directly speaks to my situation and feelings I’m experiencing after my recent break up with my avoidant ex. It’s so so tough each day, but I know that with time and no contact from I will gradually begin to heal and focus now on my own life. Instead of working so hard to make it work between us. God I was so anxiously attached, the stress of it completely took over my life. I see that now , that it could never have lasted.
Thank you so much for this video. Truly. ❤
I love the way you frame things. Haven’t felt so empowered by any other YTer. Thank you.
I really needed to hear this today as this is the position I’m in with an avoidant asking for his third chance and I’m having to keep away and honour myself and self respect instead of giving in to what’s coming from the anxiety programming only. You’re so right about are you missing them or missing a connection that’s wasn’t even present when you were with them!
Sometimes i wonder if most people are suffering from these attachment styles.
It does make you wonder what has gone so wrong in modern society that so many people are in some way dysfunctional. Whilst certain mental health conditions must have existed in the past but simply went unrecognised, the number prevalent today must be as a result of how we live now.
I'm grateful for your videos. They are so helpful. You said near the end "the imprint lasts forever". And that is something I'm really struggling with. After our breakup (me = anxious, he = dismissive) I worked really hard on myself. Finding my self worth, self love and confidence again. But no matter how confident I feel, or how much I appreciate myself (cause I don't want to have such a relationship ever again) I still feel this enormous deep connection with him. And that is what I'm struggling with. I also feel his emotions. I feel his sadness, his anxiety, his connection with another woman, which is just a shallow connection. But I do get to feel it everyday. And I don't want that anymore. As soon as he is sleeping (or busy/working during the day), I don't feel it. At those moments I feel happy with myself. He has a very strong energy. And I just don't know how to make him let me go. It was his choice to run away, but obviously he can't let me go. Do you have any tips for that?
Strong boundaries 🩷 I know it’s hard x
You will feel that connection with someone else in time. Until then, take the energy you are using having candlelight vigils for this guy and put it towards self improvement. That way you'll be more likely to attract someone better.
I know what you mean with connection/ soul contract perhaps. It’s rough. Even talking to others would feel like cheating for me. I hate it.
I am still trying to calm my nervous system. I have tremors on some days so it’s become most important to fix this in my life
If you’d like some support, please reach out x
I had similarly briefly, my arms would come out in hives because I was so upset. Hasn’t happened for a couple months but when I’m hormonal it’s like the pain is brand new again 😢
The problem is: it is getting worse within time.
You’re in resistance to something you can’t control. Go into surrender and trust the process 🩷
Hi there. We have talked before. You are suffering but believe me when I say that you can find happiness again. Yes, she was your everything, but there are other women out there that can make you happy again. I was crying every day because I was missing my avoidant and then I gave up and a few months later, I found someone new. She is prioritising me, showing her love, not running away,.. This is making me so happy. Keep learning about attachment styles, but move on. You will not believe me now, but you will later.
@@createwithcorri nope. I have done it all. It is getting worse. Hate and anger is getting worse. The another problem is: I lost plenty of money too with her. I see her as a criminal who escaped.
@@marguskiis7711you need to stop this dangerous mindset. You’re calling her criminal. But you’re building yourself up to a very scary mindset. You need to stop.
I’m having the same problem it’s getting worse with time. Now I’ve landed myself in the hospital 😢
You are just so natural and on point. I love your view point and your unforced flow.
I *am* at my centre. Doesn't mean I wasn't generous enough to want to help the avoidant, especially as I didn't know they were avoidant at the start, when they are showing themselves to be your perfect soulmate. We don't discover their true nature until some time later, or much later, if we are not familiar with attachment theory. Of course, by then we are already attached. Have you tried being addicted to dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin? It's fantastic, and utterly addictive.
This is exactly how I have felt for the last 6 weeks… it is so so hard. Thank you for your videos❤️ I really hope I can eventually let go and stop waiting on this person to love me
I'm actually growing more secure from my Anxious/FA style, due to my DA/FA SP. They are teaching me a lot!
I’m having the waves today. I’m not going to contact her but it feels horrible! Focusing and rediscovery me. Thank you 🙏
This is so true and it's exactly how I feel . I miss her so much and understand what you are saying. Becoming secure in myself is something I've struggled with for many years. She is always on my mind and I can't move on unfortunately.
Sending love 🩷
This was so helpful to hear. Thank you!❤
I'm so thankful I found you. You're such a blessing. I needed to see this video today. Thank you
So grateful I found you!! Your videos are really helping me cope with grief. Greetings from Madrid
It's like you can literally see my thoughts. ❤ beautiful video this one. Thank you x
I found your video very comforting ❤ As it's winter, the season of loss and grief... we often forget that grief is a process and is non linear... videos like this one give support and reassurance, and remind me that I have done well until now, and that on certain days (like on Sundays) I might need a little extra support, added to the support I'm already giving myself on the other days... 🤍 Sometimes we get warmth and love from other people understanding our heart and what it's going through 🤍
Athouughtful, compassionate,reflection.Always be the best person you can. you will not regret it ...
An inprint of love stayed in my heart, I thinks the same with him. He is an avoidant, and I would be shocked If he says or write I love you. I haven't been expecting this for almost 15 years. Im in a healing proces, still hurting, he brutaly betrayed me, just at the time it was the best period of our relation, he scared of that and run.... but he stayed in my heart.
really good! unlike other videos that give people no hope for change
Her birthday is today. My phone shows me a slideshow of some of the times we spent together. It's been almost a year and she's still the first thing I think f in the morning and the last when I'm drifting off to sleep. We weren't perfect together, at 70 I don't believe that possible, but we were awfully good. There wasn't any arguing or hot / cold attitudes, just us having adventures together until we weren't. I know she loves me as I love her, but as an avoidant personality, I know she can't or wont self reflect to find a way to work through her wounds from childhood, to allow us to be back together. I'm still so broken up.
I feel ya. There is nothing we can do but work on ourselves and grieve.
You should have gotten rid of those pictures ages ago. You're never going to get better until you detox from her toxicity.
I hope you find someone who appreciates you and the adventures you share together
@ thank you
I’m the same, but 18 months after the breakup. I have all the past photos in a hidden folder on my phone so I don’t get reminded.
thank you so much for you energy! this resonates so deeply and your vibe is so refreshing and genuine 🙏🏽🙏🏽🥹💖
I feel exactly like this. 😢 But I’ve been 59 days NC now so the temptation to text him has subsided at least.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight. You continue to help me, and many others, on our journey.
Thank you so much Cori, your videos give so much comfort and lead us to act with maturity despite the pain, I have been stuck in this cycle for years and now breaking it, it is not easy but at the end of the day, both parts need it. ❤❤
She definitely fumbled me. I still lover her and always will. I prey for her daily. Wishing her exactly what she brought me. Deception, manipulation, gaslighting and cheating.
Her leaving is exactly what I needed to grow and learn. Without this I would still be blind!
I think he has someone else now and it is killing me. I left the Avoidant 80 days ago. Still I'm so sad
Wow- 80 days for me too! And mine is definitely with someone else now. He can’t be alone. Oh well, he’s their problem now! Hope they like their hair falling out from stress lol
Needed this, thank you 🙏
Wish I could talk to you and give you a hug. You have been part of my bad days after an DA. You make me have a hint of relieve... still working on this. Hugs from Brazil.
I am so grateful to you and this channel; came at exactly the right time for me. You're amazing 🙏💫✨
You are marvelous, so on point and helpful. Thank you 🙏✨
Thank u, Corri!! Every single word you said Ive lived in the last 1y and it is exactly as you say it! It feels really good to have your experience validated in such a genuine way! ❤️ Best, Ana
Her behaviour and lack of respect and connection was outrageous, but she had me. Now it's ended, and I know I have the capacity to find true love again, inside a healthy relationship. I wonder what the odds are of her achieving the same thing, if that's even what she wants.
I'm avoidant. Was together with an anxious partner. We both became aware. We're not together, but both doing the work apart from each other. I'm changing and she leaned to set strong boundaries. I'm greatful we met.. there was a purpose behind it all.
@@DBZstudios4394 This! 😍
Do you miss her? Or plan to get back together? Or is it completely over?
I've stopped communication with a DA and I really wonder what it's like for him. It's just inconceivable that he would not miss me after everything.
@sashar5646 I do miss her very much. Every single day. I don't cry or show emotion too deeply, but this broke me. She wanted to see other ppl and I said go for it. I don't expect her to wait for me. But I experience grief and loss. And it's so painful, but I need to do the healing and if there is a chance again I would take and be ready to give and receive fully. I understand that she will heal when she focuses on herself. I hope she doesn't rush into anything. But I told her I'm breaking contact for a while and I'm doing the work. Childhood trauma and relationships. I think yr partner does miss you even though he doesn't show, it hits hard after walking away
@@DBZstudios4394 how long did it take you to start missing her? mine (we weren't even partners really) is with a different person and seemed annoyed when i tried to talk about emotions and how some stuff he did hurt me. So, I think the situation is different and right now he's relieved.
@@DBZstudios4394 Also, what you wrote to me now, was genuine, and I hope you communicated it to her too. Good luck with your inner work and everything.
Thank you again for the knowledge shared in this video 🙏
Holy shit, what you said in this video was exactly what’s happened to me. Wow.
Thank you for another fantastic advice 🙏
That Sun analogy was 🤌🏼
💖...I literally (!) had to have long pauses and reflect in almost every of your sentences. Thank U 🙏
Just found your channel yesterday. I was dumped by text 14 mths ago, from a 15 yr LDR. I had no idea what an avoidant was, just thought it was her independent style. I’ve been focusing on my commercial pilots license since, been in no contact and twice she has reached out earlier on, but I handled it poorly. Learning daily about relationship styles. Her birthday in 14 days. No contact. I’ve had hundreds of women, but this one was different
I love your sweater 😊
Great video
I can relate to one of this but not to the part of losing myself when with him. I miss a part of myself - it's like a sacred part of me that is soft and beautiful and just " ah, I am just me" type of feeling, connected to him without losing myself.
Hi lovely thank you for your videos. You are just what I need right now. I am an anxious attachment who really wants to heal this attachment style to become securely attached. How can I have a call shot with you please?
If you check my website there’s 1:1 options there xx 🩷
Thank you so much
I’m suffering bad since my break up, and I did chase initially trying hard to apologize because I messed up. But now I’ve gone no contact and blocked (just over a month now). But I’m still not sure if I’m the avoidant (FA?) or we both are? He ghosted me after we first got together and went back to his ex. I forgave him and took him back. Now he won’t forgive me or me a second chance like I gave him. Heartbreaking and I feel like a fool.
What happens if my wife does message me at the break up but wants to heal but she messages me as her husband? She says, she misses me and love me? But im the one not contacting her until she also takes responsibility 50/50. Because i feel its both not just me. So in order for her to heal i need to stay away… she also wanted to be intimate.
I finally stopped seeing mine after a weekend away in which he treated me like any random person he’d just met…a week after we slept together for the first time in months. 5-6 years I’ve tried to bend myself to accommodate him only for him to turn around and treat me like nothing. It broke me. 7 months out but can’t seem to get past him or completely cut him off even though I know there is nothing to salvage because he will never allow himself to be vulnerable. It sucks.
How Corri, how?!? 😳 This video could not be more timely 🤯 and it hits right into the heart of it all 🎯🥹😭 Thank you for your work & all that you do! 🥹♥️
🩷🩷🩷
thank you
I think a lot of it comes down to shared accountability. Those couples who are able to wear and share their 50% are more likely to either not get into a breakup situation at all, or are able to work through the issues. Sadly there seems to be a victim and a perpetrator mentality in many breakups. The victim, probably the avoidant and the perpetrator the anxious.
:( this is how i feel right now
Agreed
How about when you have 2 children and the child protective services and authorities have gotten involved. How do you deal with the missing of the family? It's so hard😢
What breaks me is that she was amazing. I never had such a vibe with a girl. And then i fell in love. And had the best sex of my life. I really thought that i've found my person. The one for life.
And then she turned toxic. Critical. Degrading me. Insulting me. Cheating. Lying. Gaslighting. Traumatizing me. All combined with breadcrumbs of her being nice again. But eventually i had to end it.
Now we've been broken up for 4 months. And i've seen her again last week. We work at the same clinic. I can't completely avoid her. And it killed me. She is sooooo nice now. She acts like she cares about my pain. Wants to help me. She is glowing with joy and happiness again. She is everything i fell in love with in the first place.. and i understand that this is just because the threat of the relationship is gone and she is free to feel again. But it's so painful to see the person you fell in love with again. That she actually DOES exist. Just not for me. But for every other guy out there. For every fuckboy that treats her like a bag of meat with three holes. They all get her best. They get everything she can muster in terms of love and commitment. But not me. Because i made the mistake of actually loving her. She lives the life of my dreams. She is everything i needed. And my worst poison. It's all so fucked up.. i wish i had the option to just never ever see her again.
Bro all the toxic narcissists girls are full of love bombing and fun and full of excitement but all this disappeared very quickly cz thy dnt like to stay on one tree.thy change men like ice cream flavour 😆 🤣 😂 😹.
Plz stop looking into ur past it's gone look into the future and build a relationship with a secure woman..avoidant woman r fun bt nt good for long term relationship. Run 🏃♂️ 😂😂
What if I the anxious dumped the avoidant after she gave me the ring back that she accepted then turned down
We were going back and fort after a brakeup for 3 m. He even asked me previous week if I would have children with him. He made love to me and than no contact . After two days I called him where are we standing now and he said he can not work on relationship and after that he wrote he I am his speacial person and he does not love any body else more than me. Than he blocked me. F me. What is that? God help.
What if she’s falling for someone else who she works with? I don’t understand how she can go from 2 months before we were going to get married to having someone else in a matter of weeks!?!? I feel like a fool!!!
How do you manage an avoidant when they do avoidant things like dating other ppl?
He blocked me because I sent him a long message telling him how much he hurt me, idk if he’ll ever speak to me again.
You need to ask yourself why would I want to be with someone who is capable of hurting me that much. You are better than that and we all deserve to be treated in a decent and respectful way. Whilst starting the whole process all over again can seem like hard work right now, in time it will naturally become easier. Work on yourself and regaining your confidence that has taken a battering recently and one day soon you will be the shining star you always were and starting again with someone new will be a pleasure, not a chore :-)
With every hard question she yelled and cussed. I stood there and tried four times. Before I finally shutdown. After this it was constantly turning away and running to smoke weed and cigarettes. Also texting about how I responded to her turning away from me. I knew she had past traumas, but so do I. She then turned to cheating over text. After triangulation happened she discarded me. Working through this process alone now. I need help. What should I do?
I'm really sorry you're in this situation. I want to talk to you, but there are no DMS in youtube i think. Sending you strength, stranger.
Land slide